Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Posted on Thursday, 11 May 2006
Captain Wentworth had indeed stayed away less than two days. He arrived home when the admiral was just speaking of carrying Anne upstairs at bedtime because she had appeared tired to him. Anne, who believed Mrs Croft looked more tired, would rather try undressing herself than overtaxing her hostess. One side did not want to be inhospitable and the other side did not want to be a bother, and the admiral had just declared the good manners of the ladies were getting on his nerves so much that he would carry them both at once, when his brother walked in.
Captain Wentworth's entry put an end to Anne's unsuccessful pleas that she must be allowed to try on her own. Her animation disappeared in an instant and she was torn between having to display a polite interest in his arrival and not wanting to be caught staring.
She noticed Mrs Croft's hand going to her back for a second after Captain Wentworth had greeted them. Considering that she had observed her doing that before, she was at first wondering if Mrs Croft also had back problems and not only the admiral, but a second later the purpose of that accompanying look at the admiral became apparent.
"If you do not mind, Frederick," Admiral Croft spoke almost instantly, without appearing prompted at all. "We were all going to bed and I was wondering how to get Anne up there. Taking Anne up the stairs might be a little too much for my back at the end of the day. I have carried her too much. Could you?"
Their slyness took Anne by surprise. She could not even take in what he asked precisely. Occupied as she was in realising he was lying, she did not immediately understand the consequences. A few moments ago he had offered to carry two ladies at once and now he could no longer carry one!
"Of course," Captain Wentworth said flatly.
Anne started. He had agreed to carry her. This was as astonishing and unsettling as Mrs Croft ordering the admiral to bring it about. She did not understand their motives and even less of why they had been plotting. The execution of the scheme had been too smooth for it to have been a spontaneous thought. Why? She gave Mrs Croft a look of desperate confusion, but there was no smug satisfaction there, only some concerned interest in how her brother might handle it.
Although Captain Wentworth did not look her in the eye and he did not speak, he had better success in lifting her this time and Anne felt herself being carried towards the stairs before she even realised it. His grip was too tight, but she did not protest. It would have been impossible to speak in any case. Her mouth was half open to breathe more easily and she did not know where to look.
Whenever she happened to glance up, she thought she perceived he was not very calm either, nor very pleased with the task. She wondered if he knew his sister and brother were conspiring. He was displeased with someone or perhaps everyone.
"My back at least will not suffer," he said suddenly.
This unexpected communication caused her to let out a dramatic-sounding gasp of surprise, instead of saying she was glad. She had not thought he would speak at all.
He started at the sound and made a sudden movement as if his grip was no longer secure. Anne cried out in pain when her injured foot hit the banisters.
There was a flash of some emotion across his face, but then he looked towards her foot, as if to see if it was still attached to her leg. "I am sorry. Are you all right now?"
Anne could not see anything in his face anymore except a sort of helpless astonishment when he turned back and she blinked her tears of pain away. It had hurt, but it was already becoming less. "Yes, I am." He gave no reply, but continued to carry her and she was a little surprised he did not have to ask where her room was.
He did not go in, but stopped outside it. There he half lowered her so she rested on her good leg. "Sophia!" he called commandingly, as if he feared his sister would leave him to finish alone something he had no inclination or ability to do.
"I can go on alone," Anne protested softly, but she was not released. He was holding her in a strange fashion, but although it did not strike her as very proper, she could not dislike the feeling of safety. It was necessary, she told herself, for if he released her she might lose her balance. She did not feel very steady and she leant against him. This once she would take advantage, although she was hardly conscious of what she was doing.
"Yes, yes," Mrs Croft said, hurrying nearer. She wriggled an arm around Anne's waist and prised her away from her brother. Then she looked at her husband. "My dear Admiral, I shall be with you in ten minutes. Go and prepare yourself for my arrival."
Captain Wentworth made a little gagging sound and disappeared towards the stairs, as if he could not be far away enough from such practices.
"Sophia," Admiral Croft said in amusement, but he did not go. "You really are quite wicked."
"Precisely which frightening things does he think await him in a lady's room?" Mrs Croft said sarcastically. "Only furniture, I thought. And he cannot be too surprised that you await me in mine."
Anne had not found fault with Captain Wentworth's correctness in this matter and she did not really know what to think of theirs. She looked rather alarmed. Mrs Croft was too tired to think before she spoke, talking about having the admiral in her room.
"I am sorry, Anne, but he did behave stupidly. If he had wanted to be the essence of propriety, he would have set you down before the threshold and released you. There was no real need to keep such a firm grip on you while you were standing." Mrs Croft let go of her for a second to demonstrate nothing would happen.
She blushed, for she could not suspect him of any less than strictly honourable motives. When it came to herself she was less certain. When he had not released her instantly she had come to wish he would not do so at all. But it was quite a situation to be wishing that without knowing his feelings. "Perhaps he did not yet know I would not fall."
"If one wishes to be proper or to appear proper, one lets go of the lady." She gave the admiral an inquisitive look that requested his agreement.
"Unless," said he, "one is in a gig with her. But I expect you wanted a different answer in this case."
"Yes, but never mind. Anne, I apologise on his behalf if it was unpleasant."
Anne looked away. She did not want to say anything about that. It had not been unpleasant to be so near. It was unpleasant to think he might have considered it unpleasant, but that was a different matter.
"Sophy, my dear," said the admiral when there was a little silence. "Give her to me and I shall carry her in. I am not frightened of the furniture."
"I can see you are tired," Anne said when the admiral had left them. "You must really let me try on my own. I can use the fingers of my bad arm as well."
"Yes, I am a little tired, but it does not signify." Mrs Croft did not think such an answer would satisfy a girl like Anne, who would remain concerned regardless. "It will not prevent me from helping you."
"But I wear very simple gowns." She should not have many problems with them. It might simply take a little while longer.
"Yes, you do, but you must remember that I told my husband I would be with him in ten minutes." Mrs Croft worked at a steady speed. There was no unreachable row of buttons on her back. There was nothing Anne could not try if she insisted, she supposed. Perhaps tomorrow.
She raised her eyebrows. "Would he come in here if you were not with him by then?"
"No, of course not. Anne! What are you thinking? What he would do…" Her voice trailed off as she reflected on it. "Very likely he would simply send me to bed earlier tomorrow. He would really not drag me away before you were ready."
"Will you be tired again tomorrow? Are you all right?"
In trying to come up with an answer, it struck Mrs Croft that she was not eager to talk about herself and her fatigue, much like Anne was not eager to tell her everything either. "Perhaps. We have neither of us been completely open with the other, have we?" she asked in an attempt to draw out a little more, or at least to reveal that she suspected there was more.
Anne looked away. "I do not know if you have not, but everyone would be better off without my openness and perhaps if your openness were to prompt mine…"
"It is very difficult to keep a secret, even if you are intent on it. I shall not manage, I know. I must tell you before I have to go and see the admiral's relatives." She must look up their last letter to see when their trip was scheduled precisely. Frederick had not choice but to go to Edward before that time. She would certainly not allow him to stay here all alone with such foolish distractions in the neighbourhood. She frowned, for he should perhaps not go too soon either, not now he was improving.
"You must not feel obliged to tell me anything you would rather not tell me."
Mrs Croft knew that Anne was not the type to fish. "You will not try to find out, I know. I am blessed or cursed, however you wish to look upon it, with a husband."
"Blessed, surely?"
She smiled. "Oh, in many ways, my dear, but never completely. They behave like unpredictably thinking creatures when you least want them to. I am much more predictable than my husband. He amuses me, but I have lately begun to wonder if he cannot also be very unsettling to someone else."
"Unsettling. Perhaps." Anne's caution was answer enough.
"Lately they have been vexing each other. My men, that is. Frederick is older now. He talks back."
"He never did?"
"No, not much. He was but a boy when we married and boys of insignificant rank do not talk back to captains." Mrs Croft supposed their current problems could be blamed as much on his age as on his behaviour. "So you see," she said with a forced laugh. "Everyone's relatives leave something to be desired. There. I am done with you. I shall go and see whether my husband has remembered to undress himself."
Anne gave her an alarmed look.
This surprised Mrs Croft. She had no idea what she had said that could be so alarming. "Should I not yet go?"
"I do not think I know anybody else who would tell me she was about to go to an undressed husband," Anne said after a little struggle with herself.
Mrs Croft blinked at that. "No?" Where she would go was so self-evident to her and the alternatives were all so ludicrous that she did not understand the alarm. "But --"
Anne shrugged. She saw only such honest confusion that she wished she were less sensitive.
"But -- oh. Husbands at bedtime are exactly like you and me. They undress and get into bed. Mine --" She paused when she realised it was perhaps the fact that they shared a room. "Surely even the elder Musgroves must have met at least a dozen times at night!"
That made Anne colour even more.
Mrs Croft feared she was being very ill-bred and tasteless. "I am sorry! I should work on my ladylike refinement -- but I generally live among men."
"It was my fault. I should not have been so outspoken." Anne had brought it all upon herself by asking that question.
"Outspoken! You? You should be much more outspoken and I should be less so. I talk too much about the wrong subjects. I said so. Perhaps we shall have a good effect on each other. I must go now." She smiled and hoped she would not leave a very bad impression, but she did not look very certain of it. "Good night."
Anne smiled back. "Good night and thank you."
When Captain Wentworth returned upstairs, he happened upon Admiral Croft half entwined with a lady with her hair down and gazing upon a small-scale ship placed on a table. A closer look fortunately revealed the lady to be Sophia, although it could not have been anybody else. Anne's hair was longer and straighter, he would say.
They were talking quietly, but why they would be looking at that thing that had been here ever since they had moved in was a mystery to him. "You have had that thing forever. You have had Sophia forever. Why then…" Captain Wentworth interrupted them. He hoped they would not after turning around take up the same positions, but they did.
"Ah, I ought to have stopped liking my Sophia after a year of marriage?" Admiral Croft responded. "Tell me after two years whether you like your wife better or worse than in the beginning."
There was nothing he could say about that and their gazes at each other were sickening. "But the ship…"
"Yes, we were standing here with the sole purpose to annoy you. Let us go to bed, Sophy."
"Good night, Frederick," she said with a tired smile.
"What is wrong with you, Sophia?" he burst out. "You are so quiet. You look so tired and so different from the last time I visited."
"I do look different with my hair loose," she agreed.
"She looks very pretty that way, but she thinks it impractical and will not often do me the pleasure," said the admiral.
"There is no talking to either of you," said Captain Wentworth, intercepting another exchange of looks. They were a good-looking pair, but the manner in which they very smugly displayed their mutual affection and admiration was a trifle annoying. "I know there is something and you will not tell me. Tell me you are not dying."
"Dying?" Sophia appeared very surprised. "Dear me, do I look as if I am dying? I thought I looked well."
"If she were dying, I would long ago have asked you to shoot me," said the admiral. "And I have not. So she is not dying. What is that nonsense?"
"Shoot you!" He looked disturbed when a situation a few months ago came back to him. "I do not shoot people whose love has died. There is no point."
"They would say there is no point without their love," Admiral Croft spoke reflectively.
"Work harder."
Sophia shook her head. "Frederick, I am not dying."
"Sophia is full of life," her husband added. "Frederick, have you also been indulging in sad poetry by any chance? I cannot imagine any other reason why happy and living people annoy you so. Poisonous stuff, poetry."
He had read some, he supposed, but he could not see how this was connected to anything. "I am pleased to hear you at least are still as uncultured as ever, Admiral."
Sophia stepped forward. "You must not be so silly," she said softly, touching his face. "If you want to stop being my little brother some day, that is. Think of all the senseless things you have been saying that are unworthy of you. Yes, we have been baiting you, but you made it so easy. Uncultured he may be in your opinion, but words on paper are but a substitute and not one he needs. Oh, he could have taken up a book after he first saw me, pining and dreaming -- very cultured, very refined, very lonely. But he approached me -- very uncultured."
He had to protest, although his sister would see through him. "It is not at all the same. What would he have done if you had rejected him?"
"Worked harder?" she repeated his own words with a little smile. "We believe in second chances, delayed chances -- but you must keep trying and live in the present. You must want to be happy."
She gave him a kiss on the cheek and he watched her take the admiral's arm. They retired to their room and he was left behind. There was too much to think of. His sister, who had never known a minute of grief or regret, could not know what she was talking about with her second and delayed chances. She would have been referring solely to him, although she had looked quite understanding.
His breath caught in his throat. "Sophia, come back!"
She was about to enter her room and she turned with a puzzled look, but she did come back, alone.
"Full of life," he said, his heart beating loudly. "I take back the uncultured comment, Sophia. I must. Let me embrace you."
"I must tell him Wentworths do change their minds," she mumbled. "Sometimes. I am happy to have you back among the living, Frederick."
He was not certain he was, but he would give it a try.
Posted on Sunday, 14 May 2006
Every day here brought something new to dwell upon and Anne could hardly keep up. There were so many new ideas and old feelings that had to be dealt with that she did not always have enough time to reach a proper conclusion. Mrs Croft came to help her again in the morning and Anne felt an unjustified pang of alarm when the admiral was mentioned. This was one subject on which she had not yet reflected, her memories of being carried having been more prominent. She had preferred to analyse Captain Wentworth's behaviour rather than what Mrs Croft might do with the admiral.
She told herself not to be so silly, but to listen, because Mrs Croft did not look at all tired anymore. Today she looked cheerful. Anne made sure to look less alarmed, for any mentions of the admiral originated wholly in his being on his wife's mind very often and not in any desire to be overly frank about their private matters, in which Anne did not think she ought to be interested.
"He was loitering in the corridor," said Mrs Croft. "I knew he would be loitering somewhere."
"Does he often loiter?"
"No, not as such. He will often see something that interests him more than what he was about to do. Should we send for some more of your clothes, do you think? After a few days you must be wanting some variation."
Anne was happy they could speak about such an easy topic for once and she had never been more eager to speak about clothes.
"My back feels much improved today," Admiral Croft mused as he carried Anne down the stairs.
She turned large eyes on him, startled out of a comparison of styles of carrying and the different reactions they inspired in her. "I had not received the impression that you were badly hurt."
He did not answer that. "In my younger days I should have left you outside your door too -- although it remains to be seen whether he would have carried you in if Sophy and I had not been around."
"I do not think so," Anne said with a firm conviction of being right.
"Ah, you do not think so!" he exclaimed. "You approve of such delicate fellows as us then?"
"Admiral," she decided after a moment of absolute doubt. It was sly to include himself and she could not tell if he was truthful. Delicate? She could not help but think he was merely being sly, fishing for an admission, as unfair as such a suspicion might be. She had not known him in his younger days. "There is nothing I can say to that."
"I ran a mile from these things when I was young. You do not believe it of me now."
No, she did not. "There is not the slightest hesitation in your manner."
"I do not know whether you would have been happier with any hesitation in my manner," he spoke. "It would have done you little good, dependent as you are."
"That is true, but do you truly believe you are a delicate fellow?" She was ready to smile.
"Oh, not anymore! I was -- and that I truly believe. You can ask Sophy."
"No, no!" Anne said hurriedly, fearing disclosures that would make her blush.
"You believe Sophy is not a delicate lady."
"She is, she is!" she again said hurriedly. "But I am perhaps not equal to hearing very many married details."
He chuckled. "There were times I wished I had listened, but perhaps it is all for the best that I did not and that we were left to ourselves. So you approve of delicate fellows."
"I never said I did!" She was not even entirely decided on the definition of a delicate fellow. The admiral and she might not agree, if he included himself in the description. He entered her room and lifted her with perfect unconcern. He was correct that it would have done her little good had it been otherwise and she really did not mind, but she would not go so far as to call it delicate behaviour.
"You would have begged me for married details if you did not."
"But what good are they to me, not being married?"
"If you were married, you would not be interested. You would have some details of your own and you would think those vastly better than someone else's. That is what I think, at any rate."
"I may never be married." She wished she had not perceived Captain Wentworth at that exact moment. He must have overheard her, for he gave her a look.
"You may never be married!" exclaimed the admiral. "And why do you think such a thing?"
Anne blushed, in part because he raised his voice. "My current situation."
"Now you are not making sense," he decided.
"I see your back is fine today," Captain Wentworth observed, as if he could not quite decide whether he had been lied to the evening before.
"Oh yes. Sophy applied her hands to it last night." He had the amusement of seeing the captain change colour.
Anne wondered why she was faster in growing accustomed to such revelations than a man who must have had more exposure to them. She was surprised to find she could only smile and think it exactly what Mrs Croft would do, whether she had done it or not. "That is very kind of her."
"Yes, yes," said the admiral. "You are a kind girl who would do the same, I am sure. It is a pity you think you will never have the chance."
She would not be flattered into thinking anything else, so she politely remained silent, trying to see what Captain Wentworth thought of it all. She expected him to be scowling, but instead he merely looked distracted. She was distracted herself by the admiral whispering in her ear.
"I lied," he said.
She smiled up at him. "But I know that even if she did not do it last night, she would do so when you needed it."
"Please call at Uppercross as soon as you are able, Frederick," Admiral Croft said before sitting down to breakfast. "I do not want to have to flee the room a third time when those girls call here, as they seem to have developed a habit of doing."
Captain Wentworth was surprised to hear the girls from Uppercross had called here while he was away. "What is wrong with them?" He assumed they had come to see Anne and he could not find fault with that.
"I wonder why Sophy last night told me you were not a simpleton after all."
"Did she? Then I have been remiss in not speaking to you personally, have I not?"
The admiral dismissed that concern with a wave of his hand. "As always, speaking to one of us means speaking to us both."
"I must offer my apologies for calling you uncultured, Admiral. You are more literate and subtle than I had assumed." He did not enjoy saying it, but he must.
"I hope not everything takes you fifteen years," Admiral Croft remarked. "Go and discourage those girls from disturbing my breakfast. Please."
"But I assumed…" He gave Anne half a glance. "They would have come to…"
"Well, we shall know for certain if you go over to give them the latest update on her health. Should they display any sincere interest in Anne's state of health, you are of course free to bring as many of them here as could be interested, because by the time you have ascertained such a fact, my breakfast will be over and I shall no longer be bothered by all those parrots."
The mention of parrots caused Captain Wentworth to make a muffled sound. He wished that was not such an apt description, but since he had unmistakably received the order to go, he must. There was no assistance from Sophia. She had very little in common with those girls and he knew that for their part they viewed her as someone more suited to being their mother's acquaintance. They had no interest in her and even less in the admiral. This indifference appeared to be reciprocated.
He gave a curt nod and left.
Anne had been listening quietly. Captain Wentworth appeared to have spoken to his sister and he was not a simpleton. He also appeared to have called the admiral uncultured. She did not know what any of that was about, but the gentlemen seemed to be on a better footing this morning because of something that had happened the night before. The apologies were sincere, at any rate.
It surprised her that he would go to Uppercross so quickly upon being ordered. Perhaps that was all related to not wanting to lose his brother's good opinion, yet she did not understand why he should be made to see girls of whom the admiral clearly did not think very highly. Perhaps the admiral wanted him to see how caught up they were in their own concerns. She did not expect the captain to bring any back to see her.
"You will not understand," Admiral Croft said to her. "But he happened upon my having a word with Sophy about her lack of confidence in my precocity. I told you I really sailed a boat at the age of four. I proved to Sophy that I did and then Frederick came by and -- Sophy, do come here, will you?"
She obeyed.
He pulled her hairpins out and allowed her hair to fall to her shoulders. "He saw this and made the clever observation that she looked different. What say you, Anne?"
Anne would have liked to say she still did not understand what his point was, although perhaps there was a sequence of small points and the current one was that Mrs Croft looked very pretty with her hair down, which could not be denied. "Er…yes, it looks different. Truly."
"Yes, so you see why I married her, even though she did not believe me about the boat."
Anne smiled uncertainly. She decided she might as well join the admiral on his mental meanderings. He would not come to his main point until he decided it was time for it. "Yes, I see. But I thought you met at a ball. Do you usually remove hairpins of ladies you have never met?"
Here Mrs Croft gave a snort.
"There was no need," he explained, gathering up some of her hair while leaving some strands to frame her face. "It looked like this. But Anne, you are also blind as a bat."
"I am?" she asked in alarm.
"Your room is exactly opposite the boat."
She frowned and then vaguely remembered a table in the corridor. "Er…oh. That boat? You sailed that boat?" They had been thinking too much of his getting into a boat, she supposed. That it could be a sort of toy had never crossed their minds.
"I did. I never lied. I was four."
"Oh," she gave him a confused giggle. That was one point made. Some still remained, notably Mrs Croft and her hair, and the admiral's being uncultured or not.
Mrs Croft took her hairpins back from him and sat down to pin up her hair again. She decided to take over. "Frederick began by being stupid, but he redeemed himself."
"Oh," Anne said almost inaudibly. She wondered how he had done that. Had he said anything? He had not said anything to her. There had been no difference in his manner.
"He -- I am afraid we did not use many words, but I know how he felt. He was happy on my account. I was happy to see he could be happy, even if it was only for me."
"Oh." She could not imagine him showing happiness upon hearing the admiral was not uncultured, nor upon seeing his sister was pretty, but she supposed some mysteries must remain. But perhaps it was related to the secret Mrs Croft wished to tell her before she went away. She had been wondering if Mrs Croft was ill. It would indeed make her brother happy to hear she was not.
It pleased Anne in a like manner to hear he was capable of feeling happiness, even if she did not know its particular source. There was much to dwell on and even the captain's having gone to Uppercross could not spoil her mood.
Admiral Croft, who had seen a particular bird outside the breakfast room he must feed, had been sent outside by his wife after he had first tried to do it through the window. The cold air that came into the room as a result had not been to Mrs Croft's liking.
The two ladies, who lingered at the table, sometimes saw him pass in front of the window, studying the ground. Then he knocked on the window, gesturing that it should be opened.
"Oh no, my darling," Mrs Croft smiled and waved sweetly. "I do not understand you."
The admiral looked and pointed at Anne now, commanding her to open the window. "What do I do?" she asked Mrs Croft anxiously.
"Nothing."
"But --" She frowned. She was a guest here. "I think I should." She hopped to open the window to a tiny crack, enough to be able to hear what he might have to say.
"Are there any tables and chairs for sitting outside?" he asked.
"Outside? Now?" Anne was astonished.
"No, in warmer weather."
"They have been stored away since the parasol broke."
"Parasol," the admiral repeated funnily. "In England?"
The danger to their complexions had been considered too great, even in England. "My father wished it so. He had the chairs stored away because keeping them here might invite people to sit on them."
"Your father displayed some remarkable insight in people there."
Anne felt unable to respond to this serious observation. She could not consider it a compliment.
"I take it your good father was not one of the people who might be seized by such a desire? He would have replaced that parasol in that case."
"No, Admiral. Of the family, I think I might have been the only one who sat here."
"Of course there was no reason to fix the parasol for your sake."
That, again, was no compliment. "I did not press for such an expense for my sake."
"It would be a foolish expense in any case. I shall hunt down the chairs and have them reinstated. Tell Sophia so."
Posted on Wednesday, 17 May 2006
"They must all go to Lyme to see the beauties for themselves. They insisted," Captain Wentworth reported when he returned from his visit to Uppercross, alone and indeed without anybody to see Anne. "They have asked me to come. We are to stay one night."
Anne supposed Louisa had insisted on the trip. So far she had been developing an instant interest in anything Captain Wentworth mentioned and a word or two of praise about Lyme would render Louisa more than eager to see the place for herself. Her knowledge of Louisa explained the immediacy of the trip and her knowledge of the Musgroves explained why it had not been opposed.
She wondered why he spoke so flatly. He was either hiding his feelings or he did not have any on the subject. Perhaps he feared the reaction of his relatives. It could not have been his own idea to retrace his steps and go back directly. He had not breathed a word about being impressed with Lyme at Kellynch.
The Crofts might indeed not want him to go away with the Musgroves. Anne wondered who were going. Charles must be one of them and Mary would also want to go if everyone else did.
"Which beauties?" asked Admiral Croft. "You never mentioned you had gone to see any beauties."
He rolled his eyes. "The countryside, the coast…"
"You must take Anne," said Mrs Croft instantly. She would not approve of any scheme if Anne did not go. "She would appreciate seeing that."
"But I do not yet walk," Anne protested. She did not want to burden anybody. It was quite obvious that nobody at Uppercross really cared about her, since nobody had come along to see her. It was possible that he had not told them, but the danger of his sister questioning him had likely been too great. A brief word about Anne's health had sparked no interest then. It did not really surprise her, but it nevertheless did not make her eager to go away with people who cared for her only if she was in good health.
"Frederick," said his sister, approaching him for a private word. "You must take Anne. She can walk very well if you support her. Yes, you will feel shackled, but think of the pleasure you would be doing her by taking her away! She is always here. You would leave the only one behind who would truly appreciate scenes of natural beauty."
He looked away and sighed. It was true. Anne would have the proper appreciation and Sophia would appreciate it if he did her this favour. He must not look upon it as an order. The admiral would despise him again if it gave him no pleasure to make someone happy.
"Frederick, tell me you told them."
"I did." He had told them, wishing he could prove the admiral wrong and in fact counting on seeing some interest in Anne's recovery. Instead, nobody seemed to have heard his message. Only he had been of interest to them, yet he had merely been to Lyme. And then, yes, he had preferred to answer questions about Lyme, hardly knowing what he said.
He was not used to being wrong and even less used to admitting it, but it was not only that. He had been struck quite as much by discovering their indifference. They might care about Anne if there was nothing else to do, but not while their own unimportant concerns prevailed.
"See?" Sophia said knowingly. "Promise me to help her around."
"I never even said --" But he knew the battle was lost.
She touched his arm and beamed at him. "Thank you, Frederick. You will be doing everybody a great pleasure."
He had been wheedled into this as much as he had been wheedled into going in the first place. What had happened to his strength? He might be doing everyone but himself a great pleasure, yet his sister's happiness counted more. He would not yet allow her the victory, however. "You are taking advantage of your situation, sister. Do you want to be rid of her?"
"As it is, the admiral and I do have some private business in town. We could take her with us, but I think a trip would interest her more than waiting for us in office waiting rooms."
"Very well," he gave in grudgingly. "You must tell her." That was something he could and would not do.
She smiled and watched him leave the room. "He will take you, Anne."
Anne was ready to decline. She had been suspecting what Mrs Croft was asking and although she had not been able to overhear, their expression had spoken volumes. The coaxing on one side and the relenting on the other had been all too visible. He had merely succumbed to pressure. He would not be voluntarily taking her. "I never even said --"
She smiled again. "I have arranged it for you. You cannot possibly want to come with us. We have some very boring financial and medical and clothing business to see to."
This caused some alarm. She had earlier concluded that Mrs Croft was not ill. "Medical?"
"Nothing to trouble yourself about, but if you came along you would be made to sit in waiting rooms everywhere. You had better go with the young people."
She did not like the young people better than the old ones, if there were any old ones around at all. "But Mrs Croft…"
"Sophia -- you know I am no refined lady -- and everything is arranged, so go."
"Let all the young people go to Lyme," the admiral agreed. "Then we can have some time alone."
"Sophia?" Anne asked as she sat on her bed while some of her clothes were being packed. She had hesitated for a while, but then decided to say Sophia anyway. "Do you think I might enjoy myself if he never speaks a word to me?" This had been bothering her enough to ask. She had only been able to imagine cold silence and she did not know whether she could stand that for two days.
"Why would he not speak to you?"
"I would rather not say." She would be sent back to Mary if she did. For all her plotting and disapproving, Mrs Croft was fond of her brother. What would she do with someone who had caused him pain?
"I can think of only two reasons why Frederick would not. One, if you were utterly insipid and empty-headed he would indeed not talk to you, but I should also not have asked him to take you. Two -- it must therefore be two."
"And what is two?" Anne asked suspiciously. There was too little of distrust and disapproval in Mrs Croft's expression. It was, as always, closer to sympathy and kindness.
"You know what it is." Mrs Croft stuck her head out of the room. "Frederick? She is ready!" Then she looked back at Anne. "Best hop this way if you can. I forgot Frederick will not cross the threshold because he is such a very delicate gentleman."
Anne hopped to the door. She could not help but approve of very delicate gentlemen. She wondered if the admiral had told his wife everything again. It was highly likely. "The admiral says he used to be one, but I did not believe him."
Mrs Croft had to smile at that. "He meant ignorant, Anne, but one cannot remain ignorant for long in tiny lodgings."
"But of what was he ignorant?" Anne asked in spite of herself. She could not see how tiny lodgings would alter that state.
"Women, of course."
Captain Wentworth slowly came nearer. Evidently he had been waiting. "Sophia, is that all?" he indicated her small trunk, as if to postpone something.
"Yes, that is all."
Save for a frown of concentration, Anne could detect nothing in his face, but he knew all too well he should make a move to lift her or offer her his arm. Mrs Croft pointedly used both hands to carry the very light trunk and she walked away already.
Anne put her hand out to the wall to steady herself. She would hop on her good leg if he did not move. Then she would sit down at the top of the stairs and descend in that manner.
This sudden movement seemed to wake him up, for he stepped forward and lifted her without warning. There was a frightening moment of not feeling steady, but she was safe again soon. Anne told herself she must become used to being carried or supported. It would happen often enough in the coming two days, excepting the times they were sitting down. She did not expect the party to do a great deal of sitting while they were in Lyme. Everyone would want to see something of the town and the sea.
Captain Wentworth wondered if she was going to talk to him at all. She allowed herself to be carried, but she made no attempt to start a conversation. When the admiral carried her she laughed and talked. He had seen it himself.
He did not know what he wished for. Silence, at least, was a sign that she remembered the past. He might not be happier with indifferent chattering. No, he would not have liked to be forgotten so easily.
Thoughts of the past compelled him to glance at her face, but he looked straight into a pair of wistful eyes and he stumbled. It made him very glad to be down in the hall and no longer on the stairs, but he breathed raggedly and had to lower Anne onto her good leg for a moment. They would both have rolled down the stairs if he had looked a little sooner.
"Younger fellows are so unfit these days," Admiral Croft remarked from somewhere behind him.
There was no polite rejoinder possible, so the captain ignored him. He lifted Anne again and continued. It could not be true that everyone in this house could see through him. His brother-in-law was hanging about by accident, not knowing what to do with himself because Sophia had been upstairs. He had half a mind to tell him to develop an interest in something other than Sophia, but the risk of hearing the admiral also had an interest in how he carried ladies was too great.
The carriage had come for him from Uppercross, since the young ladies had needed more time to pack. He wondered what they would be taking. It had not taken Anne much time, but perhaps his sister had been responsible for that. Sophia was quick. She would not take unnecessary things.
"Where are the others?" Anne asked.
At first he only looked at her, too surprised that she had spoken. Then he realised she would want an answer. "It takes them longer to get ready."
That seemed to satisfy her, for she did not speak again. He tried to hand her into the carriage, but without being rather improper this did not work. "My apologies," he said quietly when he was seated. He did not wait for her reaction, but leant out to address his sister, who had come out to see them off. There was no doubt she had witnessed it all and he tried not to look embarrassed. "Is there anything I could get for you?"
"Please do not go shopping for me in company," she requested. "But if you find yourself alone for a moment I have no objections."
"Are we off to town?" inquired Admiral Croft.
"I am at your disposal," Mrs Croft agreed.
"As I am at yours, but I have taken the liberty of ordering the carriage around regardless. We may leave as soon as it appears."
Mrs Croft questioned him in the middle of getting herself ready, but surprisingly he seemed to have every necessary document and paper with him. They were off less than fifteen minutes after Captain Wentworth and Anne had gone. She was satisfied with their speed, but she had her doubts about something else. "Did I do right in forcing him to take her along?"
"I noticed no significant protest on either side, not that I ever heard any significant protest from Anne. Frederick, on the other hand -- but perhaps your arguments were irrefutable. I did not hear what you said to him."
"I felt he thought I should always have my way in my current condition, but that might simply have been his excuse to himself. I am concerned now, because she seemed to think he would not speak to her at all and I did indeed not hear very much." She had condemned them to a very uncomfortable carriage ride, perhaps. Something so very unlike her own. "And I really do not see why you confused her about ignorant men. I did not have anything very intelligent to say about it, at any rate."
"Ignorant?" asked the admiral. "I believe I said delicate, but I really meant something else, not delicate as in blown away by the slightest puff of wind. I believe she appreciated the sort of delicacy you ridiculed, but being ignorant is another matter. The ignorant man will go ahead and marry and then wonder. The delicate man will not even marry."
Mrs Croft remembered something. "Speaking of men, this time I am not at all at ease about visiting your family, my dear. There are too many men, all of them delicate."
"Really?" Admiral Croft reviewed them in his mind. "I had never noticed they are all men. Indeed they are! You never mentioned it or cared about it before. Why does this bother you now?"
"Being in a rather female condition at the moment, I expect no help or reassurance from your father, your uncles and possibly brothers or whomever they have staying with them at this moment," Mrs Croft admitted. "Yet I may need some. They will not even know what is ailing me."
"I thought we were going there to inform them."
"Yes, but I am not confident they will understand it or even think it is a man's concern. Should something happen to me, where are they going to find someone to look after me?"
He placed his hand on his chest. "Me? Come, Sophia. You know I will look after you."
She leant against him. "I hoped you would. I am sorry for being so silly." Sometimes even she fell prey to it, she supposed.
"Now if Frederick hurried a bit you could take a sister along," he mused.
She considered that possibility, but did not see how it could work. There was too little time. "Even if Frederick does improve within the next fortnight, why should he part with a wife again so quickly?"
"Aye, he may think he has been parted from her for long enough already," the admiral agreed.
"I must say I have not seen much to make me think you were wrong when you suggested that wild idea to me," Mrs Croft said reflectively. "So I suppose you were right. Still, to be taking someone along for my selfish purposes would make me no better than everybody else."
"For which purposes do you think I take you along? And I know you are better than everybody else, so you would hear no objections from me."
Posted on Saturday, 20 May 2006
Anne was curious what Louisa would think of it all. Seeing her favourite tied to Anne could only be a disappointment. She was merely curious, not smug, since the arrangement had so far given her little joy. There was indeed a flash of displeasure on Louisa's face when they came to Uppercross and Captain Wentworth announced Miss Elliot was also coming -- on his arm.
Although he had spoken very indifferently, to the rest of the party as well as to Anne, he had not let go of her, but he zealously acquitted himself of the task of supporting her. She could not imagine him unaffected by her close proximity, but how he felt about it precisely she was unable to discern. He was not so disgusted by her as to release her instantly. No, he had made it quite clear, calmly and insistently, that it would be his duty to see to Miss Elliot's mobility during the trip.
He had fidgeted with his gloves on their way to Uppercross and he had studiously been looking out of the window. She had therefore not expected such devotion to his task. It had been the first instance of being completely alone and if either of them had wished it, they could have broached certain topics without anybody else coming to hear of them. But neither had done so.
Anne had considered speaking, but she had not known what to say. She had been too uncertain of his reaction and too afraid of only giving herself pain if she tried.
He had lifted her out of the carriage, unnecessarily so, and had Mary get in first so she could help Anne back in, although Mary believed this had something to do with her having the first right to the best seat. Anne, who knew Captain Wentworth would refuse to indulge Mary in that manner, could only feel it was meant for her. A sobering thought a moment later dispelled those feelings of warmth -- he would not want to be seen pushing her in so gracelessly again.
Louisa did not yet look discouraged. Captain Wentworth had handed all ladies into their carriage, after all, and she fancied he had lingered with her. She had manoeuvred in such a manner that she would be the last to go in and the first few miles of the journey were spent listening to her sighs and suppositions about the captain's gallantry.
Anne, who had been lifted into and onto things quite often recently and who had found very little to sigh about in her experiences, looked at the passing scenery and tried not to hear her. His gallantry -- if he possessed any at all -- was selective and Louisa's plan to lose her footing while stepping out of the carriage was disconcerting. It was unfortunate that they had so many miles ahead of them of listening to such a scheme being contemplated out loud. Imagining Louisa falling into the captain's arms by design was an evil and Anne was glad that Mary and Henrietta put an end to their sister's babbling before Anne felt compelled to make her opinion known. It would have so little effect if disapproval came from her, who had to be half carried herself. She could easily be told not to rely on Captain Wentworth's arms either, although to a discerning mind there was a considerable difference.
Captain Wentworth travelled with Charles Musgrove and although the trip was fairly agreeable, his mind was often more occupied in thinking about the carriage following them. He kept seeing the wistful gaze that had caused him to stumble, but he could not interpret it. She might regret what she had once rejected. He had wanted to see regret when he first came here. He had wanted her to realise what she had thrown away, how he had been right and she had been wrong. On no account had he wanted her to be indifferent or happy.
But the matter became complicated when he realised that such quiet sadness did not sit well with him. It was too close to unhappiness.
Although he had at first assumed Anne to be keeping herself deliberately out of his way, not wanting to be reminded of such an embarrassing period from her past, he had slowly been forced to change his mind about that. She had never placed herself in anybody's way before. In that respect she had not changed at all. It would have been uncharacteristic had she done so now, not to mention that there was so little encouragement to do so from anybody else. They only seemed to notice her when they needed her. Why, with such interest in her, would she not stay home indeed?
She gladly made herself useful, but there really was nothing else she could do. He had quickly discovered her father and sister had gone to Bath and left her behind. He remembered she had never liked Bath. She would have preferred to stay with Mary to escape Bath and Mary, he felt, always had a great need for assistance.
He could not feel any satisfaction upon seeing that after rejecting him her life had not taken a turn for the better. He would not deny that he had tried, but the reversal of their situations had slowly become apparent.
Then the accident had happened and he had been the one to keep himself deliberately out of her way, without even having the excuse of having to make himself useful elsewhere. Sophia had every right to be suspicious of such cowardice, but how she and the admiral had ever come near the truth he did not know. He did not think Anne had told her anything. It had to be solely due to his transparency, although he was still not sure they knew every little detail.
Now he was here, on his way to Lyme, and he had committed himself to carrying Anne around. Without going into painful details, it had been impossible to ignore Sophia's order. The carrying itself was not the worst bit of it. That was seeing Anne's reactions and not knowing what to make of them. He did not even know what to make of himself.
He tried to think of pleasanter things, but he soon had to admit he was a disagreeable and self-absorbed man to have believed the admiral's concern for his wife's wellbeing had been staged with the sole purpose to annoy him and not because there were genuine reasons for him to be concerned. Such selfish preoccupation! He was ashamed of himself and he truly did not deserve their generous forgiveness.
They had forgiven him already for any remarks directed against them. They did not dwell on these matters. Why should they indeed? They did not need him; they had each other and soon they would have a child to push him even further onto the fringes of their existence. Even Edward had married and he might well have a family too. He would turn into a sort of Anne.
He had better make some conversation with Musgrove. He wondered how the man could be so comfortable with Anne in his house if she had refused him once. It was difficult to come up with a topic that had nothing to do with Anne, however. There was always a link.
Musgrove himself began to speak about a passing curricle, but unfortunately Captain Wentworth did not possess enough knowledge about vehicles to be able to hold a deep conversation about them. He tried nevertheless, willing to believe instantly that Musgrove's curricle was the superior of the two. Since the other had gone out of sight he could only agree with any evidence offered. Not much more was expected of him anyhow and he might yet learn something about them by listening.
"When you set up a house of your own, you know, your wife will insist on your getting some sort of vehicle," Musgrove said in a knowing manner. "Preferably one that makes her look good, but it is never the sort that makes you look good. But you could probably afford two."
"I do not think I shall be getting myself that sort of wife," Captain Wentworth said decidedly. He had never considered the matter, but he knew instantly he did not want one who insisted on having a particular carriage to look good.
"Oh, you will. They are all like that."
He could say they were not and Musgrove would say they were and they would never believe each other. Such an argument would be useless. Apparently discussions with his sister and brother had taught him something after all.
"They all become like that," Musgrove continued. "They even speak of it, of how they can spend all their husband's money on themselves after their marriage. I am afraid you have no choice in the matter. Best tell them you need your money for taxes. They do not understand taxes, you know."
"I do not think my sister begged the admiral for a carriage of her own. She never goes out without him."
"That proves my point, Wentworth. He is under her thumb."
"No, they have been insufferable, I mean inseparable, since they met." Perhaps, he thought, he had expected every girl to be so willing to give up her safe life to join a husband, regardless of the circumstances that awaited her. He remembered his astonishment upon hearing about his sister's engagement, if something of that duration could even be called thus. No matter how everything since then had convinced him that her quick judgement had been sound, he should never have come to regard her quickness as the norm. Certainly as he grew older he understood it even less.
Musgrove found that amusing. "Inseparable! By choice! Insufferable indeed."
The captain sighed. The point was that the words were similar, since his sister and brother had never really been insufferable. Only lately -- and he now knew the cause -- had something unnerving been added to their interactions. "The foot massages mainly," he said, to keep it pedestrian enough for Musgrove to follow.
He looked suitably horrified. "Dear god. We do not engage in such practices at Uppercross."
Concern for another seemed a rare quality indeed at Uppercross. "I had not thought you would."
"The admiral doing the Mrs, yes?"
His first instinct was to say it was his sister they were talking about, but on second thought it was probably not meant disrespectfully. "Yes."
"Told you he was under her thumb. I shall invite him to a rat hunt some day."
Captain Wentworth did not know whether he would be more amused at hearing the admiral decline this charitable offer or seeing him participate in the hunt. He had no idea what his brother-in-law would say to it all, but Musgrove seemed to think he would embrace the rat hunt to get away from his wife.
He who had been here before must be their guide and they looked to him to take the lead. He did so for some time, showing them to the inn and procuring a dinner for later, until he felt he could leave them for a short while to call on his friends. "Go on and look around. I shall join you shortly, but I must take a moment to let my friends know I am here. They would never forgive me if I passed by without telling them."
"We should like to meet your friends!" exclaimed Louisa, who was loath to see him go and who must take an interest in all his concerns.
Captain Wentworth would not hear of it. "No, there may be a better occasion for that later. We should not catch them unawares."
Anne found herself dragged along. This was much to Louisa's chagrin, she could tell, and she wondered why she was the exception.
He gave her the answer himself, quite unprompted. "Sophia would murder me if she came to hear I had left you with Musgrove. He would likely leave you on a rock to run after a rat to see how it compared with his own rats at home and the tide would come in and --" After a few moments of silence, during which he came to realise he had not spoken so much to her before, he spoke again. "My friends are Captain and Mrs Harville and Captain Benwick."
"I know," she said hastily, to spare him an explanation. "Admiral and Mrs Croft told me about them while you were gone. They have someone staying with them who used to be engaged to their --" She broke off when he gave her a look.
"My sister is ever so helpful," he said with some sarcasm. The parallel struck him only now, but he could tell it had struck Anne before. How could it not?
"You are mistaken. It was the admiral," she said quietly.
As they separated from the rest of the party, Captain Wentworth realised this was the only opportunity to do some private shopping. He did not count Anne as company. "I have to look into a shop before we go. It is for an acquaintance. Perhaps you could advise me."
Anne had not thought much of being supported by one of the gentlemen of the party and even now they had separated from the others she still did not. Nobody knew her here. That he wished for her to come into a shop with him was not yet too alarming either. She was merely surprised at his choice of shop and his request to see objects for infants.
Anne thought that he chose his gift with such care that it must be for a very good acquaintance. His taste was good and she could only offer nods of agreement when he questioningly held something out to her. She was pleased that her opinion was being solicited. He must value it. Again she tempered her own joy by thinking he might have solicited any woman's opinion, considering the type of gifts.
He selected several gifts and she supposed he would make a final choice of one or two from among them, with or without her assistance. He did indeed turn towards her and she fully expected him to begin asking. She even had an answer ready, or at least a hand to point.
"Please have a further look around," he asked softly. "I shall have everything wrapped and sent. Perhaps you will see something for your nephews while you wait."
"Everything?" That surprised her. She grew even more convinced that it must be for a very good acquaintance. She had never bought this much at once, not even for little Walter and little Charles.
"Yes, please wait."
Anne did as he asked and looked around a little more, although she had no intention of buying anything. She could not concentrate well enough to remember her nephews' ages and interests. He had asked her opinion.
"I am done," Captain Wentworth spoke a few minutes later. He had his gifts wrapped and he had provided the address to which the parcel should be sent. Sophia would prefer it that way, he supposed. Nobody would know but Anne, but she had not seen to whom the parcel was addressed. It would be up to Sophia to explain anything should the package arrive in Anne's presence.
He took her arm again and led her out of the shop. She did not ask any questions and he had not been expecting her to do so. No one more discreet than Anne.
Posted on Tuesday, 23 May 2006
The Harvilles and Captain Benwick greeted Anne warmly. They appeared to have heard about her accident, because they were only a little surprised to see a lady on the captain's arm. The fact that she could not walk on her own explained her identity to them immediately.
Anne was surprised they had been told. She had been so certain Captain Wentworth would neglect to mention her. Even limiting himself to her name and the nature of her injuries would have been more than she had expected. She could not help but wonder what they would think of Captain Wentworth's helping her around. He could not have predicted any of this when he was here, because he would not yet have known he was to return. The explanation he gave them, that he had promised his sister, appeared to suffice.
Captain and Mrs Harville were extremely hospitable or perhaps simply very fond of their friend. They had invited their visitors in immediately and pressed them to stay to dinner. This instant generosity and their tiny room made it clear to Anne why the rest of the party had not been brought along. Silently she commended Captain Wentworth for his kindness to his friends. He must know them well and he must know they had the will, but hardly the means to accommodate so many visitors without any prior notice.
They were surprised when he mentioned he had come with a larger party and almost seemed offended that he had not brought them. Anne wondered a little at their surprise, because she could hardly have travelled here alone with him, no matter which promises he had made to his sister.
The Harvilles insisted in walking out with them to meet the captain's friends so that they could invite them in person. Captain Wentworth could not object. He had left the decision to them and apparently they were capable of seating so many. He had been obliged to bring Anne, or so he felt, but the explanation had been as smoothly given as it had been accepted. His friends were not critical in that regard. They would believe him and it was helpful that they knew Sophia a little. Save for noting that he was out of danger, he did not want to think about it too much.
Captain Benwick was of interest to Anne, predominantly because of his loss and his past, but because she was constantly on Captain Wentworth's arm, she had no opportunity to become better acquainted with him. She glanced at him as they walked, but he seemed a quiet and dejected man, contrasting starkly with the other two gentlemen. They kept a lively conversation going and Anne's attention was divided in three, for she was also listening to Mrs Harville's kind inquiries about her arm and ankle.
For a moment she felt some regret, for these new circles to which she had been introduced after her accident were far more appealing than the circles her father frequented. But it was no use. It would not do her any good and she endeavoured to enjoy this kind attention while it lasted, so that she might have a pleasant memory of it when it was gone. Pleasant memories were much better than regret.
The others were met and all were taken back to the house in spite of everything. It was good they had ordered a dinner at the inn, Captain Wentworth thought. Feeding all of them would have been too much for his friends, although they would never admit it. They did not even have enough chairs at their table. It was fortunate that Mrs Musgrove would now not have the chance to comment on that.
Because he waited for everybody to be seated, he was forced to sit by Louisa. She knew no shyness or reserve and spoke to the Harvilles as if they were good acquaintances. Captain Benwick, because he said very little, did not receive as much attention from her, not until Captain Wentworth began to converse with him. He was aware of her easily increased interest, but for the most part he was merely pleased to see there was conversation at all, but the small size of the room and everybody sitting so close together could not help but lead to several conversations at once.
Mrs Harville had searched her medicine cabinet for some remedies against bruises, but Anne would not hear of taking her entire supply. There were some children here who would fall much more often. "The admiral is not allowed to drive anymore," she said with a little smile. "I am now safe from injury."
"But if you will not take it home with you, you must at least take it with you tonight so you can treat your bruises with it tonight and tomorrow morning and then you can give it back to me tomorrow," Mrs Harville suggested.
Anne could accept such a solution and she put the small jar in her pocket. "Do not forget to remind me, Mrs Harville."
"Oh no. If you wish to give it back you must remind yourself. I know how useful it is. I use it with great frequency."
"But that is precisely why I should not take it from you. I am sure my bruises will go away soon."
"Let us go down to the beach before dinner!" Louisa cried when they had left the Harvilles' home. She gave Anne half a glance, a calculated one. "I am sure you would not mind staying up here, Anne! We shall not be away long."
Anne resigned herself to staying there indeed, since Louisa was descending and the others, like sheep, already followed. "Go down," she urged the captain, who looked displeased, in all likeliness because he had to stay with her. "I shall not mind."
Captain Wentworth surprised her by lifting her up. "You will not?" he asked.
"I did not mean that!" she stammered with a startled look.
"I wish you did!" he exclaimed and then he coloured. "I mean they think very little of you and bringing yourself to their notice might -- never mind." It was Mrs Harville who had seen she could not possibly lift her cup because she was also holding the saucer and she had only one hand. He had not noticed until Mrs Harville had taken away the saucer.
"I am used to it."
"I am not," he answered and carried her down the steps.
Louisa, who had run ahead a little, returned now and her eyes sought Captain Wentworth. "Jump me down from the steps, Captain!" she cried. He was still half hidden by the rest of the party and so was Anne, so she did not immediately see them, but when she had climbed high enough she did.
"I cannot. One injured lady among us is quite enough, do you not think?" he replied politely, but nevertheless determined not to give in.
Louisa looked taken aback when she saw Anne had also come down to the beach, still on the captain's arm. She descended from the steps slowly. There was no fun in attempting a jump without the benefits of a safe landing in the captain's arms.
Anne, however, had seen a displeased and calculating look in her eyes. It made her wonder. How did it reflect on her if she seriously contemplated the idea that Louisa would hurt herself on purpose? Trying to fall into his arms was one thing, but was it really such a large leap from there to jumping from the steps and pretending to have hurt her foot?
She debated with herself as they walked towards the sea. If there was any danger of it occurring, perhaps she ought to warn him, but he might not take kindly to such a warning. She did not know how he felt towards Louisa. He had always allowed her to seek him out. He must like her. She had sat by him at the Harvilles' and she had taken part in all his conversations.
The waves had left a barrier of rubbish and sea weed that had to be jumped over and while everyone cleared it with ease, Captain Wentworth and she had to stop. "I…" she began, thinking this might be an opportunity. He abhorred deceit and could not want to be a victim. She abhorred deceit and she did not want him to be a victim. She was not certain which of the two prevailed.
He had just placed his hands on her waist and he left them there as he waited for her to speak.
"I…this is unkind of me, I know, but…" Anne forced herself to look into his eyes.
"Yes?" he inquired, frowning.
"I believe she may fake an injury." There, she had accused someone even before she knew anything for certain. It was despicable of her, but she felt she had no choice.
Captain Wentworth responded by lifting her over the rubbish. He said nothing, but his grip on her arm was tighter than before. They had progressed several paces before he spoke. "Why?"
"That seems evident," Anne replied, looking ahead and wondering how much of his good opinion she had lost, assuming he had retained some of it over the years. "To be carried."
"I was not aware that this was such a pleasure."
"Do with it what you will," she said, still looking ahead. Everything was lost already. She might as well stay true to herself. "But I shall distrust it if it happens."
He glanced aside. He had never known her to be resentful or suspicious. That she was saying this now and so seriously too must mean there were enough reasons for her to think it was really possible. He considered what would happen if Louisa -- for it could not be anybody else -- hurt herself. "I cannot see to every injured lady of the party," he said under his breath, for they were fast approaching the others.
Louisa, unlike Anne, would not sit and wait, but she would ask to be carried and he did not have to wonder whom she preferred to take care of that. How she would arrange such a thing if he already had Anne, he did not know, but she would try. It would have to be an injury worse than Anne's, or she would never succeed.
"It would seem logical for you to release the least injured," Anne said equally softly.
"It would seem logical for Musgrove to do his share." He refused to be manipulated into such a devious scheme, even if so far it was no more than a figment of Anne's imagination. He took care to step on her foot by accident.
A sharp gasp of pain was all she allowed herself to utter, but tears had sprung into her eyes and for a moment she saw very little, heard very little and felt nothing but a good deal of pain.
"I am sorry," Captain Wentworth said sincerely. He lifted her up. This was a little worse than he had anticipated. "There is a handkerchief in my top pocket, should you require one."
Anne did not require anything, only a great deal of willpower to stop herself from whimpering. She did not care that tears were rolling down her cheeks. She did not even care that the others had turned towards them in alarm. She only half heard the captain's apologetic explanation to them. He seemed to turn around, but she saw nothing but coat, air and sand.
He set her down on one of the stone steps to wait for the others. "I am sorry." He wished she would look at him, but she did not. She did not even use the handkerchief he had pressed into her hand.
"Will you please take me back to the inn?" she asked. "I shall need more time now to dress for dinner." And to think. She definitely needed to think. Her thoughts and feelings were in too much turmoil.
"Yes, yes, of course."
Anne ignored the curious stares on the way. There were too many, for a lady being carried was not a common sight here. Someone even inquired excitedly if she was dead, but she left that for Captain Wentworth to answer.
He did not waste any time on such nonsense and carried her directly to her room, followed by the wife of the proprietor and two maids. He would still not enter her room, however, and set her down outside it again. Given the presence of strangers who might otherwise talk, Anne did not mind. She assured everybody she was perfectly fine, but since the landlady would not let her be, she made the woman happy by allowing her to look at her ankle.
Captain Wentworth had disappeared in the middle of this conversation, but she did not miss him. If she was not very much mistaken he had either stepped on her foot or kicked her ankle -- the pain had been too acute for to the precise reason to be identified -- in a most deliberate manner. Perhaps he had not quite realised the pain he would cause her, for his apologies had sounded sincere. It was very, very distressing, not to know how to interpret his actions.
As long as she was not certain whether it had been an accident, she could not accuse him of anything. Did she even want to accuse him of anything if he made it so clear that one injured lady was enough for him? But it would be a coincidence that he had to go back to carrying her so shortly after she had warned him about Louisa. It had to be. Nobody would think of deliberately hurting her to bring it about.
He could have asked her to feign an injury if he wanted to continue carrying her. That was the easiest and most painless solution, but then she realised he would no more ask her than she would comply. What indeed could a proud man do but kick her?
Anne rubbed her temples trying to make sense of it. He could not be wanting to carry her. It must have been an accident. This was Frederick Wentworth, who had not even wanted to speak to her. It was simply illogical that he would enjoy carrying her.
Thankfully the dining room was on the same floor as her room. It enabled her to hop to their dining room when she had finished dressing. She was the only one who had that advantage; the others were all on higher floors. She supposed she was to thank Captain Wentworth for that kind arrangement. She still did not know what he was about. Perhaps he was practical rather than courteous.
With only one usable hand and nobody to help her, her hair must remain as Sophia had tied it that morning, but she could at least give Mrs Croft some credit for being good at creating wind-proof hair knots. She looked presentable enough to dine.
Captain Wentworth was the only one in the room. He rose when she entered and came to her side directly. Anne turned away, but he insisted on leading her to a chair. He could not have found his manners again at a worse moment, she thought.
"I am ashamed --" he began to say, but Mary's entrance cut him short. Anne was not to know of what he was ashamed, because Mary began speaking directly about something that interested neither of her companions.
Captain Wentworth did not have the opportunity to speak to Anne again that evening and to tell her of what he was ashamed. Captain Harville and Captain Benwick came to them after dinner and it was only natural that Harville sat by him. Anne sat in the other corner with Captain Benwick, with whom she seemed to be speaking animatedly, as far as Captain Wentworth could tell. Their conversation did not end until Harville wanted to leave.
Anne managed to get away amidst the general leave-taking that ensued and Captain Wentworth, when he escorted his friends to the door, could just see her slip into her room. He glanced back at the rest of the party, but nobody else looked inclined to go to bed any time soon. Louisa especially, possibly on her first proper trip away from home, looked as if she was intent on staying up as late as possible, outlasting everyone.
She had listened with eagerness to their navy stories, but he supposed she would have listened to anything. He had not forgotten what Anne had said, yet he did not know whether Louisa's admiration would turn so quickly into deviousness. If he examined his own conduct, on the other hand, he knew it took very little time at all to become devious.
He could be stupid and stubborn again, he supposed, by refusing to believe Anne, like that one time at breakfast in Kellynch when he had refused to believe the admiral. There were alternatives to being stubborn with which he could avoid stupidity altogether. He glanced back one more time. "Why do I not walk you back?" he said to Harville. "A walk and fresh air will do me good."
He announced his intentions to the others and none but Louisa were at all disappointed. Charles Musgrove announced he would be off to bed shortly and it was very likely that all ladies would do the same.
"Lively girls," said Captain Harville. "But a walk is in order. And you," he said to Captain Benwick. "Where were you all evening?"
"I was speaking to Miss Elliot." He uttered her name with such admiration that the other men's eyes were drawn to him. "About poetry and books and -- she had excellent recommendations. She is a lady of excellent taste and feeling."
Captain Wentworth now felt Captain Harville's eyes upon him, despite the darkness, but as long as nobody asked anything, he would not have to speak.
"What are you doing in my room?" Captain Wentworth asked brusquely after he had climbed in through his window. He was rather surprised at finding a young lady in here, especially one with her hair down. She was brushing her hair with her back towards him and he did not instantly believe what he was seeing.
At the unexpected sound of his voice she nearly jumped up from the chair on which she had been sitting. "This is my room, sir!" she exclaimed.