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Chapter 15, Part 1
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust ~ Samuel Johnson
The servant, placed a plate of sweets on the table, took one look at Mr Collins and fled. Lizzy heartily wished that she could run away, Mr Collins was not the kind of company you wished to have with you when eating was involved.
Lizzy out of the corner of her eye saw the expression on Lady Catherine's face as she watched Mr Collins eating. It was enough to make Lizzy choke on her food, in a most ungenteel fashion.
"Miss Bennet are you unwell?" said Lady Catherine sharply.
"No Lady Catherine, I am quite well." Lizzy replied.
"I don't think you are at all well, you have not been looking after yourself Miss Bennet. Most inappropriate behaviour for a guest Miss Bennet, I hope I do not have to call a doctor out to you."
"I'm very well Lady Catherine." Replied Lizzy in a confused tone.
Mr Collins didn't pause in his eating, but found the space to spurt out. "My eminent ladyship, my cousin is most discourteous in her manner, she has no right to be ill in your house, she times her illnesses ill. She should be grateful that you have shown her such kind affability."
"You are quite right Mr Collins." Said Lady Catherine. "But I do not want you to catch this ungrateful ladies illness, so perhaps you could return to your bees."
"At once your ladyship." And with that Mr Collins bounded off.
"Miss Bennet." Said Lady Catherine.
"Yes?" said Lizzy wary of what Lady Catherine was about to say, or what tone she was going to deploy.
"Is your sisters marriage to that man, totally resolved upon?"
"I venture to hope not Lady Catherine." Said Lizzy with a smile playing upon her lips.
"I am very glad to hear that, " said Lady Catherine picking up a teacup.
Both women were sitting upon a terrace, overlooking a green, where the rest of the party were playing at bowls. Lizzy had separated herself from that party, due to her resolve to try and separate herself from Mr Darcy. Now she was unsure if she desperately wanted to go and play with them, because she wanted to be near Mr Darcy, or because she didn't' want to sit with Mr Collins.
Now that he was gone perhaps she would have more of a chance to objectively study her feelings. But Lizzy wasn't the only one with this chance.
Lady Catherine had ignored the blathering sounds her parson had been making and had shrewdly watched Miss Bennet. Who spent most of the time, staring at Darcy, recovering herself, looking elsewhere, then staring at Darcy, recovering herself, looking elsewhere - and I'm sure you get the point, Lady Catherine sure did.
Lady Catherine watched her fair guest for a little bit longer, before putting down her teacup and clearing her throat to get Miss Bennet's attention.
Lizzy was startled and pretended that she had not just been on the verge of cheering loudly for Mr Darcy's astoundingly well-aimed bowl.
"Miss Bennet may I ask you about your Gentleman Friend??"
Lizzy felt alarmed, Lady Catherine had said that word in Capital Letters, and in italics.
" My Gentleman Friend?" said Lizzy trying to be nonchalant as though she had no idea what Lady Catherine was talking about. Then she saw Lady Catherine's pointed look - it was no use pretending, she knew.
"Yes My Gentleman Friend." Said Lizzy in resignation.
"We will of course mention no names." Said Lady Catherine. "Have you any hint of a return of your affections?"
"My affections!" exclaimed Lizzy, "No Lady Catherine, it is he who has affection for me. I am unsure of my feelings."
"Unsure my foot." Said Lady Catherine, picking herself out a nice looking teacake. "Never seen someone so sure of their affections. Well except for me of course, the minute I saw Sir Lewis, I knew I had to marry him."
Lizzy nodded. How could her affections be clear if she herself did not know what they were?
"So you think he returns them do you?" said Lady Catherine buttering her slice of cake.
Lizzy nodded. Would it be wise to reveal all to Lady Catherine? It was tempting. She'd be probably be thrown out of the house for even daring to look so high above her station - as Lady Catherine would call it.
But she had to talk to someone, and she didn't quite have the nerve to tell Annabelle she would probably match make, as she had been trying to do ever since Darcy arrived.
So Lizzy found herself telling Lady Catherine a story. A story that made Lady Catherine drop her teacake, clutch her over-priced, gaudy, cruel to animals, hat and exclaim.
"What an insane gentleman!"
"Insane?" said Lizzy confused. Had Mr Darcy been locked up in Bedlam for some time and no body had told her?
"Oh it's Edwin all over again, he was just the same, and so was George Darcy! Oh what stock ...Da - Your Gentleman Friend comes from. *Ppphhhttt* Men! what are the use of them?"
Lady Catherine picked up another piece of Teacake and started munching. Lizzy started to wonder if she had done the right thing.
"You of course have done the completely right thing in telling me. You will of course make a fine mistress of Pem - well I'm sure your Gentleman Friend, has a fine estate. And anyway I have been thinking Kent and Derbyshire are too far removed, Joining Rosings...with the estate of the gentleman who shall not be named, would mean an awful lot of travel - and I despise travel. No body airs their sheets properly, and well I need not talk about the other imperfections of inns."
Lizzy nodded.
"Now my advice is..."
Part Two.
Love matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. ~ Countess of Blessington
Annabelle clapped wholeheartedly as Anne managed to hit the little white ball. She turned to get her face out of the sun and saw to her consternation that Lizzy was still sitting on the terrace with her aunt.
Why doesn't she come down here? If she doesn't know how to play, I'm sure Darcy will be happy to oblige. thought Annabelle wickedly. Annabelle had been trying to the best of her ability to throw Darcy and Lizzy together. But all her attempts had been foiled, and by the people themselves! One would think they didn't really want to be alone!!!
Annabelle, enjoyed matchmaking, it was the only real occupation a young lady of fortune could indulge herself in. She had had some successes and some failures, but she was determined to continue. It didn't really occur to her that she could be making things worse, and the more she tried to throw people together the more they would try to avoid each other. It hadn't crossed her mind, and no body could ever explain to Annabelle that she shouldn't interfere in other people's lives.
"Darce?" said Annabelle coyly, looking in her cousin's direction. "Could you go up on the terrace and see whether my parasol is up there or not?"
Darcy looked up at the terrace, at Elizabeth and smiled weakly. "Of course Annabelle."
"Don't bother Darce. Belle your parasol is down here - where you put it moments ago." Said Ash brandishing Annabelle's parasol and wearing a 'what are you about Annabelle' look on his face.
Annabelle glared at her brother. "Thank you Ash, I don't even remember bringing it down here." She tried to smile gaily at Darcy, but he gave her one of his glares.
Annabelle stalked her way over to Ash. "Thank you very much!" she hissed at him.
"Belle, you must stop this infernal interfering. If they want to be together they will be together." Said Ash in a low tone.
"Me? I haven't been doing anything." Said Annabelle looking unconcerned, and unrepentant.
"So I suppose that planned walk in through the arbour, where you just managed to lead the rest of the party off down a completely different path and 'oops we have lost the others' was an accident yes? Or the 'oh dear, I cannot stand a curricle, Lizzy had better go with Darce.' "
Annabelle just continued looking ahead. Why couldn't Ash see that what she was doing was for the greater good?
"Don't you think there is some reason, that they don't want to be together all the time? Wouldn't it be better to just let them do things their way?"
Ash sighed; nothing seemed to get through to sister. She was always doing this! Look at the mess it got her into with Sir Douglas (the Merchant Banker - as Lady Catherine referred to him), she was trying to match him with some Miss Bracket-Face and ended up securing his affections for herself...which was a disaster. Then Mr Hargraves! And Ash wasn't even going to think about Miles (Lord Upton) - that had been the most embarrassing to him, as Miles had been his friend since childhood.
Ash just rolled his eyes at Darcy, who just shook his head
Part Three.
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him ~ Josh Billings.
Darcy sighed. He could not believe he was doing this. He was holding wool up for Anne to roll into balls. And he wasn't even doing it right. He kept getting yelled at, for tangling the wool, or moving his hands, or not holding it up high enough.
He was useless. Utterly useless. He sighed.
"Darcy what is wrong?" said Anne. She was sick of trying to wind wool, with Darcy - he was incompetent. She got no answer; Darcy had lapsed off into one of his dazes,
"If you want to go talk to her, go talk to her, I don't mind!!" said Anne.
Darcy finally roused himself out of his daze.
"Talk to whom?" he said trying to feign ignorant. All he got was a look from his cousin.
"Look I don't want to go and talk to her, I'm quite content talking to you, and helping you - er do this." Said Darcy looking down at the tangled wool that he hadn't noticed he had been slowly mangling.
Anne gritted her teeth. "You are not helping me Darcy, you are being a right royal pain, now go talk to her."
"Look Anne. I can't."
"Why not? You like her, she likes you!"
"How do you know she likes me?" said Darcy suspiciously.
Anne almost clobbered him with the sewing box she had by her side. "Female intuition!"
"Well, it must be set on the wrong frequency, Elizabeth doesn't like me, and even if she did, Ricky loves her."
Anne froze in what she was doing - Ricky loved Elizabeth??? Then she shook her head - no, that can't be right.
"Darcy you must be mistaken there."
"I'm not, I saw a letter where he told his mother that Elizabeth was perfection!!!!"
Anne breathed a sigh of relief. "Perfection is not love. I think Mozart writes perfect music, but I wouldn't have thought of marrying Mozart - or his music."
Darcy did not look convinced. Anne took his hand and leaned really close to him, forcing Darcy to look at her.
"If you love her, you must tell her. Now do you love her?"
Darcy bit his lip. "Yes."
"Have you told her?"
"Er well no but - "
"But?"
"Well I kissed her."
Anne's mouth dropped. "And you haven't told her you love her??????"
"Well no - "
"Oh you...you.... you.... DROP KICK! You Thoughtless, Thoughtless CAD...
Darcy was taken back at this rather vehement hiss from his normally retiring cousin.
"I take it this was a bad thing to do??"
"Bad? Bad? Monumental disaster my dear boy! You can't kiss a girl and not ask her to marry! Very bad ton! Very Very bad ton! And you LOVE her - so I am not seeing the difficulty in asking the girl to freaking marry you."
Darcy blinked... Why was Anne sounding like one of the men down at the club? Was she patronising him, by any chance?
The look in her eye told him his answer and he glowered at her.
Lizzy tried to pay attention to Lady Catherine's long involved story about what to do with the Regency equivalent of chewing gum in hair. However she kept looking over to the other side of the room, where Anne and Mr Darcy seemed to be in very close, private and confidential conversation. She frowned. He shouldn't be talking to Anne; he should be talking to her! To her!
Then an alarming thought occurred to her, he wasn't in love with Anne was he? Then she saw the way Anne took his hand, and she felt an alarmingly strong urge to dunk Anne in a stream somewhere. That she dare touch her Mr Darcy!! Her? did she just say her??
Part Four.
This great misfortune - to be incapable of solitude ~ Jean de La Bruyère
Lizzy rifled through Lady Catherine's music. She didn't mind being alone to practice, it meant that she didn't feel the need to try and play well - or at least according to the notes on the page. Alone she could simply make up things as she went.
She started to play aimlessly, clanging discordant chords, staccato sequences, legato sequences, she continued not really noticing where her fingers hit the keys. She just closed her eyes and banged away, it had sometimes been used as a revenge tool on her sister Mary, after Mary caterwauled some horrible piece for hours, Lizzy would play nonsense to get her back.
Suddenly Lizzy felt herself thinking - there are too many notes. She was playing Middle and Upper C...she couldn't be playing Lower C as well. Her Eyes flew open as she looked to her left, into the rather amused countenance of Mr Darcy.
"Mr Darcy." She exclaimed, trying in one fluid movement, to stand up and vacate the piano stool, unfortunately as he was sitting on it, the piano stool did not move backwards as she stood up, meaning Lizzy ended up sprawled across it. Embarrassed, she managed to extricate herself from the situation, nervously flapping away Mr Darcy's proffered help.
Finally taking a deep breath, she brushed down her skirts and did a little curtsey.
"Mr Darcy. I hope my playing did not disturb you."
"Not at all." Replied Mr Darcy still with an amused grin plastered across his face. Lizzy's eye's narrowed, was he laughing at her?
"Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are?"
Lizzy's mouth dropped and her throat went dry - Adorable? Oh gods, now what was Lady Catherine's advice - she couldn't' remember. She desperately tried to remember, as she found herself quite unable ...to ....to ...what was that word.... remember...that was it.
"Elizabeth - Hello?? Hello??"
Lizzy snapped out of her daze, to see Mr Darcy...(he just called her Elizabeth - she might as well drop the MR!) waving his hand in front of her face.
"Yes Mr Darcy?" said Lizzy trying to act like she had not just gone off in a catatonic stare.
"I asked you a question? Aren't you going to answer it?"
"Er - I don't think that is it all proper Mr Darcy. You shouldn't ask me such questions, and I'm sure you don't' want to know the answer - you might wish you had never asked." Said Lizzy triumphantly.
Lizzy backed slightly away from Darcy and started to take a turn around the room, she was hoping he would join her, but he didn't. So she stopped and looked inquiringly at him.
"Are you not going to join me Mr Darcy."
"Why? Wouldn't that defeat the object, I can admire you much better standing here."
Lizzy froze, her entire body seemed to go *kerflollop*. She kept opening her mouth and closing it again. Darcy kneeled on the sofa she was nearest to and leaning his arms on the back of it, just gave her a little...well look.
"Mr Darcy - er...."
"Elizabeth, won't you answer my question?" said Darcy pleadingly, taking one of Lizzy's hands.
"But well, you must admit it is an improper question, and as I have already stated you might not like the answer."
"Well, if you won't answer that question, will you answer another??!!?"
"It all depends on the question.," said Lizzy unsteadily.
"Oh it's a very nice question - and I'm desperately hoping no one has ever asked you it before." Reassured Darcy.
There was a long pause.
"Well ask it!" said Lizzy impatiently. Was it that question???
Darcy leaned even closer. "Will you, Miss Adorable Elizabeth Bennet - "
He got no further. There was a disturbance.
"Oh Mr Darcy! I am greatly relieved to see you sir!" called out Mr Collins, bounding into the room, he didn't seem at all concerned as to what he was breaking up. Then he saw the way his esteemed patroness's honourable nephew and his cousin Miss Bennet were arranged.
The Little minx is trying to trap my esteemed patroness's honourable nephew into a marriage, well I won't stand for this.!!! Thought Mr Collins using his one remaining brain cell.
Mr Collins practically dragged his esteemed patroness's honourable nephew out of the room, discussing at great length the importance of bees.
Chapter 16
We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by ~ Will Rogers
Lizzy's mouth dropped open... she needed to sit down.... she.... she.... she.... She needed a drink!!!
He was about to ask her to be his wife...and oh Mr Collins! Lizzy cursed the persons who ever created William Collins. Lizzy collapsed on a sofa. She guessed that the reason she was acting like this was because she was intending to have said 'Yes' to Darcy's 'Question'.
Lizzy lay back and started to think. She had always avowed she would never marry but for the deepest love? Was this the deepest love? What if it wasn't the deepest of loves? What if it was just...lust??? What if what he felt was just lust? They came from rather different backgrounds after all. They did have a lot in common, but well....
Oh dear...thought Lizzy. Why did I have to start thinking? Why oh Why?? Why oh why does he stop me thinking when I'm around him?? I must have appeared like such a fool!!!
Lizzy heard a door close, and then heard Annabelle's voice. Lizzy could not face Annabelle at the moment, so she raced up the stairs to her bedroom, trying to ignore Annabelle's voice calling out to her.
Lizzy leaned backwards on her closed door and sighed.
"Miss?" came a voice, which made Lizzy leapt almost six foot in the air.
"Sorry miss, but this mail came for you."
Lizzy sighed, as she took the letter from the maid, and tried not to look like a young lady almost scared out of her wits by a maid.
Look what Darcy had done to her! Just look! She was a quivering wreck!
She sank very happily into a chair. It was a letter from Jane. At last, she had been wondering what was keeping Jane from writing. The first word of the letter solved this mystery.
Dear Lizzy,
Charles has been so kind! He has taken me to Somerset House, to Vauxhall Gardens, to the opera! Oh it has been such a magical time. I have been to so many parties and balls and soirees and everything!!!
I am so sorry I did not write to you sooner. But well you see I have been having too good a time! And everyone is so nice, Lizzy, you would not credit it. You were always telling me how stiff, haughty and proud any member of the ton is, but you are wrong! Every single person I have met has been nothing but kind, attentive and amusing.
I wish you were here Lizzy!
Aunt and Uncle Gardiner wish me to give you their love and so do my little cousins.
But I must go Lizzy, I hear the door and I am to go riding in the park, with the Misses Goodings.
Your ever-loving sister,
Jane
Jane, who always wrote such charmingly long letters, could not have possibly written such a short disjointed, anticlimactic letter! Thought Lizzy. But it was her handwriting, and it was sent from the Gardiners, so it must have been Jane.
Lizzy shook her head. It was obvious that Jane was going to be no help. Jane was obviously busy being quite in love with Charles. Bah! Lizzy was having none of that. Why could Jane be so happy, while she was somewhere in limbo land being completely and utterly confused? It was not fair. Wasn't love supposed to be something you just knew? And if so, because she wasn't sure, didn't that mean she wasn't it love? But her knees went all droopy around him, so wasn't that a point for being in love.
Lizzy's head started to spin. No, she couldn't reduce, a decision that would affect the rest of her life down to a mere scoring of points. What if she gave too many points to the wrong side? What if being confused was actually a sign of being madly in love? Then she would be adding the point to the wrong column.... and she was making no sense.
She tried to walk around the room to clear her head. But it didn't work; it still felt like she existed in a very heavy pea soup fog. Okay time to take stock of some things.
1. Her name was Elizabeth Bennet .....but it might soon be Elizabeth Darcy....
1. She had a sister called Jane Bennet. Damn.........
1. I live at Longbourn.... maybe for not much longer....gah
Lizzy sighed, was everything about her depending upon whether she married Darcy or not. Or Whether Jane married Bingley? There had to be something about her that couldn't change! She thought for a moment and then wrote.
1. I exist.
Well it was a start.
Part Two.
The price of greatness is responsibility ~ Winston Churchill.
Lizzy crept down the stairs. She breathed a sigh of relief; no one seemed to be around. This was a good thing.
She had finally resolved upon trying to find Darcy and talk to him. It was the only way she was going to retrieve her sanity.
Taking a deep breath she started to walk around the floor.
If I were a Darcy where would I be?
Lizzy heard laughter - his laughter. Why wasn't he going out of his mind like she was? Was this a sign that he didn't really love her?? No she had promised herself that she wasn't going to think. She was switching her mind off.
She instinctively headed towards the sound. Walking closer to the door, it became obvious he wasn't alone, and as forceful and impertinent Lizzy was, she wasn't quite up to interrupting a room full of men to announce. "I have to speak to Mr Darcy - urgently."
She might stumble over the words - or do something stupid. So she was about to walk away when something caught her attention.
"Did you receive a letter from Bingley today Darcy?" came a voice, which was not thoroughly familiar to Lizzy, so she had to assume it was Lord Ashbourne.
"Yes I did. Would you like to read it?" There was no answer, that Lizzy could hear as she strained to hear.
"You know, I was considering trying to separate Miss Bennet from Charles." Said Darcy musingly. Lizzy's eyes grew wide and she started to feel an angry feeling well up her throat.
"Really? For what reason?" said Lord Ashbourne.
"Darcy you are too officious! Anyone could see that Charles is madly in love with her?" exclaimed Colonel Fitzwilliam with the same sort of feeling that was now overcoming Lizzy.
"Hey, Hey, Hey! Really! I said I was just considering it Ricky! I obviously didn't do it. And yes it was obvious that Charles was in love. But the question really should be is Miss Bennet in love with Charles."
"Why shouldn't she be!" exclaimed Colonel Fitzwilliam hotly. "I don't see what right you have to try and organise other people's lives."
"Ricky put a sock in it! I did not try and organise anyone's life! I just thought to myself one day, perhaps Charles is getting in over his head with a woman, who does not look like her heart is likely to be easily touched. She is a serene woman you must admit that! She receives everything with pleasure, but there was no sign of the passion that Charles felt for her. I mean Charles was about to try and take on Ash! And well if there is one person I wouldn't be taking out on a green at dawn its him!"
"No, it would be devilishly too early and cold for my liking and I would be forced to put a bullet into you to show my displeasure." Came the lazy drawl of Lord Ashbourne.
There was a prolonged period of laughing. Where Lizzy just thought 'MEN!"
"Well you can't judge Darcy, Miss Bennet might be languishing with the same sort of passion, but is just too elegant and genteel to show it." Said Colonel Fitzwilliam pointedly.
Lizzy nodded her head vigorously at this statement. Yes that is exactly what was happening with Jane.
"Exactly. Hence why I didn't do anything Ricky. And even if she doesn't love him as much as he loves her, it is up to Charles to sort that all out, not me.... I have my own problems."
Lizzy clutched the handle of the door. Was she his problem???
Lizzy was not sure she liked being called a problem.
"Darcy, you don't have a problem. Unless you have lost the use of your knees, in which case I'm sure you can be creative." Drawled Lord Ashbourne. Then came the hiccupping laughter of Colonel Fitzwilliam.
"Don't Ash...can't you see I'm drinking. Oh dear look at that stain, Aunt Catherine will have a conniption."
"It doesn't matter Ricky, we are leaving the day after tomorrow, put a throw-rug over it and if that fails - blame Darcy."
"Blame me! Yes Blame me why don't you! Everyone's favourite punching bag, Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy!"
"If you are going to go histrionic on us Darcy, I think this is my cue to leave." Said Lord Ashbourne.
There were sounds inside the room that sounded alarmingly like Lord Ashbourne was going to leave the room. Lizzy took fright and ran back up to her room.
They were leaving the day after tomorrow? Why didn't she know that? Well she knew the answer to that question at least - it was because she had been too busy avoiding Darcy and going insane.
Part Three.
A man in love is incomplete until he ha married. Then he is finished ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
Darcy sighed. He had finished glaring Ricky out of the room. At least Ash had gone of his own volition; Ricky had to be hinted, prodded and poked into giving Darcy some solitude.
Darcy poured himself a brandy, slowly knocked it down and picked up Charles' letter. It had been written in extreme haste, even for Charles.
De {blot} arcy,
How are {blot} and the {blot} of you? I am fine. Seeing a lot of Miss {blot} or rather Ja{blot}. Went to Vaux {blot} Gardens {Smear}. The thing is should I propose {blot} Too soon {blot} Too {blot}? Would I be refus{blot}. I think she is an angel {blot} from heaven, but would she {blot} a common {blot} like me? Darcy you cannot {blot} the feelings that {blot} up inside of me when I {blot} her. What if what I feel is only {blot} like all those other {blot}s that I thought I was in {blot} with before? I should wait. But I don't think I {blot}. I will propose. {Blot} the consequences! {Blot} them to {blot} But will it be wise???
Yours ever,
{Blot} {Speckle}ley.
If Charles, who was the essence of the man in love, thought it might be premature to propose marriage to Jane. What was he doing thinking of proposing to Elizabeth? Oh it was too confusing.
He knew he loved Elizabeth, and he thought she loved him. But was that enough? They said that love matches did not often last. What if she refused him? Could he propose again? Later?
How did he know that he truly loved her? How? How?
He knew that he definitely wanted a wife, and he knew that at this present moment in time he wanted Elizabeth to be that wife.
He thought about all the other women he knew, and he could not think that in any situation, or time, or place that he would suddenly desire them as wives - as long term companions (or even as short term companions). They were all together too fickle. They had no spirit or if they did, their spirit was employed to gain wealth. Caroline Bingley spend most of her days jumping between eligible rich bachelors that Darcy was sure she would be able to break any athletic record by now.
He didn't want that kind of wife. That kind of wife would not tire in their quest for riches, after marriage and would probably fill the house with lovers richer than him, and that idea did not please him. He didn't think that it would please any man. Whereas Elizabeth did not covet wealth, he was sure of that. She would only marry him if she loved him - negating the horrible possibility of rich, lazy, hard-to-get-rid-of-lovers.
Darcy swallowed the last of his brandy dregs. He was sure 'the one' was Elizabeth, but now was it too soon??
The door opened to reveal Ash.
"What are you doing Darcy, aren't you going to get ready for dinner?"
"Should I propose?"
"I already said you should." Said Ash with a slight tone of annoyance. Then he paused. "Well I said you should if you had knees - that would be the only think stopping you."
Darcy gave a rueful grin.
"Do you love her Darce?"
"I do. Now...but what if I don't later?" said Darcy voicing his fears.
Ash dropped his hand off the door handle and walked into the room. He gave a little shrug. "Who knows? You might never have to deal with that emotion. But if you are worried...give it a little time...don't rush...just make sure she isn't snapped up by someone else!"
Ash turned to go.
"Thanks Ash."
"Not a problem." Ash was on the verge of closing the door, when Darcy recalled something and called out to him.
"Ash...has anything been bothering you lately?"
Ash froze. What to reply??
"No nothing...well yes something, but it does not do to dwell upon it." He finally said.
"You would talk to me, or Ricky if something was really wrong wouldn't you??" said Darcy, looking candidly at his elder cousin, who gave him an impish smile.
"Have I ever failed to bore you with my problems before??"
Part Four.
My dear father, when one pays a visit it is for the purpose of wasting other people's time, not one's own. ~ Oscar Wilde 'An Ideal Husband'.
Darcy decided it would be good to wait just a little bit longer to propose. Indeed even if he had wanted to propose he had no chance to do so. Fate kept getting in their way. There was even no time for a tête-à-tête. Darcy smiled at her; he hoped it was a special smile and that she understood it. He stood there for a little too long, hoping that she would understand his furtive communication by way of facial muscles, and was finally pulled into the carriage, but his less than patient cousin Ash.
Lizzy tried not to grin, when her.... her... sigh Darcy was pulled, rather inelegantly into the carriage. Lord Ashbourne gave a somewhat apologetic look towards her that seemed to say 'I'm sorry he is such a fool.' Lizzy smiled and waved.
Turning back to Lady Catherine, Lizzy laughed when she saw the unappreciative look on her face.
"Incompetent, stupid, moronic..........oh he is just like his father."
"Who is just like his father Lady Catherine?" said Lizzy innocently.
"Don't be naive girl! .....And all of them!!!"
"Ash isn't stupid and moronic and neither is Ricky...and well Darcy has his moments of intelligence!" exclaimed Annabelle who was most put out that none of her matchmaking efforts had worked to get Darcy and Lizzy together.
Lady Catherine levelled 'a look' at her niece.
"It is a pity you don't have some of those moments yourself."
Annabelle glared at her aunt's back. "If you must know Lady Catherine I am going to apologise to Lord Upton, and all will be solved." Annabelle gave a triumphant look.
"Apologising isn't marrying the man Belle."
"I don't want to marry Lord Upton!" retorted Annabelle with scorn, withdrawing into the house with a petulant stamp.
Lady Catherine muttered something under her breath, that when translated into nice, ladylike terms means "My foot you don't"
Lizzy gave a small smile. "Lady Catherine, don't you think you shouldn't pressure Annabelle into don't something she doesn't want to do?"
Lady Catherine screwed up her face at Lizzy. "That girl wants to marry him. You mark my word, she'll be a Countess and rule over Carlon Place before the year is out."
"You seem sure on that."
"I am. I wasn't for quite some time, but well now, seeing Belle again. I know that is what she will do. And as for you Miss Bennet, what about your little affaire? "
"He didn't propose, if that is what you mean. ...And I'm rather glad he didn't. I think I need more time."
"Time! Time! What is it with Time! In my day you married them fast, before they killed themselves doing something highly male."
"Highly male?"
"Highly stupid." Retorted Lady Catherine with a nod.
Lizzy laughed, drew Lady Catherine's arm through hers and lazily made her way into the house.
Darcy watched Rosings until it was out of sight. Then he turned to his companions who were both giving him looks. Darcy felt slightly guilty especially looking at Ricky. He still felt he had cut him out. Especially when he remembered that letter. Darcy closed his eyes...was he doing the right thing trying to beat his cousin to the punch? Ricky had made no comment when they were talking in the study. So wasn't he in love with her? Oh it was too confusing. Whenever he was around Elizabeth it was like...like...drinking a lot of punch - hazy and nice. Then once out of her presence he suddenly realised who he might be hurting.
Ash gave a sudden snort of laughter that made Darcy jump from his reverie.
"I can't believe you Ricky! I cannot believe you! You told mother about Miss Elizabeth and Darcy??" Ash was holding a letter in his hand.
Darcy shot a look at his cousin. Ricky had done what??
"Oh I would kill him if I were you Darcy. Now you will have every female relation bearing down upon you with questions! They will want details. By God Ricky it's like throwing a little bit of meat to wolves, they will be baying for blood!"
"You don't love Elizabeth?" said Darcy confusedly. "You wrote about her and me to your mother???"
"I love Elizabeth like a sister, she is perfection! For you!" said Colonel Fitzwilliam confused.
Darcy suddenly had the urge to throw his arms around his cousin and give him a big kiss on the cheek so he did so.
Ash almost had a conniption. "I see you are letting Ricky off lightly!!!! But I warn both of you, if you ever do this to me! Cold air and early mornings won't stop me getting you on that green with pistols!!"
Chapter 17, Part 1
A House is not a home ~ Polly Adler.
Kitty sighed. On one side of her, Lydia was tucking into a revoltingly large amount of celery; 'Pass the celery, Kitty' indeed!!! On the other side of the table Jane was looking too happy and Lizzy was looking too sad.
"So did you enjoy your stay in London?" ventured Kitty.
"Oh yes." Said Jane contentedly. She didn't seem like she was going to be very forthcoming, so Kitty turned her attention to Lizzy.
"Did you enjoy your visit to Rosings? Belle said it was a grand place to walk around; the woods are apparently very delightful."
To Kitty's surprise Lizzy seemed to grow very tongue-tired.
"I - er - yes - er, why I had not thought - thank you yes. I did have a good time "
Kitty's eyebrows rose. What kind of answer was that?
Lizzy blushed and sort to draw attention from her. "And what have you two been doing while we have been away? It was awfully nice of you to come collect us - even if we have to pay for the privilege."
Kitty looked indignantly at Lizzy. "I have enough money to pay for half! It isn't my fault Lydia bought that horrible hat!"
"I look a good sight better in it than you would!" Retorted Lydia, as she started on the cold ham.
Kitty tried to think of suitable retort and couldn't.
"Kitty, Lydia please! What would anyone think if they heard you arguing so?" said Jane serenely, showing everyone that no matter how much she might look like she was in the clouds, she was still residing on planet earth.
"Well, I have been following a course of improving reading." Said Kitty simply, earning a shocked look from Lizzy.
"Don't look at me like that Lizzy! It's to prove to Papa that I am a sensible girl and that I don't need to marry Mr Collins!" Kitty tried not to spit out the last word with the disgust and revulsion she felt for the actual being.
Lydia bolted a piece of her ham and looked slyly at Kitty. "I don't see why you are trying Kitty, your improved reading will only mean that you will understand Fordyce's Sermons when he reads them to you. ...... Every night before you go bed."
Kitty shot a look of loathing at Lydia, was about to made a snide reply about girls who threw themselves at officers, but realised the imprudence of this and swallowed her comments.
Lizzy nodded in understanding and smiled at her sister. Kitty was at least trying, and well no one however silly and ignorant should have to marry Mr Collins.
Lydia finally finished eating so they could actually go. Which was a calamity in disguise. For as soon as she entered the carriage she wouldn't stop talking.
Kitty tried to suppress the urge to strangle her sister and just let the news, that she had heard yesterday, and the day before that and the day before that wash over her. The militia is to leave Meryton for Brighton. Captain Wickham had already left to rejoin his regiment.... blah blah blah blah.
Kitty watched with a sense of envy at the way her father greeted his two eldest daughters; she was especially wounded when he said, albeit in a low tone that she wasn't supposed to hear.
"I am glad you have come home Lizzy. For once you and Jane were out of the house, I did not hear two words of sense spoken together."
Kitty snapped. "Well I am glad I don't speak two words of sense together, sir. Because your particular brand of sense is not to be admired." She hissed at her father, before running up to her bedroom.
Kitty hadn't succumbed to the temptations of the last weeks (although they seemed like years) of crying her eyes out - but she succumbed now.
"Kitty." Came a soothing voice.
"Go Away." Sobbed Kitty. But she heard footsteps entering the room, Lizzy was obviously not following her direction.
"Kitty. Why are you so unhappy?"
"I - I - don't - want - to - Marry - * hiccup * Mr Collins. "
Lizzy rubbed her sister's back and didn't blame Kitty at all. It was not nice of her father to say that, especially when from all accounts Kitty had not been doing anything outrageous, just slowly trying to prove herself to everyone.
"Well nothing is finally decided upon is it?" said Lizzy prosaically.
Kitty tried to dry her eyes as she sat up. "No nothing is decided on, except mamma wants to order wedding clothes. And Mr Collins keeps popping back here, and calling me names."
"Names?" said Lizzy surprised.
"Yes like flower, and petal, and rosebud."
Lizzy started to laugh. "Dear me, he seems to have an affinity with horticulture!"
Kitty pouted. "Well I think all affectionate names are trite and horribly embarrassing."
Lizzy gave her a knowing look. "Oh just you wait until someone calls you adorable..."
Kitty looked confusingly at her sister, as she started to leave the room.
"Oh one thing before I go. Lord Ashbourne was at Rosings. He asked if you were better."
Lizzy was rewarded by one of Kitty's most winning smiles. However had she stopped a little longer in the doorway she would have seen it crumple away again.
Kitty threw herself back onto her pillow. Why did men like that have to exist, when Mr Collins was hounding her!!
Chapter 17, Part 2
Mr Bennet looked at the reproachful face on his favourite daughter.
"Papa, that was not nice."
"I know. The habit of a lifetime." Said Mr Bennet sighing, he had noticed the change in his second youngest, not that Kitty needed much of a change, she had always been a taking little thing, just needed a bit of her own pluck.
"So what has been happening here while I have been away?"
"Not much, silliness as per normal. The latest plan is to go to Brighton."
"Could we afford to go to Brighton?"
"Yes we could afford to go to Brighton. Why do you ask?" said Mr Bennet confused.
"I was thinking perhaps a nice holiday might make us all very cheerful again. I know Kitty could use a little vacation, and you must own that out of all of us, Kitty is the most delicate. Some sea bathing...would be most beneficial." Said Lizzy.
Mr Bennet gave her a shrewd look. "Any particular reason you are most interested in going to Brighton?"
"There might be Papa. But I don't propose to tell you what those reasons are. Will you think about it sir? I only propose the plan if it is agreeable to you and our finances."
Lizzy gave him a last smile, before closing the door. She walked slowly up the stairs, thinking about Brighton. A break from the normal Meryton monotony would be nice. If she filled her days with enjoyment, she would really be able to judge if she was missing Mr Darcy.
She had not seen him for almost four days, and she was missing him. Or was she just missing Rosings, and it's lazy splendour? It was too hard to tell.
Lizzy looked in on Kitty and found Jane with her.
"Mr Collins is blecky." Said Kitty forcefully.
Lizzy snorted and went to sit on one of the chests.
"Mr Collins is not perhaps the cleverest of men, Kitty, but he is respectable; he is not vicious." Said Jane quietly.
"Not Vicious! Not Vicious! He almost broke my ankle. And I still have bruises from his pawing of me."
Even Jane looked slightly discomposed at this. "Well...perhaps just respectable."
"What kind of respectable man puts his horrible little hands all over a girl?" asked Kitty pointedly.
Now even Jane was scrambling for good things to say about Mr Collins. "He - er - isn't likely to overwhelm you in subjects you don't understand!" she finally exclaimed.
This set her sisters giggling uncontrollably.
"Oh Jane you are too good!" exclaimed Lizzy. "Mr Bingley deserves you."
Jane Blushed, right to the roots of her hair. "Lizzy! He has not proposed yet, and well I must not expect him too."
"I expect him too!" exclaimed Kitty. "After that one paltry letter you sent me, which shows his obviously influence upon you, I insist you marry at once! And if he doesn't' propose...I'll ....I'll turn up on his door with a lynch mob!"
More giggles..."Thank you!" managed Jane finally.
"Not a problem. As long as you promise to do the same for me when I meet my perfect match .....not that that will be much use if I'm Mrs Collins."
Kitty seemed on the point, of lapsing into melancholy again so Lizzy seized the situation to introduce her idea.
"What would you say, If I told you that I might support this notion of going to Brighton?"
Jane and Kitty looked at her quizzically. "To Brighton?"
"Yes well I think we all need some enjoyment, don't you? And well sea bathing is very beneficial don't you think."
"You mean you want to see Mr Darcy again." Said Kitty shrewdly. This comment made Lizzy's mouth drop open.
"Aha! I see I was right!" said Kitty triumphantly. Lizzy tried desperately to retrieve her lower jaw off the floor but it was too late.
Lizzy blushed hotly. "Perhaps a certain gentleman might be going to Brighton.... but well I assure you that had nothing to do with my decision - I don't even know if his plans are definite...or if we would see him. " sensing she was getting into deeper water, she turned the inquisition. "Well isn't Mr Bingley going to Brighton??"
Jane looked alarmed. "Well he might have mentioned something of the sort to me, but well if I went to Brighton it would be for the artistic merit ...of...its fine...cliffs."
"Oh don't look at me like that Lizzy. Of Course I want to go to Brighton to see Charles!!!"
The girls laughed.
"Well I would just like to go, to go sea bathing and to go to parties and balls and be seen walking up and down the promenade and on the pier." Said Kitty dreamily. "And to be Mr Collins free!" Kitty prudently left out the hope that she would see a certain earl to a certain earldom there.
"Right is the society for removing to Brighton formed??"
There was a nod, and inexplicably a secret handshake formed.
Chapter 17, Part 3
By perseverance the snail reached the ark.... ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon.
By the end of the week, Mr Bennet didn't' need much persuading that Brighton was an attractive option. Four of his girls were pressuring him to decide to go, and although he could discount Lydia's arguments, he couldn't' seem to out manoeuvre his other daughters, especially Kitty.
Mr Bennet was still feeling guilty over his ill-timed stupid remark, and on top of that there was still the guilt over Mr Collins. Perhaps if he took Kitty off to Brighton she would meet some eligible parti, Mrs Bennet would be appeased and Kitty saved from the clutches of Mr Collins.
Also Brighton sounded like a nice idea. To Mr Bennet it seemed to signal the opportunity to bring some spark back into his marriage....hmmmm spark...
While Mr Bennet mused, Mrs Bennet collated information.
"Mr Bennet, you never will guess!" she exclaimed one day after dinner in the drawing room.
"Mr Bennet!" she snapped several moments later. "Are you not going to answer me."
"You said I never would guess, so not having a great dependence on my ability as a mind reader, I decided not to guess."
Mrs Bennet made a face, but she valiantly tried again.
"Well Mr Bennet, it is so out of character, that you never will guess. So I will just have to tell you. Sir William and Lady Lucas are removing to Brighton!" Mrs Bennet paused dramatically.
"You see. When we go to Brighton we will know people. We will know the Lucas's and well Colonel Forster and his wife and the officers. It will be of great comfort to us."
"Are we going to Brighton my dear?" said Mr Bennet rather confused. He hadn't said that they were going to Brighton had he?
"Of course we are, Mr Bennet. You haven't said we aren't going and that means you have decided we are going."
Mr Bennet tried to link this logic together, and found he could not. It was obvious. He needed a holiday too. He was for...He was for.... Brighton.
Preparing for Brighton turned out to be an even more monumental task than actually going to Brighton.
Lydia scorned her sisters's advice and help, in trying to create her new wardrobe on the set amount of money Mr Bennet doled out to his wife and daughters. The others however, put their heads together and managed to create something out of nothing. Even Mary, surprisingly plunged herself into the creating and planning of extravagant wardrobes. After all there might be men in Brighton who needed her to set them on the path of enlightenment, and well they wouldn't talk to her if she looked like someone who read Fordyce.
So the Bennet sisters, bar Lydia (who looked like a tramp and had no money left) suitably organised themselves for a few weeks of gaiety and fun - and they still had some money left over.
The organising also meant that there was no time to think of anything else. Jane had no time to think of Charles, Lizzy had no time to think of Darcy and most importantly Kitty had no time to think of Mr Collins.....
Chapter 17, Part 4
So it was quite a shock to Kitty, when three days before their departure to a blissful Collins free zone that he arrived back at Longbourn.
Mr Collins, although not the cleverest of men, did manage to take stock of the packing that was gathering around the hall of Longbourn.
"Are you going away.... my little Chrissy-tham-mom.?
"Your What?"
"Chrissy-tham-mom"
"You mean Chrysanthemum...and ugh!"
Kitty tried to walk away from Mr Collins, but he had an insistent hold of her sleeve.
"Get off me!" she hissed. Luckily her mother came round the corner at this precise time...or perhaps this was unlucky.
"Ah Mr Collins! We are bound for Brighton!"
"For Brighton!!!" Came Mr Collins shocked voice. "It is a ghetto of vice and sin! I do not think you should take delicate little flowers to Brighton!"
Kitty almost retched.
"Nonsense Mr Collins! Lizzy told me that Lady Catherine De Bourgh and her daughter are going to Brighton."
Mr Collins paled. "Well if my esteemed patroness thinks...." He trailed off.
"I insist, Mrs Bennet that you let me accompany you to Brighton."
Kitty shook her head wildly at her mother, who did not, or did not care to notice.
"My husband is attending us sir, but well there is nothing stopping you coming to Brighton with us sir, I believe the house we are taking as an extra bedchamber."
Kitty shot the death stare at her mother.
"Delightful! My dear future mamma-in-law." Oozed Mr Collins. "Would I be permitted to take my little Rhododendron in to the garden?"
Mrs Bennet, gasped at this obvious display of affection from Mr Collins. She remembered when she was young and Mr Bennet would call her names.... though now she thought about it, it was never Rhododendron...hmmmm. Due to Mrs Bennet's day dream, Mr Collins was able to bear Kitty off outside.
"My dearest roseleaf.. I believe your mother has not yet mentioned to you the delicate situation referred to in polite circles as the 'birds and the bees?"
Kitty's mouth dropped. Mr Collins was giving her a - a- a - talk on... that?! She desperately looked around for someone todraw into the conversation. Oh God! Someone save me!
"In Brighton, my little hemlock, I fear your delicate eyes may be exposed to situations which are best left to the Marital state... Which I'm sure your dear mother will discuss your marital duties with you soon."
Kitty's jaw dropped. She was only just aware of Mr Collin's hand on hers.
"Now my little precious cauliflower, I want you to know that I will protect you in Brighton....."
He got no further, Kitty suddenly snapped out of her shock, wrenched her hand away from his, and fled into the house shrieking and laughing at the ludicrousness of it all.
Kitty had an extra long bath that night. It was too insane. Mr Collins would provide hours of entertainment if they were married, but the hours upon hours of ickiness and boredom and shame and humiliation would far outweigh them. Kitty angrily splashed about in her tub of water - and she had hoped she was going to be getting RID of Mr Collins!!!
Thus it was that the Bennet family, with Mr Collins set out for Brighton. They took two carriages, and well lots were drawn to see who would draw Mr Collins. Everyone was looking forward to Brighton, even Kitty who was hoping that perhaps she could accidentally drown Mr Collins.
Chapter 18, Part 1
For centuries it has been regarded as a 'pleasure dome', and that's not about to change. If you love life, welcome to Brighton and Hove. ~ Brighton and Hove Tourist Website.
The house, that the Bennet family hired, was in one of those newly developed squares that were springing up all over Brighton, now that it was a fashionable watering hole. It was quite roomy, if you didn't take note of the fact that the Bennet sisters had to share rooms, and it was best not to speculate whether the older Bennets enjoyed sharing a room again. Mr Collins of course got his own room, and whether by design or chance, it was the furthest away from Mary and Kitty's room. By this arrangement it becomes clear that Lydia also got her own room. This was probably a good thing. No it was definitely a good thing.
It was near enough to the waterfront to satisfy the whole family, but not so close as to have beach saunters casually stare in the windows. The Lucas's had removed to a house just around the corner, which placed them in the situation of having friends within walking distance. Whether this was a blessing for Mrs Bennet, was a conundrum, for Lady Lucas had been installed in Brighton two days previous, which allowed her to visit, and put on the air of someone who had lived in Brighton all their live.
"Well there is Donaldson's library - you simply must subscribe, cards and music every evening! Then of course there are the balls at the Castle Inn and Old Ship, they alternate you know! Then the private balls! Wednesday's and Friday's are when card parties and the like are arranged. Oh and you must go to the theatre in New Road."
Mrs Bennet fumed at Lady Lucas's speech - even a woman with such mean intellectual skills as Mrs Bennet could work out that in two days Lady Lucas could not have done all these things...
"Thank you Lady Lucas, that has been most helpful." Said Mrs Bennet with a large amount of difficulty. She really wished to stand up and slap Lady Lucas and her simpering little smile.
Lady Lucas took Mrs Bennet's hint, and rose to leave, but suddenly changed her mind and plonked herself back down again, much to Mrs Bennet's ire.
"Oh I forgot, dear Mrs Bennet, you should of course go make the Master of Ceremonies acquaintance. I'm sure even he could find suitable partners for all your girls. We have already been to one public ball at the Old Ship and Maria and Charlotte danced like nothing you had ever seen before. They were so admired!"
"Really?" said Mrs Bennet very frostily.
"Oh yes. They were." Said Lady Lucas, either very stupid or completely unafraid of death.
"Well my dear Lady Lucas, you do know what was waiting for us when we arrived?"
"What my dear Mrs Bennet?"
"An invitation to a military ball. Colonel Forster personally invited us."
" Really. I'm so glad, I didn't wish to mention if, just in case, you know, there weren't enough invitations to send to you. We got ours when we arrived, and I believe we are on a General's table for supper."
"Oh there are going to be set tables for supper? I really find that it is so much more agreeable when you can choose your own tables, and it is more of an informal affair, I mean what's not to say that this General is a completely inappropriate person."
Mrs Bennet finished with a triumphant glare at Lady Lucas.
"Oh no, The General is single." Replied Lady Lucas smarmily.
Mrs Bennet eyed the cake tray. There was a nice looking cake knife sitting beside an éclair. Hence it was a rejoiceful moment, when Mr Collins walked into the room. Even Mrs Bennet realised to try and maim Lady Lucas in front of her future son-in-law, the rector, was outside what was proper.
"Dear Lady Lucas."
'Dear Mr Collins, you have accompanied your fiancée to Brighton, that is admirable. You of course will come to the ball?"
"Of course Mr Collins in coming to the ball, I hope Lady Lucas that you don't think I wouldn't invite Mr Collins to the ball. You must have a strange opinion of me if you thought that I would exclude my own future son-in-law from a ball."
"A ball?" said Mr Collins confused.
'Yes Mr Collins, a military ball, you will attend of course."
"Of Course, my dear mamma-in-law. And I will dance every dance with my little Shrubbery."
"I'm afraid you cannot do that Mr Collins." Said Lady Lucas with a sigh. "The engagement is of a peculiar kind. It has not been announced in the papers, and to dance every dance with a young lady who the world does not know to be your fiancée would look strange."
Mr Collins face fell, not literally of course, though the author can think of many people who would cheer to see that happen.
"I see. Well I could not leave my darling mushroom, open for public condemnation, Lady Catherine would not approve. I shall dance some dances...with..."
"Charlotte." Said Lady Lucas with a smile.
"Yes with Charlotte." Said Mr Collins, smiling back at Lady Lucas. Mrs Bennet almost choked on the éclair she had stuffed in her mouth to stop her saying incredibly rude things.
"That little.....little......." Mrs Bennet was still lost for words, two days later when she was helping the maid stick things in Kitty's hair. Kitty was trying not to wince as various plant types became embedded in her scalp.
"Now listen to me Kitty. Mr Collins is not to dance with Charlotte Lucas, under no circumstance."
"Yes Mama" replied Kitty, it was better to agree and leave for the ball with scalp intact.
"And you will be kind and attentive to your fiancée."
"He isn't my fiancée Mama!" said Kitty angrily and for her pains got a piece of honeysuckle painfully stuffed over her ear. "Yes Mama I will be kind and attentive."
"There's my girl. We won't have any horrible tradesperson's winning anything over us."
"Horrible tradesperson's??" said Kitty confused.
"The Lucas's, keep up with the conversation Kitty. Despite what your father says, men don't want wholly stupid wives."
Part Two.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. ~ Groucho Marx
The Bennet girls upon entering the wholly festive rooms given over to a military ball on the grandest scale had the happy knowledge that they were the prettiest girls there. They knew this because Mrs Bennet didn't fail to tell them.
Lydia was immediately surrounded by a group of eager officers. They clambered around Lydia vying for her attention.
Kitty was forced for the first part of the ball, to have Mr Collins stuck like glue to her. And if it was true that their engagement wasn't publicly known, Mr Collins managed to give a fairly good impression of a man with his fiancée. Not that Kitty was aware of this, she had never had a 'fiancée' before, and had rarely seen engaged couples together before, so although she was aware of the grossness of Mr Collin's presence, she was blissfully unaware of the impression he was making on others.
"Oh Mr Collins! Oh Mr Collins" came a shrill voice, it was Lady Lucas, she came in the guise of Kitty's saviour. Never would have Kitty pictured her saviour looking like Lady Lucas!
"Oh Mr Collins. You did promise to dance with Charlotte? The poor girl is standing all alone without a partner..." said Lady Lucas looking beseechingly at Mr Collins.
Mr Collins was in a quandary, but finally his sense of duty prevailed and he reluctantly let go of Kitty's arm, to go dance with Charlotte.
Kitty breathed a sigh of relief, and tripped off to find an engaging officer, who would hopefully engage her for the next two, four, eight.... million dances, and thereby save her from dancing with Mr Collins.
All the attractive officers were standing around Lydia, as normal. So Kitty, as normal, sidled over and tried to detach one from the swarm. She succeeded catching the ones that were too far out of the circle to catch a word of what Lydia was saying.
"Miss Catherine, are you enjoying your time in Brighton?" asked one eager young man.
"Well, I have only been here a few days! But I have enjoyed my time so far. " Replied Kitty with a smile. The smile quickly faded, as Lydia noticed the officer and pulled him away.
Kitty tried to tell herself that Lydia hadn't noticed that she had been speaking to the officer. She tried to tell herself this the three more times that Lydia pulled officers away from her.
She ended up stalking away from Lydia and going to sit near Mrs Forster.
"Oh don't you love a ball Kitty!" she giggled.
"Yes I do. Though I would enjoy this one, if there were enough agreeable partners. No body has asked me to dance yet!"
Mrs Forster gave Kitty a funny look. "But you are engaged."
"Who told you that?" said Kitty, suddenly feeling alarmed.
"Everybody knows it." Said Mrs Forster airily. "I mean look at the way Mr Collins is treating you!"
"Well, it isn't true." Said Kitty. Suddenly realising the horrible impression Mr Collins must have been giving everyone.
"Whatever you say Kitty, but well you are going to marry Mr Collins. And officers won't ever pay you attention while Lydia or I are around. They are not stupid!" giggled Mrs Forster insanely, before standing up to go throw herself at some highly ugly officer.
Kitty breathed very heavily through her nose. Mrs Forster didn't' mean to be insulting...she is too stupid to be insulting...she is.... she is... Kitty couldn't finish her sentence, because the kind of word needed to finish the sentence was not contained in a proper young ladies vocabulary.
Instead she decided she needed to talk to someone sensible, someone like Lizzy. Only Lizzy these days was not being sensible. She was being in love.... And there was no point in even trying to look for Jane.... she was in love too.
Stupid love. Thought Kitty sulking her way over to the punch and viciously ladling it into a cup. Then she thought of Mary. Of course, Mary would be around somewhere, and she wouldn't be speaking of officers. ...or of how much she was in love!
Kitty espied her sister on the other side of the ballroom, and pushed her way through the crush to get to her, but what was revealed when she arrived made her mouth drop open. Mary was talking to a man...a man...a strange man...who wasn't in uniform. We will have to blame the shock, for the fact that Kitty didn't run away from the suddenly advancing Mr Collins.
"My dear tiny hydrangea...you will dance this dance with me, my little yucca."
Kitty made no answer, and when she finally awoke out of the stupor she found herself clasped to Mr Collins bosom, among other things, and promptly threw her punch on him.
Mr Collins gave a yelp, sprang back into a dowager with a large turban, who bumped the General, who almost fell into his soup. The General roared with pain and anger, and the whole set of dancers fell apart, all staring between a blushing Kitty holding her punch cup and the enraged General.
Mary clasped her books to her chest. It was surprisingly not a flat chest, as one would expect, it was simply a well-hidden chest.... by the books. Mary had managed to smuggle the books to the ball in her overly large reticule. Mary never danced at balls, and she disliked staring into space, so she read.
Mary disliked red and officers were invariably dressed in red. So Mary really wasn't interested in any of them. She was simply interested in finding a nice quiet place to read her books. The music played at the ball, was shocking...Mary did not approve of military music ...if she could even call it that.
She suddenly saw a little enclose where she could read. She quickened her pace in order to reach the private place before anyone else.... especially a couple ...ick!
She suddenly hit something immoveable and all her books fell to the ground, she was about to join them, when an arm saved her and pulled her back into an upright position.
It was a blonde...and one who wasn't dressed in red. But he wore a rather.... shameless...grin. Mary did not like shameless grins.... even if they were directed at her.... which was a rather novel experience.
Mary started to bend to pick up her books, and then remembered her chest. She glared at the young man to make him go away, but instead he picked up her books, and instead of immediately giving them back to her, started to read the spines.
"Give me back my books." Said Mary in her most forceful voice.
"Why are they shocking?" said the gentleman reading the spine.
"They are improving books, something I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about that." Said Mary quite stung by the idea that she would read shocking books.
"I see my reputation precedes me."
"I have no idea who you are, and have no wish to know who you are." Said Mary, snatching one of her books away.
"Sir Christian Montgomery at your service."
"You're not at my service, you will never be at my service" Mary glared at the presumption of such a man, and a man that even Mary had been warned against, and well it was only the very disreputable men that Mary was warned against. Indeed Mrs Bennet wouldn't mind Mary marrying a slight rake...I mean after her dealings with Mr Darcy, Mrs Bennet just wanted to see Mary with a ring on her finger.
Mary looked him over; he didn't look like an accredited rake. He did look like the type of man who everyone would call handsome, but Mary didn't know if she thought he was handsome, she had never thought a man handsome before, it was a big step to take.
Sir Christian was dismayed. He could tell he had been mislead by the chest, the rest of lady was not very appealing, except perhaps her eyes, that didn't look as though they were succumbing to his charms. Sir Christian understood that females didn't always fall for his charms, and personally he didn't want every female falling for his charms...that would spread himself too fine, over too broad a base. He knew that he was a 'dangerous' object in the eyes of matchmaking mammas, always willing to flirt but never offering for a female. Even his rather hefty bank account, deterred them. The richer he was, the harder he would fall, unless of course he married, which might reform him, but who would marry an unstable rake, who was rich so had no notion of economy and would dig himself into debt. It was of course a paradox of thrift. To get a wife he had to reform, to reform he had to get a wife. That of course marriage didn't interest, Sir Christian whatsoever.
Sir Christian blinked. His mind had been wandering; he was still holding the blasted chest girl's book. No, he couldn't call her the chest girl, not even he would do that. He opened the first book. "Miss Mary Bennet." Was inscribed in the front, in neat, formidable looped writing. Yes, she looked like a Mary. Plain and simple. Except, she was glaring at him, quite odd for a young lady who had just met a strange man, shouldn't she be blushing?
"Won't I? What a pity." He replied in a bored tone, giving her back her books.
"It won't be a pity at all." Mary retorted, quite disconcerted by being looked at, by this young man. Fortunately she noticed that he had creased a page of Fordyce.
"You have creased Fordyce." She accused.
Sir Christian was taken back, "I've creased Fordyce?" he repeated blankly.
"Yes, Reverend James Fordyce."
Sir Christian's brow creased. Yes I know who Fordyce is, but why the devil bother to tell me that I've creased your book, I don't even know you? Then it dawned on Sir Christian that this female was treating him as though he knew nothing, and this stirred something wicked inside of him.
"Reverend Fordyce? Where? Where?" he said looking around for the mythical 'Reverend' "Oh do apologise for me when you see him next."
Mary'a jaw dropped. He didn't know who Fordyce was? How...How? Oh he was in desperate need of salvation.
Sir Christian started to amble away, but not before he gave that girl ...a parting shot.
"'Behold these smiling innocents, whom I have graced with my fairest gifts, and committed to your protection; behold them with love and respect; treat them with tenderness and honour. They are timid and want to be defended. They are frail; O do not take advantage of their weakness!" *
Mary's jaw dropped for the second time, and left her with an overwhelming desire to throw a book after him.
Part Three.
Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not. ~ Henry Fielding.
"I told you to be kind and attentive! Did I tell you to throw punch on Mr Collins??!" shrieked Mrs Bennet.
"No you did not tell me to throw punch on Mr Collins, but did you tell him, he could clasp me to his...his person and feel my... my ...... posterior." said Kitty glaring at her mother.
Mrs Bennet's mouth dropped. She blinked. Now how long had it been since someone had done that to her?
"Well Kitty, that is one of life's little trials, I do assure you it gets more agreeable."
"Never! Never!" said Kitty firmly. Never would anyone do that to her again, it was wholly unseemly.
"He is your fiancée."
"He is not!"
'He is too."
" He is not!"
"He is too."
Kitty opened his mouth to retort and stopped. It was childish.
Mrs Bennet sat down next to Kitty. "You have to marry someone."
"I don't' have to marry Mr Collins!"
'Well you are going to have to now."
"Why?"
"You threw punch on him."
"I've thrown punch on other people! I didn't have to marry them!"
'You were ten Kitty. And I don't think you can count Mrs Long as eligible to marry in any case."
Kitty balled up her fists.
"I can't marry Mr Collins...don't you see. I don't love him, he repulses me..."
Mrs Bennet gave an odd smile. "At least he can't lose his looks." She offered helpfully.
"But seriously Kitty, you created a scene! How am I going to look anyone in the face ever again? My daughter embarrasses a General! He is single Kitty, he is a General and he is single and you caused him to throw himself into his soup. And Mr Collins, never did I see someone more shocked, but thankfully your behaviour has not turned him away from offering for you ...."
Kitty simply rolled her eyes and threw herself down against a pillow, her mother's ramblings just rolled over her back.
Lizzy sighed as she looked out of the window; she had received a letter from Belle. Belle was in Brighton and wanted to go sea bathing. It felt entirely too cold to go sea bathing, but perhaps a brisk dip in the sea would rid Lizzy of some rather warm thoughts she had been recently indulging herself in.
"Jane do you want to go sea bathing?" she called out. She got no reply for several minutes as Jane had her head buried in a letter.
"Jane?"
"Oh sorry Lizzy, I was reading this letter from Miss Bingley and she has the most horrid handwriting."
"Really?" said Lizzy delighted. Miss Bingley deserved horrid handwriting.
"In fact I don't think Caroline Bingley wrote it at all...."
"Who would masquerade as Caroline Bingley." Said Lizzy giggling then a thought occurred to her..."Unless it's Mr Bingley."
Jane nodded. "I think it might be Mr Bingley."
"Oh how romantic Jane, writing letters secretly to you!" said Lizzy with a laugh.
"It's not romantic...it's impossible to read!" said Jane. When she was married to Charles.... darling Ch-ar-les-ssss she saw that the first thing she would have to do, is teach him to write!
"Well here, give it to me and I'll try and decipher it. That is, if it is the kind of letter you can show others."
"Lizzy, he is pretending to be his sister, he can't say anything too romantic otherwise he would alarm me!"
Lizzy convulsed with laughed, the idea of Caroline Bingley professing her love to Jane was too amusing. Caroline Bingley couldn't love anybody.... especially someone without money.
Lizzy took the letter, and trying to stop her eyes watering so she could read it properly.
"Dear Miss {Blot}net.
Jane, this {blot} simply a {blot} to tell you that {blot} are in Bright{blot}. By {blot} I mean of course my brother, Mr Da{blot} and {blot}. The Colon{blot} is arriving soon, along {blot} his family. I {blot} to see you my dear {blot}, and see you {blot}. Perhaps we can go to a {blot} or even a {blot}. I know you will {blot} the many {blot} {spurt} {streak}s that happen {blot} in Brighton. Hope to {blot} you {blot}.
Yours etc&
Caro{blot} {Smear}"
Lizzy stared at the letter...only two words leapt out at her. Mr Da{blot}
Mr Da{blot} was in Brighton! She would see Mr Da{blot} again!
Then she stopped. Mr Da- rcy this was not a time to be thinking in blots. Definitely not in blots!!
"Well I agree it is unintelligible."
"I know...I will treasure it for always!" smiled Jane. Dear, Dear Charles.
"You know, I think we should go sea bathing." Said Lizzy at last.
"A little sea bathing would set me up forever!" said Jane with a smile.
Part Four.
There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. ~ Alfred Hitchcock.
Lizzy looked at the sea, suddenly swimming in it didn't seem such a great idea. It looked cold, wet and thoroughly uninviting. Kitty standing just to her right didn't seem so taken with the whole idea either.
"They want us to swim in that??" said Kitty in a low tone.
"You always wanted to go sea bathing Kitty!" said Lizzy.
"Yes but no one had shown me the sea up close before!"
Lizzy snickered.
"Now ladies...you have your bathing dresses." Said one of the rather burly individuals, who were bathing ladies.
The girls nodded, and rather like cattle were prodded into individual bathing machines. There were six of them all lined up by the shore.
Kitty clung onto the wall of the bathing machine like a limpet as it started to be backed into the water. Who ever talked her into this?? Lizzy was thinking the same thing and so was Jane. Mary was simply trying to find some space to read...that is until she was borne down upon by her bathing lady, who started to wrench her into her bathing dress. Charlotte was approaching it with the same fortitude she approached everything else, and well to Annabelle this was old hat; she had done it plenty of times.
"No I'm afraid I'm not going in that!" declared Kitty as she looked at the green water swirling around the steps. She had changed into bathing dress, and had a little cap tied around her curls.
"Yes you are missy." Replied the female beside her, before pushing her down and under the water.
Lizzy looked horrified as Kitty fell into the water, and surfaced gasping and coughing.
"Is this safe?" she stuttered.
"Safe as houses." Replied the individual, before Lizzy too was pushed down the steps. On her way down, Lizzy started to recall the number of house break-ins....
Jane took the heroic option out and rushed down the stairs herself. Annabelle strolled down the steps, not even gasping as the cold water rushed against her. Mary found herself being roughly pushed into the sea like her other sisters.
Kitty found that after a few minutes flailing around with her arms, she could actually stand up and the water was only up to her neck. She coughed. Yuck it was salty, and cold and wet. Oh great! One thing she thought she could enjoy, the one thing she knew Mr Collins couldn't join her in, and it had to be horrible. Her eyes stung and she felt something slimy brush against her arm.
"Ugh! Mr Collins is here!" she shrieked trying to swim away.
"Kitty! Kitty! It's seaweed!" said Annabelle trying not to laugh hysterically.
"Oh shut up!" said Kitty crossly, unfortunately opening her mouth, right upon a wave, and swallowed a considerable amount of seawater. She started coughing in an alarmingly fatal way. The bathing woman simply slapped her on the back and recommended that she keep near the machine.
"Arrgh!" shrieked Mary as she discovered her bathing dress was billowing up to the surface. She tried to push it down to its proper location but it would not go. Jane the good-natured soul that she was tried to help ended up slipping on some exposed rock under the water and becoming a trifle less elegant.
Charlotte tried to be immovable, and not yielding to the waves, hence she felt like she used to feel when her brothers would punch her in the stomach. It was not a pleasant experience.
Lizzy tried not to emulate her sisters and friends experience, and instead found she was drifting out to sea, and she couldn't swim!
"Save me!" she shrieked trying to claw her way back to the machine. "Mr Darcy." She called, and then turned bright pink. Okay that was a mistake....never call out to one's beloved when in danger, especially when you don't want everyone to know that he is your beloved! She wasn't rescued by a tall handsome man, who looked hot when wet, instead she was rescued by a rough looking female who hauled her back to her bathing machine.
Annabelle clung to the bathing machine stairs and started to laugh. Everyone looked completely bedraggled, caps over eyes, wet curls plastered on faces and necks. Skirts billowing around shoulders! And Lizzy calling out to Darcy to save her...oh it was too priceless! Annabelle just couldn't stop laughing.
But this was a mistake, because everyone turned upon her, and Annabelle found herself being remorselessly dunked.
* Rev James *blergh* Fordyce, his much admired ideas on well whatever he is talking about :)