Section I, Section II, Section III, Next Section
Chapter 16
Elizabeth gathered all her courage, touched up her make-up and exited the bathroom. She tried to appear as normal as she possibly could, but found that her feelings overwhelmed her. She could not appear cheerful. And Jane would be the first to notice.
"Lizzy?" she said as soon as Liz came out. "What's wrong?"
Everything! Liz cried inwardly. "Um...nothing..."
Jane crossed her arms, looking stern. "Don't lie to me, Lizzy. You know you can't hide anything from me. Please? Tell me what's bothering you?"
"I told you it's nothing!" Liz raised her voice. "Can we go, please?"
Jane was astonished. She discerned a melancholy, tired note in her sister's plea and her façade of appearing normal didn't stand a chance in front of her. Something was up and Jane was determined to find out what. But this wasn't the time or the place. "Okay," she said. "Let's go, then." She pretended to drop the subject, much to Liz's obvious relief.
The rest of the party was waiting for them downstairs. They apologized for holding them up, but Mrs. Bennett said, "Oh, that's no problem, girls!! You both look so lovely that I don't mind waiting!"
Liz cringed inwardly, her thoughts far removed from her looks. All she could think of was the new life growing inside of her. Her baby. Her and William's baby. Their baby. She shuddered. But what life lay ahead for it. Parents divorced before it was even born? Would her child ever know its father? How could she go and tell William about this? After all they'd been through. Was it worth trying? Could this change everything?
"Liz?" Ben's voice brought her back to earth. "You really do look lovely tonight."
"Thanks, Ben," she said, forcing herself to be civil. It wasn't anyone's fault that her world was crumbling apart. She even managed a little smile, but said no more, walking away resolutely.
The Bennett party arrived at the Lucas Lodge within minutes owing to the short distance. The party was already in full swing with some other neighbors assembled. Liz got herself a glass of water and found herself a comfortable spot on the sofa. She was the picture of misery.
"Liz?" Charlotte came to her.
"Oh, Char!!" she flew into her friend's arms, almost crying. "I missed you so much."
"Lizzy, what happened?" Char was concerned. Her friend exuded the air of a tragedy queen.
"Nothing, oh nothing," said Liz. She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone about her condition, not until she sorted her own life out. "How have you been?"
As Charlotte talked, Liz found her mind wandering again. The biggest question was whether or not she should tell William. She had to, that was the only decent thing to do. He had a right to know. But what would that achieve? Would they get back together? No, that felt impossible... He would offer to give her child support and she would refuse. He would persist; she would refuse. He would ask to visit the child...she would accept grudgingly. He would grow attached to the child and would want it. So, he would take her to court to plead for custody...she would be heartbroken.
A cry escaped Liz's lips at that point and Char exclaimed, "Liz!!"
"I'm alright, I'm alright," said Liz, visibly shaken. "Char, I want to be alone, so I'm going outside to the balcony...don't tell anyone where I am, please?"
Char wanted to ask her friend what was bothering her, but saw that she needed to be alone. So, she nodded, "Yes, of course."
15 minutes later; in the balcony
"I found you at last."
"Ben," uttered Liz, not even turning around. "Please go away. Leave me alone."
"No," he said emphatically. "You have to tell me what's bothering you. Don't waste your time trying to deny it. I know that something's wrong. What is it?" By that time, he was standing next to her, very close.
"Did Char send you here, is that it?" Liz's eyes flashed.
"No," Ben shook his head. "I don't need anyone to tell me. I could see that you were upset."
"You don't know me," challenged Liz.
"I know you enough," said Ben.
Liz drew her breath in. He looked so much like William, she almost imagined him standing next to her with concern in his eyes. Liz almost gave in to him. Almost. She felt an urge to find comfort in his strong arms and tell him all her problems. Those urges she crushed as soon as they were born in her mind. She looked at him with an inscrutable expression. "Leave me alone, Ben. I'm in no mood to talk."
"But Liz," he persisted. "You have to tell somebody. Keeping it locked inside will do no good."
"What makes you think I'll tell you, then?" she challenged him.
Ben bit his lips. "You're right. I have no right to expect that. But confide in someone else then..."
"What if I don't want to?" she snapped. Then seeing he was hurt, she added, "Listen, I'm sorry. I know that you're being nice, but I have a lot on my mind. Please respect that."
Ben sighed, "Okay, I understand. Just know that whatever happens, I'll be there for you."
Liz smiled, her eyes moist. "Thank you," she whispered softly.
Ben bent down and for a moment Liz thought that he was going to kiss her. But his lips met her forehead and he gave her a quick peck. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed. He said, "You are very special, Elizabeth. Never forget that."
She smiled, melting his heart. "You are quite special yourself." They were so close, Liz felt the need to put physical distance between them. She stepped back. "I want you to be the first to know..."
"Know what?" he urged apprehensively.
"I'm leaving Iowa...I have to go back to New York," she said.
"But why?!" Ben said, panicking. He was losing her.
"Something important came up," she said decisively.
"But you will stay for Trey and Mary's engagement party, right?" asked Ben.
Liz thought for a moment. Another 2 days? "Yes, of course. That's why I came here in the first place."
They were quiet, then Ben said, "Wow, this is rather sudden."
"Yes," Liz nodded. "But it was out of my control."
"Your parents will be disappointed."
"Perhaps, but they'll manage."
"What about me?" said Ben, softly.
Liz stared at him. "I d-don't understand..."
"I think you do," he said. "It's obvious really. You must know that I love you very, very much. I've loved you since the first time I saw you in that flight from New York. Imagine my delight when I found out that we'd be living in the same house. I love you so deeply, passionately that it hurts when I'm near you. I know that you don't return my feelings, but we have a chance...the chemistry between us is undeniable. If only you gave me a chance. I do love you so with all my heart."
"I...I had no idea," whispered Liz, not knowing what to think, how to feel. "But you don't know me...how...?"
"As I said before," Ben looked straight into her eyes. "I know you enough. And since when does love know any boundaries. I tell you I love you. It's not a frivolous infatuation, if that's what you're thinking. I'm not that kind of person. I've never fallen in love and I don't think I ever can. It's you that I want."
Liz could think of nothing to say.
"Liz, say something," Ben pleaded. "Please? You don't know the torture of loving someone implicitly and not knowing what they think of you."
Liz forced herself to look up and said, "Ben...I don't love you." She saw him wince but continued. "I'm sorry, but I have to be blunt. I like you very much and I don't want to hurt you, but it's true. My heart belongs to someone else."
"William?" he interrupted her.
"Yes," she nodded, with a slight tremble. "I'm sorry..."
"Don't be," he said. "I knew you were too good for me. William is one lucky guy... He is a fool to let you go."
Liz looked down. Ben said, "I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll leave now. Bye." With that he left the balcony. Liz stared after him. He loved her! She had no idea. She should have seen the signs coming. But she had thought his friendliness to be evidence of his good nature, that's all. Besides, he was a flirt. But Liz couldn't help wondering whether she had done the right thing. Of course, she had, she was quick to think. Her life was complicated enough without Ben in the picture.
The same night; after dinner
Elizabeth found an opportunity to tell her family and friends of her impending departure. Her excuse was sudden business that needed to be attended to immediately. But she couldn't expect to escape without comment.
"Oh, really Elizabeth, it can't be that boring in Iowa!" exclaimed Mr. Lucas, good-naturedly.
"But Lizzy!!!!" cried Mrs. Bennett.
"You will stay for my engagement party, Lizzy?" asked Mary with concern.
"Yes, Mary," smiled Liz. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
She stole a glance at her father and Jane. They said nothing, but she knew she had to talk to them later...in private. She found herself looking around the room for Ben, but he was nowhere to be seen. Strangely, the thought of not seeing him tugged at her heart, but she chose to ignore it.
"Liz?" Charlotte came to her. "Has this anything to do with William, by any chance?"
"No!" lied Liz.
"I'm sorry, it was just a guess," said Charlotte. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"No, Char, I won't cut your visit too," said Liz. "I'll be fine, really."
"Liz?!" Kate called her. "Have you seen Ben?"
Liz looked at her sister, "Well...I talked to him a little while ago in the balcony, but I haven't seen him after that. Why?"
Kate smiled, "Oh, no reason." Now that Liz was leaving, Kate knew that she'd have Ben all to herself and that comforted her. "Thanks, anyway." She went away, looking for Ben, presumably.
That night; at the Bennett Farm
"You could have told me," reproached Jane when they were alone in their room.
"I'm sorry Jane," said Liz. "It came too suddenly."
"I don't believe you're telling us everything," said Jane. "Can't you trust me? What is it that you're hiding?"
"Jane, please," Liz said, miserably. "Don't ask me to explain. I'll tell you when I'm ready." To Jane's horror, she started to cry.
"Oh, my poor baby!" Jane hugged her sister. "Good...let it go. It'll feel better. You don't have to tell me, okay. I'm sorry I pushed you." She let her sister cry her heart out without comment.
"I'm sorry Jane," Liz dried her tears. "I don't know what came over me."
"You're just exhausted," Jane told her. "Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."
"Yes, thanks Jane," said Liz, though she knew in her heart that she wouldn't feel better in the morning. Her troubles wouldn't be over so soon. They had just begun.
2 days later; Mary and Trey's engagement party
"Congratulations, you two!" exclaimed Liz. "I wish you all the happiness in the world."
"Thanks, Lizzy," Mary said. "You must come to the wedding."
"Yes, I will," said Liz. She smiled at Trey, "Take good care of my sister. She's a gem."
"I know," smiled Trey, looking at Mary, who blushed. "I'll make sure that she's as happy as she can possibly be!"
Liz smiled at the happy couple and moved away. She was very happy for her sister, of course, but couldn't help the pangs of jealousy. Why couldn't she and William be like that? Liz saw Ben talking amiably to Mary and Trey. Then, he walked off with Kate. Why did it bother her? Liz didn't know, didn't want to know. She wouldn't follow Ben with her eyes the entire evening. She sat down resolutely. But that didn't help. Her eyes sought him out again. He was still talking to Kate. What on earth were they talking about? She thought to herself.
Then, suddenly, the band began to play Tim McGraw's "Please Remember Me." Couples began to form and dancing commenced. Unable to bear it any longer, Liz fled outside. This had been one of her favorite songs, her and William's. It brought back too many memories of similar starlit nights and romantic venues. The music could still be heard faintly but Liz tried to block it away. Ben was probably dancing with Kate. It bothered Liz in the corner of her mind, but she pushed that thought away.
"May I have this dance, please?" a voice whispered softly from behind her.
Liz turned around, "Ben!" she added, "Why aren't you dancing with Kate? After all, you've been talking to her all evening!"
Ben smiled, "Are you jealous?"
"No!" she exclaimed. "But you didn't answer my question..."
"I came out here because I want to dance with you." Extending his hand, "Will you?"
With little hesitation, Liz gave him her hand, "Yes...right here?"
"Why not?"
All our tears have reached the sea
Part of you will live in me
Way down deep inside my heart
Days keep coming without fail
New wind is gonna find your sail
And that's where your journey starts
Liz felt Ben's comforting arms around her and felt her heart tingle. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me.
Liz looked up into Ben's eyes and saw such unconditional love that it scared her.
Just like the waves down by the shore
Gonna keep on coming back for more
Cause we don't ever wanna stop
Out in this brave new world you see
Oh the valleys and the peaks
And I can see you on the top
"What are you thinking about?" she whispered softly.
"You," answered Ben.
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me.
Liz shivered, and said no more. The intensity of his eyes puzzled and scared her.
Remember me when you're out walking
When snow falls high outside your door
Late at night when you're not sleeping
And moonlight falls across your floor
And I can't hurt you anymore
There was a flicker of pain in Ben's eyes. He was hurting, Liz knew instinctively. Hurting because of her, because of his love for her. But did she love him? She wasn't as indifferent as she would like to believe.
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me.
As the song ended, Liz saw that Ben was looking into her eyes thoughtfully. Even as the music ended, he didn't let go of her. His closeness had a strange effect on Liz and she didn't like it. She almost felt like she was falling in love with him...almost.
"Ben, I - " Liz began to say, hoping to get away while her heart was still intact. But before she could continue, Ben had bent down and she felt his lips on hers. He was kissing her with unrestrained passion! And to her dismay, she was kissing him back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with equal force and passion. For how long they stood together, she did not know, but when they surfaced, they just looked into each other's eyes in silence.
Then, Ben said, "Did William ever kiss you like that?"
Hearing William's name, Liz quickly realized what she had just done. "Ben..."
He interrupted her, "The other day you told me that you didn't love me. I don't believe that. You have some feelings for me...I can see it in your eyes."
"Maybe so," said Liz. "But I can't....."
"Can't what?" asked Ben, his eyes poring through her. "Can't love me?" Liz nodded. He continued, "But why?! Why won't you allow yourself to love me? Why won't you listen to your heart?"
"Because I did once before and it left me hurt," said Liz.
Ben looked at her, then placed his arms on her shoulders, "Forget about that, Liz. I am not William. I will never hurt you like he did. You have to believe me. I don't know what he did to you, but I hate him for that. It hurts me to see you pining away for him. He isn't worth it. You deserve much better. Come to DC with me?"
Chapter 17
"What?!" exclaimed Liz, not sure that she'd heard him right.
"Come to live in DC," said Ben slowly. "I'm offering you a job in the Art Gallery...you're an exceptional painter. You can work in the gallery and sell your paintings."
"But, I can't do that," said Liz. "I have a life in New York."
"But will you be happy there?" asked Ben. "When everything reminds you of William?"
Liz was silent. The suggestion sounded better and better to her.
Ben's eyes were sincere, "I'm not saying this out of my own selfish desire to be near you, though it does play a role in it. I want you because you're a great painter."
Liz looked into Ben's eyes, letting herself fantasize about what that'd be like. He was so persuasive. She felt like she couldn't refuse. "It's a very tempting offer, Ben..."
"But?" A cold fear enveloped his heart.
"But I'm afraid I'll have to refuse," she said. "I have my life in New York and I can't abandon it yet." That was true. Liz wanted her baby to grow in New York, near its father. She wanted to find some way to work it out with William.
Ben looked like he'd been shot in his heart. But he nodded, "Yes, I understand. I was a fool to think that I could convince you to come with me." He turned to go. But Liz called out, "Ben!"
He turned to look at her, "Yes?"
Liz smiled a little, "Thank you for understanding."
He gave her a pained smile and then went inside without a word.
The next morning
This was the day Elizabeth was leaving. She had finished packing her few bags and was set. The whole family was assembled to say good-bye. Her dad was standing all by himself in a corner. She went to him first. She hugged him.
"You're going too soon, Lizzy," said Mr. Bennett.
"I know, dad," said Liz. "But I have no choice."
"You know where to come if you're ever in trouble," he said kindly.
Did her father know? Liz thought not. "Yes dad, I know. Thanks! Bye."
She said goodbye to her mother, her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, her sisters Mary, Jane, Kate and her almost brother-in-law Trey. She looked around, but couldn't find Ben.
"Where's Ben?" she asked.
Trey said, "He went out early this morning, but I'd thought he'd be back by now. I'm afraid he's going to miss you."
He hated her now, thought Liz with dismay. She'd have liked to say good-bye to him. Maybe she'd see him at the wedding. "Well, tell him I said good-bye."
The taxi that was going to take her to Sioux City Airport had arrived. She said her final good-byes and got in. As the taxi left the premises, Liz looked back at Bennett Farm. It would always be home in her mind, no matter where she went. She had always loved it and now she did so even more. In her mind, she envisioned her child growing up in such a farm, finding the same pleasure in the open fields and horses that she had.
1 hour later; Sioux City Airport
Elizabeth stood with her boarding pass, waiting for her flight. She didn't know what she felt, how she would face William or what she'd tell him. She could think about that later. At the present, she found herself thinking of a certain Ben Hamilton, his smiling face, his teasing eyes and his dark hair. She still didn't know what she felt for him, but she did know that she was very unhappy to leave him behind.
"You didn't think I would let you without saying good-bye, did you?" Came a familiar voice from behind her.
She whirled around and exclaimed, "Ben!" Indeed, it was him.
He held out a bouquet of the reddest roses in the world. "These are for you."
"Oh! There're lovely!" Liz said. And, impulsively, she hugged Ben. He held her tightly and Liz found strange comfort in his strong arms. She lingered there longer than necessary, but Ben didn't mind.
The announcer's voice boomed, "Now boarding, Continental Flight 7764 to New York City. Passengers, please proceed to Gate T5."
"Guess this is it..." said Liz, moving out of Ben's embrace.
"Yes," said Ben. "You know, I'm leaving myself tonight."
"Oh, really?" she said. "I thought you'd stay longer."
"I have no reason to stay," he said with meaning that Liz could not mistake. She blushed.
"I have to go," she said softly.
"I know," said Ben.
Liz tiptoed and kissed Ben on his cheeks. "Goodbye, Ben. Thanks for everything." With that she left, turning back only once to wave at Ben. A single tear drop rolled down her eyes as well as Ben's.
The next morning; New York City
Elizabeth walked confidently into William's office building. She had decided last night that it would be best if she told him the news in person. It wasn't something to be casually communicated over the phone. And Liz didn't have the courage to call William either lest someone else picked it up again.
She went up the elevator and strode into his office without hesitation. Then, she stopped. She'd expected to see William's secretary Suzy, but there was a different girl sitting there. Not losing hope, she walked up to her and said, "Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Darcy."
"He isn't in, ma'am," said the girl. "Did you have an appointment."
"No, but it's important that I see him," said Liz. "Do you know where he is?"
"He's at a conference in Rome," said the girl. "But if it's important, perhaps you can talk to Ms. Bingley..."
"No!" exclaimed Liz. The last thing she wanted was to see Caroline. But as luck would have it, the woman herself came out.
"Rosy, I thought --- " She stopped as soon as she saw Liz. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Elisa Bennett?!"
"Caroline," said Liz through gritted teeth.
"What gives me this pleasure?" asked Caroline sweetly.
"I came to see William, but since he isn't in, I'll come back later."
"Oh, sorry, darling, he won't be here for the next 2 weeks," informed Caroline. "I guess you know about him..."
"Know what?" asked Liz suspiciously.
"That he's living with another woman now, of course!" said Caroline.
"You're lying!" fumed Liz.
"Oh am I?" mocked Caroline. "Don't believe me, then. You'll find out soon enough. Her name's Amber Jefferson, btw. She even went to Rome with him."
Amber! That was the girl who picked up the phone when Liz had called William. Maybe Caroline wasn't lying. "She did?" asked Liz slowly.
"Yeah," said Caroline, smiling. "Those two are pretty close. And I can't blame him. Amber is attractive! And after all, William is a free man. He can have whoever he wants. It's not like you care."
Liz's eyes blazed with anger and jealousy as she said, "I've heard enough, Caroline. Goodbye!"
"Won't you leave a message for William," she asked.
"No!" exclaimed Liz as she practically ran out of the room.
Caroline smiled to herself satisfied. I've done my good deed for the day! She thought.
That night
Liz had been crying ever since she got back to her apartment from William's office. Why had she thought that William still cared? Why had she hoped to make things go right? Why had she tried to see him again? Because of the baby. It was simple. She had wanted the best for her child, but obviously, William didn't care anymore. While she was suffering alone in New York, he was enjoying himself with some floozy in Rome. It sickened her to even think about it.
Liz decided that she couldn't continue to live like this. Soon, William would be back and she'd run into him and Amber. She knew that she wouldn't be able to bear it. Soon, she'd be showing that she was pregnant...William would know and he wouldn't care. Liz wouldn't be able to live with that. She knew what she had to do. William would never know.
She picked up the phone and called a number she'd noted a few days ago. "Hello?" a masculine voice answered.
"Hello, Ben? It's me. About that job offer...is it still available?"
Chapter 18
"Liz, are you sure?!" Ben's voice was filled with concern.
"Yes," replied Liz firmly with a confidence she did not feel.
"But what happened?" Ben asked the inevitable. "Two days ago you were telling me about your life in New York. And now you're willing to leave everything?"
"That was then and this is now," said Liz.
"Did you talk to William?" asked Ben.
"No," she said with a little hesitation, not wanting to lie. "And it doesn't matter either."
"Listen, Liz," Ben said. "You know that the job is open to you, but I don't want you to feel pressured by me or anything to take it. I want you to think it over, but otherwise, you are welcome to come to DC anytime."
"I've thought it over," said Liz decisively. "I'll give my notice tomorrow and can start work in DC in 3 weeks. Sound okay?"
"Sounds great!" replied Ben enthusiastically. "As long as that's what you want..."
"Yes," lied Liz. "This is what I want."
1 week later; Faulkner Gallery of Art, New York
Charlotte looked at Liz with amazement. "You what?!!!!"
Liz had expected no less. She told her friend to sit down. "I resigned from this job. In another 2 weeks, I'm moving to DC."
"I can't believe this!" Charlotte held her head as she sat down. She had flown in from Iowa the day before and Liz had mustered all her courage for this meeting. "Is it because of Ben?"
"No!" denied Liz emphatically. "This has nothing to do with Ben."
"Uh-huh," commented Charlotte. "And I suppose it has nothing to do with William either?"
Liz looked down at the ground, knowing she couldn't lie...successfully anyway.
"I see," Charlotte said. "You're too scared to face William again, is that it?"
"No, Char!" Liz exclaimed. "It's not so easy. Oh, why don't you try to understand?"
"I can't," stated Charlotte. "I'm losing my best friend and I can't understand why. A divorce doesn't have to change everything, you know."
"I know, Char. I know," Liz said. "I just guess I'm not so strong after all."
For a moment, Char just stood there looking at Liz. Then, she rapidly walked up to her and hugged her tightly. "I'm going to miss you so much, Liz..."
"Me too," said Liz. When the friends finally separated, Liz said, "Char, can you promise me something?"
"What?"
"Please don't tell William where I went..." Her eyes pleaded pathetically.
"I don't know, Liz," Char said. "It'll be so hard to keep it from him..."
"Please, please?" Liz insisted. "It's very important to me. I need to get away and I can't if William's there...please, Char. For me?"
Char looked at her friend, then nodded unwillingly. "Okay, for you. I promise."
"Thank you!" Liz hugged her again, relieved. She couldn't bring to tell Char that she was pregnant. Char would never be able to hide that from William and at that point, all Liz wanted was to run away from New York without William being any the wiser.
The next 2 weeks Liz packed up all her belongings, getting ready to move to DC. She called and told her parents and sisters. Jane was delighted, of course, in the anticipation of having her sister so near her. Lydia, who studied in George Washington in DC really didn't care. Mr. And Mrs. Bennett suspected Ben Hamilton had something to do with it, which made Mrs. Bennett very happy. She had high hopes of Liz marrying the promising young man in the near future. Liz did nothing to discourage those hopes whenever Mrs. Bennett hinted it over the phone. She knew it would do no good. As for Mr. Bennett, he kept his thoughts to himself, only congratulating Liz on the new job.
As Liz got ready to leave the city that had come to become her home, she often found herself walking by herself in Central Park. It brought back so many memories. It used to be William's favorite place to go to on a lazy Sunday afternoon. She always walked the same trail that she used to with William and had coffee in the same café. Oftentimes, her walks ended with standing for hours in front of their old apartment. Her eyes watered when she thought of what it could have been. At such times, her hands rubbed her slightly bulging belly as she thought of the child that would come into the world without a father. Her heart cried, but she was resolved to be strong...for herself and her baby.
3 weeks later; McLean
Jane exclaimed, "I can't believe you're here!"
Liz smiled, "I know...I never thought I'd do this."
"Well, I'm very happy." Liz had moved 3 days ago and Jane was helping her in apartment hunting. Ben had offered to help, but she refused. Liz was in a very fragile emotional state and she didn't feel ready to see Ben yet.
"What do you think?" Jane asked, as they walked through the 2-bedroom apartment.
"It's very nice," stated Liz, mentally placing the nursery. "It's not too expensive, either..."
"Yeah," Jane said. "So..."
"I'll take it," she said decisively. "There's not much chance of finding a better one at less, is there?"
"No, not really," admitted Jane.
"Fine," Liz walked out to the balcony, inhaling the fresh air and looking at the horizon.
"Lizzy...," Jane came up behind her. "What's the matter? Ever since you came, you've been very moody. Tell me what happened?"
"Nothing," Liz tried to smile.
Jane raised her eyebrows. "Does this 'nothing' have a name...maybe beginning with 'W'?"
"Jane," Liz frowned. "I don't want to talk about it. Please." And she went back in.
"Okay, fine." Jane sighed. Something was bothering her sister and she had to find out what...no matter what the cost. That was the only way to help her.
Meanwhile, in New York
Charlotte was deep in thought as she headed for the cafeteria. She had managed to avoid William all this time as he was away in Rome. But now, he was back, or so she heard from her 'sources.' And that scared Charlotte, because she did not want to lie to him. But Liz didn't give her much choice. Suddenly, she bumped into someone.
"Sorry, my bad," she muttered, not even looking up.
"Charlotte!!!"
Charlotte raised her head in horror. "William...um...hi."
William was beaming. "Charlotte, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you again. Where did you disappear to?"
"Iowa," said Charlotte softly.
William looked at her. "Oh...and...um..."
"Liz was with me, too," Charlotte saved him the trouble.
"Oh." His whole demeanor clouded. "Um...how is she?"
"Okay, I guess," Charlotte lowered her head.
"So, she's back in New York...?" he asked the inevitable.
"Listen, I have to go," said Charlotte rushing. "Maybe sometime later."
"No wait!" he ran after her.
"Yes?" she turned around hesitatingly.
"You have to tell me," he said forcefully. "Char...please..."
"William," Charlotte looked at him. "She's not in New York..."
"Oh...," he paused. "So...when's she coming back? Is she still in Iowa?"
"No," Charlotte sighed. "She's not here...and she's not coming back."
"How do you mean?" William stared at her.
"She resigned from her job and left. She's gone for good." Charlotte said the words and regretted it. Now William would never rest till he found her.
"Left?" William roared. "How could she?! You know where she is, don't you? Tell me!"
"No," said Charlotte, firmly. "I can't tell you. I promised."
"Char, you have to," he thundered. "Char, please? Listen...I have to see her."
"It's too late," said Char. "You're too late, William."
A pained expression crossed his face. "But I love her," he murmured.
"I'm sorry," Char said. She almost broke down...almost. "I have to go."
"Okay," William let her go. "Wait!"
"Yes?" Char said. "What now?"
"If you talk to her," he began. "Um...well, next time you talk to her...tell her...tell her...well, tell her that I love her and...I miss her."
"Okay," Char agreed. "I will." And then, she walked away, not turning back, knowing that the sight of the broken-hearted man would break her resolve and would force her to break her promise.
The next day; at the Art Gallery; Wash DC
"Liz, you made it," Ben greeted her, kissing her casually on her cheeks.
"Yes," Liz smiled. "I made it."
"I really wanted to pick you up at the airport," said Ben.
"We went over that before," smiled Liz.
"Yeah, but still," Ben laughed. "I am relentless, aren't I?"
"Very," agreed Liz.
Ben looked around to see if anyone was around. "I still love you," he whispered.
"Ben...," Liz started to say when someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," said Ben, jumping away from Liz.
"Is she here?" a head popped in.
"Yes, do come in," Ben said again.
A young, blond, pleasant man walked in, smiling.
Ben turned to Liz, and said, "This is Rick Fitzwilliam. You'll be working with him."
Chapter 19
Elizabeth extended her hand with a friendly smile. "Hi. I'm Liz."
"I know," said Rick, shaking her hand with a luminous smile on his face. "I've heard a lot about you."
"Really?" Liz raised her eyebrows.
"Sure," said Rick. "Ben here couldn't stop talking about you."
Liz blushed and saw that Ben had hastily diverted his eyes to the ceiling. She turned to Rick and said, "Oh, is that so?"
"Yes," continued Rick. "Ben is known to exaggerate shamelessly, so I was a little wary, but I must say, you exceed all my expectations."
"Why, thank you!" exclaimed Liz, half-laughing at poor Ben's discomfort.
Then, Ben quickly changed the topic. "Liz! Rick is rather new here himself. He was away in Africa for several years working with the UN. He is an expert in African art and has returned to the US only recently. We are very fortunate to have him with us."
Liz was impressed. "I studied African art in college. I think it's fascinating and quite different from the traditional European concept of art."
"Yes, definitely," Rick agreed with her. "What I love most about African art is that it is so very natural, so free from ostentatious, ornate designs. The artworks from different tribes from various parts of the country exhibit the traditions and nature of their respective tribes. It is a study in history, essentially, which is invaluable since so much of the continent's past is relatively unknown to the modern world."
"So, I take it you had a lovely time?" Liz ventured.
"Absolutely!" Rick smiled. "It was quite an experience. The only downside was that I didn't have much contact with my family and friends."
"But now you're back!" Ben said. "Okay, you two, let's get moving. We have an auction in 5 days and we have to get ready for that."
Liz liked Rick very much. He was obviously knowledgeable and very passionate about his subject. He was warm, open and very friendly. All in all he was the perfect boss and Liz felt like she'd gained a friend. She was very excited and anticipated a great time in DC.
Liz settled in very quickly. She picked up the basics easily showing her aptitude and natural flair for art. She worked as a senior assistant for Rick, but also worked on her own paintings in her spare time. Her relationship with Rick was very easy and comfortable. They found out that they had much in common and got along remarkably well. The only thing weighing down on Liz's mind was Ben and her other secret that threatened to reveal itself soon.
Ben behaved like a perfect gentleman, never attempting anything or alluding to anything. But Liz knew that he was in love with her. And it pained her because she knew she couldn't return it. There was also the little matter that she was carrying a baby no one knew about. Lately, she had suffered from a lot of mood swings and was putting on weight. Sooner or later, she would have to tell someone of her condition. She preferred it to be later.
One day, about 3 weeks later, Liz was not feeling great. Her head hurt and she felt very irate. But being obstinate as she was, she denied it all and stubbornly continued to work. Ben had been observing her for a while before he approached her.
"Maybe you should take rest of the day off, Liz," he suggested. "You look like you can use it."
"No!" she replied emphatically, her head immersed in some paperwork.
"Liz...," Ben tried to reason. "It's almost 4 and you look tired. Go home and rest."
"I don't need to rest!" she shot back. "I need to finish this."
"Liz, I was only trying to help," Ben said with a little frown. He had noticed Liz's mood swings lately and couldn't figure it out.
Liz flushed and looked up. "Sorry, Ben. It's just that...well, I'm in a lot pressure lately and I have some personal issues and I just get overwhelmed sometimes."
"I understand," nodded Ben. "That's why I want you to take a break."
Liz looked at him for a moment and Ben thought she would resist further, but surprisingly, she said. "Yes, you're right. I think I'll pack up and leave this for tomorrow."
She grabbed her bag, said quick "bye and thank you" and left. Ben watched her leave thoughtfully. She had been so aloof, so moody recently that he struggled to keep his concern under check. He loved her more with every passing day and was utterly frustrated. She was very pleasant to him, but that was all. No indication of any feelings beyond those for a friend. Sometimes Ben wondered if he'd be better off without her there serving as a constant reminder to his unrequited love. He sighed and shook his head, returning to work.
As Liz drove back to her apartment, she found her thoughts on William once again, as it had been often. She had talked with Charlotte, who told her of her meeting with William. Charlotte seemed to think that William actually cared about her, but Liz knew that was just wishful thinking. She had toyed with the idea of calling William several times, but did not have the courage. She thought of telling Jane, but did not have the courage. She feared their reactions and was not emotionally ready for that inevitable revelation.
She stopped at the red light, casually looking around, with those thoughts wandering in her mind. And then, all of a sudden, she felt a little jab in her stomach and stiffened. She moved her hands there and felt it again. She cried out in joy. Her baby was kicking!
"I want to feel our baby's first kick, Elizabeth. I want to be there for that moment."
"I'm sure you will."
"And the baby will be very strong, I know that. My little girl."
"Girl? I want a little boy, William. Just like his father."
"But our first will be a girl, Lizzy...just wait and see."
Liz felt hot tears streaming down her face as she recalled every word. Her first baby's first kick and William wasn't there. It was all she could do to repress her sobs. The kicking had stopped and Liz was anxious to feel it again. The honking of the car behind her informed Liz that the light had turned green for sometime now. She hit the accelerator with determination. She had made up her mind.
20 minutes later
Liz was ringing the bell. Jane opened the door and was startled. "Lizzy!! What happened?"
Liz's swollen eyes were evidence enough that something was terribly wrong. She looked defeated, hopeless, tired...reaching out for help. She said softly, "Can I come in, Jane?"
"Of course!!" exclaimed Jane, letting her in. "Lizzy, this is freaking me out. What happened?"
Liz walked into the living room without a word, with Jane close on her heels. She, then, turned around, looked at Jane, put her hands on her stomach and said,
"Jane, my baby kicked today."
Jane was dumbfounded. She stared at Lizzy for a moment, disbelieving her ears, but the gleam in Liz's tear-streaked eyes told her that it was the truth.
"Your...baby?" Jane managed to say.
Liz could only nod in affirmation. She waited eagerly for Jane to say something, but she didn't. Jane was silent, as if in shock, absorbing the news. She looked surprised, disbelieving and totally unsure of what to think.
"Is it William's?" Jane finally asked.
"Of course!" exclaimed Liz, indignantly.
That settled, Jane said. "How far along are you?"
"About 3 months," answered Liz.
"Does he know?" Jane asked the inevitable.
Liz shook her head in negation and lowered it.
"You haven't told him?!!" Jane exclaimed. "Oh my god, Lizzy! What are you thinking? Who else knows about this?"
"Just you and me," said Liz. "I haven't told anyone."
And, then, she started sobbing. Jane watched her for a second before leaning forward and embracing her sister. Liz let go of all her pent-up emotions and cried her heart out. Jane tried to soothe and comfort her with some kind, gentle words. Eventually, the crying subsided into a quiet sniffing.
Jane said. "Why, Lizzy? Why are you hiding it? It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"I'm not ashamed," sniffed Liz. "I just...well, I can't tell William and I was scared to tell anyone else."
Jane led Lizzy to the couch and told her to sit down. She fetched some Kleenex and gave it to Liz before sitting down next to her. Liz smiled gratefully and wiped her tears.
"Now tell me about it," said Jane. "You found out in Iowa, didn't you? That's why you left hastily."
"Yes," Liz nodded.
"And then you went to New York?" Jane asked and Liz nodded. "So, what happened there? Did you see him?"
"No, I didn't," said Liz. "I didn't because he was in Rome with his new girlfriend."
"Oh, Lizzy! I'm sorry!" exclaimed Jane. "But still...why didn't you tell him later?"
"I can't, Jane!" Liz exclaimed. "Don't you see? I simply can't face him again. He'll take my baby away... I can't tell him..."
"But he has the right to know," pointed out Jane, quietly. "No matter what happened between you two, he has as much right over this baby as you do. Don't you think it's fair that he at least know about it?"
"I guess."
Jane continued. "Are you planning on telling him ever?"
"Um...yes..." Liz ventured.
"Don't you think he'll be a little bitter to know that you hid the fact from him?" Jane demanded. "He'll be hurt and angry and I wouldn't blame him. A lot of kids are caught between a divorce and that's tragic. It's the same with your baby, except it's not in the world yet."
Liz was silent.
"Look, Lizzy," Jane softened her tone. "I love you very much, you're my sister. I want to help you. I can't force you to do anything, but I can advise you. And my advice is: tell him. You won't regret it."
Liz looked at Jane. "Do you really think so, Jane?"
"Of course, I do!"
"What about his girlfriend?"
Jane sighed. "Well...he is divorced. You can't demand that he not see anyone. I say, give him a chance...talk to him. You'll work something out. I just know it."
Liz stared into space, reflectively. She said. "Maybe you're right, Jane. But I need time to think." She got up and hugged her sister. "Thanks so much!"
Jane smiled. "Anytime, sis." And, she grinned brightly. "I'm going to be an aunt!! I'm so excited."
Meanwhile, back at the Art Gallery
Rick was on the phone. "So what do you suppose we can do, Georgia?"
The voice on the other end groaned. "I dunno, Rick. There's not much we can do. I've tried talking to him, but he insists he's fine. But I know he's not because he sulks in his dark room all day."
"When was the divorce?" asked Rick.
"About 2 months ago," Georgia said.
"And the wife...?"
"Oh, Elizabeth?" said Georgia. "She moved away somewhere. William doesn't know where she is. And that, I think, is killing him more than anything."
"He has to move on," said Rick. "Doesn't he go out or anything?"
"No way!" exclaimed Georgia. "He has a lady friend, Amber, but she's just a friend."
Rick paused thoughtfully. "Want to send him to DC for sometime? It might be a good break for him."
"That's a good idea!" exclaimed Georgia. "I'll talk to him. Bye, Rick!"
"Bye Georgia!" Rick hung up. He sat on his desk thoughtfully. He hadn't seen his cousin William for a while and had never met his wife. What was it about her that William still brooded over her. Rick didn't know what to think.
The same day; Café Noelle
Liz ordered a cappuccino and occupied an empty stool on the counter. She had come straight here from Jane's place. She was confused. While Jane's advice made sense, Liz didn't know what she would say to William if she called him. 'Hi William! Remember me? Oh, btw, I'm having your baby!' That would never work. But Liz had come to a decision...one way or another, she would tell William.
The cappuccino came and Liz paid for it. On opening her purse, she spied the picture of William she always kept with her. It had been taken when he was a senior in college. His boyish grin and gleaming eyes melted her heart and whatever doubts she might have had, vanished. This was the man she had loved, whom she still loved, whom she had married. And now, she was having his baby. She would tell him everything.
Liz still recalled vividly, every detail of the last time she'd seen William.
"So I guess this is good-bye, William." Liz looked into his eyes, then quickly looked away.
"But I will see you again," he said confidently.
"No," said Liz. "You won't. I can't do that."
"Why?" He demanded. "Because you know that you love me and seeing me will be painful."
Liz said nothing, and her silence told William he was correct.
"But this is insane, Lizzy!" cried William. "Why are you doing this to me, to us?"
"William, we both knew this marriage wouldn't last," Liz shot back. "We belong to different worlds; we're not meant for each other. You need someone who understands the pressure of your job. Someone like...Caroline." The last words were almost a whisper.
"Caroline?!" William thundered. "So, that's what it's about? Lizzy, I told you before Caroline means nothing to me. Hawaii was a mistake. I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Liz averted her face so that he wouldn't see her tears. Then, in a stronger voice, she said. "Please, William. This is useless. I've made up my mind. Believe me, it's the only way."
"No, it's not!" he exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her close. "I'll quit my job. We'll go away to live in the country. We'll be happy, Lizzy..."
For a moment, she wanted to believe him. But she shook her head. "You wouldn't be happy. Pemberley Consultants is your life. You would never be happy without it. And then you would be bitter and hate me. I don't want you to hate me."
"I could never hate you, Lizzy...," he said softly. "I love you." His eyes mesmerized her and before she knew what was happening, he had lowered his lips onto hers and was kissing her passionately. Liz felt all her resolve melt away as she surrendered to him. They kissed like they'd never kissed before and would never kiss again. Finally, Liz freed herself from his grip, pushing him away. His eyes had a look of triumph in them as if he had won.
"You can't seduce me into doing what you want every time, William Darcy!" she screamed. She fought back her tears, handed him the divorce papers and said. "Good bye!"
She hadn't seen him since.
"Excuse me?" a masculine voice brought Liz back to the present.
"Yes?" Liz looked at the attractive man standing next to her with a grin on his face.
"I think you dropped this," he handed her William's picture.
"It must have fallen out of my purse," smiled Liz. "Thank you."
She turned away from him, but the man said, "That's William Darcy, isn't it?"
Liz stared at him in surprise. "H-how do you know?"
"Oh," the man laughed. "It's a long story."
"I want to hear it," said Liz with finality in her voice.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Positive," Liz said. She extended her hand. "Elizabeth Bennett."
"George Wickham," the man shook her hand and sat down next to her. "Where should I begin?"
"At the beginning," said Liz. She was mystified and wanted to know what he had to say.
"Alright," he smiled and cleared his throat, ready to begin his story.
Chapter 20
Elizabeth waited expectantly for George to begin his narrative. He cleared his throat and said, "Well...William Darcy and I grew up together. You see, my father was old Mr. Darcy's steward. Anyway, so we spent our childhood together in Pemberley...it was me, him and his sister, Georgia. You know Georgia?"
Elizabeth nodded and George said, "Delightful girl, isn't she? Where was I....ah! Okay, so from the beginning William was intensely jealous of me. He was very competitive and did not like the fact that his own father was so attached to me. He was always cold and reserved and very spiteful towards me."
Elizabeth began to protest, but stopped herself in time. She wanted to hear the whole story.
George continued, "My father died about 5 years ago and William's father did not live much longer. I went to Columbia with William...but William still deeply resented me. So, he framed me in an honor code violation and I was kicked out of school for cheating."
George paused and Elizabeth thought: this must have been before I met William... She said aloud, "But that's awful! Are you sure William did that on purpose? It might have been a mistake?"
"I'm afraid it was no mistake," George shook his head. "In fact, William came to me and bragged about it. He said he was happy that I would finally leave him alone. He said he didn't need any competition, esp. Since he'd met this new chick he really liked."
New chick?! Elizabeth thought outraged. She was careful not to let George see her indignation. But George smiled to himself as he saw the bullet hit home.
Elizabeth managed to say a tolerably controlled tone. "So, then, what happened?"
"I transferred to another college, but William had succeeded in destroying my future," said George glibly. "But I didn't hold a grudge on him. If he thought that he couldn't compete with me that was unfortunate for him. I could only wish him all the best."
Elizabeth felt herself grow angry. "I can't believe William would do something like that? How perfectly awful!!!"
"Well, what can I say?" George resisted the temptation of grinning. "I met William once to twice after that. He got married to that college chick, he told me? Did you know her?"
Elizabeth barely shook her head in negation, the muscles of her face, tightening.
"Oh," continued George. "Well, William bragged that his wife was hopelessly in love with him. It was a power trip for him. He wanted to prove himself to me, I suppose. He boasted how he had a string of affairs and his wife never found out. I was quite ashamed of him that day."
Elizabeth cried inwardly. How could she have been so blind? All the time, William went away on "business" he was probably with another woman. And to think, she'd believed in him so implicitly. Elizabeth felt like a fool.
"I heard he's divorced now?" said George, observing Liz closely. "Well, I wouldn't be surprised. She probably found out about one of his romances! He has quite a reputation when it comes to seducing women! But then, you probably know about it?"
"Yes, I know about it," said Liz through clenched teeth.
"Did you know him well? A friend?" asked George.
"Yes, he was a friend...," Liz's eyes misted and she looked far away. She recollected herself and looked at George. "Thanks a lot. You have been very helpful." She muttered a disjointed 'goodbye' and walked out of the café.
Well, smiled George smugly, that went very well. Very well indeed!!!
As Liz drove away from the café, her mind was reeling and she was losing her hold on reality. She had no reason to doubt George's words...indeed, why on earth would he make up such a story? No, it must be true. But it was too terrible for Liz to believe. His words had hurt her irrevocably. Liz shuddered to even think of what she'd heard that night.
William bragged that his wife was hopelessly in love with him...She probably found out about one of his romances...He got married to that college chick...He has quite a reputation when it comes to seducing women...He boasted how he had a string of affairs and his wife never found out...
Over and over, those terrible words reverberated in Liz's mind. She could not stop hearing them. And then flashes from the past came before and words from long ago haunted her.
I love you, Elizabeth..... Caroline means nothing to me.... I love you..... I want to feel our baby's first kick, Elizabeth.... We're going to be very happy, I promise you..... Don't leave me.... I love you, Elizabeth.....
By this point, Liz was practically sobbing, tears hazing her view. Suddenly, she slammed on her brakes. A bloodcurdling scream followed. And, then there was silence.
"Elizabeth?!!!"
Liz moaned and slowly opened her eyes to find herself looking into Jane's.
"You're awake!!! Oh, Lizzy!!!"
Liz looked around the strange place. She said softly. "Where am I?"
"The hospital, dear," supplied Jane. "Try not to talk too much, Lizzy. You're still very weak. Oh, I've been worried sick! You really scared us."
"What happened?" Liz rubbed her head for it hurt terribly.
"Your car crashed, Lizzy," said Jane, her voice trembling.
A sick horror overcame Liz. She was too afraid to ask. "And my...baby?"
Jane's voice was sad. "I'm sorry, Lizzy...but you lost the baby."
"NO!!!!!!!!" Liz screamed and fainted.
"Is she still asleep?" Ben's voice was full of concern.
"Yes," said Jane. "She woke up for a bit, but then...."
"I see," said Ben.
Liz could hear their voices around her, but did not have the will to open her eyes. Her spirit was broken. She cast her mind back to the previous night and felt herself get angry. William had killed their baby, she sobbed inwardly. He had betrayed her and because of that, now her baby was dead. Liz could take it no more. Her sobs were audible. Jane came instantly to her side.
"Lizzy? Lizzy! It's okay, honey," said Jane, comfortingly. "You'll be okay."
"Jane," whispered Liz. "He killed my baby..."
"Who did?" Jane asked softly in Liz's ears.
"William..." Liz's voice was almost inaudible.
Jane said nothing. She assumed that the shock had been too much for Liz and she was not aware of what she was saying. Jane tried to cheer Liz.
"Okay," said Jane. "Ben is here. He has been waiting here for a long time. I'll go get him."
Momentarily, Ben appeared in the room and came to Liz's side. "So, how are you feeling?" he asked amiably.
Liz looked at Ben, then looked away. She said nothing. Ben exchanged puzzled glances with Jane, who shrugged her shoulders. Ben looked intently at Liz, then approached her and held her hand.
"Liz...?" he said softly.
"Go away!!" exclaimed Liz, still not looking at him. "I don't want to see anyone."
"But..." Ben started to protest.
"Just leave me alone...all of you!" screamed Liz, quite agitated.
Jane nodded at Ben, who looked pained. He glanced at Liz's turned face, sighed and left the room. Jane followed him out. Liz closed her eyes and cried her heart out.
2 weeks later
"I hate to see her like this," said Ben.
"I know," agreed Rick. "But what can we do?"
Ben was at a loss. It had been 2 weeks since the fateful accident, but Liz had still not recovered, well, mentally anyway. Physically, she was the same as she eve was, but she had changed in every other way. Her ever-present smile had vanished, and so had the sparkle in her beautiful eyes. She possessed a distant sadness in here eyes and would gaze into nothingness. Liz tried to do her normal job, but had lost her enthusiasm, her spirit. In all essence, the real Liz had died with the accident and had been replaced by this Liz, who took no pleasure in anything, and whose sadness touched her every move.
"I don't know what to say to her," said Ben, frustrated. "She won't even talk to me. Maybe you..."
"No," Rick shook his head. "I tried to talk to her once, but she wouldn't listen. It's useless. What about her sister?"
"Oh, Jane?" said Ben. "Well, she told me that Liz has withdrawn from her as well. It appears that Liz just goes home by herself and broods. No one can reach her."
Rick sighed. "I'd give anything to have the old Liz back. She was fun."
At that moment, the subject of their conversation appeared.
"Hey Liz!" greeted Ben, with hopeful eyes.
"These papers need your signature Rick," said Liz somberly, not returning Ben's greeting.
Rick exchanged glances with Ben and took the papers.
"Thank you," said Liz and walked away.
Ben just watched her go with a heavy heart. He loved her so much and it killed him to see her like that. But, as he said before, what could he do when he didn't even know what was bothering her?
The same day
Liz sat on her chair with some important papers in front of her. But she was staring straight ahead and her mind was occupied.
"We'll be so happy together, darling. I love you so much."
"Do you, William?"
"More than life itself, Elizabeth..."
"He has quite a reputation when it comes to seducing women..."
"William bragged that his wife was hopelessly in love with him..."
"Our first will be a girl, Lizzy..."
"You lost the baby..."
Liz closed her eyes, trying to shut out the voices, but of no avail. They haunted her night and day. There was nowhere to hide. Liz felt terribly alone and betrayed in the world. She could not even share her problems with Jane. It hurt too much and she was too proud to let anyone else into her world. No, Liz had decided that she was destined to be alone, always. She used to have her baby, but that too had been taken away from her. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe, Liz thought, it was a sign that she was unworthy of love. That's why god had taken away her baby and William...
Suddenly the phone buzzed.
"Hello?"
"They're waiting for you in Room 2, Ms. Bennett," said the secretary. "The new consultants are here."
"I'll be right there," said Liz, sighed and rose from her seat. She walked to Room 2 and knocked on the door.
"Come in," said Ben. He rose to greet her. "Liz, this is the new consultant..."
The man turned to face her.
"...William Darcy," completed Ben.
Liz almost fainted in shock.
Chapter 21
It was with every ounce of her willpower that Liz prevented herself from gasping out in horror and shock. The wave of emotions she experienced was overwhelming. A part of her was happy to see that boyishly handsome face again, but another part of her screamed in revulsion and disgust. Suddenly, the room began to spin and Liz felt the overpowering need to escape the unbearable situation.
Ben noted the dizzy look in Liz's eyes and the darkening of her facial expression with alarm. He glanced at William Darcy, who stood transfixed, the half smile frozen on his face. Ben exchanged bewildered glances with Rick, then uncomfortably cleared his throat.
"Liz, you - " he began quietly, but the rest of his sentence was lost.
"Please excuse me!" Liz broke in and hastily left the room.
A stunned silence ensued and the first one to recover was Rick. He looked at William and said, "Well...that was interesting."
William recovered himself and looked at Rick. "Um...you didn't tell me she worked here."
Rick was puzzled. "You know Liz?"
William smiled ironically. "I used to be married to her."
Exclamations of surprise were expressed at this proclamation. Ben looked at Rick, then William and said. "I'd better go after her." He left the room quickly.
William sank into the nearest chair and held his head in his hands. He sighed. Rick watched him quietly for a few moments, then ventured. "I didn't know you and Liz...oh, I feel so stupid! I never connected her with you..." Rick recalled his earlier conversations with Georgia. They had discussed William and his ex-wife on many occasions, but it had never occurred to Rick that the love of William's life, Elizabeth and his co-worker Liz were the same person.
William said calmly. "How would you know, Rick? You'd never met her. It's just that, well...I didn't think I would see her so soon. She just disappeared from New York and the last thing I expected was to see her here." He shook his head slowly. Then, he asked, "How is she doing?"
A pained expression in Rick's eyes told William all he needed to know. "Not so good. She had an accident about 2 weeks ago and she's not been the same ever since. She's been depressed...totally unlike herself."
William let out another sigh. "She doesn't want me here...I could see that in her eyes."
"But you can't leave, Will," insisted Rick. "The gallery needs you."
William cursed the day he had agreed to come down to Washington to audit the art gallery and give other financial advice. Every moment spent with Liz would be pure torture. He had ached so long to see her, but having her so near and knowing she was out if reach, would kill him, for sure. But there was no way out, William decided.
"I'll stay."
Meanwhile, Ben searched for Liz, finally finding her in the relative safety of her office. Ben did not enter at once. He just gazed at his lovely Liz. She was staring at her computer screen, a few tears rolling down her cheeks, which she quickly wiped away. Her expression was solemn, grim. And Ben hated William. He hated William for what he had done to Liz, for how much she loved him still, for taking away the one woman he loved. Shaking away those thoughts, Ben knocked delicately on the door. Liz looked up, then hung her head again.
"Don't make me go back there...please."
"I won't," Ben assured her, walking in slowly.
Liz looked up again, this time her eyes were gleaming slightly. "Thank you..." she murmured. "William...he..."
"I know," said Ben softly. "He told me. I'm sorry, Liz. I didn't know..."
"It's okay," said Liz, unconvincingly. "I'm okay. I can handle this..." Her voice cracked.
"Liz..." Ben was very close and he looked searchingly into Liz's eyes. Her tears threatened to overcome her and she shook her head slightly. Ben felt his heart wrench and held out his arms. Liz embraced him warmly. Ben wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and murmured into her hair.
"Oh Liz..."
Very vulnerable, Liz said shakily. "I don't know if I can do this...his mere sight makes me physically ill. I hate him! I hate him so much."
Even as she said this, Ben knew she was lying, not only to him, but to herself. But he did not contradict her. He just held her close, comforting and soothing her and her soft sniffs stopped. At length, Liz looked up into his eyes wonderingly and said, "Thank you..."
Ben smiled. "Are we ready to go back, then?"
Liz hesitated, then said. "Yes."
As Ben and Liz entered the room again, William got up from his chair. There was tension and electricity in the air between them. William took in every aspect of the familiar form that had haunted his dreams. She was more beautiful than he remembered. But the laughing expression in her eyes was gone. She's been depressed, Rick had said. And he was right. The sadness in here eyes was unmistakable. Dare I hope? Thought William. Can it be for me? Could she have missed me as much as I missed her?
He has not changed, thought Liz ruefully. She noticed with wariness that his handsome, open face was still as charming as ever. The firm lines of his jaws and his deep brown eyes had not changed. And yet, to Liz, he was not the same person. In her mind, he was the man who had betrayed her love and killed their baby. He has quite a reputation when it comes to seducing women...William bragged that his wife was hopelessly in love with him... A faint glimmer of the love she felt for him was quickly crushed.
"William," she said coldly.
"Elizabeth," acknowledged William.
They were silent once again, eyeing each other. The force in William's eyes unnerved Liz. For a moment, she toyed with the idea of telling William exactly what she thought of him, but she stopped herself just in time.
"Let's get to work," she said and the others followed her lead.
"It's awful, Jane," said Liz, on the phone to her sister. "Every second I'm with him, it reminds me of all I've lost. And I hate him for that. How can I work with him?"
"Lizzy..." said her sister, concerned. "Are you going to tell him about the baby?"
"No!" exclaimed Liz. "I shall take that to my grave. He lost the right to know that a long time ago. You won't say anything, will you Jane?"
Jane sighed. "No, I won't be caught in this. The only advice I have for you is, don't let your feelings blind you. Be fair to William. There might be an explanation..."
"I don't want to hear any explanations," said Liz stubbornly. "I could never believe him again. No, Jane, there is no hope for us, if that's what you think. He's going to be here for a few weeks and then, he'll be gone. That's all."
"Whatever you say, hon," Jane did not believe her for a second.
"I mean it, Jane!" exclaimed Liz forcefully. "I will never let William Darcy into my heart or my life again!"
As was customary, Liz was one of the first to arrive at work. She had made it a habit to get up with the sun, jog and go to work. Her disturbed state of mind had kept her awake for majority of the night, but she found herself calming as the cool morning breeze hit her face in her convertible. She admonished herself mentally for reacting to William the way she had. There was no occasion for that. She would meet him only on the basic business level and refused to be affected by him in any possible way. With a determination of steel, Liz sped along the Beltway.
Refreshed and determined, Liz walked confidently into her office and stopped short at an appalling sight. It was William. Having heard her footsteps, William looked up from a paper he was working on and smiled. Liz felt her determination sway, but firmly quelled the desire to rush into William's arms.
"What are you doing in my office?" she demanded.
"I thought I'd start working on those accounts," explained William, standing up.
Liz did not reply. Her eyes traveled over William's familiar form; his curly hair, his muscled arms, his toned chest. Her resolve was melting away by the second. She glanced into William's eyes and noted a gleam of triumph that infuriated her further. She walked past him and sank into her chair.
"Okay then, let's work."
Liz sat down with finality, refusing to look at William, the devilish gleam in his eyes disturbing her. When she looked up again, William was standing with a cup in his hand. He laid the cup on the table and smiled,
"Black coffee, no sugar. Just the way you like it."
For a second, Liz felt like she was transported back in time to when her world was still intact. She stared at the cup, then looked at William. His face was earnest, his smile warm. Liz recognized that smile. It was his most charming smile, meant impress and melt a woman's heart. And to her dismay, Liz felt herself melting.
"Thank you," she said with effort. "You still remember?"
"You'd be amazed at how much I remember," said William with meaning. "It hasn't been that long." Although it feels like an eternity...
"No, it hasn't..." murmured Liz, almost to herself. And yet, so much has happened.
"How have you been...?" asked William, pulling a chair closer to the table.
"Still alive..." muttered Liz, not looking at him. Then in a stronger voice, "Fine...just fine. And you?"
"Life's been hell," said William candidly. Liz looked up in surprise. "...without you."
Liz didn't know what to say. Her heart was stuck in her throat. She wanted to say that she missed him so much that it hurt, but the words didn't come out. She wanted to tell him how much she still loved him, but didn't have the courage to say it. William was looking into her eyes, thoughtfully, waiting for her to say something. But Liz was spared from the necessity of speaking, as her secretary peeped in.
"Good morning, Ms. Bennett...I forgot to mention it yesterday, but your doctor called. He wants to see you again this Friday at 7...shall I call him and make the appointment?"
"Yes, Becky, thanks," Liz managed to say.
"What's wrong?" asked William, concerned.
"Nothing," said Liz. But inside, she was boiling. William's charms had almost blinded her to the truth she had wanted to deny to herself. He did not love her...he had used her and unwittingly, killed her baby. Liz shuddered to think how she had let herself be influenced by him again.
"Liz? Are you alright?"
"Yes," Liz broke out of her reverie. Handing him some papers, "Here are the tax returns you asked for..."
William looked at her as she arranged her papers and sighed. She had not reacted to his declaration. In his heart, he knew that she still cared for him. But she was so cold and distant. Her proximity, her scent, her soft hair...intoxicated him. How could he control himself with her so close to him? How could he forget all the time he'd spent with her, all the love they'd shared? How could he forget that it was his own folly that had driven him away? That was asking the impossible.
They spent the next hour in the same manner, engrossed in work, yet keenly aware of the presence of the other. But they were both steadfastly concentrated on their respective work. It would be impossible to imagine that anything of great importance was achieved by either since much of their efforts were employed in shutting the other's image out of their minds. Finally, Liz got up.
"Where are you going?" asked William.
Liz did not reply. She couldn't because she didn't know the answer herself. All she knew was that if she didn't leave instantly, she'd go mad. As she reached the door, it swung open and Ben appeared with his usual grin. He saw William and the smile slowly faded. Liz's face lit up and she kissed Ben lightly on his cheeks.
"Good morning! I'm just on my way out." Saying thus, Liz left the room.
William stood up warily and faced Ben, both men eyeing the other menacingly in jealousy and mistrust.
Chapter 22
"Good morning, Ben," said William, at last, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
Ben recollected himself, putting aside the wave of jealousy he felt for the man who faced him. "Good morning. Working early, I see."
"Always have," replied William.
"Good for you," muttered Ben and said no more.
Ben regarded his competitor for Liz's affections and decided that William was not worthy. He had broken her heart and did not deserve her. Ben smiled inwardly at the bitter irony of reality that had thrown them all together in such a manner. Just when he thought he was getting closer to Liz, who should appear but the legendary William. Ben knew that it was an unjust emotion, but he despised William. It was not a malicious hatred, but rather stemmed from envy. Ben realized that he could never possess Liz's heart the way William had, and it drove him crazy. If he ever lost her to him, Ben knew he would go insane. He simply loved her too much.
William cleared his throat, uncomfortable under Ben's scrutiny. Ben realized his folly and hastily left for his room. William stared after him thoughtfully for a few moments before shrugging and returning to work.
Liz fought hard to concentrate on the papers in front of her, but her mind invariably wandered, her thoughts centered on the man in the next room. His appearance had been sudden, to be sure, but Liz knew she would have to strong to be able to bear it and get through it. She repeatedly told herself that William's coming to DC would not affect her life in any lasting way, but her inherent instincts told her she was wrong and that was what concerned her the most. Unable to concentrate, Liz picked up the phone and dialed a New York number.
"Hello?" a female voice picked up the phone.
"Charlotte?" asked Liz tentatively.
"Liz!!!" exclaimed Charlotte, overjoyed at hearing her friend's voice. "You haven't called me in ages! How are you?"
"Fine," Liz managed to say. "Um...Char...he's here."
Puzzled, Char asked, "Who??"
"William," whispered Liz.
"What?!" exclaimed Char, truly surprised. The note of astonishment in her voice was genuine.
"You didn't tell him about me, did you?" asked Liz.
"No way!" said Char. "I would never do that to you...but how? What's he doing in DC, of all places?"
"That's what I'd like to know," muttered Liz. "He's in the art gallery I work for...Ben hired him for an assignment audit..."
The irony wasn't lost on Charlotte and she empathized with her friend. "So, what are you going to do?"
"There's nothing to do really. I'll just have to deal with it."
"He's very unhappy without you, Lizzy..."
"Char, please..."
"I'm just telling you like it is," said Char. "I saw him at work everyday. He's one heartbroken man."
Liz closed her eyes to stop the tears from flowing. "Char, I can't...do you understand that?"
"No, I don't," said Char. Sensing her friend's hurt, she added. "I'm sorry. I have no right to tell you what to do. It's your life."
"Someone's here...I have to go, Char. Bye."
"Take care, Lizzy."
Liz hung up and looked at the arrival.
William said. "I...ah, wanted to ask you about these balance sheets."
Liz sighed and motioned William to sit down. It was going to be a long day.
Liz was among the last ones to leave work. As she gathered her belongings and walked to the elevator, she heard her name being called, followed by rapid steps. Looking back, she saw Ben walking towards her. The elevator arrived and they got on.
"Hey! How was your day?" asked Ben.
Lousy. "Fine," said Liz.
Ben looked at her, knowingly and said, "Are you going to be able to manage this?"
His meaning was very clear, and Liz said, "I'm not sure...maybe."
"You can always come to me if you need to talk," said Ben, looking into her eyes.
Liz glanced at him, and said, "Thanks Ben. I appreciate it."
The elevator stopped and they got off. Ben walked Liz to her car.
"You want to get some coffee or something?" he asked hopefully.
Liz looked at him, squeezed his hand and shook her head. "No, I'd rather go home, but thanks for the offer." She gave him a small smile, got into her car and rode away, leaving Ben with a tingling sensation where her hand had touched his and an aching sensation where his heart would have been had he not given it away to her.
The next morning, when Liz arrived at work, she found in her mail, the following:
Washington Arts Society Charity Ball
Saturday from 8:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m.
At the Plaza Hotel
10th street, Washington D.C.
Liz groaned inwardly, determined not to go. There was a knock on her door and Ben entered. He was about to speak when another knock was followed by the entrance of William with some papers. The men eyed each other warily, then looked at Liz. She looked from Ben to William and back to Ben, then looked down at the invitation.
"So?" said Ben and the sentiment was reflected in William's eyes.
At an impulse, Liz made up her mind.