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Chapter 9

Posted on Tuesday, 27 September 2005

Though Henriette was pleased with the success of the ball other members of the household were not so content. Lady Arabella was distraught that Lady Catherine de Bourgh, a woman who had refused to recognize her as mistress of the house had succeeded in gaining admittance and consequently caused such a scene of scandal that even she was ashamed. Georgiana had been uncomfortable and upset by her Aunt was more quiet than usual for several days. What Mr Darcy though I have not the slightest idea. However, they were obliged to wear a façade of cheerfulness on the 21^st of March only two days later for Priscilla’s ninth birthday. Lady Arabella arranged a tea party and a conjurer for her, with some other young children and their mothers. It was of course nothing more than an opportunity for her to integrate her children early on with the most wealthy and well connected children.

I who had been made uncomfortable by Lady Catherine’s disapproval of me had made every attempt to distance myself from the family for the next couple of weeks. In fact I had gone so far as to consider returning to Gracechurch Street but neither my own pride nor my affection for my three young charges would allow me to, so I contented myself with every possible attempt to distance myself from the family. This was easy enough to accomplish after Priscilla’s birthday as the family were much engaged, the London Season now being in full swing. Every Sunday evening I would be invited downstairs with the children – though I had the distinct impression that Lady Arabella did not approve, those evenings were quiet the children would sit still while we read to them. Georgiana and Henriette would frequently visit me while the children ate their luncheon and tell me of the schemes and outings, even Mr Darcy continued with his frequent visits to the school room. Sometimes they would join me when I walked out with the children to the park in the afternoon.

Only one topic of conversation could interest him during these times, he was always eager to hear of Rachel. I was not going mad as I had first thought the day he spoke to me in Pemberley’s gallery. I was glad, for the sake of my sanity, to see he apparently agreed that he was perhaps more closely connected to the Wickham family than any of us had previously thought. Rachel was our common connection and he I was certain would always remain at a distance to help her weather he could publicly acknowledge her or not.

On one such occasion he came across me in the library one evening. “I thought you had gone out to the theatre this evening sir.” I said as I curtseyed.

“Yes that had been my intention however I was with held by business and the performance has started now. A quiet evening would be welcome though so it is of little matter.”

I took this to mean that he wished to have the library to himself so rose from my seat again. “You are not leaving I hope Miss Bennet.”

“I thought…”

“No, you are quite welcome to stay.” He said as if reading my mind, he plucked a book off the shelves scanned the first page and put it back then taking another out added seemingly nonchalantly, “You received a letter from your sister Mrs Thursfield today did you not?”

I confirmed his question but said nothing more knowing that if he wanted to know he would ask after a slight pause he asked after my niece so I humoured him, “Kitty says that she thinks she may start walking soon and perhaps even talking she can already say Mama and Papa and a few other words and she likes having Mr Thursfield read to her too.”

“Then she is well, I am pleased to hear it.”

“Well, Kitty says that she has been a little peevish of late and thinks she might be coming down with something.” I admitted after a slight pause, wondering if I should tell him.

“Has she seen a doctor?” He asked sitting up a little straighter.

“No, they have had the apothecary though; he seems to think it nothing, she was troubled similarly when she was younger.” I continued trying to abate his evident concern for the infant.

“He is only an apothecary, perhaps she needs a doctor from town, ask Mrs Thursfield and I shall send one down if she requires it.”

This I felt was taking his interest a little too far. Rachel was not desperately ill and Kitty had suggested that it was perhaps caused by tiredness anyway; Rachel had never been a good sleeper. “Really sir there is no need for that. Kitty believes that it could be caused by tiredness.”

“None the less I would feel responsible if she were ill.” He seemed completely determined and I had a foreboding feeling that this was about to turn into a battle of the wills between the two of us.

“There would be no reason for you to feel so for she is the responsibility of Kitty and Jonathan not you.” I tried to say this peacefully but by the end of my sentence I could feel my voice beginning to rise.

“You think she is not my responsibility, for God’s sake she is my niece!”

I stared at him quite openly in silence. Never had we been so open about his connection to her, after all it was really nothing but conjecture on our part and it was not proper for him to admit it anyway. It would compromise the Darcy family in an inconceivable way for him to recognize the illegitimate child of another illegitimate child as his relation.

“However as much I would wish to deny a connection with that man Rachel is living proof that Wickham was my father’s son, a fact which I had long suspected anyway when I remembered my father’s treatment of him. She is my responsibility and her unfortunate beginnings in this world are a direct result of my pride.”

So you wish to use Rachel as a scapegoat for your guilt do you?” I snarled at him loosing my temper.

“I never said that, but had I seen fit to reveal his treatment of Georgiana to the world he could never of got away with injuring your family in the way he has done, in a way in which it pains me to see, and you and I would not be standing here having this argument today but for my arrogance.” Clearly this was something that had been bothering him for some time. “So yes I do feel that I owe Rachel something I have deprived her of loving parents and a normal life where she will not be burdened with the label of a bastard because one day people will know it and I feel that I have to show her some care even if it does not make up for my past errors.

“So yes, I do feel that I owe Rachel something. I have deprived her of loving parents and a normal life where she will not be burdened with the label of a bastard because one day people will know it and I feel that I have to show her some care even if it does not make up for my past errors.”

He stood up and walked towards the fireplace and rested his head against the mirror. I knew he was either upset or angry and I was the cause of his present discomfort, for jumping to conclusions that he thought money would help Rachel. In his own way he wanted to care for her too, just like the rest of us did and this was his way of showing it. He could never openly admit that she was his niece too, but I knew that he would always be taking care of her on the side lines. I took a step towards him and touched his arm lightly, he looked up startled, “I am sorry for jumping to conclusions,” I said biting my lip in uncertainty he smiled slightly, the tension in his face easing, “it seems to be something of a habit of mine.”

“Apology accepted and I must beg your forgiveness for losing my temper.”

Not all our conversations were that serious, and often we spoke of other matters than Rachel. One subject we avoided studiously though was Mr Bingley. Elsie, informed me he had been to call on Mr Darcy after he had recovered from his bout of influenza. Mr Darcy had unfortunately been out and from what I could understand had not yet seen him for more that five minutes and there had been no time to discuss anything with him about Jane. I hoped it would come soon enough for the last time I had met with Jane, on my day off, she had defiantly not been in the best of spirits.

But that was to soon be remedied for Lady Arabella was organizing a dinner party, which I was certain he would be invited to. She had an eye on a suitor for poor Henriette, the Earl of Meriden. He was as she and Georgiana had said a pleasant enough gentleman, but old enough to be their fathers at the very least, they had both danced with him at their ball. “I don’t know how Arabella could expect me to marry him.” She commented. “She just keeps telling me that he will be an excellent connection if I marry him.”

“He’s an agreeable gentleman though Henriette.” Georgiana said.

“Yes, at least he does not go on about his gouty foot like Mr Ulverley did, that was dreadful, I though I should have gagged.”

Actually Mr Ulverley’s gout had been a great source of hilarity between them for he had worded his speech about gout and his doctor’s advice exactly the same to both of them. I think he was attempting to tempt them into matrimony with the prospect of a very long trip to Bath. On second thoughts, perhaps he was not particularly skilled in the art of conversation, for he must realize that it is not the type of thing a well brought up young lady wants to hear, no it’s not the type of thing that any lady young or old, rich or poor would want to hear.

On the evening of the aforementioned dinner party I had aided Georgiana and Henriette in dressing before returning to my own room when they made their way downstairs again to greet guests. About half an hour later I found myself creeping downstairs to the library. I could hear heated voices coming from behind the closed door of a sitting room, as I drew closer to the library, “I cannot believe that she has done this too me, my own sister and leaving it until the last moment to tell me, it is insupportable. What am I supposed to do now, some of the guests have already seen the table, and the numbers are uneven. I cannot just remove a plate!”

“Madam, your behaviour astonishes me it will not hurt to remove one setting, she is ill for goodness sake. If anybody asks just in form them that Lady Newlyn is indisposed.” He said calmly opening the door, I hoped he had not noticed me or that he would not think me eavesdropping, I was quite some distance from the door, which was not the case, “Miss Bennet?” He called out, I took a few more steps away and then turned around, “Miss Bennet, it seems that we have had a guest cancel at the last minute and we would be very much obliged if you would make up the numbers.” Lady Arabella stepped out the door behind him a look of horror crossing her face at this suggestion. Undoubtedly his proposition was just as troublesome to her as the idea of removing a plate it could not be done.

Not knowing quite how to respond to this invitation my conscience told me not to attend but it would hardly be polite to refuse, I murmured something incoherent, which they seemed to take as an acceptance, he look pleased, she looked like a thundercloud, “Well in that case Miss Bennet, you had best attend to you toilette, for you cannot wear that to a dinner party with such guests as ours. Hurry up dinner is to be served in twenty minutes.” I supposed then that I was attending.

Despite her conviction that she could not re-arrange the table and remove a plate, Lady Arabella did find time enough to reorganize the seating arrangement, if my position at the table were anything to judge by. For certainly she would not have placed Lady Newlyn in such a precarious position, I was as far away from the hosts as I could be and amongst some rather suspect dining companions: Miss Bingley, an inebriated Mr Hurst like gentleman, and an impoverished gentleman with a nervous twitch. As we sat down at the table there were one or two confused glances at the place cards and then at me since I had not had time to be introduced. What a good thing I was already acquainted with Miss Bingley!

Dinner was a splendid affair with four courses and several removes. The conversation was sufficiently fluent although for the most part I had not the smallest idea who they spoke of and for the most part my own companions were silent and I ate my own meal quietly. Finally Miss Bingley decided to break the silences when the table was sufficiently lulled, “Eliza, I hear that your parents have passed away?” She said rudely, I knew that there was worse to come from her than this meager attempt, so taking a deep breath I replied in the affirmative.

“So are all your sisters working for their keep now?”

“No Miss Bingley, only me.”

“Oh and are your other sisters living with someone else or are they married?”

I saw Mr Bingley, seated quite some distance from us perk up at the mention of al my other sisters, “No Miss Bingley only Kitty has married.”

“Oh to a red coat, one of the militia quartered at Meryton I suppose I recall hearing something of the sort nearly two years ago now.”

“No Miss Bingley, a clergyman as it happens.”

“Really, I am all astonishment!” She was silent for a moment, “Your younger sisters were not greatly taken with clergymen the last time I saw them. I am certain that I heard something about a redcoat. Oh yes now I remember! It was Miss Lydia, she eloped with a redcoat did she not.”

Her finally comment had the desired affect the whole table ceased talking and were staring quite openly at us both, mouths wide open in astonishment. “But she did not marry him I take it.”

Oh Lord!

“Fitzwilliam” “Tyndale” “Francis” “Darcy” Four voices spoke in loud unison.

All attention was now diverted from my direction although Mr Bingley did glare harshly at his sister. I finished my meal in silence relieved that no more had been revealed to these unknown people. When it came time for the ladies to withdraw from the room Henriette and Georgiana rushed towards me and each grabbed an arm violently dragging me into the drawing room. “Lizzy, I must speak with you!” Henriette declared pulling me into another sitting room before her sister could object. “Are you well? Do not concern yourself by what Miss Bingley said, we none of us pay her much mind anyway, she’s just a selfish old tabby.”

I assured them repeatedly that I was fine and they entreated me to reveal the truth, finally they were convinced that I may not have been best pleased, but that I was by no means as upset as they imagined. At length we returned to the drawing room where the other ladies were amusing themselves with gossip. Henriette and Georgiana paused in the doorway and carefully scanned the room before choosing to join a small group of young ladies. They began a discussion about a play they had attending a few evenings ago. I had read the play and we were so absorbed in discussing our opinions on it that we failed to notice, at first, that we had an intruder in our midst. It was not long before we failed to notice Mr Bingley had entered the room when he made no attempt to conceal his fury by announcing, “Caroline. I have ordered the carriage. We are departing this minute. Collect your things!”

“Charles!” She laughed falsely, “Whatever are you talking of? Of course we are not leaving, it is rude, refreshments and supper have yet to be served.”

“I assure you we are leaving now!” He cried.

“Charles, really, it is the height of bad manners you have not even spoken with dear Georgiana yet, whatever are you thinking?”

“Do as I ask Caroline. I will not be argued with on this. Collect your belonging now.”

“Brother your manners are abominable, whatever shall Mr Darcy think?”

“The same might be said of you sister. Come along!” He hissed pulling her up from the seat by her arm and leading her from the room, she hurried along beside him uttering loud protestations as she left the room and we all stared after them interested by the little scene being played out.

“What will people think? What will Mr Darcy think?” She whined. Apparently her admiration and attentiveness to Mr Darcy was not yet done away with for she still desired his good opinion, I seriously wondered why, the man was married and nothing but marriage to a rich and highly connected gentleman would satisfy Caroline Bingley.

“Frankly, I couldn’t give a damn what Darcy thinks!” He barked in anguish, slamming the door behind him.

The room fell silent as every lady in the room continued to stare in wonder at the door through which they had just departed, eventually a dim murmur encroached as the young ladies turned excitedly to one another and the matrons equally so, they whispered in an endeavour to conceal their gossiping, “Goodness!” Henriette gasped, “What on earth do you think all that was about?”

I did not answer but had a fair idea what could have caused the scene, I half hoped it had caused it, but my guilty conscience irked me and then I began to pray that it had not been the case. Oh I did not know what I wanted!

When the gentlemen finally returned to our midst’s we were still in such wonder over the Bingley’s behaviour that we failed to even acknowledge them and dear Georgiana had to be reminded gently that she had duties to attend. Blushing she handed the cups of tea and coffee and cakes over to the guests who then began to mingle. The divisions were not surprising, several of the single gentlemen made their way over to the other group of young ladies, and one over to the matrons where he focused his attention on one lady in particular, the other gentlemen chose to engage in some kind of political debate. Only Lord Tyndale made his way over to our little party. “Good evening ladies, what may I ask what do you find so amusing?” He asked us with a wry grin and seated himself in the empty chair next to mine.

“Oh Francis,” Henriette gasped gaily, “I shall not tell you for you shall only scold me!” She declared.

“Then I shall not press you, for when you are resolved not to tell your secret you never will, I suspect it was something entirely inappropriate anyhow, in which case I do not wish to know!” Henriette pouted slightly for she had really wanted to tell him and only wanted a little pressing.

When music was suggested the girls leapt at the opportunity to perform and show off their accomplishments, Miss Philippa chose to go first and almost demanded that Lord Tyndale turned the pages for her, she was followed by Henriette, Miss Thomas, Miss Schofield, Miss D’Arbely, Miss Howard and Lady Blanche an arrogant young lady. Georgiana suddenly became very shy and demurred against playing or singing at all despite her brother and Henriette pressing her to do so. “I beg of you not to make me perform this evening, I do not feel equal to it.” She said politely to the room at large. The others all exclaimed against her declaration and abused her stupidly. Mr Darcy was the only one who remained silent; he never pushed her too much or forced her to do what she did not wish. Sometimes I felt that his lack of encouragement and mollycoddling did her more harm than good, but it was what he thought best and it was not my business to challenge that.

“Georgiana, what is wrong with performing just a short piece for the company? You need not sing.”

“But all the other young ladies have sung and people will think I am not as accomplished as they are.”

I very nearly asked her if she would jump off a cliff just because they had but held my tongue.

“Georgiana,” Henriette whispered to her so nobody else would hear, “would you be willing to play if Lizzy would sing for you?”

I almost protested and Georgiana still looked reticent to comply with everyone’s wishes but she nodded her head in acquiesce and we made our way over to the pianoforte to select some music together. It was a very rare occasion that Georgiana and I played duets and so we did not have a very good idea of which was best to play. After fussing sometime while we debated what to play, Mr Darcy interrupted, “Will you not play Dalla Guerra Amorosa you and Miss Bennet always perform that piece beautifully.” Up until this point he had been withdrawn from the company and seemed to be paying not the slightest bit of attention to the proceedings of the evening, Lord Tyndale suddenly leapt from his seat and offered to turn the pages. Shuffling through the scores we finally found the piece suggested for us and Georgiana played the introduction, beautifully as always, before I commenced singing the words of the song:

I had been reticent to sing for some while now except in the presence of the children or my two friends, ever since I had sung at Pemberley that evening for the very reason that when ever I sang I could not help but look at him, once again our eyes seemed to meet unintentionally and I found that I could not draw my gaze away as I sang those words. I have not the slightest clue what the rest of the room thought, or even if they took notice of our actions. It confused me heartily, why did he have this strange effect on me?

“Miss Bennet, you sing most beautifully, we should all be honoured if you would play again for the company, are you to oblige us.” Lord Tyndale commenced with praising me.

“I thank you for the compliment sir, but I have no wish to perform again tonight.” I said flushing a little deeper

“But you sing so admirably, I am certain Miss Darcy will oblige us by accompanying you.”

“Miss Bennet, are you quite well you appear incredibly flushed.”

“I’m quite well I thank you my Lord.” I replied pressing my hands to my burning cheeks and blushing in more shame for my silly behaviour. He refused to let his observation drop however and continued to ask if I was quite well.

“Here come and sit down and I will fetch you some wine.” He said taking my arm and leading me over to a sofa to sit down.

“Francis don’t fuss over her she is quite well, it was just the exertion of the performance was it not Lizzy?” Henriette cried out quickly, “But do not fetch her wine, it shall only make her warmer, a glass of water will be much more adequate.” She pushed him over in the direction of the refreshment table. While we awaited his return Henriette seemed to be studying my face carefully, Lord Meriden took it upon himself to inquire if Lady Henriette required any refreshment and she carelessly declined the offer with a sharp word and little gratitude, he did not seem to be bothered by her dismissal however. Lord Tyndale returned and sitting down next to me once more inquired as to my health after I had taken a refreshing sip.

“Oh I do so detest being ill myself in company.” Joanna’s sister, Philippa added a few times, her sister was sufficiently quiet though occasionally joined Lord Tyndale in his concern for me though soon enough I allayed any fears they might have had as my colour returned to normal and I joined in their banter.

A cough moving across the room interrupted us and we looked up to find that we had been joined by Lady Arabella, who with a stern look at her brother said, “Tyndale, I must speak with you instantly.” and taking his arm lead him away across the room whispering in a vexed manner, “I must have you speak with Lady Blanche!” The young lady in question was seated with the mistress and her mother and as Lord Tyndale came to join them a flirtatious smile overspread her face. My companions on the other hand were exceedingly annoyed, Miss Philippa pouted, Henriette frowned at her sister’s behaviour and Lord Meriden seem concerned at the prospect of keeping us amused alone.

The evening passed without further drama or disappointment, the Miss Thomas’ were gratified by the return of Lord Tyndale, and he once again conversed with them happily. Henriette seemed only slightly aggravated by her shadow she remained cordial towards him even if she never encouraged his attentions. Georgiana remained at the instrument and was joined intermittently by several of the ladies and gentlemen, all who greatly admire her playing and made several requests of her.

I retired to my chambers after passing some time dissecting the evening in Georgiana’s sitting room along with Henriette, I had not been so merry in many months, all that was missing was Jane’s presence as it had been in the past when we were still at Longbourn or even Kitty’s would have been joyous. Henriette expressed her vexation with Lord Meriden, once again, “He is so tiresome, can he not see that I do not have an inclination to speak with him, be courted by him and I most certainly do not wish to marry him!” She cried out in vexation almost as soon as we entered the room.

“Henriette,” Georgiana soothed her, “He is no doubt just being friendly and realizes that you will not accept him, he is just being friendly towards you.”

“I can only hope Georgiana; however, he was not that amiable with the rest of our party, why could he not pay his attention to Selina Howard or even Philippa Thomas, they are eager for any gentlemen’s attention. Besides Arabella says it is so, and you know she is never wrong with these things, she is certain he will have proposed to me within the month. Oh Lizzy what am I to do about it?”

“I am really not the best person to ask about it, all my suitors have always been unwanted and I have yet to succeed in deterring them.” I said wryly.

“Lizzy, is there something that you wish to tell us?” Henriette said with a grin looking incredibly eager.

Realizing what I had just said and also that this was not the sort of thing I should be discussing with his sisters I attempted to detract notice from myself by muttering something incomprehensible. Henriette pushed and eventually I grudgingly admitted that my cousin Mr Collin’s had once proposed to me. They seemed appeased by this and conversation returned to our discussion of the evenings activities. It was early morning before I returned to my room when the others were satisfied with their analysis of the evening. I was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow, exhausted and content, with little idea that there would be greater pleasures in store for me soon enough.

1. Dalla Guerra Amorosa (From the war of amorous passion) by G. F. Handel 1685 – 1759.

Chapter 10

Posted on Sunday, 9 October 2005

The following Saturday brought into my hands four letters, each of which contained very good and joyous news. It was shortly after breakfast and I was in the yellow sitting room with Henriette and Georgiana, who had both succeeded in crying off visiting with Lady Arabella who was going to see the Countess of Banbury, mother of Lady Blanche. She had gone to console and scheme with them after hearing that her brother had not yet called at their residence. James knocked on the door and was bid entrance he handed me a bundle of letters, “My, you are popular today Lizzy.” Henriette commented as I turned the letters over to look at the address and thanked James. Two of the letters had come from Gracechurch Street, one from Millwood Parsonage and one from Longbourn.

I choose to open Charlotte’s first, I had not heard from her in several weeks. It was a lengthy letter containing news of her husband, the neighbourhood and the greater part of the letter was dedicated to baby Lucy Collins, Charlotte clearly adored her and motherhood apparently agreed with her very well. Her postscript contained the news that soon her daughter was to be gifted with a new sibling; she expressed her hopes for a son. “For though I adore my dear Lucy, Lizzy, I do not think I could possibly bear having a houseful of children constantly demanding my attention. I do not think that Mr Collins is overly interested in children anyway he seems more gratified when Lucy is quiet and not in his presence. I hope he will be more affectionate towards a son if we are so blessed.” What she had written was tinged with a little sadness I felt, Mr Collin’s adore for my friend was subsiding it was most fortunate that she was so near to her family now, imagine being at Hunsford still with hardly anyone for company other than Lady Catherine her poor sickly daughter and her companion.

Kitty’s letter contained the same news! Thankfully nothing about Mr Collins though, she too was in the early stages of her confinement and Jonathan was overjoyed by the news that they would soon be blessed with a little companion for Rachel. Rachel was not to be forgotten though, she was treated like their own child always, and anyone who was not close to either family was unaware of the fact. Maria Lucas was visiting with them at present and Kitty said that she was gratefully to see her now that Henriette was in town and Mrs Blythe’s daughters had been sick with quinsy, so she had been much engaged. Lady Tyndale was quite taken with Maria apparently, and had even succeeded in drawing Maria out of her awe.

My Aunt Gardiner and Jane’s letter contained much the same news that Mr Bingley had called. He had finally called. On Jane! I was so excited that I ran out of the room and straight into Mr Darcy, he held my shoulders so that I could keep my balance while I blushed in embarrassment of my emotional actions. He looked at the huge smile that had implanted itself on my face and a small smile graced his own lips too, “Tell me Miss Bennet is the world about to end? You seem incredibly agitated.”

“No, it is not sir,” I laughed, “I am merely overjoyed, oh sir I must thank you for I am sure that it is all down to you and you told him everything. Oh you are very good. Thank you thank you so, so, very much. I am so grateful; I shall see Jane smile again. Oh you are the best man I know!” I babbled happily and in a moment of abandon threw my arms around his neck to celebrate at least it was fortunate I had managed to withhold my other suspicions.

I did not realize what I had done for several moments and it was only then that I hastily backed away from him blushing at my shameless lack of impropriety. He looked more than a little bewildered and shocked himself. “Miss Bennet, I am quite at a loss and have not the pleasure of understanding your present exuberance. Apparently I have missed something of great import. Shall you tell me or do I have to guess?” He said smiling indulgently. Unable to speak, due to my happiness, I waved the letter in front of his face, a look of understanding flickered, “Am I to guess that Bingley has called on Miss Bennet?”

“Yes, oh yes he had Mr Darcy!” I practically shouted.

“Good Lord he has not proposed to her already has he?” He looked a little concerned.

“Oh no! No, indeed I do not think that even Mr Bingley would be that rash.”

“Then you do not know Bingley half as well as I thought Miss Elizabeth, I am amazed at his self restraint. I had half expected him to walk straight into your Aunt's sitting room and propose to Miss Bennet without a word of greeting to anyone else.”

“Oh I only give him a week.” I said slightly more sedately, “I hope nobody tries to talk him out of it.” I said to myself.

“Meaning me I presume?”

“Oh no sir, I am very grateful to you.”

“You should not be madam. I acted wrongly by all. But rest assured my days of meddling are quite done away with. They will be good for one another and it will be a relief to all to see them happy again.” His voice sounded so sad as he said it that it was all that I could do to keep myself from embracing him again to offer him comfort, he caught my hand up in him and raised it to his lips, before offering me an almost sad smile as Lady Arabella walked around the corner having returned from her outing at the Banbury residency.

“You shall never guess who has come to call; Tyndale had come to visit Henriette.” She said, her accent slightly cross, no doubt he would have been better off calling on Lady Blanche in her opinion than wasting his time on his sister. We made our greetings to him.

“Ah Darcy good to see you again.” He said, “And Miss Bennet, you appear to be in good health.” He said taking me by the arm and leading me away following Lady Arabella into the sitting room where Georgiana and Henriette were seated.

“Lizzy, I thought from the speed you left the room you were going out?” Henriette asked me. I looked at her and shrugged my shoulders to indicate that I was being held captive by her brother.

“Miss Bennet, surely you are not going out?”

“Indeed I am sir, you have come at a bad time I am afraid, but no doubt it is Henriette’s company you really came for.” I returned smilingly.

“Surely you will oblige me for just half an hour; you cannot be in that much of a hurry.” He attempted to persuade me but I would not move and Henriette frowned at him in annoyance, Georgiana even looked a little concerned. However, eventually I agreed, grudgingly, to stay for ten minutes. In that time he spoke to me exclusively, seemingly to Lady Arabella’s infinite pleasure, about the most agreeable of things before I excused myself and said that I really had to leave as I was supposed to visit my sister.

My exit from the room heralded the entrance of Lord Meriden who had come to make his daily call on Henriette, her frown deepened on his arrival as she greeted him with the utmost politeness she could muster without sounding warm. Evans stopped me as I made my way out into the hallway to catch a hack chaise, he explained that the carriage was waiting for me, this confused me slightly for I had not ordered any carriage, it was not at my disposal informing him that he must be mistaken I moved away, “Miss Bennet, Mr Darcy ordered it he said it was specifically for your benefit
as you were going to visit your sister and that you were to get in it or you were not to leave the house.” Oh he was so high handed! This was the very behaviour I abhorred in the man. He had just moments before told me that he had given over with meddling and what was he doing now?

I refrained from arguing with him enough time had been wasted already and I was quickly on my way to Gracechurch Street to visit my very lucky sister. I was in such a state of flustered excitement that I barely noticed the comfort that the carriage provided and I was very glad to see that I had arrived there in good time. Jane was sitting in the window, holding a needlepoint in her hand, not attending to it when the carriage drew up at the window, she was quick to notice the presence of the carriage and when I stepped out she smiled softly and left the window, coming downstairs to greet me with a warm hug. Once inside and having ordered tea I looked at her eagerly, she seemed happier than when last I had seen her though by no means as elated as I had expected to find her, “Come Jane, do not tease me you must tell me your news.”

She demurred saying that she had no news other than what she had written to me in her letter, which she hoped that I had received. “Yes I did Jane, so please cease being so coy with me and tell me everything about his visit to you. Was he just as he had ever been. Did you enjoy his conversation and manners as you did in the past? Please Jane you must tell me I am very eager to find it all out.”

“He was as polite to me as he ever was in Hertfordshire and said that he had no idea of my being in town, and would not have known at all had you not been present at the Darcy’s dinner party. You never told me of that Lizzy.”

“Jane, there is little to tell, it was Thursday evening, I hardly spoke a word to Mr Bingley myself. Now tell me about his call on you.”

She persisted in being quite coy claiming that it was simply a call of politeness made because she was an old acquaintance and he felt it would be rude not to pay his respects now that he was aware of her presence in town. “If we should ever meet again we will be as common and indifferent acquaintances.” She said with a degree of resolve that astonished me. She could not honestly believe that? My sister was all together too modest for her own good. She would be very good under torture though!

“Oh Lizzy this is a surprise!” My Aunt Gardiner said as she entered the room followed by her eldest child.

“Aunt you must tell me what Jane will not, she will not tell me about Mr Bingley’s visit, and I know there is much to tell, for I would not have called had there not been something very exciting to tell that had not been mentioned in your letters. How did he behave?” I persisted.

“Well Lizzy it is most pleasing to know that it you are so desperate to see your relatives!” Declared Aunt Gardiner, she then proceeded to tell me of Mr Bingley’s visit, after Jane had once again excused herself from the room, head down as she blushed vivid red.

My aunt explained the whole of the visit in detail: “When our maid came into the room with Mr Bingley’s card Jane had turned very pale, she remained still in her seat and waited patiently for Mr Bingley to be shown up. His own manner was embarrassed and he was uncomfortable, Jane had introduced him to our notice with a great deal of discomfort and then sat down again hardly speaking one word while he informed us of having learnt that his old neighbour from Hertfordshire was in town. He then apparently begged his forgiveness for not having called before and said he had expected his sister Caroline to have informed him as he had supposed that they had kept up their correspondence. He had not found out of your family’s loss until he had been reintroduced to you Lizzy, the evening beforehand at a dinner party hosted by the Darcys. He had felt it his duty to come and call on Jane as soon as possible, thus there he was on the following day!

“He was very polite and engaging with us both, Jane hardly spoke more than a few words and I was left to carry the conversation without the assistance of my niece. I think that she still likes him exceedingly, his manners were as pleasant as they had always been described to me. Eventually Jane managed to speak more than a few words to him though she was still mostly silent. I felt that Jane felt she was behaving normally. She hardly blushed and was subdued and polite in her manner and exhibited no resentment towards him for his failing to call on any of her previous visits to town. Eventually she did manage to speak a few words and every five minutes Mr Bingley was placing more attention on Jane till eventually I felt like nothing more than a chaperone.

“Jane still claims as I understand from a subsequent discussion with to consider him as nothing more than a common and indifferent acquaintance. I do not think that is the case, her behaviour following his visit has been all together too calm and I’ve seen hardly a trace of the melancholy that has been haunting her these past two or more years since he left Hertfordshire.” She concluded with.

“No nor I, he called to quickly for it to be solely a call of courtesy. He left it only a few hours, if Jane thinks him as nothing more then she is sorely mistaken.” I said in reply.

“Well I shall ire on the side of caution and judge by the length of time he leaves between his next visit. It cannot possibly be more than two years. We will have him to dinner I think, when next he calls on us.”

“Who shall we have to dinner Mamma?” My eldest cousin Margaret asked, as Jane walked into the room looking a little flushed.

“Mr Bingley.” She said simply, I looked across at Jane as did my Aunt. She blushed prettily and looked away.

“I think Jane is pleased.” I said quietly.

“Lizzy,” Jane said sternly, “I have not the slightest clue what you mean Mr Bingley means nothing more to me than Mr Darcy or Sir William Lucas, he is just an old acquaintance who I would be always pleased and gratified to see. If you were to ask him he would say the same thing, now I beg you please stop teasing me on this and looking at me as if you expect me to do something odd.”

With Jane’s strange admonition we turned the conversation to other more neutral topics, such as Aunt Gardiner’s news that she too was with child.

We had just settled on taking them out for a walk when the maid entered again to announce that Mr Bingley had come to call again. Well I could not help it my eyes flew over towards Jane’s direction to observe just how ‘indifferently’ she bore this announcement. Just as I suspected her face became more flushed than I had seen it all afternoon and in her discomposure she abruptly stood from her seat and walked towards the window, where she looked out and I was instantly reminded of Mr Darcy and his strange habit of doing exactly the same thing when angry, or maybe he did so because he was discomposed also, I had always just assumed that he was vexed. While Jane was thus engaged in dealing with her lack of composure Mr Bingley entered the room greeting us all in his habitually jovial manner, his attention fixed on dear Jane’s back while he expressed his wish that he hoped he had not called at an inconvenient time. “Actually, sir, we were just about to take the children out to the park.” She said politely enough.

Perceiving his disappointment I asked him to join us, I could not make out Jane’s reaction but he seemed most pleased by the suggestion. So Mr Bingley, Jane, I and the four children set of in the direction of the park. We were only a short distance from the park, a very fortunate thing, for it became apparent that Bingley wanted time alone with Jane and that was impossible with the presence of four demanding nieces and nephews, as soon as we reached the park I left the two of them to occupy one another and discuss what needed to be discussed by running off with the children and keeping them occupied a good half an hour, “Aunty Lizzy?” Susan asked me, “Is Mr Bingley going to marry Aunt Jane?”

“Oh uh well I don’t know Sukie perhaps, Aunt Jane says that they are just friends though.” I tried to explain hoping they would question nobody on it any further. “Shall we go and feed the ducks, Edward do you have those bags of bread that Polly gave you?” I hoped that I could change the subject and the two girls looked at each other clearly exasperated with my insufficient response.

“Aunty Lizzy?” Margaret began after a while, “Why isn’t Aunt Jane married? Mamma was talking to Mrs Church from next door and Mrs Church asked how old Aunt Jane was and then Mamma said she was almost five and twenty and then Mrs Church said that Aunt Jane would be quite and old maid soon and why didn’t anyone marry her?”

Having grown accustomed to children and their persistent ‘why’ questions in these past few months I managed explain, or attempt to, that Aunt Jane had never met anyone that she wanted to marry and one should not just marry to be saved from the fate of being an old maid, I hoped Aunt and Uncle Gardiner did not mind that I was indoctrinating their children with my wildly romantic idealisms.

“Like in fairytales?” Susan asked.

“Yes a bit like in fairytales.”

“Aunty Lizzy,” Little Henry tugged at my sleeve, “How old are you?”

“That is a very rude question Harry. You should not ask a lady her age.” I scolded good naturedly.

“Are you nearly an old maid too Aunty Lizzy?” Edward joined in.

“How old does a lady have to be to be one?” Margaret asked.

“Seven and twenty I’m told.” I answered honestly.

“Are you younger than Aunt Jane?” Susan asked me.

“Yes.”

“Does that mean you are less nearly an old maid?” She asked me clumsily.

I hoped it did, I was only now two and twenty and without any marriage prospects. It was likely to remain that way as well. A change of subject was needed, “Harry have you got the bags of bread?”

“No, Ned has all, both of them still.” He said. After instructing the eldest brother to share with the rest of his sibling we were happily feeding the ducks in the pond and our previous conversation was completely forgotten by them, thankfully.

We returned to the house at Gracechurch Street about an hour later, the children in high spirits from their exercise. Jane was certainly more sedate in contrast and Mr Bingley as gregarious as ever he was. I was desperate to ask Jane what had happened for she had a smile across her face that told me she no longer considered Mr Bingley to be an indifferent acquaintance. Unfortunately she was not to take me into her confidence that night my Aunt invited he and I to stay for dinner and she spent all her attention on him and he like wise passed the majority of his time talking with Jane, he managed to spare some time to speak with the rest of us, “Miss Elizabeth,” He said while Jane had left the room to change for dinner, “I forgot to tell you how wonderful it was to see you again at Mr Darcy’s the other evening. I always think that the time that I passed in Hertfordshire was some of the happiest ever spent.”

“I’m sure it was Mr Bingley, the sport at Netherfield is excellent.”

“Oh and the society, you were all such lovely welcoming people, your sister agrees with me there is no place quiet like Hertfordshire.”

“I think people would disagree with you Mr Bingley.”

“You know I believe that you are correct, my sisters would be forever telling you that Derbyshire is by far the nicest part of the world, but you know what Caroline and Louisa are like.”

“Derbyshire is very nice country.” I commented ignoring the other part of his statement.

“Oh have you had the pleasure of visiting Pemberley then.”

“Pemberley,” my Aunt exclaimed entering the room, “Surely Pemberley is the nicest estate in Derbyshire and consequently the whole world!”

“It seems Mrs Gardiner that you share your opinion with my sisters.”

“And Mr Darcy, though he is definitely biased.” I added as Jane entered the room also, “Shall you ever return to Netherfield sir?”

“At present I doubt it, I do not hold the lease any longer I gave the place up before I went to the Continent. I did not want the responsibility when I was so far away,” He addressed Jane again, “Though I am sure that one day, should I be so inclined I would like to purchase an estate of my own. Perhaps when I have a family” We perceived that his comment was aimed to discover Jane’s feelings and so my Aunt, Uncle and I left them to it. Whilst over dinner and supper and cards he continued to monopolize Jane’s attention making only necessary conversation with the rest of us.

At ten o clock I felt that I really must be going and rose with that intention, disappointed that I had not got to speak with Jane, but no doubt if she had any news of great import she would tell me so herself as soon as she could. Mr Bingley reluctantly dragged himself away too, though not before asking Miss Bennet if it would be acceptable to call again on Monday morning. She blushed once again and said that it would be quite acceptable to her very quietly. I arrived back at the Darcy town house before they returned from their trip to the opera and retired to bed.

“Have you had any exciting news Miss Bennet?” Mr Darcy asked me the following day when I was passing him in the hallway.

“No not yet sir, Mr Bingley will probably send the news to you at the same time as Jane sends it to me.”

“You shall no doubt hear soon enough.” He said departing back to his study.

As it happened I had to wait some length of time before such news did arrive. Well at least longer than I had expected to wait for it. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed and I received no correspondence that could have come from Jane. My week was quiet than any that I had had since returning to town, Henriette and Georgiana were constantly engaged, Lord Meriden took to calling on Henriette at noon and that meant that our discussion times were cancelled, for her sister would not let her forgo his visits in favour of mine.

Finally, on Friday the expected post arrived I ripped it open and read eagerly what Jane had written:

To my dearest Lizzy,

Tis too much! By far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! Why is not everybody as happy? Oh! Lizzy, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! How shall I bear so much happiness! He has made me so happy by telling me that he was totally ignorant of my being in town that spring! I had not believed it possible. It must have been his sister's doing. They were certainly not friends to his acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects. But when they see, as I trust they will, that their brother is happy with me, they will learn to be contented, and we shall be on good terms again; though we can never be what we once were to each other. Would you believe it, Lizzy, that when he went he departed from, he really loved me, and nothing but a persuasion of my being indifferent would have prevented his coming down again!

He is just now gone to my uncle, and I should go and inform my aunt, for I know she will be so truly overjoyed by the news I have to relate. Oh my dear dear Lizzy how I long to see you, pray come and visit me when you can. I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed! Oh Lizzy, how fortunate I am. But I must leave off and inform my Aunt!

Your affectionate sister
Jane

I could have screamed in pure happiness when I read that news, it was by far the best letter I had ever received. How I longed to see and speak with Jane, how I longed to share my news, how I longed to be with my family and how much I longed that all my family could have been present to receive that wonderful, wonderful news. I was fated to spend the day indoors teaching the children and unable to share my or rather Jane’s news with anyone.

By Saturday I was becoming restless, having had no society but that of the children and the servants, I intended to make my escape early that morning to travel over to Gracechurch Street again. My plans were to be denied though as Lady Arabella, who was receiving instead of making calls instructed me not to move until Lord Meriden departed. She particularly wished that I would distract Georgiana so that Henriette would have an opportunity to speak with Lord Meriden alone. It was not until very late afternoon therefore that I had a chance to make my call and when I arrived I could not stay for more that half an hour to speak with Jane as they were engaged to dine out.

Jane was a lot happier than I had seen her in quite some time and in turn it made me cheerful too. She was blooming actually, she looked prettier than she had ever done, quite an achievement for my sister who was already at least five times prettier than anyone I knew. She even repeated what she had written in her letter to me, she spoke rapidly and seemed hardly to know what she was saying, “My dear Bingley has made me so happy by telling me that he was totally ignorant of my being in town that spring! I had not believed it possible.”

“I suspected as much,” I replied. “But how did he account for it?”

“It must have been his sister's doing. They were certainly not friends to his acquaintance with me, which I cannot wonder at, since he might have chosen so much more advantageously in many respects. All that time he spent on the continent, I am wondrous that he did not become engaged to some Italian heiress, oh but Lizzy he has promised to take me there again some day. But when they see, as I trust they will, that their brother is happy with me, they will learn to be contented, and we shall be on good terms again; though we can never be what we once were to each other.”

“That is the most unforgiving speech,” I said, "that I ever heard you utter. Good girl! It would vex me, indeed, to see you again the dupe of Miss Bingley's pretended regard.”

“Would you believe it, Lizzy, that when he went to town last, he really loved me, and nothing but a persuasion of my being indifferent would have prevented his coming down again!”

“He made a little mistake to be sure; but it is to the credit of his modesty.” I replied, indulging my sister.

“I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed!”

Indeed I could not disagree with her there, Mr Bingley was the man most suited to my dearest sister. The long separation they had endured due to the interference of his sisters and friend had been for nothing they were still to be the happiest couple in the world and Jane would smile again, she would get what she deserved from life. She could marry the man that she loved and all would be well. How could I but rejoice too? Mr Bingley and Jane could be nothing but happy together, their tempers were by no means unlike. They were each of them so complying, that nothing would ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat them; and so generous, that they will always exceed your income. At least that is what I though Papa would say on the subject!

When I returned from my visit the house was empty and I retired to my rooms and instantly fell asleep. It was not until the following evening that I had some privacy with Georgiana and Henriette and then we were in a public room, “Lizzy where did you go yesterday afternoon in such a hurry?” Henriette asked having perceived my mood.

“To visit with my sister, Jane.”

“Is she well?”

“I do not think that I have ever seen her in better spirits thank you.” I tried to suppress a grin.

“Has Bingley finally done the deed then Miss Bennet?” Mr Darcy interrupted.

“He has indeed, as of Friday Mr Bingley and Jane became an engaged couple officially.” I smiled broadly at him.

“I am glad to hear it. I cannot think of two more deserving people, they shall make one another very happy no doubt.”

I repeated to him my thoughts from early of their characters and he laughed outright, “I do believe you are quite correct Miss Bennet, but then you always were quite adept at studying a character most accurately.”

“Only the simple ones you will find sir.”

“No I think in general you are almost always accurate, I can only recall one or two instances when you have been at fault, and then perhaps it was not your fault, but theirs.”

“And if not it adds to the fun!” I laughed, we were now speaking to the exclusion of the rest of the room and clearly some people were not best pleased by this arrangement as once again our conversation was interrupted by the racking cough of Lady Arabella.

“What is this? Of what are you speaking? Mr Bingley is engaged?”

“He is engaged to Lizzy’s sister Jane, Arabella!” Henriette rolled her eyes at the rest of us.

“Oh what a pity, Mrs Howard had great hopes that he might take a fancy to her Selina and I though he would be well suited to one of those Thomas girls, for their fortunes are only equal to his own sisters and people should stay within their own sphere and marry their equals in fortune. Young woman these days are so presumptuous!” She said glaring at her younger sister and then at me too. Was this meant as a slight to me or a point to Henriette?

“No Miss Bennet is definitely the young lady best suited to the job of Mrs Bingley.” Mr Darcy spoke to her sharply.

She looked away disinterestedly.

“Miss Bennet?” Roberta tugged at my sleeve, “Are young going to leave us now that your other sister’s getting married?” Evidently she and Priscilla had been playing at little ladies.

“No, of course I am not Bobbie!” I exclaimed scooping her up onto my lap, “Why would you think that I would go now?”

“What about if you got married, you would have to leave us then?” She persisted.

“Bobbie, do you think it likely that I shall be gone from here soon because someone wishes to marry me?” I chuckled.

“You might,” She pouted.

“Yes Miss Bennet, Martha said that she thought…” Priscilla began with an air of authority, apparently more authority than me!

Mr Darcy looked up quickly at this, “You should not be listening to the servants gossiping young lady.” He admonished them.

It was not long after that conversation terminated that I was thankfully able to escort my young charges to bed and thus escape the company myself. My mood had sobered by that time and I began to brood (I might have picked that skill up from Mr Darcy) I was feeling jealous of everyone, even Jane and I had never been jealous of her before. Apparently everyone but me was moving forward with their lives! I was getting left behind. Jane was finally engaged and would soon be married and I would cease being the most important person in her life, I would be coming second to Charles Bingley from now on. From now on I would always be second best to everybody, Jane was the last person left who loved me unconditionally. Now do not get me wrong, I was pleased for Jane’s sake, for my own I was a little more depressed.

What of all my other relatives? Well when considered that this week I had learnt that Kitty, Mrs Gardiner and Charlotte had all come the family way, where as I did not have a marriage prospect, which I would consider, in sight, which was probably my own fault. I still refused to marry merely for comfort but that did not mean that I did not wish to marry. I remembered what my cousins had said to me earlier to me that week, now I was, to coin Susan’s phrase ‘more nearly a spinster.’ Really I should not be complaining, it was my own fault I was in this mess, remind me who was it the kept refusing suits? I was pathetic.

Pathetic.

There was no reason for me to be jealous of the people who loved me. There was no reason for me to feel as if I was being left behind. It was not as though with the entrance of all these new member s of the family I would be forgotten. There was no reason to think that I would be less important. I was acting like a spoilt child. Jane was going to delegate me to second best but she would not forget me, I would still have the title of favourite sister, although she claimed that she did not have favourites. Was I allowed to feel just a little left out? Even if there was nobody I could marry it did not mean that I did not sometimes feel a longing to be loved and adored by someone, a husband. But that was never going to happen. I sighed softly to myself.

Fortunately at that moment my ruminations were interrupted by a tap at my door and I bid entry to my visitor, it was Henriette, she looked uncomfortable and nervous, as she stood at the threshold twisting her shawl around her fingers, before she finally blurted out unceremoniously, “Lizzy I need to talk to you!”

Chapter 11

Posted on Friday, 21 October 2005

“Lizzy I need to talk to you!” My, did that sound ominous! Why would she need to speak with me?

“Of course Henriette, what’s the matter?” I said tapping my eiderdown, “Come and sit down.”

She timidly entered the room and sat down on the bed tucking her feet into the edge of her nightgown and continuing to fiddle with the tassels of the shawl around her shoulders. She opened her mouth a few times took a deep breath and then promptly shut it again. Then in a more Henriette like manner looked me straight in the face and declared, “I forgive you Lizzy!”

“You forgive me, may I ask what for? I never knew you were upset with me.”

Henriette did not answer just became silent again and began plucking at the embroidery on the eiderdown. She replayed her actions from earlier making me incredible nervous too, “Hetty, whatever is the matter?”

“Lizzy have you ever been in love?”

I answered in the negative becoming more and more confused by the minute, she was practically speaking in riddles. She forgave me and wanted to know if I had ever been in love two things that seemed wholly unconnected. I asked her what she was trying to tell me hoping she would be a little more forthcoming.

“But you believe in love and respect? Have you ever seen it?”

“I have never been in love and neither do I know many people that are blessed with such a union, my Aunt and Uncle, Mr and Mrs Gardiner, Kitty and Mr Thursfield and of course Jane and Mr Bingley will be, I have never seen two people more violently in love with one another.”

“I notice that you do not include my sister and Mr Darcy in amongst your list.” I blushed heartily, “Oh do not trouble yourself, it was always very clear that he did not care three straws for her or she him. They married … well I do not have a notion as to why they married. I suppose he for connections, or just because he remembered a time when she was different and Arabella because he proposed to her. You know her character as well as the rest of us she married him because having Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy as a husband gave her a certain superiority over every other lady of the ton having captured the man who every woman had been after, for themselves or their daughters for nearly a decade. That is just the sort of thing Arabella would do she already had the security she had no need for a husband, she married him to have a … a trophy if you will.” Henriette finished hastily, “But Lizzy do you think people should do that? Marry for connections or status or fortune?”

“No I do not think you should but your family has to consider different issues to any I ever had to.” I reasoned, remembering with a little more rationale a certain marriage proposal.

“Yes but your family had four daughters, no sons and an entail, one of you had to marry very well. Yet when your disgusting toad of a cousin asked you, you still refused to marry him, for all his prospects and connection, people would have considered him a very good match for you.”

“I suppose you are correct, but Henriette in retrospect I now see the foolishness of refusing that particular offer, it would have saved my family from a lot of worries.” And me even more I silently mused.

“In doing so it would have made you less, I have heard you and Mr Darcy speak of him, he seems hardly an amiable man Lizzy. I could not imagine you of all people married to such a man. But now you are correcting me and saying that I should marry for connections and so forth! Oh Lizzy I am so bewildered!”

“No, you must never marry for these things, Hetty, you are very young and I would caution you not to listen to my embittered words, marry for love. Marry for nothing else! You can afford it unlike me.”

“So now you tell me not to marry Lord Meriden?”

“Yes!” She wailed miserably looking ready to burst into tears, “He asked me yesterday just after you left, he says he would like me to consider it but would hope for an answer next Saturday, he is a very kind man but Lizzy I do not want to marry him. Arabella knows of it already, she is such a shrew and she says that I must and should accept him for he is the richest and most well connected of all my suitors because his father was a Duke. Does it not matter that the man is older that my poor father would be – of course it does not Mr Sutton was just such a man and she accepted him so soon after the Duke of Rochester was refused by her Uncle. If Lord Meriden were ever to pass a season in Bath it would be for his gout and not to enjoy the society! Oh Lizzy what am I to do?” Suddenly it all burst forth like a torrent and she looked half mad as she revealed all the thoughts that had apparently been troubling her.

“What would your mother advise?” I asked her quietly as I put my hand on hers to try to calm her mild hysteria.

“I do not know! She was nothing you know, when she married my father; a poor country girl with no connections, hardly any fortune and no family. Surely any country girl who was offered for by such a man as my father would have to accept, it is not a matter of love for them!”

“No not all of them.” I said gently as I looked away in another direction.

I hoped that she had not heard this comment; it was not a topic I particularly desired to discuss. Henriette was too astute to let such a thing pass her by though and before I knew it she began asking me just what I had meant by my comment, she knew that I was referring to myself, for there never was a woman who was quite such a quiz as me and would act in such a queer manner. “You were? Were you not, you have been proposed to by a gentleman of all these criteria but you refused him did you not?”

Grudgingly I admitted that yes I had been proposed to by such a man.

“Oh do I know him, surely I must, and who was it? You must and shall tell me, Elizabeth Bennet you are such a sly creature.” Suddenly her demeanour had changed her spirits which had formerly been depressed were all curiosity.

I begged off telling her the truth claiming that it would be unfair on the gentleman in question. Imagine how mortified he should be if Henriette were to know too. I tried to point this out to her without giving anything away. Henriette was not to be satisfied by such cowardice as mine however, she was a little spoilt, as are most young ladies of fortune and was used to having her own way in all matters. She would not rest until she knew the facts, figures, names and dates. For almost ten whole minutes she continued to hound me with such questions until I finally snapped, “Henriette, I beg you not to ask me this, it is not my place to say. Not now, most certainly not now!”

“So I know him?”

“Yes.”

“Well?”

“I shall not say another word!” I put my hand over my mouth in a childish action.

“Lizzy you are being so cruel to me. I shall not rest until I know it all.” I continued to shake my head and not open my mouth, she pouted and looked at me pleadingly, and I was almost tempted to tell her.

“Please Henriette do not ask it of me!” I said more despairingly, if she were to guess who the gentleman in question was it would be terrible. It was not that I thought that Henriette would say anything to anyone about what I had told her but for goodness sake he was her brother in law! He married her sister six months after he had proposed to me! Despite the fact the Henriette was not deluded about their situation it would do her no good to know that.

I flung my legs out of the bed and walked to the widow opening the curtains to sit inside on the sill. It was raining. Henriette moved off my bed and came to speak with me. I refused to look at her and lazily traced the raindrops down the windowpane with my fingers, concentrating solely on them. I could feel Henriette watching me closely and I could also feel a lump rising in my throat, I bit my lip. She took a deep breath and asked me, “Do you regret your decision?”

At Christmas Kitty had mentioned something very similar, I had said at the time that I did not regret my decision. But now having become more accustomed to my life, did I regret? “At the time it seemed like a very sensible thing to do.” I whispered still focusing on the raindrops.

“But it does not now?” She pushed on.

“I misunderstood his character, labeled him as a man he was not, condemned him wrongly. I should have married him.”

“So you love him now?”

“No!” I cried violently, “No! I have never been in love. But we could have been…content. He would have been kind to me and I would have been comfortable and so would all my sisters, it would have saved a lot of misery.” I shrugged.

“Lizzy you are contradicting yourself. Now you speak as if you believe I should marry Lord Meriden.” Lord Meriden? I had forgotten by this time that we had been speaking of him. I shifted slightly and began anew.

“Love is a very rare gift at the time and place, marriages are arranged for convince or for personal gain everyday. People almost seem to have forgotten that love exists. We are learning to survive without it. I wonder if in two hundred years time love will be a thing of the past. That does not mean that you should compromise, Lord Meriden’s proposal is hardly the last you are likely to receive and although you respect him you do not love him, I think he himself understands that. Now you have till next Saturday to think on his suggestion and decide if you are willing to marry without that love Hetty. Do what your conscience tells you, marry him for his connections or marry the blacksmith that you love.”

“I am not in love with a blacksmith, or a saddle maker or a baker for that matter Lizzy.” She giggled at the thought and I could not help but manage a smile. “If someone you did not love or respect asked you to marry them tomorrow what would you do?”

“I would refuse them.” I said quickly, knowing that in all honesty I would, after all the damage was already done.

“Do you really think that we are forgetting what love is?” She asked more seriously still.

“Not completely, there are people who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves, but others are willing to put aside everything for the person that they love.” I sighed again.

“What do you think Francis would say? He loves me I know that, but will he marry for love or connections?” She mused.

“I think you know the answer to that better than I.” Lord Tyndale, in my opinion, although I did not know him well, was the type of man who was seemingly uninterested in the opposite sex, or at least their mamma’s, clearly he was as little interested in connections as I was because he would not succumb to Lady Arabella’s grand schemes. She interrupted my musings again.

“And what of Mr Darcy?”

“I know he would.” I slipped accidentally. Inwardly I scolded myself for my stupidity whilst praying that she had not heard my comments.

It was not to be the case however; she let out a delighted little scream of: “I knew it, I just knew it!” This was accompanied by a little spin around the room I could feel my cheeks alternatively flaming up and then turning white and cold. What had I done? Stupid, stupid girl Lizzy! Why could you not hold your tongue? I had already known myself to be treading on dangerous ground. “It was him was it not? It was my sister’s husband that was the other man to propose to you? He wanted to marry you. Not Arabella. You were his first choice, not her! He proposed to you first, oh Lizzy that is so romantic!” She babbled on in this manner for some time.

“Henriette, be quiet!” I hissed at her, “People may hear.” Mrs Turner was only next door asleep or awake Henriette’s behaviour was going to disturb her soon enough. “It is not romantic.” I added, “If it was romantic then we would have been granted another chance and I should have fallen in love with him! Not be working as his servant.” I folded my arms across my chest and she looked repentant.

“So knowing what you know of him today, when he proposed to you, you would have accepted him? But then surely you would have been compromising yourself, settling for second best as you are telling me not to.”

I was! I was a hypocrite and starting to sound not a little like my mother. Tonight was not the best evening for this conversation to be taking place. My jealousy and dejection were getting the better of me. Henriette was hearing one opinion and then a completely different opinion. I had said to her that now I would marry Mr Darcy but I did not love him, after telling her that she should not marry for money or connections or security. Clearly I was more than a little deranged. “Hetty perhaps I am not the best person to speak to on this subject.”

“Well who else am I supposed to speak with? Georgiana is as ignorant as I am in matters of the heart. My sisters are cold hearted shrews. Francis seems to be without comment on matters of the heart. I do not know what my mother would think but I am too scared to write to her in case she was to insist upon it. There is no one to speak to but you and it is you that I want answers from!”

Me? I knew nothing about the whole thing, I was unversed in the way of the ton and almost a spinster, I was turning bitter and I was cold hearted. So you see not the best person to speak to. “Hetty just think about what you want. Is it your wish that you please your family and abide to their wishes? Or are you more concerned about your happiness in the long run? Remember that it is you who shall be married to him and it may well be that given time you will find the man that is right for you. Then what will you do?”

“Like Mr Darcy did?” She grinned cheekily.

“Henriette he does not love me! We are not to speak of this to anyone do you understand, if word got out I would loose my job.” I acted all stern and did my best school ma’am impression.

“Yes Lizzy.” She walked towards the door, “Well goodnight then.”

“Goodnight dear.” I whispered as she walked out the door, “Oh and remember that I did not please my family.” I could not help but give her a little push in the right direction.

When she had gone I curled up in bed again and attempted to sleep. I could not; my mind was abuzz with a hundred things. Henriette’s philosophizing had done me no good what so ever. I did not like the person I was becoming, some of my comments had sounded mercenary, what had happened to the poor country girl who would marry for nothing but love? Where had she gone? I wished I could go home, home to Longbourn, even if in reality it was no longer an option for me. At the very least to the country, I longed for open air again, for freedom. London’s confines were having a very bad effect on me. I was turning into a girl that I did not like, a mercenary. Why did I ever say that I wanted to marry Mr Darcy?

I rolled over and punched my pillow. He was the last man in the world I should ever marry!

My night was restless at best I had the same nightmare over and over, the scene at Hunsford, Mr Darcy’s proposal played repeatedly in my head only I kept accepting him and he started accusing me of mercenary motives and in the end we never became engaged anyway or if we did we ended up like he Lady Arabella unhappy and lonely. I really hoped I was not turning into my mother or worse. It was my last wish in the world to ever be a shrew.

During lesson’s that morning I was listless over tired and otherwise occupied in my own thoughts, Priscilla called me to task several times for not paying attention when she asked me a question instead of the other way around. I let Thomas play up and he eventually succeeding in knocking over the pot of ink that Roberta was working with and then failed to notice it until Martha was called in by the girls and asked to clean it up for them. If my behaviour in the schoolroom was normally like this I would have lost my job a very long time before today. It was fortunate that I was usually so competent.

Henriette was in my bad books, it was probably very fortunate for her that Georgiana entered around eleven o clock to claim my company. She knew full well that she should not be disturbing morning classes, but had been outlawed from Henriette’s company while her sisters spoke with her about a certain proposal of marriage and Georgiana had nothing else to do. She suggested that we take the girls downstairs for a music lesson, it was not what was planned but Georgiana would hopefully be able to distract me and help look after the girls while we handed young Thomas over to the care of poor harassed Martha and Mrs Chambers, who would manage him far better than I this morning.

When we reached the back music room and after much sorting through scores of music and trying to unsuccessfully discover the book. Priscilla pointed out that we may well have left it in the best rooms last evening after the two of them had performed to their parents. I left Georgiana to take care of them for a few minutes while I went to collect it.

My progress was waylaid however, when I walked into the music room I could hear voices permeating through the closed door in front of the drawing room, it was Lady Arabella, “Oh you need not concern yourself with such a trifling thing as love Henriette, we can all do very well without it, much better I dare say.”

“Quite so my dear.” Lady Newlyn agreed.

“How can you bear it? Not to be respected by your husbands?” Henriette asked in astonishment.

“Oh I dare say they respect us well enough, they know full well where they stand in the marriage, just tell him, of course only after all the legalities are completed, you need a husband and you do not want him backing out.” Lady Newlyn said again.

“How can they respect you if you have deceived them? I could never do such a cruel thing to Lord Meriden.” She gasped.

“Then you like him well enough to marry, Henriette there is little more to it than that. Just think of the connections think of how grand you shall be, it shall not be a rise in fortune but you will be the Countess of Meriden, not just the sister of an Earl.” Lady Arabella explained in between coughs.

I fumed at their poor advice to Henriette, if they dared to mislead her they would have to answer to me. They were a sorry pair, I certainly did not respect them and I doubted that Lord Newlyn thought any better of her than Mr Darcy thought of Lady Arabella. Realizing that I should not be eavesdropping I set about looking for the book which was conveniently still on the pianoforte and open from the night before. I could not help but hear the next words that were spoken.

“But he will want heirs; he has not yet got a son, only four daughters.” Henriette voice a little timidly, “I do not think that I could do that.”

“What nonsense you talk Henriette!” Lady Arabella scoffed, “it is quite simple and once you give him a son you can just refuse to allow him into your bed! You might be as lucky as Augusta and be granted with a son first time.”

“Arabella, why did you remarry Mr Darcy if it is so bad, for now you have to provide an heir all over again?” Henriette suddenly asked.

“Oh no, I do not! I have told him if he wants an heir he has Thomas now. I have let him know that I am quite content to allow him to have his…” Here she coughed discreetly, “…little diversions. He seems quite fond of our little Miss Bennet, you know Augusta the children’s governess who had the sisters who eloped with Pemberley’s steward’s son.” During this exchange I heard Henriette gasp in indignation at her sister’s words and the other sister gasped in delight at such gossip.

It was ugly talk, ugly and vicious talk! How dare those spiteful women say such things about me? Had I ever offended them in anyway? Was it my fate that I would always end up hearing the most offensive of conversation about me? With my eye’s prickling with unshed tears I turned and fled from the room. I ran up the staircase, forgetting the children and Georgiana. They were not my business now for I had every intention of leaving this house within the hour. I would not face such intolerable gossip about my character! I would not remain to be ruined. I hoped that Lady Newlyn had some discretion but I feared not, she was too much like her sister. I was ruined, all over again! I dashed up the stair case in a hurried and un-lady-like manner, returning to my room. My progress was halted when Mr Darcy walked out of the door to the school room at the same moment as I gained the landing. One look at my tear streaked face was enough to alert him to the fact that I was upset, “Elizabeth! What is the matter? Where are the children Elizabeth?”

I turned away from him, to conceal my tears and my anger at him, what did he think I had done to the children? However he grabbed my arm and turned me back round to face him, peering into my face earnestly, his own was a wash with anxiety but his eyes held a softness I had never noticed before except for in his portrait. He asked me again where the children were and when I explained they were with Georgiana he asked where Georgiana was in a tone that still conveyed his fears, which was allayed when I explained they were in the music room through my uncontrollable sobbing. His questioning in that direction completed he entreated me to come inside and take a seat. I refused; he was only hindering the departure I was still determined to make. He won the battle of wills however by almost picking me up and carrying me inside the school room.

He led me to a chair a knelt down next to me taking my hand in his own, “Will you not tell me what troubles you?” He spoke softly his own agony apparent.

Repeatedly I shook my head and vowed that I should not tell him, that I should never tell him. It was not exactly polite that I should sit and sob to him about the rudeness of his wife and how she treated me. I could not in all conscience tell him as that would be an assumption that she deserved his chastisement and neither would I cause animosity between them or place him in a position that demanded his championing of me over that woman, for it would only appear that I was his mistress if that were to occur. She deserved his alliance over me. He had sworn it before God. So I told him that it was nothing.

“It is not nothing Elizabeth, you do not cry over mere trifles, I know you better that than. For God’s sake tell me what it is before I go mad with worry.”

Again I begged off telling him saying that it was a ridiculous piece of nothing and would he please excuse me, I had to leave to pack. Dramatic I know. At this he took hold of me by the shoulders, he looked fearful, “By God Elizabeth you are not leaving, neither this room nor this house. You will not desert … those children.” He cried looking half wild, I grew fearful, so fearful that my tears ceased through shock.

“It is not your place to make me stay.” I replied with an eerie calmness.

He fell silent looked contemplative and then stood up, he knew as well as I that there was no point in trying to argue with that statement. He paced up and down the length of the room for several moments, looking gloomy. Eventually his voice roused me from my own repetitive meditations, “You are right, I cannot make you stay. As your employer it is, in my opinion, my right to know the reason for your departure.”

“I have told you that I cannot.” I returned stubbornly.

“Why can you not? I should like to know that certainly. What is it that has offended you or mortified you so deeply you wish to make a hasty departure from this house?”

Again I entreated him not to ask me such question as it would only make the situation more difficult than it was at present. I simply told him that I had to leave the house and I would never be returning. My words seemed to affect him greatly, he stopped dead in his tracks and surveyed me carefully and thoughtfully before speaking to me again, his words when he spoke again were cunningly judged, he knew that I would not lie to him. So he guessed at what or who had saddened me: was it perhaps one of the servants, the maids or menservants, Mrs Turner, the children, he knew Thomas to be a handful, Georgiana and the list went on although he was quick to suggest Lady Arabella.

I would not lie to him, despite my unwillingness to reveal the truth of the matter, I mentally debated in my head if I should reveal the truth or not, or how to gracefully avoid the question with some silly story. My thought process although quick was noticed by him, he was far too well attuned to my character by then. The hesitation was not lost on him at all and he knew that she had been that cause of my tears. Taking the chair next to me and recapturing my hand he told me I should not pay any mind to her. His words were of little comfort to me, whether or not I should pay any mind to her I had, and her thoughts and insinuations had already been spoken. It was all too late now. He asked me what she had said and once again I refused to tell him, it was too embarrassing to reiterate her words.

“If you do not tell me then I cannot help you.”

“You do not understand.”

“Correct madam,” He spoke sharply, “I do not understand what can have provoked you so and since you refuse to tell me I shall never understand.”

His rebuff added to my already diminished spirits caused me to break down into tears once again. He passed me a handkerchief and muttered softly to me attempting to stem the flow of tears.

Once I had regained some semblance of calm he began again, “I can speak to her if it is your wish.”

“No it is not my wish. I have no desire to cause trouble.”

“No, this is a long overdue conversation, I can be discrete but she must be taken to task, not just for the manner in which she treats you but other members of this household.” He was right, I was not the only person whose nose she had pushed out of joint, the cook, the chambermaids, Elsie would not go near her.

“But not on my account.”

“I would never directly involve you in it anyway. But you must promise me that you shall stay, otherwise I will be without a governess and you are irreplaceable, a real gem.”

I blushed at his words, I was far from that, I had no experience and my own education had been very haphazard. He was flattering me, so I told him so adding that “You promise never to mention my name in your discussion?”

“Only, if you promise not to desert this family.”

I looked at him doubtfully. Surely it would be best for all of us if I were to leave. The children would forget me in time and I could seek a position elsewhere. I agreed that Lady Arabella needed speaking to with regards to her conduct towards the staff. But why I should have to stay was beyond my comprehension. “Sir, I am afraid that I fail to see why my presence here is of such importance to you.”

“The children need you.”

“There are plenty of other far more competent governesses out there. I fail to see why I have to do the job.” I argued.

He remained quiet for several minutes before beginning, “I shall be frank with you Miss Bennet. You and I are, I believe, good friends – we have not always been so but now I feel that I would trust you with my life. Am I correct in this assessment?” I nodded slightly, “That is a relief to hear. You know my character as well as I, there are few people in this world whose society am I truly comfortable with and if you were to go then I would feel quite alone.” His admission was a brave one, he looked so sad as he finished.

I could not really understand still, he had plenty of friends, Mr Bingley, for example. I pointed this out to him. His face fell even further and suddenly I realized why. Mr Bingley had not been present at the townhouse since the evening of that dinner party, I was almost certain of it. Elsie would have been sure to inform me that he had been to call. She was as fond of Bingley as she was the master and knew of my own interest in him. The pity I felt for Mr Darcy upon my realization was enough to induce me to stay, however much he had hurt my family and Mr Bingley’s he had always tried to be a loyal friend even if his actions were misguided. Mr Bingley would no doubt come around soon enough he was assured of Jane’s affections now and it had only been three days since this had occurred. But at this very moment he was alone, “Then I will remain here as long as I am needed.”

“You are very good to us.” He allowed a smile, “Now, you have reassured me but I have hardly helped you, are you feeling recovered and are you still refusing to tell me what the problem was half an hour earlier.”

I looked at him balefully, making it patently clear that I would not tell him and handed him back the handkerchief he had lent me. My own cheeks were still damp with tears and he leaned forwards and dabbed at them. My eyes caught his and I watched enthralled as he completed his task as if I were a child. “There,” He declared brushing back my curls behind my ear, his hand lingering at my cheek, “As beautiful as ever.”

Despite the blush that overspread my face I could not bring myself to look away, as I knew I must. How could he say such things to me? Just as suddenly as that thought entered my head all coherent thought vanished as I found myself drowning in his eyes. His head bent down towards mine.

I knew that we should not, but I could not help it, and permitted myself to drown in the kiss for a brief period. Just as suddenly as it had happened I realized my mistake.

I pulled away shocked at my lack of constraint. For several seconds I remained still, looking at him, wondering, questioning our actions, before in my confusion I turned away and fled the room. His voice called out after me. I did not stop, I ran until I reached my own rooms. Shutting the door behind me I lent against the frame and put my hand to my chest, trying to calm my unsteady breathing. What was I to do now? I had promised to remain and so I should. I collapsed shakily onto the bed.

But what did it mean that I had kissed Mr Darcy?

Continued in Next Section