I do respect your opinion, and it's a perfectly valid interpretation. However, I have a different approach to some of the events you described - which lead, in my opinion, to the conclusion that JA is more realistic than naive. I think that in that era (or even today) people would not necessarily shun Willoughby. There was a double standard on what was acceptable behavior in a man vs in a voman, and if the woman was not of higher social standing not much was made of her being seduced and abandoned. I do think that any honorable people would still shun him but general society would just as well accept him as they accept Henry Crawford after the Maria Rushworth scandal. My opinion was that Elinor was compassionate and somewhat swayed by the charming manners and the intense feelings of Willoughby; I agree that there was a degree of naivete perhaps, in thinking that his falling in love with Marianne (the selfish kind of love he was capable of) was somewhat beter than never having loved her at all and just pretending - although this was what he began with, flirting without intentions. But it's only realism and cynicism that the Willoughbys are not punished by general shunning.
As for Mr. Bennet and Mr. Collins, the letter by Mr. Collins is my strongest incentive to fundamentally dislike him and to doubt the ongoing contentment of Charlotte; but it's only realism that the Bennets could not afford to alienate completely the man who would be the owner of Longbourn at one point. (Of course after the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy there is no danger of Collins threatening them, but before that they could not know). In my opinion, Mr. Bennet is not a man whose behavior is governed by principles but mostly by indolence - he would not take the trouble of confronting Collins. I agree that Jane Bennet is extremely naive but it's intentional and serves the illustration of other characters in how they relate to her, not necessarily JA's naivete in saying that such a person could exist. it's just my opinion, again - I don't write this to discredit your own or to force a debate on you.
