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Posted on Wednesday, 26 April 2006
"My dear admiral, that post! We shall certainly take that post." Mrs Croft stretched out her hand to seize the reins, but she was too late. They hit something and swerved.
Anne had been reflecting on their conversation. It had been so many years since breaking off her engagement to Captain Wentworth, but she found she could still not listen to his name with indifference, nor forget any conversation about him so easily, regardless of how indifferently he behaved towards her now. His relatives expected him to be engaged again soon, to another. She could not blame the Crofts for telling her about it -- they did not know about the past and thought only of their brother.
Anne was just thinking she ought to forget what had once existed, to be generous enough towards him to allow his happiness, when her musings were rudely interrupted by a bang and a jolt. She could not suppress a scream of terror when she found herself lifted from her seat by the impact, but the hedge below her was the last thing she saw.
"Sophy," said Admiral Croft, dusting off his trousers and apparently unharmed. "Next time Miss Elliot should sit between us, do you not think? Then we can hold her back when she flies off."
"Set the carriage straight, Admiral," Mrs Croft ordered. Miss Elliot had been catapulted out of the gig and now she was nowhere to be seen. Contrary to her husband, she was more than a little concerned. Miss Elliot should be here with them, but she was not. "I do not think all is well."
"Such a small girl," he mused. "Yes, we ought to have held on to her. But where did she go?" He glanced down the lane in both directions. There was nobody to be seen.
"She is on the other side of the hedge. I see her. She is on the ground. Miss Elliot?" she called, but there was no response.
"Too shaken to speak?" Admiral Croft could not imagine one could overturn the gig and come away with more than a bruise. He was never injured and neither was Sophia, although he conceded this had been quite a shake.
"Unconscious," said his wife, trying to squeeze herself through the hedge, but getting her gown stuck on something.
The admiral was quicker. By the time his wife reached him he had already ascertained that Miss Elliot was not dead. She was breathing, though not very conscious. "The arm is hurt. We should get her to Kellynch as soon as possible."
Mrs Croft quite agreed, but on one condition. "I drive. You may hold on to her."
Anne was laid down in her old room at Kellynch Hall; it did not once occur to Mrs Croft to take her to Uppercross Cottage to her relatives. No, it was quicker and more reasonable to have her here, since they had also been responsible for the accident. The physician was sent for and Anne was prepared for his arrival. She had still not regained full consciousness when he arrived, but her eyes were half open and she could moan.
The physician examined her and discussed the extent of her injuries with Mrs Croft. By now Anne could speak and indicate where she felt pain and it was determined that she had a broken arm, a bruised knee and hip, and a sprained ankle. Her entire left side had suffered from her fall. She was still a little dazed from her accident, but he expected she would soon recover.
When the physician had left, Anne lay still and pale, her cheeks still wet from the tears that had escaped when her broken arm was being set. She was home again, but how! This was not how she had imagined her return. She would be confined to her bed and strangers would take care of her.
She would not be allowed to leave. Mrs Croft did not want to hear of it, yet Anne did not want to impose on their hospitality. He would not like her here. She could not imagine that he would, even if he had seen she was tired earlier and he had arranged for her to be taken in the carriage. Thanks to his concern she was now an invalid. She did not think he would view it that way, but it was nevertheless ironic.
What would he say when he came home and heard the news? He might have a servant convey his best wishes, but that would be all. Perhaps an inquiry through his sister, out of politeness and not interest. She had been grateful for his kindness and concern, imagining it to be more than it perhaps was, yet she did not expect him to show more of it. He was still resentful.
"I am so sorry," Mrs Croft said softly. "We are used to overturning. We should have taken you in the middle instead of allowing you so much room to yourself."
Anne knew they were used to it. Captain Wentworth had said so. She had heard him say so before he had arranged a seat for her. He knew it might happen, yet he had sent her with them. Tears sprang into her eyes. "I should not like to be a bother. I ought to go --"
"-- home?" Mrs Croft finished when there was a confused pause. She looked upon Anne with kindness. "Is that your home? Is there anyone who would look after you?"
Anne thought of her sister and she was unable to answer. She could not see Mary nurse her, not if she could not even take care of her own little boy, yet it mortified her that Mrs Croft appeared to hold this same opinion of her sister, already after such a short stay in the neighbourhood. Her family's faults ought to be less obvious to a new acquaintance.
"See, you must stay here."
"But I was taking care of my little nephew…" She felt sorry for him. He would suffer most from her absence. He would either be neglected or scolded.
"I do not see how you could. Do you? Stay here. Your sister will be glad she will not have two patients in her care."
"We have a guest, Frederick," said his sister when he arrived home, rather late in her opinion. He must have been delayed at the Musgroves', as if he had not been out with them for long enough already. She did not really approve of it, but he would be deaf to her opinion in that regard. He had ignored her hints before, when she had never considered him lacking in understanding.
"A guest?" he inquired absentmindedly.
"One of the young ladies from the neighbourhood." Mrs Croft wondered if that would draw a more interested reaction. If she was not mistaken he had seen the other young ladies home. He would even have been invited in, considering how late he was. He would have to know which young ladies from the neighbourhood were not staying here because they were home.
"Who?"
"Miss Elliot. I take it she was not missed at her sister's house?" Somehow she was not too surprised. Mrs Charles Musgrove would probably not notice until her sister's assistance was required.
He had not thought to inquire whether Miss Elliot had arrived home and he gave his sister a bewildered look. "Here?" he cried.
That violent reaction in him was interesting, although she could not quite make out what his feelings were. Some of it was anger, before he could even know the reasons for Miss Elliot's being here. He had every right to be angry at their reckless driving, but she had not told him about that part yet. His anger, therefore, did not make much sense. "Where else? She was injured. The gig…"
"Injured?" His eyes were wide.
At least he did not yet erupt in accusations about their driving style. It might still come, though. She decided not to wait for it, but continued. "She broke her arm and sprained her ankle. What kept you so long? The physician is long gone and even Miss Elliot's affairs have been fetched from Uppercross."
"I…" He frowned angrily and walked away. "What business is that of yours, Sophia?"
Mrs Croft looked after him thoughtfully.
"I think," said Admiral Croft, whose feelings of guilt led him to be very desirous of lending assistance. He had gone to sit with Anne to keep her company and he had been offering his sincerest apologies every five minutes. After a brief absence during which he dressed for dinner, he had returned. "I should carry you downstairs, Miss Anne. You must eat."
She did not want to be troublesome. The admiral's offer would almost cause her to smile, but she was still in pain. "I can eat here. I shall be happy to eat whatever you could have brought up."
He would not hear of that. "Nonsense. Nobody likes dining alone. Besides, Sophy will not mind if I carry another woman."
She suppressed a smile at these reassuring words. She was not afraid of Mrs Croft's reaction, which would be all that was reasonable. After all, she had faint recollections of being held and comforted by the admiral without any sound of disapproval from Mrs Croft. They were excellent people. "But I might be too heavy."
"Nonsense. How did you think you got here? I carried you. Besides, if everyone was like you and Sophy I could carry two or more."
Anne doubted that, but she let it pass. While not twice her size, Mrs Croft's figure did not resemble hers a bit. The admiral's affection must be clouding his perception. "Mrs Croft is fortunate to have you," she mumbled.
"Aye! You are a kind girl!" he exclaimed. "I am fortunate to have Mrs Croft and you are fortunate to have us both."
"I am very grateful."
"I told you. You weigh nothing," Admiral Croft assured her after they had together determined the best way to carry her. Her arm should not be squeezed. Any kind of touch was very painful.
"Please do not drop me," she requested nevertheless. She was not certain that carrying her down the stairs was as easy as he made it out to be.
"I have done my share of injuring you today, Miss Anne. In fact, I cannot remember injuring anybody more than once, so you are safe from me forever. I hope you will not have any lasting effects from your accident."
"I forgive you, Admiral," she said hastily, in case he should apologise once again. She had lost count of how many times he had done so already.
"Sophy will never let me drive anymore," he mused. "Well, for a week."
She had to smile. "Will she relent after a week?"
"No, she will have overturned us before a week has passed," he said in a confidential whisper.
Now she laughed at him. "I must thank you, Admiral. I almost forget my pain."
Mrs Croft got up when she perceived Anne being carried into the drawing room. "Are you feeling any better, Miss Elliot?"
"A little, thank you," Anne replied hesitantly. Her eyes were still busy ascertaining whether Captain Wentworth was anywhere in the room. He did not seem to be unless he was hiding, but she could not think why he would. "Yes, I feel much better. The admiral did his best to make me smile."
The admiral lowered her onto the sofa. "And I persuaded her to dine with us."
Captain Wentworth made his appearance several minutes later. He only acknowledged the invalid with a civil bow, not with any inquiries about her health or injuries. Anne could see his sister was puzzled by this coldness, for she gave him a frown that he ignored.
Anne lowered her eyes. She would rather not have any inquiries at all than inquiries that were insincere and indifferent. It was clear he did not want to care, neither about her nor about his sister's disapproval.
"Frederick, would you carry Miss Anne into the dining room? I have been carrying Miss Anne all over -- she is as light as a feather -- but suddenly I feel my back," Admiral Croft spoke.
Anne could tell Captain Wentworth would rather not even come near her and softly protested in his stead, but nobody seemed to hear her words.
He surprised her by saying in a tone of cold civility that it would be his pleasure to do her this service, but he proved less adept at lifting her up than Admiral Croft.
"What a bungle you make of it, Frederick!" the admiral exclaimed, who could not bear to see it. "You put an arm here and a hand here! And then you lift!"
Anne, who had been torn between embarrassment and pain, was happy to have other arms take over. It would have helped if Captain Wentworth had first asked where she felt any pain before he tried to lift her, because her soft whimpers had caused him to drop her almost instantly, but he seemed bent on avoiding any conversation. He was not even looking now how lifting ought to be done. He had turned away.
He was not pleased to have her here to remind him of their past, she thought. Nothing of those feelings remained in him now. He looked too angry to have any compassion.
Admiral Croft's back seemed forgotten. He carried her to the dining room with ease and Mrs Croft pulled out a chair. Between the two of them Anne would be very well looked after, but she could not feel entirely at ease with Captain Wentworth in the house, not if he behaved in this manner. She would not expect him to have forgotten, but after all these years his resentment ought to be less strong.
He had managed tolerably well in company so far, but now that she was so near he could not hide it. It pained her, but she was determined to stay out of his way to inflict as little pain on either of them as possible. She could not love his behaviour, but she did not think he had changed.
Anne had survived the evening with as little conversation as possible. The Crofts had talked and she had listened to them. Not all topics had required her input, but she had at least been attentive. Whenever Captain Wentworth had been addressed by his sister or brother, he had either reacted belatedly or with such an air of distraction that none of them believed he had been listening to anything.
Admiral Croft had carried her upstairs when she had asked it of him and then Mrs Croft and a maid had got her ready for bed. Anne had almost wanted to ask if Captain Wentworth was always so distracted, but she had not dared. It would have been a stupid question, for she knew very well how different he could be. They had once talked so much to each other.
Before she fell asleep, she realised she had not received any note or visit from Mary or Charles. If she could persuade herself to ignore Captain Wentworth, it would be more agreeable for her to remain here until she was completely recovered.
Posted on Saturday, 29 April 2006
"Ah, it is the entire Musgrove clan come to see you, Frederick," Admiral Croft observed from the breakfast room window.
Captain Wentworth felt a little alarmed by this communication. He joined his brother-in-law at the window to see whether it was true that the entire clan was approaching -- father, mother and their interminable number of children and cousins. Thankfully he counted only three of them and as usual his brother-in-law had been exaggerating. He returned to his seat. "Do you not think they have come to see Miss Elliot?" he asked.
Miss Elliot was not present, since she had chosen to stay upstairs. His sister had told him that and he had given no reply. He could hardly have said he was glad! Only his present question betrayed that he knew they had a guest and that he had any knowledge of her family situation.
"What, all of them? I cannot imagine it. It is you they have come for. Why are you wasting so much time with these girls? Why not pick one and get it over with?" Admiral Croft truly did not understand why it had to be taking so long to make up one's mind.
"Is that what you did with my sister?" Captain Wentworth inquired brusquely. He would rather deflect the conversation.
"There was nothing to pick, as there was but one of her."
He should have known that the admiral would have some astonishingly simple, yet effectively final answer. "You do not understand a thing."
"What do we not understand, Frederick?" Mrs Croft cut in. He was usually better able to brush them off. These replies were not worthy of him, although he was speaking much more than the night before. One would almost think he had had an accident himself.
"You do not understand a thing."
"And I can only conclude you do not want either of those girls for anything serious," said the admiral provocatively. "Or you would have settled the matter long ago."
"You do not understand a thing," Captain Wentworth repeated. He had settled a matter long ago, or so he had believed for a while. And when was he supposed to have settled the present matter, if he had been here but a few weeks? "Mark my words. They have come to see Miss Elliot."
"Better make yourself scarce then, because they will inquire after you -- or worse, come in here and disturb your breakfast."
The captain was too proud to change his opinion or even his location. "As if that is not already happening! I shall remain here."
Captain Wentworth silently cursed the admiral, who had been absolutely correct, for soon the breakfast room was flooded with visitors. Louisa Musgrove was everywhere suddenly, talking to him about heaven knew what. She and her sister had no interest in Anne whatsoever, as far as he could detect. They did not even feign that they had come to see her. No, it was all about him.
It had been convenient for them to join Mary, for they might call on him at the same time as she checked on Anne and they even admitted to this openly. "Was it not clever of us?" they asked.
He wondered if they had not been told about the precise nature of Anne's injuries, but in front of Sophia he would not ask.
Mrs Charles Musgrove, who seemed rather more interested in ascertaining whether any changes had been made to the breakfast parlour, left the room briefly to see her sister, but she was back so quickly that he wondered if she had even been upstairs. He was still on the same piece of toast, at any rate, although Louisa would not really allow him to eat it.
"Mrs Croft, when do you think Anne will be ready to go home?" Mrs Charles Musgrove asked. "My headaches are always terrible and I felt one coming on this morning. I should not like to look after little Charles all on my own. It will most certainly make me feel ill."
"Not for a long while yet," Mrs Croft answered pleasantly.
Captain Wentworth expected his sister would keep Anne here for far longer than was needed, only to keep her from having to nurse little Charles. There was a certain obstinacy in her eyes. He did not know whether to be pleased with it. For Anne's sake he ought to be, but not for his own. To have Anne Elliot so long under the same roof!
He had come here to forget and start anew, not to be reminded of the past. When he had heard which house his sister had taken, he had not known she would still be here. He had expected her to be married or at the very least moved away with her father. And now she was in the same house.
The monologues of Mrs Musgrove and Louisa rivalled each other in loudness and his breakfast was definitely disturbed. He could not attend to either conversation.
"Captain, I am determined that a long walk will be good for us all," Louisa cut through his thoughts.
Perhaps a walk was exactly what he needed to clear his head. "Give me ten minutes." He avoided Sophia's eyes. She would suspect something before long, but he would try his hardest not to give anything away. In the meantime he knew exactly what she would think. He was weak.
Mary had indeed been to see her, but she had mostly complained about the affront of having other people take care of her sister. While this was her right and duty, they had never even thought of her! They had passed her by, as if she was nobody. It had taken her five minutes to explain to Anne who she was. Since she received no contradictions on that subject, she proceeded to complain about her health and the pitiful situation of her son, who had wanted his aunt so badly last night that he had kept everyone awake with his crying.
Anne had not said too much in response. She was familiar with such rants and she had long ago exhausted her supply of reactions. It was best not to say too much, for she knew it would make neither Mary nor herself any happier to have the invalid transferred to Uppercross Cottage, especially now that Mary had seen there was really no way Anne could continue to nurse the little boy, because she required constant assistance herself.
She merely tried to soothe her sister's wounded pride and was soon glad to see Mary take her leave again without another word about her relocation. She felt for little Charles, if he had indeed asked for her, but it would be obvious to anyone but Mary that she was incapable of doing anything.
Although Mary felt insulted, the Crofts would have more of a reason to feel anything if they could have heard her speak about them. Anne had felt all the injustice of Mary's remarks, since she had received nothing but kindness from the Crofts. They ought to receive only praise.
Mary was succeeded at Anne's bedside by Admiral Croft, an impropriety that would have caused her to scream out in horror had she known. It would certainly have added to her list of grievances about the new occupants of Kellynch Hall and their lack of refinement.
"Where shall we take you today, Miss Anne?" he asked, rubbing his hands. "I take it you are dressed? I forgot to ask before I came in, but you do look dressed. I suppose I assumed you would be at this hour. Sophy would not have done half a job. I am not used to having other ladies in the house and she would probably know I should expect them all to be dressed."
"Yes, I am dressed, but I do not want you to hurt your back, Admiral," she smiled. If only Mary could hear what he said and see what he was about to do! But Mary had displayed no interest in whether Anne was confined to her room or not. She had only judged Anne's usefulness and determined there was none. If she did not care whether Anne needed to be carried, she would certainly not stop to wonder who might be doing it.
"Think nothing of it," he assured her. "Sophy will tell me when it hurts me."
"I would happily stay here. I have done so before." She did not think he would believe somebody could be happily shut up in a room with a book, so he would probably want to take her downstairs. Nevertheless, she felt obliged to let him know she would not mind staying here at all. Had she been with her family, nobody would have thought of relocating her or even of keeping her entertained.
"No, we shall not allow that."
She wondered if an addition to their cosy party would not be very much in the way. Perhaps they preferred to be alone. "But you are always together with Mrs Croft and --"
"-- and you think you will tire of it as quickly as Frederick. We are perfectly capable of interacting with other people, you know, since we are not newlyweds, but it inspires all manner of nauseous reactions in Frederick anyway. I would leave you with him, but he has walked out and so you must suffer us."
Anne did not have to ask with whom he had walked out. The real attraction here had been the captain, not the invalid. She would not fool herself in that regard. Mary would not have come alone. That would have been unlike her. She would have brought a few Musgroves, who would have been all too willing.
She did not even have to wonder why seeing such a happy attachment before him inspired all manner of nauseous reactions in Captain Wentworth. It was likely not nausea but bitterness and she could not blame him for that.
But if Captain Wentworth was out, she might as well have herself carried downstairs, instead of hiding herself unnecessarily.
"I am concerned about the admiral's back," Anne said to Mrs Croft, in a soft voice so the admiral himself would not overhear. He would say it was nothing. "Perhaps he should not carry me so often."
"His back is fine, truly." Mrs Croft eyed her kindly. "But you are sweet to worry."
"But I really should not mind at all if I had to stay in my room for a few hours. I am fond of reading. I should not mind at all. You would make me happy if you brought me some books." The admiral might not know, since he did not strike her as a great reader himself, but Mrs Croft might better understand that she would really not be bored.
"What good is a guest if she shuts herself away? We should like you to sit with us because we enjoy your company."
Anne felt gratified by such a compliment and she did not know instantly what to respond. She had certainly not meant to solicit it. They must mean it, although she had not spoken very much since coming to the house.
Admiral Croft had been reading his newspaper and he lowered it to make an observation. "Your brother displayed a curious want of gallantry, walking out without even ascertaining whether Miss Anne needed company."
"Yes, my dear," said Mrs Croft, but she did not wish to take the matter any further at present.
He did not heed her tone. "And here I was thinking he was turning into somewhat of a ladies' man. I suppose I was wrong. Did someone not say he knew you before, Miss Anne? I am sure someone said so, but I cannot recall who."
"He has been here before," Mrs Croft agreed. "My brother Edward used to live around here several years ago. I told you about it when we first heard of the house."
Anne awaited the unfolding conversation with some trepidation. She did not look at them, so she would not appear too anxious. They must not know her interest and she hoped she would not be asked how well she had known either brother in the past.
"Now that was a long time ago," said the admiral. "Frederick might not even have been gallivanting about the neighbourhood as much as he is now -- and Miss Anne was perhaps a mere schoolgirl, although if he knew her before, perhaps she was not. Although perhaps, because he is associating with schoolgirls now, he was associating with schoolgirls then?"
She would not enlighten him about her age and she kept her eyes downcast. It was unsettling that he unwittingly remarked on the fact that the Musgrove girls were the same age now as she had been then. He could not know. She did not know what to think of Admiral Croft thinking of them as schoolgirls, however. It did not sound very appreciative. At least, she thought to cheer herself up, he no longer considered her a schoolgirl.
"How many years ago would you say, Sophy?"
"Probably too long for anybody to remember a young man who lived here but a few months," she answered calmly, as if she would very surprised to find anybody here who recalled her brother very well.
Anne did not know whether that was an attempt to put an end to the topic, but she was glad for it anyhow. Admiral Croft, she could see, was not and although he stopped speaking about it, the topic would undoubtedly resurface at the most unexpected of times.
Admiral Croft went for a walk outside while Mrs Croft tended to Anne, but he was back very soon because he had nobody to talk to. He observed them for a moment, evidently weighing options in his mind. "If we hoist you into the gig, we can go out and you will not have to walk."
"Oh, not the gig!" Mrs Croft exclaimed. "I should not blame her in the least if she never wishes to set foot near that thing again!"
"The thing itself can do her no harm," he pointed out.
"Not if it stands still! I should not blame her in the least if she never wishes to sit in one again while you drive."
He gave her a look of indignant innocence. "It never stops you from coming with me."
"But I am married to you and you always manage to land beneath me when we upset."
He beamed at her. "Must keep you safe. Perhaps Miss Anne would consent if you drove. I shall walk beside it in that case, so I shall not even be tempted to take the reins."
Anne had very little enthusiasm for such an outing, but she perceived Admiral Croft was so eager to be outside that not even his wife could talk him out of it, despite taking him aside and speaking to him most urgently. She wondered what was being said, since the conversation involved seizing the admiral by the arms. She had always thought they were in perfect agreement on every thing, but of course they could not be.
She turned away in shock when the admiral gave his wife a kiss, as she was not in the habit of witnessing such things. She was still turned away when Mrs Croft addressed her, in a voice completely devoid of any embarrassment. She was almost afraid to look, but she had to. They would have finished. "Y-Y-Yes, Mrs Croft?"
"If I drive very slowly, will you come?"
"But the admiral said you are as likely to overturn as he is," she said, feeling her fears might allow her to be honest.
"Yes, I know he thinks that, but he thinks many things and we shall go very slowly. I could not get us overturned if I tried."
Posted on Tuesday, 2 May 2006
Anne had closed her eyes when they had set off, but Mrs Croft had stuck to her promise and they went very slowly. Admiral Croft could easily keep up with them on foot. He walked by Anne's side of the gig, after his wife had sent him there with a gesture. "I believe," he spoke after a few minutes. "That one should not allow oneself to become too afraid after a frightening experience. Straight back into the gig."
"I told you, my dear," Mrs Croft cut in. "That she is not afraid of the gig, but of you."
"Not of you personally, Admiral," Anne hastened to say, although she did not suppose he needed any reassurance. She had allowed him to carry her all over the house, after all. She would almost, like her little nephews, stretch out her arms when he appeared -- or one arm, for the other was in a sling. This thought gave her some amusement.
"But my driving skills leave something to be desired," he said good-naturedly, as if he did not care much about his driving skills.
"No, no!" she cried. "But perhaps you were distracted for a brief moment." She gauged from a little sound that Mrs Croft made that she was correct and that perhaps such distractions were not infrequent.
As they continued on at their leisurely pace, Anne thought there was some merit to his idea about fears. She was not afraid of overturning with Mrs Croft at the reins, not anymore, and after a while she was even relaxed enough to conduct an agreeable conversation on the surrounding landscape.
"You are an excellent guide," Mrs Croft praised. "We should take you on all our trips to tell us what we are seeing. We have been looking about in an uninformed manner so far. Your information makes it so much more interesting."
"But I was born here," Anne said with a pleased blush. "I have had plenty of time to acquaint myself with the history and the geography of this area. You would have a lovely view from that small hill. I recommend climbing up. I should not mind staying in the carriage while you go."
"I shall stay with you," Mrs Croft decided. "The horse might decide to take off and then what would you do with one arm? Why do you not go up alone and tell me if it is worth returning to another day?" she said to the admiral. "Although if Anne says it is, I believe her."
Admiral Croft bowed to them and began his climb.
"And how is your arm today?" asked Mrs Croft. "And your ankle? I have not heard you complain."
"I should feel it more if I were in bed, I think," Anne answered. She was glad to have come out with them. There was always something to distract her from the pain. If she had been all alone in bed she might have thought of it constantly, yet she did not think she would ever complain much.
"It will be very good for you to stay a few days, I think. I am already seeing a difference."
"Yes, I am all bandaged up now," she said with a wry smile.
"Another difference."
Anne supposed she knew what that was, but the thought that the effects of having been away might all be undone when she returned to her family made it impossible for her to comment on it. Her smile faded into a thoughtful frown. There might not be all that much she could do about it.
Mrs Croft alternated between studying her passenger and wondering what the admiral was doing out of sight. For a while he had stood on the top of the hill, glancing in all directions, but now he had stepped down on the other side where she could not see him. "What is on the other side, Anne? He usually does not dwell on these things. He thinks one look is enough."
"The other side looks much the same as this side."
"Ah, there he is again," Mrs Croft said in relief. "But he discovered something that excites him and that very likely is not going to affect us in the same manner."
"How do you know?" Anne could see nothing in the admiral's movements that gave it away.
"I know him a little, not well enough to know who his target is, but it is one of us. He would not be coming down so quickly in a straight line if he did not have a purpose."
"The top of the hill is where young locals meet their sweethearts, is it not?" the admiral asked when he had come back.
"Er…" Anne gulped. She had not wanted to divulge that bit of information, because they had passed this place by accident and not by design. Mrs Croft had decided on the route. "I…am never there at the same time as anybody else, but I do believe it is commonly referred to as Lovers' Hill."
"Well, it is a very fine place with a fine view. And a very fine rock to remind posterity of who were there once upon a time. I must take you up there once, Sophy, you being my sweetheart and all. We could add our initials to those of the fine couples that were there before us."
Anne wanted to die of mortification. Despite Mrs Croft's thoughts, he was very likely not being devious at all. He had very likely not closely examined the great number of initials and hearts that had been left on the rock. Anybody could have left an F&A in the past. There were so many pairs of letters that these would not stand out.
"Do you often sit there?" Mrs Croft asked. "Alone, of course."
"Y-Y-Yes. I like to take a book with me." She had not wanted to give up that spot, one of the few things that continued to remind her of what had once been. Often she climbed up to sit and stare.
"It is a place that could inspire great feelings," the admiral remarked. "But to go up there alone and to lean against the proof of so many who were not alone, I do not think that would inspire any happy feelings at all. I shall not go up alone next time."
Anne had to look away. If he knew what he was saying, he was advising her against sitting there. If he knew what he was saying, she might consider telling him that remembering her happiness could well delude her for a while. But he could not know what he was saying and so she could not speak.
"I should be happy to go with you next time," Mrs Croft said pleasantly. "To do what we never did."
"No, we never did," he mused. "We did not have the time. I told you we were very quick, did I not?" he said to Anne. "No, we did not have the time to climb onto rocks. If one has little time it is best to employ it constructively rather than waste it on rock-climbing. Now, if I had done that," he said, warming to the topic. "Sophy would only have known I was some silly young hothead."
Anne saw Mrs Croft turn away, but she had no time to see why, for the admiral was not yet done speaking.
"I see you are ready to defend young hotheads, Miss Anne," he said. "And I am sure you will have good arguments and I shall therefore not argue with you. I merely do not understand the fellows. A proper sailor would never take a girl onto a hill, no matter the view. He would be more likely to take her to see his ship."
There, he had done it again. Every time she believed him to be rambling innocently he would say something like this. She stopped breathing for an instant and hoped he would not expect a reaction or a defence of proper sailors.
"You forget, Admiral, that sometimes the girls are in charge," Mrs Croft had turned back and she sounded well in control of herself.
"I do not understand those fellows either," he replied.
Anne wondered if he was not less unnerving at the reins after all.
The remainder of the trip had passed without suspicious conversation and when they returned to Kellynch, Captain Wentworth had returned as well. Although Anne was still convinced he wished to avoid her, he did not have the disposition to bear an entire day of solitude, nor, she hoped, an entire day with the Musgroves.
She discovered soon enough, by listening to his conversation with his sister, that he had letters to write and that he had therefore merely walked the ladies back to Uppercross. Either he had written his letters already or he would still have to start, but he was not near pen and paper at the moment.
He sounded indifferent and unwilling to answer any questions about himself. His reluctant answers were not yet rude. The one time he came close to incivility coincided with a cough from Admiral Croft and while he told himself he was not afraid of his brother, he decided that behaving too strangely would only be suspicious.
Anne was not yet used to asking Mrs Croft without embarrassment if she might be taken out of the room for a moment and she found an ingenious way of hobbling with the help of a chair. It was slow, but at least it allowed her to move without having to depend on anybody. "Let me try," she begged Mrs Croft when she came to inquire if her assistance was needed.
"I hope you are not thinking of climbing the stairs with that chair," Admiral Croft commented. He had lowered his newspaper to observe her progress.
"No, Admiral."
"Well, you will give a shout to Frederick or me then when you need to be carried, will you not?"
"Y-Y-Yes, Admiral." She would not give a shout to Frederick and considering her current destination, she was also not going to give a shout to the admiral. She was not grateful to him for very likely bringing Captain Wentworth's eyes onto her by mentioning his name. She had hoped to move without drawing his attention and she refrained from checking whether he was looking.
"One would almost think you sprain your ankle very often," Mrs Croft observed when Anne had reached the hall. She had followed to see if her assistance was required at any point. "And that you have ample experience in moving about in such a manner."
"Thankfully not."
"The admiral will be sad if you become more independent. He was quite proud of his gallantry."
Anne paused to look at Mrs Croft in surprise. That sounded as if gallantry was an unusual thing for him, but he had been most helpful to her. "Does he not behave gallantly towards you?"
"I have nothing to complain about, but I shall leave it to you to decide whether he always has the presence of mind to behave according to your definition of gallant." Mrs Croft's eyes twinkled.
"But if he manages to land beneath you when you overturn the carriage, he does appear to have the presence of mind when it is needed most." Anne did not yet know how to visualise such a fall, but it was endearingly amusing. If one must overturn, one had best be gallant about it.
"Well observed," Mrs Croft smiled. "I am sorry we were not used to taking passengers and consequently not used to catching them."
"Can the admiral really not tell girls apart?" Anne wondered. That was not a sign of gallantry, but perhaps Mrs Croft would interpret it as a compliment to herself.
"In that particular case I believe we all think alike," she said mysteriously.
Anne did not think she ought to ask for a clarification. Taking an interest would betray herself. Could they not or would they not tell the difference between the Musgrove girls? It was difficult to imagine that someone could not remember names. She always could, even without applying herself. Admiral Croft could remember hers as well, but she supposed she had no sister she resembled closely.
Still, Mrs Croft's words implied she did not think either of the girls would ever become more important to them, not important enough to remember her name, at any rate. Or did she merely hope so?
Both gentlemen had watched them leave. Captain Wentworth thought there was no chance Anne would give him a shout. The mere suggestion had caused her to stammer. No, she would not do so. She would rather make use of a chair. He would too if he were in her stead.
Yet it did not sit well with him for some reason.
"Would you have principled objections to carrying young women, Frederick?" asked Admiral Croft.
He did not know which sort of answer would land him in the greatest trouble, but he settled for one anyway. "Yes." She had treated him badly in the past. He ought to have principled objections to treating her well now.
"Then my suggestion that she give either of us a shout was not appreciated?"
"I should go if she called, but I should derive no pleasure from it," he said coldly.
"That is selfish and insensitive talk and you know it. You would derive no pleasure from it! Who cares about your pleasure?" the admiral exclaimed. "The girl cannot walk. You would derive no pleasure from seeing her gratitude?"
Captain Wentworth was caught. He could hardly say he did not think she would feel or express any gratitude towards him. She would not appreciate any assistance from him and she would certainly not feign any gratitude. She would rather take a chair.
Her disgust would be similar to the admiral's disgust. He deserved the latter, he supposed, while he did not deserve the former, although if he had to stay here long enough he would deserve everybody's disgust about his manners and attitude, including his own, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Sophia would come to hear of it soon. He had no doubt about that. She would not understand and she would certainly not approve. He contemplated a visit to his brother, but the novelty of Edward's marriage and the way he had written about his wife would probably land him in the same sort of painful situation among happily married people.
"Something in the mail for you, Frederick." Admiral Croft unceremoniously tossed an envelope across the table. "And something for you, Sophy, probably Edward wondering what is keeping Frederick." He handed the letter to her in a more civilised manner.
Captain Wentworth eagerly read his letter, without caring to comment on his intended visit to his brother. "Ah! In Lyme! I must go to Lyme!" he exclaimed. The letter was a godsend. It had come at exactly the right time.
"Is it anybody we know?" asked Mrs Croft. "At least, I presume you are talking of going to visit somebody there. It is all out of season."
He did not raise his eyes, but read on. "Harville is in Lyme. I must go there directly."
Anne wondered who Harville was, but if he was known to the Crofts as well, he must belong to the Navy.
"Directly? This instant?" Mrs Croft did not see the need to hurry. "Is he there for only a day? Is he dying?"
"I have not seen him an age and to find him so near! I must go."
"Will you stay away long?" asked Mrs Croft, glancing down at the letter from her other brother, who was indeed wondering when Frederick was going to arrive. He might put it off again and she did not suppose he would write to Edward himself.
Anne was but a little surprised that Mrs Croft gave her a quick glance after she had spoken. She had been wondering if the captain seized this chance to get away from her with both hands and his sister had likely wondered the same. Surely she would be walking again within a week? He would not have to stay away very long to find her gone when he came back. Mrs Croft must not be understanding why he refused to spend any time with the invalid. He had not once offered to carry or entertain her. He had not long been in her company, but he had not offered to do his share. Although she had not minded being spared such anxiety, his sister must have some thoughts about it.
"A day or two," Captain Wentworth said thoughtfully. He folded his letter and tucked it into a pocket. "Today."
"Yes, yes, go today," said the admiral. "Waiting is for the undecided. Convey our best wishes, if you will. Have we anything else to convey?" He glanced at his wife.
She felt less inclined to support such a hasty retreat and her expression betrayed her reservations. "Not at the -- your back is giving you trouble."
"Why should Harville care?" Captain Wentworth asked without thinking.
"He may not care for our best wishes either," Admiral Croft said with a careless shrug. "But if he asks how we are, you must say my back is giving me trouble. Oh and we have a little guest."
"Harville will --" the captain broke off. He found his manners again. "Yes, I shall pass on your wishes."
Anne had been listening quietly. That the admiral considered her to be a little guest was a little amusing. He might think her thin and light, but she was not a child. That was what Harville might deduce from such a description, but she did not think he would be told about her at all. No, this would be kept from him. That would be so much easier.
Captain Wentworth excused himself to make his preparations. Although he added after a few seconds that he hoped Miss Elliot would improve in his absence, he did not look straight at her and Anne did not doubt that he hoped she would be gone when he returned.
Posted on Friday, 5 May 2006
Captain Wentworth's absence gave her some peace, Anne thought. She would not recover well if she was constantly anxious and for some reason she could not be at ease while he was there.
She had not watched him leave and neither had Mrs Croft, who seemed to disapprove of the trip and who consequently wanted nothing to do with it. "If he must go away, why not to Edward's?" Mrs Croft had muttered. His disapproval of her brother had not altered anything in her manner to Anne, however, and she was still most kind and attentive.
Anne had never displayed much of an interest in the Crofts' engagements. She had certainly never thought of comparing them to her father's, but now that she was staying here she felt they might well be inviting people to dinner whom her father and Elizabeth would have considered to be a disgrace to their table or even their house. Anne did not share those sentiments. It did not distress her in the least to hear who were expected to dinner soon, yet Mrs Croft was not easy about it.
"You will be acquainted with them, I daresay," she said. "Yet I believe I understood from Mrs Wood that she was not in the habit of dining here and so perhaps you may not know her very well."
Anne would not like to hear what else Mrs Wood might have said and she looked embarrassed. The foolishness of her relatives could not remain a secret, yet she wished to distance herself from it as much as she could. "You have met my father and sister," she said eventually, hoping that would suffice. It was all she could say.
This satisfied Mrs Croft. "Indeed we have. I can see that they might have very little in common with the Woods -- age being one thing."
Anne was grateful for the easy way in which she was saved. Age, naturally, had very little to do with it. Had the Woods been people of consequence, it would not have mattered how old or young they were.
"If there is anybody we ought to think of inviting for your sake another evening while you are staying here, tell us so and we should gladly oblige. If there is anybody we have not met, we should be pleased to make their acquaintance."
"I have but a small acquaintance," Anne was embarrassed to admit. "I believe you have met them all."
She dared not mention Lady Russell, since she had once spoken against Mrs Croft's brother and Anne had no idea whether that judgement would be extended to his relatives. Speaking well of Lady Russell would undoubtedly cause Mrs Croft to think well of her, but Anne did not know how Lady Russell might react to Mrs Croft. Here, she felt, she ought to apply some circumspection in case Mrs Croft's friendliness would only be met with coldness when the two met and that would be entirely undeserved.
Anne could not predict anything with regard to her godmother's current sentiments on the lease of Kellynch, although this would be less of a problem than the discovery of a close connection between the new tenants and Captain Wentworth, whose name she must surely remember.
She hoped they would not meet at all. It would be difficult enough to hear him spoken of in Lady Russell's presence and any visit to the Musgroves must needs bring several mentions. She would very likely hope in vain if she hoped they would never meet. Their situations would make it inevitable.
It was frustrating that even now he was away he could still bring her such anxiety. She had been hoping there would be no thought of him, no reference, only peace, but he was everywhere without being present.
"That is a pity," said Mrs Croft on the subject of her acquaintance. "I shall not pity that Frederick is away tonight. He was insufferable and would have continued to be so. I remarked on it to the admiral only last night. It is the idleness. No wife, no family. It is time he saw to that."
Anne hoped Mrs Croft would not suggest either of the Musgroves as possible candidates. She did not think it was unreasonable envy on her side that made her think they would not quite do his character justice. They would not understand or appreciate him fully, although he might well settle for less and still attain a considerable state of happiness.
Since she had come to stay here he had not behaved in an admirable manner, but she understood him. It was difficult to be objective if his anger was directed at her, but she could see she had hurt him deeply, not only herself. Perhaps it had been selfish of her to think only she had suffered. He had suffered just as much and in his eyes she had been at fault.
An acknowledgement of his pain would do nothing and an apology would only make it worse. A heartless creature she would be, to think a simple apology could undo everything! She did not know what could be done and she hoped Mrs Croft would not constantly speak of him.
Mrs Croft did not know her thoughts and she talked on. "I told you my other brother was recently married. It has done him good, I say, and his wife is a very amiable woman. My brothers are leaving it very late. The admiral does not understand, since he came by me while he was in his twenties and he does not think himself the worse for it."
Anne smiled in spite of her feelings. "He came by you?"
"There was no hard work involved. I was a stubborn girl who knew her own mind, which helped."
It was a topic close to Anne's heart. Since Captain Wentworth had returned to the neighbourhood, she had been reflecting on it daily. "I cannot condemn a different sort of girl," she said quietly. "If the advice of an elder carries much weight with her I would sooner blame the elder -- if I must blame anyone -- than the girl."
"Only sensible girls value the advice of an elder," Mrs Croft replied, but with some hesitation as if she sensed a personal interest. "If such advice was given or solicited in such a case, circumstances very likely required it -- not, perhaps, the characters of the girl or the one who gave the advice. Circumstances are important."
Anne could not yet be relieved. If Mrs Croft knew this had once been a real situation that involved people she knew, she would have a different opinion.
"I could for instance have been advised against marrying my husband, had anyone taken an interest but myself. A girl of three-and-twenty can be trusted, although circumstances were not in his favour."
There was Captain Wentworth again. Perhaps a young man of three-and-twenty could also be trusted, although there had been a problem that Mrs Croft might not have had. "Did the admiral not have any prospects?" He was an admiral now. He must have had prospects.
"He had no money and it was unclear how long it would take until he did. The initial reduction in circumstances did not bother me, because I wanted him quite badly," Mrs Croft said unashamedly.
Anne was astonished by such a frank admission. At the same time she was also struck by something else -- wanting him quite badly. That was something she must not have felt, or perhaps she was always too much in the habit of giving up things she wanted. Her wishes never carried as much weight as those of another.
"His first words to me were that he would love to share his cabin with me. Had I told anyone about such an approach, they would have dragged me away and called him a scoundrel. I, however, considered it the highest compliment anybody could pay me." Her tone was mocking and her eyes sparkled, as if she well knew other people would have been wiser.
"Why?" Anne whispered. She was certain she would not have thought the same. Even in a place as sheltered as Kellynch one grew up with some insight. Approaching a lady with such words! Her knowledge of Admiral Croft must not play any role in acquitting him -- he had approached a young lady who had not met him before.
The admiral cleared his throat somewhere behind him. They had not noticed his approach. He was still good at eavesdropping. "My dearest Sophia…"
She looked over her shoulder. "Ah, there you are. I was just telling Anne how you --"
"She looks quite shocked," he interrupted. "Perhaps I should explain that I had wanted to get a parrot, but then I happened to overhear Sophy talking at a ball -- and a very pretty girl she was."
"Talking, yes!" she exclaimed. "He was so interested in my conversation he was willing to hear it daily. That was the compliment."
"Her mind was not suited to anything less than a captain and so a captain she got."
Anne quite understood the sentiment, but that Admiral Croft was speaking at her directly must be a coincidence. He could not know about her mind. She tried not to look too affected.
"And you --" Mrs Croft paused for a moment. "-- you had wanted to get a parrot and thought I might do just as well."
"I found my mind was not suited to a parrot after all." He sat down beside her and looked at Anne again. "I was reminded of parrots this morning at breakfast, but -- oh, you were not there and you will not know what I mean. There was much noise. Everybody talked and nobody listened, exactly like several parrots going on at once. I am very glad Sophy prevented me from getting myself a parrot."
Anne wondered about the parrots. She could indeed imagine some of them talking and not listening. If Admiral Croft had fled from such a crowd, how could Captain Wentworth have walked out with them? She believed his mind had never been suited to parrots either. He was punishing himself severely to avoid her then. She could only hope he would not do something foolish.
"They had warned him beforehand that I talked too much," said Mrs Croft. "But it was only too much about the wrong subjects."
"Wrong subjects! You sound a little tired, Sophy. Have some rest while I deposit Anne in the library until dinner -- if she does not mind." He glanced at her questioningly.
"Not at all!" Anne hurried to say. She would gladly be out of the way so they could pursue their own interests for a change instead of looking after her, especially if Mrs Croft was tired, something the lady did not contradict. "I enjoy reading."
"But no sad poetry," he said when he had lifted her up. "It is bad for the soul. I advise people against it wherever I can."
The pile of books he left her with did indeed not contain any poetry, Anne noticed, but only sailors' diaries and naval adventures. She had read them before, but if she said so he might ask why she could ever have had an interest. Instead, she thanked him kindly for his efforts and picked up a book.
When it grew closer to dinner time, Anne was anxious to be moved from the silent library. It had grown dark too and while she had rung for some light, that had been an hour ago and the light was no longer sufficient. She used her trick with the chair to move into the hall and slowly made her way to the room where she had been sitting before.
Mrs Croft was stretched out on the sofa. She turned her head to watch the door when Anne came in, but she did not sit up.
"Are you all right?" Anne asked. She was unsettled by the sight of Mrs Croft lying down, although Mary being discovered in a similar position would be more than ordinary. Mrs Croft, however, was very nearly the opposite of Mary. "Are you tired? Should I go away? Did the admiral put me in the library to give you some rest?"
"Do come in. He put you in the library because…" Mrs Croft sat up and set her stockinged feet on the floor. She reached for her shoes and debated with herself whether she could speak. Anne's concerned face compelled her to do so. "He was massaging my feet."
Anne was glad she was leaning on a chair. She had been put in the library so the admiral could massage Mrs Croft's feet. It had been his own idea, since she had not heard Mrs Croft ask for it. She could not imagine any man she knew doing such a thing voluntarily. Charles? Certainly not. He would not even do it if Mary begged.
"Yes, if you look like that upon hearing it, how would you have looked upon seeing it?" asked Mrs Croft. "Frederick does not like the sight. He calls it uxorious. He would do exactly the same, you know, but he will not admit it. I think there is something in his past."
Anne could not breathe. Mrs Croft had not yet been too direct so far, but she must not start now. If she started being direct there was nothing Anne could do. Thankfully Mrs Croft left it at that remark.
"Please, Anne. You must not look so shocked. He takes good care of me and that he placed you in the library was only so you would not feel embarrassed."
Anne sat down on the chair and wished she had also received a letter calling her to Lyme. She saw with perfect clarity why he had gone.
Mrs Croft supported Anne's good side and pulled her up from the chair. "Do not sit there."
"It would not embarrass me to witness anything that sprang from sincere feelings." It would only make her wistful, but that was not something the Crofts ought to be worried about. They should do as they pleased in their own home.
"I hope," said Mrs Croft after a long glance at Anne. "That you did not read any poetry after all."
Anne was surprised. "Does he always tell you everything?"
"That is what I am for, to be told everything."
"Did you know," said Mrs Croft at bedtime. "Since we brought Anne into the house certain things have begun to make much more sense."
"Dithering never makes much sense to me," Admiral Croft replied.
She was distracted enough to want to reply to that. "I can name one or two cases in which you, in retrospect, dithered."
Either he knew perfectly well what those cases had been or he did not want to know. "But fancy that you needed to break a girl's arm to make sense of things, Sophia."
"I do not think you were ahead of me in this matter. You must continue to make seemingly pointless disclosures to me." Combined with her own observations they made so much more sense and she did not think he could do without her observations either. "But do explain the dithering."
"The dithering," he said vaguely. "There was some point to it while there were no girls in the house, but only a neighbourhood full of admirers. Despite what I may sometimes imply, even I would not advocate choosing one at random, because that would not be much of a compliment to you, although I am sure that greater knowledge of you and me would tell everyone exactly how it all came about."
"Hmm," said Mrs Croft, who was less sure of that. She gave him a little nudge. Although it was pleasant to hear, none of it was news to her. "Dithering is also not getting to the point."
"The point is that all those girls are the same. Everywhere we went we met with pleasant and reasonably pretty girls, who are all wild for your brother. We have seen more of some than of others, but that does not signify. They all remain alike."
"As your wife, I cannot encourage you to think any differently." She was certain he must be making some exceptions privately nevertheless.
"As Frederick's sister, however, you must -- and I must look with the eye of a brother, naturally, if you will allow me." He paused for a second to give her the opportunity to protest verbally, but she did not. There was only a supportive little squeeze. "Here we make the choice easier for him by bringing another sort of girl into the house and he flees to Lyme."
"I recall you encouraging him to go."
"Because I had disapproved of his saying it would give him no pleasure to help the girl, which he literally said and of which I literally disapproved."
She raised her eyebrows. That must have been some scene and she was sorry she had missed it, but naturally it could never have occurred in her presence. She would have questioned her brother's truthfulness instantly. "This other sort of girl, of whom you do remember the name -- something that puzzled her greatly, I believe, although she would never ask such a thing directly."
"Because she is another sort of girl. She is in this situation because she is that sort of girl, I think."
Posted on Monday, 8 May 2006
The next morning brought some visitors to the house again. Anne was alerted to their approach through a question of the admiral's. He had an odd habit of walking around with his breakfast, but other than unusual it was not very bothersome, unless he interrupted the ladies' conversation.
"Would you like to appear better or worse than you are, Miss Anne?"
She looked up and saw him looking out of the window. He would have a reason for asking and she guessed someone was approaching who might be interested in her condition. It could be anyone, although she did not yet understand why she ought to adapt her condition to the identity of the visitor. "What would you advise?"
"If they are thinking of coming in here, you will soon feel worse," he predicted. "I am removing myself from the room as a precaution. A man needs to be able to read his newspaper in peace. I would take the two of you with me, but I have no doubt they would hunt us down."
Shortly after Admiral Croft had left the room with a breakfast tray, but without a newspaper, Mary, Henrietta and Louisa were shown in. At least one of them was disappointed not to find Captain Wentworth there, but if one had ostensibly come to inquire after Anne's health, it would not do to begin by making inquiries about someone else.
Mary's questions were asked out of purely selfish motives, Anne knew, but she fancied Henrietta and Louisa to have a more sincere interest in her wellbeing now there was nobody to distract them. She did not allow this distinction to make any difference in how she answered their queries, however, and she was calm and polite to all three of them.
Mrs Croft felt this calmness might give the impression that Anne was nearly recovered, which was not the case at all. "But you can still not walk and you will not be able to use your arm for six weeks," she said when there was an opportunity to do so.
"But how do you get about?" asked Henrietta when it occurred to her that if Anne could not walk, she must have come into the room another way.
"There are gentlemen in the house," answered Mrs Croft while Anne was still trying to decide how to phrase that Admiral Croft carried her. There was no one here to contradict the plural except Anne, yet she did not think she could bring herself to be honest. She did not know why Mrs Croft implied that both gentlemen carried her. Perhaps she wished to conceal her brother's reluctance. Anne would have done the same -- a relative's faults were best concealed.
"Oh," said Louisa enviously. She looked as if she was willing to break a leg that instant. "You appear to lack for nothing."
This remark caught Mary's attention, naturally. It stung her that Anne lacked for nothing here, when she had such a hard time at home. "Can you not look after little Charles here, Anne? He gives me such a headache with his crying and I am sure one arm is quite enough. I should feel so much better if I sent him here."
"Here?" Mrs Croft asked sharply. "What a preposterous notion. Never. No children in my house."
Mary looked mortally offended. She, an Elliot, was contradicted by a mere admiral's wife, who spoke of Kellynch as her house when she was but a tenant and who called her notion preposterous. She rose in a huff, too insulted to have a good reply at hand. "Well, if that is your attitude…" she said condescendingly. "I had best leave."
Henrietta and Louisa looked a little embarrassed, but not as mortified as Anne. They left with Mary, after offering slightly apologetic looks.
Anne had not noticed. Her eyes had filled with tears of shame. She wished she had relatives who could leave a good impression for once, but all they seemed to be capable of was to show their worst qualities. Unlike Mrs Croft she could not make them appear better than they were.
She could not really imagine that a rational mind would hold her responsible for her family's behaviour, but she feared it anyway. They continued to behave in this manner because nobody stopped them. She was in part to blame.
"I am sorry I had to do that, Anne," said Mrs Croft, whose ordinarily calm face still bore traces of anger. "She must not arrange other people's lives, least of all mine."
"I am sorry," Anne said miserably.
"Do not be. It ought to stop. Who in their right mind would think you capable of looking after a little boy in your condition? In the house of others, no less, who are expected to agree. Why were you looking after him in the first place? You are not his nursery maid, nor his mother."
"Well…" The true reason was because Mary had not wanted to do it herself, Anne supposed. She did not want to make anything worse by saying so. "I did not mind."
"I know you will not have minded, but she is his mother!" Her voice rose in agitation.
Anne remarked stupidly to herself that apparently Mrs Croft was not always calm, but she could not quite make out her exact sentiments on the subject of mothers and children. Perhaps mentioning children in her house was as distressing to her as having Anne in his house was to her brother. They were brother and sister, after all.
She could imagine how the childless Mrs Croft must be feeling. It must be difficult for her to see Mary wish her child away. All the attention Anne had received must be a good indication of what she would have done for a child. It was unfair. Anne felt sorry for her.
"You must not look so --" Mrs Croft stopped and started anew. "Why were you staying with her? I thought this was your home before, not Uppercross."
"She asked me. She tends to feel unwell in the autumn and I could be of more use to her than to my father and other sister in Bath. I also do not like Bath." It had been the best option for her.
"I see," Mrs Croft said quietly. "Usually there are resemblances between sisters. How is it possible that character traits were so unevenly distributed across the three of you as to give one every good quality and the other two none at all?"
Anne had sometimes wondered this herself in a less charitable mood, but she could not say so. That could never be a good character trait.
"You might have a difficult time believing it at the moment, but there are similarities between my brothers and me."
"No, I believe it." She had just remarked on it to herself. It would not be possible to betray too great a knowledge of Captain Wentworth's character, not while she was still deluding herself into thinking they were clueless.
"Your situation grieves me and it grieves me to have to say it. I cannot possibly send you back into the clutches of evil when you have recovered."
"The clutches of evil!" Anne echoed in alarm. She could see that Mrs Croft was absolutely serious, however, in considering the Elliots evil and possibly some of the Musgroves as well.
"I cannot. Do you enjoy taking care of little nephews?" It sounded as if she was considering a plan.
"I do. But you will not let me," she said in some confusion, not understanding why Mrs Croft seemed to consider the idea regardless, nor why she now no longer appeared grieved. Any pain had passed quickly, although it had been sincere.
"Not those. It is a pity you do not yet have more of them."
"More!" Anne thought of Elizabeth and could not see it. "I do not think that is possible."
"Not through the Elliot side. You may marry someone with nephews or nieces."
"That is just as likely." Anne's confidence in her prospects was very low indeed. She saw no one. She wanted no one. She did not know anyone with nephews or nieces either.
"There are many good things that come after you have given up hope. I suppose."
Admiral Croft had business in a nearby town, but nothing he could not put off for a day or two until Frederick was back to take over his carrying duties. He announced this when he returned to the room, after having ascertained that their visitors had left.
"I do not have to be carried. He may never come back," said Anne. The admiral should see to his business when it was necessary.
"Never come back! A day or two, he said. Considering how willingly he solicited my disapproval in other matters, he had no reason to lie about his absence."
She was curious how the usually good-humoured admiral came to speak of disapproval. It made her a little frightened of how he could disapprove of her. She had once not been as decided as he would like. He seemed to like determination and he had spoken against dithering a few times.
"I shall go to town when Frederick is back, unless he wishes to take care of my errands. I think he would prefer to carry you around, because they are quite tedious errands and nothing for single men to enjoy, I should think. But I think he will back soon, for the Harvilles have no money and they have that other fellow living with them besides, the one who used to be engaged to their sister. Very kind of them."
There were but a few words that needed to be altered in those sentences to describe her own temporary situation. Anne felt the resemblance keenly. And the admiral thought it very kind without realising he was doing the same!
"A very sad case indeed," Mrs Croft agreed. "She died while he was at sea."
"Engagements!" Admiral Croft shook his head in dismay. "Marriage -- that is the thing. But if he is kind, he will not stay there long. They could not afford it."
Anne was still wondering what would have happened if she had remained engaged and he had gone to sea. Would it have made any difference to be engaged or not? Admiral Croft seemed to think it did, but he was probably thinking everyone could take their wife to sea.
He had abandoned the subject already. "Shall we go out in the gig again?"
"A different way," Anne said hopefully. She had liked their trip and would not mind being taken out again, but not past Lovers' Hill. He would want to go climb up again and show Mrs Croft what he had seen, if he had seen anything at all. In any case, it was best to avoid that altogether.
"She fears we shall never come down from that hill!" he said with a hearty laugh. "But you must not think Sophy would forget, Miss Anne. She is not a dreamer. I would, however, like to do something up there with her."
Anne would rather not ask. She glanced at Mrs Croft, but there was no noticeable reaction. Then again, that might not signify, for Mrs Croft had also not been embarrassed by a kiss.
"Is there not a different way that also leads past that hill?" he inquired.
"He must have his way," Mrs Croft sighed. "Anne, I encourage you to protest if you really do not wish to go."
But what would they think if she was adamant about not wanting to go there? She had even told them she sat there often, which must mean it was one of her favourite places. She could only make it worse if she said too much. "I…do not mind. But…you must not say anything to me," she said to the admiral.
He laughed at her, but not unkindly. "Now that you have said that, I no longer have to."
Anne felt exposed once more. She was incapable of protesting against anything now.
"We shall not be long," Admiral Croft assured her when he had set her down on the grass by the side of the lane.
Anne watched as he pushed and pulled his lady up the hill. The November sun was weak and the ground was cold. She hoped they would be back quickly, but Mrs Croft moved less vigorously than expected. On top of the hill they looked around and waved at her. She waved back. Then they moved out of sight for a minute until she could see them come down.
"It was lovely," said Mrs Croft, who was slightly out of breath from the effort. "Such a clear view today! Your recommendation was absolutely justified."
"Thank you." Anne hoped they would not mention any lovers again, but fortunately the admiral expressed a wish to see a small lake he had perceived and Mrs Croft saw no reason not to grant him that wish. Now that the greatest danger had passed, Anne could listen to their interaction without anxiety. They followed each other's suggestions with such ease and good humour, so very unlike Mary and Charles, who always seemed to make it a sport not to agree with the other. She was certain that even Mrs Croft must sometimes want to go left when the admiral wished to go right, but they compromised unnoticeably in such trivial matters. Anne was not made for arguing, least of all for no reason, and she liked them for it.
They went to the small lake, which Anne thought was a long way for Admiral Croft to walk, certainly if he also had to walk back. Mrs Croft might let him back into the carriage as long as he did not take the reins. She amused herself by imagining their conversation. It would not be a trivial matter and they might devote some words to it.
"It was on a pretty little lake like this," Admiral Croft remarked when he looked around himself, "that I sailed my first boat at the age of four."
The two ladies did not quite believe such precocity and they gave him sceptic looks. "Are you certain it was not at the age of three?" his wife inquired.
"In petticoats," Anne could not help but comment when she imagined little Walter doing the same. She giggled at the thought of the admiral in petticoats.
Mrs Croft liked that image. "Aye! That was his sail, I am sure. He bent over, the wind got under his skirts and off he went!"
"You have found me out," the admiral said good-naturedly. "May I come back in the gig, Sophy?"
As Anne had foreseen, Mrs Croft was indeed not going to deny her husband a seat, but she had certain demands. "If you sit on Anne's other side and you do not take the reins."
"I never want the reins again. And it was true, you know. I really could. Simply because no girl can sail a boat at the age of four…" He climbed in to sit beside Anne.
"They are busy learning how to drive gigs," said Mrs Croft, who set them in motion again. "And my dear, I would not have taken a fool for a husband, but such a prodigy -- you are not yet of an age to be allowed such a faulty memory."
He lowered his voice and whispered to Anne. "I did take a fool for a wife."
Anne was startled enough to be impertinent. "But she was very pretty."
"Yes, yes, you caught me there. What more should I need than a pretty wife? But you must believe me. It was really true. But if a Wentworth is right, Miss Anne, there is no convincing them they might be wrong."
Mrs Croft leant sideways to slap his knee. Apparently his voice had not been low enough. "You might as well speak out loud. One, I shall not understand, being foolish. Two, I shall not change my mind, being a Wentworth."
In the evening the Woods came to dinner. They were surprised to find Anne staying in the house, but the explanation was readily given and even more readily believed. Their concern for her recovery was sincere and completely devoid of any ulterior motive. Anne had always known them to be agreeable people, but such a characteristic alone could never get them an invitation from the Elliots.
Her father, if he was ever told, would expect a smug pride in them at finally realising their ambition of setting foot in Kellynch Hall, but Anne detected nothing of the sort. A house was but a house to them, interesting only because of its occupants. There were no embarrassing moments.
She was relieved that Captain Wentworth was not present, although she did think of him. As the evening progressed she began to feel increasingly anxious that he would suddenly appear. If he had stayed only one night in Lyme -- something a day or two would suggest -- he would be back this evening and he could upset the calm gathering with his awkward manners. Anne felt she might deal better with that alone, away from other people's curiosity and speculations.
She did not know what Admiral and Mrs Croft had done on Lovers' Hill. They had been out of sight for a while, perhaps to examine the rock, perhaps to make declarations of a sentimental nature. If they had examined the rock, they must have agreed to remain silent about it. Curious they might be, but they were also kind to her.