The Beginning, Section II, Next Section

Chapter 12

Posted on Monday, 23 December 2002

I had spent half the day thinking about whether I should tell Elizabeth about George Wickham, but I decided against it since I am sure that he would not meet her. I would not risk Georgie's reputation for anything, even though I do trust Elizabeth.

I finally put the matter behind me as I sat in the drawing room with all the ladies. Since Jane was so much better, she joined us. I saw a healthy glow to her face and was glad she was back to herself again. In fact, as we talked, I noticed that Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst acted with more than some civility towards her, and I wondered at them.

When the men entered the room, everyone began doing various activities. My cousin was the first to sit down with a book and became engrossed in it immediately.

I would say the same for Miss Bingley, but sometimes I feared if she could even read. Either that or she didn't like books. Her idea of reading was skimming over every 10 lines and then tossing the book away after a few minutes.

Mr. Hurst lay down on the sofa and managed to fall asleep fairly quickly. I thought that I could hear mutters from him every few minutes.

Jane and Mr. Bingley talked animatedly between them, Mrs. Hurst joining in every so often since she looked bored as well.

Elizabeth held a book on her lap, but she hadn't been reading it, and I had been observing everyone with humor. I would make notes here and there about what each person must be thinking.

When Miss Bingley had become uninterested in her book and had annoyed my cousin thoroughly, she stood up. Elizabeth glanced at me as Miss Bingley began walking around the room.

It seems that Mr. Bingley wanted a ball at Netherfield, and his sister could not reconcile herself to that fact. After Mr. Bingley dismissed his sister's obvious displeasure at the idea of a ball, Miss Bingley spoke to Elizabeth.

"Miss Eliza Bennet, let me persuade you to follow my example, and take a turn about the room. I assure you it is very refreshing after sitting so long." Elizabeth gave me a roll of her eyes but when she turned back to Miss Bingley, she answered, "Of course, Miss Bingley."

As Elizabeth stood, my cousin suddenly popped his head out from behind his book. Typical of him I thought to myself. He closed his book and watched.

"Mr. Darcy, will you join us?" Miss Bingley asked him, her eyes fluttering.

"I would rather not. My joining in would interfere with my objective."

"What does he mean?" Miss Bingley asked, enjoying his attention to her. "What could be his meaning? Do you know, Miss Eliza?"

"Not at all. We should ignore him." Elizabeth raised her eyebrows to my cousin.

"We insist on knowing your meaning, Sir," Miss Bingley continued, ignoring Elizabeth's answer.

"So I can best admire your figures as I sit by the fire," William smirked. I wanted to pummel him. What was he thinking? He surely didn't mean to admire Miss Bingley, did he? Miss Bingley cried out in delight.

"Oh, shocking! I never heard anything so abominable. How shall we punish him?" she asked, turning to Elizabeth.

"Nothing so easy, if you have but the inclination," Elizabeth said with a serious look on her face. "Tease him--laugh at him."

"Laugh at Mr. Darcy?" Miss Bingley asked incredulously. "Mr. Darcy is a man without fault."

"A man without fault? Indeed," Elizabeth said coolly. I held my breath, waiting for the sparring match.

"That is not possible for anyone," William said swiftly. "It has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule."

"Such as vanity and pride," Elizabeth said to him.

"Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride--where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation." I saw Elizabeth hide a smile. No doubt she knew that was a weakness in him. "My temper I dare not vouch for and would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever." I grimaced slightly at his statement.

"That is a failing indeed; however, I cannot laugh at it," Elizabeth admitted.

My cousin continued, "There is in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil which not even the best education can overcome."

"And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody."

"And yours is to willfully misunderstand them," he replied with a smile to her. The air was thick with energy, and that energy emanated from my cousin and friend. I stood, noticing that Miss Bingley was about to talk.

"William, we all have faults enough, as you said. Do you not see some of these faults in my own brothers and myself? Lizzy, our Aunt Catherine, God rest her soul ..."

"She is not dead," William interrupted.

"Yet ... Don't interrupt," I added. "Aunt Catherine has more faults than any other person I know, and we still respect her a little. You two can overcome anything. William does not hate everybody. He loves his sister and cousins and is nice to all his tenants and servants. And Elizabeth does not always misunderstand situations." Elizabeth started at my statement. "She can certainly make up for it if she does. So, you see, it is not a hopeless case." William was amused.

"And what is Emily's defect?" Elizabeth teased me. William grinned mischievously, ready for the attack.

"Her defect is one of outspokenness." I stuck my tongue out at him childishly.

"I like my defect. It is better to be outspoken than to be mousy. I like to tell it like it is," I said with my chin in the air.

"You share that trait with Miss Elizabeth then," William added. I couldn't make out Elizabeth's response. Miss Bingley, however, was displeased with being ignored and interrupted us with some music. I was not upset over this for I had finally gotten Elizabeth and William on the same side, and I was content.

All conversation ceased except between Jane and Mr. Bingley. We passed the rest of the night quietly, though William continued to stare at Elizabeth.

Chapter 13

Posted on Monday, 23 December 2002

Elizabeth wrote to her mother for the carriage the next day. She came over, inspected Jane, and then replied that Jane was still unwell. Mrs. Bennet had brought over her three daughters, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia.

"You remember Lady Fitzwilliam," Mr. Bingley told them.

We were introduced again. To my surprise, Kitty wanted to talk to me. I found out that I was only two years older than she was. When we conversed, I noticed that Lydia sulked when I didn't talk to her as much, but I saw more potential in training Miss Catherine than I did with Miss Lydia. The younger one seemed to lead the older one.

After talking with Kitty, I heard Mr. Bingley's conversation with Mrs. Bennet and wondered at the topic. Mr. Bingley had just said that he loved the country as much as town, and my cousin's face became dubious.

"You do? Do you not find the country confined and unvarying?" my cousin replied in a sour voice. I gasped softly. It wasn't nice to insult the neighbors.

"'Confined and unvarying'?" Mrs. Bennet squeaked. I quickly intervened.

"I thought you were enjoying yourself here. You seemed to like the company," I told him with a frown. William glowered back at me from the window.

Mrs. Bennet ignored me and continued insulting my cousin, not surprisingly. What was surprising, however, is that Elizabeth stood up for William, and I could tell she was embarrassed by her mother.

There was one bright spot in the visit: one useful tidbit of information I managed to learn was that Mr. Bingley had no plans as of yet to leave the country. He liked it immensely.

Mrs. Bennet declared Jane still unfit to leave, leaving unpleasant expressions on the faces of the Bingley sisters. I myself did not mind for I liked having company like the two eldest Bennet sisters.

After Mr. Bingley told Lydia Bennet of his ball, the mother and three sisters left. Things were back to normal again, and on the day before Elizabeth and Jane were to leave, I decided to go for my long-awaited horseback riding.

I felt hemmed in at Netherfield and longed for my horse at home. Without telling anyone but Mr. Bingley (for I had to ask him for a horse), I stole out of the house and to the stables. There, I saw a beautiful white horse being groomed.

"Excuse me, but may I ride him today?" I asked, my hopes high. I forgot that the ground would be muddy and that my cousin would probably send me packing home, but I was desperate for a ride. The stable hand nodded in surprise and knew of my name.

"Lady Fitzwilliam, this is one of the Master's best horses," the man said with pride.

I was not dressed for anything but sidesaddle, but at the moment I cared for nothing but riding. Mr. Bingley's stable hand gave me a surprised look when I jumped up onto the horse, but I cared not.

Suddenly, I was flying across the countryside. I felt free and at ease for the first time in days; I didn't have to contend with snobs or money or society (mainly Mr. Bingley's sisters).

I lightly kicked the horse into a gallop and didn't even notice when my bonnet came free a mere minute into my ride or that my long brunette hair cascaded down my back.

After riding for a time, I stopped the horse to rest him and to get my bearings again. I looked down and noticed absentmindedly that there were mud spots on the bottom of my dress but didn't care.

When I glanced up again, I saw two riders in the distance. After squinting, I gasped in surprise. My own dear brother sat on his horse looking right at me! The other man I could not say for he was not an acquaintance of mine. The two men galloped their horses until they reached me.

"Emily!" Matthew cried in surprise. "I saw a wild girl with a horse and thought she was a country girl. Does William know you are riding and that you are not sidesaddle?" he asked. I tried my Fitzwilliam charm.

"I was craving a ride, Matthew. Please do not be angry with me," I said with a puppy-dog look that always won him over. He frowned his displeasure at me being so free, but then sighed.

"Meet my sister, Nathan. Emily, this is Mr. Nathaniel Hillsborough. Emily is my little sister." For the first time I noticed closely the other man on horseback. He looked pretty tall even on the horse and he had dark hair and hazel eyes (similar to that of Matt) that seemed to sparkle with merriment. He was enjoying this.

"It is nice to meet you, Lady Fitzwilliam. Your brother has given me quite an accurate depiction of you. He told me you were beautiful; however, he failed to mention that you take wild rides on horseback." I blushed and subconsciously tried to smooth down my wind-blown hair, but it was stubborn. I managed to smile at him and shook my head.

"Mr. Hillsborough, I am happy to make your acquaintance. Any friend of my brother is a friend of mine."

"Oh, I know your cousin, too," Mr. Hillsborough said. "Darcy is a nice chap, if not sullen sometimes."

"How strange, Sir. Have you come to talk sense into him? He is acting rather beastly," I said with a sour face. I made Mr. Hillsborough laugh very hard, but I could not imagine why.

"Your sister is very spirited," he managed to reply after he finished laughing.

"Why are you laughing at me?" I asked, confused. He shook his head and could not reply. Or, rather, would not. Matt was tired and looked a little upset at my appearance.

"It is late, Emily. We should be heading to Netherfield. I decided to come meet with you and Darcy." Matt paused. "You are riding sidesaddle back to Netherfield unless you wear appropriate dress."

"I was alone out here, Matthew, with nothing but God and nature with me. Why should I ride to the side for nothing?"

"It seems, Sister, that you forget that there are two men present." I sighed and put both legs on one side of the horse.

My ride back was not nearly as free as the one I had ridden before I met my brother and his friend. My hair did fly behind me and I did splatter more mud a few places on my dress.

Matt's friend didn't mind in the least, and I caught him staring at me every once in a while as we rode back. When we arrived at Netherfield, I immediately ran up to my room and washed up. Then I had the maid put my hair up and came down looking more refreshed.

I noticed that Matthew was already in conversation with William and Mr. Bingley. Mr. Hillsborough was not listening but was playing with something in his hands. When I got nearer, I gasped.

"That is my bonnet!" Everyone in the room looked up at my outburst and I felt my face turn red. Mr. Hillsborough grinned, thoroughly enjoying my torment.

"I found it ... outside, Lady Fitzwilliam," he said with a shrug.

"Where were you, Emily?" William asked me curiously. I mumbled something unintelligible in reply.

Matt swiftly changed the subject, and Mr. Hillsborough finally gave me back my bonnet. He handed it to me, but not without parting words which caused my heart to beat harder.

"Next time be careful where your bonnet lays, my Lady. It may not come back to you." I was a little shocked. Would he keep my bonnet? I stared at him until I perceived Elizabeth at my side. Introductions were made, and then we were called to dinner.

During dinner, my eyes focused on my brother. Matt's banter made light the spirits in the room, and I could tell Elizabeth was taken with him. Who could blame her? Did she want my brooding cousin who insulted her or my dashing older brother who made her laugh?

My brothers, Matt and Richard, were very much alike in attitude, though they looked different. Matt was tall with dark hair and sparkling hazel eyes. The ladies fawned over him, and he had a playful spirit, a little like Elizabeth's.

If his fortune was more, I could tell that Miss Bingley would be after him, but since he was the third son, she paid more attention to my cousin. Actually, it could not have been better for my brother.

My brother Richard, however much I thought he was handsome, was not considered so in society. He was shorter than Matt and had light brown hair. My brother was very gentlemanlike and sweet.

Mr. Hillsborough sat across from me, and I felt his eyes on me the whole time we dined. He asked me a few questions about my home life. Fortunately, William was on the other side of the table.

"Lady Fitzwilliam, do you often scamper about the countryside as you did today?" he teased.

"Sir, I ride my horse so I can leave my worries behind me and enjoy nature."

"You are unlike many women I have met in my lifetime. Even my sister, Sarah, can become quite stuffy." My eyes widened.

"Do you not have a close relationship with her, then?" I asked him, not imagining such a breach in my family.

"Sarah and I are friends, but we do not see each other very much. She and I want different things out of life." I nodded and then happened to look at Miss Bingley for a brief moment. I saw that she was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. I think she wanted Mr. Hillsborough to notice her, but I couldn't help it if men just weren't attracted to orange--and her attitude.

"What do you want out of life, Mr. Hillsborough?" I asked him, putting a spoon with soup to my lips.

"I want to settle down with a wife whenever I meet her and raise a family. I have few things in common with today's bachelors." I looked over at Mr. Hurst, who sat pouring himself another drink.

"And you have little in common with some married men," I added. Mr. Hillsborough followed my line of vision.

"I see your point." He looked at me intensely for a moment and then said, "Many mothers out there want their daughters thrown into my path for my income." Matt heard him say this.

"You mean your £9,000 a year?" Matt teased him. Mr. Hillsborough shot my brother a warning look.

"It matters not what I make. I do not want a woman who loves me for my money."

"I think many young women just want an adequate life with a man that they love," I said softly. Mr. Hillsborough caught my meaning.

My brother went back to conversing with Elizabeth, and I was relieved that we were in a semi-private conversation again.

"You would not marry for wealth, my Lady?"

"I am like Miss Elizabeth Bennet," I replied to him. At his questioning look, I said softly, "Only the deepest love will induce me to marriage."

The table went quiet, and I looked over and saw Elizabeth's surprised face. Oops. They must have overheard. Elizabeth had told me this during one of her conversations with me, and I had just blabbered it to the whole table. My cousin's face was one to study, though. He looked confused.

"You can continue your own conversations," I told them, giving them pointed looks. I gave an apologetic look to Elizabeth who seemed to shrug it off. Matt chuckled and then involved Elizabeth in a conversation about ... chickens? My brother was crazy. Whatever it was, Elizabeth laughed heartily, and I saw a jealous look cross Fitzwilliam's face.

I returned to the interesting man in front of me. "Have you not found a fair maiden to your liking, Sir? There has to be some woman who fulfills your requirements and who is not after your money."

"Ah, but none of them have compared with you," he said quietly. I blushed again and raised my glass to my mouth to drink so I could lower my eyes. "I am a picky man, I confess," he continued. "The lady I call my wife will have to be very special."

"I'm sure she shall be," I told him. We fell silent for a while, but his eyes almost never left me.

We had also invited Charlotte to visit us, so she showed up a half hour after dinner.

It was amazing to see my brother become serious. He stared at Charlotte until he blushed red, and then he couldn't get one word out of his mouth in front of her.

"Charlotte, my brother is usually more eloquent," I said with a teasing voice when Matt had left the room. Mr. Hillsborough had gone with the other men to the study after dinner.

"Your brother is nice," Charlotte admitted with a strange blush on her face. Was this the same Charlotte who said that she wasn't a romantic? Elizabeth also remembered her words.

"Come, Charlotte, you are smitten with our dear Emily's brother," Elizabeth said mischievously.

"I will admit to no such thing." She was silent, but then continued, "And if I happen to change my mind, it is Emily's fault."

One couple down... two to go (if you count Jane and Mr. Bingley). I was satisfied with their first meeting. I grudgingly admitted to myself that there was a small problem. The problem with this scenario was my Aunt Catherine. I knew she wouldn't consent to the match of William and Elizabeth and she also wouldn't like Matt with Charlotte. Who was my aunt to say, though? I'm sure Matt wouldn't let that stop him.

When Matt returned, he and Charlotte talked about many things, and I was glad to see him enamored. I saw Charlotte laughing with him and Elizabeth and I smiled at one another. We were happy for her.

The next day, Jane and Elizabeth left. I was sad to see them go, and I saw that not only Bingley was moody, but William showed his moody side too. During this time, I talked with Mr. Hillsborough and we became better friends. I admit that I was very attracted to him.

A few days later, Mr. Bingley and William took a trip to the Bennet house, and since I was nursing a slight headache, I stayed at Netherfield with my brother and the others. My headache soon cleared, but Mr. Bingley and William had already left.

Mr. Hillsborough went out for a stroll, and Matt and I ignored Miss Bingley and the Hursts and amused ourselves.

Matthew, to my happiness, hadn't stopped talking about Charlotte Lucas since she left, much to Miss Bingley's chagrin, and she was on the warpath today.

We stayed away from her as I began to play the pianoforte. I played a sweet melody, my brother listening next to me, when we heard voices outside the room. I stopped playing and saw William enter with a disgusted look on his face.

"What happened? Did you visit Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth?" I asked them.

"We ran into them in Meryton," Mr. Bingley said with a sorrowful look.

"We saw George Wickham," William added. I paled immediately. My fingers shook as I took the music sheets from the pianoforte.

What was he doing here? Since only Matt and I were in the room with Mr. Bingley and William, I asked them for the details. They mentioned all that they could.

"Miss Elizabeth seemed to like him," Mr. Bingley ended worriedly.

"She seems to take an eager interest in him," William added darkly.

"William, I will try to speak with her," I told him. Somehow, I had to warn her about Wickham without mentioning Georgiana.

Chapter 14

Posted on Monday, 23 December 2002

The 26th of November came, and I was all anticipation for the ball Mr. Bingley was to give. Or, I was in anticipation until I heard Mr. Bingley invited the officers. I was agitated with him for doing that.

There was some good news, however. Mr. Hillsborough must have known my cousin well enough to know Mr. Wickham's sordid history. I was glad I had an ally if anything should happen.

Before the ball, I heard that Mr. Wickham would not attend and sighed in relief. At least I would not have to see him tonight.

When Elizabeth, Jane, and Charlotte arrived, I was pleased. Mr. Hillsborough had already secured a couple dances with me, but they were not right away. Matt asked Charlotte to dance the first two with him, Mr. Bingley asked Jane, and that left Elizabeth and me alone.

All of a sudden, William came upon us and asked for Elizabeth's hand in the next dance! She looked as if she would refuse and then told him yes. I was very happy, but one look at her and I knew something was wrong.

"Emily, I promised myself that I would never dance with that man! Horrible man!" she said, forgetting her company. She stiffened. "I'm sorry, Emily. I don't mean to criticize your cousin..."

"Yes you do, Elizabeth. You obviously cannot stand him, which makes me wonder why you will dance with him. Add to that, you find the company of a Mr. Wickham pleasurable. My cousin told me you met him in town the other day. He is not to be trusted," I said, emphasizing the word trusted.

"Yes, so I've heard from everyone. What has he done besides been the son of the late Mr. Darcy's steward?"

"Lizzy, there are things I cannot tell you. Only Fitzwilliam can tell you all the details. It would injure one of our family members for it to spread. Just remember that his character is shady and debase."

"I have no proof." She changed tactics. "You and Mr. Darcy are in this together! How do I know you are not secretly engaged to him? Mr. Wickham says you are." I was shocked.

"And you believe him over me?" Why would Wickham say I was engaged to William when it was Anne whom Aunt Catherine wanted to marry him. Wickham knew this. What was his game?

"He had precise details," Elizabeth said as William came to claim his dance with her. She gave me a frosty look and left.

I felt tears in my eyes and stomped my foot. Matt, seeing my distress, walked across the room with Charlotte, and I did notice that Mr. Hillsborough also watched me from afar.

"Emily, what is wrong? You look ill."

"Lizzy believes Mr. Wickham." When Matt gave me a blank stare, I continued. "He told her that William ruined his life, and that we were secretly engaged." Charlotte stood quietly, taking it all in.

"Miss Elizabeth believes this? Did you contradict her?" Matt asked me, trying to control his anger of Wickham.

"She does not believe me. I do not understand how she could trust him over me. We have been friends longer."

I knew that there were only two ways she would find out about Wickham. She would either find out his character if we revealed what he had done to Georgiana, or if Wickham himself showed that he was the scoundrel that he is. I prayed that the second would not happen.

My brother left me alone again, and he and Charlotte went to discuss everything in a corner of the ballroom. I sighed and watched Elizabeth dance with William, and although I could not hear what they said, their gestures and facial expressions said it all. They were both close-mouthed, Elizabeth looking about ready to shoot my cousin. After the dance, she stalked off.

To add to it all, her cousin, the Reverend William Collins, was making his debut here (his dance with Elizabeth had been rather amusing). I had met him, of course, through my Aunt Catherine. He was her clergyman. William had never met him, and I was anxious as the big, greasy man greeted my cousin. William, as usual, showed his manners as he quickly left the man while he was still talking to him. I sighed, but became a little brighter as Mr. Hillsborough came to me.

"My Lady," he said with a bow.

"Mr. Hillsborough, have you been enjoying the ball?" I asked him.

"I have not." I gave him a puzzled look. "I have seen you become quite distressed and could not enjoy myself when such a fine lady is in peril." I looked down at the floor, embarrassed. "I insist upon knowing all the details," he added. I was reluctant to say anything, but he coaxed it out of me.

"My good friend thinks ill of me." I told him all that had transpired, and he listened with patience.

"Em ... my Lady, that is horrible." I blinked when he almost said my Christian name. A flush crept up his neck, but it soon went away as he consoled me. "If she is a true friend, then she will believe you."

"My cousin has not made a very good impression on her, though. She thinks, correctly, that I'm trying to make a match between them. She doesn't like me interfering. However, I cannot understand how she believes that William and I are engaged. That is ridiculous."

"I am glad it is not so," he said, apparently not meaning it to be said. He stopped and looked quite mortified.

"Yes, as I am. We are just good friends," I said softly. He recovered and gave me an intense look.

"Lady Fitzwilliam, I..." Unhappily, he was interrupted by Charlotte and my brother. They stopped in front of me.

"Eliza will not be swayed," Charlotte said with a sigh.

"Thank you all for your help," I told them.

"Even Miss Bingley tried to interfere," Matt added. I wondered at her help in the matter, but was grateful for any help I could get.

"I am glad we are in Mr. Bingley's home. Please excuse me as I go to bed early. I fear I have a headache coming on," I told them. "Matt, give my apologies to Lizzy. If she is still angry with me, then I cannot help that." He nodded.

"What about our dances?" Mr. Hillsborough asked, disappointed. I felt wretched. On the one hand, I felt like a little ill, and on the other, I wanted to dance with this handsome and kind man. I felt the tension in my body, and I finally sighed.

"Very well, Sir. I must insist on only one dance, for I am tired. Maybe we should have made it earlier in the evening, but we will have to make do."

Charlotte hugged me, and then she and my brother went off again to a corner near Mr. Bingley and Jane.

Mr. Hillsborough and I walked to the line and stood in front of one another. The dance started, and suddenly, when we touched, I felt an electricity shoot through me that I had never felt before. His eyes bore into mine, and I forgot basic movement with my feet, thereby stepping on his foot and acting like Mr. Collins. "I am so sorry!" I exclaimed.

He was more amused than anything else as I stepped on his feet, but as the dance wore on, my head ached more. I had not slept very well the night before, and it must have been catching up to me. I felt so tired suddenly, and my headache came in full force.

As this happened, Mr. Hillsborough became concerned. He stopped our dance early and escorted me to Charlotte and my brother.

"Your sister needs to retire for the night. She is not well," Mr. Hillsborough said to my brother.

"Of course," Charlotte agreed. So, when he had walked me out of the ballroom, my brother effortlessly lifted me into his arms and took me up the stairs to my bedchamber. Charlotte held the candle near him, lighting his way.

He put me on the bed and then left Charlotte to finish, promising her he would wait for her just inside the ballroom. When Charlotte had managed to change me into some nightclothes, I mumbled.

"My head hurts."

"You will be better in the morning, Emily," Charlotte assured me.

"Where is Nathan?" Charlotte didn't say anything about my slip of Mr. Hillsborough's Christian name, but she gently assured me that he was fine and left the room (to get me something to help my headache).

After Charlotte had left again, I tossed and turned the whole night, my head raging and thoughts of Mr. Wickham and Elizabeth dancing through my head.

Chapter 15

Posted on Monday, 30 December 2002

I awoke the next morning with a dull ache in my head and groaned as the brightness of the morning glared at me through my window.

What happened last night? All of a sudden, the night came back to me in one fell swoop. I remembered my headache and dancing with Mr. Hillsborough... and then I took liberty with his name, but I wasn't sure when I said it.

I blinked my eyes a few times, rubbing the sleep from them. I groaned again. Lizzy. She was still mad at me, and she liked Wickham too.

I stretched and yawned, not wanting to get out of bed, but not wanting to sleep all morning either. So, I managed to dress in a timely fashion and made my way downstairs, ignoring the ache that lodged itself into my head.

I was fortunate enough not to see Miss Bingley or Mrs. Hurst as I walked through the grand halls of Netherfield.

I was about to enter into the drawing room when I heard voices. Going against my better judgment, I put my ear to the door, which happened to be ajar.

I was happy to hear Mr. Hillsborough and what sounded like my cousin and then brother, but I was disappointed to find that I could only hear a little of what was being said.

"Lady Fitzwilliam ..." I strained to hear Mr. Hillsborough's words.

"Be careful ..." William replied. Be careful of what?

"Follow her ..." Matt continued.

"Thank you..." I was frustrated that I could hear hardly anything and was paying so much attention to the conversation that I neglected to see anyone behind me.

"Lady Fitzwilliam!" a voice said cheerfully. I jumped, my heart pounding in my chest. Was that my conscience? Suddenly, I felt guilty.

"Mr. Bingley! How are you this morning?" I inquired, trying to redeem myself.

"I feel it is a beautiful morning, indeed. There is not a cloud in the sky, and nothing can ruin my day," Mr. Bingley said with a certain smile he wore whenever he thought of Jane Bennet.

"Mr. Bingley, could this have anything to do with Miss Bennet?" I teased him. Mr. Bingley flushed, but his smile only grew larger.

"Miss Bennet is an angel!" I grinned at his outburst. When Mr. Bingley suddenly looked over my shoulder, I turned to see Mr. Hillsborough, Matt, and William standing in the doorway, the door open now.

William was giving me suspicious looks, as though he suspected I had listened in on their conversation. I felt a little better knowing I had heard only a few words at the most.

"Miss Jane Bennet is one of the sweetest girls I have met," Mr. Hillsborough said amiably.

At his words, my heart ached and I realized that it was jealousy that stirred within me. I lowered my gaze to the floor, and then heard Mr. Hillsborough continue, "Though, there's one lady who is the sweetest of them all."

When I looked up, I saw that he openly gazed at me, the brown freckles in his hazel eyes deepening with emotion. I suddenly felt flushed. William was fighting his own heart, it seemed, for he changed the subject from the Bennets.

"What a fine day for a walk," he said, meaning to start a new conversation, but I anticipated him.

"Yes, it is, Cousin, but may we talk about Miss Elizabeth Bennet?" My cousin visibly started at her name. He was not happy. "I have some bad news," I began.

"Can it be any worse than what happened last night?" William muttered. I realized how we were standing in the hallway, and wishing to avoid Miss Bingley, I steered us into the drawing room. The gentlemen sat, but I remained standing and started to pace.

"She has talked with Wickham..." At his name, William's jaw clenched. "He has told her many lies. He said you ruined his life and that we are secretly engaged."

"You do not have to go any further, Emily. Matt has told me what happened last night. Miss Elizabeth Bennet did not believe you."

"Wickham has poisoned her mind," I grumbled, kicking an imaginary object on the rug.

"Are you feeling better this morning, my Lady?" Mr. Hillsborough asked me as though he had forgotten until now to ask of my well-being.

"Yes, thank you, Sir. I have a dull ache still, but it is better." He looked relieved.

"I still want a full dance with you. We only finished half of one," he said. My heart skipped a beat at his words.

"I would be pleased, Sir." Matt, thinking of the ball last night, smiled delightedly (I would say it equaled Mr. Bingley's smile whenever thinking about Jane).

"Let us talk of more pleasant things," Matt said. "Are you going ... Never mind. Miss Elizabeth is still upset with you." He paused and then continued, "Bingley, do you want to ride to Longbourn anyway? I'm sure Miss Jane Bennet will welcome your company, and maybe Miss Lucas will be there as well." William grimaced.

"You surely do not want to seek their company, do you?" He caught his words. "Miss Bennet is a nice girl, and so is Miss Lucas, but should we not get back to London soon?" Mr. Bingley and Matt both showed wounded faces.

"You do not think highly of Miss Lucas?" my brother asked, offended.

"Cousin, you and I need to have a talk," William said with a sigh. I knew what he was about and took my brother's hand.

"I will call on Miss Lucas, if you want, Brother. I want to thank her for helping me to my bedchamber last night. It was sweet of her." I squeezed his hand, reassuring him of my support.

"I do think we can talk later, Darcy. For now, I want to call on Miss Lucas," Matt agreed. Mr. Bingley's smile faded.

"What about Miss Bennet? Are we not to go to Longbourn?"

Against Fitzwilliam Darcy's will, Mr. Bingley, my brother, Mr. Hillsborough, and I decided to go to Longbourn. Miss Bingley and her sister and brother-in-law wanted to stay at Netherfield, and I was happy all the more for them to stay.

Being the horsewoman that I am, I rode my horse alongside the men, happily enjoying the scenery. When we came upon Longbourn, we saw Charlotte walking toward the house, and then we saw Miss Kitty and Miss Lydia Bennet.

"Aye, take him away," I heard Miss Lydia say and then Kitty and Lydia exchanged glances. They continued walking on in the direction of Meryton.

"Charlotte!" I called. Charlotte turned and saw me. She smiled and was about to say something when she spotted my brother, cousin, Mr. Hillsborough, and Mr. Bingley. I saw her cheeks turn red.

"Good day," she said when we came closer to her.

"What is the matter inside?" I wondered as we heard shouting and wailing. Charlotte managed a smile.

"Eliza has turned down Mr. Collins' offer of marriage," she said. "I cannot help but see why. I was thinking of inviting him to Lucas Lodge." I turned to look at my cousin who had started to mutter to himself.

"Is something wrong, William?" I asked him innocently.

"I ... That man thought she would accept him?" He shut his mouth after that rather bold statement, and I shook my head.

"Lizzy has more sense than that, William." Or maybe not considering she believed Mr. Wickham. Matt had been silent after Charlotte's declaration that she would invite Mr. Collins over to her home.

"Miss Lucas, would you and your family like to dine with us at Netherfield one day this week?" he asked quickly, as if afraid of something. What was he afraid of--that Charlotte would marry Mr. Collins?

"I do not think we have any prior engagements, Mr. Fitzwilliam. Thank you." Charlotte seemed happy that he wanted to see her again.

As we continued to sit upon our horses, and Charlotte on foot, we heard Mrs. Bennet's ranting from outside. I looked at my cousin and sighed. The disgust was evident on his face.

I came down off of my horse and put my nose into the side of his face. "You are a good horse," I told him affectionately. I felt eyes on me and saw Mr. Hillsborough watching me again.

Charlotte took the initiative and knocked on the door. Instead of us coming inside, however, Elizabeth and Jane came outside.

Seeing William and me, she scowled. However, Jane's countenance brightened at seeing us, and Mr. Bingley immediately began talking with her.

I wanted to talk with Elizabeth, but she ignored me. We left a few minutes later, and I still felt like I had not accomplished anything in our friendship.

After Charlotte and her family dined with us that week, Matt confessed to me that he was falling in love with her. He said he was reluctant to say anything to William for he feared his disapproval. I told him that he could not do better and rejoiced that my brother had found someone like Charlotte.

One day, within the week that Elizabeth rejected Mr. Collins' marriage proposal, I found William in Mr. Bingley's library. He was trying to read a book, but he kept muttering to himself.

"Hello, William. What are you mumbling about now?" I asked him.

"I am thinking."

"Of Miss Elizabeth Bennet?" I asked. I wondered if he realized he was in love with her.

"She thinks ill of me." Then he straightened up. "What do I care?" Was he arguing with himself?

"Okay," I said softly. Then I decided to be very forthright with him. "You love her."

"I cannot allow myself such pleasure. She is below me in every way," he said, trying to convince himself more than me. "Her family is in want of propriety and is very much below ours in situation."

"But you love her. You are her equal. She is a gentleman's daughter!"

"Who is her mother? Her aunts and uncles? Her sisters cannot control themselves and her mother is a fortune-hunter. Did you hear her across the room at the ball? It will throw my girls into the paths of other rich men," he mimicked Mrs. Bennet.

I confess that I had vaguely heard Miss Mary sing badly and seen Miss Lydia running around with the officers, but what family was perfect? I reminded him of just that.

"But, Fitzwilliam, can you be so thick as to forget Aunt Catherine? That woman is worse than Mrs. Bennet!" He ignored my logic and became determined.

"My mind is made up. In fact, we are leaving for London soon. Mr. Bingley and your brother need time away as well." I stood up, my fists clenched.

"Excuse me, Sir. You may be my cousin, but I must say this: Leave Mr. Bingley and my brother alone. If my brother loves Miss Lucas, you have no right to dissuade him from marrying her. That goes for Mr. Bingley and Miss Bennet as well!"

"You have said quite enough, Cousin," he said icily.

He left and I felt like hitting something, so I took my anger out on the lone pillow on Mr. Bingley's sofa. Even though it suffered such a beating that it looked flat, I felt no better. What I really needed was a talk with Mr. Hillsborough. I found that he was out and quickly determined that I would go riding again.

Mr. Bingley had given me the white thoroughbred horse to use for the duration of my stay, and I had laughed when he told me the horse was named Princess. When I asked Mr. Bingley who named her, he looked intrigued and said Miss Bingley. It was just as well. I do not think Caroline rides very much, if ever. Her feather just might fall out of place and she would probably become muddy and sweaty.

I rode around Mr. Bingley's land for a while, breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face. It was not long, however, before I felt a strange sensation as if I was being watched. I turned my back and looked, but I saw only the woods surrounding me.

"You are a silly woman, Emily," I murmured to myself.

I gathered the reigns of the horse more tightly in my hands so that I could ride away quickly at any moment, but the feeling did not abate.

I then decided to go into town and to call on Charlotte. Kicking the horse into a gallop, I rode until I came upon the quaint village of Meryton. Slowing Princess down, I eventually came to a stop, and glanced about me.

"Ah, Lady Emily, we meet again," I heard. I turned around and about fell off my horse as I espied Mr. Wickham.

"Mr. Wickham!" I said stiffly. I assumed he thought I had no knowledge of his affair with Georgiana or he would not be talking with me.

"How are you, my Lady?" he asked smoothly, the charm oozing from him. I noticed that he was quite close to me and on foot.

"I am well enough, Mr. Wickham. How do you do today?"

"I am more the better for meeting you, my Lady."

"Tell me, Sir... Have you seen Miss Elizabeth Bennet lately?" He blinked and I continued, not waiting for his first answer. "I was told you were to be at the Netherfield ball, and yet you were not there. Were you ill?" I asked innocently.

"I was ill, indeed, my Lady." Ill at the thought of seeing my cousin, I thought wryly.

"Have you talked to my cousin Darcy lately?" I asked him, trying to hint that I knew what had happened at Ramsgate.

"Mr. Darcy and I have been so unfortunate as to lose contact with one another. Tell me, is Miss Darcy well?" I stiffened at her name, and Mr. Wickham caught my body language.

"She is well enough, though she is still recovering from an unfortunate incident this past summer." The look I gave him made an impression, and suddenly his charm seemed to vanish.

"Lady Fitzwilliam, I understand your meaning perfectly." He took a step closer to me, but before I could react, another man called out to us.

"Excuse me, Lady Fitzwilliam. Am I interrupting anything?" I blew out my breath in relief when I saw the voice belonged to Mr. Hillsborough.

"Mr. Wickham and I were just talking, Sir," I said, giving him a look of relief. Mr. Hillsborough seemed edgy around Wickham, and I was glad that William had taken Mr. Hillsborough into his confidence about the entire situation.

"I must be on my way," Wickham said, suddenly backing away from me.

"You must be Mr. George Wickham," Mr. Hillsborough said politely, though not without a hardness to his voice. "I have heard all about you, Sir. I am Nathan Hillsborough."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Sir," Wickham said with a slight bow. Though, his face had paled when Mr. Hillsborough said he knew all about him.

I gave Wickham a cold stare, and he returned me such a look that made me shiver--it was a cold and calculated look. When he left, I felt weak. Mr. Hillsborough walked his horse over to me just before I decided to get off of my own. I was glad when my feet were on the ground again.

"Thank you, Sir, for arriving when you did." I wondered what he was doing in town and how he came to be so close to me. "Pray tell me how you knew I was here," I implored him. I saw his eyes dart to the side, and it looked as if he would reply a certain way, but he changed his mind.

"I was in town, my Lady, and saw that you might need assistance. I know what Wickham is, and I am sure you know as you are intimately involved with your family."

"I thank you again, Mr. Hillsborough. I do know what Wickham is, and I never want to see him again." I sighed.

"Since I am with you, would you object to me protecting you until you are safely home, my Lady?" I did feel much safer with him around, and so I readily agreed.

"I am to go to Lucas Lodge and visit Miss Lucas."

"Let us go, then," he answered. When we arrived, the maid showed us into the morning room to see Charlotte.

"Mr. Hillsborough and Lady Fitzwilliam, ma'am," the maid said. Charlotte greeted us warmly and told us to sit.

"Tell me what has happened to Lizzy, Charlotte," I begged her after we had greeted one another. She told me what little that she knew and fell silent. I sighed and then said, "I fear we are to leave for London soon. My cousin has firmly declared us to go."

"You are leaving?" asked Charlotte, her smile fading.

"We will call upon you before we leave for town. I will write to you frequently." I was silent for a moment when I remembered the invitation to Matlock. "Oh, and you were going to go to Matlock for the new year, were you not?" I asked her.

"If I am able to, I would be most honored to go, Emily. Although, I do not think Lizzy feels the same way anymore. I am worried about her, for I think she has been told lies about you and Mr. Darcy. She dislikes Mr. Darcy very much."

"I know! Oh, how am I supposed to get them together if both of them are stubborn?" I eventually realized that we were speaking with Mr. Hillsborough still in the room. I blushed that he knew my plans.

"I will not tell, my Lady," he teased with a glint in his eye. "I could even help in your endeavor." I looked at him incredulously. "From what I have seen, Darcy is a stubborn man, and Miss Bennet can be even more so. What a pair that would be."

"Elizabeth is not always so stubborn," Charlotte added. After a certain time had passed, Mr. Hillsborough insisted that we must go. He bowed to Charlotte and left out the door for a moment. When he had gone, Charlotte developed a glint in her own eye.

"How did you come to call alone with Mr. Hillsborough, Emily?" I groaned.

"Charlotte ... I met Mr. Wickham on the road in Meryton. He knows that I am aware of certain events in his past. He was a little threatening to me, and Mr. Hillsborough appeared out of nowhere to come to my rescue."

"He came out of nowhere?" I blushed.

"Well, I felt as if someone was following me as I rode. Maybe he was the one following me, but I cannot hazard a guess as to why."

"I would be most thankful for the protection, though somehow I think you would do just fine on your own."

"I am a weakling, Charlotte, I admit it." I bit my lip and then put my hand on hers. "We will come back, and I will bring my brother with me." It had the desired effect on her; her cheeks became red.

"Tell Mr. Fitzwilliam that my family sends our thanks." I gave her a puzzled look.

"Why would you need to thank my brother?"

"He helped my father with the carriage the other day." She looked to the floor, and I could not help but wish for her to be my sister. I was about to go out the door when Charlotte stopped me. "Did you not hear the news of the wedding?"

"What wedding?" I asked her.

"Mr. Collins is marrying." Suddenly, I had a feeling that Charlotte had become desperate and agreed to marry that idiotic man.

"Who is the lucky bride?" I asked with wonder.

"He first gave his attentions to Elizabeth, but she refused, as you know." I nodded. "And so he came to me." I looked stricken. My brother would be heartbroken.

"You are marrying him?" Charlotte, confused, could only shake her head. Then she looked away.

"If I did not think--" She stopped and considered her words. "Tell me, Emily, if you think your brother could care for me..."

"Oh, Charlotte, my brother, I believe, does care for you. He would marry you if he loved you. Tell me all hope is not lost. You are not to marry Mr. Collins, are you?"

"I thought I had a false hope, but I risked remaining an old maid and said no. He was refused a proposal by two women in two days time." I visibly relaxed and found myself breathing again.

"So, who is this third lady?" I asked her, shocked that a man such as he could be so... dumb.

"He has asked Elizabeth's sister." I guessed which one.

"Miss Mary?"

"No, though I was quite shocked to learn that she was not the intended bride." There were three Bennet girls left.

"Not Jane!" I cried.

"No. Mrs. Bennet has made sure to tell Elizabeth's cousin that Mr. Bingley has a claim to her." I was happy for that, but this only left Miss Lydia and Miss Kitty Bennet.

"Do not tell me that Kitty has been forced ... and surely not Lydia. She is so young!" I exclaimed.

"Not to Mrs. Bennet. It is, indeed, Miss Lydia. She wanted to refuse and balked, but Mr. Bennet thought it would do her good."

"When is the wedding?" I asked, repulsed. I thought Lydia silly and flighty, but she did not deserve such a life with that man.

"It is in the spring..." We heard a commotion outside the door, which reminded me that I had kept Mr. Hillsborough waiting for a while. Charlotte and I stepped outside the house, and we saw her mother shrieking up the drive.

"You did not accept that man, Charlotte! And he is now marrying Miss Mary Bennet!"

"No, Mother. You are quite mistaken. It is Miss Lydia that he is to marry," Charlotte told her. Her mother shook her head. Lady Lucas could rival Mrs. Bennet with her shrieking.

"Miss Lydia threatened to elope with an officer if she was to marry the man, and Miss Mary herself said that she would take Miss Lydia's place. Mr. Collins and Miss Mary are to marry in late February."

"At least Miss Mary could be--happy--with him," I said with a slight shrug. Her mother began to admonish Charlotte for refusing his proposal when I stopped her and told Charlotte good-bye.

"I shall return with a favorite of yours," I whispered in her ear. She looked hopeful, and I waved as I walked to Mr. Hillsborough. I saw with amusement that he was talking to his horse.

"Women are silly sometimes, boy," he said with a sigh.

"Am I silly, Sir?" I asked, though I had called myself that just this day.

"Well--um--" He was at a loss for words. "I like you just the way you are, my Lady," he finally said. I flushed at his comment and climbed back on to my horse. As we rode, I began to feel sad again.

"We are to leave for London soon. I wish we could stay in Hertfordshire," I moaned in a ladylike fashion.

"Your cousin has certain notions about the lower classes that are... quite prominent in our circles, Lady Fitzwilliam." He must have understood one reason why we were to leave.

"I understand; however, I wish it were not so." I began thinking about Mr. Bingley and the misery he would have if he was not around his Jane. "I have to get Miss Bennet together with Mr. Bingley before we leave," I said as my thoughts wandered all around.

"Miss Bennet has a calm serenity to her."

"Do you think she could love Mr. Bingley? Miss Elizabeth said she was in love with him," I said quietly.

"It is not easy to ascertain, but I think I have seen enough of them together to say that there is some regard for him." We fell silent again as we rode back to Netherfield. There was so much to do in so little time...

Chapter 16

Posted on Monday, 30 December 2002

We called upon the Lucas family one more time before quitting Netherfield, and before we left, I saw Matt say something quietly to Charlotte. I wondered at it, but I did not question my brother.

I wrote to my mother while in London and asked her if I could invite some friends over for the new year. Her reply came back quickly.

Dearest Emily,

I am afraid it would not be prudent for your friends to come to Matlock for the new year. Do not be alarmed, my dear, but your father has a very contagious illness. He will be better in time, but it seems the servants are also becoming ill quite fast. I have written to your brothers to stay away until all is well here, and I am assured that your brothers and Fitzwilliam will take care of you in London. If you would, tell your friends that they are welcome in the summer months next year. I myself have not been feeling well lately, and I have kept to my bed a lot more. Give my love to your brothers and Fitzwilliam.

Mother

This was very discouraging news to me. I had to write to Charlotte and extend an invitation for later in the year. I even wrote a note to Elizabeth, though I was unsure how she would react to it. She might even blame me for my cousin taking us to London. Mr. Bingley had left Hertfordshire without an engagement to Jane, and my cousin and Elizabeth still hated one another.

My stay in London had started to become dreary (Mr. Hillsborough had to go back to his estate for a few weeks and was sorely missed), but I received very good news from Matt.

He had taken no chances and had secured Charlotte's hand in marriage. I wondered where he had gone for a couple days. Unfortunately, it was a secret engagement until Matt could tell the family in person. First, he had to get Mother and Father on his side. Then, he had to tip-toe around Aunt Catherine.

A few days after we had arrived in London, Richard came and surprised us. I was so happy to see him. He hugged me to him and smiled.

"What is my baby sister doing here? Is Matt taking good care of you? I didn't know you two and Darcy were in town until today." After my brother had finished, I obliged him and told him everything that had happened up until now.

"Oh, Richard, Matt is taking great care of me. You have to speak with our cousin, though. He is ... being snobby." Richard laughed.

"Maybe I can talk some sense into him."

"Good luck," I muttered as he went into the library where Matt and William hid.

I had many misgivings about being in London for the winter. One reason was because I became suspicious about Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. They usually came with Mr. Bingley to our townhouse (we were staying at the Darcy townhouse), but a couple days they mysteriously didn't come. When asked, Mr. Bingley had shrugged and been just as puzzled.

"They must be entertaining someone," he said, his eyes down. The man looked like a lost puppy. It was then that I decided that I knew him well enough to counter my cousin's influence.

"Mr. Bingley," I said. "I cannot bear to see you so sad." I looked around and saw that William had gone to his room for his book and so continued. "Go back to Longbourn and propose to Jane Bennet!"

"She does not love me, Lady Fitzwilliam," he said dejectedly.

"But she does love you. I know she does. I have an intuition about these things. Besides, Lizzy told me that Jane had feelings for you." I became frustrated as Mr. Bingley shook his head again.

"Darcy, Caroline, and Louisa told me she doesn't love me. Miss Elizabeth may have wanted her sister to love me, but she may not know Miss Jane that well. Jane Bennet doesn't want me." I disagreed whole-heartedly about Elizabeth not knowing her sister's heart.

"Mr. Bingley..." I paused to consider the words I wanted to say. "Your sisters and my cousin have their own feelings about love and social class. You have no problem with marrying Miss Bennet. If you truly love her, then do not let my cousin get in your way. Miss Bennet does love you. Right this moment she is heart-broken that you left Netherfield. How can you stand to hurt her like that?" I held my breath, watching his expression change from disbelief to hope to despair.

"What if they are right and she rejects me?"

"I am sure she will not reject you," I said positively. Mr. Bingley jumped up from the chair, bowed, and left. As soon as he was gone, William joined me.

"Where did Bingley go?" he asked me, puzzled.

"Mr. Bingley had some business that could not wait," I told him, looking away so he could not see the glow on my face. My cousin watched me warily.

"Business? Do you know when he will return?"

"He did not inform me of that, Sir." William shook his head and began reading his book, and I wrote a letter to Charlotte about everything that had happened. I even wrote another one to Elizabeth, hoping we could be friends again.

"Lady Fitzwilliam, there is a Miss Jane Bennet and a Mrs. Gardiner waiting for you in the parlor," William's maid told me.

"Thank you, Mrs. Whitten." I was glad my cousin was out for the moment, and I held my breath as I went to see my guests.

"Miss Bennet!" I exclaimed, seeing Jane for the first time in weeks. "It is so nice to see you again." I hugged Jane, and then she introduced me to her Aunt Gardiner. "How are you and your husband, Mrs. Gardiner? Miss Bennet and Elizabeth have told me much about your family."

"We are doing quite well this winter," Mrs. Gardiner returned.

"Have you been in London long, Jane?" I asked, wanting to call her the informal name.

"I have been here some weeks," she said quietly. I tried not to gasp when she added that she had called on Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley before, too.

"Why did you not come see us?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"Miss Bingley made it clear that her brother knew I was in town--and you knew--and yet you did not want to see me." I became angry.

"Oh, Jane, had I known..." I had been looking down, and I noticed her hand. "Is that a ring on your finger?" I asked excitedly, my anger swiftly forgotten.

"Mr. Bingley told me that you were so kind as to--show him my true feelings. He asked me to be his wife, and I accepted." I jumped up and hugged Jane.

"I knew you loved him. You will be very happy together," I grinned. Mrs. Gardiner, Jane, and I talked for a while and then I was invited to dine with Mr. Bingley, Jane, and the Gardiners the next evening. I happily accepted. I was very happy, indeed ... until William came home.

"Emily Anne Fitzwilliam!" I heard him say angrily. My good mood quickly turned sour as I met my cousin in the entryway.

"Yes, Fitzwilliam?"

"Do you know how Charles Bingley and Jane Bennet became engaged?" He was trying to control his temper.

"He asked her and she accepted?" I replied sarcastically. A black cloud descended over Fitzwilliam Darcy, and I had never seen him so upset in my life. Suddenly, my cousin's expression changed to one of hurt. He shook his head, went upstairs to his bedchamber, and shut the door with a bang.

Chapter 17

Posted on Tuesday, 7 January 2003

The next morning I went down to eat breakfast and saw only Richard and William. Matt must have risen early and left the townhouse for I did not see him or any of his things.

I entered into the room and sat down. "Good morning, brother," I told Richard. Then I stared icily at William. "Good morning, Fitzwilliam."

"Good morning, Emily," Richard said, giving me an inquisitive look. William muttered a greeting to me and then fell silent. No one wanted to say anything for a while, but finally my brother started talking. "Are you doing anything today, Emily?"

"I am to dine at the Gardiners' home tonight. Mr. Bingley and Miss Bennet are to be there. You would love to meet them, Richard."

"I've met Bingley. He is a nice fellow. Darcy, why are you scowling?" Richard asked him, noticing that our cousin's face had turned very dark.

"He is engaged to Miss Bennet now," William told him, as if a major crime had been committed.

"Is that very bad?" Richard asked, giving the questioning glance to me.

"Of course not. I am glad that I encouraged Mr. Bingley to find her. Someone must have forgotten to mention to him that she was in London," I replied, glaring at William. Richard, seeing that we were about to argue, interrupted.

"Emily, were you telling me that you had news from Mother?" he asked quickly. I sighed in defeat.

"Yes. Mother says that Father has a contagious illness and no one must come to Matlock for a while. You, of course, know that much. I had invited some friends to visit, but that will be postponed until summer." Richard nodded, and suddenly he looked a little sly.

"Speaking of friends--Matt told me about Hillsborough going to Netherfield with him. How did you like him?" Did Matt tell Richard anything?

"Mr. Hillsborough? He is very nice, indeed. I like him very much," I said absentmindedly. I was remembering how gallant he was in defending me from George Wickham. His compliments to me were very nice too. My memories faded and I looked over and saw William shooting Richard a glance. "Why are you giving Richard that look?" I asked William.

"I have something to convey to him about Hillsborough. Emily, you are too meddlesome sometimes," William complained. I did what any well-bred girl would do: I sulked.

"I am too outspoken; I am too meddlesome. Is there anything else that you want to tell me, Cousin? I am ready to hear all of my faults."

"Yes, you hear them, but you do not take heed of them. Sometimes it is best to leave some things alone." Richard was tired of our bickering and stood.

"Darcy, will you accompany me to the library? I need to consult with you." William rose unhappily, but he left after my brother.

I do not know what they talked of during their conversation, but William was a little less curt to me afterwards. I just wished his attitude was different and that we were back to our old friendship.

Dinner at the Gardiners' went well, and I loved to see the way Jane and Mr. Bingley looked at one another. They were very much in love.

Their relationship and the topic of marriage brought joy to my heart, and it almost covered the sadness I felt being away from Mr. Hillsborough. I said his name so many times, I began to fear people would think I liked the man.

The day before Matt was to go to Hertfordshire again to see his betrothed, he asked me the question I had long dreaded.

"Emily, why are you always talking of Nathan? You even say his Christian name a lot," Matt told me.

"I became very good friends with him. Am I not allowed to miss a friend?" Matt's grin was lopsided.

"I have lost my sister for good." My heart froze at his words.

"What do you mean by that? I have not gone anywhere," I said forcefully.

"Emily, you are in love with the man if not becoming in love with him. I should have known. He will make a good brother, I dare say." I sputtered at my brother's premature match.

"Matthew, Mr. Hillsborough has not declared himself to me, and I have not said anything to him."

"It is only a matter of time, Em." Matt stood. "I'll tell Charlotte hello from you."

"Yes, please do," I managed to say as Matt hugged me and then took his leave from the townhouse. My brother infuriated me, and I only hoped he would not say anything to Mr. Hillsborough. Wretched man! Brothers can be a pain sometimes.

I became slightly ill (a trifle cold) in February, and I lay in bed very bored. I felt even more displeased when I heard that Mr. Hillsborough's business would keep him at his estate for a longer period of time than was at first thought. It caused me to be in a moody disposition, acting like Fitzwilliam whenever he is with strangers. Maybe it does run in the family.

I was very surprised when Elizabeth wrote me a letter that month, but I was disappointed that it was only civil. She wrote that I was invited to Jane and Mr. Bingley's wedding the next month and that her sister Mary was married to Mr. Collins a few weeks past. I was to go to Rosings Park with William, and since I knew William was going to be in the wedding, I would go too. (William had agreed to be in Mr. Bingley's wedding though he was not happy about it.)

So, I went to the wedding, and I thought it was beautiful. Jane looked like an angel in white, and Mr. Bingley's grin was permanently in place on his face.

Elizabeth was the maid of honor and William the best man, an interesting combination. She took his arm stiffly as they left the church, and I just shook my head.

I waved Mr. and Mrs. Bingley off to their new life together, and then I went to London for a couple weeks. Before I knew it, I was on my way to Aunt Catherine's home--Rosings Park, home of the £800 chimney or some such ridiculous amount. There, I knew that I would get an adventure.

Chapter 18, part I

Posted on Tuesday, 7 January 2003

On the morning we departed, William grit his teeth and apologized to me. I was very surprised, but I was too fond of him to quarrel anymore.

"Emily, please forgive me. You and I have differing opinions on some matters, and it is best to ignore them instead of arguing."

I wanted to say that his opinions were prideful and abhorrent, but I sighed and shrugged instead. I ignored those thoughts and tried to think on his pleasant traits.

"If you wish, William. I am sorry that instead of trying to be loving to you, I have provoked you. I wish for you to be happy, but I cannot make you do things that you do not want to do."

"Then, we are friends and cousins again?" he asked with a small grin.

"We shall always be cousins by blood, but friendship is nice as well," I told him as we hugged. I hadn't given up on him yet, but I realized that I would have to be a gentle influence. I would also have to be subtle.

As we rode in the carriage to Rosings (we set out very early, too), William glanced at me and noted my pale face.

"You are almost as pale as Anne," William teased me.

"Thank you, Cousin," I said, giving him a pretend glare. I confess that I missed Mr. Hillsborough more than I let on, but William did not need to know that. I turned sweet. "You better save me from Aunt Catherine. She is the last person I want to see right now, but I had to get out of dreary London."

I saw her at Rosings at Easter every few years, and so this year would be the first time in almost three years that I had seen her at Easter (though Richard, Matt, and William go more frequently than I do).

"I think you will bear it well," William said. Then he grinned and added, "Unless Aunt Catherine provokes you." I knew our aunt was fond of provoking people.

I looked down and sighed. After a few minutes, I started thinking about Elizabeth's friendship with me.

"I am still upset with Elizabeth. Charlotte and I correspond, and now Jane will write some, but Elizabeth is going to forever dislike me." William's face changed when I spoke Elizabeth's name, and I was curious to know his feelings. "William, why when you heard of Mr. Bingley's engagement to Jane, did you look hurt? I understand your feelings of anger, however much I feel the opposite, but you looked hurt. Why?"

"It is of no consequence," William said, looking out the carriage window. I knew the answer had something to do with Elizabeth, however, I dropped the subject.

After another period of silence, though he had given me a small smile, I brought up Elizabeth again.

"William, Elizabeth's sister is now married to Mr. Collins, and we will have to see them. Will you mind?"

"I will be civil to Mr. and Mrs. Collins, if that is what you mean," he answered.

"Will it not remind you of Elizabeth?"

"Emily, I am trying to for--put Miss Elizabeth Bennet to the back of my mind; that will only happen if you cease speaking of her around me." His words were final, and so we traveled the rest of the way to Rosings in silence.

My Aunt Catherine prides herself in her home, but I think it gaudy compared to my home or Pemberley. I would never say that to my aunt, of course, though I have wanted to put her in her place a few times. My brothers and cousin have stopped me on several occasions from saying what I really thought to our aunt.

On this day, Aunt Catherine rose and greeted us as we entered. She kissed my cheek with her leathery lips, and I tried not to make a face.

"Emily, Fitzwilliam, how was your journey?" she asked as we sat down in her expansive drawing room.

The fireplace loomed in front of us, and I stared at it, wanting to leave the conversation to William. Anne sat on the sofa opposite of me, her face pale, her shoulders drooped, and a handkerchief in her hand. She coughed delicately, and suddenly I was glad that I was not born Aunt Catherine's daughter.

I wasn't paying any attention to Aunt Catherine until I heard, "Elizabeth Bennet." I turned in my seat and stared at my aunt.

"Did you say Elizabeth Bennet, Aunt Catherine?" I asked her.

"Miss Bennet is here visiting her sister who is newly married to my clergyman, Mr. Collins. She has been here a few weeks."

I felt my heart beat faster. Maybe Lizzy and I could make up! Maybe William could propose! No, strike that. He wasn't likely to do that. And she would not say yes. Of that, I knew her too well. She absolutely hated my cousin.

At Aunt Catherine's declaration, William turned pale. Hmmm. I may enjoy my stay at Rosings, I thought to myself with a grin. Aunt Catherine brought me back to the present with her griping about the weather and Anne's health. I sighed and tried not to look bored. I wondered how my Aunt Anne and my father could stand her as they grew up together.

"I have heard about your mother and father. Very disturbing," Aunt Catherine said. "I hope the illness is not fatal." I had not thought of that, and my aunt just added another worry to my list.

"I am sure they are fine, Aunt," William told her, reassuring me as well. "It sounds more bothersome than anything else."

"Yes, well, I am very displeased," she said in her high-and-mighty voice. "I had wanted to see my brother and sister-in-law, and now I shall have to wait." I managed to sit through another hour of her banter and then excused myself.

I had all but forgotten my brother was to come to Rosings as well, and so when he came down the stairs, I smiled brightly.

"Richard!" He hugged me and then took my arm.

"When did you and Darcy get here?" he asked me.

"We have been here for a few hours, I suppose. I tuned out Aunt Catherine and lost track of time." Richard laughed at that.

"When did you arrive?" I asked him, puzzled about why he came down the stairs and had not been announced.

"I arrived a few minutes ago and had to wash up first." I nodded.

"I am glad to see you again," I said to him with a smile.

"I am glad to see you too, Em. You are my favorite sister," he said lovingly.

"I am your only sister," I answered back.

"You, my dear, are the best sister any man could want," he told me proudly. I smiled at him.

"You will have to speak to William about that, brother. He will say the same about Cousin Georgiana."

"Indeed I would," we heard.

"Darce! It is good to see you again." Richard sounded as if he hadn't seen William in years, though it had only been a few weeks. I chuckled at the camaraderie between the two cousins. Richard and William greeted one another, and then we all sat down with our aunt and cousin.

An hour later, Elizabeth and Mr. and Mrs. Collins were announced. They took a seat and listened to my aunt's droning praise about herself.

After being here only five minutes, I saw that Elizabeth's cheeks were warm. William looked to be the cause of her discomfort as he stared at her intensely. The man was pathetically in love.

Elizabeth and I looked at each other, and I smiled shyly. Elizabeth sighed and then smiled back a little. I knew the only way our friendship would survive would be for her to believe that Wickham was bad.

However Elizabeth felt about William and me, she seemed to take a liking to my elder brother very much. Richard thought Elizabeth was lovely, and I was a bit apprehensive that he and William would compete for her, but I think it was more friendship than anything else on his part.

Soon the men departed, and the ladies had tea in the drawing room. As my aunt questioned Elizabeth extensively about her education and family, I began to feel uncomfortable. My aunt became very agitated when Elizabeth said all her sisters were out at once--of course now two of them were married, but they had all been out in the fall.

I gave Elizabeth an apologetic look, and she shook her head slightly. I knew she had ample reason to think my cousin a hypocrite to say anything about her family. I had been telling Fitzwilliam that all along, but he would not listen. The men returned, and before long Elizabeth and her sister and new brother took their leave for Hunsford.

A week later, Elizabeth and her sister and brother-in-law came again to visit. Richard had asked Elizabeth to play the pianoforte for him. My cousin looked envious and paid no attention to our Aunt's ravings.

Mr. Collins was doing all the listening anyway. "Your ladyship this... Your ladyship that..." The man was annoying. Poor Mary. Though Mary looked happy enough to be his wife, I would not want such a life.

But, I digress. I was saying that my cousin looked envious, and so he had to get up and walk over to hear Elizabeth. Not wanting to listen to my aunt any longer either (and wanting to hear what they said as well), I also got up and sat on the other side of Richard. Elizabeth played and only a few notes clanked here and there; she was quite good in my estimation.

Elizabeth watched as my cousin stood staring at her while she played. My brother looked amused at their display, and I saw as Elizabeth suddenly spoke to William.

"You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me."

"I shall not say that you are mistaken," he replied. "You could not really believe me to contemplate any plan of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own."

I bit my lip at his statement, but Elizabeth laughed at this picture of herself and said to my brother, "Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in Hertfordshire--and, give me leave to say, very impolitic too--for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out as will shock your relations to hear--excepting Emily," she added.

My brother winked at me from his seat next to Elizabeth. He was as intrigued about the relationship between William and Elizabeth as I was.

"I am not afraid of you," William said with a smile. You should be I thought to myself. Elizabeth was not one to be reckoned with.

"Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of," my brother cried. "I should like to know how he behaves among strangers."

"Richard," I whispered in his left ear. "Not a good topic."

"Nonsense, Em," he whispered back. I sat back, waiting for the explosion to come.

"I am surprised Emily did not tell you," Elizabeth said with a glance to me.

"It did not seem worthy of mention," I mumbled. Elizabeth's mouth twitched but she continued.

"The first time of my ever seeing Mr. Darcy in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball--and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only six dances--two of them with Emily! I am sorry to pain you--but so it was. He danced only six dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my knowledge, more than one young lady was in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact." William merely shook his head.

"I had not at that time the honor of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party. Emily can vouch for that."

"True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ballroom," Elizabeth said as she finished a piece of music. She began another piece and looked up at William.

"I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers," was his reply. This argument seemed familiar. I think Elizabeth and I had this conversation on the night of the ball.

"Emily, Colonel Fitzwilliam, why is a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, ill qualified to recommend himself to strangers?" Elizabeth thought she was gaining the upper hand, but William didn't look fazed.

"He is reserved," I answered, defending William. My brother had another theory.

"It is because he will not give himself the trouble." Richard leaned back in his seat, looking pleased with himself.

"I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before," William cut in.

"My fingers do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner as well as I should like, but then I have always supposed it to be my own fault--because I would not take the trouble of practicing." She gave him another arch look.

William smiled and said, "You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers."

"Darcy, what are you all talking of?" Aunt Catherine screeched from her seat.

"Music, Aunt Catherine," I answered for William.

"Miss Bennet will never play really well unless she practices!" Aunt Catherine said with authority. I blew out my breath and mocked my aunt out of her sight. Elizabeth could not help laughing at my imitation of her.

"Emily, you should not mock Aunt Catherine," William admonished quietly, though a smile played on his lips.

"I have to mock her or she angers me too much," I replied, my nose all out of shape.

The conversation for today was finished, my aunt ruining whatever Elizabeth and William were to say next. They left soon thereafter.

After they had left, my aunt excused herself and Anne went to her room. Richard and I were silently contemplating the day's events when I looked up and saw William pacing. He looked as if he was pondering something very important for his brow was lowered in concentration.

"William, what are you doing?" I asked him.

"I am--thinking. Please excuse me, cousins." He left the room quickly.

"Darcy seems preoccupied with a certain lady," Richard remarked.

"Yes, he is. He looks as if he is going to do something about it, too. I hope he does not do anything stupid around Elizabeth," I muttered.

"He will be fine, Emily."

"I have a bad feeling about this, Richard," I disagreed. "He is planning to do something, and I wish I knew what." I excused myself after that and took a walk outside. I did not know that it would be my last moment of sanity for a while.

Chapter 18, Part II

Posted on Friday, 17 January 2003

Bright and early the next morning I heard voices outside of my chamber. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and then quickly threw off my covers. Jumping from my bed, I reached the door and then opened it a sliver.

"Very good. I am off now," William said to his manservant. I was about to call out to William, but he left quickly down the stairs. I opened the door a little wider, though not wide enough for impropriety, and called to William's manservant.

"Excuse me--where is Mr. Darcy going?" I asked.

"Mr. Darcy is going to the parsonage, my Lady," he said before bowing and then leaving.

I swiftly dressed and then tried to find Richard. However, it wasn't hard to do since I found him in the Rosings library, the third room I had looked. My brother wasn't that avid a reader so I assumed he was hiding from our aunt.

"Richard, did you know that William went to the parsonage?" I announced. Richard looked up from what looked like a newspaper and raised his eyebrows at me.

"Did he?"

"Richard!" He was about to answer me when we heard the door open and in came the very person whom we had just spoken of.

"Darcy!" Richard said, surprised at seeing him come into the room. William looked fidgety and remained silent.

"Did you see Mr. and Mrs. Collins and Miss Elizabeth?" I asked, trying to gain the information since he was not volunteering it.

"No," he said, twisting the signet ring on his pinky. "Miss Elizabeth was quite alone..." It was very hard for me to gather what happened from my cousin. He was pacing again.

"What happened?" I finally asked, impatient with him.

"Emily, I just talked with her for a while," he said, a far-away look in his eyes. I saw Richard pick up the paper again.

"Are you not interested in our cousin's conversation, Richard?" I asked him. Richard looked to William.

"When he is ready to reveal it, I am sure we will hear it," was all he said, frustrating me.

Being very energetic, I myself started pacing the floor. Astonishingly, a few minutes later, when I had glanced over to look at my cousin, he was no where to be seen.

"Richard, William has disappeared!" I said with disappointment. "I gained no new information."

"You must have been thinking too much to notice his departure, Em." I scowled for a moment and then left Richard to himself. Deciding to talk with my aunt, I felt like I was going into battle (to borrow my brother's phrase), and I was already put on the defensive when I came into the room.

"Emily, where have you been?" she asked me, her voice perfectly accusatory.

"I have been with my brother, Aunt. We were in the library." I had just given away my brother's hiding place, but Aunt Catherine looked as if that were the last place she would go. And she looked very put out.

"Yes, well, I have been wanting to speak with you and your brother for some time. Even Darcy left early this morning and spoke to no one about it. It is all very vexing, indeed."

"Yes, Aunt. Of course," I said, not really caring about her ills. Maybe I am not quite the model niece. Dear Georgiana could listen to our aunt all day long and still be a lady. I, however, had a limit.

As I suspected, very soon my eyes glazed over and I truly thought I was dying. She talked of how accomplished Anne might have been had she not been sick... She even mentioned William's betrothal to Anne and how Aunt Anne would have loved to see the day of their marriage. I knew I could take no more and finally excused myself.

To amuse myself, I took a piece of paper out of one of Aunt Catherine's desks and began to write upon it. I wrote a letter to Matt, and then I wrote one to Charlotte. When I was finished, I refrained from sealing them. I spent some time outdoors and then retired early to bed for I was very tired.

The next day, my brother and I were walking and enjoying the nature around us when we saw Elizabeth. I smiled and saw her respond in kind.

"Good morning, Colonel, Emily," Elizabeth greeted us.

"Good morning, Miss Bennet," my brother responded. She walked on his left and I was on his right. At first we were silent, but then Elizabeth began talking.

"Do you leave on Saturday?" At those words, my heart fell. I had forgotten we were to leave then even though William had delayed leaving for days.

"Yes--if Darcy does not put it off again. But we are at his disposal. He arranges business just as he pleases."

"And if not able to please himself in the arrangement, he has at least great pleasure in the power of choice. I do not know anybody who seems more to enjoy the power of doing what he likes than Mr. Darcy."

"He likes to have his own way very well," my brother replied. "But so we all do. It is only that he has better means of having it than many other, because he is so rich, and many others are poor. I speak feelingly. A younger son, you know, must be accustomed to self-denial and dependence." I sniffed at his words. My brother sounded as if he should be pitied.

"In my opinion, the younger son of an earl can know very little of either. Now, seriously, what have you ever known of self-denial and dependence? When have you been prevented by want of money from going wherever you chose, or procuring anything you had a fancy for?" I looked over and saw Richard look uncomfortable.

"These are excellent questions--and perhaps I cannot say that I have experienced many hardships of that nature. I may suffer from the want of money. Younger sons cannot marry where they like." Elizabeth's eyebrows rose at that.

"What of your brother, Colonel? He can do whatever he likes? He is younger than you are, is he not?"

"He has chosen love before wealth, that is true," Richard admitted reluctantly.

"And would you not?"

"I cannot say, Miss Bennet," he answered, and the subject was dropped.

I was silently reflecting on what they had said, and the other two were just as quiet.

Soon, Elizabeth said, "I imagine your cousin brought you and your sister down with him chiefly for the sake of having somebody at his disposal." Elizabeth eyed me. "I wonder he does not marry to secure a lasting convenience of that kind. But, perhaps his sister does as well for the present, and as she is under his sole care, he may do what he likes with her." Richard shook his head.

"Actually, Miss Bennet, I am joined with him in the guardianship of Miss Darcy." Elizabeth looked surprised at the information.

"And pray what sort of guardian do you make? Does Miss Darcy give you much trouble? Young ladies of her age are sometimes a little difficult to manage, and if she has the true Darcy spirit, she may like to have her own way." This time I protested.

"Elizabeth, Georgiana is a very sweet but shy girl. She would no more make trouble than Matt or Charlotte would."

Elizabeth looked as if she doubted me, but said, "I never heard anything against her; and I dare say she is one of the most well brought-up creatures in the world. Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley--my new sisters-in-law--talked of her some. I think I have heard you say that you know them, Colonel." My brother nodded.

"I know them a little. Their brother is a pleasant gentlemanlike man--he is a great friend of Darcy's. I know that he his now your brother." Suddenly I realized that we were heading in the wrong direction. I was about to change the subject when Elizabeth talked first.

"Oh! yes," she said dryly--"Mr. Darcy is uncommonly kind to Mr. Bingley, and takes care of him exceptionally well."

"Yes, I really believe Darcy does take care of him where he needs it. Though, he was in a black mood when he learned of Bingley's engagement," Richard mumbled, forgetting himself. Elizabeth's eyes narrowed.

"And why was Mr. Darcy in a black mood when he heard of his friend's engagement?" Richard Fitzwilliam was caught, and thus I gave him a hard glare. Elizabeth was not apt to miss anything, and so she stopped and waited for his explanation. "I want only the truth, Colonel," Elizabeth added. I huffed at her tone.

"My brother does not lie, Elizabeth." Both ignored me and Richard began to look as if he were in want of an escape, but Elizabeth repeated the question.

"He said that he had tried to keep Mr. Bingley away from your sister. That is why Bingley and his party were in London. Bingley did not know your sister was in London until just before he proposed to her." Richard said this part in a low voice, and I could not help but cringe. Eventually, I knew that Elizabeth would have to know, but before she knew my cousin's true character...

"Did Mr. Darcy give you his reasons for this interference?" Elizabeth's face resembled the sky before a storm was to come, dark and dangerous. She was livid. Richard wanted me to help him out, but I was at a loss of how to do it.

"He had some objections to the former Miss Bennet," he muttered even more lowly, so lowly that I had to strain to hear him. Elizabeth had no problem making out my brother's words--as soon as she heard, her eyes flashed in anger.

"I do not see what right Mr. Darcy had to decide on the propriety of his friend's preference, or why, upon his own judgment alone, he was to determine and direct in what manner that friend was to be happy. But," she continued, recollecting herself, "all is well now. My sister is happily married to Mr. Bingley." She was unnaturally silent the rest of the way to the parsonage and only then said a terse good-bye. Richard and I walked arm-in-arm back to Rosings.

"I should tell you that I am not speaking to you again," I sighed. Richard sighed as well.

"I am sorry, Em. I did not think before I spoke."

"That is supposed to be one of my faults, not yours," I moaned. "Elizabeth will never forgive him now!"

And, indeed, Fitzwilliam Darcy was cast out of favor with Miss Elizabeth Bennet--only he did not know this.

As soon as Richard and I returned to Rosings, I caught William leaving. Being entirely too impulsive, I decided to follow him. I was still upset about Elizabeth knowing that William had deliberately separated her sister from Mr. Bingley, and thus I was not in a good mood. Nevertheless, I wanted to know where he was going as I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that it was to Hunsford.

Just as I thought, William started walking in the direction of the parsonage. This was not going to be good. I followed behind at a reasonable distance and then hid behind some bushes as William walked up to the door of Hunsford. He was shown into the parsonage, and I was left to ponder how I would get inside. Fortunately, there was no need to get in.

Elizabeth happened to be sitting in a room with an open window. At first I heard low voices and then I heard my cousin's voice grow louder and flow very clearly out the window.

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." My jaw dropped at his open declaration, and knowing that she was not going to particularly like him at this time, I felt for my cousin the rejection that was sure to come.

There was an awkward silence that ensued, and I realized that there was such a stillness in the air at that particular moment... My cousin's voice could be heard again.

"I have come to love you against my will and my own reason. I realize the inferiority of your relations; they lack a want of propriety ...Your mother lacks polish and is a disgrace to society ...Your sisters, except Mrs. Bingley, have no shame, and sometimes even your father acts without thought. Despite all these misgivings, I have come to love you. I know that our marriage will sever some of my familial relationships ... I cannot help that." He paused for a moment and then said, "Please relieve me of my distress and consent to be my wife."

In my surprise at such bold and unfeeling words, I had sat in the grass, not caring if my dress became dirty. I listened with abated breath at her response to such a ... proposal.

"In cases such as this, it is, I believe, the established method to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments declared, however equally they may be returned. If I could feel gratitude, I would thank you now. But I cannot--" My heart sank. I knew she would never consent, yet ...I had hoped everything would work out in the end, but it all went wrong.

"I have never desired your good opinion, and you, Mr. Darcy, have bestowed it most unwillingly. The pain I have caused has been done unconsciously, and I hope it is of short duration. The feelings which you tell me have long prevented the acknowledgement of your regard can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation."

"And this is all the reply which I am to expect? I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus rejected."

Because you are a pompous, arrogant, puffed-up, rat... There were a lot more names I could call my cousin (in my head, of course), but I held off and listened to her response.

"I might as well inquire, why with so evident a design of offending and insulting me you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? However, I have other reasons as well to dislike you, Mr. Darcy. Do you think that there would have been any consideration that would tempt to me accept the man who almost ruined forever the happiness of a most beloved sister?"

I groaned to myself. Richard's words did have an effect on her.

"I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. Can you deny that you were the means of dividing Mr. Bingley and my sister from one another this winter? Of making my sister miserable and ill?"

"I have no wish to deny it," William said, his voice proud even after rejection. "Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself." Here he stopped talking. His voice became bewildered. "I would have rejoiced in my success of dividing them had not Emily interfered." Did my cousin not know that Jane loved Mr. Bingley? Was he so dense?

"It is not merely this affair, which did end happily, on which my dislike is founded. Mr. Wickham told me of your character many months ago in Meryton. How will you defend yourself?"

"You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns," I heard William respond.

"Who that knows what his misfortunes have been can help feeling an interest in him?" Elizabeth cried passionately. I clenched my fists in anger. Wickham was always up to no good, and he had charmed even an intelligent woman.

"His misfortunes!" William repeated with hatred. "Yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed."

"And from your infliction!" Elizabeth added. "He is impoverished and could have had all the advantages that were supposed to be given him had you not withheld them from him. You treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule--that you alone have created."

"And this is your opinion of me? My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed. But perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honest confessions of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. Had I concealed my struggles and flattered you, these bitter accusations might have been suppressed." I began to feel ill. Could this conversation get any worse?

"Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings that I related. They were natural and just. I could not rejoice in the inferiority of your connections. What do you think I would feel to have relations that are so decidedly beneath my own?" My cousin's words sent such a blow to me, that I felt as if I were punched. My hand went to my mouth.

"You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner." She was not finished yet. "You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any way possible that would have tempted me to accept it."

"This is going to be very bad," I whispered to myself, wanting the confrontation to end.

"From the very beginning, from the first moment I saw you, of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain for the feelings of others--no matter how much your cousin tried to tell me otherwise-- were such as to form a very loathsome dislike of you; I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could be prevailed upon to marry."

"You have said quite enough, madam. I understand your feelings exactly and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for taking up your time. I hope you will soon be in good health. Good day."

I heard nothing for a minute and then quickly hid behind a bush as William came out the door, his face angry and red. I saw him walk by, his walking cane swinging every which way.

Then, I thought I heard Elizabeth crying. My heart went out to her. I was angry and sad enough to cry right now too. I would never forgive Mr. Hillsborough if he proposed in such a way, and I would understand completely if Elizabeth never forgave my cousin.

I was too restless the rest of the afternoon. The only comfort I could have would be to ride my horse. Since my horse was at Matlock, that would not be possible. I settled on walking the countryside for a few hours. When I was exhausted, I returned to Rosings.

Richard met me when I came in the door. "Emily, where have you been? Aunt Catherine is looking for you and Darcy is in the most wretched mood."

"Yes, I know," I replied.

"He says we are to leave on the morrow, too," he told me. I nodded.

"Is William needed in London? Perhaps we can all go home and Matt and Andrew could come too."

"I will talk to Darcy, Emily. I do not know yet. He has business in London, but he might not be there for very long." Then he shook his head. "Em, we won't be able to return until Mother says it is fine. They are still recovering from being ill," he said softly.

"Richard, I miss home," I said, ready to burst into tears any minute. Richard, not knowing why I was upset, hugged me and then told me to rest myself. Needless to say, I slept very little that night. I was ready to leave Rosings.

Continued In Next Section