The Darcy Dialogues, or, Mister Darcy's Favourite Year ~ Section II

    By Ed S.

    Beginning, Section II

    The hopeful return to Netherfield

    Posted on Thursday, 29 March 2007

    Sep 17, 1812
    Back at Netherfield


    BINGLEY
    Ah, back at Netherfield. I thought I'd never see this place again.
    DARCY
    Think of the times we spent in this parlour, Bingley, talking with Elizabeth...
    BINGLEY
    ...talking to Jane...
    DARCY
    ...listening to her voice...
    BINGLEY
    ...listening to her voice...
    DARCY
    ...admiring her figure...
    BINGLEY
    ...toasting her good health...
    DARCY
    ...listening to her demolish my best arguments on the current political situation...
    BINGLEY
    ...looking into her eyes...
    DARCY
    ...listening to her make sport of Caroline without your sister even noticing...
    BINGLEY
    ...smelling her perfume...
    DARCY
    Well, Bingley, it's do or die.
    BINGLEY
    Do or die?
    DARCY
    It's now or never, Bingley. Let's face it. We've each met the most suitable marriage partner we could possibly imagine, and now we have only to secure their affections with some measure of permanence.
    BINGLEY
    Always the romantic, aren't you, Darcy?
    DARCY
    I think you should propose to Jane immediately. No time to lose.
    BINGLEY
    Me first?
    DARCY
    Of course.
    BINGLEY
    Why me?
    DARCY
    Let's make a wager then. The first one of us to win our lady's hand will receive one hundred pounds from the other.
    BINGLEY
    Now that we're here, I'm not sure I have the nerve to actually do the deed.
    DARCY
    But it's so simple. Just tell her how you feel about her and ask for her hand. Short and sweet.
    BINGLEY
    Since when are you qualified to give advice, Darcy? How many times have you ever proposed marriage to a woman?
    DARCY
    For all you know, Bingley, I might have proposed to a dozen different women by now.
    BINGLEY
    If you've been turned down that many times, Darcy, then any advice you have can't be worth much.
    DARCY
    Well, I suppose you'd be learning from my mistakes then.
    BINGLEY
    As if anyone would ever turn you down. I, on the other hand, don't have a huge fortune or an ancient estate to help bolster my offer.
    DARCY
    I'm quite sure that Miss Jane doesn't care for old estates, Bingley. Just ask her the question.
    BINGLEY
    Why are you so anxious for my success? Do you think that Elizabeth will follow her sister's lead?
    DARCY
    Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt my chances if --
    BINGLEY
    Why don't you just ask her today? Short and sweet. No one in her right mind would ever turn you down.

    Sep 19, 1812
    Visiting Longbourn


    MRS. BENNET
    Mr. Darcy, what an unexpected treat to see you yet again.
    DARCY
    Likewise, madam.
    MRS. BENNET
    Would you like some tea? I'll try to be more careful this time.
    DARCY
    Yes, tea would be nice. Thank you.
    MRS. BENNET
    Would you care to see the view from Oakham Mount? My daughter Mary might be willing to take you there.
    DARCY
    Well, um...
    MRS. BENNET
    Lizzy is busy with her father, Kitty is out at the --
    DARCY
    I'd like to wait, if you wouldn't mind.
    MRS. BENNET
    Oh, certainly. We'll wait for Kitty then.
    DARCY
    Oh no, I meant, um...
    MRS. BENNET
    Oh, you wanted Mary? Yes, Mary can point out the many different birds that frequent our area. And she's a very accomplished young lady I must say. Have you heard her play?
    DARCY
    Well, madam, actually --
    MRS. BENNET
    I'll fetch her. MARY!! COME QUICK!!

    Sep 19, 1812
    Visiting Oakham Mount


    DARCY
    I hear that Oakham Mount boasts a delightful view.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes, it does.
    DARCY
    A lot of birds, I hear. Georgiana likes to study birds.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh. How is your sister?
    DARCY
    She's quite well.
    ELIZABETH
    I did enjoy meeting her. She's a lovely girl. I can see why you're so proud of her.
    DARCY
    Thank you. Yes, she's a delight. But she can be a handful, you know.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh, nonsense. I don't believe it.
    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth...
    ELIZABETH
    Yes?
    DARCY
    ...How far is it to Oakham Mount?
    ELIZABETH
    Oh, just another ten minutes or so.
    DARCY
    Your mother says the view is delightful.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes. You can see quite a distance.
    DARCY
    How has your family been these last few weeks?
    ELIZABETH
    Quite well.
    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth...
    ELIZABETH
    Yes?
    DARCY
    ...Have you...
    ELIZABETH
    Yes?
    DARCY
    ...Have you managed to survive the summer? I think all of England has undergone quite a spell of unusually warm weather.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes, that's true. But we've quite enjoyed it.
    DARCY
    I'll bet the view from Oakham Mount is quite fine on a day like today.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh yes. I expect that we'll be able to see for several miles.
    DARCY
    Oh, Miss Elizabeth...
    ELIZABETH
    Yes?
    DARCY
    ...I think I saw a squirrel over there.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes. They're quite abundant.
    DARCY
    We have squirrels in Derbyshire as well.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh.
    DARCY
    And many birds too.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes.
    DARCY
    It's quite a journey to Oakham Mount, isn't it?
    ELIZABETH
    Yes.
    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth...
    ELIZABETH
    Yes?
    DARCY
    ...
    ELIZABETH
    ...
    DARCY
    ...We have chipmunks in Derbyshire as well.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh.

    Sep 22, 1812
    An evening party at Longbourn


    MARY BENNET
    Oh, Mr. Darcy. Can I get you some tea?
    DARCY
    No thank you.
    MARY
    Some coffee perhaps?
    DARCY
    Well, I haven't quite finished my brandy yet.
    MARY
    Another cigar?
    DARCY
    No, this one will last quite some time I'm sure.
    MARY
    Oh, another match, then? You cigar appears to be lit unevenly.
    DARCY
    No, it's really just fine, Miss Mary.
    MARY
    Make sure to call me when your ash grows too long.


    MR. BENNET
    Mr. Darcy. I understand you've been keeping my little Lizzy occupied at Oakham Mount.
    DARCY
    Yes, sir.
    MR. BENNET
    Well, I have to thank you most sincerely. It's been good for her to get out and about.
    DARCY
    Oh, not at all.
    MR. BENNET
    She seems to have a lot on her mind lately.
    DARCY
    Yes, yes.
    MR. BENNET
    She's always been rather a precocious girl. If she gets too argumentative, just be firm with her.
    DARCY
    Oh, certainly, sir.
    MR. BENNET
    Don't let her get under your skin.
    DARCY
    Oh, certainly not.
    MR. BENNET
    Perhaps you'd be good enough to take Kitty out with you tomorrow.. She also needs to be out of the house a bit more often.
    DARCY
    Well...
    MR. BENNET
    Oh, excuse me one moment, Mr. Darcy. ...Lizzy! You only filled my coffee cup half way. Where is your mind these days, child?


    DARCY
    Mr. Long, I couldn't help overhear you talking about Bonaparte. I've been following his exploits as well, and --
    MR. LONG
    Oh, Mr. Darcy. Have you met my daughter? Allow me to introduce you.
    DARCY
    Well, sir, perhaps I should finish my cigar first.
    MR. LONG
    No, no. She'll be delighted to meet you. No doubt about it.
    DARCY
    Well, let me refill my coffee cup then.
    MR. LONG
    No, no. She's right over here.


    MISS LONG
    Mr. Darcy, I've been trying to convince Miss Elizabeth Bennet, that lady over there, sitting by my sister, have you met her?
    DARCY
    Um...
    MISS LONG
    Well, anyway, I've been trying to convince her that a gentleman, having been refused once in his offer of marriage, would never bring himself to renew that offer. Do you not agree?
    DARCY
    Heavens. How did that topic of conversation arise?
    MISS LONG
    Oh, well a certain gentleman made an offer to Miss King several months ago, but she hasn't heard from him since.
    DARCY
    Well, I agree with your proposition in general, Miss Long, but to be perfectly honest, I can easily imagine an exception, specifically in the case in which the initial rejection was predicated upon a false presumption on both sides. If the lady subsequently becomes aware of the true nature of certain events, and if the gentleman comes to realize how dreadfully wrong he had been about certain things, then --
    MISS LONG
    Oh, Mr. Darcy, I don't believe a word of it.
    DARCY
    Make sure to relay that answer to Miss Bennet if you would.
    MISS LONG
    I must say I've certainly never been asked a second time. Why I remember one time when --
    DARCY
    Excuse me, madam, but my ash is about to fall.
    MISS LONG
    I'm going to tell Miss Elizabeth that you completely agree with me.


    MRS. BENNET
    Mr. Darcy, do you play whist? Of course you do. Sit down here.
    DARCY
    Well --
    MRS. BENNET
    Oh, dear. It appears that you'll be my partner, Mr. Darcy. Unless you'd like to play with the Johnston twins.
    DARCY
    No, this table will do quite well, madam.
    MRS. BENNET
    I do hope you won't ruff any of my aces. sir.
    DARCY
    Oh, certainly not. Are you familiar with Matthew's latest whist maxims, madam? Or are you a proponent of the Payne school of card-playing?
    MRS. BENNET
    What is your favourite trump suit, Mr. Darcy? I quite prefer hearts. I do hope I turn up a heart.


    MRS. BENNET
    Mr. Darcy! That was my ace that you just ruffed. And you missed my trump peter. I wish you'd pay more attention to events at our table, sir.
    DARCY
    Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Bennet. I was just trying to see --
    MRS. BENNET
    If you'd really like to be Miss Long's partner then I can ask Lizzy to swap places with you..
    DARCY
    No, no. Um, whose lead?

    BINGLEY
    Darcy, why did you have to order our carriage so soon? I was looking forward to supper.
    DARCY
    Did you make any progress this evening with Miss Bennet?
    BINGLEY
    Well, that wasn't exactly the best environment in which to propose marriage. I noticed you speaking briefly with Number Two.
    DARCY
    Yes, I got a chance to say about ten words.
    BINGLEY
    I hope the weather's nice tomorrow. Oakham Mount is starting to get quite muddy.

    Sep 24, 1812
    Returning to London


    DARCY
    Well, we've been here a week and neither of us is engaged. What a sorry pair we are.
    BINGLEY
    Well, I haven't had much opportunity to be alone with Jane.
    DARCY
    What about all those walks to Oakham Mount?
    BINGLEY
    Well what's your excuse?
    DARCY
    I'm absolutely positive that Miss Jane is in love with you, Bingley. But Number Two is giving me no encouragement at all.
    BINGLEY
    Since when do you need encouragement? Just ask her the question and she'll say yes. How could she possibly turn you down?
    DARCY
    I wish it were that simple.
    BINGLEY
    And what makes you think that Jane loves me? She hardly says a word to me when we go walking. And she hardly looks at me.
    DARCY
    Elizabeth's like that too. What is it with the women out here? The ladies in London make it absolutely clear when they're interested. One of them almost tackled me last spring.
    BINGLEY
    Persistence, Darcy, persistence. That's what we need.
    DARCY
    Yes, you're absolutely right. Persistence. ...I'm going to London to think this over for a few days.
    BINGLEY
    London?

    Darcy's Dialogues: Darcy bumps into Lizzy at Pemberley

    Posted on Wednesday, 11 April 2007

    Aug 4, 1812
    Elizabeth is at Pemberley


    MR. GARDINER
    Lizzy! There you are. You'll never guess what just happened.
    LIZZY
    Yes, uncle?
    MR. GARDINER
    It seems the master has returned a day early.
    LIZZY
    The master? Who do you mean? ... Oh, my god!
    MR. GARDINER
    The gardener and I just saw him in the distance riding towards the house.
    LIZZY
    What? Is he sure it's Mr. Darcy?
    MR. GARDINER
    He says it's not unusual for this to happen.
    LIZZY
    Oh my god. Oh my god.
    MR. GARDINER
    I certainly wouldn't mind meeting him.
    LIZZY
    I can't let him see me. Where's the carriage?
    MR. GARDINER
    Lizzy. What's the matter? He'd probably like to say hello to you.
    LIZZY
    Oh, I think not, uncle.
    MR. GARDINER
    But Lizzy --
    LIZZY
    Uncle, I'm not feeling well. I think I'll return to the carriage.
    MR. GARDINER
    You're not feeling well?
    LIZZY
    Uncle, really. He mustn't know I'm here.
    MR. GARDINER
    Well, I don't really expect to see him in any case. He certainly wouldn't be greeting visitors himself, Lizzy. He leaves that job to --
    LIZZY
    But that housekeeper might tell him that I was here.
    MR. GARDINER
    But she doesn't even know your name.
    LIZZY
    But she heard you both calling me "Lizzy". And she knows I'm acquainted with him. Oh, dear.
    MR. GARDINER
    Well, if he does come out, I'll tell him that you --
    LIZZY
    If he finds out who I am, he'll have me chased off the grounds.
    MR. GARDINER
    Oh, nonsense, Lizzy.
    LIZZY
    Tell him I'm "Lizzy Johnston". I'll be hiding in the carriage.
    MR. GARDINER
    Lizzy. Come back here.
    LIZZY
    Is it parked by the stables?

    Aug 4, 1812
    Darcy meets Elizabeth at Pemberley


    DARCY
    Oh.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh.
    DARCY
    Why, Miss Bennet.
    ELIZABETH
    ...
    DARCY
    Miss Bennet.
    ELIZABETH
    ...
    DARCY
    How nice to see you.
    ELIZABETH
    ...um
    DARCY
    How are you?
    ELIZABETH
    Fine.
    DARCY
    How is your family?
    ELIZABETH
    Fine.
    DARCY
    You're... you're at Pemberley.
    ELIZABETH
    Yes.
    DARCY
    And how are you?
    ELIZABETH
    I'm so sorry.
    DARCY
    Oh, not at all.
    ELIZABETH
    I'm ...
    DARCY
    You're sorry?
    ELIZABETH
    I'm fine.
    DARCY
    Yes.
    ELIZABETH
    Are you well?
    DARCY
    Yes, quite. Is your family well?
    ELIZABETH
    Yes.
    DARCY
    And your parents? Are they well?
    ELIZABETH
    I'm so sorry, Mr. Darcy.
    DARCY
    When did you leave Longbourn?
    ELIZABETH
    Yes, my parents are well.
    DARCY
    You've been touring Derbyshire?
    ELIZABETH
    We left several weeks ago.
    DARCY
    Did you leave your family well?
    ELIZABETH
    Derbyshire is beautiful.
    DARCY
    How long have you been in Derbyshire?
    ELIZABETH
    Yes, my family is well.
    DARCY
    I'm quite surprised to see you.
    ELIZABETH
    Several weeks.
    DARCY
    You're not alone, are you?
    ELIZABETH
    I'm so sorry.
    DARCY
    Not at all.
    ELIZABETH
    I'm with my aunt and uncle.
    DARCY
    I'll leave you, then.
    ELIZABETH
    Good day.

    Aug 4, 1812
    Lizzy wants to leave Pemberley fast


    LIZZY
    Aunt, aunt! I've been looking for you everywhere!
    MRS. GARDINER
    Lizzy! What is it? You look terrified!
    LIZZY
    Oh, aunt. I've seen him! We must leave at once.
    MRS. GARDINER
    Who, Lizzy?
    LIZZY
    Mr. Darcy! He's here!
    MRS. GARDINER
    Lizzy, catch your breath.
    LIZZY
    We have to leave. Before he sees me... um, I mean us.
    MRS. GARDINER
    But Lizzy, surely he'll allow us to finish our tour.
    LIZZY
    No, no. My being here is improper. Very improper. I shouldn't be here.
    MRS. GARDINER
    Whyever not?
    LIZZY
    He may loose the dogs on us.
    MRS. GARDINER
    Oh Lizzy. Don't be silly. You heard what Mrs. Reynolds said about him. Never a cross word --
    LIZZY
    But, aunt. He thinks... he probably thinks I'm here to... to..., oh!
    MRS. GARDINER
    To what, Lizzy? I'm sure he'd be delighted to see you.
    LIZZY
    No, no.
    MRS. GARDINER
    But Lizzy, is that Mr. Darcy? Walking this way?
    LIZZY
    What?
    MRS. GARDINER
    He's coming up behind you. ... Good day, sir.

    Darcy's Dialogues: At the Netherfield Ball

    Posted on Friday, 20 April 2007

    Nov 26, 1811
    As the Netherfield Ball is starting


    BINGLEY
    Well, Darcy. Are you in a dancing mood tonight?
    DARCY
    Well, I was out riding today, so don't expect --
    BINGLEY
    Look. You're one of the hosts tonight --
    DARCY
    I am no such thing.
    BINGLEY
    -- and I hope you'll act accordingly.
    DARCY
    There's no need to treat me like a servant, Bingley.
    BINGLEY
    If you're not going to be sociable, Darcy, then you might as well just help out in the kitchen.

    MISS BINGLEY
    Oh, Mr. Darcy. I really don't relish the idea of being stomped upon by a muddy-booted corn-husker tonight.
    DARCY
    Oh, I'm sure there'll be lots of --
    MISS BINGLEY
    You can take every dance with me, if you wish.
    DARCY
    Well, I need to keep my eye on your brother.
    MISS BINGLEY
    Oh, yes. That's true.
    DARCY
    I believe the costermonger's son will be searching you out for the first dance.
    MISS BINGLEY
    Oh, dear. Perhaps I could hide behind you if he approaches. You could block his view.

    BINGLEY
    Darcy, when Miss Jane arrives, I want you to take Miss Elizabeth away somewhere and leave Jane alone with me. Those two are inseparable at these get-togethers.
    DARCY
    No, Bingley, I believe that Miss Elizabeth is usually chatting with Miss Lucas. Miss Bennet is generally with her mother.
    BINGLEY
    So dance with her mother, then. I want to be alone with Number One as much as possible.
    DARCY
    Don't worry. Their mother will probably push Miss Bennet right into your lap.
    BINGLEY
    I hope you're right, Darcy. The only reason I threw this ball in the first place was to dance with Miss Bennet.
    DARCY
    Look here, Bingley, you're going to have to take care what you say to her.
    BINGLEY
    Perhaps you and I should agree on some hand signals.
    DARCY
    Look, Bingley. You're the host of this ball. You really should be dancing with every unmarried female who attends. You can't be seen favouring Miss Bennet all night long.
    BINGLEY
    I don't give a wild goose-feather for the other ladies, Darcy. I plan on spending a lot of time with Bennet Number One tonight. Steer clear of her, will you?

    DARCY
    Louisa, your brother is adamant about Miss Bennet. He might even try to secure her hand tonight for all I know.
    LOUISA
    Oh, dear. He'd better not spend the entire evening with Miss Bennet. He's the host of this affair after all.
    DARCY
    I tried telling him that.
    LOUISA
    Then you and my husband will have to keep Charles away from her. Keep him in the billiard room talking politics.
    DARCY
    Your brother is completely ignorant of politics, Louisa.
    LOUISA
    Yes, you're right. He'll have to act like a proper host tonight. He should be dancing with everyone but Miss Bennet.
    DARCY
    Indeed.
    LOUISA
    Perhaps if you keep Miss Jane busy on the dance floor, then Charles won't have a chance to --
    DARCY
    He won't let me go near her.
    LOUISA
    Go talk to my husband. Perhaps he can think of something.

    HURST
    Well, Darcy...
    DARCY
    Well?
    HURST
    I hope Miss King wears the same dress that she was wearing at that ball in Meryton. They don't build women like that any more, Darcy.
    DARCY
    Perhaps you'd better cool off in the billiard room all night, Hurst.
    HURST
    I've been trying to think of a way to get her to dance with me. I might need your help.
    DARCY
    You're on your own, my friend.
    HURST
    I can't just walk up to her and ask her to dance. I'm a married man. How would that look?
    DARCY
    When has that ever stopped you?
    HURST
    Look here. Why don't you yourself ask Miss King to dance, and then I'll come over and say that Bingley needs you.
    DARCY
    Good grief, Hurst. I don't expect to be anywhere in the vicinity of Miss King tonight, that's for sure.
    HURST
    Well, the guests are starting to arrive. Oh, look! There's Miss King!

    Nov 26, 1811
    The Netherfield Ball


    DARCY
    Good evening, Mrs. Bennet... Mr. Bennet... Miss Ben--
    MRS. BENNET
    Hello, Mr. Darcy. Where is Mr. Bingley, pray?
    DARCY
    Oh, he's just attending to some --
    MRS. BENNET
    Oh, there he is. Jane, come this way. Quickly.

    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth. How are you this evening?
    ELIZABETH
    Quite well, thank you.
    DARCY
    You didn't find the evening air too chilly, I trust.
    ELIZABETH
    No, not at all.
    DARCY
    You don't think it'll rain later this evening, do you?
    ELIZABETH
    Well, I really couldn't say, sir.
    DARCY
    How does Netherfield look? Somewhat different than it did a fortnight ago, does it not?
    ELIZABETH
    Sir, I'm holding up the line. I really should be moving along.
    DARCY
    Oh, of course. Good evening then.
    MISS KING
    Why, Mr. Darcy! How are you this evening?

    DARCY
    Hurst, why weren't you in the receiving line with me? You would've enjoyed the view that Miss King offered.
    HURST
    Yes, I can see that her dress fits even more effectively than last time.
    DARCY
    It does indeed.
    HURST
    Remember, Darcy, after you ask her to dance, give me a hand signal.

    LOUISA
    Fitzwilliam, Miss Elizabeth is asking about George Wickham.
    DARCY
    Oh, dear me.
    LOUISA
    No, no, that's good news. For you at least.
    DARCY
    It is?
    LOUISA
    Yes. He's probably already spread his usual lies about you. You won't have to worry about chasing her away.
    DARCY
    Well, perhaps I should --
    LOUISA
    She probably despises you already. You're off the hook.

    MISS BINGLEY
    Mr. Darcy. Stand in front of me. Quickly.
    DARCY
    What?
    MISS BINGLEY
    I need you to shield me from that Freddy Fish-seller.
    DARCY
    Oh, just a moment. I think I hear your brother calling me.
    MISS BINGLEY
    No, no. Come back!

    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth, would you honour me with the next dance?
    ELIZABETH
    Well, sir, I believe I'm engaged for the next several dances with my cousin.
    DARCY
    Oh.
    ELIZABETH
    Have you met him?
    DARCY
    No, I haven't had the pleasure.
    ELIZABETH
    Perhaps when he and I are done dancing, I'll introduce him to you. I'm sure he has a lot he'd like to discuss with you.
    DARCY
    Well --
    ELIZABETH
    He's quite a fascinating conversationalist.
    DARCY
    Well, I'm getting somewhat restless. I was hoping to stretch my legs out on the floor a little bit. I could arrange a reel if you wish.
    ELIZABETH
    Oh, well, if you're feeling fidgety then let me call Miss King over. I know for a fact that she loves reels.
    DARCY
    No, that won't be nec--
    MISS KING
    Why Mr. Darcy! Isn't it odd how we keep meeting?
    DARCY
    Um...
    MISS KING
    Can I light a cigar for you?

    BINGLEY
    Darcy, why haven't I seen you dancing yet?
    DARCY
    Soon.
    BINGLEY
    Why don't you dance with Miss King? She's been making a nuisance of herself all night.
    DARCY
    Get Hurst to dance with her.
    BINGLEY
    Oh. Miss Jane is back. Bye.

    MISS BINGLEY
    Mr. Darcy, that fishman has been chasing me around all evening.
    DARCY
    My word.
    MISS BINGLEY
    He managed to accost me a few minutes ago. I was in need of your help.
    DARCY
    Oh, dear.
    MISS BINGLEY
    Didn't you see me signalling with my hand?

    DARCY
    Miss Elizabeth. The next dance?
    ELIZABETH
    Oh, oh, certainly. Oh, wait. Um, um...
    DARCY
    It's a reel. Good evening, then.
    ELIZABETH
    But, but...

    MR. COLLINS
    Mr. Darcy, allow me to apologize for accosting you in such an abrupt manner, but my cousin Miss Elizabeth insisted that I should take pains to present myself to your acquaintance. I humbly beseech your patience and solicitude, sir, and ask that you grant me permission to express the great honour I feel in at long last making the acquaintance of the illustrious nephew of my great patroness, Lady --
    DARCY
    Sir --
    MR. COLLINS
    Oh, beg pardon, Mr. Darcy. Almost as soon as I arrived in Hertfordshire, I singled you out as the one person to whom I must make my presence known, having been so recently in the company of your own Aunt, the Lady --
    DARCY
    Sir --
    MR. COLLINS
    You will be pleased to know, sir, that not only is your Aunt in the best of health, but also that your own beloved cousin, Miss Anne de Bourgh, was, when I last saw her, in --
    DARCY
    I'm sorry, sir, but I've promised this dance to Miss King. Good evening.
    (later)

    LOUISA
    Fitzwilliam, why were you dancing with Miss Elizabeth? You should've continued dancing with Miss King.
    DARCY
    Well, she seemed in need of a partner, and --
    LOUISA
    Nonsense. I thought we were trying to shun the Bennets.
    DARCY
    Your brother insists that I have to act the host tonight.
    LOUISA
    Look, Fitzwilliam, we can hardly tell Charles that Miss Jane is unsuitable if you continue to court her sister.
    DARCY
    Louisa, I was just being courteous.
    LOUISA
    If you're not going to leave Miss Elizabeth alone then you and Charles should just marry the Bennets and be done with it. It really doesn't matter to me.
    DARCY
    No, no. There's no need to --
    LOUISA
    I'm growing rather fond of Hertfordshire.
    DARCY
    Don't worry, Louisa, I'll steer clear of Miss Elizabeth for the remainder of the evening.
    LOUISA
    You and Caroline are so intent on finding a well-connected wife for Charles, but at this rate...

    BINGLEY
    So, Darcy. I see you finally got a chance to dance with Miss Elizabeth. Took you long enough.
    DARCY
    Bingley, you shouldn't be dancing with Miss Bennet so often. There are other ladies here, you know.
    BINGLEY
    Oh, Darcy, I'm in heaven. I wish this evening would never end.
    DARCY
    Miss King hasn't danced with you yet.
    BINGLEY
    Miss Bennet is an angel. A goddess...
    DARCY
    Bingley, you're the host. You have to spread yourself around a bit. Go over and ask Miss King. And then the Johnston twins. They're looking quite anxious.

    DARCY
    Oh, Miss Bingley. What's that dreadful odour?
    MISS BINGLEY
    How did that tradesman get invited to our ball?
    DARCY
    He's quite the dancer, isn't he?
    MISS BINGLEY
    I think he was raised by a pack of elephants.
    DARCY
    I believe a jig is coming up. Shall we?
    MISS BINGLEY
    Very well. But I'll just barely have time to change.

    HURST
    Darcy, what's gotten into you?
    DARCY
    What do you mean?
    HURST
    You danced with Miss King! I was trying to make my way over to you, but you went ahead and actually danced with her.
    DARCY
    Well, the circumstance was rather extreme.
    HURST
    Well, go ask her again. Then give me the signal.
    DARCY
    Try walking in front of her with an unlit cigar in your mouth.

    Nov 26, 1811
    Post-mortem after the Netherfield Ball


    LOUISA
    Well, we're in a fine state now, aren't we?
    DARCY
    Yes. She despises me.
    LOUISA
    I was speaking of Charles.
    DARCY
    Oh, yes. What are we to do?
    LOUISA
    You're going to have to make up your mind.
    DARCY
    My mind?
    LOUISA
    Either you court Miss Elizabeth properly and encourage Charles with Miss Jane, or we should just leave this place immediately.
    DARCY
    Immediately?
    LOUISA
    Tomorrow.
    DARCY
    Oh dear.
    LOUISA
    Of course I know what Caroline expects us to do.
    DARCY
    Yes.
    LOUISA
    I can't understand why you take such an interest in Miss Elizabeth while at the same time you're so determined to keep Charles away from her sister.
    DARCY
    Yes, you're right, Louisa. The Bennets are a bad match for both of us. We'll have to leave. Tomorrow.
    LOUISA
    I know you have no interest in my sister. I haven't been able to convince her of that, though. But you seem to agree with her when it comes to Charles' future.
    DARCY
    Well, she's right. Your brother and I both have to find better matches.
    LOUISA
    Just think, Fitzwilliam. You have two women in your life that you can't seem to say no to: my sister and your aunt.
    DARCY
    I suppose that's true.
    LOUISA
    And you're not even married.

    A party at Lucas Lodge

    Posted on Sunday, 15 July 2007


    Sep 26, 1811
    Before going to Lucas Lodge


    BINGLEY
    There's really no need for you to come tonight, Darcy.
    DARCY
    Oh, I wouldn't miss it.
    BINGLEY
    You're not exactly everyone's favourite houseguest, you know.
    DARCY
    But Sir William is expecting me.
    BINGLEY
    I really don't think you'll be missed, Darcy.
    DARCY
    You were so anxious to have me at that assembly ball a few days ago. What's different this time?
    BINGLEY
    I'm worried that you'll upset Miss Jane's sister, and then she'll upset Jane, and then I'll get upset. I'd like Jane to be in a good mood tonight.
    DARCY
    What would I ever say to disturb Bennet Number Two?
    BINGLEY
    You have a knack for overturning people's moods, Darcy. Especially hers. And Miss King's.
    DARCY
    Oh, nonsense.
    BINGLEY
    The proprietor of that dress shop is barring you from his premises, you know.
    DARCY
    Well, I'll go buy a dozen or so shawls from him. That'll improve his opinion.
    BINGLEY
    Thank goodness she won't be there tonight.
    DARCY
    ...Oh.
    BINGLEY
    Perhaps Caroline can keep you occupied.
    DARCY
    ...Um.
    BINGLEY
    Maybe you should try dancing this time.
    DARCY
    Oh, hang it all. I just remembered some letters that I absolutely have to get out in the morning. I'll have to spend all night on them.
    BINGLEY
    Oh for heaven's sake, Darcy. After all that fuss you're not going to come now?
    DARCY
    I need to wear out a few quills tonight.
    BINGLEY
    Well stay away from my tawny port.
    DARCY
    Please offer Sir William my deepest regrets.
    BINGLEY
    And hands off the French brandy.
    DARCY
    Don't worry. I brought my own.
    BINGLEY
    Well, it's better this way in any case. When Miss Elizabeth arrives, she and Jane won't get annoyed by your clever banter.
    DARCY
    What? I thought you said she wasn't coming.
    BINGLEY
    No. Miss King won't be coming.
    DARCY
    ...Oh.
    BINGLEY
    I hope Jane wears that white dress again.
    DARCY
    Wait a minute. ...Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to insult Lady Lucas by not attending her party.
    BINGLEY
    Oh, believe me, Darcy, she won't miss you, that's for sure.
    DARCY
    Well, the ladies may be short of dance partners. I'd better come after all.
    BINGLEY
    Blast it all, Darcy. You're as fickle as a woman.
    DARCY
    And there's something I needed to ask Colonel Forster.
    BINGLEY
    If I see you talking to Miss Elizabeth then I'm sending Caroline over.
    DARCY
    And Hurst wanted me to sample some of Sir William's sherry.
    BINGLEY
    If you upset her tonight, Darcy, I'll have you tied to that oak tree out front.





    Sep 26, 1811
    A gathering at Lucas Lodge


    BINGLEY
    Darcy, stop eavesdropping on Miss Elizabeth.
    DARCY
    I'm not.
    BINGLEY
    Leave her alone.
    DARCY
    I was eavesdropping on Colonel Forster.
    BINGLEY
    Go talk to Caroline before she insults Lady Lucas again. Egads, sometimes my sister is almost as bad as you are.
    DARCY
    Wait. Miss Elizabeth is coming my way.
    BINGLEY
    Well watch your tongue, Darcy.


    MISS ELIZABETH
    Did not you think, Mr. Darcy, that I expressed myself uncommonly well just now, when I was teazing Colonel Forster to give us a ball at Meryton?
    DARCY
    With great energy; but it is a subject which always makes a lady energetic.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    You are severe on us.
    DARCY
    Not at all, Miss Bennet. I only meant that the subject of dancing always adds a sparkle to a young lady's eyes.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    I hope you don't think that young ladies are only concerned with frivolous activities such as dancing and parties.
    DARCY
    Oh no, I certainly don't, but dancing is quite a serious and universal endeavour, Miss Elizabeth, practiced by almost all human societies, even the most primitive ones. I remember reading a book about --
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Primitive? I suppose the inhabitants of Hertfordshire must indeed appear rather primitive compared to the fashionable crowd that you're accustomed to, Mr. Darcy.
    MISS LUCAS
    Now Lizzy...

    DARCY
    No, no, I didn't mean --
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Oh, I'm just teazing, Mr. Darcy.
    MISS LUCAS
    It will be her turn soon to be teazed. I am going to open the instrument, Eliza, and you know what follows.


    BINGLEY
    Why can't you stay away from Miss Elizabeth like I asked you to?
    DARCY
    She came over to speak to me, Bingley. I couldn't avoid her.
    BINGLEY
    Why don't you just find a corner to hide in?
    DARCY
    Quiet. She's about to play on the pianoforte.
    BINGLEY
    Oh, good heavens. Captain Carter is pestering Jane again. I'll be right back.


    BINGLEY
    I thought you were going to be dancing tonight, Darcy.
    DARCY
    Well, I did ask Miss Elizabeth. Sir William forced the issue.
    BINGLEY
    Oh-oh.
    DARCY
    She refused me.
    BINGLEY
    Oh no. What did you say to her this time?


    MISS BINGLEY
    Miss Elizabeth Bennet! I am all astonishment. How long has she been such a favourite? -- and pray, when am I to wish you joy?
    DARCY
    That is exactly the question which I expected you to ask. A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. I knew you would be wishing me joy.
    MISS BINGLEY
    Nay, if you are so serious about it, I shall consider the matter as absolutely settled. You will have a charming mother-in-law, indeed; and, of course, she will be always at Pemberley with you.
    DARCY
    Really, Miss Bingley. There's no need to let your fancy run wild like this.
    MISS BINGLEY
    The younger Misses Bennet will make marvelous companions for your sister. I'm sure Georgiana has much to learn from them.
    DARCY
    Perhaps you've had a bit too much of Sir William's sherry.
    MISS BINGLEY
    And Miss Mary Bennet will be an immense aid to your librarian. She'll make sure that Pemberley is well stocked with big thick tomes full of lessons on temperance and moral rectitude.
    DARCY
    Oh, look. I think Lady Lucas wants to show you something.
    MISS BINGLEY
    And you can invite the Lucases for the Christmas season. Just imagine Sir William's lively conversation.
    DARCY
    Miss Bingley, I don't appreciate these idiotic speculations of yours.
    MISS BINGLEY
    Now if only the militia could set up camp near Lambton.


    MISS ELIZABETH
    Mr. Darcy, I'm told that you're leaving us soon.
    DARCY
    Yes I am.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    I hope it was nothing I said.
    DARCY
    No, of course not. I just have some business to attend to in town.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    And will you be returning home to Derbyshire afterwards?
    DARCY
    Probably, as long as certain business transactions go as smoothly as expected.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Then we won't see you again before the Christmas season. If at all.
    DARCY
    Well, I may return to Hertfordshire before then.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Well, please don't rush back until all of your affairs have been fully dealt with. Are you taking Miss Bingley with you?
    DARCY
    Oh, certainly not.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    I've gotten the impression that there's very little in Hertfordshire that would tempt you to return.
    DARCY
    Well, I wouldn't want Bingley to get too lonely.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Oh, I think he's the sort of man who can easily find ways to amuse himself.
    DARCY
    I wouldn't want him to make a nuisance of himself.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Don't feel that you need to come back only for his sake.
    DARCY
    Well, I did make him a promise.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    He's already made many good friends in the Meryton area. If he gets lonely, there are many, many people that he can turn to.
    DARCY
    I do expect to be back before Christmas.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    I know several people who find him to be a most excellent dance partner.
    DARCY
    In November, in fact.
    MISS ELIZABETH
    Well, Mr. Darcy, in case you don't return to Hertfordshire and I never see you again for the rest of my entire life, allow me to thank you for the stimulating glimpses of London high society that you've given us.
    DARCY
    Early November.

    BINGLEY
    Well, I see you left Miss Elizabeth in quite a good mood.
    DARCY
    Yes, I think she's happy that I'm leaving Hertfordshire.
    BINGLEY
    So you are leaving after all.
    DARCY
    I don't think she wants me to come back.
    BINGLEY
    Well, you needn't worry about me, Darcy. Mrs. Bennet has given me an open invitation to dine at Longbourn any time I wish.
    DARCY
    I'll be back as soon as I can, Bingley. Don't do anything rash while I'm gone.

    © 2007 Copyright held by the author.