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Chapter 15
The orchestra was playing softly as the guests arrived. Mr. Bingley, along with his sisters, was patiently receiving each new entry while secretly watching for the Longbourn party. Mr. Bingley was only hoping to see Jane while his sisters were only hoping that they outshone the local beauties. He had offered his carriage to Mr. Bennet who happily accepted and Jane and Elizabeth made sure they took up one whole seat so that Kitty and Lydia were forced to squash up with Mr. Collins. Mary chose the company of her parents in the family carriage.
Mr. Darcy descended after the first guests had arrived, having no desire to be caught in any receiving line or introductions. He wandered to one of his usual haunts, making sure that his view of the ballroom entrance was unheeded. His entrance into the ballroom brought with it the familiar feeling of helplessness. He was once again performing to a ritual that revolved around Elizabeth.
Despite his care, he need not have worried about missing Elizabeth's arrival, as her entrance caused some stir. She was wearing a pale cream frock in pure silk, the kind of cream that was brushed with the suggestion of her frequent blushes. Her underskirt must have been made of just as fine a fabric, as the skirt appeared almost transparent and it had a soft patina that shimmered in the candlelight and outlined the shape of her legs as she walked. Her hair was partly piled on her head with random curls intertwined with fine ribbon in the same colour as her frock. Her slippers were also cream like her gloves. Her dark eyes shone from her face, enchanting any they rested on.
As she moved across the room, he became aware of the attention she drew and it was with some determination that he refrained from approaching her. A man in love cannot be said to be rational when it comes to a description of his chosen lady but he had the distinct feeling that she had dressed this way for him. She was incredibly beautiful and his breathing pattern was once again altered simply by looking at her. It was just not possible to breathe and envelope her at the same time.
Elizabeth, meanwhile, had her mind set on the regiment and her eyes flicked quickly over every uniform she saw, searching for Mr. Wickham. She walked through the crowd accompanied by her sisters and as she found him increasingly difficult to locate, she had a fleeting thought that he had been denied an invitation, thanks to Mr. Darcy. That thought was just passing when they were approached by Mr. Denny. Lydia then asked him where Mr. Wickham was and they were informed that he was unable to attend due to pressing business in town. Elizabeth's disappointment was extreme but she was willing to accept it until Mr. Denny added a possible reason for the pressing business. Perhaps he wished to avoid a certain gentleman in the room. That was enough for Elizabeth who turned the point around to her way of thinking. He had been too intimidated to attend thanks to Mr. Darcy's improper behaviour to him.
This kind of thinking is not abnormal in a lady so filled with expectation. After all, one must have someone to blame and Mr. Darcy seemed the perfect subject for such conjecture. He was unpleasant, obtuse and unlikable so to him must go the responsibility for any displeasure she was feeling. She approached Charlotte and found it necessary to relay all her problems of the evening so far. Mr. Wickham had not come because of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy had ruined her night and despite Charlotte's endeavours to point out her prejudice, Elizabeth was determined that any display of fondness or even politeness to Mr. Darcy would be censure to Mr. Wickham.
She was in the process of searching the room for Mr. Darcy, for no other reason than to give him a look of knowing, when the first dance was announced and she was subjected to Mr. Collins' offer to escort her to the floor. She had thought the absence of Mr. Wickham as the worst thing that could happen to her but this was far worse. Mr. Collins pranced like a spider, injured the toes of three ladies and even lost his place in two moves down the floor. He remained solemn throughout, openly apologising for his mistakes and drawing continual attention to them both. This was mortification beyond hope and Elizabeth rapidly found that the best thing of the evening might be the end of her two obligatory dances with her cousin.
Of course this whole encounter was noticed by Mr. Darcy and indeed most of the room. Elizabeth's appearance this night was so outstanding that her dances were observed with interest by all. She was indeed the lady most marked for attention and the first set had barely ended when she was approached by an officer for the next. This was delightful as she was able to bring up the subject of Mr. Wickham and enjoy hearing more opinions on his charm and affability.
During this first hour, Mr. Darcy tried, without success, to ignore her movements about the room. No matter how hard he concentrated, her image was embedded in his psyche and without any direct observation he was aware of every place she went. Never since his father's death had he felt himself so absorbed by another human being. He had tried every method he knew but she was never out of his thoughts. She resided there as if his mind was created to think of her.
Her association with other gentlemen brought additional angst and he found her regimental escort less than favourable. It did allow him the opportunity to candidly watch her but the feelings in his chest as her arms wound in and around her partner, made for a rise in temperature and a flush to his cheeks. In fact he was quite uncomfortable. As usual in such circumstances, he began to pace the room, slowly moving down the line as Elizabeth did. His reward was not only looking at her but above all the chatter he was able to discern the lilt of her laughter and the amber of her voice.
By the end of this second set he knew that his resolve was gone. He could no longer endure the agony of watching her with other men. He had to ask her to dance for no other reason than to make up to her for his previous rejection. Despite her flirtatious ways with him, he was sure that she had overheard him that evening at the assembly and it lingered in his subconscious that he owed her some form of unspoken apology. Yes, he would ask her to dance and then it would all be over. He could rest easy that he had done his duty,
He watched as the officer left her side and ran through his brain the words he would use. Deep in thought, he did not notice the approach of his friend.
'Darcy, what a wonderful ball. How fine the ladies look tonight!'
Mr. Darcy continued to stare at his friend with no reply.
'Darcy, are you well?'
'My apologies, Bingley. I was distracted. You were saying?'
'The ladies, man, the ladies. I have never seen such a fine collection. Surely you will dance tonight.'
'Aaaah, I might Bingley, I might. I...'
'Come on man, let yourself go a little. What harm is there in a little female company? Especially when there are such diversions to be had.'
'Oh Bingley, please tell me that you are not in love again?' Mr. Darcy smiled.
'Forever and always, man. It is impossible to remain immune to such beauty. I must be off. I have the next set to secure.'
As Mr. Darcy watched his friend weave across the room, his mind returned to its favoured course. Yes he would ask Elizabeth to dance. He turned to her side of the room and strode through the crowd.
She had hurried back to Charlotte after the second set and was just enjoying a sip of punch when she was suddenly confronted with the presence of Mr. Darcy. He moved quickly in front of her, bowed and after a short pause in which he seemed out of breath, he blurted out an application for her hand for the next two dances. He spoke so quickly that he had no remembrance of his words to her. All he knew was the never-ending wait for her reply. In fact, her response came instantaneously. Elizabeth was so taken aback by such an approach that her reply was automatic. She would be delighted. He bowed once again and was gone.
He walked quickly away not knowing or caring what direction he headed. He had just done what he had vowed never to do. He had openly given her his favour over every lady in the room. He felt a little lost and it was at times like this, after an encounter with Elizabeth, that he missed his mother the most. She had died when he was barely less than a child leaving him devoid of the female companionship and influence that he had enjoyed. He loved his father but as the only son, he had been especially close to his mother. He had just been understanding and appreciating the bond he had with her when she died and he felt the void of her removal from his life. He had gone to school soon after and his life from then on was absent of ladies in any way, shape or form. They were talked about continuously amongst the boys but he had grown without any of the skills learned naturally in life at home in a family.
As she watched him move away, Elizabeth also realised that she had done exactly the opposite of what she intended that evening. She had given favour to Mr. Darcy. There was no other way to look at it. He had ruined her evening yet here she was agreeing to dance with him. She had vowed to avoid him as he always brought out the worst of her moods. She would willingly have foregone all dancing just to avoid such a union.
She turned to Charlotte and expressed her frustration. However Charlotte had quite a different impression of Mr. Darcy and told Elizabeth that she was sure he was charming. Elizabeth laughed and told her friend that she hoped not as that would be the last straw. He had to be as unpleasant as always or her night was over. Actually she felt it was over already. First Mr. Collins and now Mr. Darcy.
Some minutes later, she saw him approaching and Charlotte, the ever-sensible friend, warned her to be reasonable. Elizabeth was finding that state almost impossible until she saw the expression on his face. There was something gentle about it and his approach was as gallant as any lady could hope for. He offered her his arm with a tender smile that she found impossible to censure.
They took their place at the head of the dance and it was then that Elizabeth noticed the respect and attention given to her with such a partner. It was well known that Mr. Darcy did not dance other than with his own party. Yet here he was giving vast favour to one of their beauties. Elizabeth found it difficult to be indifferent to such a position. She glanced quickly at him but all she saw was a look of self-absorption. No doubt he was so used to such attention, that he seemed unaware that any special notice was being given them. However, she felt it and despite her desire to treat the dance as punishment, she could not help but feel some pleasure in her position in front of her friends and family.
Mr. Darcy, in fact, was steeling himself for this very cherished encounter with Elizabeth. He was well aware of the preference he was allowing himself to show her in front of his friends and her family. He now had her sole attention for half an hour. He could think no further than the intimacy of touching her hand, having his arms around her and feeling her movements near his own body. You see, his apparent dislike of dancing was not formed because of the exposure to scrutiny. He had always remembered his mother telling him of dancing with his father and the feeling it had left with her. He had watched them dance as a small child and he had grown with that impression embedded in his soul. Dancing was an act of special connection between two people and he savoured this moment as such.
The dance began without a word spoken between them. For Mr. Darcy, the closeness of Elizabeth was so overpowering that he was not aware of the silence. The touch of her hand, the whisper of her breath as she moved around him and the scent of her, moved through his being and he absorbed it all like a man who had been deprived of life. Elizabeth, meanwhile, went through the motions of the dance for a minute or two, quite content with the silence, until she realised that he seemed to be enjoying it. This was more than she could bear. Thus with renewed determination to ruin his night the way she thought he had ruined hers, she spoke to him about the dance, feeling sure that having to reply and dance at the same time would add to his discomfort. However he seemed to show no such anxiety and offered a brief agreement, then was silent again.
This annoyed Elizabeth, so pushing forth, she confronted him with the need to take his turn at conversation and offered him a choice of subjects. Her words brought nothing but delight. Here was the Elizabeth that he had craved for since her departure from Netherfield. He smiled warmly at her and conceded to her request, offering to speak on whatever subject she required of him. It seemed that nothing she did could upset him so rather than involve herself in any more talk she informed him that his reply was adequate and was silent.
Mr. Darcy, however, now able to express himself with some degree of ease, turned the discomfort back on her by asking if talking during a dance was something that required some regulation in her eyes. Upset at his quizzing she stated that it was probably better that way as it afforded the parties involved the opportunity to say as much or as little as they liked. Once again she refused to elaborate, as it seemed he was only too happy to chat with her and she did not want him to be happy about anything.
They continued to swirl around each other as they moved down the set, each crossing the path of others without any outside awareness. It seems that a gentlemen so bewitched and a lady so determined have no time for the trivialities of a ballroom. They, each in their own way, were completely absorbed by the other.
Thinking over her words, he immediately felt her reference to his reserve and her talkativeness and asked her if this opinion was for her own benefit or his. Elizabeth was now becoming very irritated and curtly told him that it was probably for both of them as they no doubt both preferred to save their comments until designed for the best effect. He smiled within, sure that she was teasing him on his reticence, and chose a subtle form of flattery in his reply by saying that this was not true of her but undoubtedly was what she thought of him. She instantly brushed his comment aside with a terse reply and they continued dancing in silence.
For Elizabeth it was welcome relief. To dance with a man responsible for the hardship of such a charming man as Mr. Wickham was punishment enough without having to feign some form of polite conversation. Why she had begun to speak at all was beyond her. For Mr. Darcy, it was a time of recovery, of composure. His feelings for her became so strong during any repartee that the silences brought time for him to renew his resolve. They thus continued for some minutes until the nearness of her overcame him again and he had no choice but to involve himself with her.
Searching for a subject, he asked her if she and her sisters walked to Meryton very often. As he said it, he realised how very silly a question it was. Of course she walked often to Meryton. He knew that. Asking such a thing would only remind them both of their last encounter there with Mr. Wickham. And he was right. Elizabeth jumped at her chance to bring him up by stating that they had the fortune to meet a new acquaintance on their last walk. She watched carefully for his response and was gloating in her triumph as she saw his colour change and his demeanour return to its favoured reserve.
She had every intention of continuing but on further observing his reaction she felt her own need not to hurt him further. Why, she did not know. He looked at her with a countenance that left her no choice but to remain silent and all she felt was her own weakness at being unable to go on. His ability to make her feel so weak brought renewed anger at him and she seethed in her silence.
Mr. Darcy took a little time to recover from her comment but in time he composed a reply that he hoped would warn her of the failure of Wickham to maintain the friendships that he seemed able to quickly initiate. It was a subtle reply with a hint of warning. However, Elizabeth was not blessed with such a subtlety and turned his reply back on himself by saying that he was responsible for the lack of friendship between himself and Mr. Wickham.
Not taking his eyes off her, Mr. Darcy remained silent, while trying to retain his look of indifference. He could not continue on such a subject with her without disclosing things within his family that he hoped would forever remain secret. As he thought rapidly for a change of subject, Sir William Lucas interrupted their flow by walking up to them and expressing his praise at Mr. Darcy's performance on the dance floor.
The encounter caught Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth when both were too occupied by each other to comprehend what Sir William had said. In fact he was well into his next compliment before either of them took notice.
He added that Elizabeth was no less a dancer and he hoped they would all be favoured with future exhibitions once Miss Bennet and his friend were more formally committed to each other. He then excused himself by suggesting that Elizabeth's beauty was something he should not keep Mr. Darcy from enjoying.
They were at first embarrassed by Sir William's over exaggerations until the reference to Mr. Bingley and Jane. Elizabeth had a slight blush but Mr. Darcy turned to them in the set and immediately saw what everyone else already knew, or so it seemed. Mr. Bingley was completely enraptured with Miss Bennet. He frowned as he realised that his own distractions had completely absorbed him and he had failed to see how far Mr. Bingley's fondness of Jane had progressed. Elizabeth followed his look and saw the ease they felt with each other. She returned her gaze to Mr. Darcy and immediately sensed his concern and as she studied him she began to feel uneasy.
They automatically joined hands again as the music and movements caught their attention and Mr. Darcy was first to recover his thoughts. He turned back to her with an apology about forgetting their topic before the interruption. She knew him well enough to know what had brought on such forgetfulness and having no desire to continue any topic with him, she promptly told him that there were probably not two people less likely to find something enjoyable to talk about.
He did love her so when she exaggerated and with a smile he offered to talk of reading. Now this was a subject very close to her heart and she dared not involve herself with Mr. Darcy in such a topic. Instead she told him that as their tastes were so different they could have nothing to discuss. He was too quick for her, however, and suggested that the very differences they shared were enough to make for stimulating discussion. Almost caught in her own web, Elizabeth then resorted to a very female ploy of diversion by offering a light-hearted comment on her inability to concentrate in such surroundings.
Once again he was enraptured. As hard as he tried, he could not find fault with her. She twisted and turned her words in such a way as to delight him with every syllable. He was in the throes of further admiration when she suddenly turned the subject once again and asked him if he took care to ensure that his ill opinions of others were correct before expressing them. On this point, Mr. Darcy was definite and informed her as such.
It seemed no matter what she said, he had a reasonable answer and it was quite beyond her to argue further with him. She was exasperated. No man in her life had ever frustrated her so much. He seemed impervious to her innuendo. In that vain she pointed out the possibility of bias in his judgments. He then knew what her aim was. She was trying to turn the subject back to his opinion of Mr. Wickham. What had he said to her?
He had the opportunity for short contemplation, as they were swept apart in the dance. Though their apparent immersion with each other seemed to leave no time to absorb the rhythm of the music, they managed to project the image of a perfect couple, weaving, joining, parting and blending with superb timing and finesse. This point was noticed by a number of interested guests but completely neglected by the parties themselves. They had no other thought but each other.
His careful reply relied on his hope that her knowledge of his good character would ensure belief. He stated that it was his most fervent desire to be impartial at all times. For Elizabeth, who was battling with her opinion of him, this was insufficient and she pressed the point by stating her wish that such definite opinions should be painstakingly measured.
This was not going as he expected. She seemed a little angry with him, irritated. She puzzled him and he asked her what this questioning was all about. Very few people confronted him the way she did and very few people confronted her the way Mr. Darcy did and it was at these times that she felt her tendency to bluntness. As the words left her mouth, she saw his reticence and realised that she was bordering on rudeness and in her usual pattern, she quickly altered her tone by lightly suggesting that her questions was just to get to know him better.
He immediately felt great relief. His only desire was to take pleasure in her company and to have the opportunity to speak with her in the limited privacy that a dance allowed. Half an hour seemed such a short time but to a man so bewitched, every second was to be valued. The fact that she wanted to know him better was thrilling and he expressed his hope that she was successful in her discernment. Elizabeth was unable to allow him such latitude and was forced to acknowledge that her thoughts on him changed from day to day.
Mr. Darcy was too entrapped to feel anything but delight in her openness and expressed his understanding of her predicament. Indeed she was no doubt aware of many varying opinions about his character. Having said that he began to realise that he had not been at his best during their dance, with the references to Mr. Wickham keeping him distracted. Seeing the set was nearing its end and unwilling to leave her with a bad impression, he requested that she leave her judgment of him for another time. Reluctant and undesirous of spending more time with him, she said that this was perhaps her last chance. The chill in her tone brought him to a similar mood and he expressed his hope that he would not deprive her of further study.
That said, they proceeded up the dance again, each deep in thought and unable to risk the hint of speech. They had broached subjects that neither of them had any desire to continue. Elizabeth felt the unease of discussing such topics with a man she was loathe to admire while Mr. Darcy felt the intimacy of allowing her to question his character. They were both caught in the opposing ends of a relationship neither wished to progress beyond this moment but mystified at the stimulation gained by their exchange. The music ceased and they both spun to face each other for the last time. Their eyes met once again and each felt that the parting was necessary.
For Elizabeth, it was time to compose herself. She had expressed opinions that she never dreamed herself capable of expressing to a gentleman, let alone in a ballroom. He had definitely discomposed her and on recall she felt the sting that her words must have caused. Despite her unwillingness to like Mr. Darcy, she had no desire to cause him pain. She simply wanted justice for Mr. Wickham.
For Mr. Darcy, it was time for solitude. His feelings for Elizabeth had reached a point where it was increasingly impossible to keep them to himself and he felt the overwhelming need to be alone. He had to rationalise his thoughts and desires and come to terms with his emotions. Her moods, her frowns and her words were just as intense as his feelings and he knew that she must feel similarly to him. Any other motive for her words was beyond his infatuated comprehension.
They thus parted, each with relief, their fingers slipping apart leaving them both with a clear sense of separation and cooling of hands. He bowed to her with the passion of a man who had reached the time for decision. She curtsied with a sense of undesired liberation and watched as he strode from the room.
Chapter 16
Elizabeth stood alone as he disappeared through the crowd of guests. She was not happy with the dance or her performance with Mr. Darcy. She had allowed her emotions to interfere with her thinking and the result left her less than content.
Mr. Darcy strode straight out of the ballroom and took the stairs two at a time to the upper level and the retreat of his bedroom. He needed time to think without the distraction of Elizabeth. He moved to the fireplace and stood with his arm leaning on the mantle, his breathing slowly returning to a normal pattern. He knew that he could not continue in this manner. He had to resolve to court her formally or he had to walk away. To be continually in her company without further progression of their relationship was beyond him. His mind flashed with vignettes of his family's reaction to his choice of Elizabeth as his bride and the results were anything but acceptance. It was at times like these that he felt the arrogance of his class and despised the regulation that was expected and presumed. He was deep in thought when his man gently knocked on the door.
'Sir, did you require my services?'
'No, thank you. I would rather be alone.'
'Certainly sir. However, may I point out that supper is about to be served, sir.'
'Thank you. I will be down shortly.'
He continued his reverie for a few minutes more without any definite conclusions on how to proceed. He knew only one thing, that the temptation to ask Elizabeth to dance again was almost too much to ignore. He straightened his jacket and walked slowly out of the room.
Deciding to brush aside all thoughts of Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth was about to approach a group of friends when she was somewhat accosted by Miss Bingley. She moved in front of Elizabeth, virtually blocking her way and Elizabeth managed a terse acknowledgement that was enough for Miss Bingley to begin. To Elizabeth's surprise, she brought up the topic of Mr. Wickham by pointing out his connection with Mr. Darcy's family and the position of employee that his father had held. Elizabeth could not help but hide an inner smile, as none of this was news to her. Mr. Wickham had never attempted to be above his company as others might in this room. His honesty about such things was what made Elizabeth so charmed by him. He had no pretensions at all.
Miss Bingley had apparently been talking to Jane and had decided to ensure that Elizabeth had a warning similar to that issued by her brother to her and her sister. Of course Elizabeth was never in any mind to take particular interest in anything Miss Bingley thought and so made short measure of her advice by suggesting that perhaps it was Mr. Wickham's somewhat lowly position in society that brought on this gossip about his behaviour. Miss Bingley was rightly offended and in no mood to persuade Elizabeth otherwise. She walked away leaving Elizabeth to think what she might.
Elizabeth was seething and determined to think that Miss Bingley's comments were on instruction from Mr. Darcy. As she was thus engaged, Mr. Darcy entered the ballroom again and immediately sought refuge away from the dancing. As he excused himself through the crowd, he came upon his friend.
'Bingley, you look lost.'
'Lost indeed, Darcy. Have you seen Miss Bennet?'
'No I have not. Have you any particular reason to seek her out, Bingley?'
'Darcy, she is an angel. In fact she is my angel. I have never been so entranced by a lady before. However I must say that your performance with Miss Elizabeth was outstanding, man. Quite the exhibition. The whole room is talking. Fine women, Darcy, fine women. I must be off in search of Miss Bennet.'
Mr. Bingley hurried off, his neck craned in search of Jane. Mr. Darcy stood watching him and the words of Sir William ran through his mind. How had all this happened right under his eyes? Of course Bingley was in love with Miss Bennet. Everything he had done or said over the last few weeks revolved around her. Yet he had never seen any preference from her towards Mr. Bingley. She seemed always the same with no improvement in her mood when he was present or any preference shown for his words. He was thus engaged in his own thoughts when he noticed Elizabeth approach Jane in a most animated manner.
Indeed Elizabeth had sought out her sister, as she was anxious to hear what news of Mr. Wickham she had. On enquiry from Mr. Bingley, Jane assured Elizabeth that he also felt that Mr. Wickham was unfit company for any lady and had done his friend a great wrong. Elizabeth endeavoured to find out Mr. Bingley's evidence but Jane informed her that up until that day in Meryton, Mr. Bingley had never set eyes on Mr. Wickham and most of his information was from his friend. Of course, that was all Elizabeth needed to indulge her preferred dislike of Mr. Darcy. She was now sure that Mr. Bingley had been given a biased record of their dealings and even Jane's assurance that the bequest from Mr. Darcy's father had been conditional, was not enough to dissuade her from her desire to think ill of Mr. Darcy.
As there was nothing further Jane could say to change her sister's mind, she changed the subject to Mr. Bingley and told her how important he was becoming in her life. Mr. Darcy had continued to watch their discussion and was gratified to see Elizabeth's mood change to one of pleasure. He was admiring her smile when he saw Mr. Bingley approach them and Elizabeth took her leave. He continued to watch Miss Bennet with his friend and once again saw no particular partiality from her. As a keen observer of the human condition, he examined the fine points of her person and saw no additional animation in her face and indeed no movement of hers that would show preference. Having spent some time with her sister and seeing and hearing her delight in teasing and exchanging comments with him, he would have expected something similar from Miss Bennet. But none was to be had. She seemed exactly the same as when she was talking to Elizabeth.
He had been thus distracted and had not noticed Elizabeth join her friend Miss Lucas. Elizabeth was about to embark on another tirade on his behaviour when the ladies were approached by Mr. Collins. He informed Elizabeth that he had just found out that Mr. Darcy was present and that he was the nephew of his employer Lady Catherine de Bourgh. After hearing so much of this formidable woman, Elizabeth was in doubt that she would be related to Mr. Darcy and she was smiling within when she heard Mr. Collins' decision to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy. Despite Elizabeth's penchant for avoiding class distinctions, she was mortified to think that Mr. Collins would do the same. Mr. Darcy was the superior personage and had the right to begin introductions. She could only imagine what he would think when this very worst relative of hers made such an approach. Mr. Collins was indeed the last person on earth that she would want Mr. Darcy to know was her relation. She almost begged Mr. Collins not to move his way but to no avail. He was determined to inform Mr. Darcy on the condition of his aunt and also of his connection to her.
He moved off just as Mr. Darcy found Elizabeth in the crowd. He was indulging himself when he was suddenly confronted with Mr. Collins. He knew he was Elizabeth's cousin from Mr. Bingley but he had no desire to have any acquaintance with him. Mr. Collins approached Mr. Darcy like a man on attack. He bowed low and immediately began a diatribe of detail regarding Lady Catherine and his association with her. Elizabeth watched Mr. Darcy's astonishment at such an approach and she cringed as he listened to Mr. Collins' outburst. Mr. Collins continued to prattle for some minutes and it was with relief when Elizabeth saw him pause for breath. Mr. Darcy took this as his opportunity to end the connection by offering a tertiary reply. Mr. Collins was unable to discern any displeasure in Mr. Darcy and began again. This time Elizabeth saw Mr. Darcy's mood change to slight annoyance and finally some degree of anger and finally saw him bow and move away. Mr. Collins, however, saw nothing of this and returned to Elizabeth full of praise for his benefactor's nephew. It was now Elizabeth's turn to feel worse than at any time during the ball. She had to find something to keep her mind off Mr. Darcy and fortunately a glance at her sister and Mr. Bingley did just that. She smiled to herself as she saw Jane's pleasure at his company and her partiality for him.
Thus both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth observed the couple and both saw what they wanted to see while both would have been only too happy to ensure each other that they were being impartial.
The supper bell had rung at least ten minutes previously and they both found themselves taking seats opposite and within sight of each other. For Mr. Darcy, this was blessed punishment. For Elizabeth it was simply penance. Mrs. Bennet was seated one place away from Elizabeth and it was soon clear that she too had been watching Mr. Bingley with her eldest daughter. She had a partially willing listener in Lady Lucas who although heartily sick of hearing her friend rant on about her daughters was only too anxious to hear any gossip. Mrs. Bennet began with exclamations of pleasure at the connection of Jane and Mr. Bingley and continued with determination about the future it would mean for them all. She was sure that Jane's superior marriage would signify opportunities for her other daughters' futures and how gratified she was to have contentment at her age, knowing that they would all have secure expectations.
Could Elizabeth's evening have gone worse? She took any and every opportunity to curb her mother's opinions and volume but to no avail. They were heard by anyone within some yards of her position. The mention of her and her sisters' further opportunities of course brought her eyes back to Mr. Darcy but no look of bad temper or disgust from him could make her feel worse than her mother's behaviour.
In a vain attempt to quell Mrs. Bennet's tirade, Elizabeth indicated Mr. Darcy's situation at the supper table but that only brought him to her mother's attention. She pointed out to Elizabeth that Mr. Darcy's favour was something she had never desired. Nothing Elizabeth said or did could alter her mother's tone and she sat blushing and ashamed at the performance of her relatives. Mr. Darcy, however, had soon tired of listening to Mrs. Bennet's verbosity and instead moved his attention back to Elizabeth. She also noted the time he spent looking at her and despite her wish to avoid any contact with him she could not avoid the intensity of his scrutiny.
Mr. Darcy was indeed scrutinising Elizabeth in an endeavour to formulate in his own mind how such a mother could produce a daughter who was such a picture of perfection. Elizabeth showed no loudness in her voice, no lack of discretion in her manner of expression and certainly no desire to show favour simply for reward. As he attempted analysis of his thoughts, his expression became somewhat grave and Elizabeth quietly watched the slight crease form on his forehead, a sure sign that his mood was deteriorating and as it deepened, then so did hers.
She was more than grateful to hear her mother finish her comments even though it was with the mortification of hearing her bestowing somewhat of sympathy to Lady Lucas for not being so fortunate and unlikely to ever be so. The topic ended, she began to feel a little better and managed on two occasions to observe Mr. Darcy without humiliation. His expression had lightened and she hoped he saw her mother as no more ambitious in her marital endeavours than any other women with five daughters and an entailed estate. Elizabeth had just managed to eat a little fruit before the end of supper and was about to sip her wine when singing was suggested.
Without a second's hesitation, Mary made her way to the pianoforte and set up her music. Once again Elizabeth's mood reverted to one of shame. Mary seemed totally unaware that her musical talent was scant and her vocal range meagre. She began to warble out the words with an affected air, which only drew attention to her inadequacies. Elizabeth could not help but glance back at Mr. Darcy whose countenance had taken on a grave hauteur. She looked to Jane for support but saw her totally absorbed by Mr. Bingley's attention. By now, Mary had finished her first offering and was about to embark on a second and Elizabeth had only her father to seek for support. He saw her expression and moved immediately to stop Mary. However his tone and words were almost as mortifying as Mary's singing as he brought the attention of the whole room to her by pointing out the need for other ladies to perform. Despite her wish to see Mary cease, she did feel the pain of her sister as she crept away from the instrument. It seemed that her whole family was making a point of unfortunate display this night.
On Mary's withdrawal, other members of the party were sought to perform and Mr. Collins, unable to resist drawing any possible attention to himself, told all who would listen that he would have been glad to entertain them if he had the talent. Such innocuous, senseless statements added to the list Elizabeth was mentally making of her family's ridiculousness. She could not help notice the reaction of Miss Bingley and her sister to such performances and also noted their glance of knowing directed towards Mr. Darcy.
Moreover, Mr. Collins persisted in standing by Elizabeth through the remainder of the evening and it seemed nothing she did would cause him to move. She was therefore extremely grateful to Charlotte who was more than willing to occupy him as much as possible.
Mr. Darcy also remained close to Elizabeth throughout the remainder of the evening. Although he did not approve of her family's performance, he could feel sympathy for Elizabeth as she maintained her demeanour with great courage. He had often endured his aunt's less than satisfactory manners in public places and he so much wanted to indulge himself by offering her compassion. However, words failed him so he had no choice but to stand near her, hoping that his presence was enough to ensure his support of her. Elizabeth was in no mood to feel anything but pain and saw his silence as disapproval of herself and her relations. The snide smiles from Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst added to her blushes.
As soon as was appropriate, Elizabeth began moves to depart, pressing her mother to call for the carriage. However Mrs. Bennet was not about to allow such frivolity. Indeed they must be last to leave. Jane was no help as every minute with Mr. Bingley was delight. Thus the Longbourn party stayed and stayed as each guest politely made his or her farewells. Lydia and Kitty were bored once the officers had departed and Lydia kept everyone's attention on herself by exclaiming her tiredness. During this whole time, Mr. Collins was pronouncing his satisfaction in the evening by over-exaggeration and profuse comments on everything from the guest list to the choice of room decoration. Mr. Bennet was too happy enjoying the interaction of the respective parties to be of any help to Elizabeth and she stood alone with the silence of Mr. Darcy permeating her every thought.
When there was no other person left but her family, Mrs. Bennet at last had no excuses left and rose to leave but not before issuing Mr. Bingley with an open invitation to dinner any time he wished. The pretension of such an invitation was further enhanced by her failure to include his friend. However, Mr. Bingley was as gracious as ever by stating that he would be glad to attend upon his return from London where he had some business to pursue over the next few days.
It seemed forever before Elizabeth was safely in the carriage and moving away from Netherfield. On their return to the house she had, however, the further mortification of hearing her mother confess her satisfaction in having two daughters close to marriage. She was sure that Mr. Collins would offer for Elizabeth and although she would never admit it, Mrs. Bennet would be happy to see Elizabeth go. She occupied far too much time of Mr. Bennet's and was too outspoken for her own good.
Elizabeth hurried to her room, more than thankful for the solitude and peace. She prepared for bed with haste but sleep avoided her as her mind constantly flashed the sight of Mr. Darcy standing in silence near her. At this point she wished never to leave her room again.
At Netherfield, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had retired immediately on the departure of the Bennets. Miss Bingley was particularly satisfied with the evening after seeing the silence of Mr. Darcy and his stern countenance. Mr. Hurst declined a brandy with the younger men and instead opted for bed and a new book he had received from London.
Left alone, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy moved to the library where, after a brief discussion, they ordered tea. They both settled in chairs near the fire, sipping quietly and absorbed by their own thoughts. After some minutes, Mr. Bingley returned his cup to the tray and spoke.
'I think it went extremely well. I am most pleased.'
'Would you be otherwise? It was, after all, your own ball, Bingley.'
'Ah, but the expectation of such an event can often lead to disappointment.'
'True, but not in you Bingley. That point belongs entirely to me.'
Mr. Bingley chuckled at his friend's knowledge of his character and his own.
'I wish I could delay this trip to town.'
'Have you business here, Bingley?'
'Business? I suppose there are some who would consider it such.'
'Are you referring to anything in particular, Bingley?'
No doubt, Darcy, no doubt. However the time spent in town will be ideal, I suspect. I will have the opportunity to formulate my plan.'
'Are you at liberty to disclose this plan to me?'
'Not at this point, Fitzwilliam. Soon. Now, tell me, did you enjoy yourself? I cannot express the joy I felt when I saw you take the floor with Miss Elizabeth. I hope you have resolved your differences.'
'I do not think Miss Elizabeth and I will ever resolve all our differences. If we did so we would have nothing to discuss.'
'And nothing to argue over. You must allow a lady the latitude to disagree with you without attempting to prove your point. You cannot always be right, man, especially with a lady.'
'And that is where our differences lie, Charles. I have never sought compliancy in a companion.'
'What do you seek? Define your desires in a companion or a wife.'
'We are in a reflective mood, Bingley. All right, I will indulge you. I seek beauty but not perfection. It is far too over-rated. I seek intellect without arrogance. I seek liveliness and opinions without rudeness. I seek to be surprised and delighted and continually astounded. I seek to feel.'
'Huh, you seek a lot, my friend. However, you feel more than most already. Do you really desire to feel more than endowed to you at birth? I have never met a man with more passion.'
'Passion suppressed is worthless.'
'And passion unchained is pain. It is not possible to always gain happiness,' replied Mr. Bingley.
'And I would not have it so. To feel real happiness it is necessary to feel real pain. I seek both. I have no fear of extremes where the good outweighs the bad.'
'And I have only the desire for contentment. I am sure my life will always disappoint you, Fitzwilliam.'
'Never, my friend. I envy you more than you know. You shall have perfect contentment. I will see to it. For me, it is just not possible and so I must seek other ways to find bliss.'
'And that is what we all seek, bliss.'
'Such a simple word. Such a goal unattainable.'
'And so I seek my bed. The closest thing to bliss at this moment. Good night, Fitzwilliam. Do not spend too much time thinking of her.'
Mr. Bingley walked quietly out of the room leaving Mr. Darcy gently nodding his head in acknowledgement of his friend's astuteness. As the servant closed the door, Mr. Darcy looked about the room seeing nothing, feeling everything.
'And that is not possible, my friend. She will always have that place in my thoughts ... in my soul, Goodnight Elizabeth.'
Chapter 17
The following day brought an early breakfast and it was barely 7.30 am when Mr. Bingley asked for a word in private with his friend. They retired to the library where Mr. Bingley got straight to the point.
'Darcy, I am off to London within the hour. However I mean to return within three days. I have a favour to ask of you while I am absent.'
'Of course Bingley.'
'It is about Miss Bennet. I am sure that this will not come as a great sacrifice to you but would you enable a visit to Longbourn?'
'On what purpose?'
'I am sure this will come as no surprise but I am in love with her, Darcy. And upon my return I mean to make her an offer.'
Mr. Darcy was a little surprised but not as much as he would have been, had this conversation taken place two days ago. After the prompting from Sir William, he had taken the time for keen observation of his friend and Miss Bennet and he knew that Mr. Bingley was speaking the truth about his affections. However, Miss Bennet's were another matter indeed. He trod carefully over his next words.
'Charles, is Miss Bennet aware of your intentions?'
'An offer is hardly something one discusses beforehand, Darcy.'
'What I meant was'... he hesitated ... 'is she aware of your feelings for her?'
'These are rather private questions, man. What do you mean by such inquiries?'
'Only to ascertain the depth of connection. You have, after all, professed your love for other ladies on previous occasions. I mean no intrusion.'
'I have no hesitation in saying that my feelings for Miss Bennet outweigh any previous feelings that I may have felt or expressed to you previously. Now will you visit Longbourn while I am absent and give my regards to Miss Bennet?'
'If the opportunity arises, I will indeed.'
'Thank you. Now I must be off. I will see you within three days. Take care, Darcy.'
'Good-bye Charles. Safe journey.'
Mr. Bingley walked quickly from the room leaving Mr. Darcy alone to contemplate this latest development. Indeed he had seen no preference for his friend by Miss Bennet. She was unquestionably serene and demure with all acquaintances and no different at any time when with his friend. He was still reviewing scenes in his mind when Miss Bingley entered.
'Mr. Darcy, there you are. We must speak.'
'A review of the evening, no doubt.'
'Not specifically, Mr. Darcy. I wish to speak to you about Miss Bennet and my brother. It has come to my notice that he is particularly attached to Miss Bennet and I wish to have your assistance in securing a separation.'
'What do you mean?'
'He means to make her an offer. And I am sure you are aware that Miss Bennet is far from the ideal companion for my brother. I admit, that amongst the Bennet ladies, she is the far superior but that does not signify her suitability for our family. She has no connections, no funds and no estate. It will not do.'
'While I disagree with some of your reasons, I do agree that Miss Bennet is perhaps not the most suitable partner for Charles.'
'And what other reasons could there be?'
'Although I am sure he finds himself in love with her, she shows no such similar feelings for him. At least none that I have observed.'
Miss Bingley had seen the slight wince from Mr. Darcy when she compared the Bennet ladies and immediately changed her approach to side with him. She knew more of Miss Bennet's feelings than Mr. Darcy was privy to but if her object could be achieved by using his reasons, then so be it.
'Of course, you are right, Mr. Darcy. I was reluctant to bring up such personal business. But I agree completely. What are we to do? We cannot allow Charles to be hurt or embarrassed by making an offer to a lady unwilling to accept him.'
'I can see little that we can do.'
'As his sister and a lady, I feel it is not my place to interfere. However you are his dearest friend and amongst gentlemen I am sure it is possible to discuss such subjects.'
'Charles and I are very close and have had discussions of a private nature but a man's choice of wife must be entirely his alone.'
'But Mr. Darcy, Charles is such an affectionate fellow. He sees little but kindness and affability in all. He is blind to the different ways of ladies. Surely as his friend you could point them out to him.'
Mr. Darcy was reluctant to side with Miss Bingley on anything and particularly anything to do with the Bennets. However he did feel for his friend and was aware that he was easily influenced by kindness and more so when combined with beauty. Miss Bennet was indeed the kind of wife that his friend should secure but he also knew that without a return of affection, his friend would not find happiness.
'I see your point, Miss Bingley. However this is awkward. He has left for London and will not return for three days and immediately upon his return he means to declare himself.'
'Then I think we should follow him to London and deal with the matter immediately.'
For Mr. Darcy, such justification for leaving was exactly what he required. He had slept little and upon hearing his friend's declaration of love for Miss Bennet, he had been fighting back the vision of himself making a similar statement to Elizabeth. In fact his mind was so confused that he leapt at Miss Bingley's suggestion. Yes, he would leave the neighbourhood and clear his mind. In the process he would assist his friend. It was perfect.
'I agree. I think we should follow this morning.'
Miss Bingley hid a secret smile. It had been all too easy. She had managed to separate both her brother and Mr. Darcy from the influence of the Bennet ladies in the course of a few words. She could not wait to inform Mrs. Hurst. She settled final plans with Mr. Darcy about departure and left him ordering the carriage while she proceeded to organise the packing. By the time she reached her sister's rooms, she was positively gloating.
Meanwhile Mr. Darcy was suffering from a sudden feeling of loss. The realisation of not seeing Elizabeth, at least for some time, made his stomach lurch a little and his chest burn. When the physical sensations reached his mind, he knew that he had no choice. He had to go while he had reason. To remain was to invite dangers much greater than he envisaged for his friend, for while Mr. Bingley could perhaps successfully secure a wife such as Miss Bennet, for him it was impossible. His responsibilities and family were such that he had no choice but to put them first. He could not allow emotions to overtake duty.
Meanwhile the inhabitants of Longbourn were in commotion. Elizabeth had been woken early after a restless night by strange mutterings coming from the garden. She looked out to see Mr. Collins wandering in circles obviously practising some speech. She watched for a few minutes and then realised what he was saying. She hurriedly dressed, hoping to be off on a long walk before the family rose. However, her mother was up just as early and before she knew it Elizabeth was alone with Mr. Collins as he made a declaration to her. He spared nothing in his choice of words except affection. He included reasons why she should be grateful for his offer and topped it off with his obligation to secure a wife of any sort. Elizabeth was at first amused by such a silly suggestion as a union with Mr. Collins but soon insult took over mirth and she found herself affronted by his logic.
In the end she was forced to border on rudeness to dissuade him and make her escape. However her mother was ready for all outcomes and tried every method she could to force Elizabeth to accept him. Finally Mrs. Bennet used her last bastion of defence by applying to her husband for support. Mr. Bennet, however, was in no mood for such frivolity. He had had enough of Mr. Collins to last a lifetime and would in no way allow his favourite daughter to be tied to such absurdness for the rest of her life. He allowed Elizabeth to retreat and Mrs. Bennet to spend the rest of the day wailing her displeasure.
Through all this, Charlotte arrived and rather than withdraw and leave the family to sort itself out, she saw an opportunity. She had never been a girl with passion or intense sentiment. Life was a business to Miss Lucas and she felt that her friend's refusal could be the catalyst for a plan of her own. She had seen Mr. Collins' absurdity but at the same time this very thing was what made her format so perfect. His inability to attract Elizabeth was the exact thing that made him ideal for herself. She was not beautiful, she was not rich but she was astute. Although she lived in a large family it was not one endowed with emotion. Life was matter of fact, and that was what she desired in a marriage partner. She wanted no extremes and no passion. In fact she had rarely felt passion for anything. She just wanted security and the person with whom that came was of little consequence. She saw any marriage of hers as a series of duties to be performed in return for the contentment of being her own mistress. And so it was within half an hour, that Miss Lucas was offering sympathy to Mr. Collins.
Jane and Elizabeth escaped the furor by walking to Meryton and happening upon some officers, including Mr. Wickham. The fact that he had been absent from the ball had to be addressed and he informed Elizabeth that he had been unwilling to confront the man who had caused such pain to him. These were exactly the words that Elizabeth needed to hear and any motives other than Mr. Wickham's complete honesty were lost as she shored up her already biased opinion of Mr. Darcy. She would allow nothing to soften her thinking because to do so would be to admit that his rejection of her at the Assembly was of great consequence. Mr. Wickham made sure to pay Elizabeth particular attention, which ensured belief in his reasons. He and the other officers accompanied the ladies on their return where they were happy to introduce their parents. Mrs. Bennet was delighted with Mr. Wickham, who wasted no time in flattering her on her home and family. Mr. Bennet was a little more like his daughter should have been and saw a man of persuasive words and enticing manners who knew exactly how to keep a lady's attention.
While the officers were still at Longbourn, Jane was handed a letter delivered from Netherfield. She knew immediately that it was not from Mr. Bingley but seeing Miss Bingley's hand, she naturally expected it to be an invitation of some sort.
Miss Bingley and her sister had wasted no time, it seems, in devising a plan to begin the separation of their brother from Miss Bennet. They carefully worded a note to her that showed a casual and lighthearted association much restrained from previous communication. The note was brief and to the point. They were following Mr. Bingley to town and might not return.
Jane read the note with increasing distress. She had been so sure of Mr. Bingley's affections that this reference to the probability of their not returning stunned her. During this time, Elizabeth had been attending to Mr. Wickham but had not been unaware of her sister's discomfort and as soon as the officers left, Jane and Elizabeth retreated upstairs where Jane read parts of the note to her sister. Elizabeth immediately felt the pain her sister was feeling but attempted to twist the disregard in Miss Bingley's words and offer hope. Surely Miss Bingley was only stating her own opinions. Nothing so frivolous as following him to London would change his affection for her Jane.
Jane, however, found the sentence that gave her the most pain. It was a reference to Miss Darcy and the desire of all the family to see her again. Miss Bingley had added a further sting by stating Miss Darcy's attributes. In all her words there was the underlying theme of commitment to her from her brother. Elizabeth was furious but continued to settle Jane with a favourable interpretation of each sentence while trying hard to gently point out that they would never measure up to Miss Bingley's idea of an ideal connection. However Jane assured her that no matter what the Bingley family thought of her, she would accept an offer from Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth smiled at her sister's resolve. She showed serenity and compliance to most but underneath there was a strength of character that belied her outer appearance. After a long period necessary by any ladies with such a note, it was resolved to keep the fine details to themselves and only inform the rest of the family that the residents of Netherfield had been required to visit London.
At Netherfield, the initial preparations were completed and the ladies and Mr. Hurst settled in the carriage with Mr. Darcy. Any extra baggage could follow. As they set off, Miss Bingley and her sister were in great spirits, happy to rid themselves of the neighbourhood and its inhabitants. Mr. Darcy, however, was unable to listen to their chattering without determination. He twisted around to face out of the carriage, his mind in a turmoil of emotions that he had never before had to deal with. The gradual separation of himself from Elizabeth was such that he found his eye straining to see landmarks that were near her home or places that he had seen her. He could see the tip of the church bell tower for some half an hour and the sight of it alone brought her closer in his mind. Mrs. Hurst asked him to close the curtain in an attempt to keep the carriage warmer but Mr. Darcy did not hear her. The chill of the glass against his cheek was welcome as it matched the gloom in his chest. He only hoped that the bustle of London in winter would be enough to warm him once again.
Chapter 18
Elizabeth felt some relief that Mr. Darcy had departed whereas Jane was feeling the chill of the day as her mind travelled the distance to London with Mr. Bingley. Only last night at the ball, he had mentioned seeing her in a few days, yet now he was gone and she had no thought other than that her family's behaviour had changed his mind. As is usual with a lady so distressed, she attempted to dismiss him by thoughts of his not being worthy of her if such was the case. However, as is also usual with a lady so distressed, he was back in her favour within minutes and she was left with nothing but sadness. There was talk of their dinner invitation at Lucas Lodge but Jane hoped to find an excuse not to attend. Hearing the social chatter of her friends and family would only increase her depression.
Elizabeth, however, had spent a much better day. She had declined an horrendous proposal, hopefully seen the last of Mr. Darcy and any thought of his rejection of her, been flattered by the attention of Mr. Wickham and seen her friend Charlotte assist her by keeping Mr. Collins busy. If only she could see Jane smile, the day could not go better. Elizabeth was of equally mixed feelings about Mr. Bingley. To her, it showed nothing but weakness to leave in such a manner and despite her wish that he make Jane happy, she also hid a secret thought that he was unworthy of such devotion.
It was later that day that Mr. Darcy's carriage came to a halt outside Mr. Bingley's townhouse in Grosvenor Street. To say that Mr. Bingley was surprised to see his sisters and friend walk in the door was an understatement. He had only arrived some two hours prior to them and the reason for their joining him had to be addressed immediately and it had been resolved to take it one step at a time. In that vain, Miss Bingley informed him that they all realised they had things to do in town and it was much better to accomplish these tasks while her brother was also there. Mr. Darcy found this a reasonable way to handle the situation thus far but knew that there was only a short time available for them to deter Mr. Bingley's return to Netherfield.
In Hertfordshire, Mr. Collins was due to leave on Saturday and there was no one at Longbourn showing any sign of remorse at his departure. He had simply worn out his welcome. However, this short time meant expert timing on Miss Lucas' part if her scheme was to succeed. She found, however, that she had great skill on such occasions and it was within two days, Friday morning to be exact, that she had secured an offer from him, which she had accepted. Her parents were ever grateful to see her go, as a daughter of twenty-seven without beauty or connections was a burden for all. It was joy all round at Lucas Lodge and Charlotte felt great relief except for the burden of telling her friend. She did this with a careful explanation of her feelings on marriage and after Elizabeth's boundless shock that her friend would, in essence, sell herself for security, the friends began a new relationship. For Charlotte, it was seeing Elizabeth as too passionate for her own good. For Elizabeth, despite her disappointment in her friend, it was to see the harshness of her situation in a society that left her no choice but to perhaps follow in her friend's footsteps. In fact, the action of her friend brought a rift of opinion between them that Elizabeth felt too great to breach.
Mr. Collins duly left Longbourn but with expectations of a hasty return for his marriage and the Bennets were left wondering what the last two months had been about. Nothing had come of them except heartache and disappointment. In such a mood, can anyone be surprised that Mr. Wickham seemed like a breath of fresh air to everyone. He smiled, flattered, charmed and ingratiated himself into the lives of all those feeling a little put out by the residents of Netherfield, particularly Elizabeth.
In London, things were going much more smoothly. Mr. Darcy had quickly departed Mr. Bingley's residence and returned to his own town house, a short distance away. He had been overjoyed to see his sister but disturbed to see her spirits were as subdued as ever. He had hoped their reunion would be under better circumstances but his overwhelming thoughts were of leaving Elizabeth and how to explain himself to Mr. Bingley. He attempted conversation with Georgiana as soon as he had washed and changed but she was no more forthcoming about her feelings than before his departure for Netherfield. He had great guilt about his tenure there as he had promised his sister that it would be a short visit. Instead it had become a life-changing event as he was in a void of restrained emotions and lost opportunities. He and Georgiana had a quiet dinner and he promised to spend the following day with her around London.
Sleep was not to be his partner this night. He hoped the comfort of his own home and bedroom would bring a return of his normal pattern even though that was well short of what most would consider a good night's rest. However it was not to be. His thoughts had changed little since Netherfield. His passion for Elizabeth was only enhanced by the distance he had set between them and that, intermingled with decisions about his friend, meant that he lay awake most of the night.
By morning he had decided on the only way to approach his friend about Miss Bennet. He was not a man to use subterfuge and felt only a direct approach would suffice. And so it was on Saturday morning that he entered Mr. Bingley's home with a desire to speak privately to him. During the previous two days, Miss Bingley and her sister had been busy with not so subtle suggestions that Miss Bennet was not for their brother but they had no way of knowing how successful they had been. The arrival of Mr. Darcy was met with some tension as they all felt that their future somewhat depended on the outcome.
Having spent some days determining his approach, Mr. Darcy had decided to put forth Miss Bingley's case of behaviour of the Bennet family rather than broach the delicate subject of Miss Bennet's apparent indifference.
Mr. Darcy watched as the servant closed the door of the library behind them and walked slowly to the coffee tray to pour himself a cup.
'Coffee again, Darcy? You have things on your mind? You only take a second cup when you are in for a busy day.'
'Indeed, Charles, indeed. The matter I wish to discuss with you is of some delicacy and I seek your indulgence as I broach a subject that is of extreme importance to both of us.'
'My god man! You have decided to make her an offer!'
Mr. Darcy raised his head and closed his eyes. 'You are always inclined to leaps of faith, my friend. No, this is a matter concerning you.'
'Go on.'
'It is regarding your return to Netherfield, actually. I was hoping you could delay it.'
'You know the reason for my hasty return, Darcy. There could be no better reason for me to stay here.'
'Bingley...Charles. I must be blunt. I am concerned about your proposed offer to Miss Bennet. In fact I am very concerned.'
'About what, man?'
'Her connections, Charles, or the lack thereof.'
'Nonsense! Darcy, you know that such things are of little consequence to me.'
'Charles, I must be direct. It is more than her lack of connections. A man in your position must also consider the ... the standards of behaviour of her family in society.'
'Miss Bennet has never behaved in any way unsuitable for society.'
'But her family, Charles. One cannot dismiss her family so easily. They have no estate, no income and little education. Her father, I admit, is a gentleman, although prone to influence from his wife in certain behaviours. But her mother, Charles! Her mother and her mother's family are totally lacking in civility and manners. In attaching yourself to Miss Bennet, you are also adding the family and all it entails. Would you have such relations, Charles? Would you suffer such impropriety in your life? I think not.'
'Darcy, I am not immune to the...how shall I put this...lack of decorum of her family. How could anyone ignore it? But I assure you that I have spent some time considering all that you say and I find it is insignificant in comparison to my feelings for Miss Bennet.'
Mr. Darcy knew by the determination in Mr. Bingley's voice and manner that such a tack would not persuade him. He had no choice but to proceed.
'There is something else which I was reluctant to begin with. That is Miss Bennet herself. I feel you may be assuming too much.'
'Darcy, say no more. You will not convince me that I do not love her.'
'It is not your feelings of which I am speaking. It is Miss Bennet's.'
'Darcy, do you know something you have not disclosed to me? Has Miss Elizabeth confided in you?'
'Certainly not, Charles. Miss Elizabeth and I see such things from very different perspectives. What I am about to say is solely from my observations and I cannot allow you to proceed without hearing them.'
'Fitzwilliam, I am always happy to hear your opinions but on this matter, I see nothing that you can offer that I am not already aware of.'
'On the contrary, Charles. I think you will benefit from an outside observer such as myself.'
'Your mood is not of impending joy.'
'Perhaps not, Charles. But the dearest thing to me is our friendship. I would never embark on such a subject if I did not feel that it would assist you in your endeavours. You know my propensity for honesty, sometimes to my own distress. Be assured that my next words are said in the truest friendship two men can have.'
'I would never question your motives, man. Get on with it.'
'I do not think that Miss Bennet is attached to you in any way likely to ensure her acceptance of your offer.'
'What do you mean? Is there another?'
'That, my friend, would be too simple. No there is no other. However from my observation, she shows no particular regard for you over other friends and acquaintances with whom I have seen her.'
'So you are telling me that she does not love me.'
'I am telling you that from my own study, you could be left disappointed.'
'So you think she will refuse my offer?'
'Of that I am unsure. What concerns me is your happiness. If she does accept your offer and she does not feel the depth of affection that I think you desire in a wife, will you be happy?'
Mr. Bingley's mood had begun to sink as his friend proceeded. To have one's expectations shattered in such a way is pain indeed.
'Not every marriage begins with deep affection on both sides, Fitzwilliam. However, many end that way.'
'Charles, we have disagreed on many things but never on our desires for mutual affection with lifetime partners. I accept that you require an evenness of temper that is not important to me, but I cannot accept that you would forego the bliss of reciprocal devotion.'
'You really believe this. I can see it in your eyes.'
'Yes, Charles, I really believe that Miss Bennet is not in love with you. It is that simple and that complicated. I would not have you spend your life making her so. I know enough of you to feel that such endeavours would destroy your spirit.'
'But her serenity, her kindness, cannot be faulted. She has shown me time and time again, her willingness to be in my company.'
'As she has with your sisters, Miss Lucas, even me at times. I see your hope and I would that it was not me who might possibly destroy it. But I must be truthful in all things to you, dear friend.'
'This is like a stake in my heart, Fitzwilliam. I cannot so readily accept it.'
'I understand. Perhaps you should enquire of your sisters, even Hurst.'
'If it was anyone but you, Darcy, I would dismiss this as absurd. I cannot think.'
'Then simply consider. Take time. Do not rush into a situation that has no way out. As a gentleman you cannot withdraw an offer made to such a lady if later you find you were mistaken. All I am asking of you, is that you spend more time absent from her company. Compare what you know of her with other ladies of your acquaintance and I am sure you will find her as impartial as they. She is beautiful, she is serene and she is gentle but she shows no commitment of love to you.'
'You think that time is all I need? I cannot fall out of love so quickly.'
'And who would have you so! I ask only that you reflect on your time at Netherfield, specifically your time with Miss Bennet. Agreement, tranquility and peace are not love, my friend. They are part of her character but not necessarily indicative of conjugal affection. Despite our resistance to mention it, the acts of marriage are important to both of us and those acts are meaningless without a union of feeling.'
'There is your passion speaking again.'
'Yes. I do not deny it. But passion is in each of us, just expressed in different ways. Yours is hidden in laughter and pleasure while mine is hidden...'
'Behind your eyes.'
'Can you forgive me for telling you of my thoughts?'
'I can never fault you for honesty, Fitzwilliam. However, the pain this brings to me is something I have yet to deal with.'
'Will you stay a little longer in town? Will you give yourself the time needed to resolve this?'
'I cannot answer such questions at this moment. This news has shattered my dreams. Whatever I decide must be done with some solitude. Can you leave me, Darcy, please?'
'Certainly. Do you require your man?'
'No, I require nothing. I must be alone. Can I call on you later?'
'With pleasure, Charles. I will see myself out. Good-bye dear friend. Take care.'
Mr. Darcy walked over to his friend and placed his hands on his shoulders. Mr. Bingley caught his eye and Mr. Darcy saw the pain he had inflicted on his friend. They stood eye to eye for some seconds before the moment was broken by Mr. Bingley sinking to a chair. Mr. Darcy quietly let himself out of the room and the house, choosing to walk home allowing the frost to bite at his cheeks. Would that they had never entered Hertfordshire.
Chapter 19
Elizabeth and Jane had such differing opinions of the reasons for his departure that they found the topic impossible to touch and so rather than wonder, Jane had replied to Miss Bingley's note in the hope that a reply would finalise the matter of Mr. Bingley's return, one way or another. Meanwhile they spent their time talking of the impending marriage of Mr. Collins and Miss Lucas and while Jane was able to see the reasons why she accepted him, Elizabeth was forever upset.
Miss Bingley received Jane's note early on Saturday and knowing that Mr. Darcy was dealing with her brother, she felt it her obligation to deal with Miss Bennet. She held back her reply until she had spoken with Mr. Darcy, hoping that he succeeded in preventing her brother's return to Netherfield.
Elizabeth had spent many hours contemplating Mr. Bingley's actions and had she known how correct her judgement was, she would have been quite pleased. She could come up with nothing other than his friend's influence in an endeavour to prevent a match with her sister. Elizabeth had no doubts that Mr. Bingley loved Jane but being privy to their friendship while at Netherfield, she saw only that he trusted Mr. Darcy's opinion in all things and would do anything to please him. She kept these thoughts to herself but even silence could not prevent her seeing Jane's mood become deeper.
Mrs. Bennet, having no knowledge of Miss Bingley's note, had expected to see Mr. Bingley arrive any day and as her daughters were unwilling to supply her with further information, she continued to complain about his absence.
For Jane this was additional pain and discomfort. To have her love's name spoken every few minutes and with nothing but criticism was torture and she explained to Elizabeth what extremes it gave her. Although Elizabeth felt deeply for Jane, she could feel no sympathy for Mr. Bingley and was happy to point out to Jane how little she thought of the world since the happenings of the last few months. Everything she had hoped or wished had disappeared with the pride and opinions of those who considered themselves above reproach simply by their choice of parents.
Nothing Jane could say would dissuade Elizabeth from such thoughts and she continued to feel the influence of the residents of Netherfield. Her father was of less help by using tease and mirth to cover his feelings. He took delight in suggesting that it was now Elizabeth's turn to feel some pain and she should pursue an officer or two in order to attain such attention.
Elizabeth had been spending time with officers in fact. Upon Mr. Darcy's removal from Netherfield, Mr. Wickham had suddenly felt free to move around the neighbourhood as well as express himself when and if he wished and on any topic. Within the space of three days, the residents of Meryton had tales of woe to discuss regarding Mr. Darcy's treatment of him. As Mr. Darcy had never taken the time to prove otherwise, they were happy to have such topics brought to their attention. Jane, however, was very reluctant to think so ill of Mr. Darcy, always citing his friendship with Mr. Bingley as criterion for his goodness. It does a lady no good to think ill of her lover's friend because that might bring on thoughts of mistreatment by the lover himself. However she stood almost alone in such thoughts. There is nothing better in a small society than the gossip of a rich man, especially when there was nothing else to think about.
In town, Mr. Bingley had spent most of Saturday alone in his library. He had much to consider and he was not ready to face anyone before he had resolved some thoughts in his mind. Indeed he had no ill thoughts of Miss Bennet. She had been gracious and charming always. However, a man in love is in such a state, with emotions so keen, that little things can be twisted and he began to see what Mr. Darcy had pointed out. Jane was cordial to all comers and ever enchanting to many. Still he swayed back and forth, remembering the subtle look in her eyes that only he could have seen and her desire to talk quietly with him and him alone. Surely he could not add slyness to her nature. No, she had not sought to catch him. He was sure of that. But then Mr. Darcy had not said that either. He had simply stated what he felt. He could not fault his friend for honesty even in relation to Miss Bennet.
He thus sat until just after three when he decided to call on Mr. Darcy to discuss this further. He considered asking his sisters for advice but women were not the best judges of their own sex, in his opinion, and there was no one else who would be honest with him other than his friend.
For Mr. Darcy, it was a day of painful realisation. He had taken steps to protect his friend and he hoped that his motives were only that. He had tried hard not to allow his desire to separate himself from Elizabeth, to cloud his judgement, but how impartial can a man in love be. Like his friend, his emotions were so peaked and his sensitivity so extreme that it was hard to think objectively on anything. He had nibbled at lunch and was quietly attempting to read in his rooms when his man announced that Mr. Bingley had come to call. It was with a heavy heart that he descended the stairs to greet his friend.
Mr. Bingley was drawn. His eyes were red and his cheeks pale despite the chill outside. They took to the library where Mr. Darcy poured them both a brandy.
'I think you need this Charles.'
'You know what I need, Fitzwilliam.'
'Have you made any decisions?'
'No! It cannot be that simple. I have spent some hours going over your words and now I need to clarify some things with you. Although I have no wish to burden you further, there is no other with whom these things can be spoken. And if I might add, Darcy, you did bring this on yourself.'
'It is not for you to spare my feelings in this matter, Charles. I know what pain my words caused you. Go on.'
'First, I think nothing of her family's lack of society and manners. I would never be persuaded to abandon my feelings for Miss Bennet simply because of society. As I stated earlier, it is nonsense.'
'It may appear to be nonsense but it cannot be avoided, Charles. You have a long life to live and you cannot abandon propriety so easily.'
'That is where our background differs so much, Fitzwilliam. I have not spent my life being made to think only of responsibility. My upbringing was more moderate. I will not be altered in this, I assure you.'
'I must respect your wishes.'
'However, the matter that brings me the greatest pain is your opinion of Miss Bennet herself. I cannot dismiss your thoughts so easily as you have always had excellent judgement in such matters. I know that you have assisted me at least once in a situation not dissimilar.'
'I think more than once, my friend. But please, go on.'
'I love her, Darcy. I really love her. This is not some fancy of mine, a flirtation, if you will. From early in our acquaintance she was everything that I ever dreamed of in a lady...a wife. I can think of nothing but a life with her.'
'So you think my judgement wrong?'
'Were it that easy! No, my friend, I think your judgement is excellent, as I have already pointed out. But your words have not changed my feelings for Miss Bennet. However they have forced me to evaluate more of hers. I think...no, I know that she cares for me. In fact I can say for certain that she cares for me above all others.'
'But is that enough for you, Charles? That was always my point.'
'And that is what I have been considering all day. Although I wish that it were impossible for you to be right, I have begun to doubt her. This is great pain, Darcy.'
'I am sure that it is. To leave the woman you love is beyond torture.'
'Your words express as much pain for yourself as me, Fitzwilliam. Regrets?'
'I am not one for regrets, Charles. You know that. What is done is done. One cannot live on what might have been when realistically, it never was. I do not dwell on dreams.'
'You just put on your mask. Unfortunately I have no such disguise. I hurt for the world to see.'
'I should not have spoken such, Charles.'
'If not you, then who is there to protect me from my whims and fancies. I am not forsaking her, Fitzwilliam. But I am going to take a little time away from Hertfordshire to assess my feelings and hers. If my sisters hear from her then I shall return. That will be my signal. I am sure she will write to them if her feelings are true.'
'I agree.'
Both men sat in silence for some minutes, contemplating their fate. The months in the country had done no more for them than for the ladies involved. Yet all were changed forever. At last Mr. Darcy spoke.
'It seems we will have time to fill, Charles. Shall we lunch at the club tomorrow?'
'Perhaps. I need time, Darcy. Perhaps Monday.'
'Monday it is then.'
Mr. Bingley stood to leave and Mr. Darcy moved towards him extending his hand.
'Charles.'
They clasped hands with an intimacy of deep friendship while Mr. Darcy looked closely at his friend.
'I am sorry, Charles. I am so very sorry.'
Mr. Bingley left.
For some minutes Mr. Darcy stood still, his arm still slightly inclined to where Mr. Bingley had been standing. To cause such pain to his friend, even if the result was to prevent greater pain, was something he wished never to have begun. But his values and his conscience prevented any other course. He thought of the sadness in his own soul and how his chest was wrenched with feeling as he thought of Elizabeth. He walked back to his rooms and taking up his book, he wiped his thumbs down the corner of his eyes before he found himself able to discern the words.
It was after church the next morning that Miss Bingley confronted Mr. Darcy with news of his discussions with her brother and she was delighted to see him nod when she asked of his success. He found no joy in such information and seeing her mood lift did nothing to ensure any change. Within an hour of arriving home, Miss Bingley had penned a reply to Jane, informing her of their decision not to return to Netherfield at least for the season and perhaps never again.
Jane received Miss Bingley's reply and it took some courage and time before she could relay her feelings to her sister. Miss Bingley had not spared any opportunity to inflict hurt and Jane felt every twist of Miss Bingley's sharpened nib. And added to this, Mrs. Bennet whined, grumbled and spoke ill of Mr. Bingley constantly. All of this pushed Jane into a deep depression, which Elizabeth felt profoundly. It was some time before they had a chance to themselves and it was then that Jane expressed her satisfaction that her natural mood of calm had probably kept her own feelings for Mr. Bingley discreet and saved the family from disappointment.
Elizabeth thought Jane far too good to take the blame for all this and told her sister this. When Jane asked her not to judge Mr. Bingley harshly, Elizabeth found it impossible. Despite Jane pointing out that men often inferred things that were not there, Elizabeth felt it the duty of men to be more suspect in such dealings. However, Elizabeth assured her that she did not solely blame Mr. Bingley and told Jane of her belief that he had been unduly influenced by his sisters and his friend.
Through all this renewed pain, they soon suffered the return of Mr. Collins and his daily jaunts to Lucas Lodge. Fortunately they had only a week to endure his company and once again they were relieved to see him go. He had spent little time at Longbourn but any he had, was spent in professions of love for Miss Lucas that left the ladies all feeling somewhat amused. For Elizabeth, however, it was a continual reminder of the silliness of Mr. Collins and the sacrifice her friend was making.
Two days after Mr. Collins left, Longbourn was graced with a visit from Mrs. Bennet's brother and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. Without doubt these were Jane and Elizabeth's favourite relations. They lived in London and had always taken the time to engage both the girls in the adventure of living in town. Although Mr. Gardiner was in trade, they had a sense of style and manner, which was without fault.
As soon as Mrs. Gardiner had distributed presents to her nieces, she sat back to listen to the goings-on over the last few months and within a short time heard news of Mr. Bingley and the hopes the family had had for Jane. She quizzed Elizabeth in private and heard the pain and disappointment Jane was feeling and immediately suggested that Jane should return with them to London. Elizabeth thought this an excellent idea in two ways. First, it removed her sister from the constant grumbling of her mother and second, it might possibly allow the connection of Mr. Bingley and Jane while in town. The week of the Gardiner's stay was filled with social occasions that managed to fill some of the void left by the desertion of Mr. Bingley. There were parties, dinners and officers to fill the minds of many ladies. Jane, however, did not improve with society and her depression was evident to all.
Mrs. Gardiner had the opportunity of meeting Mr. Wickham and within minutes a union of interest had occurred. It seems Mrs. Gardiner was raised in a small village quite close to Pemberley, the Darcy estate, although she had never actually visited. She was not really acquainted with the family other than to know that Mr. Darcy's father was considered a man of honour. When the tale of his son's misdeeds to Mr. Wickham were related to her, she thought back over her impression of him as a boy but could only vaguely remember the village thinking he was a surly and unfriendly child.
It was only a short time after her arrival that Mrs. Gardiner also noticed Mr. Wickham's attentions to Elizabeth and her seeming enjoyment of his company. She had no cause for discomfort about this other than a feeling that he was not all he seemed. On top of that there was his obvious lack of fortune of any kind, which for a lady in Elizabeth's position was a problem indeed. Their relationship was so close, that Mrs. Gardiner felt it her obligation to speak to Elizabeth about Mr. Wickham. Hearing her aunt's words surprised Elizabeth as she was only twenty and although eminently sensible for her age, she had indulged in the gentle art of mild flirtation and been influenced by flattery. Mr. Wickham's singling out of her had given her some pleasure and she had allowed that to go to her head a little. It was always satisfying to be special in any way but particularly in such a confined society.
However, she took her aunt's words or warning to heart and assured her that she was not so flattered as to feel herself in love with Mr. Wickham and she would take care to ensure that such an event did not take place. Instead of turning her from Mr. Wickham, the conversation only made Elizabeth angrier with Mr. Darcy as she felt him responsible for the choices she was forced to make. Without his interference, Mr. Wickham would have been an ideal partner for her but as it stood, she could not expect any advance in her relationship with him. She thus decided to just enjoy herself by attending any parties to which she was invited, dance with anyone who asked her and try very hard during her daily walks to rid her mind of that dreadful Mr. Darcy.