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Chapter 43
Half an hour later Darcy was considering walking on the walls of his study, so high was his anxiety. At a certain point he could not stand it any longer and, ignoring Georgiana, he ran out and drove to Lambton - only to find out that Miss Bennet left in a great hurry some twenty minutes earlier, leaving a message for her aunt and uncle. A Neanderthalian caveman living in Darcy's brain just gave him a full blow with a club and screamed in rage. Darcy stood blinking at the receptionist. Like an automaton he went out.
Where to go and what to do? He leaned on the stony facade of the inn, under the big branches of the chestnut tree. He needed to think. The village was still, there were no lights anywhere. The only light point was the red, smoldering end of his cigarette. His hand traveled slowly from his lap to his mouth where the cigarette was placed. He languidly let out the smoke and watched its patterns winding in the cool air. At length he calmed down and collected his thoughts.
It was a mistake to let her go at all in the first place., he thought, I should have stopped her and made her speak, but then, I guess, we are just too much alike - we don't share our defeats with other people, and dignity is something we have in abundance. He finished *feeding cancer* with the cigarette and threw the butt away. He winced, feeling sour taste in his mouth, putting his hand into the pockets he pulled out the packet of cigarettes and looked at it critically, and threw it away with sudden determination, Well, it's about time to change some old habits of ours, Elizabeth, for example, learn to share the problems.....
He drove back to Pemberley dialoguing with Lizzy in his thoughts, I'll give you the time, but you'll come to me! Because you are mine already, you only have to listen to your heart. He winced at the thought that after all that they have experienced this evening together, after giving herself so much into desire for the first time she still felt unsure of him. There was nothing he could really do about it. On coming back he dialed Lizzy's London phone number. He wished to speak to her but after talking to her sister, Jane switched on the answering machine.
"Elizabeth....... it's William...... I....was worried ..... I hope everything's fine. Please call me if you want to talk," he couldn't reveal more of what he felt to the machine.
Elizabeth played his message to herself over and over again during the weekend, but she didn't call him, she couldn't, she wouldn't like to hurt him. She was busy talking to the police, going through all the Fund papers, comforting her father, stopping herself from bursting out at her mother, taking care of Jane, trying not to think about William. She was scared of calling him, but she secretly hoped he would call again. And although she was so tired, she could barely even think of brushing her teeth. Each and every night she laid in her bad and his eyes were again gazing at her, his hand was lovingly caressing her cheek. She tossed and turned, and when sleep finally enveloped her, she would be reach out for his hand and seek comfort in his arms.
Never in his life had Darcy been so surprised as on Friday morning when he received a phone call from certain Mr. Penniless concerning...... The Bennet Fund...... Mr. Penniless introduced himself as a head of The ********* Bank where the Bennet Fund deposits were kept; he was seeking legal advice on ...... a criminal case concerning their account.
"Would you be willing to take up that case?" Mr. Penniless's voice was a strange combination of fear and hope.
Shaking off from the initial shock Darcy saw the opportunity of finding out what had really happened and his chance to help Elizabeth. The whole thing smelled fishy and if it ever got to the papers, even at such a stage...... He said, "That depends on the details and you have given me none so far."
"You must have heard of our new home-banking system which allows our clients to operate their accounts from their homes via Internet? You need special passwords etc. Someone had transferred all the money from their account to a more closely unknown location. Our suspicions have been raised because it was done in one operation and, for safety of such procedures, we usually require for the owners to do it in person. We have lost track of the money when it was transferred to the Caymans. Are you following?"
A *humph* from William who was taking notes was taken for yes, and Mr. Penniless continued, "We contacted Miss Bennet then, and it turned out that someone had broken into the Fund account. We were immensely sorry, of course, but then the police contacted us. They were running a check on certain Mr. Wickham - the fund-raiser for the Bennets, who apparently had disappeared together with Miss Bennet's youngest sister - Lydia. Though Jane Bennet claims that she had no idea of the whole thing, we are convinced that this was an elaborate scheme. On top of all things, we now have her younger sister Elizabeth, with whom I understand you are acquainted and you know her methods, biting our heels for us to allow the transfer," sighed he heavily.
Darcy noticed that the tone of Penniless's voice changed dramatically. At first he was bragging about how HE managed to tie all the threads of this scheme together, but once he mentioned Lizzy's name he almost seethed with hatred. My girl, thought Darcy. He had no doubts of how the scenario for this story looked, but he thought it too early to disillusion his *client* who was trying to save his butt. Wickham's method was the same as the one he had been trying with his sister, but Penniless had to have some dirt behind the nails himself - from all the facts he knitted quite an nice sweater to cover things up, but he was way too scared when a lawyer of Elizabeth's class started pulling loose strings. All that crossed Darcy's mind in a couple of seconds. While the banker squirmed and sweated on the other end of the line William analysed the situation. His mind was sieving and processing the information.
"I can manage to avoid confrontation with her until Monday, but not longer. So are you taking this case? It should not be too much of a problem for you? After all you seem to know how to handle Miss Bennet....," the banker hung his voice knowingly.
Darcy could easily imagine his sleazy smile. If it wasn't his only chance to help Elizabeth out, he would stick the receiver down the banker's throat, "Let's say Mr. Penniless..... I'll see what I can dig up this weekend. Early Monday morning I'll contact you and tell if you have any chance in this case." William with premeditation and a great pleasure didn't do what most lawyers usually did - assuring their clients that the case is easy and that they will handle it in a twit of a lamb's tail. Let him sweat over the weekend..
Maybe he's not such a good lawyer after all? thought Mr. Penniless finishing the conversation, if he needs a whole weekend to determine what are the chances of winning?
It took Darcy some five minutes to contact Ann Haker - she used to be one of the Britain's best computer hackers in her teens. Darcy defended her in court some years ago when she messed up with some MI 6 files. She was so successful in pointing out all the weaknesses of not only their system, that when Darcy suggested that it would be actually cheaper to hire her instead of dragging her to court every time she outsmarted their specialists, someone up there thought it a brilliant idea. She agreed before he even explained her the whole thing - she knew that Darcy rarely asked for favours, so it must have been very important for him. Ten minutes later William was on his way to London - Wickham he would seek out personally and remodel his face in such a way that not a single girl would ever again fall for him.
Chapter 44
It was Monday morning, five minutes to nine. Elizabeth was sitting on a very uncomfortable couch standing in front of Mr. Penniless's office, being stared at by his very personal secretary every time she stirred in her place. It was getting on Elizabeth's nerves. She was not the one who was supposed to feel nervous, sorry or uncomfortable, but nonetheless she was. The smell of dust on the papers on the desk increased to a choking level as the secretary dug a small tunnel in them to answer a phone from her boss. She ducked under a pile and the papers flew down. Lizzy felt sorry for the girl. When she arrived today for the meeting and she flung the door open, she caught scrape of the conversation Mr. Penniless was holding with his secretary.
"You know Jude, there is a little Clinton hiding in every boss."
By the way he was towering over his secretary Elizabeth knew that he was not joking. There was look of an absolute horror on Jude's face. When Elizabeth cleared off her throat Mr. Penniless dived into his office slamming the door and shouting to Lizzy that he's busy and that she should wait for a while. Lizzy pitied the secretary but that was then, and now was now, and she'd waited already for some twenty minutes, and she was getting REALLY anxious. Elizabeth stared into her knees when suddenly the secretary chirped, "Good morning Mr. Darcy!!!!!!!" at which her head instantly jerked up. Her heart stopped and then thumped so hard that she thought everyone heard it. She recognised his head and those shoulders she stroked in a loving passion just two night ago. The blood rushed in her veins and then to her horror she realised their present circumstances, and just as he was turning to face her, her shoulders slumped down and she put her head down to hide her tears, not to tell him how much she loved him, how much she missed him, how much she wished for him to be by her side. She felt like a rabbit chased to a corner. He turned and gaped seeing her there. He watched her without one word, his eyes still and seemingly emotionless.
Suddenly Jude decided to contribute to the conversation, "You must know Miss Bennet, Mr. Darcy, since you both came here for the Bennet Fund case......not necessarily on the same side........ "
If looks could kill....., groaned William inwardly seeing a horror and sudden understanding on Lizzy's face. Elizabeth!!!!!!! It's not like that!!!!!!!!!! It's not what you think!!!!!!!!! he opened his mouth to tell her, but that very instant Mr. Penniless burst out of the door of his study and erupted with happiness at seeing Darcy there and herded him into his office barking around like a professional shepherd's dog.
"It will be a minute, Miss Bennet, we'll be right there with you......" he didn't even try to be apologetic, it sounded not like a promise but like a threat.
Elizabeth felt as if someone has just punched her in the stomach. Twice. And then sent her jumping out of the plane without a parachute. She didn't know how it happened, or when it happened, but William Darcy was working on a case against her and her family!!!!!!!!!! The air in the office was choking, she needed to go someplace to clear her head. "I'll be right back," she muttered to the secretary and rushed down the corridor. She found a secluded spot and there she hid her face in her hands and let the tears flow soundlessly. She never imagined that meeting him again would tick her off so much. She needed ten minutes to compose herself. She slowly dried her face, wiping the streaks. Bracing for the fight with the banker that was to follow was not easy under these circumstances, "Elizabeth Bennet if stupidity could fly you would be a seagull," she talked to herself. She hated herself because even now and despite everything, she loved him. All the while she was not so sure if she would grant him forgiveness, if he ever asked for it.
"Elizabeth.....," Darcy's voice came in the softest of his tones catching her completely unguarded.
She gave him a blank and a cold stare and uttered not a word, hoping that maybe some explanations would follow but there were none. She felt his eyes feed on the curves of her face and her eyes.
"We'll talk.....," he simply said, "......some other time. Now go for your appointment, I won't be needed there. You'll be fine," he turned abruptly and left. His pride won - he loved her, but he wanted a sign from her. He would help her anyway, but he didn't want her to find out he was involved in it. Having her love only as a payback would be worse than not having her love at all. If she feels anything for me, she'll understand one day.... I hope.
What the hell is going on here? she thought looking after William whose figure swiftly disappeared behind the corner.
"Miss Bennet, I'm so sorry to have kept you for so long, so very much sorry......I hope we can settle this misunderstanding quickly without troubling you very much," Mr. Penniless sounded strangely apologetic, as if he was trying to placate her and calm things down. This gave Elizabeth a lot of confidence, she knew she could play hard with him now. He bulldozed her into an enormous armchair. Taken by surprise she sank in it. It was not very comfortable, having her knees somewhere close to her face - with satisfaction she thought that at least she disappointed the little Clinton in him by not wearing a skirt.
She declined an invitation to a glass of wine or whiskey and started straight ahead accentuating every single word, "So Mr. Penniless, would you be so kind and explain what you actually meant when you threatened Jane Bennet with jail for the incompetence of your workers and failures of the bank's computer systems?" She watched with pleasure how he seemed to shrink in the course of a couple of seconds.
"It's not like that," he started, but she interrupted him and immediately and stood up.
She looked at him quizzically, "I'm sorry Mr. Penniless, it's not like what? If you don't return the money by Tuesday next week, I'm afraid I'll have to notify the police and newspapers, were these not your very own words? I may assure you that Miss Bennet understood every single one of them properly. I am very glad that you express such concern for the well-being of your clients and their accounts, very glad indeed, Mr. Penniless, I am only astonished why on Earth should Jane Bennet return to the bank money that was here for safekeeping? I am sorry, but it is rather unusual for a client to be responsible for the security of his money, don't you think? Not to mention repaying HIS OWN MONEY to THE BANK," it was like hunting game - she needed to trap him first. She allowed her eyes to trail off a bit to give him a chance to catch a breath and then continue the chase.
"But Miss Bennet....," he tried again using the opportunity to wipe off a drop of sweat hanging on his nose, She's even worse than Darcy. The first time he saw her he thought she was indeed very...hmmmm....beddable? He had a liking for women who fought like cats, but he had even more liking for his position, which he was likely to lose if he did anything against William Darcy, and it was the sole reason why he didn't try his luck with her.
"What? Are you going to tell me it was only concern for the public money that made you threaten my sister? Or was it rather a concern for your own business? I assure you that if that case went public, people would be much more concerned for the millions they keep in your bank and the possibility of losing them because of your negligence, rather than for money destined for pathological families," she was not sure about the last bit, but he didn't have to know any of her doubts.
"Indeed, it's simply a misunderstanding, Elizabeth...," he was trying to reassuringly pat her shoulder.
"It's Miss Bennet," she cut him off.
"Indeed, indeed, I am very sorry for keeping you waiting this morning, but I was waiting for a confirmation of a certain information and I am very happy to inform you that we have traced the money in a Bank on Caymans," here he gave out a nervous laugh. "We would have never thought of checking there, because it turned out to be a bank with which we cooperate very closely."
Elizabeth's quizzical smile showed that his logic was not very convincing. Jane would be so happy. She tried not to show what a huge relief she felt when she heard that the money was traced, but he must have sensed it anyway. "I understand that they will be returned immediately," she said.
"You see, the money was traced kind of unofficially. Mr. Darcy arranged for a computer hacker, but hmmm, I am not sure if the board will accept it as an evidence," he tried again to assume his role of a mighty banker. He smiled to her, hardly concealing his sleazy thoughts. Oh, how I would love to teach you a lesson... in bed, oh, I would use your ferocity in a much better way, under my lashing you would be turned into a kitten, you would know that to capture a man you need to be a chef in the kitchen and a prostitute in bedroom, and that nothing more is expected of you. To hell with businesswoman!!!!!!!!! To hell with Darcy!!!!! I'll get as much as I can of you!!!!
William arranged for it? But why? For whom? ..... Penniless wanted him to take the case against me, and instead he found where the money was, is it possible?.... He said that I'll be fine.... oh William....... The pieces of puzzle were now quickly falling into places. Elizabeth stared at Mr. Penniless and absorbed what he just said, she noticed the way he was looking at her, as if he despised her and wanted to humiliate her. She read easily in his eyes and she decided she had no liking of any kind for the author. Fire blazed in her eyes and she raised her head high. There is no playing cat and mouse!
"Mr. Penniless!" Elizabeth's voice had a cutting edge to it, "You throw your absurd accusations at us and you do that having no evidence of any kind!!!! We do have this funny rule in all the courts around this country that the criminal is not the one who needs to prove his own guilt! If according to you I am guilty, then I am not obliged to prove my guilt and certainly I am not obliged to supply YOU with explanations of any kind. You on the contrary are supposed to explain yourself, Mr. Penniless. When opening the account, Miss Bennet and your bank signed a mutual contract which is a subject not only to the State's law but also to the internal regulations of the bank. And my client did not break any of these regulations!!! ANY of them, Mr. Penniless!!! And according to your own regulations you were supposed to ensure the secrecy of the inflows and outflows and the total balance of the account! And it seems that a fairly bright 15 year old with a good computer and a bit of time can play Monopoly, only he can do it with real money!!! It was you who established such, and not other procedures for the money withdrawal, and they were always obeyed. Now you are going to tell me that Jane Bennet is going to be responsible for the withdrawal of the money only because the person who did do it was doing publicity for the fund in the newspapers?! Mr. Penniless, this man was not even established as a proxy to this account!!! Why then and on what basis are you talking about Miss Bennet bearing responsibility for his actions? Why is she supposed to be responsible for you choosing such and not other computer programmes for the home banking system? Why is she supposed to be responsible for your negligence? I understand very well your reluctance in supplying me with evidence of your own guilt." She looked at the now trembling man with a sudden pity, "Mr. Penniless, we should have an understanding here. I don't have any intentions to sink you or your bank. I only want to get the money back. In helping me, you are going to help yourself. You have been cheated as well, but it's not me or my sister who cheated you. His name is George Wickham, he not only stole this money, but he also used my teenage sister. It's him whom you should be looking for. I am more than willing to cooperate, but I want you to know that there is evidence enough to destroy you in court," hardness of a diamond played again in her voice.
She looked at him, seeing no reaction she rose to her feet and turned to the doors, "I am not giving you much choice, but you gave me none as well."
He broke the silence only as she put her hand on the knob, "Miss Bennet?" he hesitated, "why .... why don't you sit down and we'll talk business..... Please?"
Chapter 45
Author's note: some acknowledgments needed: *something goes wrong* bit comes from a song by Anne Lennox, which simply anchored itself in my mind but unfortunately I cannot remember the title; and I owe the inspiration for Darcy's business trip to R. Ludlum and his books - minding that this is after all JA page I have limited my descriptions to the necessary minimum.
Elizabeth left Mr. Penniless's office with a sigh of relief. She had spent the last two hours trying to work out the whole situation. Mr. Penniless was reluctantly giving up his pretensions one by one, but Lizzy first had to scare hell out of him by demanding the details of all the operations or actions he would take, including the statement for the press. She had won, but she was completely exhausted. She pulled out her mobile and immediately called Jane to calm her down and to suggest that maybe the time was right to finally talk to Charles. She was now standing in front of the bank. Mild spring wind tugged her light coat in all directions, so she took it off and let her hair float loose in the wind. The sun was warming her up pleasantly. She didn't have to go back to Gardiner's office until this whole mess was finished and she thought it better not to disturb Jane and Charles at the moment. And anyway she needed some time alone to sort things out.
Elizabeth slowly walked towards St. James Park, she stopped on her way to buy some chips and ice cream. So equipped she strolled towards the coolness of the green lawns and trees and the lake. She sat on the bench, absentmindedly she started sharing her lunch with the ducks, and William was again on her mind. The more she thought about it, the more she regretted not telling him about everything. He shouldn't have had to find out from somebody else. She was wondering how she could be so stupid. Of course then, at Pemberley, she thought she was saving him the trouble of ending the relationship that hadn't really started yet. She assumed that knowing what had happened, he would want to end it, but now it seemed that she was once more mistaken, what she had done now seemed more like a complete lack of confidence and trust in him. She couldn't even bare to think how much she had hurt him, .....again.....
We'll talk, some time later....he said so, he didn't escape and he came to tell me at least this, knowing that I'm assuming him a traitor... She took out her mobile again and started dialing his office number. After pressing three buttons she broke the connection, What will I tell him? Hi, it's me - Miss hot pants, do you feel like finishing the thing we started at Pemberley, 'cos if you don't mind, I might drop by your office or else the fire will consume me? and by the way, I love you. She stared at the phone mumbling curses at herself, she took a deep breath and tried again. She dialed the whole number, but hearing the tone she chickened out again. Mrs Reynolds will answer it and she'll recognise me! Her sister simply MUST have gossiped to her about the night at Pemberley!!!!!!! After a short war of nerves Lizzy poked the buttons again and she waited for quite a while, and just as she was about to give up the phone was answered.
"Darcy, Fitzwilliam, Bingley, attorneys at law, how can I help you?" asked Mrs. Reynolds.
"Could I speak to Mr. Darcy, please?" said Lizzy in a slightly trembling voice, her hands sweating.
"Hello Elizabeth!!!!!!" Mrs. Reynolds obviously had a good ear and recognised her instantly, "I'm sorry, but William is on a business trip, we expect him back in at most two weeks time. Would you like to leave a message? I'll make sure he gets it today or tomorrow. Or maybe not, it's not nice to get personal messages in such a way." Elizabeth could almost hear Mrs. Reynolds's grin, "I have a better idea, here is his mobile phone number, so you kids can talk personally."
"Oh....., th---- thank you very much," Lizzy terminated the connection and sat there biting her lip, while Mrs. Reynolds was already on the phone to her sister at Pemberley to deliver her the latest news about their favourite couple. What to do now? How could he possibly leave so fast? Was it planned? He didn't mention the trip when we were at Pemberley.... Maybe it was arranged at the last minute's notice? And what if he is simply trying to avoid me? He has every right to behave this way.... he did what he felt was right and honest, but he didn't want to have anything to do with me any more.
Lizzy chewed on her bottom lip, trying to stop the tears welling in her eyes. She was not the crying sort but for the last couple of weeks, after all these emotional ups and downs she cried more than ever. She made a decision, If he doesn't want to have anything to do with me, then I want to hear him say it. I don't want to make any more guesses. I seem to have a severe case of density, as far as heart matters are concerned, but then....it's always been this way with me and men - if something goes wrong - I'm the first to admit it, if something goes right - it's apt to confuse me because it's such an unusual thing. She quickly dialed his mobile phone number and waited, and waited, and waited, and it was out of range. She could only leave him a voice message, "William, it's Elizabeth.... You said we would talk and ... and I was trying to find you....and we--- we'll talk later, I guess..."
Darcy's Business Trip - A Couple Of Days Later
Darcy held his breath and spun around in an attempt to avoid the stab. He almost made it. He felt his stomach muscles tighten as the blade cut through his shirt and glided onto his skin. He didn't think any longer and he acted on impulses. He caught the hand and sharply pulled it outward, throwing his body in a spin in the opposite direction. A loud crack of bone, a howl from Wickham and a sudden loosening of his grip on the knife only confirmed that William's instincts were .... effectual. Still, he felt slightly nauseated when he realised what he has just done. Lydia, who was kind of shocked, was lying on the bed where Wickham had left her. She got up and tried to prevent George from attempting another stab.
"You stupid cow!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't you have enough!!!!!!" he screamed and shoved her aside. She would have smashed on the wall but she bounced onto a member of the police squad who intervened exactly one minute after Darcy's entrance to the motel room, as previously arranged.
Wickham instantly tried kicking Darcy in his bleeding stomach, but William jumped away at the last moment. He cut up Wickham's legs and George fell on the floor right on his broken arm and he lost his consciousness. William stood gasping and saw black spots dance in front of his eyes. He looked down and only now he seemed to notice his wound. It was not deep, but because of the contracting muscles it was bleeding profusely. Trying not to slump down, he grabbed a towel. He folded it and pressed it carefully to the cut. He looked at Wickham, who was ministered by a number of policeman and at the crying Lydia, whom George had beaten up severely, who was now taken to the ambulance by a policewoman. He felt his stomach churn.
It was almost a week ago when Ann Haker had located the hacker, an old friend of Wickham's, who broke into the bank's computer system. After an hour of investigation in the darkened rooms somewhere in the underground MI 6 laboratories the guy was as soft as butter and he was sharing every bit of information he had. Darcy notified the prosecutor and he was brought along on his own request. He was worried about Elizabeth's sister. If Wickham's violent records was any indication, then Darcy dreaded that Lydia could pay dearly for her escape from school. And it turned out he was right. The previous night Wickham got drunk and he repeatedly beat her up. Darcy was supposed to occupy George's attention; the police feared that should the squad intervene immediately then the possibilities of Wickham using Lydia as a hostage instantly increased. When William walked into their motel room, Lydia was sobbing and rocking on the bed, with her incredibly bruised arms wrapped around her knees. Now it was all over....he followed her with his eyes. He rather did not suspect that anyone would press any charges against her. Wickham used her, she hmm..., wanted to be used, but not necessarily in such a way as he did.
The cut was not too deep, so twenty stitches, three protocols and one hearing later he was free to go. Before he left he visited Lydia in the hospital. Her bruises contrasted nastily with the whiteness of the sheets. Lydia was uncommonly quiet for her standards, but that did not surprise him that much. He didn't stay long. He asked her not to tell Elizabeth that he was involved in the whole situation and he told her that her family was coming to be with her really soon. She only whispered "yes" and silently followed him with her eyes as he left.
It was all over.... at least for now, until the process. William thought about Elizabeth, and the so-unlike-her, sweet and confused message she had left him, and the memory clouded the physical pain. However he could not bring himself to ring her, he wanted to wait 'til nothing else would come between them. Since he met her, everything in his life had changed. Until then, he hadn't realised how much he had missed, no wrong - he realised how much he missed, but until then no one was able to fill the emptiness the way Lizzy did. He hoped that a thin scar on his stomach would be the only scar left on their relationship.
Chapter 46
Elizabeth slowly followed her father rushing down the hospital's corridor. She dared not look him in the eyes – first time in the years he was effectively knocked out of his literature reveries, and although all the wailing, crying and despairing was done by his wife, there was an amazing sombreness in his gaze. In the course of a couple of days he became an old man. His silence, his slumped shoulders, heavy step and tightly-sealed lips gave him more years than he had. Physically, he seemed to be a broken man. He hadn't spoken a word about the subject, not a comment, not a question. "Dad, please....", she said trying to catch up with him.
Mr. Bennet abruptly stopped in front of the door to Lydia's room. There was giggling and laughter coming out of there. "She can't be as bad as she claimed to be," he said as though relieved and they stepped in.
In a way Lizzy was glad that Lydia was fooling around right then, otherwise the colourful bruises would convince them easily that she indeed was on the verge of death. A young man, a hospital orderly, whose hands have been employed under Lydia's blanket, jerked away as soon as he noticed Mr. Bennet and his stony gaze. "I....," he faltered, "I'll come back later to change the sheets," he stammered and hiding behind his trolley he pushed it out of the room.
"We'll be very much obliged..... indeed," murmured Mr. Bennet ironically, "You must be used to dealing with dirt."
It seems that Lydia's foolishness added only heavy weight to her already previously ridiculous behaviour, thought Elizabeth, in legal doctrines there are four types of guilt and Lydia's one and only guilt -- stupidity -- was not accounted for. That's only fair, she thought, that Lydia also thinks herself stupid - but for getting caught and letting things get so nasty. As if waking up from her reveries, Lizzy noticed that her dad sat down on the side of the bed and Lydia, not knowing what to expect, was inching away from him. Elizabeth walked to the other side of the bed to make her sister's life at least a tiny bit more difficult.
They eyed each other silently, and she instantly saw the way Lydia's eyes widened at her sight and she saw that Lydia was not afraid of whatever might come next from her parents or school, she was more apprehensive of the reaction of her sister, whose boyfriend, as she assumed, she had slept with.
How is it possible, thought Elizabeth narrowing her eyes, that her own sister is so dumb? She clenched her fist in frustration. Seeing this, Lydia lowered her face to hide a smirk. Elizabeth's hand shot out, and she grabbed hard Lydia's chin, pulling her grimaced face up, "I have a sin on my hands for not slapping you earlier!!!" she seethed.
Lydia pulled herself from the grip and moving protectively towards her father laughed out loud, her laughter gradually changing into screaming, "You're just mad because your boyfriend preferred me!!! You wouldn't know how to please a man!!!!"
"Lydia!!!!!!!!!!!!!" called out Mr. Bennet, "What do you think you're doing, apologise to Elizabeth for what you said, immediately!!!!!" It was his turn to raise his voice.
Both his daughters were surprised to hear his raised voice, practically for the first time in their lives, but while Lizzy stood with her mouth slightly open, immediately feeling ashamed for herself and her sister, Lydia panicked and went on, "Why should I? Because she's your favourite daughter?!!?!!?!! You care only about her and about Jane!!!!! Why did you come here at all??!!!"
"How can you be so heartless?!!?!" cried completely shocked Elizabeth.
"It is true, and you know it very well!!!!" Lydia turned to face her and kept on shouting, "He never even talks with us! I'm a complete nonsense to him!!!" she blinked her eyes, and started giving out sobs. "And you can always do whatever you want! And no one ever asked me if I wanted to go to that damn boarding school with all these rich ninnies treating me and Kitty like a piece of shit and complete morons!!!!!"
Elizabeth, completely paralysed, stood at the side of the bed, and her heart was breaking into pieces because she saw how, with each and every one of Lydia's words, Mr. Bennet was wincing and gaping and getting smaller. She could not stand to see this good man suffer so much. "Lydia!!! Shut up! Shut up this very minute!!! I could easily say the same about you girls and our mother!!!! And stop blaming everybody around you for your own mistakes! You have never tried to improve people's opinion of you, you actually did everything possible to have them think meanly of you! And in case you still don't realise it. We were sick with worry about you, and I'm sorry if it disappoints you, but the only reason I am mad is your own stupidity because you could have been killed!!! And this is not Daddy's fault!" Elizabeth stood gasping, wondering what else should she say to get through to Lydia. She was sick and tired of hoping that her sister would understand what she was trying to convey, so sick and tired that she really wanted to smack her squarely and she could not bring herself to do it, because simply enough she was her sister and she loved her.
Lydia chose to sit quietly with her mouth open, and Mr. Bennet spoke in an unusually firm voice, "Elizabeth dear, it's all right. Please wait outside."
"But Dad....," she started.
"Wait outside, I won't be needing you here. We need to explain some things to each other with Lydia," he repeated quietly, his eyes not leaving his younger daughter's face.
For a while it became perfectly still, and she forced a muffled -- "Fine!" then turning abruptly, she stiffly walked out. Lydia watched her with suddenly bleary eyes, and as if only now comprehending what she had said to Lizzy and to her father, she burst out crying.
The door closed, and Elizabeth pressed her forehead to the wall still hearing her sister's muffled sobs and "I'm sorry"'s and "I'm. so sorry"'s.
She tore herself from the wall and walked to the water stand. Thoughts rambled in her head while she was once more trying to understand what was happening with her life, trying to understand how in the course of a couple of weeks she started behaving as if she wasn't herself. She wasn't sure she knew that person, and she was sure she didn't like her. And she had nasty suspicions that she'd always been this way, but only these circumstances brought it out. It all started with Darcy and now her sister and her father. She tried to analyse where she went wrong. She always valued herself highly and she credited herself with a certain dose of significance, even if it was significance only in her own life – that's what her father repeated to her time and time again – to know her value and to fight for herself. Suddenly something struck her: that yes, she followed his advice in that field, but that she tended to unjustly refuse this significance to people who irritated, ignored or offended her, even if it was unintentional. That's how it was with Darcy, had he been nice and amiable to her from the very start, she would not spend so much time belittling his significance in her life. And with Lydia? Well, once she assumed that her sister was a twit, she never gave her more credit than, let's say, Caroline Bingley! It was terrible. And she had to be refused this significance by her own father to realise it.
Oh Lord, I'm doing it again, she thought, as if the most important thing in this whole thing was that my father wanted to deal with Lydia personally, on his own and without my help!!! As it happened very often lately, her thoughts drifted towards Darcy. Was that how he felt when she ran away from Pemberley without a word? If he really cared for her then, and it was something she wanted to believe, she had to believe to have a reason for leaving, if he really cared how much had she hurt him by running away, not explaining, not asking for his help? Now she knew exactly how it felt -- when you worry and you want to help and you get not a very nice thank you, when you care and you get pushed away. Assuming that Lydia's meddling with George Wickham did not repulse him how, could she now convince him that when she escaped she did not mean to rebuff him, that she didn't tell him, not because she didn't have enough trust or confidence in him, but because she was scared?
Chapter 46 B
Mr. Bennet emerged from Lydia's room a considerable amount of time later. He called Elizabeth to sit with her sister for a while. When his elder daughter was getting into the room, he didn't say anything, only gave her a comforting pat on the back and a kiss on the forehead, and later he headed off to call his wife. It was getting dark and on entering the room again Lizzy turned on the light. She didn't have the slightest idea what her father told Lydia, but somehow it made an impact. She laid on the bed, red face with traces of drying tears and a faint silhouette of a guilt etched there. Her older sister looked at her sternly, not being sure how she should approach Lydia – like she would approach a child or a grown up? At the same time Lydia wondered which approach would suit HER better. They agreed that from now on her father would hold her responsible for her actions like a grown up, but giving up discount for wild teenager behaviour with all the family? Maybe there would be no necessity to do so with the whole of the family? she mused and tried to soften Elizabeth with a coquettish smile. But Elizabeth stared back with no response. After a couple of minutes with a sigh of resignation Lydia asked for a glass of water in a weak voice. With almost the same resignation and a sigh Lizzy walked to the table, picked a glass and let the water from the jug trickle slowly into it. She poured a glass for herself and walked back to the bed. She sat Lydia up first, tucked the blanket around her and then handed her the glass, and she did all this instinctively. Then she sat down on the chair by the bed, and they drank. Mechanically she took her sister's glass when she finished.
Lydia's muffled voice reached her when she turned around to displace the cups on the table, "I'm sorry Lizzy."
Amazed she turned back to look at the her, "What for?" she asked – she wanted to know how much really got through to Lydia.
"Ugh, do you really have to make this so difficult for me?" whined Lydia, "you know...."
"I might, but you see Lydia, you had pretensions for not being treated like a grown up, for Dad never really caring what you think or how you feel about things, but have you ever given him a chance? Have you ever listened to him? It was much more suitable for you not to listen and do as you please. Now that you demanded this attention you'll have to take all that it brings - both good and bad. You cannot pick and choose as it suits you and your purposes." Elizabeth found herself unusually calm and confident.
Lydia seemed to be getting smaller and smaller as she realised that each sentence uttered was limiting the possibility of backing out and being again the headstrong, wild, careless self. She demanded consideration from her father and Elizabeth and she was going to get more than she asked for!
"Errr..... could you ... could you then help me with the school and, you know, with those girls and all that stuff? I mean what should I do about it?" Lydia ventured to ask, maybe Elizabeth didn't know how to party wild and good, but it seemed she had an experience in handling obnoxious Sloane ninnies.
Elizabeth laughed, "you mean you would actually listen to what I have to say?" was it possible?
"Ha, let's say that I would not assume it a complete nonsense before I've even heard you." Lydia smiled back. "Lizzy, I'm sorry, you know, for what I have said....ummmm, about you not knowing how to please a man...."
"It's all right, it's not as if what you said was not true – I don't know how to please people, I have too much esteem for myself to be complaisant." Lizzy said self-consciously. "And then people always know straight away when I am not being sincere with them. I really think that life is not about knowing how to please - I do like myself the way I am, and I don't want to spend my life in pursuit of happiness by altering what I think is the essence of me just to please a man." Purposely she had turned the discussion from Lydia's original meaning - it was high time to start talking seriously with her, plus she REALLY did not feel too confident confining her problems with the opposite sex specimens to her sister who was eight years younger - it was simply too embarrassing.
Lydia winked to her meaningfully in a manner of Mrs. Bennet, "Oh, don't worry, it's not that you're awful or anything, you're just a specific type, and not all the guys will fall for you like they do for me!"
Elizabeth groaned inwardly, she knew it was too soon for Lydia's complete transformation, she smiled to herself. Lydia mistook her meaning and went on reassuring Elizabeth, enjoying their new found intimacy, "I'm sure you'll manage to find someone who'll want to stay with you like......eeeee...." She racked her brain for someone and there was ..... none. "Eeee ..... Like that Darcy guy!!!!" she called out triumphantly, nursing this completely new feeling of saying pleasant things and being nice to her sister, "he must like you!!!" In her opinion brooding William Darcy deserved three S stars in her ranking - he was always serious, strict and stoic but -- ding! dong! -- Lizzy's reaction convinced her that he was exactly the kind of guy she would fall for.
Elizabeth stiffened, and dropped her head low, she wished for it to be true but ..., "Lydia, you've seen him once, and then he fired me, so how can you know if he likes me?!"
"Ha, he asked me not to tell you that he was here, but what the hell! If he didn't like you, then why would he find me and bring police with him?!!!" Lydia jumped up excitedly on her bed.
Lizzy jumped up as well, "What??!!! He was here???!!!!!!!"
Her sister continued breathlessly, with excitement noticing Lizzy's reaction, "Yes, he had found out where we were and brought police and...."
She was just about to tell her about the fight but Elizabeth interrupted her, "And he didn't want you to tell me....." she felt as if her insides were quivering. She hid her face in her hands – she felt a big headache coming.
"Oh come on Liz, do you really have to be such a malcontent?!! You always find fault with everything! He had to have a reason for doing this. By the way, would you mind telling me what do you see in him? With his three S's he classifies as a schmooze bucket and he doesn't come anywhere near SNAG."
Lizzy looked at her bewildered, and felt herself age twenty years in span of a couple of minutes, "What the hell are you talking about? What is snag and schmooze bucket?"
Lydia sighed heavily, her sisters were turning out to be complete ignorance as far as men were concerned, and though Elizabeth graduated from two faculties it did not help her at all. She was determined to bring them up to date, just in case one day they decided to come to school for an open day. Resignedly she started explaining, "Schmooze bucket is when the guy has such qualities that you wouldn't consider going out with him even once - and Darcy with his three S's - serious, strict and stoic qualifies pretty well, at least for me. And SNAG is, well, the top badge a guy can get -- Sensitive New Age Guy - giving roses and teddy bears, plus he's easy to manipulate. So, what's with that schmooze, besides the fact he's loaded?"
Elizabeth didn't know if she should laugh or despair at her sister's level of mental and emotional development, in the end she smiled and answered the question evasively, "Well, he's got some hidden charms...." This conversation was becoming increasingly difficult and with relief she welcomed her father's comeback. Within ten minutes she was off to London - things were not so obvious for her as they would be for an outside observer. She determined that if she was stupid enough to blow off her chance with Darcy by running away, she was also crazy enough to try to win him back -- even if it meant she was to spontaneously combust with shame on his doorsteps. He was the first person to whom she was not ashamed of showing who she was, of showing her emotions and desires and dreams - everything except for showing him how much she cared for him. Her secret dream in life was to love - passionately, unconditionally, unashamedly, and now that she knew what she wished, and that she was certain that what she wished was what she wanted, there was no stopping. Under her breath she sang the refrain from the musical, "If you know what you want, then you go and you find it and you get it. And you give and you take and you bid and you bargain or you live to regret it."
Chapter 47
She watched him from the door - his dark head bent over the computer, eyes fixed on the screen and fingers tapping speedily on the keyboard. After a while she said, "I came to thank you for everything. And apologise."
Elizabeth surprised Darcy completely because Louis, who opened the door, did not even bother to announce her arrival, he just waved his hand in the direction of the living room and went back to kitchen to tend to his chocolate truffles (that probably could explain blue daisies apron he was wearing when he answered the door). William's laptop stumbled onto the carpet as he jumped up from the sofa at the sound of her voice. "What?!" he snapped shortly turning towards her.
They stood against each other blinking. William's face paled, did she know? "Thank for what?" he asked harshly while he bent to pick up his computer.
"Everything," she said slightly surprised at his reaction. "The bank, Lydia....."
"Not a problem," he muttered.
"I wanted....." she started.
"But I don't want you to..." he interrupted her gruffly.
Elizabeth wondered if she had been wrong again or if it was some kind of testosterone logic ruling his behaviour.
He looked at her, "I don't want you to thank me," he said it more softly, the fact that he did not want her gratitude did not necessarily mean that he had to hurt her again or scare her away.
She was bewildered, "Please, before I continue making a fool of myself let's establish some grounds for discussion, because I have the feeling we're drifting in completely different directions. If you don't care what I think about it, then why did you bother doing all this?"
It was his turn to stare, "Who told you that I don't care?"
"You yourself, some fifteen seconds ago. Why did you bother then?"
"Elizabeth, isn't it rather obvious?" he asked.
She defensively folded her hands to calm herself, "No, it is not!" although her insides were greedily jumping up from joy and happiness. She wanted him to say those words out loud.
"Because I bloody wanted to help you, but then you went without even telling me what has happened!!! And if you chose not to tell me, then I can only assume you did not want me to be part of it, especially considering what we were involved in that night! And if you didn't want me to be a part of your life, I didn't think it was right of me to go stumping there anyway and compelling you to feel obliged. And still -- even knowing you might not want me there -- it seemed only natural to get involved. Whatever I did I thought only of you, and I wanted you to come back to me, but come back because you need bloody ME, not because you just need to say thank you! And if you want to tell me that you want to thank me and that you hope we're going to be friends, then I'm not sure there is any point in your being here because I just can't have it with you any other way! But I don't want to force anything on you," he slammed the laptop on the table, not able to contain himself any longer.
There was a moment of silence, and he felt Elizabeth's hand on his arm gently pulling him to face her. She took his hand, "I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen to me very carefully." She lead him to the sofa and seated him there and she herself sat on the floor at his feet. She took his hands into hers and then rested her chin on them to look him in the eyes.
He looked at her expectantly.
"I am a chicken William," she stated firmly.
"What chicken?" he took her meaning literally.
She rolled her eyes with a giggle, "A scared one!!!!" but then she continued softly in a husked tone, "But I don't care right now. I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for you, and yet I can't do anything except be in love with you."
Darcy untangled their his hands and pulled her up but she stopped a couple of centimetres from his face.
"And the main reason I left Pemberley without telling you anything was that I thought I could deal with this on my own! That I had no right to burden you with something of the sort, it would look as if the whole thing was planned. I am a chicken William. I was too scared that if I tried to explain it straight away, then you would be polite, show your concern and bid me good-bye. I was convinced that what was starting between us could not last, I was convinced with time you'd understand that it was a good decision for me to go."
An utter disbelief was written all over William's face, when she continued, "And then I thought that it was only my problem and that I had no right whatsoever drag you into it. I thought one was enough -- but it's not true! It takes two, it takes care and patience and fear and despair to change..." she was talking more and more softly and finally she stopped talking altogether and they just looked at each other – William sitting on the couch and she half kneeling on the floor, half hanging from the sofa.
Suddenly they were slightly embarrassed and shy - they had spent so much time denying, pretending and avoiding that simple admittance of their love left them bewildered and unsure how to deal with so powerful intimate feelings of and for each other. It would be hard to determine who moved first. I suppose that acting on impulses they both did and, surprised by simultaneousness of their reaction, they stopped their faces inches from each other. Elizabeth smiled slightly and she pressed her forehead to his, looking into his eyes. He smiled back and moved his head slightly to nudge her nose with his and his hand trailed to pull at an astray curl from her cheek. And then it went down to the back of her neck where he caressed her skin with repeated strokes of thumb. By then she was needing to kiss him, the hunger, this restlessness inside her ... his kiss made her feel undone at the seems.
Some time later Louis interrupted them asking if he should serve coffee and his chocolate truffles and he did not even try to hide his smirk at their tousled and mushy looks. Elizabeth finally sat on the sofa properly - half a meter from William instead of sprawling on him (author's note: hmmm - the other way seems comfortable enough for me ;) and started putting her hair in order while he was straightening his shirt. They grinned happily to each other.
Elizabeth asked, "Tell me, did you really not want me to thank you?"
He inched towards her, "I've told you already - but if you insist, I might give you a chance to show your gratitude some other time."
She blushed profusely and to cover up for it she hit him with a pillow and said cheekily, "I rather suppose that it was a whole scheme, and you did it only to appear more gentleman-like, giving me a chance to back out. And the whole thing was useless because you've had me at 'a hello' on that day in Lambton when I saw you again."
He held her face in his hand, "Liz, I don't think we even realise in what power we hold each other....."
She seemed unsettled, "Does it worry you?"
"No, I'm. relieved to know I'm not the only one being vulnerable," he said smiling. After a while he jumped up excitedly, "Do you want to go back to Pemberley?"
Elizabeth nodded her head energetically and smiled beautifully to him.
He got up, "Come, we'll drive to the centre so that you can get some things and we'll be on our way." He rang for Louis, "We're dropping the coffee, get the car ready, we're going to Pemberley and before that to Miss Bennet's."
Louis grumbled something under his breath and Darcy smiled, "Don't be such a grump, or else I'll tell Miss Jenkins that you don't buy the chocolate truffles, but you make them yourself, and instead of talking about marrying you, she'll carry out her plan."
Louis rolled his eyes, sighed heavily and said to Elizabeth, "It's terrible how these days people have no respect for servant's privacy. And all this just because I allowed him to put frogs into Miss Jenkins bed when he was smaller!" After that he trotted out to get ready.
When they arrived to the centre in the early evening, Bingley and Jane were busy making up (it was an exchange of: "I'm sorry it was my fault" -- "oh no, not yours, it was my fault" and "I could have told you" -- "But I should have seen it and known"). Not wanting to disturb this teary affair Elizabeth and Darcy sneaked into her room. Irrationally - not really - she threw into her bag some of her better clothes suitable for the weekend in a Great Mansion and some cosmetics, while Darcy sat on the floor and indulged himself in the contents of her book shelves. By the time she was finished he was already reading. She came from behind and kneeling on the floor she hugged him leaning on his back, peeking from behind his shoulder, "You can take it with you under condition that you're going to devote as much attention to me!" But the moment he could smell her perfume the book was forgotten on the floor.
The ride to Pemberley was long but nonetheless...pleasant. They talked and laughed and stayed within the reach of a hand of each other (or even less actually), but by the end of the almost four hours long journey Elizabeth was laying on William's lap a bit drowsy. On arriving they found Georgiana had dinner and rooms waiting for them. For all the ups and downs that she'd been through lately and today especially, Elizabeth felt exhausted and excused herself soon afterwards. She had a most wonderful bubble bath and then sneaked under the covers of an enormous four-poster bed. She laid for a moment on her side watching the features of the room. She felt as if she was transferred two centuries backwards and wasn't sure if she was going to fall asleep. Hearing a soft knock on the door she sat up and pulled the cover closer to her, "Come in," she said wondering if she would see the main attraction of such mansions--that is a ghost.
It was the main attraction off this mansion, but his appearance was far from ghostly. William was apparently on his way to his room with some papers and files in his hands. He closed the door and said, "I forgot to kiss you good night."
Elizabeth laughed and propped up the pillow, "Come, I want a bed time story with the kiss as well." She ended up falling asleep in the middle of the story with her cheek pressed to Darcy's arm. Noticing this he moved her slightly, tucked the blanket around her tighter and went on to his room. When she woke up the next morning, she thought that besides always falling asleep on him she would love the sensation of waking up next to him.
Chapter 48
Elizabeth stood looking at the breathtaking sight before her. Dark woods were picturesquely cut with green lawns, small lakes, streams and bridges made of stones that time covered with moss. The coming night only enhanced the overall effect. All this was spreading as far as her eyes could see. Somewhere to the left she spotted Lambton roofs, but her eyes trailed back to the distant Pemberley mansion. "It's so beautiful, it almost hurts," she said under her breath. Darcy stood leaning against the tree but his eyes contentedly trailed on Elizabeth instead of the view. The whole day was exceptionally warm, the evening did not bring much relief, now the stuffiness in the air seemed almost suffocating. The birds ceased singing their sweet tremolos and only here and there black swallows were shooting like arrows. The dark clouds were almost falling from the ripening sky. The nature was all anticipation. A sudden wind brought up the dust from the road and danced it around; the trees whispered of a storm and soon thick drops of rain were coming down, beating up in crescendo as Elizabeth and William ran down the hill covered with clover in full bloom. It was dark already when they came down. They stopped by the side entrance to Pemberley trying to restore their breaths. Darcy looked at flushed Elizabeth and swept her in his arms for a kiss that left her panting even more than before. She held on to him as if his arms were a lifebelt. She felt her knees go soft but before she realised what was happening he was holding her up.
"William, what are you doing?" she asked sombrely when he lifted her up.
"Oh, you mean you were not fainting?" he asked solemnly, as if slightly disappointed.
Elizabeth for a second was convinced that he was actually serious, only the small upward curve of his lips told her he was joking. "I thought you knew I am not a fainting type.... for your satisfaction I could always pretend, but then I wouldn't like to be accused of scheming and acting...," she couldn't refuse herself this small sarcasm. It did not go unnoticed by him, but she observed that he took it a bit better than previously. To placate him she simply stayed in his arms and let him chew on his own anger. Suddenly she felt exasperated, so she did not even try to wriggle out of his arms, and clasped her hands around his neck. Hiding her face in his chest she intoxicated herself with his smell.
It was long ago when Darcy limited the number of staff hanging around the house while he was in. He enjoyed his privacy too much. Mind you, there could be a casino somewhere in the house and it would be hardly noticeable, so much space there was. Still, only Mrs. Reynolds the Second, Louis and chief of security had the admittance to all the rooms without special permission. Other than that people came at specified hours and on Mrs. Reynolds's errands. And so, after going miles through the hall William carried Elizabeth to their favourite reading room (and he was only slightly short of breath) and finally laid his sweet burden in an armchair. The housekeeper knowing their preference, thoughtfully kept the fireplace on for the night. Now it just needed some encouragement and dry wood. He turned around and saw kind of a dreamy smile on Elizabeth's face.
"What?....."
"Oh, I was just wondering what you would look like chopping this wood," her smile broadened.
"And?"
"I declare that if I were nearby such a sight I would find you some other occupation promptly," came the frank answer.
He starred at her for a while and felt his mouth go dry, "Do you want some tea?" he asked instead. He was about to call for it, but then decided not to cause uproar and hurried out to the kitchen by himself. It took him some time, for he was not accustomed to the kitchen and its ways. While waiting for the water to boil he was thinking about relationships she might have had with other men. She did not date anyone, that was obvious, as well as the fact that she had many male friends, who considered her to be their best confidant. He cursed when he mistook marjoram for tea. He had to start anew. When finally, clumsily he got to the room, he stopped. Elizabeth was not in the armchair. He took a couple of steps and swallowed seeing her laying on her stomach in front of the fireplace, gazing dreamily into the flames. He looked and felt like a first rate idiot standing there with a tray. He finally cleared his throat, "Would you mind if I joined you?"
"Not at all, come here," she patted the furry carpet next to her and she sat up. He poured the tea and handed her the cup. She curled her legs up and waited for him to join her. He sat down stretching his legs and leaned against the sofa. She looked up at him. "It has been a wonderful evening, William, I have not enjoyed myself that much in the last couple of months."
Darcy said slowly, "I know they were not easy and I am sorry. It has been all my fault. If I would just keep my mouth shut...," it was not customary for him to lash himself for past mistakes, but he learnt that for the love of woman who was worth it, he would not only do it, but also try not to commit the mistakes again.
Elizabeth felt that maybe she overdid the teasing, he was always taking things so seriously that it would take ages for him to laugh at himself, forget his mistakes and not mind his own follies. Although these had been things that infuriated her in the beginning so much, she loved him exactly for these - seriousness, composure, righteousness, and the well hidden insecurity. She loved him just the way he was. She wanted to relieve some of his anxiousness and said, "Then probably I would not hear the sexiest thing anyone has ever told me..."
He put down his cup and fixed his eyes on hers in amazement, "How ..."
"It was the first time anyone ever told me that they wanted me so much that nothing else really mattered, he he. How many men do you know whose desire would be so big that they would consider marrying someone just because their pictures had been published together in some lousy newspaper?" she stopped, seeing that he was angry. Expression of his eyes almost scarred her.
"Elizabeth, let's get one thing straight. I did not propose just because of the pictures. Although I admit that it sped the process of my realising some things. I have been a very selfish creature throughout my whole life--I wanted you. The desire was burning me down, and even if there was only one way of having you, I was determined to do it--nothing could stop me, nothing else mattered. I would not admit honestly to myself that the article created a really good excuse for me. I was supposed to be mad at myself for wanting you so much, and when the article was published, I could turn all of my anger against you. I was so sure of myself that until you refused me, a possibility of such answer never actually crossed my mind. I learned to love you only after you had left me for good. From then onwards I missed you more than I will ever be able to express. And then I thought that you preferred Wickham...," he fumed. Then he looked away from the fireplace and was startled to see tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. "Now, just don't tell me I've been mistaken once more? Did I offend you? Please forgive me...Elizabeth. I... it was so hard to go on pretending we were just friends. If I have been hard on you, I never really chose to be. I never wanted anyone so badly. I have been deceiving myself that this is only physical, that I will find someone else, but after you refused me, I understood that my feelings for you go far beyond desire. And then it seemed that you and me were going parallel, together as friends but still apart....You gave it a perfect distance and it was tearing me apart," his voice shook. "Then there was that night of Georgiana's concert and then I almost lost you.... Elizabeth, please do not cry."
She shook her head and tried to wipe away tears, she moved closer. She knew that Darcy again had the point. There was nothing but truth and honesty in his words. He enveloped her in his arms and rocked her. They kept silent for a while. His heart was beating a steadying staccato rhythm. He wiped her face and she embraced him around the waist and rested her head on his chest. He gently stroked her hair.
"Thank you for being so elaborate on the topic. It means a lot to me," she finally said, trying to restore to her usual cheerfulness.
The next thing he knew were her silky lips gently placed on his. She slowly withdrew and they looked into each other eyes and they kept them locked. Yes, the passion was there, but also the understanding that was missing before, and tenderness and the promise.... Elizabeth returned to her previous comfortable position to eavesdrop on his heart and started talking again. She knew, she felt that everything that should have been said long ago should be said. And then the only thing they could do was try to be happy. She sensed that they would be, there were few who went through so much as they did before even starting the relationship, still there were so many things she wanted to tell him.
"It really does. I... William....it is the first time that I can actually say that I love. Not that I am in love, or have a crush.... but that actually I really love you! And I don't care if it scares you! Somehow I understand myself better now that I share myself, my thoughts with you.... and I want to know that I fill your thoughts the way you fill mine." She sighed, now the dam was broken and she was pouring things out of herself, "It was always Jane that the guys would go nuts about, and I cannot say that I am surprised. Do you know how desperately I wanted them to like me? How hard I have tried? Finally I decided that something had to be done to limit the number of people whose opinions could affect me. Unless they cared for me, or had done me some good, or held out some promise, why should their views matter? I started laughing at them, but also I had learnt to laugh at myself, and I survived.
"Then there was university and it was a new life altogether. It was such a great feeling to be accepted and liked; my mind was finally finding enough stimuli for thought, good conversation, but still not one male seemed to wish to share and experience things with me... I mean I had male friends, but they were friends only. I would lie if I told you I did not want to be loved and cherished and trusted.... and accepted, yes accepted was most important of all those for me. It was so bitter sometimes, knowing they would accept me as a friend, but that I did not exist for them as a woman. I learnt to live with it. Now I simply think I had more to offer than any of them would be able or willing to handle, and it's thanks to you—you made me think like that of myself.
"All those times at the beginning when I got so mad at you for your criticism and comments... I would not admit it openly, but I savoured each word you said. When they hurt me or not suited my humour; it was so simple to attribute to you all the mean intentions."
She continued in a more merry manner, to cheer the atmosphere up, "Then guys would only notice me because of Jane. Whenever there would be a hunk on the horizon, the first thing he would do was befriend me to get through to Jane. You know the technique of 'I might be ugly but I am also warm, tender and sentimental?' They would be hanging around hoping that Jane would turn her attention to them some time. Meanwhile, I was their best buddy, but mysteriously none of them thought that I might be fed up with listening to how they suffer because my sister does not want to go out with them. I was forced to listen how they planned a night out with her and then they would take me for a beer and a football match. It was so frustrating at times..."
Darcy's chest started shaking, he simply could not restrain laughter any longer.
Elizabeth gave him an admonishing look, "And then, I remember this one date when I told the guy I liked a lot that I was a virgin, and after the dinner he drove me home, and when I asked him when I would see him again, he said that it was our last date. Do you want to know why? He said that a twenty-three year old virgin is quite suspicious and that there must be something wrong if other guys have not tried their luck with me."
Darcy got serious and simply said, "Dearest, these fools did not have any idea what they were losing. I guess I am the big winner here," he started devouring her lips, "....You are beautiful.... sexy.... talented.... damn intelligent lawyer....," the rest of his reply was spelled out directly onto her lips.
She was kissing him back, "... Don't stop....... Keep on talking.... I rather...umm.....like the way you like me.... uhmm..." By then Darcy's lips transferred to her neck and his hand strayed swiftly to her breast. "Honey, I need to tell you something, though...," she stopped him for a while.
He ripped himself from his activities and tried hard to concentrate on her face, "What is it this time?"
"I cannot cook...," she replied meekly and ducked to engage herself with his earlobe.
While she was transferring her attentions from his neck to his chin, William considered what she has told him for a while, "That is an obstacle of a serious nature, but you know what? I do not give a damn." And then he slowly pulled her head and delicately kissed her. Elizabeth's fingers strayed to the buttons of his shirt. She was undoing them one by one, until she was able to insinuate her hand under it. Darcy sighed heavily, "Elizabeth, what are you doing?" he asked throatily.