Beginning, Previous Section, Section III, Next Section
Author's Note: Thanks to Lise for her advice on how to do italics and underlines and that stuff, and thanks to the people who provided suggestions, especially Lisa. I still may use them beyond this post.
Colonel Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth hadn't kept in direct contact, but both seemed to keep tabs on the other through Will. For Elizabeth, it was just in passing in a conversation. Colonel Fitzwilliam didn't even need to ask.
He came to town a month after Elizabeth's illness. One of the first things he did was establish a relationship with Elizabeth again. He called her up and they agreed to go see a movie together.
Colonel Fitzwilliam said to Will as he was leaving, "I'm going out with Elizabeth tonight."
"When do you think you'll be home?" asked Will, watching him put his coat on.
"Oh, I don't expect to come home."
Will looked sharply at him. "What do you mean? Elizabeth isn't like that."
Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed surprised to hear that. "She isn't? Well she's pretty cozy around me, if you get what I mean."
Will looked away, not wanting his cousin to see his reaction. He didn't think Elizabeth would be anything like that, would she? She'd never hinted it around him. So? He wasn't trying to date her! Colonel Fitzwilliam was her first serious relationship. Hadn't he started it?
Colonel Fitzwilliam was looking intently at his cousin.
Finally, Will said, "Do you have serious intentions on her?"
"I was thinking I do, yes."
Colonel Fitzwilliam continued to watch Will closely.
"That is unless..."
"Yes?" asked Will, looking back up at him, eyes ... hopeful?
Colonel Fitzwilliam sat down across from Will and leaned forward in earnestness. "That is unless my cousin prevents me."
"Prevent you?! Why would I prevent you?"
Colonel Fitzwilliam didn't say anything, but didn't take his eyes off Will. Will squirmed uncomfortably.
"She's a terrific woman."
"Yes, she is."
"One in a billion."
Will nodded.
"I would imagine a guy would want to hang on tight to a woman like her."
Will started to see where this was going.
Colonel Fitzwilliam continued his torture. "Wouldn't you say so, Will?"
"Sure." He avoided all eye contact.
Colonel Fitzwilliam had serious suspicions before, but now he was positive.
"Aren't you going to be late?" asked Will.
"Why don't you admit it?"
"Admit what?" Will asked, innocently.
"You know what. Admit you love Elizabeth!"
"That's ridiculous. We're close friends, that's all."
"You talk about her every time I talk to you. You think about her constantly, admit it. You admire her, and you would be miserable if any other guy had her, and you wouldn't be able to live if you couldn't see her every day of your life!"
Will didn't quite know how to respond to his thoughts and feelings being exposed so suddenly and unceremoniously. He felt like he'd been stripped suddenly in front of a crowd.
"Admit you love her, Will."
Will became angry. He got up and began to pace about the room. "So what ! So what if I do love her?!"
"Tell her!"
"We've established so firmly that we were keeping this a friendship. It would ruin everything."
"How?"
"What if she doesn't love me?"
"You'll never know if you don't ask her."
"But what will I do if she doesn't? Because then all possibility of our maintaining our friendship would be shot."
"Ridiculous."
"No, think about it." Will sat back down in front of his cousin and took his hands. Looking into Colonel Fitzwilliam's eyes, he said, "Elizabeth, I love you. She says I don't, but now she knows that I love her, and it'll be there."
"What?" replied Colonel Fitzwilliam, pulling his hands away.
"That impassable barrier that will forever be in the way of our easy friendship."
"I've never heard of such a thing."
"Because whenever we're together, I'll be thinking about how much I love and want her, and she'll be thinking about it too, but she'll be hurt, disgusted, resisting, unwilling, awkward-"
"No, no, no!!" cried Colonel Fitzwilliam, jumping up. "She would forget about it over time and you'd go back to the way things used to be."
"No, because once it's out there, it can never be taken back, and it changes everything!"
"What's your other option? Passionately loving her in silence until some man actually voices his admiration for her and she's gone?"
"No."
"You can't keep her to yourself like that forever... without a reason, like marriage."
"Impossible."
"It's not impossible, Will! You're just making this a whole lot more difficult than it is."
"You don't understand."
"You're d-mn right I don't."
"Go on your date and enjoy her company," Will said, tiredly, as he dropped into the chair and put his face in his hands.
Colonel Fitzwilliam hesitated for a few moments, and then left him in peace. He returned to Will's home after the movie had finished and found Will locked in his library. No amount of knocking would open the door.
Will didn't act on his new revelation right away. He sat and brooded over it for some time. Elizabeth noticed he was different, and asked him one day, "Will? Are you angry with me or something?"
"What? Why would I be angry with you?"
"I don't know, you've just been... distant lately."
"No, I'm not angry with you."
Elizabeth didn't pursue it any further that day, but her suspicions didn't go away. She was too busy with her own concerns. Colonel Fitzwilliam had seemed so attentive at first, but then suddenly seemed cold. She didn't know what she had done. She was beginning to feel more isolated and lonely. Jane and Charles were getting closer and closer together, and Elizabeth knew that soon she would be searching for a new roommate. Now Will was acting distant and more reserved and wouldn't tell her why. It looked like he was losing sleep over something. She brought the subject up again a few days later.
"Will, are you all right?"
Will looked at her confused. "Yes, of course I'm all right."
"No, you look tired. Have you been sleeping ill lately?"
Will saw she noticed his lack of sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep well since his cousin's visit. "One of my businesses is going through a rough time," he lied.
Elizabeth realized that this was the problem. Will rarely spoke to her about his other businesses so this would explain his reluctance to talk.
"Well, just let me know if you need me for something, I'm here."
Will looked up into her face, and saw the genuine concern in her fine eyes. He held his breath for a minute and was about to blurt everything out, but he was stopped by a screeching voice crying out, "Mr. Darcy!"
He turned and saw Miss Caroline Bingley walking towards their table. Will closed his eyes briefly to regain his composure and catch his breath.
"Miss Bingley, what a surprise!"
Miss Bingley sat down uninvited. "You haven't been coming to any of the balls and parties lately."
Will noticed her slight on Elizabeth and said, "Miss Bingley, you know Miss Bennet."
"Miss Bennet, I did not see you there. You look so different than when I usually see you."
Elizabeth gave her a half smile, and said, "If you both will excuse me, I need to be moving along."
Elizabeth retreated gratefully. She was not at all sure if she could hold her temper in a conversation with that witch. But she felt horribly guilty for leaving Will. She decided that her conscience would not let her leave Will to Miss Bingley alone. Once she reached her office, she sent a messenger down with an urgent request for Mr. Darcy's presence.
Five minutes later, Will came in. "Is there something of any significance or were you just being my angel in disguise?"
Elizabeth gave him a heart-wrenching smile and said, "I'm always your angel, Mr. Darcy."
Will couldn't have agreed more. He gave her a smile of gratitude and then retreated to his office to regain his reeling equilibrium.
Elizabeth began writing fiction in her spare time again. She would save up her ideas until Friday and Saturday nights when she could curl up in front of the computer with some hot chocolate or Ribena and let her fingers fly over the keyboard, pouring out her creative ideas. After a while, she began to realize that letting her fingers loose and writing the story as she went along wasn't producing the best result. Instead, she tried to think about a good plot line. From there, she developed her characters. Finally, she added the interesting bits. But above all, she had to know how it was going to end. This took some of the fun out of it, for she liked to write without knowing herself how it was going to turn out. It was like reading a book, only she was writing it.
She didn't tell anyone of her new project, but Jane knew a little just from seeing her in front of the computer. Elizabeth still didn't think her stories were worth reading, but hoped to get better at it as she gained experience.
Elizabeth decided to take her holiday and visit her family in Tallahassee for a couple of weeks. She planned the visit in May, when the weather was warm, but not yet unbearably hot. She wished she could have visited earlier, but it was not to be.
Will offered to drive her to the airport so she wouldn't have to take a cab and she accepted. On the way, they were surprisingly silent. When they reached the airport, Will helped her with her luggage and stayed with her until they got to her gate. Elizabeth was surprised and had expected Will to say good-bye at any moment.
When they got to her gate, she put her carry-on down, and said, "Are you going to say good-bye now, or wait until just before I board?"
Will looked flustered. "Oh, I'll say bye now."
He didn't make a move. Elizabeth felt a little awkward. She hadn't really felt awkward in front of Will for a long time. He looked at the floor and said in a soft voice, "I'm going to miss you."
"I'll be back in two weeks, Will. I'm not going for that long."
"Yes, but I won't have anyone to eat with at lunch and talk to."
"Oh, come on. I'm sure you have plenty of people who would love to have lunch with you and talk to."
"But how many people do I want to do that with? Not many."
"I'll write via email, you know that. I'll probably get really bored and IM you a lot."
Will nodded, still looking unhappy. Elizabeth took pity on him. He was acting pathetic and hard-done-by. She opened her arms, and he instinctively hugged her close to him. The embrace lasted longer than either expected, but it was pleasant. They had never been one to physically show affection for each other, so this was their first hug. Elizabeth loved the comforting, protective feel of his arms around her. And Will couldn't remember when he'd felt so complete before. He didn't want to let go, but knew he wouldn't be able to keep his composure if he didn't. They let each other go. Will said in a choked voice, "Have a safe trip," and left quickly, leaving Elizabeth staring at his retreating back.
She felt bereft and didn't know why. Something more significant happened than a good-bye but she didn't know what. She was left with too many questions and not enough answers. She did know that Will was her best friend barring Jane. Elizabeth had never had close friends before she had met Will and Jane. Then Charles was pretty close, but he wasn't a confidante like the others. She loved the feeling of being able to call them at any time, and they would be ready and willing to listen to problems or even something she was too thrilled about. She held them both very dear to her heart and was sorry to leave them even so short a time as two weeks.
Perhaps her sorrow wouldn't have been so great if she knew there was a loving, welcome-home to return to. But there wasn't. Mrs. Bennet never thought Elizabeth good enough and had always held Lydia to the highest esteem. God knows why. Mr. Bennet was reclusive and usually secluded in his own little world of scholars and books.
When Elizabeth reached the Tallahassee Regional Airport, there was no one waiting for her. She had to call a taxi and wait for it to arrive, since Tallahassee didn't have cabs waiting around for patrons. One had to call a number to get one.
She reached her home nearing eleven at night, and found everyone to be asleep. She used her keys to get in and put her stuff down in the hall. She quietly went into her old room, which was now a study. She hadn't even been told of this transformation. She decided she had better sleep on the couch, and without even changing, plopped down on the cushions, curled up, and fell fast asleep.
The following morning, Elizabeth was the first to wake up, and found herself in an uncomfortable position. Stretching the many cricks in her back and neck, she sat up. In daylight, she saw more changes that had been made to the house. 'Trust my parents to update the house after I've left!' she muttered to herself.
She plodded into the kitchen, made herself a cup of hot chocolate and sat down to read the morning paper.
Mr. Bennet was the first one of her family to wake up. He walked into the kitchen, looked at her dazedly, and then walked back out again. Twenty minutes later, he came back in, and seemed surprised to see her there. "Lizzy! I didn't know you were coming back today!"
"No, it was yesterday, papa."
"Hmm, well, welcome home, child."
"Thank you."
"I thought you were part of a dream earlier on. When did you arrive?"
"Last night."
"Oh. I'm sorry we weren't awake for you."
"Don't worry about it. When will mama and Lyddie start stirring?"
Mr. Bennet gave her look. "Not for a couple of hours, yet. How have you been?"
"I've been doing really well."
"You look much better than I've ever seen you. What is it? ...Clothes? ...Your eyes? I can't seem to place it."
Elizabeth shook her head, and said, "Never mind, papa."
"You been keeping up with your books?"
"Of course, father."
"Good, good. What have you read lately?"
"I've been reading a bit of Steinbeck."
"Ah! The great John Steinbeck. Mastermind, I declare. Pray, which books of his did you read?"
"Well, I started East of Eden, but eventually became so upset I threw it in the fire."
"What?! How could you?"
"Father, that female character, Jenny, was it? Well she bothered me to the core. I couldn't stand to read about someone so basely evil! And the Abel parallel character was a blithering idiot and the Cain parallel character was also evil. I couldn't stand it anymore, father. I burst into tears and threw it in the fire."
"Hmph. Weak, is what I call it. It's classic literature, my girl! Anyway, what else did you read?"
"I also struggled through Grapes of Wrath. I hated that one too. It was so depressing! About the family and being split up and all the microcosms of such a ... bleak and depressing world!"
"That's what it was like! Your grandparents suffered through the depression."
"Father, they were in England, where the depression wasn't as bad as in America."
"Anyway, what else have you been reading."
"I finally finished Great Expectations."
"Dickens! Always been a favourite of mine. How did you like it?"
Elizabeth opened her mouth to say she hadn't enjoyed it, when she realized that she rarely enjoyed 'literature'. She had read so many books, pressured by her father, that she had hated reading. She hesitated, and said, "I could see the worth people find in it."
"I knew you'd appreciate it."
Elizabeth had never realized before how much she disliked reading the books her father gave her to read. They were too depressing for a nature like hers. Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Beloved, Thousand Cranes, One Hundred Years of Solitude, and so many more. How many times had she read a book and never liked a single character in it? She couldn't count. Maybe she had chosen the wrong major, the wrong profession, the wrong career. But if she had, then what was right for her? And why had it taken her so long to discover it? What had changed that made her see this more clearly? Her friends and 'coming out'. Hadn't they encouraged her to be herself and not what others thought she should be?
Mr. Bennet was still talking, so she pushed her reflections to the side, and listened attentively.
When her mother came in, she greeted her with false enthusiasm. Lydia just mumbled a hello and went back to bed. This ... was Elizabeth's welcome after two years' absence.
Elizabeth had no friends to see, and Tallahassee was a ghost town compared with Boston. She couldn't go anywhere or see anything. The closest cultural center was at least four hours' drive away. She was stuck doing nothing.
At first this was rather pleasant. To relax and read the books she had wanted to read. She wrote more of her stories and worked on the tan she never had had. But this grew tiresome after three days, and she longed for her friends and the city life of Boston.
She had promised to write to Will but found her family lacked all internet access. Frustrated, Elizabeth couldn't find a way to contact him via the web, so she was forced to call him. Not only did she not want him worrying about her, but she wanted to hear his voice.
She called his office and received his secretary. "Hello, Darcy Publishing Company, how may I help you?"
"I'd like to speak with Mr. Darcy, please."
"Do you have an appointment?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Do you have an appointment?"
"To see him? No, I just wanted to talk to him."
"You need an appointment to talk to Mr. Darcy, ma'am."
"Oh. Well, could you just tell him Elizabeth Bennet is waiting to speak with him now, please?"
"Hold on one moment, please."
Elizabeth waited two minutes before she was taken off hold. "Elizabeth?" asked Will's voice.
"Will! Hello."
"How are you?"
"Fine, fine. How are you?"
"I'm great."
"I don't have internet access here, so I haven't been able to contact you in any other way. If you're busy, I can go. I didn't want you to worry."
"No! No, no. I have time," he lied. "What have you been up to?"
"Nothing, really. There's very little to do here, and I've been relaxing."
"That's good."
There was some silence. Elizabeth asked, "Who have you been eating lunch with?"
Will hesitated to answer, then replied, "Actually, I've been having my lunch sent up here to my office."
"Will! You should get out of the office for an hour. It'll do you good."
"I know, but it's not the same without you."
"That's ridiculous."
"No, it's not."
Will seemed so serious, that Elizabeth was a little thrown off. Recovering quickly, she said, "Well, I really have very little else to say to you. Just checking in with you."
"I'm really glad you did, Elizabeth. I admit I have been worried or at least concerned."
"You shouldn't be. I'll be glad to get back in a week."
"I miss you," Will said.
"I miss you, too."
"I guess I'll let you go," he said reluctantly.
"Bye, Will."
"Good bye my- ...bye Elizabeth."
The time Will spent without Elizabeth forced him to realize how right his cousin was. He couldn't seem to live without her. He hadn't realized how much he depended on her presence everyday. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay silent for long. He just agonized over whether she felt anything towards him or not.
Will picked up Elizabeth from the airport when she returned. When he first saw her, it seemed the most natural thing in the world for both of them to hug. It was just as pleasant as their first one. Heartfelt and caring, and for Elizabeth, the wonderful feeling of security and safety as well.
They talked amiably as they picked up her bag and walked to the car. They continued their conversation all the way home. He dropped her off and carried her bag up to her apartment for her. After he had done this deed, he waved good-bye to Jane and Elizabeth and left.
Will paused outside of her door, leaned against the wall, and drew a deep breath. He took a minute to compose himself, and then walked out of the building.
Elizabeth felt that her work was stagnant. She didn't derive any enjoyment from her work and she wished to do something different. But working for Will, however indirectly, prevented her from making a decision on leaving the company. She enjoyed their lunches together, even when he had to cut them short.
They began to do more together in their free time. They'd often see movies together, some rentals at each other's places, some in the cinema. Every now and then, they would see a play together. Sometimes Shakespeare, sometimes an opera and other times a new play on the stage. Occasionally they would see a musical.
With the social season being over, they saw less of Will's other 'friends' and Will considered the less the better. Elizabeth was never gung ho about being in the upper circles.
Elizabeth continued to notice Will's changing moods. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her intensely, sometimes he would be staring out of the window paying no attention to what she was saying. Some days he would be giddily happy and others he was in a bad mood and grumpy. She didn't understand it, but all her attempts at asking him what was the matter failed.
Finally, Will asked her, "Have you ever been up to the Sky Walk?"
"No, I always considered it was for tourists."
"It is, but it's still pleasant. Would you like to eat up there today?"
"Sure."
They bought their lunches and then took the elevator to the 52nd floor. It was designed so that one could walk around the perimeter of the building and look out over every view of Boston through the continuous windows. Against the inner wall were exhibits displaying bits of Boston's history and accomplishments.
Will set their food down by a couple of armchairs in front of the view of the Charles River. He walked over to where Elizabeth was gazing delightedly out over the city. Will had picked a clear day to bring her, and they could see for miles out to the horizon. They looked around together for a few minutes. Elizabeth was rather distracted by Will's apparent fascination with her today. She didn't understand it. He seemed to be antsy and nervous. She finally turned to him and said, "Will, are you sure you're all right?"
Will looked up at her, startled. "Perhaps I'd be better with some food in me."
They walked back to the armchairs where their food was. "Did you skip breakfast again?" she accused.
Will laughed shakily and said, "Yeah, that must be it."
"Will! You need to eat breakfast in the mornings. You need your energy too much to wait until lunch time to get some food in you."
He looked at her with the intense gaze again. Little could she know what was passing through his head at that time. She could only guess, and she looked down, self-consciously. "Is there something strange about me today?"
Will half smiled. "There's never anything strange about you. You always look lovely."
Elizabeth blushed and murmured a shy thank you.
"Elizabeth, I have something important I wanted to tell you."
She looked up expectantly, wondering what it could be. She was concerned by his nervousness at telling her.
"Is there something wrong with your family or business?"
"No, no, everyone's fine."
"What is it? You're making me wait in suspense."
Will took a deep breath and looked up into her face. She was startled at the seriousness of his manner yet once again, the same intense gaze.
"Elizabeth, for some time I have realized that I look on you as more than a friend. I love you. I have loved you longer than I even know."
Elizabeth was absolutely stunned. Her first reaction was to think it was a joke. But it wasn't April Fools, Will wasn't inclined to play practical jokes particularly of such a serious nature, and finally, the sincerity in his expression caused Elizabeth to put aside the notion for good. Then she decided he was mistaken. But he had said it was for some time, and it couldn't possibly be an infatuation. He couldn't just have a crush, either, for it seemed preposterous for anyone, particularly Will Darcy to be infatuated with her or have a crush. She didn't know what to think.
Will was worried. She hadn't looked back up at him, yet. She continued to stare at the floor in front of her feet in a daze. Not good. He could feel his heart beginning to crack, threatening to fall to pieces if she didn't hurry up and reassure him.
Elizabeth's thoughts had begun to take a path. She felt betrayed. She valued their friendship so much and he wanted more. She suddenly felt like she didn't know him. How could he be her best friend and leave out such a major detail? Her mind went back into its previous reeling state.
Will could stand it no longer. "Elizabeth?"
She looked at him, and he knew he was lost. "How could you?" she asked in a dazed, soft voice.
"How could I help myself?" he replied, his own voice choked.
Elizabeth could think of nothing to do but get away. She wanted to run for comfort from someone, but that person was usually Will. He had taken from her her one steadfast pillar in her life. She had always been able to count on him supporting her before. How could he?
She got up. Will didn't even try to stop her. He couldn't watch her walk away, either. He buried his face in his hands, and felt his heart shatter. He found it physically difficult to breathe. His throat clenched painfully, and his vision was blurred by tears. His mind whirled in confusion. He could only think to himself, What had he done?
Elizabeth stumbled to the elevator. She somehow made it to her desk. But she couldn't concentrate on anything. She was too stunned and hurting. She was useless where she was. She picked up her things, told the nearest office worker that she was going home sick and left the building.
During her slow walk home, her mind tried to grasp the magnitude of his words. But she felt too confused. She needed help, guidance, advice. Her mind instinctively thought, Call Will. But now she couldn't. It hurt every time. She couldn't call Will anymore.
She got home, and curled up on her bed in the loft. She brought the phone with her. Her trembling fingers punched Jane's work number.
Jane picked up the phone in her studio and immediately knew something was wrong. For starters, Elizabeth was unintelligible through her sobbing.
"Dearest, please calm down. I can't understand what you're saying."
She picked up Will's name.
"What about Will? Did something happen to him?"
"Nooo," Elizabeth wailed, and hiccuped another sob.
"What is it?"
Elizabeth couldn't get any more words out. Jane sighed, and said, "Hold on until I get home, all right? I'm coming home immediately."
Elizabeth hung up and buried her face in her pillow.
Jane called Charles. "Charles? I'm going home now. Elizabeth just called and is in hysterics. I can't understand what happened, but I heard Will's name. ...Yes, please. ...Thanks. ...Love you too. Bye."
Jane found Elizabeth in the loft on her bed. Jane climbed up the ladder and lay down beside her.
"What is it, dearest? Tell me."
Elizabeth cried more, and said, "Oh Jane." Jane held Elizabeth to her chest, rocking her gently.
"Shh, what is it? Tell me."
When Elizabeth was calmer, she imparted what happened in the Sky Walk. Jane wanted cheer for joy at last, but knew it didn't work out for some reason.
"Why the tears?"
"I've lost my best friend. Why did he have to do it?"
"If he loves you, you can't expect him to remain silent forever."
"But why did he have to love me? I'm not lovable! What did I do to earn his love?"
"By being you. You are very lovable. Elizabeth, you can't continue thinking about yourself this way. You're an incredibly wonderful person and there are plenty of reasons to love you."
"I don't think so. I've lost my own best friend!"
"And you're gaining so much more."
"I don't see it that way."
"You don't love Will?" asked Jane, sadly.
"I've never looked at him that way. He's always been my best friend."
"I'm so sorry," Jane whispered, thinking of both Will and Elizabeth.
"What am I to do, Jane? I can't stay here with him, I can't!"
"Do you want to move back to Tallahassee?"
"No!" she wailed.
"Why don't you think about it in the morning? Get some sleep and when you wake up, we can think about what to do."
Elizabeth nodded, tiredly, her chest still heaving sporadically with sobs. "I love you, Jane. Thank you so much."
Jane hugged her, and said, "You know I'll always be here for you."
Elizabeth fell asleep with Jane rocking her. When Jane heard her more restful breathing, she settled her under the sheets, and climbed back down to the main floor. She picked up the phone, and after settling in the corner, as far from her sleeping friend as possible, she called Charles again.
"Did you get any news from Will?" she asked.
"He refused to receive any calls, even from me... or maybe especially from me."
"Oh dear."
"Do you know what's wrong?"
"Will confessed to Elizabeth today."
"Why is that 'oh dear'?"
"Because Elizabeth isn't ready, yet. She hasn't learned to love herself, so she's not ready to receive someone else's love."
"They're so right for each other, though!"
"That's how we see it, but Elizabeth sees herself in a very different light than we do."
"So what is she going to do? Go back to Tallahassee? Stay? She works for him."
"I know. She refuses to go home, but she wants to leave Boston. I'm thinking about her going to England. She's always wanted to live there, and she's been unhappy in her job, recently. She's only stayed because of Will."
"Will's going to be a mess."
"I know. They both are. But Will has to understand that it doesn't mean there's no hope for him, he just needs to give her time."
"I don't know if he'll put himself on the line again like that for her."
"He has to if he wants any happiness!"
"Oh, Jane. It seems so easy to us outsiders."
"Charles, I'm so worried for them both."
"I know, love, I know. But we just have to guide them the best we can."
"I'm going to call her aunt now before it's too late over in England."
"All right. I'll talk to you later."
"I love you so much Charles."
"Thank you for loving me. I didn't realize how much I took it for granted until..."
"I know."
"Love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
Jane hung up and looked for Elizabeth's aunt's telephone number in England.
"Hello, Mrs. Gardiner? This is Jane Benton, Elizabeth's friend."
"Hello, dearie, how are you?"
"I'm fine, but Elizabeth isn't. She had a bit of an emotional upset today. I'm not at liberty to tell you details, but I was wondering if it was possible for Elizabeth to move to England."
"I think so, yes. Does she not like it in Boston?"
"You know she's always wanted to return to England, and recently she hasn't been happy in her job, and this afternoon was the last straw."
"I see. She could move here, but it might be difficult finding her a job, and even harder finding a suitable place to live."
"Oh."
"I can see what I can find out, and I will talk to you tomorrow. How does that sound?"
"Fine. Thank you, very much, Mrs. Gardiner."
"I'll do anything for Elizabeth."
"Same here."
"Thank you for calling me, good-bye."
"Bye."
When Elizabeth woke up, it was decided upon that she would move to England to live with her grandparents in Sunbury on the Thames. She would find a job nearby and hopefully would find herself.
Elizabeth avoided Will at all costs, and Will respected this, though it hurt him more than he could have thought possible. Jane and Charles were instrumental in helping them through this crisis. Elizabeth resigned her position in Will's company, and Will loved her enough to waive the required two weeks notice, but added the salary on to her paycheck anyway.
Elizabeth quickly packed up her things and had them shipped overseas to England. Jane assured her she wouldn't be needing a new roommate, since she was planning to move in with Charles anyway. A week after Will's confession, Elizabeth was on her way to her new home.
She took a week or two to settle into her new place. It was small, and she had given a lot of her things to Jane. She immediately began to help her grandparents with chores and moving heavy things. After she had settled down, she began to relax, and be grateful for the relatively smooth transition.
Sunbury was a pleasant village to live in. Elizabeth began to meet her neighbors and people in the bakery, post office, and butchers in the village. She had already been familiar with John and Pat next door, a charming old couple with a love for boats to rival her grandparents.
Elizabeth adored her grandparents. Grandfather was the eldest and had been an officer in the Second World War. He tended to be gruff but underneath his hard shell was a softhearted man who loved his granddaughter dearly. Grandmother was a lady created from the period before the war. She had been brought up in an affluent family with a Nanny and a couple of other servants. She had impeccable manners, decided opinions, and strict discipline, but was kind hearted and just what Elizabeth needed.
Neither of them pestered her about Will, and she never mentioned his name. She kept up with Jane via snail mail, having cut herself off from the internet. She received the news she needed from Jane's letters and also any mail that came to her old apartment. They missed each other dearly, having been used to daily contact and a close friendship. But Elizabeth felt as content as she could in the situation. She could never be as happy as she had been before Will's confession.
Elizabeth applied for many jobs, and procured a temporary one from a store in nearby Kingston. She traveled by bus every morning to work in the shop, but actively looked for more permanent employment.
After two months of searching, she received an interview for a job in outer London. She went in and was well received. A week later, she was employed by a publishing company.
Elizabeth established herself quickly in the company and liked her job. She had a small room for her workspace and friendly coworkers around her. They asked her to eat with them during the lunch break, and it was not long before she was laughing heartily with them. Elizabeth found her new coworkers to be irresistibly funny and friendly. She felt included from the very start.
Before long. men started taking an interest in her. A couple of coworkers asked her out, but Elizabeth instinctively closed down and backed out of it in shy terror. There was one coworker, however, she felt free to warm up to.
John Barret was a handsome black man who soon caught Elizabeth's attention. He was handsome, witty, charming, and very funny. She couldn't help but be drawn in by his overwhelming presence. He provided a comic view on life, and had the best biting commentary she had ever found. He drew political cartoons as a side job for newspapers around the country. She would often walk into his office and find him doodling on a sketchpad.
The best thing about John was that he was homosexual. Elizabeth couldn't explain the freedom she felt around him. Here was a male she could be friends with without the danger of... him falling in love with her. Will had altered Elizabeth's security level more than he could imagine. She had felt so betrayed by Will and was afraid to have the heart-wrenching experience happen again. With John, she felt safe. She could go over to his apartment and sleep on his couch the same as if it had been a girl friend's apartment. Their friendship seemed so natural and unstrained.
John was as good for Elizabeth now, as Will and Jane had been for Elizabeth a year and a half ago. She had never told John about Will, but he guessed she had been in some kind of failed relationship with a man. He took her under his wing, and showed her a different view of life. He taught her to love life. He would bring her with him on long hikes on the weekends, sailing, and bike rides across the country. She learned to enjoy what she could and be grateful for the privilege to do so.
John showed her his artwork and drawings, but on the condition she show him her writings. She was reluctant, and only after his incessant pleadings and teasings did she relent.
He came back a couple of days later, and said, "Elizabeth Bennet! What are you doing with these still on your hands! The stories are excellent! And you know you can trust my opinion, girlfriend, because John Barret does not lie about serious matters like this! You have a talent! Exploit it, child! Share it with the world! You are being selfish keeping these delightful pieces of work to yourself."
John had never allowed room for Elizabeth's timidity and excess modesty. He simply refused to hear all her self-deprecating remarks. "Nope! I'm sorry! I'm not hearing you!"
Elizabeth would sigh and shut up. John taught her that timidity was a form of selfishness. He said one day at lunch, "What would you feel like if you knew Anne McCaffrey was out there and capable of entertaining you the way she does, but was too shy to publish her works?"
Elizabeth blushed in shame. "I..I'd be peeved."
"Exactly. Now, I'm being nice, here. I'm not peeved yet, but I'm getting there. What more encouragement do you need?"
"I'm afraid of the criticism I'll receive!"
"You don't think every author gets criticism? Girl! You should see the letters I get from people who hate my political toons! You have to roll with the punches. Not everyone will adore your work, but you have to put it out there for all the people who do adore it. If it all fails miserably, so what? How many people have even tried to do what you've done! I wish I could write half this well! You wouldn't see me drawing toons everyday."
Elizabeth sighed. "All right, John, all right. I can take a slap-in-the-face hint. But the stuff needs work, first, wouldn't you agree?"
"Sure, it needs a few touch ups. Touch 'em up and start making your rounds to the publishers. I'd suggest you try your boss, first."
Elizabeth spent some weeks putting her finishing touches and writing final drafts of her stories. When she had completed the task, she bravely sent her works to several publishing companies, including her own.
She soon received replies. There were a lot more negatives than she liked, and she grew despondent. John was there to snap her out of it.
"Child, you will not get anywhere by being depressed over what you cannot help. So they didn't want your stuff? Fine! Find someone who does. Send it to more places."
Elizabeth did as he told her, and finally found a company that wanted to take her work. They started going through the processes of publishing the books, and soon, Elizabeth found she was to be an author. Elizabeth asked if she could get a friend to illustrate her books for free, and the company agreed provided they see the drawings first. John was flattered that she wanted him to illustrate her books, and set to work with enthusiasm. He did not fail her, for she knew he had the same picture in his mind as she had in hers. She couldn't have born it if the pictures in and on the book didn't look anything like what she had imagined. So often she had seen covers of books that were completely wrong from the text. Her dream was being fulfilled.
At first, she felt overwhelmed. She went through a state of denial, but John wouldn't let her remain stunned for long. He boasted about her around the company, and soon she became established among her coworkers as an author to be respected. She gained respect and admiration through her work.
When the first printed editions arrived in the mail for her, Elizabeth sent a copy to Jane immediately. Elizabeth had managed to keep her whole plan a secret, not wanting to disappoint her friend if she failed and hoping to surprise her if she succeeded.
Jane wrote her back a wonderful, gushing letter of praise and admiration. Elizabeth's favourite bit read, "And I just wanted to say that even if you weren't my best friend I would read this story and love it, which is about the highest compliment you can get. When he was watching her sing in the choir in melancholy sadness, I had to put the book down for a second and jump up and down and squeal with delight/giddiness/excitement etc. and that's the truth. But of course then I had to hurry back and read what happens next."
Elizabeth glowed from such praise. Her books were successful, not receiving great critic's reviews, but selling many copies. She took encouragement from this show of success, and it spurred her on to write more stories. The company she had first been published under wanted her to write more for them. She didn't sign her life away or any contract, but she did verbally say she would try and write more.
She found herself going on various book signings around the country on weekends. She was asked to dinners in certain circles of London's society of authors. She would take John along, and while he went to go hit on the gay writers, she found herself attracting more masculine attention.
Elizabeth could no longer consider herself as a nobody. She had become fairly attractive in looks after Jane had worked her miracles, and now she was publicly known for accomplishing something. She had friends who she valued and several choices for a boyfriend if she wished, but she found herself unsatisfied.
John, being the caring, wonderful friend he was, took her out rowing around the island she lived on to talk. He pulled the oars in a steady rhythm up stream and waited until they were in the backwater until he began to voice his concerns and opinions.
Elizabeth had a bag of old bread and crusts to throw to the ducks and the family of swans that lived around the island. She listened to him dutifully.
"Why aren't you happy, Elizabeth?"
She looked up at him, puzzled. "What makes you think I'm unhappy?"
"I can't put my finger on the exact symptoms, but I know you are."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Elizabeth, you can't dissuade me. Tell me what makes you unhappy. Or at least why you aren't as happy as you should be."
She remained silent.
"Is it to do with the bloke you left in America?"
Her head snapped up. "I never told you about him."
"I know. But I knew you must have had a problem with some guy. Would you tell me about him now?"
Elizabeth sighed a deep sigh. She stared at the cygnets gobbling up the bread eagerly. "My best friend fell in love with me and I panicked and left the country."
"I did that once. It hurts."
"Did what?"
"I fell in love with my straight best friend."
"No, my best friend was a guy."
"Oh. Sorry. I assumed you'd have a girl best friend."
"It's ok."
"Why was it a bad thing?"
"I wasn't ready. I didn't know that was the problem at the time. I felt horribly betrayed and cheated."
"But now you're a different person.... Do you love him?"
"I haven't seen nor heard of him for over a year."
"That didn't answer my question."
"I don't know if I love him."
"Would it be that bad of a thing to find out?"
"I could never face him again! Not after what I did to him."
"Why not think about how he would feel if he still loved you and you showed up."
"He couldn't possibly still love me."
"Elizabeth, you write in your novels all the time about true and everlasting love. Do you think it exists only in the world of fiction?"
"I don't know."
"Or are you reverting back to your self-deprecation and self-pity?"
Elizabeth blushed in shame and turned away from him. He knew her too well.
"If he loved you enough to risk such a valuable friendship, I think he will still love you."
Elizabeth found herself wishing that were true.
"Why don't you go back and visit Boston?"
"No, I'm not ready, John. Besides, I can't with the busy schedule I have right now."
John shrugged and continued to pull on the oars. "If I were you, I would reconsider. You're not getting any younger, and it's a big shame not to be happy in your youth."
Elizabeth continued to correspond almost daily with Jane, occasionally talking on the telephone. She put off her trip to America with the excuse of a busy schedule for some months until she got an offer, or rather a request, from her aunt and uncle.
"We wanted to visit the states, and would like you to come along as our guide. You know the place well, and could take us to the good sites. It would also give you a break from your work. You need a break."
Elizabeth couldn't find a way to gracefully refuse the request, so plans were made for a holiday in New England. Jane was thrilled at being able to see her friend again, and they agreed Elizabeth's party would spend several days in Boston.
Elizabeth was afraid of meeting Will. She had never asked Jane about him, and as long as she hadn't asked, Jane hadn't offered information. She didn't even know if he was still in Boston. Wherever he was, Elizabeth was terrified of meeting him unexpectedly.
They left England in October and flew into Boston. Jane and Charles were there to meet them at the gate, and Elizabeth flew into Jane's arms.
"Oh Jane! I have missed you so much."
"Lizzy, it is so good to finally see you again."
Elizabeth hugged Charles and said, "How are you two?"
"We're great. Never been better. How was the flight?"
"Long! It always seems longer when you're anticipating getting there. May I introduce my aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner."
"How do you do?"
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," said Jane, smiling.
They collected their bags, and Mr. Gardiner rented a car. Elizabeth was obliged to give up Jane's company in order to drive the rental car. She made the transition to the right side of the road and the left side of the car easily, since she had never owned a car in England. They drove to their hotel and after dropping off their things, went over to Charles' house, where Jane was preparing them a meal.
Elizabeth felt rather sad in coming back to Boston. There were so many memories of happy times with Will. She almost wished she could see him, but dreaded his reaction. She knew he must hate her now.
They had a wonderful meal, and afterwards, sat around talking and reminiscing. Both Jane and Charles didn't mention Will's name. Finally, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner said good night while Elizabeth spent the night with Jane.
Jane sent Charles to bed without her so she could spend some time alone with Elizabeth. Charles cheerfully agreed and left the two women together.
They were silent a couple of minutes. Elizabeth then asked, "Are you two getting married?"
"Yes, but we've never decided on a date."
"Don't worry about me, you know. I'll fly here to attend it."
"Well, I was hoping you would be my maid of honor when the time comes."
"Of course! I'd be honored to take that position. How many girls who were maids of honor truly deserved the title?"
"You mean maid as in virgin? Not many. Are you telling me you still haven't found someone?"
"Still never even been kissed."
"I can't believe you, Lizzy! What's stopping you? You told me about all those men asking you out."
"I don't know. None of it seemed right."
"Are you regretting Will?" Jane asked softly.
Elizabeth was silent for a long time. "I think so. I mean, I don't know if I love him, but I do regret throwing it all away so hastily."
"He still loves you, Lizzy."
"What?"
"He's never been the same since you left."
"Why haven't you told me?"
"You never asked. He's so much thinner, and sadder, and he's turned reclusive. The first thing he says to me every time I see him is, 'How's Elizabeth?' He makes me tell him everything in your letters. And I did, because you never said I couldn't, and he looks so haunted I don't think I could have said no."
Elizabeth was in shock. She had never imagined. For all those months, she never fathomed he would still love her.
"He's been helping you out, too."
"What do you mean?"
"He got you the interview for your job. He convinced the publishing company to take your work. He's been keeping an eye on you the whole time."
Elizabeth curled in a ball, and pressed her hands over her mouth, stunned. She didn't know how she was supposed to take this. Did it mean she didn't earn any of her recent success? Did Will just pay them to take her? Was it so she could have her success and come back to him? Why hadn't she known about it before? Another question countered, How would she have found out if she never even mentioned his name?
"Could you give him a second chance? Couldn't you try and love him?"
"I dread meeting him, Jane."
"You're going to have to sometime, and it's guaranteed to be awkward. But who knows what happiness you two might get from going through it?"
"Is he even here in Boston?"
"No, he's out of town."
"Did he know we were coming?"
Jane shook her head. "Charles and I didn't think you'd appreciate us telling him. He'll be furious after you leave, but despite all that we've done before, we wouldn't force you into meeting him."
Elizabeth sighed with relief. All this new information made her dread their first encounter even more.
"I don't know what to do, Jane. It's all so confusing."
"I know. Change of subject. How's John?"
Elizabeth couldn't help but smile. "John is fine. He's off on some mountain climbing expedition right now."
"Active, isn't he?"
"Yes, he is."
The two talked until late at night before turning in. The following morning, Elizabeth ate breakfast with them, and then was picked up by her aunt and uncle to go sight seeing for the day.
Elizabeth guided them around the city, showing them where she used to work, and her favourite haunts. She didn't take them to Marché's, nor any of the other places that reminded her too much of Will. She was trying at all costs to avoid the unpleasantness and awkwardness of it all.
After two days in the city, they decided to drive up the coast and visit some of the old, historic houses. Elizabeth loved driving through the countryside, and her aunt and uncle were interested in the American architecture and history.
They applied to see in several houses and were graciously admitted by the housekeepers or butlers. Elizabeth liked seeing them and it took her mind off of Will for a while.
Her attention was caught by a magazine on a coffee table in one of the houses. Aghast, she picked it up, and confirmed her suspicion. Will Darcy was on the front of Newsweek. The picture showed his full body, standing with his feet spread apart and his hands on his hips, wearing a nice, tailored business suit. His hair was mussed and he stared seriously into the camera. The caption read, 'Most successful businessman of the year, CEO of several companies. Fitzwilliam Darcy.'
Elizabeth didn't know what to think. When and how had this happened? He was never that involved in his work when she knew him. She suddenly realized that she must have caused his abandon to his work. She felt awful.
"Elizabeth," her aunt called.
She reluctantly put down the magazine and followed her aunt.
The next house they saw was the most beautiful they had seen yet. It was a mansion, tastefully yet richly built and decorated. Her aunt looked in the guide book, and said, "This one is named Pemberley."
"What?!" Elizabeth cried.
"I said this house is named Pemberley, after the house in Pride and Prejudice."
"Aunt, we can't go in this one, please. I don't want to meet the owner."
"Nonsense. None of the other houses' owners were even home. Come on. If you're that fussed we can ask the housekeeper, but I doubt anyone will be home."
Elizabeth had a sinking feeling as she followed her aunt and uncle. So this was Pemberley. It deserved all the praise she had heard of it. Will had every right to be proud of such a place.
When asked, the housekeeper replied, "The master isn't returning until tomorrow, so you don't need to worry about disturbing anyone."
Elizabeth couldn't think of a good reason not to see the mansion, so she was obliged to relent and follow her aunt and uncle. She was continually impressed by the wealth and elegance of the place. She had never seen so beautiful a mansion.
The housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, pointed out historical references, extraordinary views, and interesting facts about the house. Elizabeth was relieved she didn't talk about its master. Finally, Mrs. Reynolds turned them over to the groundskeeper, who led them on a tour of the beautiful gardens of Pemberley. At the end, he said, "If you just take that path, there, it leads to a nice bit of the beach."
"Thank you," replied Mrs. Gardiner. "Shall we go?"
Elizabeth smiled and nodded, beginning to feel less nervous about being there. The walked down the path, avoiding difficult spots in the steep descent. They reached the sand, and spread out, walking along the shore. The water was cold at that time of the year, but Elizabeth still took off her shoes and waded in until the water came to her ankles. Soon they were numb. She wiggled them and laughed at the difficulty of doing a simple movement.
Her aunt and uncle had turned around to go the other way, so she went on by herself. She splashed along happily, beginning to lose the sinking feeling she'd developed when she first realized it was Pemberley.
Suddenly she spotted a second pair of feet. She looked up and stopped in horror and surprise.
"Will!"
Will was more shocked but less horrified. "Elizabeth!"
They stared at each for a couple of seconds. The first words that came into Elizabeth's head were, "What are you doing here?"
"I have more of a right to ask you the same thing!"
"My aunt and uncle brought me on their holiday here. We understood the family to be away or we wouldn't have dreamed to disturb your privacy."
"I came a day early," he explained.
Will was altered, and not for the better. He did look sadder and thinner. Hadn't anyone been making sure he was eating? But he still looked very handsome. Elizabeth sighed inwardly. She'd never met anyone who could rival Will for looks, and here on the beach with the wind ruffling his hair and adding colour to his pale face.... She had to get away. What must he think of her?
"Have you seen Jane and Charles?" Will asked.
"Yes, they met us at the airport, and I spent a night with Jane."
"I wonder why they-" he stopped short. After a pause, "How are you?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"Fine," he lied.
"I- um, I just saw a Newsweek with you on the cover."
Will blushed and mumbled an affirmative.
"Congratulations. You must be pleased with yourself."
"Not really," he said before he could stop himself. He looked away in hurt and confusion again.
"Well, um, I should be getting back to my aunt and uncle."
"Yes of course. I'm going that way myself."
D-mn, she thought to herself. No escape. They turned and walked silently side by side the opposite way she had been going.
"How are your grandparents and family?" he asked.
Why did he have to be so nice? she asked herself, petulantly.
"They were all fine last I heard."
"Good."
"How is your sister?"
"She's doing well, actually. She's coming home to visit tomorrow, hence my early arrival. I wanted to get the house ready for her."
"That's nice."
They spotted her aunt and uncle walking toward them, so Elizabeth and Will stopped and waited for them at the foot of the path up to the house. With a nervous eye on her approaching relatives, Will said in a low voice, "Elizabeth, I have missed you so much and I regret my confession everyday. Could we not at least be friends again?"
Elizabeth looked up at him in dazed amazement. How could she refuse? She opened her mouth to reply but a ringing sound stopped her. She heard it again, and realized it was Jane's cell phone. She had borrowed it so that they could agree on a location to meet for dinner. She sighed, and said, "It'll be Jane. Hold on."
"Hello?"
"Liz, I have some terrible news. Are you sitting down?"
"Jane, what is it?"
Will looked up sharply at her tone of voice.
"Oh, Elizabeth, I don't know how to break it to you easily. Your Grandfather passed on last night."
"What?" Elizabeth couldn't grasp the words.
"He died last night unexpectedly. I'm so sorry, Liz, I'm so sorry. I felt you needed to know right away."
Elizabeth felt her throat clenching treacherously. "Is it true?" she whispered in disbelief.
"Yes. I don't know what to say, dearest, I'm so sorry."
"I'll be back soon," she managed to say.
"All right. See you then."
They hung up. Will looked concerned. Elizabeth's face had drained of all colour and she was trembling visibly.
"What is it?"
"Oh good God. Oh please, no." Elizabeth broke down into tears and Will instinctively took her into his arms. She accepted his warm strength gratefully. He stroked her hair and asked, "What happened?"
"G-Grandfather d-d-died."
"Oh Elizabeth, I'm so sorry," was all he said, and held her tighter as she sobbed into his chest.
The Gardiners walked up to them and were confused. Who was this stranger holding their crying niece?
Will saw the suspicion in their faces, and said quietly, "My name is Will Darcy. Elizabeth just learned that her grandfather passed on."
"Good heavens!" cried Mrs. Gardiner. "Oh Elizabeth, I'm sorry."
Mrs. Gardiner put her hand on Elizabeth's shaking shoulder. Will expected her to break from his embrace and go to her aunt, but when she didn't, he gained hope. He rubbed her back soothingly.
After a few minutes, she began to pull away. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.
"Not at all."
Mrs. Gardiner put her arm around her niece and said kindly, "We must be returning to England immediately, then. Come on, let's get going."
They slowly walked up the path toward the car. Elizabeth rubbed her eyes fiercely with her sweater, making their swollen redness worse. She sniffed and tried to calm down. She had to drive all the way back to Boston.
Will said, "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you for all your kindness, Mr. Darcy," said Mrs. Gardiner.
Will nodded, and gravely backed away from the car, all the while, watching Elizabeth intently.
Elizabeth was silent in the car. Mrs. Gardiner only asked, "Will Darcy is owner of Pemberley?"
Elizabeth nodded.
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I didn't realize..."
"It's ok. Forget about it."
They rode the whole way back to Boston in silence. Elizabeth's mind wasn't on Will, but on her grandfather. He'd seemed so full of life right before she left. She'd spoken to him only four days ago! Had she said she loved him? Yes, he knew she loved him. It seemed so much more important now that he know. She knew that death was an ending and they just moved on to another existence, but she was going to miss him. She didn't care that he went to a better place, she wanted him here with her. She felt selfish, but couldn't change her wishes and desires. She would miss his guidance and wisdom. He should have stayed for her.
Her mind went over all the unpleasant memories she had. Of snapping at him when she was in a bad mood, of disobeying him when she was younger. How she regretted those times! Her mind also passed over the other memories she had of him, trying to imagine her life from here on without him. How would Grandmother cope? Elizabeth began to feel the urgency of getting home.
They got into Boston an hour later, and went directly to the hotel to pack. Elizabeth called Jane who had reserved them three tickets on the next flight back to England. They stopped by Charles' place where they received condolences and said a quick good bye.
Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner helped Elizabeth and her grandmother with the funeral and to get settled. Elizabeth kept in close contact with Jane, and pushed the issue with Will out of her mind. John was helpful in pulling her through this difficult time, but Elizabeth could never forget the comfort she received when she needed it most.
It soon became apparent that Elizabeth and her grandmother wouldn't be able to keep the little house on the island. Elizabeth was heartbroken about selling it. Her grandparents had had that house since two years after they married. She couldn't bear to see it in someone else's hands. But they couldn't afford it.
Elizabeth worked through a realtor to find some new owners for the house while she looked for somewhere for them to move. Jane was so sympathetic to her, trying to send her words of encouragement.
Elizabeth received a letter from Jane indicating that she had apparently met with Will. This time, she wrote about his visit:
Dearest Elizabeth,Why did you not tell me Will was there when I called? I kick myself time and again when I think about what I interrupted. You shouldn't have even answered the phone! You knew it was me. I would have understood completely when you told me later. Oh, Elizabeth! What would you have answered? Yes? I'm sure you would have. Elizabeth, he is desolate without you! Why not at least write to him? For his sake. Do you really care so little about him? I don't think you could. Think about it.
Elizabeth put the letter down and began to cry. She curled up on her bed and continued to cry. Everything was so nice before. Why was it so complicated? Why did she hurt so much?
John knocked on her doorframe and entered her room. "Baby! Why are you crying?" he cried, and instantly took her into his arms.
She couldn't answer yet, and just held onto his firm frame. "Is it your grandfather?"
She shook her head, and handed him Jane's letter. He read it while holding her to his chest, rubbing her back soothingly. "You saw Will?"
She nodded.
John knew he wasn't going to get many answers from her in that state, so he lay on the bed with her in his arms, trying to comfort and calm her down. He felt so much sympathy for his spunky friend. With her grandfather's passing and selling the house and Will.
Once she had calmed down enough to converse, he shifted her off of him, and turned on his side on the bed, propping his head up with his hand. He smoothed the curls away from her face and said, "Tell me what happened in America."
Elizabeth haltingly told him about what Jane had said and about running into Will at Pemberley. John patiently listened to her, mentally shaking his head at her predicament.
"So why don't you write him?"
"I'm upset that I didn't achieve all this on my own. My job, my publications, it wouldn't have happened if Will hadn't intervened."
"You don't know that. It shows his devotion. Look at how you ran off and broke all ties with him, and still he loves you."
Elizabeth didn't want to relent. She still resisted. John could see this and grew impatient with her. "A lot of your misery to do with Will is self-inflicted. You could be so happy if you just realized you love him and told him so."
"But I don't know if I love him. I just really miss our friendship."
"Aren't I replacement enough?" John said, mock indignantly.
"No one could replace Will, but I value you just as much, you know that."
John smiled and kissed her forehead. "I've been thinking. Why don't you go ahead and sell the boat. You're moving anyway and won't be on the river anymore. It's just going to become more and more of a financial burden to find a mooring and take care of it. You can't take it out anymore anyway since neither of you drives the thing. So sell it and use the money to hold you over until you buy the new place and move."
Elizabeth sighed and nodded. It really was the best thing. "I'm not going to sell the dinghy yet, though." Tears came to her eyes again as she said, "Oh John, more than anything else, I miss Grandfather!"
John hugged her again. "I know you do, sweetie. I know."
The money made from the sale of the North Sea Dawn was used to help them stay in the house on the island while they still looked to sell it. Elizabeth was reluctant to lower the price on the house. Desperate for more money, she turned to her writing. She spent hours on the computer typing out the words that she hoped would bring her more money. She stayed up late many evenings when the Muses were especially strong. John worried over her as her health started to fade as a result of her lack of sleep. He made sure she took breaks to eat, and often came over to her house and spent the night, just to make her sleep.
Her efforts were rewarded, however, and she gave another one of her completed works to her publisher. They read through it and agreed to publish it soon. But until then, they could give her no money.
Elizabeth was continually worrying over how they were going to live. Then the realtor called up asking Elizabeth to see her.
Elizabeth scheduled an appointment, and went to go see the realtor soon after. She sat down in front of the lady's desk and prepared for the worst.
The realtor began, "We have had an offer for the house, but with a few stipulations. The buyer wishes to purchase the house, but wants to lease it. He is willing to lease the house to you indefinitely for --- pounds."
"Why, what could he mean setting it at such a low sum?"
"Apparently that is what he wishes to do. Would this amount allow you to remain in the house?"
"I believe so, yes."
"Excellent. Do you want me to close the deal?"
"Yes please. Will I meet him?"
"No, he is abroad and I am working through his agent."
"Oh, well if you can, tell him we thank him with all our hearts."
"I will."
Elizabeth left the place with a much lighter heart. She and her grandmother would be able to stay! When she told her grandmother about the new arrangements, Grandmother was rather miffed at a gesture easily considered as charity. But Elizabeth said, "The new owner doesn't know our situation so one could hardly call it charity."
It was a perfect arrangement nonetheless and Elizabeth was grateful it turned out so well.
Jane and Charles finally agreed on a date for their wedding, and Elizabeth was duly sent an invitation. It would take place in April of the following year. Jane wrote her and said, "Bring your friend John if you can."
Elizabeth showed John the invitation, turned her most pitiful eyes on him and said, "My dearest friend, would you please come to the wedding?"
He looked back at her warily. "Why?"
"I believe Charles has some really, really handsome friends!"
"Like Will?"
Elizabeth blushed and replied, "Will's off limits."
"Says who?" he challenged.
"Says me!"
"What right do you have to say he's off limits? You're not claiming him!"
"So! He's straight."
"Some men change their minds when they meet me," he replied, conceitedly blowing on his fingernails and rubbing them on his shirt.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and said, "Please, don't make a spectacle of yourself in front of Will. For me."
"I'll see when the time comes. If you're acting stupid, like not talking to him, then I might resort to desperate measures!"
"Never mind, I don't want you to come."
"Too late! I'm coming. The bride has invited me and yoooo can't stop me!" He grinned wickedly.
"I will find a way to get you back, you know!"
"I'd love to see you try."
Elizabeth pouted grumpily.
Elizabeth brought her grandmother to her other grandparents' house in Liverpool to spend Christmas. She relished the luxuries of having all the traditional Christmas food and customs. She saw a pantomime and a production of Dickens' Christmas Carol, and got to play in the snow. Elizabeth loved it and wished she could share it with Jane and Charles. Subconsciously, Will was added to that list.
For the New Year's, they stayed at home and watched the broadcast of Piccadilly Circus on the television. Elizabeth went to sleep shortly after the New Year had begun. She did remember the New Year's she had spent with Will and for the first time, remembered the kiss they never kissed.