Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Chapter 14
I lay awake for most of that night, as my mind and my heart slowly processed many months' accumulation of tangled emotions. Very carefully, I weighed my feelings one against the other, with the silent despair of an alchemist who knows deep down that no matter how he measures things out, he is never going to end up with gold. That night, I knew for certain that my childhood was over. The fairy tales were dead. There could be no happy ending.
Rising early the next morning, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and quite literally started in fright. Overnight, I had changed. My eyes looked darker and sadder. My skin seemed pale and drawn, and delicate purple smudges framed my eyes. Yesterday I had looked 26. Today I looked 36. I tore my eyes from my reflection, bent my head over the sink and calmly splashed water on my face. What else could I do?
A few hours later I was filling troughs at the water mains. The central tap was a rusting circle of metal set on a short concrete support. I gripped it firmly and twisted as hard as I could, but it only grated a few centimetres then jammed again. It had given me trouble before. I bit my lip, wiped my hands, and tried again, closing my eyes and I tried to force it to turn. Suddenly there was a heat at my back and strong arms reached around me. I started, but I knew by the way my skin tingled and my heart jolted that it was Will. I ducked quickly from what was dangerously close to an embrace.
"Hey, I'm just trying to help. A little jumpy, aren't we? Funny, I never pictured you as the nervous bride." His cool teasing was like a shadowy glimpse of the old Will, but it was strangely humourless now. If only we could turn back the clock...
"Please don't, Will." My voice was quiet and cool, without a trace of anger or fire or life. I didn't recognise it. Neither, it seemed, did Will.
He looked at me in surprise, then saw my face properly for the first time. Surprise deepened to shock. "My God, Ellie, what's the matter?"
I turned my face away. "I didn't sleep well last night. That's all."
"But that's not all! Ellie, tell me what's wrong!"
I looked at him sadly. What's right? I wanted to ask, but I stayed silent.
His brown eyes reflected confusion and concern into my empty ones. "Ellie?"
I looked at him, and couldn't find any words to explain what I really wanted him to know. In any case, it was probably better left unsaid. I turned to walk away, but he caught my arm. "Ellie, please! What's happened to you? Was it Jason? Has he hurt you? Tell me!"
"It's nothing to do with..." I stopped. I couldn't just leave it like this, I was a fool if I believed I could. He deserved more than my silence. I corrected myself softly. "Actually, it is to do with him. But nothing he's done, specifically." I looked up at him, very conscious that his hand was still on my arm, but I did not shake it off.
"Will, I'm leaving the Reserve on Saturday to prepare for the wedding. I wanted to say good bye."
I heard his sharp intake of breath. His grip on my arm fell away abruptly. "Ellie," His voice was slightly thick, but it cleared quickly, "Ellie, please don't do this. You're making a mistake. I'm not just saying that because I'm trying to make you think badly of Jason, I know - "
"Will," I interrupted, but he cut me off: "No Ellie, you have to listen to me. Let me finish. I know I've said some awful things to you these past few days, and I'm sorry because I know they hurt you, but I'm only trying to - "
"Help me see the truth?" I supplied calmly, "Yes, I know. Thank you. I understand what you were trying to do and it's worked. I'm going into this with 'unclouded eyes' now, thanks to your... I guess we could call it 'frankness'." I gave him a wry smile, a shadow of old. "You know, it hurts more this way, but at least it's less confusing."
Will did not smile. His stare was barely comprehending. I couldn't meet that gaze. I averted my face again, and took a few steps away from him.
"You were right, Will," I admitted quietly. "You were right about everything. I'm sorry."
There was a pause. Will broke the silence, speaking slowly. "What do you mean, 'sorry'? Ellie, I don't understand this. I don't... You're saying that you know you don't love him, you know he doesn't love you, but you are going to marry him anyway? Is that...?"
"Yes." The word felt filthy in my mouth.
"Why?"
There it was. The question with an answer that stemmed from a world of withheld pain that the world would never see. Never. I swore it silently to myself.
"Because," I paused, and closed my eyes firmly against tears. I kept my face turned away so that he would not read the contents of my heart in my eyes. "I've dreamed my dreams, Will. From ages 6 to 26 I truly believed in unconquerable love and happily ever after. Every girl does. But every little girl has to grow up some day. Fairy tales are all very well, but eventually you get slapped in the face with reality. Perhaps for some, 'happily ever after' comes true, but not for me. Not for me."
I made myself look at him. He had to understand this. "You were right, Will. I don't love Jason. But if I don't marry him, this Reserve will close. That is my choice, pure and simple." I gave a wry smile, remembering something else he had once said to me. "I may be a 'stupid, stubborn martyr', Will, but I do have some sense of perspective. This Reserve, all the animals, the future... On a scale of things, it's a thousand times more important than one girl's marital bliss, don't you think?"
"So you will marry Jason for his money."
I hesitated, and my voice faltered as I answered, "Indirectly, yes, you have the right to put it like that. For his money. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to save what you love most." I met his gaze then looked away again.
A moment later I felt his warm fingers touch my face, and though I did not move to encourage him, I could not bring myself to push him away.
I heard his whisper as he gently pushed my chin up to bring my gaze level with his own.
"Do you love me, Ellie?"
The tears which I had been holding back so long spilled silently over my cheeks. I shook my head. "Will, you have to understand..."
"But I do understand. I understand more than you think. Ellie, look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. Your dreams don't have to be fantasies, if you'll only trust me, please Ellie, just for a minute..."
"No, I won't... I won't trust you, I can't even trust myself. Please, let me go. You're making everything even worse..." I pulled away from him. I recovered enough to add in a whisper: "The fairytale is dead, Will."
An eternity of silence.
"Yes, Ellie. Perhaps you're right." Will straightened up and began to walk away. He turned back, and something in his voice sent shivers down my spine.
"But you are the one who killed it."
Chapter 15
Tuesday evening. I took my basketball and went out to the hoop, but I didn't play. Instead, I sat down with my back against the old Lab and watched the sun sink into a fiery sea of brilliant colour.
I would see this miracle three times more - then never again. Well, maybe some day, but it would be different then. Now I was here, I was part of it, it was part of me. When I was Mrs. Jason de Bourgh, I would be nothing more than the woman in the neat suit who was married to the benefactor. Yesterday, I had been able to view that prospect with a cool, numb detachment. Today, emotions washed over me in heart-wrenching waves, but I knew I could not go back on my resolution.
Because the Reserve would survive, and nothing - nothing - could matter more than that. I could bear the weight of a gold band on my finger because I would always know, at the back of my mind, that somewhere in the world the sun was rising and the elephants were bathing ... and the wildebeest were migrating ... and the sun was setting ... and the lionesses were beginning their hunt .... and the hippos were dozing ... and the rains were moving over the open plains... and the next generation of leopard cubs were emerging, blinking, from their dens... These things had to go on. I would endure much worse than marriage to Jason if it meant that this place survived, and went on surviving. Much worse.
So I would say good-bye to all of this. I would make my farewells to the sunsets, the animals, the plains, to my friends, to Will... I bit my lip, and squeezed my eyes shut to fight down another wave of wretchedness.
I did not cry. Instead, I sat and waited for the stars to come out. I was sure there could be no where else in the world that they burned so brilliantly. It was late when I finally returned to my cabin, undressed, brushed my teeth and my hair, turned out the light and curled up tightly into a foetal position to wait for sleep.
Sleep must have come eventually, because when someone pounded on the door, I remember waking up with a start.
I rolled out of bed on to my feet and stumbled across the cabin in alarm. I pushed my hair out of my face and swung open the door.
I focused on the figure before me, and my mouth went dry. Will stood in the doorway, his dark hair hanging in wet locks over his forehead, and his bare, well-muscled torso shimmering with perspiration. His chest was heaving, and he leaned against the doorframe for support.
"What - " I began, but he stopped me, and managed to gasp: "The Stables - are on fire - we need your help - hurry!"
I noticed for the first time the acrid smell of smoke drifting on the balmy night breeze. I didn't need to be told anything more. I snatched an old over-coat from a peg on the wall, and bolted for the stables, stumbling over tufts of grass and rocks in the dark, with Will following close behind.
I heard the fire before I saw it. I heard the crackling of the flames, the splintering of wood, the cries of men and the screams of frightened animals. I rounded the mess huts and the blaze came into view. I paused in shock. It wasn't just a fire, it was an inferno! Wood and metal didn't burn like that naturally, this fire had been lit deliberately. Someone must have doused the walls with fuel to create a hell-fire like the one I saw before me.
Someone touched my arm and I jumped, startled.
"Come on," came Will's voice, impatient in the dark. He had his breath back. The skin where his fingers had touched me burned with a pleasant heat. I took a deep breath, and then had to struggle not to cough as smoky grit filled my throat. This was no time to dwell on what could never be.
"The hoses and extinguishers are already being used. We'll have to use buckets. Use the ones outside the kitchen hut. We can still beat this if we're fast."
He began to move away, but I called after him, and he turned back.
"What is it?" His voice sounded oddly gentle this time. The swelling hope that might not despise me so entirely as I had assumed he must, knowing all that he did about my ruthless mercenary core, almost wiped my mind of the question I had to have answered. I remembered:
"The animals, Will! What's happened to the animals?"
His hesitated, and I felt panic rise in my throat.
"We got most of them out. The zebra, the dik-dik and the baboons are all safe."
"What about the cheetah? What about Spritz?"
There was no reply.
"The cheetah! Will, tell me you got her out!!" My voice was rising with my growing hysteria.
"Spritz - Spritz is trapped, Ellie. I know how you feel about her, but it is just a cat, El, and we can't reach her without endangering more lives. But - Ellie, Ellie wait! Elizabeth, don't!!"
But he was too late. I couldn't explain it, but Spritz was somehow the embodiment of everything I had done here, all the good I had hoped to achieve, and all that I was trying to preserve by leaving it behind. Of course, I was not thinking too clearly to begin with - the incredible intensity of all the feelings I was keeping bottled inside was taking its toll on my mind. At that moment, I felt that I didn't really value what was left of my life anyway.
I ran directly under an arch of roaring flames.
The heat stuck me like a broiling wave, and my eyes stung and watered in the thick smoke. Somewhere to my left, a burning rafter snapped, and crashed to the ground. I tried to take shallow breaths as I ran to the far end of the enclosures, which was not yet burning quite so fiercely as the southern end. As I reached the very last stall I was barely able to draw breath and my lungs and throat were burning with all the smoke I had inhaled. The floorboards, although not actually alight, felt like red-hot coals against the soles of my feet.
With my eyes narrowed against the heat and grit, I tried to unfasten the latch which held the door closed, but the blackened metal seared my fingers. I heard a tiny feline whimper from behind the door, and my desperation heightened. I began throwing myself against the aged wood, ignoring the pain in my shoulder and praying that it would weaken and give way.
The hinges seemed to loosen slightly, but my frenzied efforts achieved nothing more. My head began to feel light as I breathed more and more smoke, and all my aches and fears began to seem a long, long way away. The orange flames were leaping all around me, but I could barely feel their heat, and I felt curiously light-headed. I began to slip toward the floor.
I was only very vaguely aware of someone else beside me in the flames - someone who took only a few hacks with a jack to smash the latch and retrieve the cowering cub. Some marvelously strong person who then lifted me over his shoulder, and carried me dangling and semi-conscious through a crackling world of bright yellows and reds.
All those events were very dream-like and uncertain in my memory, but my next recollection was very clear indeed.
Will's face hovered above me, and his lips were pressed to mine. Someone's hands were on my chest and they were pumping so desperately that it hurt.
Reluctantly, I pushed Will away and rolled over on my side, coughing. Cheers rose up all around me.
I looked around, blinking blearily from the smoke. In the light of the still-blazing fire, I could see the entire camp-staff crowded around, clapping and looking down at me. What about the fire?
"The Stables...?" I croaked, questioningly.
"It's too late to save it now," I was vaguely aware of Sam's voice from somewhere above me, "We've decided to let it burn itself out. The animals are all safe now."
I was barely listening. All my attention was focused on Will, who still knelt beside me. His face was flushed and desperate, and his eyes blazed into mine, lit with a different kind of fire.
I saw his lips move - "I thought you were dead," he whispered, so softly I could barely decipher the words, but there was a world of pain and relief in his voice. Then he rubbed a hand roughly across his face, and I realised I wasn't supposed to have heard at all.
I banished a sudden desire to draw his face toward mine once more and relive the feel of his lips against mine. No Ellie. You leave in three days. Let him go...
I remembered suddenly, and pushed myself up on my elbows: "Is Spritz OK?" I asked, apprehensive of the reply.
"She's - she's OK," Will's voice still sounded a little odd - vague, as though my question had just woken him up, "Thanks to you."
"No," I fell back on the grass, and smiled up at Will, watching the flickering light catch in his beautiful eyes. "Thanks to you."
He looked away. My heart dropped. Then I scolded myself silently for being so ridiculous. I was getting married in three weeks. I was leaving here in three days. I had to put Will out of my mind. I had to.
I rose unsteadily to my feet. Will reached out a hand to help me, but I brushed it impatiently aside. Some childish part of me was hurt by his refusal to hold my gaze.
"I - I'll go and make us all some coffee." I croaked haltingly. I caught a few worried glances, and as usual my stubborn independence flared. "I'll be all right!" I snapped, and stalked off toward the kitchen hut, hoping that my legs did not look as weak as they felt.
Chapter 16
I recovered my strength quickly over coffee, and one by one the camp staff rinsed their mugs and retreated to their cabins for a much-needed rest.
I made my way to the bathroom, and my lips twisted slightly when I saw the wild state of my hair. I also needed to wash my face, which I discovered was smeared with soot. I momentarily regretted that Will had seen me so uncomposed, and then squashed the thought in irritation.
Damn Will. Damn him for those eyes, damn him for that voice, damn him for those hands.
He haunted me now. And I knew he would always be there, no matter how far I tried to run, no matter who I married. A permanent ghost, a shadow in my heart forever.
I closed my eyes and pictured myself in ten years time. Surrounded by a clutch of blonde-haired children perhaps... but unable to look at them without wishing their flaxen curls dark, and their cool blue eyes a laughing brown. I would be unable to step outside without searching for his face in every crowd, turning my head after every dark-haired masculine figure, knowing all the time that he would not be there. Lying awake at night in a cold bed, reliving over and over the brief brushes with passion I had known in the arms of a man who had long since disappeared from my life.
Perhaps one day we would run into each other again. At a party, perhaps. I could see the scene already. Our eyes would meet and we would both smile politely, while my heart wrenched in my chest. "I don't believe you've met my wife..." He would say, and something in my soul would die. I would congratulate him and his beautiful partner with a false smile, perfected through years of playing the ideal society hostess. I would compliment Mrs. Darcy on her appearance, and pretend to learn the names of their dozen gorgeous, happy children. I would feel Will's eyes on me, and his silent reproach would burn through my skin. I would insist that they come to dinner sometime but make no date, and walk away, just overhearing the inevitable: "Who was she?" "Oh, just some girl I used to work with... Married some politician... Funny, I even can't recall his name now..." ...And my heart would weep.
Fate was a cruel mistress. I sighed, and examined the ring on my engagement finger. The diamond solitaire was so large it seemed to weigh my hand down. What kind of ring would Will have chosen, I wondered, and then shook my head wryly and wandered back toward the kitchen to turn off the lights.
To my surprise, someone was still seated at the tiny table. The person had their back to me and their head hung low, as if in despair, but I knew at once that it was Will. I paused in my step, debating hurriedly whether or not I ought to turn around and return to bed, but my legs seemed to have taken on a life of their own and I moved into the kitchen.
Fool! Accused my head. My heart pounded.
He heard me enter, and stood up to face me. His face reflected my own surprise. I knew he had not expected me to return.
"I - "
We both started to speak at once, then blushed like shy school children.
"You go," he said.
"I - well, I just wanted to thank you." I stumbled, "For - for saving my life, I guess."
He looked uncomfortable. "I s'pose that makes us even, then?" He grinned crookedly, and my heart lurched uncontrollably. If you don't hate me...
I smiled back. I could almost hear the warning sirens going off in my head, but my heart refused to listen.
...Then say you forgive me, Will...
The air between our bodies was crackling with intensity.
"Would you like me to take your mug for you?" I offered, noticing he still clutched his empty coffee mug. I eased it from his unresisting fingers, and turned my back on him to rinsed it at the sink. I felt his gaze burning my back. Tense apprehension blurred my thoughts. Why did I come back? This was a bad idea, this was a very bad idea...
I tried to fill the electrified silence with irrelevant small-talk. "It's very late, you know," I observed inanely, "And there will be so much to do in the morning. Temporary shelters for all those animals... You must be tired, I expect you want to get me to bed. I mean - " I faltered and my cheeks burned as I realised how poorly I had phrased my innocently intended sentence. I picked up a tea towel, and didn't try to say any more. I didn't trust my voice to speak.
I dried the mug with my back turned to him, trying not to think about how the perspiration gleamed on his bare skin. Trying to block the fantasy of his strong brown hands touching my body. Trying and failing.
This was too much. I had to get away from here before I did something truly imbecilic.
I turned suddenly, intending to begin some bland, brief conversation and then retire and end this torment, but found that he was standing directly behind me. With his closeness, the words died on my lips.
I was trapped in his gaze like a gazelle in a search-beam, and I could not break away. My breath came in short gasps, and my body was quivering with restrained desire.
"Your shoulder..." he murmured huskily, after a moment, "You've hurt it."
He raised his hand and ran his index finger down my upper arm, so gently that I barely felt it, but his touch left a trail of fire. My knees began to tremble.
"It's nothing..." I tried to keep my voice level, but the words came out as a breathless murmur. Get a grip, Ellie, come on, you have to leave, leave now! But it did no good. My legs gave out beneath me.
Instinctively, Will opened his arms to catch me, and I fell against his bare chest. For a moment I could hear his heartbeat - it was thumping as though he'd just run a race. I recovered myself and looked up into his face intending to apologise. His eyes burned into mine, and my breath caught in my throat.
Before I knew how it had happened I was pressed against the bench with Will's mouth fastened on mine, and I was kissing him back with a hunger that matched his own. His hands were everywhere, igniting fires of passion in places that I hadn't even known existed. My fingers buried themselves in his hair, and I pressed myself to him.
I was past thinking now. Jason didn't exist. The Reserve didn't exist. We were both completely oblivious to everything except each other. The only coherent thought I could grasp was: Will... I love you... I love you... I love you... So much... Will... Understand me... Forgive me... I love you...
I did not say it aloud, but with every kiss and every touch I tried to show him what I felt. I prayed that he would understand. I prayed that he could forgive me what I was doing. And I prayed that some day, I could forgive myself.
To be Continued...
Author's Note: ...eventually. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that's the end of the 'Season'! My holidays are over, (were over as of Tuesday actually) and I have to embark upon the most important few months of study of my life. That means - (horror!) - no recreational writing. Tune in for next Season's continuation - my next holidays begin on the 19th of June! That is the next date I can guarantee that regular posts will begin again. I apologise again, but until then, Ellie and Will can enjoy a very long embrace...
Chapter 17
I know, I know.
I should have told her the truth right from the beginning. I shouldn't have let it come to this. But it's too late now - we're in so deep... too deep.
It wasn't meant to be like this. God knows, I never intended to fall in love. In fact, I accepted the position at the Kalerian Reserve desiring nothing further to do with women, ever again. Not after ...
Anyway, as I said, I had no desire to go falling in love with Ellie Benson. It just happened! I was in the middle of it before I knew I had even begun.
I remember that first time I saw her, covered in mud in the doorway of Lucas's office, hands on her hips and green eyes blazing with fury. I remember the thoughts that flooded my mind, each conflicting with the next. There was embarrassment, of course, at being caught out. Concealed surprise, and even a little disdain perhaps, at her rough, muddied appearance: the women I was accustomed to were almost obsessively well-groomed. And there was also relief. Relief that there was nothing about her to remind me of a face I wanted to forget.
Even as I reached out to shake her hand, I found myself taking note - her hand was warm, the nails were short and unvarnished. They were practical, capable, skillful hands... and yet I couldn't help comparing them with the cool, white slender fingers that stalked my memory.
Even as my desire to forget and my compulsion to compare fought for dominance in my head, I couldn't help a small twinge of reluctant admiration: smears of dirt may have obscured the harmony of her features, but her eyes were fascinating. So green and bright! They made me think of cats in the night and emeralds in the sunlight. Perhaps they cast their spell on me that very first day, because they have burned relentlessly in my memory ever since.
Ironically though, it was her coldness towards me that set me on the path towards falling in love with her. Had she been friendly or flirtatious, the danger bells would have sounded, and I would have backed off right away. But the fact that we were off to a bad start, and probably weren't going to get along lulled me into a false sense of security. I gradually lowered my defenses against her. Our animosity meant that I could appreciate her beauty without putting my heart on the line.
I confess that I took to deliberately teasing her, trying to provoke her into anger, just so that I could watch those incredible eyes burn and flash.
By the time friendship formed between us, however, I had grown immune to the danger. I was so confident, so pleased with myself. The weeks had passed. I hardly ever thought about ... about her any more, and I was strong enough to work side by side with an incredible woman - admire her, respect her, enjoy her friendship - and yet keep my heart walled in, safe, untouched...
Well, what a joke that turned out to be. What a sad, deluded joke.
I wish now that I had been more honest - more honest with everyone, including myself. But how could I have known what was to come? And how could I explain now the sordid facts that had lurked so long in the dark that they had grown into explosive secrets?
Somewhere along the way I had screwed up badly - that was all I knew for certain now. And Ellie was the one who would suffer for it. Well, others would suffer too, but hell, we deserved to. Ellie was the last person in the world I wanted to hurt. She wasn't completely innocent, but on the scale of things in this filthy, deceptive business, she was on par with a Saint.
She lay beside me now, sleeping peacefully, her hair spread out across my pillow. How often had I dreamed of us like this? With the sun shining, the warm world sprawled outside our door, turning on while we lay, entwined, enveloped in warmth of our own creation. Now it was reality. I reached out and let my fingers trace gently a curl. Was there any hope for us at all?
She stirred.
I was watching her face when she opened her eyes. She blinked once, as though trying to focus on me. Her hand reached up and her fingertips brushed my face. I smiled down on her, clamping a mask over the pain which I knew had been written clearly in my eyes only moments before.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered, stroking her hair very slowly, very softly, "I didn't mean to wake you..."
Her eyes glowed in the morning sunlight as she gazed up at me. My heart contracted painfully. I loved her so much. "I'm glad you did," she whispered huskily, and guided my head down until our lips met in an exquisitely slow and tender kiss. My hands slipped up to caress her cheek, then moved down her back as I leaned in to deepen the kiss.
A few moments later, I winced suddenly as something rough and sharp raked across my shoulder. Ellie felt me flinch, and broke our embrace quickly.
She went still in my arms. I followed her gaze.
Her engagement ring had scratched a short red welt on the skin of my shoulder. The gem stone glittered spitefully in the sunlight.
Her gaze jerked up to meet mine, and her expression hurt me far more deeply than the diamond had. She looked dazed, horrified - stricken.
"Oh my God..." she mumbled, almost incoherently, "Oh my God."
I reached out in an attempt to calm her, but she shook me off, scrambling clumsily out of the bed and snatching up her night-dress from where it lay crumpled on the floor.
"What have I done? What have I done?" She asked it again and again, muttering in an undertone: a tormented penance, as she pulled the dress over her head.
"Ellie..." I reached out to her, but she backed quickly out of my grasp.
"No, Will! Don't touch me, don't come near me! Don't you know what I've done? What we've done?" She spoke quickly, with a barely concealed sob in her throat.
"Ellie, listen to me." I spoke calmly, trying to break through her near-hysteria.
"No!" She made suddenly for the door. "No, I can't listen to you! It's too late, it's - " she had her hand on the door handle, but I was already upon her. My patience gone, I grasped her firmly by the arms and pulled her back to face me. Fear for losing her again made me forceful. I shook her.
"No, Ellie! It's gone too far now. This time you listen!"
She made a small sound in her throat, and I realised my hands were gripping her upper-arms tight enough to bruise. I released her quickly and guiltily, and this time she made no attempt to bolt. She looked up at me and I knew I had to speak, and fast.
"Ellie. You can't save this Reserve by marrying Jason."
Her gaze barely flickered as she stared at me, uncomprehending. Mistrustful.
I took a deep breath and kept going. "I don't know what he's promised you, El. But I do know that he won't be making any contributions to this station." I paused again. "He can't."
Still she seemed not to understand me. My voice dropped. "It's all gone, Ellie. The de Bourgh fortune. Jason has no money."
Ellie sat down heavily. Her hands were shaking as she raised them to her face.
I added softly, "It's been gone for years."
Chapter 18
"How long have you known?" Her voice was strained. Quiet.
"I - " I hesitated. "When I first heard his name, I thought I remembered him from somewhere, but I wasn't certain... But when I saw his face, the day he came to the Reserve, I couldn't believe I had forgotten..." My mouth twisted bitterly - I might have forgotten his name - I had only heard it once - but I could never forget his face. That mocking grin, the cold eyes, triumphant across the crowed room... I blinked quickly and continued. "Anyway, I knew his face, and I had heard... Well, I couldn't be sure, so when I was in Nairobi, I talked to some... old friends..." How much of the truth can I tell her? When did it get so complicated? "...And they confirmed it - Jason's father gambled away what remained of the family's 'old money'. They still have their estates, but only because they're protected by entailments and can't be sold to pay off the debts. Other than that, Jason is destitute... He can't possibly afford the sums he's promised you." I paused once more, then added in a voice softened by shame, "So I've known since then." This much was true, anyway.
Ellie's chest and shoulders were trembling with every breath. She looked away, and when she looked back, her eyes were wild and her gaze was burning with incredulous loathing.
"You - You - " She couldn't speak - the words were tearing in her throat.
What could I do? What could I say? How could I possibly explain?
"Ellie..." I reached out, trying to show her by my touch what she had to understand. Words could explain nothing now.
"NO!" She screamed, turning on me with sudden violence, pounding viciously and randomly on my upper-body, anywhere her fists could connect. "Do you know what I've been through?" She demanded, almost incoherent in her hurt. I raised my hands in defense, and the blows rained down on my upraised arms.
"Ellie! Ellie, stop!" I managed to catch her wrists in my grasp but she struggled furiously against me and wrenched herself free. And then she was gone.
Very slowly, I walked back to the bed and sat down on the crumpled sheets. For a minute, all I could do was stare numbly at the empty, open doorway.
The shock was like a wave - the interval of numbness was simply a pause in which it gathered force. Then the reality of it all crashed over me, smashing the air from my lungs, and I began to drown.
Chapter 19 ~ Ellie's Story
How could he do it to me?
I had trusted him! I - I had loved him! And he had let me put myself through hell, utter hell, thinking I had to marry Jason, making me love him, letting me torment myself... He had known that Jason was lying to me. He had known it all along and he had said nothing! Why? Why hadn't he told me? Just a word from him, and I would have been free of all my obligations, freed of my despair, free to... to love him...
I ran back to my own hut, crying the hot, furious tears of betrayal. I stormed about, ripping clothes and a towel out of my closet, and dashed to the shower block. Under a fierce stream of cold bore water, I scrubbed my skin clean of his touch.
Emerging, I checked my watch. Thankfully, it was still very early - I needed to walk, I needed to breathe again. I went and found Spritz, let her loose, and set out, walking fast. Spritz trotted easily ahead.
"Spritz." She was getting too far away. "Spritz, get back here!" She stopped about 100 meters from me, glanced back, then changed her direction and ran west, nose close to the ground like a sniffer dog. I rolled my eyes impatiently and jogged to catch up to her. She had found something in the grass. I expected another meerkat burrow, or something of the like.
It was not a burrow.
It was a small patch of charcoal, marking the site of a tiny fire. There wasn't much left of it now, so it had to be fairly old. A week or two at least. But who would come out here and light a fire? It had to be someone from the Reserve - natural fires didn't start so soon after the rains, and -
Wait a moment.
It was Will. It had to be. Suddenly I remembered with startling clarity calling out to him as he walked past the huts, Tuesday before last, reminding him that 'It was his turn to muck out the stalls, and where had he been, anyway?' He had started at the sound of my voice, but recovered smoothly and stopped to throw back a taut salute and a brisk 'Yes, Ma'am, right away Ma'am,' before grinning and going on his way. That salute, though. There had been soot on his hands. I hadn't questioned it at the time. Why not?
Curious, I raked my fingers through the dusty ashes. Paper. He had burned papers, but there wasn't much left of them. A fragment or two still bore legible writing, but the fragmented sentences made no sense. Letters, then? Why was he burning letters? Who were they from? What did they contain that made it necessary for him to destroy them completely?
More secrets! I felt the anger well inside me again. I had thought I understood him, I thought I had known him inside out. Lively, funny, carefree Will, who never seemed to have more than 73 cents in his pocket, - no close family, no worries. Now I began to wonder if I knew him at all.
I brushed aside some lumps of charcoal and again took a handful of ashes, sifting them between my fingers. Something solid lay in my hand. What was this? I wiped the little object clean on my shirt.
A ring. Tarnished from the heat of the fire, but very much intact. I rolled it between my finger and thumb. It was very beautiful. Stupidly oblivious the truth, I sat trying to figure out why Will should be burning letters and a ring. Until I caught sight of the inscription.
Squinting, I could make out the letters, engraved in a fine, flowing script on the inner-rim.
"Will + Patricia ... Love Forever More..."
It was a wedding ring.
Something was crushing my chest. The ring dropped from my nerveless fingers and I pressed both palms over my heart, as though I could somehow tear out the pain with my hands.
"Do you love me, Ellie?"
YES!!
...No.
Everything was lies.
Chapter 21
Ellie's Story
It was a day of frantic activity at the Station, and I was glad of it. I saw Will, but would not look at him. I was very careful that we should never be left working alone together.
I knew my eyes were still slightly pink from crying, but when anyone enquired I told them it was from the smoke the night before, and they all seemed to accept that. On one occasion Will was nearby when I gave the excuse, and I saw him look up sharply. I hurried away, determined to avoid a confrontation. I knew what such a scene would bring - the accusations were already forming in my throat. Who's Patricia, Will? Why have you lied, Will? Why did you let me think you loved me, Will?
And I would end up breaking down, crying before him again. I didn't want that. I couldn't handle that. Because the pain went too deep - I would accept whatever excuses he gave me, even though nothing could possibly justify what he had done, because I would not have the strength to fight his lies. I would want to believe him.
All morning I pressed on, labouring furiously in the ever-intensifying heat, trying to force the pain down, trying to numb my thoughts with work. By mid-day, the sun was flaming overhead, and I was exhausted - but the ring I carried in the pocket of my shorts was still burning into my thigh, and the same thoughts seared in endless circles in my brain.
Will and Patricia ... Love Forever more ... Will and Patricia...
I swung my hammer again. THUD.
Who's Patricia? My heart twisted sharply every time I thought the name.
THUD.
And why didn't you tell me about Jason? Why?
THUD.
Damn it.
I stood up suddenly and threw down the hammer. I couldn't take it any more.
I went to find Will.
Chapter 22
Sam hadn't seen him.
Nor had Gem, nor had Denny.
Where the hell was he then?
It was more by fluke than anything else that I heard his voice at last - a low mumble from behind the Lab. I approached quietly, but stopped out of view.
I snatched a look around the corner - he had his back to me, one hand buried in his hair in a gesture of stress, the other pressing a slim black mobile to his ear. Who was he talking to? Why was he hiding? There was a pay-phone in the Station kitchen, which I had seen him use to call his sister in Boston. I hadn't even known he owned a mobile!
And on that note, do I even know there is a sister in Boston? It's probably his mistress in Portugal, or his wife in LA...
I stifled a wave of weary frustration. What was it with this man? At every turn - a new mystery, a new conspiracy, a new lie. How many more secrets did he have?
"...Yes... That's right..." He had been speaking in brisk monosyllables so far, letting his correspondent do most of the talking.
I felt no guilt at eavesdropping. I had a right to find out the truth as best I could on my own, since Will was obviously not the straightforward source of honest facts I had thought the was. A large hibiscus plant grew beside the north-facing wall. I was well concealed behind this corner.
"...Peterson's Gap?" I heard him say, "...How many?" He gave a low whistle. Peterson's Gap was a gully to the south. I'd only been down there twice, I didn't know it well. "... No ... Well, it depends how big. Probably about 20,000. Maybe 30 if the market's good. Quite a haul ... Yeah, OK. I'll be there. Yes, Shekai Water Hole, I know it... Right. Be careful, Cole."
And he rang off. My ears were burning, unwilling to absorb what I had heard. Insanely, all I could think of was that line from Shakespeare - Beatrice, was it? What fire is in mine ears?
Some instinct warned me to stay hidden. Without hesitation, I slipped into the narrow gap between the hibiscus and the Lab wall. A moment later Will strode past and I caught my breath, though he looked neither left nor right.
But his face I barely recognised - it was hard and cold.
And suddenly, I was afraid.
Chapter 22
I was jumping to conclusions. Making assumptions. I would laugh at myself later.
Think about it, Ellie. There has to be some other explanation. Something perfect reasonable, something justifiable. Will, a poacher? Impossible. Ridiculous. Think of him with Spritz, hands so gentle and clever. Think of his eyes - kind, laughing eyes. Think of him making l - no! No, don't think about that.
And yet... His eyes when I had seen him last were not kind nor laughing. His hands had taught me to love him, but they had borne the weight of another woman's ring. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said that deception was alien to Will. Yesterday I would have entrusted my soul to him without a second thought. Today... Today, everything had been turned upside down. Right was wrong, black was white. And Will was not what he had seemed to be.
The only thing I knew for certain now was that nothing was certain - nothing was fact.
I had to see Sam, though I was resolved to say nothing about my suspicions regarding Will yet. Voicing them aloud would make them too real. And besides, who would listen me? Everyone liked Will, everyone knew that he would never... At that stage, I guess I was still unable believe in my heart that Will was capable of such deception and depravity. In my heart, I couldn't let go.
I arrived at the door of Sam's office and entered without knocking. Sam looked up from his desk, but he did not greet me with his customary smile. Instead his brow furrowed and he put down his pen.
"Ellie. Come in, I'd like to have a word with you if you don't mind."
I nodded and shut the door behind me, seating myself in front of his desk.
Sam opened a drawer in his desk and extracted a slip of paper. "Charlie brought in the mail from town this morning. I received a letter which has - er - astonished me exceedingly."
A hundred possibilities rushed through my head, but none of them seemed feasible. "What is it?"
"A cheque." He paused.
"A cheque for half a million dollars, made out to this Reserve."
My head was already spinning from all the blows I had received today, and now this. The room blurred and I swayed in my seat. Only by gripping the arm-rests I did manage to stay upright.
"Ellie? Ellie, are you all right?"
I inclined my head very slightly.
"I take it by your silence that you knew nothing about it?"
"I - I wasn't expecting it. No." My mind struggled to reorganise my thoughts. "Who - who signed it, Sam?"
As he opened his mouth to reply, the phone on his desk shrilled loudly. He excused himself and snatched up the receiver.
"Hello? ... What? ... Where did you say? .... Damn. OK ... Yes ... Yes, all right. Good-bye."
He stood up hurriedly as the receiver clattered back into place. "I'm sorry, Ellie, I have to - "
But he did not get a chance to finish - a second later the door of his office flew open to admit a frantic Station hand. It was Matt. "Sam, the utes! And Ellie," he saw me, "It's your Land Rover too! Someone's been in the sheds, the tyres have all been slashed - even the spares. And there are parts missing from the engines - they've been sabotaged."
Oh my God!
After a moment of shocked silence, Sam, to his credit, did not waste time. "Is anything else damaged?" He demanded. Matt hesitated. "Well?" He raised his voice impatiently.
"Not damaged, exactly. But the rifles, sir. All the guns we have. They're - well, they've disappeared."
Sam closed his eyes slowly, and leaned against his desk for a moment. Then he said - "And no one has been on the Station - no strangers have been reported?"
Unsurprisingly, Matt shook his head. The approach of a stranger to an out-post this remote would be detected instantly. I knew why Sam had asked, though. He had been hoping, as I had, to hear that the blame could be placed outside our little community. Now we knew that there were enemies within out midst, among our friends. Among our lovers.
"Well, it has to be an inside job," Sam's voice was dull. The Reserve was precious to him too, and the Station staff were like his family. The betrayal obviously affected him deeply, but he rallied with admirable determination, resuming his business-like approach. "Who had access to the fire-arms?"
"We already checked that. There are officially three keys. You have one, and Ben and Will accounted for the other two. But Will says that he left it in his cabin, and it's possible someone could have taken his key, used it, and put it back where he left it, because none of us bother locking our doors. So that doesn't really help."
All three of us spent a few moments absorbing this information in silence. Suddenly, Sam said - "Look, I don't have time to deal with this right now. Matt, you continue to find out whatever you can. I'll call a meeting as soon as I get back."
Matt nodded eagerly, then asked, "Where are you going?"
Sam slapped his hat on his head and replied - "There's been another slaughter - they only just found it. Peterson's Gap." He glanced to me, "Ellie, can we finish our talk another time?"
"Yes, but..." Peterson's Gap!? "Sam, wait!" He was already half-way out the door, but he paused and looked back. "Just one thing, Sam. When these kills are discovered, are you... I mean, is there any way that other people around the camp here could find out about them before the call comes through to you?"
He gave me an odd look. "No, I'm always the first one notified - security protocol. I have to take the first inspection."
"Oh." Like a punch in the chest. "Thank you Sam."
The door slammed and he was gone. Matt nodded at me, and a moment later the door slammed again.
For a few minutes I sat in silence. The little office was very hot, very still. Slowly, I reached into my pocket and drew out the tarnished ring.
Will + Patricia. Love Forever More.
I stared at it, lying innocently in my hand. Suddenly I clenched my fist tightly, crushing it until I could feel the dull edges of the metal cutting into my skin.
Will + Ellie. Love for Never More.
There were no more excuses. I clenched my fist a little tighter still, and faced the truth.
Chapter 23
Why did it have to make such perfect sense? I half-wished there could be uncertainties - a chance that this was all a misunderstanding, a terrible mistake. The more I thought about it though, the more my heart hardened in dread certainty.
Will was or had been married, but he had kept it concealed - so he was capable of deception.
He made mysterious arrangements over the phone, discussing profits and markets in connection with the site of a poaching operation he should not have known about unless he was somehow involved.
He had known about Jason's financial affairs for many weeks before he chose to tell me - an action for which there was no conceivable explanation, except... I balked as my train of thought took me in a direction I couldn't quite bear go.
Now a cheque had arrived, made out to the Reserve. Half a million!
I realised that Sam had never answered me when I asked who had signed it. I stood up and leaned over his desk to rummage in the top drawer, hoping he had not taken it with him. No, here it was - my fingers closed eagerly on the slip of paper, but as my eyes swept over it, I realised that it was referenced to some company I had never heard of. That was no help. But I remembered that Jason had always been on the phone to various corporations and stock brokers... I had never understood it all, but it had seemed that he had fingers in many different pies. It was possible that the money had come through him...
I put the cheque in my pocket anyway. Considering the circumstances, I felt it would be safer there than lying in an unlocked drawer.
I pushed all emotion to the side and looked at the situation coldly and rationally.
So perhaps... Perhaps Jason was not broke at all. For who else would be making out cheques of such sums to the Reserve? And if his family fortune was gone, then how was he affording to live the lifestyle I had witnessed, how was he funding his political career...?
OK, let's say Jason is still as wealthy as he has ever been. Why would Will say that his money was gone?
Because of what he stands to gain from that lie.
If I were to refuse to marry Jason, the Reserve would not receive its funding and the Station would slowly grind down to a state of complete ineffectiveness. Poachers everywhere would have practically a free run of the place. If I did marry Jason, money would be poured into the Reserve, and we would finally have the resources to drive the poachers out for good.
Will was a poacher.
My stomach turned violently, but my head held onto facts. It explained everything. The inside job on the utes and guns, which rendered everyone on the Station immobile and virtually powerless. The mysterious phone conversations.
And if Jason had really been broke, and if Will had really been in love with me, he would have revealed Jason's deception the moment he knew of it. But if Jason was not in financial trouble at all, then it would explain why Will had employed 'other methods' of inducing me to leave Jason. Like making me fall in love with him. He had managed that much, but when I still wouldn't abandon the marriage plans, he had to make up the money lie as a last resort to stop the wedding.
God, I was such a fool! I had been manipulated at every turn. An agony of pain and humiliation washed over me.
The irony of it! Ellie Benson, fanatical conservationist, falling in love with the leader of a poaching ring. And, inevitably, getting her heart torn to pieces in the process. I had always associated pain with steel and blows. Now I knew otherwise - broken dreams, cruel hearts and false promises are the most effective instruments of torture of all.
I put my hands to my face and realised that my cheeks were streaming with tears. Disgusted with my weakness, I wiped them away. Pitiful.
I closed my eyes, and concentrated my resolve. Crying was not my style and I had done far too much of it over the past few weeks.
Someone had screwed with my heart - now they were going to pay. Will had underestimated me. So far, he had got everything he wanted at the cost of everyone else. But things were about to be made difficult for him.
Real difficult.
Chapter 24
"Matt!"
His head jerked up at the sound of my voice. I broke into a jog and covered the last few feet to stand before him.
"Yes?"
"I wanted to talk to you about the utes and the guns. Have you discovered anything more?"
He shrugged wearily. "Not really. We think it happened during the fire, though. You know that jerry-can of petrol that disappeared from the tray of your Rover a few weeks back? The day of the storm?" I nodded. "We found it in the grass nearby the gutted Stables. Empty."
I thought about that. "So you think they lit the fire as a distraction?"
Matt nodded. "They were pretty damn serious about their little operation. Setting fire to the Stables was taking quite a risk just to ensure that they would not be noticed."
I ran the scenario in my mind. Will must have waited until darkness fell, crept out to the Stables and spread the petrol, then lit the fire. Then while everyone was going crazy trying to put it out, he would be able to creep about uninterrupted and unmissed, wrecking the utes and stealing the guns...
But Will was with me that night! All that night!
Just for a moment, my heart leapt in sudden hope that I had been wrong about Will's involvement in all of this. He was innocent!
But how difficult would it be for him to secure an accomplice? Easy... The hope was crushed.
I bit my lip and thought some more. Something big is going down. Someone wants us completely immobilised, helpless...
"Matt, have you seen Will?"
"No, not for a few hours now. Why?"
"Oh, nothing it doesn't matter..."
But my mind was whirring. It's tonight! Whatever has been planned, they're going to do it tonight. If they wait any longer they're giving us a chance to bring in more vehicles and more guns, and make obsolete all their efforts to ensure our helplessness.
What's the other place Will mentioned? A water hole... Shekai! That was it. Something is happening at Shekai Water Hole. And that's where the southern game populations go to drink in the evenings, it'd be perfect for an ambush... But Will has to get out there, and if the utes are down, I want to know how he intends to do it...
"Matt, can you think of any mode of transportation around this Reserve besides the utes?"
Matt considered my question, then nodded. "Yeah, the 'bikes, remember? In the back-sheds -- Sam bolted them up in there 'cos we weren't going to use them til the rains ended and the ground dried out a bit."
"Can we... I mean, are they accessible?"
"Nope. Gem and I have already been out there. Whoever took the guns and wrecked the utes remembered they were there, and tried to break in. He didn't quite manage it, 'cos Sam's the only one with a key and the locks are pretty hefty. But he's been at it with a crowbar or something - the padlock and chain are mangled."
"How many bikes are there?"
"Three, I think..."
"I'm going to check them."
"You're wasting your time, Ellie. I told you, I've already been out there with Gem, and with the state of the locks you can't get into the sheds now, even if you have the key."
I shrugged. "Matt, whoever the infiltrator is, he's not going to want to hang around here on the Reserve. Something big has been planned to warrant all this sabotage, and he won't want to be here while it happens. If the 'bikes are the only mode of transport left, then I want to make sure that they stay unavailable!" I started walking.
Matt hesitated, then seemed to agree with me. He fell into step with me and we walked in the direction of the back-sheds.
It was about a ten minute hike from the central Station area to the sheds on its far outskirts. As we approached, my apprehension increased. I broke into a light jog and arrived at the door of the shed a few paces ahead of Matt.
My heart beat faster when I saw the mangled chain and padlock that had secured the old door lying in a distorted heap in the grass. I pushed at the door and it swung open with a drawn out creak of protest.
"How the hell did they - " Matt cursed to himself as he saw the broken lock, then and came up behind me. His voice died away when he saw what I was looking at. Or rather, what I wasn't looking at.
In the dingy shadows of the old shed, we could make out only one bike of the three that belonged there. Matt seemed incredulous and furious, but I felt quite calm and unsurprised.
My eye was caught by a strange pattern in the dusty earthen floor. Crouching, I took a closer look at the crazy muddle of sneaker prints intermingled with tyre treads on the floor of the shed.
I surprised myself when I realised I recognised the zigzag design of Will's sole. I suppose I must have noticed it during our weeks of working together on the muddy plains. Things were drying up again now that the rains were over. But another print overlaid his - one whose owner I could not identify, although I was able make out the impression of a Nike tick.
The Nike print partially obscures Will's - that means Will was here first, and took the first bike, and the second man followed him. I wonder if they were together... Or is Will unaware that he was followed?
He was probably aware, I decided. It was likely his accomplice, whoever that might be...
"Matt," I straightened up once more, "Matt go back to the Station and call the general meeting. I want you to find out who's missing besides Will, Sam and me."
I stepped into the shadows and prodded at the wheels of the bike, checking for a flat.
Matt nodded seriously, "But where are you going to be?"
"Me?" I swung one leg over the saddle and kicked away the stand, "I want to call in on some old friends of mine -- see what they're up to these days..." I revved the motor and it spluttered to life.
"But Ellie - " I roared past him, forcing him to leap aside from the narrow doorway to get out of my path. "How do you know where you're going? You aren't armed, you can't - "
His words were drowned by the roaring engine as I accelerated toward the open plains.
Chapter 25
The open plain became scattered with trees and clumps of vegetation. I tried to picture in my mind the layout of this part of the Reserve. It wasn't far from Petersons's Gap. The water hole itself, I recalled, was a long, shallow trench-like depression, which was only used by game during and for a few weeks after the rainy season. After that, it dried up into a pool of crusty black mud for another year.
A dense thicket of dry scrub was set back from the banks of the water hole, leaving a ring of open space which the animals had to cross to reach the trench. It was a poacher's dream. I was only surprised that it had taken them until now to take advantage of the situation.
The motorbike roared and jolted over the rough ground. I grew nervous about all the noise I was making -- I had a feeling that I was drawing near to the water hole. Would the poachers be there already, waiting? Dusk was still an hour away, at least. Were they already aware of my approach? Sound carried incredibly well on the open plains... Hopefully the increasing density of the scrub in this area would help insulate the noise of the motor.
Nonetheless, the seed of fear had been planted and I quickly applied the brakes and shut off the engine. I left the bike lying on its side in a bush, and continued on foot. My ears were still resounding from the constant thundering of the motor, and the sudden silence of the scrub disconcerted me. Perhaps I was already surrounded. Perhaps someone was lining up a rifle even as I took my next step.
Somewhere behind me, dry leaves rustled furtively and I froze, my heart pounding against my ribcage.
A light breeze swept on through, and I relaxed very slightly.
What was I going to do now, anyway? I didn't know exactly. Matt was right, it was foolish of me to dash headlong into the fray, defenceless. But, I reminded myself firmly, I would be damned before I sat caged in safety at the Station, aware of what was going on around me and yet making no effort to intervene. Will must not be allowed to get away with what he planned.
Through a gap in the stingy, rough-barked trees, I caught a glimpse of sunlight reflecting on water. I moved stealthily toward the water hole, and dropped into a crouch at the fringe of the scrub. A couple of gazelle had their heads lowered at the water's edge, but despite my attempts at silent movement, they looked up nervously and a few moments later, bounded away.
At first I was concerned and confused. What had frightened them? Was there another threat nearby, one to which I was oblivious? Would the next moment see a bullet tearing into my body?
Then I felt like kicking myself as I remembered suddenly that the breeze was coming in from behind me. The gazelles would have sensed me before I was within twenty feet of them.
Mentally berating myself for my novice's error, I rose slowly to my feet. I would have to take the long way around to the other side of the water hole, then approach again, this time into the wind. Then I would lie low and wait for dusk. That would give me some time at least to assess the situation and decide what was best to be done.
I moved away from the fringe scrub and sought the relative security of the slightly denser bush set further back from the water hole. Dry twigs snapped under my feet, setting my nerves on edge. It was practically impossible to move silently in this kind of terrain, but in the silence my every step seemed twice as loud. I paused uneasily. A soft crunch echoed my final step, then all was quiet.
Again, my heart began to pound. Blood thumped in my ears.
I took a few more tentative steps, then stopped abruptly. Again, the echoing footfall from behind.
Sometimes, back when I lived in the city, I would be walking home alone at night and start to imagine that someone was following me. Deep inside, however, I never really believed that they were.
This was not one of those times. This was very different. Someone was behind me. Stalking me. Hunting me down. I could sense them there.
My whole body began to tremble as I turned around. My gaze was met with the coarse pastels of the surrounding scrub, silent and still. I was so alone... and yet not alone.
After a few moments of facing backwards, it occurred to me that my stalker might be circling me, the way the lioness circles her kill, launching her attack from the direction she is least expected. Abruptly, I turned again, but was met with an almost identical sight of deathly still bush land.
Hysterical fear twisted my insides and muddled any coherent thought. At that moment I understood the mindless panic I had seen exhibited by animals of prey. I choked on a sob as I spun again, trying desperately to anticipate an attack. Over the pounding of my heart I heard another crackling step nearby, then silence once more. And suddenly my nerve shattered and I broke like a rabbit, pounding through the bush and disregarding the noise I was making as I ran.
A few seconds later I could hear feet pounding behind me as my stalker also abandoned stealth and gave chase. My breath tore in my throat and incredibly I accelerated still faster as pure terror took over my body and fueled my limbs. I don't believe I have ever run so fast and I doubt I ever will again.
Perhaps I would have made it, if it hadn't been for the fallen branch. If I had seen it in time to jump. If I had been able to right myself after stumbling. If I hadn't gone smashing down to earth in a fear-streaked scramble of sky and dirt and pain. Even as I tried to scramble to my feet, a rough weight barreled into me from behind, knocking the breath from my body a second time.
Strong arms pinned me to the ground, though I bucked and struggled violently. It did me no good -- my assailant had every advantage.
Finally I lay with my cheek against the earth, breathing heavily. I could hear his breath above me - he too was panting for air - but I could not see his face. His voice, when he spoke, I did not recognise.
"Two questions, girl," he growled, " 'Who are you', and 'Why are you here?' "
I was silent. He grunted, as if it was the reaction he had expected.
"Stand up."
I was reluctant, but he had both my hands pinned together behind my back and heaved me painfully to my feet.
I faced him furiously, tossing my hair out of my face and narrowing my eyes. I supposed I looked quite a sight, with my clothes torn and my face smeared with dirt.
The man who stood opposite me looked equally displeased to see me - his features, roughened with stubble, were creased into a heavy scowl. He was not much taller than me, and I guessed his age in the early thirties. His thick-set frame was clad in army fatigues and I could smell the sweat on his body. He had been living rough.
"Well?" He demanded again. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"
"Funny, I was just thinking of asking you the same question!" I snapped, "Although I think I can probably guess!"
He narrowed his eyes, and I saw his hand drift to his hip. For the first time, I noticed the revolver sheathed there, and quelled a wave of fear. "I don't like this," he muttered, apparently to himself. "Girl, either you answer my questions or you deal - with - me."
"Don't call me 'girl'." I hissed.
"Tell me your name then."
Again, I was silent. I saw him set his jaw. "Right."
A second later the gun was in his hand. I hadn't even seen him reach for it. This man was good at what he did - I was kidding myself if I thought I stood a chance.
He held it level with my chest, and flipped the safety catch. My eyes widened and my mouth went dry.
"Don't - "
Chapter 26
"March." He said flatly.
"What?"
"March. Raise your arms, turn around, and start walking. You're coming back to Camp with me."
Very slowly, I did as he asked.
"Faster."
I picked up my pace, and stumbled a little on the rough ground. A cold metallic point nudged me between the shoulder blades, and I righted myself quickly. I did not stumble again.
For ten minutes at least, we walked in silence. Guided by small taps with the tip of the gun, I led the way around the water hole, then deeper into the scrub on the other side. As I walked, my mind seethed desperately in search of a plan. Nothing feasible occurred to me. I was, for want of a better expression, in deep shit.
I strangled the cry of surprise that rose in my throat when a second armed man stepped from the bushes directly into my path. He held a rifle tense and ready, diagonal across his chest, and was dressed head to toe in khaki. His eyes flicked over me, then over my shoulder to my captor. Though his face showed no expression I saw one eyebrow lift in inquiry.
"She was skulking around the north side of Shekai. Put up quite a fight. Sir." Informed the man behind me.
"Does she know about the operation?" Demanded the other.
"She must. Why else would she be out here now?"
"She wouldn't have come alone. Did you see any others with her?"
"None, sir."
His gaze cut back to my face. "You. Where are your companions?"
I raised my chin defiantly and refused to answer. I didn't want them to know I was out here alone.
"She won't answer any questions. Not who she is, not what she's doing here. Makes her look guilty if you ask me, sir."
"No one did ask you, Reynolds," snapped the new man sharply, his eyes not leaving my face. His brow creased slightly in his first expression of emotion of any kind. Then his shoulder twitched in an almost imperceptible shrug as he said, "We'll see what Darcy makes of you then. Meanwhile, you'll have to stay at Camp."
I started and my blood ran cold. "Will?" The name came out as a whisper. My head told me that I shouldn't be surprised, it was what I had known all along, but my heart twisted painfully.
My captor raised his eyebrows mockingly. "Will Darcy. Know him, do you?"
My voice failed me. I gazed stupidly at him, mouth slightly open in horror.
"Well, the name means something to you, that's certain. Reynolds," he nodded at his accomplice, "Escort her to the camp. Darcy should be here any minute."
"What? I thought he was supposed to be here an hour ago!"
"Well he hasn't arrived!" The man's temper seemed very short. There was obviously a lot on his mind.
"What could have gone wrong?"
"How the bloody hell should I know!" He exploded. "I've sent Johnson to search for him but I can't spare any more men, not so close to sundown! Anything could have happened. This is no picnic. Now hurry up and get the girl back to - "
That was when I did a very foolish thing. For the first time, attention was distracted away from me as the two men argued. I felt certain it was my only chance of escaping alive.
I broke to the side and bolted. Of course, I never stood a chance that time. I didn't make ten feet before rough hands grabbed me from behind. I swung my fist violently and felt it connect painfully with someone's face. Another moment later my arms were pinned tightly once more and I had to stop struggling before his grip snapped a bone.
The officer approached us calmly, apparently unruffled by my pitiful escape attempt. He stopped before us and put out his hand toward the man behind me. His fingers moved back into my line of sight marked red with blood. He held out his other hand. "Release her right arm."
I felt one hand drop free. The man took it in his own, his fingers cool, and turned it over so that our hands lay palm to palm. I did not dare resist.
"That's a very beautiful ring, ma'am," he commented calmly. The diamond on my engagement finger glinted maliciously in the afternoon light, despite the fact that it was smeared with blood. "Quite useful in a fight, too. Reynolds will have a nasty scar. May I take a closer look?"
I closed my fist quickly, but the man slowly prised my engagement finger straight and pulled off the ring.
"EB and JdB." He said, reading the inscription. His gaze lifted to meet mine.
His face was expressionless as ever, but his eyes now seemed to have hardened.
"Jason de Bourgh. You are de Bourgh's fiancée."
I could not deny it. But how did this man know Jason?
The officer looked again at the ring, then to the man who still held my left arm in a vice like grip. He flung my hand away and made a jerking signal with his head.
"Right." Was the response from behind, and I felt my right arm taken up once more, then...
"Oh no, no don't please don't!" I begged ineffectually as I felt the roughness of rope coiling at my wrists.
"Shut up."
What had Jason done to them to make my association with him warrant this treatment?
Jason's anti-poaching regime! Of course! Only they must think that Jason knows about them, they think I'm working with Jason against them.... Nothing I say now will convince them otherwise. Oh God, oh God, they'll kill me!! I'm going to die! Will! Help me now...
I bit my lip as the rope jerked tighter, burning my skin.
The officer watched impassively, and when my wrists were bound so tightly they ached, he said - "Do her ankles too, then blindfold her and carry her the rest of the way. She must not know how to find us again."
"No!" Blindfolded? Helplessly bound? I began to struggle again as fear washed over me.
"No please!"
The blindfold slipped over my eyes. What if I never saw the light of day again? I felt more rope pulling tight about my ankles and kicked blindly, connecting with nothing. I lost my balance and fell heavily against one of the men, I couldn't tell which.
"Let me go! Let me go!" I writhed ineffectually as the ground fell away from my feet.
"Gag her too. We don't know how many of her kind might be around." I felt bitter despair well inside me as a piece of cloth was fitted in my mouth like a horse's bit. I struggled again, but only half-heartedly. I knew I was defeated.
I was carried awkwardly like a child, cursing and crying alternately. My bindings cut cruelly into my skin and my muscles ached from my awkward position. My blindfold was wet with tears of fear, shock and pain.
Very soon I heard more voices - we were obviously close to the camp. I smelt the canvas and felt my mode of transport duck as we entered a tent of some description. A moment later I was dumped unceremoniously on a low-slung camp bed, my hands still bound beneath me and every nerve screaming for release.
"Unghh!" I begged indecipherably. Please don't leave me like this! But there was no response of any kind. For all I knew, the tent was empty once more.
Chapter 27
Seconds dragged out in the darkness. A cramp in my shoulder crescendoed into agony, then faded again, leaving behind a dull ache.
God, what now? How long would I be left like this? What would happen when the inevitable slaughter at the water hole was pulled off? Would I be killed? That seemed likely. They couldn't just let me wander free with all that I knew. But... could Will give that order? He seemed to be their leader, they were apparently waiting for his verdict on my fate. Would he... could he have me killed?
The thought made my stomach turn, but then another fear overtook my first - Will had not arrived. He had taken a bike before me, yet I had arrived earlier. Something was wrong. I thought again of the prints which had over-lain his in the shed. He had been followed, I assumed by an accomplice, whoever that might be... But what if it was not an accomplice? What if it was an enemy of his, someone trying to stop him, trying to stop the operation...
And suddenly my emotions were thrown into conflict. That Will should be kil - I couldn't even think the word. To think that he should even be hurt filled my heart with sickened horror. But the only people who would want to hurt him would be those who stood with me, fighting for the cause I had devoted my life to.
What Will planned to do, his deceptions, his capabilities - all had been proven despicable and loathsome. Anger had driven me to hate him. Pain at his betrayal had seen me cry bitter tears. The righteousness of my cause in the face of his profit-hungry cruelty had made me determined to stand in his way. But if I was truly honest with myself, there was an element of revenge tainting the 'nobility' of my righteous stand. - revenge for the way he had used me, played me for the fool and broken my heart.
Because I had not been able to disentangle my heart. I had not been able to cut off my feelings, or prevent them from distorting my perception of this situation. Only now, the love I had felt for him now felt corrupted and destructive inside me.
Because even now, amongst all this bitterness, I still found that the thought of his being hurt in any way could make my insides tighten in horror. Could it be that I still ... I still ...
Voices, just audible, somewhere outside: "Johnson! Time?"
"0550, sir."
"Are the men in position?"
"Yes, sir."
"And has de Bourgh arrived?"
WHAT?
"Not yet been sighted, sir, but Riley has tapped in on the radio frequency being employed by de Bourgh's men. He's expected within a quarter of an hour, perhaps even sooner."
"And Will?"
"No sign, sir."
I bit my lip in the darkness when I heard this reply, and a few more tears soaked into my blindfold. Will, where are you?
"I don't know about that," Out of the blue, another voice joined the conversation and my heart, despite all my turmoil, flipped dizzily in relief. "If this isn't a 'sign of him', then I don't know what is."
"Will!" The original speakers seemed to share all of my surprise and much of my joy. "Where have you been, dammit? What happened? The men are all place, the show starts in ten minutes maximum!"
"I got held up, peak hour traffic, you know how it is. I'll tell you the story sometime - I get hit very hard several times in it, so you'll probably enjoy it." And suddenly the humour was gone from his voice and he was the intensely serious, hard-toned man I had never realised existed. "How many of ours are out there?"
"Seventeen. Twenty when we three join them."
"Where's Cole?"
"Waiting to give the signal, but now that you're here ... "
"Right. You expect de Bourgh in 10 minutes you said. Are they approaching from the west, as we predicted?"
"Yes sir, so there's no chance of them coming across the camp. If they follow the pattern they used at Petersons's Gap, which we expect they will, then everything should go smoothly. In fact, it's all going exactly as you predicted, except - "
"Sir," the subordinate's voice interrupted hesitantly, "Sir, the girl - "
"I'm getting to the girl!" retorted the officer sharply.
Will's voice was tight. "Girl?"
"She's the one thing that makes me uncertain of our success, sir. Reynolds ran her down on the north side of Shekai. She won't say who she is or what she was doing there, and Trevor here has just been back to scour the area for possible spies feeding back information to de Bourgh. It could be that he's been tipped off and anticipates the ambush."
"What makes you think she was with de Bourgh?" Will demanded sharply.
"She was wearing this ring."
A moment's silence. I lay in my dark cocoon, crossing my numbed fingers in hope of I didn't know what.
Will's voice again, strangely hoarse: "Is she ... Where - where is she now?"
"We didn't trust her, so she's been bound and placed in the Med tent..." His voice trailed off and he called out, "Will!"
And a moment later there was a swish of canvas and one word which nearly broke my heart all over again -
"Ellie!"
And then fumbling at my ankles... The other man must have followed Will into the tent, because Will's voice rang out sharply. "Who did this? Who tied these ropes? Whoever it was he's fired, hear me? Fired! Now get out. Find Cole, tell him I've arrived." The awful pressure dropped away from my ankles, and I felt Will's arms move around me as he lifted me toward him to reach my wrists. I whimpered softly at the pain of the loosening ropes chaffing my raw skin.
"Oh, no ... " I heard him curse under his breath. Perhaps the bruises from my capture were already showing on my upper arms, too. I couldn't believe how weak my limbs were. Apart from the pain, I could hardly feel them at all.
Next moment the gag was gone, and my jaw could move again. My lips were numb and aching. I reached for the blindfold, my arms screaming in protest as I tried to lift them above shoulder-level. I let them drop again as Will's fingers flew to the knot, completing the task for me. My neck was still and sore, and my head lolled weakly on his shoulder. His body was strong and warm, as he had always been. How I wanted to believe that nothing had changed!
And now I was looking upon him for the first time since the morning. Had it really been a mere matter of hours since I had lain in his arms, certain that nothing more could come between us?
He looked down at me, and though I did not dare to read the expression in his brown eyes, I knew suddenly that I still loved him. I couldn't help loving him. What I felt could be turned against me, but it couldn't be killed. I loved him, at the very least as much as I hated him. And that was a lot!
The tragedy and the irony tore at me. In love with what I despised. Hating that which I loved more than anything. Tears sprang again to my eyes, I did not try and wipe them away now - I was too far gone now to be ashamed of my weakness.
"Ellie... Please don't cry, Ellie, please... I'm so sorry Ellie, I'm sorry for everything... Can you forgive me?"
Forgive him? Could I ever forgive what he had done, what he still planned to do...
"Ellie, what are you doing out here? Why did you...? It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter, darling don't cry, don't..." His fingers brushed gently at my cheeks and he pressed his lips to my forehead. "I love you Ellie, please don't cry..."
It was the first time I had actually heard him speak the words, and a new wave of bittersweet pain welled up in my throat.
Will loves me... He loves me... Is it possible?
I couldn't help it. My voice was only a whisper, choked by freely flowing tears, but it was audible -
"As much you love your wife?"