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Chapter 15

Posted on Thursday, 17 November 2005

What followed this event happened in rather fast succession though at the time none of us seemed to notice this. As Constance, her faithful servant leaned over eventually and closed her eyelids for the last time we collectively sighed, our eyes remained fixed on the silent body. Constance took me by the arm and led me out of the room followed by the nurse allowing Mr Darcy some time with her. She did not say a word to me but sighed intermittently.

Darcy was not long in the room with her. He joined us within only a minute or so of our departure, he looked his usual controlled self, sometimes it was incredibly aggravating that he could be so hard to read. He was silent except for suggesting that we return to our rooms as there was nothing further either Constance or I could do that night. He had to send word to Featherstone House and Lord and Lady Newlyn. So I found myself lying in my rooms staring up at the ceiling, tears occasionally blurring my vision completely.

Martha, Mrs Chambers and I were sent to his study the next morning with the children. Georgiana and Lord Tyndale were with him, he explained as best he could that their mother had passed on in the night. They took the news as was to be expected. There were of course tears but very few Priscilla seemed to understand what had happened more clearly than either Roberta or Thomas, she cried fewer tears than her sister but more than Thomas. They became subdued though not worryingly so and apparently forgot what had happened by the time we were removed to Featherstone House a few days later.

They were not to be blamed for this apparent indifference to their mother’s passing on. After all, despite being affectionate children, for the most part, they had not spent a great deal of time with Lady Arabella; she was just a figure in their life who paid them little to no mind, for her own painful reasons. There were other people in their lives who had spent more time with them. One might almost suspect they would have been more disturbed had it been Mrs Chambers who was equally harsh to them but at least a feature in their every day lives.

Over at Featherstone we were removed from the morbid bustle of Allcotte Abbey and my little wards came into daily contact with their loving Grandmamma, their doting uncle and Henriette, who was at least a figure of some constancy in their life having been a fairly frequent visitor in their school room in town. She was not particularly affectionate towards the children, seeing them as somewhat spoilt, but she had never been unkind to them. Now she was as solicitous as her mother was to them. Henriette herself seemed downcast too.

For several days she spoke hardly a word, shocking for a girl who possessed her frankness of character. Eventually in a quiet moment I took her aside and inquired after her, “I ought not to have been so cruel to her.” She explained twisting her skirts in her hand in a childish action, “I never liked her particularly you see, even before she changed, I used to be jealous of her, Francis always wanted to spend all his time with her instead of me and as his real sister I felt that I had greater claim to his time and attention. They saw me as something of an annoyance you see, since I was ten years younger than Arabella. She was never unkind to me you must understand that, but I can recall numerous occasions where I had claimed to hate her in furious rages.

“So when she married Mr Sutton and began to change into Augusta I had even less sympathy and simply rejoiced that Francis, when he was at home had more time for me. Then when everyone in this house lost patience with her it seemed that I could be more open with my opinions and I suppose that I encouraged everyone else to detest her and say things about her that none of us should, after all she was family.

“You see Lizzy I deserve no sympathy for she had more of a heart than me anyway. I wish that I had had more time for her.” She finished shaking her head sadly.

I looked at her remembering my own home life. I had lived in a household full of favoritism where some of my sisters had been overlooked and ignored and how, particularly when we were younger we had clamoured and fought for the affection of our parents, it was a different situation but I remember there was a time when Kitty was almost constantly in tears, either because she was ignored or she had been up to some mischief for attention or because she wanted to get one of us into trouble too. I told her about this, “And just look at how well she has turned out, no one who ever saw her now would even suggest that she is cruel and heartless, and her jealousy led her to be very spiteful, why I can remember one occasion where she got me into such trouble that our housekeeper Mrs Hill locked me in the coal shed and I missed my supper.”

“But I cannot help but wish I had been kinder towards her, she was my sister.”

“Hetty dear you shall not go to hell for disliking a dead person, believe me. Besides you have learnt to repent, however,” I teased a little, “Jonathan will be much more capable of assuring you on this point, if you are still concerned.”

A small smile escaped her lips at this and my words seemed to have calmed her down a little. Though of course no one was in the best of spirits, everyone felt some guilt over the manner in which they had treated her in recent years, and everyone mourned the loss of not only the woman she had once been but also their sister, daughter, mother and cousin. The children’s lessons continued throughout all this, it was felt it would be best they had some continuity in their lives especially at this time of upheaval, which was about to become, much worse.

From Allcotte, there was no definite word as to what was happening, except some whispers. Darcy still remained there, organizing the estate and Lady Arabella’s funeral. Lord Tyndale was a daily visitor there aiding him with the planning, he did not reveal to any of us exactly what was happening but occasionally mentioned something on passing conversation.

The was one huge debate however, we were all clearly aware of and that was the matter of where Lady Arabella would be laid to rest, after all there were several options available, each with their own merits and negatives and nothing definite could be decided. Whether Pemberley or Allcotte or even Featherstone House was the wisest choice caused a great deal of discomfort and worry.

Pemberley, for example was the home of Mr Darcy so it seemed reasonable that she should be buried there, it was officially her home and where people would expect her to be buried. However, it was a great distance to Pemberley, almost a weeks worth of traveling and this was defiantly unfavourable. Coupled with this argument was the fact that Lady Arabella, for some inexplicable reason had been not very fond of Pemberley and even more strangely had a long held preference for Allcotte Abbey, despite what I imagined brought back unpleasant recollections, perhaps it was because it was so close to her childhood home, where she had been by all accounts very happy and comfortable.

Then there was Allcotte, Thomas, her son was master of the house, in name at least for he was too young to have full control of the estate. It seemed only respectable that she should be buried at the home of her son and heir it was a direct family link too. However, she had never been particularly happy there, surely she would not approve of that as her final resting place, even if she had shown a preference for the place. Besides which technically Allcotte Abbey was no longer her home and it would look odd to the rest of society – strange how everything always came back to what they would think of our actions.

Or there was her childhood home of Featherstone House, which had merit too. Perhaps the place she had lived the happiest times of her life, it was close to Allcotte and although it was not her official place of residence either, I think that all her family were in agreement that this was probably the most suitable of the three places for her grave to be place. Lady Newlyn who had travelled down was actually in favour of town she thought St Paul’s sufficiently suitable. Despite it’s deficiency in silver and gold.

So there it was the funeral for Lady Arabella took place at Featherstone House, her parental home, she was laid next to her mother and father with an inscription describing her life. It seemed to finalize everything but little did I know that there was greater upheaval to come for me and the children.

It started one afternoon when Kitty came to call, it was infrequent since she was heavy with child by late August we were taking tea with Henriette and her mother when their butler entered and asked that Kitty and I go to the master’s library as he wished to speak with me. I was surprised by this request, he and I had avoided one another during the duration of my stay. When I entered he looked less serious than Mr Darcy had on the few occasions that I had been asked to enter before. He was smiling though tentatively and he stood offering me a seat and a cup of tea to both of us. “Now then, I suppose that you are wondering why I have asked you to come here?”

“Yes my Lord, I must admit to being more than a little puzzled.”

“Well now, just let me talk for a few minutes and I hope that it will explain all.” He said with a slightly more solemn face, “I have been speaking with Darcy, about the future of my nieces and nephews. As you know we have been left as joint guardians of the children, since their mother has died we feel in their best interest that they now go to school. Consequently we will no longer require your services.”

Kitty’s hand reach out and squeezed mine. Lord Tyndale continued talking. However, I failed to listen to what he was saying, all I could think about was that I had to leave this house and my children (I had come to think of them as such) and I could only assume it was because they were displeased with me in someway. What had I done wrong, I was aware that I had made mistakes but I had not thought them to be as detrimental as this action implied, I had taught them well and Darcy had always said that he was pleased with the work I was doing with them. Surely they could not just dismiss me in such an unceremonious manner. Furthermore why was he not here to tell me of his decision, was he avoiding me or could he simply not be bothered with me anymore, after all I had done for not only his children but Lady Arabella too, apparently the old Mr Darcy had returned and he had no though for anyone but himself anymore. Surely he was not that distraught by Lady Arabella’s death that he could not face company.

Again my irrational response caused me to behave in a ridiculous manner. I did not stop to consider that sending the children to school was what would be accepted in most circumstances after children’s mothers passed away, particularly when their father was not their natural father. It did not occur to me that it might not be displeasure with my work that had led to this step. Before I could hold my tongue the words “What have I done wrong?” tumbled unceremoniously out of my mouth.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Lizzy have you not been listening to a word that Lord Tyndale had been saying to you these past five minutes?” Kitty scolded me.

I shamefacedly shook my head agreeing that no I had not and Lord Tyndale began to explain once again for my benefit. “It is not you we are displeased with Miss Bennet, everyone I know appreciates you, the children, Hetty, my mother, your sister, Darcy. However, it is not appropriate for the children to stay with either of us and it seems more suitable to send them off to school. Priscilla and Roberta will be sent to Miss Pamela Grey’s Selective Seminary for Young Ladies, it has a very good reputation you know. My nephew is as you are perfectly aware too young to be sent to the School of Excess,” By this he meant Eton, “at only five. However, we have been able to procure a position for him at another school for young boys.

I was glad to hear that they were being well looked out for although I was not sure about the seminary plan.

“As for you, Darcy would not see you go without ensuring you were well provided for, he had left you all the rest of the year’s earnings and also found you another position. With a family in Wales, Colonel and Mrs Llewellyn have six children, five of whom are of the governess age. He is a retired officer and the younger brother of a friend of the late Mr Darcy. They expect you in the second week of September should you accept the position, I hope that you find these arrangement suitable to your wishes, we should probably have spoken with you first.”

He finished speaking and I felt my mouth hang open in shock, now I was completely incapable of speech. I might be leaving, and I might not have been informed of it until now but it was some small consolation to know that I had at least been provided for. Still I sat there unable to speak for shock, I really had not been expecting to leave, and actually I do not know what I had been expecting if the truth be told but certainly it was not this. After sitting in the same position for several minutes, Kitty squeezed my hand and spoke again, “Lizzy are you alright?”

“Yes,” I shook myself, “yes, I am quite well just a little shocked.”

“I hope you do not mind having to leave the children, I know you are fond of them.” Lord Tyndale added.

“Well, no doubt I shall miss them but if they are to go then it seems that I must leave too. But thank you for at least finding me another position.”

“Lizzy, you do not have to go you know, you can stay at the cottage with Jonathan and I, you would be a great help when the baby is born.”

“No Kitty I cannot impose upon you in such a manner, I will go to Wales to work for the Llewellyn’s.” I said with conviction.

“Lizzy you are too stubborn for your own good do you know that.” She cried with exasperation.

“I might remind you that it is my choice.” I said my voice slightly thick.

“I am perfectly aware of that, how about Jane will you not go and live at Ashton Magna with her and Bingley, perhaps you would feel more comfortable there.” She suggested with a hopeful look on her face.

“No this is my final decision.”

“Miss Bennet this by no means has to be your final decision it is merely an idea and you need not give us your answer today. How about if we were to give you to the end of the week to think about our proposal and then you can be absolutely certain that this is what you want.”

I was about to object when Kitty cut in, “That is very good of you Lord Tyndale.” She said with a smile and that was the end of the meeting.

Kitty was not the only one who opposed the plan of Wales; Henriette loudly argued against the suggestion of not only my going but also the children going she could not understand why they should not be permitted to stay at Featherstone House with their aunt and uncle and if not here then why not with Lady Newlyn. They spent the week pleading and bullying me by turns and tried to involve others in their schemes, Kitty even succeeded in having Jonathan talk to me and tell me that I need never feel unwelcome in the house. Even Lady Tyndale and spoke to me on Kitty’s behalf, she even went so far as to say she would talk to Francis and beg him to reconsider sending the children to school, she claimed Thomas was far too young.

All this, however flattering it might have been for my vanity did not succeed in swaying my resolve and by the end of the week I still declared that I would go to Wales and the children would go to school. I was not going to oppose their guardians decisions but my own pride would not allow me to stay with either Kitty or Jane in just the same way as I would not live my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner after the six month period of mourning for Papa, Mamma and Lydia was over and Kitty was married. Kitty was probably not wrong in her assessment of my character, I was too stubborn for my own good.

So it was that only a week later having bid a tearful farewell to Priscilla, Roberta, Thomas and Martha in the nursery the evening before and again that morning when Henriette, Kitty and the other family members at Featherstone came to see me off I set off on the long road to Wales in a carriage, that Henriette had insisted I have use of, instead of traveling by post accompanied by two men servants, like the grand lady that I was not. I cried almost all the first day of the journey sad to be leaving the life I had built behind me, sad to be leaving my orphaned children and all my friends and family in Somersetshire. If I was wholly truthful with myself I was most sad to be leaving Mr Darcy above all else – he was after all the man that I loved and the man whose love I could never earn again, these past few weeks had shown me that. Even though I had not always thought it he had shown great compassion to Lady Arabella during her last illness and that if nothing else was a clear indicator that he did love her.

As the days of my journey slipped away my melancholy began to fade, not completely but certainly sufficiently to push to the back of my mind. Traveling this part of the country was a new experience for me and there was plenty to hold my interest. Wales had beautiful countryside and plenty of sheep that I took note of. Anglesey was at one of the furthest points of Wales and that was my destination.

Situated between the small towns of Newborough and Abeffraw was the small village – which was more like a hamlet - of Cae Gwenard, just a few minutes outside the village was the self sufficient estate of Cresocartref House owned by Colonel and Mrs Llewellyn. It was a small estate built in the style of Beau Nash, though it had been built only seventeen years previously when Colonel Llewellyn had retired from the army due to an injury and built the house using his wife’s dowry. It had a dairy, laundry, brewery, salting house, services courtyard and a home farm, along with six children.

Five of those six children were my business there. The eldest Eleanor at eighteen was too old to require such a person. The other five were a motley bunch. Isabella was nearly sixteen and very much like me in character. Then there was Nancy she was fourteen and was of the opinion that she knew everything. Harriet was a year younger than Nancy; she was insipid and sickly and followed the lead of Laura the youngest of the daughters at eleven who was almost wild and unmanageable. Nancy and Harriet who were so much like Mary and Kitty, that they garnered a lot of my attention, though Laura and Michael often caused a distraction. Laura would forever be a silly young girl, for as long as her mother continued to spoil her and her father continued to ignore the fifth daughter. I found it odd how like my own sisters these girls were.

The same applied to Michael the youngest child a little boy of eight years old. But unlike Laura his case was harder, as he had the support of both parents being the youngest and the heir he was treated with extra special care. Spoilt by his mother, being the long awaited successor he was one of the most troublesome children to ever walk this earth, forever up to some lark or another and unable to sit still. He was clever though, he demanded to know everything it was just a pity he could not concentrate long enough to listen to explanations.

However troublesome Michael might have been to me it was worth the effort, I loved it at Cresocartref House. It was very similar to my own childhood at Longbourn, the house was much the same size, the inhabitants surprisingly similar in manner, Colonel Llewellyn spending all his time in the library and Mrs Llewellyn fluttering and nervous, though not quite so bad as my own mother, she had less to worry about. The daughters so like replicas of my own sisters, it was uncanny. It was like coming home. I was so accepted within the family, much more so that when I had worked for the Sutton children. Lady Arabella had refused to condone such an action and I had been uncomfortable with it anyway, but now I was a nightly inhabitant of the drawing room with the women of the house or even out to the monthly assemblies where I became a companion for Eleanor. Truly it was almost as if I stopped being a servant and became a family member.

Mrs Llewellyn did not seem to consider her governess as a threat to her daughter’s chances of matrimony. She bustled into the school room one afternoon, “Oh Belle, have you heard? Your Aunt Bagot has invited us to dine on Thursday and the Marques of Gower has accepted an invitation on behalf of himself and his hunting party! Oh where is Eleanor? Nora! Eleanor! Come here child, you must wear your pink gown this evening and Isabella you are to wear your plum one.” The girls rolled their eyes apparently not surprised that their mother blatant attempt at match making.

She returned glowing from the dinner party, the Marquess’ friend Mr Randal had shown a great deal of interest in Eleanor. During our break from classes the next morning Eleanor entered the school room to tell us that their aunt and cousins had come to visit. Isabella rolled her eyes. Mrs Bagot, Melissa and Lavinia were ridiculous. Mrs Bagot was the much younger sister of the Colonel who was now in his sixties. She had two boys in their late twenties and the two daughters who were about my own age and were as Mrs Llewellyn often said, “The plainest girls I have ever seen.” They were stupid to boot and enjoyed nothing better than hearing all the latest gossip which was more often that not to be supplied by their aunt and mother. In short Lavinia and Melissa were most certainly, unquestionably the most stupid girls in the country.

When we joined them in the sitting room Mrs Llewellyn had taken charge of the conversation her handkerchief was flapping madly about in the air and her cap was falling off her head held on by only one pin and was swinging about this way and that as her head moved from side to side in time to her excited chatter as she looked at each of her guests. He cheeks were flushed and if I had been meeting her for the first time then I would certainly have though that she had escaped from Bedlam. “Oh and Amelia he had eight thousand a year! Only imagine eight thousand pounds and very likely more! Just think of the pin money, the jewels, the fine carriages and the clothes you could afford with that! Why you would live like a queen.”

“Aye, my dear, Cynthia that most certainly is a generous portion.” Mrs Bagot agreed nodding her head like a donkey.

“And you know he is such a handsome man. I think it very very likely that he has taken a fancy to my dear, dear Eleanor for you know she is by far the most handsome girl in the district. I do not like to boast of my own children, but everybody says so.” She said looking to first her sister for agreement and then too her rather plain nieces with a pointed look.

“He singled Eleanor out you know.” Here Mrs Bagot looked particularly sour for it was a well known fact that her youngest son had formed an attachment to Eleanor and Mrs Llewellyn did everything in her power to prevent the match. “Spoke with her all evening and played cards with her, he selected her as his particular partner you know. They made such a handsome pair together and they played very well. I have always said that those who partner well in cards also make excellent partners in marriage.”

“What do you know of his estate my dear?”

“The Randal estates you mean? Well my dear Colonel Llewellyn knew his Uncle and the Colonel visited there on several occasions on hunting parties with our other brother, do you remember, you must have been quite young at the time? My dear Colonel tells me that they are incredibly grand, and Dresden Manor is much larger than your estate and as I said a clear eight thousand pounds a year. The grounds are very extensive.” Here she popped a petite four into her mouth.

Isabella had pressed her hand to her mouth, clearly amused by the fact that her mother was telling her aunt of activities that the Colonel had partaken in before she even knew him, when his sister defiantly did. I frowned at her slightly although she did not need it for she was clearly aware that laughing in public was not the done thing. I could not help a little roll of my eyes in her direction either, for it was quite an amusing sight to see.

“You know Amelia he certainly did admire my Eleanor, but then so does everyone. Do you think that it shall come to anything? Oh if only we could go to town, but you know the Colonel he is so cruel and refuses to take us claiming his bad leg will not let him and he will not go to Bath either for he says that Bath is for people with gout. Oh he is so cruel to the girls!”

“Traveling must be difficult for Henry’s leg Cynthia.” Mrs Bagot muttered.

“How odd,” Mrs Llewellyn continued apparently oblivious to her companions words, “to think that one of my girls should be married before one of yours, I always thought Melissa would be married first of all being the eldest and then Lavinia is a full four years older that my Nora. Who would have thought it? Particularly as my girls do not have much of a dowry to speak of, I do wish that when Colonel Llewellyn built the estate he had made it bigger, I do not understand him you know.”

“Clearly.” Mrs Bagot responded.

“You know I fancy Mr Randal will offer for Eleanor, you know. He is just the right side of five and thirty I hear and no doubt he will want a wife as he probably feels the need for some female companionship. Heirs as well, every man with an estate wants an heir, but then you must know that. How very lucky you were to have had two sons straight away Amelia dear, only think it took us six tries before we got our son.”

“Yes it must have been hard on your figure.” Mrs Bagot said with a triumphant smile in plump Mrs Llewellyn’s direction while her hand’s smoothed down the front of her trim figure.

“Think of the trousseau Eleanor will need as well. Colonel will have to allow me to take her to town to purchase the wedding clothes. Belle had better be allowed too for I think she will be thrown into the path of other rich men and they will take a fancy to her I am sure, though the Marquess did not take fancy to her. We have such good connections already that they cannot care that we do not have much in the way of a dowry to give her. Still she is a very pretty girl, though not as good looking as Nora but then very few are her equal, you would have to agree would you not Amelia.”

Mrs Bagot agreed though there was distinct jealousy in her words.

“At least the girls have something in the way of a dowry. You know I am so glad that we only had the one son after all, how would the Colonel and I have provided for another at least your Andrew will have the living his father can bestow upon him, it is always such a pity for younger sons I think. If Colonel Llewellyn had been your eldest brother only think of the house we would have lived in and there would have been none of this worry of an entail I dare say. Not that that matters of course now that I have had my dear dear Michael.”

“Yes you were very lucky to have had Michael for I fear that had you not you would have lost Cresocartref.” Mrs Bagot returned somewhat bitterly.

“Oh my dear Amelia,” Mrs Llewellyn faked remorse, “I am so sorry you must think me the most inconsiderate creature yes you must for Michael has deprived your dear Andrew of a proper inheritance. How very cruel you must think me. But I must confess to being glad for Andrew would have turned us out to starve in the hedgerows.”

“He most certainly would not Cynthia, for Andrew is a very kind hearted and generous boy.” She said this with a pointed look in Eleanor’s direction who was by now, poor soul, blushing with an intensity rarely seen.

“Do you think that Eleanor ought to marry in white satin, white becomes her so well and what colour trimmings do you think Amelia? Why certainly pink yes what do you think?”

Eleanor rose to leave the room in mortification at her mother and was hastily followed by Isabella and I, just as the conversation of the elders turned again and Mrs Bagot said with increased spite, “Only pray do ensure that if Belle stands up with her sister that she does not wear plum for the Marquess did not favour her in that at all.” Isabella only shook her head and laughed after only the slightest of hesitations. For the Marquess had refused the evening before to partner her in cards when it had been suggested, her mother was outraged, Isabella seemingly unaffected and only Eleanor had a good word to say for him claiming that on the few occasion she had met Anglesey’s most exalted resident he had been perfectly amiable and perhaps that evening he just did not care fore cards.

Only a few days later when returning from a walk to Gwalchgwyn’s Point we found two unexpected arrivals at the house, the Marquess of Gower and his friend Mr Randal were in the hallway speaking with the housekeeper asking to see Miss Llewellyn. Eleanor blushed prettily and was about to reply when Mrs Llewellyn bustled out of the sitting room and shoed the younger girls and I away upstairs so that Eleanor could speak with Mr Randal alone.

“Who was that?” Laura demanded as soon as the door had shut behind the surprise guest.

“Were you not paying attention you goose?” Isabella said with a hint of scorn, “That was Mamma’s Mr Randal.” I noticed that she did not choose to refer to him as Eleanor’s which I took to be a sure sign she would not marry him and still preferred her ‘penniless’ cousin Andrew Bagot.

“I don’t care who he is.” Harriet continued, “He’s fearful handsome, don’t you think?” Her eyes danced merrily as I cleared my throat to silence her unladylike outburst, this girl was a mere thirteen.

“He might be if I knew who he was. Is he rich Miss Bennet?” Laura persisted.

“Honestly Laura do you not pay the slightest bit of attention to anything anyone says unless it is about bonnets and muslins?” Isabella asked tartly, “You must have more hair than wit, for if you had listened then you would know that he is the friend of the Marquess and I sincerely doubt that if he had no money or connections the Marquess would have anything to do with him”

“So he is rich?” Harriet asked uncertainly.

“Hattie of course he is.” Isabella rolled her eyes.

“How rich is Mr Randal?” Laura asked, “Does he have at least five thousand a year? If he does then I shall set my cap at him!”

“Isn’t he the one that Mama said is the right side of five and thirty?” Harriet asked, “That means he is nearly… twice Eleanor’s age!”

“Certainly too old for Laura, why she is still leading strings!” Isabella looked half scandalized and half amused by her sisters.

“And you’re not even really out yet Belle.” Laura stuck her tongue out in spite and Isabella suck her nose up in the air.

“Do you think,” Harriet began dreamily, “That he’ll stay for dinner?”

Listening to the girls gently tease one another I realized that leaving the Sutton children, however dear they were to me, was the best thing that could have happened to me. With that family I had always been walking on eggshells living in fear that to anger Mr Darcy would earn my dismissal even though he was not an ill tempered man when I considered our history… that was something that always hung over us, particularly following my own revelation of having feelings for him when he was married. Henriette and Georgiana were dear friends and they always would be and that I could not regret about my time with the family. But I could freely admit now that I was by no means as happy as I convinced myself that I was. Here I could be myself without fear of revealing feelings that ought not be possessed. Though I will not deny that I missed him in a sense I was glad to be almost free from him too.

Chapter 16

Posted on Tuesday, 3 January 2006

In mid November, after I had been at Cresocartref House only a little over three months, Jane sent a letter insisting that all the family would be in attendance at Ashton Magna for Christmas. She had only returned from the continent a few days prior to the date marked at the top of the letter and already she and Bingley were excitedly organizing a party at their new home. Jane had never seen the house before, the recommendations of Bingley had been enough to secure her agreement, she described it to me in great detail even more so than the raptures she expressed over the continent, it had been so different, so exciting and though she did not particularly like traveling by ship she longed to go back one day. For now however she was perfectly content to remain in Staffordshire and enjoy all the pleasures which her new home could afford her, she did not feel that she could possibly achieve, if the whole family was not present. Consequently in a manner most unlike her, she insisted that she would not take no for an answer and she expected me anytime after the sixth of December.

Ashton seemed safer than Millwood, so refusal was less of an option, there was little chance of running into people I would prefer to avoid. After all Jane had almost emphatically stated in her letter that it would be only family. Still doubts lingered until Jane’s correspondence was followed up a few days later by another from Kitty who stated that she and Mr Thursfield and the children would be coming to collect me from Anglesey as it would be safer than traveling alone. Clearly Kitty and Jane had planned something together, expecting that I would attempt to avoid their company if they did not force the matter. They were probably quite correct in their assumption too. However it seemed that refusal would not be brooked by my sisters so I was heading for Ashton Magna for my Christmas this year.

It could not be denied that a rest over the holidays was something that I greatly desired, over these past few months working for the Llewellyns my work had certainly been cut out. Six children were a handful, even if only five of them attended lessons. Michael was just a handful, he never paid attention in lessons and anything that he might possibly have listened to he had apparently forgotten by the next lesson. There were frequent threats to box his ears, something which I had never done in the past and something which if I am totally honest I would never have considered doing to him either. He probably knew it too, which is why he was continually playing me up. His parents believed him to be a, “very bright child” and his behaviour was not bad it was “lively and spirited.” They were insistent that he would be taught Latin but my efforts were frankly in vain. There is one afternoon I vividly recall in my mind he was up and down from his chair every few seconds convinced that he needed to fetch this or that, he had left his pencil in the nursery, he had no handkerchief, he had to fetch a drink for he was dying of thirst. By the third time it had happened I had taken to calling him back, but he continued on and on and on. “Michael come back here this instant, you do not even need your slate this afternoon.”

He refused and pulled a face at me. “Michael,” I warned, “if you do not do as I say this instant I shall keep you in the schoolroom till after supper and you shall go to bed without.”

He continued to ignore me studiously, it was the only thing he ever worked studiously at and made towards the schoolroom door, “If you do not come back in here this instant young man there will be no supper!” I repeated angrily, “I mean no bread and milk either.” I marched towards him and grabbed him around the waist and carried him back inside shutting the door behind us and putting him back in the seat. “Now conjugate to ask in the pluperfect tense please,”

“Rogo… rogavi….rogare…” He stuttered and stumbled and did not get them right at all.

“Have you been learning your verbs at all young man? Properly this time please.”

Instead of reciting he simply shook his head and petulantly added, “I have been learning them.”

“Michael I am this close to boxing your ears if you do not behave!” I said, that was one of the afternoons which I was sorely tempted to walk into the Colonel’s library and hand in my resignation there and then. After all it was not as if I really had to stay, there was always Jane or Kitty, Charlotte had written to me to ask me to visit – although it felt a little odd to return to my childhood home as only a visitor to a family that were not even my own. Besides it was not as if I were going to stay at Cresocartref House forever was it?

Laura was much the same really. Active, lively, even occasionally endearing but she could never concentrate; she was high spirited that was obvious. I would dread the days when she ate pastries they seemed to have the oddest effect on her you could not get her off the ceiling all afternoon. As an eleven year old she showed an incredibly unhealthy appreciation of men. It was of course mostly the stable boy or the footman. She rarely came into contact with any others, Mr Randal was the exception to the rule and she could not stop talking about him for weeks and weeks afterwards, even Harriet soon tired of him. Whenever the Llewellyns entertained or even if they were out for the evening she wanted to know if Mr Randal would be there, she even snuck downstairs one evening and Mrs Llewellyn allowed her to stay. When we went out for a walk she was convinced that every rider was Mr Randal, it was humours really for a girl so young to be so infatuated.

But her flirtations were not merely reserved for Mr Randal, perhaps if it were the case we might have considered her behaviour as sweet and teased her for it but it was not exclusive to that young man, who was far too old for her anyway and resulted in nothing more than scorn, even from the neighbours after all. There was nothing I could seem to do for either Michael or Laura. However, it was as Nancy frequently said, “Most unseemly not to mention embarrassing.” I could wish to rectify it.

We could have expected such a reaction from Nancy, but I know the other girls all felt a similar distain for her behaviour. Eleanor of course would never condemn someone in such a way and Isabella gradually became less harsh in her judgments of people. Even Harriet was disgusted, she would often follow her younger sister’s lead but gradually she began to turn away from those bad habits and spent more time with the other girls. I made sure that she garnered plenty of my attention I always had time to talk to her and I would like to think that it was my steady influence and devotion which caused her to change her ways before it was too late, of course that may not be the case at all. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about Harriet’s character, she was perhaps somewhat insipid and empty headed but then had we not all thought the same of Kitty? Just look at how well she had turned out, despite her recent meddling.

Nancy, as I have already noted had enough virtue to balance out the excess of vanity her two younger sisters possessed. She was the family member most ignored, Harriet after all had the suspicious honour of being Laura’s favourite sister. Consequently Nancy felt that the only way for her to gain attention by the other family members was to be the most accomplished of the girls, if she could out do them all in that regard then perhaps her parents would pay her more attention. It was a task which she had failed, her determination to be well read had allowed her to become bogged down in moral books, Hannah More, Blair’s Sermons, Fordyce’s Sermons and Kant’s Moral Philosophy was a particular favourite of hers. It was these people who led her to condemn her sister’s behaviour almost continually, “Nancy,” I said to her one day after she had bombarded Laura with quotes on her actions, “You must not be so critical of her behaviour, no doubt she shall grow out of it.”

“If only she would read then she would learn how unacceptable her manners are after all Miss Bennet Kant says that ‘I ought never to act except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become a universal law’ so you see Laura’s performance is judged by everyone and our family looses respectability for that very reason. If you and my parents do not choose to check her then I must take the duty upon myself.” Nancy could sometimes be the most exasperating of creatures.

“What counts, is not the action one sees, but there inner principles, which one does not see.” Nancy looked fairly impressed that I should be so well verse in the works of her favourite philosopher though I could well have had it in the wrong context, “Laura’s actions may well have a very good motive behind them, perhaps you should not be so quick in your judgment of her.” This was probably pushing it a little too far, but I think Nancy took my point. Besides as I saw it the more people objected to Laura’s behavoiur she quickly lost interest, when I ignored her foolishness in the classroom she soon stopped.

She gradually came out of her books a little bit, perhaps it was when she saw the contradiction in the rules she had been trying to follow. She lived a little, acted more like a fourteen year old than an old maid and when she did that she gained far more attention from her parents and sisters than she had in the past. One morning when she entered the breakfast room and bid everyone good morning, instead of walking in with her nose buried in a book and bumping into someone’s chair, her mother looked up, “Why Nancy I do declare you look almost pretty today, that dress of Isabella’s we made over looks lovely on you.” Nancy fairly glowed for a week following such attentions from her mother.

Eleanor chose to unburden me with her romantic woes. For her I acted as something of a companion as opposed to governess, after all she was eighteen. She suffered from the same worries as Henriette once had, to some extent at least. Her mother, we were all perfectly aware wanted her to marry the rich and powerful Mr Randal, close friend of none other than the Marquess of Gower – which certainly impressed the mother a great deal more than the daughter. . Eleanor was in love with her cousin, the relatively impoverished parish priest Mr Andrew Bagot, her aunt and uncles youngest son. Mrs Llewellyn had long opposed the match, Isabella once informed me it was, “For as long as she could no longer deny that an attachment existed.” Even now when Mrs Llewellyn could not deny their affection for one another she did everything in her power to prevent it.

Eleanor chose to confide in me, though after I had heard what she had to say I wished that she had not, “Andrew and I are secretly engaged.” She whispered to me in a hushed voice one afternoon while we were out walking.

“Secretly!” I screeched, “engaged?” I added in a more hushed tone, Harriet and Nancy turned to look at us.

“Yes, I know it is very wrong, but he became so despondent when Mamma was so vocal in her refusal that I agreed, so he would know that I was committed to him.” She explained, her tone still hushed.

“When was this?”

“About six months ago, I am sure it is all that Andrew has lived on for this past month, with Mamma trying so hard to push me to divert my attentions in favour of Mr Randal, I know that she is only looking out for my best interests, given that I do not have a great dowry she feels it is best that I marry well, but if one of the others were to marry well too then I am certain that she would be more willing to allow me to marry Andrew instead, after all Aunt and Uncle Bagot are quite in favour of the match.”

“You promise you shall not reveal this to a soul, I have not told anyone of it, not even Belle.”

She looked at me expectantly; I was deep in thought and almost forgot to give her an answer, “You must promise that you will not tell a soul.”

“You have my word.” I vowed gravely.

Though I wished that she had not told me the truth of her relationship with Mr Bagot only a few minutes later a plan was forming in my mind as to just how I could help the poor couple. After all did I know what it was to suffer in the name of love? The least I could do was to try and help them, besides it was not matchmaking as such and it all ended very nicely for everyone concerned, at least I thought that it did.

Isabella had been observing us carefully for the last minute or two and now cautiously made her way over towards us, before she had been speaking with her other three sisters. “Miss Lizzy” Isabella began tentatively.

“Yes Belle.”

“Are you happy here?”

“Why yes of course I am.” I looked at her curiously, perhaps the graveness of my countenance only seconds earlier had led her to believe this, “Why would you think I am not, I am very grateful to your parents for offering me the position.”

“I did not ask if you were grateful, I wanted to know if you were happy, because sometimes I do not think you are.” She was too sharp for her own good that one.

“Belle!” Eleanor sounded scandalized by her sister’s question.

“Oh Nora, you are so silly sometimes I was just asking, you are all together too proper. Be careful or you shall turn into the Marquess.” She laughed, yes even after a year the young man was still in her bad books.

“You are too harsh on the Marquess, Belle. I assure you he was just not in good humour when you and he were introduced.” Eleanor attempted to explain away his behaviour.

“That is a reply only you could make and one you have repeated constantly yet I see no evidence to the contrary, if he was in such bad humour then he ought not to have attended Aunt Bagot’s dinner.” She plucked a few of the autumn leaves off the ground, “But Miss Lizzy, truly you seem unhappy.”

“I am not unhappy, it is just…” I trailed off.

“Laura thinks that you have been jilted.”

“Belle!”

“Well I think she might have been crossed in love too, it makes no sense why you should be a governess when you are so pretty and your two other sisters are married.”

“Perhaps Elizabeth does not want to marry anyone.” Eleanor cut in.

“And that is very admirable, why I shall only marry for love. But it does not explain why she sometimes looks so miserable.”

“If the Marquess thought you a silly young girl it is no wonder Isabella for at this moment you are acting ridiculously.” I spoke too sharply not amused by her impetuosity in this particular instant.

“I beg your pardon.”

“Perhaps,” I said with a teasing lilt, “it is the positively horrible children that are left in my care daily.” Isabella screwed up her face and stuck out her tongue at me playfully, then turned around and stuck her nose in the air, unfortunately she slipped on a patch of muddy grass and caught hold of my ankle on the way down only to pull me off the rock I had been precariously perched on to read the letters. Eleanor gasped in horror but the other children caught sight of us and began to laugh hysterically and even though we were sitting on top of the cold wet ground there was certainly a good deal of humour in the situation, neither of us minded.

“Miss Isabella,” A voice out of nowhere suddenly addressed the young girl at my side, “Allow me to assist you.” She looked up to find the Marquess of Gower standing above her smiling down. Isabella gave him a fierce look in the eye and pushed herself to her feet perversely.

“My Lord.” Her voice was decidedly chilly as she dropped him a deep curtsey; he looked back at her with apparent confusion and failed to even offer to help the governess to her feet, not that I minded particularly something told me that had it been anyone other than Isabella he would have. You see I was certainly becoming more adept at discovering concealed admiration.

“I did not know that you walked out this way, it is a favourite of mine.”

“It is a favourite of Miss Lizzy’s too, she brings us here. But surely this is a little far for you to walk, would you not prefer somewhere on the other side of the island?” There was a dangerous edge in her voice that was evidently warning him, perhaps she had seen him here before.

“I rode,” he pointed to his horse, tied up some ten feet away, “My stallion prefers the landscape here and I must say that I appreciate the view enormously.”

“You must be careful,” She said with an arch sweetness, “the land here is so uneven you horse may throw you.”

“Then I promise to be more careful in future.” He said gallantly.

Isabella raised an eyebrow and inclined her head ever so slightly, “Miss Lizzy may we go back now it is cold.”

“Let me accompany you, I have been meaning to have a word with your father and I dare not put it off any longer.” He pounced with his suggestion before any other acquiescence could even be attempted. Isabella looked uninterested and possibly a little angered and ignoring the arm he offered her stalked off, quickly masking his confusion he turned to Eleanor with a smile.

When I managed to catch Isabella up she was still muttering heatedly about that wretched man who was constantly disturbing her walks, “Anyone would think I was one of those stupid deer he stalks.”

“Belle…” I said warningly, I had an inkling as to where her relationship with the Marquess of Gower was heading, it was clear he had feelings for her, and it was equally clear that she disliked him.

“Oh do not say that he is not as bad as I think. He is the most infuriating man and I wish he would leave me in peace instead of questioning me all the time and making me doubt myself! He is arrogant.”

“My you certainly have a very decided opinion of the man and yet you have known him no longer than six weeks.”

She scowled at me, “You sound very like Nora, I would have expected you to take my side.” Isabella was still a very young girl in so many respects, only just sixteen in fact.

“What exactly is it about him that you dislike so intensely?”

“He… he… he….”

“He did not partner you at cards on evening.” I finished the sentence for her with a smile.

“And he … he…” She looked confused and there was a flash of repentance in her eyes.

“You hold his one action against him, you accuse him of arrogance for that one action, come Belle it is hardly fair is it. Eleanor likes him well enough you see.” We stopped briefly and turned to watch the rest of the party who were walking sedately at some great distance from us, with apparent serenity; Eleanor and Nancy on his arms and the two younger ones skipping along behind them occasionally being involved in the conversation of the others – he treated them all amiably and equally not refusing to talk to the three younger girls just because they were not out and it was not proper. Laura and Harriet would hardly let such an inconsequential thing as that prevent them in any case, but even Nancy had warmed to him. “On the few occasions I have met with the Marquess of Gower he has always been perfectly civil to me, he is a respectable man and I fail to see what you hold against him.”

“How can you say that?” She demanded stubbornly, “To my knowledge you have only met him twice.”

“And you only twice more Isabella. I will admit that he is not the most open men but that hardly makes him arrogant.”

“Yes…” She looked at me curiously.

“Come, let me tell you something I have learnt of great importance. It does not do to form an impression of someone so quickly, you are often mistaken. You have held that one evening against him despite your subsequent meeting of him and I do not think on any of those occasion he has done anything that should excite your scorn, has he? You should not hold that one refusal against him. He was, it cannot be denied, wrong to refuse to partner you at cards, but you treatment of him has been equally at fault.

“I once knew a young lady, she was so very like you she met a young man who refused to dance with her and she treated him just as you are treating the Marquess now. The gentleman regretted his assessment of this young girl and soon proposed to her, she was terrible to him wanted nothing to do with him. Only then it turned out that he was not as very bad as she thought him to be.” I continued quietly in a wistful voice, Isabella attention was averted on me curiously, I suppose now she knew, knew that in a sense yes I had been jilted.

“What happened?” She asked timidly.

“Well it certainly was not the happiest of endings.” I may as well tell her everything, after all she would never want to end up like me, being a governess to a houseful of rambunctious children. “But, I am certain that if you chose to act more sensibly then it will not happen to you either.”

“I do not think the Marquess is in love with me.”

“No he has not known you for long enough.” I agreed.

“But, I mean he always seems so cold when he speaks to me, he is so polite and formal it is as if…”

“He does not know what to say to you, but I am certain that if you were more amiable with him then he would be more congenial.”

Isabella did not say anything, she never would admit when she was in the wrong, but I took her lack of response as a pleasing sign since she had no further changes to lie at his door. Her pace even slowed down so that eventually they managed to catch us up and we walked together in a friendly manner. I called off Eleanor’s attention to examine some botanical specimen (a hobby of hers) whose presence I was surprised by and as a result the Marquess offered his spare arm to Isabella who this time did not refuse but accepted with a gracious smile which seemed to make the young mans day.

It was ironic I though that I was able to see how to alter the path of their relationship so that it worked out for the best for them. Any difficulties for them had been overcome – well one could hope it would. See my time had not been wasted at all!

Colonel Llewellyn ventured out of his study to greet us, curious as to the excitable sounds that he claimed could have been heard over the other side of the Island. The girls excitably informed him of how they had been attacked by the seagulls but remained unscathed. “Miss Bennet, one day you must enlighten me as to how you felt when you realized that you had been adopted by this madhouse, now girls upstairs, the Marquess wants a word.”

Isabella’s feelings towards the Marquess changed drastically after that day. That is not to say that she was instantly in love with him. But as a result of our talk – I think- she was more willing to be friendly towards him, and as a result he was more comfortable when he tried to talk to her, by the time I was ready to leave at Christmas they had developed a very good friendship, Mrs Llewellyn’s eyes had lighted up at the very thought of a match with the Marquess and suddenly she was not only all politeness to the great man but also young Andrew Bagot, after all even she was reasonable enough to realize that to find two such young men for her daughters was really beyond expectations and she was also finally beginning to admit defeat in her attempts to stop the marriage of Eleanor and Andrew from going ahead anyway. Though she was not quite ready to give up either.

The Thursfield family arrived on the doorstep of Crescocartref House on the seventh of December. Mrs Llewellyn hurriedly bustled them all in out of the wind and rain, into a sitting room, Kitty hugged me tightly, tears in her eyes. She proudly presented young Samuel to my attention, he was a beautiful baby and his parents pride and joy he was handed over to hold. He was sleeping contently and looked a like an angel, “You must remember this young lady too. Rachel?” She took hold of the young girl’s hand, “Do you remember who this is?” The sweet little girl clung to Kitty’s skirts nodded and hid behind her mother.

“She is not normally this shy.” Mr Thursfield explained with a grin. My heart sank.

“Come Rachel say hello to your Aunt Elizabeth.” Kitty passed the little girls hand over to me, kneeling down to her level she managed to whisper a greeting to me but recoiled behind Kitty’s skirts when I attempted to give her a hug, she did not remember me but it was silly to expect and eighteen month old to remember who I was.

We did not stay long at Cresocartref House, only long enough for Mrs Llewellyn to hand around refreshments and for the girls to come and meet my family, they were in high spirits it being the first day of their Christmas holidays and I would not be back until after Epiphany. Mrs Llewellyn was in high spirits because the Marquess of Gower had promised to attend a dinner that very evening and I was in high spirits because I was eager for the holiday and the opportunity to see my family again, it had seemed far too long although it was only a matter of months.

The journey was tedious; it was cold and raining the whole time and quite a long trip too. Though it gave me a chance to catch up with Kitty and allowed her to tell me all the gossip from Somerset which Kitty and Henriette had previously not written off. The two of them had become relatively good friends. Henriette had no doubt been putting ideas in Kitty’s head about a few things. She had given Kitty a letter to give to me too; it was a full package, informing me chiefly, that since I was not at Millwood Cottage with the Thursfield this Christmas that she expected a visit in the New Year, would Easter be convenient? She also stowed away another letter inside it. She had, she informed me, pilfered the letter from her brother and thought I would like to hear a direct account from the girls of how they were getting along.

Miss Pamela Grey’s Select Seminary, Queen’s Square, London
October 28th 1814

Dear Uncle Tyndale,

Roberta and I liked your last letter a lot and are happy to hear that you, Aunt Featherstone and Grandmamma are still well. We are too and are very happy here only Roberta says that she does not like the lessons as much as Miss Bennet’s because she says that Miss Grey is too strict and not at all funny.

But we like it here, there are lots of little girls here to play with and Octavia and Euphemia Fluyder have even asked us if we would like to come to tea with their Aunt one day. Did you know that their older brother was at the same school as Thomas? A lot of them do not have a Mother or Father either, is that why children get sent to school because there is nobody to take care of them?

Aunt Newlyn sent us a letter last week and she says that we may go and stay with her for Christmas if we like? May we for we will be able to play with our Cousin Fairclough if we do and he has such larks. But we would also like to go to Featherstone House and Christmas Holidays are only four weeks and I do not think we can see all those people and you in such a little time.

Miss Grey says that I am getting better at my French verbs and she is also very pleased with Roberta’s progress on the pianoforte. Do you know that nearly every girl at the school can play it? Is it not dull? I want to learn to play the harp instead. Can I please, just like Aunt Darcy does?

We have a new girl at school. Nobody likes her, because her father is in trade. Roberta says that we should be kind to her for she must be very lonely, but I do not think that we should. Octavia and Euphemia say that their Mamma says that people in trade think far too highly of themselves. Emma Johnson has very tiny feet though which I think should be admired but Octavia says that a very good slipper is all that is needed. So I do not think that I think very much of her after all.

Roberta says that I must tell you how much we miss you all, even the servants, is she not a goose? You must also tell Miss Bennet that we miss her if you see her again. Do you think that she will stay with her sister Mrs Thursfield at Christmas again? If she does then we want to stay with you instead of Aunt Newlyn.

Yours sincerely

Priscilla and Roberta Sutton

I laughed as I read it; clearly Priscilla had composed that little piece, there were times when she sounded like her mother, which while in one sense was very nice, it seemed to be the rather unpleasant facet of Lady Arabella, though perhaps it was the influence of these new friends of hers. Octavia and Euphemia? Roberta clearly was not as happy and settled as her older sister either; her evident empathy with Emma Johnson was enough to account for this instinctual feeling. Sometimes I wish I could go back to teaching them, I think they missed me as much as I missed them, but perhaps not. Once more I thought about why they had been sent away to school. Was it because it was strange for them to be living with single men who were not their fathers? Was it because Lord Tyndale wanted me gone, was he angered by my refusal? Or perhaps it had all been Mr Darcy’s doing?

Eventually we arrived at Jane’s new home, Ashton Magna, it was a Tudor building, an old manor house, and one of the first stone built ones it was surrounded by a moat, the house was not huge, but it was a very good size, the landscaping was pretty too, it was strange but for once the owners of the house had not been bogged down by fashion and had left them in their original Tudor design, a geometrical and very formal knot garden and orchards planted with roses, lilies, pinks, cowslips, marigolds, violets and primroses. Jane and Mr Bingley were standing in the doorway bundled up warmly shivering in the bitter wind which was raging. “Come inside, all of you, it is freezing out here and Mrs Cotton has warm refreshments for you all in the sitting room.”

Despite the chill, I remember feeling warm, it had become quite stuffy in the carriage that afternoon and having been trapped inside for a week I felt a desperate need to be outside, my head was beginning to pound, I lingered at the door for a few seconds, “Lizzy dear, come inside.”

“No Jane in a moment I am just going to take a walk.” I knew I should not be so impolite as to desert my sister as soon as I arrived in her home. There was a twinge of guilt particularly when I saw the disappointment in her eyes.

She frowned slightly, “I think it is going to rain.” She did not try to change my mind.

“That is no matter, it always rains.” Jane laughed lightly at my comment.

“It did not on the continent. Very well then Lizzy, but promise me you will not go too far.”

There was a dovecote to the left of the driveway, but when I investigated there were no birds inside the building, I crossed over the driveway, towards the lake or pond, it was by the stables, just as I neared the weather broke and it started to rain torrentially but as I turned and ran for shelter I thought that I caught sight of a team of horses that was not ours, not sparing it a second thought I dashed towards the house running as fast as possible, back to my family. The butler was at the door and footmen came out to meet me holding an umbrella over my head, he looked at me a little strangely when I asked him where Mrs Bingley could be found but grudgingly directed me to the sitting room. I opened the door and peaked inside. Needless to say everyone was quite shocked.

Chapter 17

Posted on Friday, 13 January 2006

The drenching earned me several days in bed. It is possible that I was in a sense glad for this though as I suddenly became reticent to journey downstairs. The apothecary had to be called to attend me, it was only a slight soar throat and headache however nothing that a few days in bed and a couple of draughts from the physician could not solve. While it was by no means life threatening Jane would not allow me downstairs until my temperature had quite abated, and the apothecary had ensured her that there was absolutely no danger. Sometimes I was restless and other times I was far more content to lie in bed and rest. My sisters came to see me every hour at the very least if one of them could not attend to me. I was not an easy patient since I did not enjoy being fussed over. Kitty, not the most patient of creatures, became quite irritable with me on occasions. Jane on the other hand was more sympathetic to my plight though she wanted me to rest all the time, “Lizzy dearest please I am certain you shall be able to go downstairs in a day or two, in the mean time you will have to stay in bed though.” She told me after I had thrown my covers off.

“But Jane it is so hot in here.”

“Of course it is Mr Quentin says that you have a fever and we must keep you warm.” She said coaxingly as she tried to wrestle the covers back over me.

“If it becomes any warmer I shall start having hallucinations, please can you just open the window and let in some fresh air, it is too stuffy.”

“Fresh air is what started all this, but if you do as Mr Quentin says then you may come downstairs in a few days, I know you would much rather be downstairs.” She had succeeded with the covers, to the extent where I was unable to move and was calmly stroking my forehead.

“I do not want to go downstairs.” I replied crossly, thinking about what she had done, “I just want some fresh air; it feels like I am suffocating.”

“Really Lizzy you always did exaggerate so.” She chuckled softly.

“Jane, why … why did you not tell me?” My eyes where beginning to drift closed sleepily.

“Tell you what Lizzy?” That was the last thing I remember her saying to me, I made no reply and was soon fast asleep.

Kitty had much to tell me, she was not insistent that I sleep all the time and did not require me to talk either, she had a great deal of that to do herself still. “Lord Tyndale has been quite miserable for sometime now. You know how I used to tease you about him well I do believe that he has taken quite a fancy to Miss Darcy, Hetty seems to think so too.” Since August Henriette and Kitty had become close friends, they were a similar age and Henriette had needed someone to speak to during her bereavement, they had both lost sisters, though in different circumstances and Henriette had had no one else to talk to who understood so well as Kitty although Mrs Blythe would have been another option. I was glad for them particularly given the lack of other young women in the area. “Hetty has a lot of interesting things to say you know Lizzy.” She looked at me sideways.

“So I see.” I knew exactly what she meant; Henriette was too perceptive for her own good. That was why certain things had not been revealed, something to do with Henriette and Kitty’s conversations and now Jane knew too, though what exactly they knew I have no idea. Henriette would be receiving a letter in due course.

“You told her of Mr Darcy’s proposal that surprises me a great deal. Surely it was not very prudent of you Lizzy.”

“It was more a case of her find it out that being told.” My sowing was put aside, it made my headache anyway, “Why were you and Hetty discussing it anyway.”

Kitty shrugged nonchalantly, “Oh you know.” She said vaguely. I would have questioned her further but at that moment a maid knocked on the door to tell her that Samuel was fussing.

Of course it was not like I needed to know why they were discussing it, it was fairly obvious there had been some kind of conspiracy which they had somehow managed to involve Jane it too. Still Jane never questioned anyone’s motives, but I could not believe that they had done this too me again I thought back with a great deal of mortification to three days previously when I returned to the house after getting caught in the freezing rainstorm which had landed me in my current predicament. Dying of shame seemed a very distinct possibility, though likely I would get over it in time, I actually pulled the sheets over the top of my head in shame as I recalled what had occurred.

Who was more surprised by the tableau in the sitting room is something of a mystery. I had pushed open the door in front of the footman who had accompanied me, “I would have someone come and take a look at your room Bingley, it seems to have a bow in it and these Tudor roofs tend not to be so strong.” A voice that I recognized so well said. I stopped dead in my tracks in sheer surprise, my mouth dropped open. I was not the only member of the room who was shocked though only Kitty and Jane were not. Mr Bingley seemed slightly shocked, by my appearance I think, Mr Thursfield was too although after only a second he averted his eyes to look in another direction totally, his gaze alternating between staring at me, who was dripping wet and the two other inhabitants of the room. “Lizzy, this is a surprise my brother never told me that you would be present.” She stepped forwards and took my hands in hers smiling warmly.

“Georgiana!” I still could not quite believe my eyes even as I leaned forward to kiss her on the check, all the time watching over the top of her shoulder at the person standing behind her, “It seems our siblings’ have been quite remiss for Jane did not tell me anyone but family was expected either. Still it is a most pleasant surprise to see you again.” I turned and sent a puzzled look to Jane, what was going on?

“Indeed Miss Bennet, Bingley informed me repeatedly that he was sorry to say that you were staying in Wales.” He addressed me with a bow, I blushed at his notice, wishing at every moment that I could be sucked into the ground, this was too mortifying for words.

“Oh… I… excuse me.” I finally managed to stutter before bolting out of the room shutting the door hastily behind me and leaning against the wall. I looked down at my clothing, my pelisse had been open while I was outside and the blue muslin gown underneath was plastered to my body and had turned practically see through. What must he have thought of me? Did he think anything of me at all? What on earth had Jane and Kitty been playing at; no doubt Henriette knew something about what was going on too. In fact I would almost be willing to bet that everyone but the three of us had been aware of what was going on. How could I possibly face Mr Darcy again after that display? As it happened I was spared at least for a short while, after a bath and a quick nap I felt dreadful and had to send excuses downstairs.

It was all quite simple once I thought about it, based on the information Kitty had unwittingly supplied me with. Henriette had known for quite sometime of my affection for Mr Darcy, that I was sure of, in fact she was probably aware of it a long time before that day in his library when he practically demanded that I marry Lord Tyndale, though it was never something that we had openly discussed with one another. After refusing her brother she never pressed the matter or tried to persuade me to change my mind and this was probably because she realized that it was a useless cause. And now she had taken up another scheme of matchmaking instead and had set about with this plan instead.

Evidently Henriette had revealed her suspicions to Kitty though just how far those suspicions went I had yet to completely establish. However, she was clearly guessing as to what Mr Darcy’s feelings were too, they had discussed his ill fated proposal, I would have though better of them that to do such a thing but that was too late now. And jumped to conclusions about what should be done. They must have decided that we needed a push in the right direction and they had involved Jane in their plan, how much she knew was a little hazier but it must have been a fair amount.

They had succeeded in persuading Jane to invite me up for the holidays without telling me of the other guests that were expected and Kitty had ensured that there was no room for refusal by telling me that she was collecting me. Furthermore they had managed to sway Jane into involving Bingley who had invited Mr Darcy without informing him of my presence. This was of course the major flaw in their plan, they clearly remained in some doubt of his affection for me. If they did not, then they would have at least been more forthcoming with him about my presence, they thought he would refuse to attend if he knew I was going to be there otherwise they would have at least told him.

Really when you thought about it their conjectures were not unreasonable. After all had he not been the one who had packed me off to Anglesey without even a proper goodbye? Frequently I had tried to convince myself that it was because he was upset by our parting, I know that I was, but that was nothing more than a fantasy. The same as the one where I dreamed he would come and rescue me from Anglesey with a proposal of marriage, well at least ever since mid November when he had come out of mourning for Lady Arabella. Yet it was pure fantasy and presumption on my part.

Once again my thoughts returned to his leave taking, or lack there of, why had he not even bothered to say goodbye? Did he not care at all?

That I knew to be at least partly untrue, there had been a day when I had visited Colonel Llewellyn’s office and the housekeeper had wished to speak to him for a moment during our interview, he had left a correspondent on the desk, one which had seemed to amuse him greatly when I first entered the room. It was not so great a temptation to me, for it was well known that it was not proper to read other people’s post when they did not invite you to. Was it not for the writing catching my eye I should not have either. That hand would have been recognizable anywhere. It was from him. I scanned the letter briefly, it said very little of importance only the usual pleasantries, the penultimate paragraph was more interesting however. “Do you find Miss Bennet as pleasing as you did in your last letter?” He wrote, “The children were always very fond of her we all miss her a good deal, they inform me of this when they write. She is a charming young lady is she not?” If nothing else this was an indication that at least he had succeeded in keeping track of me by proxy, even if he was avoiding my presence. Surely the Colonel and Darcy were not that frequent in their correspondence; their connection was distant to say the least.

But still there was confusion; it seemed unlikely that he would remain while I was here. If my sisters and Henriette and Bingley had not even bothered to say that I was to attend Christmas – had they specifically told him that I would not? – then they to must have been in doubt of his feelings, known that he would not attend if I was there, or at the very least thought that he would not be happy and try to get out of it. Therefore, if they were in doubt then it must be a hopeless case indeed and I looked a little stupid for now they knew of my unrequited love.

He had not left yet, that I was certain of. Georgiana had come to see me after passing a few days abed with nobody but Jane or Kitty for company. She seemed different, less timid, not self assured or confident even but more willing to try and be more assertive at the least. What had provoked this change in her was something of a mystery. She knocked and without even waiting for a reply popped her head around the door, her curls bounced noticeably, even they seemed to have more assured of themselves. “How do you feel Lizzy?”

“I am fine.” I replied with a cheerfulness that I did not posses, “And you?”

She did not answer just smiled radiantly then added, “I have brought you a book to read, Mrs Bingley said that your head was too painful and that reading hurt your eyes but perhaps you would not object to having it read out loud.” She stated, did not even ask, as she handed the book over for my inspection.

“Discipline! Oh I have wanted to read this for sometime now. You must read it for me, but first tell me how you are, I did not really have time for conversation the other day when you arrived.”

“Oh Lizzy I am well, more than well?”

“That much is evident,” I sat up in my bed clutching a pillow to my chest eyes wide in interest, “but pray tell why you are so very well?”
She wriggled a little and blushed, “Well promise me that you will not think poorly of me?” That she need not even have asked, “And you must know that it is really only conjecture on my part but well… Lord Tyndale…”

“Has he proposed?”

“No, no, not yet but I really do believe that he might do so soon, though I am not certain when I shall see him next…”

For shy and uncertain Georgiana to be this certain, this willing to confess that much then she really must have had very good reason to think thus, for she was never ever convinced of anything about herself. “Then you must have with held a great deal in your letters, you must tell what has really been happening? Has he given you any assurance?”

“Well no not yet, I just said that,” She looked downcast for a second, “But he assures me when we took leave of Featherstone House that he would come and visit us at Pemberley just as soon as he could.”

“That sounds as if it is at least some little assurance to me.”

“I suppose you are right. Well you must know that we stayed till October at Featherstone House and while we were there it was very odd. Henriette she has been very upset and at first I though she was avoiding me and she kept going to visit Mrs Thursfield and sneaking off without me. Then Fitzwilliam well, we hardly saw anything of him, after you left he seemed to withdraw even more I told him it was not polite but I did not like to press the matter too hard, for I thought that perhaps he was upset about Lady Arabella, even though you and I both know that they did not hold one another in affection. I felt quite alone and it upset me just a little bit, and of course I did not care to tell anyone for it seemed selfish after what had happened that I would even think to demand their attention.”

“You did not even write to me of it.”

“One afternoon I took a walk in the gardens and he was walking out at the same time, he offered to walk with me, I think more out of politeness than anything else I felt very awkward and neither of us spoke he is a quiet man as you know. But after that it seemed that we would meet almost everyday by chance until such a time as he would come and seek me out in the Music Room and ask me if I would be walking that day. As I said we hardly spoke at first, I was content with his company though. The half an hours walking stopped me feeling so lonely even if it was the only human contact I had all day. Sometimes we would talk but other times he would remain silent.

“At first he spoke about you a lot he seemed sorry that you had been sent away. Often he sounded wistful and a little remorseful. I asked him about it one day, I do not know when I have ever been so brave before or that it shall ever occur again, ‘I sent her away.’ Is what he told me, I was so stunned,

‘Why?’ I asked him.

‘Because I was upset with her, I allowed my own petty bitterness to rule over my decisions.’

‘What on earth do you mean my Lord?’

‘I should not speak of it to you.’

“That is when I realized what he meant. He was referring to his proposal to you Lizzy, after all that had to be the only real thing that he could not share with me, so I asked him if that is what he meant.

‘Of course it is what I meant. I was so angered and distraught by her refusal – I had thought she would not receive she was always so engaging – you know when she said she would not marry me I was so shocked that I dropped Arabella’s favourite vase, it is a good thing she never knew. You must think me very proud Miss Darcy.’

‘No not at all my Lord, we all expected Lizzy to agree.’ I hope you do not mind me telling him this Lizzy for I think everyone but you knew of Lord Tyndale’s intentions weeks and weeks in advance and we had all assumed that you would say yes for you and he seemed to get on so well.

‘I too Miss Darcy, she is such an engaging creature, I should not be telling you of this.’

“And then Lizzy I did another brave thing, I told Henriette of it later and she laughed and said that perhaps someone had slipped brandy in my tea and that is what had made me so forward, I told him that it would help him to tell me of it.

‘I was angry and embarrassed by her refusal as I have said and I wanted nothing more than to be out of her sight, I am a coward you see,’ He laughed here though not in a self-deprecating manner, ‘So when we were forced to make a decision about the children’s future I was quick to suggest that we send them to school knowing that you were likely to stay in Somerset for some months longer, my mother had invited you to Featherstone already and your brother was still dealing with matters at Allcotte too. It was very selfish and I could not bare the thought of having her so close all the time. There was another matter too for we had not decided what would happen to their children, your brother is not their father so really they should have had to remain with me.

‘Sending my nieces and nephew to school and Miss Bennet to another family was an obvious action. Darcy of course fought against it he said that Thomas was too young and it was not inconceivable that a bachelor would keep children who were not his own instead of sending them to school. I won out in the end but he insisted on finding the position for her himself and said we were not to mention it until everything was settled, he did not even doubt that Miss Bennet would accept another position.’

“Lizzy, I felt so sorry for him, his hopes were truly disappointed and he at least repented his actions in sending you away, he had had a letter from Roberta that morning too, just her not Priscilla saying how unhappy she was at the school it made it worse for he was so wracked with guilt.”

“Georgiana, wracked with guilt!” I laughed in amazement at her phrasing, “What he did hardly constituted a major crime, I will admit to being shocked by the decision but I cannot fault him for what he did.” After all last November when I arrived to teach the Sutton children I was absolutely convinced that Mr Darcy would send me away, it was not a completely unreasonable action for Lord Tyndale to undertake, even though at the time I had despised Mr Darcy and though him to be proud it was likely even the most reasonable man would do so, probably even Mr Bingley’s easy going nature would have been taxed by such a mortification.

What Georgiana had to say was undeniably interesting. So it was not Darcy who had demanded that the children be sent to school, yet that had been my assumption. It promised a little more hope for the future that he did not wish me gone completely and since Georgiana was still here it was unlikely he had gone too, for even with her new found confidence – the old Georgiana would never have presumed to tell me such a thing – she would not wish to impose on a family party alone.

“Well that is exactly what I told him, not quite in those words of course, but I was sympathetic towards him and made him realise he had not been completely unreasonable.”

“So what else did you discuss, for it cannot have been me all the time or you would not be so certain of his intention of declaring himself to you?”

“I was just getting to that part, Elizabeth you are so impatient sometimes.” She gave me a regal glare, the sort she would never dare to give in company, “As I was saying, after that conversation became so easy and we talked about everything anything that came into our minds, books, politics….”

“The state of the road, the weather.” She laughed at the tease. “Georgiana you must be more specific than that.”

She blushed then in embarrassment, “You shall not think it much undoubtedly, it is very silly really,” Clearly she was doubtful of her self worth again, or embarrassed.

“Come Georgiana tell me.”

“You promise that you shall not laugh at me.” After heartily ensuring her that I would never do such a thing to her she took a deep breath, “It is such a little thing really, other than his promise of calling there has been no other indication but one day he said that when I was living at Featherstone House I would become more intimately acquainted with the gardens and the music room, it was nothing really you see it could have been a slip of the tongue maybe he meant to say it in the present tense because really I was living at Featherstone almost already.”

No, this was a clear enough indication of his intentions and it was not a complete presumption on his part, Georgiana’s behaviour towards him must have been very different for them to have had such flowing conversations – they were two fairly reserved characters not inclined to great and lengthy conversations usually – he had received encouragement from her and equally she had left with promise from him and he did not seem the sort of man who would intentionally go around breaking young girls hearts nor the sort of man who did not honour his promises and he had promised to visit at Pemberley soon. I remembered another conversation, “Mr Darcy what a surprise I did not expect to see you again.” I had said with some vexation as once again he appeared in the grove at Rosings I favoured.

“Miss Bennet,” He bowed to me stiffly, “I trust you are well?”

“Certainly sir.”

“And Mr and Mrs Collins are they in good health too.”

“Yes sir.”

After a pause he added, “I trust Miss Lucas is in spirits too this morning.” He was struggling for something to say.

“Certainly sir, she has a healthy constitution and are the inhabitants of Rosings all well today?” This truly was the most stilted and difficult of conversations. He acknowledged that they were all in excellent health, even Miss de Bourgh, then stood there for a few seconds not knowing quite what he should do next. If I had felt a little comradeship then I would have taken pity on him, but as it was that was not the case. “Do you intend to walk this way?”

I struggled not to roll my eyes, what did he think that I was doing? Instead I replied in the affirmative, “As you know this place is a favourite of mine.” I repeated for what felt like the thousandth time.

“Then let us take this way together then.” He offered an arm, it would have been rude to refuse him after a few minutes pause resumed his strained conversation, “So this grove is a favourite walk of yours Miss Bennet, it is indeed a beautiful place. Do you prefer it to the small coppice by the larger maze then?”

“My rambles have never taken me that far sir; it is quite some distance from Hunsford Cottage.”

“You are correct of course it would be silly to think you regularly walked so far. But perhaps when you are a guest at Rosings next time you visit Kent you will be able to walk that far.”

At the time this comment had been puzzling to say the least, why would I ever be a guest at Rosings? Perhaps he referred to Colonel Fitzwilliam, but that was a discomforting thought. Now I was a little wiser, this had been practically an open confession of his intentions towards me. I would be the guest of Lady Catherine when I was the wife of Mr Darcy. Similarly Lord Tyndale’s confession of Georgiana living at Featherstone manner was a slip as to his intentions towards her. She would live at Featherstone House when she was the wife of Lord Tyndale. It was pretty simple really. “I am very pleased for you Georgiana.” Was the simple statement made to convey my confidence in her assertions.

“You really think…”

“Yes I really do.” She lent over to embrace me, “Now about that book you were going to read to me.”

She opened the first page and began continuing for some time until Jane came in and informed her that I needed my rest but that she could come back tomorrow to continue with the story. Georgiana obliged willingly only for a moment expressing her fear that she had over exerted me and she was sorry for it, she expressed her hope that we should be allowed to continue tomorrow and headed for the door, only when she reached the handle did she turn back around again, with another blush, “I almost forgot, how very silly of me. Fitzwilliam says that he hopes you return to health soon.” The she ducked out the door before there was any opportunity for a reply to be made.

The following day she returned and offered to read, my head was feeling a little better however and instead for half an hour I read the book, Kitty came in half way through shook her head, “I shall not even try and argue with you Lizzy dear, you are as stubborn as a mule.” then sat down to listen to the story only occasionally stopping us to make some query about the plot.

It was the same day that the Gardiner’s arrived, Uncle Gardiner’s business in Town having finally been concluded to his satisfaction. Aunt Gardiner came to see me though I was not permitted to be introduced to the baby and nor were their other children permitted to visit the sick room. “Lizzy I do not know why you persist in leading that life you have chosen, for the life of me I cannot understand it your Uncle and I would be most pleased if you would live with us at Gracechurch Street.” She looked a little tired herself.

“But Aunt Gardiner she will not have it, Jonathan and I have told her repeatedly that she is quite welcome at Millwood Parsonage but she will not have it.”

“And,” added Jane, “Bingley and I have offered to have her live with us too.”

“Why do you prefer living with strangers that the rest of us do not even know to your own family, Lizzy?” Kitty demanded.

“I have told you before repeatedly Kitty it is not your job to provide charity for me when you have your own family to take care of.”

“We live perfectly within our means you know. Jane and Mr Bingley have much more again.”

“Kitty!”

“Well it is true, I am only stating a fact.”

“And so am I, Kitty, Jane, Aunt however many times you try to persuade me it shall only make me more determined to stick to my resolve, I will work for my keep not live off your charity.”

“Elizabeth Bennet you are too stubborn for your own good.” Aunt Gardiner chastised in her soft manner.

“Proud too, if I am not much mistaken.” Kitty grinned.

Next morning I felt greatly improved and on hearing some noise from the courtyard below rose from bed to see what the commotion was about. A horse was being brought to the front of the house, two horses no three horses, perhaps the gentlemen were going out, and perhaps there was a visitor. I should ask Jane later, or that very moment as it happened for she walked through the door, “Lizzy,” She groaned, “come away from the window, you will catch a chill.” I turned away from the window with a wide and hopefully endearing smile,

“But Jane dear I am feeling so much better shall you not allow me out of bed now? My temperature has gone and everything.” She felt my forehead and frowned slightly.

“Very well then Lizzy I shall admit that you are feeling at least a little improved however knowing you then you do not feel completely better yet, do you?”

“I do.”

“Very well if you eat everything today then we shall see how you feel again this evening and perhaps you shall be permitted to come downstairs for a little while, only if you go back to bed this instance though.” The sound of horses galloping across the cobbles signaled the departure of the riders.

“Jane you sound like my mother.”

“Perhaps I am just getting some practice in.” She stated matter-of-factly but blushing ever so slightly.

“Are you?”

“Yes, now back to bed.”

Jane seemed so much happier now, even that she had done on the eve of her wedding, what she had said that night had haunted me for sometime, she had accepted Mr Bingley even though she did not think he loved her, how could she even have thought such a thing? She must be more convinced of his feelings now, even in the short moments I had seen the pair of them together his affection for her did not seem to have waned. Jane had loved him when she accepted his proposal even though she doubted his sentiments; it was like she had told me months and months before that she would accept the first man who offered for her. It was a good thing it had been Bingley, was it not?

I was careful to obey Jane’s instructions that day, for I was ready to return downstairs again, ready to face Mr Darcy, for what Georgiana had told me gave me some hope at least; he had not wanted to send me away it had been Lord Tyndale’s doing. Surely that meant that he would not mind seeing me now. There was no reason for fear because he was evidently not completely opposed to my presence. So there was perhaps a chance that he might care a little bit. I hummed as I dressed that evening then made my way downstairs to the drawing room while I waited for the others to adjourn from their dinner.

Jane, Kitty, Aunt Gardiner and Georgiana were the first to enter and we chatted pleasantly until the gentlemen returned from their after dinner port. Mr Bingley was the first to enter his eyes went straight to where Jane was, he was followed by Mr Thursfield he happily joined his own wife and said he was glad to see me so improved. My Uncle followed and he seated himself next to Aunt Gardiner. I held my breath and waited keeping an eye on the door; finally he stepped through the threshold his eye’s darting around the room, pausing on me. I looked away with a blush, chastising myself for such a girlish action. He frowned but took the seat next to his sister, who was sharing a sofa with me. “Miss Bennet, it is lovely to see you downstairs again.”

Continued in Next Section