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Part 7: Jealousy

Posted on Tuesday, 12 December 2000

(Colin)

"Hey, don't you want to know what Will told me?" Lizzy asked as we walked out to the parking lot.

I started out of my preoccupation, then remembered Lizzy's mention of a 'breakthrough.' "Of course."

"It's kind of complicated. It's about Jen and Bing -- Oh, by the way, Colin, Jen and I went in the same car this morning so I told her I was going with you, so you won't have to bring me back here to get my car, just take me home."

"Sure."

"Will you tell me where we're going now?" Lizzy demanded as we arrived at my car.

"Benucci's."

"Then why are we taking your car? It's on the other side of the plaza, Colin. It'll be more trouble to find a parking spot than it will be to just walk there and walk back."

I shrugged. "It's more than a quarter mile distance, Lizzy, and it will be darker and colder when we leave."

"It's not like you," she grumbled. "You're always 'why bother taking the car, you might as well walk.' You're almost as bad as Lindsey."

I didn't reply. No way was I going to tell Liz the real reason we were driving... at least not yet. "So... Jen and Bing?"

"Ah, right! How about I tell you when we get to the restaurant. I don't want to have to stop and start."

I nodded. "And... Lizzy, if there's anything else you want to talk to me about... well..." I hinted discreetly. I did feel rather badly for manipulating Elizabeth like this. (Even if she had caused the whole mess.) And judging from what she had told me about Lynda and Myra, Lizzy had more than a few issues worrying her.

She seemed to understand, giving me a grateful smile. "Thanks, Colin." Then, with a change in tone, "And if there's anything that's upsetting you... well, I'm willing to listen, help if I can."

I turned to her, confused. "Ah... thank you, Lizzy. But I don't think..."

Liz raised her eyebrows and leaned back in her seat. "Ah, well, we'll see, won't we?"

"Ummm... right."

"I'll let you work through it," responded Liz cryptically, leaving me completely confused by the entire conversation.

"Wait! Work through what?" I protested as we walked through the doors of the restaurant. Lizzy refused to answer. I managed to charm the hostess into seating us at the table of my choice: where I could see Jack and Lindsey and they couldn't see me. Thank goodness for potted plants. Furthermore, I could keep one eye on them without Lizzy noticing at all. I supposed I would have to enlighten her to the scheme eventually, but I preferred to do that after I had gotten her softened up a little.

"Bing and Jen?" I asked finally.

"Yes -- Will was telling me how Bing has been in love with Jen for years -- everyone knows, though I don't think Bing realizes this -- but Will thinks with a little encouragement Bing might finally do something about it this time."

"Really? And where do you and Will come in?"

"He was wondering whether I knew how Jen felt about Bing. I told him she likes him, of course -- just is waiting for him to come around, Jen's just like that. Will thinks that might be the little extra confidence Bing needs to be spurred into action. Will says he'll work on testing the waters." Lizzy paused, then continued nonchalantly, "He's really not that bad. Will, I mean."

"Yes?" I hinted.

Lizzy glared at me. "Yes? That's all, Colin. All I'm saying is maybe it's not necessary to have full-pitched warfare with him. Nothing more."

"If you say so."

Liz rolled her eyes. "Stop teasing me, Colin. You really are terrible, you know?"

I shook my head at her. "Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy."

She blushed, rather to my surprise. "Colin, enough. And don't even think about -- I hate to imagine what Will would think if he thought... NOT that it even matters because it is not true..."

I responded to this convoluted protest with silence and eloquently raised eyebrows. Lizzy glared at me wordlessly. Who knows how long this might have lasted if the waitress hadn't appeared at that moment.

During my conversation with Lizzy, I had kept one ear attuned to the table on the other side of the divider and the potted plant. I couldn't understand most of what they were saying, but I did hear frequent allusions to physics. No wonder. Jack always has a thing for girls who understand physics.

"What?" Lizzy asked me.

"What?"

"What."

"What???"

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"The aggrieved sigh thing." Confused, I stared at her blankly. "You just did it about half a minute ago," Elizabeth explained.

"I did?"

"Yes," said Lizzy, impatiently.

"Hmmm. I didn't know that."

Lizzy gave up. "Never mind. You are impossible."

"Sorry," I said meekly.

We lapsed into silence as Lizzy picked moodily at her food, staring at her plate rather unhappily. "Lizzy," I asked suddenly, "is it your sisters?"

She looked up, startled, and blushed. "No --" She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "Yes. Lynda and Myra -- why do they have to make such a spectacle of themselves? Why do they --" She broke off and the flush in her cheeks resurged with anger. "You know what Will also said to me today? He sort of hinted around at their behavior -- why couldn't I do something about it, he wanted to know. -- Yes Colin, don't deny it, he did. And he has before. And Julie, George, Lou... but with Will it's different -- he isn't my superior. I shouldn't have to take that from him... but what can I do? He is right. Not right about humiliating me, but he is right about the way they act. What can I do, Colin? They won't behave properly, they won't listen to reason... Not even Jen has been able to do anything about them..."

"Lizzy, not your fault. Please. Don't feel guilty. No one with any sense will think the worse of you or --"

Elizabeth looked up. "Colin. You've said that before, over and over and over again. And I think you do believe it to be true, but it's just not. People do, they will... and it is my responsibility. I'm their older sister, I should..." Liz trailed off.

"Talk to me," I said.

Apparently, Lynda worried Lizzy and Jen more than Myra. With the latter, they only had to contend with embarrassing episodes resulting from her immoderate rudeness and animosity. Lynda, however, exhibited not only an alarming amount of heedlessness and effrontery, but a worrying promiscuity.

"Lizzy, that may be, but why -- look, maybe it will turn out all right. Really. I mean, look at Kristy --"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, looking skeptical. "Listen, Lizzy, before you and Jen were worried about Kristy ending up silly and insipid, but look at her now --"

"I know you are," Liz retorted. I ignored this jab, and Elizabeth continued. "A lot longer to go between what Kristy used to be and Myra and Lynda. She may have been irritating, but never anything at all like them, never."

"Well, maybe, but --"

"Colin, what are you doing?" Lizzy interrupted.

"Doing?"

"Yes."

"Nothing."

"Colin..."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"What are you -- Are you trying to watch something over there?"

"There?" I asked, pointing discreetly to a table nearby.

"Noooo... around the corner."

"No!"

"Colin.."

"No!"

Lizzy looked at me narrowly, then rose. "I'm going to the ladies'," she announced haughtily.

"Okay," I said meekly. I sank back in my chair and pondered, quite sure that Lizzy's objective was not the ladies' room.

"Colin!" Lizzy snapped. My eyes flew open and I looked up at Elizabeth rather fearfully.

"Yes?"

Liz sat down, glaring at me. "So that's why we're here, is it?"

"Why?"

"Don't start that again," she warned.

"Errr... Well then. Not entirely..."

"Colin!!!" Elizabeth exploded.

"I..."

"We are leaving immediately."

"Lizzy!"

"Yes. You're taking me home right now."

"Elizabeth, please."

"I tell you, Colin, don't mess with me. Manipulating me into being your accomplice for spying on my friends definitely constitutes messing with me. We're going."

"I errrrr well you... you... If I'm conspiring, then you did too, just different motives and different means. I'm not going, and I think you're stuck with me."

To my surprise, Elizabeth sat down disdainfully. "Fine. We'll stay. I want you to see this."

"So, are you happy now?" I asked. "'Cause it's your fault."

"Lindsey and Jack? No."

"What? Didn't you get what you wanted?"

"No. I'm not happy. I thought it would probably happen, maybe you even could -- you will -- say that I gave it a push, but no, this isn't what, ideally, I wanted." Elizabeth gazed at me coolly.

This floored me. "WHAT??? You're saying you did this but really you don't want this but you purposely did this anyway and -- what???"

Lizzy shrugged. "Should have seen it coming, Wesley," she murmured. "You're shocked, aren't you?" she asked thoughtfully.

"Yes!"

"Hmmm. Good." Lizzy turned her attention back to her food.

"Elizabeth! Are you out of your mind? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what -- to you?" Lizzy asked shrewdly.

"Lizzy..."

She leaned forward. "Then why do you care?"

I frowned. "I don't know. I just can't understand it. I mean, if I were in love with Lindsey, well, then that would be that, no wonder I would be upset, but I'm not, so... I don't get it. I just know that I don't like it."

Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and regarded me for some time. "Are you jealous?" she asked, slowly and deliberately.

"What? Nooo, I am not jealous. I'm never jealous, Lizzy," I protested, annoyed.

She shrugged. "Very well. Carry on," she said airily, waving her fork in my direction. "Jack's extremely attractive, of course," Lizzy continued. "Funny too. Smart guy. Very nice, definitely a gentleman..."

"I never get jealous," I muttered.

"Why, then?" Elizabeth demanded sharply.

"Haven't we been through this already? I told you, I don't understand. I don't know why."

"Stop sulking."

"Stop being mean to me."

"You brought it upon yourself."

I noted Jack and Lindsey preparing to leave. "We're going now."

Lizzy peered around the corner. "Are you kidding? We're following them?"

"Yes," I said simply. "You agreed to this, you're going to stick through all of it. Of course, you don't have much choice, but it was your fault after all."

I expected an argument; however Elizabeth said merely, "Perhaps it will be an enlightening experience."

"For you or for me," I asked, but my attention was diverted by a familiar female voice. Rapidly, I ran through a catalogue of past female, ah, acquaintances. Nope, not there. I looked over in the direction of the voice and identified its source as a fluffy blonde; however, she was turned away from me and I couldn't see her face. Her companion, a man of about thirty who seemed somehow over-slick and suave, also seemed familiar, but I couldn't place him either. I examined them while waiting for the bill. I had a nagging feeling I should know who they were, but couldn't for the life of me remember.

"Colin? Are you coming?"

"Coming, coming," I murmured, dismissing the couple from my thoughts... I had more important things on my mind.

"Come on, Colin, he's just taking her home. Let's go now," Lizzy implored as I parked alongside the curb in front of Lindsey and Will's house.

I shook my head.

"Colin, really, this is beyond ridiculous."

I didn't reply, carefully studying the two figures standing on the Fitzdarcy porch talking.

"Colin," Lizzy begged.

"All I'm asking is for you to have a little patience."

"And all I'm asking you is to have a little sanity! Colin!!!"

"When we go, I'll tell you. Stop worrying."

Elizabeth threw herself back in her seat, groaning. "I should have dragged you out. Why did I even let you --"

"Shhh!!!" I said urgently. Lizzy shut up and looked out the window as well.

Lindsey had one hand on the doorknob, then slowly let go. Jack leaned over...

What? What?!?!?!? He was going to kiss her? What!?!?!!!!!!! And on their first date, which was hardly officially a date at all -- WHAT?!?!?! I've never... errrr... never mind.

Their lips touched.

I fell on the horn.

I jumped back as one would from a hot stove. "Stupid stupid stupid stupid..."

"Oh my God..." Elizabeth groaned.

Lindsey and Jack had turned at the sound of the horn and were staring at my car. At me. I tried to scrunch down, not easy in a small car when you're six feet, two inches. Lizzy looked like she didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throttle me. I hoped she would choose the first, or at least the third, because I feel terrible when women cry. I never know what to do. Once, about four years ago, I had done either the best possible thing or the worst, maybe both, but definitely nothing in between. It was hard to tell which. But maybe that doesn't even matter now... or maybe...

Standing on tiptoe, Lindsey reached up and kissed Jack. My jaw dropped. "Forget everything I said before," I told Elizabeth. "Now I'm shocked."

Lizzy began giggling uncontrollably. "I know," she gasped.

"What?" I demanded. "What's so funny???"

"Your eyes... never before... so wide..." Lizzy vainly tried to stifle her laughter against the seat.

Lindsey was still kissing Jack.

"Enough already..."

"I'm sorry," Lizzy giggled.

"No... not... you..." I said desperately.

With a little hiccup, Elizabeth stopped giggling and looked out the window. "Oh, Colin..."

"Lizzy?" I essayed uncertainly. "I'm beginning to think... maybe... this wasn't such a good idea..."

"Oh, Colin..." she said again. "Colin, Colin, Colin." Suddenly she broke off and looked at me sharply. "You didn't honk on purpose, did you?" she asked suspiciously.

"On purpose? Good lord, no. ...She's gonna kill me, isn't she?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Oh yeah. There are a few things I'd like to blast you on as well, but I don't believe in kicking a man when he's down. It wouldn't be fair."

"I'm not down."

"Oh Colin, you are so down."

"No I'm not."

"You are and it's all the worse because you won't even realize it."

"I'm not down," I said stubbornly. "I'm fine." Instinctively, I reached down and switched tracks on the CD. "Everything's fine."

"No, I don't think so."

"Everything's fine," I reiterated. "Lindsey, sure, she'll be annoyed with me for a few days, but then it will pass. She'll come round. And then, she'll... everything's fine."

"She's furious," Elizabeth said.

"I disagree. I think she's irritated."

Lizzy sighed. "Colin, I swear, at this moment she hates you."

Still thinking about not living without it
Outside looking in, till we're talking about
Not stepping around it
Maybe

I was silent for a long minute. "No." I closed my eyes. "Everything's fine," I murmured.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked as Liz switched the CD back to the previous track.

She shrugged. "I didn't think you would mind. Do want me to change it back?"

"Yes -- no, fine, leave it if you want. I don't care."

I sighed. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"No."

"What? You've been demanding to be taken home all night."

"Well you're not taking me home now."

"Why?" I asked doubtfully. "What do you want to do?"

"We're just going to drive around. You don't even have to talk... but you might want to, even if you don't think so now. When I say you can stop, you can take me home, but you're not ready yet."

I didn't even bother to put up an argument or ask why. I just drove.

Hey Jealousy and Til I Hear it from You -- Gin Blossoms

Part 8: The Logic of Will Fitzdarcy

Posted on Wednesday, 27 December 2000

(Will)

Elizabeth is in love with Colin. It's obvious.

My sister has been in a bizarre mood -- or rather, moods -- ever since she came back from her date with... Who was it again? Someone from work... Richard? Jack? Sean? Andrew? Hmmm... Jack, yes, it was Jack. I think. Nice fellow, Lindsey could do worse, quite a bit worse, in fact.

At least... I think it was Jack ... what I remember most clearly is Lindsey saying, in a deliberately casual voice, "I saw Colin and Lizzy when we were out..."

Colin. Blast him. Why did he -- But then, he had always thought Elizabeth was a fantastic girl, had been friends with her since middle school, knew her as well as I could only dream of... I sighed, stretched out in my desk chair, thought about Elizabeth switching the tennis teams to be partners with Colin, pretending to sprain her ankle tennis, leaning over the picnic table towards Colin.

Then I thought about today in the computer room. Colin had voluntarily left us, and Lizzy, after a moment, had encouraged him to go. This seemed to be a hopeful point. No, wait -- it was just a camouflage. And if they thought a cover for their relationship was necessarily... oh dear. They were always together, laughing and talking... Colin... blast him...

"I kissed him," my sister announced matter-of-factly. I swiveled my chair around and saw Lindsey standing in my office doorway.

"Colin?" I asked confusedly.

"Jack!"

"Ah, yes," I murmured, feeling ridiculously pleased with myself. See, I knew it had been Jack.

"Jack," Lindsey repeated through her teeth. "Jack. I kissed Jack."

Uh-oh. Lindsey leaned against the wall and glared at me, pressing her hands together tightly. "I like Jack," she added defensively, as if she expected this to be challenged.

"Okay," I said doubtfully. It wasn't as if I had any objections to the guy. Why was Lindsey glaring at me like that and just what did she mean by these assertions? She didn't expect me to forbid her to see him or anything, did she? My sister is twenty-four. What did she think I was going to try to do?

"I like Jack," Lindsey reiterated firmly, then turned and stomped down the attic stairs.

"Strange strange strange," I murmured. She had been like this all night. Was this something I should pursue? I pondered for a moment, then followed her path from my attic office to the third floor, down another staircase, to the other end of the second floor, back up another staircase to Lindsey's half of the third floor (house... too... big...), and to her bedroom door... which slammed shut twenty seconds before I reached it. Very well. Perhaps this was not something I should pursue. What sounded like a high-heeled shoe hit the door. Definitely not something I should pursue.

"No? Thanks Jen... make her call me when she's back... no, I don't care how late it is, make her. Trust me, Lizzy will know what it's about."

I halted mid-step. My sister slammed her phone back into the receiver. I glanced nervously at my watch. 12:17. Had I really been listening to my sister storm around the house for nearly two hours? ...And more importantly -- it was past midnight and Elizabeth was still out with Colin Wesley...

Another loud thunk indicated that the shoe's companion had hit the door. I decided to get out before everything hit the wall. Or maybe it already had.

"Lizzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At my sister's screech, I gazed blearily at the red numbers on my alarm clock. 2:38. What the devil had Elizabeth been doing with Colin until two-thirty in the morning? Most of my ideas ran along the same lines and were too depressing to contemplate. I poured another glass of brandy.

"What happened to you?" my sister commented flippantly at breakfast the next morning.

"Shut up," I growled. Raising an eyebrow, Lindsey tossed me a bottle of aspirin. "What makes you think I need this?" I asked, swallowing a couple.

"You're taking it, aren't you?" she retorted.

We munched breakfast in silence. After several minutes of stealthy glances at my sister, I finally burst out, "All right -- so how long has this thing between Colin and Elizabeth been going on?"

Lindsey stared at me blankly. "Colin and Liz? Um, Will, what do you mean? They're not --"

I sighed. "Linnnnddseeeeeeeeey... what do you know?"

"I know that they're not seeing each other or whatever your paranoid imagination has concocted," she scornfully, taking her dishes to the sink.

I gazed at her. "Ahmmmm... well, you know, they don't have to be officially... they could be just... errrrrrr..." I hinted discreetly.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Good Lord. What's wrong with you, Will? Colin and Lizzy? Are you out of your mind? Oh, right, never mind."

I gave up, deciding any further prodding would only corrupt my innocent and naive (if sarcastic) little sister. Suffice to say, she doesn't know Colin the way I know Colin... well, not regarding a few certain things, that is. Odd, Lindsey knows the office gossip as much as the best of them, but whenever it concerns Colin, she's clueless. And no one enlightens her -- ever. It's a tacit agreement -- no one knows why we do it, and no one asks... we just do. I have a vague idea that Colin wants her sheltered from this, but I can't think why.

"Will. Will." I snapped out of my reflections.

"What?"

"Want some toast with your sugar?" I looked down and found I was still holding a saltshaker of cinnamon sugar over my toast. Oops. I took a bite of toast, sending the sugar spraying all over me. Argh. Maybe Lindsey had a credible point when she said I wasn't a morning person.

"I'm leaving for work," I announced, heading out the door.

I watched them out of the corner of my eye. Elizabeth leaned against the wall, arms crossed and frowning. Colin leaned over her, one hand against the wall and smiling and shaking his head to contradict something she was insisting.

"You'll have to broach the subject sometime," said Liz as they passed by me. "And soon."

"No I won't," Colin replied, still smiling confidently.

"Yes, you will -- and if you don't, I will," she threatened.

"Lizzy!" Colin exclaimed.

"You've got to do something Colin. Otherwise it will just keep getting worse and worse and --"

"I don't see this as a problem at all. Nothing's wrong; everything's fine," he insisted.

"Idiot. How can you not see how messy this can become? How messy it already is?"

"Because it isn't a mess and won't be one," Colin replied calmly. "Much as I love you Lizzy, you worry too much."

I froze. What were they talking about?!??!!!?

No sooner did I turn around than did an even more horrifying sight greet me. Billiard Burg stared lecherously at Lizzy, who was leaning over the schedule sheet. How DARE he??!?!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to intervene but was not sure how to go about this tastefully.

"What do you want?" Lizzy snapped.

"Miss Benedict," said Billy eagerly. "El-iz-a-bethhhhh." She glared at him. "I was wondering... but of course... because surely, such a beautiful and exquisite rosebud... no, flower... No -- Lily! as yourself... I am sure you must of course, but by any chance, if perhaps you do not, you could make me the most delightful man in the world... no, galaxy -- UNIVERSE! ...but I am sure that of course you have a.. boyfriend..."

"Yes," said Elizabeth, very firmly. Colin chuckled, then, with a glance at Billy, then at Liz, slid a protective hand on her waist. Lizzy seemed faintly surprised at first, then shrugged and whispered something in Colin's ear, making him laugh. Billy, looking mortified, scurried away.

I wanted to leave as well, but seemed rooted to the spot. "William..." a feline voice purred against my neck. I leapt into the air.

"Nine-point-four!" Jack called out, to my utter confusion. Colin clapped. I glared at the two humorists, then turned apprehensively to face Carol.

"My name is Willis," I informed her.

She laughed affectedly. "I'm so sorry, darling." I cringed.

"Yes?" I demanded.

"Oh, Will, lighten up. Aren't you in the mood for a little small talk?"

"No," I said shortly.

"Ah! You're so shy! Poor thing." Carol yawned ostentatiously. "Ahhhh! I'm so tired. I was out late at dinner last night -- with an old friend."

Clearly I was supposed to reply. "Ummm... I hope you had a pleasant time," I said, politely.

"Simply Wonderful!" she gushed. "He is someone I knew from New York City -- he's moving up here. It was so nice to see him again. I've missed him terribly," she sighed.

If it was Carol's objective to make me jealous, she was failing miserably. "I'm glad you had a nice time," I said courteously, edging off to escape.

Colin was staring at us, looking as if he had just had a shock. "I've got to talk to you," he said seriously, putting a hand on my shoulder.

Part 9: Stepping Around It

Posted on Saturday, 30 December 2000

(Colin)

Will stared at me for a full two minutes before, "I'm sorry, I don't accept that." He turned and walked coolly away.

I chased him down. "Hey, hey. What do you mean, you don't accept that?"

Will gazed at me calmly. "I'm afraid I can't believe you. You must simply be mistaken. I don't blame you of course, easy error to make, I am sure. Still, I thank you for your concern," he said in a clipped voice.

"WILL!" I shouted. Okay, bad move. Lou replaced the phone receiver he had started to pick up, Julie frowned, and several customers at the Asian wokery turned to stare at me. I gazed around the busy prepared foods/cafe area. It was, after all, lunchtime. Finally, I dragged Will to the nearest private area, which was ... the men's' room. (What? Women do it all the time, just in the ladies' room, of course.)

I spoke slowly and carefully, using small words Will was sure to understand. "I saw him. Last night. With Carol Ann. Having dinner. While I was out with Lizzy."

"No, I am afraid you are mistaken," said Will quietly, turning to leave. I lunged and blocked the door.

"Will, I saw Geoff Hollwick! I am NOT mistaken! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND. How do you think I could be mistaken about him, after all he did to your company -- to you -- and to Bing, Fletcher ... and Gard, Clarence ... me, even ... after what he did to Lindsey?" I felt my throat muscles constrict as the anger against Geoff regarding her began to rise.

Will looked at me serenely. "If you could not be mistaken, why is it only now that you realize it?"

"Will..." I groaned. "I only saw them as we were leaving. I, um, well had my mind on other things -- " a tight choking sound from Will " -- it was late, I was tired ... I mean, I haven't seen him for four years, but then when I heard Carol, dinner, friend from New York, well, everything began to connect."

"Hrm," said Will noncommittally.

"I told you about the fluffy blonde, right?" I demanded, almost jumping up and down. "That was her! That was her! But I only saw the back of her head and heard her voice. But I did see the guy's -- Geoff's -- face. And you know, Carol was starting to get friendly with Geoff just before he left, and she just came back from New York City --"

"How many men 'friends' do you think Carol has in New York?" Will asked dryly.

"As far as we know, Geoff is -- was -- in New York."

"Geoff is in Sing-Sing," Will muttered. But I thought it was beginning to sink in.

"Perhaps he should be, but he isn't. He's here."

Will was silent. I leaned against the counter, balanced on ankle on the other, and waited patiently. Finally, Will looked back up at me. "Colin ... I still believe you are mistaken ... but I believe I should keep an open mind about this..."

I nodded. Coming from him, this was better than it sounded. He just didn't want to admit anything yet, and poor guy, it was quite a shock.

...And oh dear God, there was still Lindsey. She didn't know yet ... she would have to know. I stopped halfway out the bathroom door, let go of the handle. Weakly, I leaned against the wall, beside an even weaker Will. Lindsey, Lindsey...

"Colin," murmured Will quietly. "Why didn't you tell me you and Elizabeth are in love?"

I stared at him. Then I burst out laughing.

"Colin, I wish you wouldn't trifle with me," said Will reproachfully, about three hours after the bathroom incident.

I sighed. "Will, please, I've told you ... God knows, over and over again..."

"I just can't believe -- "

"Okay Will, listen to me. I don't date her. I don't sleep with her. I don't make out with her in the back of a car. I don't kiss her -- well, actually, I did once, but that was seven or eight years ago and I think really there's some kind of statute of limitations on that -- "

"You kissed her?" Will asked plaintively.

I groaned. Should have known better than to have mentioned that. "Yes," I explained patiently. "It was New Year's Eve, senior year." I shrugged. "Well, we were both single, and it was a party and most of the people there were coupled off, and well, we both wanted to kiss somebody -- I mean, it's tradition."

"So you had to pick Lizzy??!?"

I closed my eyes and said patiently, "Yes, because we were almost the only people not paired off -- and more importantly, we were friends, Will, friends. That isn't the same as 'we are tacitly engaged.' I am not in love with Elizabeth, and she is most certainly not in love with me. I don't think I'm quite her type," I added thoughtfully.

Will eyed me suspiciously. I was flabbergasted. Will flatly refused to believe me (though I thought he was beginning to come round) when I told him Geoff Hollwick was back. But when I tried to disabuse him of the ridiculous notion that Elizabeth Benedict and I were in love, he was equally, if not more obstinate. No! That's not what you're supposed to do when you think the girl's in love with another guy. You confidently (even blindly, if necessary) cling to every last shard of hope, because that's the only way she will swing back over to your side, duh.

I tried another tack. "Take Lindsey. We're friends, too, and am I in love with her? Noooo, is she in love with me? Noooo. No, we're just friends, completely and utterly platonic, and there has never been anything more to it than that."

Actually, this was not quite true, but I felt rather averse to telling Will this as
A) It would be detrimental to my case; and
B) He was her brother after all.

However, that didn't matter anyway, since the first time she was only sixteen, it was her first kiss ... The second time ... was a little more complicated. I could argue that it was only the circumstances; she was distraught, I was consoling, but that wasn't quite true either ... But what the hell, it was an unmitigated disaster, in a quiet way.

"Colin ... Colin," repeated Will impatiently, looking as if he half believed me to be daydreaming about Elizabeth.

"What? Sorry."

"What about the Billy incident? She said she had a boyfriend?"

I laughed. "Really, Will -- if Carol had said the same thing to you, wouldn't you say you had a girlfriend and take hold of the nearest available female, save for maybe Myra or Lynda? Okay, well maybe you wouldn't, but you're not as pragmatic as Lizzy." I grinned. "Actually, Liz just said she had a boyfriend -- I added the rest of the embroidery for her benefit. Hey, I think it worked, don't you?"

Will stared at me fish-faced for a long time, then shook his head. "So impulsive," he murmured. I could tell his brain was beginning to resume coherent thought.

I felt a hand on my back and turned. "Can you give me a ride home?" Lizzy asked.

"Sure, no problem," I replied pleasantly, as I turned red. Bloody great timing you have, Liz. Will's doubtful look had returned. As Lizzy was standing right beside me, I had to make do with vigorous but tiny shakes of the head and a mouthing of "It's fine," accompanied by an imploring look.

"I've been pleading your case," Elizabeth told me after Will left.

"To Lindsey?"

"Mm-hmmm. Incidentally, mine as well..."

"Sorry..."

"Yeah, well ... you'll learn ... I hope. But as I said, I've been trying to return you to grace -- a good deal more than you deserve --" she glared at me " -- but it is ah, not going so well..."

"Give it time," I assured her.

"Um ... right. No Colin, I really don't think you get it --"

"It's been what, twelve hours?" I interrupted. "Give it some time, Lizzy. Is she still mad at you?"

"Actually, no, hardly at all. Just a bit reproachful ... but you --"

"Yeah, yeah, she's annoyed. Yeah, yeah, I deserve it. You know, I haven't even seen her since then, not even spoken with her, even. Just give me a chance, things will get straightened out, I know," I said confidently.

Lizzy regarded me coolly. "Colin, got a spare piece of paper on you?"

"Ummm..." I fumbled around in my pockets, gave up, and stole one of George's management newsletters. "Here."

"Thanks." Liz crumpled the paper into a ball, then threw it squarely at my forehead. I blinked. "Wake up, dolt."

I was speechless.

"Exciting night, kids?" inquired a polite baritone behind my back. I started -- Jaaaaacckk...

I turned around very slowly. Lizzy was flushed; I could feel the color rising in my own face. "Errr ... sorry about that..."

Jack's expression was something halfway between amusement and irony. "Still got the older brother thing going, eh?"

"Ahhhh ... yeahhh?" I more asked than said.

Somewhere in the confusion of my mind I heard a "Hey, Lizzy." I froze. Lindsey??!!!

I turned, saw her talking to Elizabeth, milk in one hand and peaches in the other. One step then another, a disarming smile, a light hand on her shoulder, "Lindsey ... I think we should talk --"

The shoulder beneath my hand tightened, as did her lips. Without a word she was gone. I stared after her, astounded. And I caught the look in her eyes...

"But I think you can trust me," said Jack imperturbably, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. Please Jack, just kill me now ... because Lindsey will take me apart.

"And hey," Jack finished, with a grin," I'm not you."

"Uh-huh..." I mumbled vaguely.

Lizzy was shooting me a pointed glare. I took a deep breath. "Everything's fine."

Kristen Benedict was leaning over a textbook, chewing viciously on a pencap. She looked up when she saw me and Elizabeth enter the room. "Oh hi Lizzy, I know I said I'd go shopping tonight but you and Jen better go without me."

"Studying hard to be boss?" I teased.

"Yep," Kristy grinned.

"Ah, good businesswoman."

"That's what I'm trying to be," she replied sweetly.

I bent over and tilted my head to see her book. "Economic principles?" I asked cheerfully.

"Yes ... it's been rough going. Andy and I were planning to study game theory together like we always do, but he has to work tonight, so we're trying to sort it out on our own."

"Ah, I see." I raised my eyebrows. "And see, you have an economics major with nothing to do for the rest of the evening standing right here ... what do you think the logical thing to do would be?"

Kristen looked at me archly. "Ask him if he would like some pizza?"

"Excellent," I smiled, pulling up a chair next to her.

Part 10: Diplomatic Ties

Posted on Wednesday, 10 January 2001

(Lindsey)

I scuffled my feet through the dirt beneath the swing. It had been nearly two weeks and I was still mad at Colin... it had been nearly two weeks and Colin was still utterly clueless. Or maybe that could also be, it had been nearly ten years and Colin was still utterly clueless. Utterly clueless and utterly frustrating.

Someone dropped into the swing next to me. I glanced over -- Colin. Lips tightening, I stood up and started away. Without a word.

I was stopped by Colin's grasp on the back of my windbreaker. "Just a second, missy," he said, in one of his unexpected moments of firmness. "You're going to sit down and you're going to talk to me."

My chin lifted. "No," I replied disdainfully, not turning around. Tugging my jacket out of his grasp, I tried to walk away again, as quickly as possible, but his hand was on my shoulder now. Fingers digging into my sides, teeth gritting, toes curling in my shoes, I took a slow breath. "No. I don't want to talk to you -- I am not talking to you. I'm going, and you're staying."

"That's where you're entirely wrong," murmured Colin's voice, still firm, just above my ear. He must have been bending over to sound that close. I shot out another foot, and Colin's hand on my shoulder tightened. "I knew your father, Lindsey, and I know he taught you better manners than that."

I turned and glared at him, then haughtily returned to the swings. Colin sat down on the swing next to me, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "Will said that you had gone out for a walk," he remarked. "I've been trying to follow you for the past hour."

"Yes, you do that, don't you," I shot back.

Colin shrugged. "I came to apologize. I've been wanting to for the past two weeks -- but you wouldn't let me."

"Colin," I burst out, "do you even have any idea why I've been angry?"

"Well, there was the Jack thing, that I assume --"

"No, Colin -- not what -- why."

"Hmm. I think I see. Well then, no, not entirely at least."

I was silent.

"Care to enlighten me?" Colin inquired softly.

I looked at him and hesitated, met the dark blue-grey eyes and nearly -- I shook my head. "No," I whispered.

"That's fine," he replied easily, with a sweet smile.

I looked down. Resting my chin on my hands, I closed my eyes, swinging very slightly.

"Lindsey." Colin's voice came from a new direction. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked up, then down. Colin was perched on the wood containment next to my swing. "Linz, I hate it when you're mad at me. Don't be mad at me." He smiled slightly. "Talk to me again. Please, Lindsey. I'm sorry."

"I --" I began. "Yeah..." He always wins. Always.

Colin shuffled across the mulch on his knees and squatted down next to my swing. "One thing," I said. "No more little surveillance expeditions, okay?"

Colin grinned, stretched out his arm and grasped my hand, and stood, pulling me up with him. "Okay."

"And be nice to Jack."

"I am nice to Jack! What do I tell you, he's my friend."

"Fine -- then stop being so critical."

"Fair enough."

Something jarred my lighter mood. "No Colin -- it's not fair," I said quietly.

"What isn't? Certainly it isn't not being critical of Jack --"

"No -- it isn't that... it's the whole situation... it's everything."

Colin watched me steadily. "You're not going to tell me anything beyond that, are you?" I looked down. "No... you're not. And I'm not going to understand, and I might not even if you told me. But hey --" he pushed back a lock of my hair and rested his hand on my shoulder "-- just tell me next time I screw up."

I smiled slightly. "Okay."

"Good. Then we are diplomatic again?"

"Oh, better than that..."

"Excellent." Colin leaned over and kissed my forehead lightly. I glanced up in surprise, meeting his eyes. He smiled faintly. I felt myself blushing, then flush even more deeply out of the realization. Think, Lindsey, think. Think think think think think...

Suddenly, I remembered the last time he had done that -- different time, different setting, much different circumstances -- but the same gesture nonetheless. I bit my lip. Stop thinking.

I smiled to myself as Colin rifled through the CDs he had in his car. It was only ten minutes, tops, from the library to my house. But Colin loves music, as evidenced by his highly expansive (in terms of both size and variety) CD collection.

Colin's car and the soundtrack of When Harry Met Sally started almost simultaneously.

(

I shot him an impassive sideways look, but a smile began to quirk at the edge of my lips.

"Hey, are you making fun of me?"

"Of course not," I laughed.

"I can sing! I'll have you know that I was in the fifth grade chorus."

"I can tell --"

"Thank you."

"Tell that your vocal music career never extended past the fifth grade -- "

"Hey!" Colin resumed singing with even more zest than before.

When we arrived at my house, Bing Charleston was laying on the front lawn, staring elatedly at the clouds, while Will conversed patiently from the front step.

"He on something?" Colin inquired, indicating Bing's recumbent figure with his foot.

"Nah. He's just happy. He finally asked Jen Benedict out and she said yes."

"Ah, good for him. It's about time."

"She's perfect," Bing's dreamy voice interjected. Colin, Will, and I exchanged amused looks far above Bin's head. He lifted himself up on his elbows. "Carley says I should get her flowers. You think that's a good idea?" Bing's brown eyes shifted to each of us expectantly. "Lindsey? What do you think? You're a girl," he observed.

"Flowers are good --"

"Yeah, Bing, flowers are definitely good," Colin lectured reminiscently. "Especially if you're going to --" Will slapped him across the back and Colin shut up.

"Please don't listen to him," Will muttered.

"Well, I think they would be good," Bing ventured, "but Carley said once that women usually display more affection than they feel -- at least at first -- so maybe Jen will see the flowers and think that I'm acting like a woman and showing more affection than I feel and then she'll be upset and then --"

"No, I really don't think she's going to be thinking that," Will interrupted impatiently.

"It was just a theory," said Bing meekly.

"So what was the big blow up in the accounting office this morning?" Andrew Dennison asked.

Kristen groaned. "I must admit -- I did lose my temper..."

"You?" asked Andy, surprised.

"Yeah... well. But they were being so mean! And so... so... hypocritical." I looked up; Kristy's temper, usually nearly as tranquil as her oldest sister Jen's, seemed about to flare again. "It's not fair. Because so many of those ditzes in the accounting office are well... well... it's not nice, but really, they are --"

"Sluts?" Andrew asked bluntly.

"Andy!" Kristy slapped the back of his head. "Okay, well yes. And then Lynda..." Kristen groaned again.

"Lynda?" Andy prompted.

"Yeah... well, you know Lynda."

Andy also groaned. "Sadly, I do."

"Andrew... you are not helping..."

"Sorry. So, Kristy, what was it about?"

Kristen Benedict blushed. Some odd prick of instinct or intuition caused me to look up again and watch the two narrowly.

"Yeahhh... well, Lynda told them about me and Colin... and then Myra added in her bit and they were all teasing me about it--"

"Yes, Colin in quite the man around here," said Andrew shortly.

"Errr... yeah. But what wasn't fair was they are all -- as you put it -- sluts, while Colin just kissed me... well, then I lost my temper, I suppose."

Colin? Colin??? I wanted to run. But I forced myself to stay and try to listen to the rest of Andrew and Kristy's conversation, and I think I would have remained paralysed even if I had attempted to flee. Colin...

"That was the night we were going to go over game theory but I had to work, right?" Andy inquired casually, but unable to keep the sour note out of his voice.

"Yeah. And then Colin offered to help me with it, and later he kissed me... and then Lynda burst in with my parent's key... she got a kick out of it, I can tell you."

"Mmm-hmm..." muttered Andy.

"And so, she told all her friends here... and since not only had they not had much Colin-gossip in the last couple of months, which is rare, with him, but it involved me, so they had a field day."

"Mmmm-hmmm..." said Andy, even more tightly this time.

I could feel the color draining from my face. What did Kristy mean, "not only had they not had much Colin-gossip in the last couple of months, which is rare, with him"? What did he do, what weren't they -- everyone -- telling me?

"Although," continued Kristy thoughtfully, "much as I like Colin, I'm thinking it probably isn't a good idea. I mean, this is the guy who had -- what was it -- seven girlfriends this year alone, just from Wegmans, and who knows what else..." Kristen laughed. "No, definitely not something I want to get myself into."

"Hey, Lindsey!" I turned around and saw Colin. My lips tightened. "Hey, something wrong?"

I found it impossible to put what I was thinking into words. I wasn't even sure what I was thinking.

"Hey! I thought we were diplomatic again!" Colin called after me as I walked rapidly away.

I glared at Jack accusingly. "So you know, too."

"Well yes, really Lindsey, pretty much everyone knows about Colin... consummate flirt, always the charmer -- well, that much I suppose you know... but so he has a high changeover rate, shall we say, and all that." Jack chuckled. "Remember Linz, I was his pal all through college, so I know... Colin's always been like this, you must know that, but he's not even twenty-five. It's a phase -- well, granted, quite a long phase. He'll grow out of it, I suppose... the real point is -- why does this upset you so much?"

I faltered under Jack's sharp gaze, and somehow, I thought he had a pretty shrewd idea already. I didn't answer directly. "But then why have I never known?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Why do you think?" he asked rhetorically. "Sooo... is it that you're upset because everyone else seems to know and you were kept completely in the dark?"

"I don't know..." I said slowly. I closed my eyes briefly. "I don't know. Why does this bother me so much..."

Jack leaned against the back of a register and crossed his arms. "Hmmm, yes. Why indeed?" he asked, again in the rhetoric tone.

"Jack..."

He raised his eyebrows, the blue eyes penetrating and cool.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"Oh? And for what?" And yet again, there was a rhetorical edge to the calmly posed question.

Jack's steady, piercing gaze was beginning to unnerve me. I gave up and fled after a few hasty, desperate words, and set off in search of Lizzy.

"Can you give me a ride home?"

"Why? I thought you were going with Col --"

"No."

"Why --"

"No," I repeated flatly.

"What's going on between you two? I thought everything was patched up --"

"It was."

"Lindsey," Elizabeth murmured. "What happened?"

"I... Lizzy! Why's he like this!" I wailed incoherently.

Elizabeth stared at me for a few moments before comprehension dawned. "Oh dear Heavens... the bomb has finally fallen, hasn't it."

"Elizabeth!"

"I told him for years... she's going to find out sometime, why does it matter, anyway, it's Lindsey, not your Aunt -- ex-Aunt -- Camilla, she's not going to give you hell for it or anything... but noooo, he always had to be like this..." Elizabeth snorted impatiently. "Idiot men. They never think ahead. They always figure everything will be fine and then just look what drops out of the sky on them. Well... it's Colin's mess he has to deal with -- and it wouldn't be a mess at all if he hadn't had this ridiculous 'please please no one tell Lindsey anything' policy." I tried to say something but Elizabeth, after a brief snort, continued her ramble. "And he doesn't know why he's doing it -- I could tell him, I bet, but he'd never believe me and he has to figure it out for himself. However, I do believe we may have made some progress; I should try shock therapy more often with him."

I blinked, momentarily confused almost entirely out of my anger. "But..." I began.

Too late. Elizabeth had taken a deep breath and seemed about to launch into another convoluted ramble. Instead, "Colin!"

I glared at her and started to go, but Lizzy took hold of my arm and held me back. "I think there are some things you should discuss with Lindsey. Oh! You're going home now and so is she. Good, she needs a ride."

"Lizzy!" I subdued the screech just in time, and Elizabeth was gone anyway. My fingers dug into the insides of my elbows.

Colin looked confused. "Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing at all." I turned to leave, but Colin turned me back around.

"Yes there is. What is it? -- No, you're not going to give me the silent treatment again. Tell me what's wrong."

"I -- You --" I stopped. "No, I don't need a ride with you. Lizzy is taking me --"

"I think not," said Colin, eyeing my warily.

"I'm not," Elizabeth called as she walked past us. "You can, right Colin?"

"Sure."

"Damn you, Lizzy!" I exploded, frustrated. Fine. I need a car. Then I couldn't be manipulated by Liz into having to go with Colin, when Colin was the last person I wanted to talk to. I looked at him. "Why --" I began, then gave up. Colin caught my wrist.

"No. Tell me."

"You're not fair." Hot angry tears began to prick at my eyes. No. No. The last thing I wanted was to start crying.

"I'm not fair," Colin repeated slowly, watching me. "Why?"

"Because! You... you... I go out with Jack once and you completely lose it, criticize him, spy on me... And meanwhile, you... you and all your dalliances --"

"Hmmm." Before I knew what was happening, Colin had led me to a bench in a corner and we sat down.

"--Which everyone apparently knows all about except for me, and that is what isn't fair. Because Colin, do you have any idea how ridiculous I feel? And how --" I paused, then in a rush, "and it isn't fair that you... that you do all this to me when you have made it so clear that you will never want to... pursue me." I trailed off, stood up. "Or I don't know," I continued wearily. "Maybe that's what makes it fair after all. I don't even know why I care anymore."

Colin stared at me, then seeing I was about to leave, pressed his car keys into my hand. "Please Lindsey. Go wait for me and I'll be right out... we can talk about this then --"

"No. We will not."

"...if you want."

I found myself undecided in the parking lot. I didn't have to go with him... but... I surrendered and unlocked Colin's dark grey car.

I turned off the music as the frustrated, angry tears materialized. Why, I wondered, had he sent me ahead of him to the car? Miserably, I reflected that it was probably Colin's inherent thoughtfulness -- he knew I was upset, and was going to give me a few minutes. I brushed away the tears and composed myself as I saw him heading towards the car.

Colin got in and shot me a look. "Lindz..."

Looking straight ahead, I didn't reply.

He tried again. "Lindsey... " He gave up. "All right."

Once at my house, I stormed up the stairs without greeting Will (besides, he was an accomplice) and slammed my door.

I love him, I hate him, I love him, I hate him, I love him... I love him... I love him...

Part 11: Mister Wonderful

Posted on Thursday, 22 March 2001

Four years ago...

"It's not your fault. Please... don't blame yourself."

Lindsey Fitzdarcy looked across the kitchen table, then back into her mug of hot chocolate. "No... it was me."

Colin Wesley swished around the liquid in his own mug and tried again. "No, really Linz. It was him, all him... "

"But -- "

"No." He said this in a tone of such firmness and finality that Lindsey was reluctant to dispute him, regardless of what she thought.

It was well past sunset and the tears and the shaking had finally stopped. Lindsey looked out the dark window and thought suddenly of her brother, recovering in the hospital after a recent bad fall from a ladder. They would have to tell him tomorrow... or soon, she realized with a sinking feeling. Will's dream down the sink just because she was just so... so...

Colin took another sip of hot chocolate. "And," he added, "I knew something was amiss with all those records -- I've taken accounting. But I wasn't sure... so I didn't say anything. Maybe I should have... yes, I think I should have. But I didn't, and that was my mistake, and you know what? It might have changed everything. So if you were wrong, so was I -- and so was Will, so was Bing, and Fletch... even Uncle Gardiner and Uncle Clarence. But we were mistakenly wrong, had the best of intentions -- maybe you could say, we were holding out for the best in human nature, thinking maybe some of these finances were out of whack, but it must be a mistake or something, no one is doing something deliberately." He stopped and grinned in self-disparagement. "Hey, all that make any sense?"

Lindsey finally smiled. "Just a little, but not bad for you."

"Yeah..." Colin rolled his eyes, then resumed a more somber tone. "So don't tell me that what you did was in any way similar to what Geoff did to us. He meant to wreck things, and steal, and hurt people, and..." Colin paused for breath; his voice softened and he smiled faintly, reassuringly, taking Lindsey's hand across the table. "Your brother isn't going to be mad at you. Trust me. At Geoff -- oh, definitely -- and Lindz, far more because of what he's done to you than to what he's done to the company."

"Colin," said Lindsey slowly, "about Will and his accident, you know... ladders don't move themselves..." She looked up at him pensively.

He returned her serious look. "I know. And we're not going to be able to prove anything."

"I know..." Lindsey subsided into silence again. Colin released her hand and leaned back in his chair, pausing for a minute to consider how best to phrase this.

"And well... with you there was that... emotional entanglement... that the rest of us didn't have to deal with, so..." He left the sentence unfinished, watching her intently.

Lindsey flushed and stared into her hot chocolate. "I --" She traced a little pattern in the tablecloth with her finger. "He said he was in love with me," she whispered. She looked up, met Colin's blue-grey eyes for a mere second, and looked down again. "No one's ever said that to me before..." she said in a small voice, with a wry little smile. She bent her head, her little finger tracing curlicues on the table again. But Colin saw the tears slide off her eyelashes and land in dark spots on the steel blue tablecloth.

Lindsey didn't hear the chair scrape back or the footsteps, but all of a sudden he was behind her, and his hands were on her shoulders.

"Hey," he drawled softly, "what about Phil Elton in seventh grade, eh? Or... eh... who was that -- John Thorpe in tenth and eleventh grade? And ahh...."

Lindsey giggled a bit. "Collllin.... You know that doesn't count --"

"Well, okay." He slid another chair next to her with his foot and sat down, facing her. "Hey, you're only twenty... I mean, why... Hey, I'm twenty and no one's ever said she's in love with me either -- Louisa Musgrove does not count."

"But..."

He looked down at her and smiled. "You're only twenty. What's the rush. Don't worry sweetheart, you've got plenty of time."

"But..." Lindsey began again, but trailed off because the only thought in her mind that was even half coherent was, of all things, that the tablecloth was almost exactly the color of Colin's eyes. She was lost in silence until Colin's next comment brought her back to reality with a shock.

"I mean, you're not in love with anyone, are you?"

Lindsey stared at him, speechless and miserable. "I..." she whispered finally.

Colin was frowning into his hot chocolate. "Maybe this wasn't such a great idea for the end of July, I'm thinking. Want some ice cream?" He moved to the freezer.

"I -- um... sure," replied Lindsey in confusion.

"Ice cream makes everything better," he said cheerfully. "Even when you find out that not all people are nice and it's terribly disillusioning." He spooned out generous helpings of ice cream into two bowls and brought them back to the table.

Lindsey stood up, walked over to his chair, and slid her arms around her shoulders. "You're nice," she murmured into his back.

Colin grinned. "Always." Then, with a grimace, he recalled Geoff Hollwick. Louse... "Unless I have a good reason not to be you know... I doubt Geoff is thinking I'm a very nice person right now, but that's just fine, believe me."

"What happened after you sent me to your car?" Lindsey asked.

"Not important. He's not going to bother you anymore, don't worry."

"Mmmm..."

Colin pursued his train of thought. "I have dwelling on this... but you know, the more I think about what he did to you, manipulating your emotions like that... the madder and madder I get... I mean, to tell you he loved you, that's just so --"

Lindsey crumpled.

"Hey..." said Colin softly. "It's okay. Come here..." He sat on the table and pulled her up, letting her cry on his shoulder. "It's not that bad... I mean, it'll feel better soon. I promise -- well, I can't promise anything, to br truthful, but --" A thought struck him that had never occurred before. "Lindz..." he murmured, tilting her chin up so he could see her face. "Be honest with me now -- you weren't... I mean... you didn't... love him... did you?"

Lindsey whispered something indistinct and shook her head. Then, she looked up, met his eyes, and said steadily, "No."

Colin watched her. "Good..."

"But I -- I think... sometimes, I did want to be in love with him, because -- well, I never was, though."

"Hmmm." A nebulous, elusive thought shot into Colin's brain as he tried to piece something together, unconsciously sliding his hand down Lindsey's back and around her waist.

Lindsey watched him as he pondered, and finally gave in... she kissed him.

"Linds...?" Colin began, thunderstruck. He trailed off, he could feel her eyelashes brush against her face... his other hand slipped around her back.

...Five minutes later his brain began to process normal thought again -- and one chain of thought came screaming into his mind. "Lindsey," he said desperately, "I'm so sorry sweetie but --" Her hands slid away from around his neck as she looked up at him. "You know I'm the last thing you need right now... well, you know me, and I... come on, Lindsey, I can't promise you anything -- you know how I operate, I'm... well, whatever, but something that would be good for you right now, definitely not -- I -- " He looked away from those hazel green eyes that were fixed on his face with... that look... oh dear.... "I'm such a flirt, and... yeah, whatever else you come up with I probably deserve, and... well, I -- I know, it's hard, what Geoff's put you through, and I'm your friend, and... so easy, just to fall back on, I understand, but... Oh, Lindsey, just so not something you need right now... yeah?"

Lindsey managed a faint smile. "I -- sure..."

"Well... good. And I'll stay with you tonight -- down here -- I mean Will away and... if you want me to of course... I think you should get some sleep."

Lindsey nodded, biting her lip. "Thanks..." she murmured, and fled the kitchen. She held back the tears until the reached the stairs, and it wasn't until she had closed the door to her room that she gave way fully to the devastation.

And Colin, arms crossed, chair tipped back, stared for long hours at the wall opposite, stunned by the confusion that had suddenly struck one of his closest friendships, until he finally fell asleep early the next morning.

Part 12: Nerve Endings

Posted on Friday, 30 March 2001

Elizabeth

"What are you doing??!?" Colin demanded as soon as Will had left (rather reluctantly, or so I would like to think.)

I glared at him. "Why did you have to do that?"

"No, I don't think so. You're answering first, Miss Lizzy."

"I am trying to evaluate Will's affections for me. So bug off."

"You are what!?!!" Colin exploded, aghast.

"Well, I was, until you sent him off," I added giving him a dirty look. "What did you do that for? You saw I was talking to him!"

"Lou needed to see him about some computer problem."

"Now?"

"Well... he said 'today.' I figured now was as good a time as any... plus I thought you might be up to something stupid. I see now that I was right."

Before I could retort I felt a tugging on my ponytail. I tilted my head back and found myself staring up into Richard Prescott's warm brown eyes. "Everything all right over here?" he queried doubtfully in his deep voice.

"Of course."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Colin added crankily.

Richard raised an eyebrow. "Okay... ah, Lizzy, and be nice to Will, please."

"I was being very nice!" I exclaimed indignantly.

Colin muttered something sarcastic under his breath.

"Right..." said Richard with a sigh. "It gets so lonely, you know, being the only rational one around here..."

"Yes, well, you're special Richard. Don't worry," I said, beaming innocently.

"Yeah... whatever..." Colin muttered. I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow.

"And why do you think you need to be testing Will's affections for you?" he asked sardonically, as soon as Richard was out of earshot.

"I want to make sure he isn't trying to mess with my mind."

"Wait a minute -- who's messing with whose mind here? Because you know, from what I saw --"

"You mean from what you interrupted?"

"Fortunately. Why do you think he has some diabolical plan for you???"

"I don't. I'm just making sure." Colin rolled his eyes. "He always underestimates me," I snapped.

"Oh???"

"Yes! Like the first time I wrote an article for the school newspaper. Will was the editor of the news section and kept saying 'Oh no, you can't possibly handle that article, it's way too involve, so oh, why don't you try this one where you just have to interview the art teacher about the pottery exhibit, you puny little freshman.'"

"And using those exact words, of course."

"Shut up. Then in May I applied for an editorship for the next year, remember that? And even though I wrote mostly for Will's section -- and for most of the editions at least half the articles for news were written by only him and me --"

"If you detested him so much, why did you write for him all the time, instead of, say, the feature section?" Colin challenged.

I glared at him. Why was he being so irritating? "Because, news had the best articles, that's all -- "

"Oh, of course," said Colin airily. "Do go on."

Gaaahhh men...!!!!!!!!! "When the seniors were deciding, did he stick up for me at all? No! When they interviewed me, did Will ask me any questions about the articles I wrote? No!!! Instead, know what it was, Colin? 'Elizabeth, what special qualifications do you believe yourself to have that would entitle you to hold a position as a sophomore that nearly always goes to an upperclassman? Remember, Elizabeth, the news section is very important.' Can you believe that!?!! Oh, and yes Colin, it was in those exact words!"

"Well, you got the editorship in the end," Colin soothed.

I sniffed. "Yeah, because by November the next year the new editors-in-chief came crawling to me -- 'cause that snotty princess the seniors ended up picking was so under qualified the new chiefs had to kick her off to keep the news section functioning."

"Well, Lizzy, that wasn't really Will's fault, you know. Isabella Thorpe was the teacher's pet of the advisor and she had, let's call it 'urged' the seniors to pick Isabella to fatten up her resume for college."

"Still, Will could have tried to defend me instead of putting me on the defensive like that. And you know what Carol Ann told me his input on me was? 'Promising writer, but far too immature to be editor.' Me, immature!" I whacked Colin, who was routing around in the cabinet under the runner's podium. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a sponge. You just pulverized your pen."

I looked down and swore; there was a sticky pool of navy ink on the surface of the podium. More ink was smeared across my right hand. Will!!! This was his fault. Colin mopped up the ink as I continued to fume.

"And then band -- "

"Band??"

"Yeah, remember, I was in senior band as a freshman? Well, it was really about 25% juniors, a sprinkling of sophomores, and a few other freshmen, 'cause they had to fill it up with the right balance... and anyway, I was the last trumpet in the row and Will was first chair trombone, so he sat next to me, and he was so, oooh..."

"Lizzy," Colin interrupted, "that was ten years ago."

"Yeah, so? Stop interrupting me for once. Will was always so arrogant and condescending and patronising -- what are you doing in this band, lowly freshman -- and when he talked to me it was, ohhh... it always like he was about to hand down some brilliantly insightful edict guaranteed to amaze the whole room, and so I, young grasshopper, must take care to pay attention for it should be handed down to posterity -- Oh, that is, when he deigned to talk to me, a lowly freshman, at all --"

"Oh my God, Lizzy," said Colin, rolling his eyes. "As you yourself have said so many times, you were a freshman. I repeat, this was ten years ago. I mean, you girls were still writing in your little pink diaries -- oh, sure, I could be wrong, I was never a fourteen-year-old girl... but I knew just a few of 'em, darlin' -- and giggling with your friends when your crush, like, seriously, actually talked to you, like really, can you believe he actually did that, like? Oh! And he *sigh* borrowed my pencil, omigod can you believe that? I just, like, really hope he didn't notice that I had, like *giggle* engraved his initials with a perfectly symmetrical heart around them... yeah? You saw it? Yeah, I painted the heart with pink nail polish, it was like such a great color..."

Colin paused and darted a glance at me before continuing. "He had to mark some notes on his music... wow, he actually deigned to talk to me -- Argh, Lizzy! Ooh oww oww owwwwww Lizzy! Liiiiiizzzzy!!!!!! Ack, you know, I use that arm for something! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, Lizzy!!!!!!!!!! What'd I do?"

"Colin!" I exploded, twisting his arm even tighter behind his back. Richard, on his way to responsibly handling something important, shot us a quizzical look, so I was forced to release Colin's arm.

"Sheesh, you're brutal, woman," he said, vigorously swinging his right arm and rotating his shoulder.

"Yeah, you deserved it," I spat. "You know I never talked like that."

"All right, so the diction was a bit extreme..." Colin leaned against a built-in cooler and smirked. "Heh heh."

"Stop it!"

"What?"

"That -- what -- what you're doing!"

"I'm standin' here, Lizzy!" Colin exclaimed innocently.

I ignored him and decided to dismiss the situation by turning my full attention to the task organizer. Colin leaned over my shoulder and ran his finger down the page. "Lizzy, I think you should --"

"Hey! I'm running the schedule," I said, slapping his hand. Colin yelped. "Oh you big baby, that didn't hurt."

"Well you see Lizzy, all the nerve ending in these fingers are over-sensitized because you tried to twist my arm off," he explained, still shaking his arm out.

"Then how about you keep your hands off my stuff," I retorted. "I'm boss lady now. Can you go over to reshops? I've got Kimmie sorting them out and she needs some help."

"Kimmie?!!" Colin's eyebrows shot up in alarm.

"Oh this is ridiculous. I can't believe you're afraid of a seventeen year old girl."

"I'm not afraid! She's evil! And she's mean to me," Colin insisted.

"Colin... go!"

"How about I help Shem instead?" he suggested hopefully.

"Stop whining Colin. Kimmie is a perfectly innocent girl --"

"Innocent?" Colin mouthed in disbelief.

"You're almost a foot taller than her, she can't do you too much harm," I said, giving him a shove.

"Hey, have either of you seen Kristy around?" Andrew asked, putting our argument on hold for the moment.

I wrinkled my nose, trying to remember. "Um, she went that way?" I said, pointing my arms in opposite directions. "Sorry."

Andy laughed. "All right, I'll keep looking. Thanks."

Colin watched Andy's retreating back thoughtfully. "He's got a thing for her, doesn't he?" he asked.

"My sister? Oh yeah."

"Hmmm. Then maybe kissing her wasn't such a good idea."

"Oh, you think so?" I retorted sarcastically. "And he's one of your best friends!"

"Well --! I didn't know!"

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to some work, figuring Colin would somehow manage to overcome his fear and help Kimmie. Not so.

"Hey Lizzy," he said, leaning over the podium.

"You're still here?"

"So what to you think about me kissing Kristen?"

"Well, I'm still impressed by the remarkable sense she showed throwing you over."

"She didn't throw me over! Well, sorta, but all I did was kiss her that once, so..."

"So she didn't really give you a chance to get to the point where it would have been dumping."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Okay, Colin --"

"But then, you're her older sister, not brother, so then it's not so bad, I guess. Most older brothers don't want me kissing their sisters," said Colin cheerfully.

"I can't imagine why."

"Hey Lizzy, what do you think Will would do if I kissed Lindsey?"

"I don't know, why don't you find out."

"I can't, 'cause she's going out with Jack," he mimicked.

I reflected I would not at all mind turning the tables on Colin. "Jealous?" I asked sweetly.

He looked at me a minute, then leaned toward me and murmured calmly. 'You know I don't even know the meaning of the word, Lizzy."

"So you've always said," I smiled.

Colin shot me a look, then hesitated. "Hey, you know -- I'm think I'm going to go help Kimmie now..."

I laughed as he sauntered away. "Hey, whatcha smiling about?" someone asked behind me. I turned to face Will.

"Colin..." I shook my head indulgently. "He can be so maddening -- but I have to love him."

"Erm... yes. Well, as I was about to ask you before he inter-- before Lou called me down... You like journalism?"

I stiffened. I was not going to be patronized, and above all, not by Willis Fitzdarcy. "Yes, I do," I replied a bit haughtily. "I thought you knew, but no, you're right, I mean what reason would you have for concerning yourself with me and what I do?"

"Lizzy?" Will asked, puzzled. "Well, yes... I thought you were into journalism..." He tilted his head and looked at me as though trying to read what was on my mind.

He failed, of course: if he had, he would have given me a reason. I sighed. "Yes, I did study journalism, and that is what I want to do. But most of the writing I do now is business plans and the like."

"Business plans?"

"Yes. If someone wants to start or expand a business, he sees me and I help him put together a proposal to a bank or other investors, for example. Things like that." I pushed back my hair. "I also do some resumes."

Will frowned. "But why don't you try the Rochester paper? I'm sure you could get a job with them if you wanted to."

"But I don't want to. i don't think I could get anywhere with it, if you know what I mean. If you ask me, it's a pretty lousy paper for such a big city." I reached into the shelf under the podium and pulled out today's feature section of the paper. "Look at this," I said triumphantly, pointing out the missing headline .

"It only has one letter," said Will, bemused. "Where's the rest of it?"

"Exactly. And look at that. That's bad grammar and so's that, and that is just bad writing."

"I think I see your point."

"Thanks. But I don't think the future of journalism is in newsprint anyway."

"Where then?" Will asked.

I smiled. "The Internet, of course."

"I see..." said Will thoughtfully.

He didn't say anything and I looked past him and over the registers to see how Colin was getting on with Kimmie.

"Richard, pick up on 333," the PA crackled loudly.

"So what do you think?" Will asked.

What did I think about what? I turned back to Will, but not before I witnessed Kimmie slugging Colin in the stomach with a bag of potatoes. Ouch. I winced. All right, so maybe he had a small point.

"What's wrong?" Will asked quickly.

I turned back to him. "What?"

"You made a face."

"Oh. Sorry. I was just regretting something I did."

"Oh. Well then... never mind." Will walked off quickly.

I looked after him, confused by his abrupt departure, then shrugged and turned back to my work.

Wait a minute -- never mind about what? I looked up; Will was already out of sight.

"What did you mean, sending me into enemy territory like that?" Colin demanded, coming up behind me.

"Sorry... hey, I saw the potato thing -- what did you do?!?"

Colin shrugged. "I don't know, I was just teasing her about some guy named David? Hey! She hit me. so why's this my fault, I'd like to know???"

I shook my head vigorously. "Don't tease girls about guys Colin."

"But --"

"It's just stupid. And impolitic."

"Oh, not just stupid, but impolitic too," he mocked. "She did enlighten me to the fact that I have a large smudge of ink on the back of my shirt..." he shot me a pointed look.

"Oh. Sorry," I said meekly.

"It's okay. So, young grasshopper, how did it go with the malefactor?"

I blinked. "Huh?"

Colin leaned across the podium. "I saw you talking to him."

Oh, Will. I flushed, inexplicably. "Um... I don't know..."

Colin looked at the ceiling. "She doesn't know," he repeated.

"Colin..."

"I'm sorry, I just thought those balloons up there might be interested too."

"No, Colin, no one cares."

Colin's right eyebrow shot up. "I see I've hit a nerve."

I stalked off to answer a light as Colin sadly contemplated the ink smudge on his shirtfront left by my swat.

Part 13: Doing My Part to Help

Posted on Friday, 30 March 2001

(Colin)

"Collllllllliiiiiiiiin!!!" Lizzy wailed into the phone.

"You don't sound so good, I said, concerned.

"I feel not so good."

"What's wrong? ...Wait a sec, you sound like you have your allergies. Isn't it kind of late for that though, October?"

Lizzy sniffled. "Can you come over? I need you to remove a disgusting blob from my front steps. I could do it myself, you know, but with the allergies --" she sneezed again.

This was puzzling. "What happened, spill something?"

"What? No!"

I sighed. "All right... what is it, Lizzy?"

"Billy," she spluttered darkly.

"Ahhhh..."

"He comes wielding orange chrysanthemums. I hate chrysanthemums! I hate orange!"

"And you're allergic to chrysanthemums."

"Yeeeeeeesssssss," she sniffled miserably. "Otherwise you know I could take care of him myself easily, but I can't even open the door. But he won't go away and my sisters are both out."

"I see..."

"So you can come over?"

I thought a moment. "Sorry Lizzy, I can't, but -"

"WHAT?" she shrieked.

"Well, I'm busy, Lizzy," I began apologetically. "But I--"

"You're not busy! You're playing computer solitaire, aren't you?" she accused

"No!" I protested, watching the cards bounce up and down.

"Colin!!!!!"

"Okay, okay, just calm down," I tried to pacify. "I can't come over, but I know someone who can, okay? It'll just be a moment, okay Lizzy? Bye." I hung up quickly leaving her to seethe.

I drummed my fingers against the desk and with a grin, picked up the phone again.

Part 14: Adventures in Gallantry

Posted on Tuesday, 3 April 2001

(Will)

Thanks for your replies -- after them, I considered messing with your minds and having Colin send Andy or Richard or even Jack (heh)... but I'm not that mean ;)

It wasn't until I had turned into the Benedict sisters' street that it struck me: how the hell was I going to do this???

Colin had told me that Elizabeth was shut up in her house with allergies and Billy Burg wouldn't leave her alone -- could I go help her out? He was busy and couldn't (I think this sounds a bit suspect, but I'll go with it.) He had facetiously offered me the use of his mother's ShopVac, but had given me no practical advice. Damn you Colin! What am I supposed to do? Come to think of it, he had never even said whether Elizabeth knew I was coming over -- now why does that make me think that she doesn't??? All righty, now I also have that small problem. Fantastic.

But then, I am rescuing her, after all -- and from Billy, soooo.... maybe she'll be glad I'm here. Well, she should be. But with her, who knew. She doesn't treat me the same from one day to the next. Great grasshoppers, this woman is bizarre... but in a good way.

I pulled in front of her building and got out of the car, then nearly fell over a bucket of soapy water; apparently Lizzy had been washing her beloved car "Spencer" when Billy had ambushed her.

That was sitting on the front step of her townhouse, clutching sweatily at a bunch of absurdly large, burnt-orange-colored chrysanthemums. Lizzy's face appeared in the window briefly, then I heard the sound of something being thrown forcefully at the wall (a sound my sister has made me very familiar with, especially as of late...) Or maybe it was just my imagination.

Billy looked up disapprovingly. "Elizabeth does not feel good. I believe you should leave as your presence would upset her." He thrust the chrysanthemums in my face. "When she is better I am taking her on a picnic in a deserted cornfield." He winked suggestively and I felt very, very sick. And I wasn't even allergic to chrysanthemums.

I glared down and him and put on my 'intimidating' look. "Billy --"

"We can keep this between just you and me if you just leave now. I mean, Elizabeth wouldn't like it if she knows you're here."

I banged my head against the brink wall of the townhouse as Billy looked on curiously. Damn you Colin, damn you Colin... "Okay. Look. You want to know why Elizabeth doesn't feel well? She's allergic to chrysanthemums --"

"Oh." Billy tossed the chrysanthemums away and managed to take out the neighbor's potted geranium. I tried to fit the two pieces of the broken clay pot back together and put back enough soil to cover the roots. Billy looked on disapprovingly as if this was all my fault. I dusted my knees off and stood up.

"Riiiight. But Billy, that isn't all. Elizabeth - Does - Not - Like - You. You annoy her, Billy. She, err, you are not quite her type, I'm sorry. And she definitely doesn't want to go for this little 'picnic' in the cornfield with you." I shuddered.

Billy stared blankly for a minute. Then he gave a big ha-ha-ha laugh. "Oh I see. you just don't understand that Elizabeth and I have an understanding, a special understanding. I mean, she pretends she doesn't like me, but it's... it's... it's sort of a game, get it? Girls like that." Billy gave me a pitying look. "But I guess you wouldn't know much about that, huh?"

Ahem, 'scuse me? What's that supposed to mean!?!! I took a deep breath and began again. "Well, no Billy, actually you don't quite understand. Lizzy doesn't think of this as a game at all -- SHE CAN'T STAND YOU!!!!!!

"Eewwwww!!!!!!" Billy cried. "Ew, you like her, don't you? You came here because you're jealous, huh? Eww, gross, and you're so much older than her too. don't you feel disgusting?"

Um??? First of all, I was only three years older than Elizabeth -- that was nothing, and we were both mature adults (I think), so age doesn't matter than much anyway. Well, that was too confusing for Billy to understand I guess. I stuck with something more concrete. "Well Billy, she is almost five years older than you, so --"

"But it's true love!" he protested shrilly. I suppressed a snicker with some difficulty -- why did I suddenly have to think of that priest from The Princess Bride? Billy smirked fatuously and added in a condescending undertone, "I'm sorry you had to lose, Will -- I hope you won't hold it against me. Don't worry, I won't tell Elizabeth about this or embarrass you at work." He leaned forward conspiratorially -- what had this guy had for breakfast? -- and hissed, "and just because I'm generous, I'll let you in on a little secret, heheh... if you go around the back and stand on the ledge you can see into Elizabeth's bedroom window. Even if the curtains are closed if you kinda tip your head this way -- "

That was it. No more diplomacy, no more tact, no more non-violence, no more saint-like patience, no more Gandhi. I sailed into Billy and he fell backwards off the step into the grass, knocking over the other geranium. "You did WHAT?" I bellowed. Billy struggled to get up, but I pushed him down again. He squirmed, but that only made me tighten my grip. I restrained myself from actually hitting him, for fear of the extent of damage I might cause. "You -- you -- you revolting toad! You scummy, unfit, wretched piece of crud! You are an insult to mankind!" I raged. "Have you no respect for women at all? Could you possibly be more repulsive, you filthy, slobbering -- "

The door opened and Elizabeth's incisive voice cut into my tirade. "All right, that's enough. Billy, you brainless lout, get lost before I call the police. I mean it." I released the thing and he ran off, emitting seal-type noises. Lizzy beckoned to me from the doorstep. "You. Get over here."

Yes Ma'am. I ran a hand through my hair, grinned, and strolled over to her. Her eyes were watery; her complexion was blotchy; her nose was red; her hair was a mess; she was wearing a very faded pink tank top, pajama shorts in Stewart plaid, and lime green flip-flops. She was oddly alluring. I was going out of my mind... but what the hell. I picked up the chrysanthemums and flung them impressively into a nearby pond. Oh this could be the start of something very big... why don't you take a chance on me... something like that, ladidadidadida...

Lizzy was standing with her hands on her hips. And glaring at me... did I miss something? "When I need your assistance, I'll let you know," she said coldly. "Otherwise, don't provide it. I don't need you to rescue me, I don't need you to do your little 'I am a guy' thing and beat up Billy, I don't need you to create this noisy huge scene in front of my house on a Saturday morning and now all my neighbors are wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into." Elizabeth wiped her eyes and called dryly, "Show's over, folks!"

Out of the corner of my eye I vaguely noted people going back into their buildings. But what pounded through my brain were those same four words over and over again: I don't need you.

"Now wait a minute," I snapped. "You called Colin because you couldn't deal with this yourself. So I don't quite think you can say you don't need anyone, can you?"

"I never said that --"

"You just did!"

"Stop trying to put words in my mouth, Will. I hate that. Don't even dare to presume you know what I'm thinking because you don't know anything about me. I never said I don't need anybody. I said I don't need you."

"Next time you need rescuing I'll remember that you're selective."

"Shut up!" she screamed. "I'm not done. What makes you think I need rescuing? I'm not completely helpless. If I called Colin it was because I don't feel like dealing with this myself over and over again and he could have helped my out a bit. I don't mind that. What I do mind is you coming over here and without a word to me deciding you have to avenge my honor or whatever in front of the entire neighborhood -- and then expect me to pull some big gratitude act for you."

"Oh, so you don't mind Colin rescuing you, but I can't?" By now I was shouting as well. "He asked me to come over, you know. Just what would he have done that would be so much better?"

"Oh, I already know he sent you over, so don't try that. He meant well, but... Colin, while moronic in his own right, would have handled this entirely better than you did. What he would have done is strolled up the walkway, talking about his brother the lawsuit lawyer, oh, did you know Billy that Elizabeth has asked me to introduce Fletcher to her? Yeah, she was pretty impressed by his last case, this sexual harassment thing that got a huge settlement. Amazing, I really don't know how he does it, but he's fantastic..."

"Fletch is strictly a business lawyer. He's never sued anyone in his life, not to mention he lives in Massachusetts," I retorted.

"I know that, but Billy doesn't. The point is, it would have worked, Billy would have never dared to bother me again, and the whole thing would have been over, quietly, unmessily, and in about three and a half minutes."

"And then?" I asked sarcastically.

"And then I would have invited Colin in for lunch."

"And you're not going to invite me for lunch, are you?" I inquired coldly.

Elizabeth walked down the front path to her car and pulled the sponge out of the bucket. "Of course not."

I watched her for a moment before I phrased the sardonic retort. "Because he's just an ultimately more desirable person than I am, right?" It would hurt, but I wanted to know.

"Obviously. Colin's charming and sweet and funny and relaxed. You're presumptuous and uptight and proud and I really don't think you have any sense of humor at all, do you?"

"Well, I'm afraid not all of us can be perfect," I said tightly.

"Oh no, Colin's far from perfect, but that's fine with me. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. You do, though. I really can't understand how Lindsey can put up with you every day. I mean, it isn't as if she's much like you or anything."

So this is what she thought of me. And even the affection of my sister, who was one of her best friends, couldn't sway her estimation. "Evidently I'm wasting my time here," I said, turning to go. "I'll give Colin your regards. And tell him next time you need help, make sure he does it himself, or at least sends someone more charming than I am -- or is it that only Colin will do? So I'm sorry if I've overstepped my grounds, I'm so presumptuous, you know --"

I got no further. "You're insufferable!" Elizabeth screamed. She threw the pail of water at me and ran up the walkway to her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

As I stood in stunned, dripping silence, Bing pulled into the parking lot. "Oh, hi Will, seen Jen ar -- whoa, what happened to you?"

"Women are the devil," I said through gritted teeth.

"Women are wonderful," Bing smiled, then added helpfully, "You look like a drowned cat."

"Thank you." I fumbled with the car door.

"Didn't go so well with Elizabeth, eh?" he nudged me. "Hey, isn't the upholstery going to get ruined if you drive home like that?"

I groaned. "Bing, Jen isn't home yet -- could you just leave your car here and drive mine home?"

"Sure, but... you're going to walk all the way to your house like that?"

"Do I have a choice?" I glared him into submission and he took my keys.

I made it to the main road before Bing pulled over and rolled down his window. I walked over to him, my shoes making squish-squish-squish sounds. "Yeah?"

"So what are you going to do now?"

I frowned at my sodden shoes. I was furious with Elizabeth. If she was going to treat me like, that, she wasn't worth it. I had every reason to be resentful. Or so I tried to tell myself. But I still wanted her. I was in too deep. I sighed and looked up and Bing. "I guess it's time to call in the expert."

Continued In Next Section