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Chapter 12

Posted on Tuesday, 1 November 2005,

Henriette, as I am sure that all her friends will be overjoyed to hear, did not accept Lord Meriden’s offer of matrimony. Along with Mr Darcy’s aid she told her sister, quite forcefully, “I should not marry him if I had two heads and he was the King of England!” Of course she was not as repulsed by Lord Meriden as this may imply, she was simply averse to marrying him. She was far more polite when refusing him in person, she liked and respected him too well for that, he was not surprised although disappointed by her refusal and they remained friends for several years until his death, it was he, in fact who introduced her to the gentleman that she finally took as her husband. Once the uncomfortable matter of courting was done away with their friendship bloomed and it was a rare occasion that you would not see the two with their heads together at some social gathering or another while they spoke and schemed away. Her refusal came as a surprise to the rest of the ton, particularly given their apparent intimacy afterwards but it brought plenty of other men bidding for a bride when her rejection became the knowledge of society.

She had been relieved by the respite of Lord Meriden’s uncomfortable visits and thoroughly disappointed by the flow of gentlemen that suddenly appeared upon the doorstep. Courting and calls from young gentlemen, she informed Georgiana and I was a most tedious affair and it would be so much easier if it did not happen. Georgiana agreed with her on that count. Throughout the season a number of young men had called upon Miss Darcy, who was not without her own attractions, but after two or three calls had finally departed disheartened at her introverted behaviour, with the exception of one young swain who had called on her determinedly twice a week and quoted poetry and also some sonnets of his own composition to her. It would have been funny had not poor Georgiana been mortified by it her red face was too much for me to bear and I could not help but feel some pity on her. It did away with any humour in the situation to see her, the most proper young lady of my acquaintance, wriggle and squirm in her chair.

Henriette found great enjoyment however, in tormenting the young men, particularly Georgiana’s Mr Shakespeare, who evidently thought that the art of writing sonnets was a hereditary talent. The bard must have been turning in his grave at such familial weakness. But I suspect that they were as connected to one another as chalk and cheese anyway. She mortified the poor man in front of a group of his peers after he walked into a room and handed Georgiana a rose exclaiming, “Thou art more lovely and more temperate that a rose.” And bowing with a flourish patronizingly added, “It comes from Romeo and Juliet.”

“No it does not.” Henriette put her hands on her hips and shook her head, “I think you will find that. One you are misquoting and two it comes from a sonnet besides.”

“I think you will find my lady that I am not mistaken.” He simpered.

“It does. Does it not Lizzy? It is a sonnet!”

The rest of the room was at this point listening with a great deal of interest and Mr Shakespeare continued to bumble away that it was he who was correct.

“I think Henriette is correct.” I supported my friend, and with a quick glance at Georgiana who was no longer blushing but had a glimmer of mirth in her eyes settled the argument:

“I am afraid I do not recall the rest.” That settled the argument quite nicely and it did not deter Georgiana’s admirer from calling again. However, do not assume that Georgiana was completely unsuccessful in matters of the heart, we already knew that she had privately ‘set her cap’ at someone, Henriette and I were just waiting for her to confide in us.

Anyone reading this will undoubtedly wonder at how we were allowed to treat these poor heedless young men in such a manner, though truthfully we were not usually as cruel as the aforementioned scene would imply. But as Henriette would say we must be given our share of the fun because young ladies were made to suffer fools as we had little say over who called and who did not. Our chaperone had been reduced to either Lady Newlyn or Lord Tyndale (it was he who let us behave so despite the fact that Henriette and Georgiana’s reputations were almost at risk he found it amusing) and during the children’s lunch hour I came downstairs too.

Lady Arabella had been quite distraught that she had been over ruled in the matter of Lord Meriden and in a ‘fit of nerves’ much like Mamma’s she took to her rooms with a cry of, “I do not know what is to become of you Henriette truly I do not!” and she had not come down since.

If I had paused to notice this behaviour more thoroughly I would have noticed that she passed a fortnight shut away, a far longer sojourn than any of my mother’s that I could recall. But time flies when you are having fun and the holiday that the household was seemingly receiving was enjoyed by everyone. I was busy in amongst my pleasure at Jane’s engagement, my lessons with the children and my other amusements. I think it was the same day when we finally all began to notice her absence from our day to day lives and the doctor was sent for by Mr Darcy, because she still would not leave her rooms, only Marie had seen her during this time.

It was the same day that I had a summons to the master’s study. Since our ‘encounter’ in the school room I had not seen him, he had kept away and the Sunday evening ritual of the children coming to the drawing room had been ignored. Equally I had been stubborn in my avoidance of him. I knew not what to think either of my own behaviour or his. The question still remained in my head though. What did it mean that I had kissed Mr Darcy? Never in my life had I kissed anyone before, I was as good and virtuous as it was possible to be…well perhaps that was an exaggeration. But I was not one to permit such behaviour. It was, I had concluded, just a mistake a spur of the moment accident which had not been thought through by me, coupled with the fact that at the time I was feeling a little neglected and uncared for and unneeded. I would not let it happen again. Maybe it was now time for us to discuss this matter.

Maybe he wanted me to leave; I had considered it many, many times. Perhaps it would be best for us all, I had wondered briefly if he still loved me, I could not tell, it was so difficult to judge the feelings of quiet people. But that could not be the case, why would he still love me now? I tried not to think too hard about it, but it was hard not to. Honestly I did not want to leave the household, even if Jane and Mr Bingley gave me the option I did not think that I could leave the children, they were practically ignored by other members of the household, other than Mr Darcy. A new governess may not be so fond of them spoilt as they were, who would take care of Bobbie when she was fretful because she had scraped her knee, or feel the same pride when Priscilla recited the principle rivers of Russia without taking a breath or when Thomas lost his first tooth. The other governess’ who I had met in the pleasure gardens in the square were nearly all sharp women; the children did not need another figure like that in their lives.

Outside his study I smooth my skirts while James knocked on the door and announced me. He stood up and motioned for me to take a seat, he remained standing himself, “Miss Bennet, you look like a summer’s day.” My head jerked upwards and he had the good sense to blush, “I beg your pardon, I simply meant that…your gown it is yellow.” He mumbled a little stupidly.

If he had seen me at anytime over the past fortnight he would have been fully aware that after the thirteenth of May I had shed my morning clothes finally and was now dressed in my far preferable pastel muslins once more, Priscilla was apparently very pleased to see me looking so pretty, this was what she had told me at least.

“I was told you wanted to see me.” My response was stiff. To be perfectly honest I was praying he was not going to dismiss me, given that he now thought me an unsuitable model for his children, given that he knew how wantonly I could behave.

“You are aware of course that the doctor made a call to the house early this morning.” The doctor? I breathed a sigh of relief, he was not going to dismiss me then, the doctor and I had nothing to do with one another. Though I was puzzled as to why he would be telling me this.

“Yes sir,” I concurred, “he came to see Lady Arabella, did he not?” I assumed that I would now glean some information about her state of health.

“Dr Anderson feels that London does not particularly agree with her constitution at present as suggests that for the time being we remove to Bath. She of course will not hear of such a thing and refuses to attend the place at such an unfashionable time of the year.” By now I was pondering upon where exactly this story was leading too, “Instead we have reached a compromise and concluded that we will return to Allcotte Abbey as soon as it can be arranged, I felt we should forewarn you.”

Well here was a change in circumstances, it seemed that thankfully, I would escape the tedium of town and be allowed to return to the country, at least I hoped this was what I was being informed of. He continued with quiet seriousness, “I wished to understand your feelings on the matter.”

Mine? Why would my feelings be of any importance? I was just the governess. Here to serve the children and do as I was told. Why would he ask my opinion in a matter evidently already decided? An issue furthermore that was evidently imperative and none negotiable. I inarticulately expressed my bewilderment to him.

“What I mean is would it be preferable for you to remain in town, it can be arranged that you and the children, and also Georgiana and Henriette if they wish, stay with Tyndale or even Lady Newlyn till the close of the season.”

“I beg your pardon sir but why would I want to remain till the close of the season?” Still a little baffled by what he was trying to say. If he knew me so well he could hardly think I should prefer London to Somersetshire. Perhaps he was referring to Jane’s wedding, if so that was no trouble to me at all, the choices were up to Jane and Mrs Gardiner, there was little time for my own involvement and besides this was Jane’s wedding, she was thoroughly enjoying planning it, along with the introduction into the ton Bingley had arranged, for she always enjoyed society. If there were any decisions that I needed to make we could correspond but Jane was certainly well enough acquainted with my own tastes, should they be required to decide for me.

He shifted from foot to foot before speaking slowly, “I had been led to believe that you were to expect a … a proposal,” A proposal? “of marriage.” He finished quietly looking down at his feet.

Well I very nearly exploded with that, what made him think that I was going to accept a proposal of marriage, from who I might ask? I spluttered a little in shock why did I persistently fail to notice these things? Finally I managed to ask a little more coherently, “I am?”

“You are too modest Elizabeth.” He smiled wryly, “I would have to be a fool not to notice that you are being courted right under my roof. The whole house has been whispering of it for weeks. Roberta was correct we are soon to loose our Miss Bennet. She will be deserting us for the comforts of Featherstone House.”

I gulped at his ominous words, though I was slightly baffled by his suggestion and actually thought that he was sending the children to visit their grandmamma before the words were properly processed. He seemed not to notice my own confusion and continued on, “Soon enough you will be the wife of my brother, the new Lady Tyndale.” He walked towards the window, I made little movement. Lord Tyndale? He was courting me? No, he had never been anything other than polite and friendly. He had never flirted with me. Mr Darcy must be mistaken. He did not wish to marry me. He had been frequent with his Saturday calls that I had not failed to notice, but he had been nothing other than amiable and polite to me. He did not want to marry me. Did he? Why would he? Was he not there to visit Henriette?

“I will?” My voice was dazed.

“Yes, you will.” His voice was serious and strained sounding, “He is a very good man Elizabeth, but then I never doubted your ability to procure yourself a good husband. He shall look after you from now on and do it very well I dare say. The Featherstone estates are worth a great deal.”

Oh my goodness, he could not be saying this to me. He was telling me to accept Lord Tyndale for no other reason than the fact that he had money. He who had supported Henriette in her quest not to become the Countess of Meriden was now telling me to accept for money. “Must I?”

“Certainly,” His voice became brusque, “You will make a very good mistress to the place, and you should have left us at one time or another. I might as well see you married off than going to slave away in some other family.”

His words were so cold, so harsh. He was banishing me.

Was he truly saying this to me? I could feel a swell of tears prickling the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill at the thought of leaving … leaving the children. They were so dear to me. I got up from my seat and moving to face a picture on the wall. It showed a storm out at sea. “Must I leave?” I roused myself enough to ask.

“Leave what Miss Bennet?”

I did not answer, he repeated his question once, twice more. I turned to face him.

“Must I leave the children?”

“Of course,” He laughed, “The children, they are so dear to you. But no matter you will have children of your own to care for. They will be beautiful, adored and fortunate children.”

I could not believe this. He was standing there planning out my future life with another man. He was banishing me to live as the wife of a man that I did not love. “Is that your wish?”

“I want to see you happy Elizabeth, it has always been important to me.” He took a deep breath, “Which is why I wish to ascertain your current thoughts on the matter of Allcotte, will you stay in town or will you be returning to Allcotte with us?”

For a second I was tempted to stay in town and accept this supposed offer of marriage if it should arise. But my heart and in fact my head told me that I should not accept and truthfully I did not want to accept it. Prudent or not, I could not marry Lord Tyndale, my heart would not allow it.

“It is best for us all if you accept him.”

He wanted me gone!

Mr Darcy wanted me gone. That was the last thing in the world that I wanted. But I must leave him! Not the children, him, I did not want to be away from him. I was in love with Mr Darcy and if I married Lord Tyndale I would have to leave him! The man I loved.

Oh Lizzy you foolish, foolish girl! You had fallen in love with your master. The man you once declared the last man in the world you could ever be prevailed upon to marry. Now I would give anything for him to renew his offer of love to me. When it was all too late! He was married to another woman! I was his children’s governess. I was standing in this mans study and he was… he was banishing me from him! He wanted nothing more to do with me. He did not love me. Oh how cruel a reversal of fate from that day two years ago in Hunsford Cottage when he declared his love for me. He did not love me. But I loved him.

Instead the man whose worth I had so sorely misjudged wanted to remove from town and from my presence so he could take care of the ailing Lady Arabella. He wanted nothing more to do with me. He wanted me gone from his house. He wanted me gone from his life. He was exiling me to marriage with a man that I did not… a man I could not ever love. Because instead I loved Mr Darcy and he did not love me. I loved him and it was all too late. And because I loved him I could not bare to be torn away from him. I wanted nothing more than to spend everyday in his presence. That was not to be however, because I was being torn away from him. I was being banished by the very same man, who thought it was ‘best for us all’ if I left. I was being banished. I thought my very heart should have ripped in two.

That was why I had kissed him: for the simple reason that I loved him. But why had he kissed me? Because his own words implied a hatred of my presence there was no plausible reason for his actions. It was just a mistake.

Well he might want me gone. He might choose to look after that woman instead. She might have triumphed over me. But I was not leaving. I could not leave. He might not love me and it was bitter medicine but there was not way on earth that I was leaving him. I would remain the governess of the Sutton children until the day they were too old for me to teach them anymore. Just to be near him. I could have cried out loud at my realization that I would never be able to separate myself from Mr Darcy.

“Very well then sir,” I spoke through clenched teeth, still facing the painting and praying that it was possible to conceal my tears, “You shall leave for Allcotte to look after your wife.”

His wife…

“But I think it best the children and I come with you. It is likely they will not wish to be separated from her if they know she is unwell.”

“She is not dying!” He said in amazement.

“Nonetheless you gave me the option and that is my decision. Do you have any objection?”

He shook his head dumbfounded.

“Very well then sir. Good day.” And dropping a quick curtsey I fled from the room.

To return to lessons was impossible. Not until I had more control over my emotions. I could not let them see my cry. They must not know that I was the most pathetic and bitter creature that ever walked this earth. My, but did I hate myself? And barricaded in my rooms I wept, for hours.

Never had I been one for self pity, never had I been formed for ill humour. Now was a different matter and I hated myself for it. I had always despised those young women (you generally found them in novels) who mourned themselves to death over some young lover or another and here I was acting just that part. What a pitiable creature I was, I am sure? No what I was, was a fool a little fool, falling in love with my lord and master. Falling in love with a man that I had sworn to loath for all eternity, what was I thinking? But then we are rarely sensible when we fall in love. Love was not exactly a sensible emotion.

My own behaviour at present was rash. Papa would have been ashamed of me, I was ashamed of myself. Undoubtedly I would think better of my decisions given time and would realize that I did not want to remain with the family, I would seek another position and leave it all behind. Maybe then there was a chance that I would not become an embittered old spinster, perhaps given time I would even find another man whom I could love and respect. He would never quite match up to Mr Darcy but then he was the best of men. What I would not do was accept Lord Tyndale’s proposal, if he should ever offer for me, because I did not love him.

When Elsie knocked on my door to say that the master had ordered her to pack my things I refused her entry. Her confusion on going away was apparent; when she reported this to the rest of the household they possibly thought that I was pining the loss of my beau. I was not. She returned once more a few hours later and told me the Lord Tyndale had come and particularly requested an audience with me. It was then I knew that I would have to face him at some point or another. After bidding Elsie tell him I would be with him in a few moments and washed my face I made my way downstairs to receive him.

He was in the yellow sitting room studying a yellow figurine on the mantel piece; he turned when I opened the door. “Miss Bennet,” He stepped forward eagerly but open perceiving my face, still rather splotchy from crying, faltered, “Are you unwell, I am sorry to have disturbed you if you are.”

“No, no I am not ill.” I assured him quietly.

Apparently this encouraged him, “I hear from Hetty that you shall be leaving town tomorrow?” I did nothing further than nod my head, “It is a terrible shame,” He continued, “For I fear that you and I shall not be able to renew our acquaintance for quite sometime. My business with parliament may not conclude for several more months.”

I looked down at my hands failing to respond to his words.

He still had the figuring in his hands, he turned it round in his hands several times before continuing, “Elizabeth, dare I hope… May I dare to hope that you care for me as much as I do you? You must be aware that I love you, that I would do anything for you. You must care for me some? You see I must ask, I cannot have you go away leaving me to remain in doubt.” He looked at me hopefully, the figurine still twirling round in his hands.

I walked towards the window. What should I do? I thought now about my family. Kitty and Jonathan were certainly in favour of the match, I knew him to be respectable. He was the brother of one of my dearest friends, how would she feel if I were to refuse him? I knew nothing ill of him; he was amiable, friendly and respectable. He would take care of me. He loved me, there was really no reason that I should refuse him.

But there were other matters which intruded on these reflections. First and foremost I did not love him. Second while I knew certain members of his family were in favour of the match, his mother, sister and clearly his brother Mr Darcy would have no objections to the match his sisters certainly would and I had no wish to incur the wrath of Lady Arabella. Furthermore, I did not need to marry for security, Jane was marrying Bingley and Kitty was married to Mr Thursfield, Mary was at the convent I would be comfortable in a governess position for the rest of my life now. Finally, and this was the most important of all my reasons to oppose marrying him was the very fact that I was in love with his brother.

He had been speaking the whole time that I was thinking this, I have no idea what precisely he said, I was not listening. He approached me and stood beside me at the window. Then took my hand in his free one concluded, “What I am trying to say most incoherently is will you consent to be my wife?”

I continued to stare out of the window. I did like Lord Tyndale and I hated to have to hurt him in this manner. But the very fact of the matter was that I did not love him and I could not love him. I had no choice but to refuse him unless I opted to hurt myself further. I ventured to peek up at him, he was observing me anxiously. I swallowed hard and gathered my courage. “Lord Tyndale, I am very grateful for the honour you have bestowed upon me…” I stopped unable to continue for several moment but I had to be honest with us both, “However, I am afraid I simply cannot accept your offer.”
He opened his mouth, though he did not speak. “I am truly very sorry my Lord.” I finished quietly and made to turn and leave the room.

“Wait!” He cried out, still holding out to the hand I should have removed long ago. “Shall you not even think about what I have said?” He looked briefly hopeful.

My eyes began to water again. He was making this so unbearable hard for me, “I am sorry!” I cried and tugging away my hand and fled from the room. I heard the china figurine hitting the floor and smashing as I left.

Georgiana and Henriette came to see me, in my rooms that evening apparently they knew it all. “Elizabeth, I do not mean to criticize,” Georgiana said bravely, “but if such a man as he had proposed to me I should not refuse him.” She raised an eyebrow at me, much as I did from time to time.

“Lizzy, how could you refuse Francis? My own brother, I cannot believe you would do such a thing.”

“What I mean is,” Georgiana continued unperturbed, “That Lord Tyndale is the nicest gentleman I know who comes to call here and if Elizabeth is rude to him he will not come back.”

“He is my brother, of course he will come back,” Henriette cried with a wave of her hand.

“I…I do not understand why she does not want to marry him.” Georgiana said.

“If you like him so well the perhaps you should marry him then Georgiana.” I cried irrationally.

“Certainly I would if he paid me the slightest bit of mind but as it is he does not and now Elizabeth has chased him away for good! And my brother is cruel and will not let me stay in town though I know he gave her the option.” Henriette and I turned to look at her, surely it was not Lord Tyndale she was so fond of, neither of us had the slightest suspicion of it. It was so difficult to judge the feelings of quiet people.

“Georgiana that is unkind!” Henriette suddenly changed her tune.

“No Henriette,” I attempted to calm the argument that I had inadvertently caused, “She is right, it was not my decision to make about remaining in town and if I had known Georgiana was so fond of Lord Tyndale then I would have been more tactful.” I was truly ashamed at my behaviour now.

Georgiana jumped up from her seat, “Elizabeth Bennet stop trying to act like you are everyone’s friend. You are not I hate you!” And with that pronouncement she swept gracefully out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

I looked down at my fingers and plucked at the folds of my gown angry at myself more than anything else. Henriette spoke after several minutes inquiring if I was well. She was pitying me and I did not deserve her pity. My spoilt behaviour had led us to this point. “I am fine.” I replied stiffly.

“Lizzy please tell me what is the matter.”

“There is nothing the matter.”

“Yes there is, and somehow I doubt it is guilt over leaving my own brother heartbroken! How could you hurt him like that Elizabeth? You have obviously been crying but you will not tell me what about.”

I walked across to the other side of the room and leaned against the mantelpiece and swinging my foot across the marble moodily, making it apparent that I was not going to reply, “For goodness sake Elizabeth you are trying my patience.”

I did not reply.

“Fine then if you choose not to tell me about it then it is quite clear that you are not worth the effort!” She too stood up from her seat and left the room, without slamming the door. I sank down onto the nearest seat when she had departed.

I was causing far too much trouble, I had argued with Mr Darcy, Georgiana and then Henriette all in one day. I was a despicable creature. But I had done the right thing had I not, I was right to refuse Lord Tyndale, I had not chased him away as Georgiana had implied, I had tried to be gentle.

But my behaviour to Mr Darcy was another matter entirely; I had not behaved admirably there. I should never have stayed in the house. When he offered to find me employment the first time around I should have accepted him, it would have saved me from my current heartache, it would have saved everybody. He was right when he said it was best for us all that I leave. As soon as Lady Arabella was settled at Allcotte and in better health I would approach him and ask him to find me a new employer.

1. Sonnet XVIII Shall I compare thee lines 1-8 William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

Chapter 13

We set off for Alcotte again the next morning just after breakfast. I was pleased to be traveling in a separate carriage with just the children; their lively chatter distracted my mind sufficiently from my more melancholy feelings. Besides which it was possibly best that after the previous evening’s argument we were given a few days to cool off. Georgiana still was not speaking to me. Who could blame her? I had chased off her favourite, however inadvertently done it was, the deed was done and for the time being there was apparently no going back and changing this fact. If I had known about Georgiana’s preference for him then I would have done something about it long ago, that is the problem with shy people, you never know what they are thinking and then things end up going wrong for them and right at that moment it felt like nobodies fault but my own.

Georgiana had fallen out with Henriette also and this morning was once again clinging to her brother as though her life depended upon it. Henriette tried to be friendly towards us both, only I was amenable to this scheme, not being formed for ill spirits. This morning I was determined to put all my ill humour behind me. It was however blatantly obvious that there was tension between the three of us still. Mr Darcy was trying to ignore our discomfort while dealing with the care of Lady Arabella.

Her appearance was shocking. Lady Arabella was a tall, buxom woman with blonde hair and bright blue eyes and had always been considered a beauty, her clothing was impeccable as well as fashionable not in the same manner as the Bingley sisters were fashionable, Lady Arabella’s habit was more subdued and I often envied her clothes, she had exquisite taste if nothing else. Yet now I was distinctly reminded of poor Miss DeBourgh she was bundled under several layers of shawls, her hair always beautifully coiffed was lank, dull and uncurled her eyes were a grey colour and her clothes did not fit properly, in short she looked small, plain and very, very ill.

Mr Darcy had taken it upon himself to personally care for her, well he was married to her. Today it seemed that he cared more for her than he had before.

While traveling with my young charges I was able to determine a number of important factors. Firstly that the children were my foremost concern, it was my duty to care for them to the exclusion of the family, and despite any quarrels I might have with them I was here to do a job and complete that job I would. Secondly, the discomfort currently subsisting was my fault and that an improvement in the relations between them and myself would be necessary if the children were to be cared for properly, it would not do to have us always arguing. Furthermore, that it would do me good to forget that I had any feelings for Mr Darcy other than the respect that he deserved as my employer and as from today I would forget any other notions I may harbour for him.

We stopped briefly at an inn at noon for a rest and Henriette cautiously walked over to speak with me and ask if I was feeling better this morning. “Thank you I am.” I returned stiffly.

“Lizzy I am sorry for yesterday.” When I failed to reply she continued, “It was wrong of me to chastise you for refusing my brother. If you do not love him then I shall have to accept that you and I shall not be sisters. I am truly sorry for going against you, you must think me such a hypocrite for behaving so after you supported me over Lord Meriden.”

I accepted her apology then asked, “How is Georgiana?”

“Moody.” Was her only reply, “I have asked to be returned to Featherstone House in a few days, for I do not think that she will be so easily forgiving of either of us.” I glance over in Georgiana’s general vicinity she looked close to tears, poor dear, she had had to leave Lord Tyndale in London I remembered Jane when Mr Bingley had left and Kitty and Lydia on the news that the ____militia was leaving Meryton. “I cannot believe that she did not tell us that my brother was her favourite!” Henriette continued, “If we had just known.”

“But imagine how difficult it would have been for her! Georgiana has spent her whole life being fussed over by young ladies who only want to marry her brother and try to use her to get to him. I suspect that she assumed that you would feel that she was only your friend for the same reason. Besides it is not in her nature to be so open about such matters.”

Henriette sighed, “I suppose you are right, I just wish we could cheer her up a little.”

“I do not suppose it would help to tell her that next to being married a young lady likes to be crossed in love?”

Henriette laughed as did Mr Darcy who had come to tell us we were leaving, “Miss Bennet, where ever did you hear such a thing?”

“Papa said it when… once.” I quickly corrected myself.

“What brings you to be speaking of such a topic, who is the young lady of our acquaintance who has been ‘crossed in love’?”

Henriette and I looked down at the ground and uncomfortably mumbled that it was nothing we were speaking in general not of any specific person. Well we could hardly tell Georgiana’s brother, she would hate us forever. “Hetty says she is to return to Featherstone House soon.” I added changing the subject.

“Perhaps you can accompany her for the day, Miss Bennet? You may visit your sister and niece again.” He smiled.

“Yes I should like that and Maria, Miss Lucas, is visiting with Kitty at present.”

Although the argument that I had had with Henriette was now passed our quarrel with Georgiana was far from over. When we arrived at Allcotte the following day she was still snubbing us and when Henriette returned to Featherstone House on the following Saturday she was still refusing to speak with us.

On the Saturday following our arrival at Allcotte, Mr Darcy accompanied Henriette back to Featherstone House. I was invited to accompany them since my own relations were so near. I was dropped off at the Parsonage first only to find that Kitty and Maria were over at the mansion with Lady Tyndale. So it was over to the great house that we continued.

There were several of the women who had been present at Christmas there, including Julia and Cecilia Vernon. They were taking tea with her ladyship. This was an unusual event in itself as I had always been led to believe that Lady Tyndale was no entertainer. She was warm and welcoming in her reception of Henriette and Mr Darcy bestowing each of them with a peck on the cheek, and then she turned to me. “And you Miss Bennet, it is nice to see you again. Your sister and her friend Miss Lucas are over there.” She said all this in a distinctly chilly manner.

“Lizzy!” Kitty practically squealed hugging me wildly, “Oh and you have brought Lady Henriette back with you, perhaps that will put Lady Tyndale in a better frame of mind.”

“Why has she been depressed all on her own?” I asked curiously, Henriette had never had any idea of this from her mother’s letters.

“No silly, but today she has been in the strangest mood with Maria and me. I cannot make it out for she has been most civil to everyone else.” Kitty explained.

“Oh.” I gulped. Had Lord Tyndale written to his mother of his intention of proposing to me? I hoped not, it could make life very difficult for Kitty and Jonathan. I had never thought of that, what if he withdrew his patronage. That would be dreadful, particularly if Jonathan was left unemployed now that the new baby was on the way. Oh what had I done?

“But in general,” Maria spoke to me, “Her ladyship is most gracious to us, do you know how many times we have been invited to dine and take tea since I came. No, well it is many more than when you and I stayed at Rosings Lizzy.” She said giddily, “Her ladyship is so pleasant.”

With time the discomfort that suddenly subsisted between me and the family was resolved. Mr Darcy and I had coped with one another despite our difficulties before and soon enough, when I overcame the shock that my realization had produced I managed to overcome my embarrassment and discomfiture and soon I was teasing him just as I had always done before. I wanted to appear as though nothing had changed in our relationship. My pride prickled. His constant visits to the schoolroom aided this for I would not forget my promise to myself that I had to get along with him for my charges sake.

As May melted into June and the weather began to warm there was an alteration to our daily routine. It became practice for us to take the children outside for longer periods of time, sometimes all afternoon. Mr Darcy and even sometimes Georgiana, when she was feeling a little more welcoming towards me would join us, we taught them to play cricket and baseball, although Georgiana preferred the tamer pursuits, there was nothing I loved so well as being out of doors with the children and hitching my skirts up (in a most unladylike manner) to chase after a ball. Even Priscilla, who at first objected heartily to playing ‘a boy’s game’ began to take pleasure in these sports.

It was at these times that I could almost forget the existence of Lady Arabella, and that I was nothing more than the humble governess, it was as if we were, all six of us, a real family. The twinges of jealousy seemed to disappear on those afternoons and they became a time that I looked forward to.

Even though Georgiana accompanied us on these activities she was still rather cold in her manner towards me, not that I could blame her. I sincerely hoped that she did not have the fault of implacable resentment like her brother, but really should have known far better because their natures were very different. Her manner towards me if she chose to address me was formal and cold. So my discomfiture was not completely abated. When Henriette came to call on us, which was less frequently than it might have been had Georgiana not been so upset at us she was equally icy and we were at a loss as to what to say to appease her.

This continued until the beginning of July when on retiring to my rooms one night I found her already seated in the chair by the fireplace waiting for me, a look of uncomfortable contrite plastered across her face and formally rising from her seat she stepped towards me head down.

Her manners reminded me distinctly of Henriette’s that time she had visited me after Lord Meriden proposed to her. Of course, though I was astonished by Georgiana’s appearance I was not shocked by her behaviour, she had never been direct in expressing her thoughts. “Georgiana…?” I spoke softly after she had been silently studying her slippers for several minutes.

The young girl promptly burst into tears, I handed her a handkerchief and led her back to her seat while I waited for her tears to subside. Eventually she managed a few trembling sobs of, “I am sorry… so sorry!” before her voice cracked again and she continued to cry again.

“Georgiana, my dear, whatever is the matter?”

“Nobody likes me…” She sniffed, I did not like to point out to her that it was she that was snubbing Henriette and me but I did reassure her that we did not hate her. After all I knew that girls were prone to fighting over gentlemen’s attentions. Lydia had been quite furious when Wickham had showed attention to me; she just dealt with it in a different manner and told me what she thought directly. “I mean… I’m sorry for being so cruel to you and Henriette, truly I am it was mean of me to be cross with you for not talking to you because Lord Tyndale liked you far better than he ever liked me.”

“You know Georgiana you should have told us how you felt, surely it was evident that I was nothing more than polite to him. If you would show people or tell them how you feel, but you just retreat into silence all the time and none of us ever know what you are thinking.”

She sighed discontentedly and plucked at a loose thread on the sleeve of her dress. “Sometimes you are very hard to read Elizabeth, you always behave so graciously and though your teasing makes it quite impossible to determine whether you are flirting or you are just being yourself, you are so easy in company. You tease Fitzwilliam, and I know you are not flirting because you would never be so improper as to flirt with a married man,” I felt as if I should laugh out loud at this, sometime my conversations with her brother verged on rather risqué flirtation to the exclusion of the rest of the company, “I am not like you I repress my feelings and I am always so shy in company. It is no wonder nobody ever comes to call on me, you and Henriette are so much prettier than me and I am so awkward in society that everyone just forgets me and nobody shall ever marry me because I would make a useless hostess.”

I regarded Georgiana for a few minutes not knowing what to say. You cannot just tell a person to be more assertive, it took hard work and having never known anyone who was as introverted as Georgiana I did not know how to bolster her confidence or deal with the situation. She was by no stretch of the imagination a plain girl, no she was not as handsome as her brother, and yes she did seem to pale into insignificance next to Lady Henriette Featherstone, but not everyone was attracted to her looks. Georgiana was accomplished; she played beautifully, when she could be coaxed into exhibiting she spoke French and German and covered screens, she had been provided with the best of educations. There was no reason she should have such little confidence in herself, yet she did. Telling her that she was attractive and intelligent was not going to help.

She had undoubtedly always been a shy creature, the Darcys were not the type of people who were naturally outgoing but there must have been a time when she was more confident that she was now. George Wickham. It was a delicate topic and I did not know if I should broach it with her again. We had spoke of him before and of her feelings on the matter I was not sure that it would help her at all. She was loved by her brother though ignored by her sister-in-law clearly his love and support was not enough for her. She needed someone to love her whose love was unconditional but neither was it fraternal or paternal someone who did not just love her out of duty. Would a mother have been enough for her had Lady Anne Darcy not died while Georgiana was still such a small child would she have been a different type of girl? Probably not, at least I did not think so, I wondered if Lady Anne was anything alike in temperament to her sister Lady Catherine.

What Georgiana required was a husband, someone who loved her because she was her. Not for her fortune but because they understood her and appreciated her. She felt that her brother loved her only because he was her brother and he was all she had had for many years. A husband who wanted her would help her to appreciate herself and bring her out of her shell. It would take someone special, in a sense Georgiana was very fortunate that she was not the type of young lady a gentleman would select just because he needed a hostess in his home. Yes that would bring Georgiana out of herself, in a way that those of us who were just friends could not.

“Georgiana you would not make a useless hostess.” I finally said, “I might remind you that when there have been callers in the house in town you have behaved far more graciously that Henriette or I.”

She seemed to smile at this recollection and praise, “But still,” she added, “They still kept coming to call on Henriette particularly and nobody but Mr Shakespeare seemed to give me a second thought and he was a fool!” I was quite pleased to hear her express and opinion of someone so freely even when she went on to berate me, “You and Henriette were so cruel to them all, well maybe not cruel, but I was so shocked that they preferred to be laughed at than to not return.”

I could not deny we had been rather cruel to the gentlemen who had called, they were all self-centred and enamoured of their own importance. Henriette said it was a pity we had no say in who called and that courtship was such a difficult thing and also that one could not choose who called and neither did it help a couple become acquainted with one another. Lord Meriden had made quite an impression on her after she had refused him, she no longer saw him as just a drab old man but as a kind and warm gentleman who she got along with incredibly well, her fellow co-conspirator.

“What if you have frightened him off for good?” She asked after a pause of some minutes.

Goodness what if I had? My only minor consolation was the thought that Georgiana was only infatuated with him if that was the case, “He is a family member dear. So you see it is hardly likely that you will never see him again.” I answered noncommittally.

“Elizabeth? I hope you shall not think it impertinent of me to ask but why did you not love Lord Tyndale, why could you never marry him? I just do not understand.”

Georgiana was such a naïve and unassuming creature and so young in some respects, “My dear love is a very strange thing, highly irrational we fall in love with the strangest people.” I said with a wry smile, “Lord Tyndale was just not that man for me. You and I are very different in character we should hardly be attracted to the same people. Just like Jane and I were not, I could never have married Mr Bingley; you would have been much better suited to him than I ever would, if his heart had not belonged to Jane.” I said with a grin.

“You know I think Fitzwilliam wanted me to marry him at one point.”

“Yes I thought he did.” I nodded my head. “Now young lady, how are you feeling? Better?”

“Yes thank you.” She smiled and sighed at the same time, “I just hope you are right about Lord Tyndale.”

“I hope I am too.” I did not wish to make her too hopeful and yet at the same time I did not wish to make her think that he would definitely pay her any attention. Surely that would break her heart more than if she were already prepared to some extent to believe that he may not call.

Lord Tyndale returned a few weeks later, after parliament was dissolved by the Prince Regent. I did not see him, though he did come to call at Allcotte Abbey to see his sister. I carefully avoided him though but at one point I did find Georgiana and him in the sitting room taking tea together. “Are you to be long in town for the wedding?”

“No we must return to Allcotte Abby as soon as possible my Lord. Your sister’s health necessitated a change of air and the children must have their lessons so we must return within only a matter of a few days.”

“No doubt you shall be in Somerset for several weeks after that though Miss Darcy.”

“Perhaps I have some hope that when Lady Arabella is better we shall return to Pemberley, then perhaps my brother will invite you to come and hunt there.” Georgiana finally ventured rather bravely.

“Then I shall have to throw myself on his mercy.”

“No doubt he shall hold a hunting party, they tell me that the sport in Derbyshire is the best to be had.” Georgiana started chattering away happily.

“Then it is not to be missed, the sport in Somerset is not particularly plentiful, except for foxes, Miss Darcy I think you will have to throw in a good word for me with your brother.” He smiled at her.

“Certainly but I know you to be a particular friend of Fitzwilliam’s I doubt he would ever exclude you from such an excursion, that is unless you are a terrible hunter and the others would have reason to fear for their safety.” She teased in a manner that she had never revealed before. Lord Tyndale laughed heartily at her words and they were soon contentedly talking to one another and I slunk away to sit quietly by myself.

Once my friendship with Georgiana was repaired everything seemed to have a brighter aspect to it. I was eagerly anticipating Jane and Bingley’s wedding it was scheduled for the second week in July, I had arranged to travel with Kitty, Jonathan and Maria who was returning to Lucas Lodge after Jane’s wedding in a carriage kindly supplied by Lord Tyndale and his mother. Mr Darcy – who had since finally heard from Mr Bingley - and Georgiana were also returning to town for the occasion, as the doctor felt Lady Arabella to be improving in health and thus certainly well enough for them to leave her for a few days.

Gracechurch Street was abuzz when we arrived, with the impending nuptials only a day away, Kitty kept delaying, not being overly fond of town or wishing to leave Rachel for an extended period of time and her own travel had been delayed since she was in the family way, the doctor having warned her to be careful. Aunt Gardiner and Jane were flying about the house making last minute preparations and looking for Jane’s belongings which had spread out around the house after a fourteen month inhabitation of the house. My cousins were confined to the nursery though frequently I saw little faces appearing through the banisters as they were disturbed by the commotion below. Uncle Gardiner was the only person who was seemingly sane he had taken the day off from his business and was calmly instructing their servants.

It was not until later that evening that I had a chance to speak with Jane; it felt like such a long time since we had had a proper conversation, she had not been living in the same house as me for eight months, unless you counted the week we spent together at Christmas. Now with so much news, and me having hardly seen my sister since I received the news of her engagement there was certainly a great deal to talk about. Her enthusiasm was still effervescent as she chattered away to me about what her dear Bingley had said and their plans. Jane only touched briefly on Louisa and Caroline, “They sent me a note asking them to call on them at Mr Hurst’s house in Grovesnor Square and Caroline’s words expressed their delights at her having me for a sister, she wrote that she could not have more affection for anyone but me as her sister.”

“That was … a pleasant gesture.” I said trying to sound convincing, I did not want to speak ill of the family that would be her relations in less than a day now.

“Yet I cannot help but think that her words, though well meant were not earnest. Surely she would have much preferred Miss Darcy as a sister as she always expressed she should be.”

I refrained from making a reply, Yes Georgiana was still evidently the object of her choice when I saw her last in April I would not tell Jane so though, nor would I say how well Mr Bingley would have been suited to Georgiana had we not reappeared it seems very likely that they would have been married, it was after all what both of their families desired. Georgiana had told me of this herself, though she herself never expressed any desire to have done so, her affections belonged elsewhere anyway.

“I shall miss our conversations Lizzy dearest.” She spoke thoughtfully whilst running a brush through my hair carefully.

“We can still talk Jane, your Mr Bingley may have purchased an estate in Staffordshire but I am quite certain that I shall be in that part of the country fairly frequently, it is very near to Derbyshire.” I commented completely forgetting that I had vowed to find a new position.

“I wish you would come with us, why will you not live with Bingley and me at Ashton Magna?”

“Jane,” I took the brush out of her hand and turned to face her, “when we first left Longbourn remember I would not live off the charity of the Gardiners for any longer than was necessary, well it is the same now, I shall not live off the kindness of you and Mr Bingley either.”

“It should make me happier to have you as my companion as well Lizzy dearest, I do not know how I will manage without your guidance.”

“My guidance? Jane, you were taught well enough how to run a house by Mamma and I seriously doubt that I would be more knowledgeable in such matters.”

“You mistake me Lizzy it is not the house, but sometimes I think that just Bingley and I alone in that house all day with no other company than the servants and whoever should chose to call on us for half and hour out of courtesy … it shall be … well lonely. Longbourn and my Uncle’s house are always busy and full of people but just the two of us all day…” She trailed off.

“Nonsense Jane, you shall never tire of Mr Bingley’s company.”

She shook her head not sadly, not resignedly, just shock her head, in complete acceptance of what I thought her statement had implied.

“But Jane…”

“Come Lizzy you know that peoples feelings change over time, it is very rare, in fact I would venture to say impossible that peoples feelings are the same at forty or even thirty to what they were when they were newly married.”

What she was saying was to an extent the truth, it could not be denied but there were people whose feelings did not alter so drastically with time as that would imply. There were of course the women whose husbands tired of them as soon as the first flush of beauty had faded or they had bore them an heir, women who became irritable and conniving as the years passed by and I knew men turned to other women. That was not always the case however, consider my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, I was barely eight when they wed but they were my role models and had the type of union I aspired to it was clear that even after fourteen years of marriage they still loved one another as dearly as they did the day the said their vows, Aunt Gardiner had once told me that she thought she loved him more for having lived in daily contact with him, which was certainly nothing to quibble over in this case.

“No I do not know that.” I returned, “But I know little of men and marriage.” I stopped and changed topic slightly, “Besides I think there is no fear of an empty house or certainly not loneliness, I shall visit when I can and the house will be full of children soon enough.”

Jane reddened and turned away, clearly this topic was off limits too. “Tell me do you look forward to your new house and your time in Italy too?”

A short dialogue ensued on the merits of that particular country and how glad she would be to see all the places that Bingley had told her of. I nodded and smiled and said all that was required of me but she seemed content to carry the conversation and with the exception of the odd nervous pause and far away look on her face, which was to be expected, Jane seemed so like her usual self that anybody would think that Mr Bingley had never left Netherfield at all. Despite her nervousness and slightly melancholy reflections, it was so very pleasant to see Jane back to normal again; it was a sight that I had thought I should never see after the autumn of 1811.

Jane, I am most pleased to report made a most beautiful bride, though I would doubt that anybody of her acquaintance would be in the least shocked to hear this. I stood watching from her side at the alter, her happiness radiated even as she shed a few tears, her golden hair curled and dressed with summer flowers, her white dress blowing slightly in the wind, the smile that light up her whole face which frequently turned towards Bingley and his towards her, their hands joined together. She was simply radiant. Our whole family would have liked to think that there had been neither bride before or after who could rival Jane in her beauty that day.

Her own regret, which was the same as mine, was that her parents were not there to see the blessed day when their eldest daughter was given away by my uncle to the suitor of their choice. Mamma would have reveled in seeing her second favourite and most beautiful daughter married off to the amiable Charles Bingley with his four thousand pounds a year, having a daughter well married off and happy was her ultimate ambition in life, it was a great pity that she never lived to see it. Papa would of course have been proud of his eldest daughter who was so sweet and sensible, it should have been the proudest day of his life. Jane deserved to have them there.

My eye could not help but stray to Mr Bingley’s right and the gentleman standing up for his friend. Strangely enough, though unsurprisingly it was my employer, Mr Darcy, he looked very handsome dressed in his blue coat. It was selfish of me to wonder but I could not help but imagine what it would be like if this was our wedding, perhaps we would have shared our day with Bingley and Jane. But it was a ridiculous fancy and I turned my attention back to the words of the clergyman.

He pronounced them man and wife and Bingley turned to kiss Mrs Bingley’s hand in it was clear that he was in jovial spirits. He turned to his friend who congratulated him heartily, it was nice that Darcy should now at least approve of his friend’s choice, his manners were open and pleasant as he too kissed Jane’s hand to congratulate her sincerely as Bingley turned to me with an exclamation of, “There now Lizzy it is done and I am the happiest fellow on this earth, shall you like to claim me as your brother?”

“May I congratulate you Mr Bingley, you have made Jane a very happy woman, and you need be in no doubt of my approval. Just make sure she is always this cheerful.” I said in what was probably a very fatherly manner.

“You need be in no doubt of that Lizzy.” He laughed taking his wife’s arm and leading her down the aisle. Mr Darcy and I brought up the rear arm in arm after the happy couple reached the door.

The wedding breakfast was held at Bingley’s townhouse. Apparently to please his sister, she had been upset enough by his engagement but she would not tolerate the shame of having their friends hosted in Cheapside. It did not seem to matter to Bingley and Jane which house it was held, it was a trifle of a matter and there was the advantage of size at their townhouse, as Kitty pointed out at the time, Bingley had many friends one of whom must be suited to my liking. Well she was right on one score at least, however that gentleman was certainly not the eligible bachelor she had envisaged.

Kitty, Charlotte, Maria, Georgiana and myself were left pretty much to our own devices. Jane was busy being congratulated. Mr Thursfield and Georgiana’s brother were much engaged with their acquaintances. My Aunt and Uncle joined us briefly and Kitty left us for short periods to meet some friend’s of Mr Thursfield’s and Mr Collins had whisked Charlotte and Maria of to goodness knows where.

Not long after I escaped to solitude I was joined by Mr Darcy, who took a seat next to me and for a few moments after our initial greeting silently observed the scene playing out before us, “You are very quite this morning Miss Bennet.” I nodded in silent acquisition not attempting to form a verbal response. “It is not what I should have expected of you madam, knowing how much you supported this match and how well you love your sister, I should have expected you to be overjoyed on this occasion. Yet I find you sitting alone in a corner avoiding all society.”

“I was just thinking.” I shot back defensively.

“Pardon me ma’am would you prefer me to leave you alone.” He said a little coldly.

Bristling at his tone but trying to reply with some composure I informed him that he was quite welcome to stay if he chose, “I would be glad of some distraction from my thoughts.” I smiled pleadingly.

“As you wish. Is it safe to presume that your thoughts were not pleasant meditations?”

“Not particularly so sir. Certainly not something to dwell upon today of all days it was a rather vain fancy anyway, you would do good to redirect my thoughts.”

“Very well then,” And the two of us began chattering away contentedly much to my great relief.

I passed one more night at Gracechurch Street, strangely enough knowing that Jane was so far away from me made me sad yet it had been many many nights since we had resided permanently in the same house. Lingering in my mind was the reminder that even if we were to things would never be the same again. The next morning Kitty and Mr Thursfield were early in coming to collect me from my Aunt and Uncle’s home and to see Mr and Mrs Bingley off, as they stopped at Gracechurch Street before beginning their journey to Liverpool Docks. Jane and I hugged and kissed both our eyes glistening and threatening to over spill with tears of joy. “Write to me soon dearest.” I whispered in her ear just before Bingley handed her into his new carriage.

My travel companions and I conversed throughout the journey about the wedding, of course, Kitty repeatedly said what a beautiful bride our eldest sister had made and I was called upon to agree, I was quite content with this until she asked me when I was going to get married, “Lizzy you are my only sister to remain single – Mary is married to the church - you are two and twenty hardly an old maid and I must have some amusement now that I am married it is my job to marry people off and since my niece is still at least fifteen years to young you will have to do.”

“I thought you had given up matchmaking.” I laughed to which she sent me a withering glance. However she did not let up for the whole journey until the moment that I left the carriage and entered the Darcy’s who were to take me to Allcotte. It was our return there when all merriment finally ceased, the news which greeted us was certainly not good news.

Chapter 14

Posted on Thursday, 10 November 2005

“Oh Mr Darcy sir,” Mrs Polson, Allcotte Abbey’s housekeeper greeted him nervously at the door, “I am so glad that you are returned, Dr Faulkner is at this very moment attending to Lady Arabella she has been ill since the moment you left the house, we have been in uproar and nobody knew what to do for the best. Thank goodness you are returned sir, I hope you had a safe journey, well of course you did you’re standing here in one piece, I don’t know what we would do had you not returned today, I’m certain that Dr Faulkner will attend to you when he has seen Lady Arabella he has been above stairs a good half an hour already, I am glad to see you again sir.” She chattered away nervously in one long breath, she was talkative at the best of times and had there not been worried creases spread across her face and her wringing hands one might well have laughed at her manners.

Mr Darcy stiffly thanked her for informing her and then handed his great coat and hat to the butler asking that Dr Faulkner be sent to his study as soon as he was finished with his examination. Then he was gone.

Left to my own devices I returned to my rooms before seeking out the children who were installed in the nursery playing contentedly, oblivious to the troubles of the household. Embracing them all and Martha too, I sat down with them informing them lessons would commence after noon, then handed over the trinkets that I had brought back with me, just bonbons and Rebus Cards that I had found in a toy shop on my one journey out of the house except for Jane’s wedding. While they played with the cards Martha quizzed me on Jane’s wedding. She was by no means an intelligent girl and very timid, but I had a fondness for the drudge of the nursery and was willing to answer her questions as best I could. Her mouth hung open in shock when I described the gown to her. “Oh Miss she mus’ be quiet a gran’ lady now dressed all in silk she must ‘ave looked like a diamon’ of the firs’ water.” This was probably a very apt description of Jane.

I spent the afternoon attending to the children’s lessons and received no call downstairs in the evening, the house seemed oddly quiet the servants were more quiet as they went about their work as usual it was a strangely disconcerting lull. The calm before the storm, so to speak. Yet when all the servants were abed I could hear strange noises which were even more disconcerting, had I believed in ghosts I would likely have petrified myself into thinking that it was the old friar who was said to inhabit the dinning room.

Nellie the maid I had been assigned entered the next morning with a message that the master had asked to see me and would I please be in Mrs Polson’s rooms promptly at nine o clock. Dressing hurriedly I breakfasted before making my way to Mrs Polson’s sitting room. The upper servants were all assembled with the exception of Marie and they all wore the same intrigued expressions on their faces as they awaited Mr Darcy’s appearance patiently.

He blew into the room five minutes late looking distraught, anxious and somewhat relieved all at once. After a pause of some minutes whilst he collected his thoughts he began, “As you are well aware Lady Arabella is not at her best at present, we returned to Allcotte due to concerns over her health. Yesterday, when I spoke with Dr Faulkner he confirmed that she is indeed grievously ill. He informs me that she has consumption and will not last very much longer.” He said all this very steadily, his voice never broke and he seemed most calm about the whole affair, but then that was his manner was it not a cold seemingly impenetrable exterior, who knows what he felt inside? The other servants shook their heads sadly.

“Now,” He continued, “She needs caring for, I have of course hired a nurse and Marie will be helping however, it is not possible for her to spend too much time with Lady Arabella, there being a high risk of her contracting the disease also. This is where your help is required. Mrs Polson, I would like you to select five other housemaids who in your experience are trustworthy and reliable girls who along with yourself and Miss Bennet, providing she agrees will also spend sometime with Lady Arabella, I know her to be a good nurse, and will also nurse her. Mrs Chamber’s you will of course be required to attend your usual tasks, the children, I do not think they should be informed immediately.

“Grahams,” He addressed the butler, “the footmen will be required to move some objects about that the nurse has requested. Equally the house will be closed to all callers, except family should any of the family from Featherstone House call, you will not refuse them entry, and the same goes for Mrs Blythe or Mrs Thursfield.” Kitty seemed an odd person to admit into the house but who was I to question his choice, “John and Finch,” He turned to the first footman and the steward, “Day to day running of the estate will turn to you unless a matter of great importance should arise in which case speak to me, if I am unavailable please send a letter to Master Thomas’ uncle Lord Tyndale. Frasier,” finally he turned to his valet, “I shall require your assistance at all times of the day and night I hope you shall be prepared for this.

“I leave this matter in your capable hands.”

That was it, conducted in a most businesslike manner and for many days that was the last we saw of him.

Mrs Polson was, despite her nonsense chatter, a very intelligent woman and she quickly set about re-organizing the running of the household and a timetable for us to work to during the illness of their master’s mother. Within the matter of only a few hours she had adapted the well run household to be equally as well run as before but accommodating to Lady Arabella’s care. Along with the two nurses that had been hired in total there were eight of Allcotte’s staff taking care of Lady Arabella, myself, Marie, Mrs Polson and five maids, Jemima, Ethel, Fancy, Constance and Helen. We worked six hour shifts at the bedside every other day. My own allotted time was six in the evening till twelve o clock at night. Mrs Polson arranged it so that I would have time for breathing space between the children’s lessons which were still to take place.

So it was that after morning lessons the children were turned back over to Mrs Chambers and Martha where they were taken out to play, Mr Darcy stopped accompanying them and I was infrequent in my trips outside too, for I had very little sleep in the evenings and liked to lie down after lessons. The doctor had informed us all that we were to make absolutely certain that we were all in good health and that if we were not then we were not to take care of the patient, Consumption was an infectious disease.

At six o clock I would find myself making my way to Lady Arabella’s chambers, I was shocked to see her at first. The last time I had seen her she had been small, insignificant and pale, now her face was flushed with fever and her eye’s glazed over, her cough became more and more frequent as the days went by. The door to the room was always firmly shut, as per the Doctor Faulkner’s instructions, she was wrapped in feather blankets and the fire in her room was kept constantly blazing regardless of the warm summer.

My job was less taxing than the one that the nurses had to fulfill, it was simply to keep the fire blazing and bath Lady Arabella’s face if she became too hot although Dr Faulkner was of the belief that the correct cure would be to perspire the illness out of her and that fresh air would do her harm, nonetheless the task was tiring and I was often glad to hand over responsibility to Constance at the end of my shift.

Mr Darcy I had not seen, either in the house in the day or during the evenings that I spent with Lady Arabella, the other nurses had informed me that he frequently visited her ladyship at other times. I could not help but wonder if he was avoiding me which was a ridiculous conjecture on my part as if he would be concerned about me when she was ill.

Roberta was particularly fond of her governess more so that all the other people who surrounded the little girl and whom she held in affection, I was favoured to even her dear Papa. So it was that one morning during her French lesson while reciting verbs she suddenly stopped, “Je hais, tu hais il hait, elle hait, nous haïssons, vous haïssez, ils haïssent, elle haïssent, j’ai haï…Do you know what I have hated Miss Bennet, that you and Papa never play with Priscilla, Tom and I anymore Martha is not half so much fun she cannot play cricket, I wish you would come out with us this afternoon and Papa.”

“En Français Mademoiselle.”

“Oh Miss Bennet, please say that you and Papa will come with us this afternoon, please!”

I looked at the young child’s eager face and relented, “Very well, certainly I shall come though I cannot vouch for your father.”

Thus I found myself outside that afternoon and the children rejoiced when I taught poor Martha how boundaries worked and which trees we used, she promised that now she understood she would defiantly play with them in the afternoons. Until Thomas threw another one of his not infrequent tantrums after Roberta caught him out within three bowls and the girls and I left him and Martha playing battledore and shuttlecock while we picked flowers for drying and pressing. It was a bunch of sweet peas and lavender, my favourite flowers, which I took with me to Lady Arabella’s room that evening and arranged in a vase she mumbled something about them smelling fragrant before sinking into sleep again.

Consumed with my occupation I had failed to hear the door click shut behind me or another person entering the room. On turning I received quite a shock to find him standing in the centre of the room perceiving me at my labour. “I beg your pardon Miss Bennet I did not mean to intrude.” He turned and made his way towards the door, it made it patiently clear that he did not have any desire to be in my presence, I was not about to let that disturb me, if he wanted to see her then who was I to stop him?

He stood a moment in indecision before finally coming to take a seat on the opposite side of the bed. He silently observed her. It was disconcerting that he should be so silent. His gaze continued to follow this bed for several hours as far as I am aware, for I was about my work and really had little time to notice him. No conversation passed between us and he was allowed to carefully study her face for as long as he liked. The room was stiflingly hot, it had been an unseasonably warm day and after several hours I succumbed to bathing her face and chest in cool water, “What are you doing?” He finally asked.

“She will be uncomfortably warm and though it is not best for her fever it cannot harm her when I have not done so for several hours.”

“Yet Dr Faulkner expressly said today that we were to avoid such a treatment and that she was getting no better, surely you do not think that it will be better for her do you?”

“Tell me Mr Darcy had you been ill and the weather was warm would you want your discomfort increased by such neglect?” He looked a little bashful, “No I thought not now please let me do what I think is best and if you cannot agree then I suggest you leave this room.” I rebuked him sharply.

“Yes Miss Bennet.” He said in a solemn manner much like that of the children when I had had to scold them for some act or another.

We lapsed into silence again this time more comfortable silence but silence nonetheless, as he continued on in his musings of Lady Arabella’s face. In time I turned to study it myself, she was changed, she no longer had the stunning but icy beauty in her face that she had possessed when I first knew her, I realized now that it had been several months since I had seen her looking quite the way she once did. How had we all failed to notice that Lady Arabella was failing in health? Now she was a mere shadow of the overbearing and handsome woman she had once been, it would make anyone sad to see her now, despite her general unpopularity. I felt nothing but pity and sorrow for the woman who was in a sense a rival for the affection’s of Mr Darcy, although in reality she was married to him and he did not care for me.

When the clock on the hallway struck twelve o clock Constance appeared promptly to relieve me of my watch and I left Mr Darcy still watching the silently sleeping form in the great four-poster bed taking walking towards the servants door Constance had just entered I whispered in her ear, “Lady Arabella seems a little better this evening less restless and fretful, however, I warn you to keep an eye on Mr Darcy he is acting in a most disconcerting manner.”

In similarly hushed tones Constance answered my comment explaining, “Oh ma’am do not be too concerned by Mr Darcy he is always that way comes in at all times of the night silent as the friar that walks these corridors and sits down and just watches with eerie silence he don’t never say nothing ma’am, you get used to it after a time, I s’pose he’s just grieving her. I remember when the mistress first came here when she was fair young and it pains me now to see her this way.” She then walked hurriedly over to the bed and felt Lady Arabella’s forehead with a mutter of “Let us see how she seems” and seemingly content with her analysis sat down to some knitting.

After that visit to see Lady Arabella during my shift his appearance suddenly became more and more frequent until eventually every time I was sitting with our patient he always appeared to sit with her. Quite a strange occurrence I thought, he never spoke to me other than to say good evening and goodnight when I was replaced by Constance. Sometimes I was negligent in taking care of her and watched him instead ignorant of whether or not he knew I was doing so, I never spoke to him, he set the ‘tone’ of these visits to the patient and I was unprepared to go against his wishes. At least at first, then one evening on hearing his discontented little sigh (he had sounded very much like a little boy) I finally summoned enough courage to inquire of him what the matter was.

Watching me for several seconds before forming his reply he looked down at his lap and away from Lady Arabella before speaking, “I was wondering…” He did not elaborate on this comment just returned his steadfast gaze to the sleeping figure. Eventually he seemed to realize he had been in mid sentence and spoke to my inquiring look, “Very well, I was thinking about the first time I met her, I do not suppose that you have ever heard about our initial meeting.” I refrained from making a reply. I had heard whispers about it at Christmas but was not certain that I wished for him to know that I listened to gossip.

“The first time I met Lady Arabella Featherstone was at a ball held by my Aunt and Uncle Lord and Lady Matlock, it was a ball held in honour of their youngest daughter, and my cousin Cordelia had just come out as had Lady Arabella. I had not particularly wanted to attend having returned from Cambridge because my father was very ill, however my Aunt and Delia had insisted – she and I were only two years apart in age and she had always been something of a favourite with me -- so I attended and left my father for the evening. It was there that I was introduced the belle of the season Lady Arabella Featherstone.

“I was completely enchanted by the young lady who stood so demurely before me, as may I add was half the room, and immediately I thought myself in love with her so I actually asked her to dance, that of course caused whispers even in those days I was often reticent to dance yet there I was acting in a manner you may well think more suited to Bingley than I. I danced the two sets with her and probably would have danced more had it not been for the fact that she was in great demand and she had no other set for me to single her out again so I had to be content with what little honour she could bestow on me. Honour me she most certainly did, she seemed interested, genuinely so in what I had to say, she smiled and flirted and needless to say I was lost.”

I could hardly help from frowning after that comment, I did not want to hear that he admired her although I should have accepted it by this time; he was married to her for goodness sake!

“When our dance was over I sought out Cordelia and gained information from her. You have never met Delia; she was one of my greatest childhood companions much to Lady Catherine’s displeasure the family once thought that I would marry her instead of Anne. She and I were very young at the time of course and I felt no affection for her other than that of a dear cousin. However it never would have come to pass even if I did, she was offered for by another Earl and her parents forced the match upon her, Delia hated it and while he was never cruel to her, she suffered bouts of depression. She died some years ago; the child she bore is weak still but survived. Anyway, Cordelia had been at school with Lady Arabella and was my cousin’s greatest friend. I knew she could supply me with more information about the young lady.

“Lady Arabella Featherstone was Delia informed me, the most sought after young lady that season, she was admired for her beauty, her manners, her connections, fortune and intelligence, for these reasons she far surpassed any of the other debutants. But being so sought after brought about its problems, she had ‘set her cap’ Delia told me at a Duke, the Duke of Rochester to be precise. I knew of him of course, her family did not approve of the match, no self respecting family would but Lady Arabella was determined. She had a mercenary streak in her even then and was determined that she would make the best match she could within her first season. I had not a hope.

“However that did not deter me and the next morning I took Cordelia to make a call on her friend, determined to spend as much time with her as possible. I had almost forgotten that it was my father who I had come to see. She was sitting with two Ladies, her Aunt the Countess of Arden and her sister the Countess of Newlyn (who was even then just as she is now). Her aunt was a quiet woman and the young girl who I had come to call on was all that was sweet an innocent and charming she had several other gentlemen callers, including the Duke who was coldly received by Lady Arden but warmly welcomed by Lady Newlyn and Lady Arabella. Even her mercenary streak did nothing to deter me. She was such a delightful creature. She was Miss Bennet, I did not deceive myself. She was not always cold hearted and harsh, it pains me to speak ill of her but I must say she has changed.

“I returned to Cambridge my head full of her, full of hopes that she would not marry and that when I left University I would have the opportunity to make an offer for the goddess I had discovered in town, in fact I serious considered leaving Cambridge to marry her. Of course you and I both know that that was not to be. She never married that Duke, much to the relief of many people; her uncle who was head of the family in those days and refuse the suit. Lady Arabella, was sent home to Featherstone House but determined not to be thwarted accepted the first man who offered for her, the elderly Mr Robert Sutton to everyone’s great delight, except perhaps her stepmother but the match seemed a happy one at first and within the matter of a few months they had a child Priscilla. In those days Lady Tyndale had been fond of her daughter by marriage, when she had married the late Lord Tyndale Arabella had been little more than a baby and Lady Tyndale took her on as her own. Unlike Augusta who had been who almost ten years older, she was already spoilt and too like her mother. Lady Arabella Featherstone inherited all the merits of the dowager and it was this I think, not only her ethereal looks which enchanted me.

“I hardly ever met her during her married state though she was frequently in town there were perhaps two occasions when I met with her out in society. I know not the particulars of her marriage, but it was certainly not a happy one the master of Allcotte was old in years and his previous wife had died childless he was desperate for an heir he probably mistreated and embarrassed her, she has never told anyone but Lady Newlyn, who at this period became her trusted confidant. It was May after my visit to Kent when I met her again. Georgiana had insisted that I attend an event hosted by Aunt Matlock. She was there as beautiful as ever and I recalled my old infatuation of her soon unwisely made myself agreeable to her and began to court her again, I did not want to but…”

Here he trailed off, from what I could make out between the lines when he returned to London following my refusal of his proposal, he had withdrawn completely, perhaps in depression – his pain was not short lived, but I always knew he was not a man who felt things by halves – and he had met his ‘first love’ again. I prayed that he who had ‘lost hope’ that I should ever accept him or see him again had tried to convince himself that he was in love with this woman. Oh if only I had received his letter! He seemed unable to continue, I reached across the huge bed that lay between us and squeezed his hand, “I understand sir, you need not tell me.”

“So it was that I found myself escorting Bingley, his family several other members of my acquaintance, Georgiana, Lady Arabella and her children to Pemberley and I was engaged to her! Engaged to be married when all the time I … Well it was not until after our engagement that I began to notice the change in her, she was callous, cold, calculating and all together more mercenary than ever before, all the gaiety and charm I had once admired in her was dissipated. By then it was of course too late to change my mind, I like to think that despite my faults I remain the honourable gentleman and I would not ruin her reputation for the world, even if it was just a case of my pride forbidding it.

“You know the rest of course, I married her set off on a tour of the continent and then returned to England to find you installed in my schoolroom. And here I am now sitting with her and you and I wonder what happened to the real Lady Arabella Featherstone, what happened to her as Arabella Sutton that changed her so much? How could someone treat someone like her the way he did? She did not deserve all that she received at his feet. As her next husband I have hardly done a better job of it, I hoped I could bring her back she would at least be some comfort to me but she was too old and set in her ways by then. I grieve for her Elizabeth.”

That was the end of his story he filled in the blanks of the middle of his story what had occurred in the interim of our acquaintance that had induce him to marry her. Did he love her? Did he not? That was what I could not understand. He grieved for her, so he had been in love with her former self the way in which he described her she sounded as though one could not help but love her. Why should I be jealous? We neither of us had his love and admiration now. Lady Arabella was not my rival but my contemporary. With renewed compassion for the woman who for many months I had hated I set about work again.

After that day he and I frequently talked during the period in which I took care of Lady Arabella. Some days he was silent but usually we would talk of nonsense in general or he brought a book to read to ostensibly Lady Arabella but by this time she was conscious of very little. He did not select particularly taxing material but he patiently ploughed his way through several novels while wondering what kind of person read this type of rubbish it was little wonder that young ladies were so stupid if the heroines they admired were so too. “I shall be having words with Henriette and Georgiana about the books they are reading.” He declared with a frown.

Day by day we could all perceive that the Lady of the house was failing, it was more disturbing to watch than Mamma even. In early August Dr Faulkner sadly shook his head and said that he did not think that treatment was working, it was the other maids who suggested that we try more traditional treatments, and we tried everything that we knew. When bleeding failed to break the fever Lady Arabella was forced to drink garlic and dogs fat, inhale the smoke from burning cow dung and have seaweed place under her bed as per Dr Laennec’s theories.¹

It was the same day that this decision was reached that Mr Darcy’s conversation took a serious bent again. Until this point he had refrained from telling Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas that their mother was ill, he had I suppose had some hope that she would recover, now we all seemed to be loosing hope and he realized that it was imperative that he tell the children that their mother was dying, “I should have told them of this when Dr Faulkner first told me, instead I have kept them ignorant and now there is little time left for them.”

“Perhaps it would have been wiser to tell them when we first knew but Dr Faulkner indicated that there was some chance of recovery you did not wish to disturb them unduly, we can all look at occurrences in the past that we wish we had handled differently in retrospect.”

“It concerns me that you should be so accommodating madam. Normally you delight in disagreeing.”

“Certainly but this you must agree is a most serious matter and not the correct time for me to tease.”

“Just how am I to break the news to them that their mother is to die they are too young to understand and yet too old to be completely ignorant of the circumstance, it pains me to have to tell them. They idolize her you know?”

“Not as much as they adore you sir. They shall understand though it will take more time for them to accept. It is sad to say so but children lose their parents’ everyday it is a sad fact but it will always be that way. Why both you and I are orphans and Georgiana was only a young girl when your father passed on, she learnt to cope.”

“I suspect you are right, still I am uncomfortable telling them the news, I do not know how it is best to go about telling a child such a thing.”

“Did you not tell Georgiana when your father was ill? Surely she would have some advice on how the matter is best dealt with.”

“She did not react well when I informed her, no doubt I shall make more of a mess this time.” He frowned thoughtfully.

“I sincerely doubt that any child would take the news well that there parent is to die. Perhaps if Lord Tyndale were to aid you and Georgiana it would be better for them.” I replied after several minutes of thought.

“Perhaps, he and I shall share their guardianship so no doubt as their uncle he has as much right to tell them as I, if not more.”

His interview with the children was held in the nursery, a familiar environment to the dears, I have not idea what was said in that room but judging by the reaction of the children after the event the discussion was dealt with well in their lessons they were downcast but not beyond consolation, I was careful with them during these remaining days not over taxing but keeping their little minds occupied. They were not overly close to their mother, Priscilla idolized her but was held at a distance and though she imitated her mother I had never seen any further display of affection towards her. Roberta, adored everyone she knew but her mother was a woman that she hardly ever saw, it was unlikely she would feel more than common distress. Thomas had been eager for his mother’s attention originally however as time passed he began to recognize that she was unprepared to give it to him and soon lost interest in her. This behaviour in her in the earlier stages of our acquaintance had led to my scorn. Following the description of her previous life with Mr Sutton, I understood that perhaps association with her children caused unpleasant memories and though I still could not condone her actions I understood them better.

For a fortnight those of us who had been assigned the position of nurse to Lady Arabella worked tirelessly to take care of the fading patient. With renewed interest I prayed daily that she would survive, and with long standing affection for the young mistress the others were determined to keep her alive, they had known her in her young and gay days and whereas in Derbyshire or Town she would not have received the same attentive solicitation she certainly found it here. We were of course aware that there was little room for hope, she was not strong, she would not recover and the remedies now being subscribed to her were not the sort that were renowned for working successfully, they were more like traditional rumours that had had infrequent success and were now being employed by Dr Faulkner out of sheer desperation rather than professional dependence.

Mr Darcy during this time, I think the poor man hardly slept, whenever I entered the sickroom he was there and whenever I left the sickroom he was still there. There were dark circle under his eyes that looked as if they had take up permanent residence there, I wondered if he ever slept or did he now spend every living minute in that room. If it had been my place I would have spoken with Dr Faulkner and have him tell Mr Darcy it was bad for his own health. Apparently though with renewed affection for Lady Arabella he chose not to leave her chambers but keep his guard over her enduringly.

And Georgiana? Where was she during this period of premature mourning? Well her brother had removed her from the house and she had been sent over to Featherstone House with Henriette, Kitty and Mrs Blythe for company. She and her sister had never been what one could describe as close; Georgiana just existed as a necessary fixture in the family as Darcy’s sister. However, she was as much taken advantage of as everything else. Lady Arabella was never unkind but neither was she particularly encouraging, the season in town for example, had been focused on Henriette’s courtship of Lord Meriden that was not to say that Georgiana’s suitors had been neglected, she was just as careful to manipulate, after all family connections were everything to that lady. Georgiana had of course been distressed by the news and that was part of the reason for her removal, everyone felt that she would be best at dealing with the situation if she was not present.

She and the other family members at Featherstone visited regularly, almost daily the Lady Tyndale was constantly in tears sobbing over the fate of her poor dear girl. After all this was the woman who for ten years had not been on happy terms with her daughter, there was a certain amount of guilt attached to her grief along with the affection for her adopted child that had never quite burnt out. Even Henriette and Lord Tyndale who frequently made sport of the elder sister’s behaviour were sobered and sombre. Lord Tyndale once reflected on his relationship with Arabella when they were children, his rapport with the older sister had been far stronger than it had with the baby sister Henriette who he told was a little pain who followed them everywhere determinedly and wanted to know everything.

Kitty and Mr Thursfield also visited her, the Thursfields had been long term friends of Featherstone family and Jonathan and his brothers and sisters had been frequently in company with the young Featherstone children in their earlier years, it was with a great deal of now dissipated affection that he too returned to sit by her bedside and read to her, from the bible. Lady Arabella had begged that he be the one to do so as opposed to the elder man who her late husband had given the position to.

It was a great tragedy, I thought that it was this event that had healed so many years of discontent within the family, and so much time had been wasted. Only now with the impending death of the member who had sparked this unfortunate circumstance and her own apparent repentance that was fixing the breach, that was leading to the forgiveness of all those people who loved her. It was bittersweet, that while she was learning to regret her actions openly that there would be little time left for her in this life and that the reconciliation was soon to be disturbed. Her own family who for many years had been practically estranged from her, her childhood friends too. Even I was learning to see her in a different light. The woman who months ago I could barely pity, I now felt like I could cry for and I regretted every moment that I had envied her.

Eventually the time came that we now all dreaded. She had seemed a little better that day and everyone who had visited had left promising that they would return tomorrow to visit again. Mr Darcy had slipped out of the room for a few moments, the nurse was seeing to something and I was left alone with her, I was reading The Wanderer aloud to her, she had just woken up. In the space of only a few moments her temperature suddenly fluctuated and when I looked up her face was dangerously flushed, I made to cool it down with the cloth but she held up her hand and stopped me. She weakly indicated that I should continue reading however I refused and carefully went about trying to tend to her and ensure her comfort. “Miss … Bennet I … I must beg … your forgive…ness.”

“No..” I began, truly she did not need my forgiveness, for I understood her motivation at the very least now and I felt a certain sympathy for her plight during the period she had been the wife of Robert Sutton.

“I must.”

“Truly your Ladyship there is no need for any.”

“But there … there is. I have … been cru … cruel … to you during your … time as my children’s … governess. … Never one … once have … I expr … expressed how grateful, I am to you … you have done an … an excel … excellent … job … and I must have you know … that … that … I am … very … thankful … for them … having had you … perhaps … they will learn what I … nev … never … did … that you are an … amazing young … woman … and that … your lack of connections … and … fortune … mean … nothing … to how goo … good a per … person is. I wish … that I had … not judged you … for it … nor been so jealous … of you.”

“Why?” I knew I should not over excerpt her but I could not refrain from asking.

“The relationship … between you … you and … my husband…”

“Your Ladyship,” I said my indignation returning once again, “There has never been a relationship between your husband and I beyond that of common and indifferent acquaintances, there has never been the slightest hint of impropriety I am not his…”

“No … you miss … mistake my … my meaning … I envy you … he admires ... you … I could never do that … ex … excite his admiration … I married him … for … for all … the … wrong … reasons ... but there … there … were times … I want … wanted to be … a good … good wife … to him … it was … I didn’t … know how … I could … not … trust him.”

I felt another swell of sympathy. I knew why she had married him, for position, not fortune but because she would succeed in conquering the unconquerable Fitzwilliam Darcy if she accepted. It was certainly misguided. However there was more to the discord of their marriage than that. She could not bring herself to trust either herself or him following her disastrous marriage. Who could blame her? Who could blame her for having been difficult during their marriage? She should never have married Mr Darcy and though realization of her errors had come to late at least she did repent and truly I believed that she did repent her actions. I squeezed the perspiring hand that had slipped between me to convey my forgiveness and support to the dying woman and to tell her there was no need for further talk, she should conserve her energy.

Only a few minutes later Mr Darcy repaired to the room his face on perceiving Lady Arabella immediately awash with anxiety, “Good God what is wrong with her?” He rushed to her side although he did not take her hand in his but looked on anxiously. “She is not well.”

“Of course … I am not … well … for good… goodness sake Darcy … I am dying.” She said with just a small hint of wryness in her voice – I was amazed that she could see the humour in this of all things -, instead of the coldness that had formerly ruled her voice.

“Do not say such things, Dr Faulkner still says you may recover yet.” He announced firmly, I felt as though I were intruding on an intimate moment and ought not be in the room at all.

“What … what rubbish you … do talk … I … know … that … I … am dying … that … there … is … not much … time… left for … me … in … this … life … I … just … want … you … to … know … that … I am … sorry for … for not … be … being … a better … wife … to you … and a … better … mother … to my … children … and … a bet …better … person … I am … sorry.” She sobbed between breathless rasps. She never spoke again after that, but fell into a restless slumber.

I continued to sit with her throughout the night and even when Constance arrived to take over her duties both Mr Darcy and I chose to remain by her side. She tossed her head restlessly and then was still as could be, her breath coming short and fast in painful struggle that echoed around the whole room. I cannot quite describe the noise, it was terrifying but I could not leave her, neither could my other three companions. We all sat around the state bed that she lay in huddled up in feather coverlets and blankets still our eyes permanently focused upon the silent and then restless body of Lady Arabella that lay in it in her remote borderland between life and death.

Finally she succumbed to her fight for life and at fourteen minutes past three on the morning of the eleventh of August, Lady Arabella Narcissia Zenobia Darcy drew her very last breath on this earth, as Constance noted in the aftermath only a few days before her wedding anniversary to the master (by this she was referring to Mr Sutton.) For several moments we all watched our own breaths similarly still clinging to the hope that more would soon follow. However it was not to be and Constance, her faithful servant leaned over eventually and closed her eyelids for the last time. The great lady herself was dead of a consumption at the age of only twenty eight what a great pity it was.

In the words of Mamma, what was to become of us all?

Continued in Next Section