Chapter 6

Posted on Tuesday, 6 September 2005

The party at Featherstone Park remained until the close of the week, our contact with them was minimal in the evening although visits between the ladies there and at Brookside Cottage were frequent during the day. While Mr Darcy and Lady Arabella returned to Allcotte I had been permitted to stay at the Millwood Cottage another week. Until I returned to them at Alcotte a few days before they began their journey to Derbyshire. During that week I passed my time pleasantly, we dined at Featherstone as well as at the Vernon’s home a modest park somewhere between the size of Longbourn and Netherfield. I was most relieved to have the time away from my employers for I was becoming steadily more and more irritated by them. In truth I wondered if I could long bare Lady Arabella with equanimity or that I would ever understand Mr Darcy’s ways.

I moved back to Allcotte Abbey the Tuesday se’nnight after them and began again with the children’s lessons, only to have them interrupted by the commencement of our traveling, I learnt to keep them well amused with word games and stories along the way which I used to teach them, I told them about the towns we passed through, I shall not repeat this pointless anecdotes for they are only meant for the children’s ears. Oddly enough I was glad to return to Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas and they seemed just as pleased to see me.

The journey took some seven days for it was deemed best that they not travel too far in one day and I was pleased that our afternoon afforded us some respite in inns and towns that I could walk around in. At around eleven o’clock on the seventh day of our ‘expedition’ as the children had named it after I had told them about Captain James Cook, we entered the neighbourhood of Lambton, a place that I knew well enough from the accounts of my Aunt Gardiner and I informed the restless children that we were “But five miles from Pemberley now.”

Eagerly the six of us waited for some sign of the woods and at length the lodge appeared. We began our drive through the park at the lowest point and as the carriage continued on its way we were all of us in awe. The grounds were undoubtedly the finest I had ever seen and stretched over a very wide extent, ten miles round I was told early on. We ascended through the woods for perhaps a mile and a half and as we left them our the carriage drew to a halt so that we could observe Pemberley House in all its glory as it lay on the opposite side of the valley. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills;—and in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. I was delighted, the children, Martha and Mrs Chambers equally so. “I have never seen a place so happily situated.” I said.

“No nor me Miss, me Ma will be right pleased when I tell her all this.” Martha agreed.

Once again a thought intruded, of this place I might have been mistress, of this perfect place. Oh that would have been something. However mercenary that may have sounded it was the truth. We continued on out way driving down the hill and over the stream and down an abruptly winding road until we reached the frontage of the property, where I was promptly ushered inside to keep out of the cold by the housekeeper.

I had arrived at Pemberley.

I was quick to learn that Mrs Reynolds ran the house quite differently from Mrs Turner in town. She had a far larger number of staff to manage whom she treated quite differently. Mrs Turner ran the house peacefully and distanced herself from the lower servants. Mrs Reynolds despite being very civil reigned with an iron fist which ensured that nobody broke ranks she knew the servants well though, many of their parents had worked for Pemberley and their grandparents too they were all locals who Mrs Reynolds held a long acquaintance with. Meals were not eaten in her rooms but we were obliged to eat with the scullery maids, the chambermaids the footmen and the gardeners, something that originally scandalized Mrs Chambers.

On the second day of my sojourn at Pemberley during the children’s break at midday she approached me. “Miss Bennet, would you like a tour of Pemberley, so that you do not loose your way?” She offered kindly and I accepted conscious of the fact that Pemberley was incredibly large and I could not afford to loose my way again as I had last evening which resulted in me holding up dinner.

“It may take you weeks to find me if I were to disappear again.” I chuckled self consciously.

“Come with me then, we had best start with the front of the house.” She said setting off before me at a brisk pace. “This is the main dinning parlour; it has hardly been used in many years. Undoubtedly it is hardly necessary for you know its location but when Lady Anne was Mistress of Pemberley she used to hold the most fine dinner parties. Why they were renowned throughout the whole of Derbyshire to be sure.”

“Perhaps you shall see that again soon, I suspect Lady Arabella is quite keen on entertaining.”

“I certainly hope so Miss Bennet, however I begin to suspect that now he is married we shall see Mr Darcy less than before.” I looked up at her quizzically though said nothing, “He used to be here at least six months of the year and Miss Georgiana was always down in the summer months, but we have not seen him here in a sixteen months, when he was down to show the mistress the estate when they first became engaged.” She shook her head sadly and I slowly comprehended that the present mistress was not a great favourite of the housekeeper, though I inquired no further.

“Oh what a charming prospect of the woods and the river!”

“Aye it certainly is. I do not know a finer place in the world that Pemberley. If the weather were warmer I would have Mr Walker our gardener show you the grounds, but the frost will prevent that. The prospect in the drawing room is far finer. I shall show you that in due course.” She ushered me along until we came to another room. “This is the late Mr Darcy’s favourite room.” She said as I began to take it all in, over the mantle place were a set of miniatures that arrested my eyes. “There is the master; do not you think it like him? It was painted nearly ten years ago now.”

I did not answer her. My eye was drawn instinctively to another painting. “Mrs Reynolds, who is that?”

“That one Miss Bennet, that is the son of the late master’s steward, I do not know what has become of him for he turned out very wild!” Indeed Mrs Reynolds, I reflected wryly that was old news that I did not need to hear. I did briefly wonder why it was in the room but then I remembered Wickham once telling me that he was the protégé of old Mr Darcy and no doubt the current Mr Darcy had allowed it to remain out of respect for him.

“Oh.”

“My master’s painting is a very accurate replica is it not ma’am.” I finally paid some attention to the other miniature and agreed with her that it was a most striking resemblance to him. Now she led me into the music room, “This is one of Miss Georgiana’s favourite rooms. She plays and sings all day long.”

“The instrument is very beautiful.”

“Oh yes my master had it sent down the last time they were here. Miss Georgiana was quite enamoured of it. But that is always the way with my master, anything that can bring her pleasure is done immediately.”

“Indeed, I had noticed their close relationship.”

“She will be leaving us soon I dare say and the instrument along with her.”

“What makes you think so?”

“Oh ma’am she shall be married by the close of the season for she is the handsomest most accomplished young lady that ever was seen.”

“Perhaps she shall leave the instrument.”

“There will be no call for it here with Miss Georgiana gone, Lady Arabella does not play I understand.” She paused then added, “It is not the instrument I shall miss particularly though I confess it is one of the highlights of the tour I give, it is that Miss Darcy would spend so much time with her pianoforte and in the summer months it is so pleasant to have the house filled with music, the house is too quite without it.”

“Mr Darcy is certainly very good to her.”

“If I was to go through the world, I could not meet with a better man than my master. But I have always observed that they who are good-natured when children are good-natured when they grow up; and he was always the sweetest-tempered, most generous-hearted, boy in the world.”

I stared at her but said nothing allowing her to continue on with her astonishing character assessment of Mr Darcy.

“He is so affable to the poor, just like his father. He is the best land lord and the best master that ever lived. Not like the wild young men now-a-days, who think of nothing but themselves. There is not one of his tenants or servants but what will give him a good name. Some people call him proud; but I am sure I never saw any thing of it. To my fancy, it is only because he does not rattle away like other young men.”

I was astonished that the good lady before me could think so highly of him. Certainly there had been times since my re-acquaintance with Mr Darcy when I had thought him changed, improved in civilities but I still found much to be confused with in him and his pride certainly still existed. Yet here was Mrs Reynolds expounding his numerous virtues to me as if it were the most natural and truthful thing in the world. I listened, wondered, doubted, and was impatient for more. Mrs. Reynolds could interest me on no other point. The dimension of the lofty rooms and the prices of the furniture were of very little interest to me, how could they be? I followed her up the great staircase with a childish enthusiasm to the portrait gallery which awaited me. First it was necessary to show me a few of the principle bedrooms and some sketches of Miss Darcy’s she was keen to display to me.

The family gallery was certainly large and I walked on as politely but quickly as was possible as Mrs Reynolds told me about other members of the family that I was not interested in. At last we reached him, it was in my opinion a striking resemblance of Mr. Darcy, more so than the one downstairs, with such a smile over the face as I remembered to have sometimes seen, when he looked at me. I stood several minutes before the picture in earnest contemplation, as Mrs. Reynolds informed them that it had been taken in his father's life time.

We walked on and I had every intention of returning to it at the end however, that was not to be another painting captured my attention. It was a Kit-cat displaying a family, it depicted a dark haired gentleman and a fair haired frail looking woman, who might once have been handsome but now appeared sickly, a gangly looking young boy of perhaps twelve was standing next to the chair she was seated in. The woman held a baby only a few months old, in great contrast to the mother the babe had dark locks. It was the infant who captured my attention most. “That portrait was painted just a few weeks before Lady Anne Darcy passed away.” Mrs Reynolds explained to me I paid minimal attention to her but continued to stare at it for several minutes in earnest contemplation.

“They bear a striking resemblance do they not?” A voice behind me spoke close to my ear and a shiver ran down my spin, it was not just my imagination then.

One, Two, Three the clock outside my chamber chimed as I rolled over restlessly and thumped my pillow. Sleep was absolutely impossible there were far too many things on my mind.

First of all Mrs Reynolds astonishing revelations about the character of Mr Darcy had captured my attention. Added to the shocking revelation in the portrait gallery it was little wonder that I was incapable of sleeping that night. Which was ridiculous anyway, all babies looked the same, so there was really no issue that Miss Darcy and Rachel looked similar. It was still little wonder that I had been so inattentive for the remained of the day, for sure I would get lost for after that I had followed Mrs Reynolds about blindly for the rest of the tour. My attempts at teaching the children had been pitiful at best that afternoon as well. And the servants probably hated me now for I had been listless at dinner that evening.

There was nothing for it but to go to the library and find a book, preferably a copy of Fordyce’s Sermons that could surely send even the most restless of spirits to sleep and there was bound to be a passage in there about the dangers of curiosity in young woman with which I could chastise myself with. If Mary were here she would no doubt be able to tell me which was the best book of sermons to read for this problem.

I slipped my dressing gown over my nightgown and slippers on my feet and crept downstairs to the library, at least I knew where that was situated. However I was unfamiliar with the layout of the library and was unsuccessful in my search for the books of sermons, they would be easier to find in daylight, my one candle was not much help. My fingers ran along the spines and I intermittently pulled out a book. I came across a copy of Hannah More’s Strictures I had never read it before; Papa had said that it was more Mary’s choice of reading than my own. I flipped through it until it fell open on a page which I read:

‘An early habitual restraint is peculiarly important to the future character and happiness of woman. A judicious un-relaxing but steady and gentle curb of their tempers and passions can alone ensure their peace and establish their principles… Girls should be led to distrust their own judgment; they should learn not to murmur at expostulation; they should be accustomed to expect and to endure opposition… It is of the last importance to their happiness, even in this life, that they should acquire a submissive temper and forbearing spirit. ¹’

Yuck! I did not like that at all. It was like a slap in the face. I hoped Mr Darcy had not been giving this type of genre to Miss Darcy to read. I hastily put it back on the shelves and went in search of another book. I pulled out a book of philosophy by Locke and as I opened the book a piece of paper dropped out, I bent down to retrieve it and my eye caught what was written on the front. ‘Miss Elizabeth Bennet’ it was a letter, a thick one written for me. It seemed that I could do nothing but be curious that day and I opened it quickly and read what it had to say.

Rosings Park, Hunsford, Nr Westerham Kent
___ April 1812

To Miss Elizabeth Bennet,

Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion should have been spared, had not my character required it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your justice…

This was enough to peak my curiosity. What on earth could Mr Darcy possibly have to say to me that had not already been said during that horrible evening at Hunsford Parsonage? Surely not so much that could warrant the amount of paper he had apparently used. And another thing why had he not given it to me? What was going on here? I was tempted to put the letter away; after all he probably had not wanted me to read it after all.

So I did what anyone in my position would do. I read on. First of all he dealt with Jane and Mr Bingley. He quite freely admitted that he was well aware Bingley had formed a strong attachment to Jane, furthermore he did not deny that Bingley’s attachment was, providing I was reading correctly, strong enough for him to have considered matrimony, not only that but that not only my mother but the whole neighbourhood had expectations of a marriage between the two. I was relieved to know that we had not all been mislead of Mr Bingley’s intentions towards my dear Jane and that he was an honourable man who had not trifled with her affections, despite his apparent habit of falling in love. But I had had the admission from Mr Darcy’s own mouth that he had separated them regardless of either’s feelings.

I read on, he had watched Jane, that evening at Netherfield and he had determined through his own, apparently impartial conviction that she had no particular regard for Mr Bingley! How could he even have claimed such a thing! Had the man no conscience. I remembered very well the conversation I had had with Colonel Fitzwilliam, the afternoon proceeding Darcy’s proposal, ‘he congratulated himself on having lately saved a friend from the inconveniences of a most imprudent marriage,’ and that had there been no affection in the case it would ‘lessen the honour of my cousin's triumph very sadly.’ Even during the time of my lowest opinion of Mr Darcy I could not believe that he made a frequent habit of separating couples in love. But if he had not been speaking of Bingley to the Colonel then who had he meant? How many young ladies had he met who he could object to? And just how frequently did Mr Bingley find himself in love? For I could not imagine that the majority of Mr Darcy’s friends would find themselves in such a situation as the Colonel has spoken to me of. Yet I did not want to believe that Mr Darcy was lying to me in claiming that he though Jane had no affection for Mr Bingley.

It was understandable, I suppose that he did not perceive any affection in Jane, he did not know her after all and if you were to compare her to the other, less retiring members of our family perhaps she had then seemed cold and unfeeling. But I knew better, I knew her temperament, I had witnessed her melancholy since the sad affair and I knew that she did love Bingley, as much as Darcy claimed Bingley had loved her! It was ironic I reflected that the reserved Mr Darcy had not recognized the exact same trait in my eldest sister and that in the end their reserve had been both their downfalls, although even had I been aware of his admiration of me I would not have accepted, I might have handled the situation with more grace than I did. Had Jane been more open with her feelings and exhibited herself as every other member of my family did then perhaps she would have got Bingley. Though I doubted it very much indeed, had she flirted with him and acted as Lydia or Kitty or my Mother did no doubt his family and Mr Darcy would have been disgusted with her and prevented the marriage any way. But who is to say that even Bingley would not have been revolted by her throwing herself at him.

With his observation in mind he had thus, along with the aid of Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley followed Mr Bingley back to town and dissuaded him from making any proposal to Jane and they had attempted to break any contact between the two families. Miss Bingley’s letters had been nothing more than an appearance of friendship, while at the same time she had tried to prevent the correspondence, the words she had written and the letters she had chose to reply to where only ever aimed at hurting my sister.

What he had objected to was my family’s behaviour. Not Jane and mine but the rest of our family were involved in his censure! He objected to them more that he did to our poor connections! It was impossible that he could say such a thing about my father, he was admittedly something of a recluse and yes he was eccentric, but we should not condemn a man for such things. But then I recalled his behaviour that evening, it had sunk into unimportance when I was confronted by the embarrassment the rest of my family had caused, his words to Mary when she had played to us, without having been invited and his unwillingness to control his wild younger daughters, yes his behaviour had been improper, but it was not unpardonable. However, I could not deny that there were very few people in this world who would willingly have allied themselves to a family where the mother and younger sisters displayed every impropriety imaginable.

And so it was these reasons which had induced him to take action to preserve and protect his dear friend. He had thought Jane was not in love with Mr Bingley. I supposed it was honourable that he did not want to see Bingley deceived by a fortune hunter, but I could not forgive him for his poor assessment of Jane’s character. Strange really when I too had miss read him, apparently, I should have been less judgmental.

With respect to that other, more weighty accusation, of having injured Mr. Wickham, I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of his connection with my family…

Of what he had to say of Mr Wickham was of even greater interest to me, particularly since I had heard nothing of him since he and Lydia ran off together. He wrote of the Darcy family’s connection with the Wickham family. In almost every aspect his account coincided with what Mr Wickham himself had told me. Old Mr Wickham had been Old Mr Darcy’s steward for the Pemberley estates. He was an honourable man and a trusted friend of the late Mr Darcy, so much so that Mr Darcy accepted the roll of godfather to George Wickham. A roll he by all accounts took seriously, educating and providing for the young man – in a way his own father never could do, because of the extravagance of Mrs Wickham. Apparently Wickham’s own spend thrift manner was a trait he had inherited from his mother. Old Mr Darcy was as deceived by Wickham’s open and artless easiness with him as the rest of us had been, charmed and fooled!

While the account of Wickham and Darcy’s early years were almost the same, it was following the late Mr Darcy’s death that the two stories took a turn and there was but one tale I was willing to believe. Even before I read what Mr Darcy had written I knew that Wickham was not the man he had claimed to be, to all of Meryton, that the story he told my acquaintances and I was not the truth. I knew this from his actions towards Lydia and the subsequent tales that had been spread far and wide through the town of Meryton.

Mr Wickham was by no means a man who would have been suited to a profession in the clergy! He himself had declared to Darcy that he would not, that he would prefer another career and Darcy provided it for him, because he was inclined to agree that Mr Wickham lacked the necessary virtues to be a clergyman. I knew, due to his manner of eloping with Lydia and subsequently abandoning her that he was not a man of many scruples, why he had meddled with every tradesman’s daughter back at home! He had rung up debts with every reputable and questionable business in town, he had gaming debts as well as the debts of honour. Therefore, I was not surprised that he did not succeed in his attempts to enter law. I would not be surprised if he had ever once perused it, once he had the three thousand pounds that Mr Darcy had so generously given him. I suspected as I assumed Mr Darcy did that every last penny had been wasted on women and gaming tables.

After this period, every appearance of acquaintance was dropt. How he lived I know not. But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded on my notice. I must now mention a circumstance which I would wish to forget myself, and which no obligation less than the present should induce me to unfold to any human being. Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your secrecy. My sister, who is more than ten years my junior, was left to the guardianship of my mother's nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and myself. About a year ago, she was taken from school, and an establishment formed for her in London; and last summer she went with the lady who presided over it, to Ramsgate; and thither also went Mr. Wickham, undoubtedly by design; for there proved to have been a prior acquaintance between him and Mrs. Younge, in whose character we were most unhappily deceived; and by her connivance and aid he so far recommended himself to Georgiana, whose affectionate heart retained a strong impression of his kindness to her as a child, that she was persuaded to believe herself in love, and to consent to an elopement. She was then but fifteen, which must be her excuse; and after stating her imprudence, I am happy to add that I owed the knowledge of it to herself. I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement; and then Georgiana, unable to support the idea of grieving and offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as a father, acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what I felt and how I acted. Regard for my sister's credit and feelings prevented any public exposure, but I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left the place immediately, and Mrs. Younge was of course removed from her charge. Mr. Wickham's chief object was unquestionably my sister's fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds; but I cannot help supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me was a strong inducement. His revenge would have been complete indeed.

Oh dear God what had I done?

This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards Mr. Wickham. I know not in what manner, under what form of falsehood, he has imposed on you; but his success is not, perhaps, to be wondered at. Ignorant as you previously were of every thing concerning either, detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly not in your inclination. You may possibly wonder why all this was not told you last night. But I was not then master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed. For the truth of every thing here related, I can appeal more particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and still more as one of the executors of my father's will, has been unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions. If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.

Fitzwilliam Darcy

By the time I had finished reading it I was in tears, everything I had needed to know about him and about myself was in that letter. Of course I knew about Mr Wickham and I did not need to acquit him of any cruelty towards him but now I had least know how he had got himself into that state. It was harder originally to accredit his explanation with regards to Jane and Mr Bingley but time, a great deal of it, had passed and my wrath was somewhat softened. I quickly recalled a conversation Charlotte and I had once had Charlotte had said, “it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity of fixing him; and it will then be but poor consolation to believe the world equally in the dark.”

It was not only Jane but our whole family that had been responsible for Jane’s melancholy though. Lydia’s elopement had only proved our lack of respectability there was no reason anyone should wish to unite themselves with a family such as ours we were an intolerable bunch and even, I suspected, Bingley’s easy going nature would eventually have tired of us. I had never hated myself before, but at that moment all the anger that had once been directed at Mr Darcy was instead directed at myself. He acquitted me of blame but still I felt myself to be at fault.

Miss Darcy, here my conscience nagged me. I had been quite insensitive towards the poor girl. To have been faced with such a reality at so young an age, it was little wonder she pretended that I did not exist, she probably hated me and quite rightly so. My words of the first evening had been thoughtlessly spoken, the drawing room was not the place to discuss my families indiscretions. Oh had I but known the truth of the matter! Now here I was instilled in her life and in her home reminding her of what she had come so close to doing herself, she must have been so embarrassed by my presence.

I sniffed and opened the letter again to re read it as if in a form of punishment when I heard the library door creak open. I stopped still, I could not be seen dressed thus it could not be proper; perhaps Hannah More had done me some good. So instead I remained where I was hoping that whoever it was would either go away or that I was far enough back to remain concealed from them. Their step was heavy and determined and I could hear it striding in my direction. I tried to shrink back into the shadows and prayed every moment that they would stop or turn back. Just so long as I was not discovered. Who else would be awake at this hour of the night? The steps came gradually closer towards me and as I skulked back further I heard them stop quickly, “E…” He cleared his throat, “…Miss Bennet!”

“Mr Darcy.” I mumbled looking down at my slippers.

“What are you doing here?”

I looked up at him briefly, “I came to get a book. I could not sleep.”

He looked at my face for a few more seconds before turning to the table I indicated to where my book lay, he gasped audibly. “Have you read any of it yet?” He inquired awkwardly.

“No I became distracted.”

“Miss Bennet are you well? Come sit down you do not look well at all. Can I get you a glass of wine perhaps?”

“It’s a little early in the day for that do you not think.” I teased him to conceal my discomfort, while making my way over to the offered seat and trying unsuccessfully not to reveal the letter.

I heard him swear loudly and he began pacing the room. I had a feeling that he was going to say something very serious to me then and there. I had seen him pacing before. The room grew deadly silent except for the constant echoing of his shoes against the wooden floor. Perhaps it would be best for me to start. “Did you…I never…” He trailed off and sighed frustratingly running his hands through his hair.

“Yes I…I did read it.”

“I never meant for you to.”

“Then why did you write it, why have you kept it?”

“Originally I had every intention of giving it to you. But I could not find you that…that morning to give it to you. I thought to send it to you, when you had returned to Longbourn and by that time my anger had subsided and I realized that it had been written in the bitterest of spirits. Besides I could not write to you if your parents had found it. And then when I became… engaged I still could not bring myself to burn it, do not ask for my motivation, I just hid it away in the book. Since our return to Pemberley I have been attempting to retrieve it. However, it seems that I was too late.” He fell silent and I was equally so.

“Miss Bennet, are you well?” He inquired after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

“Yes…yes quite well thank you, sir.” I replied still crying. He stood still for a moment and handed me a handkerchief.

“I am very sorry for causing you any additional pain Miss Bennet.”

“Pain?” I asked in astonishment, “It is not pain it is just…”

“The truth hurts does it not?” He asked rhetorically in a soft voice that I almost could not hear. I looked up at him in astonishment surely he must know that it was not pain I was feeling, surely he knew what had distressed me so much.

“It is not pain sir,” I repeated, “But shame.”

“Shame, Miss Bennet, there is no reason for you to feel shame.”

“But there is sir. I have never been so heartily ashamed of myself in all my life. I who prided myself in my ability of discernment, misjudged you grievously. You must have hated me.” I whispered quietly.

“Hate you? Oh no, I was perhaps angry at you at first but them it began to direct itself in the proper direction, you taught me a very important lesson Miss Bennet and for that you have my unerring gratitude.”

I sat there amazed that we could be so frank with one another. It was almost impolite that I should be sitting in a gentleman’s library discussing his past feelings for me when he was now wed to another woman. Yet neither of us had ever been afraid of the other.

“But Miss Darcy, it is no wonder she dislikes me so?”

“Why should she dislike you?”

“After all I said that first evening, what a thoughtless thing to say.” I scolded myself.

“You did not know and you were forced into admitting it.”

“It was so hurtful though, the poor girl must have been terrified and what a reminder of a past mistake.”

“She does not hate you Miss Bennet.”

“But she will not speak to me she tries not to look at me. It is not just shyness that affects her.” I cried again, remembering how hurt my pride had been by her actions.

“Georgiana is embarrassed Miss Bennet, she is ashamed of her own behaviour, she believes that her own foolishness could have placed her in the same situation as Miss Lydia, although it is very unlikely for he wanted my sister’s money. She does not know how she should treat you either and is fearful of doing wrong. I beg your forgiveness if she has injured you in anyway, for she would not have it so. And surely you must still be angry at me for what I did to Bingley and Miss Bennet. You cannot forgive me so easily for that.”

“But I can hope you shall rectify it!” I said cheekily.

“When he gets back to England I will tell him at the first opportunity. I fear he is likely to be quite angry with me.”

“What if he returns married?” I voiced my major concern.

“Oh I do not think that likely, for he may be a useless correspondent but he would have managed to convey such an important piece of news.”

“Then I thank you sir.” I said holding out my hand to shake his, for some odd reason. Instead he took my hand in his and helped me up from my place leading me over to the fireplace, there was no fire in the grate and I looked up at him quizzically.

“I think we should burn the letter.” He stated striking a match; I nodded my head in agreement.

The paper caught fire at the corner and slowly the whole letter began to burn, Mr Darcy dropped it in the grate as I watched the pages of our shared past die. A silent tear trickled down my cheek again as I observed. He turned to look at me and caught the tears running down my cheek. He turned me to look at him and said quietly, “Elizabeth don’t worry I shall speak with Georgiana.” He leaned forward slightly and then stepped back again, “No go back to bed before the servants catch you they shall be up and about soon.”

In a daze I walked out of the library and found my way back to my bedchamber. My heart slightly lighter, I had leant my lesson fully now and though it had been hard to come to terms with, and though I was still becoming accustomed to the new ideas that had formed in my mind I realized that it was the best thing for Mr Darcy and I to talk about what had passed between us. For me to talk about the fear that had been troubling me since the news of Lydia’s elopement had arrived at Bakewell was like a weight off my mind and I sincerely hoped that once the situation with Miss Darcy was resolved I would feel more comfortable with my present situation.

Chapter 7

Posted on Monday, 12 September 2005

From that day onwards I began to feel a little more comfortable and at home as governess to the Sutton Children. The discomfort subsisting between Miss Darcy and myself did not abate instantly; it was no doubt a difficult subject for Mr Darcy to broach with her so I did not worry overly much that it was not solved in a matter of days. In just over a week the matter was solved to everyone’s satisfaction I am very pleased to reveal that Miss Darcy, undoubtedly on her brother’s recommendation, became one of my greatest friends. Yet, the tale that leads to it was most distressing.

When I had arrived at Pemberley Mrs Reynolds had been kind enough to assign a maid to me to aid me with dressing and so forth. She was a pleasant girl very young and a little naïve and ignorant but I was pleased with her company for a few minutes everyday. Sally had been willing to help me a great deal with getting my bearings and improved the other servant’s opinions of me. I had not made the best impression on them originally. I was fond of Sally. When, on Friday morning, she did not come to dress me but was instead replaced with another of the maids I was not overly concerned however when she was not there in the evening again and I realized that I had not seen her all day I became curious again. “Ellen?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Where is Sally? I haven’t seen her all day.”

“Oh ma’am ‘ave you not urd? She’s been called ‘ome, her mother and t’ little uns are all sick with a fever and she’s gone tu take car o’ ‘em.”

Ellen’s news about Sally continued to trouble me all throughout the remainder of the day and by next morning I had decided to go and visit the Smith family after I asked after their health from Mrs Reynolds and was informed that there had been no improvement in them or any change for the worse. “Would they object to me going and calling on them this morning?” I said remembering Kitty’s visits.

“Of course not, Miss Bennet, I’ve been meaning to go over myself and see how they are all fairing but I’ve been so busy here. You can take over a basket of food for me.” She bustled about the kitchen preparing the basket for me to take over, “Send our best wishes to little Sally and Mrs Smith and don’t go staying too long or you’ll risk catching it too.” She warned me.

I walked several miles to the cottage with the basket heavily laden with goods from the kitchens. Sally answered the door to me looking tired and haggard she expressed her surprise at seeing me but invited me in cordially. I handed over the basket and looked around the room. It was poor and bare and miserable inside only a two rooms and no fire with broken furniture and ragged bedclothes. One of the little girls was coughing loudly and a two of the other children mumbling in their sleep disconcertingly.

“Will you not sit Miss Bennet?”

“Oh no, I am come to help you.” I declared determinedly. “Here let me help you.” I said moving over to the table and unpacking my hamper while Sally ladled out gruel for the family. As she stood up I noticed a slight sheen over her brow but dismissed it attributing it to the fact that the gruel was boiling on the stove and then let her work recommence while I set about other tasks.

The Smith family was large, Sally was the eldest of the children, then her sister Betty who was thirteen, Jack was eleven, Hannah ten, Leah seven, Ruth four, Edith three and the youngest child Daniel was a baby still. Mrs Smith was heavy with child again and had only resulted in making her illness worse. Mr Smith had died several months ago and they had moved from the house that he had owned as a tenant of Mr Darcy to a smaller cottage and Sally still only very young herself had been obliged to go into service at Pemberley to help the family.

They were all abed and suffering grievously, I sat with little Edith for half an hour spoon feeding her the gruel and dabbing her forehead with water. She dosed for the greater part of this time tossing her little head to and fro in discomfort. I was so embroiled in my work that I failed to hear the noise outside the house or the knock that followed and was quite socked to see Sally move towards the door and open it to reveal Miss Darcy standing there with two footmen bearing fresh linens and firewood along with more food. She glanced over at me indecisively as I rose from my seat to greet her, but putting on a braver face took a step forward into the room at Sally’s invite. “I am very sorry Sally.” She murmured quietly.

Miss Darcy showed no hesitation in setting about to work, she instructed the footmen to light a fire and set down the linens before moving towards one of the children, she barely acknowledged me but set about to tend one of the children, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She surprised me, I never thought that she would be so assertive as to walk inside another person’s home and set about working on tasks such as nursing the sick. I knew the Darcy brother and sister were deemed kind and affable by their tenants and servants but this went beyond the bounds of what was necessary and what was compassionate. It showed her true nature, for what she was a kind sweet young woman.

We worked in silence throughout the morning, completely disregarding Mrs Reynolds’ warning of not staying too long as it grew dark outside we rose to leave with the promise of returning on the morrow. I looked at Sally’s pale, drawn, tired face just in time to realise how truly ill she looked, “Sally are you well?” Miss Darcy and I asked in unison.

“Yes, I am fine. It is very kind of you to ask.” She replied slightly breathlessly bringing a handkerchief to her brow.

“Have you eaten today?”

“No ma’am nowt but some bread at breakfast, I was not hungry.”

“Sally you must eat or you will be ill yourself.” I chastised her gently.

“Yes ma’am.” She dabbed her brow again and I knitted my brow in response, she did not look well, whether that be from fatigue or illness I had yet to establish but I hastily led her over to a chair and placed a plate of food in front of her. She picked at the meal half-heartedly claiming herself not hungry at all. When I had stayed as long as I could I rose and Miss Darcy and Sally followed suit. She led us towards the door at a slow pace and opened it for us to leave, I noticed her hands shaking and her pale face was moist with perspiration, I reached my hand out to feel her burning cheeks and gasped.

Sally had caught the fever of the Smith family. Miss Darcy and I quickly put her to bed with gruel and some cool clothes on her face. She had soon slipped into a restless slumber. We quickly debated what to do and determined it would be best to ask the good lady who lived next door to check on them in the night and first thing in the morning. They would, we hoped, be well enough during the night.

Ensuring one last time that they were all settled we left the room glancing backward as we left, I turned left to begin my walk home, “Miss Bennet, would you like to take the carriage with me?” Miss Darcy said timidly. As politely as I could I declined, I felt the need for fresh air after having been in the stifling room all day, “Then… may I walk with you?” She asked, practically whispering, “The carriage can follow us, there is something I would wish to speak with you about.”

“If your brother does not object to you walking then certainly.”

Our walk began in silence she seemed fearful of breaching the topic. Finally she began, “Miss Bennet, my brother, Fitzwilliam spoke to me yesterday.” I raised an eye but remained silent, “I believe that… I would like to… to apologise for my behaviour towards you these past few months. I realize that you must have thought me abominably rude and I never meant to be. It is just that, I cannot justify my conduct but I would not have wished you to feel snubbed by my actions at any time and…and…”

“If you wish it then you are forgiven, but, I do not believe that you need my forgiveness.”

“You do not?”

“My situation is tenuous at best and I am astonished that I was even permitted to stay on as the children’s governess. It was very wrong of me to even consider myself slighted by you when I deserve to be shunned by society. If your brother were less good he would have thrown me out the house for fear of injuring his reputation.”

“Oh no my brother would never do such a thing!” She exclaimed shocked that I should have even thought such a thing of him, “He is the best of brothers the best of men he would not throw you out the house. He did not throw me out.” She said the last sentence so quietly I almost could not hear her. I knew to what she referred but decided it was best not to press the matter.

“He has been very kind to me; I have made many blunders and made numerous mistakes that surely must have offended him and you.”

“Oh but he has the highest opinion in the world of you, and so does Henriette. I trust both of their opinions implicitly.”

“I am most relieved that he thinks so, for I have done nothing to deserve Mr Darcy’s good opinion.”

“Why not?” She looked at me a bit stunned, “Forgive my impertinence.” She said quickly, “You are a very good person, if you were not you would not have come to Sally today. Besides I have done things in the past that have injured Fitzwilliam and I certainly hope I still have his good opinion.” She said a little doubtfully.

“I doubt you have done anything that would hurt him.” I attempted to way lay her fears.

“You do not know how foolish I have been then!” She cried with some feeling and before I could say anything to stop her she launched into her tale about Wickham and the Ramsgate affair. I was completely shocked that she would choose me of all people to tell this to but I listened in silence as she told me about how Mrs Younge had encouraged the match between them and how solicitous and kind Wickham had been to her and she had thought that she was in love with him. She explained that she had felt cross at her brother for sending her away to school and then off to Ramsgate. How she had not seen him in months and when Mr Wickham a childhood friend of hers had appeared and been so kind to her that the gratitude she felt for his attentions had made her believe herself in love with him. Then she went on to speak of her feelings of horror and embarrassment when she found out the truth of the matter, that he had not loved her and that he had wanted her money. How she had been unable to even look at Mr Darcy for months afterwards and she was truly relieved when he went away to Hertfordshire in October and that even now she realized that he must be disappointed in her. “So you see,” She concluded, “It was not that I though that you were not worthy of my attention when I found out about your sister, but I felt ashamed of myself again and thought that if you were to ever find out you would never have been able to forgive me, because I could have prevented it if Fitzwilliam would not have tried to keep it a secret.”

I looked at her distressed face gravely and felt pity for her, as she told me something that quite evidently pained her when she need not have to, “I thank you for telling me, though truly it was not necessary. And since you have tried to do away with my fears I shall return the favour if I may. Your brother does not think ill of you, I know that for a fact, he has a high opinion of you, and whenever I heard him speak of you when I first knew him he was all praise and affection.” I smiled over at her reassuringly, “With regards to Mr Wickham, all I will say is this, that you were young and it was a mistake, one that even I might have made had it not been for the fact that I was warned by my family not to fall in love with him. It was a mistake that my sister made herself. And it is a mistake that many other girls have made in the past and will in the future with far worse consequences, there is no need for you to worry unnecessarily.”

Our conversation over we fell silent again, however unlike every other occasions prior to this it was not an uncomfortable one but one of companionship, the sort you have with a person you have known for years. It was dark by the time we finally arrived back at Pemberley and Mr Darcy was impatiently waiting for his sister in the hallway wanting to know where she had been we explained and she hurried away to dress for dinner after issuing me with an invitation to join them that evening after dinner.

Cook had saved me some cold meat and vegetables which I devoured hungrily while telling her what had occurred at the Smith’s that morning. Before running upstairs to dress for the evening, the children had already been put to bed so I made my way downstairs alone, and timidly knocked on the door to the music room, where I was welcomed by brother and sister eagerly and Lady Arabella civilly. Miss Darcy and I told of our adventures that day and our plans to return tomorrow after church and once the conversation was quite exhausted music was suggested. After Miss Darcy had entertained us as long as she wished she entreated me to play as well. I picked a piece from the millions of books they had to offer and began:

“I believe I shall play now!” Lady Arabella declared in a bossy tone.

“But I thought you had given the instrument up?” Mr Darcy gave her a fleeting look. “You said you had not played since you married.”

“No, no I said I had hardly played but tonight I shall.” She came across to the pianoforte with her selected some music and began to play. She was by no means genius though she could play well enough. Her singing left much to be desired, it was a little better than Mary’s but then she had had the advantage of London Masters I suspected. It was humorous to note that she had chosen one of Mary’s favourite songs too, one that she had played at the Netherfield ball. After her performance the evening terminated fairly quickly as Lady Arabella claiming that she had a headache.

After church on Sunday Miss Darcy and I quickly made our way to the Smith’s cottage, only to find that baby Daniel had passed away in the night, his mother was unaware of it for her fever had made her delirious and the woman who had been taking care of them was in a state of hysterics after finding the infant dead. I could well understand it and as the week progressed I learnt to sympathize with her. Miss Darcy and I decided that we could not leave the family unattended, but it did not seem right to ask anyone else to adopt the task permanently.

Along with the aid of her brother and Mrs Reynolds we came up with a plan, Miss Darcy and I would spend every other morning there, so that there was less risk of us catching the infection and the children’s lessons would not be too interrupted. One of the other housemaids, who was Sally’s closest friends, offered to spend the other days with her and the neighbours of the Smiths also offered their input. Miss Darcy seemed determined to help, I asked her why.

“It is the Pemberley way, the mistress of the estate helps to care for the sick tenants and although the Smiths are our tenants no longer it is still important.”

“But…” I started to speak and then recalled that it was hardly polite to say what I was going to say.

“You are right, I am not the Mistress of Pemberley nevertheless it remains a duty that some one must fulfil, Lady Arabella… she claims herself to be not in the best of health, she has a cough and so I took it upon myself. I intend to continue caring for the sick of Pemberley until I leave the estate.”

“You are very good.”

“Elizabeth?” She said tentatively, having never addressed me so before, “Might I ask why you come?”

I explained to her about Kitty’s visits to the very poor around Millwood and then that after one visit to the Smiths I had found myself unable to just let go.

Regardless, throughout the week the Smith family began to fade, we became used to being greeted by the daily sight of bodies being removed by local farm hands, after Daniel came, Mrs Smith, Leah, Betty, Ruth, Jack and Hannah. By the following Monday all who remained were Edith and Sally. For Edith there seemed a great chance of recovery she was a plump and sturdy child and once her fever broke she had wanted to be out of bed to help, this had not been permitted at first but it was deemed best to take her mind off the distress she felt as her family gradually passed away.

Sally’s situation, we were more concerned over, her fever had still not broken, her deliriums more frequent and she would suddenly sit up from her little cot and speak to the rest of her family in a hoarse and broken voice, as if they were still there. Days past like this and we lost hope, there was little chance of Sally recovering now and even the apothecary and doctor stopped suggesting bleeding. On the Thursday she did not wake just tossed listlessly in her sleep all day, Georgiana and I sent word that we would stay the night with the patient and Mrs Hogget from next door came to sit with us too. Gradually her stirrings lessen as did her mutterings at two that morning I felt her cold hands and listened for a breath but Sally was dead.

She was placed, with the rest of the Smith family in the grave yard at the local church a wooden cross marking her spot with the simple inscription ‘Sarah ‘Sally’ Ann Smith 19th October 1798 – 18th February 1814’. Edith had no other living relations Mrs Reynolds took her in out of the kindness of her heart, her and Mr Reynolds were a regular Darby and Joan, but had never had children of their own. She said that to have a child to take care of would satisfy her in her old age and now she is quite doted upon by the servants at the mansion.

While I cannot claim that my stay at Pemberley was a happy one, for the first time in many months I felt contentment with my situation, more settled in my position as governess to the Sutton children, who was paid her wage by Mr Darcy. Because Georgiana Darcy had confided in me and opened herself up to allow me into her life enough for me to feel like an accepted member of the household. Not only that but through our attendance upon Sally had given us a strong friendship and she depended upon me and confided her fears in me. . During the day we saw little of each other but she would join Martha and myself when we took the children out for a walk and frequently during the evening I would be invited downstairs with or without Priscilla, Roberta and Thomas to join the family.

Mr Darcy and I got along well I no longer felt ill at ease with him either, we had managed to sort through out differences and I no longer felt unwelcome in his house. We still argued from time to time but on my part it was never done out of spit and I fancied, or flattered myself – in true Mr Collins style- that he enjoyed being challenged by my decided opinions. I know that I enjoyed it, he had filled the role that my father had always taken and if sometimes I felt myself more eager for his company than Georgiana’s then that is why because he took care of me like a father.

Our return to town had been scheduled for mid February, before Parliament was recalled so that there would be time for last minute preparations on Georgiana’s behalf, we were to meet with Henriette then too her brother was to accompany her from Somerset. However, the business with Sally had delayed our return, on Georgiana’s instance and we did not depart until nearly the end of February.

In town we met with Henriette, who had been staying with Lady Newlyn until we returned, she said that we were “Cruel traitors!” for leaving her to the mercy of her eldest sister. “You know I heard of nothing but my nephew Augustus, oh not I beg your pardon ‘my dear Fairclough!’ as she calls him, how utterly ridiculous I wish Francis had let me stay with him.” She moaned to us until she heard the reason for our delay and then she was sorry she had been so selfish. “I’m certain I shall not have to put up with that from Arabella, Georgiana you must rescue me if she starts talking about her brats.”

“They are not brats Henriette.” I said.

“I would not know I have hardly ever met them, she keeps them under lock and key in the nursery, but if Augustus is anything to go by.”

“They are very sweet children.” I said quickly.

“Of course they are Lizzy. I meant no disrespect to you.” Henriette blushed shamefaced. “Besides, my sister does not seem overly fond of them.”

As it happened I did not see much of them at all and could not aid very well with rescuing them. There were serious preparations underway for Georgiana and Henriette’s London debut. Throughout each day the town house was swarmed with dance masters and music masters and drawing master, callers for Lady Arabella or they were out shopping for new wardrobes. Of an evening I saw more of them although the unfortunate pair were often in bed asleep directly after supper. I confess that I was very glad Mamma had never succeeded in her schemes of talking Papa into going to town for the spring every year when she had tried.

It grew closer and closer to the time when they would be presented at court and Georgiana grew steadily more and more nervous. Nothing Henriette, who was incredibly self-assured, or I could say to her would calm her nerves. “Georgiana you goose, all you have to do is curtsey.” Henriette abused her.

“But what if I trip over?”

“Georgiana Darcy you are a poised and elegant young woman how often do you fall over?” I teased her.

“But I’ve never had a train on my gown before.”

“Unless you plan to walk backwards it should not be a problem.”

“I do have to walk backwards though!”

“Do it slowly then!”

“Well…” She looked skeptically at us both as we grinned at her and I stood up to leave the room and get back to my lessons.

“You will be fine.” I added walking towards the door where I was confronted by Mr Darcy who stepped back in shock, and looked a little flustered, “Mr Darcy did anyone ever tell you eavesdropping is rude?”

“Yes repeatedly.” He admitted, “I could not resist though.”

“I’m sure Georgiana is very grateful for your invasion of her privacy.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“She never tells me her troubles Miss Bennet.” He tried to reason with me. “I am very glad that you are helping her along.” I shrugged modestly, “You are very good to her.” He said and squeezed my hand then walked off quickly, leaving me with a blush spreading across my face for it is exceedingly odd being complimented by him.

Chapter 8

Posted on Thursday, 22 September 2005

No respectable young lady of the ton can have a proper coming out without a ball and certainly not young ladies such as Miss Georgiana Darcy and Lady Henriette Featherstone. Therefore preparations for said ball were well underway in the Darcy townhouse for just such a ball. Lady Arabella was in her element. Mrs Turner had ordered the whole ball room to be cleaned out and refurbished, since the room was decidedly old fashioned no ball had been hosted since the days of Lady Anne Darcy eighteen years earlier and Lady Arabella, “Could not host a ball in such a frightfully old fashioned room.” It was fortunate that her redeeming quality was her fine taste and the townhouse’s ballroom was soon fitted out with light, elegant furniture that was neither uselessly fine nor gaudy.

Invitations were sent and replies received, only the cream of society had been invited Earls and Countesses and the most eligible of young gentlemen, even Lord Tyndale, a man who went little into society and was eagerly sought by young ladies everywhere, had accepted. But, then the ball was in honour of his sister and he could hardly refuse, I think Henriette would have had something to say about that.

A menu was prepared for the ball as well whispers amongst the staff were that Mrs Stewart, the cook, feared that she could not contend with such fancy and fine French and Italian food and had even threatened to leave the house after a meeting with the mistress of the house who was determined not to budge from her plans of splendour. Mrs Stewart had been in high dudgeon about it ever since and below stairs we had all been skirting round her carefully for fear of angering her further. Elsie once missed a meal trying to complete some cleaning she had been set to and nearly lost her head when she asked cook if a plate had been set aside for her. Mrs Stewart did stay though for you know Mrs Turner “kept the servants well in order and such a thing would never be mentioned in connection with the Darcy household and anyone who suggested such a thing was grievously mistaken.”

Musicians had been hired and Henriette and Georgiana’s dance master instructed twice, thrice over to ensure that they knew their steps perfectly and could walk through each and every set with their eyes shut, I was rather amused when Henriette employed chairs as gentlemen and covered her eyes over with a scarf to ensure that her steps were faultless she was more confident that Georgiana who now began to fear that she would forget her steps or that nobody would ask her to dance. We told her how unlikely that was and that since there were more gentlemen invited than ladies one of them would have to ask her anyway because it was a rule of etiquette that could not be ignored.

Dresses had to be bought; this had caused some tension in the household, Henriette’s hostilities towards her half-sister continued for several days, until the matter of suitable attire for curtseying and coming out was settled. Henriette wanted to wear pale blue Lady Arabella was scandalized, “You heard what Lady Palmer said, all young girls wear blue or pink, no sister of mine will be so dull.”

“It is not dull I want a blue sash Arabella.”

“Why will you not wear orange, you would look so well in it with your complexion? Even Georgiana has agreed to wear a different colour.”

“Arabella being noticed for being overtly fashionable is not high on my list of priorities.”

And while Lady Arabella schemed away to create the ball of the season and marry poor Georgiana and Henriette off to the richest men she could find as quickly as possible where was I? Well I certainly was not closely involved in the grand scheme though my input was appreciated; it was me who had finally suggested a dark blue sash. However, the majority of my days were spent upstairs in the schoolroom where I tried to keep the children calm and focused in the bustling townhouse, they were almost as excited as everyone else about the forthcoming ball, even young Thomas, who said he should enjoy play cards and eating, Priscilla laughed at him and said he did not know how to play cards and I wondered if he was turning into Mr Hurst, but then that man was a gentleman of fashion.

My presence was requested one the afternoon of their presentation at court in the dressing rooms of the two young ladies, lessons were cancelled and I obligingly made my way down to admire them while the prepared both of them looked perfect and demure dressed in white with ornaments that matched the colours of their sashes in their hair and jewelry that had been gifts from their brothers that morning. We giggled and laughed delightedly as they prepared and finally three hours later they were ready to set of to St James Court with great pomp and ceremony.

Their coming out and curtseying to Queen Charlotte was very successful I was informed when they gave me a blow by blow account of their presentation which would not have shamed Sir William Lucas. Georgiana had not slipped over her train and Henriette grudgingly admitted that there were far too many young girls dressed in pale blue and pink “Only do not tell Arabella I said that or I shall never hear the end of it.” She said skipping out the room to go and write to her mother.

The following day saw the final last minute preparations for the ball, the servants were rushing around. Henriette almost had a fit when her maid found a slight rip in her dress, which was quickly mended. Georgiana returned to panicking about not having a partner to dance with. The children became even more excitable and wild. I gave them a holiday so that I could help their two Aunts dress. Mr Darcy hurried out early in the morning and absconded to his club until late afternoon when he returned to prepare. Oh and Cook very nearly walked out again after one of the kitchen staff burnt some food.

The girls looked beautiful, Georgiana wore peach, which is the closet either of them ever came to wearing orange, with her white gown and an amber cross which made her look very demure and proper. Henriette dressed in white too had a different affect, she wore a red sash and a ruby ornament, her hair was coiffed with a ruby clip too, her unfashionably tanned skin and black hair made her look foreign and unlike any of other of the young ladies, as I have said before she was not classically beautiful but she was striking in appearance. Roberta and Priscilla were permitted to leave the nursery and come and admire them. Both stood in awe for a few moments until Priscilla declared that “You look very well though not as well as I should!”

“I thank you for the compliment Miss Priss, for we cannot all be made ethereal beauties like you will be.” Said Henriette with a certain amount of scorn though it was not ill natured, Priscilla looked a little affronted.

“Priscilla,” I offered her a translation, “do you not think it would be very boring if we were all made the same?”

“I still think I would look better that them though.” She said while nodding her head in agreement.

“It is very impertinent of you to say so.” I pointed out thinking myself a hypocrite, for condemning her impertinence, as I said it, “Now come along Mrs Chambers will have my head if I do not return you to the nursery soon.” I said ushering them out the room and back to their domain.

They went downstairs soon after that to wait for their guests to arrive I accompanied them for only a brief period, while I listened to Mr Darcy and Lord Tyndale compliment them on the appearance, “Lizzy? Do you not wish that you were attending this evening?” Henriette queried.

“No indeed, it is a very long while since I have attended a ball. I have probably forgotten how to dance.” I laughed.

“You can forget how to dance?” Georgiana asked looking slightly frantic.

“Oh Georgiana no I do not think it possible, learning to dance is like learning to read, you never forget once you are taught. Ask your brother he spends great periods of time between dancing each set, do you not Mr Darcy?” I teased him.

“Come now, Miss Bennet that is untrue, as I recall it was you who was averse to dancing.”

“So it was!” I laughed delightedly, “But still it is not an art you are particularly fond of and you are not so light footed as say…Mr Bingley?”

“I cannot deny it.”

“Therefore you have the greatest authority in informing Georgiana that it is impossible to forget how to dance. Do you not?”

“Indeed I do.” He bowed his head, “Georgiana, there is no need to be concerned, one cannot forget how to dance.”

“Miss Darcy,” Lord Tyndale spoke up, “Might I be so bold as to claim the first set with you, for I do not dance regularly either, I suspect that you shall have to lead me.” Georgiana accepted quietly and politely.

Checking my watch I realized that it was now past time for the guests to have started arriving, and giving the girls a quick hug and my best wishes I hurried along out of sight of the guests who the door admitted just as I turned the corner, if they had seen me at all it was only the muslin hem of my skirts. The house was empty, all the staff were involved in tasks for the ball, Mrs Turner’s rooms were deserted and I returned to my own rooms. I lazily played a few tunes on the spinet that occupied the room and then picked up a novel trying to distract myself from the noise of gaiety below.

Now, I enjoyed a ball as much as the next person, more than some I should imagine. The noise emanating from the floor below made me long for a ball as much as Kitty and Lydia once had and I wondered at a comment Mr Bingley had once made about Mr Darcy not attending but retiring if he so desired, it was not possible. At nine o clock I began to prepare myself when I heard a knock at my door. “Come in.” I said thinking that perhaps it was Elsie though I had not rung for her. I turned round and saw two little faces peeping around the doorway, “What are you two about?”

“Miss Bennet, we cannot sleep. It is far too noisy.” Priscilla sulked sounding very much like her mother.

“Can we go downstairs?” Roberta asked bravely walking towards me and tugging at my hand.

“No, the ball is for adults, I doubt you would be very welcome.”

“But you are an adult.”

“I was not invited; you see I am not one of your mother’s friends.” I tried to explain, “People would think it very odd if she were to invite her children’s governess.”

“Will you play with us then?” Roberta asked.

“Can we sit at the top of the stairs and watch Miss Bennet?”

“If you like.” I said after a few seconds consideration, we would be in nobodies’ way there and it is unlikely we would be observed. The two little girls and I moved down several floors until we were seated at the top of the wide staircase that swept up from the entrance hall. There with two little girls dressed in their nightgowns on either side of me we sat watching the servants hurrying about. They seemed entranced by the activity, “How did you two get out your rooms? Was not Martha in the nursery?”

“No ma’am she went downstairs earlier.” Priscilla admitted. I wondered at Martha shirking her duties but then speculated that it was likely she had been asked to help downstairs.

Priscilla won the battle of who would go first, for obviously I could not dance with both the sisters at once and as the notes to Sir Roger de Coverley struck up I quickly performed a very feminine bow and told her to curtsey and the walked through the dance calling out the instructions two or three times before she finally got the hang of it. The final set of the quadrille was La Boulanger this was incredibly hard to perform with just two people and I had to keep jumping down the line to be a different gentleman and we could not quite manage to get the proper shape, “Bobbie right hand!” I kept calling out. I might add that she was a far better dancer than Mr Collins though.

When we were finished there was a round of applause and I turned to see who was watching us, “Very well done Miss Bennet.” Mr Darcy commented dryly.

“Papa, may we come down? Miss Bennet says not.”

He looked at me for a second as if considering, “I do not see why you should not, so long as you put some clothes on, you shall have the whole of London in uproar if you were to attend in you nightclothes.”

The girls were over the moon at this and unexpected and much desired privilege and hurried me off to help them dress. They owned matching pale pink gowns that were their best dresses and I tied their hair back in ribbons of a darker pink and white, while they proudly paraded in front of the mirror in the nursery bedroom. They dropped proper curtseys to Mr Darcy when I took them outside again to where he was waiting for them, “My I do believe you are going to be the prettiest ladies in the ballroom tonight.” He declared affectionately they giggled delightedly at this compliment and I passed their hands over to him and bade them good night saying I hoped they had a lovely time, “Miss Bennet, will you not be joining us? I had counted on your presence this evening. I cannot very well take care of Priscilla and Roberta when I am supposed to be the host of the evening?” He reasoned.

“Very well then sir.” I agreed reticently he turned to make his way down the stairs after offering me his arm.

“Miss Bennet?” Priscilla sounded cross, “You cannot go to a proper London ball dressed in that.” She pointed at my offending gown, a mauve coloured muslin that I had been wearing in the day, there was nothing wrong with it, I thought, it was tidy enough. She took hold of my hand again and tugged me in the opposite direction, “You must go and change your habit at once ma’am, and you shall disgrace us all, the whole of London in uproar if you were to attend in such a nasty dress!” She imitated Mr Darcy words. He was looking rather alarmed at her little speech. Before he spoke she had dragged me off to my rooms to go and change my gown. She permitted me no in put, saying that I “Always wore such dull clothes” but found that my wardrobe consisted of nothing but blacks and grays anyway. She selected my newest gown, which Aunt Gardiner had bought me, I was very lucky to have her. It was a grey silk slip worn underneath a dress of black lace.

The girls proudly presented their handy work to their father who said they had done “a lovely job,” before he offered me an arm and escorted me down the staircase. We entered the ballroom, attracting no small amount of attention. Lady Arabella sent a rather angered glare across the room at the four of us. He accompanied us to seats at the edge of the room that had a good view of the dancing, instructing the girls to stay seated. Bobbie settled herself on my lap and her sister sat up straight and attentive, imitating some of the other young ladies in the room. Despite the stares we had encountered upon our entrance into the room, we were for the most part ignored for there was nobody to make introductions and other than a matron occasionally remarking that the girls were a “pair of little dolls” we attracted no more attention, for which I was thankful. At the end of the set Henriette came rushing across, her partner trailing behind at a more sedate pace and looking slightly bewildered, “Oh Lizzy, I am so glad that you came! Georgiana and I are having a marvellous time!”

“I am very glad for you.” I commented more sedately. “Has Georgiana overcome her fears of dancing?” I attempted to make conversation, however, Henriette’s next partner quickly came to claim her before she had a chance to make any form of reply. Henriette’s partner was an elderly gentleman, he seemed to admire her greatly and although throughout the dance she was polite, there was a certain look about her which spoke of her boredom. She handled the situation well and I was impressed by her display of good breeding. I had not expected it of her, she was known to be rather liberal with her words. Then my focus centered upon Georgiana, she was far quieter and her smile more sedate, she looked almost reticent to speak to her partner, a young jovial man, whose spirit was perhaps too lively for her. My hopes were dashed when she began the next set, her partner was a gentleman a few years older than the previous, his manner was solicitous and gentlemanly and his countenance pleasing and intelligent, even all these advantages did not succeed in swaying Georgiana’s behaviour. Indeed Mr Darcy’s behaviour in a ballroom was evidently a family trait.

Lord Tyndale was not dancing but neither had he retreated to the card room with the other gentlemen, instead he politely made his way over to us and asked how we were all enjoying ourselves and offer me a drink which I declined. He sat with us for sometime, I longed to ask him why he did not dance but felt he might think me to fishing for an invitation. After some time I began to notice that people were staring at us, “You three have created quite a stir, I perceive.” He said conversationally.

“You are mistaken I think Lord Tyndale.”

“Am I?” He asked as we heard Lady Arabella’s voice from across the room.

“Oh she is nobody just the children’s governess.” Followed by a short pause, while her companions said something, “No I assure you Tyndale has not the slightest interest in her.” Again another pause, “I cannot think why Mr Darcy has allowed them down.” … “No Indeed I should think not.”… “He has better sense than to do such a thing.”

“Ah, I see what you mean.” He grinned at me, “Well perhaps I should stay put, for you and I have created gossip and Arabella does like to gossip.” He laughed, “No doubt people shall be talking of it for weeks, Lord Tyndale spoke to no other young lady than the governess at the coming out ball of two of the most important young ladies of the ton. Arabella would never forgive me if I were to move now.”

“Indeed.” Lord Tyndale was a puzzle to me, he was unsociable, yet enjoyed to laugh, but then avoided society at all costs. It was one of the greatest puzzles to me ever. On reflection he was very much like my own father perhaps a little less satirical and more jovial when he laughed. His distance from society was possibly because like all rich young men who must want a wife, he was determined to remain single and so avoided the young ladies and their Mamma with great determination. Who would be the young lady to capture his attention?

My attention was then drawn to the other side of the room where I perceived two familiar figures. The Bingley sisters, they were just as they had ever been. Mrs Hurst was dressed in a sea green coloured silk trimmed with Vandyke lace her bosom hanging out as it always did. Miss Bingley it seemed was no longer decked out in orange silk but mustard satin. Never in my life had I been so relieved to see them present at anything, for surely if they were here, then so must their brother be. “They are a highly interesting pair, are they not Miss Bennet?” Lord Tyndale asked.

“Hum, yes they certainly hold some interest I confess.”

“Would you like to be introduced? I would offer, but I am far too scared of them to attempt it.”

“You need not fear sir! I am already acquainted with them. I simply wondered if their brother, Mr Bingley, was present this evening.”

“The charming Mr Bingley? Why I do not recall having seem him as yet, Darcy!” He called out to Mr Darcy who was standing no more than a few feet away conversing with an elderly man, “Is Bingley here this evening?”

“Unfortunately, Miss Bennet, he is not at his best this evening and was not in the mood even for dancing, or so Miss Bingley informs me. The continent apparently did not suit him particularly well.” His addressing me caused me to jump slightly; I had not wished to be as easily read as that. “Miss Bennet, would you be content with my company instead, I should be honoured if you would dance this next set with me.” He asked quickly.

“Well…” I demurred.

“Come Miss Bennet, we are not going to go through all this again I am hardly asking you to fight in the Battle of Craonne simply one set in a ballroom, can you not oblige me for half an hour?”

“I do not think it entirely proper sir.”

“Why not, is it because you are in mourning?” I nodded my head, “Well in that case I might point out that you are already attending the ball dancing one set can do you no harm.”

“…But the children, I am supposed to be looking after them.”

“Nonsense nobody shall mind if you avoid your duties for one set, after all you are at a ball. Tyndale you shall be willing to look after your nieces for a few minutes will you not?”

I thought Lord Tyndale looked a little put upon but he could do nothing but accede to his hosts request, “Go on Miss Bennet, go and enjoy your dance.” He said taking Roberta off my lap and my hand into Mr Darcy’s in one very swift motion. “Perhaps you would save me a dance later this evening.”

Mr Darcy led me across to the dance floor where we took out place in the line and received a few astonished stares, in fact the reaction was very much like it had been the last time I had danced with him. The music stared up, he bowed, I curtseyed, we began dancing in silence, and evidently a pattern was emerging. We were by far the most silent of the couples dancing. Even Georgiana could be seen commenting quietly to her partner the same elderly gentleman that Henriette had danced with earlier that evening. “Miss Bennet, you are very quiet this evening, I thought you said it would look entirely odd to spend half an hour together without talking?”

“Actually I said sometime it is best to have some conversation sir. This evening I am not inclined to speak to you.”

“Yet you just did!”

I refrained from answering and stuck my nose in the air haughtily.

“Have I done something to offend you Miss Bennet?”

Again I did not answer though the grin on my face I was attempting to restrain was threatening to break loose.

“Miss Bennet, I most humbly entreat that you accept my most obedient apologies.” He said quite seriously!

I laughed, I could not help it, though I should not have, he had sounded very much like Mr Collins when he said it. Several people in our proximity stared at us clearly shocked at my unseemly behaviour. “Now what was so funny about that?” He asked puzzled.

“I did not realize that you and Mr Collins shared any similarity in address.” I commented slyly.

“Is that not how a gentleman should beg an apology? You see, alas, I am still working on the gentlemanly behaviour aspect that is so at fault and apologizing has never been my greatest talent anyway.”

“Well…” Seriously, he had me stunned, completely and utterly speechless, why did he continue to speak so openly of things that should never be mentioned between us? “Perhaps Mr Collins was not the best person to ask.”

“You are mistaken Miss Bennet, I never asked Mr Collins, the advice was given by….”

“Lady Catherine de Bourgh.” A flustered looking Masters of the Ceremony announced.

The whole room fell silent as Lady Catherine took in the room with her aristocratic glance. The all commanding presence stood there for several minutes, milking the situation and the attention. Mutterings began to evolve but before they became too loud she swept forward to the middle of the dance floor angrily and at a fast pace, “Where is she? Where is my niece? Georgiana! Darcy! Why was I not informed of this?” She demanded walking towards ours and Georgiana’s general direction and taking her poor red niece by the arm and dragging her over to her brother.

“Lady Catherine.” Mr Darcy calmly performed a bow.

“Darcy.” She returned stiffly not bothering to greet him accordingly, “You can be at no loss as to why I have journeyed here this evening, indeed your own conscience must tell you what for.”

“Indeed you are quite mistaken. I am unable to account for the honour of seeing you here your ladyship.”

“Darcy, do not play games with me now. I am not a lady to be trifled with as you are well aware. I shall be frank. I demand to know for what reason you chose to celebrate my own nieces coming out without either notifying or inviting me to this important event. You dear mothers closest relative and you chose to ignore my presence! It is not to be born, why I could have advised you on how it ought to be done!”

“You can see quite clearly that we have been most successful without you Lady Catherine.”

“Oh yes!” Her scornful voice was dripping with sarcasm, “Very well indeed, I can see that, that woman is perfectly able to put together quite an affair.”

“Lady Catherine…”

“Do not interrupt me when I am speaking to you young man!” She continued to storm wildly, “Why I am practically your nearest living relative and yet you choose to ignore duty, honour and conscience and you pretend that I do not even exist.”

“Lady Catherine…”

“No Darcy! This is not to be tolerated!”

“I think we should go into my study. Come.”

“Very well. Darcy, Georgiana you are to come to, Miss Bennet take those brats to bed and then come back downstairs I will speak to you too.”

Quickly I hurried over to the girls who were cowering behind their Uncle Tyndale in fear he handed them over to me and I escorted them upstairs to the nursery Roberta was crying and Priscilla looked crestfallen. I hoped to delay not wanting to return to the scene down below again my hopes were in vain for the staff at the townhouse were always very efficient and Martha was already upstairs waiting for them her face even more timid than it had formerly been. She informed me in a whisper that Lady Catherine had thrown the whole household in uproar. I quickly kissed the two girls on the forehead bidding them good night and as slowly as possible made my way downstairs to the Master’s study. The servants were more subdued than they had been earlier that evening and a hum was emanating from the ballroom, rather than the gay sound of music. His study seemed surprisingly quiet as well and it was only as I drew toward the door and was with a few feet of it that I could distinguish what was being said.

Lady Catherine was the principal speaker, “This is not to be born Fitzwilliam Darcy your mother brought you up to behave better that this, Lady Anne Darcy would never see her own sister slighted in such an unforgivable manner. To go so far as not invite me to a ball held in honour of my own niece on her Coming Out, when my own daughter’s sickly constitution has prevented her from receiving what is only her due. Why Georgiana Darcy is the only young lady whom I was to have that honour and distinction from, my own niece, Darcy and you choose to forget my connection to her. What you owe to me for her upbringing. It is not to be born; I am to hear this information second hand from a woman with no connection to this family.

“And Georgiana is not yet ready to be out yet, look at her she is too quiet, why she still does not speak yet you have thrust her out into society. She will never make a good match and the Fitzwilliams and the Darcys are renowned throughout the Ton for making excellent matches, no self-respecting gentleman will ever want to make a match with her yet, you shall frighten them all away, and think what you are doing to your connections. Just think about it Darcy, are you out of your senses?

“Of course you are. The day you married that woman you lost any semblance of sense that you might once have possessed. Why would you marry her when you could have had my Anne, she would have made you a respectable wife she would have given Georgiana a better introduction into society than that woman had because she would have had my excellent advice. But no, you chose to go against the dearest wishes of you dear mother, my own sister, why she must be turning in her grave at the very thought of it. Marriage to Lady Arabella Sutton, a widow with no estate when you could have married Anne and had Rosings Park, think how the estates would have been united, The De Bourgh family and the Darcy family would have been one of the most influential houses in the land. Yet you threw it all away on some foolish infatuation and now the house will be brought to its ruin!”

“How pray tell will the house be brought to its ruin.” He asked lazily.

“How? How? Have you not been listening to a word I have been saying to you these past five minutes Darcy? Heaven and Earth what has become of you? The family connections, Georgiana’s incapability of making a good match will cause the family name to suffer you will be connected to some farmer or poor country gentleman! Have you no care for these things?” I thought she was taking things a little too far here.

I sincerely hoped that this was not the manner in which Lady Catherine had treated her own daughter for if it was then it was evident why poor Miss De Bourgh had been such a timid and frail creature. If Lady Catherine De Bourgh had been my mother I would have pretended to be ill even if I was not. Poor Miss De Bourgh I had never felt as sorry for her as I did at that moment. Poor Georgiana too, to be subjected to such a disparagement of her character it was beyond the pale, and little wonder that she was so lacking in any form of self confidence.

“Truthfully, Lady Catherine no, I cannot see why you expected me to invite you this evening, for I recall very vividly that you cast me off without a second thought when I made my decision to marry. This past two years you have made little to no attempt at reconciliation and I have had no inclination for one anyway, and you walk into my house uninvited and demean my family.”

“She is my niece. I am the closest thing that Georgiana has to a mother. How do you expect me to act? As if she does not exist. No Darcy, you may not choose to acknowledge me by I will not be excluded from having my input in such a momentous decision. My sister would never have had it!” She continued to rant on angrily. “Georgiana?”

“Yes Aunt De Bourgh?” you could practically hear the poor girl shaking and crying.

“For goodness sake stop crying child! You are eighteen years old! You are coming home with me you are not staying for another moment in the asylum.”

“Lady Catherine, how dare you Georgiana, my sister, is under my protection I am her legal guardian and she will not be leaving this house without my permission.”

“You proved that you were a useless guardian the day that you married that woman what kind of an influence has she been on her? On you all? I will not see you ruining the family name Darcy anymore than you have already compromised it.”

“Compromised it? She had impeccable connections.”

“Impeccable!” Spat Lady Catherine, “The last Earl of Tyndale’s second wife was a country nobody with no connections they are a disgrace to you.”

“The present Lady Tyndale is not however her mother. She is connected to the Earl and Countess of Arden. She brings no shame upon this house!” For some reason hearing him say that was the most painful thing in the world. Was that what he really thought, that she brought him no shame?

“That woman has allowed Miss Elizabeth Bennet to be a member of this household, do not tell me that you would have permitted it, where is she, I asked her to come hither when she had done with that woman’s brats! Find her at once I need to speak with her.”

Hastily I backed away from the door and within several minutes I heard movement along the corridor and James made an appearance, I held up my fingers to silence him as he knocked on the door and was permitted entrance and then petitioned to come and find me, he shut the door behind him and held up his hand to tell me to wait, joining in with my deceit. The after a few minutes I bravely stepped forwards and he knocked on the door and announced me sedately.

“Miss Bennet, you can be of no loss as to why I am calling you hither.” Lady Catherine began rudely, did she even have the right to call me in her own house. “You will leave this house immediately tomorrow morning, do I make myself clear. Darcy you must see that this is for the best…”

“Lady Catherine, Miss Bennet is going nowhere unless I say so, you have no right to act thus in my house you are a guest and an unwelcome one at that.” He snapped angrily.

“How dare you speak to me in such an impertinent manner, I am your mother’s sister and deserve far more respect than you are showing me at this minute. Do you not see that Miss Bennet’s presence will destroy whatever character you have left? Are you ignorant of her condition, for I most certainly am not. Are you unaware of her youngest sister’s infamous ‘elopement’ and I use the term loosely mind you. Out by the time she was fifteen and dead by no more that seventeen from childbirth out of wedlock. If this becomes public knowledge your reputation will be unsalvageable. Miss Bennet will leave this house immediately. She has no right to impose herself upon you in this manner.

“You will give her no recommendations, nor help her seek another position she will leave and all contact between her and this family will be severed from here on in.” I could feel tears welling up in my eye’s I had not the fortitude to stand up to this, I will admit it Lady Catherine scared me at that moment. Georgiana was openly sobbing it was only her brother that was strong enough to with stand the wave of abuse and decided opinions being hurled in our direction.

“Lady Catherine, I believe you have said quite enough for this evening, from now on all connections between us will be completely severed. I am proud to have Miss Bennet as my children’s governess.” He said laying a hand on my shoulder, “I will not have her leave the house for a youthful indiscretion committed by her sister when Miss Elizabeth comports herself with much more grace and decorum than you have ever done and I suggest that you leave this instant for I will not have you in my house any longer, and you will not treat my sister nor Miss Bennet in such a manner. Good evening Lady Catherine!” he said in a tone of finality as he open the door to show her out the room, “James, be so kind as to show my Aunt out please.” He instructed the footman politely.

Lady Catherine was accompanied loudly out of the house as she continued to hurl abuse at the Darcy household. Mr Darcy turned to his sister and I taking both our hands he led us over to two armchairs and handed us a glass of wine quietly. None of us said anything, there was little need to. He quickly drank a glass of brandy while Georgiana and I sipped our wine more delicately in a vain attempt to calm our nerves. The room still remained silent when we had both finished our drink. I do not think that any of us quite knew what to say. Finally Mr Darcy rose from his seat, “I believe that we should be getting back, there are guests to be attended to.”

Georgiana and I obediently rose from our seats and left the room we stopped at the bottom of the stairs “I shall just freshen up Fitzwilliam, for I can hardly return.” She said walking heavily up the stairs.

“Goodnight sir.” I said, having every intention of retiring for the night.

“You are not going to attend the ball?” He asked.

“No I fear I am quite fatigued and would much prefer to retire. Besides, there is no reason for me to attend, the girls have gone to bed.” I reasoned.

“A perfect escape. Would to God that I did not have guests to attend.”

“Unfortunately you have to.” I said, I could have teased him but felt not at all equal to the task.

“Well good night then.” He said as I turned to make my way up the staircase, he caught my hand, “And Elizabeth, do not fret about it.”

I released my hand from his grasp and hurried up the staircase with more haste than I should before running to my room and collapsing on the bed in tears. That seemed to be happening a lot of late. But I was shocked from what had just happened. How could Lady Catherine behave in such a rude manner, to myself, Georgiana, Mr Darcy, the children and even Lady Arabella, she had no right! I was grateful that I had Mr Darcy’s support for had it been anyone else I am certain that they would have surrendered to Lady Catherine’s wishes and sent me packing. Attending the ball had been a mistake up until the moment that she had entered I confess I had been enjoying myself, certainly more than I ought to have been. The fact remained that I should not have been there in the first place, if I had listened to my instincts and refused then Mr Darcy’s Aunt would not have treated him in such an odious manner as she had. And no matter how cowardly it sounded I would not have been on the receiving end of her wrath either.

Mr Darcy had been very good to me, kinder than he needed to be. After all who had caused the trouble? It was very nice to know that I had a champion. It did not stop me from feeling highly undeserving of his attention and protection, what reason could he have to be pleasant to me, what had I ever done for him, he had every reason in the world to think ill of me. For some reason I wished, sincerely, that he would not be as kind to me as he had been, that though I was grateful for it I wished he would not be for sometime it made me extremely uncomfortable. I thought of his hand placed protectively on my shoulder defensively that very evening and later mine in his. Why? Why did he do that? It made me feel uncomfortable inside.

Continued in Next Section