Beginning, Previous Section, Section VIII
Jump to new as of October 20, 2003
Jump to new as of December 31, 2003
Jump to new as of January 4, 2004
Chapter 69
"Elisa, there you are!" Fanny Bennet started toward them as they crossed over the threshold into the ballroom. "I have been looking for you two for the longest time."
"What is it, mother? Is something wrong?" Elisa asked, wondering if she should be alarmed.
"Wrong?" Her mother separated their arms, stepped in between them, and hooked one of her arms into each of theirs in a swift, efficient move. "How could anything be wrong? It's my daughter's wedding day - nothing could possibly be wrong." She scoffed lightly and proceeded to maneuver them toward the tables.
Elisa sent Darcy a confused smiled over her mother's head.
"Now, Mr. Darcy." Fanny beamed at him. "There are some people here that I would love to introduce you to."
"Mother, William doesn't - " Elisa started.
Fanny stopped her with a pointed look.
Darcy smoothly interjected, hoping to keep feathers unruffled. "It's okay, Elisa. I'd be delighted to meet anyone you wish to introduce to me, Mrs. Bennet."
Her mother smiled pleasantly. "Well, of course I knew you would be." She turned and addressed Elisa with a vaguely smug expression. "Now, Elisa, be a dear and fetch your father for me. I have something important to discuss with him. He's over by the main table."
And with that she was quickly dismissed. Her mother drifted off with Darcy in tow, and Elisa again felt like a sinking swimmer in the vast ocean of wedding guests, her life preserver vanishing from sight. "Great." She said softly to herself, looking toward the main table. Her father was nowhere in sight. "Great." She repeated.
Elisa walked toward the main table anyway. She wasn't planning to put any particular effort into her mother's fabricated search for her father - obviously it had been a ploy to send her on her way while her mother could do god-knows-what to Darcy. Elisa resolved to not think on it any longer. She wanted something sweet to send her into a sugar-coma and take her mind off the wedding. The sooner the reception was over, the better.
"Hey." Someone tapped her from behind.
She halted, closing her eyes as if to mentally prepare herself for what was to come. She let out a strained breath and turned around. "George."
He was dressed smartly in his black wedding tuxedo. His smile was charming, but a touch wary as he tried to gauge her reaction to him. "Thank you for coming. I didn't think you would."
"I didn't think I would, either." She said, truthfully. He looked the same as ever, so handsome and smooth and cognizant of the fact that his winning personality agreed with nearly everyone. Looking at him now, with his face betraying an inner glow of happiness, she didn't doubt how easy it had been for her to fall for him those years before. George had something about him that could make himself irresistible if he so desired it.
He placed a hand on her arm. "It means a lot to us, to Lydia and me." She could tell that he meant it, but she couldn't understand why.
"I didn't do it for you. Or her." She pulled her arm away, breaking their connection.
"Then why?"
"For closure. I needed... I needed this part of my life over with." He was silent. Assuming she didn't need to elaborate any more, Elisa turned and walked away. George caught up with her at the main table.
"We're family now." He watched as she lifted a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing server and took a healthy swallow. "There's a link between us, a bond that's more concrete than ever. You can't deny it, and you can't forget it because it exists." She didn't respond. "Elisa..."
"What do you want from me, George?" She said with frustration. "Absolution? Forgiveness for your past actions and blessings for your marriage? You can find those easily enough from a priest but not from me." Realizing how angry she sounded, Elisa paused a moment to get a hold of herself. "I don't want my coming here to mean anything to you or her because I didn't come here for either of you, I came for me. But clearly this was a big mistake."
She backed away quickly into an adjoining room. The few people that were occupying the room quickly exited, sensing her disquiet. A couple quietly greeted George as they passed out the room. "I didn't mean to upset you." He spoke to her back.
"Could you please just leave me alone?"
"Look." He circled around her until they were facing each other. "I'm not asking anything of you. I just... we just wanted you to be here. We haven't seen you in forever, and Lydia was worried that if you didn't come for the wedding, you'd never return and she'd never see you again."
Elisa gently dabbed the corner of her eye with the back of her hand, extremely annoyed that her heightened emotions were causing her to tear up.
"Why would she care? Why would any of you?"
"Because she loves you... We all do, Elisa."
She let out a disbelieving huff. "What do any of you know of love?... Nevermind. It doesn't matter now. I'm here, and I guess that's all that matters, really. Now your pictures will be complete with full familial representation." She turned to leave, but he stopped her.
"Your family loves you, whether or not you believe it. That is the truth."
She pushed his hand off her shoulder. "Sneaking around behind my back, lying to me, and hurting me are not the same as loving me. Not bothering to call or write me for years are not the same as loving me. Pushing me aside, making me insignificant, and always... always putting someone or something else before me are not the same as loving me."
"Lydia and I... we shouldn't have gone about it the way that we did, but it's in the past. I've apologized for us, but you haven't let it go - "
" - and why should I?" She cut in.
He ignored her interruption. "And not bothering to call or write? Well, it's a two-way street, Elisa. You could have called your parents, but you didn't. You could have written, but you didn't... These past few years, you've been the one pushing your family aside, and not the other way around."
"They've made me feel insignificant for years before that." Her voice was tight with anger and pain. "I didn't push them aside, I pulled away. Which is not the same thing because they could have stopped me, asked me to stay, but they didn't. And that's the difference."
George knew he would not get through to her, not tonight. Maybe never, he thought sadly. "I didn't come in here to argue with you."
"Good. I'm glad to hear that. Now if you don't mind, I'll be going now."
He moved to touch her again, but thought better of it as her eyes flared in warning. "Wait a second, will you? I can't change your mind or your perceptions, however misguided I believe them to be. But I don't want you to leave here, leave California, without knowing."
"Knowing what?"
"We're family now." He repeated with conviction. "And families stick together, no matter what."
She was weary. Her only thoughts were to get away, to cry and sleep and forget everything. If only that were possible. "What does this have to do with anything, George?"
"You're going to be an aunt. Lydia's pregnant."
Chapter 70
He had to admit, Fanny Bennet was one determined woman. Charming, yes. Just a tad obtrusive, of course. But really, he had to admire her for her sheer persistence. Darcy had a feeling that if she were up to it, she could convince militant nations to give up their arms merely by talking them into surrendering. And her grip! Like steel. He couldn't have tugged his arm away if he tried.
At the moment, she had left him to talk potential business with a friend of her husband's. He was fairly sure that the said friend had no idea of her intention to strike up business deals during her own daughter's wedding, but the friend smiled indulgently as Fanny left them alone to "talk about whatever you men talk about".
"Right, then." The man commented; his eyebrows lifted in curiosity and bewilderment. "Doing well in the stock market, are you, young man?"
"Quite." Darcy answered, for lack of anything better to say.
"Fanny tells me you're William Darcy, of Pemberley, Inc.?"
"Yes, indeed."
"So... How's that working out for you?" The friend continued.
Darcy smiled graciously. "Oh, pretty well. The stock market has its ups and downs, but I think we headed for some ups in the near future."
"Wonderful, wonderful." The man said with enthusiasm. "Well, then. I'm not quite sure why Fanny left us alone to talk business."
"Frankly, sir, I'm also at a loss."
"She did mention I work in construction?"
Darcy caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, I think she did. Only on the West Coast, am I right?"
"Yes. And you're working out of New York City, aren't you?"
"With no plans of expansion, as of yet." Darcy thought he saw Fanny Bennet coming toward him with another woman on her arm. It was time to go.
"Yes, wonderful." The man said, unclear as to how to continue the conversation and really if it was necessary.
"If you don't mind, sir, I'm going to get myself a drink." Darcy extricated himself with politeness and rapidity, and not a moment too soon, either. He glanced back as he made his exit and saw Elisa's mother and an attractive woman standing where he was only a few moments before. If her purpose for pulling him away from Elisa was to introduce him to other single women, he didn't want to know.
As he headed toward the main table, with hopes of finding his girlfriend, a stir in the crowd caught his eye. He looked over and saw a man entering a side room and a few seconds later a group of people coming into the ballroom from that room. Was that George? Because he was interested in getting a good look at the man, he made his way over to the side room. As he stuck his head in, he glimpsed another person leaving the room from a door opposite to where he was standing.
A flash of a brunette in a peach dress. Elisa, maybe? Darcy made a move to go after the woman to check if it was her. George spun around as he stepped in, his face flushed with either excitement or dismay - Darcy couldn't tell which. Maybe both?
"Good evening." George said amiably.
"Good evening." Darcy responded.
"Are you enjoying the reception?"
"Yes, I am. Congratulations on your marriage."
"Thank you." George looked at him inquisitively. "I'm sorry if this question is rude, but do I know you?"
Darcy cocked his head. "No, we have never met. I came with someone."
"Oh, I see." His smile faltered slightly under Darcy's gaze.
"William Darcy." He introduced himself after a few moments of awkward silence. Ah-ha, now he sees. Darcy hid a knowing smile as he watched various expressions play over George's face, the main one being dawning recognition. Yes, you smug bastard. "Elisa's boyfriend." He delighted in seeing George's face pale even further.
"It's nice to meet you." George said eventually, recovering well from his surprise. He offered his hand to Darcy.
"I'm sorry I can't say the same." Darcy did not shake his hand. He had seen enough. George Wickham was a reasonable attractive man, he could admit grudgingly, but he didn't see anything worthwhile in George that he himself didn't already have. And in abundance, thank you very much. "What did you say to her?"
"Who?" George asked, stupidly.
"Elisa. I know she was just in here. What did you say to her to upset her?" He stepped closer, a little menacingly.
"Nothing." George faltered. "I was sharing some personal news."
"I would appreciate it if you didn't take my girlfriend aside and privately share 'personal news' in a deserted room on the day of your wedding."
"Are you implying that something inappropriate happened?" He asked, indignantly. "How dare you, sir!"
"How dare I?" Darcy asked, his voice low and threatening. "I've only just met you, and I know I can't trust you as far as I can throw you. I'm warning you to stay away from Elisa."
"You have no right to dictate what I can and cannot do."
Darcy repressed the urge to punch George in the face. "I would appreciate it if you kept your distance and stopped upsetting my girlfriend. Do as I say, or you will live to regret it." He pushed past George, using the same door Elisa had used only moments earlier to exit the room. He entered a dimly lit hallway that curved around the corner and led back to the main ballroom. As he rejoined the throng of reception guests celebrating the nuptials, Darcy's only thought was to get to Elisa, to find and comfort her.
"If you're looking for Elisa, she went up to her room." A woman spoke to him. He looked over and gave a start when he realized it was Lydia. He had not seen her up close that whole day, so being nearly face-to-face to her at that moment was a bit of a surprise. How she knew him he did not know, but he suspected her mother had made him known to her. "You are William Darcy, yes?"
"Yes." He thought that she looked very much like her mother. The same dark hair, the same eyes and smile. Yes, she was pretty enough, but how anyone could compare her to his Elisabeth was a mystery to him.
"Elisa left just a minute ago. She looked distressed. I would have stopped her, if I knew that my concern would be appreciated. But I knew that it would not. If you run up, you can catch her."
"Thank you." He felt compelled to stay a minute. He didn't think he would have many opportunities to speak to her in the future. Darcy's first impression of Lydia Bennet was that she was someone he had not expected her to be.
"Not at all." Lydia said after a moment. Darcy watched with surprise as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. She turned away. "Excuse me."
Odd. He shook his head. I probably should go find Elisa. Darcy made his way through the crowded ballroom to the outer hallway. It was only a few minutes before he reached their room. As he opened the door, Darcy noted the silence and the light breeze. She was out on the balcony, her back ramrod straight, appearing to him like a valiant goddess. She stiffed even further at the light scrape of the sliding doors as Darcy opened them wider so he could squeeze through.
"I want to be alone for a few minutes, if you don't mind." Elisa said, facing toward the dark night.
He stepped to the other side of the balcony, leaving several feet of space between them. He mimicked her posture. "Pretend I'm not even here."
She let out a loud breath of frustration, but did not say anything. They continued in silence for nearly five minutes before Darcy sidled next to her and laid his hand on her arm. She hesitated for a split-second, then turned into him, laying her cheek on his shoulder. The night was fragrant and lovely, surrounding them with lingering warmth of the day. It was perfect, he thought, holding her like this in his arms, even when they were both consumed with troublesome thoughts on different matters.
"I don't want to talk about it." Elisa said at last and pulled away from him. "Not right now."
"Okay." He reached out to link their hands together.
"Can we sleep?" She asked, the weariness now apparent in her voice. "I don't want to think anymore, just rest a while."
Darcy drew her into the room, leading her toward the bed. "Sleep then." He said kindly. She didn't protest when he undressed her, like a parent undressed a child, and slipped one of his t-shirts over her head. It was oversized on her, hanging nearly to her knees, and he didn't think she could look more adorable. Or defeated, he thought. Her face was drawn and she looked like she might break. He quickly changed clothing, hopped into bed, and pulled her down beside him.
"I know what you're thinking, William." Elisa said softly, drawing his attention. "I'm not fragile."
"I didn't say a word."
"I can read it in your face." She tilted her chin up and ran a finger lightly across his brow. "I can see it in your eyes."
"I love you." Darcy gently stroked her hair. "It hurts me to see you unhappy."
"I know it. But sometimes, it's okay for me to be unhappy." She laid a finger on his lips before he could interrupt. "It makes me appreciate all the happy moments I do have, like when I'm with you." She adjusted her position so that they were snuggled together, face to face. "William?"
"Yes, darling."
"I need you to make me a promise."
"Of course." He replied without hesitation.
"There are some things I need to deal with - things that I haven't dealt with in a long time... I've been running for so long, I feel like I lost part of myself, a vital part that I now need to find. I need you to promise to let me do this."
"Elisa..."
"I need to stay here for a few days. To work some things out for myself."
Darcy went silent.
"And I need to do this alone." She added quietly.
After several minutes, he sighed. "I can't say that I truly understand it, Elisa." She didn't speak. "But if this I something you need to do -"
"It is."
" - then I will stand by you no matter what." He kissed her softly, his lips lingering until a quivering, watery feeling flooded his stomach. His breath hitched as she moved closer, pulled in tighter to his embrace. She shifted, lowering her head to rest on top of his chest, her arm reaching across his torso. She could hear the swift thudding of his heart, and it comforted her. "You will come back to me." He said, more than asked.
"Yes, I will come back." She mumbled, as she drifted to sleep.
Darcy, however, was not completely reassured.
Chapter 71
The next morning he was packed and ready to fly home. She walked down with him to the lobby.
"I'm sorry about the ticket." Elisa said, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. "I know you already paid for it, and everything."
"Don't worry about it. It's refundable." Darcy stopped by the front desk to return his room card and arrange for transportation to the airport.
Elisa hovered nearby. "You know what? I'll take you to LAX."
"It isn't necessary." Darcy said. "It's simpler this way, less hassle."
"I want to see you off." She said, determined. "Just wait a second. I left the keys in our room. I'm sure my father won't mind if I borrow the car again." She ran off before he could stop her.
Just as well, he thought gloomily. He didn't want to say goodbye to her again. It was getting to be too hard, especially since he felt unsure as to how the coming days would pan out.
"You two are leaving, then?" Mr. Bennet appeared out of nowhere, startling him. Darcy eyed him guardedly as Elisa's father walked closer.
"My flight is in a few hours." Darcy said in reply.
"Where is my daughter?" He asked, looking around.
"Elisa went upstairs for a moment."
"Good. I needed to speak with you privately, anyway."
Darcy nodded.
"If you hurt her, I will kill you." Mr. Bennet said in a low voice that only Darcy could hear.
Darcy didn't know how to properly respond to that. "Are you threatening me?"
"I am telling you what will come to pass if you hurt my daughter." Mr. Bennet said with all seriousness. His expression did not betray any evidence of heightened emotions.
"I would never intentionally hurt Elisa."
"So you say now. George nearly destroyed her, and there was nothing I could do about it because Lydia and Fanny favored him so. But you have somehow maneuvered yourself into Elisa's good graces, so take care that you do not break her trust or her heart. Or you will have me to answer to."
It was preposterous that he was standing there, being verbally threatened by his girlfriend's father. Darcy almost said something to that effect, but held his tongue. He knew where her father was coming from: Mr. Bennet had seen his daughter betrayed and wounded, and because he had been powerless to help her then, he felt it was his duty now to lay down the line for Elisa's new beau. "You have nothing to worry about, sir." Darcy replied, fiercely. "Upon my honor, I pledge to you that I will never intentionally break Elisa's trust or her heart."
Uncomfortable silence, on Darcy's part, ensued until Elisa appeared a few minutes later.
"Oh! What are you doing here, Father?" She asked, surprised.
"I came to see you off. You didn't say goodbye." Her father replied, accusingly.
"I was going to come by later and tell you and mother that I wasn't going home just yet." Elisa explained. "I'll be staying for a few days."
His expression didn't change. "I see."
"I'm going to drive William to the airport right now. I'll see you later then, okay?" She reached over and grabbed one of Darcy's bags.
Darcy watched her father intently as Elisa fussed with his luggage. He's delighted that she's staying, but he doesn't show it. What a hardheaded old man. "It was nice seeing you again." He offered his hand.
Mr. Bennet took his hand. "Have a safe flight. Remember what I said." He squeezed it tightly for a second in warning.
Darcy raised his eyebrows in slight amusement at the challenge. "Goodbye, sir." He turned toward the exit, Elisa following behind him.
"What did he say?" She asked, curiously.
"Nothing important." Darcy changed the subject. "Are you sure you want to drive all the way to LAX?"
"Of course."
Elisa pulled alongside the departures terminal and temporarily parked the car in the unloading zone. The car ride up had been rather tense, even though they had both tried to fill the silence with aimless chatter. They had talked about everything else, everything besides what mattered the most at the moment. Both had refrained from speaking about their imminent future, but now it seemed unavoidable.
Darcy looked down at his hands, which lay folded in his lap. There seemed to be nothing to say, nothing to convince her to go with him. But then, he had not asked her to come, and knew that he would nor could not. "I'll arrange for your flight back." He said finally. "When do you think you'll be coming home?"
She hesitated. She knew he was hurt because she had not asked him to stay. Can't you understand, William? I have to do this alone, or I'll never be able to stand up for myself again. "I'm not sure yet." She paused. How long does it take to make peace with the past? To get over years of hurt and disappointment? "I'll call you in a few days to let you know."
He accepted her ambiguous answer with a nod and a sigh. Darcy got out of the car and took his luggage out of the trunk. Elisa lowered the passenger-side window. "I'll see you when you get back."
"William..." She wanted to say something to take the resignation out of his eyes, but she couldn't find the words. " I love you."
"I love you, too."
Elisa watched as Darcy walked into the terminal, wondering if she had made the right choice.
It was only going to go from bad to worse.
Darcy arrived home to find his business and the international financial market on the brink of disaster. Well... perhaps he was over-dramatizing the situation. Still, things were not looking well. The Dow Jones had plummeted to the lowest it had ever been in twenty years. Trading had slowed across markets worldwide. And to top it all off, Bingley had intercepted him in his office with disturbing news.
"He what?" Darcy asked in astonishment. He had to sit down to take it in. "I can't believe it."
"You should have seen it." Bingley whooped. "Hannah called my office and informed me in a terribly calm voice that Kingston was in your office, causing a commotion. By the time I arrived, he was throwing a hissy fit because you weren't in."
"Did he tell you what he wanted?"
Bingley shook his head. "He said that he wanted to speak to you privately, and would I be so kind as to let him know when you would be returning."
Darcy groaned.
"Don't worry about it, Darce." Bingley slapped him on the back. "Kingston likes to throw a fuss now and again. It gives him something to live for."
"I don't know, Charles." Darcy said, solemnly. "With the way everything has progressed these past few months, I wouldn't be surprised if the situation is more serious than we're giving it credit for."
She was home again. It didn't feel like a proper homecoming, though. She stared at the facade of the house and wondered if she ever felt at home with the family she'd find within those four walls. Maybe she had once, but now the ties that bound them together had unraveled beyond repair. Well, almost...
Another car pulled into the driveway behind her, and she knew instinctively who it was. The engine died and a car door opened and slammed shut.
"Elisa?" A woman called out to her, uncertainly.
She prayed silently for strength. "Lydia." She said, without turning to look at her sister. "It's been a while."
Chapter 72
"I thought you would be on your honeymoon."
The two sisters had reconvened in the family kitchen of their parent's two-story home. Both their parents were not home at the moment, but Lydia had an extra set of keys. Elisa nestled into a cushioned chair at the kitchen table while Lydia scrounged for the makings of tea.
"Oh, no. There's no time for a honeymoon right now, and plus we couldn't afford it even if we could go on one."
Elisa methodically sliced the loaf of homemade wheat bread that Lydia had brought over. She cut the bread into small triangular pieces, and then arranged the slices in an even layer on the baking sheet. Getting up, Elisa popped the baking sheet under the heating broiler.
"What do you feel like? English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Mélange Noël- "
Elisa stopped in front of the pantry. "Christmas Tea in July?"
Lydia pulled the silver tin out of the cupboard. "Mom always keeps it on hand. It was Kitty's favorite, remember?"
She nodded, wordlessly. Lydia took this as a 'yes' to the Mélange Noël. Elisa found a bear-shaped bottle of honey in the pantry and a jar of strawberry jam in the refrigerator. She retrieved the newly toasted bread from the oven and put everything onto a flowered serving platter to bring to the kitchen table. A few minutes later, Lydia joined her at the table with a pot of tea and two cups.
Elisa poured out while Lydia squeezed an inordinately large amount of honey into one of the cups. She handed Elisa the cup with the now heavily sweetened tea. "You like it really sweet, right?"
A brief look of surprised flashed over Elisa's face. "Yes. How did you remember?"
Lydia shrugged. She slathered some jam onto a piece of toast and bit into it. Elisa used Lydia's inattention to shoot an unobtrusive glance at her sister's abdomen. There was a slight swelling, but if she hadn't been looking for it, she might have missed it completely.
"I'm just beginning to show." Lydia said, placing a protective hand on her stomach.
"How far along are you?"
"Almost three months." Lydia smiled and sipped her tea.
"Wait a second." Elisa placed a restraining hand on Lydia's arm. "Pregnant women aren't supposed to have caffeine, right?"
"It's decaffeinated, don't worry."
Elisa sipped her tea slowly in the ensuing silence. She tried to pretend that having tea with her younger sister in her parent's home was a normal, everyday occurrence - but obviously it was not, and Elisa couldn't help but feel disoriented. This is definitely weird. Very, very weird.
"Are you visiting for long?" Lydia asked, waking Elisa from her thoughts.
"Only a few days."
"I'm glad... Do you think we could talk?"
"About what?" Elisa asked, but she knew.
"About everything."
This is what you wanted, isn't it? It's what you stayed here for... Then why is it still so hard?
"We'll talk."
"Where's Elisa?"
Darcy looked up from his computer to see his younger sister, hand on her hips, standing in front of his desk.
"Well? Did she come back with you?"
"Hello yourself, Ana."
Georgiana raised her brows in a threatening manner. "I'm not playing games, William. If you did something to her in California, I am going to be most disappointed."
"Why do you always assume that I did something?" He rolled his eyes. Deciding that it would be better to soothe her ruffled feathers than tease her, he explained the situation to her.
"So she'll be back in a few days?"
"That's what she told me." He succeeded in keeping the uncertainty out of his voice. "She said she would call when everything was settled."
"Well... okay, then."
Elisa listened with an open heart and an open mind. And to her surprise, the overpowering anger she had once felt toward her sister, toward her situation, had dissipated - it wasn't fully gone, but it no longer hurt so much. Lydia was glowing and pregnant, a newly married woman with a new life filled with possibilities, and Elisa - no matter how much a curmudgeon she generally was - couldn't fault her sister for being happy with her life.
"You deserve an explanation, for everything. And I deserve a chance to explain."
Elisa didn't disagree.
"You don't understand how it was back then. How it was for me."
"I was there."
"It wasn't the same for you, or for Kitty. They were so proud of you two. Kitty was so wonderful at everything, and you were so creative and interesting... And I had nothing. I was the youngest child with nothing special."
"Oh please!" Elisa exclaimed. "Mom adored you. You were her favorite."
"Think about it, Elisa." Lydia countered. "Would you really want to be mom's favorite? She's well-meaning, I know, but by the time I realized that her love could also be suffocating, it was too late."
"I would have given anything for mom to love me the way she loved you and Kitty." Elisa admitted, with quiet dignity. "I would have given anything for mom or dad to love me at all."
Lydia looked at her with surprise. "What are you talking about? They love you."
Elisa shook her head. "They love me in a different way, because they have to, because I'm their child. But they never loved me like they loved you and Kitty. Kitty was their perfect eldest child and you were the favored youngest child, and I was the one in the middle, the one that they left out."
"Dad was so proud of you, you know?"
"When?" Elisa scoffed, disbelieving.
"When you got into NYU on scholarship. When you left home to live on your own." Lydia said eagerly. "He was so proud of you for getting out of here and making it out on your own. You didn't see him when he talked about you. But then, you never did see it."
"See what?"
"You were always dad's favorite."
"How? What are you talking about?" Elisa didn't understand.
"It doesn't matter. Even if I explained it to you, you wouldn't believe me... The fact was, at that point in my life, I had been so envious of you and Kitty. You two were so close, and it seemed that you never had time for me."
"Well, you were the younger sister."
"So when she died, you broke to pieces. It was all anyone could talk about, how much it hurt you, more than it hurt mom or dad, more than it hurt me. You couldn't see how much everyone else was devastated. It was like you loved her more, and that no one else could understand how much - you were selfish that way."
Elisa opened her mouth to speak, but Lydia spoke over her.
"It's the truth. You were selfish with your love, with your grieving. I was so angry with you, because you wouldn't share your grief with me. I love her, too, Elisa. I love Kitty as much as you, but you couldn't see that. You shut me out. You were the only person that understood what it was like to be touched by her goodness, and you shut me out because you thought that I didn't understand. She was my sister, too."
And for once, Elisa did see.
"It was the same for George. You shut him out, too. You wanted him to support you, to be there for you, but you never let him get close again. He was frustrated and sad that there was nothing he could do."
"Well, he found something else to do, didn't he?" Elisa muttered. In an instant, the shot of reactive bitterness that surged through her faded. Well, I guess I can't say that it doesn't still hurt to hear about it.
"Oh Elisa." Lydia said with a hint of annoyance. "It wasn't as torrid as you remember. We used to talk a lot. About you, about Kitty, about everything. George was the only person that took the time to listen to me... He talked about you, mostly - how helpless he felt in reaching you, how separated he felt from you. He loved you, but you had changed, the situation had changed."
"It would have been nice if he had told me this back then."
"He had tried. But would you have listened?"
"I would have appreciated the honesty."
"We didn't know how deep we had gotten until it was too late. We never intended to hurt you, we never even intended to fall in love, but we did... And suddenly you were there, so full of rage and pain, and before we could do anything about it, you were gone. You went to New York with barely a look backwards. We felt terrible, but every time we tried to get in contact with you, you refused to speak with either of us... Finally, we just gave up - it seemed like too much to ask you to forgive us."
"If you had only been honest with me from the beginning, I think I would have taken it a lot less hard." Elisa said with a tired sigh. "It felt like a knife plunging through my heart, when I didn't even know I had a heart life to stab. I thought that Kitty's death would be the end for me, that no matter what I did, I would never be able to move on... But I guess I did, and I would have to thank you two for it. If I hadn't felt so miserable and betrayed, I would never have gone to New York. The anger spurred me on, kept me alive for so long. It's probably the only reason I made it through those first few months." She chuckled softly, the turn of events striking her as funny and ironic. "If you guys hadn't gotten together, I would have never met William. So thank you for that."
She leaned over suddenly and pulled her sister into a hug.
"Elisa?" Lydia asked, with confusion.
"I forgive you." Elisa said quietly.
Tears began to fall down Lydia's face. "Oh, Elisa."
"Don't cry, Lydia..." Elisa sniffled. "You'll make me cry."
Lydia abruptly laughed, breaking through the tears.
We'll be alright, Elisa thought, her heart lifting. I'm glad I stayed.
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