Section I, Next Section
Chapter 1
Elizabeth Collins glanced over at her mother, who was listening intently to another one of Lady Catherine DeBourgh's lectures. How she could even tolerate them was a mystery to her. Her father agreed to whatever it was that Lady Catherine was saying. She fidgeted. It was so dull to sit for so long in one place, listening to Lady Catherine tell her mother what to do during the last month of her sixth pregnancy. Charlotte Lucas Collins had borne William Collins five children in the past fifteen years, all of whom had been girls. Beth as she was called, was the oldest of all six, she was soon to be fourteen. She and two of her sisters were the only attractive girls in the family. Lady Catherine was quite fond of her, and tried to dictate what she should do all of the time. Beth did not look like either of her parents at all. Her hair was raven black, shinny, and wavy. She had very light blue eyes, and a creamy complexion. She had a very nice figure, and was tall and slim. It was quite obvious that she was her mother's favorite, but Beth did not appreciate her attentions. She loved her mother of course, but Charlotte always seemed to hold back her feelings and never let them guide her.
Lady Catherine was now speaking softly to the child Charlotte was carrying.
"You must be a boy child. It is your duty to your family!" she said.
Beth shook her head. Lady Catherine had repeated these very words each time her mother was with child, and it was becoming a tradition. Beth in fact did not want a brother. Not only would the triumph of Lady Catherine's be to great to tolerate, but a girl would have been hard enough to take care of.
Her mother's good friend and Beth's namesake, came to visit them often: Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy. She often complained about the trouble her son gave her at home. She and Richard Darcy were about the same age, but Beth was a little older. Sometimes JaneAnne, Elizabeth's ten-year-old daughter would visit them. Mr. Darcy, (Elizabeth's husband), rarely came on account of his aunt, and therefor Elizabeth's visits were kept a secret so as not to displease Lady Catherine. Elizabeth would tell all about the scrapes he got into, and the messes he made. No, Beth did not want a little brother to take care of.
Beth usually helped take care of the new babies after they were older than a month. Her mother was not usually in good health, and so it was almost always Beth who helped clean them, and when they were old enough to eat solid foods she helped the nurse feed them. She knew that if her mother had better heath there would be no need for Beth's help, but her mother was always very tired and weak. She blamed her father for this as her mother was to fragile a person to have six children, but they needed an heir.
Her father was to inherit the Longborn Estate from a distant cousin, (Mrs. Darcy's father in fact)! Beth's father wished to produce an heir so that the estate would never be entailed away. Beth believed that this should be the last time that her mother would ever be with child. Each time Charlotte gave birth she became weaker, and Beth was beginning to worry about her health. She glanced back towards her family sitting in Lady Catherine's parlor and counted heads: Father, mother, sister, sister, sister, sister, and unborn child. Counting herself, that would all make eight family members. Her sister Catherine (also called Katie at home), was eleven and had brown hair, green eyes and freckles. Next came Sarah and Cara who were twins of the age ten. Sarah had black hair, and green eyes. Her twin looked the exact opposite of her with blonde hair, dark blue eyes and a rosier complexion than her twin. They were both the same height, and slim. They were the only other handsome children in the family. Then there was Victoria. She was only three and it was hard to tell what she would really look like when she got older. But for the present she had light brown hair and brown eyes. Both Katie and Victoria were rather plump. Out of all of her sisters Beth liked Sarah and Cara the best. Katie was selfish and self centered, and Victoria's favorite words were: 'Mine, mine!' Sarah was a very shy, helpful girl, and Cara was very open, and kind hearted. They both where very difficult at times, but nothing compared to Katie and Victoria.
It was then time for them to leave. They dismissed themselves and rode back to their home in Lady Catherine's carriage as usual. Katie pouted because Lady Catherine had not said one word to her that evening, having devoted all her time to Charlotte, and Victoria was crying because she wanted the toy that Lady Catherine had given to her mother for the baby. Sarah and Cara were whispering together. Beth envied them because they could slip off into their own world, and no one would interrupt them unless it was time for meals or bed.
"Beth dearest?"
"Yes mamma." Beth answered dully.
"Would you put the girls to bed tonight? I have a very bad headache."
"Yes mamma. Perhaps you should rest. I do think it very unkind of Lady Catherine to force you to visit her when you should be resting."
"Thank you for your concern Beth but I'll be alright." Her mother said reassuringly, but Beth began to worry about her as she slowly walked into the house leaning on her husband's arm.
Beth herded the girls inside. Katie did not want to go to bed, and Sarah and Cara whispered until one o'clock in the morning. She had not trouble with Victoria since bribery still worked on her. Victoria went to sleep after Beth had given her a lump of sugar to suck on. With the nurses help she got Carrie to lie down, but could not stop the twins from whispering until they were so sleepy that they couldn't stay awake any longer. Beth finally got everyone to sleep, and on the way to her own room she checked on her mother.
"Are you sure you're alright mamma?"
"I'm fine, I'm positive. My time has not yet come. Tell the maid to have the quest room ready for tomorrow. Mrs. Darcy is coming for the last month, and is bringing her two daughters.
"I will mamma. Have a good nights rest." Beth answered, assured of her mother safety at least for the night. She then left the room and went to bed.
The next morning, Mrs. Darcy and her two girls arrived early in the morning. They were settled in and Mrs. Darcy went upstairs to see Charlotte. The maid's bell was ringing. Beth was in the kitchen when she heard it. She saw where it was coming from and went up to her mother's room.
"Mamma the servants are having their day off. Is there anything you need?" Beth explained as soon as she opened the door. Her mother was laying on the bed, tossing and turning.
"What's the matter Mrs. Darcy?" Beth cried in alarm.
"The baby is ready to come into this world. I need someone to send for the doctor." Mrs. Darcy said quietly.
"But there is no one!" Beth cried, looking at her mother's bulging belly.
"Can not you go? Your mother is in very great pain. We need a doctor now." Mrs. Darcy ordered, and Beth ran from the room. She grabbed her shawl and bonnet and ran out of the house and onto the lane towards Kent. As she neared the town she began gasping for breath, and stumbled over a pebble. Picking herself up, she ran into the doctor's clinic and demanded that the doctor come immediately. He agreed and began to slowly gather his things, and put on his coat and hat.
"Can you not move any faster?" Beth cried, and the doctor gave her a sinister look. Beth shut her mouth and they got into his carriage. Upon reaching the house they rushed inside, and Beth showed him to her mother's room. Shutting the door behind him, he left Beth standing alone in the hallway. No sound issued from the room. Her mother never made any sound, and it often happened that her father never knew that he had another child until everything was over with. Beth did not enter the room, but sat by the door. Everyone else was at Lady Catherine's, ignorant of what was going on. The two Darcy girls were sleeping. Elizabeth suddenly emerged from the room.
"Is it over Mrs. Darcy?" Beth asked anxiously.
"No, it is not over. Your mother is having a very hard time. I came out to take some air." she answered, and then went back into the room. Beth's mind was filled with fear for her mother, for the child, and she also feared that her father would come home unexpectedly and send for Lady Catherine's assistance. A cry came from the bedroom, but it was not the wailing of a newborn. Beth heard another cry that sounded more like a gasp and she fled from the house, knowing that they were cries of pain.
Beth ran into Lady Catherine's apple orchard. It was a very quite place, and was not kept up as the other orchards were. It was rather over grown, and wild. Beth liked it very much. It was the only place in the world where she could also escape. Beth closed her eyes and remembered how she had found this place...
"Hello! What are you doing here?" a young woman of about twenty four said to Beth when she was only eight.
"I'm lost!" she had sobbed, and the woman put her hand around her shoulders.
"What is your name? Perhaps I can help you!" the woman asked gently.
"Beth. Beth Collins."
"You must be Mr. Collins' daughter then! I know where you live, for my mother hired your father a long time ago. My name is Anne DeBourgh."
"You're Lady Catherine's daughter." Beth said coldly.
"Yes." Anne replied mournfully. "I am soon to be wed to the Earl of Matlock, George Fitzwilliam."
"Are you going to be happy?"
"Yes, I am going to be very happy." Anne said with a friendly sparkle in her eye.
"You're not being forced to marry?"
"No. Mother did not even want me to marry him. She wanted someone with even more money, like a Duke, but when I did not argue with her and became terribly ill, she consented to the match."
"I wish you every happiness. And you are saying good bye to your mother's grounds?" Beth asked.
"Yes! This place in particular. I think that there is something magical about it. It was here that I meet George Fitzwilliam." Anne explained in a dreamy way.
"Your finance?" Beth asked, and Anne nodded absent mindedly.
"I'm going to miss it. Mother does not take care of it, for she does not like apples. I've been tending it myself. I do wonder what will become of it after I'm gone."
"I'll tend to it!" Beth had offered, for indeed, there was something special about that place. It was so peaceful and beautiful and quiet that Beth could not let it be run down.
Beth remembered Anne DeBourgh's grateful hug, and how in the years to come, Beth would come here when she was having a hard time living in the world. She sometimes prayed, sometimes relaxed. It was a wonderfully special place. Beth then closed her eyes and went to sleep.
Beth slept through the day and night. Early the next morning, a servant came running for her.
"Miss Beth! Miss Beth!" she called, and Beth awoke. "Your mother's given birth to twins! A boy and girl!" the maid cried as she reached her. "But the missus is not doing well I'm afraid miss."
Beth rushed past the servant and ran back to the house. She rushed up to her mother's room, but Elizabeth blocked the way in.
"Please let me go in to see my mother!" Beth pleaded.
"Beth, your mother is doing very badly. You may see her if she gets better."
"If?" Beth cried in desperation and Elizabeth sighed.
"You may go see the babies." she said, and Beth reluctantly left her mother's door and went into the nursery.
The two babies were lying in their cradle, sleeping at the moment. Elizabeth left her alone with them. Beth watched them sleeping peacefully. The boy had a blue ribbon tied around his wrist. The girl had a red and pink one. That meant she was the first born. Beth looked back at the boy. He was beautiful. After fifteen years, finally there was an heir to follow after her father. Now all he had to wait for was Mr. Bennet's death. She shuddered at the thought of going into someone else's home and taking over. Mrs. Bennet, after all, was still living. Beth turned her attention back to the babies and stayed with them for an hour.
As soon as they began crying the nurse came in to feed them. Elizabeth came in with her and beckoned to Beth to follow her out of the room.
"How is mamma?" Beth asked quietly.
"She is not in any pain anymore." Elizabeth answered, looking deeply into Beth's eyes.
"What do you mean?" Beth asked, but she knew. Dead, dead, dead....
"You may go in and see her if you wish. We have cleaned everything up." Elizabeth said, avoiding her eyes this time.
Dead, dead, dead... Beth could not get those words out of her mind as she walked into the room. Her mother was on the bed. Her face was as white as chalk, her eyes closed as if in sleep. 'She is only sleeping. That is what she meant.' Beth thought, but did not believe it. Dead. Beth shook her head and walked over to the bed and grasped her mother's hand. She knew then. Dead. Her mother was dead. Her hands were as cold as ice, no blood flowing through them, and she saw no movement in her chest indicating that she was not breathing. A sob choked her throat, and she tried to hold it back. Suddenly, on the desk beside her mother's bed she saw a note. It was addressed to 'Beth my daughter', and she opened it with shaky hand. It was written in a very shaky handwriting, but Beth could tell it was her mother's.
Dearest Beth,I'm sorry to have to leave you like this. Do not hate anyone for it, do not despair, for I will always be with you in spirit, and we will someday meet again. As I have no will, I leave you all of my personal things to do with as you like. The twins are now your responsibility. Do not let them grow to be like your father or Lady Catherine. I love you very much.
Your loving mother
Beth could not stop her tears. Sitting beside the bed, she then placed her head on Charlotte's lifeless hand and wept.
Beth did not leave her mother's side until the funeral the next day. She did not weep anymore since the day before. Lady Catherine would rebuke her, her father only annoy her. He was weeping constantly. Beth wondered how long he could pretend to be remorseful.
Elizabeth and her daughters only stayed a few more days, and then they left. Lady Catherine visited the parsonage constantly, and ordered her father around telling him what to do in the household. Beth had taken all of her mother's precious belongings and put them in a trunk. The rest of her things she gave to her father to do with as he liked. Her father told her that she should take order as mistress of the household since her mother was dead, and so she did most willingly. Lady Catherine would not be allowed to tell her how to run the house.
Beth then saw the youngest twins. She looked at them with almost hatred, trying hard to be forgiving, but not succeeding. These babies were responsible for her mother's death. Her mother's words came back to her: Do not hate anyone for it, do not despair... She then closed her eyes and pushed away all of the hateful feeling. The babies were only trying to live, they did not mean to kill her, and they missed her too. Beth picked up both boy and girl and sat down. They had not yet been named, but Beth remembered the names that her mother had picked out if it was a boy or girl. Matthew and Marie. The perfect names for twins. Had her mother known? Beth mused, but suddenly looked up as Lady Catherine walked into the room, demanding to hold William and Anne.
"Who is William and Anne?" Beth asked, puzzled as she laid the twins back in their cradle.
"The babies of course!" Lady Catherine cried in agitation.
"Their names are not William and Anne. It's Matthew and Marie." Beth explained.
"Where did you ever get names like that?" Lady Catherine laughed.
"My mother had their names planned out. Ask my father if you wish." Lady Catherine paused at this, and then demanded again to see the babies.
"No madam, they are sleeping now. I do not wish to disturb them. Come back in a week and we will see." Beth said quietly.
"I want to hold them now miss."
"No, you may not. As present mistress of this house I tell you that you may not hold the babies. Now will you kindly leave the room!" Beth cried and called for the nurse as the babies began to cry. Lady Catherine left the room at the sound of their cries, and Beth sat back down in the chair tired but triumphant.
Chapter 2
Two years later...
Beth closed her eyes and prayed that the letter that was sent from Longbourn was not bad news. She thanking the servant, she took it to her father.
"What is it my dear?" he asked as she entered his study door.
"A message from Longbourn sir. I'm afraid it might be bad news, because Mr. Bennet never writes us unless he was sent a letter," Beth answered and handed her father the letter. He opened it, and read the contents. 'Oh my poor cousins!" he kept on muttering to himself and then folded up the letter. Beth had remained by the door, watching her father intently until he was finished. He looked at her and said:
"Bad news my daughter. Mr. Bennet has died."
"Died?" Beth gasped.
"Yes, and we must go to the funeral, and then move into the Longbourn estate."
"Do you mean to say that Mr. Bennet is dead, and that we must claim our inheritance now?" Beth exclaimed, but did not really need to ask. Her father began to tell her everything about the situation that she already knew. When Mr. Bennet died they would get the Longbourn estate. That was all there was to it, and Beth knew that.
The trip to Longbourn was not an extremely long one. Lady Catherine had given them strict instructions on how to treat Mrs. Bennet and her one remaining unmarried daughter.
"Do not let them trespass on your hospitality for long. They have families to go to, and must leave the house as soon as possible." she said. Beth thought she was cold-hearted.
The trip to Longbourn seemed like a very long one. Beth tried to remember everything that she could about Mr. Bennet. He had been there at her mother's funeral. He had visited them a couple of times, and they had traveled once a year to Lucas Lodge to see her mother's relatives. There was never a time they visited when they had not seen the Bennets. Mr. Bennet was always so witty and clever. He always knew what to talk to her father about and was so good-natured. Beth thought he had been an excellent man. The kind of man that should have been a good role model for Matty, but now he was gone. Yes, Beth's heart was very heavy as the carriage pulled up to Longbourn.
The sound of wailing greeted her ears as Beth stepped out of the carriage and walked towards the house. Mary Bennet greeted them. She was not a very pretty girl, thin and pale with dark circles under her eyes. She looked very tired, and the wailing sound grew louder as Beth stepped into the house after her father.
"Please excuse my mother's crying, she is very devastated at my father's death." Mary apologized.
"Most naturally, and may I express my great sorrow upon receiving the news..." her father began, but Beth turned her attention away from him, as did Mary and they began to climb the steps and were shown their rooms.
Mr. Bennet's funeral was a very sad affair. All of his daughters and their husbands and children were there, weeping and mourning. Beth shed her share of tears, and Mrs. Bennet was weeping uncontrollably. After the funeral was over, Mrs. Bennet and her daughter left Longbourn with Jane Bingley to live with them for the time being. The Longbourn Estate was left to the Collins.
Beth saw so much to do at the old house. Her father wished to have Mrs. Bennet's old room as his own, as it had the finest view, and the most space. Beth gave Mary's old room to Katie, and Sarah and Cara received the room that had belonged to the eldest sister. The babies were put in the nursery, but it had obviously been re-done and made into a room for older girls. Beth took the last room available. Mr. Collins claimed the library, and Beth decided that Mr. Bennet's room would be used for guests at the present time. When Matty grew older he would be moved there.
They cleaned the house from top to bottom during the first week of their stay. Beth directed all of the process, and made sure that even the books were clean of dust. She did not really care if the place was already pretty clean when they entered it, but she still wanted to do something in it that would show that they had lived there too. All of her mother's favorite pictures from the parish were hung around the house in vacant spaces. She put flowers in all of the vases and placed them on the piano and various places such as on dressers and windowsills. Beth had very strongly argued with her father about changing the place, or additions to the house, for she wanted to preserve it. In the end she won her case, and Longbourn would remain as it had been when first constructed.
After the cleaning and organizing was over, Beth's first move was to acquaint herself with the servants. Hill was the head maid, and had been working at the house for over twenty years. Sara was the scullery maid, and had been working there for sixteen years. Then there was Mr. Smith, the coachman and his son who took care of the stables. They both had been working at Longbourn for over fifteen years. Mr. Collins decided that it would be best to keep on the old staff, as they knew their business, and only hire a gardener and a new cook. The old cook had quit the house when Mrs. Bennet and her daughter had left, and so they were in need of a new one.
Lady Catherine arrived at Longbourn two weeks after they had settled in, and Beth was surprised that she had not come earlier. The reason that she had not come earlier was because she had been taken ill, and was not able to leave the house for several days. She inspected the Collin's new house, and could not find fault with it, although she complained about the sitting room as the windows were 'full west' as she put it, and the house itself was rather small. She then went to see the twins in their room and left Beth in peace for a few minutes. Lady Catherine was very fond of 'Little William', as she called Matty. She could never let it pass that Matthew should have been called William, and even though Mr. Collins refused to call him William, and gave him the name Matthew in honor of his late wife, and his daughter the name Marie, Lady Catherine never did change her ways. After a year she consented to call the little girl Marie, but Matthew was William.
Lady Catherine played with Matty for the rest of her stay, for she only came for the day. She bounced him on her knee and did not allow the nurse to touch him. Beth was becoming very annoyed with her by the time she left.
That night, as Beth lay in bed, she decided to explore her room. She was a very private person, due to Katie always wanting to take things that belonged to other people. Beth usually stashed her most precious belongings, like a lock of her mother's hair, and a very beautiful bible that Elizabeth Darcy had once given her, in hiding places. So she decided to search for a good hiding place for her precious things. She looked in the closet and wardrobe, finding no secret hiding place, and was about to give up on finding any suitable place when she glanced at the bed. It was a very nice one, with large bedposts, and a nice space underneath. It was so big that Beth could squeeze under there if she wanted to. Katie would never go under there, it would soil her clothes, and so Beth decided get a small box and put her things under the bed the next day. She then got back in bed, and went to sleep.
Chapter 2B
Beth went through all of her trunks the next day. She found a few of the special things that she wanted hidden from Katie and put them in her dresser for the present. She could not find a box anywhere, so she decided to ask her father to buy her one when he next went to Meryton.
Everything was going a little slowly at Longbourn that morning and Beth was getting rather bored. Katie had gone out into the garden to make herself a nosegay and had not come back. Sarah and Cara had both walked over to their Grandparents home at Lucas Lodge, and Victoria was outside with Katie. The little twins were in the nursery with Sarah, who turned out to be excellent with children, and had not asked for Beth in two hours. Beth decided to go and sit in the library and read.
Beth entered the library quietly and was happy to see that her father was in his study. She sat down in a comfortable chair, and picked up a book, which was laying on the small table next to it. It was a Baronetage. As these sorts of books always interested Beth, she took it up and turned to the first page. It was the history of the families who had lived at Longbourn.
'How interesting,' Beth thought as she turned the pages and read of all the owners of Longbourn. The Bennets had owned the estate from the very beginning, and always had many children. At one point in the line of Bennets she came to the name of an eldest daughter which looked as if it had been scratched out. The name was hardly legible but she could just make out:Rose Ben__ The rest was all blotted out completely.
'I wonder who that was?' Beth wondered, and skimmed down the line a little until she came to Thomas Bennet, the late owner of Longbourn. Why, the strange woman who was blotted out was his aunt, Beth realized, but then pushed it out of mind. It wasn't that important. She came to her father's name, and mother's, and the rest of her family's. That must be why the Baronetage was off the shelf; her father had been writing in their names. Beth started. Instead of the name Collins written down in the book, her father had changed their name to Bennet. 'I suppose he did it to keep the name 'Bennet' in the family.' she thought
She set the book aside and stood up. Since no one had called her, she decided to read some more and turned her attention to the bookshelves. There was a good collection of books there, and Beth would have to search for over fifteen minutes before she could decide on a book to read. She loved the smell of old leather, and so she went over to a shelf of books that looked as if they had not been read in a very long time. They were all famous books, such as Plato, and very many of Shakespeare's' works. Suddenly, a book at the end of the shelf caught her eye. It was so old and well worn that the title of the book could not be made out, and Beth was immediately filled with a curiosity to see what it was. She took the book off of the shelf and studied the cover. It was the play 'Romeo and Juliet', and had a very pretty picture on the frontispiece. A piece of pale lavender ribbon stuck out of the middle of the book, and it caught Beth's eye. She opened the book to act three where the ribbon was placed. The book's pages were yellow and crumbling at the edges. The lavender ribbon was a long piece, and attached to it was a small silver key! Beth picked it up and looked at it in wonder.
For such a pretty thing to be left in the book for so long! Whose was it? Beth quickly placed the key back where it had been and turned to the beginning of the book. On the inside front cover of the book, Beth found the name of Rose Julia Bennet written in a fancy script. Beth remembered the name scratched out in the Baronetage, also the name Rose, and no other family had ever lived at Longbourn except for the Bennets until they, (the Collins) had moved in. She decided that she wanted to know more of this Rose Bennet, fan of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Chapter 3A
"Miss Collins!" the nurse called. "Miss Collins!"
Beth sighed. She closed the book reluctantly and put it back on the shelf. She then went upstairs to see what the nurse wanted.
That evening at dinner, Beth asked her father about their connection to the Bennet family. He replied that his father had been Mr. Bennet's father's cousin, and Beth turned back to eating her dinner. Then her father announced that they were no longer going to retain the name Collins, but that they would now have the surname of Bennet. This had been arranged many years ago, so that the name Bennet would not disappear. Beth was not surprised, and her sisters thought it was a good idea.
That night, Beth decided to search under her bed for the best spot to hide her box of things. She lit a candle and slid under the bed with it. It was very dusty but she did not mind. She decided on a corner, and was about to slid from under the bed when something caught her eye. What it was she did not know, however it looked like a piece of paper stuck in another corner. She crawled over to the spot and reached out her hand to pull it from the slat. Instead of one piece of paper falling out, a small wooden box crashed to the floor. She slid out from the bed and pulled the box with her. It was old and dusty, but as she tried to open it she noticed a small keyhole. Beth realized that she needed to a key to see what was inside, unless she wanted to break the lock. She saw that the hole was small, designed for a small key, and suddenly she knew where to find it. Putting on her robe, she crept downstairs to the library. Seeing no light beneath the door, she opened it and went in.
Beth walked over to the shelf where the book 'Romeo and Juliet' had been placed and took it down from the shelf. She then quickly dashed back upstairs to her own room, and opening the book to take out the key. She held it up in the candlelight and then tried it on the lock. It fit, and she opened the lid with ease. A faint scent of perfume, (it smelled like lavender), was in the box. A book was on top and she lifted it up. Underneath it was a bundle of letters tied in a lavender colored ribbon! Another book was underneath this, but it was much thinner than the first, and on the bottom was a beautiful silk handkerchief of light purple.
This person like lavender and purple, I think, Beth thought, and smiled to herself. She then opened the first book, and read the first few lines (which were written in a fancy and flowing script):
Diary of Rose Julia Bennet
Begun in 1765
Beth gasped. The woman she had wanted to learn more about! She then closed the book and turned to the second. In it was written:
Elizabeth Bennet's Journal, 1766
Beth was now confused. The Elizabeth Bennet she knew had not been born for another twenty-five years or so. Who could this be? She closed this book and turned her attention to the letters. They were all written during 1765-66, and were all opened. Beth, however, did not read them. She had decided to read Rose's diary first, and then she would turn her attention to the letters, which were all addressed to Miss Rose Bennet.
Beth suddenly began to yawn and set down the journal. It was late, and she wanted to read it when she was wide-awake. She placed everything back as it was and put the box back in its hiding place. She then lay down in bed and went to sleep.
The next morning she woke up very early, got the box out, and began to read the diary of Rose Bennet...
March 2, 1765It is my eighteenth birthday today, and Elizabeth has given me this booklet of blank pages in which to write the story of my life in. I always wonder why Elizabeth knows exactly what to give me. I think she understands me perfectly, although I cannot make her out very well at all. Elizabeth, my sister, is almost seventeen and is a very pretty girl. She looks very much like mother, with light brown hair and blue eyes. I look like father, with dark brown hair and green eyes. My brother, Thomas, looks like father as well. Nothing remarkable has ever happened to me in my life. I have never fallen in love, nor even admired a person yet, and think that I am destined to live a life alone. Although I am the eldest daughter in the family, I have hardly traveled anywhere except for London. I should very much like to see Bath, for Thomas tells me it is glorious.
Father has given me a very pretty book today. It is the play Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare. I have been wanting to read it for many years, and will finally have a chance to do so. Mother has given me a new lace fan, and Emily gave me another nosegay. I declare! This must be the fiftieth she has given me, and I am getting tired of them. Of course, she is only nine years old, and has not learned any other craft as yet. Oh dear, I must conclude. May has upset her tea.
Rose Bennet
Beth lifted her eyes up from the book and wondered why this woman's name had been scratched away from the Baronetage. She saw no reason for it. She began to read the diary again...
Rose carefully placed her diary in the trunk and closed the lid. Her father had arranged for them to take a trip to Bath and she was so excited that her hands trembled as she fastened the lock. Rose had always wanted to go to Bath, and would now have her chance.
"Rose! Father says that the carriage is prepared. Are you ready?" Elizabeth called as she came into her room.
"I'm ready Elizabeth," Rose said, calming herself. Elizabeth turned to leave the room, and Rose watched her go down the stairs. Elizabeth was so confidant and easy, and so different from herself. She always was comfortable in any society, and always knew what to say and when to say it. Father admired her greatly and was very fond of her. Rose on the other hand was always offending. She saw faults in every person she met and was too rebellious in her family's opinion. It was not that Rose was not wanted in society, it was just that she did not approve of the world nor did she feel easy in it. She did not suffer from jealousy of her sister Elizabeth, who was continually being praised because of her fashionable blue eyes and light colored hair, nor did Elizabeth become arrogant or conceited. All of these things whirled through Rose's mind as she called for the servant to take down her trunks, gathered together what she would put in her hand bag, and went downstairs.
Beth again lifted her eyes from the diary, but this time because of her clock chiming. It was already nine o'clock and she was not even dressed! She hastily got dressed and hurried downstairs for breakfast.
Chapter 3B
"Where have you been Elizabeth?" Mr. Collins asked sternly when she appeared at the breakfast table.
"I was reading one of the library books in my room sir." Beth answered meekly and they all continued eating.
Beth's mind wandered as she ate. She kept on thinking of Rose Bennet and her journal. She hoped that her day would not be too busy so that she could get back to reading the diary. Rose was such an interesting person. The day however did not pass uneventfully for Beth. They all took a walk to Meryton and Beth was able to buy the box she had wanted for her things. Later on in the day Matty skinned his knee and Beth had to settle him down. The only time Beth found that day to read more of Rose's diary was late that night...
March 4 1765We have reached Bath at last! I find it very cozy, although the only view I've had of it so far has been from our windows. It is pouring rain. Miss Carter, my very good friend, tells me that it always rains in Bath. Well, rain or not, I am determined to see Bath from outside our apartments, and will venture outside after luncheon. Elizabeth declares that she hates a city where it always rains. I say she is being silly and is only complaining because she did not really want to come to Bath in the first place. She likes Meryton and Longbourn a little too much in my opinion, and needs to be seen in society a little more. Oh dear! I must stop writing for now, May is getting into trouble again.
Rose Bennet
Beth yawned and stretched her arms. She wanted to go to sleep, but the diary was too tempting, so she lay against her pillows and picked up the book again.
March 5 1765Oh, Bath is such a beautiful city! I have never in my life seen a more interesting place. Of course I love the city and concerts, balls and assemblies. Elizabeth, poor dear, prefers the country, and likes small balls and beautiful walks in the nature. It is strange that our opinions are so very different. Emily declares that she wishes us to sell Longbourn and buy a house in Bath. Little May says that she never wants to leave. I do not see why they have taken such a fancy to Bath, having seen nothing of it. On our walk, Elizabeth and I stopped at a quaint little teashop. It was such a cosy little place and the owner was so very nice. I do believe he was quite taken with Elizabeth. Everyone is taken with Elizabeth.
Tomorrow I plan to go visit the Pump Room. It is supposed to be splendid, but I need to see it with my own eyes to believe people's reports.
My father plans to give a small party next week. We have quite a few acquaintances here and he wishes to reunite with all of them. Why is it that I always have to stop writing because of something May has done? Have I told you about May? She is only five and gets into the most horrid scrapes for a little girl. Mother is at the end of her rope, and since father will not take the strap to her, I plan to the next time she does something seriously wrong. But I must conclude, for this time she has spilled her ink all over herself. Silly girl! I hope she knows that it will never wash off.
Rose Julia Bennet
Beth drifted off to sleep right after she finished reading this entry.
The next morning....
Beth woke up early the next morning. As she was walking down the stairs on her way to breakfast she met her father.
"Good morning my dear Elizabeth! I have good news for us!" he said, and began walking beside her.
"Is that so? What is so wonderful?" Beth asked, hoping that it was not an invitation to Rosings.
"Mrs. Bennet and her daughter are to come to visit us for a fortnight. I have also invited her brother and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner."
'Even worse!' Beth thought, and said, "Really father? When?"
"I believe they will come on Friday."
"But that is tomorrow, Father! Why did you not tell me of this before?" Beth cried.
"I only just received their letter. I am sorry if it will inconvenience you." Mr. Collins said hastily, and Beth shook her head.
They then entered the dining room where everyone else was assembled for breakfast. Beth ate in complete silence. 'Mrs. Bennet and her daughter, Mary! Agh.' She glanced at her father who was rambling about Mrs. Bennet and Mary coming to see them. Katie was delighted, and so was Victoria. Sarah and Cara gave each other knowing glances and sighed. Matty began to beat his fist on the table. It was all Beth could do to keep from laughing out loud, for it seemed as if he was not pleased with the news.
Beth took the twins out for a walk later on in the day. It was beautiful outside. Beth was surprised to see how the weather had changed from summer to autumn. The last time she had paid close attention to the nature was before Mr. Bennet's death, and then everything had been green and growing. Now the leaves were turning into their glowing colors; red, yellow, orange and gold. She took a deep breath. Beth loved the smell and atmosphere of autumn, it had to be her favorite time of year. She decided to teach the twins a game she had played as a very little girl. It was a naughty game, but fun. They made a few giant leaf piles and she told the twins to jump in them. They had a wonderful time, and in the end even Beth made a terrific jump and spoiled the leaf pile completely. Just as she was sitting up, Katie came running towards her.
"What on earth are you doing Elizabeth?" she cried, horrified at the sight of her sixteen-year-old sister sitting on the ground with leaves stuck in her hair and on her clothes.
"I was only playing with the twins." Beth answered, picking herself up.
"Bethy jumped in the leaves!" Matty announced. Beth began brushing herself off, and bent down trying to hide her blush.
"What a stupid thing to teach the twins Elizabeth. Mrs. Bennet and her daughter have just arrived and you are a mess!" Katie scolded in her most bossy tone.
"Today? But the weren't supposed to arrive until tomorrow!" Beth cried and straightened up.
"I thought they were coming today. Perhaps you did not hear Pappa correctly. Mrs. Bennet has come today, the Gardiners are coming tomorrow."
"I'm sure I did! But they -- "
"Do you want me to brush you off in the back?" Katie asked. Beth nodded, and Katie tried to knock off the remaining leaves. After a few seconds she announced that it was the best she could do and that Beth had best go and greet their guests. Beth hurried off in the direction of the house while Katie and the twins followed after her.
Beth heard the sound of a loud voice chattering about how nice the place looked. She glanced into the mirror in the hall before entering the parlor. Her hair was messed up, the curls in disarray, and she looked out of breath She entered the parlor, and Mrs. Bennet turned to look at her.
"Why Miss Collins! What have you been up to?" Mrs. Bennet cried.
"It is Miss Bennet now, ma'am. I was playing with the twins." Beth answered, but Mrs. Bennet had already turned her attention back to her father and was speaking to him about how kind he was to invite them to stay at his home, and how they would be able to come to the assemblies just as they used to while they were here.
Beth excused herself after a few minutes, going to her room to fix her hair and compose herself.
Chapter 4A
Beth's hair would not be fixed but she did put on a clean dress and washed her face. She had to take a few deep breaths before she went back downstairs to join Mrs. Bennet and her daughter. When she re-entered the room Mrs. Bennet was still chatting about nonsense. Mary was sitting in a chair by the window, reading intently. She did not even look up as Beth entered the room. Mrs. Bennet greeted her most warmly and then began chatting about the gossip she had heard while living with her daughter Jane. Beth sat silently in a corner of the room. Somehow the subject changed to balls and concerts, and Mrs. Bennet began speaking of how, at the last ball they had attended, Mary had played few songs.
"Everyone was delighted with her song!" Mrs. Bennet praised, and Mr. Bennet (formerly Collins), replied that he was sure her singing was heavenly. Beth remembered last Christmas when they had been staying at Lucas Lodge that Mary had sung for them at a party. She shuddered at the remembrance.
"Do you play and sing Miss Collins?" Mrs. Bennet asked suddenly. Beth smiled sweetly.
"Miss Bennet. And yes, I do play and sing."
"This is good news indeed! Will you perform for us?" Mrs. Bennet cried, excited at this piece of news. Beth suddenly became nervous and said that she did not wish to sing. Mrs. Bennet insisted and was joined by Beth's father. She was very nervous about performing anything in front of anyone, and so sat down at the piano was shaky fingers and sang the song in a whisper.
Mrs. Bennet did not praise her playing, but criticized it, saying she could not play without stumbling and had no voice at all. Beth sat back down in her seat with burning cheeks and hurt feelings.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Mrs. Bennet prattled on about this and that to her father. That night, as Beth settled in bed she closed her eyes and had to relax a few moments before she even remembered Rose's journal. When she did remember it however, she immediately sprang out of bed and crawled underneath to retrieve it. She brought it out and began reading again.
March 8, 1765Here I am, sitting at my writing desk again writing to you. Things have been going exceptionally well. Bath is the most wonderful city on Earth. My poor sister, Elizabeth, still stubbornly refuses to admit that Bath is not as bad as she thought it would be. But she does enjoy quiet living better than city life.
Father's party is planned for Friday; that is the day after tomorrow. Many people have been invited, and all of a higher class. I do believe that part of the purpose of coming to Bath was to find good catches for all of us. My brother Thomas already has his eye on Miss Carter, I told you of her before, and father thinks it an excellent match for both of them. I think so as well. To have dear Margaret as a sister! It would be a dream come true! Elizabeth has not yet seen anyone she admires, and I am now certain that I am incapable of falling in love. Elizabeth will have no hard time. She is so caring. But then she will be hard to win, as I will not be. I will most likely accept the first man who asks me for my hand. My father may already have someone in mind with a rather nice fortune, a good home and pleasing manners. At this time in my life I should not be too choosy and marry a good-for-nothing, as I am the eldest daughter who is incapable of falling in love. Elizabeth may choose whom she pleases, but I am convinced that my chances for love are all gone by now, even though I am eighteen. Ah well, I always thought it would be so, having never admired anyone in my life. There, now I am prattling as if I regretted something, which I don't.
As I was saying, father's party is arranged for Friday and he has invited many people of higher class. I'm looking forward to it very much. There is also to be a concert on Monday evening, and then a ball sometime soon. I'm looking forward to these things, too. I must conclude now however. Elizabeth has suggested a walk to the Pump Room. I most graciously will oblige her and go see it, as I have not had time to as I would have hoped. I shall write more soon!
Rose Bennet
Beth pondered over Rose for a little while before blowing out the candle and going to sleep. Never having admired a person at eighteen! Beth was beginning to believe that she would have the same fate as Rose.
Chapter 4B
The next morning Beth woke up very early so that she would have time to read some of Rose's diary before going down to breakfast.
Everything was perfect. Every guest had arrived for Mr. Bennet's evening party, and I was studying all of the people I had never met with interest. I enjoy studying people's characters, and since I had hardly any acquaintance in Bath, almost everyone was a new subject. Elizabeth waved to me from across the room, and I walked over towards her."What is it Elizabeth?" I asked.
"Rose! Do you see that gentleman there?" Elizabeth said to me and pointed to a tall man.
"Yes what about him?" I asked absent mindedly, and searched the room for Margret Carter.
"I just her him talking with father and Mr. Field. Did you know that he is Russian?" she asked, excited.
I looked at her strangely. "You are joking," I exclaimed.
"Indeed, I am not! Did he say anything to you? Did you not hear his accent? It is not strong, but he has a slight accent." Elizabeth replied.
"I must say I'm surprised. But no, he has not said anything to me; we have not been introduced." I said, and glanced back at the gentleman we were speaking of.
I then turned my attention back to Elizabeth as she said: "He is very handsome, do you not think so?" I looked at him. He was undoubtedly very handsome. He had dark brown hair and it looked as if he had blue eyes, but I could not tell.
"He is."
"I thought you would think so. I wonder what he is doing here in England. I heard that he is a sailor. I'm extremely interested in finding out more about him." Elizabeth told me, and I laughed. "Why are you laughing at my Rose?" she asked in a hurt way.
"I have never heard of you admitting that you liked someone!" I replied, and she blushed.
"I do confess that I'm extremely interested in him. I can not say that I like him yet, as we have only exchanged greetings, but I do ,indeed, feel attracted to him.
"Do you really?" I said and looked back at the gentleman. "What is his name?" She laughed.
"His name is Mr. Solodkov. I'm only laughing because I think it's funny that you hadn't heard. The whole room is talking of him!"
"Well I do not listen to other peoples' conversations. I only observe things."
"I should announce that we have the first female scientist in the room. Pray tell me, what is your insight on human behavior?" Elizabeth teased and then colored slightly.
"What is it dearest?" I asked, and looked in the direction of her gaze. The Russian she had been speaking of was looking right at them and seemed to be listening to what we were saying. "It's only Mr. Solodkov." I said.
"I know, but what I was saying was rather silly." Elizabeth whispered.
"You really are quite lost my dear! Go have a cool drink, it will sooth your spirits." she nodded and slipped out of the room for a few minutes.
I sat down in a chair and observed the people around me chatting. I never liked to join in these evening chats, never finding anything interesting enough to talk about. Fashions were all right for five minutes, and then I got extremely bored, and gossip was nonsense. I despised talk of war and buildings, that was what the men were talking of, and did not care much for cards. Besides that, I had never learned to play cards, and could not honestly tell anyone my opinion of it. My only occupation in the evenings when my father held parties was to watch people, and so I did it most readily.
I usually liked to sit in a corner by the window. Then if I grew tired of watching people in the room, I would look outside. This night however, the only seat I could find was in a dark corner of the room. I sat and watched. Time stretched on, and I began to grow tired of the gentlemen drinking their coffee, and the ladies elegantly primping. My father and a few others were sitting in arm chairs by the fire. Everyone else was playing cards. I scanned the room for the Russian. He was sitting next to my father, but also seemed to be observing the people around him. They were sitting rather close, and I tried to study his eyes. They were blue as I had supposed. Suddenly I caught his attention, and our eyes met for the fleet of a second. I have never seen more amazing eyes then his. I quickly looked away and put a hand to my cheek, which for some strange reason was hot and red from blushing. I glanced around the room again, nervously, and again looked at him. He was still looking at me. No one had ever looked at me the way he did, and I felt myself blushing again. I suddenly felt someone's presence behind me, and turned in my chair.
Elizabeth was standing behind me, looking at Solodkov. I quickly glanced back at him and realized that it hadn't been me he was looking at; it was Elizabeth. I suddenly felt angry. I didn't know why, but I felt angry with Elizabeth for being the one who attracted the man's attention. I suddenly felt that I wanted to escape the room, and did not know what the matter was with me. I saw a way to escape, even if it would not be for long.
A movement by one of the doors leading to the halls caught my attention. It was wide open, and I was able to May peeking into the room before she hid herself again. I rose from my seat quickly and moved to the door. I scolded May something fierce, and then marched her up to her room.
When I returned back to the room, I was much more calm, and wondered what had come over me. I looked around for my sister and saw her talking to the Russian. I walked over to them and was introduced to Mr. Alexander Solodkov.
Beth laid aside the book and jumped out of bed. She had been reading longer than she had intended, and it was getting late. She dressed quickly and hurried downstairs to breakfast.
Beth hurried into the breakfast room and bumped right into her father, who was holding Mary's hand. Beth started, and her father let go, and they sat own at the table. Beth sat down in silence, and did not say anything through the whole meal.
After they were finished, she got up and headed to the nursery. She kept on thinking of her father holding Mary's hand...did it mean something? Should Beth begin preparing for a new mother? 'It could not be possible!' Beth thought, 'Or could it?'
Chapter 5A
"Elizabeth dearest?" Mr. Bennet called, as he entered the nursery where Beth was playing with the twins.
"Yes Pappa, what is it?"
"I'm going to walk to Meryton today and I've invited Miss Mary to accompany me. I hope you do not mind." Mr. Bennet said.
"Oh..." Beth began, not knowing what to say, for she did mind very much. Being left with Mrs. Bennet all afternoon! "I, um, can't we all walk with you pappa? Everyone in this house could use a nice walk."
"Of course Elizabeth! Go get the girls ready, and meet us downstairs in fifteen minutes." Mr. Bennet said, and Beth nodded. When he left the room she sighed in relief! She wouldn't have to handle Mrs. Bennet alone and could keep an eye on her father.
They were soon walking towards Meryton. It was a very fine day for autumn; not too hot, but not too chilly. The twins were toddling along the road and Mary was stumbling about. Mr. Bennet suddenly offered her his arm, and Mary took hold of it with a smile. Beth stared. Her father was getting serious! He never offered anyone help on a bumpy road before! Never; hardly even for her mother. What was going on?
Beth glanced back at her father and Mary. They were chatting happily, oblivious to the people around them. 'I was right,' Beth thought, 'I do have to prepare myself for a new mother.'
That night...
Beth opened up Rose's diary again and began reading...
March 12, 1765Today is Sunday. Tomorrow we go to the concert in the assembly rooms. I think the music will be vocal and accompanied by piano and perhaps the harp. I truly enjoy listening to music, especially singing. I am very musical and, though I say it myself, really play the piano well, and sing, too. I also learned how to play the harp and can draw rather well. No one shows interest in my paintings, as most of the people we know in society are rather proud. They do not like giving my drawings much credit, most likely because I am not considered of the highest class. Perhaps it is that they have no taste. Father is indeed very proud, and rather conceited. He is a very good father, but those are his faults. Like most proud men hoping to become very great and important, he invites important, mostly proud people to our little parties. I do not mind this usually, as it gives me an opportunity to study their behavior; but sometimes I find myself wishing there was someone I could talk to, who would really be interested in what I was saying (besides my family of course). I admit that I am proud, very proud but, I think I am proud in a different way than my father. I do not know how to explain it though, but must say that this pride and rebelliousness does not fit with most society, and I often find myself alone in a corner, quite forsaken, with only Elizabeth to come and visit me at times. I believe I've written about this before, but I never seem to tire of explaining my seclusion from society. It is not always like this, but it seems to happen a most of the time. At balls, no one forgets me; and at some parties I enjoy myself. I suppose I complain, and that will not do. I will stop complaining and supply you with more news.
Tomorrow is the concert, and then there is the ball on Wednesday. I am very excited, for I love to dance and am hardly without a partner because people know I dance well.
We are having guests over today, a Mr. Field and his friends. They are rather important people in town; not extremely rich, but have very good connections. I must get ready for their arrival now and change my dress.
Rose Bennet
Beth continued reading...
I pulled a curl into place and then surveyed myself in the large mirror. My pink dress was perfect, and my hair was in order (which was unusual for me). I then picked up my fan and hurried downstairs when I heard footsteps in the hall and the sound of voices. Our guests had arrived and I needed to be present when they came into the parlor. I came downstairs and met our guests as they were coming from the hall. I greeted them one by one as they entered the parlor."Good evening Mr. Field, Mrs. Field - " and - I faltered for a seconds when my eyes met with Alexander Solodkov's amazing blue ones. It caught me by surprise, but I managed after a few seconds of silence to say: "Hello Mr. Solodkov," and then recover my nerves. He threw me a smile as he sat down and I turned away from him to greet the Fields older children, but I felt myself blushing again. I hoped that no one noticed, and would think that the redness in my cheek was only because of the pink dress I was wearing.
I glanced over at Elizabeth as she began talking to someone and saw that it was Solodkov. She was radiant at having been addressed by him, and I felt myself feeling angry again; angry that those eyes were gazing in admiration at her instead of me.
Chapter 5B
"I have some very important news for you all this evening," Mr. Bennet began at the dinner table two days after the walk to Meryton. Beth clenched her teeth and steeled herself for the news. "I have decided to wed Miss Mary Bennet," he said and smiled at Mary, who was sitting next to him. She smiled back, and Beth noticed color in her cheek and a sparkle in her eye that had not been there when she had first come to visit.
'She really likes him!' Beth thought, amazed.
"I have already spoken with her on the matter, and everything is settled," Mr. Bennet said and Mrs. Bennet uttered a squeal of delight. Beth wanted to plug her ears and began to wish that the Gardiners, who had never been able to come on account of their daughter having a baby, were here.
"Have you decided on a date, children?" Mrs. Bennet cried.
"Yes. We will be married in two days under a special license." Mrs. Bennet was hushed at this.
'I suppose she's disappointed at not being able to arrange everything.' Beth thought with amusement.
Mrs. Bennet was soon reconciled however, as she was told that instead of leaving Longbourn, she was to stay and live with them - for as long as she wished. Beth almost jumped up from the table in protest. Mrs. Bennet stays with them - probably forever! Mrs. Bennet took up her squealing again and talked of all the fun they would have living together; she would help with the two eldest girls and everything! Beth clenched her teeth again. How would she survive?
"Dear Beth, we need to talk to you. Would you meet me in my study in an hour? I need to speak with Mary first," Mr. Bennet whispered to Beth as she slipped out of the room.
Beth almost ran up the stairs to escape the fussing of Mrs. Bennet about the wedding. She would read the diary during the hour she had before going to speak to her father.
March 14, 1765I wasn't really surprised when Solodkov began calling on us frequently with his relation, Mr. Field. Solodkov is not a sailor, as we had supposed, but the admiral of one of Russia's great fleets. Even so, I can see that my father is not pleased with his visiting us often. Seamen are too low for us. Seeing them at parties and balls is one thing; having the man actually come to the house to call upon his daughter was another.
Elizabeth is extremely pleased with Mr. Solodkov. I believe she adores him. I myself have never had a decent conversation with him, ever. He speaks to Elizabeth, and to my parents. To everyone except to me. This annoys me, as I find myself interested in him as well, and do not like the way Elizabeth steals him every time I begin to say hello. She has been very annoying these days, always humming, and fixing her hair.
I, myself, have been feeling strange lately. A man has been calling at our house; Mr. York. I think he has a very strange last name, like a city, but he has the most wonderful manners! I enjoy talking to him, and think he has taken a fancy to me! He has been coming often lately. My father likes him very much and I am not surprised, as he has a very handsome fortune: 5 or 6 thousand a year! I think he is very handsome myself, and think him a very fine person.
Well, the ball is to be tomorrow. I'm very excited! I plan to wear a pretty dark green colored gown; it goes well with my complexion and my green eyes. I must conclude now, as guests have arrived. Farewell for now!
Rose Bennet
Chapter 6
Beth knocked softly on her father's study door.
"Come in!" he called, and Beth slowly opened the door and walked into the room.
"Ah, Beth! It's you. I am very glad that you came just now, for my dearest Mary and I have just finished speaking together on the subject which I wish to discuss with you." Mr. Bennet said, with a glance at Mary, who was sitting in a chair next to him.
"Yes, what is it father?" Beth asked calmly.
"Please sit down first." Mr. Collins said, motioning to a chair next to him. Beth sat down and Mr. Bennet cleared his throat.
"I have been discussing with Mary about you." Beth raised one eyebrow, wondering concerns they would have about her. Her father continued, "We think that there will not be enough room in this small home with all of us, and Mrs. Bennet."
"I believe there will be room sir, if I ask one of the girls to stay with me in my room -- "
"I am not speaking of that my dear, exactly."
"Then, what is it father? Be so kind as to tell me the real situation." Beth said, becoming a little annoyed. Mr. Bennet cleared his throat again.
"We have been discussing your coming out." Beth was rather surprised. "You are of age, I believe, and Mary agrees with me. We both think that the society here is a little low - therefor we have decided to send you to a place where you may , uh - shine in public." Beth smiled sweetly at her father's speech, but was really uncomfortable.
"Where would you send me father?" she said, as nicely as she could. Mr. Bennet's throat was cleared again.
"I have just received a letter -- which I think will interest you greatly -- from Lady Catherine de Bourgh." Mr. Bennet said, and Beth frowned.
"You need not read me the letter Pappa. Just tell me its contents." Beth stammered quickly, before he had time to begin the letter, which was over three pages long.
"Of course, Lady Catherine suggests that you go to Rosings and live with her. She will, sort of, adopt you, and take you to London with her when she goes this winter and present you to society. As her daughter Anne was a sickly girl, she did not have any opportunity to give her balls and parties as she wants to do with you. I believe that this is a good idea, and think we should do it." Beth was stunned but managed to say,
"Go to live with Lady Catherine?" her father nodded. "B-but, I'd rather stay here," Beth stammered.
"Oh you will, until after the wedding. I've already sent a letter to Lady Catherine, excepting her generous offer, you will leave next week." Beth nodded her head slowly, rose from her chair, and headed for the door.
Tears blinded her eyes as she walked upstairs to her own room and shut and locked the door behind her. She threw herself on the bed and let the tears flow.
"I can not live with her! I can not!" she cried to herself.
Beth stopped crying after a few minutes and relaxed. She then began to try to re-shape her life with Lady Catherine as a part of it. She then went back downstairs and joined the rest of the family.
That night, Beth calmed herself by reading some of Rose's diary...
I never dreamed that Mr. Solodkov would ask me to dance the first two dances with him at the ball. I had to decline, as I was already engaged to dance with Mr. York, but he persisted until I promised him the two dances after that. I then watched him walk over to Elizabeth, and claim her for the first two dances. I tried to control the jealously that I always felt when Solodkov does something for Elizabeth that he never does for me. For example, conversing with her; calling on her. I certainly enjoy Mr. York's intentions, but have never felt anger when he conversed with other young women. I don't understand why I feel this way about Solodkov, and only Solodkov for that matter. It puzzles me.The first two dances seemed to last forever. Mr. York did not seem to find anything interesting to talk about, and I was bored. Mr. Solodkov came up to me immediately afterwards and claimed his reserved dances. As we began dancing in silence and I glanced at Elizabeth, who was unengaged at the moment. She was watching us with hawk eyes, and did not seem pleased when I smiled. I do not know why, but I felt glad that she was the one jealous now.
"Do you like dancing Miss Bennet?"
"Hmm? Oh yes, I enjoy it very much indeed!" I said, snapping out of my reverie and wicked thoughts.
"So do I. It is very interesting," He said, as we joined hands again. I thought the way that he rolled his r's softly over his tongue was beautiful.
"Do you often dance at home?" I asked.
"At home?"
"In Russia."
"Ah, but Miss Bennet, my home in on a ship. I almost never spend time on land." he said.
"You're spending time on land now." I pointed out.
"Indeed. But I was very ill a few months ago, and came to Bath to visit my relatives during my leave, and also improve my health."
"So, the legendary rumors of the healing waters of Bath have reached Russia!" I said in a joking way and he smiled and then we parted for a second as we went down the row of dancers. When we met again he said,
"Yes, I have heard of them. Not actually in Russia, but on a few of my trips." I couldn't hello but smile at the way he said 'trips', (like treeps), not pronouncing the 'i' correctly.
"Your sister is unengaged at present. I would have thought that she would have many partners for the rest of the evening."
"She most likely refused all of the other gentleman who asked her." I said, and threw a piercing glance in Solodkov's direction. He turned his head away from me, and looked relived when we separated again.
We met and parted again, weaving around the ballroom. Then we met and bowed or curtsied. The dance was finished, and the second was starting. It was a very fast dance, with no time for talking. I felt a little disappointed that I could not talk with Solodkov during this dance, knowing that my sister would come up to us and talk to him as soon as we had left the dance floor. I do not think I have ever disliked Elizabeth as much as I did when she came up and took a hold of Solodkov's arm as soon as the dance was over.
Chapter 6B
"You are rather quiet this evening Elizabeth dear. Is something wrong?" Mr. Bennet asked Beth, the evening before the wedding.
"Just thinking that your wedding is so soon - tomorrow morning!" Beth answered, staring at her food.
Her father smiled. "I cannot wait for the moment when dear Mary will become my wife!" he said, and Mary smiled at him.
'I'm sure she can't wait either, having been a spinster for so long.' Beth thought, wondering if her father was the first person to ever propose to Mary.
The morning of the wedding arrived. It was a very small affair, with only a few family member's attending. None of Mary's sisters had been able to come to the wedding, on such short notice. The wedding passed well, and they all returned to Longbourn as usual, but, this time a new mistress came home with them.
"Oh to think! My daughter the Mistress of Longbourn!" Mrs. Bennet squealed when they stepped inside. "Now children-your father and new mother wish to be alone-Beth would you make sure they stay out of the way?"
"Yes Mrs. Bennet." Beth said, and led the other children to their room's, telling them to stay there and play, for the present-or at least until she told them they could come out. She then went to her own room, to read Rose's diary.
May 5, 1765I have neglected you for quite a while. I don't suppose I have a real excuse for not writing for over a month! Life has been going by very slowly. I am miserable. Mr. Solodkov pays no attention to me, what so ever. He only talks to Elizabeth when we are in the same company, and sometimes to my parents. I think I may have offended him when we were talking during the dance.
Mr. York has called on me more then once, staying until late in the evening. My mother already tells me that if he asks for my hand, I am to except him. Since he calls in the evenings, I will not have time to write you so often. Perhaps once a week. Father and Mother have both become annoyed with Elizabeth lately-because of her visiting with Mr. Solodkov so often. I think that if she keeps on receiving his attentions, they are going to put a stop to their relationship. I for one do not think that Elizabeth is really in love with him. A childish love is what I would call it. I do not know about Solodkov, but it is clear that he thinks very highly of her. Oh dear I must run and fetch my bonnet-we are going on an outing. I will write as soon as I have time!
Rose Bennet
"Beth?" Matty called at he tapped on her door.
"Matty! What is it?" Beth called as he walked into the room. Matty had a sheet over his head. "Is something the matter?" Beth asked as Matty came up to her. He shook his head no, and then looked at the floor.
"Matty." Beth said in an accusing voice, and Matty took off the sheet covering his head. Beth gasped.
"Matty!" she cried, and he hung his head low. "What did you do to yourself?"
"I cut it." He replied mournfully, and Beth looked at his head. His hair was extremely short, and rather ragged in places.
"I can see that. What will father say? "Beth moaned. Matty handed her the scissors he had in his hand. "Where did you find these?"
"Nurse's." he replied.
"Oh. Well, I'll have to try to make it look nice, but your beautiful brown hair! Even if it wasn't very long...you are now practically bold!" Beth exclaimed, and sat Matty down in a chair and began fixing the damage the best way she could.
"There. Now go away and leave me alone, all right Matty? And don't ever cut your hair again!" Beth said, and Matty scurried out of the room. Beth sighed, and picked up Rose's diary again...
"Elizabeth! What is the matter?" I cried to her as she fled from Father's study. She did not answer and ran past me outside. I followed her, and caught her when she reached the gardens."What did father want to see you about?" I asked as we sat down on a bench, but I suspected that I already knew what. Elizabeth sniffed.
"It's not really important. He's forbidden me to ever encourage Mr. Solodkov in his attentions towards me." she said and another tear rolled down her cheek. I did not feel much like sympathizing.
"Were you really in love with him?" I asked, and she rose from her seat and looked away from me.
"Yes!" she cried, and then looked at me. I studied her face and she stopped crying. "Well, perhaps not. But I did really admire him, and could love him, only I am now forbidden to."
"Do you think you really would have been happy? I never saw any real signs of love. I do not think you really ever loved him. It was a fancy. You will get over it." I said and she looked at her feet for a moment, and then back at me.
"Do you really think so?"
"You're bearing it tolerably well. You've even stopped crying." I said, and she laughed nervously.
"I suppose I will live." she said, and then her expression darkened again and she ran from me, probably to her room to mourn over a love that was never to be.
I walked back in the direction of the house and consequently met Mr. Solodkov coming towards it also.
"Hello Miss Bennet." he said stiffly.
"Good afternoon Mr. Solodkov." He began to walk past me and I called, "You cannot see her." He turned and stared at me.
"See who?" he asked.
"Never mind, you will know soon enough." I said, and walked back into the garden. I stayed there until I saw him leaving, and then I went into the house.
Two days later...
Beth had packed everything, except for the box she had found under the bed.
'I cannot leave that!' she thought, as she crawled over under the bed. When she pulled the box from under the slat, she bumped her head hard on the bed.
"Owww!" she cried and looked at the board she had bumped her head on. She suddenly noticed something carved into the slat.
Elizabeth Mary Bennet, b. 1741
'The Elizabeth Rose writes about! This was her room!' Beth thought, and then noticed a second name scratched into the wood:
Elizabeth Rose Bennet, b. 1792
"Mrs. Darcy!" Beth exclaimed, and a sudden thought came into her mind. Before she left this house to go the Rosings, she would carve her name into the wood, alongside the other Elizabeth Bennets.
It was done. Elizabeth Amy Collins Bennet, b. 1813 was carved into the bed, and it was time for her to leave. She grabbed the box, and crawled out from under the bed.
"Beth, hurry up my dear, the carriage is waiting!" Her father called from downstairs.
"Coming!" Beth called back, her eyes filling with tears as she slipped the box into a bag and started down the stairs. She was leaving Longbourn to go to Rosings and would live with Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
Chapter 7A
"Here you are at last!" Lady Catherine cried as Beth stepped out of the carriage. "I have been waiting for you for over an hour! How are you Elizabeth?"
"Very well, thank you ma'am." Beth answered, keeping her voice from cracking.
"Get inside now. James? Bring the trunks in and put them in Miss Bennet's room immediately. Come with me young lady." Lady Catherine said and Beth followed her inside.
"No one escorted you?"
"The servant." Beth answered dully and then was led to her room. It was enormous, grand and rather too fancy looking.
"This is my room?" Beth asked in awe. Even if it didn't suit her tastes, it was a pretty room-with plenty of space.
"Yes. Now change, and come down to the parlor, and we will talk. We have many things to discuss." Lady Catherine ordered, and then left Beth alone with her new maid to change.
The maid led Beth through a Rosings huge halls, and up or down stairways. Without the maid's help, Beth surely would have been lost! It was such an enormous, and grand house, and Beth realized that she had never really known how big it was. Finally, after what seemed like ages to Beth, they reached the parlor.
"Here you are, I was waiting for you. Leave us Lily." Lady Catherine said, and motioned to a chair next to her. Beth sat down and wished that the maid had not left her alone with Lady Catherine.
"You will need new gowns, Beth. You will be fitted up for them today." Beth only nodded in reply.
Lady Catherine began speaking to her about how to conduct herself now that she was part of a higher society. How to walk, and speak-they conversed on many different topics in the four hours that Beth was held captive in the parlor.
When she was finally released to have her dresses fitted, Beth had an extremely bad headache. The maid Lily again led her to another room. It was full of many different fabrics and ribbons and trimmings.
"I've never seen a room like it!" Beth exclaimed to Lily, "except in a shop, of course."
"Yes Miss. The Lady likes to have fabric ready at hand if she wishes to have a new dress. Every month we buy some new fabric. Her Ladyship has an enormous wardrobe." Lily said, and Beth smiled at her. A tall skinny woman then entered the room.
"My name is Mrs. Faller. I am the seamstress. What fabrics would you like for your new dresses?" she asked, and her long face broke into a very nice smile.
"But I thought Lady Catherine had already picked out fabric for my dresses." Beth stammered uncomfortably. The woman came over to her, and put her arm around Beth's shoulders.
"Well Miss...Lady Catherine never really remembers what fabric she wants for her dresses. I'll make you two dresses with the fabric she picked out, and the rest will be your choice. It will be our secret!" Mrs. Faller said and Lily giggled and left the room after promising not to tell. Beth was left with the seamstress to pick out her fabric.
Beth chose so many different colored fabrics for so many dresses! She had never had so many garments prepared for her in her life! She was then led by Lily to the dinning room, as it was time for supper, by now Beth was beginning to remember her way to a few rooms. She endured a tiresome dinner with Lady Catherine-alone, and then, Beth was ordered to demonstrate her musical skills. Beth played and sang for Lady Catherine - doing a horrible job, because she was nervous, and was scolded extremely hard, by Lady Catherine, for not doing well. Beth was now to play for an hour on the piano every morning before breakfast.
By the time all of these things had passed, it was very late, and Beth literally stumbled blindly up the stairs from weariness. She read none of Rose's diary that night, being too tired.
The next day went much the same. One of her dresses was finished, and she tried it on, and since it fit perfectly, was ordered to wear it. Lady Catherine gave her more lectures, and Beth played piano for more than an hour before breakfast-and also the afternoon and evening, in front of Lady Catherine. However, Beth was sent to her room earlier than the night before, and therefore had time to read before bed...
Mr. Solodkov was so depressed whenever I saw him, which was frequently, as he was always at the same parties we were invited to, that I began to feel sorry for him - even though I tried to tell myself that I had no pity on either him or Elizabeth - who was in a depression as well. That evening during the Carter's evening party - I found myself sitting next to him and starting a conversation - on a most personal topic."You have been very depressed these days Mr. Solodkov." I said in a teasingly, but was sobered by the sorrowful way he looked at me. But he said,
"Depressed? I do not know the meaning of this word." he said that, but I knew that he probably did.
"It means out of spirits, upset...sad." he did not answer.
"Does she really mean that much to you?" I whispered.
"Yes." was his almost inaudible answer. I looked away from him, trying to control my tumbling emotions-and trying to think of what to say next.
"If it helps any - Elizabeth cared for you as well." I said, but very quietly, so that no one but him would hear. He suddenly looked at me in a piercing gaze.
"Who?" now we were both speaking quietly.
"I said, Elizabeth also -" he cut me off sharply with,
"You thought I was in love with her?" I leaned back in my chair and looked at him in a completely puzzled way. He saw my confusion and attempted a laugh. "I never thought seriously of your sister. Did I give the impression that I did?" he whispered and I nodded. "Indeed? Did it never cross your mind Miss Bennet, that it was Elizabeth who was paying the attentions towards me. Did you never think that I was the sort of man to say, I never thought of you in my life, when she was obviously so very much attached to me? Perhaps it was an extremely foolish move, but I knew that in the end, your parents would put a stop to the fancy." he whispered and I felt like a fool. It had been rather obvious that she was the real one doing the chasing...but...
"Then the woman you loved in Russia must have been a superb one."
"In Russia?"
"But, you just answered yes to my question about caring so much about her. I thought you had meant Elizabeth, but it must have been a misunderstanding." I said.
"No, I was never in love before." he answered.
"But you came to our home so often. I did think that it was..." he gave out a hearty laugh at that and looked at me with an amused expression.
"Miss Bennet, it was not Elizabeth who I was coming to your house to see!" he exclaimed.
My head whirled and my heart did a somersault. Did he mean....? I suddenly needed some air, and did not care if he was speaking of me or of one of my younger sisters. I needed to get out of the crowded room, and so rose from my chair quickly and fled onto the balcony. I did not see, but I felt his eyes following me the whole way...
Why had I ever begun the ridiculous, too personal subject?
Beth took her eyes from the book and yawned. She wanted to continue, but was so tired that she decided to close her eyes for a second, and then continue. She closed them for a second...and was immediately asleep. Rose and all of her problems would have to wait...even if she had not finished the entry.
Chapter 7B
"London! It is a very great city Elizabeth. We will be traveling to London soon." Lady Catherine said on November the 29th.
Beth tried to smile and then turned back to her needle work.
"Are you not excited my dear? You will be in London soon! And you are almost seventeen! Your coming out ball shall be extremely grand! I will invite many people, especially eligible young men."
"Must I really have a very large coming out ball?" Beth complained, and Lady Catherine stiffened.
"You must. I want you to shine in society. I want people to know you everywhere so that young men shall come and beg you to become their wife. And of course you must choose the most important one."
"Will you be inviting the Darcy's to my ball?" Beth asked eagerly.
She had not seen Elizabeth Darcy since her mother's funeral, and it would be a pleasure to speak to her again.
Lady Catherine did not answer, and Beth did not pursue the subject any further that evening.
I breathed the cool fresh air in deeply. May was such a beautiful month of the year. I thought it a shame that it was dark out, and I could not see any birds out. I remembered my conversation with Solodkov. He couldn't have been coming to our home to see me...was that why he had been so unhappy? Did he know that he would break Elizabeth's heart if he told her that he had never cared about her -- but about me?"Miss Bennet?" I turned and found myself facing Mr. Solodkov. "Your brother is about to make an announcement, and I came out here in search for you." he said and I smiled. He offered me his arm, and I took it.
"It must have been my father you were coming to see." I whispered, thinking of nothing else to say as we began to walk back to the room.
"No, it was a certain woman with beautiful green eyes, for I much prefer green eyes to blue," he said, and I looked away from him, blushing.
We were both silenced as we walked into the room and my brother began his announcement...
Beth raised her eyes from the book and smiled.
'So he was in love with Rose all the time!' Beth said to herself, amused. ' A rather interesting way to tell each other, but oh well. At least he got around to saying: I came to see you.' she chuckled and then blew out her candle, and snuggled down in the blankets, drifting off into a pleasant sleep.
"Miss Bennet? The last of your dresses are ready, and Lady Catherine ordered me to tell you that she wishes you to wear one of the new evening dresses tonight." Lily said as she brought in the gowns.
"All right, Lily. Do you know when we are to be traveling to London?" Beth asked as the dress was being put on her.
"I believe on the thirty-first. My father will be driving the coach." Lily said timidly. Beth smiled at her and went downstairs to join Lady Catherine.