Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV, Next Section
Posted on Saturday, 10 June 2006
Captain Wentworth sat completely still after Sophia had left. He wondered what Anne had told her. His sister was not so exceedingly clever that she could guess everything. Despite saying she knew nothing, he thought she did. Anne was prudent, but she liked Sophia. She might unknowingly have revealed more than she wished.
Sophia was not discouraging, far from it. Did that mean Anne spoke favourably of him when she did? If his sister wished to condemn him to marital infelicity she could have put other candidates forward before, but she had not. There must be something about Anne that encouraged her to try.
His bitterness might have told Sophia too much, if half a word had been enough earlier. To make such a comment in such a tone would surely have told her everything. He had only once before bared his soul and the effects of that had been devastating. Now, without saying much at all, he had done the same -- and he could not move.
After spending some time unseeingly staring at the wall, he shook himself out of this stupor. He had best consider what Sophia had told him, rather than what he had told her. "Anne," he said, as if to invoke some connection to her mind.
Sophia seemed to think she might have felt confused. Anne had said she had not known what to do either, but she had lain down. That a confused person might do such a thing had not occurred to him. He would have expected one to look confused. That Sophia had done the same must be significant. He had considered his sister even less likely to fall prey to confusion and if she considered lying down a good escape, it must be so. Had he even been wondering if there was more to what she had said and done? It had registered, because he could remember it, but he had been too busy thinking about himself to think of her.
But he was not making much progress in spite of this. This still did not tell him what he should say, or even what he had been thinking when he had stayed. There was very little he could say in his defence, except that he had not known what he was thinking. Even he knew that to be an inadequate excuse.
Perhaps only his brother-in-law, given Sophia's story, would understand a little of what had possessed him. There was a decided risk in telling him, however. The admiral had rather strong opinions on what one should not do with regard to the opposite sex, one's wife excepted. Carrying a lady into her room was one thing, but having stayed a whole night was not likely to earn him a pat on the back.
Still, it might not have been bad enough to earn him more than a lecture either. He hoped so, at any rate. Intentions probably mattered even to the admiral, who believed his own intentions were always good. Why should this not apply to another as well?
He would try to say something to Anne before then, certainly before he went to Edward's and she went to Lady Russell's. Could he not prevent her going? He had no cordial feelings towards Lady Russell. There was no doubt in his mind that if she came to hear who were staying at Kellynch, she would try to remove Anne as soon as possible. He felt too strongly to feel any satisfaction in showing her what had become of him. Her interference had only made him better, but such satisfaction was nothing compared to the loss of Anne.
But had he lost Anne? And what did he want with Anne if he had not lost her?
His brother-in-law likely thought he should approach her with some wild question rather than dwell on his feelings in private, but Anne was not Sophia. He could not see Anne do what Sophia said she had done, something that had made every sense to him at sixteen and none at all now. The admiral had spoken his mind before he had invested any feelings and had Sophia reacted any differently she would simply have been added to the number of females whose name he refused to remember.
Act first and think later? But no, that was precisely what had not worked for him. Why was he the only man who appeared to have problems with this?
"Where were you?" asked Admiral Croft. "I was beginning to feel very bored here all by myself."
"Poking my nose in Frederick's business," Mrs Croft answered. She was still unsettled by the bitterness in his voice and she hoped she would not be asked for a report.
"Ah, the usual."
She noticed he had been up to the usual as well and he had not made any moves to change his clothes. Instead, he had been staring out of the window. The irony struck her and she smiled a little.
"He is coming along splendidly," the admiral said cheerfully.
"You are not." She did not know if Frederick was either.
"He has his priorities straight and so do I." He smiled back at her when she joined him by the window. She should not feel too much concern about Frederick's business, but her concern did her credit. He was convinced there would be a good ending to it all and he laid an arm around her.
"Is that so?" she asked sceptically. Dinner was not one of his priorities, in that case. It was one of hers and she would like it if he went with her.
"You may not have noticed, but she is much improved in looks." It had only been a day and a half, but he had seen the difference very clearly. Frederick could not have failed to notice either.
"More about that later," she decided. "Let me have your priorities first." She began to unbutton his coat, since he would undoubtedly forget to do it as he spoke.
"It is merely a suggestion, Sophia," he said in amusement. "But if you were to chide me for once for having been distracted, I might learn another lesson than that you will undress me if I have forgotten to do it myself."
She did not mind. "I am not sure I should really like it if you were so aware. It would leave very little for me to do and I must have something to do. Besides…"
After finding himself all alone downstairs, Captain Wentworth had gone back into the hall to see what was taking everyone. He noticed Anne sitting on the stairs. At first he wondered why, but then he saw she was in fact descending. He watched for a moment, fascinated by her resourcefulness, but then he hurried nearer.
"I am sorry. Given that my sister came to speak to me, I assumed the admiral would be taking you downstairs in the meantime. By the time I was ready to change I could not help but think all of you must be downstairs already. But no one is." He was talking, but this sort of nervous rambling was probably not what she had been expecting.
"I am on my way." Anne wondered what his sister had said to him. She was almost curious enough to inquire.
"May I assist you?"
"You may," she replied, realising it would indeed be easier.
That answer was nothing, but it was of great importance. He hoped he would be steady and he took her arm with great caution and a concentrated frown.
He told himself it was not the right time to speak to her, but he realised a little later he would always be able to find a reason to tell himself it was not. The problem was that there was simply too much to go through all at once and this daunted him. Where was the beginning? Perhaps he should look for it and start there. He had already mentioned handing her into the carriage and she had replied that she had not minded.
Painstakingly he moved onto the next moment in his mind. Picking a room for her or taking her onto his private shopping mission were not offences, as far as he could tell. Those had been good actions. "I apologise for not seeing until Mrs Harville took away your saucer that you had but one hand to use."
Anne had almost forgotten. She had certainly not connected him to the event in any way. That he had even witnessed it was astonishing, because he had been speaking to others at the time. She could not understand why he mentioned it now. "Why…how…" she tried.
"I was thinking," he said. "And I came to think of it. Would you have left your tea or would you have found a way? I think you would have done the latter. Yes, that is what you would have done, like you would descend on your own." He coloured a little when he saw her startled expression. "I do not say that to render myself blameless."
"But you cannot be blamed in any way." Anne could hardly believe they were talking and she looked back at him so he would not stop.
"If you do not know where to put something, you put it on your knees. Did Sophia not show us?"
"I think…she almost offered to help you so she could sit there," Anne suggested boldly, feeling the admiral's knees were by no means a last resort. "She seems to like being held quite as much as the admiral seems to like holding her and --" Self-consciousness made her cut that thought short, since she had been wondering if he liked to carry her too. "I noticed. That is all."
"One cannot fail to notice it," he said dryly.
"Were they like that from the beginning?" she asked, feeling safer speaking about someone else until they had established a more comfortable rapport.
That was a surprising question, but he took care to answer it as well as he could. "I was too young then to care or to understand why people married. I…almost believed she had married my captain to keep an eye on me. Whatever she did with him was of no interest to me, although they later said they had not been doing very much. Who knows?"
Anne did not know, at any rate, but she wished her lack of a response would not stop him. She merely smiled because she could picture it vividly -- Sophia looking after her brother and he, merely a boy but likely not thinking of himself as such, resenting the motherly attention. It was surprising that he would be more open with her now. He had not told her this much eight years ago. He might not yet have been able to mock himself then, nor have wanted to imply that a few years before he had needed such supervision. It remained to be seen whether she would have interpreted it the way she did now. She had grown older too.
"I have the highest regard for their mutual affection and their principles, however, but I wish it would not keep them from coming to dinner," he said when at that same moment the meal was announced and they were still alone. "I have always taken them too much as my model, perhaps. I am sorry." He had not intended to say that, but now he had. It was the understanding smile.
"I am sorry I never had their example." She was a little too overcome to look at him. Although she did not know precisely for what he was sorry, it was connected to their past. He had perhaps expected a similarly quick progress to marriage, because he had known nothing else. She remembered how he had said in the carriage that he understood less and less of how his sister had settled it. That could mean he had been thinking about himself as well and that he might have different thoughts now.
She did not know what she would have done had she had such an example before her at the time. Circumstances would still have differed. There had been nobody to stop or advise Mrs Croft and her captain, being a few years older, was likely to have had some more money than Captain Wentworth. "Before, that is," she added very softly. The example gave her hope now. She could only wish for such an attachment to be reciprocated.
Captain Wentworth pulled out her chair for her and they both sat down, each lost in their own thoughts. He could not bring himself to ask what she had meant with her last words, fearing he was hoping for too much. She had the example now, she said, but what did she intend to do with it?
Admiral Croft was the first to appear, too soon for either of them to have spoken. "Sophia is not yet ready," he said. "But she will be here shortly. I hope you will forgive my not escorting her, but as I said, she was not yet ready."
"I am sure she will be able to find the way to the dining room on her own," Captain Wentworth muttered.
"Yes, that is what we thought as well. There was a small problem with her dress. I had nothing to do with it. Well, not today. It may please you to hear that I could not find any evidence that Edward wrote to Sophia in the meantime. Although he is eager to share his happiness with you, he does not appear to want to force you into coming to admire his wife."
"I could do nothing less, if his letter was anything to go by," he said, still muttering. "He praised her to the skies."
"I am a little more unbiased," said the admiral. "But for him she is excellent. I am not fond of a great disparity in age myself, but I believe it is less than ten years."
He supposed this was because the new Mrs Wentworth was not far past the critical age. "Had they been forty-five and thirty I am sure you would not have commented at all."
"Very likely not," Admiral Croft agreed. "But by now you know exactly what I mean."
"Unfortunately I am well aware of your opinion of the younger types of females. You have never made much of a secret of it."
"I have opinions of the younger types of males too, if you are interested."
Captain Wentworth declined, not knowing whether he would be included. If he must be mocked, he would rather do it himself. "No, thank you."
"Anne," the admiral turned towards her. "You must know that when Frederick was my servant of sorts I had a habit of thinking out loud to him and as such he became perfectly acquainted with my opinions. In the presence of such a receptive mind I could never restrain myself."
"I was hardly of the age and rank to contradict you!"
"And I always thought that was due to your understanding and principles."
Anne suppressed a smile. She did not want to laugh at either, but fortunately Mrs Croft appeared to save all of them before she could betray some amusement at the admiral that the captain might interpret as ridicule of himself.
"I hope you had not yet missed me," Mrs Croft apologised. "I had a small problem with my…" There she stopped to think.
"Dress, my dear. We had agreed on dress."
She gave him a look of slight exasperation. "I was going to specify which part of it."
"There is only one part that ever causes trouble."
"Yes, the husband part," she said calmly.
The admiral could be truly awful and Sophia as always only reacted in good humour to whatever he was implying. "You would not recommend marriage then, Sophia?" asked Captain Wentworth.
"Each life must have some trouble," she replied.
Posted on Tuesday, 13 June 2006
The time after dinner passed very uneventfully. Captain Wentworth fell asleep in front of the fire and was sent off to bed by Admiral Croft, who had his eyes on his chair. Anne was almost as tired, but she stayed, thinking she could not ask him to take her with him. That would be odd. He went, after some hesitation he did not explain.
After a while Anne discovered she had dozed off too. She raised her head and looked around the room, but she could only see the admiral reading a book. "Where is Mrs Croft?" she asked, hoping she had not slept so long that the admiral would much rather have left as well.
"She went to bed."
"Oh! But then you would much rather have gone with her." She struggled to get up from the lazy chair to give him that opportunity.
"I was indeed suffering terrible heartaches," he said in amusement, closing his book. "Not knowing when you might wake and relieve my suffering. Are you now in a hurry to allow me to rejoin Sophy?"
"You will want to."
"And what do you want?" he asked kindly.
She gave him a puzzled look. "What do I want?"
He took her arm. "Nothing can make you happier than ensuring I am with Sophy? Surely you must live for something worthier?"
Anne smiled helplessly. "Is it not worthy?"
"It is not what you live for. It cannot be and you cannot convince me of it."
"But if it makes you very happy to be with her and I shall feel no difference between being here or upstairs, why should I not hurry?"
"You are not easily caught, nor easily dissuaded." He did not speak again until they reached the stairs. "You are very welcome to stay for as long as you like. This is still your home and it will always be. It does not feel right to send you out of your home. I realised it today. I assure you Sophy will not mind in the least if you stayed."
Anne could not reply. He was too kind.
"Sophy thinks it will do her good to have some female company," he continued.
She remembered Mrs Croft saying she was no refined lady. "Because she sometimes mentions things nobody ever mentions to me?"
"Such as?"
She did not know how to phrase that well. "You."
"Nobody mentions me?" he exclaimed. "That is a shock indeed. I had no idea I was never mentioned. But now that I think of it, why indeed should anyone but my wife have an interest in me?"
"Not really you, but husbands!" she said with a blush. "Nobody tells me what they do. Most people keep that to themselves."
"Most people," he reflected. "Married a person they only meet at meals. Why mention him indeed? But I meet Sophy so often I deserve to be mentioned more than merely sometimes."
"She mentions you often, but sometimes it is…" Anne wondered how to phrase it. "Something I should not be told, perhaps."
He was not at all concerned. "But you know Sophia a little by now, do you not?"
"I do, but she apologised for not being a refined lady, with which I did not agree, so when you mentioned female company I assumed it was connected to…her occasional openness, which she thought ought to be controlled."
"Are you speaking of things such as passionate kisses being better if they come from an old man?" he asked after a moment.
"For example," Anne said with a deep blush.
"I meant to ask her which old man she was talking about! I forgot."
"But she said older man, not old. I do not think she meant to imply you were old, but only that you acquitted yourself better than when you were younger. If that is possible. I do not know anything about it," she said hastily.
He laughed heartily. "You should not make too many excuses for people if you do not want to get yourself into these scrapes, Anne. I am now compelled to say I depend entirely on Sophy's opinion on the matter -- of the kissing, that is. As for my age, if Mrs Croft believes me to be an old man, I have some work to do."
Anne looked anxious. She did not want to know what sort of work.
"But I only mentioned the poetic and the passionate to nettle Frederick. I am never separated from Sophy long enough."
She did not know whether he had a special intention with those words, but she did not have to give an answer. She was busy enough being set on her feet at the top of the stairs -- and staying on them at the thought of long separations leading to passion. The common notion was that time weakened feelings, not that it strengthened them.
"You could call me spoilt," he continued reflectively. "I get what I want, when I want it. For fifteen years Sophy has followed me and obliged me in every way."
"Would she have done that if you had not deserved a little of it?" Anne did not think that Sophia had wanted to do any less. Very likely there had been considerable benefits.
"She is all that is good and sweet, but I admit that perhaps not even Sophia would have gone this far for someone who did not deserve it. A little then, if you insist, and Sophia deserves to receive more than a little in return."
"But it does make me happy to hear that. That you are so…" She did not know which word to use. "Good to each other? So it does make me happy to allow you to rejoin her."
"You give every appearance of not being stubborn," he remarked. "But that is a bit deceptive." They reached her room and he stopped. "Here is where Sophia predicted a little trouble, since she has gone to bed and you still need to be undressed. She wanted you to tell me if I should wake her."
"No!" She did not want Sophia to be woken if she had been so tired as to retire early. "She deserves to sleep."
"That was indeed the trouble she predicted," he sighed.
"I can manage. I shall not allow you to wake her."
"And you will really not be happy if I do. This is no polite affectation."
"No." She would lock her door and she gave him a look that signalled clearly that she would not like it if he woke his wife.
"You have the wrong last name," he concluded. "Good night, but do not blame me if she is still up and wants to have a look."
"I am sure you could distract her," Anne said with amazing boldness. She could only slip into her room immediately afterwards.
"Sophia, you must take her with you," Captain Wentworth began without introduction after coming into her sitting room early in the morning. He had looked around, but he had not seen his brother-in-law instantly. There were two cups on the table, so he would probably return very soon. Before then he must have voiced his wishes.
"Why?" She did not say she had been considering the matter herself and that every passing day she began to feel more apprehension about visiting a house full of male Crofts. They would consider childbirth a matter with which they wanted nothing to do and they would give her a wide berth. She could imagine it so well and nobody would dare to speak to her except her husband, who would hardly visit his family to speak only to her.
"I have every reason to prefer you over the woman with whom she is engaged to stay."
"Why? Apart from the obvious?"
"Lady Russell. She has too much influence."
The picture began to be surprisingly clear -- the woman's influence over Anne, Frederick's dislike and his apparent wish to avoid a repetition. There was the reason why it had all gone wrong in the past, she supposed. How else could he know about her? It fit with the little that Anne had said. The advice of an elder that some girls might take. "And you do not want Anne to be influenced again?"
He looked away and gave no answer.
"It would be selfish of us both to do this, Frederick," she said, gazing into the fire and wondering how close he was to pouring out his heart. "Let her decide what she wants to do."
"But…" He could not see Anne offer to accompany Sophia. She would never do so if no need or wish had ever been expressed. "Do you not see how difficult it is? She will not go if you ask and she will not go if you do not ask."
"I know. Our needs may not correspond to hers, however much we should like that. Tell me who does not use her for his or her own purposes?" She did not think she should do the same.
He knew that. "But she would hardly offer to go with you, Sophia, not if you did not at least drop a hint. Does she even know you are expecting? I think she does not."
"Frederick, what if you were to tell her why you want her to go with me?" Anne would be sensitive to such a speech. It would end everything once and for all, she was sure.
"Oh no," he said instantly. He needed more time. He could not yet say anything convincing. "I cannot."
Sophia was willing to accept that. "How much would it mean to you if I were to try?"
"I do not know. Honestly I do not. Yet."
"I believe…" She paused. "You both have to decide that for yourselves. She was right."
"About what?" he asked instantly, more than curious to know what Anne had said.
"That I could make your excuses for whatever you did to her and she would accept them, but that you would never learn that you had to make them."
He brightened. "She would accept them?"
"Frederick," she said in her most sisterly voice. "Listen to me. You would never learn that you had to make them. Did you miss that bit? What did you do to her? Something for which even Anne requires an excuse?"
"I do not want to tell you." He had long believed that she was the only one who needed to make her excuses. The feeling was no longer as strong, although perhaps it was still troubling him enough to make him reluctant to speak. She had rejected him. How could stepping on her foot compare?
"You do not have to, as long as you think about it, because this is not my problem." She looked up when her husband entered the room. The conversation was now at an end, she supposed. If Frederick had wanted to speak to both of them, he would have waited.
"Morning, Frederick." Admiral Croft reached past him and raised his cup to his lips. The drink had gone half cold in his absence and he grimaced. "Good that you are here. I wanted to ask you to come riding. Do you?"
Captain Wentworth looked out of the window. It was a fine morning, sunny and clear. "Yes. Let me get dressed for it."
"I shall be in the stables."
The captain turned at the door to see his brother-in-law bent over his wife for an affectionate goodbye. "By the way, when I drove to Lyme with Charles Musgrove, he offered to invite you to a rat hunt some day to get you away from your wife. I tried to think what your reaction would be, but I could not imagine it."
"So people do talk about me!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Anne. She said Sophia talked about things nobody else talked about. I asked what and she said it was me. I was amused. Only Sophia and nobody else!" It still amused him.
"Had you expected anything different?"
"Anne," Sophia cut in, "said nobody had ever mentioned their husbands being undressed."
"Sophia!" her brother was appalled. Of course nobody ever mentioned that. He did not know why Sophia would. What would Anne think of her now?
"If she goes to sleep fully dressed I do not wonder that she never expected husbands to take their clothes off for bed either."
He could not tell her Anne probably did not go to sleep fully dressed unless he was in the room and that very likely she knew very well that husbands did not either. He hoped so, at any rate, and he hoped nobody had mentioned him in this regard, although he did not think he had given anyone any occasion for it. "Why did you tell her that?"
"If nobody had told her that before it was time someone did," Sophia commented. "But I think she was not prepared to hear me say that I shared my room. Not many people here must be doing that."
"No wonder her sister changed rooms in Lyme!" Captain Wentworth exclaimed. He had never understood that switch, going from a double to two singles. He might inadvertently have placed them in an embarrassing situation. "I had got them a double, but they changed it with the girls."
The admiral loved it.
"To be honest," said the captain. "I do not wonder at Musgrove wanting such a separation, what with her demanding carriages and better beds left and right."
"The youngest in a family is always a little spoilt," said the admiral. "But what does the quality of the bed matter if your wife is in it?"
"I would not stay in an excellent bed with such a wife!" Captain Wentworth cried.
"But you will not get to stay in any bed with a wife if you refuse to take her to sea."
"Oh, are we back to that again? I think I should get dressed rather than point out --" but the rest of his words could no longer be heard because he was out of the room.
Posted on Friday, 16 June 2006
When Anne woke, she found Mrs Croft seated at her table. This discovery warranted a moment of startled reflection, since the previous morning she had found another still seated at her table after a night's sleep and she immediately thought of him. Mrs Croft did not behave in the same manner, however, but she had a book that she now closed.
"If you are so surprised to see me, I take it I did not wake you when I came in," Mrs Croft said in satisfaction. "The men have gone out to do manly things together. I shall help you dress and then we shall have breakfast in my room."
"Manly things?" Anne supposed she should think more of Charles Musgrove in this regard than of her father, although she did not think they had much in common with either.
"They went riding because it was such a beautiful morning and the manly thing implies that they will probably go so fast they see nothing of it." She winked. "I do not really know what they do, but they always have so little to say for themselves after they return that I took the liberty of mocking such excursions. I have arranged for us to eat upstairs. That will be easier for you. We can even use the telescope to see if we can find them."
"Telescope?" She was fairly sure there had never been a telescope in the house.
"Oh yes, there is such a good view from the sitting room that we must have a telescope there. In fact we have two, so we can look at the same things. We spy on animals and neighbours."
Anne tried to picture them sitting by the window together, commenting on the scenery. It was not difficult and she smiled.
"Your bruises are coming along fine," Mrs Croft said as she worked. "Bless Frederick for taking the jar against your will. And the sea air was good for you, I see."
"How can you see that?"
"More colour, more life. You look very well. You must have seen that."
Anne had not looked into a mirror at all. "I had not. But thank you. That is a very kind compliment."
"Oh, not at all. I am merely repeating what my husband said to me, although I agree with him."
Anne digested that silently while their combined efforts got her ready. The admiral had commented on her appearance and not directly to her, which made it more sincere. There had been a gentleman in Lyme who had given her appreciative looks. If she added those two comments she could not help but conclude she must be looking very fine. It had been a long time since anyone had commented anything to that effect.
She was forced to take a bath, which Mrs Croft supervised. Anne thought it was rather a waste of Mrs Croft's time and she indicated she would manage on her own.
Mrs Croft dismissed that concern. She did not have much else to do. "No, no, I must practise."
"Practise?"
"In case I have a girl."
"What sort of girl?" Anne thought she might want to hire one as a new maid, but how that fit in with supervising bath time was a mystery. She would not bathe a maid, or would she be needing to tell the maid how she wanted her bath?
"Well, Anne." Mrs Croft laid her hand on her stomach and smiled. "What did you think this was?"
Anne stared as she made the connection between that and having a girl, remembering also Captain Wentworth's shopping expedition and the box with the bonnets. And lastly, Mrs Croft's secret which made her tired but which was not an illness. Seemingly she was not very observant, because now that she was being told she could clearly see that it was a little out of the ordinary. "Er…I…had not had any thoughts about it at all. I…simply thought it was your shape."
"No, no!"
"That is wonderful!" Anne smiled to convey the happiness she felt, although she still had some questions. "But how could it be? You are walking around and doing everything." There had been nothing in her manner to alert her.
Now it was Mrs Croft's turn not to understand. "Everything? I am beginning to feel seriously tired of not being able to do everything. I have not gone riding and even walking up a simple hill is too much for me."
Anne had indeed noticed that she had needed assistance, but she had not found it significant since a great many people did. "But my sister could do nothing for a year, twice. Perhaps if you had lain down all day and complained I might have made the connection."
"I can believe it of your sister!" she cried. Considering how the woman had complained when nothing was the matter, she would have been insufferable when there was something real. "But I am not like that. I lie on the sofa now and then and I have my husband do little things for me, or rather, he does them without being asked."
"I think it is wonderful. You and the admiral are very good." She was still smiling. They had taken such good care of her that she did not doubt they would take excellent care of a child. And they would be delighted.
"Oh yes, I have been practising on him for years!" Mrs Croft said with twinkling eyes. Then she turned red. "Er…mothering him, I mean."
Anne looked a little confused. "Oh…and would you like a girl?"
"I would. It would be a nice change from all those men everywhere. Although I could never imagine myself with a little girl, I realised she need not be a delicate little doll. Of course the admiral would like a boy, or so he says."
That made Anne think of something. "Do you really always call him that? Your brother said so. It came up in the carriage."
"The girls, was it? I cannot imagine either you or Frederick bringing up such a subject. Frederick!" she said with a snort. "No, I do not always call him that. The amusement in doing it simply has not yet worn off. He has not been an admiral for very long. Did you really think I had been calling him Captain all those years?"
"I suppose not." Anne would not do such a thing either.
"Quite right! Did Frederick say he wanted to be called Captain himself?"
"No, he never mentioned himself in this regard."
"Wise, in such company. It would have been misunderstood. While he would not condone being called Freddie --"
"Freddie!" Anne exclaimed in horror.
"My brothers, Eddie and Freddie." Mrs Croft laughed. "But such a comment is not appreciated by either of them, I warn you. It is part of a sister's secret arsenal of annoying comments."
Anne did not think there was any opportunity in the foreseeable future to see both of them together, let alone any opportunity to mock them.
"It is Frederick who has been saying Captain and Admiral. He was but sixteen when we married and very much in awe of captains. I was never. Respectful enough to marry one, yes, but after marrying the formalities ought to be abandoned. So, my husband would like a boy, or so he says," she said, still with a smile. "But of course it does not really matter to him at all, as long as there is something and he does not have to name it. He thinks he does not know what to do with a girl, but of course he does, since he always knew what to do with me as well. Well, after a while."
"And when will your child come?"
Mrs Croft's face turned serious. "That is the problem. They felt my stomach and said two months. I think it is less, but of course my opinion counts for nothing. If I had had other children they might have believed me. But that I had none before does not mean I know myself less well."
Anne did not know what to reply. She was neither a physician nor a mother, although she would really like to be of assistance in the matter.
Mrs Croft wondered if this was a good opportunity to help Frederick. "We are going away soon and I fear it will come while we are there and you must know it is a place full of men who either never married or who have been widowed for as long as they can remember. They would be dead surprised if I were to tell them I was a woman, let alone if they heard I could have children!"
"Oh dear," Anne said in a small voice. That was indeed not a very attractive prospect. "Is it a monastery?"
"The Croft monastery. Almost. I wish they had at least one woman there to help me." She felt it would be too devious and selfish to ask anything directly. How could Frederick think she could? The selfish fool! "That is not to say anything will happen, of course."
"But what if it does?" asked Anne. Mrs Croft was not fanciful. There must be some reason for her fears, a real chance that her child would come sooner than she was told. She was not very large, but something must have given her that idea.
She looked unhappy. "I really do not know what will happen and I fear there is a chance."
Anne was inclined to trust in the expertise of the medical profession, but she knew even they were humans. "Why did whoever examined you not agree with you?"
"Because I know myself better than some quack! He told me I must be wrong because I was not yet large enough. I know I am not wrong." She gave a wry smile. "Which is a point I cannot stress too much to my husband, because he always says it is typical of Wentworths. I am sure he would like to believe me, but he also knows us."
Anne remembered Captain Wentworth and his reaction to having counted incorrectly. She could imagine it. Wentworths were not easily wrong.
"It is the authority on the subject that I do not have," Mrs Croft said regretfully. "And he likes -- fears and feelings are -- but that man knows, he would say. Perhaps so, but not my body! And I told him he knows my body better than the quack and he gave me a panicky look. Men! They are really much better at getting you in the state than getting you out of it!"
For a moment Anne blinked at Mrs Croft's sounding an awful lot like Mary. It was probably more due to a similarity between men than to any similarity between the two ladies.
"But even if my otherwise reliable and dependable husband is panicking, can you not imagine what his utterly clueless relatives will be like?" She would like to give in to a little panic herself, but she could not.
"Can you not see the local midwife?" That, at least, would not be a man.
"I could and she would probably tell me I was right, but she cannot come with me anyway."
"Why had you not seen anyone before?" Even if there were really two months to go Mrs Croft had come very far already. Mary had lain flat for seven months at this point and she had been examined every week. "Did you not know what it was?"
"I knew, but there was nothing wrong with me before. I am tired so quickly now, so I thought I should get myself examined. If I had ever had myself examined before I might have known more about this, but I enjoyed my life as it was and whenever I felt some regret I always imagined myself ashore with ten children and no husband and -- no, thank you."
"What would somebody need to do for you?" Anne asked, already wondering if she could be of assistance.
"Listen to my complaints," Mrs Croft said readily. "And if I have a child, tell me what to do with it."
Anne suppressed a smile. She was sure there would not be many complaints, nor any doubts as to how to love a baby. "Could I help you?" She did not think she would have to do much, except be there.
"Oh, would you?" Mrs Croft cried. She coloured, although she felt genuinely relieved. But a few complaints to Anne had sufficed. She was awful and devious.
"I do not think you are likely to complain very much."
"I should like to complain about that quack!" she said hurriedly to hide her shame at being so manipulative. "Here, wear this robe and dry your hand. Yes. Now give me your hand." She placed it on her stomach. "If he or she wants to indulge me you will be able to feel it."
"Are you not doing that?" asked Anne when she felt something move. Her eyes brightened in excitement. "Are you not breathing?"
"I do not breathe in such violent bursts. No, they are kicks. See where you feel it. I can feel it simultaneously on this side and on that side and the quack would not believe me. He said I was wrong. He said it cannot swim from one end to the other that quickly. He said mothers imagine all sorts of things, especially one who, as he so kindly said, must be nearly obsessed due to her age, but I am really not imagining that I am carrying an octopus."
"An octopus?"
"It is poking in every direction. Of course it refused to move while we were there because it is a stubborn little thing," she spoke indulgently, "but it is very active in all sorts of places -- here, there and in the middle -- and I really cannot think this is going to last two more months. Anne, it lives. I have no idea why it is still in there."
"I do not know that either." Anne was fascinated by everything, the movements and Mrs Croft's sudden vivacity, but she withdrew her hand. It was not her own stomach, although Mrs Croft was so thrilled she would allow her to feel it whenever she liked, she was sure.
"I am not obsessed," Mrs Croft wished to stress. "Because I am not yet old."
Anne smiled. "The admiral said the same about himself. He was a little worried about the older man."
"Tsk! I should not have teased him so, but while we were speaking with your father about the lease, your father said something about men of their generation, apparently. My husband was -- well, he looked up your father's age and discovered that he was in fact closer in age to your sister. That makes me wonder -- what would your father say to children in the house?"
"He could only say something if someone thought of telling him," Anne said tactfully.
"Now that is true and we should not worry him before the little one is capable of walking and damaging the furniture. You must dress or you will be cold. Enough about me. I have talked selfishly for long enough. What about Lady Russell, with whom you were going to stay, I understood?" She should address all problems while she was at it.
"I could tell her. I am sure she would understand." She would have to leave Captain Wentworth out of the account. "Although, since she is my godmother and well acquainted with us, she might tell my father and Elizabeth about your child when we get -- when she gets to Bath. She would have to explain why she did not bring me."
"Do not worry about it, Anne, and let it take its course. I am sure I shall have an adorable, well-behaved little girl. Had you called me Sophia today?" Mrs Croft suddenly inquired.
"I had not called you anything today."
"Do not turn into Frederick or we shall mock you. You must call me Sophia. Do you know my husband's name?"
"I read it somewhere, but I could not call him by it," Anne said in alarm, in case Sophia wished her to use that name as well. "Not if even you and your brother do not."
Such caution in referring to him, Sophia noted. "His name is Frederick."
"I know both of them are," said Anne, a little confused as to whom she meant.
"Frederick the brother, I meant. James Frederick the husband is forced to go by James. Can you guess what a little boy will not be called?"
"Frederick?"
"Exactly. It cannot be a boy, because it will have some uncles who all have two names and they have in fact used up all the names I know. It must be a girl."
They sat down to breakfast in Sophia's small sitting room, which was in fact Admiral Croft's and before that it had been Sir Walter's. Nothing had been added to the room except two telescopes, as far as Anne could tell, but some things had been taken away. There was a different look to it. The table was now closer to the window.
"But you must sit closest to the fire," Sophia decreed. "Your hair is wet. I shall have a quick peek through the telescope. Help yourself to some food."
The selection of food was not as great as downstairs, so Anne did not have to think. She took a few bites as she watched Sophia search the horizon.
"Nothing." She laid down the telescope regretfully and joined Anne.
They had a pleasant breakfast, examining and discussing Sophia's purchases for her child, and then Anne sat by the window with one of the telescopes while her hair was being done. It was an amusing instrument to play with and she watched some animals. There were no neighbours in sight and she did not think there ever were many.
"Did you ask Frederick to do your hair?" asked Sophia.
Anne noted how the question only pertained to whether she had asked him, not to whether he had done it at all. There was no doubt about that. "No, he saw it was not yet done."
"Did he step over the threshold for it?"
"Yes."
"Quite bold of him. How could he be certain you would not attack his virtue?" Sophia mocked.
"I do not think I am the type," Anne said seriously.
Sophia liked that answer very much. She laughed. "But did you know, I think Frederick's knot looked much better than mine. Mine was functional, but his was aesthetic."
"How did you know he was the one who did it then? One would expect women to be better at arranging hair and if you saw a nice one you would not immediately think of him." Anne would not, at any rate.
"Because he did not treat it as hair, but as a piece of rope. It was a sailors' knot and complicated enough not to be hit upon by accident." But it had not fooled his sister. She did not think he had consciously turned it into such a knot, however. He had not intended to leave his mark, but he had merely not known what else to do with it.
"Oh." That made sense, Anne supposed. "I liked yours too. I think it was the more windproof of the two, but I could not sleep on it and so I had to take it out before going to bed."
"Yes, functional, as I said." She picked up the telescope when she saw some movement. "Oh dear. The parrots are coming."
Posted on Monday, 19 June 2006
The parrots, who had presumably come to call on Captain Wentworth, were obliged to feign an interest in Anne's health instead when he proved to be out. They had to make do with the simple confirmation that Anne was well, for Sophia did not want them in her sitting room. "They have no interest in me," she said. "And I have none in them. I did not have much of an opinion on them until they turned out to be so completely self-centred. They care about you only for as long as you play their game."
Anne said nothing. Although she had not wanted to say it because it might sound as if she were asking for pity, she had come to think the same thing herself. She had never been ill before, but she had always been the one to lend assistance. This was forgotten as much as she was, except when she could be used as a pretext for calling at Kellynch.
"If they cared so much about you as to be interested, they would have helped you in Lyme. But no, such a long walk was not undertaken for your sake. That is all for Frederick."
It struck Anne that almost everything was for Frederick. His sister and brother schemed with him in mind and she could not deny that much of what she did herself was done with him in her thoughts. But their universal favourite was not yet doing what they wished him to do. What were his own wishes?
The gentlemen had gone riding and spoken very little. It was not until they walked the last part of the way that Admiral Croft began. "Yesterday you were going to tell me about your progress when you were interrupted by the return of the ladies."
Captain Wentworth had wondered about his progress too and he had not been able to conclude much. "I do not think I was about to tell you more than that I have no idea."
"Must we tell you then?"
"What can you tell me?" Was he still transparent?
"When she first came here, you did not behave very encouragingly," the admiral began.
"Of course not!" Captain Wentworth cried. "Had Sophia rejected you, would you have offered her every kindness and assistance if you saw her again years later?" He did not think that was possible for any man to do -- except Charles Musgrove, apparently, but that man could not love any woman as much as he loved a carriage or a gun.
There was real progress if Frederick could be so open about the particulars. He had not admitted anything before, not by means other than sulking. "Oh, I am not saying I do not understand, regardless of the fact that I was never in such a situation, but had you hated her you would have been capable of more civility. You behaved as if something awful would occur if you gave her any attention at all."
"Well, it did," he muttered, looking away. "I came to realise she is far superior to anyone else, but because she is, she could never respect me for what I did -- and I have no good explanation or apology to offer, which I do not think Sophia really understood, with her comparison to what you did."
"Which was?"
"That you stood in front of a window with nothing on, which is no offence."
"It cannot be, because I do not recall a particular occasion," the admiral mused. He wondered at Sophia always talking about him undressed. This was the second recent example -- or perhaps the same one -- of which he had heard. "Do I do this often? Too often? Not often enough?" He had not done it for years, but he would be willing to change his habits if his lady so desired it.
"She said it was the first morning of your marriage."
"Oh, then!" he snickered. "If she mentioned that, she was not speaking of offences, but of foolishness and awkwardness. To my knowledge I committed no offences in those days, but sharing a space with a girl all of a sudden cannot go smoothly for anyone -- because you do not know her, but you will not really know her until you share."
Foolishness and awkwardness were things he recognised and they prompted him to speak. "First I stepped onto her foot so I could keep carrying her in case one of the other girls injured herself," Captain Wentworth said hurriedly, as if speaking quickly could lessen the offence. "Since she had just said that one might."
"Her…bad…foot…?" Admiral Croft asked in an incredulous tone. That might indeed be an offence, especially since it sounded like a deliberate action.
He winced. "Believe me, I felt it almost as strongly when I saw how much pain it gave her. But I was not thinking."
"Well, you were, but of the wrong thing." Of wanting to keep carrying her, he added silently, trying to keep his face from expressing his desire to knock Frederick over the head. He was all for quick action, but only of the sensible kind. Frederick must have no idea what motivated him. Had he even asked himself why he wanted to keep carrying Anne? No, he would not ask himself such a difficult question; he would simply step on her foot so there was no need to ask anything anymore.
"Yes." The lack of disgust and disapproval encouraged him to speak on. "Twice, by trying to avoid something bad, I got myself into worse trouble and unfortunately on both occasions Anne was the victim. But I did not step on her foot twice, by the way."
"I should hope not."
"The next thing was worse. I climbed into the wrong window trying to avoid people."
"Many a fool would wish for your luck!" the admiral exclaimed. If the wrong window had been Anne's, many would have considered that the right window, in fact. He was delighted by the image of Frederick finding he had climbed into a girl's room. He would long ago have reacted in the same manner, he thought.
Captain Wentworth did not quite see where that luck came in. "I spent the entire night sitting at the table wondering how I could talk myself out of it and she simply went to sleep."
The admiral would have loved to see Anne simply go to sleep. Apparently she had not become hysterical, but she had accepted his error as something that could easily have happened. Frederick had probably been closer to being hysterical and he imagined them facing each other. If he had been Anne he would also have turned away and gone to sleep. A hysterical man must be a horrid sight. "That means you did not have to talk yourself out of it at all. She offered you an easy way out."
"She --" Captain Wentworth inhaled. He recalled Anne's calmness. He would never have interpreted it as an easy way out.
"However, she might be puzzled as to why you stayed."
She had seemed a little surprised, he recalled. "I stayed because I did not know what to say or do and I believed it would be very disrespectful to leave without saying anything, as if she was not even capable of being compromised. Do you see?"
"What a dilemma indeed." He remembered Sophia's discovery that Anne had not changed her clothes at night. That fact made some more sense now, as did the sore neck, but Frederick's arguments for staying made so little sense they were almost amusing. "Did you tell her you wanted her to be capable of being compromised? And that you stayed in order to make that possible?"
He looked confused. "What? I did not want that."
"But that is what you just told me. You wanted her to be capable of being compromised, although I am sure you did not want to do it yourself then and there, but by staying in her room you were not exactly making it impossible."
"That makes no sense!"
"I am glad I am not the only one who thinks so," Admiral Croft said dryly. "If you and I do not, what must the poor girl have thought? But you very properly sat at the table all night?"
"I did." But he was now wondering what Anne had thought.
"And she never once sent you away or invited you to lie in the bed?" Anne could have suggested he go to his own room. She should have. However, if Frederick had had his mind set on staying until he knew what to say, such a suggestion would have been useless.
"I beg your pardon!" Captain Wentworth cried indignantly. "She would not. Invite me, that is."
"I still say she was offering you the opportunity to pretend it never happened at all. She might be puzzled as to why you did not take this offer, why you chose to stay without availing yourself of her company, or indeed without providing any explanation."
"Availing --" He was too stunned. "Anne? I cannot believe you truly believe she or I would ever consider such a thing!" he burst out.
Whether Admiral Croft truly believed it was not important, he thought. Something had to be said. "We do not know what she thinks, do we? A rejected man might well have sought solace elsewhere and have come to take these matters lightly. Your running after schoolgirls cannot have been a very comfortable indicator in this regard. Why should she have had any faith in you?"
Captain Wentworth gasped. "I should hope she holds me in higher esteem than that! And you!" He mounted his horse and galloped away in anger.
The admiral gave a shrug and walked on to the stables.
"Where is Frederick?" asked Sophia when her husband returned alone. She had seen him from her upstairs window and she had run downstairs, wanting to ascertain that Frederick had not done something as stupid as go back to Uppercross with the parrots.
"Angry."
"With whom?"
"With me. I doubted his character." He grinned.
"Did you meet any girls? Why precisely was he angry?" She was afraid Frederick had gone back with them in his anger.
"Girls? No, we did not meet any girls. We were talking about one. He rode off in a huff because I said a rejected man might well have sought solace elsewhere. Deeply offended, he was. The last thing he would have done after my words would be to seek solace in the company of some schoolgirls. But apart from all this nonsense I heard something very interesting."
"That she rejected him? Someone advised her to do so."
"I doubt Frederick would care whose idea it was. He only cares about the result. No, in Lyme he climbed into the wrong window. I thought he was marvellously lucky that it was Anne's, but he was rather…distressed by it. It caused him to stay there all night because he did not know what to say. How do you like this, Sophy?"
"All night?" That certainly explained his sore neck and his fatigue, although it was not quite in character to stay all night. She did not know what to think. Anne's behaviour had not implied that something shocking had happened.
"He sat at the table -- all night. She went to sleep."
She chuckled. That was better and it began to fit with Anne's story and reactions too. "And in the morning he still did not know what to say, so he did her hair and simply went away?"
The admiral shrugged. "He rode off before I could ask how it ended. I made the mistake of asking him if she had not offered her bed, but that and a subsequent comment angered him too much." He looked innocent.
"I might have done the same. You are cruel. Anne, by the way, is beginning to show the first signs of rebellion against always being expected to cooperate and participate. I did not know what she was talking about last night, but now that you told me this, I believe in this particular case she is rebelling against not receiving an explanation as to why he stayed. I think she knows, but she would like to be told."
"Women!" he teased. "Well, would you like to be told I am going to change out of my riding clothes or do you think my intentions are obvious?"
"If you never come back I shall know your intentions were not so obvious, my dear."
"Sophia, I love you dearly, but must you always be in the way?" her brother hissed. He had made up his mind to talk to Anne, but Sophia could never leave her alone for an instant. He would tell Anne why he had stayed, but that the constant interference in his affairs was now forcing him to visit Edward so he could think in peace.
"I am in the way because I love you dearly too, Freddie. Go out in the gig," she suggested. "Unless you will continue to be so cross."
He glared at her for that abbreviation. And why should he go out in the gig if he had just been riding? "I am not cross. You told me to speak, but you are watching my every move. I cannot do anything this way."
"Are you angry with me now too?"
They had talked again. They always did that. This ease vexed him too, since he was incapable of imitating it. "Can he not keep anything from you?"
"We are married. We share," she said meaningfully.
"I merely wish you would sit in another room. I am becoming vexed beyond belief. I cannot stay here much longer. I should go to Edward's as soon as possible." He did not intend to stay there long, but considering that he must go there, he had best go there now. Hopefully he would return in a calmer frame of mind. Perpetual vexation would not lead to anything good.
"Of course. If that is what you need to make sense of everything." She tapped his arm. "Think it over."
Then he was left alone with Anne, who had not heard a word of their exchange. She had been staring into the fire. He sat down beside her and also stared at the flames. The chairs in this house were always close together, especially those that stood before the fire. The admiral liked to have his wife within reach, it seemed, or perhaps the reverse. It was perhaps not as convenient to other people who ought not abuse the lack of distance.
He made up his mind to speak, but when he thought he was going to say something, all he was capable of was action. He got up and leant over Anne, and in a movement that was a direct but less confident imitation of the admiral saying goodbye to Sophia, he kissed her. It was surprisingly pleasant.
Finally he stood up straight and spoke. "I am going to Edward's now."
Anne was gazing up at him in bewilderment. "No."
That puzzled him. "No?"
Her voice grew stronger. "You cannot do that and go."
It sank in what he had done and he feared everyone's reaction including his own. He might do it again. "I keep making it worse, do I not?" he said in a low, regretful voice. He had only wanted to say goodbye. "I should go before I ruin everything completely with more thoughtless actions."
"No." He should not misunderstand her. Nothing had been ruined.
"Yes."
Anne sighed deeply as she leant back in her chair, touching her lips. Whatever had possessed him to kiss her, she knew with perfect clarity what had possessed her not to object.
Perhaps he was right in going away if he did not even know what he was doing. She hoped he would come to his senses, something that did not appear to have happened yet. But until he understood himself, she could not be at ease that he would not do something entirely stupid.
She sat there for a long while, regretting that she had not spoken more clearly or forcefully and imagining what could have happened if she had done so. But she had not been capable of eloquence any more than he had and her somewhat forceful no had made no impression. His mind had been made up and he did not easily change it. Of that she had ample evidence. She could not change his mind for him.
Sophia came for her hours later, or so it felt. She sat in the other chair and observed Anne with compassion. "He has gone away."
"I know that," Anne replied quietly.
"Has he spoken to you?"
She looked at the flames. He had spoken a few words, but not nearly enough. "I could not call it that."
"He would not tell me about it." He had not wanted to meet her eyes, which had caused her to be rather worried and curious. Leaving him alone with Anne had likely not had the result he had hoped for. Although he had said he would leave, Sophia assumed that a private interview with Anne would change his mind, if that had been set on leaving in the first place.
"I am not surprised."
"What did he do? You do not sound as if anything bad happened."
Anne turned her head to give Sophia a wistful smile. "Oh, he kissed me," she said with more calmness than the memory inspired in her. "And said he was leaving."
Sophia's eyes widened and her lips moved as if she did not yet know what she wanted to say.
"What does it mean, Sophia?"
"I had been thinking you would start confiding in me about smaller things."
Sometimes unexpected things happened. "I think I have reached the limits of my tolerance."
Posted on Thursday, 22 June 2006
Sophia had studied Anne for too long without speaking, she felt, and she struggled to find something to say. Echoing always worked. "The limits of your tolerance?" That had been very strong language for Anne, but of course it also been a rather strong action for Frederick.
Anne thought the same herself. "I merely mean he cannot expect me to keep silent about everything. He cannot do anything he likes to me and hope nobody will hear of it because I am so…discreet. Even I must…talk."
"I should have wrung his neck when I had the chance!" Sophia cried.
"No!" Anne was certain he did not deserve that. He had not hurt her. It had been pleasant, if frustrating.
"I should have been gentler about it than James. I am the more tolerant one, you know. Although…he may have a tiny bit of tolerance if it was a gentle kiss." Sophia would not approve of much else herself. She folded her hands together hopefully, since she did not really like wringing people's necks.
Anne looked hesitant. She was not certain she ought to have an opinion, for saying it had felt gentle enough might imply that she had liked it. "It might have been."
"Now do not say that because you want to spare his life." In spite of her strong words Anne might still be excusing Frederick's behaviour too much.
"Is it truly in danger?" If that was so, she might have to be cautious in her remarks to the admiral. Very likely his wife would tell him everything, however.
"If he makes it worse when he comes back, I say it is. I told you I am the more tolerant one. James does not believe it befits the honourable seafaring hero to give in to such weaknesses as kissing a girl without marrying her." There was a sharp edge to Sophia's voice.
Anne's eyes widened. "Would he insist on marriage if he heard?"
"I am not certain he would let Frederick live long enough."
"If trapping him were my object I could have screamed in Lyme," Anne said with a heightened colour. "But he did not do anything." She did not want to trap him now either. He must want to be trapped, or she would not have him.
"But he could have done things there he would not have been able to do here," Sophia indicated the two chairs. "Many people would not believe he did nothing. Your reputation would be ruined regardless -- because of what people suspect he might have done. However, I do not care about your reputation, Anne."
That was puzzling. "You do not?"
"But if you cared about him and he did not care for you at all…" She shook her head. "I care about that. So he had best have done this because he cared."
"I think he does, but --" Anne remembered her resolve. "He went away!"
Sophia took her hand. "And so shall we." She was silent for a few moments and then she burst forth again. "He is a captain, for heaven's sake! One would expect them to be less stupid! They should not send those boys to sea for so long. It turns them into utter fools."
Even after Captain Wentworth's departure he was still the main attraction at Kellynch. Mary and Louisa called again a little later in the day. This time they could not be put off and they were received in the parlour. It was raining heavily and even Sophia could not decide otherwise.
Admiral Croft had wanted to flee, but his wife held him back. She received her visitors coldly, not expecting to hear much good. Mary seemed to have forgotten their previous encounter, or perhaps the rain had forced her to do so, because there was nothing in her manner that indicated she had once left in a huff.
"How kind of you to check on Anne," said Sophia, who wondered if this could have happened had there not been any rain, nor any Frederick.
"You look much recovered," Mary said to her sister after a cursory glance.
"I am no better than yesterday," Anne replied. She did not know to which day she was being compared.
"Charles and Mr Musgrove took the boys out for the entire day."
"You must be sorry they did not want to take you," the admiral said with sincere pity in his voice. "I declare there is no greater amusement than going out with all the boys. Now you are forced to walk about in the rain."
Mary did not look as if she agreed about the amusement.
"I must offer my carriage to you before your parents miss you," he continued to Louisa. "Young ladies walking about alone. I am sure they will be worried. I never allow my wife to go out unattended."
Anne had neared the limits of her tolerance indeed. For the first time in her life she was desirous of leaving Kellynch, since she could not expect other people to leave because she wished them to. The Musgroves, although she had considered them good people, would continue to remind her that to them she was nobody of particular interest. Even her own sister cared very little. The admiral's transparent attempts to get rid of their visitors cheered her but a bit, although they had seemingly improved Sophia's mood immensely.
"No, no, we are frequently out walking," Louisa assured him. "I cannot imagine having to ask permission for every little thing I wish to do! I shall not put up with that after marriage either." She gave Sophia a look that was a mixture of contempt and pity.
Sophia folded her hands and looked so demure and serene that Anne almost laughed.
"Ah well," Admiral Croft said. "I cannot force you into a carriage if you choose to walk back in the rain, but you are a foolish girl not to take the offer. Still, Mrs Croft's brother has gone to visit Mrs Croft's other brother -- she has two -- so our company was greatly reduced today and you are welcome to amuse us for a while until the rain might clear up."
"Oh, he never spoke of that!" Louisa cried. "Will he be back?"
"He may, he may, but there is no telling when, since he stayed here much longer than planned as well. He may find something of interest there, who knows?" He winked and noted in satisfaction the four different reactions that inspired in his female audience. "If he stays there too long, we shall be gone here and there would be no reason for him to come back. I do not think he would enjoy staying here all by himself. There is not much to do here, is there?"
After such awful news, Louisa and Mary decided they had best make use of the offer of the carriage.
"Inviting them to amuse us!" said Sophia, tossing a cushion at her husband's head. "I thought you had gone mad! They might have stayed!" She picked up the cushion where it had fallen and beat him with it, since she had missed her mark.
"Now who has gone mad here, Sophia?" he said shielding his face.
"And winking at other women!"
"My dear, they were gone in an instant after I winked." He thought it had been highly effective. "What must poor Anne be thinking of this assault on me?"
"I have no doubt she understands the occasional need to do this to a male," Sophia replied.
He managed to get hold of her in a safe manner and set her down on his lap. He threw the cushion at Anne. "Hide that. Do you still think sheis a refined lady?"
Anne coloured. "I suppose so."
"Frederick deserves more than a cushion. Speaking of madness, I wonder if he got wet," he mused. "Did he not see the sky when he rode off?"
"I doubt he cared." Sophia yawned and felt tired all of a sudden. "I want to lie down before dinner. Alone."
"Of course. You must." But then he hesitated. "Is he asleep?"
"She and no, she is not asleep. I do not think she ever is."
He gave Anne a quick glance, but she did not look confused by this exchange. He supposed she must know. "What do you say, Anne? He or she?"
"I have heard good arguments for either." She did not want to take sides. Their apparently ongoing dispute merely amused her and she knew as well as they did that the outcome could not be changed.
He laid his hands on Sophia's stomach. "This is a boy, I am sure of it. He moves like one -- although perhaps with such a violent mother it could be anything."
"We shall see what she will turn out to be," she replied and yawned again. "Will you come and wake me when it is time for dinner?"
He assured her he would and then he joined Anne by the fire. "Sophy told you about our condition, I see."
"Your condition?" she said with a giggle.
"If I am required to leave the carriage just as often -- or rather, I felt compelled to be sympathetic -- one could say it is my condition as well. I am to blame for it, too," he said in case she did not know.
"But indeed, she told me this morning. I am very happy for you. That makes me happy too," she said, referring to their conversation of the night before. "And the interest you take in it is truly admirable."
"My dear, I cannot disagree with a word you say. It is my son and your nephew. Of course you would admire my concern." He laughed at the look of alarm he received.
"But there is no question of…anything," she protested, her cheeks glowing in embarrassment. She could not think of it as her nephew.
"Well, there must be, because he finally revealed something."
"What?" she asked anxiously.
"That he spent an entire night in your room." He observed her closely.
"But that does not mean…anything." She was certain it did not. He had gone away without explaining himself and he had spoken to other people, but not to her. She hoped he had said nothing had happened.
"Of course it does. He had not told anybody anything before. And then he goes away just when he has begun to speak. That again must mean something. Tell me you did not refuse him again -- on account of not being a refined gentleman or something of that sort. He might take a little after Sophia."
She choked. "He did not speak to me." She did not think she would have refused him had he asked her again. Why was the admiral asking? Did he think such a question had been imminent? She would certainly not have been able to deduce anything of the sort. There might have been some conversation, but not a proposal.
"Why did he go?" He observed her for a few moments. "You know."
"It was worse for him to leave than to stay," she said, but that was no answer.
"Sometimes I just want to knock your heads together. Talk to me."
Anne feared he would really knock her head against something. He looked as tired of this as she was and even if he did not do anything to her head, he might still tell her to go away. There was no option but to obey his order, because there was no other place she would rather be than at Kellynch. "I do not want you to send me away because I am not confiding in you, but Sophia thought you might wring his neck if you heard."
His lips trembled at her earnest defence. Frederick's neck must not be wrung, whatever he had done. This reassured him somewhat, although Sophia's reaction was still worrisome. "Perhaps, now that Sophia has got rid of her violent urges by beating me with a cushion, she will go easy on him? I shall stop at the more effective method of knocking your heads together."
"In a way that occurred. He kissed me and left," she said, looking the other way.
He told himself not to imagine the worst straight away. "Your hand?"
"No, not my hand." Anne kept her face turned.
The admiral closed his eyes. "It gets worse by the day. It is good that he left. Let him cool his head." Quite obviously Frederick was rather overheated. He was a silly young hothead. Still!
She looked back now. "Before you knock it against something?"
"It is true that in principle I do not approve of such actions," he mused. "Actions with one's wife excepted, naturally. But in principle I am also sympathetic towards stupidity. If you could convince me it was nothing but stupidity I might leave his head alone. He might still be the sort of silly young hothead that I once mentioned. Why did he kiss you?"
"To say goodbye, I thought -- but he also called it a thoughtless action," Anne remembered. It might qualify as stupid. She hoped it did.
"That is not the nicest thing to say to a lady you have just kissed!" he exclaimed.
She blushed. "I had not been kissed before. I do not know."
"Not!" He was surprised. "That is a point in his favour indeed!"
"Is it? But what should one say?"
"Implying that one would never do it in a sane state of mind is perhaps not very flattering. But then," he reflected, "you are not his wife, so that consideration might play a role. If he thinks like me, well, it would have been a bit of a shock to find what he had just done. It is a shock in any case, but to have to be stupid to one's wife -- ah, best be stupid to one's…" He wondered what she was.
"One's what? Is that not the problem?" What was she? That was precisely what remained unclear. Perhaps the Crofts did not think it was unclear at all.
"I ask again -- what do you want? I knew what I wanted. It is not as difficult as you think. Do not think of next week. What would you want in one year, in five, in ten?"
"Why is it a shock in any case?"
"Do not turn the tables on me, Anne," he said sternly, but with some amusement in his eyes. "I asked you a question."
"But if you could tell me how shocking it really is it might give me a better idea as to why he left…"
"Yes, that is quite right," the admiral admitted. "I am sympathetic to stupidity because I understand it completely. I arranged everything quite coolly myself."
"Is that stupid?"
"Yes! It is quite stupid not to ask yourself why you wanted to arrange everything so quickly with that girl and quite stupid to think you can share quarters with such a girl in the same manner you would share with another officer. You must get stuck in a doorway or something together at some point and then…" his voice trailed off meaningfully.
"And then?" Anne pressed, more interested than she ought to be.
"Then you realise your wife is a girl," he answered gravely.
"I should think you were aware of that when you married her," she said with a confused grimace. "A wife is always a girl."
"There is something different about getting stuck in a doorway or carrying her." The admiral smiled wickedly. "If you feel you do not want it to end…did you?"
Anne made a helpless little sound.
"Ah, you did not, but you felt you should," he concluded with an even more wicked smile. "You must not look so embarrassed. All happily married people know exactly how you feel -- and I do not care for others."
"Why did Sophia say she was the more tolerant one? She spoke of wringing his neck! You forget that I am not married!"
"Sophia thinks she is the more tolerant one because she says she would not have minded a kiss before we were married. That is all. I disagree. She would have minded and I should have got more than a cushion thrown at my head. Now, back to Frederick…"