Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV, Next Section
Chapter 10 A ~ A Pig, a Trip, and Charles
Thursday
December 9 1998
5:00 p.m.
Eric Homman (the Pig) sat on his couch staring at the photo album resting on his lap. More and more lately he found himself doing this activity. There was a certain routine to be followed: he would pour himself a scotch and water, pick up the heavy album he kept hidden from view in a kitchen cabinet, settle down on his couch and torture himself for a good hour by reviewing the pages within.
This was not healthy.
Yet, for the third time this week, he listened to the creaking sound the binding made as he lifted the outer cover. Eric had rearranged the picture order inside the portfolio a few weeks ago, around the same time he told Julie he could not see her anymore.
Eric was going through 'some growth issues' and a having a relationship with Julie at this time would take away from his ability to focus on himself and his therapy. Mind you, it was not Julie that was the problem. She was a lovely young woman who had much to offer some man. Instead, it was him. He needed space to work on his inability to explore his 'inner self'.
Eric was only protecting Julie's heart by telling her the truth of the situation, but he could not stand watching her cry afterwards, so he drove her home.
Brushing the thought of Julie from his mind, he looked lovingly at the picture in front of him.
Ahh Jane. What a beautiful bride you made. The glow on your face is something I will never forget for as long as I live. I remember how your voice trembled when you said your vows. You were so frightened being the center of attention up in front of all of those people, but I reached over and held your hand. It gave you the courage you lacked on the most important day of our lives.
After a brief reflection, he turned the page to the next picture-their first kiss as man and wife. Eric could almost hear the 300+ people cheering in the church as he gazed at it.
I looked really good in that tux.
The next picture was of Jane and him running out of the church under a shower of birdseed. Smiles, like the ones on their faces could not be bought; they have to be felt. Eric sighed as he recalled their conversation in the Limousine. Jane admitted to him her relief that the ceremony was over as they rode alone to the reception. Such innocence! Angels like that are hard to find, and that was his Jane…a pure, sweet, uncorrupted Angel.
Why Eric put the next picture where he did, he was not certain. It would have been better for him to throw it away, but it did represent something to him.
It was of Jane in her gown while surrounded by her sisters.
There is no comparison-Jane's beauty outshines them all. The two little ones were hardly worth notice. They were both at awkward stages in their childhood and pretty ugly. What was the youngest girl's name again…Linda? Who knows? Then there is Mary, always so slow with a smile. Too many hours spent studying I think.
Eric's eyes lingered on the remaining sister. He had mixed emotions about that particular image. She had an untamable spirit about her that some men found appealing. Reminiscing about the first time he met her, he was able to see her clearly in his mind. Elizabeth, with two long braids hanging down her back looking like something left over from the Hippie Era. Berkeley obviously had a profound influence on her and her attitude because she was nothing like her older sister. She voiced her opinions openly and without restraint; being too forthright at times.
Of course, he would never marry a woman like that, but…
Maybe a future discussion on Elizabeth with his therapist was in order. He was beginning to wonder if being exposed to her was the beginning of his downfall? Was Elizabeth in some way inadvertently the cause of his 'selfish phase'? She did have a fire about her that would attract attention--even from the most devout men. Jane was by far superior to her in every way except for one…she lacked Elizabeth's vitality.
Eric slammed the book shut due to an overwhelming sense of remorse he was feeling.
This was not beneficial to his well being.
Elizabeth was always so horribly rude to him every time she saw him, and fire or not, he could care less if she dropped off of the face of the Earth. Right now he wanted to think about what he had lost when Jane moved out of their house.
A friend, a confident, a charming spouse, a partner. All gone because of his own lack of control. Jeanne was not worth what it had cost him, although at the time he had thought so. If only he had not confessed to Jane that he loved Jeanne, he might right now be sitting in his former house with her. Maybe they would be getting ready to go somewhere. Maybe they would be happy.
Eric really did believe he could wear Jane down during their divorce. The confidence he felt after he stopped seeing Jeanne was strong, and sure…there were several women through the course of the year and a half it took before the divorce papers were signed, but he was willing to change his ways to have her back. This time he would have taken marriage counseling seriously!
Where Jane found her resilience puzzled him. She had never shown that much strength during their marriage. If he did not know better, he would have sworn she was seeing someone else, but his friends at the hospital assured him she was going to her rented home alone every night.
Well, I was a pig and deserved what happened at the time. But now I have gotten the therapy I desperately needed and have a new understanding about commitments and monogamy. If only my Jane could see the changes, maybe she would forgive me and give me a second chance. I wish I could just talk to her and convince her…
Eric stood up and carried the photo album back into the kitchen. Opening the door to the lazy susan, he put the book inside and rotated the revolving shelf before closing the door.
There was a reception at the club tonight for George Ryan and Eric wanted to meet the Republican governor-elect. Being invited to the party was a given; he never had any doubt he would be one of the town's elite attending.
Eric just hoped no one would say anything about his coming alone. He had placed himself on dating restriction and would remain so until he had his feelings sorted out.
He had changed.
Thirty minutes later.
Lydia was so easy.
Eric was thankful the girl had answered the phone and not her mother. She just gave him the information he asked for without him having to resort to making himself sound remorseful.
There was still an hour before he had to leave for the party so Eric dialed Jane's number and waited. He was feeling quite down after reliving their wedding day through pictures and was missing her terribly.
"Hello?" It took her five rings to pick up.
"Jane, this is Eric. I have some documents for your taxes next year that you are going to need. Is Keller still representing you?" In truth, he had one pretty worthless paper that she did not need, but it was an excuse for him to be in contact with her. Jane wouldn't know the difference anyway.
"How did you get my number?" Her angry reply did not phase him. He knew how to handle her.
"Jane, come on. I'm doing you a favor. I just want to know where to send these papers." Play innocent, Eric.
"Okay," some of her gruffness was gone. "No, Keller is no longer representing me. Send them to my parent's house."
"Hang on while I check my address book to see if they are listed." Eric was smiling as he sat down on the couch. He picked up his drink and took a long, slow sip.
"They are in the brown one." Jane impatiently tapped her foot on the floor. She was in the middle of selecting some music to play and didn't want to waste anymore time on Eric than necessary.
"You always knew where everything was." Eric said sweetly. "Let me check my desk, it will only take a minute." He took another swig of his scotch as he put his feet up on a footstool.
"Hurry, I have plans."
"Friends from work?" Probably family. "I saw Sheila the other day. Isn't that the woman you use to work with? She was at Olive Garden with her husband. What is his name?" Eric wanted to find a connection for him and Jane to talk about, and Sheila was her closest friend from work. He never cared for the woman or her stupid husband, but Jane was rather fond of them.
"Tom." She answered absently. Jane had Sarah McLachlan's newest CD in her hand trying to decide if it was what she wanted to play.
"That's right. Tom. So, how is your new job? Does it keep you busy?"
Jane did not answer him because she was not listening. Time was of the essence right now, and she wanted everything to be perfect. Tonight was very important to her.
"Jane are you still there?"
"Yes, have you found the address book?"
"I'm at my desk right now." He lied. "Oh, I have a surprise for you. I found your diploma from U of I. Would you like me to send it with the papers? I still have your graduation…"
Jane pulled the receiver away from her and looked at it with a disgruntled sneer. Was Eric really that ignorant to think that she would engage in friendly chitchat with him? Jane put the phone back up to her ear.
"You know, I could really care less. In fact, let me make this easy for you. If you don't have my parent's address, just send the papers over to Keller's office. I have better things to do right now than to listen to you. Don't ever call again. Is that clear? Say it Eric…say 'I will never call you again, Jane'."
Eric was floored. Jane was even more hostile than the last time he had spoken to her. He was beginning to doubt she was even worth trying to talk to. He had given her plenty of time to get over being mad at him, and yet she still held a grudge. Maybe Jane had changed, too. Only she did not change for the better! She was getting bitchy.
"There is no reason to get angry, Jane. God, what has happened to you? Are you that miserable?"
"Nope, just the opposite. Good-bye." Jane hung up the phone. His time was up.
She checked her watch. There were only ten minutes until Charles would arrive, and she wanted the candles lit before he was there. This was their last night together before she went to Poland for eight days, and they had a lot of ground to cover.
The anticipation was great for her and she could hardly wait for his knock on her door. Their relationship was going both fast and slow at the same time, but her plan to live one day at a time was working out well.
Charles had proven himself to be conscious of her fears and in those areas he treaded very carefully. Other than the slip-up he said in his sleep, he had not verbally expressed his deeper feelings. Instead, he made her feel special through his thoughtful actions.
There was no need denying it, Jane adored him and she let him know it in her own way, like she was tonight.
She lit the final candle as the knock came. Jane quickly blotted the lipstick off of her lips and went to answer the door with a smile on her face. Charles had no qualms about greeting her with his customary kisses in front anyone who happened to be in the hallway, so she had to catch him fast.
Jane reached out and grabbed his arm, yanking him in the door and closing it. The entire action took about two seconds.
"Good evening, Charles."
"Jane." He leaned down kiss her, but stopped halfway. She had pulled him into the apartment so quickly that he had missed the candlelight and music when she had opened the door. Jane watched him look around.
"I thought I'd recreate our first date tonight." Charles turned back to her with appreciation as she finished her explanation. "Except I didn't make rabbit, I don't have the talent for that. Or the Torte. And I couldn't find the song we danced to." Jane made a face, then smiled. "But, I did cook German. And I did find enough candles so we could see."
"And you wore the red dress." Added Charles as he ran his hands down her sides.
"Yes."
"But, I didn't bring you flowers since you're leaving tomorrow."
"Well, then out with you." She teased as she pointed toward the door. "Everything is ruined now. I worked so hard to have everything exactly the same."
"Will you forgive me this once?" His arms went around her waist and his eyes dropped to her lovely form.
"I don't think so, because you also forgot to kiss me when you came in."
"That I can remedy." He inched closer to her, but Jane pulled her head back.
"I'm not going to make my decision until after you kiss me. The better the kiss, the better your chances of staying." She mischievously gave him his mock warning.
His shadow fell across her face as he lowered his head so he could look at her. Jane could see it; she could see that he cared for her. It was in eyes and his expression, and in the way he traced her cheekbones with his thumbs. She felt warm and safe when she was with him, and this was something Jane never had before. Why hadn't they met years ago? Her face became serious and all of the laughter she had shared earlier changed into wonderful contentment.
It still amazed Charles that he was actually with Jane. If he had believed in fate, their being together at this very moment would have been proof enough of its power. Neither had been looking but stumbled upon each other, and from that first meeting, their lives had changed. He had found a woman who brought out his best, and when he was rewarded with a touch of hand or a smile from her, nothing else could compare. Jane was more than he had ever expected, and yes, she did make the world revolve and the sun shine.
The soft music in the background set the tone for the sweet tenderness that was exchanged. Hands traveled over paths familiar and not, while lips were drawn to the skin. Jane could feel his pulse against her mouth as she pressed it to his neck and it was enough to make her forget her surroundings as her body filled with a want to have him closer.
But, his whispering her name into her ear caused her to cease her motion as the tingling sensation traveled throughout her, waking sleeping nerves from their slumber. An escaped moan from her was answered by one of his own, and the course for the evening was set.
"Charles…" She had to speak softly because her senses were acutely aware of every movement and utterance, making each magnified in intensity. She could hear her own heartbeat echoing in her head and it was beating out a rhythm demanding to be imitated by body.
"How close is dinner to being done?" Jane could feel the moisture from his breath against her cheek after he spoke. She knew what his question was leading to and she wasn't going to discourage him.
"It's in the oven staying warm."
"Jane?" He needed her now, and holding off until later was no longer an option. Her fingers had found their way under his shirt and the lightness in which she explored him almost brought his breathing to a halt.
"We can eat later."
Charles removed her hands from his skin and led her into the bedroom.
Gdansk, Poland
Joanna and Jane stood on the shore of the Baltic Sea. The sea itself was rough and the whitecaps were incredible to watch although the pre-winter weather was becoming too bitter to be out in the open for long. With her shoes off and pants rolled up, Jane stepped into the icy water and put a glass bottle into it until it was full.
"Jane, we have been together for two days. I must say that you seem happier than I expected. How is your life…I mean really, how is your life?"
Jane placed the cork tightly in the neck of the bottle and accepted the towel Joanna handed her.
"I am doing good, Joasia. There are still times when I feel overwhelmed, but I have fought hard to come out of it on my own. I haven't taken any medicine this time, although I do have it at the apartment if I need it."
"Was that wise?" Joanna remembered all too clearly the events of last year. Jane had sunk so low that Joanna seriously considered an unplanned trip to the States to help her. Jane had refused to talk to her family about her problem, let alone join them for the holidays, so that left Joanna as the main support person in her life. They had been friends for too many years for her not to be alarmed by Jane's messages and phone calls, and Jane's tendency to put her own well being on the back burner did not mix well with depression. She had waited to get help until she was so bad off that she could not go into work anymore.
"I believe so."
"Are you doing better because of Charles?" Joanna did not want to see her friend exchange a man for medicine. If she was going to tackle her blue moods on her own, she wanted it to through herself and not another person.
"I will not say that being around him doesn't help, because it does. But, I am also finding something inside of myself that has helped turn me around. I'm realizing that I have rights."
"Explain."
"I have the right to say 'No', and I have the right to make myself happy. Joasia, I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to keep everybody content, and I've come to understand that this is close to impossible to do. I'm finding that if I do not set limits, then the more I give, the more people expect and the harder it becomes to please anyone. So, now I give to others what I feel like giving, and don't feel as guilty if it is not enough."
"Have you stopped caring about other people?"
"No, not in the least. I just don't kill myself bending over backwards anymore. Let me put this another way…I don't act 'happy' if I'm not."
Joanna smiled and put her arm around her dear friend as they walked the beach. It sounded like Jane was doing something about letting people take advantage of her, and for this Joanna was relieved. While they were roommates at U of I for the first three years of college, she had watched Jane give up her own happiness for other people time and time again.
"You have not told me much about your father."
"Really, Joasia, there is little to tell because it is still early. From what I observed, he is adjusting to being home, although my mother is making him nervous. I am of the opinion that he is going to be fine. Did I tell you about my mother was feeding his Seeing Eye dog steak?" Jane grinned at her.
"No! Did your father find out?"
"Oh, yes. He said something about her turning Rex into a lap dog, and them forbade her from having anything to do with him." They laughed as they got into Joanna's car. "I think he will calm down soon enough."
"That is promising!"
Jane's flight had gotten in late the night before and this morning after she had made all of the necessary phone calls; she left to go to Charles's house. He was at work, but it was Lillian she wanted to see on this visit.
"Jane, you must tell me all about your trip." Lillian was so happy she stopped by so soon after returning home.
"I come bearing gifts today, so be prepared." Jane had stopped by an one-hour photo developing shop on her way over so she could show Lillian the pictures she had taken."
"Gifts are good, let us start there!" The old woman's smile was from ear to ear.
Out of the large bag she had brought, Jane pulled out four hand-blown bottles. They were not very large, but the contents of each were priceless to Lillian.
"From Poland, I bring you," Jane explained each bottle as she put them down on Lillian's tray. "Soil from Warsaw, water from the Baltic, sand from the shore, and air from your motherland."
Lillian was speechless for a moment. Of all of the gifts Jane could have brought home with her, none could have been more precious than what she had placed before her. It had been so many years since Lillian had stepped foot in Poland, yet Jane had brought her back a pieces of it in colored glass. Lillian, like so many of us, believed that she would return home 'soon', but time silently slipped away and her 'soon' eventually became 'never'.
"Oh, Jane. How can I ever thank you?" Lillian covered her mouth with her hand. She tried not to shed any tears, but they came anyway.
"You do not need to thank me, Lillian." Jane sat on the edge of her bed. "It was my pleasure."
Jane hugged the older woman close to her for several minutes. She had no idea what Lillian was experiencing as she neared the end of her life so she did not say anything, but comfort was something she could give. Lillian patted her on the back when she felt better. Jane had brought so much peace into their home, she wondered if Jane realized this.
"Would you like me to open the water so you can smell it?" Jane picked up the small blue bottle and grinned like a child.
Lillian shook her head in agreement.
"I think we should leave the air bottle corked, though." She gave the woman a wink. "It will defeat the purpose if we let the air escape."
Charles was able to get out of work early due to some creative scheduling by Marilyn. What he witnessed standing in the doorway of his Grandmother's room made him thankful for the day Jane Bennet came into his life.
On Lillian's bed were two napping women. There were pictures and newspapers spread out in front of them, and what appeared to be an opened box of chocolates on the bed tray.
Lillian was still holding some pictures in her hands as she slept, and Jane's head was on an extra pillow. They had clearly had a full day together.
As Charles came into the room, he motioned to the nurse to be quiet. He wasn't ready to wake them just yet. An opened bottle of Polish beer was on the nightstand, along with two glasses. Now he knew why Jane had asked him if Lillian could drink.
"Jane," he whispered, "Jane, I am home."
She opened her eyes to see Charles smiling face. "Oh, did I fall asleep?"
"You did. Do you want to sleep some more?" He could not resist and kissed her. The eight days she was gone seemed more like a month.
"No, it must have been the jet lag." Jane was being as quiet as she could as she removed some clutter off of her lap. "We made a mess, didn't we?"
"We'll clean it later." He gently helped her off of the bed so they would not wake Lillian and left the room together to go down to his study. Once inside, Charles closed the door.
"I've missed you," he said as he kissed her face. "Tell me you had a good trip and that you can stay here for a while tonight."
"I did and I can," she said as she kissed him back, " I've missed you too."
Chapter 11 ~ When Shopping At The Mall, You May Find More Than You Bargained For.
Posted on Friday, 23 April 1999
Monday
December 21 1998
6:05 p.m.
Three sisters stood side by side next to the entrance of the mall.
"Okay, we get in and we get out." Mary looked around as if she was expecting to be attacked by the enemy at any moment. "None of this dilly-dallying crap. In and out."
"Lighten up, Mary," Elizabeth sighed. "Our appointment isn't until seven. We have plenty of time."
"I agree." Jane added. "I don't see what the big rush is anyway, the mall doesn't close until nine. We could get some last minute Christmas shopping done while we are here."
Mary and Elizabeth turned to Jane. Staying until the mall closed was not part of the plan.
"Jane, this is not a pleasure trip. We're here for our final dress fittings." Mary was going to make sure her point was very clear to her.
"Do you have all of your shopping done?"
Mary took out her Palm Pilot and checked.
"I have William left. Everyone else was done online."
"Great, Mary. I'm really looking forward to your gift this year!" Elizabeth teased. "Did it take you all of five minutes to find it?"
Mary gave her a frustrated look. "I hate malls. Let's just get this over with so I can go home."
Jane came up with a quick plan since she had already spied something she wanted to check out.
"Why don't we split up until seven, then meet on the second floor of Saks? Elizabeth, aren't you in charge of getting our family 'kiddy gifts' this year for any children showing up on Christmas day? There is a toy story a few shops down."
"Already done." Elizabeth's mind was else where. "Mary, what are you getting William?"
"I don't know. Do you have any suggestions?"
"Yep, I sure do. William would like some silk pajamas. You know, the type that has long bottoms and a nice looking shirt. Nothing too wimpy looking, maybe in black or gray…although white looks good…"
"I'm not getting William silk pajamas! Yuck!"
"Why not?"
"Because it is like me asking him to buy me underwear! Does he really wear those?"
Elizabeth motioned her closer. "Not yet. But, I read an article in…"
Jane walked away from the two of them shaking her head. They were going to be there a while.
Saks 7:30 p.m.
The tall, thin woman with a tape measure finished checking Jane for her gown to be worn at Mary's wedding.
"That should do it. You can get dressed now." She smiled up at Jane. "By the way, I'm jealous of your waist line."
Jane returned the smile back at her as she left the fitting room.
Mary was pacing outside in the waiting area. She was the first to get fitted, and her gown was going to need only one alteration before it was finished. Her patience was wearing thin because she did not realize it was going to take so long, so she went to Jane's door and knocked as soon as the store employee left.
"Jane, can I come in?"
"Sure, Mary. I'm just getting dressed."
Mary walked in and closed the door behind her.
"I am so bored out…Jane!"
"What? What's wrong?" Jane saw the shocked look on her sister's face.
Mary wasn't sure how to say this delicately, so she just said what was on her mind. "You are so thin."
"And?"
"No, I don't think you understand. You are very thin. Have you been sick?"
"No, I have not." Jane, who was still in her underclothes, looked at herself in the mirror and shrugged her shoulders. She looked the same as she always did.
Mary knew Jane did not comprehend what she was saying, so she started to take off her clothes.
"What are you doing, Mary?" It was now Jane's turn to be shocked.
"I want to show you something." She slipped out her jeans. "You and I are the same height, correct?"
"Yes. Why are you undressing?"
"Look in the mirror." Mary, also clad only in her underclothes, stood next to her. "Jane, I'm trying not to judge here, but I want you to compare the way we look against each other."
Jane's vision went from her reflection to her sister's. She wasn't sure what point Mary was trying to make. They were two different people, so of course they would not look alike.
"I am at the correct weight for my height and bone structure. Look closely, Janie. See my arms?" Mary held her arm next to Jane's. "Do you see how mine are fuller, and how the bones are not showing?"
Jane jerked her arm back and stepped away from the mirror.
"I don't want you to feel bad about yourself. I'm just concerned."
"Mary, you don't have to worry. I eat three meals a day and take vitamins. I'm just thinner than you are. You're making a big deal out of nothing."
"What do you eat? Do you eat meat and fruit?"
"Yes, and I eat out, too. Just last night Charles and I went to dinner and I assure you, I ate my fair share."
"Do you…?" Mary made a gesture.
"No, I do not vomit! I'm an exercise nut, but nothing more." Flabbergasted, Jane looked away from Mary.
"How much do you exercise each day?"
"I don't really keep track." Jane lied.
"Did you exercise longer on days after you have eaten out?"
Jane would not answer the question and told Mary to leave so she could get dressed.
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad."
"You could have fooled me. Why don't you go into Elizabeth's dressing room? I weigh the same as she does and I'm…"
"She is also two inches shorter than us, and she has an illness that makes it difficult for her to gain weight." Mary dressed herself. "Please, I am sorry if I offended you. I'm not good at things like this. I just don't want you to get sick."
"I'm not sick."
Mary looked to the ceiling, trying to keep herself from getting emotional. "I'll wait for you outside."
Jane did not return to the mirror until the door was closed. She could not see what Mary was talking about.
It was still early when they finished at Saks and Mary and Elizabeth wanted to stop inside an Irish Pub located near the mall entrance doors. Jane was driving, so she refrained from drinking, but the other two ordered a draft and sat at a table in the crowded bar.
Jane had been quite since her incident with Mary in the dressing room, and if Elizabeth had not insisted on going to O'Malley's, she would have been happy to end the evening.
"You two should try the Irish stew here, it's really good." Elizabeth pointed at their waiter. "Jane, can you stop him and get him to come back. It's hard for me to get out of my chair."
"Sure," Jane scooted her chair out and went in the direction of the young man. She froze about ten feet away from her table and came close to passing out.
At a table in a corner was Charles. He was sitting with an attractive woman of about Jane's age. She watched as he took hold of the woman's hand while he was talking to her. It was all very intimate and cozy. Then he leaned over and kissed the other woman on the cheek while he said something in her ear.
Oh God. It's happening again.
Jane fled back to her sisters. Her hand was on her chest and she could not catch her breath. Alarmed, Elizabeth and Mary jumped up for their chairs and sat Jane down, but she pointed to the door to indicate that she wanted to leave.
"Can you breathe?" Jane shook her head yes, although she could not.
"Liz, let's get her out of her. The cigarette smoke is thick."
Elizabeth threw some money on the table and caught up to Mary and Jane at the door of the bar. Jane was getting paler by the second and beginning to sweat. They found a bench outside of the pub and helped her to it. Jane grabbed a bag Mary was carrying and she began to breathe into it. It wasn't too long until she had herself under control.
"Lizzy," she asked dryly, "please go get my bags. I don't feel well and I need to go home now."
Jane wanted to escape the mall before Charles saw her.
"I'll be right back. Mary, why don't you go get Jane's car for her?"
"No, I want to walk outside. I need the cold air. Let's leave."
9:23 p.m.
There was a knock at the door and Jane answered it without thinking. Charles was standing on the other side.
"I was out tonight and thought I would stop by." He gave her a half-hearted smile.
Jane prepared to close the door on him. She would have been angry with him, if it did not hurt so much. Seeing him with another woman was more than she could tolerate. They never had an understanding about seeing other people, but she had assumed...well, there was the problem-she assumed.
"Jane, what is the matter?"
"I don't want to see you anymore."
Jane closed the door and locked it.
Cleaning Up The Cobwebs
Saturday
December 22 1998
1:00 p.m.
Charles placed the call to William from his office.
"Hello Charles, are you ready for tonight?" William was referring to the bachelor party Steven's brother Jeff was holding for Steven tonight. Since Charles was coming with Jane to the wedding, he had been included in the invitation list.
"That is why I am calling. I will not be attending." Charles voice was even and unemotional.
"Is it Lillian? How is she doing?"
"Lillian is not doing well today." He paused to contemplate telling William the complete reason why.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you need anything?"
"No, not really. It has been a long 24 hours." There was a short pause before he added, "I saw Ellen last night."
"Ellen? Why?" William sneered when he heard the name.
"I ran into her while I was out."
He silently hoped Charles was not getting involved with Ellen again. She had burned him beyond recognition the last time, and William's opinion of her was very low.
"What did she have to say?" William did not want to hear about her as much as he wanted to hear Charles's reaction to seeing her after so many years.
"She has a practice downtown and is happy in her position, Ellen went on and on about it. She's married now, and has a baby. Ironic, is it not?"
"It's something else!" William chalked up another reason to dislike the woman.
"She apologized to me. Six years later, she decided to apologize. You would have been impressed, William, I took it rather well."
"I'm sorry about that, Charles. Have you ever told Jane the story behind Ellen?"
A long break in conversation followed William's question.
"Jane. Now, there is another story. I went by her house last night and she told me that she didn't want to see me anymore."
"What?"
"This is the reason I am not going tonight."
"Charles, that does not make sense. Did you have an argument?"
"No. She did not explain her reason."
"Elizabeth said that Jane didn't feel well last night. But Charles, she bought you a Christmas present while she was out. Why would she do that and then break it off?"
"I wish I knew. She's not talking." Charles didn't try to call her after he left her apartment. He was in a state of disbelief.
"Something doesn't sound right."
Neither spoke for a moment. One was wondering what he could do to help out his friend; the other was trying to figure out what he did wrong to make her reject him.
"Charles, are you still there?"
"Yes, but I have two more afternoon appointments coming in soon. I should be going." Charles needed to clear his mind before his patients arrived.
"I'll call you later. Good-bye."
William hung up the phone and called out for Elizabeth.
2:33 p.m.
Bang… Bang… Bang.
Jane was not in the mood to answer the door, but whoever it was would not go away. She pulled herself off of the couch and asked who it was.
"Elizabeth. Let me in."
Jane grudgingly opened the door, armed with an excuse on the tip of her tongue.
"I don't feel well, Lizzy." She didn't look well, either.
Unexpectedly, Elizabeth came inside the apartment and wrapped her arms around Jane, holding her close.
Jane broke down crying as Elizabeth closed the door with her foot. It was not only Charles that she was weeping over. It was Mary confronting her about her weight, and an undeniable feeling that her life was never going to be normal again.
She sobbed for a good ten minutes while Elizabeth rocked her. Jane could not have said a word if she wanted to during this time, and her sister remained silent along with her. When she felt she was able to, Jane went back to her seat on the couch taking Elizabeth by the hand. She covered herself up with her old afghan and stared blankly straight ahead.
"Janie, what can I do?"
Jane just shook her head. Elizabeth could not fix what was wrong with her, although she wished she could.
"Can you tell me what happened with Charles?" Jane's behavior was beginning to scare Elizabeth. She had not seen her look this despondent before, and Elizabeth was unsure what to do about it. William had told her what he had observed at the hospital while he was talking with Jane, but Elizabeth had not noticed proof to back up his words-until now.
Jane turned her head away as fresh tears began to fall.
"I was foolish. I believed...I convinced myself he was different."
"Different from Eric?"
"Yes."
"What did Charles do?" Elizabeth asked carefully.
"He was kissing a woman at O'Malley's last night." Jane covered her eyes and began to openly weep again as Elizabeth put her arm around her. "We didn't have an agreement between us…but…"
Elizabeth went over the information she had received in the past few hours in her mind. William had told her that Charles had met up with his former fiancé last night, but there was no mention of an affair between the two of them. In fact, from what William said, it sounded like Charles was not thrilled with seeing her. So why would he be kissing her? Something felt wrong to Elizabeth about the entire situation.
"Lizzy, I was not ready to date, I knew I was not ready and this is what happens when people let their emotions run wild."
"Jane, are you blaming yourself?" Elizabeth received no answer to her question.
"Granted, you know Charles better than I, but this does not sound right. I have never gotten the impression from Charles that he was the type of man who would split his loyalties between two women. Have you asked him what he was doing last night?"
"No. I won't."
"Why?"
"Lizzy, if I could not even confront my own husband, how do you think I'm going to ask a man I am just dating… No, I'm not going to ask him."
"So, you're not going to give him a chance to explain himself?"
"I've heard every excuse ever thought up, Lizzy. Trust me on this."
Elizabeth had no doubt about what her sister had just told her, "Did I ever tell you how close I came to loosing William forever?" Jane shook her head. "And would you like to know why? Damn stubbornness. I wasn't going to listen to him. Now I see you doing the same thing, and I have to warn you to think twice before you throw everything you have with Charles away. Personally, I think he deserves a chance to explain."
"Lizzy, I don't think I have it in me." Jane looked directly at her sister. "Please, no more talk about him. It's too difficult right now."
The sisters spent the rest of the afternoon together. Jane made many confessions during this time, which prompted Elizabeth to do the same in return. The shared stories about their lives while they were estranged, stories they had never planned on telling each other.
Elizabeth broke her silence about the book that was written about her, and William's full reaction when he read it. Jane gave her the details about her relationship with Eric during the final years, including the trickery he played on her after she filed for divorce.
Oddly enough, Jane felt her load lighten by listening to her sister admit her own struggles. Jane had assumed Elizabeth's life was relatively easy with the exception of her diabetes. Hearing her describe her own pain gave Jane a sense that she was not alone in having heartache.
There is no such thing as a perfect life.
6:05 p.m.
Charles could not help himself as he stood in front of her door; he needed Jane to know the entire story. Elizabeth's phone call had prompted him to leave his house one-minute after it ended, even though she never told him to get into contact with Jane.
Yes, he could have called her instead of coming to her house, but something as important as this needed to be done face to face. Charles raised his hand to knock, then faltered. What if he would just upset her more by showing up at her apartment? He could not fathom the thought of doing any harm to Jane.
Maybe it would be best to follow his professional instincts and back off for a while. Surely Elizabeth would let Jane know his explanation of what she witnessed at O'Malley's.
Charles rested his back against the outside wall of her apartment and tried to settle his thoughts.
I'm going to loose her, I can feel it. And I have no idea what to do.
As if she could read minds, Jane opened the door and glanced down the hallway. She had not heard a noise outside, but was acting on a feeling that someone was there.
When her eyes fell on Charles, she could see the distress present in his face.
"What can I do?" Anguish colored his words as his voice gave away everything inside of him.
Jane said nothing while keeping her own emotions in check.
"That person you saw me with was an old acquaintance. It wasn't anything else. I would never do that to…" Charles stopped talking when Jane turned her head away from him.
She doesn't believe me.
He put his hands into his pockets as he let out a long breath. All of the words in the world wouldn't matter if she would not listen.
"Jane, I…"
"It was too soon for me, Charles. I don't want to hurt you because you are so… but I'm not ready to see anyone."
Jane turned back around to look at him. She knew he was probably telling her the truth about the woman she saw him with, but her own reaction to seeing him with her was so strong that Jane did not trust herself. Standing there watching Charles kiss the other woman made her feel jealous, sick to her stomach, angry and heartbroken all at the same time. Jane's self control was completely gone, and it scared the hell out of her.
Part of Charles's reasoning told him that what she said was correct, but he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go. He loved Jane with an intensity he had never known before and to have it ripped away from him before it fully matured was unimaginable. Jane was the one person he could see living the rest of his days out with.
What he had at one time had with Ellen was nothing compared to what he now felt for Jane. But, Jane did not want his attention right now, and Charles feared that if they let it lay for too long, it would never be the same between them. She would move on with her life, finding her happiness elsewhere without him, and he would still be in love with her.
"You are a good man, but now is not the right time. Do you understand, Charles?"
"I understand that you are giving me the 'nice guy' line," he answered bitterly; which was not the way he wanted to sound. "I love you."
Charles had to settle himself down before he could continue.
"Jane, you would know better than me if you need some time to yourself. I won't try to argue the point, because I believe you. I won't hold you back, either. But, please, if you're angry with me for something, we should talk about it."
"I'm not angry, Charles," she replied softly.
"Why then?" His whispered question tore at Jane. She did not want to hurt him, she didn't. When he told her that he loved her, she…
Jane was afraid.
Afraid to love too much, afraid of loosing his love someday, and afraid to take another chance.
When she had told him yesterday that she did not want to see him anymore, she removed the base of her fear. Jane was now miserable, but she believed it would be easier to be unhappy than uncertain. She had lived the other way for too many years.
With tears standing in her eyes, she was going to tell him good-bye.
"Charles, I have never met a man like you, and probably never..." Jane gave into to the sobs that had been caught in her throat and walked back inside her apartment. As she closed the door, she gave him a simple explanation.
"I can't."
Charles leaned against her door. He could hear her crying on the other side and it made him desperate to get to her. The force of his conviction was so strong that if he had been any other man, he would have broken down the door just to get to her. But the psychiatrist in him would not allow the trauma of it.
Charles knelt down to where he heard her voice coming from.
"Jane, please, let me in. Please!" He closed his eyes and visualized himself holding her close to make the pain stop. But his empty arms were cursed reminders that she was out of reach.
The doorknob did not turn and he received no acknowledgment. Charles rested his head against the edge of the doorframe.
"I love you, Jane. I don't want to go away, please let me help you."
No answer.
"Jane. I'll be waiting for you."
With an emptiness he knew he would not recover from, Charles walked down the stairs and to his car. The bleakness of the cold December day reflected what was in his heart.
Jane listened to his footsteps as he walked away.
"I can't love you, Charles. I can't even..." she stopped herself before she said the rest aloud
…love myself.
11:41 p.m.
Charles could not sleep, so he sat in a chair in his room...in the dark. He had spent the time since leaving Jane's going over every instance he could remember having with her. Taking total responsibility for her change of heart, and even getting to a point where he was blaming himself for every ounce of pain she was feeling, Charles tortured himself until his mind was as numb as his body.
His eyes had adjusted to the lack of light over an hour ago, and he could see the gift he had bought her sitting atop his dresser. It would stay there until she returned to him one day.
He reminisced about the last time Jane was in his room. It was the day after she returned from Poland, and what they had started in his study had to be moved into his room. Charles could see her clearly sitting on his bed with the blanket pulled up against her body. She was laughing heartily at a story he was telling her about a tourist trying to gain access to the house while she was gone. Her smile lit up the room as she laugh echoed off of the walls.
"I had better be quite or your grandmother will hear us." She told him in a whisper."Jane, it is not like we're kids anymore. I assure you that Lillian knows what..." Charles started to laugh as her eyes went wide. "What?"
"I am so embarrassed!" she giggled as she pulled the blanket over her head.
"Jane, I'm coming under the covers with you." He warned before joining her in their little cocoon.
"Charles, I have told you this before, but you are a bad influence! My mother has warned me about men like you." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Kiss me like you did in the study."
Charles lowered his lips down on hers and gently rubbed them until her mouth parted slightly and a sigh escaped her.
"You are the best kisser I have ever had."
"Oh? And how many kissers have you had?"
"Enough to know a good one. A woman only has to kiss so many toads before you can recognize a bull frog." Jane stopped and thought about what she had just said as Charles pulled the covers off of their heads so he could get a good look at her. Her hair was spread out over the pillow and her cheeks were flushed. He had never seen her appear lovelier.
"Was that a compliment?" Charles asked her straight faced while his eyes danced.
"I don't know. It sure didn't sound like one, did it?" Jane tried very hard not to laugh, but it was hopeless.
"No!" He smiled down at her as he propped his head up with his arm.
"I'll be quiet if you kiss me again." She promised with a seductive grin.
Charles thought about her offer as she pulled him closer to her and replaced the blankets back over their heads.
"Jane, eight days was too long."
"I know."
That afternoon they made love like there was no tomorrow. Little did either know that there wouldn't be.
Charles rose from his chair and went to take a long shower. He had to do something to stop himself from dwelling on Jane. He returned twenty-five minutes later. It was only then that he could think of other things.
Ellen.
Charles was 23 when he began dating another medical student at the university. Her name was Ellen Steele and he had fallen in love with her rather quickly. For the next year they continued seeing each other, and on their one year anniversary, Charles asked her to marry him. Ellen accepted, and together they decided to wait to wed until they finished up their studies.
Ellen and Charles had much in common with each other, and the countless hours each spent in pursuit of their degrees was something they accepted about each other without contention. It was an easy love affair where excuses for being apart were never questioned, and the time they did have together was often a 'high' since they were not sure when the next time would be.
A year after the engagement, Ellen found herself pregnant. After the initial shock of the situation wore off, Charles wanted to get married right away. He had confidence that they could handle the baby and both still stay in school. Money was not an issue since he had already had some of his own, and as the idea of being a father began to warm on Charles, the more he became excited at the thought.
He had often fantasized of having a family of his own and even though the timing was not the best, he and Ellen had a good relationship and everything would work out in the end. His own childhood was difficult at times and the idea of giving something better to his own child filled a long-existing void inside of him. Lillian had done everything in her power to protect him in his youth, but she could not shield him from the rejection of his own mother.
Charles was nearing the age of two when his father died in a car/train accident. Susan Bingley, his mother, was never what one might call a stable person, and when Jonathan Bingley 'left her alone' (her own words), she fell into a selfish, odd state of mind.
From the first day of his life, everyone had always commented on how Charles was the spitting image of his father. They were identical in almost every way and the baby pictures were often taken out to prove the fact. After Jonathan's death, Susan found that she could not look upon her son without thinking of her departed husband. It was more than Susan's delicate mental state could handle, so Lillian cared for the child until his mother had a grasp on her grief. Susan never took Charles back, and her mental illness developed to such a degree that she stopped visiting him all together after a few months.
Charles had very few memories of his early childhood, but the clearest was one of him standing at the door crying because his older sisters were outside playing in the yard next door and he was not invited to join with them.
He was never included in anything that ever went on over there.
Susan began drinking about six months after Jonathan's death, and when Charles had reached the age of six, he officially became an orphan. Susan passed away from alcohol poisoning after being on life support machines for three weeks. He stood near her bed as the Priest performed his ceremony, and left the hospital with his grandparents and sisters an hour later.
Louisa and Caroline were not happy with the conditions of living under Lillian and Gregory's roof, and requested to be sent back to the private boarding school they had been attending. Lillian fought them on this, but in the end she had to give in. The girls were needlessly cruel to their brother, taunting and teasing him every time their grandparents left him alone, and she would not stand for this.
All of this added to Charles' desire to have a stable family life someday, so when Ellen informed him of the growing child inside of her, he found the idea was not distressing in the least bit, but something to look forward to. Their child would only know the love of both parents and would never have to face rejection or alienation.
Ellen never verbally agreed to marry in the near future and two weeks after she informed him of the baby, she changed her mind and ended the pregnancy without a word to Charles. After her procedure, Ellen came to his apartment to give him the news; he had no warning. Charles greeted her with a kiss on the lips and a rub on her belly.
Ellen sat him down and skillfully told him what she had done, returning his ring to him before she left his apartment.
The only way to really explain Charles's reaction to the news was to say that he wanted to shrivel up and die. He could not eat, sleep, or leave the apartment. After a week and a half of his not answering the door or phone, a fellow classmate called his grandmother. He was afraid Charles had done something to himself, which was not an uncommon incident among college students under the amount of pressure medical students were at U of I.
Lillian came and had the superintendent open the door. The apartment reeked of alcohol and she found him curled up in a ball on his bed passed out. This was the one and only period in Charles's life that he ever drank. For the next month and three weeks Lillian lived with him in his tiny apartment, nursing him both physically and emotionally until he was able to stand on his own again. It took him a long time before he was caught up in his courses, but his Professors gave leeway to the young man who had always shown himself to be a serious student.
Ellen disappeared from his life after she gave him the news, and although they shared a few classes; they never spoke to one another again until he saw her two days ago.
Chapter 12 ~ Pass the Pepto-Bismol…It's Christmas
Friday
December 25 1998
1 p.m.
Jane stood with her head cocked to the side in front of the built-in bookcase in the family room. Silently observing the contents in front of her, she wondered why her mother never put books in it. Instead, Rose chose to use the glass shelved area to display mementos from her daughters' youth. School pictures and diplomas filled two of the four-lighted levels, leaving one for old family pictures and the final for trophies. Mary was the only person other than Jane who had a trophy displayed.
She knew the other girls had earned some throughout the years, but they were not out. Jane remembered that Katt had several from her years in gymnastics and Elizabeth had at least one.
A picture of Jane all dolled up in a frilly, puffy pink dress was worked in with her trophies, and she counted them to see how many there were. Seven.
Jane crossed her arms in front of her and frowned.
"Reliving your glory days?" A voice asked, causing her to startle. Behind Jane stood a lovely young woman of twenty. Her long dark locks and delicate face identified her as a Bennet Sister, but her brilliant green eyes gave away the fact that she was an individual.
"Katt," Jane said softly, "pathetic display, isn't it?"
Katt smiled widely as she put her arm around her favorite sister's waist. Jane would always represent the wonder of childhood to her. Her patient ways and unconditional love gave Katt the happy memories she still held dear. Jane was always there when she needed her, sometimes to lend a gentle ear and direction, other times to guide her away from trouble.
"Oh, 'pathetic' is a relative word. It just depends on your point of view. Mom had two of mine up there, but I snatched them away last year. After all, I never did anything with my nine years of gym. I thought it was best not to announce it to the world. Mom can do that on her own without any proof lying around the house."
Jane had to agree with her sister's logic.
"I've missed you, Kitty Katt. I wish you would stay in town longer on this trip. You've just arrived."
"I've missed you, too. I don't suppose I will ever get you to call me Catherine, will I?"
Jane smiled. "No, I don't think so. I do try, but old habits are hard to break."
"True. About staying until classes start again, it is like I told Mom, I have some projects I'm working on back home and I'm needed there."
"You just called Seattle 'home'. Is that how you think of it?" Jane made her best 'Mother' face and changed her voice. "Do you not think of how you rattle your poor Mother's nerves by staying away so much?"
They both laughed quietly so they would not draw attention to the only vacant room in the house.
"Seattle is home, Jane. I may never return to Chicago. When are you going to come out to see me?"
"Soon. Speaking of visiting, did you tell Lydia she could come and stay with you after she graduates?"
Katt let out a frustrated growl. "No, I told her she could NOT come out and stay with me. What is she trying to pull now?" Ever since Katt went away to college, she found the closeness she once had with her younger sister drift away. With time she came to realize how Lydia had used her to satisfy her own means, and the idea of it soured Katt on Lydia.
"Nothing I can't handle. I didn't think you would invite her. Tell me, what is new in your life?"
Katt checked the room before she answered. There was something she wanted Jane's advice on.
"There is a man who I would like to go out with, but..."
"But?" Jane watched her sister's eyes.
"He IS older than me."
"How much older?"
"I think he's 27" Katt's answer made Jane flinch.
"Mary's age? Oh."
"He's teaching at the university, and we have a lot in common. Very, very nice man, Jane. He is responsible, level headed, and mature."
"Katt, I'm sure you'll understand that I am leery. I know you're twenty now, but seven..."
"Or eight." Katt interrupted.
"Or eight years is a lot of time when you're in your twenties."
"I know, Jane. But, Steven is seven years older than Mary and they are happy together."
"You can't compare Mary's situation to yours. Life isn't like that. Exactly what advice are you looking for?"
"I'm not sure. I want you to tell me that I should follow my heart, but that is unreasonable for me to expect. Maybe I just wanted to tell you."
"Promise me you'll be careful. Use good judgment and don't let your heart lead you into trouble. As your older sister and someone who loves you, I want to advise you against getting involved with someone that much older right now. You haven't been out in the world long enough to know about the games people play."
"Thank you, Jane. You always did tell me the truth. Don't worry, I'm a very cautious person." Katt put her head against her sister's shoulder.
"Katt, I wish you lived nearer. I still want to protect you." Pulling her sister into an embrace, Jane gave her a kiss on her cheek.
"You just can't stop taking care of us, can you?" Katt grinned up at her. "That is why we all love you so."
"Well, Lydia may not share your sentiment, but thank you. Do I have a reason to worry about you?"
"No, I'll be fine. God gave me a brain for a reason."
2:11 p.m.
The Bennet house was becoming crowded this Christmas Day as relatives from all walks of life came to join the family celebration. Elizabeth had warned William to steer clear of the kitchen where the 'Sisters, Aunts, and Cousins' hung out, but an accidental meeting with Mrs. Bennet proved almost fatal to him.
"This is Elizabeth's boyfriend, William Darcy. He runs his own company downtown." Rose announced to the room as she held tight to his arm. "Isn't he handsome?"
William smiled wanly as the ladies gathered around him.
This is what I get for being thirsty and entering the forbidden zone alone.
The women began to make comments on him, but one in particular caught his attention.
"We haven't a big family wedding in months. Maybe Elizabeth will be next, Rose?" An older woman with bright red hair asked. William felt his cheeks turn the same color as her wig. He was shocked that the woman just said that aloud.
"A mother can always hope. After what happened to poor Jane," the ladies all shook their heads in mock sympathy, "I have lost all hope in ever getting a grandbaby anytime soon. We all know Mary won't cooperate. She's a career woman. If only things had worked out with Jane's marriage."
William's jaw dropped as he listened to Rose speak. He couldn't believe she was discussing her daughter's personal life in front of a full house. She didn't even have the decency to lower her voice.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Jane did everything she could." Rose wanted to make sure everyone's sympathy was with her eldest daughter.
Jane, who had been standing behind the archway to the kitchen, heard everything her mother had said. She had wanted a baby, too, and she worked harder then any of them could have imagined to keep Eric happy. Yet, her family now looked upon all of her efforts as fodder for idle gossip.
Jane had heard enough and turned around, almost running into Elizabeth.
"I can't seem to find William. Have you seen him?"
Jane motioned toward the kitchen and her sister let out a sigh.
"Poor man, I shall go…" Elizabeth looked closely at Jane. "What is it?"
"Nothing." Jane walked around her and did not look back.
Elizabeth stood there for a while, following her sister with her eyes as she went into the direction of the bathroom. Her Mother's voice pierced her ears and what she heard made her storm into the kitchen, catching the women off guard.
"…So I advised Jane to do everything in her power to have a baby, but she…"
"MOTHER!" Elizabeth glared at all the occupants of the room. "I cannot believe that you are discussing this at a family gathering. How dare you? Leave Jane's private life private! None of you have the right to talk about my sister, and if you keep it up, I will dredge up every ugly secret I know about all of you and announce them to the family. Do I make myself clear?"
The women stood shocked at the delivery of Elizabeth's words. They also knew she meant business.
"Now, Mother, I suggest you check on the teens in Lydia's room because I think they have gotten into the beer. Shelly, your husband is ready to leave and has been looking for you for a half-hour. Christina, Thomas has a dirty diaper and needs to be changed. Aunt Phillips, I know you surely have something better to do than to stand here and listen to this. What does it say in the Bible about gossipmongers? I remember something about 'sin'." Elizabeth clenched her fists as she tried to get a grip on her fury.
Stupid, stupid women!
No one tried to defend her actions as Elizabeth turned her attention to William.
He was proud.
"William, I assure you that my family does not usually act in such an inappropriate manner. I do hope you will forgive everyone in this kitchen for exposing you into such talk. Let's go home." With that, Elizabeth took his hand and left her shaken, shamed audience.
Mary gave her a 'thumbs up' as she walked past her in the hallway.
"Great way to break up a party, Liz. I should have thought of that years ago."
"Mary, would you help William collect our gifts and put them in the car? I want to find Jane before we leave."
"Sure, are you still hosting the card game tonight or are you too mad?"
"It's still on. I'll find you when I'm finished and please, keep Mama away from me."
Elizabeth knocked on the bathroom door. "Jane, it's me."
"Come on in."
Elizabeth expected to find her sister in a state of tears and hurt, but this is not what she found.
Jane's jaw was set, her face flushed, and her eyes ablaze with anger.
"Do you know what Mother is saying in the kitchen?" She asked Elizabeth is a low hiss.
"Know? I just told her off! I swear, Jane. If that woman would put her four brain cells to better use, we wouldn't have to constantly be embarrassed by her." Elizabeth was livid. "I think I made old Aunt Phillips pee her pants."
"It is amazing that any of us..." Jane paused for a moment before grin slowly crept across her lips. She had to look away from so Elizabeth wouldn't think she didn't take what happened in the kitchen seriously. "Four brain cells… four brain..."
At first, only a small chuckle could be heard, but in time it grew into a full belly laugh. Elizabeth held out for a while longer before she couldn't contain herself any longer.
"Oh, Jane, you should have seen their faces! Mama's tongue was hanging halfway out of her mouth," Elizabeth stopped as she tried to get the picture of her mother out of her head, "and Shelly, who I have never liked in the first place, looked like a deer caught by headlights."
"Stop it, stop it!" Jane roared while she held her stomach. "I can only imagine. I don't suppose Mother mentioned that it was Eric's…"
"What?" Elizabeth watched her sister getting embarrassed about what she almost said.
"...Low sperm count that was the problem! They were as full of life as a fish on the bank of the Illinois River!"
They exploded in laughter and the sound could be heard throughout the house.
Elizabeth wiped the tears from her eyes as another fit of giggles hit her.
"Okay," Jane took a deep breath, "Okay, I'm going home now. You're going to have to patrol the house on your own. I think I've had enough Christmas cheer to last me until next year."
"Come home with William and me. We're leaving now and I promise you a good time."
"I think I may just go home and take a nap. I'll be at your house tonight."
"Why don't you take a nap at my house? I'll be downstairs cooking so you won't be bothered." Elizabeth offered with a smile.
"Well, I don't know. Is William mad at me about…you know? William is his friend and I…"
"No, he isn't. We're not taking sides."
"Sides?" Jane didn't want to cause any divisions in relationships.
"Let me rephrase; we're not getting into the middle of anything. You have to do what you think is right, and I will respect your decision."
"And William? Lizzy, I haven't known him that long, and I don't want…"
"What did I tell you a month or so ago? 'It is none of my business what anyone thinks of me'."
Jane was not satisfied and the disappointed look on her face let Elizabeth know.
"William agrees with me. We are not going to interfere."
"Thanks, Lizzy." Jane weighed the options before her. "Let's go to your house."
6:10 p.m.
The sound of Elizabeth's front door slamming woke Jane up from her rest.
She sat up and stretched her arms out to her sides. It was dark in the guestroom and she carefully put her feet on the floor to work her way to the door. Jane could hear William talking in the next bedroom, and since his was the only voice she heard, Jane gathered he was on the phone.
"That's nice Caroline. Merry Christmas to you, too. Could you put Charles back on the phone?"
"Is she gone?" He sounded exasperated.
"Good!"
William was quiet for a moment.
"If your sisters are acting like that, I think you should just tell them to leave."
Silence again.
"I know, you're right. But aren't they just upsetting Lillian? I understand you want her to have all of her family together, but isn't it just more strain than pleasure?"
"Well, you shouldn't have to be put in that position. You deserve to enjoy the holiday, too."
"It was fine. I met Elizabeth's sister from Seattle. Catherine's a sharp girl. She reminds me of Georgiana."
"Seattle University."
"Yes, Jane is here. We all left her mother's at the same time." Jane had made it to the door when she heard her name. Letting go of the doorknob, she took a step back. She didn't want William to see her leaving the room.
"No, no problems, really. Just regular family tension from what I understand. Mrs. Bennet showed her ass, but everything worked out in the end."
"She's fine, Charles. Right now she is resting."
"I will watch out for her."
William laughed.
"You sound like a mother hen. If Jane needs anything, I'll take care of it. Except for plumbing."
"Oh, the bathroom sink clogged up and I tried to fix it. It wasn't my proudest moment."
"I won't forget. Now, do yourself a favor and lock your sisters in their room."
"Seriously Charles, call me if you need a diversion. I'll come over and entertain them so you can have a break."
"Take care, Charles. I'll pass your greeting on to Elizabeth."
William hung up the phone. Charles's sisters were putting on their best 'pre-inheritance' act, and Charles had to run interference for his grandmother. Caroline and Louisa were making her nervous with all of the fake sympathy, moaning, and crying.
On top of all of this, Charles was missing Jane terribly.
Jane heard William go down the stairs and she waited five minutes before she joined the others. While she was sitting on the edge of the bed, she tried not to think about the conversation she had just overheard. She tried not to think about the fact that it sounded like Charles was having a difficult time at his house. Or that he was asking about her. Or that William offered to go over there to give Charles a break. Or that she had told him she would help him with his family's Christmas dinner today at... Jane looked at the lighted alarm clock in the room. ...Three hours ago.
10:55 p.m.
Years ago, Jane noticed a pattern. Her dreaming increased when she was under periods of stress.
The air was thick with dew and it burned her lungs as she took in a deep breath. The lenses of her binoculars were collecting moisture, making it even more difficult for her to locate the enemy. A shadow passed through the area she was concentrating on, just as she expected. Jane lowered the binoculars and wiped them off on her dark green T-shirt before she returned to her scouting.The shadows were well hidden and plentiful in numbers, but not invulnerable.
She put her binoculars into her pack and closed her eyes for a moment while she devised a plan.
A stream of sunlight that was coming through the clouds warmed her strong, determined face. It gave her the motivation to move ahead with what needed to be done. Dressed for the mission, Jane wiped the grease off of her hands onto her cammo pants and adjusted the ammo belt that stretched across her chest. Gripping her dog tags to tuck them into her shirt, Jane catching a glance of the metal before they were hidden from sight.
I AM
Jane's platoon was weak; there was no use in denying that fact. If they were going to accomplish their goal, she would have to get them all going in the same direction and working as a team.
"The fog is beginning to burn off. We have to move out now, or we may loose our chance." She said aloud before she turned around to face them.
The look in Jane's eyes, and the way she held herself intimidated the small group assembled. Good, that was the way she wanted it.
"You," she pointed to one of the weakest of the group, "stop your whimpering."
"But, Ma'am, can't we try negotiating first? I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm sure we can find a middle ground where everyone can be happy. Do we have to resort to force?"
"Peacemaker, when are you going to wake up? Until we have possession of that mountain," Jane's muscular arm pointed to the east, "we cannot negotiate. Only from a position of strength will we get what we need."
"Ma'am, the shadows will be angry if we try to take the mountain from them."
"Too bad! Now, check your weapon."
Jane turned her attention to the strongest soldier (and possibly the most dangerous to her own squad) and watched as her eyes darted around, constantly on the outlook for the enemy.
"Fear!" she bellowed. "You have got to get a hold of yourself! You've cost us too many missions already."
Jane walked over to Fear and grabbed her by the shoulders with an iron grip.
"You have your place here with us, you are our protector. The problem is that you 'cry wolf' 9 times out of 10. I can't keep up with your constant warnings. Learn to discriminate for God's sake. If you don't get control, then you're going to get us all captured and we'll be POWs for the rest of our lives. Do you understand?"
"I see the enemy everywhere, how will I know when the danger is real?" Fear asked with a high degree of anxiety.
"Judgment," Jane called out, "You are with Fear."
Judgment put the small notebook she was writing in away. When they got back to command, she was going to report Jane to the proper authorities. Joining Fear, she frowned at who she was partnered with.
"Jane," Judgment said acidly, "you'll never take control of the mountain. Your platoon is worthless, you have little leadership experience, and you are doomed to fail. It is written in the stars."
"Maybe you should do your damn job instead of spending your time writing down comments every time I do something!" Jane growled. She despised Judgment with a passion, but hadn't been able to get her out of her squad. After this mission she was going to try again.
Judgment began to snicker, and this made Jane angry.
"Bite me." Jane searched the group for someone in particular. "Love! Come over here and give me your gag."
Jane was going to take care of this problem right now.
Love ran over and removed the cloth that was tied around her mouth, handing it gently to Jane. Love could have taken it off a long time ago, but Fear and Judgment told her to leave it on.
Jane roughly tied the gag around Judgment's mouth, making sure the knot would hold.
"You're still with Fear." Judgment nodded as she took the notebook back out of her pack.
Love was such an innocent, battle worn soldier, and when Jane looked upon her, she could see the scars that marred her beautiful face.
"Love, you must remain mute until we are successful. If you do as I ask, I will release you from duty once we make it to the top of the mountain. Can you do this?"
Love gave Jane a small, sad smile, agreeing to her terms.
"This is the best I can offer you right now. I wish Patience and Faith was here with us, they would protect you from harm. You'll have to be strong. We will not be defeated."
Love opened her mouth to say something, but Jane interrupted her.
"Shhh. No talking yet."
Love closed her mouth and went to the back of the group, looking down sadly at Self-Esteem as she laid on the ground curled up in the fetal position. Jane walked over to her and offered her a hand.
"You will be my partner." A flood of pity filled Jane as she watched Self-Esteem try to meet her gaze. She had been in too many loosing battles and was in a state of Shell Shock. "I AM Strength."
Self-Esteem's eyes traveled in the direction of the mountain. The odds were against them and everything Judgment had said was true. They were a worthless group.
"Nothing is unconquerable, Self-Esteem. Take my hand and I will show you." Confidence was in Jane's voice, and she knew if she could get Self-Esteem past the shadows and to the top of the mountain where the air was thinner, she would improve.
Slowly and with great difficulty, Self-Esteem rose from her position. Her legs were weak and unsteady, and she could not look up from the ground, but she would take Jane's hand. With Strength leading her, there was a chance she would make it without being torn to bits and pieces.
"Okay, Ladies. Get your supplies and get prepared."
Jane checked her own ammunition supply--It was full. Using her index fingers, she applied face paint on Self-Esteem and then checked her pack. It was practically empty. Reaching over her shoulder, she took hold of a spare Uzi and handed it to her.
"Lock and load, Soldier. The sun is completely over the Mountain now and we're moving out."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"PLATOON, FALL IN!"