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Chapter 15

Posted on Monday, 5 August 2002, at 5:03 p.m.

"It's almost as if tonight was an ordinary night!"

"I know what you mean, Lizzy. Nobody's shouting, nobody's running along the corridors and up and down the stairs... I can't feel a ball coming."

"And it is! Here we are, dressed at our best, peacefully anticipating a night of delights." After a pause, she added: "You look beautiful, Jane."

With a shy smile, Jane replied: "So do you, Lizzy."

"Mr. Bingley must see me first, otherwise, I'll never even get a bow."

"If you insist, I shall come after you," she magnanimously answered.

The young ladies were still laughing on descending the stairs to get in the carriage.
 

The room was already crowded when they entered it but, after a quick survey, Mr. Gardiner declared that the Bingley party had not yet arrived. He was proved right as, only a few minutes after, Mr. and Mrs. Hurst, Miss Bingley, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley appeared on the doorstep.

The parties curtsied and bowed to each other and Charles came closer to Jane and renewed his hand-kissing. Lizzy looked with a kind and happy eye on his display of affection. Her future brother - well, he had not proposed yet but that was only a matter of time, and a short time if she knew him well... - was as tender towards her sister in a small drawing-room as in a ball-room. Mr. Darcy, who had been informed of the agreement between his friend and Miss Bennet, was less indulgent to such a gesture. They are not engaged! How can he do that in a room full of people? He jeopardise her good-name! He was disappointed in his friend. Passion was not an excuse for rash behaviour! I wonder why Mr. Gardiner allows that, I would never. Thus, he glared disappointingly to his friend and the elder gentleman.

During his thought processing, he had been observed by Lizzy. She had given thoughts to what her aunt and sister had told her, during the two days that had elapsed and she had found truth in their comments. Her reproaches concerning Mr. Wickham 's situation were the most examined. Indeed, she had only heard the soldier's version of the story and, indeed, his actions had recently shown some signs of ungentlemanliness. She, now, could see some impropriety in his attitude, in his disclosing such a private history after such a short acquaintance, in his blackening the name of a young lady totally unknown to herself. She had taken an almost immediate dislike for Mr. Darcy - based on his despising comments on the Meryton assembly and on herself - and had, afterwards, been so utterly prejudiced against him that it had prevented her from questioning the allegations of a charming man, as they were only reinforcing her feelings. Because of her sister's request and her uncle's opinion of the gentleman, she had decided that, although there was very probably some conflicting past between Mr. Wickham and Mr. Darcy, it was none of her concerns and the two of them had probably their share of responsibility. But she had not re-evaluate Mr. Darcy as long as his interference in her sister's and Mr. Bingley's business was concerned. She couldn't agree with Jane's allegations that he had been willing to prove his regrets by calling on her uncle with his friend. If, indeed, he wanted to apologise, then why not presenting himself directly in front of her sister and asking for her forgiveness? No, Mr. Darcy had probably resigned himself to the match, that was all! How could he rejoice in his friend's union to such a family? Obviously Mr. Bingley's happiness, which could be the only good reason, had not been reason enough in the autumn. Why should it become one now that winter was installed? In this mindset, she could only misunderstand Mr. Darcy's stern look at Mr. Bingley and her uncle, and she very readily did it. And, despite her acknowledged willingness to see him with a new eye, she fell back in her usual behaviour in his presence and anger flared in her. A small piece of her mind also whispered her that she was disappointed with his behaviour towards herself. After having heard such praise from him through his sister, after the memories of his singling her out at the Netherfield ball, some part of her vanity had waited for a more flattering welcome than the stern bow he had addressed her with. Although she would have never confessed it, this disappointment had its share in her rising rage.
 

Meanwhile Louisa and Charles were making the required introductions. Lizzie tried to calm herself by listening to Mrs. Hurst's quiet words and Mr. Bingley's exuberant expressions. She managed to overcome her anger when she witnessed the readiness with which the latter, as soon as he had done his duty, had focused his attention on her sister.

In truth, Charles had been quite nervous the whole day. Even if Louisa had told him that proposing on that very evening could appear a little bit premature, he was determined and would not change his mind. But if being resolved was surely a good beginning, it could not suffice. He had to find an occasion and, more important, he had to have something to say. The occasion didn't seem such a hard thing to catch: a ball-room always went with, at least, one secluded spot. He had not been a rake before going to Hertfordshire but he was not innocent either and he had, sometimes, taken benefit of those remote places where flirting became more efficient. No, the occasion shouldn't prove to be a worry... His main concern had been his proposal. Writing his letter had proven to be a fastidious task and even if he didn't have to make a readable copy of his proposal, composing it had proven to be even more so. He didn't want to appear over-flattering, but it was difficult when the object was so beautiful, angelic, perfect. He didn't want to appear 'puppyishly' in love but... he was! He wanted to present all the advantages such a match would give her, as he was sure she hadn't thought that way about him but he found that his wealth was nothing to compare to her goodness! Oh, it had been a tough speech to build... But eventually he had managed to and even to learn it by heart. And he had seen the entrance of a greenhouse while queuing before greeting their hosts. Everything seemed to be perfect, nothing would go amiss... Thus Charles had been enthusiastic during the introductions and was now completely dedicated to Jane's enjoyment of the evening.

The said lady had blushingly welcome Mr. Bingley's greeting. She knew such a gesture was not completely suitable but she had her uncle's blessings and that was quite sufficient. She had been looking forward seeing him again. She had not been waiting for a call the day before but had been slightly disappointed nonetheless that it had not happened. The agreement they had reached had given her enough confidence not to become upset because of a Charles-less day but the assurance she had had that he would be there this night and that she would dance at least two sets with him had considerably brightened it. Now that he had ended his sociable task, she gladly returned to her old self, the one that smiled at him, the one that was always peacefully chatting with him, the one that couldn't find faults in him and she added a zest of her newfound confidence by some light teasing and brighter smiles.
 

Therefore a more composed Lizzy took also benefit of the situation to have a look at Miss Bingley. She happily observed that, once again, she would be able to have some witty things to write to Charlotte: obviously, the dresses she had graced the Hertfordshire company with had nothing to do to with what she deemed deserving of a London assembly! To prevent herself form laughing out loud, she deviate her eyes and caught Mr. Darcy intently observing her. She silently challenged him and, although his expression almost immediately changed, he held her look. Mr. Darcy, do you mean to frighten me with your glare? I take it you hadn't forgotten me after all... You were looking at me exactly as you used to do. But what's this new expression? Some kind of humility? Some kind of apology? Why? What's your purpose? Despite her growing unease, she wasn't willing to be the one to break the look. She was trying to find something to say but the longer the eye exchange, the more at a loss she was to find words. Anger had come back but she couldn't find a way, whether civil or not, to voice it.

The escape came from Mr. Gardiner who, at some point, had become aware of the situation between his niece and Mr. Darcy.

"Mr. Darcy, may I introduce my wife? Mrs. Gardiner, this is Mr. Darcy. I've told you about his estate situated close to Lambton. Mr. Darcy, if you recall, Mrs. Gardiner grew up there."

Mr. Darcy was grateful, and his already good opinion of the elder gentleman improved further. Mrs. Gardiner's appearance was one of a lady of fashion. For her husband's sake, he tried to show himself at his best, his best for a social event at least.

"Mrs. Gardiner, I'm happy to meet you. I've had a very interesting conversation with your husband the other day. His knowledge of the lands in England is very vast, indeed."

Lizzy also had been very relieved by her uncle's interference in hers and Mr. Darcy eye-lock. She knew what were his thoughts about her uncle but was expectantly waiting for his reaction to this introduction: he had been so deficient in civility in similar occasions in Hertfordshire! But Mr. Darcy managed to startle Lizzy by this long sentence to her aunt. The gentleman had searched a conversation with a lady from Cheapside, not with her, whom he knew and had a history with, but with a woman whose father may have been someone his father had bought something from... Her thoughts were in a whirlwind. Anger, astonishment, disappointment were each blowing in their direction. I don't know what to make of that. He calls on my uncle with Mr. Bingley, he praises him to his sister, he's more charming than I've ever seen him with my aunt, he barely speaks with me but he holds my look with some strange variations floating in his eyes, he scolds when he sees Jane and Charles together.... Of course, he and aunt Gardiner come from the same area but I cannot believe he keeps his manners for the Derbyshire people and especially keeps his censure for the Hertfordshire ones! An ironic smile appeared on her lips, in spite of all. At least, I'm still able to find amusement in my discomposure...

The fact is that the gentleman in her thoughts had come, fully aware that he would see her, her sister and her aunt and he had prepared himself. And the truth is that he had really enjoyed his exchange with Mr. Gardiner. Mr. Darcy was not a man to despise people just because of their rank, he had not been brought up like that, he respected every worker on his estate, he respected every member of his staff in his London house and he now respected the plant reseller, because he had proved himself worthy of his esteem. His respect for the eldest Bennet sisters was another matter. He did respect them, if only because of their manners in the middle of such a family, but he had never really acknowledged it. Jane Bennet was too beautiful, Bingley was too infatuated with her, even the Bingley sisters had favoured her with some kind of friendship, he didn't need to acknowledge it. And acknowledging his respect for the eldest would necessarily mean acknowledging it for her closest sister, and that... that... that would widen the already existing breach in his heart. He couldn't allow it. He wouldn't allow it. He had barricaded his heart during the whole day, dwelling on the unsuitability of her family, whether by sense of propriety, wealth or connections. He had fought hard to recall some slightly inadequate behaviour she had had in their common past. He had done his best in gathering in thoughts all the ladies whose noses were straighter, whose hair were fairer, whose accomplishments were wider. But, while he was discussing the Chestnut tree by the Lambton blacksmith with the aunt, he couldn't help throwing what he hopped were careful glances at the niece. He thus beheld her face gracefully adorned with a teasing smile and he almost lost the line of the conversation. O Lord, help me! How can I resist her?
 

Another spectator had thoughts about Mr. Darcy conversing with Mrs. Gardiner. Miss Bingley couldn't fathom why such a gentleman would condescend to speak to such a woman. She had been very satisfied with him in Hertfordshire, well, apart from the Miss Eliza's fine eyes episode: he had properly ignored all those country people and, quite rightly if one considers the ill-mannered comments those people were able to make. But why he would not go on with this ignorance, she couldn't understand. She decided that she had to save him and determinedly headed towards him. As soon as a short pause happened in their discussion, she interfered, changed the subject to one Mrs. Gardiner would have nothing to say about and monopolised the conversation.

If her aunt quite willingly yielded and went to further her acquaintance with Mrs. Hurst, Lizzy could not be so obliging with Miss Bingley. Although she had only listened to Mrs. Gardiner and Mr. Darcy from afar and with, at once, pride in her aunt and utter astonishment with his continuing amiability, she decided to step closer and try to give Miss Bingley a piece of her mind on her behaviour.

Mr. Darcy knew well enough the lady talking to him: one nod or two, one brief acknowledgement from time to time was all Caroline needed to go on and leave him in peace. He, therefore, could think back about his former conversationalist - as pleasant as her husband - and conduct his analysis of the Bennet sisters with ease - Miss Bennet obviously more displaying her feelings than she used to but nonetheless with much attention to decorum and Miss Elizabeth... Miss Elizabeth whom he knew he had surprised with his conversation to her aunt... Miss Elizabeth who was stunningly beautiful... Miss Elizabeth... Miss Elizabeth who had apparently decided to come and speak to him!

So engrossed was she in her monologue that Caroline became aware of Elizabeth's presence only when she interrupted her so interesting analysis of Miss Umberight's so disgustingly pale dress.

"Miss Bingley, Mr. Darcy, I believe I didn't have a chance to have a word with you tonight. Oh, I didn't interrupt you Miss Bingley, did I?"

You might have interrupted her, but surely it was not unwelcome!

Haughtily, the lady replied. "Miss Elizabeth! You seem to be in good health tonight. You've got a... nice dress. Did you have it make in Town?"

With a false smile, Lizzy replied. "No, it was made in Meryton. I do like Mrs. Bander's talents and she knows what suits me best."

"Mrs. Banders? And she is from..."

"Well, her father is Netherfield's steward. I'm surprised you don't recall her, I would have sworn I did see her with her sewing box in one of your corridors when Jane was ill."

Caught in her lie, Caroline blushed. "Oh, that Mrs. Bander! Now that you remind me, I remember I needed her to mend one of my dresses. I had it made in London by Madame Danielle but the hem got lose while I was in Hertfordshire."

"It is so hard to find someone who can work! But I'm sure you were satisfied with Mrs. Banders's. A country seamstress cannot allow herself to have a bad name. News travel fast!"

"And you think we, in Ton, are slower to spread news than you are in the country?" Caroline was even more haughty than before. "I'll have you know we are famed for the fastness of our tongues!"

Mr. Darcy was frankly amused. It had been a tough fight but Lizzy had won on a high hand! Her impish smile was enough for Caroline who understood she had been trapped. The horror showed in her eyes and she clapped her mouth shut. Even the blow that followed couldn't make her utter a word.

For Mr. Darcy's admiration for Lizzy was, by then, too high to prevent him from entering in conversation with her.

"Miss Elizabeth, Georgiana asked me to give you her best regards. She spoke very highly of you after your meeting at the Hursts'."

Oh Lord, he even speaks willingly and very civilly with me, now! Well, Lizzy, you quite easily turned Caroline Bingley into a carp, you can answer him. "I did enjoy our discussion too." Although I found myself unsettled from time to time. "She spoke very highly of you, too, by the way! I must say I was somewhat surprised by the way she described you."

Mr. Darcy coloured slightly. Withdrawing into his shell would have been his usual demeanour but he had really resolved on behaving his best at least for this occasion. He took upon himself and tried to answer her last reply.

"I hope it wasn't a bad surprise. But you must not believe everything she says... She... She was very young when I happened to become her guardian and she looks up to me as her father."

Oh. I didn't expect that. He got me, there.

Seeing her discomforted air, he went on. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you."

"No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't want to pry."

Caroline was highly disgusted with what was happening in front of her. The situation was much worse than what had happened those evenings at Netherfield. They were not arguing. They were even excusing one to the other. She had not been blind to his looking at her competitor. She had seen his amusement after she had reduced herself to silence. What did this country-girl have that she didn't? Why had he never talked to her with this personal tone?

The first chords of the music were played. Lizzy silently watched Mr. Bingley escorting Jane to the floor. The pleasure she felt at such a sight lighted up her face. Mr. Darcy, who had been refraining from asking her for the first set since she had walked to him, beheld her flourishing smile and it broke his reserve. To Caroline's absolute horror and his own surprise, he said: "Miss Elizabeth, if by chance your card was empty for the first set, I would be honoured to dance it with you."

Lizzy had been so unsettled by her conversation with him that she mechanically agreed and it's only on hearing Miss Bingley's shriek that she realised she was about to dance her second dance with him.

Chapter 16

Posted on Saturday, 31 August 2002, at 11:42 a.m.

Had Jane been aware of the admiring looks she was the object of, while she was led to the dance floor, she would have, first, been unbelieving, then, she would have thought it due to her escort, who was pretty dashing in his evening clothes; Charles was aware of them and he felt pride showering over him. He knew the reason of those looks and that had nothing to do with the colour of his coat: she was a beautiful creature who was holding his hand, she would be his partner for at least two sets before the night was over and, more important to his heart, she had agreed to his courting. When shall I propose? I should probably wait until after the supper. I don't think I'll be able to behave when she agrees... It would not do if I were to beam idiotically for the whole ball... No, I shall wait after the supper, that's the best thing to do!

The pattern of the dance would have allowed them to have some conversation at its beginning but no words seemed necessary. He had already commented on her handsomeness during their small talk before the dance and he knew she would end feeling ill-at-ease, should he insist. They could have discussed about the crowd, the heat, the size of the ball-room but none of these topics was close in interest to the one presented by the sight of the other, by the smile of the other and by the heat the other's hand was conveying.

Once again, on his kissing her hand, Jane had felt that excitation of her nerves, starting on the place his lips had touched through her gloves, spreading to her whole body. Once again she had blushed. Once again everyone had put it on her light discomfort to such a gesture. But, now that no propriety was offended by their touching, she still felt the turmoil in her blood and she still had her cheeks flushed. Charles would have probably blamed the heat of the room had he not observed a new, strange and enticing light in her eyes. Can it be that she feels my love radiating through our gloves. D_mned gloves!!! It was so much better without them! I'd like to peel them off, be able to kiss the bare skin of her hands. And if I dared, I could try the inside of her wrist, and then... Charles's cheeks were by then as flushed as Jane's; and, as oriented as her mindset was, she didn't blame the heat. On the contrary, the blazing fire she saw in his eyes reinforced her flush.

Fortunately for those two, the pattern of the dance led to a separation that helped them to cool their blood and their mind. Jane Bennet, I cannot believe it... you now add lust to your sins! How can you behave so? And in front of everybody, furthermore! But in spite of her inner scolding, she could not really regret her previous burst.

Charles's thoughts had been engaged likewise. He drew a conclusion that was slightly different than Jane's. The only regret he had was that, as long as they were not formerly engaged, he couldn't have some time with her ... alone with her! The only solution was to propose without waiting. But they were dancing and could really not quit the set without raising suspicions. I can't. I'll wait until the end of the dance. I can't stop myself any longer. And I shall take her to the greenhouse. This will be the best setting for a proposal. He went on in a daze, suddenly aware of the step he was about to take and as frightened by this soon-to-come event. On reuniting with Jane, he realised anew that there was nothing else in the world he desired more than having her for his wife, that without her he was a lost man, that those weeks without her and the hope to see her again had been as dreadful as the ones after the loss of his mother, and that, if proposing was the only obstacle remaining in the way of his happiness, then he would gladly and courageously affront it. He confronted his fears, remembered that he had planned everything and, as a last potion against his apprehension, he rehearsed mentally his speech.

Jane noticed the shift in her companion's mood but, as his smile and affectionate look came back quickly, she returned his smile and presented her serene face to the world and the dance went on.

On another part of the ballroom, the dance had started with a distinct shade of red on Lizzy's cheeks as well, and, as for her sister, heat was not the only thing to blame. But that was about the last point they had in common. True some kind of physical awareness also existed but whereas for Jane, it suggested unknown pleasure, for Lizzy, it only provoked some more embarrassment. Her thoughts were unbelieving ones when the music started.

How can I have agreed so readily for this dance. It is not as if I had a good memory of the last set we shared! And how did he get the idea of inviting me? I don't think his memory must be happier than mine! Really, this man is a mystery to me. Look at him, Mr. Stern is back! Why did he invite me if it only makes him scold! 'Tis not as if he had been obliged to!

In this mindset, Lizzy was not inclined to be the one to start the conversation. Her partner's thoughts were as disagreeably engaged. He couldn't forgive himself his weakness. I am dancing with her, I've invited her to dance, how can I be such a fool? He couldn't help taking another glimpse of her face and, at once, all the reasons came back to him. And his heart took over his spirit to remind him her mind was as admirable as her figure.

"I remember you told me, on an occasion such as this, that one must speak a little during a dance, as it would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together. You had chosen the dance and suggested I made a remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples, if I recall properly."

Mr. Darcy's surprise was only slightly inferior to Lizzy's on hearing his voice. Am I mad? It must be on my way to Bedlam! I had decided to avoid her as much as I could during this ball and I am trying to start a conversation during a dance I made us partake... Moreover he had been able to almost quote her words. This fact was not lost on Lizzy and he was well aware of it. How would she understand that? Would she eventually make out the truth of where his affections laid and relish it? He had no intention what so ever towards her, but the more time he spent with her - and it would certainly get longer and longer when Bingley had proposed - the less he was able to recall the reasons of the irrelevancy of his admiration for her. And as her unsuitability as his wife remained a fact, he felt as riding a bolted horse: he didn't want to go on, he didn't know where he was going but he didn't have the hand in the decision anyway. This sense of absolute loss of power was something he had felt a very few times in his life and it had always led him to some strong grief. It was not a welcome feeling at all. His face, reflecting his inner fight, was even sterner than before.

Lizzy's understanding of the man went even lower and so did her patience with him and the turmoil he could create in her.

"Why! I'm surprised you bring this occasion between us. What I really remember of the dance is that it didn't end very agreeably. But you're a man full of surprise, indeed, I was astonished by your invitation."

"On that same occasion, I believe I begged you not to try to make out my character by what you saw of me at that moment, I'm afraid you did nonetheless. I don't see what is so surprising in my inviting a lady to dance during a ball!"

"You don't? Well I do! I had understood you disliked the amusement exceedingly. But you must be right; I must have drawn erroneous conclusions to my study. After all, your character has always puzzled me, hasn't it?"

Mr. Darcy was really upset by this declaration and the tone with which it was made. He certainly had some mistakes behind him but, since a few days, he had tried to make up for them and his pride had been bruised on the way. Why Elizabeth Bennet, whom he had, once again, made the honour to dance with, would not, at least, be pleased by so many efforts? But although anger was a more than welcome feeling when felt against this young lady, he knew it should not be vented in an assembly such as this. He knew he could restrain himself well enough but he feared that her fiery temper might lead them to a most improper behaviour.

He bade his time before answering: "Miss Bennet, I'm inclined to think that I'd rather not answer. We are in a London public ball and I don't wish for us to become the centre of attention. So I'd feel very relieved if you'd try to behave. You have my word I will."

Lizzy thought derisively that she would have to react to this insult just as she had to the very first one. Although deeply offended, she put on a brave face and decided to avenge herself where he was so easily unsettled. Without even knowing him, she had managed to upset him by laughing at him. And, indeed, she had exactly the topic that would unnerve him!

"We shall we speak about something else, then. I believe Jane and Mr. Bingley are standing up together, are they not?"

Darcy felt grateful for this change but, as he recalled his friend hand-kissing her sister, his tone was not very engaging in his answer. "I believe they are."

"I wouldn't want to reveal secrets but he must have told you the agreement they have reached. I don't know of two people who are more designed for each other. I'm so happy they managed to overcome the difficulties they had to face." The somewhat ironic smile on her face reflected her happiness for her sister but also and above all the foreseen pleasure of having exasperating her companion. Now, let's see if he can still behave!

The gentleman had been surprised at her first words. Surely, Bingley could not be engaged, he would have told him. But his question about that 'agreement' she was talking about soon faded away, replaced by his sense of shame, his daily companion since a few days, and which was only relieved by Bingley's reassurances that he had forgiven him. Surprise and shame mixed up and plastered on his face a severe look; while his power of speech, never very great in any social event, lessen even more. A short "indeed" was the only answer he managed.

"'Indeed'? That's all you have to answer? Aren't you happy for your friend? Don't you agree they suit perfectly one another?" After all, Lizzy had lost her inner fight to remain externally poised. Her voice was higher than she would have allowed it, should have she been calmer and much higher than Darcy's apparent aloofness could tolerate. In the coldest of voice, he expressed his displeasure.

"Miss Bennet, I'd like you to remember where we are and lower your voice. I'm not used to be the attraction in Ton events and I certainly don't plan to start tonight." His heart eventually registered what his mouth was saying and felt all the harshness of his words. That softened his voice and made him pause in his reply but his message remained unchanged. " I beg you to adopt a socially suitable behaviour."

How can a highly clever and wise gentleman become so tactless? How can an intelligent person completely lose his ability to think coherently? Those very rhetorical questions were completely out of the minds of the couple.

Fortunately for Mr. Darcy, the dance had reached the point where they moved in opposite directions. The separation allowed him to look back on their conversation and, although he didn't regret their meaning, he realised that his words may have been too strong. Well, I shall have to apologise. Not a coward, he nevertheless intellectually shuddered at the thought.

Lizzy was too upset to look back on their conversation. She just fuelled her anger with all the feelings he should have expressed and the words he shouldn't have said. Her lapse in answering him back too loudly was strongly felt. Indeed, she should have moderated her voice, indeed, she should have been smiling when she was scolding, but how could she not? I lack in social talent? Remember who you are, Sir! But it serves you to find in myself what you relished in finding in my family, that's one other flaw you can blame us of!

Her defiant look, when they reunited, showed Darcy that his apology was clearly necessary and would as clearly fall into deaf ears. Anyway, he was taken the lead of the conversation, as Lizzy lost no time in voicing her conclusions.

"I take it that you consider that I, as a Bennet, cannot behave properly. Indeed, you have witnessed so many of our inconvenient behaviours! I'm truly astonished you would even imagine being in our company out of free will."

"Miss Bennnet," he cut her shortly, "I believe you have ill-chosen our topic of conversation, for once. This is not to be discussed while dancing."

Her tone remained low, her coldness matched his. "I believe this has to be discussed. If you find it not a topic to deal with during a dance, then I suggest stopping the dance and dealing with it."

Although taken slightly aback by such a suggestion, he knew that he would derive no pleasure at all from their dance, that she wouldn't either and that, as the situation was likely to worsen, should he reject her proposal, the chance of their becoming the great scandal of the evening would be high. "Your wish is my command. As soon as we're last in our row, I suggest we make our escape."

She nodded briefly her agreement and, as planned, they left the floor.

For propriety sake, he went to fetch her a drink. On his way he took a glimpse to the adjoining doors, searching for a room where they would be able to converse privately. The absurdity of his situation soon drew on him. I look, as a passionate lover, for a remote place where I'll be able to take the woman who has haunted my dreams for months, only to allow us to quarrel! How more nonsensical can my life become? On going back to her, two glasses in hand, he couldn't but notice how brightened her eyes were. Everyone noticing it would probably believe it due to the dance but he knew better. Anger, fury, rage were the reasons. And he would soon have to deal with them. But indeed, she was right. They had some things to go over before they got together in a small company again. Better then than later! Bingley was not going to wait for them to propose!

"I have seen that the door to the greenhouse is opened. I think it safe at that time of the ball. Would that suit you?"

Lizzy was startled by his return. She had been lost in some very troubled thoughts where she remembered both the part he had played in her sister's love story and his haughty behaviour towards her family and herself since they had met. Even his no-nonsense tone managed to upset her. How could he keep such a calm demeanour when she was boiling inside and outside?

"It shall. Will you lead the way?"

Using the crowd to conceal their disappearance, the exited the main room.

A lady in the set noticed a change in the dancers. "Edward, I can't see Lizzy any longer. She was dancing with Mr. Darcy and, suddenly, they have disappeared... Edward? ... Edward!"

Mrs. Gardiner's louder calls eventually roused her husband. "Yes Maddie?"

"Lizzy. She's disappeared. We must go and find her!"

"Maddie, she's not disappeared. I was just looking at her exiting the room with Mr. Darcy."

This answer alleviated his wife's fears but surprised her greatly. "Really? With Mr. Darcy? I can't understand what that means. She does not like him in the least, you know. But she has danced with him and now, they flee everyone's attentions. Can you explain that?"

"I cannot Dearest. All I can say is that he didn't drag her out; she was as resolute as he. Maybe she was just hot and he took her out. At least, I know those two aren't going to..."

"Indeed, you're right!" After a while she asked him if he wouldn't go and fetch her.

"I will if she stays out too long. But I'm sure they'll be back soon. Mr. Darcy is very respectful of propriety."

"Even so. I don't think they should be left alone."

"And you're right, as always. But I so like to dance with you that I'd rather wait for a while. Do you really mind?"

Smiling to her husband, she shook her head. "But you will go?"

"As soon as the dance is finished. You have my word."

Chapter 17

Posted on Thursday, 19 September 2002, at 5:13 p.m.

Mrs. Umberight was really fond of her plants and would use all of her free time to take care of them. Mrs. Gardiner being married with a successful tradesman in this business had been another reason why they had remained close in spite of Mrs. Umberight leaving school earlier to marry a wealthy knight of the Realm. Even if Mr. Gardiner's business was more about outdoors than indoors species, he always knew what was new and how to grow them. The result was a greenhouse overflowing with small trees and flowers. It was apparent that part of the ballroom ornament had been taken there but, still, the perfume was almost overwhelming. That first impressed Darcy and Elizabeth. They had got to the room without encountering anyone, he, leading the way and she, close behind, as fast as they could without being too obvious.

The room was dimly lit as only a few candles were spread inside. Their eyes were accustomed to the brightness of the ball-room and, maybe because of his rapid pace, Darcy missed the path and his foot encountered brutally a big earthenware jar while his hand found its way to the palm tree it contained. Lizzy couldn't but stumble on him and she only managed to maintain her position upright by encircling his torso in an embrace, a completely unwilling but nonetheless forceful one, while her face went to crash into some of his upper vertebrae. Darcy couldn't decide of which part of his body he was the most painfully aware. His ball shoes were, of course, not of the thickest leather. His toes, usually quite glad of the fact as, even if they were not used to dance, they carried the man's pacing from beginning to end in those kinds of social events, regretted it deeply at that moment - at least, those of his right foot. As for his neck, well, considering the hurt he felt at the moment, he really wondered if his companion had not been knocked out by the shock. He breathed heavily, straightened slowly and, feeling the lady's grip tighten somehow, tried to voice his concern.

"Miss Bennet, are you all right?"

He only heard a moan as an answer. She had, of course, been caught completely unaware by his sudden stop. If her arms had softened the collision between their bodies, they had not done anything for her head, and it had really thumped powerfully against his spine. On feeling her support moving, she instinctively held more strongly to it and kept trying to regain a clear mind.

"Miss Bennet, Miss Bennet..." His calls remained low, as he didn't want anyone to catch them in such a compromising position. His insistence, though, didn't seem to break through her haze, and, in their current position, he couldn't do much more. He tried to shift swiftly and eventually, managed to turn around and face her. He felt very awkward. He was still closely enfolded in her arms and his pain was quickly fading away as he became more aware of their nearness. His hands were suddenly quite a burden. What was he supposed to do with them? His instincts were yelling that he should return her embrace but his head knew that, first, it would not be a very clever move of his, as he was almost sure just holding her would not be enough, and second, she would probably not be holding him, should she be her normal self. But the question was still opened: where could he put his hands? As she was trying to move her head, the logical conclusion dawned on him and, uncomfortably yet tenderly, he cupped her face and moved it slightly away from his chest.

"Miss Bennet..." Now that he could see her lashes fluttering in a yet unsuccessful try to go back to full consciousness, his concern became greater. Indeed, she had been knocked out!

"Elizabeth..." His voice had lowered even more; his tone was even more caring. His right hand put back a lock of her hair, which had come lose and he couldn't refrain himself from slightly brushing with his lips the place on her forehead where it had rested, the place where the impact had probably been, as he could distinct a darker shade coming on that spot.
 

This last action seemed to finally awaken her. Her eyes opened and remained steadily so and their plunging unbelievingly into his stopped him short in any other attempt he might have thought about. She stumbled back, her arms freeing his body as if they had been burnt by it. She still hadn't mouthed a word and he could see her mind going back to working as she touched the painful spot above her nose... the spot he had kissed.

As he absently rubbed the back of his neck, he shivered, suddenly aware of the heat lost as she had freed him. His mind couldn't really believe what had just happened: his feeling of completeness while she was holding him, his suffering on seeing her suffer, his anguish caused by her state, his strong sense of possessiveness, his even more powerful wish to protect her, his astonishing inability to refrain himself from kissing her and his even more surprising inability to feel anything but pleasure at having accomplished such a gesture, and, last, his deep joy when she had eventually emerged from her daze. Those seemed completely unlike him: he had lost his self-control, he had experienced tenfold his usual feelings. It was just a small collision between two very healthy persons, but one of those persons had been her. It was a completely unacceptable behaviour of a gentleman such as him towards a lady, but the lady had been her...

So that's being in love? That turmoil, that loss of all common sense? To think that Mrs. Bennet's daughter can make me feel that way! ... Good G-d! I don't even care whose daughter she is! Should she be Wickham's sister, I would love her all the same!
 

Lizzy was indeed recovering slowly, but, once the blackout had passed, her head seemed to go back to spin when she understood what had happened and how they had both behaved. The closeness of his body had been a very comforting support while she was going back to real consciousness. But as soon as she had been really aware of it, she had felt all the impropriety of her gesture and automatically released him. What was most disturbing her was his behaviour. She couldn't recall clearly what had happened for a while but she knew for sure that his look had been more than compassionate when she had stared into his eyes, that she could still feel the heat of his hands around her face, that she beheld at that very moment a man torn between powerful and opposite feelings. Those were too much information to order coherently on that instant but enough to create a real turmoil in her mind, which was already quite busy, with the quarrel she still planned to have with him on her sister's behalf, and the blur she had just emerged from. She chose the easiest way and, to his non-so-unobvious relief, suggested, in a voice still not very steady but determined enough, that they dealt with their business.

"Mr. Darcy, I'm afraid our missing might be noticed if we stay too long and I really think we have matters to address. Shall we?"
 

The moon had managed to break through the clouds and gave to the feeble light a warmer glow. As their eyes had got used to the level of darkness, they went farther in the greenhouse without any other incident and settled at the back of it, near a small ornament table with benches around.

"Miss Bennet, shall we sit down? I'm sure my foot would be vastly relieved!"

Elizabeth was very glad of this proposal and did as suggested. Ending her recovery sited had seemed appealing but she hadn't wanted to take the lead, as, had he not copied her, he would have towered far too high above her. His way of suggesting it, though, astonished her. She was not her father's favourite for nothing: irony and self-derision were some of her daily companions. But she didn't know Mr. Darcy knew them also! And considering the easiness with which he had voiced the words, it was not his first attempt. Well, decidedly, this man is determined to puzzle me.

"Mr. Darcy..."

"Miss Bennet..."

Both of them stopped short, awkwardly looking at the other. The gentleman resumed first.

"Miss Bennet, I just want to ... apologise for the ... incident ... I hope you were not seriously hurt." He didn't know exactly what he was apologising for, as he didn't know which parts she recalled clearly. But try as he might, he still couldn't feel any shame for kissing her; he couldn't understand why, but he didn't. This lack of self-reproach made his sense of propriety uneasy and he knew he would be bothered by his conscience once the whirlwind she created in his mind by her sole presence would have receded.

"Do not make yourself uneasy. 'Tis true I was not quite myself at first but I'm fine, now. Please, forgive me also ... if I ... well ..." Lizzy couldn't find neutral words to describe her embrace. It had been at first so comforting in her physical distress; then comfort had decreased to give way to a physical agreeable awareness, more and more so. The memory of this last sensation, one she had almost never felt and certainly never with any other human being, was still troubling her. No, he shall not confuse my thoughts once again! He's doing a fine job of it, every time I try to raise a delicate issue, but I will not let him do it this time.

Not awaiting any answer from him, she went on after a short pause. "Sir, I'm sorry to say it but I cannot bear any longer all your insinuations about my family's lack of manner." Raising her hand, she stopped him from replying. "Would you please hear me through, sir? ... 'Tis true that my mother's family is in trade but my father is a gentleman and my sisters and I are a gentleman's daughter. 'Tis also true that some unhappy entail makes our future not as bright as my last assertion may lead to believe. Last, and I'd like you to know that some of us are shamefully aware of the fact, there is, very regularly, some want of propriety betrayed among ourselves ..."

The memories of the circumstances during the Netherfield ball, so acute and so relevant, forcefully came back and she paused in her speech. Her eyes had steadfastly held his during her beginning, as challenging him to deny this was his opinion of her family. But the shame she was speaking about made her downcast her look. Unfortunately for him, on rallying her spirits, she observed the change that had happened in his eyes. Although, since his little piece of self-derision, he had reverted to his usual stern demeanour, she had soon detected some guarded admiration - for some unfathomable reason of his - and that had only increased her acknowledged shame. What she found in them after resuming her former proud stance was an icy condescension, which incensed her once again.

"But there is one of us who is a gentle-lady at heart, both by birth and by manners. There is one of us who is wealthy, if only by her qualities. There is one of us who has never had to blush of her behaviour. In short, there is one of us who really deserves to be happy. And this one is Jane. I understood long ago that you're not happy with my sister and Mr. Bingley as a couple..."

Elizabeth's tone showed her ever-increasing rage against Mr. Darcy. He had been silent for too long. Even for his feelings for her or maybe because of them, he couldn't let her go on. "Miss Bennet, please forgive my interruption but you must see that, in this case, my feelings are not what matters."

"Then, why did you convince Mr. Bingley that he shouldn't pay his attentions to Jane?"

"I believe I owed this explanation only to Bingley and your sister... But... Well... I thought your sister didn't return his attention."

Lizzy had already read this acknowledged reason in Charles's letter but she still didn't believe it.

"And would you please tell me how you came to this conclusion?"

'I merely observed her, particularly during the ball at Netherfield!"

"But how could you fairly make a judgement when you only observed to despise..." she once again raised her tone, "... when you only watched Hertfordshire through vanity and haughtiness?"

Mr. Darcy was hurtfully shocked to hear her say those words, her, to whom he had been nothing if not particularly attentive, her, to whom he had even opened somehow his heart. He matched in coldness her heightened voice.

"Vanity, spite and contempt! I remember telling you I was not a vain man, proud certainly but not vain. I won't insult you neither by pretending I honestly think you consider me spiteful. As for the haughtiness... It's probably more some kind of condescension. After all, 'tis true that there is a difference between our situations in life..."

He really seemed to say exactly the more provocative words. "You are a gentleman, we're a gentleman's daughters, so far we're equal!"

"If you had given me leave to finish my answer, I would have told you that it appears my judgement was ill-founded and I was wrong. I have already apologised to my friend for my undue interference and I shall do it to your sister as soon as I may." After a short pause where she was surprisingly silent, he finished, less angrily. "I'll just add that, as praise-worthy as I've always found your loyalty to your sister, I also find that you've just out-done yourself and that those facts I've just related to you are nothing that concerns you."

Cut short in her last tirade and astonished by his words, she remained silent.
 

In the ball-room, Mr. Bingley and Jane went on, parting and reuniting, following the pattern of the dance. Each time their bodies went close, each time their hands were joining, Jane could feel the same rush in her blood. But, as uncomfortable as it had been at the beginning, she now felt impatient for its happening and relished in it.

After his fit of anxiety over his proposing, Charles had maintained a happy and attentive attitude. He was as aware of his longing for physical contact between them but he knew a way to alleviate it and he hoped to be able to experience it soon. He took care of keeping his breath equal. In no way I'm going to blow it! I mustn't scare her with too much anxiety nor eagerness. I must succeed!

At the end of the song, as he was leading her on the side, he asked: "Miss Bennet, I thank you for this delightful dance. The room is already so hot! Do you wish for a bowl of punch or would you rather come to the winter garden where the air must be cooler?"

So attuned was she becoming to his mind that she clearly understood the option he favoured. As clearly, she understood that going to another room with him so early in the ball probably meant being alone with him for a while. She had been denied this possibility for a very long time and was eager for it. The old Jane still made her somewhat frightful of what may happen but she was too excited to decline. She shyly nodded her consent and, as there was movement in the room, they could move away from it much more discreetly than Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.
 

As it happened, though, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were also on the same way. Neither had seen their niece or her companion re-entering the room and even Mr. Gardiner was now keen on finding them. "Really, what can they be doing? Surely Lizzy must be ill! But why didn't he come back to inform us?"

"I only hope you are right, Edward. After all, we barely know the man. What if he ..."

"Madeline!" Mr. Gardiner didn't want his wife to become upset when he really had a high opinion of the young gentleman. He was more tolerant towards some of the passion of the youth, at least when some agreement existed. But this was obviously not the case here and he would have bet her niece's reputation was not at risk.

"Mr. Darcy appeared to me as nothing if not highly honourable and I'm sure there's nothing of the sort going on. I can't speak for his mindset regarding Lizzy but I can say that she has such a low opinion of the man that there is nothing to fear on that topic. But look who's just gone out of the room!"

Unwillingly, Mrs. Gardiner's smile flourished on her lips. "Well, you cannot say the same for those two! Edward, we must follow them, 'tis not proper!"

"And interrupt a proposal of marriage? That's truly what you want to do?"

"So soon? But they only met a week ago!

"Yes, but they had so much behind them! I'm quite inclined to allow them a few minutes of privacy." With a somewhat crooked smile, he added: "What do you say?"

"Fine, fine, have it your way!" She conceded with a smile, as she had never been able to resist him when he put on his roguish mask. "But I won't yield for Lizzy. Jane and Mr. Bingley went to the right, let us go around the supper-room."
 

In another part of the ball-room, a very flushed Miss Bingley was led to her sister by a Lord Dushbarn, one of her friends' brother, who had been obliged to stand up with her for the first set after a lost wage. The gentleman, neither very handsome nor very disadvantaged by nature had purposely missed some steps so that she wouldn't imagine he could be a to-searched partner for dances to come. The evening had really not started well and she understood immediately that it would not go on better as her sister informed her than neither their brother nor his friend were to be seen.

"Oh my G-d! Louisa! What can it mean?"

Louisa appeared shocked by her sister's lapse. "Caroline, remember who you are!"

Miss Bingley had barely heard her sister's scolding as she was looking in the crowd. "But Louisa, I cannot see the Bennets neither!"

Her sister had spotted Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner exiting the room but she decided to keep that knowledge to herself. "Caroline, could you please understand that Charles is going to marry Miss Bennet?"

"No I can't. He could do so much better!"

"No he couldn't. Our father was a tradesman, she is a gentleman's daughter." As Caroline seemed to be on verge of starting one of her usual speech, Louisa turned towards her husband. "Mr. Hurst, would you please take me to the refreshments table?"

Miss Bingley remained alone, trying to fathom what she could still do.
 

While exiting, Charles had offered Jane his arm. He boldly put his hand on hers and, as he could perceive no sign of opposition, he went as far as softly stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. Her blood quickened immediately. She didn't dare looking up at him for fear of betraying herself. She almost put her hand on his but eventually flinched. One of the reasons was that from intentional his strokes had gone to mechanical. He seemed preoccupied and she was puzzled.

As they entered the greenhouse, their attention was diverted by some voice. Obviously, there were people inside and the conversation between them was not a peaceful one. They went further in the room, closer to the noise.

Jane couldn't prevent an: "Oh!"

They looked at each other, silently agreeing.

Mr. Bingley whispered: "'Tis them, isn't it?"

"I'm sure it's her, anyway!"

"And I'm sure it's him!"

Around a corner, the sight of a standing Elizabeth defiantly stating that she and her sisters were equal to a towering Mr. Darcy and the gentleman claiming that he had already apologised to his friend and that she ought to mind her own business greeted them.

Mr. Bingley was the first to recover his power of speech and, using the silence that followed his friend's last reply, he expressed his disappointment: "Darcy ! What are you doing here, alone with Miss Elizabeth? I thought more highly of you, Sir!"

Both were startled by this sudden arrival. In the heat of their quarrel, they had been, of course, completely oblivious of their surroundings.

Mr. Darcy flushed "Bingley!"

Jane had gone to her sister. She sat on the bench and made her sit by her side.

"Lizzy, what are you doing here? I thought you were dancing! How long have you been here?"

Her sister looked up at her former adversary and silently asked him what they were to answer. He didn't answer directly but, as he knew he completely deserved his friend's admonition and was awfully ashamed for it, he helped her by replying in her stead.

"Well, ..., Miss Bennet and I had some matters to discuss and we couldn't do it in the ballroom, so we ..."

"Darcy, we heard the end of your discussion. You were quarreling, not discussing."

"Lizzy, you were not quarreling about ... what happened ..." Unable to utter Mr. Bingley's and hers names, she indicated themselves with her head. "You know everything is as perfect as it can be, now. There 's nothing to argue about any longer."

Although Jane was speaking in a low voice, Lizzy knew the gentlemen had heard her. And as just as was the gentle scolding, it only reinforced her shame. "I'm sorry Jane."

Although she knew she should probably also be apologising to Mr. Darcy, she didn't voice the same words towards him. She only looked up at him and then downwards.

The gentleman suddenly seemed to understand something. "But ... did you hear us from the ball-room? Is that why you came here?"

Still shocked by what he had witnessed and the following confessions, Bingley absently replied: "No, no. We came ..." and realising what would have been the end of his sentence, he flushed deeply. Both his direct gaze in her eyes and his blush made Jane turn the same colour.

Darcy and Elizabeth observed them, understood the probable reason for their coming and the shade on their cheeks, which was fading, went back vigorously.

The silence was becoming more and more disturbing. Lizzy first managed to utter some lighter words.

"Shouldn't we go back? I'm sure I could do with a bowl of punch. And I'm afraid our aunt and uncle may be looking for us."

"Yes, Lizzy, you're right."

They both stood up and looked at the gentlemen. "Shall we?"

Darcy saw that his friend was still not fully recovered. He offered his arm to Jane who took it gratefully. This helped Bingley who rallied his spirits and offered his to Lizzy.

In the corridor, they met Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner who had become really worried with their unsuccessful tour in the adjoining rooms. Seeing that the four young people were apparently in good spirits relieved them. The facts that Jane and Bingley weren't a pair and that neither of them was radiating joy didn't go unnoticed but as they didn't seem upset neither, they postponed the explanation of their discreet departure from the ball-room. Lizzy and Darcy's absence would have also to find an explanation and Mr. Gardiner, completely puzzled by his niece's countenance, a more subdued one than he had ever witnessed, resolved on seeking the gentleman's intentions.
 

Afterwards, the ladies danced almost every dance. As he couldn't be too obvious, Bingley only shared the planned supper dance with Jane and watched jealously every other ones. Fortunately she would invariably come back to him - and her aunt and uncle, for the matter. And fortunately, Louisa whispered him during an exceptional long one that Jane's smiles were never as radiant as when she was close to him. Numerous mamas understood that evening that another wealthy bachelor had left the marriage-mart!

He found in his friend a very willing brooding partner. The latter didn't dance neither, nor even with Miss Bingley who, nonetheless, did everything in her power to entice him. He didn't dare inviting Elizabeth but although his mind would say that it was because, as a gentleman, he couldn't pay her attentions he didn't mean, his heart whispered that he wouldn't bear a refusal she would clearly be able to pronounce. His evening was nonetheless better than he would have expected as Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner's company happened to be even more interesting than he had thought, all the more as it was regularly improved by Miss Elizabeth.

When the party left the ball, the farewells were at worst civil and at best very attentive and with a parting hand-kissing.

Chapter 18

Posted on Monday, 7 October 2002, at 1:50 p.m.

"Well, Jane, Lizzy, I think there are things you have to tell us!" The seriousness in Mrs. Gardiner's tone surprised their nieces, even if both had understood that their aunt was aware of their disappearances and not very pleased by them.

"Yes, Aunt, what do you wish to know?" Jane's soft voice was barely audible over the carriage rolling noise.

Mr. Gardiner tried to alleviate some of his wife's anger, a cross Madeline was too difficult to handle for an after-ball! "Well, Jane, where did you go with Mr.Bingley and what happened? As for you Lizzy, you spent most of the first set and an equal share of the second out of the ball-room, and apparently with Mr. Darcy. The same questions apply to you and you also have to explain yourself on the reason of the length of your absence."

Elizabeth knew that most of her aunt's wrath was due to her behaviour and she didn't want Jane to take the blame on her - well not all of it anyway! Eyes cast downwards, not that the light in the carriage would have made one perceive that, she started. "I believe I should start first as I feel my offence to decorum was much stronger than Jane's..."

"So you admit it! You know you didn't behave with propriety!"

Patting his wife's hand, Mr. Gardiner interfered. "Hush Maddie, give her a chance to explain herself."

"Yes Aunt, I admit it. I must say though that I didn't do anything I have to be ashamed of! It is just that, as I could not but offence propriety, I chose the way that, in my view, was the least evil."

Mrs. Gardiner was really upset with Lizzy but the main reason was not a real suspicion of shameful behaviour. Indeed, she was above all disappointed with her, as she had the highest opinion of her. Her last answer tended to prove that she had not acted on the whim of the moment but, on the opposite, had thoughtfully decided that this course of action was the most adequate to the situation. Her ill-temper faded to be replaced by inquisitive curiosity.

"And, pray, tell me how disappearing with a gentleman who's nothing at all to you, instead of remaining in full view of the assembly could be the least evil?"

"First, you must concede that Mr. Darcy and I are barely on civil terms and, therefore, hardly in an ambiguous relationship. Moreover, our disappearance went probably completely unnoticed. It was the first set, the crowd was so dense and I'm completely unknown..."

"Well, Maddie, even you just noticed that Lizzie was not dancing any longer without knowing what had happened to her!"

"Yes but you did notice. And if Lizzy is not known, Mr. Darcy is quite a figure of the society. His leaving with an unknown lady is probably something every Mama notices. I'm really not sure your conclusion was the good one, Lizzy!

"Moreover, even if I'm not surprised by your description of your relationship with that gentleman, the more I observe him, the more I disagree with you. He has been very attentive to you before the beginning of the ball, he made you the honour of standing with you for the first set - and his sister's best friend was by his side when he asked - and, after you came back, he didn't dance one other dance but looked a great deal at you, while you were!"

"I'm sure he did! He seems to find great satisfaction in finding faults in everything my family or I do!"

"Lizzy! You're very unfair. That he may have found faults in some of your sisters is something I find understandable! But I think he doesn't watch you with a prejudiced eye and I'm sure he doesn't have any prejudice against us. Since I met him, he has been more than civil and I think both of us enjoyed our intercourse."

"Your uncle is absolutely right. Even though he knows whose daughter I am, he has been almost charming with me. We've entertained each other with our favourite places around Lambton and Pemberley, we've discussed about the people we both know, about the countryside and its changes, and not once I've felt that I am a former Lambton merchant's daughter and he, the master of Pemberley!"

"And moreover, Lizzy, I can tell you that when I announced him you'd be coming to offer comfort to Jane, he behaved very strangely."

A thoughtful-about-the-previous-comments Jane and a sill-unbelieving Lizzy frowned at this.

"Yes, Lizzy. It was in the library, at home, the morning Mr. Bingley came. You know he came with him and, to be frank, he and I made most of the conversation... Mr. Bingley was... unusually not talkative... Even then - and it was the first time he and I met - he behaved very civilly. But, very unexpectedly, when I mentioned that you'd be arriving soon, he got still, seemed to fight an inner battle and then got to resemble the proud and stern Mr. Darcy you had always described us..."

"We'll let you think on all this Lizzy, there may be another explanation than him admiring you, but you can see that your first two points are not very strong ones!"

It took some time before Lizzy resumed. "Anyway, I really didn't have any choice. Our conversation was not a peaceful one..." She had some difficulty to re-enter the debate but eventually, recalling their dance, she let a small ironic breath escape and went on. "I had more and more difficulty in restraining myself from bursting with anger."

Jane had remained mute for long but she felt strongly the fact that they had been arguing about them. "Lizzy, I still cannot understand how Mr. Darcy and you can still quarrel about something which now belongs to the past and which has ended in the most satisfying way!"

"Really?", a chorus replied.

"Oh no, no!" Jane's blush came in full force.

"One momentarily saved Jane! We're arrived!" Mr. Gardiner's tone was as jovial as the late hour would allow it. "But don't hope to flee to your room! Please, come to the drawing-room with us!"
 

Lizzy kept her eyes on Jane to try to guess what she would tell to their aunt and uncle. That he had not proposed, she knew for sure. That they had searched for a quiet place, she was quite convinced of. The only question remaining was if his object in escaping the crowd was only his proposing to Jane. She was fairly sure that, as impulsive as he was, he could have planned a proposal, but then she had heard that remote places in ball were not only seeked for that kind of speech... or for any kind of speech as it was.

Jane's worries were of a slightly close nature. She knew why she had followed Mr. Bingley to the greenhouse and she was not ready, not ready at all, to divulge that her aunt and uncle. Even saying it to Lizzy was a scaring thought, although a quite tempting one also! Her sister and she had often talked about love and marriage, even children of theirs, but they had never entered such daring conversation.

She didn't need to worry as, as soon as they were settled in the drawing-room, Mrs. Gardiner took the conversation where it had been left.

"So Jane, has he proposed or not?"

Jane presented a shy smile to her aunt. "No, Aunt, he hasn't."

"May I add something, Jane?"

Jane knew what her sister was ready to reveal and it did serve her purpose. While nodding, she promised to herself to be completely honest with Lizzy and confess, as soon as she would be able to, what had been her motivation.

Shamefully, Lizzy answered. "Aunt, Uncle, I believe that Jane and Mr. Bingley found Mr. Darcy and me before Mr. Bingley could propose. Jane, I apologise... Please forgive me... Had I heeded your good advice, I would have forgiven him and this whole situation would not have happened."

All could hear the actual sorrow in Lizzy's voice. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner knew that their nieces had matters to address without witness and they silently agreed to retire for the night. Jane was ashamed as she felt that her concealment caused pain to her dear sister.

"Jane, I believe you'll be a very happy lady soon. I think I'll expect a call tomorrow from a gentleman we know!"

"Indeed, you should expect it, Maddie! I feel that that young gentleman is nothing if strongly determined to have the honour to call our Jane his wife." With a loving smile, he bade his nieces good night, followed by his not less smiling spouse.

"Shall we go upstairs too, Jane?"

"Yes Lizzy... Lizzy, I've things to tell you. Do you mind if we..."

Lizzy smiled, took her sister's hand and led her to the staircase. "Not at all, Jane, not at all..."
 

A few moments after, Lizzy was untying her hair when she heard soft knocks and bade her sister to enter. Jane took the brush she was holding and said to her reflection in the mirror:

"Let me do it, will you?"

"Jane you seem troubled. What is it? Are you angry with me because I prevented your Mr. Bingley to propose tonight? I'd understand if you were! I'm so sorry!" Lizzy tried to turn around but Jane wouldn't allow it.

"Lizzy, please, how could I be angry with you? You don't have to apologise! That's what making me so uneasy!" Although her sister was staring at her, Jane replied without raising her look. She diligently untangled her hair, her eyes never leaving it.

"Dear Jane, please, you've lost me. He had taken you in a remote place to propose, that's for sure. You and him finding Mr. Darcy and me prevented you two to find that remote place, that's also for sure..." She stopped as her sister had been shaking her head almost since the beginning of her reply. She was obviously not close to the truth, Jane had to tell what was troubling her.

Her attention was even more intent on her task. "Lizzy, when we were dancing... I can't explain it, Lizzy... I've never felt such things... And not only when we're dancing... Even when we're not touching..." Eventually, she raised her eyes to her sister's in the glass. Lizzy had been staring at her the whole time, witnessing her evident trouble, witnessing the flush that didn't seem to leave her cheeks. Could it be...? Could Jane...? Lizzy was torn between chuckling at her sister's unease and pretending not to understand. She didn't feel so foreign herself to such troubling thoughts and, considering her current relationship with the gentleman involved, she really didn't welcome them. But honesty and straightforwardness were some of the essentials of her character; as painful as it could be for her, she would try and ease her sister's current mood. She got up, took Jane's hand, led her to her bed and made them settle on it. Without releasing her hand, but trying to catch her sister's eye, she started, her tone equal and rational.

"Jane, should I understand you didn't escape the crowded ball-room with your Mr. Bingley to receive a proposal?" Jane only nodded.

"And I'm also not supposed to believe you were ill in any way, am I?" Jane shook her head.

She frowned without any censure; just expressing her strong but unbelieving suspicion that what she was going to say was, indeed, the truth. "Jane, do you try to tell me that you escaped the crowded ball-room to... enjoy more of your Mr. Bingley than his smile and his compliments?" By the end, she couldn't repress a teasing smile.

Jane was absolutely still but her whole countenance asserted her sister's supposition. Her head was downcast, her shoulders hunched, her hand limp in Lizzy's. That's where Lizzy started to reanimate her sister. She kept squeezing it until she got a squeeze back. Lizzy's smile had gone to a more condoling one but it still reflected amusement and no blame.

"Jane, look at me!" Once their eyes had locked, she went on. "Jane, why are you so upset? I, for one, am sure you didn't... enjoy... anything... so there is no action to be ashamed of!"

"I beg your pardon, Lizzy, but I willingly followed him to the greenhouse for that purpose! That is an action, is it not?"

"It is an action. As for it being a reason for shame, I cannot tell. I most certainly know not your Mr. Bingley as well as you do, but I somehow cannot believe he would behave so wantonly."

At this, she saw her sister going back to stillness. "Jane! What is the matter? I just meant that he probably led you in a quieter place for a most gentlemanly demand."

This didn't stir her sister. "Jane, I watched him when our parties met at the beginning of the ball. He was even more attentive to you than usual. This hand-kissing, in front of everybody! Add that to his inviting you to leave the ball-room after the first set... I am convinced that he meant to propose."

Her sister's face had turned from blank to horror.

"Are you really sure?"

"I'm most definitely certain that's what he was going to answer when Mr. Darcy asked him why you had come to the winter garden." She really didn't fathom Jane's behaviour and was getting more and more worried. "Good G-d! What is the matter? You love him, he loves you, he proposes, that's the way it has to be. What is it with you?"

"Lizzy, you don't understand...". She choked on her sobs. "I didn't go there to receive a proposal... I went there because... because... I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to kiss me, to touch me..."

"Well, I had gathered that!"

"And you tell me that he didn't! That makes me a wanton woman. I was ready... no eager... to welcome his kisses while he was eager to propose! Oh, I'm so ashamed of myself!" She couldn't hold back her tears.

"Jane! You mustn't see it that way! I'm sure he wouldn't, if he knew! You have an understanding. That's not as binding as a formal engagement but that's enough for a gentleman such as he to feel officially betrothed. Do you try to tell me that, would such agreement have not existed between you, you would have followed him out of everyone's sight?"

With her sister's sensible words, Jane had regained some of her quiet. "No, of course no."

"And had you not encountered us, would you have taken the lead in a more... physical contact?"

Recalling her eventual non-covering of his hand with hers, she answered, in an almost cheerful tone: "No, of course no!"

"So I confirm, I see no reason to be ashamed."

"But even if I acted not, I thought about it!"

"And I sometimes think of scolding mother or injuring Mr. Darcy. I'm not proud of that, but as long as I don't carry through, I'm more amused than ashamed. Though, I'm ashamed to have been the unwilling impediment that prevented your Mr. Bingley and you to carry through!"

Jane answered as Lizzy had foreseen. "Oh, Lizzy! Do not say such a thing! I must say that finding the two of you arguing there was the most astounding moment of the evening, but I've already grant you forgiveness, so you shouldn't worry..." On feeling her smile on her lips, Jane felt glad, once again, to have such a sister. She wished she could help her in return.

"Lizzy... I'm also sorry that you took our aunt's blame for the two of us... All the more as my intentions were not as pure as you all made them!"

"I honestly feel my leaving un-chaperonned with Mr. Darcy was highly more to be censured; even if I strongly disagree with our aunt and uncle's opinion on the gentleman's attitude." Witnessing her sister's negation, she went on: "I'm not talking of his non existent haughtiness and his to-be-blamed-no-longer part he played in separating you and your Mr. Bingley. I'm talking about... some attentions he would more willingly bestow on me than on other ladies of his acquaintance..."

"Well, I have no opinion on that. I must say I have not been very attentive to other gentlemen lately..." She blushed once again but smiled at Lizzy's chuckle. "But what I can say is that he's really changed, and for the best!"
 

Chapter 19

Posted on Monday, 14 October 2002, at 5:46 p.m.

Although there were more people in the Hursts' carriage than there had been in the Gardiners', the conversation was less fluent.

Mr. Bingley was usually the one to comment on everything, from the lively ladies attending the assembly to the superior savour of the white soup. But, for once, he seemed to be quite out of spirit. The evening had not been as successful as he had hoped it. True he had danced twice with Jane and he had been able to converse with her between almost every set but she had danced with so many other gentlemen... He had never felt jealousy before and the suffering caused by its arrows painfully surprised him. He had realised then and there that he had still not fully regained his confidence in Jane's regard for him, and his main chance to set his mind at ease had been lost for that evening.

Mr. Darcy was as un-talkative as usual. During the ball, he had danced even less than normally. He had probably spoken more than he was wont to but it had been sweet poison. Try as he might, he had not been able to get out of his mind his encounter in the winter garden. Try as he might, he was not able to make up his mind and forget her. And, worse of all, Bingley's silence reminded him painfully that he had not acted as the best of friends in the course of the evening. True it had not been a deliberate action, but the result was that although the carriage should have been jolting because of Bingley's jubilation, it was as quiet as a church... I shall try and find a moment before I go back home to apologise to Bingley... poor man...

Miss Bingley was strangely silent. When she should have commented on the poor taste of the ladies who had been the success of the evening, she was silent. When she should have commented on the low connections of the Bennet sisters, she was silent. When she should have been sneering at Miss Eliza's ... everything, she was silent. The fact was that Miss Bingley was strangely thinking! And her thoughts were blacker than any ever in her life. She had felt strongly when Mr. Darcy had favoured Miss Eliza over her for the first set. She had been painfully aware that Mr. Darcy had not danced once with her in the course of the evening. And that pain had grown excruciating with each of his conversations with her. She had been observing him for so long that she could almost read him. And such a book was most certainly not one to give her sweet dreams. In spite of what she knew she was, of the world she belonged to, of her connections and her accomplishments, of her suitability as a wealthy gentleman's wife, she had read in his behaviour that she had lost. More exactly, she had read that Miss Eliza had won; in spite of everything she was not, she had won... Of course she had not let one glimpse of this sorrow escape her, of course her friends had heard the same critical and ironical Caroline they so liked. Of course she was trying not to shed a tear in this crowded carriage, where she felt his presence and heard his sighs. But pretending in a light conversation she could no longer and thus, was silent.

Mrs Hurst was the only one to be aware of all those unusual happenings. Even Mr. Hurst was not behaving as usual. He had been with her most of the evening, had even danced with her twice and she could feel the toe of his shoe seeking hers in the darkened carriage. This was the only oddity she didn't find worrying. When the carriage arrived in Grosvenor Street, she suggested that Mr. Darcy use it to get to Holland Park Avenue.

"Actually, I'd have a word with you, Bingley, if you don't mind."

Mr. Bingley was startled out of his reverie. "Um... yes...I mean... no... Of course, come in, we'll have some port! Hurst, do you mind?"

"Um... no, no, please..." An astonished Louisa watched her husband end clumsily. "I won't join you though..."

This changed somehow her plans. Well, 'tis probably not the best for Caroline but she'll wait until tomorrow for confessing what's upsetting her!
 

"So Darcy, port?"

"Well, brandy actually if you don't mind... And Bingley...bring the decanter, will you?"

The two gentlemen were alone in the library. Either Miss Bingley or Mr. and Mrs. Hurst had retired very quickly to their rooms. But the Hursts' resolved steps had had nothing to compare to Caroline's withdrawn attitude.

"The whole decanter, Darcy? Man, what is the matter?"

Mr. Darcy waited his companion's settling in the armchair across the hearth before answering. He took a heavy breath and began. "Actually Bingley, I'm more than ashamed of myself... I acted against your happiness once again and I beg you to forgive me."

"Good G-d, what did you do this time?" Bingley's tone was unbelieving yet upset.

"Oh I did nothing purposely... In fact, my intent at first was even the opposite. But the result is that you didn't propose and you've kept on sulking the whole evening..."

Bingley had immediately quietened and then blushed at his friend's answer. "I didn't sulk... I've had delightful moments with Jane..."

"But you couldn't propose because you found Elizabe... Miss Elizabeth and me arguing... So you're not as happy as you could be!"

"True, Darcy, true... Well, I'll call on her tomorrow and hopefully will find a moment to speak privately to her. The greenhouse was perfect for that, but...." Bingley's tone was still slightly despondent.

After a small silence, Darcy renewed his excuses. "I'm really sorry, Charles. The least I can do is try and help you if I can..."

"Please, Darcy, do not! You've helped me quite enough!" His smile denied somehow the harshness of his words.

Darcy chuckled softly. "I deserve it, I suppose... In fact, I was thinking that I could come with you tomorrow. If the weather is fine, you could suggest a walk. I suppose Miss Elizabeth would have to join you anyway... I could walk with her and you'd certainly be able to outstrip us..."

His look met Bingley's incredulous stare. "Well, that is... just a possibility!"

"It suits me, Darcy! It suits me! I only hope the weather will be fine!"

The gentlemen sat silent sipping their brandy. The decanter remained untouched by Bingley's side.
 

Once the next day scheme had been defined, Charles's thoughts wandered around his Jane and what had really happened this night. He would not share those with his friend but the evening had not been such a waste... If he was not mistaken, and experience showed that he usually was not where Jane was concerned, she had felt for him some of the passion he felt for her. He had not dwelled on this too much while leading her to the greenhouse for fear of utterly failing in his proposal. But he had been hopeful that her consent could have been accompanied by even sweeter attentions. I'm afraid Darcy's idea will give us less chance for that than the dark shades of the winter garden... Why was he there with Miss Elizabeth anyway? And arguing of all things? He meant to help me, did he say?

"Darcy?"

The said gentleman almost leapt from in his seat, as lost he had been in his gloom.

"Sorry to startle you, but there's something I wish to know..."

"Yes, Bingley?"

"Why exactly were you in the greenhouse with Miss Elizabeth? I know how proper you always are and this private interview doesn't fit at all with your character... You said earlier that you meant to help me... I don't get it!"

"Um... Well, you see... Bingley... Eli... Miss Elizabeth holds a grudge against me... She... I think it comes from Hertfordshire... She was friend with Wickham... Moreover she guessed what role I played in separating you and Miss Bennet... Whatever the reasons, every time she and I speak, it ends in a quarrel..."

"I still don't understand... No offence Darcy, but I don't understand how one of the most cold-blooded person I've ever known can end quarrelling. And moreover with a lady."

Witnessing his friend's wincing and his unwillingness to answer, he went on. Although he had started randomly, he seemed to find sense in his rambles... "I don't understand it unless I see it from another point of view... I can understand why she holds a grudge against you, she was probably ill-informed by Wickham, the relationship she and Jane share is very special, you were particularly aloof all the time while we were at Netherfield and you and she seemed to always have had particular intercourses... The question is why you allowed those intercourses with her... The question is why you feel so deeply when she's concerned... In fact, the question is why her opinion matters when no other does!"

Bingley was intently thinking but paid also great attention to Darcy's behaviour. And the signs he could read in his friend's countenance tended to prove that he was in the right! His look was as blank as it could be, his jaw was clenched, and his hands were tightly gripping his now empty glass. Charles decided that was the first step to take, he took the decanter, refilled a little his glass and generously poured brandy in his friend's. This, at last, drew a reaction from Darcy... His look focused on his hands and he nodded his thanks.

Bingley went back to his armchair but instead of collapsing in it -as the late hour would have allowed him to - he sat leaning towards his friend, as if to put more emphasis in his next sentence. "Fitzwilliam, do you care?"

At first, he thought that Darcy wouldn't answer him. His knuckles were now white on his glass. Darcy had not moved. Eventually he slowly lifted his look and encountered Bingley's. The latter saw him mouthing a "Yes" and draining in one movement his glass. Then Darcy's head returned to his usual straight position and he steadily voiced his previous agreement.

"Yes Charles, I care. I love her. She's bewitched me almost at first sight. And every time I met her afterwards, I fell deeper under her spell. I fought this admiration as hard as I could but in vain I have struggled. I can't stop thinking of her. I can't stop admiring her. I can't stop loving her."

Bingley let a surprised "Whooh" escape. He had never seriously sought an explanation to Darcy's strange behaviour around Miss Elizabeth and, although his conclusion had seemed consistent, his friend's confession had taken him by surprise. Only the crackling of the fire broke the silence in the room. Darcy had gone back to stillness but suddenly presented his glass to his friend who absentmindedly poured some more brandy. Darcy only nurtured it.
 

Bingley sipped some of his glass, as to raise his courage, and went further in his friend's soul.

"And what will you do, now?"

"Nothing!" The reply came immediately.

"Why?" Bingley shot back.

"Why?" Darcy was surprised by the question. He hadn't thought Bingley - even the new Bingley - would challenge him.

"Yes, why? You told me yourself your struggle was in vain. Why do you repress your feelings any longer? Because, sometimes, some members of her family may have an improper behaviour?"

"G-d d-mn it! Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"

The force of his voice astounded Bingley as much as the swearing. His amazement showed on his face.

Darcy swallowed his glass, almost smashed it on the side-table and hid his face in his hands.

""I'm sorry Bingley... It's just that... it was the cause why Eliz..." He abruptly looked up. Seeing his friend's nod, he sighed and went on. "Elizabeth and I were arguing tonight... She... Anyway, I live far enough... And... What the H-ll am I saying? I will do nothing!" His voice was almost a shout.

"Why?" Bingley's tone matched his. "Because of her family connections? What do you care about one uncle being in trade and the other an attorney? What do you care about her having no dowry? Remember who you are? Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley! Ten thousands a year! What do you care?"

Darcy abruptly stood up, went angrily towards where his friend was sitting and reached... to take hold of the decanter. Then, he went back to his side of the chimney place and splashed the spirit in his glass. He remained standing, presenting his back to his friend. Bingley had been almost frightened by his move but was ready to do whatever it may take to help him. If fighting had been needed, then fought he would have. He watched him take a heavy breath and waited for him to renew the conversation. Darcy's voice was more sedate.

"Can I rejoice in the inferiority of her connections? Can I congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?" At last he turned, sat back in his armchair and took his glass once again. His voice was almost a murmur by then. "I will do nothing."

Bingley whispered back: "Why? You love her, Fitzwilliam. You've been helplessly in love with her for almost as long as I with Jane. You've been suffering for much longer than I. Why? You love her, Fitzwilliam. She's beautiful, she's witty, she's a gentlewoman. And you love her, Fitzwilliam. Why would you do nothing?"

None of them was hearing the crackling of the fire any longer. The silence seemed almost deafening.

"I will..." Darcy's look was haggard. "I will..." His voice was exhausted. "I will try..."

Some hope pierced in Bingley's determined voice. "You will woo her."

A derisive chuckle escaped his friend's mouth. "Will I?"

"You'll have to put all your resolve in this endeavour. You'll have to be as strong-willed as Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley is used to be. But you'll have to listen to your heart too. And you'll have to try and hear hers..."

"Such a challenge!"

Bingley smiled broadly. He had done it! He had changed the mind of the most inflexible soul he knew, the mind he admired the most... He'd have his best friend for brother. "You certainly have a long way to go, but you'll do it!"

Darcy eventually returned his smile. "Well, I'd probably be going. You have an eventful day awaiting you tomorrow." He stood up and swayed on his feet. "Oh... I really had brandy, didn't I? I hope the carriage is still here..."

"Have a good night, Darcy."

"Thank you, Bingley, have a good night too." He went to the door and turned one last time before exiting. "And, Charles... Thank you."
 

Bingley only waved away his friend's gratefulness. Indeed, he had one of the most important days of his life awaiting him. He was not really anxious about her answer; everything in her behaviour had been proclaiming her agreement. He was a little bit more anxious about not finding an occasion. But Darcy would be with him and would do everything in his power to give him the occasion. The topic that caused him the most anguish was still the proposal by itself, but he had done the best he could and really felt too tired to try and improve it further.

With a yawn, he stood up, smiled softly on noticing that he didn't sway as much as Darcy had and heavily went to his rooms.
 

Indeed, the carriage had still been there when Darcy had exited the Hursts'. But he had barely noticed it. He also barely noticed the short way to Holland Park Avenue. He went in a haze from the carriage to the door of his house, from the door of his house to his dressing-room, from his dressing-room to his bed. But alcohol was not the cause of this haze. Love was not the cause of his haze neither. He was overpowered by the resolution he had taken. The weight on his shoulders had not been lifted at all. He even had a heavier load now to carry. He had his future happiness in his own hands but his game was really a poor one. And he had never been such a player...

His gloom was on the verge of making him renounce when, as usual, he started to think of her while lying on his bed. He had long given up the wish to hunt those thoughts down. He was a man and she was a woman... He was a man in love and she was the woman he loved...How could he not have those thoughts? But something was different that night; something he had tried to occult since it had happened but which had roamed in his mind ever since and which suddenly washed back over him. He had held her... Precisely she had held him. And he had kissed her... And she had not jerked away... well not at once, that is... Could he forsake the chance of renewing the feeling he had felt there? Could he relinquish the possibility of winning her? Could he give up the hope of making her feel as he had felt there? No I cannot. I love her. I'll always love her. "I love you Elizabeth Bennet, and I will woo you!"

Only his darkened canopy witnessed this resolution, but the whole world would witness its effects. And Elizabeth Bennet would feel its effect.

Chapter 20

Posted on Thursday, 24 October 2002, at 6:44 p.m.

Charles Bingley smiled at the sky when he got up. Charles Bingley smiled at the sky when he went to the breakfast room. Charles Bingley smiled at the sky when he exited the Hursts' townhouse and walked to his friend's. Indeed, the Gods had favoured his proposal day with a clear blue sky. A stroll in Hyde park would certainly appear very enticing to Jane and Miss Elizabeth but the temperature was low enough to frightened away some of the ton.

When he arrived in Holland Park Avenue, Mr. Darcy was already waiting for him.

"Well, Bingley, how do you feel?"

"Well enough, Darcy, well enough... You?"

"Me?" He took a moment before pursuing. They were alone, settled in the library for a tea before their call in Gracechurch Street. "I'm still willing to win Elizabeth, if that's what you want to know. But I'm somewhat at a loss as to the way I should follow..." Although, he wouldn't utter the question, he let it show clearly in his look, and to his relief, his friend got the hint.

He replied in a doctoral voice. "I've learnt recently that, on matters of the heart, when one knows one's heart, one ought to be very clear on one's decision."

"Bingley, come on! Considering her present mindset, I cannot declare my undying love to Elizabeth. She thinks I only observe her to despise. She finds me vain, haughty. Last time I spoke to her, really spoke to her, I ended by saying that she had overreacted to my undue interference in your affairs. She wouldn't understand, she couldn't understand..."

His friend was shocked by such words. He had always found that Darcy had a strange relationship with Miss Elizabeth but, in his careless, idle ways, he had never given it any thought beyond mere observation. But he had enough faith in his friend's understanding to believe that, unfortunately, he had to be in the right. How could Miss Elizabeth be so wrong in her comprehension of Darcy?

"Indeed, Darcy, she couldn't... Spiteful, vain and haughty? These are heavy faults indeed! How come she's so wrong about you?"

"I've been asking myself the same question for the past twelve hours... And the answers I gathered so far, make me believe that my behaviour may have led to some misunderstandings. I never disguised my annoyance with her wild relatives. I never tried to mingle with the Hertfordshire society. I made the unfortunate mistake of misapprehending her sister's feelings. And I forcefully struggled against my admiration for her... I would call this reserve and a high sense of propriety, she calls it spitefulness, vanity and haughtiness..." Darcy thought somehow odd to be confessing to his friend, to be elaborating a strategy with his friend but he had done such a poor job in his dealings with Elizabeth that he needed advice. And Bingley was not only fairly successful in his own sentimental life, he was also the only one Darcy could go to...

"Well, then the first step seems pretty obvious. It's this misinterpretation of your character that has to be dealt with."

"Thanks Bingley," Darcy replied dryly, "I had already come to this conclusion. What I've yet to fathom is how I'm to do that!"

Bingley remained silent for a while. Eventually, he resumed their conservation. "It's not your mind or manners that have to improve, it's her knowledge of you; by that, she will understand better your disposition. And the only way for her to be better acquainted with your character is to be honest with her."

"Honest?" Darcy was disagreeably amazed by this reply. "Bingley, you know that disguise of every sort is my abhorrence! I've always been truthful, too truthful maybe..."

"False, Darcy. You've not been sincere with yourself for a very long time on the matter of your feelings for her. How could you have been with her? And anyway, you misunderstood me. I meant that you have to reveal what your inner feelings are, and not only with regard to her. She's bound to misconstrue your meaning? Don't let her draw her own mistaken conclusions! Tell her your reasons and your feelings. Be honest about your private self with her."

Bingley let his friend ponder on his answer for a while. At last, he stood up and started pacing in the room. He was more than ready to try and help his friend in wooing one Bennet daughter, but he had to conclude his own wooing of another Bennet daughter! It was now late enough for an early call, he would not postpone his proposal any longer.

"Well, Darcy, you may be able to delay our call longer, you may even be willing to, but I'm not. Shall we?"

Darcy started at this question. He had been completely oblivious of his friend's movements. And as much unprepared as he felt he was, he also knew that he would always be.

"Yes, Bingley. Go for it! Shall we take my carriage to take Miss Bennet and Elizabeth to Hyde Park? What do you think? Could the setting suit you?" An almost teasing grin flourished on his lips.

A smiling Bingley agreed and, a few moments later, the Darcy carriage was on its way to Cheapside.
 

After a late morning, the Gardiner household had settled in its daily routine. Mr. Gardiner had eventually gone to his office. The eldest children were with their teacher, the youngest with their nurse and Mrs. Gardiner was in the drawing room with her nieces. The ladies sat, apparently occupied at their works. Mrs. Gardiner's wrath had disappeared with the night but, as her nieces still felt awkward around her, the conversation was not as fluent as usual. Moreover every carriage rolling in the street raised their attention and caused unfinished sentences to be the norm in their discussion. Eventually, after another such noise, a knock was heard at the front door. Lizzy looked up at Jane and, taking hold of her hand, she smiled knowingly to her. Her aunt's face showed the same happiness. Jane's smile was shier and a sudden blush had coloured her cheeks.

"Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy, Ma'am."

The usual pattern of greeting took place. Mr. Bingley didn't hesitate and kissed Jane's hand, Mr. Darcy bowed to the ladies as his look paused shortly on Lizzy, Mrs. Gardiner warmly welcomed the callers, Jane smiled and blushed again and Lizzy curtsied. However, an acute observer may have noticed small changes. Mr. Bingley had lingered longer on Jane's hand; Mr. Darcy's complexion was somewhat more heightened, as was Jane's blush; and Lizzy's eyes were more questioning and less accusative when looking at the taller gentleman.

"Shall I ring for tea?"

"Well, actually Ma'am, the weather is sunny if cold... Um... And it could turn back to rain or snow so fast... That is... Darcy and I thought that..."

"Mrs. Gardiner, Bingely and I would like to ask your permission to take your nieces to Hyde Park. We could easily have one of your maids with us. We would be very honoured."

The eldest lady looked at her nieces whose pleasure at such a scheme was quite evident. She was confident that her previous day scolding had not been in vain and, as Mr. Darcy proposed to take a maid with them, she saw no inconvenience in it. After all, she had also to play her part in Jane's happiness.

"Well, if Jane and Lizzy agree, just go!" She replied with a shrug and a smile. "I'll ask Jenny to accompany you."

Soon enough, the ladies had put on their warm apparel and the four of them exited the house, finding a smiling-to-the-driver maid waiting for them near the coach.
 

In the carriage, the maid's presence gave them a good reason not to go beyond very small talk, and all of them were quite glad of the fact. It was nonetheless decided that they would leave the vehicle once in the park to stroll around and take benefit of the fresh air.

A subdued Jenny shyly spoke up. "Excuse me Miss, but I'm not dressed warmly enough... Ma'am spoke only of a carriage drive... And it's freezing cold outside..."

Jane looked embarrassedly to her sister. Lizzy discreetly raised an eyebrow. What could they do anyway? And Lizzy had already decided that she would willingly pair with Mr. Darcy in order to allow Mr. Bingley some privacy with her sister.

"All right, Jenny, you may stay inside."

Both Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy released a comforted breath; they would be able to carry their plan through...
 

After a few moments after the carriage had passed the gates of the park, Darcy thumped his walking stick on the roof and the driver pulled over. The gentlemen exited and handed the ladies out. The decision to go on smaller lanes was taken collegially and the small group departed.

From the window of the carriage, Jenny smiled. Well, I hope this will do the trick. I'm not sure the Mistress would be very happy, though... Well, since Mr. Bingley has entered the house, Miss Jane has seemed to re-live... they deserve that! As for Miss Lizzy, well, I'm no blind! If this driver could eat me up with his eyes as his master does Miss Lizzy, I'd mind not being alone with him! Seeing her thoughts in flesh in front of her, she welcomingly prompted: "Yes?"

"Hey, 'tis freezing cold outside. I thought to myself that maybe the inside'd be warmer..."

"It is, it is! Come on in!" She said with a bright smile while he was opening the door.
 

Everyone's mind was alike and, very quickly and very naturally, Mr. Bingley and Jane outstripped Mr. Darcy and Lizzy. The future bridesmaid and groom wore similar smiles but none of them ventured a glance at the other to see it. The lady was deeply happy for her sister and couldn't but comment on the fact. She nonetheless tried to voice her satisfaction as inoffensively to the supposed feeling of her companion as she could.

"Jane has been very happy lately. I confess it makes me very happy too."

"I can't speak for your sister but I can tell that Bingley has regained all his cheerfulness, and in barely more than a week time!"

Lizzy started at Mr. Darcy's tone. There was no regret, no condescension, no condemnation in it. Indeed, had he not been Mr. Darcy, she would have heard joy. She took a sidelong look at him; her eyes told her that her ears might have been true. And her eyes also told her that an almost smiling Mr. Darcy was a sight for sour eyes. Her heart missed a beat and she let it overpower her prejudice for the time being. She therefore spoke honestly:

"I really feel they deserve each other: They are of the same understanding, they both have such goodness, Jane's sweetness is the perfect answer to Mr. Bingley's enthusiasm. I'm really glad Fate put them in the same corridor!"

Darcy's mind was racing. Her speech had been free of resentment. She had spoken freely of her true feelings to him without a mask. Such an opportunity may not happen again for a while. He had to further the conversation.

"I'm also glad of the fact... I suspect you feel surprise at such a declaration." He looked down to her, saw surprise indeed written in her eye and smiled at her. The effect of his smile was instantaneous. She forgot to breath and stared blankly at him.

"I must say this meeting caused some embarrassment to me and that, on learning it had happened, I didn't voice such an honourable feeling." Her attitude had gone to an expectant look, which he understood, and a slight blush, which he would have hoped to.

"But Bingley's sorrow had been caused partly by a misconception of mine and partly by a concealment of mine. Once I had been informed of my error of judgement, I couldn't but change my mind and rejoice in his newly re-born happiness.

"And he has been so good as to forgive me, causing the burden I was carrying to disappear. I therefore feel happy too!"

She had stopped walking as those revelations were astounding her. Her face reflected such incredulousness that he chuckled. This only deepened her amazement and increased her pulse. She eventually managed to utter a: "Indeed you astonish me, Sir."

"So I see, Miss Bennet! Might I be so bold as to add that I'm also very happy Fate allowed you and I to go back to civility?" and that I deeply wish It will allow us to go far beyond civility?

She was silent for a moment. "Why! ... Yes, you might... As we appear to be speaking our mind, I'd just wish to add that I'm ashamed of my behaviour towards you yesterday. I fear I haven't been fair and I've allowed past resentment to lead my manners."

"Please, Miss Bennet, do not make yourself uneasy on my account. I certainly have a heavy share of responsibility in our past... misunderstandings. I cannot think of some things I said without abhorrence."

Lizzy had been rendered speechless. Once again he had been able to bewilder her. At last she resumed her walk, the sound of his steps on the gravel path informing her that he had followed her lead.
 

Meanwhile, in spite of their brisk walk, Mr. Bingley and Jane managed to keep up a conversation. Both were very aware of what was supposed to come next, as even Jane's humility could not vanquish her confidence. Nonetheless, they made more than small talk: they talked about the previous day ball and about the surprising but welcome sun, two topics that happened to play not so minor parts in their relationship.

Several times, he checked over his shoulder to see if his friend and her sister were still in sight. At last they happened to be sheltered by a curb of the lane and a tight-throated Mr. Bingley was able to suggest a pause on a near-by bench.

Jane's heart thumped in her chest. The moment had come. She blushed, half-wordily agreed and took the lead to sit on the bench. Mr. Bingley went close-by but started to pace back and forth in front of it. Not a word was exchanged for a while. Eventually, Jane managed to speak:

"Mr. Bingley, wouldn't you like to come by me?"

Indeed, that was exactly what the gentleman wished, and for the remaining of his life, too! He hoped she would consent, he deeply hoped she would, but phrasing the proposal was beyond his reach at the moment. He nodded and took his place by her side. Both sat straight, looking at a frozen bush in front of them. Mr. Bingley breathed deeply and shifted towards Jane.

"Miss Bennet... Jane... I...Um... When I... Um... That is to say..."

She turned slightly towards him and placed her left hand in his joined ones. Finding his eye, she asked: "Yes Charles?"

Her gesture had exactly the effect she had sought. As hypnotised, he rallied his spirits.

"Jane, when I entered the Meryton assembly rooms, it felt like how I represent Eden. It was warm, there was music and people were happy. When my eyes settled on you, I thought I had entered Eden. You looked to me as the angel of this Paradise. When we talked and danced, I knew I had entered Eden, 'cause you revealed a goodness only equal to your beauty. Everything about you has since proved me right. You are, without any doubts, the most amiable, the most forgiving, the most handsome lady of my acquaintance. I wish I were a poet, to celebrate the beauty of your character. I wish I were a reader, to at least tell you verses almost worthy of you. But I'm not... We both know that I'm not worthy of you, I've proved it by abandoning you once."

She shook her head but let him go on. "But since the Lord, in His generosity, has given me a second chance, I will most gladly take it."

He took her second hand in his and intently declared: "I love you Jane Bennet. I love you so much I almost vanished when I thought you would not have me. I love you so much I cannot imagine my future without you in it. I love you so much it doesn't matter if you don't. Jane, will you marry me?"

Despite her tight throat and her swimming eyes, she steadily replied. "I will Charles..." And she let a few tears escape while her mouth was smiling. He let her hands to cup her face and dry her cheeks with his thumbs. Her radiant smile took his breath away and he softly touched her lips. She parted them lightly. Unable to resist and forgetting the whole world around them, he leant towards her, tentatively placed his lips on hers and shyly kissed her. Although her answer was as timid, it was here nonetheless. She pushed back and he deepened the kiss. Soon enough, she was enfolded in his arms and hers were around his neck.

An indefinite while after, they broke the kiss but remained closely entwined. Her forefront against his, her eyes closed, her heart beating wildly, her breath uneven, she whispered: "I love you Charles. I've never stopped loving you."

"O Jane..." His overwhelming love made him speechless. Had he spoken, she would have heard an unsteady voice. He showed it nonetheless by wandering kisses upon her face. He eventually managed to utter: "My most beloved Jane..."

For a while, they could only exchange a few words as the necessity of proving to one-self that they were, indeed, living this most dreamt of moment urged them to more physical intercourses. They nonetheless managed to speak of the days to come and the way to formerly announce their engagement.
 

Ultimately, sounds of the town managed to intrude into their world. They became aware of the impropriety of their behaviour and regretfully sat in a more appropriate attitude, Mr. Bingley keeping one of Jane's hands in his nonetheless. Mr. Darcy and Lizzy found them in this position soon after.

"Bingley, Miss Bennet, we've finally caught on you..."

Neither one nor the other replied but both blushed forcefully.

Without looking at Elizabeth and therefore able to keep his serious mien, Mr. Darcy went on: "Miss Elizabeth and I thought that maybe we ought to go back... The cold tends to break through even the thickest linens."

The sited couple seemed to rediscover the low level of the temperature. "Indeed, it does!" replied a still dreamy gentleman. "Shall we go back, Ja... Miss Bennet?"

A very smiling Jane stood up and took the arm Mr. Bingley had instantly offered. The group resumed their walk, still paired as they had started. Although no word of the very new betrothal was told, Mr. Bingley and Jane's beaming countenance revealed their newfound happiness.

Two steps behind, and with some proper distance between them, his friend and her sister followed silently. Just before joining the carriage, she said: "Well, you and I behaved very well and very usefully, did we not?"

Although he couldn't see her smile, he recognised the playfulness of her tone. He tried to match it. "We did, we did..." After a small hesitant pause, he added: "And I must say I feel deeply happier than yesterday."

She was, once again, quite surprised by such a confession. She thought she heard more than happiness for his friend in his voice. She felt more unsettled than ever in the course of their acquaintance. She decided nonetheless to answer honestly. "As I do, Sir."
 

The trip back to Cheapside was uneventful. Jenny, although slightly flushed, contently observed her companions, Mr. Bingley and Jane were only aware of each other and Mr. Darcy and Lizzy looked joyfully on the couple.

The only sad note of the afternoon was that both gentlemen were unable to accept Mrs. Gardiner's invitation to stay for diner when they arrived in Gracechurch Street. Mr. Darcy had a previous engagement with his newly arrived aunt and uncle and Mr. Bingley had yielded to one of Caroline's plea to accompany her to one of her friends'. As the hour had drawn late, the partings occurred soon after their return.
 

The three ladies saw the gentlemen out. Mrs. Gardiner allowed Mr. Bingley and Jane some very few moments of privacy by detaining her other niece and Mr. Darcy by the door.

"Sir, I thank you and your friend very much for taking such a good care of my nieces."

"Our pleasure Ma'am." The glance he threw then at Lizzy spoke volume to the eldest lady of the truthfulness of his last reply.

"I hope we'll be able to meet soon again."

Her niece interfered in the conversation. With a smile and a hint towards her sister and her suitor, she said: "Aunt, I believe we will meet again Mr. Bingley very soon..."

"And I'll gladly join my friend if he wishes," interrupted Mr. Darcy who flushed immediately after.

Lizzy's face had taken a similar shade and she didn't dare raising her look at her companions before the carriage had left.

Meanwhile, and once again completely oblivious of their surroundings, Jane had accompanied Mr. Bingley to the carriage.

"Jane, I'm so sorry to be obliged to leave you so soon. But Caroline has had a very strange behaviour since yesterday. I couldn't let her go alone to Lord Dushbarn's. All her friends will be here and I'm really worried she might not be up to it."

"Charles, I'll miss you..." unable to refrain a blush, which was replied by a smile, she paused briefly, "but I'm glad you'll be there for your sister. I shamefully confess I have not paid a lot of attention to her yesterday..." her blush deepened, "but I shall be very happy to call on her if you think it could be useful."

"It would be useful, as it would allow me to see you more," replied a tenderly teasing Mr. Bingley. "But I shall miss you until our next meeting. And I look forward seeing your father in a week hence to ask for his consent."

Mr. Darcy had by then joined him near the carriage. Mr. Bingley placed a lingering kiss on the hand he still held and eventually released it.

On the step of the door, Jane and Mrs. Gardiner waved the gentlemen good-bye.
 

As soon as the carriage had left, Lizzy's power of speech came back. With a teasing smile, she said:

"Jane, would you care to tell us how you found the park?"

Jane answered back. "The park, Lizzy? It's been ages since I've been in a park!"

A laughing Mrs. Gardiner ushered her also laughing nieces inside. The door barely closed, Jane, who could have no reserves from Elizabeth, where confidence would give pleasure, instantly embraced her and acknowledged, with the liveliest emotion, that she was the happiest creature in the world. Her aunt, who had been watching the scene with cheer joy, was soon partaking the embrace.

"'Tis too much!" Jane added, "by far too much. I do not deserve it. Oh! why is not every body as happy?"

Mrs. Gardiner and Lizzy's congratulations were given with a sincerity, a warmth, a delight, which words could but poorly express. Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of happiness to Jane. But she couldn't refrain a pang of regret.

"O, how I wish I could go instantly to my mother;" she cried. "I would not on any account trifle with her affectionate solicitude; or allow her to hear it from any one but myself. He told me in the park that he'd have gladly gone to my father immediately. Oh! Lizzy, to know that what I have to relate will give such pleasure to all my dear family! How shall I bear so much happiness!"

"I'm sure you shall, Jane... But you're right, you have to think about going back to Longbourn. And what about you, Lizzy? Do you wish to stay with us or to go back before your trip to Kent?" The always practical Mrs. Gardiner asked.

Once settled in front of the drawing-room hearth, Jane explained the arrangement planned by Mr. Bingley.

"Charles..." On hearing her aunt's "tsk tsk", Jane started anew. "Mr. Bingley told me he had some business to attend to before he can go to Netherfield. And the house also has to be re-opened. He thinks he could be in Hertfordshire in a week hence."

"And what do you plan to do?"

Jane's blushed gave her answer before she replied. "If you don't mind, I confess I'd rather stay in London while he is."

An indulgent smile on her lips, her aunt agreed. "Of course your uncle and I would gladly have you with us for another week." Her tone became more serious as she went on. "But keep in mind, young lady, that as long as you're not formally engaged, you'll have to behave as a non-betrothed couple."

Jane flushed violently as she could perfectly imagine she would not always wish to behave so properly. "Yes Aunt."

For her sister's comfort, Lizzy intervened in the conversation. "As for my plans, Dear Aunt, I cannot imagine letting Jane bear Mamma's happiness alone. I shall go back with her to Longbourn."

As this came as no surprise, no one contested her decision. The remaining of the afternoon was spent in Jane's radiance. Mr. Gardiner noticed the happy mood as soon as he came back from the warehouse, and, after expressing his delight and his congratulations, he confirmed his wife's advice regarding her niece and his suitor's behaviours. Although it couldn't lower her spirits, Jane exchanged with Lizzy a look that promised some nightly sister-talk.

Continued in the next section