Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV, Next Section
Chapter 23
It was, by no means, an easy decision, but Liz decided to act on impulse. Glancing briefly at William, Liz linked arms with Ben and said, "I would love to go if you will take me."
Ben beamed, glancing triumphantly at a surprised William and said, "I'd be honored to. Pick you up at 7?"
Liz nodded, trying to smile. Ben bent forward and kissed her lightly on her cheeks. Liz froze. Ben noticed her reluctance and looked into her eyes, reading her mind. He sighed inwardly, and smiled. With another long, parting look, he quit the room. Liz looked hesitantly at William, who just stared at her for a few moments with questioning eyes as if to ask why she was doing this to him. Liz looked away and walked to her desk before turning and saying,
"Can I do something for you?"
"No," said William softly. "You've done enough."
With those words, he turned on his heels and rapidly disappeared from the room. Liz sank into her chair, highly confused. What had prompted her to make the decision she'd made? She didn't know. Could it be a wish to make William jealous? Perhaps. But that would mean she was using Ben and that idea didn't particularly appeal to Liz, either. Ben was a very sweet guy and Liz did not want to hurt him in the least bit. But if she was going out with him for all the wrong reasons, he would definitely end up getting hurt. And then, there was William. He had a knack of turning up at all the wrong places. He had acted as if he was hurt, as if he still loved her. The way he had looked into her eyes had touched Liz's heart and made her swoon. But, she berated herself quickly. She would not allow herself to fall for his charm again. Very confused, Liz took out a piece of paper and began writing.
Who are you?
I thought I knew you,
But I clearly don't.
I see you standing across the hall,
And I see the man I once loved.
But is it really you that I loved?
Who are you?
You haven't changed one bit.
The same eyes, the same hair, the same face,
That drove me crazy once
Drives me crazy still.
Am I the one who has changed?
Who are you?
Wherever I go, there you are,
Always disturbing my peace of mind
I have tried to escape you
But haven't succeed
Do I really want to escape?
Who are you?
I know you don't love me
I know because of all the lies you told me
Because of all my hurt
Because of all that happened
Why are you here?
Who are you?
Your presence is a curse
That makes every day hell
My life's out of control
Cuz I still love you so much...
Oh, why don't you just disappear?
Liz stopped and read what her heart had poured out. It felt so good to finally express what she'd been feeling for so long, what she'd been denying for so long. Yes, she still loved him and that was the crazy thing. It was a continual hell for her to see him everyday, knowing things could never work out. The wall between them was insurmountable and Liz knew the futility of expecting anything beneficial to transpire from this unfortunate crossing of paths. Nevertheless, who was she to dictate matters of the heart? She loved William and would continue to love him, no matter what happened. It was a simple fact that complicated her life uncontrollably rendering it all the more disturbing. Liz sighed again after re-reading her poem. She put it away and focussed her attention on the work in front of her.
Saturday; The Plaza Hotel
The sleek limousine stopped in front of the hotel and a man in a tux emerged. He offered his arm to the lady that came after him. She accepted with a small smile and the couple slowly walked towards the door. The woman looked stunning in a burgundy gown that clung provocatively to her body. The man beamed looking down at his partner ever so often. He exuded happiness, while the woman was less expressive of her emotions.
"Have I mentioned that you look absolutely gorgeous?" whispered Ben as they entered.
Liz smiled. "Yes, you have...a couple of times."
"Well, I'll say it again. You look truly beautiful."
"Thank you," said Liz. "And you don't look too bad yourself."
Ben smiled slightly. He couldn't believe his luck. How had he ever persuaded this angel to go to the dance with him? It was incredible. Who would have thought that such a thing could happen? Certainly not him. Deep down inside, though, Ben knew the reason why fortune had smiled at him. It was not because Liz had miraculously changed her mind or because his love had suddenly triumphed. The key was the one person Ben hated as passionately as he loved Liz.
William.
Ben felt Liz stiffen and he instinctively looked in the direction her eyes had wandered to. His surmises and suspicions were confirmed. It was, indeed, William. He was standing with Rick, looking dashing and carelessly handsome. Ben observed the longing in Liz's eyes as she stared at William when she thought no one would notice. And then, William glanced at them. His eyes met Liz's and he held the gaze earnestly for a few seconds, before releasing Liz from the mesmerizing effects of his eyes. Realizing that Ben might guess her secret, Liz quickly looked at Ben. The gleam in his eyes was strange and inscrutable. He already knew.
Liz had no words to convey her regret at dragging Ben into the mess that was her life. She knew she had shamelessly used him to get to William, not pausing to think of the effect that might have on Ben's emotions. She knew that he loved her and she was playing dangerously with his heart. Ben did not deserve that from her. She was sinking herself and would sink anyone who came close to her. She looked at Ben, all the pain and sorrow reflected in her eyes.
"Ben, I'm sorry..." she said, as he looked at her. "You deserve better than this..." It was hard for her to continue. "I'm sorry that I got into this mess. You can leave anytime, and I'll understand." Liz could not bear to see the expression in his eyes, so she looked away.
"Liz, look at me," Ben commanded in a surprisingly steady and form tone. Liz did as he asked. "I love you and you know that. I understand your situation and am prepared to face it with you. But, when will you understand? I can't help that I love you, just the way you can't help that you love William. I know that you don't love me, painful as that might be. But I'm ready to accept it. That means I won't abandon you. You can always turn to me for help. And whatever you do, don't ever say you're sorry...cuz, Liz, there's no room for 'sorry' in love. You say that I deserve better than this, but I think that I'm doing just fine." At that moment, he smiled. "Now, what do you say we dance?"
Liz smiled and joined him at the dance floor where a slow song had just commenced. If Liz had felt guilty previously, there was no measure for her feelings after Ben's little speech. He was too good to her. What did she do to deserve his love? But it was a love that had no future. What was there to look forward to but heartbreak? Ben held her close as they gently swayed to the music. He hoped his words had comforted Liz, for god knows, it did not such thing for him. He had released her from any obligations she might feel towards him, but where did that leave him? If, heaven forbid, she ever got back with William, what would he be left with? An aching heart and a handful of memories. Why couldn't he, then, simply walk away from this lose-lose situation? That was the key, thought Ben wryly. He couldn't just walk away. He was playing with fire and he knew he would get burned in the process. But it had reached a point where he didn't care anymore.
Liz rested her head on his shoulders and Ben could smell the sweet fragrance of her hair. It intoxicated him and he knew he was dangerously close to losing control. Warning bells rang in his mind and to divert himself, he said hastily,
"Do you remember Liz, the first time I saw you?"
"In the plane, yes," Liz looked up at him with wondering eyes and Ben wanted so badly to kiss her, but he repressed the urge.
"You were so...distant, I could never have imagined that a few months later I would be dancing with you."
"Nor I," sighed Liz. "I behaved so badly, it's a wonder that you didn't hate me."
"Hate you?!" Ben laughed at the notion of a feeling so foreign. "It simply intrigued me all the more."
"Oh, Ben," smiled Liz. "I really don't deserve you."
"Nonsense," dismissed Ben with a shake of his head. "But Liz, do you think there is even the smallest chance for us? Or should I not hope...?"
"There is always hope, Ben," Liz found herself saying as she looked into his eyes. "Maybe not for now, but for the future."
"Do you really mean that?" asked Ben doubtingly.
"Yes," whispered Liz, not knowing what she was promising.
"Oh, Liz," said Ben softly, and they twirled to the music.
The dance ended and the couple parted. Ben was obliged, as a prominent member of the art gallery, to mingle with the other guests. He was reluctant, however, to leave Liz by herself. She assured him, laughingly, that she could manage on her own. He kissed her softly on the cheeks before leaving to tackle Washington's elite. Liz watched him disappear into the crowd and sighed. She had made a huge promise to him, and it was one she intended to keep. She did not know from whence it sprang, but she was suddenly inclined to encourage Ben. After all, it was no use to wallow in self-pity forever. If she wanted to get over William, she would have to take a more active interest in life. And Ben was so sweet and so much in love with her. It would not do to break his heart. Liz rationalized calmly until she was convinced of the merit of her decision.
Liz was walking, lost in thought, her body unconsciously swaying to the rhythm of the music, when a deep, familiar voice said from behind her,
"May I have this dance?"
Liz whirled around in surprise and found herself staring straight into the dark, bottomless eyes of William. His face was hard as steel, betraying no emotion whatsoever. The only trace of any human feeling was in his eyes. They gleamed in some divine manner, conveying hidden messages. There was a challenge in those eyes as if William dared Liz to dance with him. To her surprise, Liz found herself accepting. She searched for a sign of triumph in his eyes, but there was none. It was as if he had expected it, had known that she would accept. Liz knew that she should be offended, but strangely enough, wasn't. The couple walked slowly to the dance floor as the soft music began playing.
William did not say a word as he pulled Liz close to him and placed a possessive arm around her waist. His eyes were glued on hers as he began to move to the beat of the music. Liz could feel his strong arms around her. She could smell his familiar masculine smell and could see the tiny hair growing on his face. It was unnerving, to say the least. She knew she shouldn't feel anything, but she felt protected and safe in his arms. It felt so right, as if she belonged there.
Their bodies were moving to the music in perfect rhythm as if they had been designed for each other. William's eyes were hypnotic and defiant, issuing a challenge to her. As Liz lost herself more and more in his arms, she could discern the gleam of triumph in his eyes. He had known that he could reduce her to pulp once she was in his arms and he had been right. Liz knew that theoretically, this was the time when she should pull back and walk away, but she couldn't. Maybe it was the strength of William's eyes or the weakness of Liz's resolves, but notwithstanding, they continued to dance, the chemistry between them undeniable.
As William pressed closer, Liz felt herself react to his closeness in all the familiar ways. She felt the familiar thrill run up and down her spine and a tingle on all the places where he touched her. She felt dizzy by all the sensations that overwhelmed her. She could not tell, by just looking into his eyes, whether William felt the same things she did. There was a singular determination about him, a steel determination that blinded him to all other emotions. Maybe he did feel something, but Liz could not discern it. As the song began to end, he pulled her even closer to him till there was no space between them. Liz's breathing was labored and she was trembling. At that instant, William smiled slightly,
"Now, why don't you try and make sense of this," he said in a challenging voice. "Did you feel like this when you danced with him?" His hands gently caressed her cheeks. "Did you feel like this when he touched you?" He looked into her eyes. "Did you feel like this when he held you close?"
By this moment, Liz felt the last ounce of her will power and self-control slip away and she knew that the only way to regain her sanity was to distance herself from William. So, accordingly, she pulled away from him, unable to utter a single word, trying desperately to compose herself. William advanced towards her and said,
"If you can still look me in the eye and say that you don't love me, you'll be lying...to me and to yourself. Why are you fighting what is inevitable?" he said in a coaxing tone. "I know you felt the chemistry between us...it's pure magic. How can you throw it away?"
"Very easily," Liz regained her voice, though it was still shaky. "I don't want any of your magic. I was doing fine until you showed up."
"Then what was it that we just shared?" demanded William. "Come on, Liz, you can't deny it...if you're as indifferent as you claim, why were you trembling in my arms?"
Liz had no answer, so she ignored the question. She walked away from the dance floor and found William following her. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around, "I won't let you walk away this time without an explanation. Why are you doing this to me?"
"You know very well why," said Liz, losing her patience and looking at him, her eyes flashing.
"No, I don't."
"Just leave me alone, William," exclaimed Liz. "Please..."
"Is that what you really want?"
No. "Yes," she said aloud.
"Fine," he said, gave her a last parting look and walked away.
Liz watched him leave and her heart wrenched inside her. She was still dazed from the confrontation and didn't know what to feel. She had betrayed herself in front of him and she was ashamed of herself because of that. But what he'd said was true. She did not react in the same way when she was dancing with Ben. Ben was nice, very sweet, but William... Liz cursed him under her breath. Just when she thought she had everything figured out, he had to come and confuse her even more. She needed a drink.
Liz found the bar, sat on a stool. The bartender asked for her order and she said, "Vodka, please."
Later in the evening, a figure sat down next to Liz. She glanced at the new arrival and looked away again.
"What do you want?" she slurred.
"Liz," said Ben. "I've been trying to find you for half an hour. Then, William told me he saw you at the bar. He...he also told me that you don't usually drink. I'm here to take you home."
"William sent you?" said Liz, looking at Ben. "Well, he can go to hell. Think he can get me so easily? I hate him. I despise him..."
"Liz, you're drunk...," said Ben soothingly.
"No, I'm not drunk, goddammit!" said Liz firmly. And then, she passed out.
The morning sunshine streamed into the room as Liz slowly stirred. She did not open her eyes because her head hurt and she felt vaguely nauseous. She vowed never to touch vodka again. Liz felt strong arms encircle her waist and instinctively snuggled closer to the source of warmth. The grip of the arms tightened and pulled Liz closer, when suddenly her eyes flew open and she let out a little scream.
"You!"
Chapter 24
William opened his eyes and smiled, "At your service."
"What are you doing here?!" screamed Liz, panicking. "Get out!"
"Calm down, Liz," said William, still not moving. He smiled his warm smile and Liz felt her heart melt. She realized, to her dismay, that she was still snuggled close to William. Instantly, she jumped out of the bed and then, sat down on the chair beside it, holding her head.
"God, I have a headache."
"Had one too many vodkas, I think," said William, propping himself on the pillow with his elbow. "You know you never drink...what were you trying to pull off?" He gave her a quizzical, half-smile as if he could divine what was in her heart. Liz felt a familiar tingle just by being under his scrutiny and shook her head. It was too early in the morning and she had no strength to fight.
"Just save it, I don't have to listen to you," she said irritably. "Now tell me, what happened?"
"What do you think happened?" grinned William, his innuendo unmistakable.
"I would never---!" Liz paused. William's suggestion was outrageous. She would never ever do anything...would she? She did not remember anything; her mind was blurry. The last thing she recalled was the disastrous dance with William.
Observing Liz's troubled look, William quietly said, "Don't worry, nothing happened between us. No matter what you think of me, Elizabeth, I would never take advantage of you."
Her name rolled so agreeably off his tongue that Liz looked at him earnestly. Before, he had only called her Elizabeth in some special intimate moments or when he told her that he loved her. Liz realized that the longer he stayed, the weaker her resolve would get. So, she averted her eyes and said, in a calmer tone,
"Can you tell me why you're here?"
"Well," began William. "There's not much to tell, actually. After you, ahem, passed out, Ben was about to take you home, but apparently, some very important investors showed up and he had to accompany them. So, I offered to bring you home... I must have fallen asleep here...I was pretty tired. Believe me, I didn't mean to invade your privacy."
The note of sincerity in his voice softened Liz's gaze and she uttered, "Oh."
"So, you see, it's much more innocent than you thought."
He smiled again and Liz felt herself drawn to him. She had forgotten how charming he could be. And so very confident, too. He was lying on her bed in her house with a smug on his face as if he belonged there. There was not the least bit of embarrassment or awkwardness. In all appearances, he believed that he had a right to be there. Liz sighed inwardly. She could see herself easily falling for him again. And that was the sad part.
"Well?" said William finally, after studying her for a long time. "Now that I'm here, what are we going to do?"
"We are not going to do anything," said Liz firmly. "You are going to leave."
"Can I at least have some breakfast?" asked William, the disconcerting smug still on his face. "I'm hungry." There was nothing for Liz to do, but accept.
"Do you want coffee?" she asked wearily.
"If it's not too much trouble," said William smoothly. As Liz began to leave the room, he said, "Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"
"No, go ahead," said Liz and left.
This is unreal, she thought as she made her way to the kitchen. He is here and acts as if nothing's changed. She could still smell his masculine scent and wondered why she was putting herself through the ordeal and the answer was simple...she could not turn him away. Liz had accepted the truth that she would never cease to care about William, no matter what had happened, but she had not foreseen that his mere presence would disrupt her peace of mind in such a manner. She knew it was very weak of her, but she could not deny her feelings. William was manipulating her shamelessly and she was powerless to do anything.
"Ooh! I smell coffee!" came a voice from behind her. Liz turned around and gasped for there was standing William with nothing on but a single towel that was wrapped around his waist.
"Oh, I borrowed your towel. I hope you don't mind?" William grinned, knowing what effect he was having on her.
The sight of a very damp William wearing next to nothing, standing in her kitchen was disturbing, to say the least. Liz felt the temperature in the room go up by a few degrees as she absorbed the familiar form of her ex-husband. The flimsy towel did nothing to hide his well-toned torso or his muscled arms. The errant curls of his hair were damp and wayward. His expression was flippant, yet alluring and his intentions were rather obvious. The response of any women can be very well predicted and Liz was not much different. Transfixed, Liz found it very difficult to detach her eyes from him and when she did, she was blushing.
Liz silently handed him a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen counter. William sat down next to her and sipped his coffee. Liz could literally smell his cologne and she seethed at the thought that his strategy was working so perfectly.
"This is a very nice place," said William, attempting to make some small talk.
"Thanks," said Liz, shortly, in no mood to talk, fervently hoping that he'd leave soon.
"You didn't tell me you'd be moving to DC," he said reproachfully.
As Liz looked at him, for a second she thought, What are you thinking? Throwing away a man like this? She immediately berated herself and replied evenly, "Because it didn't concern you."
"But it did," said William. "Don't you see? Everything you do, concerns me."
Liz inhaled sharply, then said, "Just cut the crap, William, will you? I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago, so don't try to be my Prince Charming."
The edge in her voice was not lost on William and he replied gravely, "I'm afraid this is no fairy tale...it's my life."
"It's my life, too," replied Liz. "And all I'm asking is that you stay out of it."
"I would, if I truly believed that that's what you wanted..."
His eyes held hers and for a moment Liz thought that he would kiss her. He was so close and yet, he didn't. Liz was almost disappointed. She ached to kiss him, though she didn't admit it to herself. She had dreamed so many times of what it'd be like to be with him again and here he was sitting next to her. It seemed like it was fate. After what seemed like an eternity, William moved slowly closer to Liz, bending forward, seeking her lips. She did not back away and would have gladly submitted had not the bell rung. She instantly jumped out of her chair and rushed to answer the door. She came back with a beautiful bouquet of red roses.
"It's from Ben," she said softly.
William looked at her and said, "Isn't he just sweet?"
Liz glared at him and said, "Yes, he is. He's asking me out to dinner."
"Will you go?" asked William.
"Perhaps."
"Dammit Liz, what in the hell are you thinking?!" he exclaimed angrily. "Don't you think I see the resemblance? Why would you settle for a substitute when you an have the original?"
Liz felt her temper flare and unwilling to engage in any kind of argument, she said, "William, I think it's time for you to leave...please, take your things and get out of here."
William stared at her for a moment, then wordlessly, left the room. Liz collapsed on the chair and held her head in her hands. It was hard enough that she woke with a hangover and on top of that, she'd had to battle with William. It was tiring and emotionally draining. Liz would be very pleased if she didn't have to deal with William anymore. Moments later, he emerged in his tuxedo, looking dashing. Liz thought he was leaving, but he came up next to her and said,
"I'm going to leave, but not before you answer one question: do you love me?"
Liz didn't respond. She couldn't say 'yes', but she couldn't say 'no' either. William searched for an answer in her eyes and found it. He smiled slightly.
"Okay, then," he said. "Liz, I made one mistake...just one, and you punish me for the rest of my life? I hardly call that fair. Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me? I have told you a thousand times that Caroline means nothing and it was just a mistake...why are basing our entire future on that one mistake?"
"William, I don't have the energy or the patience to go over this again. Please, just leave before I lose my temper."
"No, you can't send me away without an answer. Not this time. I saw how you reacted to me...you still care and I intend to find out why you're willing to throw that away."
Liz's patience finally wore out. She stood up and glared at William. "God, William, you're such an arrogant bast**d! You wreck my life, then come waltzing back, thinking you can charm me back into your bed?! You thought that I needed you, that I couldn't survive without you? That's why you were so sure that I'd come back to you. Well, guess what, I'm not. I can survive on my own and have people who care about me."
"Ben," snorted William, feeling the force of her words.
"Yeah, Ben!" said Liz. "He cares more than you ever did."
"You know that's not true."
"Like hell, it's not," said Liz. "I don't need to listen to your lies right now."
"I've never lied to you, never."
"Oh, please, give me a break! You can stop playing your game now. It's not going to work anymore. I know all about you. George Wickham told me!"
"Wickham!!!" William's astonishment was beyond words. "You're basing all this on what he had to say?!"
"Don't act so surprised. You knew the truth would come out sooner or later."
"What truth?" William had no clue what she was referring to.
"How you wrecked his career and how you...how you cheated on me...god, how can you stand there pretending like you don't know?" The bitterness in her voice was evident.
"Oh my god," was all that he could say.
Liz became even more upset and blurted out what she'd repressed for so long. "It's all your fault. You killed my baby. Yes, you didn't know, did you? It was ours...the magical outcome of our marriage...and it died because of you. I was so upset when Wickham told me...I drove straight into a pole. You've ruined my life. And you stand here and demand that I listen to you and answer your questions? Isn't it obvious? I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you with every fiber of my being. It makes me sick even to think of all the time I've wasted on you. Getting back together with you, William Darcy, is the last thing on earth I would EVER do. I'd rather die first!"
The muscles on his face were tightened as William whispered, "And that's what you think of me...I understand very well, Liz, you've said quite enough. I'm sorry for taking so much of your time. Goodbye."
With those words, William silently walked out of the house and Liz heard him drive away. She stood there numb for a few moments before sinking to her knees and crying hysterically.
Chapter 25
The skies were overcast and the clouds threatened to erupt in rain at any moment. The winds were blowing at a steady pace and the entire aspect was, at best, gloomy. The prospects of a thunderstorm seemed rather fair and accordingly, the clouds grumbled menacingly. There was a promise of things to come, leaving a sense of unrest and unease. But, even the worst of these circumstances could not match the internal turmoil experienced by one William Darcy.
Even the most casual observer would notice the dark intensity of his eyes as he drove at a steady pace. They were fixed at some undistinguishable point in the horizon, but that was not significant. What really disclosed the disquiet of his emotions was the rigidity of his face and the absence of a smile, a frown, or any other human emotion. Had it not been for the occasional flickering of his eyes, it would have been difficult to discern whether he was still alive. As time passed, the non-expression of his face gave way to a silent rage that manifested itself in the darkening of his features and the fire in his eyes.
Oh my god, she was carrying my baby...OUR baby....all that time and she never told me... Well, what a way to find out, he thought bitterly. She had made herself clear, very clear indeed, in a manner that William dared not admit to himself. Oh, but how she must have suffered...all alone...that rascal Wickham. If I ever get my hands on him, that bast**d will pay. William replayed the entire encounter in his head and shuddered. What had he been thinking? I lost my chances...forever. There was no way she would ever consider...there was no point in dwelling on that. It was too painful. He had wrecked whatever chances he had, which were meager to begin with. Why was he so foolish? Why was she so stubborn? Why was Ben so dammed considerate?
William recalled the evening before when he'd seen them dancing together. His flesh had crawled whenever Ben touched her or came near her. It was like dying a slow death to see her close to him and know that she hated him so violently. But till this morning he had no idea how violent and passionate her hate actually was. It broke his heart to know how low she held him in her estimation. That she actually believed what Wickham had said was astonishing to him. How could she even think that he'd cheat on her, willingly? Didn't she know him at all? That was what hurt him the most. The fact that she would believe a stranger over him. It was a wake-up call to him. How long had he arrogantly assumed that he possessed her heart? It was now obvious to him that he never had. How else could he explain the ease with which she'd believed Wickham. She had never loved him the way he had her.
Maybe it was just as well that all this had happened. At least she'd have someone to take care of her, someone she loved, someone like Ben...the mere though of them together was repulsive to him. But William knew it was inevitable. She was very vulnerable and Ben was there for her. Besides, he loved her terribly, that much was certain. William had seen how Ben had looked at her all evening. He would take good care of her. William would have to be satisfied with that. She was lost to him and there was nothing he could do to get her back. William was resigned to that fate, but he could not bear to let her hate him anymore. No, he would have to clear his name, not just for him, but for her. He owed it to them, their marriage, their love...well, his love, anyway.
2 hours later
William rang the bell apprehensively, suddenly at a loss as to how to broach the subject when the door opened. A few moments later, the large door swung open and Ben appeared.
"William! Hi! Come in."
"No, I'm fine, thanks," said William, firmly. "I just came to say...well, I'm leaving tonight by the 8 'clock flight..."
"You're leaving?!" Ben was incredulous. "But why? Your work's not done..."
"Yeah, I talked to Rick...I'll be sending someone to take over," replied William. "I just have to leave...you won't understand." William looked at Ben earnestly, knowing that it was time to say what he had come to say. "Ben, look...I know that we've not been the best of friends, but I wish you very well. Liz...well, she's very special and I want you to take care of her...always..."
"But-"
"No, please, let me finish," said William. "She is very hurt and very vulnerable. Be careful with her heart. Don't hurt her. She'll break, if you do. Just try and...love her the way she deserves to be loved..."
"What happened?" asked Ben softly, stunned.
"It's a long story," said William. "You'd be bored. I have to go...but, please, don't forget what I told you."
With those words William walked to his car and drove away, leaving Ben stunned and dumbfounded at the door.
The rain was falling very hard as Liz stared steadfastly out of the window. Watching the steady downpour had a calming effect on her after several hours of crying. Of course, nothing could calm her in the real sense of word, but it was all relative. A few hours ago she had been crying and shaking violently, but now there was only the quiet stream of tears and an aching heart to remind her of all that was amiss. In a way, she felt better for having released all her pent up anger and emotions, but the outcome was hardly worth rejoicing. The state of her life was now worse, if that was indeed possible. In what way, she was not quite certain. At any rate, she was certain of one thing: William would never solicit her attention in any way. She should have been relieved or even happy. But instead she felt an aching void within her for having lost her only true love once and for all.
Liz was aroused from those somber reflections by the sudden ringing of the bell. Who can it be? It's absolutely pouring out. Liz quickly dried her tears and walked to the door. On opening it, she received the greatest shock of all. It was William, dripping wet, soaked to the skin. He appeared handsomer than normal and much graver. He stared at her earnestly for a few moments before extending a letter which she instinctively took.
"Will you please read that letter?"
With those words and a final parting look, he disappeared into the rain and Liz could do nothing but stare after him. She heard his car drive away and slowly closed the door. For the first time, she glanced at the paper in her hands. It was addressed to her: Elizabeth Bennett. Not Darcy, she noticed, with a pang. Bennet. She debated whether to read it or not, but her curiosity got the better of her and she tore it open. It read:
Elizabeth,I am glad that you have decided to read this letter for my sake, and for yours. Don't be alarmed, I will not bother to repeat what you already know and didn't like. I don't intend to humble myself or anger you by presenting again those offers that were so repulsive to you. But, I do wish to answer all your accusations, which, if true, would be very sad. Rest assured, they are not true and I beg that you read my defense, if only for justice sake.
Your main accusation was based on what you had heard from one George Wickham. What particular lies he said, I don't know, but I'll tell you about all the circumstances relating to my former friendship with him. George and I grew up as neighbors. His father and mine were close friends. His dad worked for our company and was very faithful. So, my dad was very fond of him and his son. George appeared to be a very innocent and sweet boy. He went to school with me and had all the appearances of a good student and son, but the truth was far from it. For a long time, I had changed my opinion of him after seeing his REAL, vicious side. George was a playboy and a leech who would live off of someone else to avoid work. He kept up the façade of the perfect son for my dad, so that he'd pay for George's expenses. Well, my dad fell for it.
I never said anything because I thought that George would change as he matured and grew up. But I was wrong. My dad died, but left provisions for George's education. We both applied and got accepted into Columbia. During our first year there, before I knew you, George became worse. He partied every night and was heavily involved with drugs. I tried to help him, but he didn't listen to me. I finally gave up and threatened to report him, if he didn't change. He panicked and begged me not to, saying that he'd change his ways. I believed him, the fool that I was. But it all continued, behind my back.
The worst was still to come. Georgia used to stay at home then. She was just 15. One night George came over to the house. He was drunk and wanted to see me to ask for money. I wasn't come, but Georgia was. She remembered him from childhood and invited him in. He accepted. He came in and...well, he tried to rape her. I came back just in time. Liz, she was crying, sobbing, begging him to stop. She was a child, only 15 years old. I don't think you'll blame me for being mad with him. I absolutely flipped. I called the cops immediately and had him arrested. They charged him for assault and possession of drugs. He dropped out of school and I didn't see or hear from him again.
And that, is the real deal. I don't know what he told you, but that's what really happened. Shortly after, I met you. Do you remember how quiet I used to be. It was because of him. I was still scared for Georgia, scared that he'd try to hurt her again. He just told you lies, Liz. You must trust me. I NEVER intentionally cheated on you. Never, not once. What happened in Hawaii was a mistake, and I don't have any greater regret. But I can't change the past. That is the truth, Liz, and I leave for you to believe it or not.
I wish that you had told me about the...baby. I know it hurts Liz. I wish things could have been different, that it could have survived. I would have loved it so much. I just hope that you don't still blame me for its death. I never wished you any harm and I truly didn't mean for things to happen this way. I know how you feel about me, so I won't ask for anything more than forgiveness for all the pain I've caused. I know that even seeing me pains you, so rest assured, you won't have to deal with me anymore. I'm leaving tonight and you'll never have to see me again. I promise. Just find it in your heart to forgive me, and I'll be satisfied.
Well, there's nothing more to say, but good bye and may god bless you.
William
PS: Ben loves you and won't break your heart. I'm sorry.
Chapter 26
Liz read the letter once and then over again. It was shocking, to say the least. Liz didn't know what to believe. She remembered vividly the details of the night when she'd met Wickham. Why had he told her what he did? More importantly, why had she believed in him, so implicitly? He was a stranger and she hardly knew him. So why, then, did she take his word over William's? Liz didn't know the answer to any of these questions. Or rather, she wouldn't admit it to herself that the only reason she had believed Wickham was that she needed a reason, a validation to hate William.
As Liz read the letter for the third time, her eyes watered as William recounted Wickham's assault on Georgia. It was obviously still very painful to William. No wonder he'd never mentioned Wickham. He had wanted to forget the entire episode. But, Liz fervently wished that he had confided in her. She would have helped him forget... but it was all in the past and there was no use in dwelling on what could have been. There was one thing, however, that Liz regretted and it was being so harsh towards William. She knew that she had hurt him, but perhaps, it was for the best. He would learn, in time, to move on, although, she could never imagine how they could ever forget the love that they'd shared. Maybe if she'd had the baby...maybe things would have been different... Liz couldn't help but wonder what her life would have been had that tragic accident not occurred. But she stopped indulging in such fantasies and reminded herself that sending William away had been her own choice.
"Oh, Jane, I'm so glad to see you!" exclaimed Liz, as she entered her sister's that evening.
"Liz, you look pale. What's the matter?" asked Jane, concerned.
"Oh, nothing," sighed Liz, as she sat down on the couch. "Everything. I don't know, Jane."
"Tell me," said Jane and Liz recounted the latest happenings. When Liz ended her narrative with a description of the letter, Jane exclaimed, "Oh, poor William."
"So, you blame me for saying those things to him?"
"Blame you? Oh no!" said Jane quickly.
"But you do blame me for speaking so warmly of Wickham?"
"Not really," answered Jane. "How could you have known what Wickham was really like? But it's horrible. How can it be true?"
"You may be surprised Jane," smiled Liz. "But there is evil in this world. And Wickham just happens to be one of them. It's either that or William's lying, and to tell you the truth, I believe William."
"Poor William," repeated Jane. "And his sister too."
"Yeah," sighed Liz. "Now I just wish I hadn't said all those things to William...I just wanted to hurt him so much...I didn't think before saying."
"If it matters so much to you, why don't you call him and apologize?" suggested Jane.
"No, Jane," Liz shook her head. "How could I even talk to him? He probably hates me now. Besides, I have no right to call him...not anymore."
"It's not like that, Liz. It doesn't have to be."
"Yeah, it does," Liz replied. "Don't you see, Jane? Things can never go back to the way they were. I've ruined it permanently."
Jane wanted to comfort her little sister, but there was really nothing she could say or do to ease the pain. It was disheartening to see the sorrow and pain in her eyes, but Jane knew that just asking her to feel happy wouldn't cut it. At such times of distress, there was nothing a person could do but listen to the injured party and console them. It might be dark now, but the sun was just around the corner.
The next morning, New York City
The aspect seemed particularly gloomy this Monday morning, especially to someone who had had such a depressing weekend as William. He strolled slowly towards his office building, unwilling to go in and face another day. He had almost decided against coming to work, but the thought of spending the entire day dwelling on Liz did not seem appealing either. It would simply serve to depress him further. So, somehow, William managed to drag himself out of bed and go to work. As he walked, his mind pondered the questions that confronted him. He had very cold-heartedly advised Liz to seek Ben, but what about him? Was he destined to mourn the loss of Liz forever? Would there never be anyone else? At this point, it was hard for William to imagine himself with anyone else. The memories of Liz were too fresh in his mind.
William entered the building complex and got into the elevator, the only other person being Charlotte.
"Oh William, you're back!" she said. "So soon?"
"Don't ask," replied William grimly. "It was a disaster."
"Really? I'm almost afraid to ask..."
"I just really messed up, that's all," replied William. "And now things are worse off between Liz and me than before."
"I'm sorry, William," said Charlotte sincerely, looking at him directly.
He looked at her and said softly, "Yeah, me too. If I could change the past, I would, but there's nothing to be done, now. She hates me with a passion that I can't undermine. And that's that. I'll just have to learn to deal with it, no matter how hard it is. She's happy in DC...I'll just have to learn to be happy here."
"You know, I'm always here for you," said Charlotte. "if you need to talk or anything."
"Thanks, Char, you're a good friend!" William kissed her on the cheeks. The elevator stopped and he got off. Charlotte touched the spot he had kissed her on and sighed. Friends. Just good friends. Oh, William, when will you ever see?
Meanwhile, in DC
Liz entered her office apprehensively. She was not ready to face another day or see Ben. It would be embarrassing for both of them. She was not sure whether William had talked to Ben and it bothered her. Moreover, she was concerned about their "relationship"? what would happen now? She had not committed to him, but knew that he expected something of her. The question was, could she give him what he wanted? All these questions would soon be answered as the man himself walked into her room soon after.
"Good morning, Liz!"
"Good morning," she said, not so enthusiastically.
"So, I heard," began Ben. "William's gone."
"Yeah," replied Liz, not daring to raise her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Liz, very sorry," said Ben sincerely. "I know how hurt you must be."
"Thanks."
"Before he left, William came to my house," said Ben. "He wants me to take care of you."
"I didn't realize I was his property," said Liz, her anger rising.
"No, please, don't take it the wrong way. You know how I feel about you. I'm not pressuring you. I know what you've been through and I understand. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to make a commitment to me. Just give me a chance. I'm not asking for much. Just one chance. I know William means a lot to you, but you yourself said that he's in the past. Isn't it time you looked at the future?"
"Fine," said Liz.
"Fine?" Ben's face lit up. "As in, fine, yes?"
"Yeah, as in fine, yes," smiled Liz.
"Dinner tonight?" asked Ben, his eyes shining.
"Okay."
"I love you," said Ben and then, with a quick kiss on the cheeks, left. One day...one day, I'll say those words and you'll say them back to me. Just wait and see.
Chapter 27
The ringing of the doorbell signaled Ben's arrival and Liz slowly walked towards the door. She opened it to find Ben standing with a bouquet of beautiful roses.
"For you," he smiled, handing her the bouquet.
"They're beautiful, Ben," Liz attempted to smile.
"But not as beautiful as you," smiled Ben. Liz blushed and said nothing. She quickly looked away and decided to put the flowers in a vase. Ben followed her inside. He watched her meticulously arrange the flowers and said,
"So, this'll be our first real date?"
Liz jerked her head up and studied Ben for a moment. "Yeah, I guess so."
"I've waited for this for so long," said Ben, half-smiling. Seeing that Liz was uncomfortable, he added, "You know that there's no pressure, right Liz? This is just a friendly night out."
"Yeah, I know," she replied, still not looking at him, concentrating on the flowers, until Ben walked up to her and grabbed her head, forcing her to look at him.
"Liz, do you trust me?" he demanded with quiet intensity.
"Yes," she said confidently, looking straight into his eyes.
"Then, can you please just relax. We'll have a great time, if you'll just let yourself," said Ben. "It doesn't have to be this complicated."
"You're right," said Liz, with finality. "Let's go."
"That's more like it!" Ben kissed her lightly on her cheeks and grinned. He offered her his arm and led her to his car. They had come so far. He had never expected her to acquiesce to his pursuit, but this was a start. A definite new beginning.
Ben took Liz to a posh Italian restaurant where he had reserved them a table. Ben ordered for both of them. The food was delicious and the wine even better. At the beginning of the meal, Liz had been restrained, listening to Ben politely, but slowly she began to unwind. The change was visible to be and he rejoiced inwardly. By the time dessert was served, Liz was chatting animatedly.
"...And so, I told mom that there was no way on earth I was going to marry that slimy toad. I mean, it was totally out of the question. And she made such a big deal out of it because she was certain that I couldn't do anything worthwhile with my life. But I was very stubborn and I guess, my dad really supported me, too. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have gone to college in New York."
"He's quite a remarkable man," commented Ben.
"Yeah, he really is," sighed Liz. "I think mom's very lucky to have found him. It's funny...although my folks seem like they don't get along, they really do love each other very much. My mom can be annoying sometimes, but dad couldn't survive without her. Love is so funny that way."
"Yes, it is," agreed Ben, hidden meaning in his eyes.
Liz looked at him and blushed. "Yeah, it's very strange."
"And can be very painful," added Ben.
At that moment, the orchestra began playing music and Liz said, "Let's dance!"
And so they danced. Ben held Liz very tightly, at the same time, not making her feel uncomfortable. They had perfect rhythm and harmony together, their steps complementing each other's. They chatted on trivial matters, laughing and having a good time. They literally danced the night away. It was quite late when finally the two decided to return home. Ben dove Liz to her house. She invited him in. Ben saw that the situation had many interesting possibilities and accepted the invitation. They walked slowly towards the house. Once inside, Liz poured some wine for both of them and sank onto the couch next to Ben.
"Oh, I'm so tired," sighed Liz.
"Yeah, but we had a fun time," said Ben.
"Yes, but that's not what I was talking about," replied Liz, stealing a glance at Ben.
"Then, what were you talking about?"
"I'm sick and I'm tired of feeling guilty whenever I have a good time. I'm not married anymore, and yet, I can't seem to forget. There's no hope for William and me, and yet, I can't seem to let go. I'm so sick of it!"
Ben looked at Liz. "Maybe you don't want to let go...?"
"Oh, but I do. That's the thing, I really do. I have to move on. I've been divorced for months now. This thing has gone on long enough."
"Maybe because you and William were so close...," suggested Ben delicately.
"But it's over. Why can't I just accept that. Sometimes I just disgust myself," Liz put down her glass and held her head between her hands. Ben out his arms around her gently, knowing not how to respond. He could only offer her his support. And suddenly, before he knew what was happening, Liz pressed closer to him and whispered,
"Please, Ben, help me forget..." With those words, she closed the gap between them and started to kiss him.
Meanwhile in New York
Charlotte lay on her couch, listening to soft music. She felt miserable, absolutely miserable. And worst of all, she couldn't share her feelings with anyone. It was so frustrating. Char was in love with William, and had been for a very long time. But he was Liz's husband, so she had long repressed her feelings for him. And then, the divorce happened, and she still couldn't say anything, partly because she didn't seriously believe that the two lovebirds would stay apart too long. But now, William had told her that his relationship with Liz was decidedly over. But Char still could not express her feelings because she'd always feel like she was betraying her best friend. It was an awkward situation to find oneself in. And it was for Char to decide what was more important to her: her loyalty to Liz or her love for William?
Life was playing a cruel joke on Char and she knew it. She had never been particularly attractive in high school and always felt at a loss when compared to her best friend. Liz had been the pretty one, the one who got all the cute guys. And poor Char had to be content with rejects like Billy "the toad" Collins. She had never felt the slightest interest in boys or so she told herself because she knew she didn't have much chance with any of them. But all that changed once she saw William...and fell in love. It had been at a café in New York City. Char had see him and fallen in love. What she hadn't known was that Liz had gotten to him before her. And right before Char's eyes, her best friend moved in on the one guy that she loved. Char couldn't blame Liz because she had never told Liz about her infatuation with William. She had accepted her fate and kept quiet. Until now.
Now Char felt she had to break the cycle of silence and assert herself. Life had been living hell for her. Wherever she went, there was William and not far behind was Liz. Soon after, they got married and things just deteriorated from bad to worse. And Char had born it with equanimity. Until now. Liz was gone and Char knew she would have to act soon if she didn't want to lose her sanity. William was finally free and Char convinced herself that Liz could have no reason to object since it was she would had broken the marriage. She had no right over William anymore. With these thoughts in her mind, Char lay on the couch until the sound of the bell aroused her. She opened the door and was shocked to see William standing.
"Can I come in?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes, of course," replied Char, surprised, letting him in. Now's my chance. "Make yourself at home."
Chapter 28
Liz felt Ben caress her back and suddenly realized what a big mistake she was making. She pushed Ben away. "No, stop..."
Ben looked at her in surprise wondering if it was something he did.
"I can't do this right now, Ben, please understand."
Ben studied her intently, "It's William, isn't it?"
"Yes," nodded Liz, her eyes dropping. "I didn't mean to lead you on, but we'd be making a big mistake, Ben...we'd regret it later, I'm sure of it."
Ben knew that no matter what he wouldn't regret it, but he pressed her no more. "You're right. I think I'd better get going."
"Okay," said Liz as she walked him to the door. "Goodnight Ben and thanks for the lovely evening. I really enjoyed myself."
"I enjoyed it too." While it lasted... "Good night, Liz."
Liz watched Ben drive away and slowly walked back inside. She was still slightly dazed from the recent experience. What would have happened had she not pulled back when she had? Liz shuddered to even think of it. What had she been thinking, anyway? There was no easy way to forget William, if that was what she really wanted. Sleeping with Ben would not solve any of her problems, rather it would only multiply them. Liz could not believe how dangerously close to ruin she had come. How could she have let herself be swept away by the moment? It was absolutely inexcusable, especially when she knew that she did not really love Ben. She was using him and that disgusted her. With those thoughts in mind, Liz went up to her room.
As Liz changed into her nightgown her eyes fell on the towel that William had briefly used. On impulse, she picked it up and held it for a few moments. It had a soft, lingering, unmistakably masculine smell, something like a cologne or a body wash. Liz rubbed her cheeks on the towel. William had touched this towel. It had been close to his body the way she wanted to be. Liz stood there for some minutes before she dropped the towel. Shaking her head, she got into bed. Then, as a nightly ritual, she carefully extracted William's letter from her drawer and re-read for the umpteenth time. After a quick, silent prayer, she lay down and fell into a fitful sleep.
Meanwhile, in New York
"I'm surprised to see you, William," commented Char as she handed him a glass of wine, which he accepted gratefully.
"I'm sorry for coming without calling first, but I really needed some company," replied William with sort of a half semi-smile.
"What happened to that friend of yours...Amber, I believe...?" asked Char.
"Well, she's out of town and besides, she doesn't know me well enough. So I had to come to you. I hope you don't mind...?"
"Oh, no." Not at all.
William sipped the wine and stared off into space, while Char contented herself by simply observing him. His dark, curly hair, his deep brown eyes, his small smile; every aspect of William Darcy was endearing and brought together spelled trouble...for Char's heart, that is. She herself thought that her admiration of him was rather visible and was surprised that she'd been able to conceal it for so long. Through the years, William had grown to depend on Char as a friend and confidante, asking her for advice regarding Liz's anniversary presents and such. Char was happy to help him in any way that she could, though she did so with a pang, whenever Liz was involved. But as Char watched William, all her repressed feelings surfaced and she decided that she could take it no more. She was about to say something when William said,
"I can't believe she's doing this..."
Char didn't have to ask who 'she' was. "You talked to Liz?"
"No, not since I came back from DC," answered William. "But she thinks so lowly of me...it broke my heart just to see her when I knew she hated me so much. How could I let that happen to us? What went wrong? You saw us together, Char, you tell me...what did I do wrong?"
Char swallowed uncomfortably, then said, "You didn't do anything wrong, William...sometimes, things just don't turn out the way you want them too. Maybe it was simply not meant to be?"
"Oh, but it was meant to be, it is meant to be. There can never be anyone else for me, Char, never. I just love Liz too much. Even if she re-marries, I won't be able to see anyone else...no one can fill her shoes."
Char held back the tears that stung her eyes. "Well, then, you'd be a fool to let her go away so easily."
"I tried, Char, I really did...but she hates me. There's nothing I can do."
"I don't know what to say, William," replied Char. "Maybe you oughta give he some time and space. I'm sure she doesn't hate you, maybe it's just a phase. If there are two people who are meant to be together, it's you guys."
"You think?" asked William, doubtful.
"I'm sure."
"Then, is shouldn't lose hope?"
"No, at least, not yet," said Char.
"But what about Ben," said William. "He's after Liz, and I even told him to take care of her...what if...?"
"No, she doesn't love him," reassured Char. "Believe me, she doesn't. He was in Iowa with us, and she really disliked him...she might be friends with him now, but no more."
Those words seemed to put William at ease, well, for the meantime at least. He stayed and chatted with Char for another 15 minutes before rising to take his leave. When he was at the door, he looked at Char, smiled and said,
"I love you, Char. Thanks for being such a great friend. I don't know what I'd have done without you."
"I love you, too," she barely whispered. More than you can ever know...I'd have been much better off without you. Char watched him leave and knew that she would never be able to reveal what was in her heart. Perhaps it was better that way. She knew that she had no chance. William belonged to Liz and Liz alone. Char knew that she'd have to bury her feelings forever because, some things were just not meant to be.
The next morning; Washington DC
"They're waiting for you in the conference room, Ms. Bennett," Mrs. Davidson informed Liz.
"Thank you," said Liz and with a deep breath, proceeded to the conference room. She hadn't seen Ben all morning and did not particularly look forward to it. She was embarrassed of the incident from the night before and hoped Ben did not mention it. She calmed her nerves and entered the room, which was occupied by Ben and Rick.
"Morning Liz!" greeted Rick.
"Morning Rick, Ben," smiled Liz.
Ben only nodded in acknowledgement and Liz took a seat. For the next hour, they discussed the gallery's budget, current sales, exhibits and such. After all these things were discussed, Rick looked at Liz for a few moments, then said,
"I talked to William last night."
Liz's ears perked up and she said, "Really?"
"Yeah."
"And...?" she prompted him.
"He's doing okay," replied Rick. "He just wanted me to tell you 'hi'."
Liz took a deep breath and managed to say, "Tell him I said 'hi', too."
"Why don't you call him yourself?" asked Rick. "He'd love to hear from you."
"Nah," she replied. "I don't think it's such a good idea."
"Okay," shrugged Rick. I tried.
After Liz left them, Rick saw Ben stare after her thoughtfully. Feeling guilty, Rick said, "I know how you feel about her, Ben, but I'm trying to do what's best for her...she's not happy and neither is William. It's just hard to sit back and watch."
"Yeah," said Ben. "You should do what you can. She loves him and that will never change." I found that out the hard way.
Rick looked quizzically at Ben. "Are you okay?"
"Fine, just fine," lied Ben. I'll get over it. "So, what about the Richmond sale...?"
And the morning continued.
Meanwhile, in New York
Caroline strode into the office near noon and instantly demanded to know whether William was in. He was. So, she walked over and knocked on his door.
"Morning, William!"
"A little late, aren't you, Caroline?" said William, not bothering to look up.
"I had an appointment with my doctor," lied Caroline.
"I see," he said, not believing her for a second.
"And you've been working hard."
"All morning," replied William.
"You've been working so hard since you came back from DC, maybe you should take a break?" suggested Caroline, grinning at the thought of how she'd have him spend his break.
"No, thanks, I've got work to do," replied William shortly in a dismissive tone signaling that Caroline's presence was not welcome.
She quietly withdrew from his office and proceeded to her own, utterly frustrated. What would it take to get this man, she asked herself. God only knew, she'd tried it all. Nothing, absolutely nothing worked. Anyone else would have given up by now, but not Caroline. With every passing day her perseverance increased as she became more and more determined to marry William Darcy. It was her obsession and Caroline was prepared to go to dangerous lengths to fulfill her dreams. As Caroline poured herself some coffee, she thought of all that she'd done to try and win William. The highlight had been Hawaii and Caroline had honestly thought that it would work. Apparently not, because months had passed since that incident and she was still as far removed from William as ever. She recalled every detail of that eventful night as if it were yesterday.
Flashback; Hawaii
"...and she made such a fuss about it...I know I messed up, I shouldn't have missed her birthday, but I couldn't just throw away millions of dollars...if she'd only understand." William rambled on, while motioning the bartender to fill up his glass yet again. He flashed a smile at Caroline who was seated next to him.
"So, you and Elisa have problems?" asked Caroline.
"No, I wouldn't exactly call it problem...a little misunderstanding, really...I guess, I'll make it up to her when I get back."
Caroline smiled slightly and said, "I'm sure you will."
William drank another whiskey before asking the bartender for some vodka. He smiled at Caroline and she nodded encouragingly. Getting him drunk was the key to her plan. So, she instructed the bartender to give the gentleman some more to drink since he was not coordinated enough to enunciate.
"I don't really see what she's complaining about," began Caroline. "You're a very good husband."
"I am, aren't I?" slurred William.
"Yep."
"I'm the best!"
"Of course!"
"She's lucky!"
"She's very lucky," smiled Caroline.
"Yeah!!!"
And suddenly, William fell face forward onto the counter. The bartender looked at him and shrugged. Caroline paid him for the drinks and asked one of the waiters to help William to his room. She followed him with a sinister smile. So far, so good. Her plan was working perfectly.
The next morning
William stirred and opened his eyes. His head was pounding and every inch of his body felt sore. He had never felt so awful in a long time. He felt a source of warmth next to him and forgetting where he was, he muttered, "Lizzy," and snuggled closer until he saw whom it actually was.
"Caroline!!!" he exclaimed and pushed her away. She looked at him and smiled. William discovered, with shock, that she was quite nude under the sheets and cried out, "What are you doing here?!"
"Why, William, don't you remember?"
"Remember what?" demanded William suspiciously.
"Last night," answered Caroline smilingly.
"Nothing happened last night," said William.
Oh, you don't know how right you are! "But it did, William. It was wonderful...we were wonderful. I have proof too." She exposed some love bites near her neck and smiled again.
"But, I can't...I mean, I didn't...I mean...oh god!" The full impact of the incident hit him. "If Liz ever finds out, she'll kill me. Caroline, please go and get dressed...we'll talk later."
"What's to say, William...just tell me right now," said Caroline sweetly.
"Caroline, I didn't mean for this to happen..."
"Sure you did. You wanted it as much as I did...we both wanted it."
"NO!" exclaimed William. "I'm a happily married man, and I don't intend to let anything spoil that, even this. I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't plan it...it was a mistake. I'm sorry."
Just then, there a knock on the door and it opened.
"William!!!" came a voice.
"Oh my god, Elizabeth!" gasped William.
Liz walked in and stopped in shock. She looked at William, then at Caroline, then at William again. She stared at William for a long time, the tears flowing.
"Why?!" she finally managed to say.
"Liz, I can explain..." William started to say, but it was too late. She had turned on her heels and left. Caroline watched the scene with smug satisfaction. Her plan was complete.
If William ever finds out the truth, he'll kill me... thought Caroline. She smiled, shook her head and slowly walked to her office.
Chapter 29
2 months later
Liz purchased last of her Christmas gifts with relief. She headed home, looking forward to dinner at Jane's since Charlotte was coming to visit them from New York. The downside would be the unwelcome presence of her sister Lydia, who went to school at George Washington University and preferred not to fly to Iowa for the holidays. Liz really looked forward to seeing her best friend again. They had attempted to keep in touch, but with their busy schedules, it had not been possible. Liz also secretly hoped to glean some information about William since she knew that Char probably saw him at a regular basis.
When Liz arrived at Jane's house, Lydia and Char were already there. Liz embraced her friend and said, "It's been too long, Char."
"Yes, it has," smiled Char, truly happy to see her friend again.
"Hello, Lydia," Liz greeted her indifferent sister.
"Hey Liz," replied Lydia. "Do you think I gained weight? Jane said I didn't, but I think I did. It's all that ice cream I keep eating. I can't put on any more, or I won't fit in that little red dress I have. Oh! How am I ever going to get into any clubs without that dress? You know what this means...I'll have to starve myself again. I don't really want to, but then, I like going to clubs too, so maybe I will starve. So, no dinner for me, Jane, thank you."
This was all said in one breath, causing the others to collectively roll their eyes. As soon as Lydia disappeared inside the house, Liz walked Char to the living room and sat down beside her, holding her hand.
"So, how have you been, Char?"
"Alright, I guess," sighed Char.
"You guess?!" exclaimed Liz. "Don't you know?"
"Well, I'm very busy at work and stuff and since you left, I don't have anyone to complain to," smiled Char. "But otherwise I'm fine. And you?"
"I'm doing good," said Liz, but her eyes spoke otherwise. Char noticed the slight hesitation, the slight question in Liz's voice and instantly knew that Liz wasn't "good"; she couldn't be, not with the soulful expression in her eyes. And Char could divine the reason behind that expression although Liz might not accept it. With a sigh, Char unwillingly said,
"I think you're making a big mistake, Liz..."
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," replied Char. "I never believed for a second that you would actually go through with this. It's insane. You're being stubborn."
"I don't know what you're talking about," muttered Liz unconvincingly.
"Liz!" said Char, exasperated. "You must quit moping around and face the truth. You love him. That's it. You love him and he loves you. Why, in the world, you're willing to throw that away, I can't imagine. You have what few people have, and that is someone who returns your love. Believe me, it's not so easy." At this point, Char paused to collect her emotions, then continued. "Listen, I can't make your decisions for you, but I can give you some advice, and my advice is don't do this. I see him everyday and I can literally see his sadness. And I come down here and I can see your sorrow. This situation is insane. It's the season of love and forgiveness, so why can't you just forgive him for the past?"
"It's not that easy, Char," replied Liz, quietly.
"Why not?"
"It's just not," said Liz. "You wouldn't understand..."
"Oh, but I do understand," Char's expression softened. "I've known you since kindergarten and I really know you. And I know that you can't forgive people who hurt you very easily and I know that William hurt you. I also know that you can be very stubborn, but Lizzy, this is not a game, this is your life and you can't just gamble it away like this. If you truly love him, and I think you do, then you'll find a way to forgive him and go back to the way you were."
"I wish I could, Char," said Liz, with tears springing in her eyes. "But I can't..."
Char sighed and embraced her friend, unwilling to press her any further. She could do no more for she had tried her best. It was very difficult for her to plea for something that could only hurt her, but being the unselfish person that she was, Char was determined to get her best friend back together with the love of her life. It would be difficult and painful, but Char felt that she would derive her own happiness from the happiness of Liz and William for she knew that she herself would find no solace. There could be no one after William.
Jane had prepared an elaborate meal to accommodate the new arrivals as well as another guest, Ben. It was rather dark when Ben arrived at the door with a bottle of wine for Jane, which she accepted graciously. As soon as Ben entered the living room, his eyes fell on Liz, who was seated on the couch. She was a vision of loveliness with her soft, brown hair tumbling over her shoulders and framing her pale face. The light illuminated her face with a gentle light and her eyes sparkled with the intensity of a thousand candles. She looked up at hearing his footsteps and her face lit up.
"Oh, hi Ben!" she smiled at him and Ben's heart skipped a beat.
"Hey Liz," he said ruefully, knowing that the smile promised nothing but friendship. He had learned his lesson and for the past 2 months had tried to distance himself from Liz, but all in vain. He could not be in the same room with her without thinking of what it'd be like to hold her and kiss her and make her his to cherish and keep. Ben knew the dangerous game he was playing by opening his heart to someone who couldn't love him, but it was not something for him to control. Love worked in many mysterious, inexplicable ways and it was not for him to question why.
Lost in those thoughts, Ben hardly noticed Char sitting next to Liz and was shaken out of his reverie when she tapped his shoulders. "Not even a smile for me, Benjamin?" she said laughingly using his full name in jest.
Ben blushed and kissed Char on her cheeks. "I'm sorry Char. Just got a little distracted."
"Uh-huh," smiled Char, glancing surreptitiously at Liz. "Long time, no see."
"Yeah, how've you been? You look great."
"I'm doing fine, and you?"
"Same old, same old," replied Ben with such a love-stricken, Romeo-esque look at Liz that Char smiled at their irony of their being in such similar situations.
At the moment, Jane came in to announce that dinner was served and they all followed her in silence. Dinner came to be a very interesting affair. There was plenty of lively conversation interrupted by the occasional stupid comment from Lydia. Liz contributed her own part but spent a fair amount of time in observing her best friend and Ben. They were chatting and laughing together in almost a flirting kind of fashion. Their rapport was instant and they seemed to genuinely enjoy each other's company. Except for an occasional glance at Liz, Ben hardly talked to her, rather satisfying himself in reliving the memories of Iowa with Char.
"...and do you remember the day you asked why we loved corn so much in Iowa?" asked Char. "It was so funny because then, Mrs. Bennett began explaining the history of corn in Iowa and I can still see the expression on your face. I am convinced that it was simply a rhetorical question, but you were in for a lecture!"
And so the laughter continued and an idea began to form in Liz's mind. She could not help but imagine what a cute couple Ben and Char would make. They were perfect for each other with their quick, witty sense of humor and love for the outdoors. Liz could easily imagine them falling for each other, given the right circumstances. And living hundreds of miles away wasn't exactly the right circumstance. Liz, for one, was not big on long distance relationships and so, she shot down the idea as quickly as she contemplated it.
After dinner, they all gathered near Jane's huge, cheery fireplace. Ben was seated next to Char, but his eyes gazed thoughtfully at Liz, who, oblivious of his attention, talked to her sister, Lydia.
"But who gave you the permission to go to Brighton?' asked Liz, referring to a popular vacation spot in Mexico.
"I don't need permission!" exclaimed Lydia loudly. "I'm 18, ok."
"But don't you think mom and dad might not like you wasting your money like that?"
"It's my money," said Lydia emphatically. "I don't care what they think."
Liz sighed and gave up trying to reason with her sister. She looked at Jane for help who simply shrugged knowing that they could not change Lydia's mind. Liz knew that Lydia was not mature enough to be left all alone in a foreign country, but there was nothing she could do, really. She toyed with the idea of calling her dad, but knew that it would do no good. Her parents had given up on Lydia long ago and besides, none of their intervention would stop Lydia. She was unusually headstrong and self-willed and would never listen to any good advice, especially if it came from her parents.
Liz shook her head gently and then, her eyes fell on Ben, who was looking at her strangely. "What?" she asked softly.
"When are you leaving?" he asked.
"What? Where's she going?" Char chimed in.
Liz said, "I'm going away for a few days. I just need to get away," she glanced at Char, then continued. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning, Ben. If anyone needs to contact me, I'll leave my number with Jane."
Ben stared at her for a few moments, then said, "Hope you have a good time, Liz."
"Thanks, Ben," she said and locked eyes with him, hoping he'd be able to discern how sorry she was for hurting him for she knew that she had. But Liz knew not how to remedy the situation since it was not for her to dictate his heart. Liz, however, sincerely wished that there was some way she could heal the wound that had been caused by her. She was certain that he'd learn to love someone else, but till he did, she felt as if she owed him something, something intangible, like a few words of love.
At the close of the evening, Liz rose to take her leave so that she could go home and pack for her upcoming trip. She embraced her friend, Char and promised to write to her. She hugged Jane and said goodbye to Lydia. When she came to Ben, she looked at him tentatively as if waiting for a signal. He looked at her with a stony expression in his eyes, but then he smiled and opened his arms. Liz embraced him, resting her head on his chest. She looked up and said,
"Take care of yourself, Ben."
"I will. And you?"
"Oh, I'll be fine."
"If you need anything, anything at all, just call me," he said.
"Thanks," she replied and kissed him on his cheeks. "Goodbye."
"Have a safe trip."
The cold, snow-laden December day appeared to be dark and dismal. Interstate I-95 was packed with pre-Christmas travelers and the usual flow of traffic was hindered. Liz gently tapped the steering as she slowly swayed to the holiday music on her radio. Despite the rather desolate conditions, Liz's spirits were very high. Perhaps it was the cheer of the holiday season or maybe the promise of things to come, but Liz felt unusually optimistic and cheerful. Maybe it also had something to do with her destination, at which she arrived before nightfall.
Lambton, Vermont was a quiet unassuming town that was of no consequence to anyone except those who were lucky enough to live in it. During the summers, the weather in the town was fantastic; just the correct mixture of sun and heat, and during the winters, it became a haven for skiers and lovers of other winter sports. It was a small town which exuded a sense of companionship and warmth, welcoming all its visitors. However, none of these things were as important to Liz as the fact that this was the town where she'd come to for her honeymoon and this was where she had planned to come to re-confirm her wedding vows had things gone as she wished.
But things hadn't gone as she wished, and she was visiting Lambton alone. It still held a very special place in Liz's heart as the town where she had discovered how much she really loved William. It had so many familiar spots that they had visited together -- the little café, the small ski lodge, and the quaint little Thai restaurant. Each place was connected with a thousand memories of the good times, which were as painful as they were pleasing. Both William and Liz had fallen in love with this place and had vowed to come back to it together another Christmas. That, unfortunately, had never come to pass, because fate had intervened.
Liz drove up to a little inn named the Lambton Inn and went inside. This was where they had stayed the last time. Liz wondered if it was still owned by the same, sweet old lady. What was her name...Mrs. Reynolds?"
Liz waited at the first desk and sure enough, Mrs. Reynolds came to attend to her. At first she didn't recognize Liz, but when she did, she exclaimed, "Oh my! It's Miss Lizzy! How nice to see you again. How have you been?"
"Just fine, Mrs. Reynolds, and how are you?"
"Same old, same old, my dear. My arthritis is getting bad, but other than that, I am doing great."
"Well," began Liz after a pause. "I am divorced now..."
"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that," said Mrs. Reynolds with genuine warmth, although she didn't sound surprised. "I had hoped it would last. You two made such a cute couple."
"It was good while it lasted," said Liz with a slight shrug. "I'm here for a couple of days. Do you have a room?"
"For you, my dear, always!" smiled Mrs. Reynolds and led Liz to a large, comfortable room. "If you need anything, call me, okay?"
"Okay, thanks, Mrs. Reynolds," said Liz.
Mrs. Reynolds smiled, nodded, then left the room wondering whether she was doing the right thing. Should I tell her?
Liz unpacked, took a long, hot bath and changed into fresh clothes. It was rather dark out, but she was not ready to turn in, yet. She had other plans. She put on her warm coat and gloves and headed outside. After a walk of about 5 minutes, she stopped in front of a beautiful church. Without any hesitation, she entered it. Once inside, Liz walked steadily up to the altar, then stopped. After a few moments of just standing there, she kneeled down and said a silent prayer. She got up again and closed her eyes, mentally trying to picture how different it could have been. She would have come here with William. They had decided to re-confirm their wedding vows at this church. It would have been such a beautiful moment. But William wasn't here, Liz reminded herself. But I am here. With a little hesitation, she closed her eyes again, picturing William in front of her and mentally said: I Elizabeth, take thee, William, to be my lawfully wedded husband to cherish and to keep, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health... She paused, then finished it, till death do us apart
Liz sighed inwardly, opened her eyes and then, let out a little scream at seeing the figure in front of her.
"William?!!"