Section I, Next Section
The story begins from the conservation of Elisabeth and Colonel Fitzwilliam when she learnt about Darcy's role in separating Bingley and Jane.
"No," - said Colonel Fitzwilliam, "that is an advantage which he must divide with me. I am joined with him in the guardianship of Miss Darcy."
"Are you indeed? Does she have the true Darcy spirit? She must be much like her brother."
Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed thoughtful for a moment and then said -
"No, I don't think Georgiana has true Darcy spirit. She may seem reserved to many people but I must confess that she is extremely modest and shy."
"This cannot be," - Elisabeth thought, - "This portrait is quite opposite to what I had heard from Wickham."
She perfectly remembered everything Wickham had revealed about the Darcys. Many of his expressions were still fresh in her memory: "But she is too much like her brother, - very, very proud." It was such a contradiction between Wickham's and Colonel Fitzwilliam's words. She had no reason not to trust Wickham, but what Fitzwilliam had communicated overthrew Wickham's story. "There must be some explanation" - thought Elisabeth, - "Wickham could not have been mistaken so much. He had known Miss Darcy since her birth, there can not be a mistake. Or may be, she has improved considerably since he met her last time."
Elisabeth was so eager to find out the truth that forced herself to speak -
" I have heard so much about Mr. Darcy's estate Pemberley.Is it so delightful and charming as people said?"
" Oh yes, but you can not imagine all its beauty until you could see it by yourself. And to whom are you indebted for this communication? To Darcy, I suppose. He is so proud of his house and grounds. He is an excellent landlord."
"You are quite mistaken, sir. It was Mr. Wickham who told me so much of Pemberley. You must know, he passed his youth there."
" Yes, I am aware of it," - said Colonel Fitzwilliam in a cold tone. Elisabeth didn't know what to think. An apparent unwillingness of her companion to talk of Wickham awakened some suspicions in her mind. Did Colonel Fitzwilliam know about Darcy's disgraceful conduct towards Wickham or based his dislike only on his cousin's words, it didn't do him the honour in any case. Elisabeth was amazed at Darcy's ability to deceive everyone despite all his unjust and shameful doings. Everyone must be blinded by his wealth and haughty manners, but the reason by which such a clever and pleasant man as Colonel Fitzwilliam was so ready to be deceived was beyond her understanding. The brotherly affection must have been the only reason for it.
" Does Miss Darcy spend much of her time at Pemberley?" - was Elisabeth's next question.
" She usually spends summer there," - said Fitzwilliam, apparently relieved by the change of subject.
" She is a very great favourite with some ladies of my acquaintance, Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley. I think I have heard you say that you know them."
" I know them a little. Their brother is a pleasant gentlemanlike man - he is a great friend of Darcy's."
I have no intention to inset a whole piece of P&P. You must know what happened later - Elisabeth learnt about Darcy's interference and became very agitated and angry.
Elisabeth at first decided not to attend her cousins to Rosings where they were engaged to drink tea, so great was her unwillingness to see Mr. Darcy, and even told Charlotte of her headache. Mr. Collins was extremely displeased by this communication, repeating Lady Catherine's wish to see them all at Rosings that evening. But after several minutes of meditation it became clear to her that a lonely evening would only make her feelings of mortification and agitation even deeper. And so she was to go to Rosings.
Posted on Monday, 21 April 2003
This evening at Rosings was much similar to many other evenings spent there by Elisabeth. Lady Catherine was very attentive to her nephews, especially to Darcy, and her other guests were received civilly but without much delight. Mr. and Mrs. Collins were conversing with Miss de Bourgh, or rather Mr. Collins commended everything that could be praised in the house and near it, and Mrs. Collins was engaged in listening to what her husband said.
Elisabeth was sitting near them but her headache was becoming worse and she only occasionally joined the conversation. Her mind was so busily engaged by the communication she had heard from Colonel Fitzwilliam, that she hardly could speak to anybody. She could think of nothing but of that strange conversation with him. She believed him to be a real gentleman and was so disappointed by his cold attitude towards Wickham. Elisabeth was trying to calm herself and began to be exceedingly sorry for coming at all.
Mr. Darcy was engaged by his aunt, but she could see him often looking at the corner where their company was seated. But his gazes made her even more angry and irritated and once or twice she bravely met his eyes without any sign of discomposure. She recalled again and again how abominable had his conduct been towards poor Wickham, how unjustly had he deprived this young man of any hope for the happy and independent life. And Jane, sweet Jane, how she must suffer from the unpardonable interference of Darcy in his friend's affairs. It was unbearable to think of all people who were deceived by him.
And then she was struck by a sudden, awful, disastrous idea which had never crossed her mind before. She always believed Bingley, and later Colonel Fitzwilliam being somehow deceived by Darcy, but if the only one who had been deceived was she! If it was she, who misjudged the situation, underestimated the character of Darcy and too quickly trusted Wickham? Then there was no need in explanation for Fitzwilliam's disliking Wickham, for Bingley's blind confidence in his friend, for odd incongruities in Wickham's and Colonel Fitzwilliam's portraits of Miss Darcy. Astonishment, apprehension, and even horror, oppressed her. She immediately tried to drive these thoughts away from her mind perceiving all the danger of proceeding in such a direction, for these revelations if true must overthrow every cherished opinion of Wickham's worth. She was perplexed, stunned, perturbed; and how was she sorry at that moment for not staying at Hunsford, where she could in perfect loneliness meditate on all these things.
Darcy on his side from the very beginning of the evening noticed Miss Bennet's strange silence and absence of mind. He watched her intensively during all her visit and, looking at her pale face and embarrassed manners, became more and more agitated by the thought of her state; he could not stand seeing her sufferings and, making an excuse, left his seat near Lady Catherine, and advanced towards Elisabeth.
Elisabeth at that moment was so engaged by her vain attempts not to think of Wickham, that hardly noticed him, so she started by the sounds of his commiserating voice -
"Miss Bennet, are you unwell?"
She lifted her eyes looking at him with a mixture of mistrust and amazement, then, rather hesitatingly, answered -
"Don't disturb yourself, Mr. Darcy, I am well. It is only a slight headache which, I am sure, will stop soon."
He seemed thoughtful, stood by her for several seconds and then placed himself near her.
"You must allow me to tell your friends that you are unwell and must return to Hunsford without delay. It would be the most reasonable thing to do for you in such a state. I insist upon your having rest."
"You are very kind, but I do not want to spoil the pleasant evening to Mr. and Mrs. Collins."
Mr. Darcy was silent again, seemed knowing not what to talk of and then Lady Catherine called out -
"What are you telling Miss Bennet, Darcy? Come here, I must tell you something important concerning Anne."
He could not avoid such a strict order and took his leave with a slight bow. Elisabeth knew not what to think. Such attention could not have been unnoticed. She followed him with her eyes watching him talking in a very low voice to his aunt. She didn't know what had been said, but several minutes later it was announced that Lady Catherine's carriage was ready to take Collins's, Miss Bennet and Miss Lucas to Hunsford. She perceived immediately that it had been all his doing and, feeling so great gratitude towards him at that moment, she could not deter herself from whispering to him almost unintelligible "thank you".
Why was he so attentive, so kind towards her? Had she deserved such attitude, she would not have been so amazed, so astonished by this change in him, but her behaviour to him had always been bordering on the uncivil, and she could not find the reason to explain that event.
Darcy was leaving Rosings with a mixture of pain and relief. He was relieved to depart without doing such a foolish thing as to propose to Miss Elisabeth Bennet, who had no money, no eligible connections. His pride, his honour opposed to such degradation, to such an unequal marriage. But his pain was great and the only remedy to cure his wound was inaccessible to him. He spent many sleepless nights struggling against himself; he was torn between honour and feelings, reason and love. It was hard indeed for him to leave, but he believed his departure necessary and reasonable.
Darcy felt a strange kind of some satisfaction knowing that he had left Elisabeth in a depressed state. He accounted it for his leaving without forming any serious design, and to know that she was suffering too was to a certain extent a balm on his heart.
He understood perfectly that only a miracle saved him from making an offer of marriage, he was even amazed at not doing that. But now he was to go away and he hoped that there would be no such circumstances any more to bring Miss Elisabeth Bennet on his way again. And then he recalled her dark eyes, her warm smiles, her unaffected and playful manners, and the pain was returning with an additional strength, and at such moments he was thinking whether it had been not too heavy a sacrifice to his pride and family duties.
Elizabeth spent a long sleepless night. All thoughts that tormented her that evening at Rosings didn't leave her. In vain tried she to close her eyes and take rest at least for an hour; all her attempts failed, her mind was engaged with different thoughts, speculations, suppositions. Every expression, every look, every gesture were awakened in her memory; she tried to recollect everything and make the right conclusion based on facts only.
"There must be some misunderstanding," thought Elizabeth, "But no, I laughed at Jane when she had supposed both Darcy and Wickham being deceived by someone. It will not do. Someone is right and someone lies. Oh God, I, who have always valued myself on my abilities, might have been so foolish, so unsensical, so prejudiced against the man who neglected me on the very beginning of our acquaintance!"
But she wasn't capable of making the final conclusion. The facts Wickham had related to her she didn't trust any more. The conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam was the first sign that forced her to think upon the whole story. But the main reason for her current bitter meditations was the unusual conduct of Mr. Darcy during the last evening. His manners had still been reserved and stiff; he hardly knew what to say to her; but his kindness could not untouch her and she began to think that had paid too much attention to his manners and address but never tried to know his real character. And now she was afraid of seeing too much good in him.
But then her thoughts returned to Jane and Bingley, and she couldn't justify Mr. Darcy's conduct in that affair, she couldn't find any circumstances in which he would have been able to defend himself. Mr. Darcy's abominable pride, thought she, was the only reason for separating Bingley and Jane. Perhaps he didn't want Bingley to marry his sister but inferiority of the Bennet's' connections was too great an evil to him.
"To Jane herself," she exclaimed, "There could be no possibility of objections, all loveliness and goodness as she is! Her understanding excellent, her mind improved, and her manners captivating."
Her feelings towards Mr. Darcy were at times different. When she remembered her sister's sufferings, she was still full of indignation; but when she recalled his kindness and a slight smile on his face when she was whispering her "thank you", she was all confusion and perplexity. At last she resolved to leave all her vain attempts of revealing the truth and wait until she could be able to find some facts that justify Darcy or Wickham.
Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which at length closed her eyes. She knew that Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam would come and was waiting with impatience for this visit, for it was the last opportunity for her to watch Mr. Darcy and try to learn more of him.
Both gentlemen were at the very good time when all three ladies were at Hunsford. Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed to a certain degree out of humour and Charlotte immediately accounted it for his unwillingness to leave her dear friend Eliza. Mr. Darcy was silent and thoughtful as ever; but this time Charlotte did not notice even those earnest, steadfast looks at Elizabeth which she had often observed during his previous visits. It seemed as if he intentionally chose any other object to look at. Her friend was out of spirits as the last evening, and Mrs. Collins was perplexed by the thoughts what could have happened to bring her into such a state.
Elizabeth, on her side, was very earnest and attentive in her attempts to observe Mr. Darcy's behavior. She listened to every word he uttered though he rarely opened his lips; and their visit was so brief that she could hardly learn something new of him. But to the end of the conversation he had been animated a little and even asked Elizabeth some questions concerning her impressions with Kent.
"As I know, you are leaving next week. Mrs. Collins must be upset at loosing your company so very soon."
"I am grieved at loosing her company too; but at the same time I am looking forward with impatience to see my dear sister Jane. She was out of spirits when I left her."
Mr. Darcy gave her an earnest and very tense look.
"Is she unwell?" at last asked he in a constrained manner.
"I hope, she is well," said Elizabeth not daring to mention the real course for her sister's distressed state.
Darcy seemed as he wanted to ask more on that occasion but it was time for both gentlemen to leave. Colonel Fitzwilliam was eloquent and effusive in bidding farewell and even kissed all three ladies' hands with affectionate gallantry. Mr. Darcy only bowed slightly and sent his compliments to all Hertfordshire acquaintance. And they went away.
Posted on Tuesday, 6 May 2003
The two gentlemen left Rosings next morning. Mr Collins hastened to Rosings and returned with satisfactory news of Lady Catherine’s and her daughter’s good health and their impatient waiting for Hunsford company to dine there. Lady Catherine was much diffusive in her relating all the sorrow of the young gentlemen to leave and their increased attachment to Rosings. Especially did she emphasize on Darcy’s obvious regret. Mr Collins of course had a compliment alluded to a certain happy event that could take place, he hoped, very soon. His civilities were kindly smiled on by the mother and daughter.
Lady Catherine observed, after dinner, that Miss Bennet seemed out of spirits, and immediately accounting it herself, by supposing that she didn’t like to go home so soon, she began to persist upon Miss Bennet’s staying at Hunsford a little longer. But Elizabeth most civilly refused this offer and preferred to abide by the original plan.
Their engagements at Rosings were as frequent during the last week of her stay as they had been at first. The considerable part of her free time Elizabeth spent by rambling within the park. Her solitary walks were full of meditations and recollections. The more she thought upon that story concerning Wickham and Darcy , the more she felt uncomfortable and perplexed. A supposition that she might have done so foolish a mistake, that she might have been so ignorant and unsensible, made her absolutely ashamed of herself.
At length the parting day came. Though Elizabeth spent six weeks at Hunsford with great enjoyment, she felt no evident sorrow to go home. It was melancholy, indeed, to leave Charlotte to such society, as Mr Collins, but she had chosen it with her eyes open and at the moment did not seem to ask for compassion. And the company of her cousin and Rosings ladies was not such as to miss it. Elizabeth was eager to see Jane again, and she had another reason for impatience to be at home soon. She wanted to see Mr Wickham and watch his conduct with the most attentive eye.
The journey from Kent was not long and within four hours Elizabeth and Maria Lucas reached Mr. Gardiner’s house, where they were to remain a few days. Mrs Gardiner had reserved a lot of various engagements for them in London, so these days passed away very quickly. It was the second week in May, when Elizabeth with her eldest sister at length were at Longbourn. Their reception at home was most kind. Mrs Bennet rejoiced to see Jane in undiminished beauty, and more than once did Mr. Bennet say voluntarily to Elizabeth –
“I am glad you are come back, Lizzy.”
During dinner Elizabeth learnt with the greatest satisfaction that the regiment was to leave Meryton in two weeks and be encamped near Brighton. But there was no escaping the frequent mention by her mother and younger sisters of the meditated plan to go to Brighton for the summer. She was quite relieved to notice that her father did not find that scheme so delightful and had not the smallest intention of agreeing with his wife. Longbourn House was daily filled with lamentations of Kitty and Lydia. But the gloom of Lydia’s prospect was shortly cleared away; for she had received an invitation from Mrs Forster, the wife of the colonel of the regiment, to accompany her to Brighton. Elizabeth made a vain attempt to persuade her father not to let her go; for considering all the improprieties of Lydia’s general behavior she saw the imprudence of letting this foolish and ignorant girl to follow her own way. But her father had disappointed her with his answer; he said, there would be no peace at Longbourn if Lydia did not go to Brighton. So Elizabeth was forced to be content.
Since her return Elizabeth was frequently in company with Wickham. Seeing him first she was overflowed with agitation and emotions. To her astonishment she found herself to become again an object of his attentions; for Mary King, the girl, he had admired before, was gone away. She felt displeasure and lost almost all concern for him; she considered his civilities to be merely idle and frivolous gallantry. And she found an additional source of the shame for her former behavior in having shown her partiality for him too evidently. She had even learnt to detect from, the very gentleness which had first delighted her, an affectation and sameness to disgust and weary. Every lingering struggle in his favor grew fainter and fainter; and she almost acquitted Mr. Darcy of the shameful conduct towards him. And she made the last, almost desperate, attempt to find out the truth, though she had to be reduced to tricks ands arts.
So during her last meeting with Wickham she mentioned Colonel Fitzwilliam’s and Mr. Darcy’s having both spent three weeks at Rosings. They exchanged their opinions of the colonel, Wickham spoke of him in terms of the great satisfaction, though first he looked a little alarmed and concerned. Elizabeth collected all her courage to say the next phrase –
“ Mr. Wickham, there is one affair that embarrasses me a lot. From Colonel Fitzwilliam I have heard that the living you ought to have was left to you conditionally only, and at the will of the present patron.”
She had never seen such an expression on Wickham’s face before. He became red whether with shame or anger, she could not perceive. But he gained his composure very quickly, and in a voice of forced animation, replied –
“You have! – Yes, there is something in that; I told you so on the first, you may remember.”
Elizabeth’s courage grew so high that it induced her to continue –
“I did hear, too, that there was a time when the church had not seemed to you such a perfect choice.”
“You did! – and it not was wholly without foundation. You may remember what I told you on that point, when we first talked of it.”
It was evident that he did not notice her hesitation and the blush on her cheeks, for otherwise, she was sure, his replies would have been quite the opposite. Wickham seemed so satisfied with the conversation that he made no further attempt to distinguish Elizabeth and after their parting with mutual civility she was happy to know that tomorrow he would be gone.
So it was the truth. She made a mistake. She was blind, prejudiced, ignorant. She was deceive, she was ready to be deceived, for Wickham’s abusive comments upon Darcy made her proud of her own intuition and abilities to have had such a strong previous dislike against the former. She was ashamed of herself. Although she could not justify and understand Darcy’s role in separating Jane and Bingley, from this moment she tried not to accuse him without knowing particulars of the whole story.
Elizabeth was impatient to acquaint Jane with what had happened. She told Jane of all her observations at Rosings, Colonel Fitzwilliam’s remarks and the conversation with Wickham. What a stroke was this for poor Jane! She could not believe, she tried to persuade Elizabeth of the probability of the error.
“I am shocked. I can not believe Wickham to be so very bad. It is almost past belief. But are you sure, Lizzy? These are heavy accusations indeed.’’
“What can I say? You must understand how I wanted to be sure of Wickham’s worth. But after all these events I am inclined to believe Mr. Darcy.”
She would undoubtedly have reminded her sister that Mr. Bingley had long ago asserted Darcy’s blamelessness in the affair, if but not her fear to mention Bingley’s name which might only grieve her sister further.
“No, Lizzy, there must be some misunderstanding. There is such an expression of goodness in Mr. Wickham’s countenance, such an openness and gentleness in his manner.”
“Oh, Jane! Why can not you suppose that we had been deceived by the very gentleness of his manners? Are you able to recollect some distinguished trait or benevolence in him? What do we know of his past, of his relations and friends?”
Jane paused a little, and then replied, “I never thought Mr. Darcy to have acted so shamefully towards Mr. Wickham as you used to do.”
“ And yet I meant to be uncommonly clever in taking so decided a dislike to him, without any reason.”
“ You must be very uncomfortable, Lizzy, when you first realized Wickham’s unworth.”
“Certainly I was very uncomfortable, I may say, unhappy. I had so long disliked one man and had given preference to the other that it was very hard for me to think otherwise. And now, please, tell me whether I ought, or ought not to make our acquaintance in general understand Wickham’s character.”
Miss Bennet was silent a few minutes and then said, “I think it would be very cruel to expose the former faults of Mr. Wickham.”His conduct, perhaps, had not always been perfect but people change. We must hope for the better.”
“And it will be almost impossible to persuade others without proofs, for I do not know particulars of the affair. All I have is suspicions and suppositions.”
Jane agreed, and Elizabeth was relieved to get rid of what had tortured her for several last days. She was certain of a willing listener in Jane whenever she might wish to talk of this subject again.
The regiment was gone. Elizabeth felt a great satisfaction to know that she would hardly see Wickham in the future; for he reminded her of her own foolishness and prejudice. But she found little other cause for satisfaction in the loss of the regiment. Mrs Bennet’s and Kitty’s constant repining made their small family circle almost unbearable. All her thoughts were directed towards the tour to the Lakes. But it happened so that Mr. Gardiner had some urgent business in London and their tour was contracted. Mrs Gardiner offered to go to Derbyshire, which had a strong attraction to her, for she had spent several years of her early life there. With the mention of Derbyshire Elizabeth could not help recollecting Pemberley and Mr. Darcy. She did not know whether she wanted to see him again, but her curiosity was great. So when she learnt that they were to stay at Lambton which was within five miles only of Pemberley she could not refuse her aunt’s offer to see Pemberley.
Posted on Monday, 12 May 2003
Before their planned visit to Pemberley Elizabeth asked the chambermaid whether Darcys were down for summer. She knew not whether she felt relief or sorrow to obtain the negative reply, but after a few moments’ deliberation she resolved that it would be better not to see him, for their probable meeting excite in her unknown and strange emotions. Elizabeth was impressed by beauties of Pemberley. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or there natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. Mr and Mrs Gardiner were warm in their admiration, and Elizabeth could not but join their praises. The housekeeper, a respectable looking elderly woman, showed them the house with the great satisfaction and pride. She seemed really attached to her master and her sister and talked of them in terms of sincere admiration. Mrs Reynolds pointed to the miniatures over the mantelpiece –
“That is my master – and very like him. It was drawn about eight years ago.”
“He is really handsome”, said Mrs Gardiner.
“Oh, yes, he is the handsomest gentleman in England. But in the gallery upstairs you will see a finer, larger picture of him than this.”
Then Mr Gardiner inquired whether her master spent much time at the estate.
“Not so much as I could wish, sir, but I dare say he may spend half his time here.”
“If your master would marry, you might see more of him.”
“Yes, sir; but I do not know when that will be. I do not know who is good enough for him.”
Elizabeth listened with increasing astonishment to Mrs Reynolds’ praises and commendations of kindness, generosity and good temper of Mr Darcy. She had been persuaded that he had a difficult character. When she heard such warm words of him from the person who, as it was said, had known him for so long a period of time, she was all amazement. She could not feel but surprise mixed with some strange satisfaction to know that Mr Darcy deserved respect and admiration.In the gallery Elizabeth was eager to find the only face whose features would be known to her. At last it arrested her – and she beheld a striking resemblance of Mr Darcy, with such a smile over the face as she remembered to have sometimes seen when he looked at her. She suddenly recollected that she had seen the same smile when thanked him for his kindness at Rosings. She always thought that he looked at her only to criticize and to find some faults in her, but this slight warm smile overthrew such suppositions. And she recollected Charlotte’s suspicions of Mr Darcy’s being partial for her,, the strange unexpected meetings with him in Rosings park, his odd manner to speak to her. Could her vanity be so great as to make her think of Mr Darcy’s having some sentiments towards her? But she almost immediately drove this idea away. It was too incredible to believe.
When all of the house that was open to general inspection had been seen, the company intended to ramble within the park. They were consigned over to the gardener who met them at the hall-door. But leaving the house they suddenly met the owner of it himself.
They were within twenty yards of each other, and so abrupt was his appearance that it was impossible to avoid his sight. Elizabeth blushed deeply; though she could hardly explain the reason for it. Did she fear that he would think ill of her coming there or was it only some embarrassment caused by their unexpected meeting? It was evident that his astonishment was great too, for a moment he seemed immovable from surprise; but shortly recovering himself, advanced towards the party and spoke to Elizabeth.
She almost immediately noticed that he had lost his usual composure, but his inquiries were stiff and even cold. She accounted it for his displeasure to see her at Pemberley and with a bitter smile recollected her recent thoughts of Mr Darcy’s partiality for her. It was the most foolish thing, she thought, and the most unbelievable. He left very soon and she was quite relieved, for their conversation was deprived of every sign of cordiality.
They had entered the park and Elizabeth tried to forget this meting and concentrate on the beauties of the surrounding nature. She knew not why she was so deeply mortified by the cold civility of Mr Darcy. What was Mr Darcy to her that his conduct had caused such confusion and even pain to her? Only several months ago she would have born with the perfect indifference his unconcerned behavior towards her, but now something was different. But Elizabeth had no wish and especially an opportunity at the moment to dwell on these thoughts and she made some exertions of appearing more like herself.
They continued their walk, admiring every prospect. Approaching the stream the party was quite amazed to see Mr Darcy again. Elizabeth’s astonishment was especially great. She resolved to appear and to speak with calmness if he really intended to meet them. For a few moments, indeed, she felt that he would probably strike into some other path. The idea lasted while a turning in the walk concealed him from their view; the turning past, he was immediately before them.
He seemed very earnest and thoughtful; but it was evident that he made every attempt to be polite. Mrs Gardiner was standing a little behind; and he asked Elizabeth if she would do him the honor of introducing him to her friends. This was a stroke of civility for which she was quite unprepared. The introduction, however, was immediately made; and after naming their relationship to herself Elizabeth expected him to decamp as fast as he could from such disgraceful companions. She could perfectly see displeasure and even disdain over his face, and laughed silently at her earlier presumptions when he was really gone. He excused himself referring to some urgent business he had just recollected and took his leave with a slight bow.
The party resolved to return to the carriage, for Mrs Gardiner, who was not a great walker, felt tired. They took their way towards the house on the opposite side on the river. Wondering on in a slow manner they were third time surprised by the sight of Mr Darcy. He began to accustom himself, thought Elizabeth with a smile, to apologies. He turned back with them and entered into conversation with Mr Gardiner. She could perfectly see that Darcy, though serious and even confused, did his best to appear animated. She could not perceive the reason for such exertions on his side and was dying to know what he was thinking of at that moment.
For Darcy last three months had been a perpetual slow torture. Leaving Rosings he thought that the change of society would help him to forget, would save him from unnecessary painful recollections. But this hope was vain. His heart refused to listen to the reasons of his mind. Every feeling towards Miss Elizabeth Bennet had only deepened; her image had constantly been in his heart, before his eyes. In vain did he try to recollect the defects of her relations, the social inferiority of her connections; unsuccessful had been all his attempts to compare her with the ladies of the fashionable world he had met. None of them had beautiful dark eyes, archly smiling lips and such easy playful manners, and his heart did not want to compare, it wanted the original.
He began to comprehend the emptiness of his life without her. The persuasion that he could be happy by obeying his duty, his social responsibilities, was sinking. Such a degradation! But would it be a degradation for him? Sufferings had softened his pride, his temper. And there were moments when he very earnestly thought over the probability of returning with Bingley to Netherfield in autumn.
To see her at Pemberley was a great surprise to him. It was the last place where he had expected to meet her again. The first minutes of this sudden meeting were awful; he was torn between joy and fear to reveal his sentiments. He did not know what to say, how to behave; he realized that his manners were reserved and stiff. He left her to recover himself, to regain his composure and to understand whether he really wanted to continue this acquaintance or he must let her go without a word. The answer was almost immediate. He was tired of the struggle against his own heart; the only person who could relieve his torments was Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and she was now here, at his estate, at his home, which he hoped to become someday her home too. And Darcy advanced towards the park where the lady he thought of might have been at the moment.
He found her with her companions near the river. Determined to be polite he asked her to introduce him to her friends. He was quite astonished and displeased to learn that they were the very low-born relations against which his pride had so long protested. He could not bear it, he left them again. With a bitter smile did Darcy imagine the horror of his aunt to see him in such society; he by himself would undoubtedly felt the horror only a year ago. It would have been a disgrace, he thought, for him, Darcy of Pemberley, to associate with people of trade, who, he had been persuaded, were none but ill-bred, vulgar and ignorant. And again his pride violently protested against such a degradation, again he reminded himself of his name, his situation in life. But these attempts were really weak; he had made a decision and was determined to act. Hard as it may seem to him, he would try to be a civil and pleasant companion to them. These people did not belong to the fashion, but they were the close relations of the woman he loved. If he really wanted to win Miss Bennet’s affection he was obliged to please them, although he did hardly imagine how he was to act, for disguise had always been his abhorrence. But he had at least to pretend of being pleased with this acquaintance, and he was intended to do so.
So he returned and joined their company. He perfectly knew that they must have wondered at the inconsistency of his conduct; he noticed an apparent surprise on Elizabeth’s face and first thought of her real opinion of him. Darcy could not help thinking of the reasons, which had led her to suppose him to avoid such acquaintance. Was it due to his reserved and haughty manners, for he began to realize that his conduct had always been towards those who were beyond his own social circle. It was of small importance of him before, he never appeared dissatisfied with his own attitude towards other people till he met Elizabeth Bennet. But from the very beginning of their acquaintance he began to meditate upon those things that did not trouble him till that moment. He comprehended that his life would never be the same; and he wondered whether he really wanted his life remain what it had been.
Posted on Thursday, 15 May 2003, at 8
Elizabeth’s embarrassment and confusion would undoubtedly have grown much higher had she been able to learn her companion’s thoughts. To see him talking to her uncle, perhaps, without great cordiality, but with perfect civility, was really amazing. Had she known nothing of Darcy before she would see at the moment a handsome gentleman, rather reserved and earnest, but she would have never thought of him as an arrogant and abominable man as she used to do. It was evident that it was hard for him to converse with Mr Gardiner, though he tried to appear animated. She recollected their conversation at Rosings, when she, though in a playful manner, had accused him of the lack of sociability and excessive reserve. And then she recollected captivating softness and open inviting manners of George Wickham, how had she been blinded by charms of his air and address. She began to realize that her former opinions had been too superficial, too hasty, that she had paid too much attention to the appearance of virtue and too little to the availability of it.
“Of course, having such a mother and such sisters I had to find some way to bear their foolishness and imprudence,” thought Elizabeth. “I have no Jane’s goodness and kindness, so it is impossible for me to overlook my close relations’ vices. As I was unable to improve the situation, I tried at least to be diverted by it. When someone always laughs at other people it may become a habit.”
At the moment there was no reason for laughter; on the contrary, all her former amusements seemed impertinent and unreasonable to her. Darcy, on his side was completely unprepared to find in his new acquaintance sensible and intelligent people. He first talked to Mr Gardiner with no expectation of pleasure, but every new expression of his companion marked his intelligence, his taste, his good manners. There was no sign of ill-breeding or vulgarity he had been persuaded to discover. Mrs Gardiner seemed a pleasant, elegant woman with no resemblance to the unbearable Mrs Bennet. There was no need to Darcy to seek a subject for conversation, for Mr Gardiner possessed talent to talk easily of almost everything in the world; and gradually Darcy, who thought himself unable to associate with strangers without some efforts, found himself even engaged by the unaffected conversation. It was a rarity, indeed, to meet a person with such manners and good-breeding even in the fashionable world, so it would be easy to imagine Darcy’s astonishment at finding all this in a man who was of no consideration in the world. He, who used to think meanly of the sense and understanding of those whose condition in life was beneath his own, was taught a new lesson – that noble kindred and large fortune was not of the greatest importance in the life. But in spite of all these generous thoughts Darcy could not help thinking how much more desirable it would have been if Miss Bennet had had no low-born relations at all. It would have spared him, he thought, from many inconveniences and troubles.
These four represented quite amusing a picture, for two of them were so much engrossed by their own thoughts that made the two remained feel perplexity for the reason of their often and long silence. At length both Darcy and Elizabeth noticed concerned looks of their companions and made some exertions to appear animated.
The party moved rather slowly because of Mrs Gardiner’s fatigue and in some time she, walking with Elizabeth in front, found her niece’s arm inadequate to her support, and consequently preferred her husband’s. Mr Darcy took her place by Elizabeth, and they walked on together. Elizabeth desperately sought some subject to discuss, and it seemed that Mr Darcy was doing the same. Silence was very awkward, and it was the gentleman, who first spoke –
“How long are you planning to stay in Derbyshire, Miss Bennet?”
She was quite relieved to find him break silence.
“It depends on my aunt’s wish, for these places are especially attractive to her. She spent several years in Lambton, a small town not far from Pemberley.”
“It is only within five miles. But I must confess, I have no close friends there. When a child I went to Lambton several times a year; but since my father’ death I have not been there.”
“We heard much good of your father’s kindness and affability.”
Darcy seemed gloomy for a moment and then nodded.
“He was the most benevolent and good-tempered man I ever knew. I am sure that everyone at Pemberley still misses him. And so do I.”
He was silent again and then added –
“My sister was only eleven when we lost our father. I am afraid she is still suffering.”
“What does he mean by telling me such things?” asked Elizabeth herself.
Darcy at that moment very earnestly contemplated whether he ought, or ought not, to introduce his sister to Elizabeth and Gardiners. Beyond a doubt, he had every reason in the world to spare her from such society. But on the other hand, if he intended to propose to Miss Bennet it would be reasonable to acquaint Georgiana with her future sister-in-law. And he said, rather hesitatingly –
“Georgiana will arrive tomorrow. Will you allow me to introduce my sister to you during your stay at Lambton?”
Posted on Monday, 19 May 2003
This application had awaken a lot of different feelings in Elizabeth's breast. While she was still unable to recover from surprise, her companion continued –
“She most particularly wishes to be known to you and, I hope, you would have no objections.”
Elizabeth immediately felt that whatever desire Miss Darcy might have of being acquainted with her must be the work of her brother. She was almost afraid of looking farther, she resolved to postpone all meditations and reflections for the evening, for she felt herself unable of defining even a half of feelings produced by Darcy’s words. She was undoubtedly pleased by realizing that he must have had a very high opinion of her to wish his sister to be acquainted with her. She expressed her satisfaction and both were silent again.
Soon Elizabeth discovered that they had outstripped the others and realized that she had to deal with him alone much longer than she had expected. That was not an unpleasant thought, but she feared that every power of carrying on an easy conversation would fail her. In his presence she lost somehow her common playfulness and self-confidence. Darcy observed her face for several minutes and then entered the subject which seemed to her rather safe –
“Are you pleased with Pemberley, Miss Bennet?”
“I am really impressed,” simply said Elizabeth, “I have never seen a place where exists such a harmony between nature and a human. Perhaps, I must pay a compliment to you, for this beauty should be properly guided.”
“The compliment is wholly undeserved, Miss Bennet. Natural beauty could not be guided, it might be preserved only. It is a work of many generations and I am a small link in this long chain. I could only hope that my children will not damage this beauty, for I dare not interfere in God’s creations.”
“I could never imagine you having such modesty, Mr Darcy, but now I see that it is to be pretty much the case.”
He blushed slightly and replied –
“Perhaps, you did not try to find it in me, Miss Bennet.”
She felt this hidden reproach wholly deserved, but recovering herself from confusion, said –
“People make mistakes now and then, but if these mistakes are acknowledged there is no great evil, I suppose, in it.”
“ Are you speaking in general or referring to some certain events?”
She felt perplexity again and said in a lower voice –
“In general.”
How could she relate to him her own prejudices without exposing herself to his disdain and contempt? Perhaps, only a day before she would not have been distressed by probability of losing his good opinion, for at that time she could not even suppose him to think of her, but now something was changed. At length Elizabeth noticed that they had already returned to the carriage. Darcy asked her to walk into the house – but she declared herself not tired, and they stood together on the lawn. The conversation turned upon beauties of Derbyshire, and they both were glad to compare their opinions of this subject. But time and Mrs Gardiner moved very slowly and, considering Elizabeth’s embarrassment and Darcy’s reserve, there should be no wonder at their being silent again very soon. At last their long tête-à-tête was over and they parted.
The observations of Elizabeth’s uncle and aunt now began.
“Lizzy, promise not to laugh at me,” said Mrs Gardiner,” I must confess, I really pity him.”
“Pity? Whom?” asked Elizabeth with disbelief.
“Mr Darcy. It was evident that it was very hard for him to be civil to us, it seems to me that his lack of sociability gave a lot of troubles to him and made him disagreeable in society. Now I begin to comprehend the reasons for his unpopularity in Hertfordshire.”
“All this is true,” said Mr Gardiner, “ But I can not understand why he made such exertions to be civil. There was no necessity for such attention. His acquaintance with Elizabeth was very trifling.”
“But from what we have seen of him,” continued Mrs Gardiner, “I really should not have thought that he could have behaved in so shameful a way by anybody as he has done by poor Wickham. I could notice no cruelty or inhumanity in him, on the contrary, there is something of dignity in his countenance that would not give one an unfavorable idea of his heart. But, to be sure, all this is not quite consistent with his shameful behavior to Wickham.”
Now Elizabeth felt herself obliged to relate to the Gardiners part of her suspicions that Darcy’s character was by no means so faulty, nor Wickham’s so amiable, as they had been considered in Hertfordshire. Mrs Gardiner was surprised and concerned, but made no attempts to doubt Elizabeth’s words or ask her of the source of such information. When they entered Lambton, her thoughts had taken another, much more pleasant direction. The evening was engaged by meetings with her former acquaintance and Elizabeth had little time to think of Pemberley and its owner, but whenever she had a free moment, she gave way to the thoughts that tormented her and to the wonder at Mr Darcy’s wishing to acquaint his sister with her.
Posted on Monday, May 26, 2003
Darcy awoke early. He felt exhausted. Having looked at the clock he understood immediately the reason for his fatigue, for he fallen asleep only three hours ago. He asked himself how many sleepless nights he would spend before obtaining Miss Bennet's hand. With some extent of wonder did Darcy realize that he had no doubts any more concerning his intentions and was quite relieved by this thought, for the state of indecision in which he had been last months was unbearable for him.
He was expecting for Georgiana and Bingley with his sisters this morning. And though the desire to see his sister was as strong as a day before, he was not so sure of his wishes concerning the Bingleys, especially Charles. Last autumn he did everything in his power to save Bingley from a most imprudent match, not only in the respect of money and social situation, but also in the respect of sentiments, for Darcy was sure of Miss Bennet's indifference to his friend and did not want to expose him to disappointment in love. He could not blame himself for having persuaded Bingley against returning into Hertfordshire, this was done frankly and openly, but as for his part in concealing from Bingley Miss Bennet's having spent the whole winter in London, he felt no satisfaction, to tell the truth, he was even ashamed of it. But Darcy had no inclination to useless regrets, and as he understood the danger of Bingley's meeting with Elizabeth which inevitably would bring painful recollections of her sister, he was determined to postpone this meeting as long as he could. He was not as blind as Miss Bingley and perfectly knew that his friend still kept in his memory tender recollections of Jane Bennet that the departure with her still made him suffer. Darcy knew his plan hard to be executed, but he was determined to conceal Elizabeth's stay in Lambton from his friend at least during this day.
He sighed, stood up and went to the window. The well-known picture of Pemberley woody hills brought peace and ease into his heart. His affection for Pemberley had always been strong and steadfast, since his childhood he felt almost the unconscious pride to be a heir of this grand estate, he explored every room, every corner of the house, every spot of Pemberley Woods. He recollected his perplexity and fear after his father’s death. He was only twenty two at that moment and felt unprepared for such a responsibility. He went away from the house and spent almost all the day in the woods, near the river. He was sitting on the bank and looking at the water for several hours; these moments of perfect loneliness helped him much more than all consolatory words of his relations who had gathered at Pemberley for the funeral. From that very moment he decided to solve all his problems on his own, without anybody's assistance.
The man who returned that day to the house and with the uncommon for his age composure and confidence assumed all responsibility for Pemberley, for his sister, for tenants and servants, who stood with an earnest gravity near his father’s grave, who rejected his relations' persistent offers to take the whole charge of Georgiana, was by no means that indecisive and quiet boy who left his home in the morning. He had become Mr Darcy of Pemberley conscious of his situation in life and social responsibilities. His determination to perform his duty, to become a deserving successor of his farther suppressed all the liveliness and vivacity which still remained in him, made him even more reserved and fastidious, though it seemed almost impossible, for it was hard to imagine a more serious and reticent boy than young Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Elizabeth had settled it that Mr Darcy would bring his sister to visit her the very day after her reaching Pemberley. But her conclusion was false; for on the very morning after their own arrival at Lambton, these visitors came. Elizabeth was extremely surprised by so soon a visit. Anxious to hide her confusion and embarrassment she had to acquaint her uncle and aunt with the honor which she expected. But her disturbance was so evident and as it seemed to the Gardiners that was no reason for such an agitation, it made them overlook their former opinions and they began to realize that the only explanation for these attentions from such a quarter must be a partiality for their niece. Had they known that till that moment Elizabeth had been unsuspicious of Mr Darcy's sentiments, that similar ideas only yesterday had first crossed her mind, they would beyond a doubt try to check their curiosity, for their looks of inquiring surprise made their niece even more perturbed.
Miss Darcy and her brother appeared, and this formidable introduction took place. Elizabeth had heard so much of her being disagreeable and exceedingly proud and expected to find in her at least a very confident fashionable young lady. So Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression when she understood that this girl was only very shy and bashful. She found it difficult to obtain even a word from her beyond a monosyllable. Miss Darcy was tall, her figure was formed, and her appearance womanly and graceful. Elizabeth could not wonder any more at Miss Bingley's confidence in her brother's probable attachment to Miss Darcy, for she had everything that could tempt a man – grace, beauty and gentleness. Had she had no opportunity to observe Mr Bingley in her sister's company Elizabeth herself would easily believe Mr Bingley able to fall in love with such an amiable girl as Georgiana Darcy. These thoughts of course could not please her, but they did not lessen very quickly arisen a regard towards Mr Darcy's sister.
Elizabeth was first so engrossed by her observations of Miss Darcy that she could hardly pay much attention to her brother. But she could not but notice that Mr and Mrs Gardiner observed him with an earnest though guarded inquiry and again she felt embarrassment by the thought that Mr Darcy could notice their looks as well as she did. Rarely did Elizabeth dare turn her eyes on him, for whenever she looked at him; she felt inexplicit fear to meet his glance. He seemed a little reserved and thoughtful than yesterday, she saw him talking with her aunt and uncle without hauteur or disdain of his companions though his manners were by no means inviting and sometimes she privately asked herself why he had come at all if he had had no wish to be pleased with the company. But he was eager to continue their acquaintance and she noticed him being satisfied when by Elizabeth and Mrs Gardiner's assistance Mis Darcy exerted herself much more to talk. It was evident that he was anxious for his sister and Elizabeth to get acquainted, and she felt that he must be led by very strong inducements for such actions. She could not doubt any more, for such a conduct must be attributed to love or at least to peculiar regard. These conjectures, though excited an exceeding surprise, did not seem unbelievable any more; foe it was clear that Mr and Mrs Gardiner drew a similar conclusion. When to these thoughts were added the recollections of her former groundless dislike against Mr Darcy it may be easily believed that Elizabeth had much to do to appear cheerful.
While engaged by such meditations Elizabeth found Mr Darcy approaching and placing himself by her. She expressed her admiration of his sister and witnessed a sincere smile on his face. He was silent a moment and then said in a rather deliberating manner –
“I may return a compliment to you, Miss Bennet, for it gives me much pleasure to be acquainted with Mr and Mrs Gardiner.”
Elizabeth encountered his eyes and was able to see his sincerity, his tenderness and so much more that it was impossible to her to check the deep blush on her cheeks. Darcy noticed her confusion and ready to drive it away began to relate to her some particulars of their travel to Pemberley, which gave some relief to Elizabeth's feelings. Miss Darcy joined their conversation by saying –
“Do you know Mr Bingley, Miss Bennet?”
Elizabeth confirmed and smiled encouragingly for it was the first time she asked something on her own. Then Miss Darcy's eyes turned towards her brother with an expression of concern and alarm. He was confused but nodded.
“He and his sisters are accompanying us.”
Mr Darcy blushed so violently that Elizabeth felt for a moment pity for him. But then she became angry with him, for she immediately accounted Mr Bingley's absence for Darcy's actions. The gentleman said something indistinctly of the lack of the time, which prevented him from acquainting Mr Bingley with Miss Bennet's stay at Lambton, but Elizabeth perceived this explanation to be false. But something was wrong. He introduced his sister to her and to those low-born relations of hers who were of no consideration in the world, and at the same time he did everything in his power to spare his best friend from the same society. These incongruities could hardly be explained and her mind was so busily engaged that she did not hear the Darcys' invitation to dinner at Pemberley. Mrs Gardiner looked at her niece, desirous of knowing how she, whom the invitation most concerned, felt disposed to its acceptance, but Elizabeth hardly knew what had been the matter. Mrs Gardiner than looked at her husband and, when saw him inclined to agree, ventured to engaged for her attendance, and the day after the next was fixed on.
Their visitors soon left and Elizabeth, fearful of inquiries or hints from her uncle and aunt, hurried away from the room.
Posted on Thursday, 29 May 2003
She had no reason to fear Mr and Mrs Gardiner's curiosity. The Gardiners, though persuaded of Mr Darcy's attachment to their niece, had no wish to force her communication. Her obvious embarrassment prevented them from further inquiry, though Mrs Gardiner was disappointed a little by Elizabeth's unwillingness to confide in her.
Elizabeth had much to do that evening. Never had she supposed that thoughts of Mr Darcy would torment her so much. His pride, his reserve deeply mortified her. She was angry with him for his attempts to conceal from Bingley her stay at Lambton and she became even more irritated for could not find any reasonable explanation for his conduct. Had not he introduced his sister to her and her relations she would be completely satisfied with the thought that his hauteur induced him to behave in such a way, but considering the fact that he did not find it unbearable to see his sister in the company of people to whom he would have hardly said a word several months ago, on the contrary, he of his own will brought her into this company, Elizabeth was all perplexity and astonishment. And some other reasons for her discomposure had been added, for during her stay in Lambton she learnt of Wickham much more than she had expected. The knowledge that Mr Darcy discharged all debts of the man who accused him of all possible and impossible sins, who abused him so openly to all Meryton society, excited so much amazement, for she still remembered perfectly their conversation during her stay at Netherfield when he confessed himself to be resentful and unable to forgive offences against him. She feared even to think what Mr Darcy's opinion of her would be when he knew of her prejudice and groundless dislike against him.
As concerning Mr Darcy Lambton friends of Mrs Gardiner acknowledged him to be a very respectable and liberal man affable to the poor. They had nothing to accuse him of but pride and Elizabeth herself was quite aware of him being supercilious and haughty, so this part of intelligence could not greatly surprise her. Warm praises of Mrs Reynolds had not been unnoticed and Elizabeth soon became sensible that she had misjudged not only his conduct towards Wickham but also his character and understanding. His housekeeper had spoken in such terms of him as made Elizabeth more bitterly regret her former opinions. So had she this time a right to accuse him without any proofs? She did not want to draw hasty conclusions any more.
"But no," thought Elizabeth, "He blushed, I saw his obvious confusion when Miss Darcy mentioned Mr Bingley! It was done intentionally. But why? why did not he want Mr Bingley to meet me? What did he mean by doing all this?"
All these questions remained without answer. Her disturbance grew so high that she could not restrain it any more and burst into tears. She felt miserable. The intended dinner at Pemberley became a new source of uneasiness to her.
"What am I to think? How to behave?" repeated Elizabeth walking across the room, "How would I bear his presence knowing his sentiments towards me?"
It was the first time when she openly acknowledged her suspicions. During all this long day she drove such thoughts away but now they returned. So, Mr Darcy was in love with her. Impossible as it may seem to her, it was the only explanation for his conduct last two days. She could not yet recover from surprise and astonishment was not the only feeling produced by these thoughts. Her embarrassment and uneasiness were too great to bear. The strongest wish of hers at that moment were to leave Lambton and Derbyshire as soon as possible and never meet Mr Darcy in her life any more. Nothing would atone for her pain and disturbance. To be in company with him again seemed almost the worst evil to her, though when she asked herself the reason, she had very little to say in reply. She only knew that in his presence she felt embarrassed and confused and these sentiments were new to her. Uncertainty of her own feelings towards Mr Darcy made Elizabeth doubt whether she would be able to compose herself and behave as usually when their party would go to Pemberley.
"This unbearable man!" exclaimed Elizabeth,"I do not want to think of him any more! And I won't!"
Perhaps, it was much better that she did not keep her resolution, for next several hours spent in tears and bitter meditations made her so tired that she was able at length to fall asleep. In that relation she was much more fortunate than Darcy who spent another sleepless night.
Darcy's thoughts that evening were a little more pleasant. Georgiana was contented with her new acquaintance and he really rejoiced in it, for he had hoped that she would be able to love Elizabeth as a sister in the future. The company of the Gardiners did not seem unpleasant to him any more though he acknowledged it unwillingly. He was waiting impatiently for the next meeting with Elizabeth but he knew that he would hardly se her before the dinner at Pemberley. He hoped that there would be some moments of privacy for them, for he intended to propose. But knowing that Miss Bingley would also be there he doubted much such probability. With some sort of sarcastic smile he recollected her evident displeasure when he mentioned that had invited Elizabeth and her relations to dine at Pemberley. She had such an expression on her face as if she had already been the mistress of Pemberley and he insulted her by such a choice of guests. Darcy amused himself with thoughts what her reaction would be when he would introduce Miss Elizabeth Bennet as his future wife. And then he recollected Bingley's reaction to the news. First he saw hope in his friend's eyes, for Bingley, he had been persuaded, expected Miss Bennet to be Miss Jane not Miss Elizabeth. And then – his disappointment. It pained Darcy to see his best friend's sufferings and he could only wonder at the constancy of Bingley's sentiments till he recollected that his affection for Elizabeth was of the same duration. Nothing could console Darcy in that affair but the confidence that he had done his best to spare Bingley from misery and pain. In such meditations he spent the considerable part of the night and at length his dreams of Elizabeth were replaced by a short sleep.
Posted on Thursday, 12 June 2003
It had been settled in the evening between the aunt and niece, that such a striking civility as Miss Darcy’s in coming to them on the very day of her arrival at Pemberley, for she had reached it only to a late breakfast, ought to be imitated, though it could not be equaled, by some exertion of politeness on their side, and, consequently, it would be highly expedient to wait on her at Pemberley the next morning.
Mr Gardiner left them soon after breakfast. The fishing scheme had been renewed the day before, and a positive engagement made of his meeting some of the gentlemen at Pemberley by noon.
On reaching the house, they were shown through the hall into the saloon, where they were received by Miss Darcy, who was sitting there with Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley and the lady with whom she lived in London. Their reception was most civil, but Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley only curtseyed. It was evident that Georgiana was not in the habit of being a hostess at Pemberley, her manners was stiff, she was afraid of doing something wrong and it might have given an impression of her being proud and reserved. Mrs Gardiner and Elizabeth, however, did her justice and pitied her.
An awkward pause succeeded for a few minutes, then it was broken by Mrs Annesley. So the conversation was carried on. Elizabeth felt uneasy. She expected that every moment that some of the gentlemen would enter the room. And her expectations were answered, for the door was opened and Mr Bingley, not Mr Darcy appeared. He was obviously surprised to see Miss Bennet and expressed himself with such sincere a cordiality, that Elizabeth’s anger against him had been completely done away. Elizabeth did not expect to see Mr Bingley, at least till the next day when they were to dine at Pemberley. She asked herself why Mr Darcy had let his friend meet with her if only the previous day he had done everything to make this meeting impossible. Such an inconsistency of his conduct a good deal perplexed her. Mr Bingley looked and spoke with the same good-humoured ease that he had ever done. Though Elizabeth had no reasons to believe Mr Bingley still care for her sister, she observed him with an earnest inquiry. Sometimes she could fancy that he talked less than on former occasions, and then he asked her, whether all her sisters were at Longbourn. There was not much in the question, but there was a look and a manner, which gave them meaning. Of course, this might be imaginary, but she could not be deceived as to his behavior to Miss Darcy. Nothing occurred between them that could spoke particular regard.
After several minutes, at the request of Mr Bingley to oblige the company with some music, Elizabeth sat down directly to the pianoforte. She had usually taken pleasure in playing and singing, though she had never deceived herself as to her own proficiency. She knew that she was not a capital performer and could only regret it. After a song or two, she felt some uneasiness, which had already been known to her, and, lifting up her eyes, she met Mr Darcy’s intense look. She was not amazed at seeing him, though ten minutes ago such a probability more frightened than pleased her. Darcy stationed himself so as to command a full view of the fair performer’s countenance. At that moment he lost his usual reserve, his gaze expressed open admiration and even tenderness. Elizabeth blushed deeply and it so became her that Darcy found her even more beautiful, though a few moments ago, on entering the room, he thought it impossible.
Elizabeth found it necessary to remain at the instrument a little longer to calm herself and to avoid the necessity of talking to him, for she suspected that every power of being civil and easy could fail her. The feelings excited by his sudden appearance and the tenderness of his eyes were those as to make her heart beat faster. At that moment Elizabeth perceived that she wanted to love him, to return his feelings. Had it been the result of gratitude for his affections, she could hardly realize. She only knew that in his presence she felt so much embarrassment and pleasure, that his gazes made her blush, that last three days all her thoughts had been engaged by him, and the most important reason for her wish to love him was the persuasion that he deserved to be loved. She proceeded in such a direction a few moments only. And than she was struck by the thought how quickly had she been able to forget everything that Darcy had done or had not done to Wickham, his pride, his hauteur, and above all this, his unpardonable cruelty towards her own sister! What was she doing? How could she think even of the probability of falling in love with disagreeable man? But then Mr Darcy approached her and with a warm smile offered his hand. And again the expression of his eyes overpowered her and the touch of his warm hand gave her the flutter of pleasure. She was succeeded at the instrument by Miss Darcy , who proved herself to be a perfect performer.
Elizabeth took place near her aunt and tried to do her best to listen to Georgiana’s playing and to avoid Mr Darcy’s persistent gaze. Mrs Gardiner felt for her niece seeing her embarrassment and uneasiness, though she could hardly explain such a conduct, for Elizabeth had always been a mistress of her feelings. Mr Bingley looked at Elizabeth very often, perhaps, recollecting the other Miss Bennet and consoling himself by attempts to trace a resemblance. Mrs Hurst seemed completely engrossed in the music. Mrs Annesley stood near Miss Darcy and smiled at her encouragingly. Mr Darcy enjoyed himself by staring sometimes at his sister and sometimes at Elizabeth. Her obvious confusion did not escape him and he felt satisfaction, for it proved that she was not totally indifferent to him. And Miss Bingley… Miss Bingley was jealous. She had already forgotten Miss Eliza Bennet who was a constant source for irritation and jealousy during her stay in Hertfordshire. To find her at Pemberley where Miss Bingley felt as a mistress was, indeed, a very unpleasant surprise. But jealousy had not yet made her desperate, though Mr Darcy’s open admiration of the unfashionable country girl made her less cautious and, in the imprudence of anger, she took the first opportunity of saying, with sneering civility –
“Pray, Miss Eliza, are not the – shire Militia removed from Meryton? They must be a great loss to your family.”
What had happened? All the comfort of the pleasant morning was suddenly driven away. Mr Darcy blushed and Georgiana stopped playing. Elizabeth had no time to dwell upon these observations, for she had to reply Miss Bingley’s uncivil question, so she said with forced tranquility –
“It was a great disappointment, indeed, to all Meryton society. But I must confess, Miss Bingley, which my family did not lose any dear friend with the regiment’s departure, so you need not distress yourself. I must thank you for your concern, for there are a few people who really care about their acquaintance. I will without fail tell all my family of your compassion and attention. They will be very glad to know that you still remember your friends.”
The last phrase Elizabeth said not without a hidden allusion to Miss Bingley’s relationship with Jane and was rewarded by a deep blush on the lady’s cheeks. At that moment Miss Darcy drew Elizabeth’s attention, for she could not but notice her pallor, her confusion, an obvious pain in her eyes. Elizabeth could not help thinking of the reason for such a reaction on Georgiana’s side; conjecture as to the meaning of it, rapid and wild, hurried into her brain, but she was satisfied with none.
Darcy, with an heightened complexion, earnestly looked at Elizabeth. She comprehended that Miss Bingley had merely intended to discompose her by bringing forward the idea of a man to whom she believed her partial, to make her betray a sensibility, which might injure her in Darcy’s opinion. Elizabeth met his eyes boldly, though it was not easy for her and, despite all her attempts, she could not conceal a slight blush from him.
Elizabeth’s collected behavior, however, soon quieted his emotion; and Miss Bingley, vexed and disappointed, dared not approach nearer to Wickham. Darcy, sensible of Elizabeth’s ignorance of Georgiana’s meditated elopement, was heartily grateful to her for her kind attitude towards his sister, for Elizabeth approached Georgiana entering into an easy conversation. She, of course, could not recover so soon and it was Elizabeth who spoke mostly. Elizabeth had ventured one more glance at Darcy, He was looking at her again with thoughtfulness and some sort of appreciation, his kind smile told her that he was not angry with her. She was quite relieved to understand it, but immediately cast her eyes down.
Their visit did not continue long after the question and answer above mentioned. Darcy was attending the ladies to their carriage and handed them into it. After necessary parting civilities which had been paid mostly by Darcy and Mrs Gardiner, for Elizabeth was silent, overwhelmed by her own emotions and revelations of the day, the gentleman lifted his eyes up to her and said with so slight a smile that it had been noticed by Elizabeth only, -
“I am most eagerly awaiting our next meeting.”
Though he did not put special emphasis, she instantly realized that it was she whom his last phrase most concerned, and , perhaps, it was the first time when her pleasure predominated over her confusion.
When Darcy returned to the saloon, Miss Bingley could not help criticizing Elizabeth’s person, behavior and dress. Persuaded as she was that Darcy admired Elizabeth, this was not the best method of recommending herself, but angry people are not always wise, and after having reminded him of his former not very high opinions of Elizabeth’s beauty, she was rewarded by the following reply –
“It is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance.”
He felt great satisfaction in seeing the change of the lady’s countenance and , eager to make her quiet at all, added –
“Perhaps, you may remember, Miss Bingley, our dispute at Netherfield about accomplished ladies. And now I must confess that, in my opinion, Miss Elizabeth Bennet may give a perfect example of an accomplished woman in all senses of this word.”
He than went away and Miss Bingley was left to all the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself.
Mrs Gardiner wished to discuss everything that had occurred during their visit, but Elizabeth was unusually thoughtful and reserved. She was longing to confide in someone, to relate the change of her sentiments towards Darcy, but she dared not. So she was highly gratified by her aunt’s beginning the subject.
“Lizzy, have you ever thought that Mr Darcy may be partial to you?”
“Do not ask me, aunt. I know not what to think. All my feeling are in such confusion. I can not be sure of anything at the moment.”
“But you could not but notice his attentions towards you. Do they please you?”
“My vanity is pleased. I perfectly understand what is to be an object of attention of such a man. But when I think of my own heart I can not be so sure. Aunt, only three months ago I thought of him very ill and it is not in my character to change my sentiments and opinions in such a hasty manner.”
Mrs Gardiner doubted, for after having observed her niece’s conduct during last three days she could not but notice how gradually had she softened towards the gentleman, how confused and embarrassed had she been in his presence. Had Elizabeth been indifferent to him, she would not have been excited by merely mentioning his name. But Mrs Gardiner decided not to relate her thoughts, for she felt that she was not yet ready for such revelations.
Elizabeth had been a good deal disappointed in not finding a letter from Jane on their first arrival at Lambton; and this disappointment had been renewed on each of the mornings that had now been spent there; but on the third, her repining was over, and her sister justified, by the receipt of two letters from her at once, on one of which was marked that it had been missent elsewhere. Elizabeth was not surprised at it, as Jane had written the direction remarkably ill.
They had just been preparing to walk as the letters came in; and her uncle and aunt, leaving her to enjoy them in quiet, set off by themselves. The one missent must be first attended to; it had been written five days ago. Elizabeth had just begun to read it when the door was opened by a servant and Mr Darcy appeared. Surprised by this unexpected visit, Elizabeth, however, received him with a smile, for she began to find pleasure in his company. He apologized for his intrusion and then, noticing the letter, which she was still holding in her hand, asked civilly –
“You have not received any bad news, I hope.”
Elizabeth nodded and added that she had not finished reading the letter. He seemed confused.
“My intrusion prevented you from the pleasure of learning the news from you home.”
“Do not distress yourself, Mr Darcy. I do not think that the letter contains any urgent business. I am really glad to see you again.”
Had his next action been the result of these words, she hardly knew. In any case, her amazement was beyond expression when he came closer and said in an agitated manner –
“Miss Bennet, I must tell you what has tormented me for so many months, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. But I can not conquer my feelings, they will not be repressed. You are too dear to me, I can not prevent myself from telling you how ardently I admire and love you. I have been struggling so long against my heart, but this struggle only exhausted me. I have always thought myself to be a master of my own feelings, but you have refuted this assertion. So many months of sufferings, hesitations, bitter meditations. I could not forget the inferiority of your connections, my sense of pride, of duty opposed to such an union.”
Elizabeth, though aware of his partiality, could not but be astonished at this application. She did not expect him to propose so soon, she felt first considerable perplexity thus listening to him, but his subsequent expressions had excited a mixture of different feelings in her.
“No,” thought Elizabeth, “I must stop him I must prevent him from saying something awful what I will never forgive him.”
And without knowing what she was doing, Elizabeth exclaimed –
“Please, Mr Darcy, stop, do not speak any more! I can not accept you, it will not do. It is too…”
She wanted to say “it is too soon”, but he interrupted her by saying with assumed tranquility –
“And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance. I perfectly understand your answer, madam. Forgive me for my intrusion and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness.”
And with words he bowed slightly and the next moment she saw him quitting the room.