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Chapter 24

Notes:

Added characters: Mrs. Crawford - she is a gossip who saw Thorn buy the coat for Kitty.

Tilly - Kitty's friend who has retired to the country after her Grandfather's death

Gussie Chesterton - a young buck who is the most persistent of Kitty's suitors, much to her dismay.

Year: the addition of the Waltz to Almacks by Countess Leiven sets this year at 1813. This means that I have made P&P set in 1811-12, I hope this doesn't contradict anything!

And so I found myself once more in the glittering halls of Almacks. I remember, as if it were long ago, that when I first came here I would not have believed that any more people could be crammed into the already full rooms, but it is undoubtedly more busy now that 'The Season' proper has begun. The disadvantages of this are many - too many elbows, loss of opportunity for private conversation, and simply less space! But there are also some advantages to it all: with the influx of people the politics and courtship games have become more elaborate and this allows me to indulge in my greatest passion - people watching.

I suppose that like most things, the hobby started at home in Meryton where it was forced upon me at a young age - when you are very young and very silly and there is no one to talk to you then there is often little else to do; also I felt that it was sometimes more prudent to observe than to speak as I was very conscious that the latter may well reveal my ignorance of all things except female apparel and the latest gossip. But I have since developed the pastime into a passion and for some time now I have, when given the opportunity, taken to standing at the side of parties and observing those around me. I find it fascinating that the way that people stand; tilt their head; or smile all say as much as volumes. I have even, much to my delight, twice anticipated a proposal before the parties have declared their intent! Needless to say that I crowed over this achievement considerably. Richard especially seemed to think it amusing - he heartily laughed at me and gave Thorn one of his 'significant' looks causing Thorn to quite go in a snit. When I questioned him on this he would not answer me: I decided that it was just more of Richard's stupid matchmaking and, like Thorn, I then ignored him till teatime.

Thus it was that I found myself standing in this way, surveying the room and idly fanning myself with my dance card between sets. Gussie, who I had just danced with (and then only because I had been unable to avoid him), had gone to get me a drink and I was regrouping myself for his next attack when Thorn appeared at my elbow. I smiled my welcome but had no chance to speak for we were joined by my shadow - Gussie who had returned with the refreshments. The poor boy really looked rather funny - so obviously put out to see that his space had been taken and so left to stand awkwardly clutching the two glasses of the tepid lemonade that the Patronesses leave us to fortify ourselves with. Although Gussie did look very indignant he did not immediately say anything, and merely pouted. On reflection I think that this is because he is rather intimidated by Thorn, but then again, in all fairness to Gussie, if I didn't know Thorn so well then I would probably be intimidated too: he hardly has an approachable manner to those who are not his friends. Thus it was in complete contrast to the fresh greenhorn that Thorn looked so completely at him ease, it favourably emphasized his sophisticated Man About Town look and I felt something akin to a thrill of pride to know that he is my friend. His actions were not at odds with his appearance for Thorn calmly took the two glasses from a now bewildered Gussie, smiled (a genuine, and rather malicious, one of amusement at Gussie's expense) and quietly bade him to 'go about his business.' Gussie stood, uncertainly changing his weight from one foot to the other for a moment, obviously in a quandary as what to do, but then I think fear got the better of him - he expressed a wish to speak to me later in the evening, bowed and (mercifully) went away. I was full to bursting with laughter but felt that it behooved me to keep it to myself and instead lightly rapped Thorn on the wrist with my dance card.

'Bad Thorn, that was very ill done of you.' By Thorn's blatant grin I knew that he wasn't in the least put out by my reprimand, and so it was no surprise that he totally ignored my words and merely extended my glass with a small ceremonial bow.

'Your drink, madam.'

'Thank you.' I automatically reacted to the teasing note in his voice and slipped easily into our normal camaraderie. 'That was said with an aplomb that would make a butler proud.' An eyebrow rose in query.

'You think I have missed my calling?' I pretended to mull over my answer, aware of a feeling of delight inside.

'Perhaps.' I then marveled at his shout of laughter. 'And what are you laughing at now, pray tell?' Thorn controlled himself to merely grin and explain himself.

'You Kitten, only you would tease an earl that he would make a good manservant.'

'It was a butler.' I huffed.

'So it was.' Thorn's grin faded and his look became severe. 'But you are changing the subject Miss Bennet, for if I remember correctly we were originally arguing about Chesterton. Now am I to take it from your protests that you actually desired his company?'

'No, but...' I laughed and Thorn brightened as I conceded defeat. Only to gasp and then challenge 'But you were the one who changed the subject!'

'True.'

We shared a smile and sipped quietly at our warm lemonade as we stood together in a companionable silence. I have realised since coming to London that whilst in the company of strangers I get nervous, and when I get nervous I feel this deep seated need to talk (it doesn't really matter what about), and so I find that it is only with intimate acquaintances that I find ease in silence. I have likened it to being comfortable in one's own home but feeling the need to be constantly on ones best behaviour when visiting. I wondered about sharing this with Thorn and receiving his views, but I was too content to let us stay as we were.

Thus it was Thorn who eventually broke the quiet and enquired if I was engaged tomorrow. I played no demure miss and openly admitted that I had nothing planned. I felt a quickening of excitement for Thorn has often thought up amusing and interesting occupations - his surprises are by far and away the best.

'Oh, then I suppose that you won't be too busy to come out driving with me?'

It is now a long standing joke between us that since Lady Bellinger's ball I have always refused these invitations to drive out with him, although Thorn contests that it frustrates him greatly. I always think up amusing excuses though, like I am too busy, too tired, too full, too hungry and so on. The real reason why I automatically refuse, when often I should dearly like to accept, is something that bothers me for I cannot quite pin it down...

This time I decided for honesty.

'Well to tell the truth...'

'I thought we had agreed that there was only to be the truth between us Kitty?' Thorn looked stern as he reminded me of my promise. To date I have had no problems at all in keeping it and I can conceive of no problems in the future and so I dimpled and teased at him.

'Yes, but now I am being especially truthful!' The severe look was gone, in its place was the laugh that lurks deep in his eyes and about his mouth.

'Oh I see, is there is a difference?'

'Well of course there is you silly man! To be especially truthful is to say what one really thinks even though it might not be totally proper to say it.'

'Well thank you for clearing that up - it is all very plain to me now.'

'There is no need to be sarcastic.' I sniffed.

'Oh, I beg your pardon!' I gave him a glare for his insincere tone, which of course he ignored with a great play of innocence. 'Now what was it you were saying before you were interrupted?'

'You mean before I was so rudely interrupted by you!' Thorn laughed at me openly now, as I suspected he had been laughing inside all along.

'Yes, Kitty I suppose I do.' I had to think for a moment - Thorn's grin quite put me off what I was about to say. I was prompted.

'If I remember, you were about to be especially truthful...'

'Oh yes, well to tell the truth,' I paused and looked a Thorn, expectant of some sort of interruption, but he just stood there with that silly grin on his face, 'you have no idea how tempting it is to go riding with you - but I am afraid that Lizzy may expect me to help with her guests.' Thorn looked suspicious and he tackled me at what he saw to be an inconsistency.

'I thought you said that you had no plans?'

'I don't: they are Lizzy's guests.'

'And who are these people of such immense importance that you have to stay in as well?'

'Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst.'

Thorn's look clearly said, to be generous to the absent ladies, that he was not impressed.

I should explain that the Hurst's Party had arrived in town but two days before but they had found the time to call on us twice since then. On their first visit they came and pandered to the gentleman, were insincere to Lizzy and Georgie and laughed openly at me and my manners. One of Miss Bingley's acquaintances (I do not say friend for although they may be intimate I doubt that they have a shred of loyalty between them) was aghast and I am sure that she almost cut off the circulation to Miss Bingley's foot she stepped on it so hard. Miss Bingley cried 'Rebecca!' in astonished accents and the rest of us were hard put not to laugh - several cups shook precariously in their saucers and I detected movement in several masculine shoulders. Well the next day they came for their second visit, again uninvited. Now fully briefed on our Importance, they came back apologising profusely - they had left Netherfield for the North in March and Dear Jane had not written of us in any detail since then. I am not surprised - if I were Jane I would not write at all. Needless to say that after this they were at their obsequious best with us all. They then blatantly encroached on us - they were all chummy with Thorn and Richard whilst prying about the gossip, our clothes and Mr. Brummell (Could they be introduced?? Ha, I think not!! Is it too much to ask? Yes.). I really, really wanted to tell them to go away, but decorum didn't permit me so I reverted to my manner of old, and sulked. Noticeably. And I know I wasn't the only one annoyed, after they had gone Thorn was fuming, Lizzy was hardly better and I was not rebuked for my behaviour.

Thus it was with total seriousness that Thorn (quite rightly) questioned my sanity.

'Kitty, don't you think that you are taking the joke too far?'

'Hmmmm' One does not give in so easily. It seems to be a matter of pride, well with me at least, that when I have been stubborn about something I cling to it even after I have long since wanted to throw it away - I believe it is commonly called cutting off your nose to spite your face. Now I have as much pride as the next person (and the next person was Thorn so that is a whole barrel load of pride) so I cast my net for an excuse that would allow me to get me out of the hole my pigheadedness has dug my into and go driving with him.

I frowned heavily, though hastily cleared my brow when I caught Mrs. Crawford's eye (the acknowledged Queen of gossip) and gracefully inclined my head, she in turn looked with heightened interest between Thorn and I and gave me the 'significant look' that I have come to abhor. But thankfully she said or did no more than that. In fact, when I thought on it, I realised that I never heard anything more from gossipmongers about Thorn and I - we are talked about as much as the average couple and the gift of the greatcoat is certainly not open knowledge. My curiosity (naturally) was piqued and demanded instant satisfaction.

'Thorn?' I touched his arm to gain his attention for he seemed to be miles away. The faraway look was replaced by one of soft enquiry when he glanced down at me.

'Yes Kitten?'

'How did you ever mange to get Mrs. Crawford to shu... to not say anything?' Thorn grinned at my hasty change of words, but the silly man prevaricated!

'I don't know.'

'Thorn!' He shrugged.

'It is just one of those mysteries.'

'Please!' I was not above pleading.

'No, I'm not saying.' I huffed and puffed to no avail. 'And you can take that sulky look of your face Kitty. I have my own special ways, and if I were to share them with you then it would render them merely commonplace rather than fantastic and your wonder at my brilliance would be over.'

I opened my mouth to protest further, when Thorn leant down and whispered in my ear

'Trust me Kitten, you really don't want to know.' I gave him a sharp look but let it rest, I did not want to quarrel with him tonight.

I moodily stared at the room as I turned my puzzle over in my mind, and it was then that I came up with my cunning plan. It is all to do with the Burgess family, a well to do family of no real importance and who impact on me not at all. Now their eldest daughter, Isabella, is a diamond of the first water. She also happens to be stuck up, proud and down right annoying. And their second daughter, Theresa, is everything her sister should be but is excruciatingly shy and has not her sister's looks and so is constantly overlooked (I know all of this for she is an old friend of Tilly's; I should be greatly surprised if I have spoken fully have a dozen words to her in my entire life, but that doesn't matter a jot).

I smiled to myself as I considered how best to approach this.

'Thorn...' I put on my best wheedling voice and received a sharp look for my pains. The laughter leaves his face as his entire manner suddenly becomes guarded. How well he knows me!

'Yes...'

'I don't suppose you would consider doing a small service for me, a mere trifle, nothing to signify?'

'What is it, Kitty?' I gasped in protest at the suspicious tone.

'You are supposed to say that you are my humble servant and that nothing is too great a task, etcetera!'

'Humbug!' I sulked with no success, he did not soften a bit. 'Spill the beans, Kitty what is it you want?'

I shrugged and made a play for nonchalance, pleased that he was interested, although I found that I could not meet his eyes for I knew that by the humour he would see in mine that the game would thoroughly be up!

'It is nothing for myself, I just wish that you would dance with Miss Burgess.'

Thorn almost choked on his sip of lemonade and I suppressed a strong desire to either laugh out loud as he gobbled indignantly, or clap him on the back to wind him. Instead I managed to look demure, with only my dimples displaying the mirth I felt. A determined man, Thorn still managed to splutter his 'No!' with the proper degree of righteous indignation.

I am not so unreasonable as to expect him to jump to my command and so quickly explained my reasoning. 'I do not mean the elder Miss Burgess, but Miss Theresa - she is such a dear and yet no one takes any notice of her. She is entirely eclipsed by her older sister who, between just you and I,' Thorn gave me a suspicious look as I confided, 'is a selfish wretch.'

Silence. I had by now made up my mind that Thorn had to do this and began to beg. I made my eyes as round and innocent as I could and tugged unobtrusively at his jacket.

'Please!'

Nothing.

'For me?' I asked hopefully.

'What is in it for me?' Ah ha! Do I sense that he is caving in? Well he doesn't look like it, indeed he is so stiff that I would think that he had a poker rammed down his back, but there is just that hint of laughter in his eyes that I know so well...

'Good deeds have their own reward!' My pious answer cut no ice and I was roundly told.

'Not good enough.'

The next sets were already forming, so this would have to be quick...

I heaved a big sigh and, aware of a secret sense of delight, conceded a point that I had longed to discard ages ago. In the manner of one bestowing a grand and gracious gesture I told him.

'Very well Lord Thornfield I will drive with you.'

Thorn's eyebrows twitched and for a second I thought he might smile, my heart beat faster. Then he returned to his poker face and to my astonishment told me.

'Still not good enough.'

'What!! You want blood?' My voice had risen several octaves. Conscious of it, I glanced around to see that we were not being closely watched, which was a very silly thing to do for we are always being closely watched!

Thorn took this opportunity to calmly set out his terms.

'If I dance with her then half of London will think me engaged and the other half interested in her. In return I will be stuck in conversation with a giddy seventeen year old who will probably simper, blush and giggle her way through the set. No Kitty I want recompense.'

'Such as?' It was now my turn to be wary, Thorn's eyes mocked me for my manner.

'A dance.' My heart quickened once more, but I had danced with Thorn at most of these assemblies and I could not see how this would be the sacrifice that his manner implied.

'You want me to dance with you...' Thorn clarified his position.

'You will dance the next dance with me.'

'This one?' Thorn was getting impatient now.

'NO, Kitty, the next one...'

I quickly flicked through my dance card.

'You never know I may be engag... A waltz!!'

Finally I understood his purpose, and I was as shocked as he had known I would be: I had never yet performed the waltz in public, an act that has curried favour with the powers that be who think that it is delightfully old fashioned of me. In truth I have not practiced it since that day at Pemberley!

Fear gripped me - the fear of making a fool of myself and the fear of being held so intimately in public. I realise that I am a goose for feeling so, and that elsewhere it is done all the time, but I have yet to ever be held so and I am nervous - even with Thorn.

I was so tempted to refuse, and I have my suspicions that were I to do so Thorn (being the gentleman that he is) may well have danced with Miss Theresa anyway, but even as I glanced across I saw her being snubbed by a suitor of her sister. On that instant my mind was made up.

'Very well.'

'Done.'

On that one word Thorn left. I have my suspicions that this was a tactic to give me no opportunity to change my mind. As Thorn wound his way across the hall to keep his part of the bargain, my own partner came to claim my hand. We all stood up for the country dance and the figure of it allowed me to watch them for most of it. Tilly was right: she seemed so shy that I doubt she met Thorn's eyes in the entire set, but I felt a flare of pride for my dear friend as I saw that Thorn exerted himself to be agreeable and lively. So often in company he and William are boring and stuffy, so unlike their normal selves. I beamed him my approval with a warm smile, which he returned with a small bow. I found that it was very rewarding to see Miss Theresa's flush of excitement and the interest that was being given to her from our watchers around the room, but despite this I could not help but dwell on the dance to come - had I done the right thing? I pondered over it too much and was roused to liveliness again when my partner commented on my poor spirits.

When the country dance was over my heart was going nineteen to the dozen, and I suspect that it was not entirely from the exercise - but was the cause that of dread or excitement? Whatever it's origin it did not stop it's tattoo as Thorn approached with Countess Leiven who had, but a few weeks ago, introduced the waltz to Almacks. Seemingly it quite put Lady Jersey's nose out of joint, although I must confess that the politics of it are something that I have yet to come to grips with. All of the proper things were said, approval was given, Thorn claimed my hand and we made our way onto the dance floor once more. Like all of the couples who dared this, we attract not a few stares and I could almost hear the whispers as the gossipmongers exchange views. To my horror I found myself blushing and seemed unable to meet Thorn's eyes as we took our positions on the floor.

I murmured my misgivings into his waistcoat.

'Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all.' What was I saying? I had never thought it a good idea!

'Cowardly Kitten? Come on you are not going to back out now!' I found that I could not respond to his rallying tone with anything more than a whisper.

'No.'

It is so ridiculous to feel so shy with such a dear friend! But perhaps it is not to be wondered at, after all I was being held so intimately that any conclusive thinking was difficult. It was all very disturbing.

Uncertain as I was of my proficiency, I was relieved to find that Thorn was a strong partner who commanded with an unconscious grace, even so I spared a quick thanks that dancing was something that I never had any problems with. It seemed that he was in no mood for chatter and after I had got my bearings I found myself leaning towards the hand that lay on Thorn's shoulder and closing my eyes. I realised with something of a shock that I was genuinely content to be there although there was a niggling doubt at the back of my mind, a now familiar feeling that I can only liken to the annoying sensation of having forgotten something but being unable to remember quite what it is, it is a feeling that I have more and more often nowadays and seems to be especially frequent when I dance with Thorn.

Hmmm

I found myself frowning, but I did not want to, so I pushed all the disturbing questions and half-thoughts to the back of my mind by concentrating on the present. The sensation of being twirled round and round was quite heady and I felt light-headed, but I was sure that I would not fall, Thorn wouldn't let me.

It was as natural as breathing.

Thorn's warm breath tickled my ear as he leant down to speak to me. A shudder crept down my spine as someone walked over my grave, but I kept my eyes firmly closed - when I did so I found it easy to forget that anyone else was there so it was just the two of us and my embarrassment was past.

'What are you thinking?'

I smiled, my eyes closed still. 'I am just chasing moonbeams.'

'You don't want to be here.'

I replied with innate honesty to the soft challenge in his voice. 'At this moment I cannot conceive of anywhere I had rather be.'

I heard Thorn draw in his breath on a gasp. Did I imagine the touch of his lips in my hair? I frowned at the thought and was conscious again of the overwhelming feeling of having forgotten something. I broke the spell and opened my eyes. We were in a dark part of the hall, near the windows and I tipped my head up to look at Thorn and gauge his thoughts. But he too seemed distracted, not unpleasantly but even so...

As he perceived my glance he looked down and his face cleared.

The darkness of the room must account for the fact that I thought I saw a look of tenderness in his eyes. I found it quite difficult to speak above the roaring of my heartbeat.

'Happy?' I questioned softly.

'Yes. Kitty, I...' What Thorn was about to say shall never be known for it was at that point that the dance ended. I pulled out of Thorn's hold aware of a gross feeling of disappointment. Thorn tucked his hand under my elbow and lead me to where William stood at the side.

'Miss Bennet,' I looked askance at the formality of Thorn's tone after the informality of the dance but his eyes held a soft look quite at odds to the severity in his voice, 'I will be around to the townhouse tomorrow in time to pick you up for the Fashionable Hour, if of course this is agreeable to you?'

Agreeable? I could hardly believe that I was so excited at the prospect!

'I shall look forward to it, My Lord.' At last I fully understand the use of irony - to hide what one truly desires and make it seem as if something one hates. But what need have I to disseminate? And what did the feelings on the dance floor mean? It is all very confusing, I think that for my own peace of mind that I shall disregard it. It would be better all round if Thorn and I stayed as friends, as we have always been. I managed to ignore the disappointment this decision gave me and launched myself into the party.

What is wrong with me?

Chapter 25

The next day I was ready far too early for Thorn and found myself with time to spare - the Hurst Party had arrived before time and, much to the envy of Lizzy and Georgie, I had wasted no time in making myself scarce. It was to my great surprise that as I took my leave I saw a look of what could only be described as disappointment on Miss Bingley's face. The reason for this was soon cleared up - as I passed her on my escape route she stayed my passage and told me that she hoped she would see me soon for she wished to have a 'sisterly chat' with me. I took great objection not only to the cloying tone and integrating smile, but also to the 'sisterly' hand placed on my arm. It took very little imagination to guess what the topic of the 'sisterly chat' would be about and you would really think that Dear Caroline (who has many, many faults, but even I cannot assert that she is low on intelligence. Well I suppose that I could assert it - indeed, I could assert anything that I liked, but that wouldn't make it true.) would realise that no, I would not, under any circumstances forward a match between her and either Mr. Brummell, Thorn, Richard or even my worst enemy. The very thought of being used in such a manner incensed me and I could not hold the look of distaste from my face. I grimly held onto my manners to inform her that I was sure that she would be too busy with all of her 'Town acquaintances' (said in a suitably snooty tone of voice) to have any time to spare on her little sister in law. How I managed to be civil is a mystery when all I longed to do was scream and shout at her for being such a money-grabbing hypocrite. Luckily Lizzy jumped in (metaphorically of course) to offer tea and sensing that I was on a short fuse I retreated quickly to my room to fume quietly for a while before getting ready. As I put on my bonnet I resolved not to let them spoil my enjoyment in the afternoon pleasures, I had been happily anticipating this too much to allow an 'accomplished', clinging social climber of a sister in law ruin it!

As the time approached when Thorn was due, I left my room and waited for him on the stairs, quite irregular but all the better to make my hasty retreat. I amused myself by idly swinging my bonnet, and admiring the Darcy family portraits. It would appear that William and Georgie have had some very noble ancestors. I say noble because most of them have that distinguished signature: that is that they look as if they have a poker rammed down their back and are sucking a particularly sour lemon. In my humble opinion, the paintings in the gallery at Pemberley are much nicer than those in town, especially the portraits of Georgie and William. I seem to remember that before we left there was some talk of a portrait being done of the present Mrs. Darcy. I think that I would like to see the arguments that there will certainly be when William tries to get Lizzy to sit still long enough for one. Chinese fireworks will be as nothing to that!

As I settled on this the front door opened, and when I turned from my contemplation I saw the butler let in not one, but three men. Much to my disappointment, I appeared to be very popular! But I wanted it to be just Thorn and I! The hundred pounds question was how to achieve this? Why at the moment there was nothing simpler - I thought that I might, in the interests of friendship, gently warn the gentlemen of the danger that lurked upstairs: an unmarried female bent on a husband would soon scare them away. I grinned to myself at the thought of the dust I would soon see from their heels and how I would then gracefully sweep into Thorn's carriage only to dazzle him with my wit for the next two hours. A perfect plan!

The gentlemen each gave their hats, and seemed to be talking about some ride or race that they have just had. As they turned their faces up and saw me on the stairs, I got a good look at them for the first time and was able to name them. As I expected it was Thorn, looking rather put out about something I thought (Oh, Thorn has impeccable manners so it was not so you would notice! But I am a close friend and sensitive to his moods, and after all women notice these sorts of things). He was joined by Mr. Brummell and another gentleman - I could not recall his name but I seemed to remember him from Lady Bellinger's ball where he had been rather the worse for wear. Mr. Brummell was, as always, impeccably attired, so it was in sorry comparison that Thorn and the other gentleman were wearing the most hideous striped waistcoats and spotted neckerchiefs it had ever been my misfortune to see!

I missed the introductions and pleasantries. I just could not bring myself to pay attention as I simply stared, truly transfixed by the vision of tastelessness that met my eyes.

'Miss Bennet?? Kitty?? KITTEN!!'

'Ah, what?' I jerked out of my contemplation to see Thorn peering at me as if I were really rather dim.

'I have come to take you for the ride I promised you.' For all the world as if I were a child and being offered an extra special treat. Once more it seems I am forced to appreciate irony - the first time I actually agree to go riding with the silly man and not only does he make it sound that it is Ithat has requested it, but he has to force me into refusing yet again. For one thing is certain - I simply cannot go riding with that waistcoat!

'Forgive me, Lord Thornfield, Gentlemen,' I collected myself and was at my most demure, 'I fear I am feeling a little unwell today, and cannot join you.' Thorn immediately looked concerned and demanded to know what was wrong. He mounted the few steps that were between us, stopped at the point when our eyes were on the level, and took my hand gently in his - why was I dressed to go out if I was feeling off colour, should I not be in bed? I was somewhat thrilled by the protectiveness, but I worried about the impression that it may create for our audience. I need not have been concerned, the unnamed gentleman feigned no interest in what was going on and was concerned wholly with smelling his buttonhole, and Mr. Brummell, who I believe in cant terms is known as a cavey cove or some such, watched on in open amusement.

'Oh I was very well before, but now I feel a trifle ... yellow.' I gave a pointed look to Thorn's waistcoat, but squeezed his hand to reassure him that I was not ill, for he really did look quite concerned for me. Thorn looked from his clothes, to me, to his clothes, frowning in his confusion, trying in vain to see what it was that offended. As I suspected, Mr. Brummell was quicker - and laughed. Thorn didn't appreciate this and wheeled around on the step to face him, taking quite half of my arm too until he let go as it looked as if I might lose my balance. My hand then felt cold and ... bereft, I felt most confused. Thorn did not have similar feelings I am sure for he was busy demanding, in a tone that boded ill for poor Mr. Brummell, to know what was quite so hilarious. To my surprise Mr. Brummell looked not at all put out by the brusque manner in which he was addressed (although Thorn is a friend one would still reasonably expect that as the Beau is so used to being pandered to that he might well have taken exception to it).

'My dear Thornfield, I collect that your escort is refusing to go with you due to the nature of your dress. I would have thought you quicker to catch on, but then maybe I understand as I have slightly more experience of women and so realise what fickle creatures they are.'

I dimpled at this compliment to the fairer sex.

'Why thank you, Mr. Brummell.'

'Not at all Miss Bennet - I like to do my service in educating my fellow man and I must say that I find your objection perfectly reasonable.'

I curtsied. Mr. Brummell pulled out his eyeglass and examined my outfit.

'May I also say that I like your dress - a deep primrose yellow, I collect.'

I beamed.

'Why yes Sir, it is quite new, we collected it from Madam's but last Tuesday.'

'And brilliant white sash and finishings! Quite the thing, Miss Bennet.'

'Thank you again Mr. Brummell, as you may observe, no lace.' A lazy smile echoed the humour in his eyes as Beau Brummell lifted his eyeglass once more to ascertain the verity of my statement.

'Indeed.'

Thorn had watched us perform this little pantomime in frowning disapproval, although for the life of me I can't quite see why - it appeared to be a perfectly rational conversation to me. But it was at this point that he had had enough, and interrupted. On reflection, I think that it was probably the lace that did it; Papa maintains that the mere mention of lace is enough to drive even the sanest man to distraction.

'Kitty, do you really mean to tell me that you aren't going to come out with me because I am a member of the Four Horse Club?' Thorn asked incredulously. I did not take objection to his tone, for I would be churlish indeed to object on such a matter. I then did what I could to clear up the misunderstanding, although I must own that I was enjoying myself tremendously.

'Not because you are a member, but because of the uniform - you look like a dandy!'

This last drew the attention of the man with the buttonhole.

'Damme me no! Thornfield ain't a dandy. He's a bang up Corinthian! Not quite Wyndham's standard, but still, who is, eh?' He laughed at his own joke - a trait I normally find off-putting to say the least, but this man is quite wonderfully charming that it is difficult to take offence. I had not a clue who he was, but decided on the instant that a friend of Thorn's was a friend of mine and so I argued with him anyway.

'Are you trying to tell me that that...' I had no words and so gestured with my recently emancipated hand at Thorn's front, 'is an outfit of fashion?' It was now my turn to be incredulous. Thorn squinted down at his chest again before grimacing and heaving a sigh.

If Thorn now looked resigned to his fate, the man I addressed was nothing but indignant. 'T'would appear to me ma'am that you ain't knowing fashion!' Oh ho! I'm not accepting that!

'I assure you sir, that I know good taste. Your apparel would seem to show a lack of it!' Mr. Brummell chose this moment to interrupt, which was probably just as well as the fight looked like getting quite nasty.

'You are quite correct, Miss Bennet. I lament the stupidity of my friends in questioning your taste for a moment. Perhaps it would serve if we were to remove Lord Thornfield and present him in say...twenty minutes in a nice blue coat, and maybe a grey waistcoat?' I do like Mr. Brummell! He has laughing eyes.

'But...dammit all, George!' His Friend appealed.

'Hush Alex.' He commanded quietly, 'Miss Bennet, I believe you missed the introductions as you were, totally understandably, a trifle preoccupied. This is my unfortunate friend the Captain Alexander Cartwright.'

Captain Cartwright bowed and murmured 'Charmed' on cue, apparently forgetting that but a moment before he had wanted my guts for garters.

'Unfortunate?' I questioned as I curtsied automatically in response.

'Well, he meets with your displeasure, ma'am.'

'Ha! You ain't one to be talking about being unfortunate if you end up trapped into marrying m'sister Melissa!' Captain Cartwright pointed out triumphantly, and I must say a trifle irrelevantly. Mr. Brummell hushed him, but by this point I was very confused.

'But, Captain, shouldn't you be defending you sister, and promoting the match?'

'You ain't met 'er.' He muttered darkly, to my great delight.

Thorn decided that he had had enough and turned to me once more. He looked tired, more than as if he had not slept well, but as if he had something praying on his mind. Perhaps it is Thorn who is not well? He would not welcome me drawing attention to it in front of the other gentlemen, but I was very concerned and almost capitulated when Thorn quietly asked:

'Kitty, why don't we just go now?'

I was given no opportunity to reply.

'No, no, Thornfield. We have it decided that you must change. Come along.' Mr. Brummell pulled Thorn down the steps and ushered him to the door. 'We shall leave you in peace now, Miss Bennet, and send Thornfield back in about twenty minutes and everything shall be all right and tight.'

'Thank you, Mr. Brummell.' It seemed that I had been saying that an awful lot.

'It is no inconvenience, Miss Bennet. Perhaps I may have the honour of a dance at Lady Chasterleigh's Ball?' I ignored Thorn's growl of disapproval. I didn't care if he wanted to go that moment, I mean he had been standing around doing nothing for long enough!

'That would be charming, Mr. Brummell.' I smiled and dropped a slight curtsey.

'Miss Bennet.' The gentlemen took their leave.

As they went through the door I heard something of their conversation - Captain Cartwright said to Thorn -

'So that's what been up with you old boy! Quite understand.'

'Alex, don't.'

At this point, with a significant look at me for my eavesdropping, William's butler closed the door. Stuffy man! But what is in all the Heavens was that supposed to mean?

A peculiar end to a peculiar interview. Smiling as I contemplated the conversation that had just gone and the pleasurable anticipation of some time alone with Thorn, I ran upstairs to hide in my bedroom till he was back again.

Thorn presented himself promptly but a quarter of an hour later, looking very nice in a dark brown coat, and matching waistcoat. I refrained from commenting that I thought it was settled that he should wear blue, which was perhaps wise as it was only after asking if he would do, which was slightly sarcastic I thought, that we went for our ride. All in all we passed a very pleasant hour in the park, greeting acquaintances and talking to them of little nothings. The closeness which I had felt last night was still there, but dampened - we were not as intimate as we had been then. I hesitated from exploring my feelings on the matter further and chided myself for wondering at it, after all last night we had been dancing was it really so unusual that I had felt so...vague? On the whole I think that there were some things that for my own peace of mind I just did not want to know.

As it was the Fashionable hour there was scant chance to be alone, but we managed to snatch a couple of moments private conversation in the park. I at once addressed the worry that I had had since seeing Thorn earlier.

'Thorn?' After Lord Thornfielding and Miss Benneting for the last half an hour the informality of address was something of a relief to both of us.

'Yes Kitten?' Well some people are more informal than others. I did not beat around the bush.

'Are you well?' And what reaction did I get to my kind inquiry? A slanting look and a shrug before he returned his attention to his greys.

'What makes you ask that?'

'Well you look so tired.' I was beginning to feel a bit silly, but my concern would not allow me to drop the matter - even at the risk of being told that I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

'Do I?'

'Thorn! Please stop answering my questions with more questions it is most infuriating.' My concern was gone, and with it Thorn's nonchalance - he positively grinned at me!

'My apologies Kitten, but it is a balm to the soul to see you sitting there spitting, figuratively speaking of course, in mental indignation.'

I fumed, before a most unpleasant thought crossed my mind. I at once gave voice to it.

'Did I...displease you earlier when I was talking to Mr. Brummell and Captain Cartwright? My levity...' Thorn quite stopped the carriage and I automatically steeled myself and shrank back as I expected to get a round telling off. Instead, when he turned, Thorn's face was full of shocked regret that I should think so. My heart did giddy leaps at the tenderness I espied in his eyes.

'No! Kitten, you would never displease me.'

'Sometimes you say the nicest things.' I sighed, he smiled and if anyone had taken the trouble to ask me then I would have told them that everything was right in the world. But my natural curiosity was not to be waylaid by pretty compliments, however confused and bubbly they made the rest of me feel. 'But then why are you looking so tired, and well, almost...disappointed?' Thorn's eyebrows rose in surprise.

'I see that you know me quite well Kitty.' He did not look exactly displeased by the idea, but instead of answering my question turned back to pick up the reins and I resettled myself. I would not repeat myself but I was quite happy to sit there until he answered, be that until Christmas if needs be. I was relieved that it did not come to that and I did not have to wait that long.

'I had it settled that I would...do something this afternoon but my plans were disappointed. It is no more than that.' I was at once full of guilt.

'Oh! Then why are you taking me out? You must do what you had planned!' I straightened my gloves in preparation for the ride home, but Thorn stopped my anxious movements.

'No, No, Kitten, it was spoilt before then - when Alex and Brummell came round.' I saw Thorn grimace to himself. 'Although they did not scupper my plans on purpose, scuppered they were none the less.' I touched him gently on the arm.

'But you can do it another day, all is not lost?' I could not then decipher the look on my friend's face as he looked into my anxious expression. After a sigh, he patted my hand in what I am sure was meant to be a reassuring manner. I was not put off and continued to look at him till I had my answer.

'No Kitty, but when a man decides on something and screws his courage to the sticking point only then to have to back down again is rather... upsetting.' With this I was reassured.

'Now I know you are funning me - as if you would need to screw your courage!' Again that funny look, but I was too busy grinning in relief to care.

'Oh I assure you Kitten, I would. But I thank you for your noble defence of my character.' He smiled as well, and then in, a strangely goaded tone of voice, asked, 'You don't have a clue what that conversation was about, do you?'

'None.' I admitted happily.

I received a grunt, which I was about to take exception to when we were accosted yet again and our private moment was lost.

It was only as we turned back in the Darcy's street Thorn inquired as to what I thought of his friend.

'I think that Captain Cartwright is very funny. Is he always like that?' Thorn smiled.

'No Kitten, That was Alex's town manner, he hides behind it to stop his sister's attempts at matchmaking but behind it all he is one of the sharpest men I know and well deserves his captaincy.'

'He is a very good actor!' I giggled, thinking of his rapt fascination with the huge bouquet in his buttonhole.

'Are you looking forward to your dance with Beau?' What? That is a strange kind of a question. I decided that he must be roasting me again and so responded accordingly.

'Yes, I like to dance, and an amusing partner is always agreeable.'

'And am I an agreeable partner?' I saw my chance to tease him further, and I would not pass it up. It would not do to tell the truth - that I have never known a better one, but that no one makes me as unsettled as he does. My thoughts became to close for comfort and I hastily mounted my high horse and settled myself comfortably for the coming discussion.

'No, Lord Thornfield, I am afraid that you are not. You study too much on the intricacies of the dance and quite neglect your partner.'

He glanced at me, smiling, 'Ah, Kitten, I wonder when I shall here a complement form your lips? I am quite undone by your severe criticism.'

'Then you are fortunate that you are not solely dependent on me for your complements. There are many women more than willing to admire you, I am sure.' I replied waspishly. I was thinking dire thoughts about the Miss Trulltons who, at Lady Astley's ball, had all but thrown themselves at his feet. Then there is always Lily Hampton lurking in the background. I have heard no more about her in my time at Town - I have steadfastly refuse to listen to the gossip that everyone seems desperate to tell me, although I own that I am dying to know more about her. What is all this nonsense about, and exactly what role does she play in Thorn's past? I hastily stopped myself from wondering quite why I hold these creatures in such a steadfast dislike and decided it is because they have no self-respect - imagine throwing yourself at a man in such a way! Thorn looked amused, and yet he would, wouldn't he? All these women swooning over him, it is enough to make anyone insufferable! Dratted man.

We reached the door, and I waited impatiently for a hand down. Thorn escorted me into the house, and when I made a move to go upstairs, guided me to the drawing room. He seemed slightly nervous, and kept pulling on his collar, as if it were not quite the right fit. I sat down, undid the buttons of the greatcoat and discarded my bonnet next to me.

'Well?' I was still annoyed by the mental image of the host of females vying for his attention.

'Kitten?'

'Yes?' He still looked...unsettled. I forgot my pique and wanted to help him, but I knew not how and so stayed silent. What is going on now?

'I have something for you.' He pulled a small box out of his pocket, and my heart leapt several feet in the air.

There was but one thought in my mind: does he mean to propose?

My heart beat so rapidly that I would not have been at all surprised if he could hear it. I was suddenly light-headed and I think I could actually feel the blood pounding through my veins. He took the seat next to me, and smiled reassuringly - had I lost some of my colour?

'I am afraid that I have been most remiss by you Kitten, for this is the gift I owe you as I brought you nothing when I came to Pemberley after my visit home when we first met - you remember, before we came to London?'

I am sure that for a moment time stood still.

'Oh!' Dratted heart lurched to a halt and then pounded sullenly in my chest. I felt that I was most certainly the greatest fool that walked the earth, and in that moment would have quite happily allowed that ground to open up and swallow me. It was a miracle of my self control that I managed not to swoon or burst into tears, for all that they pricked at the back of my eyes, but for all my efforts I could still feel my face go crimson. Oh Lord, I am the greatest idiot that ever lived! My one consolation thought that I clung to and pinned my sanity on was that Thorn will never know what I thought, and I shall never tell anyone. Aware of a deep sense of disappointment, that I had no heart to question or banish, I took the box from him.

He was keenly observing me to see my reaction, peering down at my ducked face, I managed a quick smile, although it was weaker than I should have liked. To distract him, and hopefully my own thoughts, I opened the box. In it lay a ring. It was truly lovely in its simplicity - seven chips of different coloured stone set in a gold band. It was by no stretch of the imagination an engagement ring, but a gift between friends that one could wear always. I could have wept.

It was at that moment that the actress Kitty Bennet gave her greatest performance - no one watching would have known that her insides were a confused muddle of thoughts, half of which she had not admitted to herself and the other half she denied.

'Oh,' I cooed in quite a different tone of voice, 'it is lovely!' I tried it on my hand, and it fitted. An irrelevant thought was that Thorn must have asked Lizzy my size. Thorn was still watching me, smiling at my reaction yet I felt as if he was searching for something else as well.

'You like it?'

'Yes, oh thank you.' I boldly snatched forward to kiss his cheek.

'Good.' He stood abruptly and picked up his hat. I still had a funny feeling that something wasn't quite right, but now I just wanted to be on my own.

'When shall we see you again?' I questioned brightly.

'At Lady Chasterleigh's Ball I would have thought, I have some business out of Town to occupy me till then.'

'But that is tomorrow week!' I protested, aware that I didn't like that at all.

'Yes, so it is.' Nasty man, mocking me! 'Keep out of trouble Kitten.' He chucked me under the chin, picked up his hat and left, pausing briefly at the door to look back and smile.

Not 'I'll miss you', or 'take care', but 'Keep out of trouble.' What does he think I am?

As soon as I heard the outer door close I ran up to my room and lay on my bed. What had I been thinking when he produced that box - that Thorn would propose? Well yes, I suppose that is exactly what I had thought, more fool me. I curled up onto my side as I considered what had occurred further. The most surprising thing is that the thought of marriage to Thorn did not fill me with panic, or dread that I might have to hurt a friend by refusing him. Refusing him! I would have accepted. Dear God, I want to be Thorn's wife!

I lo... No. NO! I can't be, I mean I can't have...

Can I?

Chapter 26

For the next couple of days I tried very, very hard not to think about Thorn.

As I think was slightly predictable my success was, to put it mildly, limited. It would be fair to say that perhaps I forgot about him for a whole five minutes when Lizzy gathered us together in the Drawing Room to tell us that there would be an 'addition' to the Darcy family in the winter. I squealed, voraciously shook hands and hugged everyone and then danced around the room for a bit before wondering what Thorn's thoughts on the matter would be. But other than that - bah, hopeless!

I have deeply considered this problem and have decided to blame this fixation on my being so determined in not thinking about him so much that I was actually thinking about him the entire time!

If that makes any sense then I am most impressed, and if it doesn't then I must confess that I am not in the least surprised for little that I seem to do or say is making sense at the moment. I think my brains are addled... in fact, if it were anyone else but I then I would say that they were acting as if they were in lo... NO!

See what I mean? Danger abounds.

Anyway, I was much more successful in managing not to analyse my feelings for Thorn (clap on the back, well done Kitty!) I became magnanimous in my success and so although I openly admitted to missing him acutely, which in itself was ridiculous when he had only been gone for a few hours, it was certainly no more than that. And if it is anymore than that then I was not telling. So there!

The one problem with all of this was that I was so busy concentrating on my thoughts, or rather what not to think, that I am afraid that I appeared to be rather distracted. Now there is nothing notable in my being distracted for a few minutes, hours even is acceptable and plausible. For two whole days? William was the first to notice. A series of Chinese whispers then prevailed for he then pointed this out to Lizzy who then discussed it with Aunt Gardiner and they, with a now informed Georgie, had a 'quiet word' with me, Lizzy is very fond of 'quiet words', she and Jane share them all of the time. At one point I really was quite jealous of how close they were, I wanted that close a friend, and of course the attention would not have hurt. On this occasion, however, I wondered at Jane's patience and flatly denied everything, of course, except the headache (which by this point was not completely fictional) and went as an escape to lie down for an hour. Quite worryingly, Richard didn't say anything at all. I found this worrying in so far as it is so very unusual of him as normally he has an opinion on anything and everything - whether one always want to hear it is something else, and besides this can be counted upon to be chivalry itself to a lady who is rather off colour. But the strangest thing of all was that it seemed to me that every time I looked at him I saw him observing me in a very peculiar manner...as if he didn't quite trust me and so was watching to make sure that I didn't run off with the Darcy family silver. It was most off putting, but served its purpose for each time I saw this I would catch myself up and try to be more lively, although this never really lasted for long.

I'm quite proud of myself that although I was a walking, talking mannequin for the trip to Aunt Gardiner's, I did manage to drag myself out of my abstraction for at least part of Lady Bellinger's visit, but I am very sorry to admit that even this was not unconcerned with departed friends. Her news: Mrs. Lily Hampton has come to town to visit friends. Her stay is indefinite.

Needless to say I was most upset. It also goes without saying that I was still stubbornly ignoring the reason why I wished to burst into tears, shoot the messenger and then ride around town and finish off the hateful Lily Hampton. Nothing like pride to keep a girls chin up!

I lay in bed that night and faced some harsh truths.

Quite frankly the half person I seemed to have been over the last two days disgusted me. I had been a wet drip, but what was the solution? I could see but one way out and I certainly wasn't going to allow myself to think on that for I knew that it would just lead to heartache. And that is not the worst of it, for I think I could bear the many insults to my psyche were it not for one thing - I appear to have lost my sense of humour. Mayhap I left it in Thorn's carriage, but one thing is certain - I miss it terribly. Normally I am always laughing and I can usually find something ridiculous to giggle about, normally myself, at regular intervals, but now...Ugh! I swear I have metamorphosed into Mr. Collins, surely a fate worse than death.

An occupation is what I need.

I decided on this and felt the first spark of excitement in days. Bright-eyed I sat up. Now what could I do? Matchmaking? No, from personal experience that is too annoying to the participants, and doomed to failure...unless, of course, one does it well...

I was still debating the merits of this idea when there was a tap at the door. In response to my call Georgie popped her head around the door and after seeing that I was really quite awake and still sitting up, she came in and got under the covers too.

I would like to point out here that Georgie has very cold feet.

Despite this, I was quite pleased to see her for we had not really talked in days - we had had so many visits and then she had been as thick as thieves with Richard after dinner that I would have felt quite the gooseberry to have interrupted.

We sat in silence for a while, but eventually I managed to pull myself out of the pit of distraction to notice that I was not the only one who looked unhappy.

'Georgie?' I tugged her curls to gain her attention for she seemed to be miles away, and from the looks of her somewhere most unpleasant indeed. I received a small smile, but she did not meet my eyes for long. One thing is now obvious to me - I am a selfish wretch. How long has Georgie been like this? I thought back with difficulty, well I know that she was happy with Lizzy's announcement but then again I imagine that almost everyone would be happy, well everyone except Dearest Caroline. Other than that...I really cannot recall.

I was feeling worse and worse by the second, but consoled myself with the thought that if Georgie had come to me tonight then I would at least not let her down now.

That begged the question of how to approach this rather delicate matter. I weighed Georgie up with my eyes, as if this would help. Now Miss Darcy is a delicate creature so perhaps a slow leading up to the subject would be best, or maybe a subtle nudge here or there? Who am I kidding? The day that the words 'Kitty Bennet' and 'subtle' are used in the same sentence is long off; anyway I have always been of the school that believes that straight-out is best.

'What's wrong?' Well done Kitty! Now there is the way to gain someone's confidence! All the gentle tones on the world weren't going to make that question not sound blunt.

Unsurprisingly Georgie just shrugged. Not one to be easily put off, I tried again.

'Something is bothering you?' A bit better Kitty, and it at least got some reaction - I was given a wise look, then a doleful nod. Ah, now we are getting somewhere!

'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.' I told her gently. This much is true: I would never force a friend's confidence. But I just thought it might be best if I would say it for I have found that it is often on being told that one doesn't have to do something that one finds that it is suddenly the most desirable thing in the world.

Initially it appeared that I was wrong, Georgie looked relieved to be let off the hook and I thought that that was that, so to speak. I was making a mental list of nice safe topics when she changed mind.

'No, Kitty, I...I..' I tried to be gently encouraging.

'Yes love?' She then blurted out the last thing I had ever expected to hear.

'I'm in love with Thorn.'

And with that one statement the bottom dropped out of my world.

I was poleaxed, and when the immediate shocked denial passed I was pulled in several directions by conflicting desires - all at the one time I wished to burst into tears, scream, break several valuable items, curl up and die, throw a temper tantrum, and ride to wherever Thorn was and demand to know his feelings. But mostly, mostly I wished to say - 'No you are not, I am!'

And so it was that the great Catherine Bennet finally admitted to being in love.

Of course I didn't do any of these things - a quiet 'Oh!' was about all I could manage.

I had known for days the truth of how I felt but this was the first time I admitted it to myself, the first time I had put the feelings into their words - I love Thorn. I love everything about him - he is perfect, even his faults are wonderful. Or at least they are perfect to me, perfect for me.

I always knew that admitting it would break my heart.

I wanted to cry.

I was eternally grateful that Georgie wasn't looking at me at that moment, but she seemed embarrassed at her rash statement and was tracing the pattern on the bedspread. She is such a sensitive soul that I doubt she could have missed the look of pain that I am sure was in my eyes. But I had to be calm. My first aim was to put Georgie at ease, and to ascertain quite what she felt for him, for if she truly loved him I knew not what I would do - she is so much more deserving than I, so much more right for him.

'How long have you felt like this?' My low tone concealed the tremor in my voice, although not its sudden huskiness. Georgie shrugged.

'I always liked him, but just recently...' I quite understood.

'Do you have any...hopes of his returning your feelings?'

It is to my eternal shame that my heart gave a happy leap when she shook her head.

I am a heartless, selfish monster.

'Why not?'

'Well, I am as a sister to him, and then there is Lily...' Yes, there is Lily, I had not forgotten her for a moment. I tried to give Georgie some hope.

'Lily Hampton is married,' (this much I had gathered from the open gossip around town), 'and Thorn, although he is not a man to wear his heart on his sleeve, is very honourable and you are very beautiful Georgie...' I played with the bedspread, aware of a sense of not envy, but regret that I had not her blonde beauty. I got a surprise when Georgie turned to me with an almost accusing look in her eye.

'I...I don't want to talk about this anymore.' She whispered, and with that threw off the covers and almost ran to the door.

'Georgie!'

She turned at the insistent note in my voice. I think she was crying. When I spoke my own voice shook.

'I'm sorry if I didn't say the right thing, this has come as rather a shock to me' A shock? Surely I am the mistress of understatements?

'No Kitty, I just... Well I wanted you to know.' I was sorely disappointed that she could not meet my eyes. 'Please let us not talk of it anymore, I will see you in the morning.'

'Sweet dreams Georgie.'

''Night.'

With that I was left alone to let my thoughts plague me. What did I do? Why, what any reasonable girl would! I promptly gave way to the tears that had threatened for days and wallowed for quite a disgusting length of time in self-pity.

Afterwards I was relieved to feel somewhat better.

Now was the time to start making some decisions.

I got out of my warm bed and began to pace.

Now I must try to be logical, it is true that I never have been in the past, but surely there is no time like the present to start. Now pride must be satisfied first - what can he have read into my actions? I thought back over the last few weeks and was certain that, well bar the waltz (the very thought of it made my heart beat faster and a light blush tinge my cheeks. Blush! I? I truly must be in love to have picked up such a horrendous habit!), I have never shown any of my tendre for him, my liveliness has been a perfect screen for me to hide behind. And hid I have, very well indeed for me to only realise my feelings now. And Georgie couldn't have known else she would not have come in this night, for she would guess how it would affect and pain me. No, I am almost sure that my secret is safe.

I thought back over the time that I had known him, My Thorn...

Of course I have been in love with him from near the start, I suppose that like Lizzy with William, my curiosity was piqued by his rejection of me. Then when he returned he was so wonderfully charming and I thought I was only forming a friendship when I was really falling in love. But unlike Lizzy and William, we have always had an easy friendship, there is not the passion in our every meeting that they had - another blow to any slight hopes I might sustain.

Damn my stupid pride that would not allow me to see it for so long!

And yet... was it not a self-defence mechanism? For why could he ever love me? I am fairly plain, brash, chatty, ignorant, my sister married after an elopement and as 'one of the silliest girls in England' my past history hardly inspires confidence. And he is an Earl and an officer! What am I, what have I to recommend me? The daughter of a country gentleman whose older two sisters married well and who is fortunate enough to be friends with Mr. Brummell. My positive attributes? A good sense in clothes and a lively disposition. No more. Now what is there there to attract an intelligent man, never mind any attributes for him to fall in love with?

Do not let us forget Georgie in all of this, for she is everything that I am not - demure, beautiful, delicate and accomplished. She trembles with excitement when she approaches a piano, I with fear. She deserves him - I have been giddy, thoughtless and selfish. It is only recently that I have begun to reform and even then I am afraid that old habits die hard - was I not selfishly glad that Georgie thought that she did not have a chance with him? No, it is time to put my own thoughts aside and do some good for someone else for a change. It will break my heart to do it, but Thorn will be happier with Georgie then he would be with me - they are of the same sphere and love should be selfless. It was with rather a bitter smile that I realised that it would appear that I am right - I will be taking up matchmaking, and between my dearest friend and my dearest love.

I then had a thought and quickly examined Thorn's past actions, but was soon disgusted, what was there there that could not be explained away as friendship? Even the ring was a sign of our close understanding, not a token of love - I had examined it and found no inscription, no secret message for me. No it is best that he settles on Georgie.

But I at least had the consolation of knowing that whatever else we would ever be to each other, we would still be friends. I would not wallow in self pity, for I detest people who do that - no Kitty, it was time to just accept this as fact and continue on as normal.

My wayward thoughts could not be so readily controlled and it was but a few moments after deciding on this that I started thinking again - I longed to see him again and wished that he would stay in the country for ever. I will need to watch myself and not let too much be read into my actions by being too open, although if I am too guarded is that not just as obvious? I will let his behaviour be the guide of mine. That is what is sensible - there is no point on resolving on something else only to then have to rescind on it.

I looked in the mirror - a brown haired girl stared back, the only noticeable feature being her eyes. Her appearance was not improved by the curling papers in her hair or the overlarge nightgown. Why would Thorn want this?

No more. I could not continue to torture myself like this anymore. However clichéd it may sound: what will be will be, and the night is the time to allow myself to think of dreams of what may never be.

For the first time I whispered 'I love him' out loud, and saw the lips of my reflection move too.

We smiled and I leant in and blew my candle out.

Chap 27 Part One

I was extremely proud of myself that despite the Revelations of the previous night I still managed to put a damn good face on everything the following morning. I am sure that overall I certainly appeared to be more bright and cheerful than I had before. I did not find this quite so hard as I had anticipated, perhaps this was because I had slept better than I had expected and was refreshed enough to feel up to putting on a better act for those around me. Or maybe there is some truth in honesty being the best policy, I sincerely hope not though - where is the fun in that? Anyway, I was just grateful that there were no clever remarks about sweet dreams from my companions at the breakfast table, I don't think I could have managed to meet their eyes without a blush.

Unfortunately I just don't think that the day was fated to go well from the started , however good my intentions. The main reason for this was that Georgie was completely ignoring me. Studiously ignoring me one might even say, I am sure that it was past the point of rudeness and I was very surprised that no one commented on it - they were all quick enough to point out my slight distraction!

But Georgie's mood was something else. First of all you see, at the breakfast table, she was engrossed with crumbling her toast into a nice neat pile. After a few abortive attempts I soon gave up trying to make reasonable conversation with her and gave her the benefit of the doubt - we are not all morning people after all, and perhaps as she is so shy she was just regretting her confidence of the previous night and would come round in her own good time. So instead of drawing attention to her or sulking, I made easy conversation with Lizzy and Richard, impressing and confusing them with my brightness I am sure. But then, with hardly a by-your-leave, Georgiana escaped to the music room and closed the door!

Now I am sure that the significance of this is lost on almost everyone, and indeed you will be thinking that Georgie is merely retreating to her one refuge, for she knew I dare not touch her there, and what is quite so amazing about that? But you see at the beginning of my stay Lizzy and I planned a series of strategies designed to try and build up Georgie's confidence and bring her out of herself a bit more. Lizzy and I agreed to pursue different paths in our Winter Campaigns and my first step in this well-meaning, yet slight underhand, plan was to boost Georgie's confidence in an area which even she cannot deny she has talent - the pianoforte. It started quite gently with me going in to do my needlework with her. Georgie was shy at first, but if you remember she then started to teach me the piano and so her natural reticence soon melted away to the spirit of Education. My next step was to leave the music room door wide open whenever she was playing, and such was my determination that even when I had no business there I always managed to find some excuse to go bounding in. As I saw it Georgie was then left with three options: she could get up and close it herself, ask me to close it, or just endure. Now Georgie's desire to remain unobtrusive would not allow her to take either of the first two options with me just chattering away about normal things - it would only draw attention to how much she hated attention and she knew that I would then make a large issue of it (dear Lord I love it when I am devious in the name of a good cause!). On the third day of my new technique, however, I thought that all was going to go horribly wrong - you see I burst into the music room with my normal whirlwind entrance and declared that I was utterly bored with history lessons and what did I care that Henry the eighth had gout? I then promptly collapsed on the sofa. To my surprise, Georgie stopped playing and closed her music sheets. I asked her what was wrong. She said that she had had enough for one day. She would play more tomorrow. I saw the steely Darcy look of determination in her eye and knew that the game was up. I was about to apologise when William came in and inquired into what was wrong. I was too busy scrambling around trying to straighten my petticoats into some sort of order to reply, so Georgie was left to answer. I think that Georgie thought we were going to be reproved, for she was beetroot and covered with blushes. I know not what she mumbled, but William was magnificent (perhaps I should point out that Lizzy and I had decided it was best to leave him out of our plans and so what followed was completely natural in his part) and stated something to the effect that he had been listening to her playing whilst he had been in his study these last three days and they had given him much pleasure, surely Georgie was not going to stop this new habit? I think it was in that moment that I realised how well I loved William (as a brother of course!), I certainly could have hugged him- he was everything a brother should be - strong, supportive and so very loving. Georgie blushed a bit more and said that she would continue to play with the door open if it pleased him, but she begged to be excused from doing so when there were visitors. William looked across then and caught my grin. My mirth must have been apparent to him, and I am sure that my plan was instantly uncovered, for it was with a twinkle in this eye that he agreed. And so you see - Georgie closing the music door is a form of rejection, a rejection of my influence on her. I was hurt, more deeply than I could say. I resolved that I would not seek her out, so I left her and Mr. Beethoven in peace.

Which, of course, was all very fine and well but the inactivity soon grated on my mind and the lovely town house became something like a prison that morning. I was so bored! I couldn't talk to Georgie. Lizzy was busy with household duties. William was minding the estate business. And to top it all off it was raining and so I couldn't go out.

So what entertainment did that leave me with?

Richard.

We played chess all morning. I hate chess. I hate the superior look on Richard's face was we play chess. And I hate his truly pitiful attempts to play badly to allow me to win - they are so transparent that, much to my annoyance, I was unable to accept it with good grace. I gave him the sharp edge of my tongue and was soundly trounced in the following game. One good thing about the whole chess thing though - it legitimately allowed me to practice brooding. In two hours I had soon perfected the art.

But three games and two pots of tea later Richard had to go and pretend to work. I waved him good-bye, and urged him to return that evening. This done I was left with two options - brood a bit more, which I had no mind to - I was young, healthy and heartily sick of self-pity, or read. Choices, choices!

How comforting it is to know that one may be as bored in the town as one may in the country.

Excepting Georgiana's continuing silence, luncheon was a relief although the afternoon still stretched out before me will little promise of any excitement.

Thus it was that I cheerfully agreed to go with Lizzy and Georgie on their afternoon visits, normally a chore which I had to be coaxed into with promises of reward. Georgie did a very fine impression of ignoring me as we left the house and that is when I got a little bit fed up of little Miss Hoity Toity Darcy. What had I done to deserve this? Was my heart not also breaking? That she was unaware of this, and that I would be mortified is she were EVER to find out my feelings for Thorn was something that I considered to be well and truly beside that point! Had I forced her confidence? No sir, I had not - so why this act? If she regretted her actions then she should deal with those herself, or acknowledge them and move on. There was absolutely no need for this childish game of Coventry, for as far as I could see I had done very little wrong! I must admit that in my rage I did indeed stick out my foot just a little, to admire my new boots of course, and I am afraid that this may well have caused Georgie to stumble a little, but what of it?

I begin to think that in this family nothing go unnoticed: Lizzy just regarded me with raised eyebrows and a superior expression. Her visage was not entirely bereft of humour. I knew what she was thinking, I would heave to have been blind, deaf and dumb not to. I tightened my bonnet ribbons, arranged my reticule and lifted my chin. Georgie is not the only one who can be superior when she needs to.

The first house was truly dull - wet tea, dry biscuits and mindless gossip. The next house on Lizzy's list was again full of gossiping women and at the centre of these was our hostess: a Mrs. Carstairs, a lady who I have never held a particular fondness for but whose husband was at school with William and so it was expected of us to visit. I took myself to the window seat where I could look out to the street. I was soon quite distracted, although I soon looked up at the new introductions -

'Lady Emilia Rochefort and Mrs. Lily Hampton.' Here? Now? I had quite missed the introductions so knew not which of the two ladies was which. I could guess though - surely my nemesis must be the tall blonde, blue eyed lady with the fur-lined hat and huge feather? She wore pearls, had a lace trim to her gown and there was enough hauteur in her visage to sink a battleship. In truth her companion was a rather dull shadow who easily escaped my notice

.So that is the infamous Lily Hampton.

I saw her sit herself down next to our hostess and in a rather penetrating voice comment about the Chinese rug. I was glad to dislike her and so watched her with interest, finding faults left right and centre. Thus it was that I did not see her friend approach until she addressed me.

'Miss Catherine Bennet?'

'Yes.' I forced myself to give up the brief daydream in which Thorn rides up to the house, sweeps in though the door, passionately declares his love for me, looks with disdain upon Mrs. Hampton's Grecian features and then drives me through the night to Longbourn to get Papa's consent.

'May I sit here?'

'Of course.' I smiled and moved over. I scrutinised my companion as she sat down, what was her name? Romford? Rockman? Of middling height she was really rather forgettable - muddy blue eyes and mouse brown hair is hardly an exotic combination. Were it not for her clothes, which were the height of fashion, she would have felt positively plain, I am sure. I consoled myself with the thought that at least she did not wear lace, and she may not be as bad as her friend. I resolved to give her the benefit of the doubt and inspected her anew. I was a bit embarrassed to find her just waiting for me to open the conversation, sitting calmly with a serene smile on her face. Although she was not young, her face held such a benevolent aspect that it was difficult not to smile back.

'I have heard so much about you Miss Bennet, that I quite feel as if I know you already.' Never a promising start - if you are newly introduced to someone then you should not inform them that you know them already for they are sure to assume the worst.

'Oh, I was not aware that Lady Carstairs was intimately acquainted with the details in my life?' I tried not to take offence, and made my tone one of polite enquiry instead of the pointed remark it longed to be.

'Oh, no my dear,' I bit the inside of my lip to stop myself from informing her that I was no one's dear, she was so nice I would not give upset her. 'It was not from Agnes that I heard of you, but from quite a different quarter.' I was aware that she was teasing me, but her friendly face and direct look further engendered my trust. There are some people who have the ability to charm with their very presence, she was one such person - a rare gift indeed!

'You will not ask from which quarter I see!' she gave a silvery laugh. I liked her more, the personality of this woman more than made up for her plain appearance. I inspected her face for blemishes such as those that give the secret of a harsh frown, or sour mouth. None - but laughter lines. What a surprise!

'Lord Thornfield has spoken of you quite often my dear.' My heart stopped, it was a moment before I truly realised what she meant.

'Thorn!' I beamed a smile. Just the sound of his name made me happy and I did not feel the need to hide my joy.

'Why, yes. We are old friends.' I looked at this complacent woman and realised that she could tell me everything I wanted to know. It was at this point that my curiosity finally won out over principles. I obeyed my instincts and trusted this stranger. Trying to appear nonchalant, I asked:

'Tell me Ma'am, do you know Lily Hampton as well?'

Another silvery laugh, it quite tried my nerves when I was waiting so desperately for an answer. Surely it was just my nerves.

'Oh yes.' another teasing look, and she gently smoothed her skirt. I did not take offence at her coquetry- all women love to gossip.

'You know the history between the two?' I shook my head. 'Ah well, I suppose that Thorn would hardly tell you.' She gave a dreamy smile, I contained my more murderous tendencies to shake her till she told all.

'They are in love.' as I think was expected of me I gasped, although in truth I had been prepared for little else. 'They always have been, Romeo and Juliet are as nothing. And like those star-crossed lovers, their family feud also forced them apart.' I had never before met someone who actually talked like someone out of a tuppenny pence romance novel. Normally I would have taken it in the spirit that she meant it to be taken and been soundly diverted, now I just desperately wished to hear what she had to say, we could be interrupted at any moment and I could try and distinguish truth from fiction later.

'Please Ma'am I wish to hear of truth and not of fantasy.' I implored her with little sign of my infamous Bennet pride. Her warm smile showed that she was not offended, if anything I now felt happier for it seemed as if she approved of me, as if she felt that I was not all superficial.

'Then let us talk of plain facts and not of romantic ideals - the truth is that they grew up together, they and another boy Robert Hampton were of a similar age and with their parent's estates so close then what could be more natural that they should be playmates?'

'Then Lily Hampton is also about thirty.' I mused as for the first time I realised that she must be quite old. I looked across the room to the subject of our conversation and frankly was amazed - thirty is so old, the powder certainly covered a multitude of sins! For the first time I saw an almost angry look in my companion's eye, and her benevolent look dropped to displeasure long enough for her to snap at me.

'No, Lily is a good couple of years younger than the men, pray do not interrupt.' She took a breath and with it her calm mask was restored. Contrite, I said nothing - so many women are sensitive about these age and would not my anger rise to defend a friend? 'Now from their earliest childhood they had been friends, no more.' My doubts were clearing - had she claimed that they had been in love since they were six I would seriously have questioned the veracity of my narrator, but as it was...

'In fact, as could be reasonably expected, it took something of a crises to interrupt the normal course of their relationship. I should say first that the boys had gone away to university together, but when they had first returned it had been as if nothing had changed, it was a while before things altered in that direction.' Remembering my own experiences I nodded, well able to believe it. 'Now Lord Thornfield, who was at that time but a Viscount, was rarely home for he had more interests abroad and about the country to manage than Robert Hampton. As if this were not enough to keep him away then you must remember that the Old Earl was a hard taskmaster who rarely moved from Thrapsten Hall, there is little doubt that this is at least part of the reason that the young Thorn was not anxious to go home.' This agreed with what Georgie had told me aeons ago, and I had forgotten nothing of our talks about him- unhappy childhood, strict father, broken romance and a rush into the army. I moved the conversation to what interested me.

'What kind of crises?' I hinted.

'Well there was an accident, my dear.'

'An accident! Thorn was hurt!' I was instantly in a panic, for all that it had happened years ago. I received a kindly look and a gentle hand was pressed over mine. I realised that I had allowed too much concern to creep into my voice. Nonetheless my companion did not draw attention to my embarrassment and gave nothing more than a sweet laugh before continuing.

'No, Sweet Child, Mr. Hampton was!' Sweet child? I am eighteen! 'There was a carriage accident and Robert was gravely injured and confined to his bed for some months. Concern for him brought Lord Thornfield back to Thrapsten, despite his father, but it left him quite alone with Miss Lily Caddick as was: Lily Hampton.' I digested this in silence.

'As I am sure you can imagine, the propinquity allowed all prior fondness to be superseded by adult passion. I have heard it said that their true love vows were made under an old oak, and it was there, but two weeks after Robert Hampton was told that he would live that Lord Thornfield applied for her hand.' The oak bit I doubted, the proposal? I was enthralled.

'And?' I pressed for more information. Lord, I was practically begging.

'The old earl refused his consent.' She smiled. Knowing my friend I was doubtful.

'And Thorn listened to that?'

'With all due respect, my dear, you never knew his father - he was known exclusively as the Earl of Thrapsten, by the by have you never wondered why Thorn is called Thrapsten?' I shook my head, feeling stupid. 'Well so his father was known all his life and so Thorn will not answer to it.. Anyway, the argument between father and son was very bitter, and the upshot was that our Thorn left for the army.' I took exception to the 'our' bit, that was too close to home.

'Yes I knew he was in the Rifles.'

'Did you never wonder why the sole heir to an earldom was at the Peninsula front?' I shook my head, feeling even more young and naive, for all the kindly way the words were said. 'Well now you know. I do not mean to preach but I think it an admirable point to prove that you can trust what I am saying.'

'But why did Miss Caddick then marry Mr. Hampton?' This was what baffled me, why would she marry anyone else when she had Thorn's word?

'Mr. Hampton had loved her for many years- all in the county knew this, and he had been injured in the accident and needed her. She thought that if she could not have her Lord then anyone would suffice and at least she and her husband would have friendship between them.' I still could not understand why she had not waited, but there was another question that came out of my mouth first.

'But how do you know all of this?' I coloured, acutely aware of the rudeness of my abrupt question, but I did not withdraw it. For the first time my companion looked embarrassed, and coughed delicately.

'Oh dear, you mean you missed the introductions?' Confused, I nodded, wondering how this woman had the ability to make me feel about an inch high, although in the nicest possible way. She glanced around to see that we were not observed and leaned in, looking anxious and gripping my hand. I began to dread the reply.

'Well, you see no one knows better the truth of what I have told, for I am Lily Hampton.'

Continued In Next Section