Beginning, Previous Section, Section V, Next Section
Chapter 35
Three Months Later
Elizabeth looked around her office. It was.... very.....well....functional. Yes, functional was definitely a good word to describe it. It was packed tight with shelves and archives. It had everything she would need. And it had almost nothing of the rich atmosphere of Darcy's office. She sighed, she knew very well that few people could afford to create such a comfortable and luxurious working place as the one she had left for good. The Gardiners are hard working people, successful lawyers who impress their clients with professionalism and attitude and not with the interior of their offices, Elizabeth consoled herself. Aunt Maggie decided that Lizzy was to take all the new cases, until she decided which field exactly she wanted to specialise in. Her situation improved in a couple of aspects--she had no more problems concentrating on her work and she had her own secretary.
Rachel was her name. She was a young, crazy American. She came to Europe with her parents to live in France. After completing high school there she decided that French guys were definitely not her chosen representatives in the field of courtship, and she moved to study in Great Britain instead. She started off with film and theatre studies, but it turned out it was not going to get her anywhere near Anthony Calf's circle of friends. After a couple of evenings of desperation she switched to business and management. As she told Lizzy the very first day (with a cute French accent), the business guys were shaving more often and they even wore a clear shirt each day. Elizabeth almost died of laughter when Rachel explained to her that, as long as she was not the one to wash and iron those shirts, everything was in perfect order. Now besides studying and being on a constant outlook for a male that would resemble dear Calf (Author's note: hee, hee) in any way, she was also working part time for Gardiners. Though Lizzy was herself a volcano of energy, she was not sure how she was going to be able to work with Rachel, who had some problems controlling her behaviour sometimes. However, after a couple of give-aways, it seemed that she managed to grasp what it was about, and the relationship between the two girls flourished.
After a relatively easy start, Elizabeth was spending more and more time at work. She was surprised when a couple of clients she was handling at Darcy's came to Gardiners' office. She was pleased that they appreciated her work, but it left her no time at all. Her amazement reached a high point when one day Richard Fitzwilliam came by to consult on one of the cases she worked on before.
She knew something was wrong when Rachel announced through the intercom with a completely dreamy and a honey-dripping voice that there was, "A monsieur waiting to see her." And Rachel only put in French words when there was a major crush coming. Very curious, Elizabeth went to the door to see who it was. First she has heard Rachel's sweet chattering and then she saw her batting her long eyelashes at Colonel Fitzwilliam with the speed of the butterfly. Hee, hee, thought Lizzy, she'll fly away.
"Hi Rich!" she laughed. "This better be about business, otherwise you will have waited till dinner."
Colonel said bye to Rachel and went to her boss, "Elizabeth, I beg for your help. Do you remember the new mortgage bank contract? At the building society they claim that you had some revolutionary idea, but they have lost the papers."
As he was walking towards Lizzy, Rachel was dangerously balancing on her chair, leaning out more and more to have a good look at Richard. When he reached the door and gave Lizzy a hug, Rachel's chair gave up and with a great ruckus she fell down. She immediately emerged from behind the desk, still wearing the dreamy grin and said, "J'ai frappe mon tete....."
Elizabeth asked, "Are you all right? You can go home early today."
Never had she seen such a panic on anyone's face, as Rachel screamed, "Oh no, I want to stay after-hours...."
It took Elizabeth five minutes to recreate the main changes she proposed to the contract and to figure out that it was not the reason why Fitzwilliam came to see her in the office and not at home. "All right Richard, what is it? And don't tell me it's nothing, and don't give me this puppy-like look of yours that made Rachel fall out of the chair and Charlotte break off her ridiculous engagement," she decided to be straightforward.
Colonel laughed with relief, "Thanks, you've saved me a lot of trouble," but then he anxiously asked, "Did Charlotte really break off the engagement? I really need to know."
He's not going to back out of it now, is he? thought she, and suddenly alarmed Lizzy looked at him carefully and slowly said, "Well, it depends...."
"What do you mean, it depends?!?" Rich stopped pacing around the room for a while. "She can't...," he cut short and looked at her.
"Yes, she did tell Mr. Collins the engagement is off."
"So what do you mean?"
"He refused to accept it as the truth. He thinks she's joking. He keeps on calling us. He's even determined to come down this weekend to see her."
Fitzwilliam turned his head in disbelief, "How on Earth can he be so dumb!"
"You better believe it. It took me five years altogether to get rid of him!" cried out Elizabeth.
"You're joking!!!!!!!!!" he flopped on the chair.
"I'm certainly not. You cannot imagine what kind of pest he is. He first proposed when I graduated from high school. I refused him as mildly as I could muster. After all a marriage is not really something to be laughed at. Well, for four years he was obsessive like a leech. He acted as if I was his destined one. He tried not to be too obvious about it, which of course had quite an opposite effect. It was only 2 years ago that I found out that my mother persuaded him that I was deeply and passionately in love with him and that I only wanted to wait till I graduate from university, because I did not want to be a burden for him! Can you believe that?!?" Lizzy rolled her eyes.
"Hardly," said Colonel containing his laughter.
Elizabeth sighed, "It's only because you haven't met my mother yet. I don't know what was more ridiculous--her thinking she could marry me to him without me noticing, or him actually believing this stuff. And believe ME, you don't want to know what I did to lessen his over-excitement at the thought of getting me."
"Thanks again, Elizabeth," he smiled relieved, on his way out, "So you said he wants to drop by this weekend?"
"Yes."
They passed by Rachel who was having a hard time deciding whether to be flirty or professional. By the time she made up her mind Colonel said good-bye and headed for the elevator. As he was getting on, he asked, "Aren't you going to tell me what you did tell him?"
Elizabeth hesitated, just before the door closed she quickly uttered, "I told him I was a lesbian in hiding, and I asked him first to marry me and my female university flatmate, and then donate his sperm so that we could get her pregnant."
The elevator door closed cutting off a wild roar of laughter that followed after a second of complete consternation.
Chapter 36
Friday was to be the fright night--Mr. Collins was determined to come over and bang the idea of independence out of Charlotte's small head, as he announced over the phone to Lizzy. He kindly asked her to leave him in the apartment alone with Charlotte because, "there were a lot of things to be said and done." He also asked to keep his arrival a secret from Charlotte--he wanted to make her a sweet surprise. Elizabeth knew that she herself would be stuck at work and Jane would be with Bingley. Terrified at the prospect of leaving Collins alone with Charlotte, Elizabeth called Fitzwilliam and arranged that he would come to Carl's rescue.
Richard Fitzwilliam was a man of action, and in his own opinion the whole business was taking too much time already. He dropped by after work and announced that he was taking Charlotte to dinner. After a bit of grudging he agreed to wait till she had taken a shower, however he was all anxiety. He really thought they would managed to leave before the "quintessence of passionate lover" arrived, which could happen any moment. Just then the doorbell announced him, some 30 minutes early. Colonel sprang to his feet ready to open the door when suddenly he remembered his dream. He knew he needed to be VERY straightforward with this guy. Some ripping off and draping up later, with Collins impatiently banging on the door, he opened it. Mr. Collins almost raced to kiss him. He was put to a halt when he realised that it was definitely not HIS Charlotte standing at the door with bed sheet artistically arranged around her waist. "Errrrr..........," he started.
"Hmmmmm....... Good evening," answered Rich.
"Errrr......Did Charlotte leave any message for me?" asked Collins completely misinterpreting the situation.
"Hmmmm....Charlotte!!!!!!!!" screamed Rich. "Hurry up!!!! There is someone to see you!!!" he was delighted at the horror his words produced on Collins's face.
Charlotte ran out of the bathroom, wrapping a towel around herself. She wanted to sneak by and get quickly dressed in her room, but a half-naked Richard Fitzwilliam standing with Billy Collins at the door made her freeze on the spot like a Lot's wife. She was unable to move or say a word. The cold water was dripping down her spine, making her shiver violently. Rich abandoned Collins at the door and to clear out all the possible doubts Collins could have, he went to Charlotte and, embracing her, he wrapped them both in the bed sheet. "Aren't you going to say hello?" he asked.
"Hello...," said Carl nervously.
"Mr. Collins, we're really sorry for such a dry welcome but your visit did catch us unprepared," Rich was in for completing this business once and for all.
Out of blue Mr. Collins energetically entered the room, closed the door and exclaimed, "Dearest Charlotte, really, there is no need for you to look in the arms of other men for something I have in abundance!!!!!"
Charlotte squealed, she didn't know whether to cry or to laugh. Screaming and throwing things would actually feel quite good but Richard was holding her tight.
Mr. Collins bowed apologetically, with his back slightly bent he said, "As much as I admire your aunt, my formidable patroness, Lady Catherine De Bourgh, and let me assure you I fulfill my duties towards her and her family with the utmost diligence, I do find it hard to share my very own fiancée, even with her Ladyship's nephew."
By now Charlotte was hardly containing herself. Richard pouted his mouth like a child, "There is a lot of truth in what you've said, Billy, I mean Mr. Collins," he answered, "but you see, that's why Charlotte broke off the engagement--I don't like to share."
Mr. Collins managed only a small, "Oh, I see."
Fitzwilliam continued, "You see, I don't like to unnerve my aunt, it's bad for her health. I am her nephew, so I know she would be VERY displeased about the situation...... Do you understand?"
Collins was sweating like never before in his life--Lady Catherine displeased?! Heaven forbid! He bowed again, "Of course I do understand! You do not need to speak another word about it. I'm sure dear Charlotte that you will forgive me and I hope you will understand that both of us should not run away from our responsibilities to her Ladyship. I am indeed struck by your accurate judgment of the matter...."
Fitzwilliam could be standing like this listening to this nonsense forever, but it was cold and his feet were turning into ice blocks. "Good day then Billy, err... I mean Mr. Collins," he cut in, "and send my regards to my dear aunt."
A moment later Billy was gone. "Come on, I think we got rid of him for good. Let's get ready for the dinner," he announced merrily.
"I don't think I want to go," managed Charlotte through a very tight throat.
"Fine, we'll stay at home," said Rich putting on his trousers.
"Richard, I think you should go."
"Why?" he blinked at her incredulously, "I thought that getting rid of him was the only problem?"
"No it is not. I would be lying if I said that I did not appreciate your handling the whole thing for me," she swallowed.
"Then why should I go?"
"Because you were right about one thing--your aunt is going to be very displeased..... about you having anything to do with me."
"Charlotte, I don't care about my aunt! I do as I please!!!"
"And that's another thing altogether! It's so good right now Richard......and I love it, I love the way it feels, but it's not going to last forever, and I'm going to hate it when it's over and you'll leave, so I think it's better for me to end it here--it's going to hurt less."
Richard stared at her, rooted to a spot. Then without a word he picked up and put on the rest of his clothes and shoes. He turned to the door and said, "That's what every normal man would do in such a situation," and then he left--without even turning to look at her. The door banged and Charlotte closed her eyes to stop the tears from flowing.
She stood like that for a minute or two, when suddenly the door bell rang. Carl wiped the tears of her cheeks. Holding up the towel with one hand, she opened the door. It was Richard.
"But then I never claimed I was a normal man," he firmly said, entered the house and closed the door. "Charlotte Lucas," he started, "I don't intend to go anywhere, not without you. And I want you to be sure of it." He took a deep breath and kneeling on the floor he asked, "Will you do me the honour and be my wife?"
The only thing Charlotte could do was to cry, which she did. Touching lightly her hand Richard sadly mumbled, "Oh my, am I that bad?"
She tried to smile, "Yes, I mean no. I mean..... oh, just come here...," she sighed and pulled him up from his knees and kissed him fervently.
"That is a definite yes, I say," murmured Rich a moment later.
They never made it to the restaurant.....
Chapter 37
Author's note: A word of explanation--inspiration for Mrs. Bennet in this chapter was my very own grandmother--it really happened--every essential word of it--consider the fact that I am not even 24 as Lizzy but 21, and have some pity on me?
Elizabeth just wanted to curl up and cease to exist more than ever. Her whole life consisted of work, work, work and some more work. For some time it really had been a happy alternative to spending time with the "darling sweethearts" who were becoming very concerned for Elizabeth being always and still single. As a cheer up she obtained the title of a "God-mother to be". Grinding her teeth, Lizzy was making up excuses to be left alone and not to be reminded of her own incapability of finding someone nice--as if working from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. would provide her with thousand opportunities of finding or being found by a representative responsible male adult... The clients however started flooding the Gardiner's office at an unusual rate. At the beginning Elizabeth tried persuading her aunt and uncle that she could handle the clients that came after her from Darcy's--the thought of refusing any of them obviously did not cross her mind. Maggie Gardiner was worried about her niece. She conferred with her husband, and they were determined to drag Elizabeth someplace away. Easter holidays were approaching and she planned for them to visit Lambton, Mrs. Gardiner's birthplace, on a request from one of her old friends seeking some legal advice.
Lizzy was ecstatic at the prospect of spending some time away with them. Maggie and John Gardiner long ago proved to be not only the most amiable and intelligent people, but they also adored their niece and gave her recognition she sometimes lacked from her other relatives. Elizabeth had found in them everything she had sometimes missed in relationships with her own parents, that is: understanding and approval.
It was already eight o'clock when Elizabeth finally left the office on Friday night carrying a stack of papers with her. She wasn't in a hurry. There would be no one at home waiting for her. Charlotte and Richard got married just two days before, and so Carl moved out. Jane went to Scotland for a yearly check-up on one of her centres, and of course Charles followed her there. Lizzy wanted to finalise all the pending matters and clear out her files of all the unnecessary stuff. She didn't want to leave anything hanging before they departed on Sunday. Around 3 a.m. she finished her work. She was only slightly tired. She tried to cheer herself up by checking out the new installments of Bridged Jones's Diary on Daily Telegraph Web Page but it didn't work as usual. The word SINGLETON stung her eyes. "I am not on an outlook for a Sensitive, New-Age Guy. It's a worn out lapel. Then why the hell I am all by myself?" she murmured under her breath.
"Because you're too picky!" an inner voice whispered back.
Lizzy thought of her family instead. Now that Jane was getting married, Mrs. Bennet blessed them with her presence almost every week. Elizabeth sought refuge in her office, but Mrs. Bennet's shrieking voice and long tongue reached her there as well. She closed her eyes and recreated the scene from the last week.
She was in her office with a very important client one afternoon. He was about to put his signature down, when a loud screech in the vicinity of the door stopped him.
"Maggie!!!!! You poor thing!!! If it wasn't for the fact that this old bore husband of yours is my own brother, I would tell you to divorce him immediately and go shopping. You look like and ash tray in that suit! Why don't you get yourself something lively and juicy?"
Maggie opened her mouth, but before she even drew her breath to answer, Mrs. Bennet continued barking out words with the speed of a machine gun. Mrs. Gardiner observed that the tone of the voice was pitching close to the barking of the small ratter dog. A red bow on Mrs. Bennet's head only enforced the effect. Maggie thought that she never really liked those dogs. They were obnoxious, loud, and she always felt like sitting on one of them. She patiently listened to all the complaints, trying to keep her composure. However her eyes widened in horror when Mrs. Bennet presented her lime-green dress for the bridesmaid--Elizabeth.
"Does.....does Jane know of it?" she squealed swallowing hard.
Mrs. Bennet did not notice the reaction--it was rather hard to suspect she would choose not to see something, "Oh no! It's a surprise. It was Lydia's choice. I'm telling you, this girl has taste for the eye-catching garments!"
Maggie thought it better not to discuss the issue at the moment, but she was determined to call Jane as soon as possible and burn the dress whenever the chance presented itself. "How are the girls?" she asked.
Meanwhile Lizzy's client decided that the show going on outside is much too diverting and that he wouldn't like to miss a word of it. "Miss Bennet, If you don't mind I'll read this papers just one more time."
Lizzy's heart stopped, "But Captain Wentworth..."
He silenced her with a decisive gesture of his hand and indulged in reading with a slight smirk on his face. Elizabeth was furious, her dear mother just blew another important thing. She focused her gaze on the door wishing she knew of one thing that would silence her mother. She racked her brain--none. But when he has heard Mrs. Bennet's next comment--ding dong--the murder bell rang off!
"Oh you know better than me about Lizzy! She's turning into a spinster! She's not getting any younger, you know--tic-toc, tic-toc, and soon it will be too late for her!" whined Mrs. Bennet.
"Too late?!!? For what?! She is only 24!!!!!" cried Maggie Gardiner.
"Too late to catch a husband of course! I already had three daughters when I was her age! She is just working, working, working. I could never understand why she is taking her job so seriously. Jane is a different thing--she's got a boyfriend and she is too be married....."
A sudden snort escaped Captain Wentworth's mouth, but Lizzy was too much focused on digging her nails into her palms and driving her mother away from her door with her telepathic force to notice it.
"And the younger girls?" asked Maggie trying to drag Mrs. Bennet away from Lizzy's room, without much success if I may add.
"Oh Lydia and Kitty know what they are doing! Boys simply adore them. They each have a set--not only a different boy for each week, but also a different boy for each day. They have a diagram and each boy has one day in a month!"
A camp full of soldiers would not be enough for them!!!! thought Maggie and asked, "And how about Mary?"
"Oh, she's just great! She has a crush on her chemistry teacher!" giggled Mrs. Bennet.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?! Have you talked to her?" Maggie was shocked.
"What kind of parent do you think me?!!" Mrs. Bennet was offended, "Of course I did talk to her! I forbade her to go out with any other boy until she passes her chemistry exam."
"What? Why?"
"Oh Maggie, you're just like Elizabeth, I have to explain to you the most obvious things! Mary is hopeless in chemistry. She might think she's a genius, but the fact is that she's a deadly thing in a laboratory. If he thinks she has a crush on him, then he'll forgive her for breaking so much equipment and have some compassion for her during the exam!"
Maggie was speechless. With Rachel's help she had managed to ward off Mrs. Bennet from Lizzy's door.
Captain Wentworth silently put his signature down on the papers. Elizabeth did not notice it at first, her mind was occupied with the humiliation her mother was an expert in creating. She had fire in her eyes, and her cheeks were flushed, and she looked quite lovely, commented the captain in his thoughts, and immediately he slapped himself mentally. He suspected she would hate him to make any comment, and so pretending he did not hear a word, he handed her the papers and informed her that because he was so pleased he was giving her 1% instead of the usual 0.3%. He thought it was only fare to the Gardiners--the contract would save him a lot of trouble. He was producing and supplying equipment for submarines, and his previous contract blew up just because there was a change on the post of a person responsible for the military orders, and the new guy did not like the colours. Wentworth was grinding his teeth then, but with the help of Darcy, he managed to save at least three quarters of the 7 million pounds deal. Miss Bennet did a good job with the new contract, he would not lose a penny this time.
Lizzy rocked on her chair, three weeks away from her family and her clients was all that she wished for. They were to complete some business in Lambton, Maggie's birthplace, and they would spend the rest of the time roaming leisurely around the country. Lizzy liked infinitely more to spend her Easter break with her aunt and uncle, as far away from home as possible.
She decided to have a cup of a cream tea before going to bed. She checked her e-mail and noticed there were over 20 messages stuck on her account from the past week and some 90 already deleted on her computer file. She did not want to just empty the folder and lose all off them--she needed some of them, and then it was too much fun remembering situations concerning others. Half an hour later she was laughing heartily at an e-mail exchange with one of Holland's top swimmers--Lise, her Internet pal. Lise had read in a self-help book that to say that men are useless is to say that great works of art are useless, and she was sharing her wonderful comments on that one with Lizzy. Elizabeth had her legs on the table, a keyboard on her lap and a mug of tea in her hand. She automatically clicked the next message. Instead of the expected comment about men being deep inside ratter dogs or something similar it read:
Message to: ebennet@fiction.ac.uk.Subject: Explanation of Wickham's story
Message transcript follows from wildar@pemberley.com 158.35.46.290
The hand holding Lizzy's cup stopped on its way to the table. Not turning her eyes from the screen, she attempted to put the cup down. She missed the table by just a couple of millimetres and the cup smashed down on the floor leaving a dripping pond on the edge of the desk.
Where?! How? When? It's impossible!!!
She had her eyes fixed on the screen and she did not dare to read beyond the subject. Cautiously she put the keyboard on the desk and her legs down. She was not able to tear her eyes from the computer and yet she was afraid to read the message. Only when she felt something hot and wet dripping down her leg and burning her, did she move.
"Damn it!!!!!" she cried.
She quickly pushed the *print* button, just in case the message was to disappear again. She then ran to the kitchen to save the floor and her files. When it was more or less safe, and the printer stopped humming, she dropped the cloth and eagerly picked up the paper.
Elizabeth scanned the first page...
Author's note: it was in Chapter 23, so I'll not repeat it here and just go on.
....and she shook with anger. Throwing the papers on the bed she paced around the room. She embraced herself and leaned against the French window opening to the balcony. Tears welled up in her eyes. What she has just read hurt even more so, not because it was the truth. She could not describe her mother's and sister's behaviour better than he already did. She wiped a tear with her wrist and turned back towards the room. There it was, on her bed, a couple of pages of printout, laying in a bright spot made by a small bed lamp. It was as if there was a magnet there--she did not want to read the rest, she had enough of insults, yet she could not resist it. In a very determined way she went to her bed and picked them up. It was better to be done with it quickly.
And then how did I ever delete it without reading it? she thought, hopping on her bed and starting to read.
... For all, there is but one thing especially that you have said, and that I cannot let go without a comment. Upon refusing me you have accused that, in defiance of honour and humanity, I ruined the immediate prosperity, and blasted the prospects of George Wickham. Of what he has particularly accused me, I am ignorant. I can only clear myself from whatever wrongdoings he charged me with by laying before you the whole of his connection with my family.What circumstances have enforced the acquaintance with this gentleman I do not know, nor shall I even try to guess. However from your high opinion of him, I guess it is obvious that both the circumstances and the length of your acquaintance have been indeed very beneficial for him. As you probably know, Mr. Wickham's father worked for my father for years. Worked is a word not good enough to describe their relationship. My father respected him enormously. He was so fond of Mr. Wickham that, when the former asked him to godfather his son, he agreed most readily. Together with George Wickham we were practically brought up together. It was not only that he was glad for me to have a companion, he was really fond of Wickham. He did everything he could to ease the social differences that the his young godson might have felt. It is not the proper place or time to vent my feelings towards the man or hurt you more than necessary, so I'll refrain from accounting in detail how Wickham became what he is today. Enough is to say that once we were out of my father's sight, he turned completely wild. He was smart, but he would not give himself the trouble to study where there were my father's resources at hand...
It was in our third grade of high school that my dearest mother was taken away from us with cancer, and father never really recovered from this. Her death did not strengthen the bond between us, on the contrary. I could grieve in solitary, and it was George Wickham that wept profusely on my father's arm during the funeral.... Two years later my father followed. In his will he decided to establish a scholarship for George, on condition of his good grades throughout the studies.
Wickham came claiming that he was granted a sport's scholarship at some strange college. He had the guts to tell me that they at least would not nag him about his grades, and right then he demanded the money my father intended for him. At first I did not want to agree, because the money was coming from one of the funds my father established for gifted children, but during that time my aunt Catherine De Bourgh was holding guardianship over me and my sister. Paying him the money--it was her doing, as well as cutting off George completely from us. Not that I minded that much the second.
He came back into my life during circumstances I would much rather forget about. It was four years later, my dearest sister Georgiana, who is 7 years my junior, was only 16 then. She is a fragile and delicate girl, shy and not very self confident. To help her with that, I arranged for her to take part in youth orchestra during summer. As it later showed, Wickham followed her there. Now you may ask why would he do so, and why should I assume his bad will....I have mentioned that my father had a fortune, but in his wealth he did not forget about those less fortunate than him. He established a number of funds, totaling some 30 million pounds, and he entrusted them to Georgiana's future care. A 16 year old was left with a great burden, and Wickham was ready to help her with that burden in his own way. It would be too cruel to retell all the events. Alarmed by my sister's sudden request to pay out all the money from one of the funds to some musical group I have never heard of, I hurried to Ramsgate, where the summer camp was. I found my sister completely drugged up, playing piano in a filthy bar, dressed, or rather undressed to her underwear, and Wickham working on his *big time* tabloid story about my family and the funds. Only he was going to forget to mention that it was he who drugged up my sister, and that the money was supposed to go to his bank account. During that time, I was really more concerned with my sister's well being than with Mr. Wickham. I only ensured that he would never again even approach us directly. Unfortunately he DOES approach us indirectly, and I care too much about my sister to simply denounce things publicly. I trust your secrecy--you are the first person to know of it. Take it as you wish. Should you desire more information, please, feel free to address Colonel Fitzwilliam, who as my closest relative and also Georgiana's guardian is acutely familiar with the details.
I do not blame you for your reactions, I rather wish I had not behaved in the way I did. I myself have learnt to live with tabloids, but I have also learnt not to trust people around me. All my actions have been blinded by the suspicion that it was your doing. Twenty-four hours later I am sitting here regretting my harshness and my suspicions. I know as little of you now as on the day we met for the first time, but I know one thing, that you would never turn to such means, and all I can do is ache for your forgiveness. Should it never be granted, allow me only to add my best wishes for the future.
Sincerely Yours,
William Darcy
Elizabeth's hands dropped. She could only slam her head in the pillow and cry. She was mad. Mad at him, at herself, at George Wickham, and then again at herself. This was just too much....
Chapter 38
All of that......and how did it get into her computer without her noticing it at all?!!!!! And she didn't know if she should believe it all, or just rebuff it as a lie. She read the whole letter again. It was not that she did not believe it, it was rather that she did not want to believe it. Reading it over and over again she only confirmed her suspicion - it had to be true. It all made sense. The mysterious transfer into the deleted files troubled her immensely. She checked the date when she supposedly had received the e-mail. She did quick calculations - the article appeared on Friday, e-mail was written on Saturday and she checked her account on Sunday..... An impossible thought crossed her mind, but the more she tried to push it away the more real it became - she could not but admit that George Wickham visited her this Sunday and that he was the only person that approached her computer. Both Jane and Charlotte didn't even know how to turn it on.... And she has left him alone in the room.... What was she to do? Believe William Darcy and despair? That seemed to be the right thing.
That I could be so blinded..... that I could be so prejudiced..... I was so drawn in my own sorrow that I remained oblivious to every objective fact. No, it makes no sense to flagellate myself for things long gone. If only I knew earlier..... Would it change anything? Would I not quit the job? Would I forgive him? Now the question should rather be: would he forgive ME? But now it is too late. Too late to play offended or hurt, too late to let him know that I have forgiven him, too late even to apologise. And it is Wickham's fault. Lizzy tortured herself, that was all she allowed herself to be, Elizabeth, you are not going to put the blame on another person, are you? she asked herself. You screw it up. You would even if you were entirely on your own. Wickham just did what you asked for..... You're an arrogant fool, Elizabeth Bennet!
Suddenly Lizzy gasped and stopped her sobbing. Wickham was a secretary to Jane's fund. As such he was responsible for finding sponsors and money in general. He didn't have access to the account and the money, but Elizabeth had no doubts that he could and would use and abuse his position. He was too smart, too devious, too cold-blooded to let such an opportunity pass.
It was already nearing 6 o'clock, so Elizabeth had no scruples in calling Jane. She was not surprised when Charles answered the phone. It took Lizzy some good 15 minutes to sober up Jane and get her going. She didn't feel it necessary to explain to her sister the whole of Wickham's story -- William has not entitled her to do so. What she said without mentioning Darcy's name was enough to scare Jane.
Lizzy hesitated for a while before asking, "Are you going to tell Charles?"
Jane on the other end of the line bit her lip and looked at Bingley who dig himself into in the pillows and the blanket like a hamster and remained oblivious to the world. "I don't think so," she answered, "I wouldn't like him to think I can't deal with that."
"All right," sighed Elizabeth. "Get things going. I am leaving tomorrow, or rather today, with aunt and uncle, so I shall see you in some three weeks time. I need to leave the keys to the apartment with mother because the girls are having another performance in London soon."
"Fine. Take care ..... and Lizzy...... have fun, will you?"
"Bye, love you Sis." Elizabeth swallowed hard putting the phone down and she promised herself not to cry. Taking William's letter into her hands, she almost broke the promise. She smoothed out the pages and ran her finger across Darcy's printed signature. She thought of the day she woke up in his arms and her fingers tingled. She folded the pages and packed them in her bag. She caught the sight of herself in a mirror when passing by. She looked like a zombie. Hair strewn in all directions, face red, eyes puffy, with dark circles underneath. She looked like she'd been crying forever, but to Lizzy it felt that forever was not enough.
A Week Later. Lambton Inn
Lizzy was sitting by the window, her hands, holding the print-out of William's e-mail, lay on her lap as she stared a blind stare at the sky and the line of the rooftops of Lambton; houses shining in the morning sun after a night's rain. The weather was beautiful. Mother Nature called for rebirth and celebration, but Elizabeth longed for a storm that would purge her soul and that she could grieve openly, not pretending to her aunt and uncle that everything is fine.... She sighed, she knew she was not being fair, she did not pretend in front of them. They were all having a lovely time, but Maggie Gardiner thought that it was too often that Lizzy went for solitary walks, starred at the sky, sometimes talked to herself, and in general did all sort of unusual things. And she was definitely not happy.
"Lizzy!" said Mrs. Gardiner knocking on the door, "Edward wanted me to tell you that he will be waiting for you in the Building Society offices."
"I'll be right there, aunt," answered Lizzy. She slowly folded the papers. They were all crumpled from folding and unfolding. She knew the contents by heart. Still she would read each sentence and wonder what did he mean by this or that? Then sadly she would fold it back saying that it didn't matter, for she would never know any way.
Elizabeth went out. The morning sun shone beautifully. There was not a single cloud in the sky that was so blue against the roofs and trees. If only my life was so unclouded, she thought, remembering THE letter. Lambton Building Society offices were two minutes walk away from the absolutely lovely Victorian Inn they were staying in. Concentrate Elizabeth, concentrate!, she encouraged herself, Don't think of him. Not now, at least. She made a face to herself an went inside.
"Here you are Elizabeth!" said Mr. Gardiner. "Mr. Pringle, allow me to introduce to you one of the England's best lawyers, Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I also have the privilege of being her uncle," the last sentence was uttered in a scenic whisper and followed by an affectionate smile.
"Pleased to meet you, Miss Bennet!" said an impeccably dressed man in a pleasant voice. His manners were also impeccable, Lizzy almost regretted that he was her uncle's age. Just when she was shaking his hand the door opened and another man came in.
"I'm glad you could make it, boy. Miss Bennet, Mr. Gardiner, may I introduce my neighbour and a good friend, William Darcy."
Elizabeth stiffened in horror, He's here, he's here, her mind screamed.
"Miss Bennet, Mr. Gardiner," Darcy acknowledged both and fixed his stare on Elizabeth who blushed furiously.
"William agreed to oversee the business for me. After all, I am selling part of my heritage. Shall we get started?"
Well, it was good both for Elizabeth's and William's good names that the two men were old acquaintances and good-hearted creatures who from the very first moment knew very well what was going on with the two "youngsters" and did not comment on their behaviour. Darcy was more steely than ever. He only uttered sharp and short "yes'es" and "no's" from time to time. He had his eyes fixed on the window, it was just that he forgot that Elizabeth was sitting just by the window, and that she was not transparent. Elizabeth on her part stared at her hands, twisted in a nervous convulsion on her lap. Her cheeks were flushed. When asked a question she would manage only a very long "yyyyyyy...." And asking to repeat a question, which they both did, was not really a common practice among top-notch lawyers.
There was also a lot of fidgeting with the papers. They would not just hand them but put on the desk for the other to pick it up. On one of those complicated procedures both Mr. Gardiner and Albert Pringle lost their patience. An approving wink from John Gardiner was followed by a small movement of Pringle's arm and papers flew down to the floor. Both William and Elizabeth jumped up and moved to arrange them. Her leg touched his hand by accident. He ran his eyes all the way up her legs, showing in a short skirt of her creamy costume. He'll think I have dressed and did all that on purpose!!!!!! she panicked and quickly kneeled on the floor. Lizzy inhaled deeply his scent. She didn't know if to regret it or not, but it made her feel as if he was undressing her from the inside, as if he had his hands on her, without touching her clothes. She wasn't sure if she was going to be able to get up. With her complexion heightened she stole a glance at him. And she was caught by him. And she didn't quite know why his eyes were so indiscernible. She hastily stood up and felt dizzy from the rush. She grabbed the table.
Chapter 39
"Miss Bennet, are you all right? Maybe you could use some fresh air? Darcy, why don't you take this poor thing outside to get some rest?" suggested Mr. Pringle with a mischievous smile.
"But the contract!!!" opposed Lizzy. In fact she wouldn't mind getting out of the room, but what would she tell him??!!
"We're almost finished, and you really don't look too well," Mr. Pringle knew what he was about too.
"I'll go by myself, Mr. Darcy would not be troubled...," murmured Elizabeth, but at the same time she wondered what his answer would be.
"I would be happy to oblige," he answered in quite an indifferent tone.
Darcy walked her down the hall, all that with one or two words. He got her a plastic cup of water and taking her arm he took her outside to a small park. He made her sit on the bench. She drank her water in small sips. The cup was empty all too soon, and she played with it. She commented on the park, and he murmured something in reply. Silence hang heavy in the air, it was unnerving.
She started, "Mr. Darcy............. I cannot go on without apologising you for my behaviour!"
The statement sounded like a shot gun in the silence. He started, slowly turned to her and studied her face carefully without revealing his feelings.
She faltered and quietly said, "I am sorry, I am really sorry...... I had no idea........I mean, I didn't know how it happened, but I received your e-mail only a week ago, the night before we left for Lambton."
He didn't answer, he only looked at her with a piercing stare.
Elizabeth wanted to tun away but she braced herself, You're guilty, these were your prejudices, you have to go on. "You were absolutely right. In everything, my family, Wickham.... I didn't know anything about this whole story of his until only a week ago. I accused you of everything bad and mean, and all this time if it wasn't for you, I would most probably be dead now.....It was most ungrateful...."
Darcy furrowed his brows, put his hands in his pockets, starred into the shiny noses of his shoes and tried to calm down the wild beating of his heart. He didn't say a word. He turned his back to her slightly and looked on the horizon.
Elizabeth cracked, "Please, tell me..... tell me that in spite of it all we can try to be friends....."
He turned and watched her with his eyes wide open. After a minute or so he uttered, "You amaze me Miss Bennet.....," and he stopped, and so Lizzy's heart stopped as well.
William moved closer, "After all that I've done, YOU come and apologise!"
Elizabeth dropped her head, For heaven's sake, I don't think I can take it.... Why can't we just get out of each other's lives and have a new start? Why? Why are we just hanging on like this hurting each other? Why do you do me like you do William Darcy? Now that I've surrendered, you want to.... Where did we go wrong?. She really didn't want to make a scene, what was she to say?
William lowered his voice slightly, he was not sure if he would control himself and he did not want to attract the attention of the old ladies sitting nearby, "I did not intend to write to you to excite your compassion or charity!!!!! I am sorry if you misunderstood me," here he made a lengthy pause. It was Elizabeth's turn to stare at her shoes.
He continued, "Had it not been for my unpardonable behaviour, you would have never heard this story. Unfortunately I was too full of myself to behave properly and honestly. I have allowed myself to dwell in the bliss of unhappiness for such a long time that I felt it my absolute right to ill-treat and take no account of people around me."
Lizzy rested her disturbed and "not really understanding" gaze on William. A slight incredulity on her face made him give her a warm smile, one that reflected in his eyes.
"After all that I've done to you, after all my suspicions, allegations, you come around and apologise," he turned his head in disbelief. It was hard for him to contain himself, but it kind of always happened in her presence, and this time he wanted to get things straight and not to complicate them more with his urges. "Your forgiveness ....... I have dreamt of for months."
Paleness on Elizabeth's face has been replaced with a faintest blush, she turned her head away; she could not look at him in fear that he was just a ghost and that he would disappear, but she listened; she savoured every soft tone of his voice. It was so calm and collected yet so warm and tender. It was a William Darcy she didn't know.
He sat down next to her, close enough to be touching lightly her side, "D..do you really think we could try?" he did not want to say too much, he did not want his dream to go away, not yet; he would wait, he would do anything to get her into his world and hold her within.
Lizzy contemplated in silence things that have happened in her life in the past months, she thought how she had changed, she thought about HIM of course, about the contempt and the attraction that she felt. Finally she sighed and looked at his suddenly worried face, "You know, in your letter you wrote something that is very true in respect to both of us..... We, both of us, know as little of each other as on the day we met for the first time."
Slightly relieved Darcy reflected, "And all this to learn to respect each other, on my part at least."
She laughed, "On mine as well!"
"But you were not proud and stuck up on yourself as I was!" he cried.
"No, but I was prejudiced. Mind you, that you did everything you could to enhance those prejudices," she commented sarcastically.
Darcy got up and stretched his hand to her, "Shall we try then?"
She took his hand and he pulled her up so quickly that she leaned against him. Instinctively she put her hands on his nonetheless gorgeous chest to push herself away. In that very moment two old ladies from the neighbouring bench sneered loudly something about youngsters these days and decent citizens being exposed to vulgarity on virtually every corner of the street. Darcy and Elizabeth stood like "caught in the act" teenagers, blinking their eyes, so sudden was this intervention. The ladies got up and demonstratively left. When they were passing by, one of them commented that most probably THIS GIRL has just told HIM that she was pregnant, but because his reaction was so indifferent she lied that he was not the father after all. This was just too hilarious, William and Elizabeth burst out with a hysteric laughter. The ladies increased the speed of their pace, just in case the young people were psychopaths or something of the kind.
"It seems we're bound to cause a scandal wherever we appear together...," gasped William holding his stomach.
"Oh my......pregnant..... oh dear.....," laughed Lizzy. And Darcy thought that it would make him the happiest man on the planet to know he would father her child....no, their child..... Take it easy, he told to himself, you're just starting and you are going to win this case!
Chapter 40
It was the third week of Elizabeth's stay in Derbyshire, and she did her best to be friends with William Darcy. And it was not working out. How could it if she had realised that she wanted them to be so much more than friends? That she did not really know him before was certain. It was amazing how her estimation and opinion of him changed. He remained very much the same way he was before - steely and reserved; it was mainly her understanding of him that made her change the evaluation of his character. William Darcy certainly had a strong character - and she admired him for it. Some days she was scared by the force of her own feelings. After months of suspense she had conquered her own incredulity; she realised that the affection that seemed to be the work of the day, of one letter only, has been restrained for months by his pride and her prejudices entirely. That she respected him, that she esteemed him was of no doubt, as well as the fact that she looked up to him as her superior. He was the personification of all her dreams and even better -- because he was real. He was not complaisant, he didn't need to be. He was a master of himself, and everyone around him felt it too. Darcy was not of a *happy-go-lucky* disposition but he was definitely not a bore. Elizabeth was amazed because he was able to retort to any of her remarks, and now when there was no hostility between them, it was so enchanting. There was this dangerous thrill about it – as if they were racing, competing, as if he was always half a step ahead of her, forcing her to try harder and better. He needed not to get excited about things -- calm, cool and collected, he always seemed to be right. With one word he would stop Lizzy's tirades; she on her part would laugh at him and tease his seriousness.
And it was wrecking her because it felt soooooo good!!!!! And it was wrecking her because he was so nice and ONLY nice. They had a great time together, she sensed that much, but she was afraid that very soon she would give out her feelings and make a fool of herself. She was uneasy, not only because her feelings were in confusion, not only because she did not know what his feelings were, but also because only now, in Pemberley she realised fully that William Darcy was a member of a different class.
She might have been pretending to be blind to it in London; it was easier there to rebuff Caroline's comments and snide remarks. And then they have been on almost equal rights in the court -- the education, the wit, the intelligence, it was only his experience that ruled in his favour.... Elizabeth only now saw the real difference, and it was not only the money but also the burden and responsibility. It was an inherited estate with about one hundred rooms, it was a park and forests of a couple of thousand acres surrounding the estate, there were stables and some of the finest horses she'd ever seen, there were servants, there were auctions, concerts, funds, charity and social life on a scale she could hardly comprehend. There were a number of entrepreneurships and companies in need of handling. She realised how distant she was from it all and she also realised that Caroline and her likes were only feeding upon the "bits and pieces of the table", making their aspirations to "the society" even more pretentious; she realised that amongst those that she would have shunned a couple of months ago out of the fear of being shunned herself, were a lot of worthy and amiable people. And she realised that she was an outsider, a visitor to this world only, and it hurt. Now it hurt like hell when she thought that William Darcy would forever be an acquaintance or a friend only. They have set the perfect distance between them, and it was tearing at her heart, she almost wished that she didn't get so close to him.
Darcy on his part was determined to take things *nice and slow*. He did not want to scare her by rushing her from hatred to love. He was taming her, and it was not easy. They had a great time together talking, laughing, listening to the music, running with dogs or simply keeping silent, but when he tried to get to personal matters, Elizabeth would fly from him, make an excuse, change the topic. William knew that she was not telling him all and everything he wanted to know. He realised that she was very proud and so he did not want to push her. He told himself that he needed to be patient and she would confide.
Gardiners had left Elizabeth in Lambton for a week alone to enjoy herself. An invitation had been issued from an elderly friend of theirs to visit somewhere in the country, and as they quite rightly suspected that Lizzy would not appreciate being torn away from the company of a certain gentleman, they did not even ask her to go with them. She would not refuse had they asked her to go, but in months they have not seen her as happy as she was when William Darcy's invitation for a dinner became a daily ritual or when he hastened to introduce her to his sister.
Every moment of the day and the evening they spent either in each other's company or thinking about each other. Funny thing was that they both longed so much for the presence of the other, but once together, Elizabeth would be afraid of giving herself out, and Darcy would be afraid of rushing her. In such a way energy was wasted on pretending that their feelings were not so deep and breath-taking as they were in reality. I suppose it was Lizzy who adopted the manner of *the best buddies*. She was just way too much distracted by the look she sometimes caught in his eyes and she didn't know how to interpret it. It caused butterflies in her stomach but she did not want to be doing wishful thinking. Being *friends* she could tease him mercilessly and be straight forward about everything, and touch him or grab his hand in the excitement of a conversation without the suspicion of there being more. And there was just so much more!
Thursday it was when William asked her to join him and Georgiana for a dinner and then accompany him to Georgiana's concert. Dressing up for the evening, Lizzy sadly thought that in a couple of days time she would be back in London, making it a memory only. She was almost certain that she would meet him rarely, once in a while, on some official occasion. Elizabeth got up and looked at herself critically in the mirror. She was not prepared for this semi-official occasion but a long, thin, two-layered dress on straps and a curry-coloured velvet jacket seemed to be quite fine. She loosely tied her hair with a curry-coloured scrunchy, there really wasn't a lot of things she could do with those curls. I am not dressing for him., she tried lying to herself. She picked up the car keys and drove to Pemberley. This one thing she argued about with Darcy - she insisted on driving herself on most of the occasions. He complained that she wanted to feel too much in control and that she wanted to be prepared in case she wanted to take a sudden flight – he didn't know how right he was.
Elizabeth was surprised when it turned out it will be only Darcy and Georgiana present during the dinner. Taking her jacket William said, "It's a special occasion, I wanted to make it just the closest people....," and then he gave her such a look that Lizzy was completely taken aback. It was a special occasion and it was a lovely evening, and not only because of the concert. The excitement seemed to be hanging in the air.
Something is different, thought Georgiana gorging herself on a yoghurt creme with red fruits. Darcy's sister was just a tiny bit apprehensive about her own concert, she was more interested in the silent concert taking place before her eyes. That her brother was silent was nothing surprising, but that Elizabeth was quiet was really exceptional. Maybe it's because of the candles? she smiled inwardly. She was hoping that her brother would finally come to his senses and see that to convince Lizzy of his love, he should not hint and sigh but grab her like a sack of potatoes, take her somewhere far away and splash his love into her face like a cake, because she was so scared that she was determined not to see it otherwise.
William stirred in his seat, it was to be Georgiana's turn soon. He would never admit it but he was nervous about her performance, it was the first time she was to play in front of such a large audience.
"William....," Elizabeth nudged him but he didn't notice. She leaned closer towards him and whispered, "She'll do just fine, you know she's one with music, you don't have to worry..."
Her warm breath and scent of her perfume distracted his attention effectively, but then Georgiana appeared on the stage and he fixed his eyes on her.
Georgiana's choice was Chopin. It was unusual for such concert – the students were mainly showing off their technical proficiency, which was enough to earn them success with the audience. Chopin was not about proficiency in reading notes, it was about being able to find the soul in a piece of music. A lot of people tried, but few found within themselves feelings enough to pour them into the music. Darcy was so nervous that he seemed to be oblivious to the sweet tones. He hardened his grip on the arm of the chair. Elizabeth noticed it and covered his hand with hers, exerting barely any pressure but enough to make him turn his gaze to her, "William, let her play. Listen to what she's conveying...."
To this William had entwined his fingers with hers and sighed. Lizzy could not resist and slowly moved her thumb along the lines of his palm to where his pulse was throbbing violently. She then remembered that they are supposed to be friends and nothing more and tried withdrawing her hand. He did not let her and gave her hand a small squeeze. Slowly he relaxed, and so they sat together listening to one of the most heart-wrenching and sensual of Chopin's waltzes - in C-minor.
Author's note: It's waltz Num. 7 Op. 64 Num. 2; I am presenting here my own biased opinions so.....
The sweet notes enveloped the audience. These simple and sad tones were soul-wrenching. It was like tiny drops of rain at the end of the summer, saying good-bye to the season, nourishing the soil, preparing it for harvesting, washing away the weariness of hot days, giving Nature the chance to ripen. They were whirling and whispering about things past and gone, some regrettable, some not. They were making you stop and relive some moments, allowing you to envelope all that had happened, to find a meaning. It did not matter that the moments were gone, the important thing was that they had lasted and that they had left you breathless and gasping for more. And you only managed to catch your breath once, and then you were again carried away to participate in the fullness of life with all its bitter-sweet moments, and you didn't regret, because you knew that you were living to the fullest. And suddenly you felt almost like leaves being picked up by the wind - not really having a choice of where you're being taken and yet appreciating it, and then the wind died away, and it was calm, but you would never be the same again. And there was this imprint on your soul that would be forever singing over and over again, and it was going to make you feel one with the universe.... And as the rain in your soul continued, you wanted to take it outside to feel the real drops falling on your face, and once it was over, you were left happy and exasperated and begging for more. You just needed to listen carefully...........
The audience sat stunned in silence as the tones slowly died away, and only when Georgiana got up and bowed a thunder of applause swept past the auditorium.
Chapter 41
They were coming back from the concert in silence. Darcy decided to drive back and then send Louis to pick up Georgiana, who was under attack from the delighted audience. He was determined to speak with Elizabeth as soon as they got back to Pemberley. He was not able to hold much longer. After this moment during the concert Lizzy withdrew within herself and barely spoke. Now she rested her head on the window and only gazed at him from time to time. She thought that he just wanted to go back home as soon as possible to be rid of her and it saddened her, he thought he was too possessive and that he scared her. They did not speak much, but savoured the concert and the feelings it produced.
Louis was waiting upon them on the drive. He took his orders and drove back for Georgiana. While Darcy was talking to him, Lizzy wandered off a bit in the direction of the gardens.
"Lizzy.....," William said slowly, going after her.
Elizabeth winced, You don't have to tell me to go, I'll go by myself..... but it's just so hard to put your dignity to work when you're so much in love......, "Yes?" she asked without turning her head and added immediately, "I should be going...."
William laughed to hide his disappointment, "You do look as if you intended to go back to Lambton on your feet through the forest!"
The moon was bright but the shadows of the trees helped and the parody of the smile passed as one.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" Darcy asked. That was not what he wanted to say but in the last moment he chickened out. He wanted to ask her if she could ever learn to love him and instead he was giving her a tour of the park in the middle of the night. I'll ask when we get back home. I'll be ready then... and maybe during the walk she'll finally tell me what is bothering her.
Of course Lizzy was dying to go for that walk. The night was just too gorgeous, the moon was too full, and she was too much in love to let the opportunity of spending some time with William pass. They were nearing the edge of the park when Elizabeth spotted a small pond. The water was still and dark. It perfectly mirrored both moon and the branches of the trees growing on the banks. One tree, particularly big, spread its branches high above the water. There was a swing made of a rope and a tire. William said that it's been there since he was a kid. Lizzy looked at the sight and she could not resist. She ran down towards the pond.
"I want a ride!?" she exclaimed when she stopped on the bank. She took off her velvety curry coloured short jacket and took off her shoes. Pulling her skirt high she got into the water and ran to the swing. She got on it, immediately putting it into motion. Holding on to the rope she leaned and ran her hand through the water surface.
William stood on the top of the slope where she had left him. He loved when she acted on impulse, wild and carelessly. There was such a joy of life in her. He watched bewitched how she was whirling on the tire so free and unrestrained....and...he wanted to be with her. He walked down and took off his shoes to join her. Elizabeth smiled at him with those sparkly eyes. He caught the rope and got on the tire as well. It swinged dangerously and they almost lost the balance. William had a firm grip on the rope with one hand and the other he put on Lizzy's back to support her. Feeling completely safe with him she let go of the rope entirely and leaned backwards on his hand to look at the moon and its reflection in the water. After a while, slowly, very slowly Darcy started bringing her back. She relaxed completely and let her back arch and her head fall back. A small vain pulsating on her neck hypnotised William. He pulled Lizzy up and brushed the spot on her neck lightly with his lips.
Elizabeth gasped and opened her eyes with surprise. She brought her hands around his neck,to keep the balance, she assured herself, and then she hid her face in his chest. William's arm traveled from it's resting place up her back. His hand mingled with her hair, he reached the place where her skin was bare and he stroked it soothingly. Elizabeth never in her life suspected that breathing could be that hard... Darcy wasn't sure how she would react if he tried to kiss her now, and so he didn't. Lizzy turned her head slightly and she huffed straight in his neck Author's note: accidentally of course!. She was thrilled at the feeling of the taste of a slightly salty skin against her lips. They swayed gently on the tire for a while. Elizabeth felt as if she was melting into him. She wanted to ask him about something but when she lifted her face up to him and looked straight into his eyes she completely forgot what it was. It was definitely neither the place and nor the time to do the thinking or explaining. She watched bewitched as he lowered his head to her face. William placed the sweetest of the kisses on her lips, and then another one and another one, slowly kissing away her surprise and confirming what she was reading in his eyes.
He gathered his courage and tenderly parted her lips and invaded her mouth, delicately and slowly, so as not to scare her. And when she responded shyly with a touch of a butterfly...well, it was the most sensual experience of his life....They gave in to their urge and a moment later he was kissing away her sweet moans. A barest movement was sending shivers through them. To Elizabeth it felt as if each one of the kisses was taking her senses away, yet with each one she was becoming acutely aware of reactions they were producing in her body. And it was as if he was putting her apart into pieces, just to put her back together. She was sure that if he was not holding her she would fall down. She felt giddy and her knees were truly trembling. Lizzy closed her eyes and let the moment last.
Everything around them became exceptionally quiet. Not even the slightest breeze of wind rustled the leaves on the trees or wrinkled the surface of the water. Big moon was smirking slightly on its plumy face at the lovers beneath, as the minutes passed by unnoticed by them.
William moved his arm and by accident it brushed Elizabeth's breast slightly. They clung even closer together, hot swinging movements of their bodies directed by the increasing beat of blood rushing in the veins, capturing them in passion. Lizzy mingled her hand with the curls on the back of his head and stroked his shoulders. She desperately searched for his burning lips. With the tips of his fingers William traced the curve of her breast, delighted when she quivered at even such a slight touch. She gasped and nestled closer to Darcy, as if urging him to go on - and so he did. Her thin dress on straps was no obstacle of any kind. He was becoming aware that in a moment all the dams will break and he will give in completely. Elizabeth was not able to control herself any longer. She pulled her leg higher and rested her thigh against his muscular one. William ran his hand along her body, making it to her leg. His hand sneaked under the cloth and he marveled the shapely leg and the softness of the skin. Feeling her so dangerously close he somehow managed to stop himself from advancing and for the time being he just let his hand play on her silky thigh which was an experience worth savouring all by itself anyway. If it was heaven for him then it was even more so for Lizzy. The unbearable tension made her scratch his back with nails.
This very moment William groaned loudly and tearing his lips away he hoarsely cried, "Girl, do you know what you're doing to me?!!?"
It brought her back and she panicked, Oh, God, what did I do?! What did I do!!!!!!!!? Completely wrecked she pulled herself away, but there was nowhere she could go - she was trapped on a tire. She gripped the rope to keep her balance. She was in confusion and she really didn't know what to do with her eyes or hands, "....I....I....I'm. sorry...," she whispered, her voice cracking.
Darcy has never been more shocked in his life as he was in the present moment, "Sorry?!!!? About what?!!!!?"
She didn't say a word. He cupped her chin his hand and made her look at him, "Sorry?!!? Sorry about what, Elizabeth?!!!?" he repeated.
She averted her eyes and said in a small voice, "I......I thought I did something wrong......."
William's eyes were huge like plates, he could not believe what he just heard, It must be some misunderstanding!!! Or is it......? He pondered for a while and he tried again, "You must know what you....?" here he stopped abruptly not really knowing how to ask about it.
By now Elizabeth was almost in tears. She was ashamed of herself and she was on the verge of jumping into the pond, just to get away from there. She forced herself to answer him, "No......not really," she squealed finally, hiding her face again.
Darcy chewed on these two words and once he comprehended he overflowed with mirth for her. His heart was racing with the thought that she has never before.... that he was the first...... He needed to assure her that everything was all right, that she haven't done anything bad, finally, that he loved her. He let go of the rope and took her face in his hands. He locked his eyes on hers and then he delicately showered her face with kisses. Stopping before her lips he whispered straight into them, "If you're going to be sorry for what you've just done, then my only wish is for you to be sorry as often as possible."
And then of course he kissed her, which had some disastrous consequences a minute later when with a huge splash and a loud cry they landed in the water. He forgot that he was not holding the rope any longer and he had better things to concentrate on than keeping his balance.
Chapter 42
William and Elizabeth were standing on the bank, holding hands and laughing. Every now and then they calmed down, but one look at each other's drenched clothes and hair plastered to their heads started them again. Darcy looked exceptionally with green weeds hanging down from his head. Reeling from laughter they ran to the trees where their shoes and jackets were laying. Elizabeth bent her head forward and started wringing out her hair.
Darcy grinned, "I'll do the dress!"
Lizzy threw her head up so that the tips of her hair slashed Will's face. She dropped a curtsy and pretending shyness she chirped, "That is very thoughtful of you, sir. You are personification of kindness and charity, but I would not even dare to bother you!!!"
"The pleasure of this bothering is all mine...," murmured Darcy throatily, kneeling in front of her and wringing out the material. He slowly worked his way up pretending not to hear Elizabeth's short gasps. Standing up he saw that her eyes were closed and her full lips were slightly parted.
"I'll work now on the top of the dress, if you'll permit," whispered he, putting her arms around his neck and giving her a hot, moist and passionate kiss. In a couple of seconds she was backing him into a tree and his hands, as promised, worked on the top of the dress. Wringing out proved to be much more fun if you were bothered to have the garment on during the operation and a helping hand.
"Let's get back to Pemberley, please?" Darcy finally broke off the kiss. "I have this sneaky suspicion that you are shivering not out of pleasure, but out of cold, and it's just something that my pride won't take!!!!"
Elizabeth sighed with pleasure. "There are few things you do that I wouldn't approve of.... but then I should not make you too full of yourself, so I'll say that you could do better!" she smiled teasingly.
Darcy grabbed her and lifting her high he started turning around.
"What are you doing?!!" cried Lizzy laughing heartily.
"Drying your dress?" he offered handily, grinning back.
"You are mad!!!" she cried.
"I haven't noticed that you minded it very much until now. Do you?" he asked sliding her down his body and holding her gaze.
"No, I don't," she whispered and her lips flown to his. Taking his hand after a while she added, "How could I mind? I always said that someone who is going to l... errr... to like me, has to be mad enough," she arched her eyebrow in her usual bewitching manner.
He beamed at her and pulled her after him, "Come, I should get you out of this dress......"
Lizzy hesitated at the Pemberley's side entrance leading to the private quarters. Although there was only William and Georgiana who lived there, there were also at least ten people on the staff living there. Or maybe more? She tried to learn their names but they usually appeared like ghosts, out of nowhere, except for Louis who was everywhere and at all times, needed or not, and for the housekeeper who was Mrs. Reynold's older sister. As for the others - she had difficulties differentiating their faces - they did their duties quietly and you would hardly know that they were there, if it was not for the fact that they did things just the very moment Darcy spelled out his wishes. "William, I... What will your servants say when they see me like that?"
He smirked, "Most probably they will offer you a towel, warm blanket, and a glass of brandy by the fireplace."
Slightly irritated Elizabeth tapped his lips with her fingertips, "Be quiet! I mean they are used to much more sophisticated ladies and definitely not used to such drenched tramps as me! What will they think!"
He kissed the palm of her hand before answering, "First, I do not invite ANY ladies to Pemberley except for the official balls to which they are compelled to arrive with escorts to save me from the trouble of dancing with them all; second, it's of no consequence what they will think because they are only working for me; third - and I know this from Louis - they have a secret grading of the people - you will have their respect and will be treated more than just politely if you're able to retain your dignity and behave even while you're wearing a big potato sack. So put your head up and show them all who you are. And I know from experience, whatever you do, dearest, you do it in a queenly manner." His eyes spoke volumes.
Elizabeth was completely overwhelmed by the tirade. Oh, boy, she thought, If I am reading his eyes correctly than I don't deserve that much happiness.. "All right," she said meekly and took a deep breath, "Let's go."
Despite Darcy's assurances Lizzy almost tiptoed by his side. She groaned inwardly seeing the long hall they had to cross, she liked it a lot, but why was it so big? It increased the chances of meeting the servants or even better - the security. They were somewhere in the middle of it when a highly amused voice of *Mrs. Reynolds The Second*, as Darcy called her, arrested them, "Mr. Darcy! Miss Bennet! What on Earth has happened?!!!" She never addressed Darcy with such familiarity in front of people who were not considered family. He thought of it with pleasure and with a gleam in her eyes, It's a good start, but her scrutinising gaze brought him back.
Elizabeth noticed with a surprise that confident as he might be, Darcy was in slight awe of the matronly lady who practically raised him up. No wonder, except maybe for me, she's the only one who has ever seen him being normal and doing stupid things like everyone else! Suddenly she thought she's not scared any longer and that it is actually rather funny to see him under the bar of *Mrs. Reynolds The Second*. Knowing the history of his parents' death it was most relieving to see him being cared for by *Mrs. R. The II* and him not referring to her only as an employee.
"Hmmm, I was giving Miss Bennet a tour of the park and ..... hmmm," he faltered.
"At night," said rather than asked Mrs. Reynolds and hung her voice in suspense. She had an amazing talent of not asking about details but just stating things and making him explain himself to her anyway. "Isn't it a bit dangerous?"
"Exactly!" Darcy grabbed the offered excuse, "I slipped and fell into the pond, accidentally pulling in Miss Bennet." He then winked and grinned at her.
"Go to the Reading room and I'll get some things for the two of you ready. You could also use some brandy, and a fireplace," she said.
"See? I've told you it'll be fine," he whispered to Elizabeth proceeding down the hall.
Mrs. Reynolds the Second thought she needed to call her sister in London and tell her that she was right about this girl and that she REALLY liked her. Then she remembered something. "Oh, Miss Bennet? I've been in Lambton today to visit my friend. She is running the Inn and she told me someone named Jane has been calling you all afternoon. I thought you wanted to know."
"Oh!" Lizzy was suddenly anxious. She thanked Mrs. Reynolds. She could not stop wondering what had happened.
Darcy looked at her face suddenly pulled tight with worry, he sighed - he had to wait again, "Elizabeth, why don't you just call Jane?" He showed her to the nearest room. "Take your time. I'll be in the reading room, it's on the first floor right above this room."
"Thank you," Lizzy smiled to him, "I'll be there shortly."
He gave her a peck on a cheek and left her alone. Lizzy dialed the number, her dreamy gaze following him to the door. The phone was answered after just one ring. Elizabeth's heart sank when she heard Jane answer it with a teary voice and burst into tears on knowing it's her sister. "Oh God, Jane what has happened!!!!" she asked dreading.
"It's over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all over and I'll go to jail!!!!!!!!! Lizzy I'll go to jail for sure, and he'll not want to have anything to do with me......... And I'll give birth to our child in jail, Oh Lizzy!!!!!!!!!!!" Jane sobbed and cried incoherently into the phone.
Lizzy sank into the sofa, "Jane...," she tried to stop her sister without much success, Jane was crying her heart out. Elizabeth was on a verge of panic and she waited for some details. After some three minutes of incoherent mumbling, when her heart was breaking for Jane, and when she already felt like crying with her, she lost her patience and shouted, "Jane, either you stop crying and answer my questions or else I'll thwack you mentally!"
A surprised silence followed and Elizabeth heard her sister taking a couple of deep breaths and blowing her nose. She hated to do it to her but otherwise Jane would melt into sadness without telling one sensible thing. Logic and reason ruled Lizzy's life. "You're ready?" she asked with a sigh.
".....Yes....," mumbled her sister.
Elizabeth turned into professional, and Jane knew instantly that her sister would not take her wails but expected short answers to know what was going on, she would let her bawl later, "Right. What child?"
"I'm. pregnant Lizzy.....," Jane whispered it so quietly that for a while Lizzy was not sure if she has heard correctly.
A short moment of silence followed and next question came from Elizabeth's tight throat, "How long?"
"Third month........ I've found out yesterday....."
"And Bingley doesn't know...," said rather than asked Elizabeth.
"I could not tell him! I could not do this to him!" Jane started crying.
Lizzy was furious, "But he COULD do this to you!!!!?"
Jane was choking for air, "You don't understand! I could not do this to him now that the money is gone!!!!"
"Jane, dearest, you are not telling him that you're having his child because he had lost all of his money?! I suppose you talked with mother?" Lizzy was ruthless.
The comparison sobered up her older sister and she seethed, "It's not his money that is gone, Elizabeth! It's ours or rather. The Fund money is gone!!!!!!! Just like that! One day it disappeared from the account!" Now she started laughing in a high pitched tone of voice which tone Lizzy definitely did not like, "It disappeared just like that, on the same day that our dearest sister Lydia escapes from school and spends one heated night with certain Mr. Wickham, on your bed - if that'll cheer you up. They were equally scrupulous in going through all our papers and notes....," by now Jane was in hysterics. "And this Mr. Pennyless, the bank manager said it's my fault and he threatened to put charges against me!!!!"
Elizabeth was biting her lip so hard it started bleeding, she stared into nothingness and allowed Jane to cry. As soon as she started realising what the consequences would be, a single tear rolled down her face. She wiped it off angrily, she could not allow herself now a moment of weakness. "Jane, dearest, please, don't cry, sweetheart, it will be all right," she pleaded. "I'm coming right back home, do you hear me? I'll take care of everything. Jane, please don't cry, you should think about the baby, crying will do you no good, please. I'll be in London in three hours at most."
Jane having released her burden to someone calmed down considerably. She even stopped crying and was able to breathe regularly. She disconnected the line but Elizabeth was sitting clutching the receiver in her hands so hard they were white. What was she to tell him, how to explain, would he believe? Most probably he would think it was all plotted in advance. There was no way she could tell him. Neither about the money nor about Jane and Bingley. Lying was out of question, and she was sure that her confession would kill all the feelings he had for her, if he had any that is. She could not allow his good name get any of this dirt - she knew from experience that these stains were not easy to wash off. And George Wickham!!!!!!! Elizabeth had explained to William the whole situation, but other than that they avoided the topic like devil avoids holy water. Her heart was breaking, she could not love William, she could not let this happen, not if it was to hurt him in result. It would hurt less if she left now. She swallowed hard, you always knew that this dream was about to end, and it has to end now, right when it was changing into reality..... Elizabeth dropped the receiver on the sofa and in a blur she went to the door.
Meanwhile In The Reading Room
William changed into a casual polo neck and a pair of brown khaki trousers. He stood now by the fire comfortably warming his back and humming. The radio was playing an oldie by George Michael, the song's title was "People". Darcy's mind recorded the fact somewhere deep down, he was more interested in what had happened with Elizabeth. Why was she taking so long?
You are far....when I could have been your star....
.....You've listened to people; you scared them to death
and throw my heart.
He has heard a car, most probably Louis was bringing Georgiana back. In long strides he ran down to the room where he left Lizzy. It was empty, the receiver lay on the sofa playing the signal of a broken off connection. He placed it back. A buzz in his head went off, something was wrong. He ran back to the reading room hoping to find her there waiting for him by the fire. He opened the doors and felt himself tighten in anguish, he was afraid to enter the room.
"Lizzy....?" William called probingly, but it was only George M. that answered his inquiry:
You are far....when I could have been your star....
.....You've listened to people; you scared them to death
and throw my heart.....Strange that you were strong enough to even make a start,
but you'll never find peace of mind, 'til you listen to your heart
And then he heard it – a roaring engine of a car. He approached the window to see why the hell Louis was playing Aryton Senna. Then his fists clenched. It was not Louis. For a while he was not sure if this was really happening, but it was – it was Elizabeth - the distant lights of a car dangerously speeding away showed clearly where she was. He could not believe it. WHY? it screamed in his head.
People -- you can never change the way they feel;
better let them do just what they will. For they will, if you let them,
steal your heart from you.
He opened the French window and ran to the balcony, "Elizabeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried in vain hope of stopping her but it was too late. His eyes blazed,Is this a kind of sport of yours Miss Bennet? I thought I knew you... I thought you were the best thing I've ever seen, held or experienced! I thought you felt it too!!!!!! I thought ........
People will always make a lover feel a fool,
but you knew I loved you.
We could have shown them all,
we should have seen love through.
I haven't said it, but you must have known I love you! And you wouldn't have agreed to anything we've done and experienced this evening if you didn't feel anything for me!!!! I could not have been this wrong!!! Surely it was not Mrs. Reynolds! He was not able to feel sad or sorry, he was in rage. He went to the table to pour himself a drink. He picked up a bottle and then reflected that drinking because of Elizabeth Bennet seemed to have some fateful consequences.
Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
coated me with kisses and lies;
so bye, but please, don't take my heart.
Don't take my heart!!! It's just a bit to late for such pleadings. It's yours and it has been yours for more than three months! Have you fooled me? You have kissed me - have you lied?
You are far, I am never gonna be your star.
I'll pick up the pieces and mend my heart.
Maybe I'll be strong enough, I don't know where to start,
but I'll never find peace of mind while I listen to my heart.
He did not manage to drink anything. He sent the bottle across the room and the crystal bottle smashed into thousand and one pieces on the mantelpiece. "Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried in rage - it did not help.
Right when he smashed the bottle Georgiana opened the door. Completely puzzled she looked at her brother who sat down on the sofa with his head hanging low, "Why? Just why? And why now?" he kept on asking himself. George Michael took up the ballad on the radio. As Darcy did not even understand why did she leave he felt in no position too whine. At least you knew why....., he thought with jealousy of the singer.
"What did you do this time?" asked Georgiana calmly gathering all her courage. It was not pleasant to deal with her brother in such a state. She was sure she would have to pull information out of him like a dentist pulling out a tooth. It usually helped if the patient co-operated and at least opened his mouth.
Darcy was a little startled, he looked up at her and opened his mouth but no a word came from him. Right, I'll use no pain killers this time, thought Georgiana grimly and said, "Coming back with Louis we passed by Elizabeth in her car. She was crying so hard that I was kind of surprised she saw the road...... I like her a lot William and I know you do as well, so can you explain me why did you make her so miserable?"
"I do not like her Georgie,.... I love her.....with all my heart...," he answered exceptionally softly and then immediately he winced, "she was crying?"
"Yes. What happened?"
"Nothing. We came back, went for the walk to the pond, we ..hmmm, that's of no import," here he coloured slightly and continued, "we came back to Pemberley and she called her sister......" He stared into window, "She called her sister," he repeated.
"And?"
"And the next thing I knew was the roaring engine of her car." He stopped, maybe there was still a chance? It all had to have an explanation.
He went to the doors and hugged his sister, "Thank you."
"Where are you going?" she asked rather surprised.
"I'm going after her. Most probably she got some bad news from home. I'll catch her on her way," he answered quickly slightly irritated that anything stopped him on his way.
"Wait!" Georgiana shrieked. "I'm. not sure you should go now......"
He stared disbelievingly at her, "But why?"
"If she wanted to tell you, she would have. She respects you William, I can tell you that much, and she would trust you with anything. If she went without a word it was not for you to pursue a chase. Give her some time, an hour or two maybe. She might just need this time to sort out things by herself."
"Lord, I'll have my sister commanding my love life now!!!!!" he cried plopping back on the sofa.
"I'm only messing with it because I know she could love Pemberley like we do, and there's nothing I would like better," she smiled at him.
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Road
Elizabeth's vision was blurry, she didn't give out a sound but the tears flowed steadily down her face. She turned on the radio to jam a broadcast of a complete disaster her heart was sending her.
But remember this -- every other kiss that you'll ever give
on your dream of bliss...
when you needed HIM, not another man, when you really can see and you will....
I will wait for you, like I always do,
but something there that can't compare with any other.
Obviously even George Michael thinks you a complete idiot!!!!!!!!!
You are far, when I could have been your star
you listened to people, you scared them to death
and throw my heart.Strange that I was wrong enough to think you'd love me too,
you must have been kissing a fool.
If there was one thing she would not stand it was William thinking she had made a complete fool of him. As it was there was nothing she could do that would induce him to think otherwise - she was running away and he would think she detested him, but if she stayed he would think she wanted to trap him..... no way out.....