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Chapter 28
The effect of my question was immediate. I felt him stiffen against me.
"My. Wife." The two words were spoken woodenly, spaced far apart.
With strength lent to me by pride, I pushed back from him.
"Yes. Patricia. Your wife." I tried not to let the bitterness encroach into my tone, but it came involuntarily. My emotions were by no means stable at this point.
He stood up quickly. The blood was returning slowly to my limbs, and I found I could now sit upright without his support. I arched my back to stretch the aching muscles, swayed a little, but managed to swing my legs onto the ground.
"How do you know about Patricia?" He asked hoarsely.
I reached silently into my pocket and withdrew the ring. "Why does it matter how I know?" I asked softly, but I held out the ring to him. He put out his hand automatically, and I dropped it onto his palm.
For a moment he just looked at it, face expressionless. Then his eyes met mine.
"I should have told you." He said quietly.
He walked to the entrance of the tent and threw the ring with astonishing vehemence. It flew in a wide arc and dropped into the nearby scrub, lost forever.
He turned back and saw the questions in my eyes. In two strides he crossed the room again and kneeled, grasping my hand and stroking back my hair as he looked into my face.
"Ellie, I don't have time to explain now. I have to go... I have to go now. Promise me you'll stay here in the camp, out of danger."
I shook my head slightly in confusion. He had just told me he loved me, and yet he was going to leave me now and drive bullets into living flesh to make money ... "Don't do it Will!" I begged, "Don't kill ..."
"I won't kill unless I have to," He said shortly, standing up again and swinging a rifle-strap over his shoulder.
My fists clenched on the edge of the camp bed, the old anger flaring painfully. "How can you be so - "
"So what?"
"Inhuman! Two-faced! Lying! Cheating! Cruel! Barbarous!" I spat the words, "How can you be all that and still be who you are! I don't understand Will! Don't ask me to understand, because I never will. I don't understand how I can hate you for everything you are and everything you've done and still love the way I do!"
His expression was blurred by my tears, but I gave him no time to respond as I drew a shuddering breath and continued. "But if you do this, Will, I'll never forgive you. Never. I'll live with a broken heart but I'll live alone, away from you. I can't bear to be near you. You tear me apart!" I had to stop as a sob choked my throat.
He stared at me for a moment, shock evident on his features. Then his face hardened again. "I do not - "
"Will!!" A shouting voice close outside interrupted him. Will hesitated momentarily, then replied - "In here!"
A second later we were joined by yet another heavily-armed man in military gear. This one I did not recognise. "Will, Jason is - "
He saw me. "What's going on here? Who is - "
Will cut in - "This is Ellie, Cole. Ellie, meet Cole Fitzwilliam. An... old friend of mine."
Cole smiled tightly, and shifted his weapon into one hand to shake mine in an unexpected display of formality, even though he was obviously harried. "Wonderful to meet you, Miss Benson, I've heard so much about you, and none of the praise has been exaggerated, I assure you. I apologise for my haste, but - Will! You have to come now!"
Will nodded, but before he could reply I could not restrain a cry of frustrated confusion - "What is going ON? Why is Jason here? Why are you - "
"Ellie, there isn't time."
"NO! There has to be time!"
"We need you NOW Will!" Cole warned, ducking out of the tent and waiting just outside.
"Ellie, there's so much I should have told you, right from the start. It's so hard to explain now - "
"Will, we HAVE to get going!"
"So much you should have told me? What, things like your wife, your double-personality, your poaching career?? I don't know, Will, those are pretty minor details, I'm not surprised you never got around to them! No point splitting hairs, you know."
"My what?" He shook his head hurriedly. "Oh God. Oh God, I see. You think ... "
"Will, NOW!"
Will raked his hair back from his face in a rough, distressed movement.
"Dammit, Cole, give me one minute!"
"Jason is HERE, Will, we don't have a minute!"
Will ignored him and caught my chin in his cupped hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. I looked up, and my heart dropped to my feet. They burned, quite literally burned, with a passion I had never seen.
"Ellie," he whispered with soft intensity, "I - Love you. I love you more than anything, you're my life, my soul. My everything. Know that. Don't ever forget it."
"Will!" Another shout, but I barely heard. I felt only the warmth of his hand on my cheek, the heat of his gaze, heard only the sound of his voice speaking the words I needed to hear. Only him...
"Please darling, trust me now. I can't explain, there isn't time. Can you do that, Ellie? I know I've treated you shamefully, I've never given you any reason to, I don't deserve you... but oh God, please just say you trust me now."
I was drowning in his eyes, my sight blurring with more tears. Without even thinking about it, I found myself nodding slightly.
"I trust you." I whispered.
And I closed my eyes as he leaned in and placed one gentle, burning kiss on my lips.
When I opened them again, he was gone.
Chapter 29
It took me a moment or two to shake off the strange spell cast over me by the intensity of Will's gaze. For a few seconds there, all of my confusion and hurt had faded into obscurity, and I had honestly believed that so long as Will was by my side, nothing else could matter. Now my doubts assailed me once more, although not with the same force as before.
Trust me, he had begged. I trust you... I had replied. I trust you...
I had no reason to, and yet I had no choice, either. I trusted him, but I didn't know what I was entrusting to him. There were more questions than ever before.
I walked out of the tent, stretching stiff muscles, and looked around. It was just about dusk, and the western sky was starting to glow with orange light. The Camp was neatly arranged into a row of small tents and two larger tents, and one open-air eating area, all within a moderate clearing and surrounded by dense scrub.
All seemed deserted. Was I completely alone? It seemed so. I turned and ducked into the other large tent, seeking something to distract me from my nervous uncertainty, not to mention the ceaseless round of unanswerable questions searing circles in my brain.
The space inside the large tent was dominated by a large, rough trestle table serving as desk. A chair stood nearby, and the table supported at one end some complicated radio equipment. At the other sat a black lap-top and a scattered pile of papers. I picked up a sheet idly, then put it down again as I realised I was practically snooping, just minutes after I had promised to trust. But as I replaced the page, my eye was caught by the letter head. "William J. Darcy" it read, in dark black print, and under that "Pemberley, Co."
Pemberley. I had heard that name before! But where?!
I racked my brain, straining to remember... It was recently... It had confused me at the time... What was it...?
The cheque!
My fingers fumbled eagerly in my pockets, and brushed paper. It was still there! The cheque that had arrived this morning - $500 000 - made out to the Reserve. Donated by...? My eyes flew to the bottom line.
"Pemberley, Co."
I sat down heavily on the chair.
The cheque came from Pemberley. Will's company. Will sent the cheque.
Will had a company?
Unable to hold back now, curiosity overpowered guilt and I snatched up the letter once more and scanned its contents greedily.
Dear Sir,Here, as requested, are the official financial statements pertaining to Mr. Jason de Bourgh. As you will perceive from the following data, his official accounts are inconsistent with ...
Blah blah blah... There followed a table of figures, all accounts containing minimums of cash.
Scrawled at the bottom of the page was a hand-written note, reading as follows:
Received this letter just hours ago. Seems you were right, Will. Jason is just about broke, but his expenses are enormous. He's receiving cash, but not through any above-board means. I think your second theory may also hold water. Investigations continuing.Cole.
I checked the date. It was dated one week ago today: when Will had been in Nairobi. It made sense - it held with what he had said to me this morning: I knew his face... So when I was in Nairobi, I talked to some... old friends ...And they confirmed it ...Jason is destitute... 'I knew his face.'
How? What was the connection between Jason and Will? Why had Will been making investigations into Jason's affairs? It couldn't be all on my account! And why should Jason be out here now? As far as he knew, I was still his faithful fiancée, waiting back at the station for him to carry me away to 'a better life'... He was to have arrived tomorrow!
I threw the letter down and snatched up the next. The page I lifted was incomplete - it was the conclusion of another letter. This one, judging by the net addresses in the corners of the page, was the hard copy print-off of an email.
...very grateful for all you've done. I knew I could count on you, and there's no one else I'd trust. Corruption is rife amongst all the other organizations. It seems there's nowhere the De Bourgh cancer has yet to infect: his contacts are everywhere. Even, I suspect, on the Kalerian Reserve itself.Cole, I know what you are thinking throughout all of this. You think that my determination to see Jason de Bourgh in jail is less than professional. You would be right, too. I have reason enough to despise de Bourgh, but they are not the reasons you suspect. Patricia means nothing to me now, Cole. The other day I took all of her letters and the wedding rings we never wore out onto the plains and burned them. Not out of spite, though. I just wanted to be rid of them forever. I never think of her now. The bitterness is gone and I am glad, so glad, to be free of it.
I will send a second email when I -
I never read the rest of that letter.
I had been so absorbed in the words that I never heard the stealthy footsteps behind me. I was completely unprepared when a hand slapped across my face, covering my mouth, and something cold and sharp pressed against my throat.
"Scream and you're dead." Hissed an oddly familiar voice.
I sat straight in my chair, every muscle taut with shock and fear. I did not scream - it hadn't even occurred to me. In any case, any sound would have stuck in my throat.
"Stand up - slowly."
Very gradually, I rose in my chair. The knife point flicked away from my throat, but a moment later I felt it pricking my back.
"Now turn around."
I turned.
Chapter 30
"Denny?"
"You weren't expecting to see me, then?"
Rick Denison. The second-newest station-hand on the Reserve. Never in a lifetime would I have suspected him. I had liked Denny! Was no one who they seemed to be?
"What - " My voice caught, and I tried again: "What are you doing here, Denny?"
"I'm not here to answer your questions, Ellie."
"What do you want then??"
"Want? I want you to move. Now. We're going to pay your fiancé a visit."
"Jason?"
Denny grinned. I used to think he had a pleasant smile, but seeing it from the sharp end of a knife gave me a whole new perspective. His grin was more of a malicious leer. "Yeah, Jason. What's the matter Ellie, are you worried he might find out about your little 'affair'? Well, I'd be worried too. De Bourgh isn't known for his forgiving nature, and he's not into sharing either.
"I was pretty surprised when I observed your blossoming affair with the American. You should know, Ellie, that your loving fiancé isn't sort of guy you cross. Still, I'll imagine he'll be pretty happy with me!"
His grin became a wince, and noticed for the first time that his lip was cut and his right eye was coming up in a bruise. He had been in a fight... I suddenly remembered Will's reply when one of the men had asked him why he had been delayed: I'll tell you the story sometime - I get hit very hard several times in it, so you'll probably enjoy it...
And suddenly, like the missing piece in a puzzle, everything fell into place. My world re-arranged itself like the shifting colours of a kaleidoscope.
Jason's mysterious source of funds - poaching! And all that political crap about supporting the conservation cause: even getting engaged to the pretty conservationist... The perfect smoke-screen.
And the betrayer on the Station staff - not Will, but Denny. Denny, working for Jason. Denny lighting the fire, wrecking the cars - all on Jason's orders, no doubt - then stealing the second bike. I could picture the scenario - with the utes unexpectedly out of action, Will was forced to break into the shed and steal the first bike. Denny must have realized that he had gone, and followed on the second bike. I suppose he intended to stop him, or perhaps he meant to warn Jason of Will's ambush. Either way, they had crossed paths and fought. Seeing now the way Denny winced with each movement, I thought with a quick rush of pleasure that he had certainly come off second best.
And Will! He was innocent! Will and Cole and all these men, here not to carry off a poaching operation but to ambush one! How could I ever have believed the things I had believed? Waves of shame and guilt were tempered by a powerful surge of joyful relief and overpowering love.
"Now you get moving," Denny was saying, "And we may yet get to Shekai before - "
His words were cut off by the sharp cracking of gunfire nearby.
He swore viciously, and I winced as his knife sliced the air close by my stomach. "They've walked straight into Darcy's trap!! I knew it! I knew - " He cursed again, muttering in an undertone, "There's not one of those bastards that wouldn't name me the minute someone started questioning." He paused for moment, then turned his attention back to me.
Brandishing the knife wildly in my face he snarled - "Move it!! We might not get off with the goods this time, but something tells me there won't be too many arrests made today if lover-boy's bit of skirt has a knife at her throat!"
I didn't dare argue. For the second time in one day, I raised my hands and became the hostage.
Chapter 31
With my hands raised above my head, I stumbled frequently on the rough ground. On one such instance, I righted myself just in time to catch a brief flicker of khaki amongst the trees. A second later it had melted again.
Will's men wore khaki.
I couldn't understand it, though. What was he doing so far out from the water hole itself? Turning my head quickly, I saw another flicker to my right. Did they have us surrounded? Or was it the water hole they were ringing?
I stumbled on through the scrub for no more than five minutes when I caught a glimpse of water through the trees. Denny must have seen it at the same moment, as he stopped walking.
For a few moments, he stood very still, listening. For the moment, all was quiet. There was no sign of life any where.
"Get down," he whispered.
I hesitated.
"Get down," he hissed.
The pressure of the knife point in my side became a painful sting, and I saw a little blood come seeping through the white cloth of my torn shirt.
"Do as I say."
I dropped hurriedly into a crouch, pressing my hand to my side even though I knew the wound was not deep.
Almost crawling, we made our way to the fringe of the scrub. From this new angle, I could see more of the water hole. In the mud beside the shallows lay a young lion in his death throes. Other than that, the clearing was deserted. Angry and frustrated, I perceived that the problem faced by Will and his men was not preventing the slaughter, as the animals had fled upon the first round of gunfire. No, the difficulty and danger lay in capturing the armed criminals in dense scrub.
I looked back to the lion, whose painful thrashing had eased to a weak struggle. The fringes of the scrub must be concealing the poachers. To have fired at the lion, they had to have approached the water hole. To approach the water hole they would have had to filter through the ring of Will's men, as Denny and I apparently had. Why had they let the poachers slip right through their defenses?
I frowned, considering.
Then suddenly, the mists cleared and the whole plan was clear to me. The reason I had seen Will's men so far back from the water hole, the reason they had made no move to stop us, the reason they had not prevented the killing of the lion... They had wanted to let the poaching gang through their ring to the clearing. Once the poachers shot even one of the protected animals, they were automatically incriminated. If they had not killed anything, it would be very difficult to prosecute them. Now, though, the poachers were trapped. Netted in. Will's men surrounded the water hole and no doubt they were closing in at this very moment!
Denny, looking around furtively, cursed again.
"Now what?" I demanded sarcastically. My certainty of victory lent me new courage.
He glared at me. "Don't forget which one of us has the knife, bitch."
"Exactly! You've got knife! We're in the middle of a virtual war-zone and you're waving around a little kitchen knife like it's going to win you the battle!"
His gaze flicked quickly from me to the blade and back again. Opening his mouth to reply, he was cut off when there was a sudden shout from the scrub nearby and two men tumbled violently out of the bushes into the clearing.
We both twisted our heads to look, eager to see what was going on. Suddenly the blood in my veins turned to ice.
Struggling to gain an upper hand in the brawl was a man with startlingly blonde hair. His opponent managed a glancing blow to the stomach, and rolled clear, giving me a brief glimpse of dark curls in the dust.
Will! Jason!
Stupidly, I tried to run forward, but Denny held me back.
"No you don't!" He hissed, his grip painful around my already bruised upper arms.
Biting my lip so hard that I tasted blood, I watched in terror as a revolver went skittering away from the pair, bouncing on the rough ground. Jason lunged after it, but Will caught him a heavy blow to the side of the head that knocked him off-balance, and they fell to fighting again.
Jason made it onto his feet and managed to bury a violent kick in Will's ribs. I flinched and bit down on a whimper as I saw him jolt in pain. But Will caught his foot and a moment later Jason was flat on his back, his head slamming in the dirt. Nursing his injured side, Will managed to get to his feet and run for the revolver. Jason was only half way to his feet as Will swept it up and turned on him. Jason froze in a crouch.
I held in a cry of victory only with difficulty.
It did not occur to me that there might be other poachers left in the scrub who now had a clear shot at Will, but perhaps by now they all had guns to their heads. Will's men had been given time to draw their circle in tight. One of Jason's men, however, was yet to be subdued, and he certainly intended to take advantage of the situation.
I was caught completely off guard when I felt Denny bury his fist in my loose hair and wrench me to my feet. I stumbled as he dragged me forward into the open, and could not restrain a short cry of pain and surprise. I stifled it quickly as I felt the knife press against my throat once more.
Jason was in the process of placing his hands on his head in a gesture of surrender, but both he and Will looked up as they heard my exclamation.
"Eliza!" Cried Jason, in almost comic unison with Will's horrified - "Ellie!"
"Will!" I cried out, "Will, I'm so sorry!"
Denny's grip on my hair tightened painfully, and he jerked my head back even further, cutting off any more that I might have said.
"Drop your gun, Darcy!" He shouted. "Drop it, and tell all your men to do the same, or she'll get it! Don't doubt me, I'll do it!"
The expression on Jason's face might have been funny if things hadn't been so awful.
"Denny, what are you...?" He followed Will's gaze to me and then back again, taking in the desperate look that passed between us. And the realization dawned, like a black thundercloud drifting over his features.
His eyes locked with mine, but I looked away.
The look he shot at Will was filled with black hatred. There was pause, then he spoke, his voice surprisingly cool.
"Is this your idea of revenge, Darcy? A lover for a lover? A fiancée for a fiancée? It won't help, you know. It'll never bring Patricia back to you!"
Chapter 32
For a few awful moments, all was silence. My knees felt weak with dread and hurt. Again and again, I pushed the words away, but I could not escape their meaning. I squeezed my eyes shut, and opened them only when I heard Will's voice, low and furious.
"Don't bring Patricia into this, de Bourgh," he growled, raising his revolver a little higher, causing Jason to stiffen. "She has nothing to with this!"
"Nothing to do with this? She has everything to do with this! She didn't want you, Darcy, she never loved you. It was me that she wanted, all along. I should have expected your petty jealously would bring you to this!" Jason turned toward me and mocked, "How do you feel, sweetheart? Knowing that your precious lover here only took an interest in you to revenge himself on me! His darling wife left him for me at the alter, and you were the perfect means of repayment. I expected a little more from you, Eliza, but I hope you weren't fooled into thinking that he actually cared for you! You've been used. You're nothing but another pawn in his plans."
"That's not true, Ellie! You know that isn't true."
"He doesn't love you, Eliza!"
Denny followed the exchange back and forward like a nervous tennis spectator, before deciding suddenly that he ought to be more in control of this situation.
"Darcy! I told you to drop that gun! Do it NOW!"
His only response was a tense silence that dragged out over several long moments. I felt Denny shifting nervously behind me, and the knife pressed a little tighter against the skin of my neck as his breathing grew laboured in my ear.
"I'll kill her, I'll do it!" He screamed, almost hysterical now.
Part of me was crying silently for Will to give in to them, to save my life, to end this nightmare quickly. And yet the other half was determined that I should die before these men were allowed to walk free!
I saw no expression in his features, but had I been closer I knew that Will's struggle would be evident in his eyes.
Finally, I saw that he had reached a decision, and as his broad shoulders trembled and bowed, I knew what that decision had been. He began to lower the gun.
Jason saw it too, and I watched his face split into a leering smile of triumph. His gaze flicked toward me, and something in his look drove a spear of fury straight through my chest.
"NO!" I ground out the cry, and buried my elbow in Denny's stomach as hard as I could, turning at almost the same moment to raise my knee sharply. He made a breathless 'oof' sound, and almost toppled. I swung my fist furiously, but as I drove in he brought up his knife-hand in defense and I felt a burning sting race down my arm. Nonetheless, my punch connected and he crumpled to the ground
Turning back, I was just in time to see Will knock Jason to the ground for the second time. He stood over him, holding the gun trained steadily on his head.
"You bastard!" He growled, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you now! Just one!"
And looking at the rage in his eyes, I really believed he might do it. Jason, lying still in the dust, made no reply at all, but I saw the fear in his gaze.
"Well?" I saw Will's hand trembling as his thumb moved to the safety catch. There was an ominous 'click'.
I caught my breath. He really meant to kill him!
"Will! No!"
Will looked up, but did not lower the gun. I ran towards him, and eased the weapon from his hand. He allowed me to take it from him, staring at me as if in a dream.
"You promised me you would only kill if you had to," I reminded him softly, laying one hand against his cheek. "You don't have to kill now. You don't need blood on your hands. Whatever he did to you is in the past, it doesn't matter anymore."
"But you," he whispered, "What he did to you..."
"No, that doesn't matter either. It's not worth dying for. Only one thing's worth dying for."
I turned my face slightly to see Jason, and I realized that the fear in his eyes had been partially overtaken by something else.
Something like... Jealousy.
Running high on shock and adrenaline, I turned back to Will and half-smiled at him. Then I leaned forward to whisper in his ear - "Kiss me."
His eyes registered surprise, and I met his gaze with a meaningful flicker towards Jason. I don't know whether Will followed my train of thought or not, but a moment later his mouth covered mine in a deeply passionate kiss.
My legs trembled and I very nearly dropped the gun which I still held trained on Jason's prostrate form.
I became dimly aware that a man in khaki uniform had come forward and to take the revolver from my hand. Jason was hauled to his feet and handcuffed men were being hustled out of the scrub all around us.
Still the kiss went on. I buried my freed hands in Will's hair, and he pulled me even closer to him. I think that someone started to clap us, but we were oblivious.
It was not until I accidentally bumped against one of his bruised ribs that he jerked sharply and brought us close enough to earth to remember where we were.
Very slowly, his lips left mine, but he still held me close in his arms.
"I love you," He whispered in my ear.
I moved my head from where it rested on his shoulder so that I could smile up into his eyes. "Yes," I said, grinning broadly.
"I know."
As we pulled apart, his hands traveled over my shoulders and down the length of my arms. Suddenly I winced, and his fingers came away marked red with blood.
"What...!?" His warm eyes snapped with anger and concern. "You were hurt!"
I stared in surprise at the drawn out crimson gash running from my wrist to my elbow. Blood was flowing copiously. The pain have been drowned by adrenaline. But how had I...? A vague memory returned to me: driving my fist forward, glimpsing a flicker of silver and then a long moment of stinging pain as the knife blade dragged across my skin.
I felt a little dizzy looking at it, even though the sight of blood had never affected me before. I must have swayed a little in Will's arms, because the next moment he was shouting for help.
That was the last thing I remembered before I went ahead and did the one thing I had vowed to myself I would never do out of weakness.
I fainted.
Chapter 33
It was warm and dark. With each breath I inhaled the scent of canvas and damp grass, and as my consciousness increased I became aware of a strong, warm pressure at my left hand. With a conscious effort, I shifted my body very slightly and opened my eyes.
Despite the shadowy light, I could make out the familiar outlines of the Med tent. I realised I was lying on the same camp bed that I had occupied earlier. Only this time I was not afraid. It was incredible how much had changed in the course of mere hours. How differently I felt inside.
Turning my head on my pillow, my eyes came to rest upon the one thing I most needed to see and feel.
Will.
As our eyes met, he leaned forward to brush some stray strands of hair out of my eyes. I opened my mouth to speak, but he quieted me again with a gentle, "Sshhhh... Everything's going to be all right now. Just rest."
For a few minutes we sat in warm silence, as I cherished the feel of his hand over mine, glorying in a warm glow of happiness.
Gradually, I re-collected my thoughts, and at length I softly spoke.
"What is happening now?"
"We're back at the Camp," Will replied slowly, "The Poachers have all been rounded up, de Bourgh with them. Their guns and vehicles have been confiscated, their rights have been read, and they're on their way to Nairobi to be held for trial as we speak."
"How long have I been... asleep?"
I saw Will smile at my refusal to acknowledge my faint. "Long enough." He replied easily.
Silence.
"Will?"
"Mmm?"
"I... I think that it is time."
"Time for what?"
"For the truth."
A long silence followed. Unconsciously I held my breath, uncertain of his reaction. In the dim light, I could not quite determine his expression. It seemed an eternity before I heard his voice, soft in the dimness -
"It is a very long story..."
I released the breath I was holding, and with a smile I held up my arm, now swathed from wrist to elbow in heavy white bandages. "I'm not going anywhere for a while."
I think he smiled too, but I couldn't be sure. He rubbed a hand across his face, and sighed.
"Where do I begin?" I heard him mumble, apparently to himself. I answered him anyway, with some hesitation.
"Begin with Patricia."
"Patricia." He paused again, then let his fist drop into his lap in a gesture of hopelessness. "I don't know how to tell you about her. I don't know how..."
"Was she beautiful?" I asked quietly. I didn't really want to know the answer, but I had to ask.
He sighed again. "Yes. Yes, she was very beautiful."
"Oh." I couldn't manage anything more than this. I had gotten what I deserved, really, asking a question like that. Will continued.
"I was twenty-seven years old when I saw her the first time. Last year. And within about twenty-seven seconds of meeting her, I was in love.
"I fell hard. She was very good at what she did. Two weeks after we met, I asked her to marry me. She said yes, and I was euphoric.
"Yes, I was a fool, and yes, I should have known better. But how could I have known what was to come?" He gave a wry smile, "That's no excuse, of course. I grew up surrounded by women of her kind - I ought to have been more careful, more sensible. But somehow she broke down my defences...
"Do you want to know what Patricia was like? I'll tell you. Patricia was ethereal. Everything about her was pale. Her skin, her hair, her eyes. Slender, fragile and delicate. When you talked to her, you got the feeling she might shimmer and disappear at any moment. Her voice was soft, her hands were cool and white. Her eyes were blue, like the sky on a winter's day."
There was a stabbing sensation in my chest. I could never compete with this woman he described. Refined and fragile and lovely. Everything that I was not. Yet Will was still speaking...
"So yes, she was beautiful. But she was utterly heartless. An Ice Queen, cold in every possible way, but with merciless powers of thrall. Of course, I never saw this - not until it was too late, anyway. She convinced me that she loved me just as she convinced me that I loved her.
"I certainly never thought of myself as naive, but now I know I was. Many women had pursued me for my fortune, and I had learned to deflect their advances. But you see, Patricia's family already had money - everyone knew that. But for some people, too much is never enough. It was naive of me never to consider that. Young love is blind, they say. They're right.
"Anyway, we were engaged about four months, and the wedding day had been set.
Now Patricia had always known that I had an interest in working in Africa, but I guess she thought it was a kind of joke, something that would never eventuate. Then I decided, once and for all, that I would start making enquiries after a position on a wildlife Reserve. I told Patricia what I was doing, and I remember the look on her face. It was probably the first time I ever saw genuine emotion in her expression.
"'What about the company?' She wanted to know. 'What about the money?' I told her that my sister was a conscientious business woman. I intended to leave Gina in control of Pemberley in my absence. I never had quite the same knack for business that Gina has, and after all, the company is half hers.
"But Patricia hated the idea. We argued - something that had never happened before. She left in a temper, but came crawling back the very next morning, leading me to believe that I had made my point and the argument was past.
"Little did I know, I had already been scrapped as prospective husband material - I was now more of a back-up financial safety-net. She certainly didn't want to become a station-hand's wife! She had gone out and immediately started searching for a more agreeable host to cater to her parasitic tendencies.
"I knew nothing about this until I attended the party of a mutual friend in New York. I hadn't even known she was to be there. She told me she was visiting her mother in Maine. But no - I strolled in from the balcony about half way through the evening and was slammed by the sight of her standing across the room, kissing another man."
"I didn't learn his name until later, but..." Will sent me a look that was slightly apologetic, "Well, it was Jason de Bourgh."
I frowned briefly. "And this was...?"
"Three months ago." Will replied, still hesitating. "You and he had been engaged six months at the time..."
Chapter 34
I tried to communicate all of this to Will, intending to reassure him. I realised that there was much to be confirmed and explored between us yet. Our relationship so far had been distorted and hindered by a hundred different circumstances. Before we even attempted to begin afresh, however, we had to clear the shadows. The secrets and lies and misunderstandings that had accumulated between us had all to be brought to light.
With this is mind, I begged Will to continue his story. There was so much that I was coming to understand about him - about us - and yet my head still buzzed with questions yet unanswered.
Will's eyes drifted away from me as he nodded, agreeing. They focused in the distance and he recounted the scene. "Jason saw me staring from the other side of the room, and I remember he just grinned at me. That's when Patricia turned around, and she actually laughed. It was like a glass world shattering, that laugh. All my stupid dreams, all my delusions, smashed to pieces."
I squeezed his hand a little tighter, feeling his pain.
"That was three weeks before our wedding. I wouldn't actually say that my heart was broken, but my pride had taken a terrible fall. It hurt. I didn't want to believe, I didn't want to let go. I kept the wedding rings, and all the letters that had passed between us, then packed up and climbed on the first plane to Nairobi. The night before I flew out of New York, Patricia turned up on my door step crying waterfalls of perfect tears, begging to be taken back. I shut the door in her face, but it occurred to me at the time that whoever her lover had been must not have been as rich as she thought he was.
"Anyway, I forwarded my acceptance of a position on a Kenyan game reserve, and I ended up here.
"With you.
"Perhaps you understand a little better now why I was so rude about you when I realised I was to be working with another woman? I wanted nothing more to do with your kind, and certainly not so soon after my experience with Patricia.
"In fact, I was all prepared to resurrect my old mask of cold indifference which I had perfected for dealing with over-zealous young women. But then you acted like you hated me, so it didn't seem necessary. In fact, you began to intrigue me.
"Finally, we managed to establish a kind of 'friendship' and I honestly believed that I was still safe. That it was all I felt for you."
Here he gave a small, rather bitter laugh. "Women think men aren't in touch with their feelings? They're right. I was completely cut off from my true heart... I never saw what was right in front of me until it was... well, until it was too late.
"The signs were there, of course. A hundred little things you made me do and feel that I managed to ignore, or keep locked away.
"But then the ring! Oh God, the ring. You can't ignore something when the lies you've built your world with come crashing down all around you.
"It was like a kick in the stomach - She's getting married. She's in love with someone else.
"You've lost her.
"You never had her.
"She... she doesn't love you.
"I didn't know how it had happened, how I could have let it happen, but that was the moment I knew."
"Knew what?"
"That I was in love with you, of course."
I couldn't help a small grin at the warm glow which bloomed within me when he spoke those words, but Will remained very serious.
"I knew that I was a fool, and that if I were sensible I would leave immediately - leave the Reserve, leave Africa, just get away from this situation. Of course I knew I couldn't.
"Because I couldn't dispel my hopes. Some things just didn't make sense to me. In all the weeks we worked together, why had you never mentioned a fiancee? What reason could you have for concealing it from me? And if you were so in love, then why did the two of you stand for such long periods of separation?
"So I stayed. I stayed, determined to put myself through the torture of meeting this man, partly to see for myself the nature of your relationship and partly to drive into my heart the certainty that you were out of my reach. Only then, I thought, could I wrench myself away.
"From the camp staff, I picked up the name 'Jason de Bourgh'. It sounded familiar to me, but I could not place it.
"Then he arrived on the Reserve, and that's when I remembered. How could I forget? He was the blonde-haired man in the expensive suit at the party - the object of Patricia's fleeting affair.
"You can imagine my shock. Surely, I thought, you must know what you were marrying. I could not conceive that you might actually love this man! I refused to believe it. I still refuse to believe it.
"Well, it didn't take me long to understand what you were doing. Jason was rich, the Reserve was in need of funds, you were fanatically devoted to the Reserve... It explained everything."
"But if you understood all of that," I protested, "Then why were you so angry? Why didn't you - "
"I'm coming to this. Give me a moment." He took a deep breath, and looked down at my hand which still lay clasped in his. His fingers tightened around mine, and he raised my hand to his lips in a brief, hot kiss, but just as suddenly the pressure was gone altogether. I looked at him in concern.
"When I first came to the Reserve," he began, "I wasn't just following a dream, I was running from a past. Patricia, and all her associations. And then there was you... so different. Everything that Patricia had been, you were her opposite. Every thing that she lacked, you possessed. Warmth, and strength, and brilliance, and vibrance. Goodness. I guess I... I raised you onto a pedestal. Patricia had hurt me in a way that I believed you never could. So while comparing you with Patricia, who was vile and mercenary in my memory, I made you into a goddess of perfection - too pure of heart to make a mistake.
"And then when I realised you were marrying without love in the pursuit money, it wasn't just the pain of loss, it was a kind of betrayal of everything I'd believed of you. It toppled the pedestal. That was not your fault, of course - it was my own fault. But that's how I felt, and it clouded my perspective. That's why I was angry. That's why I lashed out at you, even though I did understand your reasoning. I had believed... I had wanted you to be incapable of anything that reminded me of Patricia's baseness.
"And that is why I was so cruel to you. Out on the plain, even after I got back from Nairobi - I know I said terrible things to you. I was so angry. Jealous. Disappointed. Frustrated, too. You see, I almost... I almost believed... You'll think me conceited, I suppose, but there were moments when I was so sure that you loved me too. And yet you were so stubborn. You were so determined to push me back, in your pursuit of Jason's fortune. You can't imagine how that tormented me... or perhaps you can.
"Even so, there was more to it than just my feelings, because through all of this, there was a memory I couldn't shake. I told you that when Patricia came back to me that night, the evening before I left for Africa, I had thought to myself that her lover could not have been as rich as she had assumed.
"It was not until I actually met de Bourgh that I made the connection between his name and the man who lured Patricia away with a false veneer of wealth. This was where I based my early suspicions that Jason was not quite what he seemed.
"When I hit my head and was flown to Nairobi for treatment, I took the opportunity to get in contact with my friend, Cole Fitzwilliam. He used to be in the army, so he has a lot of military contacts. I don't know exactly what he does now - actually, I don't think he's allowed to tell me. But it seems that Jason's a pretty significant guy on the Kenyan political scene, so Cole was more interested than I expected him to be when I began to discuss with him all my suspicions.
"We discovered the truth about the de Bourgh's "Old Money". That is, that there was nothing left of it. But Jason was still the recipient of a major cash inflow, and the money had to be coming from somewhere. I left Cole to the task of tracing Jason's mysterious cash sources. He didn't need me, we could easily stay in contact, and I wanted to be back on the Reserve."
"You wanted to come back?"
He nodded.
"Yes. You see, at that point I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to be the one to make everything OK, I wanted to say to you: 'You don't have to marry Jason. Will you marry me instead?' "
I listened incredulously. "Well why didn't you? Why couldn't you explain it all? Didn't you trust me?"
"No! That wasn't the reason at all. It was just... Well, think about it. What could I say to you? 'Ellie, your fiancee is a crook and he's cheating you. He can't save your Reserve, so you needn't marry him. However, I have 17 million in the bank and I can save this place ten times over. So how about you marry me instead?' "
He shook his head. "So you see I couldn't tell you. Not because I didn't trust you, not because I wasn't aching inside for you, every second of every hour... But because I knew that if I told you the truth, things could never be the same between us.
"I was terrified of losing you, but after Patricia I couldn't fight off the doubts.
"You see, Patricia never loved me, she loved nothing but money. She never saw me for myself. But you had only ever known the Will Darcy I really wanted to be. The permanently impoverished station-hand with nothing to offer but himself. Once you knew the truth about my background, I had little doubt that you would accept me, but I couldn't bear the thought of taking you in my arms and never knowing for certain whether you were there because you truly loved me, or if you were there out of gratitude. After all, you had already proved that you were prepared to do anything, marry anyone, if they could save your Reserve.
"Now I believe that I was wrong not to be honest with you from the start - my deception inflicted nothing but pain on the both of us. If it hadn't been for Patricia, I would have been less cautious. And if I hadn't already seen evidence of your ability to coerce yourself into being in love for the sake of your Reserve... Ellie, if you were ever to tell me that you loved me, I wanted to know for sure that it was me you were in love with, and not my bank book or my company or anything else. That's the only explanation I can give."
"Oh Will..." I sighed, blinking at tears, "If only you had said something... I loved you from the first, you must have known that... If only..."
Will smiled tenderly, then leaned forward and kissed me gently.
"Have I told you recently that I love you?" He asked.
"I've a very short memory. You better remind me."
He smiled again, and I shifted myself into a sitting position on the camp bed. The dizziness lasted only a few seconds, and I hid the moment's unease from Will, eager now to hear the rest of his story.
Chapter 35
"Well, Cole and his men were too late to stop the Peterson's Gap slaughter, but they knew then that they were 'hot'. The gang was close by, and they managed to tap into the radio frequency being employed by Jason's men to discover the location of the next planned operation."
"Shekai..."
Will nodded. "Yes. Remind me to ask you, by the way, how you knew about this sting. We were supposed to be operating in secret, but it seems now that every man and his dog was on to us!
"Anyway, I had intended to take one of the utes out to the water hole, but of course, as it turned out they were 'rendered unavailable'. That was when my suspicions that someone on the Station was working for Jason were confirmed. But there was no time to start interrogating Reserve staff. I was desperate, so I broke into the back shed, and took one of the bikes.
"I didn't expect that my absence or departure would be noticed, but apparently it was. Denny caught up with me about half way. He rammed his bike up against mine, and pretty soon we both came off. We fought, I won, I left him unconscious. I knew that I was running out of time, and fast. I thought I could send someone out for him later. Only it seems he wasn't so solidly out of it as I thought. He must have got back on his bike, followed my tracks to the camp... and of course, he found you.
"I'm sorry. If only I had been more careful! It seems I've been making mistakes all along, and you have always been the one to suffer from them."
Very slowly, he gathered my hand in his once more, and held it tightly.
"That is my story, Ellie. Do you think that maybe... one day... you can forgive me for the mistakes I've made?"
To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. Shocked comes a little closer, incredulous is even better. Could I forgive him?
Reaching out to him, I smiled as I overcame my initial daze. "How would you like to make a deal with me? I will forgive you all that you have done to me, and we will start anew. In return, I request that you forgive all that I have put you through. If you will agree, we can shake on it and leave all of this behind us forever."
A momentary cloud passed over Will's expression as I spoke this last phrase. A second later he was smiling again, but I could not let the instance go past.
"What's the matter?" I asked, concerned.
Will hesitated, then replied - "It's just that I'm not so sure this is the end."
"I don't understand."
"Jason will be back, Ellie. I'm pretty certain of that. He did love you, you know. In his own, selfish way, he always loved you."
I was even more confused. "But Jason will surely go to jail! How can he hurt us now?"
Will shook his head, his eyes well and truly troubled now. "I doubt very much that he will go to jail."
"What!?"
"Jason is a powerful man, Ellie. Living out on the Reserve, I'm not sure how conscious you are of just how powerful. Most of the poachers will go under the hammer, but Jason, I'm sure, will make things very difficult. His will be a media-swamped trial, he can hire top-notch lawyers, ensure reams of bureaucratic red-tape, and organise bribes left right and centre... He won't be easily subdued. Justice will not necessarily be served. It's not fair, but that's the way the world works."
I bit my lip and fell deep into thought.
"Well, what if there was some really incriminating evidence against him?" I asked presently. "Something that simply couldn't be denied."
Will shrugged. "It would certainly help," he replied, "Why? Do you have something in mind?"
I ignored that question for the moment and asked instead - "Will, is it possible to match bullet cartridges with the gun they were fired from?"
"I think it's probably possible. Why?"
"Hang on a moment. Tell me, that gun you brawled for - was it Jason's? And do you still have it?"
Will answered 'yes' to both questions. "The gun is definitely his. It's very distinctive, right down to engraved initials, believe it or not! It's powerful too. It has to be, seeing as he used it for poaching big game. It's just difficult to conclusively prove that he pointed the gun, pulled the trigger and broke the law. His word against ours, in many ways..."
As Will was speaking, I fumbled with one hand in the pockets of my jeans. I pulled out the crumpled cheque and gave a sheepish smile as Will raised an amused and questioning eyebrow. Digging deeper, I prayed that nothing had been lost when I put them through the wash.
No - here we go.
My fingers closed eagerly on what I had been seeking. I extracted my hand and opened my fist to reveal ...
Two tarnished metal cartridges.
"Remember?" I prompted, "That day of the storm, we found the massacred elephant on patrol. It was the morning after Jason had supposedly left the Reserve. I found these on the ground by the carcass. I don't think they're from a rifle. Do you think they might ... ?"
Will was grinning at me, a singularly attractive sight. My voice trailed away.
"Keep them safe, El. They just might make the difference."
He shook his head, still grinning at me in a strange, heart-fluttering way.
"You're incredible. Just... incredible." I returned his smile broadly, then heard - out of the blue - "Will you marry me, Ellie?"
I laughed out loud then, and leaned in to kiss him soundly.
"We'll see about that, Will Darcy. We'll just see."
THE END