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Chapter 12

Posted on Saturday, 12 November 2005

To a casual observer the sight of three travellers sitting in an airport would be extremely ordinary. However if one looked deeper they would see that two of the three were tense and the other continually on the verge of tears. This situation had not been helped by the fact that their flight had been delayed for four hours and Henrietta, who had got no sleep in the past 48 hours, finally succumbed to fatigue. This left Anne and Frederick sitting in very un-companionable silence. Neither of them had the nerve to speak to the other, and it had gotten to a stage where Frederick would not even look at Anne. She was hurt by this but rationalized that he must be worried about Louisa and as usual taking too much of the burden on himself.

The airport was basically empty - midnight had been the only available flight and with the delay it was much earlier now. As Anne watched the people around her she wondered what had brought the old lady here, or the young family, or the worn looking businessman. There was always a back-story. Suddenly Frederick got up. He walked briskly towards her and stopped where she sat.

"I'm going to get some food and something to drink. Do you want anything?"

"A coffee would be brilliant thank you." She smiled up at him in thanks and for a moment his face lightened.

"No hot chocolate then?" Before she had time to think about his reference to their past he had hurried away and was now occupied browsing the shelves at a nearby shop. Henrietta stirred slightly and Anne adjusted her jacket which had been used as Henrietta's make-shift pillow. She looked so young and naïve in her sleep. Anyway she was thankful that the other girl would have some respite from her grief, if only temporarily. Some fifteen minutes later Anne saw Frederick approaching and had to smother a laugh. He was weighed down by lots of bags and he didn't seem to have enough hands for them. As he came closer he pleaded with his eyes for her to help him which she dutifully did.

"Did you buy the entire airport out?"

He knew she was only teasing him and shot her a look with made her laugh out loud this time. It was so much like how it had been years ago and Anne found herself sinking all too easily into that role. They both sat down again and, being careful not to disturb Henrietta, Anne inspected what he had bought. There was a lot of food and he seemed to have got every type available, there were magazines and books and Anne noticed with delight that he had bought one of her favourite ones. He noticed her small exclamation of joy and smiled at her warmly.

"I thought you'd like something to read."

"Thank you so much. I left my copy at home and was almost inconsolable for the first few days of the holiday!" She was too occupied with the book to see his expression become more serious.

"So inconsolable that you went to the airport to get a flight back to England?" Perhaps he had not meant for her to hear that but her knowledge of him allowed her to distinguish all the tones and nuances in his speech. She heard him very clearly.

"How?"

"Anne, I'm a famous professional tennis player - I do have security you know. One of the security guards phoned me after he saw you leaving. He knew that you weren't about to steal my favourite car as you were my guest but I suppose he thought it...strange that you should be driving alone in a foreign country in the early morning."

"Frederick I-" He cut her off and looked down at his clasped hands.

"And no wonder. I know that you saw Louisa and I together and I understand that there's basically no chance of you forgiving me. I can only ask that you try. I'm so sorry. And now with Louisa ... Anne I feel that you're the only thing that's real - that I can cling onto. Just say that I have your friendship. I can hardly hope for anything more. Not with Louisa..." He fell silent and appeared to be struggling to control his emotions. Anne's heart went out to him - she could see that he had taken her words in Italy seriously - all she wanted to do was comfort him.

And she did.

Gently she put her arms around him and instinctively he laid his head into the crook of her shoulder. As she brought him closer to her she could feel the beginning of heart-wrenching sobs and she hugged him tighter. All their complicated history didn't matter at that moment: all that did was that she would be able to console him. How long they sat like that neither could determine. Eventually he lifted his head and looked into her eyes. She saw that they were no longer watery with tears but they were filled with an emotion which she couldn't make out. Gently he leaned forward and she found herself moving closer to him as well. The smell of his aftershave filled her nostrils and it blinded her to everything else. Then they were so close to each other and there was nothing either of them could do. The next moment was divine. As his lips touched hers for the first time in eight years she was filled with happiness. It took her breath away. The kiss deepened and became more passionate. When his hand slid down to touch her waist Anne realized that something was wrong with their actions. She pulled away.

"We can't Frederick. Louisa..."

"I'm sorry. Actually I'm not Anne, not for that kiss. That was one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. Don't tell me you didn't feel the same." He was slightly breathless and at that moment there was nothing she wanted to do more than finish the kiss they had begun. But she couldn't. Wouldn't.

Anne opened her mouth to speak but she was prevented from doing so by Henrietta waking up. "Anne? Is the plane ready yet? Can we go home?" Just then an announcement came on that said that they should board the plane - it was finally ready to fly.

"Come on Hennie. Let's get on that plane."

She picked up some of the bags and led Henrietta over to the boarding gate. The woman standing there just looked at Anne with a look of admiration. Obviously she had seen the kiss. Hopefully she wouldn't tell anyone about it, she didn't know what she would do if people found out. How would she face the Musgroves again if the kiss became general knowledge, them knowing that she had kissed their daughter's boyfriend while Louisa was lying in a coma? Oh God what had she done?

She presumed that Frederick was following her. She couldn't look at him again. Once on the plane she put as much room between herself and Frederick as possible without it looking suspicious, so she let Henrietta sit between the two of them. While the plane took off Anne concentrated on looking out the window, then as the plane was safely in the air tiredness took over and soon she could do nothing but let her eyes close and fall into a deep and welcome sleep.

The next thing she knew was that someone was shaking her. It was Henrietta. "Anne we're about to land." Although disorientated Anne knew that this meant that she would soon be parting ways with Frederick - he would go to Uppercross with them, tell the Musgroves and then be back off to Europe to see Louisa again. Fortunately Anne had left her car at the airport in England before they went to Italy so she didn't have to pay scandalous amounts of money for a taxi. She told Frederick that she would drive and he agreed without an argument. She turned on the radio to try and alleviate the tension in the vehicle. Frederick and Henrietta were sitting in the back and from the soft snores coming form Henrietta it was safe to say that she was asleep. The song that was on the radio was in the middle and Anne recognized it, she just didn't know from where.

Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always
you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who
wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as
magical and wondrous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's
nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do -

Anne turned the radio off at that point. It was too much. She would not have Frederick think that that was some stupid plot to show him how she felt. What would she do if he thought that the song lyrics were her feelings? Of course they were but she didn't want him to know that. She looked in the rear view mirror to see what his reaction had been.

He was looking at her with the same expression as he had done before he had asked her to marry him, before she had refused him. Maybe, just maybe, he really did feel what he said he did.

Anne had never relished driving in the dark and this marvellous journey had not changed her opinion about it. Combined with Louisa's situation, Frederick's kiss and the prospect of returning to her family Anne found herself reaching a low which had once been so familiar with. She would not succumb and take the easy way out by dissolving into a depressed, tearful female. She was going to fight it with all the strength that she possessed.

It was a relief when the car stopped at the Musgroves' house. Unreasonable and irrational but it was there. Frederick, on the other hand, seemed to be dreading this meeting, the sighs and slight mumblings were a sure sign that he was nervous. He seemed to be taking everything on himself and she knew that she had to make his understand that he couldn't fix everything, even though he dearly wanted to.

Frederick opened the car door and got out, slowly at first but as he progressed his steps became more assured. Anne checked in the mirror and saw that Henrietta was still asleep, she wondered if she could leave the girl in that state - Henrietta would not survive being subjected to seeing her parents take the news of their other daughter's serious condition. Then she saw Frederick stopping just before the door and he signalled with his finger for her to come out. She glanced back at Henrietta and then back to Frederick who indicated that she should leave Henrietta where she was. Anne got out and walked up to Frederick. For the first time she saw clearly how disturbed and worried he was about telling the Musgroves, his hands were shaking slightly and his breathing was unsteady. Silently Anne reached down and clasped her hand in his, after giving it a little squeeze she let it go again.

It seemed to have comforted him.

He looked back at the door and with determination he raised his hand to the door and knocked.

A few minutes later a rather tired looking Mr. Musgrove answered. He looked shocked at seeing them. "What the blazes is going on?"

As expected Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove had not taken the news well. They insisted on flying to Italy immediately and soon all arrangements were made for them to go that evening. Frederick was to go with them. It had been a strain on Anne to see the devoted mother's reaction to her daughter's accident and even more so the father's. It was strange seeing a man cry, having been brought up with a father who rarely showed any emotion or feeling apart from when he saw something he didn't like or when Elizabeth had excelled at something. Well there had been an incident years ago when his god-son had gone against his wishes but Anne couldn't remember all the details. In fact she had never seen this god-son before in her life.

Henrietta had not been woken. Frederick had carried her upstairs and laid her on the bed. Anne took her shoes off and a blanket over her. Quietly they left the room. When in the hall Anne went to the room which Mr. Musgrove had told her she could use. She didn't look back at Frederick but she knew that he was watching her.

Later on that afternoon, having had virtually no sleep the previous night, Anne was lying on top of her bed, reading the book which Frederick had bought her. It really was a good story although perhaps a little too sad to be reading at such a time. As it was unusually warm Anne hadn't bothered getting under the covers and had only put on her 'summer pyjamas', that is a strappy top and shorts. She was so absorbed in the book that she didn't hear footsteps outside her door but when the door opened she glanced up - perhaps it was Henrietta wanting to talk with her.

It wasn't.

It was Frederick.

Suddenly the heat increased and even the open window couldn't make it cooler. However he wasn't looking at her as intensely as he had been before, if anything he was trying to avoid her gaze. He came to a stop and stood, rather uncomfortably, in front of her bed. "I just wanted to check and see if you were alright. I'm leaving now and I didn't want to go without ... that is I wanted to make sure that you weren't overwhelmed with what's happened."

"Oh I'm overwhelmed. No danger of that."

He didn't reply and Anne put the book down on the bedside table before sitting cross-legged on the bed and looking at him, trying to tell him that she was there for whatever he wanted to say. Finally he spoke, "It's just that I'm overwhelmed as well and disconcerted and a million other things besides. Honestly my mind hasn't stopped working in the past two days..." He trailed off, unable to speak.

Then Anne noticed that he appeared to be very, very tired. He hadn't slept, she knew that for a fact - in Italy she had found lots of coffee cups in the morning after Louisa's accident while he was at the hospital. "Frederick you're tired."

"I know."

"Get some sleep."

"I'm trying to but everything's so chaotic that I can't settle down long enough to sleep."

"Frederick you can't look after Louisa if you're suffering yourself. Please look after yourself."

They stared at each other for several moments, not with romantic love or lust but with friendship, secure in the knowledge that there would always be someone there for them should they need any help. Then Frederick started walking to the door before turning back towards Anne. Slowly and gently he put his hand out and caressed her face. "Thank you Anne."

The next moment he was gone.

As Anne picked up the book again she heard a car driving off. And she knew at that point that Frederick was truly lost to her as well.

Author's Note

*The song featured is "Total Eclipse of the Heart" which I don't own. It was written by James Richard Steinman and performed by Bonnie Tyler.

Chapter 13

Posted on Saturday, 3 December 2005

It was a rather dull and dreary week at the Musgrove house. Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove had flown away to see their daughter and Henrietta spent so much time either cooped up in her room or with her boyfriend Charles Hayter that the only time Anne saw her was at breakfast time. Susan came to visit occasionally but was so caught up with her own news that she hardly had any time to take Anne into consideration. All in all Anne felt that it might actually have been better to be in Italy and to watch Frederick's tender, loving attentions to Louisa.

Then again, maybe not.

She wondered what he was doing in Italy. Was he being the over-protective, caring boyfriend or would he prefer to remain aloof and cold like he had been - to Anne at least - for the past few months. Then she thought about the baby. Was Louisa pregnant? If so, did it survive and did Frederick know? He would be a marvellous father, of that she was sure. If left to his own devices she could imagine that if his child was a boy or a girl it would be playing tennis from the moment it started to walk. Anne felt herself start to drown in melancholy and in an attempt to get her mind off it decided to go down into Uppercross Village and see if the bookshop had any new books in.

She grabbed her scarf and warm coat (being Britain it was far too cold for this time of year), picked up the keys and started walking into town. She had no need to tell Henrietta that she was going as she had decided that the proper way to recover from Louisa's accident was to set up home at her fiancé's house. Luckily the village wasn't too far from Uppercross and Anne was relieved to see the outline of the poky little shops that she frequented a lot of the time. The bookshop was a homey sort of place - it was exactly how a bookshop should be - complete with lots of alcoves for reading your latest purchases and a door which connected to the coffee shop next door. As she opened the door and unwound her scarf the proprietor, an old man who was the state age to retire but it seemed that he loved his business too much to leave it in the hands of another person and so he carried on, greeted her with a cheerful smile.

"Anne! How are you?"

"Good Mr. Blake, thanks for asking. How are you?"

"How many times - it's Albert! And I'm fine darling. Not sure about Mrs. Blake though." Anne frowned in concern and Albert looked at her, his face deadpan. "Nothing to worry about lass. Just the complainin' she does, sometimes it makes me wonder if a person's tongue can fall off." He shook his head and chuckled. Anne had to smile as well - Mrs. Alice Blake was exactly the type of person that Mary would be when she was older.

"But you love her Mr. B- I mean Albert. Surely that's all that matters," Anne offered him a gentle smile which he returned before picking up his cup of tea and drinking a huge gulp of it.

"Aye, you're right lass." He thought about that for a moment before shaking his head. Anne presumed it was at something he was thinking. "Anyway Anne there's some new books in the back. I'll let you see them since I know that you're goin' away to Bath soon. Don't want all those posh snobby book-shops to get yer money, now do we?"

"No. Certainly not." This was another reason why she came here so often, Albert always made her laugh.

"Penny's in the store so if you need any help just ask her." As Anne smiled in reply she moved behind the desk and went through the little door which it seemed that Albert liked to guard. Goodness knows what was the matter with him that Albert had let Penny sort through the new books, his knees must be playing up again. She wondered if he'd gone to the doctor she'd recommended before she had left for Italy. Probably not. Albert had a strong, stubborn mind of his own.

It was dusty in the store. There was one window which no one had really taken time to wash - Anne had a suspicion that Albert didn't see the point in making a room clean which no one would see, and that Alice wouldn't come down here if her life depended on it. She had an irrational fear of spiders and all other forms of creepy-crawlies. Anne saw a girly figure leaning over a box and was immensely proud. Penny Martins had been starting her A-level course when Anne had come to teach at Uppercross High School and, as Anne had quickly found out, had an abhorrence for all things academic - her parents had been the ones who made her continue school. In fact the girl had nearly terrified Anne when she arrived into the English class the first morning. Penny had had fuchsia hair combined with heavy eye-liner and a bored expression on her face, the hair and make-up were completely against the school rules but nobody had taken the time to enforce them - the head teacher had thought that the kids were trouble and would always be trouble. Anne however had taken a different attitude. She had tried to get the class interested in the work - a hard thing to do at the best of times - and after about a year, and a hectic performance of a play of their choice, they had become friends. She remembered their chats with fondness and wondered what each of her students was doing now.

Penny glanced up and caught sight of her former teacher. A huge grin broke out on her face. "Miss Elliot it's great to see you again."

"You too Penny."

"So, how's life?" Penny asked as she sat on the window sill and picked up her half-drunk bottle of coke.

"Same as usual I suppose."

There was comfortable silence until Penny piped up again. "Oh Miss, Harry and I are officially going out now. Such an improvement from 'maybe I'll see you around, maybe I won't'. Oh wait you won't believe who came into the shop earlier on in the week!"

"Who was it?"

"Well not quite Brad Pitt but he was definitely getting there," she paused for dramatic effect and suddenly Anne believed that it might actually be possible to regret introducing her to the world of poetry. The uninterested Penny Martins was a complete chatter-box, couldn't stop talking if she'd been ordered to on pain of death. "It was Frederick Wentworth. He is so hot!"

Anne made an effort to remain calm. "Did he buy anything?"

"Some old book. Can't remember what it was called but you always used to talk about it in class."

"Oh well."

Penny leaned towards Anne and lifted a paper from behind her back. She almost shoved it into Anne's shaking hands. It's the cold, that's all! As she hesitantly opened the newspaper she saw a photo of Frederick and Louisa with the caption - Smitten Wentworth now endures the heartache of seeing his love in a coma. There was an article underneath it about Louisa and their relationship, Anne suddenly realized that this was going to be big-business news - Frederick had never been seen with a girl for more than a week, and now Louisa was being broadcast as the darling, perfect love. Quickly she gave the paper back to Penny and bid her hasty good-byes, not caring what she made of her departure. As she went into the street it seemed as though the world was mocking her - the newsagents had the headline "Wentworth in heartache", two elderly women who she passed in the street were talking about it and saying how good it would be for both Louisa and Frederick. She ran back to the house as soon as she was out of sight of any prying eyes and slammed the front door closed after she entered it. Anne took deep breaths - after all she had known that Louisa and Frederick were serious. However it still hurt. She glanced at the phone and an idea formed in her head. After all who would say anything to Anne going a few days early to see her family and dearest friend? She picked up the phone and dialled one of the most familiar numbers. Waited for someone to pick up at the other end.

"Hi Susan. I've been thinking, why don't we go to Bath early?"

Anne had been in Bath for three weeks. Three miserable, dreary, tedious weeks which made her wonder why she had been so eager to go there in the first place. The speculation over Frederick and Louisa's relationship was worse in Bath than in Uppercross Village. Nearly everyday there was some fresh new scandal or revelation. The latest one was that she had woken up and that Frederick had proposed marriage to her after discovering that he could not live without her.

Anne was seriously ignoring that one.

Her father's new house was in the not-so-posh area of Bath but it was still prestigious enough to keep him and Elizabeth content. It was a Sunday morning and as usual her father and elder sibling were still sleeping even though it was far past mid-day. They had been at a party last night and both would be suffering when they woke up. In their highly inebriated state the previous night Anne could only make out that they had met a famous person or a rich person or some sort of person that they felt it would be beneficial to be closer to.

It was afternoons like this in Bath that Anne cherished. No dismissive relatives and therefore peace and tranquility in the house. Heaven! Just as she was settling down with a book in one of the cosier places of the house the telephone went. Groaning, Anne got up and answered it.

"Hello?" There was silence on the other end for a few moments. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Hello Anne." She recognized the voice but couldn't tell whose it was. It wasn't Lady Russell, or Mary, or Charles or Frederick. Then she realized who it was.

"George Wickham."

He chuckled, "Quite right. I've got something very interesting to show you. It might be to your advantage if you saw it."

"What-?" However he cut her off.

"Meet me at," and then he gave her the name of a park nearby. Strange, it wasn't a particularly popular park and she'd always thought that George Wickham would do everything in style. "Be there." The threat was evident. Anne didn't know what he had but she also had a bad feeling about what he was going to do. She grabbed her coat and told Mrs. Pritchard, the house-keeper, that she was going out to meet a friend.

She was only waiting in the park for five minutes before Wickham turned up. He was dishevelled and it looked as though he hadn't shaved in a few days - some might have said that he was attractive but Anne knew him too well to see any handsomeness in him. He wrapped his coat closer to him and looked around as if to check that no-one was following him. Then Anne saw that he had a bag in his hand and a chill went down her spine.

"Why did you want to meet me? What have you got?"

He gave a bitter laugh and looked her in the eye. "Sit."

"Don't order me about Wickham."

"Oh little Anne Elliot has a back-bone has she? Surprised you and Darcy aren't married by now. You always were the spoil-sports." Anne ignored his insults and concentrated on finding out as much as possible about the reason Wickham was here. Bath didn't exactly seem like his type of place.

"What do you want?"

"I want to show you something." He took a folder out of his bag but didn't hand it to her. Instead he opened it up and Anne saw that there were pictures of some sort in there. He must have seen her look of confusion because at that moment he held the photos up and went through them slowly, making sure that she could see them. Anne gasped and had to hold onto a nearby bench for support when she stumbled back.

The photos were of Frederick and her.

At the airport.

Kissing.

There seemed to be millions of them and each tore Anne's soul. Wickham took the opportunity to speak. "It's such a pity. These really should be public knowledge. After all the caring British citizens have taken Louisa Musgrove to their hearts. She mustn't be deceived. Isn't that the honourable thing to do, to tell her the truth? However as we both know I am not an honourable man. I'm giving you this chance to get the photos and the negatives. In return for a generous sum of money, of course."

"You're despicable!"

"That's true. However how much better would you be if you let that poor girl suffer so much after such a stressful ordeal? And Wentworth's career - he would be forever held up as a cheat and betrayer."

Anne knew that Wickham was not above stooping so low to do something like that. She could not hurt Louisa. Would not. The girl may have been moody and capricious but she had a good heart and soul. She couldn't allow her to go through any more pain.

"How much?"

"Thirty thousand."

"Thirty?"

"Yes. Thirty thousand." He leaned in closer to her and whispered in her ear. "And I know about your mother's little savings account she had for you. Tut, tut, Anne. Not giving your poor father some of her money in his time of need?"

"I'll get it to you tomorrow."

He smirked. As Anne walked away she felt as though she had made a deal with the devil.

Chapter 14

Posted on Wednesday, 28 December 2005

Anne returned to her father's house, she couldn't call it home - Kellynch Hall would always be that, and she heard the shrieks of Sir Walter and her sister. From the sounds of it Penelope was keeping rather quiet, the broad Yorkshire accent was notably absent. She slowly opened the door and when she had shut it, leant against it trying to imagine a way out of this dreadful situation which she had foolishly walked into. How could she have been so stupid to presume that there would be no cameras following the famous Frederick Wentworth? And now George bloody Wickham wanted thirty thousand pounds. It was extortion. How had he found out about the money which her mother had left Anne just before she had died - it had been a gift for Anne getting top marks in her school exams. A rather generous gift all the same but maybe her mother had seen how her husband was rashly spending any money she had given him. Anne had made sure that no one learnt of it, not even Lady Russell. So the question still remained, how did Wickham know?

She couldn't bring herself to face her sister and father yet. They would belittle her about her appearance, compliment Penelope scandalously and generally act like the conceited socialites they were. She had to figure how to get herself out of the wretched situation she was in, but who would help her? Her family definitely wouldn't, she couldn't approach any of the Musgroves and if Lady Russell learnt of Anne's behaviour with Frederick she would be so disappointed and disappointment was something which Anne had never been able to handle well. Then a thought entered her head - why not phone Will? He had been the closest to George Wickham and although the enmity that existed between them now was hardly a welcome thing in this situation Anne was certain that Wickham wouldn't hesitate to inflict even more pain or humiliation on Will than he already had.

Anne ran up to her room and grabbed her phone then she found Will's number and soon his phone was ringing. Once again he was taking along time to answer and Anne was about to give up when someone picked up. Having expected it to have been Will she was surprised to find that it was not his deep voice on the other end, but a light feminine one.

"Hello, Will Darcy's phone. He's busy at the minute, how can I help?" Anne knew that voice, it was lurking in the back of her mind and it took a while for her to match it to a person.

"Emma, is that you?"

"Anne? Yes it's me! How are you? Isn't it positively scandalous that Will has yet to find a serious girlfriend?"

Anne had to laugh as she answered the younger girl. Emma Woodhouse had not changed and if asked for her personal opinion Anne was convinced that she never would. She could just imagine it now - George Knightley and Emma Woodhouse in a nursing home arguing as they had done for the last fifty years, the former enjoying teasing Emma and she believing herself ill-used at his remarks. Speaking of, she wondered if George was with Emma now. "It's nice to hear from you too Emma. We really should keep in better contact with each other, shouldn't we? But where's Will?"

"Oh Will's off playing the dashing knight in shining armour role that he seems to favour. It's admirable really, makes you think that other men should be doing the exact same thing." Anne smothered a giggle at this - she was convinced that George Knightley was indeed with Emma. "Yes I'm talking about you George. Honestly if you wouldn't spend so much of your time around Jane Fairfax then maybe you'd actually realize what's happening around you. Honestly Anne you're lucky you've never met her. Jane Fairfax is a perfect creature, at least in the male mind, but I cannot see what is so fascinating about her. But I would have hoped that George would not have been affected. One almost suspects that he will propose any day now. And that insufferable Augusta Elton - I can not tolerate her. At least Jane puts on the appearance of humility, Gussie (As I have taken to calling her) can not even manage that!" When Anne was sure that Emma had finished her tirade she began speaking again.

"Emma do you know where Will is?"

"London I think. But I don't know where he's staying as, due to him being of the male species, he forgot his mobile. That's why I'm talking to you."

"Yes I assumed that."

"Hang on, George wants to talk to you. I have a feeling that he just wants to stop hearing me speak about the wonderful Jane Fairfax. Bye."

"Anne, you're well I take it?"

"Yes. Hi George." Somehow George Knightley's no nonsense voice had managed to comfort Anne far more than Emma's constant prattling about the latest developments in George's life. He had always been an elder brother type figure almost like Will, but unlike the latter he had never felt the need to assume a mask when in society.

"You want to talk to Will, is that right?" Anne answered in the affirmative but went on to explain what Emma had said to her. She heard George snort over the phone and Anne was certain that it was addressed to Emma and not herself.

"He did leave a contact telephone number. Have you got a pen and paper?" Anne rushed over to her desk and grabbed what George had mentioned.

"Now I have."

"Good. Here's his number." George went on to tell her what it was and once he had finished there was a slight lull in conversation until Anne began again.

"Thanks for that George. It was good to talk to you again."

"You too," she could hear the smile in his voice. "Well I presume that you need to go off and get in contact with Will. Bye."

"Bye. By the sound of it Emma's still clueless."

"Oh she definitely is."

"Give her time. No one can be that ignorant for much longer. She'll figure out sooner or later."

"I hope so." George put the phone down and Anne was left in silence again. The brief comical interlude that was the George/Emma relationship had temporarily made her forget about her real problem which was George Wickham. In an attempt to sort it out she dialled the number which George had given her into her mobile, in a more Will-like manner he had answered immediately.

"Hello. Will Darcy." He seemed distracted and Anne wondered what had happened that he was playing the 'dashing knight in shining armour' role as Emma had said. Surely nothing could have happened to Georgiana? It would have been in the papers, wouldn't it? However it had to concern someone who Will cared for deeply. Then she realized that maybe it was to do with Elizabeth Bennet, the woman Will was deeply and irrevocably in love with.

"Will, I need your help."

It had only taken a brief conversation for her to secure Will's help as he was all too willing to do it himself. He had told her that he was looking for Wickham and there was such a presence of hope in his voice when she had mentioned that Wickham was in Bath. Victory even. All this had further increased her sense of curiosity towards his actions - what had Wickham done to merit Will's persistent hounding? However she was not either of her sisters and retained the belief that Will deserved his privacy so she made up her mind not to ask him anything unless he volunteered the subject himself.

The following night did not provide the rest which Anne relied on to get herself through this fiasco with Wickham. She had been unable to think rationally - her mind was filled with different but equally scary situations none of which she would ever hope to happen. The first had been of her meeting Wickham, Will not showing up and Anne having no money whatsoever to pay him with so Wickham had gone to the press which resulted in Anne being branded a harlot by all the British public. The second was less publicly humiliating but had made Anne more ashamed. Instead of Wickham giving the photos to the press he had shown them to Louisa and the Musgroves, the former upon seeing them had died of shock and the latter pronounced Anne as a murderer. And the third - the third was possibly the worst, from Anne's point of view. Frederick had somehow managed to get the photos and was angry at her for kissing him. In that dream he had said that he would never see her again and she had died alone and friendless at the age of twenty nine from a broken heart.

Thus was what Anne was plagued with throughout the night and by the time she had succumbed to dreamless sleep she had been woken up by Elizabeth's shrieking in the room opposite. From what Anne's hazy mind could gather one of her designer dresses had been destroyed, although Elizabeth's definition of destroyed probably compared with Anne's definition of a tiny stain in a place where no one would ever see it. Still, at least Elizabeth was passionate about something other than money - or marrying an old, rich widower who would die in a short amount of time so that the eldest Miss Elliot could claim all his money for herself.

She glanced at the clock on her bedside table and saw that it was already 8am, only two hours before she was to meet Wickham and give him what amounted to a bribe. Will and she had arranged to meet up at a café near the park so that the former's presence would take Wickham by surprise. Maybe by that time she would be hungry - now all she felt was slightly nauseous and as a result could not face whatever breakfast her father had ordered the cook to make the previous night. Anne's stomach lurched as she remembered him talking about a fry - very un-Sir Walter but he said that it was a reward for his magnificent appearance that month. Honestly! Anne was ready to do just about anything to get away from this house: she couldn't handle the fake fur, the stifling perfume or the over the top gold borders anymore. What she wouldn't give to be back at the Musgroves' where everything seemed so natural and homey and friendly, it gave further force to her argument that the home reflected the family. The house in Bath only served to present her father as a decadent old fool, desperate to reclaim his youth and failing miserably.

How was she going to pass the time between now and ten o'clock? She didn't want to face her family, she was terrified that she would run into Wickham if she went outside and all Anne Elliot wanted to do was curl up and forget about everything that was happening in her life. However that was not a luxury that she could afford and soon she was reduced to checking to see if she had any new e-mails. It turned out that there was only one new message, from her sister Mary. Rather hesitantly she opened it.

Anne,

Oh things have been so busy here! Everyone is fussing over Louisa to such an extent that it seems as though they have forgotten about me. I'm not self-centred but Anne would it be hard for Charles, who is supposed to be my husband, to show me a little bit of attention. I don't need much, maybe a pair of shoes from that boutique in Uppercross - not that I usually shop there but they have a shop in London - or so I understand - and consequently I feel that it wouldn't be a dishonour to the Elliot name to frequent it. They do have the most divine things - perhaps you could buy me a lovely dress there for Christmas. I am sure that you have more money than we do at the moment - Charles has rather shamelessly been missing work because of Louisa's unfortunate condition. Could the girl not have waited until after my birthday to fall ill? I'm almost convinced that she fell just to spite me - but I will not tolerate a Musgrove's actions affecting an Elliot this much. Anyway I don't know why anyone is so very worried, the doctor said that she would be perfectly fine but still they fuss over her like she might die at any moment. I know that if it had of been me who was ill Charles would have gone back to work the next day, and only you would have kept me company! But perhaps you are enjoying yourself so much in Bath that you wouldn't want to care for me.

At least one good thing has come out of this business with Louisa - she has managed to get Frederick Wentworth as a husband. I must confess that this is one connection that I shan't be sad about (unlike Hennie's unfortunate infatuation with the Hayter boy). It seems as though Freddie found that he was so in love with her that the thought of her dying without him marrying her, made him even more determined to secure her as his wife. Charles informs me that as soon as Louisa recovers properly she will be married. Oh how I know it shall be a winter wedding! Winter clothes always make me appear so fat and I know that it will be done just to inconvenience me!

Mary

The feelings which swept through Anne's body as a result of this information can hardly be described. Suffice to say they were strong enough to render her unable to think rationally for several minutes and unable to speak for a much longer duration. How could they be getting married? She'd known that there had been hints at it from the Musgrove family and proclamations asserting it as an undeniable fact by the press, but now that it was happening it still took Anne by surprise. Perhaps it was because she had expected Frederick to tell her himself of any prospective engagements - especially one so close as Louisa was to her, as a result of their increasing camaraderie. She had known that it was foolish to hope for a renewal on his side of feelings which they had both cherished and proclaimed as sacred. It still hurt though. A lot.

Anne wondered if it always hurt this much when a hope was denied. She had only experienced the feeling once before - when she had broken off the engagement with Frederick - and all of a sudden she gained an insight into what he had felt then and why he had been so bitter and cruel in his actions then. He had been miserable, utterly miserable and if anything this event had brought them, ironically, closer together. The idea that through his marriage to another woman she had learnt to understand him more was perverse to Anne, but she knew that it was his choice to marry Louisa - she would not interfere with his decisions no matter how much she wanted to. It also made her even more determined to get those photos from Wickham - Anne valued Frederick's happiness above her own at this moment and she would be damned if she let a git like Wickham ruin it.

Anne had passed the previous hour and a half in a mixture of torment and bitter determination. Such emotions had prompted her to leave earlier than she would have liked to go to the meeting place. Said meeting place was a quaint little café which when Anne arrived was virtually empty and by the time she had ordered her hot chocolate she was the only customer. It served the most divine hot chocolate that Anne had come across and she had presumed that a chocolate feast would reduce her fear of the upcoming situation. Unfortunately it had not. The café was eerily similar to the one which she and Frederick had frequented when they were going out and every time the door opened or somebody walked past the window she thought that it was Wickham. Just as Anne was reprimanding herself for being so foolish, another customer opened the door and she felt a blast of cold air hitting her back as it was swung open. She had determined not to look around to see if it was indeed Wickham, or Will - but Will was always on time to the second so it would hardly be him as there was still 15 minutes to go. Having successfully achieved this she smiled into herself. However soon that smile and sense of satisfaction were to disappear rapidly. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she jerked from the touch, the hand felt familiar - the skin slightly calloused and rough. Anne recognized the smell of the person as well - a woody, very natural scent, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Then she knew. And the person's voice only served to increase her certainty, and fill her with dread.

"Anne?" She took a deep breath and knew that he would feel it.

"Hello Frederick," Anne turned round to face him and all the emotions which she had entertained before came back full force and more. He was painfully handsome, she knew that he would never be hers again and not for the first time did she scold herself for letting him go. She thought that she felt his hand tightening slightly on her shoulder but the next moment the pressure was relieved. She must have imagined it. He came to sit beside her, and for some reason he appeared sombre. Why should he be sad? He had the woman he loved as a fiancée, he was successful doing something he absolutely adored doing and he had no knowledge whatsoever that a creature such as George Wickham existed in this world.

Frederick sat there for a while and at times he opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again before he could. It seemed that he was inwardly debating something and Anne knew that when he was in such a mood it was better to leave him alone and sort through his emotions.

She wondered if Louisa knew that.

"Anne I don't know if you've heard," he sounded like he was in agony and Anne did not want to imagine the possibilities as to why. Then, seeing that he was finding it hard to speak Anne finished his sentence.

"That you're getting married? Mary told me." She attempted to keep her voice neutral, not wanting it to seem to Frederick that she was sad or angry with him. The latter emotion she could out rightly deny, however the former was all too prevalent in her mind.

He nodded mutely. They were both silent for a moment before he moved his hand on the table, "Anne I should have been the one to tell you. You deserve that."

"Well you know, Mary can hardly be stopped at times. I think she's trying to persuade Charles to buy her a new outfit for," she couldn't say your wedding, "for the event." Her comment had prompted sad smiles from both of them although it did nothing to lighten the mood. His hand moved again on the table and she looked down at it: it was coming closer to her own. She didn't move her hand out of the way. If they were denied all else surely they deserved a little bit of comfort from the other. As his hand closed over her own Anne struggled to maintain a normal appearance and she glanced down at where they were touching and then back up to his face. She was startled by the expression of grief in his face. Then something hit her - what if, what if he felt the same way that she did about the whole thing? What if he still loved her with the ferocity that he had eight years ago? What if their foolish actions had spoilt a potential future together? Anne tried to clear her head in an effort to escape from these treacherous thoughts, these painful thoughts. It didn't work. And although she would not accept it, it never would.

"I'm sorry Anne. I'm so sorry." His voice broke as he was overcome with emotion and with her other hand she caressed his cheek slightly wanting so much to give him the comfort he craved.

"Don't worry. You and Louisa will have a wonderful future together."

"And so will the baby I'm sure."

"Baby?" Anne had forgotten in all the hustle and bustle of the past 24 hours that she had found a pregnancy test kit in Louisa's room in Italy. Now all her suspicions were verified.

"She's nearly three months gone. The doctors said that she was lucky not to have lost it in the fall."

"See, you'll have a perfect family. And you can teach your child how to play tennis and I know that you'll make a brilliant dad. You'll want to do everything in your power to protect your child." She was saying things which she knew he would see through, things which he would understand had once been meant for their child.

"Thank you. It means so much, coming from you."

"Don't worry. If everyone worried about everything then nothing would get done, and now you have to make sure that Louisa knows that she is the most special woman in your life."

"Is she though?" He raised his eyes and gazed directly into hers. For a few sublime seconds they were connected and each understood what the other was feeling. That is, until another voice cut through the silence.

"Anne are you ready?" It was Will. Darling Will who Anne knew would always be there for her no matter what she did or what he did. He hadn't even questioned her when she had told him about the nature of the photos Wickham had the previous night. Then Anne realized the danger in his words just as Frederick got up and offered his seat to Will.

"Oh so you're together now, are you? I can't say that I blame you Will. She's an incredible woman, just promise me one thing. Promise me that you'll take care of her. She deserves only the best."

Will merely looked at Anne questioningly at Frederick's words before turning his attention back to the latter. "I don't know what you're on about but I agree with absolutely everything you've said. But I'm not with Anne, and I never will be. The only man she'll ever want, or be in love with, and I think we both know this, is you."

Chapter 15

Posted on Saturday, 14 January 2006

The words were out of Will's mouth and could not be taken back no matter how much any of them wanted that to happen. Anne was shocked at her usually quiet friend's forwardness with Frederick and wished that he had exhibited some of that pride he was reputed to have, in fact the whole incident was extremely embarrassing. It appeared that Frederick felt the same as she did - his face was flushed and there was a pain in his eyes that Anne wanted to pretend was just because Will had misconstrued the situation. Unfortunately for them Will's insight was as keen and correct as always. No wonder he was a brilliant lawyer.

"You know that I cannot Darcy. I thought that a man of your intellect and honour would understand the quandary that I'm in and the action I have to take as a result of it." Frederick was trying not to lose his temper but the angry tone beneath his words was clear to Anne.

"I understand and if what I read in the papers is correct then I applaud you for your actions. However that does not excuse what you've put Anne through these past few months, and as Anne is my friend I will not tolerate anyone hurting her in any form."

Frederick looked up, stricken. "I never meant to hurt Anne, believe me I didn't but... I should not be explaining this for your benefit Darcy, and I will certainly not tell Anne the cause of my past actions when you are in front of me."

"That's a wise choice, I just can't understand how you could let the woman you claimed to have loved go - you should have been trying to make amends with her." Will seemed caught up in his own thoughts and the other two knew that his last comment wasn't just directed at Frederick. Anne suspected that there was more to his 'knight-in-shining-armour' role than it appeared while Frederick saw a man achingly similar to himself in front of him. Anne glanced at the clock and saw that it was time for them to leave and meet Wickham, her movement attracted the attention of the two men.

"Where are you going?" At Frederick's question Anne looked at Will in search of a reasonable explanation which would neither reveal their true destination to the tennis player nor make him jump to any more conclusions. Anne preferred that the latter thing was something which he would not do again - it was only more painful for all involved. However Will being Will came out with the honest answer.

"We're going to meet an old acquaintance. I'm sure that you wouldn't care to meet him and I believe that that would be the safest option for everyone involved." Will's clinical tone was strange to Anne - normally whenever Wickham was mentioned he would get into a temper, maybe not an obvious one but their were subtle signs in his face which only those closest to him could recognize for what they were. After hearing Will's words Frederick immediately straightened up and became more alert.

"It'd be safer if I didn't meet him? What does that mean Darcy? If there's any danger involved then don't you dare drag Anne into your mess." He was well enough acquainted with her character not to order her to come with him but the indignant expression on his face made Anne feel sorry for him in a very bizarre and unexpected way. It seemed as though he only wanted to keep her out of harm's way - he only wanted to protect her. Then she saw that Will was annoyed at Frederick's questioning and before he could say anything else that would create further problems she stepped in.

"Frederick, Will's not making me do anything in fact it's me who's dragging him into trouble."

"No you're not Anne," Will interjected. "It's something which I should have done a long time ago - if I had then things wouldn't be the way they are now." Anne's gaze flickered from the despondent look on Will's face to the mystified one on Frederick's and realized that what was happening would have to be explained to the latter. She hoped that he wouldn't get too angry.

"Frederick I'm going to tell you something and you have to promise me not to over-react, please." Frederick sat down on the chair opposite her and she could tell that he was listening intently.

"I won't. I promise." There was a hint of a smile hovering around his lips as if he was too shy or too hesitant to risk the full blown version. Anne was glad - she wasn't sure that she could deal with that.

"While I was at university I was in Will's company for the most part and consequently I also had to endure George Wickham. Wickham, as everyone calls him, is as cold-hearted and malicious a man as you could meet and he's dangerous Frederick, he really is. I don't believe that he'd ever use physical violence - he's far too smarmy and subtle for that approach - but nevertheless he happens to have an extraordinary talent for deceit, and that is where you must be careful of him." She looked over at Will who took the hint and continued where Anne had left off. She supposed that it was his story and he was the one who deserved to tell it.

"Wickham had me deceived, he deceived my father and indeed my younger sister. When we were at university I began seeing him in a new and entirely truthful light. Gone was the boyhood friend and in his place was a malevolent Casanova - he went through all the girls that he could and seduced the ones who were unwilling to begin with. As my friendship with Anne and a man called George Knightley grew I found myself moving further and further away from Wickham. I believe that he wasn't happy at this and as a result he developed a bitter nature and, I suspect, a hatred for the friends who had replaced him and, in his won words, got my money. I think that that is all you need to know about his past, I'm sure it is extremely illuminating."

Frederick's entire face was moulded into a frown and his narrowed eyes focused themselves back on Anne. "I take it that you are meeting that cretin then." She nodded. "But why? Does he want something from you? Has he been threatening you?"

"Yes, he does want something from me and he has been threatening me as well. Frederick," She paused and took a deep breath - unwilling to have this discussion with him at that moment. "Frederick he was there, at the airport in Italy. He saw what was going on and he had a camera." That was all she had to say, he understood her meaning perfectly and now she was waiting for the storm to arise.

"I presume he wants monetary payment." At Anne's assenting words he nodded into himself. Then, much to Anne's surprise he got up and turned to face the two of them. "Well what are you waiting for? We need to catch this black-mailer. And don't even protest about my coming with you Anne. If I be with you then I am damned well going to assist you." Will and Anne merely looked at each other, Will smiled at Anne and then they both followed Frederick out the door.

They were at the park where Wickham had told Anne to meet him. She wondered what his reaction would be when he saw that there were two more people than he had planned and that one of them was his old friend turned enemy and the other the one featured in the photos. They waited at the same bench as the day before, Wickham was late which was strange as he was rarely late unless it was to his advantage. From what little details Will had told her and from what she could ascertain herself, Anne had presumed that in this case Wickham should have been early. The two men were pacing the ground in front of the bench - eager to get this deal over with. Will had explained that he had the money should it come to that and had ordered Frederick, on no uncertain terms, not to interfere. The latter was obviously unhappy about that condition but had agreed nevertheless.

Suddenly there was a gust of ice cold wind and Anne wrapped her coat more tightly around herself. It was yet another reminder of why she hated British weather. Upon seeing Anne shiver and noticing that she didn't have a scarf with her, Frederick unwound his from around his neck and handed it to Anne. She took it hesitantly - seeing the gesture for what it was. He still cared for her and if nothing else he would help her out - just like he was doing with the Wickham situation and similarly when he had told Sophy to take Anne with her in the car when she was tired. She smiled at Frederick and his whole countenance brightened up before clouding over again. Anne turned to see what had caused this change and saw that Will was standing still as well looking unmistakably at George Wickham.

"Well Will, so nice to see you again, how is dear Georgie? As pleasing as always?" Anne could see that Will was struggling not to lose his composure and tried to figure out what might have happened to affect Will so much at the mention of his younger sister. Wickham turned his attentions towards Frederick. "Ah the tennis player, and if I don't get what I want - a slimy, scheming lothario. How are you doing? Here to save your precious Anne? I wouldn't bother if I was you - I can tell by her photo that your girl Louisa's far more of a dynamo than Anne ever was. And far more beautiful." Frederick merely glared at Wickham, who shrugged the look off. "And dear old innocent Anne - have you got my money? I hope you have - although it would be interesting to see the idol and the innocent fall."

"Where's Lydia, Wickham?" Wickham looked up in surprise before contempt spread across his face.

"Whomever do you mean Will?"

"Don't play games with me Wickham. She's living with you - but where?" Wickham's face was once again back to its habitual cold demeanour.

"Lyddy doesn't wish to be found. Doesn't want to have to go back to her family I presume."

"Give me the address and I'll give you the money."

"In case you've forgotten, I'm going to get money anyway. I wouldn't go making foolish statements like that." Anne had been looking at Frederick at the end of the conversation and he nodded slightly to her.

"Actually Wickham, you're not."

"What?" He turned to Anne and looked incredulously at her, here was the meek Anne Elliot standing up to him. That was a turn up for the books, if only she'd been like this in university. It would have been so much more fun.

"I'm not going to let you blackmail Frederick and me. The truth will out after all and I believe, no - we believe, that it's better sooner than later. You're going to have to look elsewhere."

"You'll regret this Anne Elliot, just you wait and see. The photos will be in every paper in the UK in a few days time, imagine the public outcry. Imagine," At that he turned to Frederick, "the devastation on your fiancée's face. How could you do that to her? I always thought that you were noble and honourable - rather like Will here - but you're no better than I am."

Anne and Frederick did not reply to Wickham's taunting, they would not even look at him or at each other. When Will began to question his former friend about this girl Lydia's whereabouts they took it as their cue to leave - neither wanted to pry into what was obviously Will's private life. In the hurry to get as far away from Wickham as she could Anne did not notice Frederick looking back at him and a nod which passed slowly between the two.

They were soon back at the Elliot house, the walk to it had been silent as neither of them had wanted to disturb the companionable silence that had developed between them, instead they spent the time savouring the precious moments together. When they came into sight if the house Anne noticed two cars there - one which she had never seen before and the other which was all too familiar.

"Do you know whose cars they are?"

"I don't have a clue about the convertible. The other one's Susan's." She didn't have to expand on that answer either: Frederick would know perfectly well which Susan she was referring to. Instead of making a big fuss about the woman, as the 'old' Frederick would have done, he just made a noise which signified that he understood who she was talking about.

"Anne, I don't know what to say, really I don't." He avoided meeting her eyes as she moved to face him. She laid a hand on his arm.

"You don't need to say anything Frederick. I think that everything that needed to be said or done happened in the café."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You've got nothing to apologize for."

"Anne-"

"It was eight years ago, we both knew from the start that we would never rekindle our relationship."

Suddenly he gazed up at her in earnest, grasping her free hand. "Anne I listened to what you said in Italy, about looking at my actions with regards to women and trying to reform myself if I didn't like what I saw. I did that Anne. When I went to see Edward while Louisa was still recovering all I could think of was your words, they've haunted me." He broke off before laughing a little, "That didn't sound at all melodramatic." She decided to play along.

"I know. If you were my student I'd be writing hyperbole all over your essays." Anne laughed as well. "I rather like that word, don't you?"

"Oh yes, it's brilliant Anne." He replied dryly

"You've never appreciated my love of the English language Frederick. But you must promise me to make sure that your child does. I can think of nothing worse than a child who does not find everything around them interesting."

"I'll be sure to do so Anne. For you." He let go of her hand. "I just wanted to thank you for your intervention. I don't know what my behaviour would have been like if you hadn't reprimanded me in such a way."

"It's no problem." For a few moments they stood in silence, then they were roused from it by the sound of an upstairs window being opened.

"Anne! Anne! Your father wants to see you, Susan Russell is here and so is...well you'll meet him soon enough. Ever so charming. I believe that Elizabeth is quite taken with him already." It was Penelope, her loud voice bellowing through the quiet streets. Anne was ever so slightly mortified - she didn't care about what the other residents thought of her family (even though Penelope wasn't family) but Frederick's good opinion was paramount to her. A quick look back showed Anne that Frederick was not surprised or disdainful in any way and she replied to the older woman that she would be up shortly.

"Anne you will ... come and see us - myself, the Musgroves and my friends and family - won't you? We're staying not that far from here, I believe your sister will be there as well."

"Of course I will Frederick. I'd like to help in any way if I am able."

"I'm sure it will be appreciated. Well I'll leave you with your family." He began to walk away but stopped only a few metres down the street. "Who is that woman by the way?"

"That was Penelope Clay - she's Elizabeth's best friend." She shrugged.

"Okay. Say hello to Susan for me. Bye!" He was striding away with his hands stuck in his pockets before Anne could respond. Sighing, she merely went inside for the introductions.

There was no one waiting for her as she had expected and then she was suddenly struck with the awful thought that maybe Susan had seen Frederick and herself. She would be able to tell Anne's feelings on the matter of Frederick and Louisa within an instant of the subject being brought up. As she took off her jacket she realized that she still had Frederick's scarf - it was too late to give it back to him so she hung it up at the very back of the cloakroom. It was very obviously a man's scarf and she did not want questions about how she had come to possess it. Her father, after all, would never wear that particular shade of blue.

Chapter 16

Posted on Saturday, 4 February 2006

Never was Anne more unwilling to serve her family than now - she knew that it would be expected, that Susan would want to see her, and her only hope at that moment was that the guest wouldn't be too unbearable. If he were like Elizabeth or Sir Walter Anne would be in for a very tedious night. Penelope met her just as she was about to open the door.

"Oh Anne I'm so glad that you've finally decided to come in. It's so cold - I wonder if Walt would invest in some outdoor heaters? Oh never mind. Anyway there's the most handsome man in the world here - and I'm not talking about your daddy. This time anyway!" Anne wondered whether Penelope realized that Anne was nearly thirty and that at no point in her life, even as a child, had she addressed her father as 'daddy'. The idea was absurd, unnatural even. Also, when had her father become Walt to Penelope? This was a very worrying development - if only she hadn't been so pre-occupied with Frederick and Wickham maybe she could have halted it!

"Actually Penelope -"

"Call me Pen, everybody does. It sounds amazing when Walt says it." She sighed what Anne surmised was meant to be a very sincere sigh of love but what emerged instead was a rather obviously false huff. And when had the trend for nicknames started? Had Anne missed it? "Come in - Sue and Liz are in there too." Anne presumed that Pen, fortunately, could not think of anything to shorten 'Anne' too. Sweet mercies indeed! Anne was dragged into the lounge and thrust rather abruptly on the unsuspecting crowd assembled there. As usual Elizabeth and her father showed no reaction to her presence while a huge smile broke out on Susan's face when she saw her goddaughter. After greeting those she knew, Anne turned her attention to the guest and with a gasp of surprise she realized that she had met him before. It was William Elliot - the man she had sat next to on the plane to Italy and then met on that fateful day when Louisa had fallen. She was uncomfortable in his presence; previously, he had not hesitated to be extremely suggestive and he had propositioned her before. He wouldn't do the same thing here, would he?

"Hello."

"Bonjour Anne." If there was anything Anne hated in the world, it was pretension - ironic really that her family had that trait in bucket loads, and smarmy people were a close second. However she would give William Elliot the benefit of the doubt - maybe he couldn't help it. He could, possibly, be putting on a front around her family. Then again he could just be another Wickham and that was not someone Anne needed in her life. "So nice to see you again." He smirked and suddenly Anne realized that he had dimples - very cute dimples at that, however what she had seen of his personality over-rode whatever attraction she might have felt towards him.

"You know Annie?" Anne heard Elizabeth shriek from the other end of the room, "But you never told us? When did you meet, darling?" She wondered at the use of the term 'darling' as Elizabeth was never openly affectionate to anyone - sometimes Anne wasn't sure if she had any emotions to feel affection with. With a glance at William and Elizabeth a memory was suddenly triggered and in her mind she was suddenly back in Kellynch Hall - only it was a good ten years ago.

Ten years ago

A very shy and introverted Anne was only a few weeks away from celebrating her eighteenth birthday. Susan had forced her to compile a guest list for the party which was not a task which she readily enjoyed as she had very few friends at boarding school, either they were miniature versions of Elizabeth or they were even worse - a feat which Anne had not even known was possible until a few years ago. However she did have a few close friends like Helen and Amy, but the latter would be staying in her native Ireland for her cousin's wedding and would not be able to make it - something which she had been apologizing to Anne for these past few months. Fortunately, Helen would be there and in Anne's opinion as long as she had someone at her party who was not a socialite or an 'it girl' then everything would be fine. Anyway Susan was her best friend, and her godmother had never let her down yet.

Despite all of her father and elder sister's protestations, Anne had managed to get them to go to the less prestigious restaurant in Kellynch, however they had made her go to London and have a family dinner there the previous week. The experience was hardly something Anne wanted to repeat in the future. Only Mary, out of all the Elliot clan, was actually looking forward to the middle child's birthday, although, admittedly, that was because the youngest had been allowed to buy a new dress for the occasion. Anne wondered what a normal family was like - would they talk? Play games? Have dinner together? For the Elliots were as far removed from normalcy as it was possible to be. She was sure that the Queen was more in touch with the general public than her father.

Anne happened to be wandering around the halls of her home, so bored that she was even considering doing her math homework, when she heard voices coming from Elizabeth's room. Now she was not the type of person to be nosy, and she was certainly not interested in her sister's affairs, but Anne couldn't help but be frozen at the sound of her elder sister crying came from inside. The door was slightly ajar and when she peeked in she saw her father sitting with Elizabeth in, what seemed to Anne, a very atypical hug.

"Daddy, why would he do this to me? I loved him, I still do! Oh daddy!" At this Elizabeth laid her head on her father's shoulder and he tried to soothe her. The only thought running through Anne's mind was, 'who had gotten her sister into this state in the first place?' And who had Elizabeth loved? The idea of Elizabeth loving someone other than herself appeared slightly surprising to her but who knew what went on in the elder sister's head, for she would certainly not confide in Anne and vice-a-versa.

"I know you did Elizabeth, and he is just an arrogant, ignorant commoner if he thinks that she is better than you!" This prompted another cry from Anne's sister.

"What has she got that I haven't? I'm far more beautiful than her, and I'm much better raised!"

"Sssh Elizabeth. We all must forget William Elliot." It was extremely bizarre to Anne to hear her father's usually frosty voice be warm and caring. Perhaps he would extend these newfound emotions to the rest of the family. Then again Anne was hopeful, not stupid - the father's love would only ever be shown to one daughter as it had been for the nearly two decades. Suddenly she felt out of place in this tender scene, and she hurriedly made her way to her own room. Once inside she thought over what had been said; dramatic scenes in the Elliot household were actually quite rare (despite what some might think) and so every new one was precious to Anne. And why? It showed that her family were actually human after all.

The present time

As she surveyed the tableau before her, Anne was astonished that Elizabeth could sit so passively by as the man who had deserted her all those years ago made himself known to the family again. He must have been the reason for Elizabeth's new found happiness and, although Anne understood what it was like to meet an old love after many years, she could not comprehend how things were so easy and pleasant between the two. After all, when she and Frederick met again they could not converse as Elizabeth and William were doing now, Anne remembered that she could not smile like her sister was now due to the anxiety of being in his presence. Each one's behaviour was so peculiar that Anne realized that she would have to ponder over the subject to find out what was really going on beneath the surface.

"Anne, won't you come and sit beside me?" Susan called her over and she was relieved that she could, in some way, leave the others.

"Hello Susan," Anne smiled with warmth and Susan reciprocated it. With a quick glance around the latter saw that no one was paying much attention to them, having all gone back to admiring the guest.

"Hello dear! My, you're looking very good now. I am sure your father has told you that already though."

"Of course. He says that it must be because of Bath and his wisdom of choosing to live in this particular spot." Anne thought that she heard Susan mutter 'stupid man' under her breath but she would not question her friend to get an answer. Susan's opinion of Sir Walter was low enough - she had never forgiven him for neglecting Anne. It was slightly hypocritical, Anne pondered, whenever it had been that lady who had virtually ignored Elizabeth and Mary. It didn't matter to Elizabeth but Anne had always sensed that Mary resented Anne for getting all of Susan's attention, maybe Mary would have been a different person had she not been ignored after her mother's death.

"How was Uppercross?"

"It was mostly fine, but I'm sure that you heard of Louisa's accident," Anne accepted the cup of tea that Susan handed to her. She knew that she could not avoid the topic of Frederick with her friend and she was determined that the painful moment should not be drawn out.

"I couldn't help but hear as it was in every newspaper, Anne." Susan took a sip of her tea before speaking again. "However it must be expected, she is Frederick Wentworth's girlfriend and as such she must learn to have the media intruding in her life."

"They're engaged," Anne blurted out before taking a mouthful of steaming tea which, when she swallowed it, scalded her throat. She started to choke slightly but Susan didn't notice, instead the older woman was gazing into the distance.

"Engaged? I'm surprised, she doesn't seem like his sort of woman at all does she? Well, I suppose things change." The hostility in Susan's voice surprised Anne; she had expected Susan to be rejoicing in the fact that Frederick was no longer available to entertain thoughts of Anne. Then again, maybe her friend was just as concerned about money as her family were. Frederick was certainly rich now and she knew that her father would have no qualms over an engagement.

"Louisa's very nice Susan. I know you've never really liked the Musgroves, but they are good people."

"I don't detest them, as you seem to imply. I did encourage you with Charles Musgrove, didn't I?"

"You did, but things were different then."

"They certainly were! And I will never forgive that Wentworth boy for making your life miserable. Did he really think that you would accept a proposal from someone of his calibre at such a young age?" Anne had never heard Susan be so vicious before and it hurt her deep inside. In her youth Anne had idolized her godmother, and such worship was a factor in why Susan had had so much sway over her choices, the decision to break up with Frederick being the main one. Now she saw behind the calm façade into the woman beneath. She did care for Anne and that was the driving force for all the interference in the younger woman's life. It was not spiteful, Anne knew, but its effects were almost as bad as if it had been, a life might have been lost and at that moment it appeared impossible to retrieve.

"I did accept him." Anne added quietly, but before Susan could reply, she got up to answer the phone which had just started to ring.

"Hello?"

"You're a very lucky woman Anne."

"Wickham? What are you doing?"

"Just a parting conversation, I felt it important that you should be aware of how much someone cares for you." There was a snigger on the other end. Anne was confused - who was he referring to? Who cared for her? Surely he couldn't mean Will?

"Wickham-" But he had hung up. Anne stood there in shock for several minutes, her mouth open and her head buzzing with multitudes of thoughts all of which were as nonsensical as the previous one. Finally, she came to her senses and, relieved that the phone was in the hall, took a deep breath. Wickham would not win - he had meant to unsettle her with that conversation and, although she was severely disconcerted, she was not so very surprised that his vindictive temper had resulted in the call.

"Who was it?"

"No one, father. Just a wrong number, that's all." Sir Walter appeared affronted as if he could not believe that anyone would be so insolent to call his house by mistake. Everyone would surely know his telephone number! Susan appeared more curious than Sir Walter but she did not question Anne about it and Anne was very grateful - she wasn't sure if Susan knew who George Wickham was (or even if he existed at all) and she had no desire to bring up the wretch's name for it would only open up the reason for the contact in the first place.

About an hour after the call there was a knock at the front door and, with a bustle of coats and sighs outside the door, their guests were shown in. It was Mary and Charles, the latter did not look too pleased to be in his father-in-law's house. Obviously Mary had nagged her husband so much that he believed his life would be more peaceful by going to Camden Place.

"Oh papa, what a lovely house you have! Did you get in interior designers or did Elizabeth do it all?" Mary had always called Sir Walter 'papa', something which he had never reprimanded her for although at twenty-five it did sound a little childish. Elizabeth had risen to meet her sister and brother-in-law, and was now standing with a sickly sweet smile on her face.

"I did it all Mary. Isn't it divine? I think the rose pink goes spectacularly brilliantly with the jade."

"Oh, of course it does!" In Anne's opinion, the room could not have been more vulgar if Elizabeth had tried. It was atrocious! The two other sisters went to their father and William joined them. It was strange calling another man William, for Will had always been so honourable and noble that, in Anne's mind, that name was synonymous with those qualities. William Elliot could not have been more different from Will without morphing into Wickham. Susan also moved to greet Mary, something which Anne was happy to see, but Charles stood his ground until it was clear that Anne was to be left alone for a while. When that happened he came and sat down beside her. She smelt the familiar 'Charles' smell - a mixture of peat and cologne which was strangely pleasant. It made her feel as though she was back at Uppercross again.

"Hi Charles, how are the boys?"

"Good. CJ's fully recovered from his injuries and forever calling for his 'Auntie Anne'." Both laughed at that - CJ would always be a home-bird, no matter how much anyone tried to change him.

"That's good to hear." She paused and bravely decided to pursue a slightly different line of inquiry. "How's Mary?"

"Well, I must assume that she's healthy enough - she's still complaining."

"Charles that's not what I meant. What about her drinking?"

"Anne," he sighed and looked away from her to his wife who was now laughing delightedly at something William had said. "Look at her now. She's so happy here with all the finery and money that she was raised with, and I can never give her that. I'll never be able to give her what she deserves. Mary should have anything she wants, she should have the whole world in her grasp, but because of me and our marriage she doesn't. That's why she's unhappy." Anne sent him a questioning glance. "Whenever she thinks that no-one is paying attention to her a miserable expression appears on her face. It cuts me to the quick that she's so sad - it's why she drinks. I'm the reason she's an alcoholic."

"Charles you're not."

"Yes, I am. When I married her she was so beautiful and now look what my life has reduced her to. It's my fault, all mine. And I hate myself for it." Anne didn't know what to say - she had always had a suspicion that Charles didn't love Mary, but his revelation had proved that idea to be incorrect. "Maybe I should let her go. Let her live out her life without me - she'll be better off."

"You can't be thinking about -" However she was interrupted by Mary calling her name. She looked round in confusion.

"Anne, did you hear that Louisa's wedding's been moved up? They were going to have it in a few months but everyone thought that it would be better if Louisa wasn't so pregnant when she walked up the aisle."

"Who's she marrying?"

"It's Frederick Wentworth, Sir Walter. I'm correct aren't I, Mary?"

"Oh yes, William." Anne caught sight of Susan's expression out of the corner of her eye. The sharp look obviously meant that she had realized why Frederick and Louisa were marrying. "Anyway, you've all been invited to the wedding." Anne felt Charles tense up beside her.

"How charming." It wasn't clear from Elizabeth's tone whether she was disgusted to have been invited to a Musgrove wedding, or happy to have been invited to a famous tennis player's. Anne hoped that it was a former and that her father and sister would not turn up to the event for fear of lowering their reputations.

"Well it's in two weeks exactly."

Anne felt her heart drop in her chest but was careful not to let anyone see how affected she was by Mary's news. Another comment from Mary knocked her out of her stupor.

"It's very inconvenient! How am I going to find the right clothes to go it in that space of time? That dress I saw will not be good enough! How disappointing!"

How disappointing indeed.

Chapter 17

Posted on Tuesday, 14 February 2006

It was a week since Mary's announcement that Frederick's wedding would be much sooner than anyone had expected it to be, and to Anne's shame she still found the pain as raw now as it had been then. Despite what she had said to Frederick, she had not been to visit him. Instead she had been to see the Musgroves and his sister and brother-in-law, she could only hope that he wouldn't be too mad at her for not fulfilling her promise. Then again he was probably far too busy with wedding plans to worry about an ex-girlfriend!

Anthony Benwick and Paddy Harville had come to Bath for the wedding - the latter to be Frederick's best man. She recalled what Harville had said to her when she had ran into him one day while out shopping; he had remarked that Benwick seemed to be getting sadder every day, he had presumed that although the love of Tony's life had died things would get better with time. His own grief was slowly relenting and, as he was an active man, he could not understand why his friend chose to pursue more solitary activities. Anne had told him that she thought that his friend was behaving in such a manner because it was the first wedding he had been to since his fiancée had died. Surely Tony was going through all the possible scenarios that could have occurred if Phoebe was still alive. She made a mental note to talk to him more when she next saw him.

It was a cold and dreary Monday morning and Anne was trudging, rather half-heartedly, through the streets of Bath. Her mission for the day was to find some sort of dress for the wedding, anything she owned was either far too old or much too plain to be seen wearing at such a public event as the nuptials planned to be. Unlike Mary, Anne was not overly concerned about the design or the price (in fact she preferred that it would be on the cheap side), and as such she had ventured into the less high class areas which her sisters would never even dream of frequenting. After some futile browsing in many shops and some very fattening hot chocolates, she had almost given up hope of finding something that wasn't scandalously short or which looked like something more suitable for a funeral than a wedding. Just as she had resigned herself to wearing the old outfit from Mary's wedding Anne passed a small store and something in the window display caught her eye. It was a vintage dress, and from closer inspection she found out that it was from the 50s. When she ventured into the shop - a very cramped room which stunk of incense - she found the shopkeeper to be extremely helpful. It was only when she noticed the stack of books and the empty mugs on the stand that she realized that this was obviously not a very popular shop. The dust on the shelves confirmed that suspicion. Nevertheless the owner had been almost sycophantic in his praise of her which it was slightly disconcerting. However soon the dress was tried on and duly bought, a fact that the man seemed to be overjoyed with, and Anne could (with as much decorum as she possessed at that moment) attempt to walk calmly out of the shop. She took grateful breaths of fresh air in an effort to rid her system of the store's smothering atmosphere, relieved that she was out of the oppressive stench.

"Anne?" She whirled round immediately and found that Frederick was staring at her strangely.

"Frederick! What are you doing here?" She wanted to believe that the wild thumping of her heart was caused by lack of oxygen and incense overload, but she knew better and this time she would not deny it.

"I was getting some tennis balls." He pointed at a shop opposite.

"You earn hundreds of thousands of pounds a year and you buy your equipment from a run down shop in the back streets of Bath?"

"The patrons are nice, and anyway why should I spend money on expensive things when I can get exactly the same ones at a much lower price?"

"True. I've spent far too much time around Elizabeth." He laughed and they started to walk on. It was quite possibly the most comfortable Anne had felt with him in a long time. Today there seemed to be no pressure, no tension between them and it was a welcome change. It was also a reminder of the friendly camaraderie they had had nine years ago.

"How is the she-demon getting on?" Anne was scandalized that he had called her sister that but took in the nature which she hoped he intended it to be.

"She's fine. Father just got her a whole bunch of clothes from Paris so she's happy."

"Well clothes from Paris would make anyone happy." The smirk on his face was clear to see and she smiled back. "Speaking of buying scandalously, what have you got in that bag?"

"A dress. For your wedding," she added hastily. "I don't know if I'll tell Mary about where I got it - she'll be sure to come down with some disease at the mention of the less affluent districts of this place."

"Oh yes, I remember her saying to me that Charles was being stubborn because he would not buy her an outfit. He then told me that she had taken ill the moment he refused."

"Yes, well Charles might have let her down more gently. I think she was very disappointed." She recalled what Charles had said to her when they had first arrived in town, it had agitated her greatly but there had not been the opportunity to talk to him about it again. She would have mentioned it to Frederick, as he appeared to be Charles' best friend, but she was afraid that his involvement would only have made things worse. Frederick could be slightly rough at times, and his knowledge of the female mind often left much to be desired.

"Come off it! Mary Musgrove is nothing more than a spoilt, whining alcoholic who should get off her high horse and remember that she's not daddy's little girl anymore." The derision of which he had spoken of Mary angered Anne.

"She is also my sister. Do not presume to know everything about the matter when in fact you know nothing! Absolutely nothing at all!" She stormed off then and even Frederick's cries of apology did not make her turn back. Her feet hurt because of the speed she was walking at but she didn't slow down, the bag was heavy but she didn't stop, and Frederick's yells tugged at her heart - but she did not return.

The Musgrove house was filled with wedding clothes and, Anne had to confess, was as disorganized as she had thought it would be. No harm to the Musgroves but things were starting to get out of hand - it was down to Sophy Croft that the wedding was actually still going ahead on schedule. When Anne had last spoken to that woman her dissatisfaction at her brother's match had been evident, however she had known better than to voice her disapproval to him. They were family after all and Sophy believed that as long as Frederick was happy then she should be happy. But there was a creeping concern in her mind, one that only sprung from her having raised him since he was a child, that he was not happy. There was something in Frederick's manner which was unnatural for him, and a melancholy air hung about him which Sophy had not sensed before. She had shoved the worries out of her head, perhaps he was just getting nervous about the wedding, but she could not fully banish the feeling that something about the whole event wasn't right.

Anne made her way through the clutter that had descended upon the house and tried to find one of the Musgroves to see if she could help with anything. After searching the house she could only find one person - Louisa. Anne had yet to see her following the accident in Italy, and had been hesitant to do so - whether it was out of guilt or shame she didn't know. However when she saw Louisa, sitting amongst invitations and dresses, all the pain of losing Frederick momentarily disappeared, and any irrational jealously vanished completely. The girl was a far cry from what she had been. No longer was there the active Louisa, the dancing Louisa, instead there was only a shell of a girl - a shadow of what she had been. Although she was sitting on her own, Anne could see that Louisa was very nervous, very fragile, and there was nothing more she wanted to do than comfort her. Despite all the maladies which she had suffered as a result of her accident Louisa was now ethereally beautiful, her hair was tied back loosely from her face and she wore no make-up. This girl seemed to represent all that was meek and mild and fragile, but the inner strength which had enabled her to pull through was clear. It seemed as though Frederick had been lucky in his choice of a bride as at first sight she seemed to possess all the strength that he valued and had himself.

"Anne? Is that you?" Louisa's voice, once strong and full of life, was now brittle and hollow.

"Yes Louisa. I came to see how you were getting on."

"Oh, the wedding. Oh Anne, I can't believe that I'm going to get married to Freddie - it's a dream, it really is. And we'll have the baby and everything. I think my parents are very happy."

"Are you happy?" Anne asked her hesitantly. She did not wish to offend Louisa but it had to be asked.

"Of course I am. I only wish that I hadn't fallen, that I could have walked down the aisle without wondering what everyone thought of me." There was a pause before Louisa came to life again. "I hate it! I hate what I've become!" Anne could see tears in the girl's eyes and reached out a hand to comfort her. Louisa grabbed it and held onto it.

"But the doctors say that you'll get better."

"Physically, I know I will. But mentally, in my head, things will never be the same. I'm always wondering what will happen, how I'm viewed, and if Freddie really does love me." She finished in a whisper.

"Of course he loves you!"

"I don't know. He's so different since the fall, something has changed him and I can't figure out what."

"He's probably just worried about you." Louisa didn't respond to that comment, but Anne hoped that it had helped soothe the fears in the girl's mind. She let go of Anne's hand and brought her own up to her head, feeling around for something.

"Can you see it?"

Anne was confused, "See what?"

"The scar. It's there," she pointed to her forehead, "just below my hairline." Anne couldn't see a thing but presumed that it was due to the dull light in the room as the curtains were closed. "It's so big and so ugly. When I close my eyes all I can see is it burning into my head, and when I open them I see people watching it, watching me. They're disgusted."

"No they're not Louisa. Everyone's worried, that's all."

"What's worry? It's only pity and I don't want anyone's pity! I hate it! I hate myself for being weak, for being stupid."

"Louisa-" The girl stopped her from speaking by clamping a hand round her mouth.

"Don't you see? At the wedding everyone will be looking at me and all they'll find is a disfigured, broken baby. I'm worthless now. All the papers will be full of pictures of my wedding and I won't recognize myself. This isn't me." Her hand still covered Anne's mouth but all the force had gone out of it. One look in Louisa's eyes told Anne that she was no longer focusing on what was happening here and now. She appeared to be lost in a world of her own. Slowly Anne removed Louisa's hand from her face and laid it at her side.

"She's changed so much, hasn't she. She's different to the woman - no, the girl, I knew. I blame myself."

"Don't." Frederick kept his gaze fixed on his soon-to-be wife. He had come into the room just a few moments before and had heard only a snippet of Anne's conversation with Louisa. "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't hers either."

Frederick walked over to Louisa and crouched at her side. Picking up a blanket, he covered her with it and smoothed her hair before laying a soft kiss on the top of her head. Louisa was asleep but her face still showed the signs of her worrying, a soft sigh escaped her lips occasionally and her hand would float to her abdomen.

"Come on, let's leave her in peace."

He lead her to one of the less cluttered rooms which, she found out later, was his own room. He explained that, although he was staying with his sister and her husband, the Musgroves had made him up a room here in case it was too late to go to his own home one night. He motioned for Anne to have a seat but, bearing in mind that there was only the bed to sit on, Anne refused. A nod showed that he understood why she had responded that way. Frederick stood as well. There was silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say.

"She's paranoid that everyone'll see her scar," Frederick informed her. "I've tried, we've all tried, to tell her that you can't see it but she's adamant that we're lying to her."

"Yeah, she was talking about it. Maybe she could have plastic surgery or something, something that'll convince her that no-one can see it."

"That's the problem, she's had plastic surgery and she knows it. She's just far too caught up in her own world to accept the fact that she's not the centre of attention any more, so she keeps waffling on about the scar."

"Frederick, that's a horrible thing to say." She was shocked at how tactless and abrupt he had become, first with his comment about Mary and now what he was saying with regards to Louisa.

"I realize that but I can't help it. I'm desperate Anne, I want to do the best for everyone but it's turning out that all I'm doing is mucking everything up." He ran the back of his hand over his eyes and it was then that Anne realized that he was crying. She had hardly ever seen him cry, he had always seemed indestructible in her eyes, but here he was trying not to let his grief loose. She moved towards him and reached up to lay a hand on his shoulder. With that gesture Frederick let himself go, let all the pain and frustration he had been feeling out and turned towards Anne. She embraced him and tried to comfort him while he cried, trying not to let her own tears escape at the same time.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine." She felt as though she was dealing with Louisa again, and sadness welled up within her. What kind of a life would that child have if the mother was so insecure and the father miserable? Still, it was better that it should live and know love than not to live at all. When Frederick's weight became too much for her she sat on the bed and he gently followed, leaning his head on her chest. Eventually she spoke. "Frederick, you're going to have to let me get up. Come on, Louisa will be concerned."

"She's still asleep."

"How do you know that?"

"She hasn't yelped for anything. Anne, what am I going to do? How am I going to take care of Louisa and the baby and win Wimbledon like everyone expects me to?"

"The Musgroves will help, and I will, and Sophy too. Frederick, you know that you don't have to win Wimbledon. Leave it to next year."

"But the public-"

"The public will understand. They all know what's happening in your life, and they all adore Louisa. What would be so bad about you taking time out to look after your wife and child? Nothing." Frederick had risen and distanced himself slightly from Anne. He was no longer crying but the melancholy which Sophy had told her about was still there. She wondered if it would ever disappear.

"I suppose, I suppose you're right."

"I am. When have I ever been wrong?" She winced as she said it but Frederick obviously didn't catch the unintentional double meaning, and for that Anne was grateful. He definitely did not need to be reminded of their sorry history now.

"And there's always next year."

"Exactly. Hopefully you won't still be exhausted. It wouldn't do to fall asleep during a match with Gaston Benoit." Gaston Benoit was Frederick's main rival in the tennis world who hailed from France and was the son of two famous tennis players. As a result he had come into the sport believing that he was the rightful heir of all the cups and trophies that it possessed, his arrogant temper was infamous but still it drew women to him. To Anne the attraction was incomprehensible. The rivalry between Gaston and Frederick had started five years ago when they had been playing each other at the French Open. Naturally Gaston had been the crowd and the bookies' favourite, but Frederick had met him in the final and humiliated him by winning in straight sets. Ever since, they had been trying to out do the other. It was rather entertaining to an outsider.

"You know about Benoit?"

"Sure. I've been interested in tennis for a while now and I, well, I might have followed your career slightly." She didn't want to tell him that she had been to the first Wimbledon he had competed at after their break up. It might upset him - it had upset her to see him defeated in the 2nd round. To her surprise Frederick didn't question her any more about the subject.

"Thank you. It means a lot." She ran a hand down his arm and squeezed his own hand, a sign that she was there for him if he needed anything. He squeezed her hand back.

As she rose to go she said, "Everything will be fine. You and Louisa and the baby will be perfectly happy, and next year you'll win Wimbledon. Definitely." They both knew that she was deliberately exaggerating but neither commented on it. Just as she was about to go out the door she gazed back at him. He wasn't paying attention to anything, he was totally consumed with his own thoughts. "Good luck," she whispered.

And she was gone.

Chapter 18

Posted on Monday, 27 February 2006

It was the day of the wedding and if Anne had more time she might have been affected by some momentous pain at the thought of her first love marrying another woman. However Sophy had drafted her in to help sort out the catastrophic Musgroves, and at that point in time she wished that she did not have such a good relationship with the bride and the groom's families. Speaking of unfortunate family duties, Anne was attempting to find something which would relieve Charles' hangover which turned out to be very difficult indeed. Frederick had not wanted a stag night - he hadn't thought it right that he should be out enjoying himself while Louisa was fretting at home. That had not stopped Charles, in fact it seemed to have spurred him on as he hadn't been this drunk at his own wedding. Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove had laughed off the state he was in, Louisa and Henrietta had barely noticed it, and Mary seemed to be completely ignorant of everything that was happening with regards to her husband. That morning she was wearing a fearsome face and even her own sister was scared to go near her, lest something be said that would offend the newest Mrs. Musgrove.

Anne reached into the kitchen cupboard and searched around for the little jar of tablets Mrs. Musgrove had for hangovers. As soon as she found them she brought them to Charles who gulped a glass of water down quickly and made a face as he tasted the tablet.

"Charles, you're in a bad way this morning."

"I know Anne. And don't speak so loud - you'd think that I was in America by the volume of your voice." Anne, who was talking in her normal gentle tones, was amused by this comment but wisely did not pursue the matter further. At least until her brother-in-law had finished the concoction. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Anne decided to play the innocent which, unfortunately, didn't work with Charles.

"You know what I mean Anne Elliot, I've known you for a good fifteen years so don't try and con me." Anne sat down on the edge of his chair and began to explain what she wanted to find out.

"I just want to figure out why you went out and got yourself drunk last night when Frederick didn't have a bachelor party."

"So there's got to be a reason for me having a drink now? My goodness Anne, I'm not Mary!" He rose and strode towards the door, inadvertently knocking a tray down on his way there. She saw him flinch at the noise but took no pity on him. Something had gone on between him and Mary, and Anne was determined to know what.

"Not normally. But Charles you look like death warmed up today, and Mary's not much better. What did you say to her? Did you tell her what you were thinking about -" She didn't want to say it, didn't want to mar what was supposed to be a happy day.

"About a divorce? Oh I mentioned it alright, told her all the pros for me leaving her. She was having none of it of course, threw me out of my own home she did. Does a man have no peace in this world?"

"Charles you've got to see it from her point of view. What if she'd have been the one to approach you with the idea of a separation, what would you have done?" He didn't respond so Anne continued, "I'll tell you what you would have done, you would've thought that she was having an affair, that she was unhappy with you, that you were driving her away. Can you imagine what's going through her head? She'll be wondering how she's going to cope with your sons, how she's going to face your parents after they find out that you left - that she wasn't good enough. Most of all Charles, she'll be asking herself how she'll find the strength to get through every day without you!"

"I'm sure she'll get by fine enough," Charles interrupted gruffly. However there was a certain amount of hesitation in his voice that Anne was encouraged by.

"Charles, she's been in love with you since she was a teenager - you were her idol. Everything that she's got in her life is built around the assumption that you'll be there to share it." She paused for a while and let the truth in her words sink in. He still wouldn't face her but the tense shoulders were beginning to relax slightly. It was progress. "Think about it Charles. Just think."

She exited the room and slammed the door as she closed it. His head would surely hurt after that.

"Oh Anne, isn't it great that Louisa's getting married today? I'm sure it'll do her the world of good."

"I'm sure it will Mrs. Musgrove," she replied to the woman who had come hurrying past in her dressing gown. Well, Anne reasoned, there still is another hour until we have to leave. Mrs. Musgrove was gone as quickly as she had arrived and Anne was left standing in the hall pondering the situation between her sister and brother-in-law. Despite what she had said to Charles she wasn't convinced that it had done the trick - he and Mary could be extremely stubborn at times.

She knocked on the door of her sister's room. "Mary, are you ready?" She got no answer so she cautiously walked into the bedroom. There was a clatter just as she entered and as Anne looked to see what had caused it there was a very visible wet patch on the floor, surrounded by glass. She caught a glimpse of the label - it was vodka.

"Annie what do you think you're doing walking in here without knocking?" Mary only ever called Anne 'Annie' when she was very upset.

"I knocked."

"Oh, I mustn't have heard you then."

"Mary, what do you say to me doing your hair?"

"Would you?"

"Of course." As she sat down and pretended, for Mary's sake, that she didn't see the tears creeping down her sister's cheeks, she ran her fingers through Mary's hair. It was greasy and it obviously hadn't been washed in a couple of days.

"Why don't you go and have a shower? It'll make you feel better, honey." And it'll get rid of the stench of strong Russian vodka, Anne added to herself. She would have to find a way to approach the subject of Mary's increasing dependence on alcohol with her without Mary thinking that Anne was attacking her.

"Did...did you hear what Charlie wants?" Anne answered that she had. "He hates me, oh Anne he really does. Why else would he abandon me? And he'll take the children! What will I do without them? Everyone'll leave me, even you."

"No I won't. I'll look after you until we're both old and grey if you want." Mary leaned into Anne and suddenly her wailing became louder and harsh sobs racked her body. "Sssh, it'll be okay." As the younger sister continued to weep, Anne could only think that lately she was becoming the communal shoulder to cry on.

It was time for the wedding party to leave for the Church and, as expected, everyone was running late - apart from Anne and the bride. Louisa had been ready first and had been sitting in the sitting room looking out onto the streets below. As Anne approached her to get her bag Louisa told her that there were loads of paparazzi down there. "Why can't they leave me alone?"

"Louisa, don't worry. You look amazing today, Frederick won't know what's hit him." This raised a minuscule smile from the other girl. The veil had been placed on her head which meant that no-one would be able to see the non-existent scar, and thus it made Louisa feel much more confident. Today had seen more smiles out of Louisa than all the other days since her fall combined - it was a refreshing change.

Mrs. Musgrove, Mary and Henrietta rushed into the room and fought over the mirror - Mary might have been feeling low but there was no way that she was going to let Charles' family know about it. "Anne, what do you think?" Henrietta asked her.

"I think that your fiancé will be extremely happy that he got to you before everyone else." Anne and Henrietta's relationship had been altered slightly by the latter's knowledge of Anne and Frederick's previous engagement, but it was not for the worse. For that Anne was extremely grateful, she really believed that given the chance Henrietta could be as close and as dear a friend to her as Will was.

"Do you really think so?"

"Hennie, I've no doubt." This made Henrietta happy which in turn brightened up Mrs. Musgrove's mood. It was almost like it had been before Louisa's accident. Almost, but not quite. Mary was drinking something clear and at first Anne panicked and thought it was vodka or gin, but then her sister pointed discreetly to a bottle of water that was on one of the tables. Anne smiled. Maybe today wouldn't be so disastrous after all. Then again, Anne pondered when Charles opened a window which let the din of the press into the little room, Murphy's Law* did generally apply to all such scenarios.

As soon as Louisa heard the noise her smile disappeared. The bouquet of lilies she was clutching started to tremble, and if you looked very closely you could see the veil shaking. Immediately Henrietta rushed over to her sister to reassure her and the reasoning seemed to work because the next moment Louisa appeared reborn - albeit still nervous. "Mum, let's get to the church."

"You don't want to keep Freddie waiting? It's a bride's prerogative." Mrs. Musgrove had bustled over to her daughter and was fixing the wedding dress.

"I've waited for someone like him for ages, and anyway he might worry and I don't want him to worry." Louisa glanced over at Anne and offered her a little smile. It took a lot of effort on Anne's part to remain calm and collected, but she managed it. As they were all leaving the house Mrs. Musgrove realized that she had forgotten something - which didn't surprise Anne at all - and their party was momentarily stopped.

"Anne, what's Freddie's brother like?"

"Who, Edward?" Anne asked Henrietta.

"Yeah, the one that's doing the ceremony today." Louisa turned to face them with a curious expression on her face. It was only when she asked Anne how she knew Edward that Anne understood why the girl was confused.

"He used to be a curate here about nine years ago - Frederick came to stay with him. He's a good man." Despite Anne's rather unconvincing diversion tactic, Louisa became silent once more although the other two younger women thought that she remained suspicious. "He's a really nice man Hennie. He's kind of the opposite of Frederick - where Frederick's active, Edward's studious, and where Edward's reserved, his brother's outgoing." Henrietta nodded in thanks and when Mrs. Musgrove came hurrying down the stairs Charles opened the front door. Anne and Mary stepped outside first and both were dazzled and blinded by the flash of all the different cameras. Mary, who would normally have relished the opportunity to show off her dress, leaned ever so slightly into her sister and stifled a little whimper. Suddenly the flashes started again and Anne turned round to see the remainder of the wedding party exit the house. Mrs. Musgrove was looking every inch the proud mother, Hennie the supportive sister and Louisa the blushing bride. Anne chuckled when she saw Mr. Musgrove arm in arm with his daughter and wiping away a tear from his eye; everything was different to what Mary's wedding had been like. On that occasion her father had decided that it would be unwise to lead Mary down the aisle and after several magazines had refused to feature the wedding he had boycotted the ceremony. Anne had been the only other Elliot there as Elizabeth had thought that a holiday in the Maldives was far more beneficial to her than her sister's wedding. The rage and disgust that Anne had felt then bubbled up now in remembrance, then another thought - if Frederick and she had gotten married who would have turned up? She was sure that Frederick's side of the family would have been well represented, but her father, sisters and Susan would not have went. It would have injured the dignity and pride of some and the feelings of others.

Soon they were driving towards the church in a very stuffy, very over-crowded car. Mary, Charles, Henrietta and herself had occupied the smaller and less extravagant car which was perhaps a mistake as Mary and Charles were trying to sit as far away from the other as possible. They both had also refused to sit in the front for reasons known only to themselves, and so Hennie had volunteered to sit with the driver. In consequence, Anne was forced to sit in the middle of her sister and brother-in-law and she saw it to be the perfect illustration of all that had happened since they had gotten married. The silence in the car was stifling, Henrietta had suddenly become nervous and almost tearful at the thought of the wedding and of course the other two would not talk. Anne was too busy concentrating on not thinking of Frederick to make any attempt at conversation, but the driver made up for all that. He was a young man in his mid-twenties with bright pink hair and cologne which stunk out the car. It was obvious that he was the talkative sort as he had not stopped chattering on since they had got in (with the exception of brief periods when he needed to breathe). At the minute he was rambling on about Frederick and how his girlfriend fancied the tennis star, teasing Anne and Henrietta (obviously Mary was a no-go area) about how they might have a crush on him. Hennie merely laughed it off while Anne chose to say as little as possible so that she wasn't lying too much.

"Churches aren't for me like, I mean me girlfriend says that when we get married - not if - we'll do it in a church. Think she's got 'er 'eart set on that auld Canterbury Cathedral. That'll cost a bob or two."

"Can you get married there?"

"Sure. Didn't that prince get married there? No difference is there?" At first Henrietta presumed that he was teasing her but the earnest expression on his face told her otherwise. She suppressed a smile and merely nodded.

"Imagine me wi' me pink 'air in that place!"

"I hardly believe that you would be important enough to get married there. On the other hand, my family, the Elliots of Kellynch Hall, would only need to drop in a note." Mary had chosen that moment to speak but, although she was tactless, the remark couldn't have come at a better time because they were just about to stop at the Church which, like outside the Musgroves' house, was scattered with photographers.

"Well missus, some folks'd think that you're a wee bit rude wi' that kinda attitude." Mary just raised her head and refused to acknowledge the driver. They stopped and as they got out of the car Anne apologised to the young man who was actually quite calm about the whole thing. Thankfully no-one's pride - except maybe Mary's - had gotten injured in the exchange.

"Anne we're going inside!" Mary grabbed her sister's arm and feebly hauled her towards the church door. When Anne attempted to reason with her - surely she wanted to see Louisa - Mary just replied that there was only so much white that you could look at before getting extremely bored. "Besides, I want to see if I can spot any celebs." Anne cast an apologetic look back at the other two who understood and waved her on.

They were soon inside the church and one of the ushers escorted them to their seats - right at the front of the church. Mary was suitably impressed and forced her way up the aisle to where they were to sit, pausing only briefly to greet Frederick and Paddy Harville. Apparently she didn't see the need to be civil to someone who was practically a member of the family. Anne caught sight of Sophy and George Croft sitting behind Frederick, the Admiral appeared overjoyed to have a new member of the family and his wife was only slightly less enthusiastic. She also exchanged a few pleasantries with Paddy and eventually forced herself to look Frederick in the eye without any pain. She glanced up.

So much for that plan.

They didn't say anything, it wasn't needed as both understood the other and the need to get closure on their past. Frederick didn't even smile - he just gazed at her and as she looked into his eyes he gave her a wink. The gesture was so typically Frederick that Anne couldn't help laughing. Then he turned and spoke to Paddy, and the moment was gone. Her sister was pointing out some famous person from the congregation but Anne couldn't make herself interested in what was going on around her until Mrs. Musgrove and Charles approached her - the former in tears. She duly moved over to allow them to be nearer to Louisa when she came down the aisle and with one long, pitiful sigh Mrs. Musgrove collapsed onto the wooden bench. Charles was rather more graceful.

The organ suddenly began to play and as Anne looked round to see Louisa both the bride and her father were walking down the aisle. It seemed an eternity until she reached Frederick and soon all was silent and the minister, Edward Wentworth, began the ceremony.

"Who brings this woman to be married to this man?"

"I do," Mr. Musgrove replied with a sob and sat down beside his equally tearful wife.

"The vows you are about to take are to be made in the name of God, who is judge of all and who knows all the secrets of our hearts: therefore if either of you knows a reason why you may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now." There was a pause and after a few giggles on the part of some female members of the congregation Edward continued with the service. He turned to Frederick and asked the congregation to stand which they all did. "Frederick Wentworth, will you take Louisa Margaret Musgrove to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will." He sounded confident and sure in his love for Louisa and her love for him.

"Louisa Margaret Musgrove, will you take Frederick Wentworth to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

There was a hint of a smile on her face as she responded with the affirmative. Then the minister told Frederick to repeat the following words after him.

"I, Frederick Wentworth, take you, Louisa Margaret Musgrove, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, (or to love, cherish and worship) till death us do part, according to God's holy law; and this is my solemn vow." After that the ceremony seemed to proceed faster than Anne could keep up with and it was only at the end when both bride and groom were finished speaking that she came round to herself again.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride**." Frederick did so but it was a soft and gentle kiss, not a fiery one which Anne thought that everyone expected from him. Perhaps it was a sign of his changing character, an indicator that he had truly left behind the man he once was.

"Oh Anne, wasn't that romantic! Oh how I wish that I'd have been able to see Louisa get out of the bridal car, just for the dress alone!"

Anne wisely decided not to reply to her sister.

The ceremony was over, the register signed and dinner well and truly eaten. Mary, having surprisingly stuck to her vow of not drinking alcohol, was currently on her fifth glass of lemonade while her husband was dancing with their sons. It was an amusing sight to watch as Charles could only lift Walter which left CJ to follow them round the dance floor, occasionally stepping on his father's toes. After CJ did it twice in succession Anne could see Charles trying not to curse in front of his boys, and when Walter punched him in the arm (playfully of course) he had to bite his lips to prevent a sound from escaping.

Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove were also out on the floor with their nieces and nephews, and Sophy and George were dancing in their own little world. It was touching to see two people who still loved each other so much after meeting more than twenty years ago. Antony Benwick had disappeared and so Anne never got to have that conversation with him, and there began to be a sneaking suspicion in her mind that maybe, just maybe, he felt something for Louisa. It was a theory which was sketchy at best but it did explain the increasing melancholy that Paddy had told her about.

The bride and groom had also vanished after the meal, prompting some rather crude remarks from some of the guests. When Anne heard another of these conversations about their whereabouts she rose and went out of the marquee and into the garden where no one could see her.

She had expected it to be deserted, after all the entertainment was inside, but although the presence of love-struck couples would have been explainable, the presence of the groom - on his own - was not. Just as she was about to turn back Frederick glanced around, saw her and gestured for her to join him. It was something that Anne was reluctant to do but she had the feeling that something was the matter at which point she cursed her altruistic nature.

"Hi."

"Hi." Although he had beckoned her over he wasn't going to talk. Anne was trying to think of non-contentious issues to speak of but found her mind staggeringly empty of them.

"Louisa's asleep."

"Oh."

"She was tired from the ceremony, I think she felt a bit sick too."

"I suppose it's to be expected."

"Yes."

Music drifted out of the marquee and reached their ears - it was an old song which Sophy had dug out of some record collection in the attics of Kellynch Hall. Without knowing that she was doing it Anne began to sway gently to the song and soon Frederick noticed. He got up and, rather than going inside which Anne thought he would, he held out a hand to her. She deliberated over it and finally decided that the song, the evening and the man were all perfect - even if the occasion wasn't. Anyway it would definitely be their last dance.

Goodnight my love,
the tired old moon is descending,
Goodnight my love,
my moment with you now is ending.

It was fittingly bitter-sweet end to their relationship - for it could not go on any longer, not even the memories should continue - and Anne felt herself relaxing into Frederick's embrace. It was the first real time that they had been together, meaningfully together, since their engagement (the kiss at the airport, Anne reasoned, was merely lust on both their sides) and it was wonderful. There was a chance that the experience was made even more special because it was so final.

So for the present dear, we'll have to part,
Sleep tight my love, goodnight my love,
Remember that you're my sweetheart.

The music came to an end and so too did their dance. They slowly moved away from each other and Anne was sure that some words of support came from her mouth but in the future she wouldn't be able to recall what they were. The only thing that she would remember, the only thing that would stick in her head, was the feeling of his lips kissing the top of her head and his whispered words of good-bye.

All too soon she was left standing on her own in the middle of the hotel grounds. For as long as he was in sight she kept her eyes trained on him and for a moment he stopped. She willed him to look round, to look at her again the way that he used to, but he didn't. His fists tightened and she thought that she perceived his back slumping slightly but still he didn't look back. Frederick Wentworth, her first love, walked on.

And when he was gone, when she really was left alone, Anne did what she had been wanting to do for a long time.

She cried.

Author's Notes

*Murphy's Law, for those who don't know, basically states that if there's a chance of anything going badly it will.

**The marriage service is adapted (mostly faithfully) from the Church of England's 1977 Marriage Service.

***The song "Goodnight my love" was written by Mack Gordon & Harry Revel. I don't own it.

The End