Section I, Next Section

Chapter One

'Come on!' I mutter at my trunk as I bounce up and down on it, valiantly trying to get it to shut.

Thump.

'Oof!'

I succeed.

However, I also manage to fall off the case and land in a rather untidy heap on the floor, banging my elbow on the trunk as I go. But I closed the case, that is the important thing to be remembered by all, even if my arm is throbbing. Just to make my point on who was master, I aim a kick at the trunk. Note to self: do not kick over-packed trunks, bad for toes.

At least it was finished. Now maybe, just maybe, Mama would stop going on about what I need to take to Pemberley. It had been her staple conversation for a week at least. She just wouldn't leave be -

'Oh, and do remember to take your blue dress that you wore to Mrs. Bingley's, you did look well in that Kitty.'

And then 'are you minding me Kitty? I swear you will be the death of me girl, oh my nerves!' (We will leave my opinion of mother's nerves till another occasion)

And then 'Remember Colonel Fitzwilliam and his friend shall be at Pemberley, so be nice and smile - men like women who smile.' Thus it goes on.

This evening Mama had even suggested 'perhaps it would be best if I went with you.' At this Papa bestirred himself from behind his paper -

'No, Mrs. Bennet, I fear that you would be greatly missed.' I had so much difficulty keeping my face straight, Mama didn't know whether to be disappointed at not getting to visit Lizzy and see Pemberley, or pleasure at Papa's supposed need of her.

She finally settled on 'Well, Mr. Bennet, if you think that is best. But, Kitty...' I shot Papa a grateful look, but I don't think that he noticed.

Mary said something about a woman's place, but I didn't attend.

I said goodbye and escaped to my room on the excuse of my packing at the same time as Papa escaped (sorry retired) to his study. We parted in the hall, and bade each other goodnight.

'Papa,' impulsively I stopped him, 'if you should like me to carry a letter or note to Lizzy for you then I should be more that happy to.'

Papa looked surprised.

'Thank you Kitty, I shall give you a letter in the morning. Sleep well.'

Now that the actual packing is finished, all that is left is the labels. But what does one put? I settle on Miss Catherine A. Bennet of Longbourn, Hertfordshire; to Pemberley, Derbyshire.

For those of you with a curious nature, my middle name is Alexandra, for Alexander Pope. Papa insisted that each of us be named after his favourite figures in literature: Jane Milton; Lizzy Spenser (I wonder if Mr. Darcy knew that before he married her?); Mary Wilhelmina (The closest he could get to Shakespeare without it sounding silly); and Lydia Marlowe. I think on the whole I came out rather well.

Lydia.

I'm surprised by how little I miss her. I thought I would, but I don't. She writes every know and then and tells me all of her news. Only it isn't really news, if you know what I mean. More gossip - what she did with whom, balls, funny stories of how she evaded this woman who she owes money to, and always how much fun she is having. Brother Wickham appears to be rarely in, and often comes home drunk from what I can gather.

This leads me to a conclusion: I don't wish to be married yet. I mean, Lizzy and Jane have been married for three months now and seem very happy. Jane visited us today to wish me good speed and she was positively glowing with happiness. Which reminds me, at the Lucases party, Jane and Mr. Bingley's eyes met across the dining table and they blushed! Mr. Bingley actually blushed! I didn't know men could. Anyway, I digress - after much thought on the subject, normally when Mama is talking, I have decided that I don't wish to get married. I am only just eighteen and so still young, and happiness in marriage seems to be far from guaranteed. Mama was furious when Charlotte married before Jane, but at Christmas Charlotte didn't look happy whilst Jane could probably outshine a branch of candles. So, although it would be nice to be married (wedding etc.) afterwards you have to actually live with them. Just look at Mama and Papa. I rest my case.

At Jane and Lizzy's wedding I realised that I want what they have, and so I shall not marry till I find not only someone I can love, but also whom I respect and like. There are two problems: the first that they must also love, like, respect me. The second is that this is all very unlikely. Hmmm

Ahhhhhh!!

Mama suddenly bursts into the room. I get a fright and jump whilst a sound close to a squeak comes out of my mouth. I also bang my sore elbow on the table. Mama continues anyway: something about a locket. I must have it packed so that I might look my best for Colonel Fitzwilliam and his friend. I reassure her. A hug, a kiss, and the room is quiet again.

Mama has been talking of Colonel Fitzwilliam and his friend (we don't know who he is) all week. They are apparently staying with Lizzy and Mr. Darcy and Mama sees this as the perfect chance to have 'four daughters married.' I met the Colonel briefly at the wedding. He seemed nice, and very handsome in his uniform but, and I repeat, I don't wish to marry yet. I wonder what the friend is like? No, I won't think on it. It is much more important to make friends with Georgiana. She was very quiet at the wedding, but was obviously happy that Mr. Darcy was marrying Lizzy.

Well nothing shall be sorted tonight. We leave early tomorrow, and so to bed I go.

Chapter Two

Only Papa was at breakfast when I went down. This is not really surprising considering how early it was (it was still dark outside), and it was nice to have some company.

We ate in silence.

I think I was still half asleep - when papa passed ma a letter a just looked from him, to it, to him.

'For Lizzy.'

Ahhhhhh

I grunt, and go back to perusing my cup of tea.

Mr. Darcy had sent a carriage with a maid to escort me to Pemberley. Papa kissed my cheek as he passed me into the coach. I pulled the rug around me and found the hot brick with my feet.

'Goodbye, Papa.'

'Good journey, Kitty, I shall probably see you at Pemberley soon enough.'

It was strange riding across England and seeing it wake up. First there was only trades-people and servants on the road, then the private conveyance of the rich made the roads and turnpikes much busier.

We travelled for two days and our journey started and ended in darkness. It was very late (or early) when we reached Pemberley. We had stopped a few times on the way, once overnight, but despite the maid's propensity for snoring and the comfort of Mr. Darcy's carriage, I had only snatched a nap or two. I was very glad to see Pemberley.

Some lights were still on, and sure enough a servant came out to greet us.

I was helped down, and advised that Mr. and Mrs. Darcy were waiting in the Drawing Room.

'Oh Lord,' I muttered as I caught my reflection in a mirror on the stairs. I looked as I felt - a tired mess, and I was about to meet my exacting brother in law. Perhaps that is unfair, I mused, he was certainly different after he became engaged to Lizzy, but it is still difficult to feel at ease with him.

'Miss Catherine Bennet.' I was announced, although quite who else they were expecting I wasn't sure.

'Kitty.' Despite the hour, Lizzy had the same radiance to her as Jane. She was smiling warmly as we embraced, and I realised that I had missed my fun older sister quite terribly. Briefly, I clung to her.

We both pulled back, and each of us grinned in perfect understanding.

Mr. Darcy then gave me a perfunctory kiss on the cheek.

'Catherine.'

'Mr. Darcy.' Out of sheer tiredness, I involuntarily drop a curtsey. Lizzy laughed, and called me a goose, taking away a lot of my embarrassment. Mr. Darcy still looked quite stern.

'Would you like some refreshment, Catherine?'

'No, thank you, I should probably drop it.'

Lizzy laughed again at Mr. Darcy's look of puzzlement.

'My little sister is not to be trusted with china when she is tired, she has a tendency just to drop it, normally sending the contents everywhere.'

'Indeed.' Mr. Darcy looked unconvinced.

'Oh yes, I remember when I was younger and allowed to stay up to see in the New Year and I spilt my hot milk all over Mrs. Long's new dress. Mama was furious.' I smiled at the memory.

'I don't think that she was that annoyed. If you remember, Mrs. Long had had the material sent up from London, and it was very fine. I think that Mama was quite glad to have her smelling of a dairy farm.'

'Yes.' All of a sudden I ran out of steam.

Mr. Darcy noticed (which was nice) and Lizzy took me to my room, which felt as if it was back in Hertfordshire for all we walked.

I was too tired to look around. Will do so tomorrow. But today has been very long, and so I just collapse on the bed, asleep almost before I hit the pillow.

Chapter Three - A

I awoke the next morning refreshed.

I was also very disorientated, as I had not been since Lydia had dared me to drink too much of Aunt Philip's punch. Happily, I lacked the pounding headache, and instead sat up to survey my surroundings.

The room was gorgeous!

It was decked out predominantly in yellow (my and Lizzy's favourite colour) and white. The large bed in which I had slept faced a fireplace, above which was a portrait of a young lady from long ago (all those skirts, how did they move?) Light was streaming in through the large windows, which appeared to overlook a garden.

Oh Lord, the light! It must be very late. I leapt out of bed, admittedly as much distressed by the idea of missing my breakfast as appearing rude. At home there is a certain order when people get up. Generally I am first, I dislike losing half of the day in my bed, then Papa and Lizzy. Mary has normally been reading late into the night and so she is later, as is Jane (to maintain her beauty takes quite a bit of sleep). But always Mama and Lydia are last. Sometimes they are not up until noon!

Anyway, I was ready in a trice. There was no time to call a maid, and so I tied up my hair very simply and put on an old morning gown. I checked myself in the mirror before I went down to make sure I looked vaguely presentable.

Hmmmm, could do better. But I seem to remember Lizzy murmuring something about a shooting party, so it should only be her and Georgiana. It doesn't really bother me, I am rather hungry and food is more important than men.

I hurried down the corridors, very proud that I only got lost twice. Whilst attempting to navigate, I noticed how lovely Pemberley was. Which lead me to do some thinking (lack of food does something to the brain) that although I don't doubt that Lizzy loves Mr. Darcy, it must be rather handy that he is rich. Conclusions: it would appear that my list is growing - love, respect, liking and now an 'independence' (please note that contrary to some peoples expectations I am not greedy, I had just rather not 'starve together with my love' as the heroines in trashy novels passionately declare)

Lizzy' housekeeper (Mrs. Reynolds?) was crossing the hall as I went down the stairs.

'Good morning Miss, I trust you slept well.'

'Yes, thank you, Pemberley is very beautiful. I don't suppose you know where Liz...Mrs. Darcy is?' I asked rather hopefully.

'Yes Miss, I believe that she is in the breakfast room.' She laughed at my transparent look of relief. And looked ready to move on. I stopped her.

'Em, Mrs. Reynolds...' a smile and a nod, 'I don't suppose you could tell m where the breakfast room is?'

Posted on Monday, 27 November 2000

Mrs. Reynolds showed me to the breakfast room, and even opened the door for me. I thanked her nicely, then halted at the entrance to the room.

Obviously the shooting party had been canceled.

It was rather too late to wish that I had bothered with more hair pins - not only were Lizzy and Georgiana in the room, but Mr. Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam and The Friend. The latter was a commanding figure, and drew my eyes, even though his back was to me as he stared out of the window - tall, dark hair (and nice leg although ladies shouldn't acknowledge to noticing that).

At the sound of Lizzy's greeting to me, he turned.

He was quite the best looking man I had ever seen.

His eyes, however, were glacial beneath his heavy frown as they swept over me. His attitude of hauteur and stern disdain made me wonder if perhaps he also was related to Mr. Darcy, although maybe lacking his redeeming features. Under his disapproving gaze I resolved to dislike him, and stared defiantly back, before purposely looking away.

The Friend's disapproval and my embarrassment at my appearance were forgotten at the sight Lizzy's warm smile and at the smell of hot food.

'Thank you, I slept like a top.' I replied to my sister's greeting, smiling in return. 'Good morning Mr. Darcy.'

'Good morning Catherine. I believe you know my sister, Georgiana?'

'Oh yes., hallo Georgiana.' I smiled as I saw the shy girl I remember talking to briefly at Lizzy's wedding. Resolving to start as I meant to go on, I crossed and sat down in the seat next to her.

'How are you?'

'I am fine, thank you Miss Bennet.' Really, I mean there is shy and then there is shy. With Georgiana you have to lean in close to her to be able to hear her properly. I had an insane wish to shout 'PARDON??'. Still, she is very nice, and as Aunt Gardner says - "it takes all kinds to make up the world, and it would not do if we were all alike". Anyway, I like her, so I smiled.

'Oh, I am Kitty. Somehow, whenever anyone talks of Miss Bennet, I still think they are talking of Jane.'

'Yes, well' Mr. Darcy interrupted, although I can't see what was wrong in that! He continued with the introductions. 'You have also met my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam.'

'Miss Bennet.' The colonel smiled politely. A handsome man with an easy countenance. I like him too.

'Colonel.'

'And our friend, Lord Thornfield.'

'Miss Bennet.' His voice was as cold as his eyes.

'My Lord.'

My breakfast had arrived, and I started on it with energy.

Around me the gentlemen continued the conversation I had obviously interrupted, occasionally helped by Lizzy. From this I gathered that Lord Thornfield had urgent business at his estate and would be leaving later in the morning.

What a shame. Tragic really.

'It would appear that Miss Bennet is hungry.' I trust I need not inform you who came out with that little conversational gem.

I deliberately paused, and patted my mouth with my napkin before replying.

'I travelled a long way yesterday, My Lord, and there was scant time to stop and enjoy a gourmet meal.' Not bad Kitty. To my pleasure and surprise, it was Georgiana who spoke next.

'Weren't you worried, travelling all that way on your own?'

'Not at all' I answered enthusiastically, almost bouncing in my seat as I swung around to face her, whilst gesticulating wildly with the napkin that was still in my hand, 'It was a grand adventure - we so much of England, as it taking a slice through a day - seeing everyone wake up, doing their business and then going home. And your brother's coach is so comfortable compared to Papa's, I hardly noticed the miles.' I smiled my gratitude at said brother, and although he blinked in surprise, I think that he was pleased.

'Shall we take a walk and survey the weather?'

Him again. I managed with great self control not to make a remark about looking out of windows as I was rather glad that they were to leave us. Mr. Darcy paused, kissing Lizzy's cheek and smiling at Georgiana and myself before joining the other gentlemen in the hall.

Chapter Four

When the men had gone, Lizzy inquired about home. I started to tell her the gossip, then remembered Papa's letter in my bags. Lizzy looked so happy when I mentioned it (Papa rarely writes letters and Mama prefers verbal messages 'and tell Lizzy to mind and look into the attic for damp' etc. etc., which I promptly forget) that nothing would do but for me to run up and get it right then. I had finished my breakfast by this time and was just having a cup of tea so this was not the sacrifice it might have been.

A maid had already been in my room - the bed was already made, windows open, and my trunks were on the floor ready to be unpacked. I rummaged in the trunk and I found the letter very quickly, but was stopped from rushing downstairs by the sound of the gentlemen's voices drifting in through the window. My curiosity, rather naturally, was aroused, I nipped over to the window to peek past the curtain - they were directly beneath my window, looking over the lake.

They were not, however, talking about the weather.

It is said that listener's never hear any good of themselves. It would appear that this is very true, I stood in shocked silence.

'You had better be careful Richard, she'll be after your red coat.' The certain justice of this mark had me squirming slightly. But I had grown up since the regiment had quartered at Meryton. Besides, after hearing about Lydia and brother Wickham, I'm not that sure that I want to marry a soldier, especially if elopements are mandatory - they strike me as being rather uncomfortable and inconvenient. My musings were interrupted by the conversation.

'I am sure that Miss Bennet is very amiable...' Thank you Colonel. I think.

'Amiable? Vulgar, rude, uneducated and unfashionable more like.' WHAT?

'Thorn...'

'How many women of our acquaintance would come down to breakfast looking like that?'

Silence. Why was no one defending me? Why did Mr. Darcy say nothing?

'Good God man, her hair! She must have done it herself!' I turned and looked at my image in the mirror. My hair was falling in wisps from the bun on my head. In my image, my eyes were swimming with tears as I solemnly surveyed myself. I felt heavy, he was right. I looked awful. I looked away and closed my eyes. Listening.

'She was traveling all of yesterday allowances can be made.' Thank you.

'She was traveling yesterday, Richard, not today, that is no excuse.' Wretched man.

'You are too harsh Thorn.' Thank you, brother dearest - and true. Judge not lest you shall be judged also. Or something like that.

'And you, Darcy, are slightly biased in this matter. How was is you described 'Miss Kitty'?' Darcy groaned and protested, but Lord Thornfield ignored him. I opened my eyes and saw leaning against the wall. From my vantage point it looked almost as if he was challenging Mr. Darcy and the Colonel. 'Friendly, if a little unpolished. I shudder to think what the other one is like. A bookish puritan, spouting any drivel? How Elizabeth and presumably Jane Bingley came out of such a home untainted is nothing short of a miracle'

What? The... Okay, now I was blazing mad. HOW DARE HE?? Mary may have her faults, but he is no place to judge, especially as he has never even met her. And as for our home, well it may not be much but it is still home and I wouldn't change it for all the palaces in Europe.

'Lizzy is different.' Ohhhhh, can Mr. Darcy not get his mind off Lizzy for a minute and realise that her entire family has just been insulted by this prig?

'Indeed,' came back the cool response. Oh, I wish I were a man so I could call the knave out! My hands balled into fists. 'Elizabeth shall no doubt become the toast of the Ton in London.' Naturally. 'That is, of course, if that hoyden in there doesn't humiliate her. You aren't seriously considering taking her, are you Darce?'

'It would please Lizzy.'

'Please her to be mortified by her family?'

I left.

I had heard enough.

Chapter Five

I charged down the corridor oblivious to anything. However, the astonished looks of the servants, along with their faint tinge of worry, eventually penetrated my red haze.

I slowed down and tried to compose myself - it wouldn't do to worry Lizzy, and I was past the age where I would run to her and tell her what had been said. I was no snitch. But, oh, I was boiling mad! The though of that man! What had I done? What had Mary done? Oh! I stamped my foot in rage.

'Kitty?' Ahhh, Lizzy. She looks concerned, and not a little amused. That won't do. It is still her honeymoon, and it isn't her fault that her husbands friend is a judgmental blue blooded ... twit.

'Sorry ... I ... forgot to pack my favourite locket .' A feeble excuse. Worryingly, Lizzy took it at face value.

'Is that Papa's letter?' I still had it in my hand.

'Yes.'

'Georgiana is in the morning room, I thought we could join her.' Lizzy smoothed out the creases in the letter without comment.

'That would be nice.' An inadequate reply, but I was not yet under control.

'Georgiana is anxious to be friends.' Lizzy seemed to be weighing me up with her eyes. I suddenly paid attention and was cautious now - where was the hitch?

'She has grown to be very dear to me. But, Kitty...' here we go 'Georgiana is ... delicate'.

She received a blank stare.

'You need to be gentle.' She elucidated. That hurt, especially on top of everything else.

'So you think me what, a provincial hoyden? Just going to trample all over her feelings?' To my shame, my voice was husky and tears were close. I should explain that whilst the comments of someone as unconcerned to myself as Lord Thorny - Heels makes me indignant, I remain very sensitive to how people I love perceive me, I always try to please them, and for Lizzy to think...

'No, no, Kitty.' She grabbed my forearms. We looked at each other and a mock stern look entered her eyes.

'Do you think you would be here if I didn't trust you?' Blunt, but then Lizzy is.

Dumb, but obscurely comforted, I shake my head.

'Come on, I want to read my letter and the best way to get some peace and quiet in which to do that is to have you and Georgiana occupied with each other.'

We sat comfortably for above an hour before the gentlemen joined us. At first Lizzy just sat and read her letter (taking an inordinate amount of time for someone so literate). I saw this as a tactful but unsubtle older sister hint to make sure that Georgiana and I talked to each other.

Georgiana was very tentative, and very quiet. Mostly I talked, and then demanded replies. I felt as if she didn't want to offend me with any of her opinions. Consequently she was surprised when I first seems to oppose her view, and then the next minute support it.

Lizzy remarked that I was nothing if not inconsistent.

I argued that I was able to see both sides of the debate and that this was a merit.

But not to be able to decide on either?

Hmmm, unable to answer that. I turn to Georgiana for support.

' I cannot understand that you ever lamented the lack of a sister. As you can see, they are troublesome, ungenerous creatures.'

'No, no. I am sure that I could not ask for a better sister.' A rather poor spirited reply in my view. I catch Lizzy's eye and obey her wish to keep going.

'Well, I am very glad to be rid of three.' These seems to cast Georgiana into even deeper confusion. Desperate, I turn to Lizzy. This is not going well now.

Lizzy asks Georgiana about her music. I confess to my very bad playing. Inspiration strikes me, and I suggest that Georgiana helps me to improve. Georgiana denied any superiority, but I think she may have been pleased. It will certainly be a good place to start.

Amongst this talk my hurt and anger was pushed to the back of my mind. It was brought to the forefront again by the entrance of the gentlemen. Lord Thornfield is dressed for the road, Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam for hunting.

Posted on Saturday, 9 December 2000

It appears that lord Thornfield has come to take his leave of Lizzy and Georgiana.

I was hardly aware of his polite phrases of goodbye. All I could think of were his former words, and my anger grew. I knew that I could not permit him to leave the room without showing that the disdain he felt for me was reciprocated in full measure. But what to do, and how to do it? There are some borders of taste that not even Lydia would traverse lightly, and I have not Lizzy's subtlety. I resolve to wait and see what opportunity presents itself. At worst I could stick my tongue out at his back.

Caught up as I was in plotting my revenge, I was caught on the hop when Lord Thornfield turned to me after Georgiana to say adieu. Although considering the unflattering nature of his previous comments, I rather wondered at his saying goodbye in the first place.

'Miss Bennet.' His tone and look spoke of boredom and a desire to be gone.

'Lord Thornfield.' I curtsied prettily and tried to emulate his boredom.

'I trust that you shall enjoy your stay, I assure you that Darcy and your sister are the best of hosts.' This was too good an opportunity to miss. My anger spoke without a thought for great subtlety.

'Yes, indeed. Although you shall not be sorely missed, I am sure.' I curtsied again, and gave an insolent look that reinforced my words. I felt as if my eyes were on fire as I then tried to communicate my opinion of him in my stare.

I missed none of his facial changes. Boredom was gone. Replacing it was shock as the uppermost emotion. In another I would say that there was also hurt, in him I refused to acknowledge to it and attributed it to bruised pride.

I resolved to feel no guilt.

I stayed still as he abruptly took the rest of his leave. Mr. Darcy accompanied him to his coach. As I heard the carriage wheels, all the energy seemed to leave my body and my lungs and I collapsed back into my seat.

I heard the sounds of a door slamming, and footsteps rapidly approaching.

It would appear that my ordeal is not over yet.

Chapter Six

Mr. Darcy came back directly. It was obvious from a quick glance that he was displeased.

I looked at my companions, and then realised quite what I had done and how it would appear to them. Lizzy looked grim, yet even though I could sense her embarrassment, I realised that she would defend me. Colonel Fitzwilliam had wandered to the windows (a family trait?) and by his straight back and clasped hands I recognised that he was about to do an enviable impression of being anywhere but here. And Georgiana, poor Georgiana, she looked close to tears. Hands nervously clasped, eyes set to the floor, for all the world as if it was to be she that would get the scolding.

I realised that I had been somewhat impulsive, yet I was too proud to plead a defense. I prepared for my reprimand. It was not long in coming.

'I realise, Miss Bennet, that you have been overindulged,' huh! Overindulged? Ignored more like. 'but even I hoped that you would have the basic good breeding to treat with respect a fellow guest in your sister's house.'

Dear God, he was furious!

He stood stock still, facing me directly. I felt very small, and I must admit, slightly afraid. None of Papa's scoldings had this scathing attitude of contempt.

Lizzy tried to defend me as I stood mute.

'Fitzwill...'

'No, Elizabeth. I will not tolerate such base manners in my house.' Now, on the irony of this last statement, I started to get angry. I realised that I needed to be. Tears were not far below the surface, the prickling was beginning to sting my eyes. But his opinion of me was low enough. I would not give Mr. Darcy the satisfaction of seeing me reduced to tears.

His tongue-lashing continued. He spoke in short sentences, as if that were the only way to control his rising temper.

'Lord Thornfield and I were at school together. Since that time we have remained close friends. I would trust him with my life and all that I hold dear. He is a good and just man, and yet you... on no acquaintance or knowledge presume to judge and insult him!

Do you realise that not only do you humiliate and shame your sister and myself by such manners, but that you also display your character in a less than favourable light? Can it possibly be your desire to appear to the world as...'

This was too much, and despite my resolution to be silent, I as stung into words. How dared he imply that I would even think of embarrassing Lizzy, either deliberately or through purely selfish actions? My anger high, I raised my eyes and locked them with his, from supplicant to challenging. My voice I kept refined and steady through sheer force of will.

'As what Mr. Darcy? Rude, uneducated, unfashionable and vulgar?'

He began to make a retort, then realised the import of my words, and feel silent and just looked at me. The cold black look had gone. I felt rather than saw Colonel Fitzwilliam turn to stare at me. The silence impelled me to speak.

'Your voices were not exactly quiet.' Tears were closer now, and I caught my lower lip between my teeth to stop them flowing.

Lizzy was obviously confused, and asked Mr. Darcy for an explanation. Are her wits dulled by marriage? I would have thought it plain enough.

Mr. Darcy said nothing. This was my undoing.

'If a man is good and just, should he make so low an opinion on so short an acquaintance? Should he not give the benefit of the doubt? Does he leap to malign a character ... after what? What had I done? And what had Mary done? Lord, he doesn't even know her, hasn't even met her, and yet he said....'

My voice finally broke. Lizzy, eyes wide - finally realising what had occurred, and obviously livid, moved to come to me, but I had not yet done. I shook my head and took a step away. I think Georgiana was crying. The men just stood and watched.

'And all you could talk about was how good Lizzy is. Well, Mr. Darcy, I may not be refined or elegant, but I am loyal and I would never let anyone speak of any of my sisters in such a way without doing something, no matter what was said of me.

And if that is the manners of the 'good' and the 'just' men then I don't think that I want to know society. I don't care if you don't take me to London, or if you send me back to Longbourn right this minute because, because...'

This was too much. I lost my voice completely, and to stop the sobs, I shoved my hand into my mouth and ran. I couldn't see for the tears, and tripped on a stair.

When I reached my room I just lay on the bed, my head in the pillow, and sobbed.

Chapter Seven

I cried for some time.

I didn't hear Lizzy knock, or come in. I was oblivious to all till she touched my shoulder. I turned and looked at her, wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeves to get the wetness off my face. Lizzy looked grave, as I have not seen since Lydia's elopement.

'It wasn't my fault.' The phrase came instinctively.

'I know.' At least her voice was calm and comforting. Reassured, I relaxed back into the mound of pillows. She sat beside me, and took my hand.

'Are you all right?' I tried for the blasé approach.

'Oh yes, I've been insulted before, one more time isn't going to hurt.' I waved my hand airily to make my point, and tried to smile, only that seemed to hurt.

'But not by a member of 'The Quality.' I might have known she would see through me. But Lizzy's tone made it apparent of exactly what level of quality she thought them - as Mama would say 'not fit to grace the kitchen table'. I snortled in appreciation.

'No.' I played with her fingers, and looking at them said 'it wasn't right Lizzy, even if it was true.'

'No, it wasn't right, and it isn't true.' She leaned and kissed my forehead. I gave her a watery smile. It hurt less this time. 'But we shall need to see that you acquire some polish before you go to London.'

'Hah! I'm not going to London.'

'Yes you are.' The superior sister tone.

'No, I'm not.'

'Catherine Bennet, do not argue with me or you shall sorely affect my nerves.' We both smiled at her excellent imitation of Mama in full flurry. 'You are coming to London, and that is final. But first we need to go down stairs so that the gentlemen may apologise.'

'Gentlemen?' I gave an unladylike snort. Seeing Lizzy's disapproving look I adopt an innocent face. 'Oh, of course. I wouldn't want to harm your nerves. Now where are my smelling salts and it really is a pity that Jane isn't here to hold your hand...'

I duck a half- hearted punch. I can see that she is pleased, and I realise that she has got me out of the self-pitying doll-drums.

'Kitty, go and wash your face, that is an order.'

'Ma'am, yes ma'am.' I start to salute and then think of something.

'Lizzy...' I received a suspicious look.

'Yeeessss?'

'Did you speak to Mr. Darcy before you came upstairs?'

'Briefly.' I didn't think that she wanted to talk about it, but I was worried.

'I mean. Everything will be all right between you.'

'Oh, Kitty.' She smiles, although it is rather strained. 'At the moment I am very hurt and very angry at Mr. Darcy. But he is a good man, and I am sure that there must be some sort of explanation. No matter what though, I think that it is important that he apologises to you before we begin our...discussion.' I saw instantly that I would not want to be Mr. Darcy during said discussion. I just want one last reassurance though.

'Then you are not going to end up like Mama and Papa?' I ask fearfully. I men I know it is childish, but still, stranger things have happened. Lizzy laughs outright at this.

'No darling, that kind of contempt takes years to accumulate. This is merely a ... period of breaking in, shall we say, and becoming acquainted with each other's views.'

Finally reassured, I go to wash my face,

Georgiana wasn't there when we went back into the Morning room. Both of the gentlemen rose as we came into the room. For a moment they reminded me of how the Parker boys looked when their father found that they had eaten half of their sister Lucy's birthday cake. I doubt that they thought I was going to take my stick to them, though.

Before we had gone in Lizzy had whispered in my ear -

'Calm, dignified, don't make it too easy, but be gracious.' Oh easy! Do one thing, but do another as well, oh and remember about the third. Grrrrrrr!

And so I was gracious, giving a demure curtsey before taking my chair. Lizzy took the seat next to me. I could see that her expression was glacial and despite an insane urge to giggle, I schooled my features to the same.

It was Mr. Darcy that spoke first, he voice measured and grave, like the minister at home.

'Miss Bennet, we tender no excuse for the occurrences of this morning.'

'Indeed Miss Bennet, please accept our sincerest apologies,' this from the Colonel, 'we had no idea that you could hear...' That sounds like an excuse!

Darcy winced. Lizzy pounced.

'And that makes it right, Colonel?' I'm glad Lizzy didn't let him off the hook. I know she said gracious, but it still hurt.

'No, no, of course not, but...' He back pedalled quickly, but Mr. Darcy helped him. Come to think of it I don't think that Mr. Darcy really appreciated his cousin's words. I wonder how a man got to the rank of Colonel if he has no diplomacy (and with Lizzy in this kind of mood you need diplomatic skills of the highest ambassador. I'm her sister - I should know!)

'No it does not. You were very correct to defend your sister, loyalty is a very precious virtue. I am ashamed that I was not more loyal to you or Mary. I shall endeavour never to fail either of you again. But, please believe that this was not a personal attack.'

'Not a personal attack...' I said, my voice rising, the gratification I had felt at the early part of his speech forgotten.

'Kitty.' Lizzy, warning. I could practically see the word 'gracious' written across her forehead.

'No, Lord Thornfield is...' a quick glance at the Colonel, 'disillusioned with your sex at present. It was this that caused the ... incident. There was no personal slander, indeed he even said as much at the end of his ...'

'Vilification? Diatribe?' I pulled the words out from my long forgotten English lessons out of my head. I was somewhat relieved that I must have got the right meaning as I saw Mr. Darcy smile in appreciation.

This had gone on for long enough. I felt sorry for them, and I was not enjoying it either. Mr. Darcy had put me in the right, and had promised to defend me in future. Besides, he would shortly be receiving the sharp end of Lizzy's tongue and it was obvious that the knave in all of this was Lord Tawny- Fields.

'Gentlemen, I forgive you' (and I did) 'I would now be grateful if no more was said about the entire incident.'

They both looked relieved, and I smiled. I too was glad that the entire thing was over.

'This is not quite the way that I had intended to start my visit.' I joked to lighten the atmosphere. My success was only partial. The Colonel laughed and came forward to take a seat near me. Mr. Darcy smiled, but somewhat mechanically, and was looking at Lizzy.

'Would you like to look at the gardens, Elizabeth? I believe that the gardeners are progressing rather well. I am sure that Richard will look after Catherine.'

It would appear that Miss Bennet was no more, and that I was Catherine again.

'Of course, if you don't mind, Kitty?' I was surprised by the coolness in Lizzy's voice. Where had gracious gone to?

I met her eyes.

Ah, one of those wifely things. I understand.

'No, no, don't mind me.'

The Colonel added his voice to mine, and Mr. Darcy escorted Lizzy out of the room.

Chapter Eight

The colonel and I sat in silence. I decided to start the conversational ball rolling, and thus opened my mouth with little idea in advance of what would come out of it.

'Colonel, do you believe that they take us for fools?' The Colonel caught my playful tone and played along.

'Miss Bennet, I must confess to being at a loss to understand you.'

'Why sir, it is early February. I am admittedly not knowledgeable about horticulture, but I believe that at this season there is little to be done in the garden.' Wonderful, Kitty! What a conversation, surely it just drips with wit and intelligence! Well done! Twit, I am a twit. The Colonel also looks a little doubtful.

'As I also know little about horticulture, I believe that we must be generous and give my cousin the benefit of the doubt.' Oh, the irony!

'True, Colonel, that would be the generous thing to do.' The Colonel was not slow to catch my meaning, and I regretted it as soon as he started to apologise again.

'Miss Bennet...' Serious looks, serious tone.

'Colonel, please. I only meant to tease you, not to induce more groveling.' I met his eyes, and smiled (rather wickedly I must admit).

'So I grovel?' The Colonel pretended not to be pleased with this image painted of him. I became more animated as I started to enjoy myself.

'But delightfully Colonel - you are a delightful groveler.'

I tried to maintain my composure and failed. Miserably. I was not assisted by the Colonel's look of black affront, although my laughter soon proved too much for him.

'I believe, Miss Bennet, that we shall get along very well.'

'We shall not, Colonel, if you insist upon calling me Miss Bennet. You were at breakfast when I asked to be called Kitty?' At the Colonel's look of embarrassment, I was intrigued (naturally).

'I must confess to being present in body if not in mind. The rather bad news that necessitated Lord Thornfield's hasty departure required...consolation.'

'Ah,' I replied knowledgeably, 'you were in yours cups.'

He laughed at my artlessness. 'Yes, Miss Bennet, I must admit that we were. Fortunately, it only affects me in that it makes me tired. Thorn must have had a devil of a headache this morning.' Shame, I can't think of anyone who deserves it more.

'That much, Colonel, was apparent.' I replied tartly before continuing before he could either apologise again, or attempt to defend his friend.. 'But there you called me Miss Bennet again.'

I got up and paced, as if dealing with a difficult and vexing problem. My hands I clasped behind my back, and I furrowed my forehead in apparent concentration.

The Colonel lay back in his chair, enjoying my display.

'It would appear, on the balance of evidence,' I tried to make my voice as weighty as my Uncle Philips'. The Colonel laughed outright at my tone. I waited, eyebrow cocked, for him to control himself before I continued.

'Thank you. Now apparently you have some difficulty addressing the plaintiff as 'Kitty'

'It is rather informal for so short an acquaintance.'

'What if I was to reassure you that my client has no intention of compromising you, or indeed of marriage at all.'

'Every woman wants to be married.' The cheek! I drop my act.

'At present I do not, especially to you!'

'Thank you.'

'We should not suit.'

'I am much obliged.' This had gone on long enough.

'You are just being silly now.' I thought for a moment. 'What about Miss Catherine? It is what Mrs. Long calls me, it should be formal enough to satisfy you. I refuse to be just 'Catherine'.'

'No, not Catherine.' He agreed to that readily enough. It took me a minute to realise why. Then I remembered his aunt. Poor Colonel.

'Miss Catherine.' He tried it on his tongue. 'Very well, I agree. It is rather silly sounding, but then so are you.'

'Thank you.' I curtsied.

'And I shall be 'Cousin Richard', that is what Georgiana calls me.'

'Shall we shake on it?'

We did. One down, two to go.

'Now, Cousin Richard, I suggest that you have a walk to clear your head.'

'I cannot leave you to amuse yourself.' He protested.

'I am going to find Georgiana. I think that she was rather upset by everything. I imagine that she shall be reassured to know that we have become friends.'

'Far be it for me to be the one to stand between you and your good intentions. She shall probably be in the music room. I'll show you the way and then go for my nap, I mean walk!'

Cousin Richard deposited me outside the music room, and then headed upstairs, whistling.

I stood for a moment. As Lizzy says, Georgiana is delicate - it wouldn't do to rush in, make several horrible faux pas and everything a thousand times worse.

I obviously tarried for too long - along the hall a door opened, and I could just see Lizzy and Mr. Darcy, both dressed for the outdoors, come in.

Instinctively, I shrink into a corner where they will not see me. It takes me a few moments to realise that this brilliant move effectively traps me - I can't move without being apparent to sister dearest. Well done Kitty! With Lizzy in this kind of mood it is best to lay low, and stay out of her way. I close my eyes and hope that they will move swiftly on.

No such luck.

It seems that Lizzy has been thwarting Mr. Darcy's attempts to apologise on their walk. He has now had enough, and I have a ringside seat for the showdown. Fantastic.

I heave a sigh, and listen:

'Elizabeth...' a tone of long suffering. Interrupted by sister dearest.

'Well sir, that was productive, was it not?' Oh, sarcasm! Mama would have kittens if she heard Lizzy speak to Mr. Darcy like that. It would seem that this is the straw that breaks Mr. Darcy's back, metaphorically speaking of course.

'No, madam, it was not. Tell me, how am I to apologise to you to get you to forgive me? I have tried words, and you will not heed them...' Mr. Darcy on a rant? Temper, temper, sir.

'I think that you have said quite enough already today. I must congratulate you, Kitty does not cry at the drop of a hat, and yet you succeed in having her do so on her first day of her stay with us. Well Done, Sir!'

'I have apologised to Catherine...' True, but Lizzy ignores this.

'I was aware of your opinion of my family, indeed you made it wonderfully clear during your proposal at Rosings.'

My ears prick up, what was this? Well, well - who would have guessed? Mind you, it does explain a few things. I have no time for contemplation, Lizzy continues her tirade.

'However, I never believed that you would share that opinion with others, no matter the closeness of the acquaintance!' Oh, scathing contempt dripping from voice, 'It would appear that I have misjudged you sir, and I am sorry for it!' Too far. In my humble opinion that is striking below the belt.

'My opinion of your family has altered considerably since last March. Jane is indeed the angel that Bingley calls her, your father I now truly respect. But you are correct, I should have defended Catherine. My sole excuse is that I know that Thorn did not mean - he just had much impotent anger in him, and struck out at an unfortunate victim with no notion of causing harm. Can you not attempt to understand that, Elizabeth?'

Silence. This grows interesting. What is this mystery with Lord Thornfield? Mr. Darcy continues.

'I have apologised to Catherine, but I believe that actions speak louder than words, and thus I shall seek never to fail her again. Be satisfied, and have done.'

'You expect it to be that easy?' High pitched tone, 'That you can apologise and have done? You insulted my family!'

'No, I failed your family. I shall not do so again. What do you want Elizabeth? Blood?' He sounded bone weary. Give the man a chance, Lizzy.

'No, not blood.' My head shot up. By Lizzy's throaty tones, I take it that she has decided to forgive Mr. Darcy. Oh dear.

''Well?' Ahhhh, more husky tones, but from Mr. Darcy this time. Have to get away.

'Do not think that I offer an unconditional surrender.'

'Perhaps I can negotiate down the price.' Dear God, have to get out! I can't take much more of this!

Relative silence. I peek around the corner - the two would require a crowbar to part them. I am in no danger of being seen, I would even think that Lady Godiver could run through here in full glory and they would not notice.

Smiling, I go to the door. As I go in, the last thing I hear is-

'Fitzwilliam! A servant may see!'

'Damn the servants!' Hmmmm, maybe not so dull a brother after all!

Chapter Nine

Georgiana turned to face me as I went into the music room. Her eyes were drenched with tears and her nose was a most unbecoming shade of red.

'Oh, Love.' Impulsively I went and embraced her. I stroked her back and made soothing noises. I don't know quite how this would help, but it seemed to calm her down.

'It's all right.'

'It's not. Everyone is so angry.' She said, drawing away from me.

'No we are not. Cousin Richard and I are now firm friends, and I think Lizzy has just about straightened everything out with your brother,' Well, that is one way of putting it! I don't think that Georgiana is old enough to know the full story. Come to that, neither am I. Ew, don't think about it - concentrate on Georgiana. 'Apologies have been made and accepted. All is now to be forgotten.' Well, I certainly want to forget it!

'Really?' She looked hopeful.

'Really.' I affirm.

'You must think me awfully weak.' She sniffed defiantly and turned to the piano, fingering a few notes, 'But I just don't like ill feeling.' Hmmm. What to do now? I decide on the truth.

'I don't think you are weak, just very sensitive.' No reaction. Well, I suppose that the best method of attack is defense (or is that the other way around? I always get these things wrong and everyone laughs at me).Never mind, you get the gist.

'You must think me a insensitive hoyden.' It is now my turn to make my eyes and countenance downcast.

'Oh no', she denied, searching for the right words, 'you are just ... spirited.'

I grinned at her. There are worse faults after all. Georgiana blushed (I think she thought I would be offended), and then tentatively smiled.

'Lizzy says I am to go to London with you.' I watch her carefully to see her reaction. I am not disappointed.

'Really?' Her face lit up like a candle. It gave me a nice warm fuzzy feeling inside to know that she was happy that I, Kitty, was going. I didn't let my delight show. I had a devious plan you see.

'Hmmm, although I must confess that I am really very nervous.' I wasn't lying, but played it up a bit shall we say. Making my expression very anxious, and knotting my skirts with my fingers. I think if I never marry I may disgrace the family and take to the stage. It would be better than being a maiden aunt to all my prospective bouncing baby nieces and nephews anyway! (The way that Lizzy and Mr. Darcy are carrying on I doubt it shall be a long wait till that happy event!)

Georgiana seemed to welcome my confidences, but was still a little hesitant.

'I am sure that you shall charm London, Miss Bennet.' A trite phrase trotted out on cue. I am disappointed in her, originality costs nothing after all.

'Kitty.' I succeed at nothing if I can't even get her to call me by my given name. She smiled.

'Kitty.' Well, at least we have agreed on something! This is all uphill work so far, I can tell you!

'I understand that you have been in London before?'

'Oh yes, my brother and I always spend part of the year in London, although I am not quite out yet. That has been arranged for this season - Lizzy and I are to be presented.' She looked quite scared by this thought. Curtseying to an old lady? Easy, even if she is the Queen. I would think that the difficult part would be breathing in those antiquated dresses they make you wear, or possibly not laughing all of the powder and rouge on the Queen's face. In all fairness it probably isn't a laughing moment. Meanwhile, that was probably the largest body of speech I have heard from Georgiana in one go.

'I've been out for years,' Lydia had been in a rush you see, so she had nagged Mama, Mama had nagged Papa and thus Lydia and I had been let loose on society at a very young age. Oh well, it could have been worse - at least we didn't have to wait till our older sister's were married. No offense to Mary, but I think that I wouldn't have had much of a choice about being an old maid. Lydia would have eloped anyway, so no change there. But I digress. 'But I have never entered the society of the Ton, and I am very worried about making a dreadful blunder of not being thought accomplished enough.'

'Oh, Kitty! I am sure that all will be well - you are so playful, and my brother shall look after you.' Of this I have no doubt, whatever his faults, Mr. Darcy would never allow Lizzy to be hurt, even if that saddles him with me. But back to the plan.

'Well, Lizzy has this plan for improvement for me.' Georgiana made a little sound of denial, but I know my own faults and so am just pleased at her polite loyalty. 'I need your help too. When we go to London I wish to be able to play, waltz and have the manner of any other debutante. But I can't do it on my own. Please Georgiana, will you help me to become a proper lady so that your brother needn't look after me?' I ended in somewhat of a rush of words. Despite my plan, I really do need her support in this, and am quite nervous that we should become friends.

'Oh, Kitty! I should love to!' The beautiful shy girl gave me a big smile, and I gave her an even bigger hug.

Georgiana and I stayed in the music room till lunch was called. I found out that, although quiet by nature, she is not quite as introverted as I had at first thought (I wonder what happened to cause it?) Anyway, as you may have noticed I am not exactly a tactful person most (if any) of the time. With Georgiana this actually worked out quite well, it meant that it was very difficult for her to be shy with me, and we laughed together at my antics.

Soon we talked together as old friends. She told me something of her childhood and old companion, Mrs. Annesley. In return I told her of Meryton and Longbourn, various scrapes I had got into, as well as what I knew of Lizzy and Mr. Darcy's initial courtship. Georgiana attempted to defend her brother, but I deliberately made him into such a comic figure that she was soon laughing at his dastardly actions. But she just wouldn't believe that Mr. Darcy had once described Lizzy as being just 'tolerable'. 'No', she kept saying, and then she told me of how, even very early into his stay at Netherfield, his letters had been full of her name. She even told me that she had fully expected the wedding bells to be a year earlier! I don't know about that, from what I just overheard in the hall, I don't think that Lizzy was very keen. Funnily enough, I didn't share this view with Georgiana. Surprised? What do you think I am?

There was then a brief lull in our hilarity.

Georgiana had been sitting quietly for a few moments, before shooting me a glance and saying:

'Kitty...'

'Hmmmm'

'You didn't notice a certain similarity between yourself and Lizzy?'

I was surprised, and not a little pleased by this, so I preened myself (previously I had only been compared to Lydia, an image not exactly putting me in the best of lights) To be compared to Lizzy ... a definite improvement.

'In what way?' Georgiana smiled, in what I innocently assumed to be pleasure. I soon learnt that I had seriously underestimated my quiet friend.

'Well, William called Lizzy 'tolerable' and now they are happily married...'

'Yessss?' I had started to get suspicious, but had yet to realise the full extent of her twisted imaginings.

'Now Lord Thornfield has called you something similar, don't you think...'

'NO!' I shot bolt upright. Eyes wide. Poleaxed.

'Kitty!' Georgiana was somewhat shocked. She was not the only one.

'No, just no. There is no comparison, none at all. No. Mr. Darcy called Lizzy 'tolerable, Lord Thorny-Heels called me vulgar and, and ...'

'But he's not really like that!' Georgiana explained earnestly. 'He is really good and kind - I've known him for years. I can't imagine why he said those terrible things.'

'Cousin Richard thought that he probably had a rather bad headache.' I smiled at the thought, rather maliciously I admit. I hope it felt as if he had a brass band in his head, or better yet, our choir from home.

'He has had rather a bad time of it, Kitty.' I remained unmoved. She then added, with the air of someone with a coup de grace - 'He was in the army you know.'

'Georgiana, please don't ... the army?' I caught onto the important fact in the statement.

'Yes, I think he had an argument with his father and joined after Corunna. He and Cousin Richard were already friends from when they were young and visiting William. Lord Thornfield returned home after Talavera, and Cousin Richard only stayed a while longer - till he had his position in Horse Guards.'

'Really?' I couldn't believe it. I tried to picture Lord Thornfield in an army uniform before I remembered that I didn't like the dratted man.

'Yes.' Georgiana was looking very pleased with herself. 'I didn't get told the full story - I was too young. But if society is to be believe then there was a lady involved.' She looks at me. I will not ask. I am NOT interested. The silence stretched. I give up, all right I want to know more.

'Well?'

' It would seem that he had an argument with his father about marriage, that Lord Thornfield joined the army and that she then married someone else.'

'How very gothic.' I tried to appear bored, but was interested despite myself. Georgiana looked like the cat who had got the cream. This had to stop.

'Stop matchmaking, Georgiana.' I tried to sound stern, but I can never quite managed it - I get a sound somewhere between a laugh and a whine. Not flattering, or intimidating. She just looks superior now. As she is a Darcy she is naturally very good at it.

'It won't do you any good.' Still that superior look. I'm beginning to get annoyed (and vaguely upset) now. 'I'm not getting married anyway.'

Georgiana looked surprised, well is she wasn't a lady I would say that she looked gob smacked.

'Really, not ever?' Now it was her turn to be disbelieving and mine to be superior.

'No, just not now.'

'I... I don't want to be married yet either.' Georgiana had reverted to the quiet, reticent girl of before. Hmmm. That won't do at all.

'Really?' I pretend frank amazement - I let my mouth fall open and make my eyes as wide as possible, lifting my hand to my face in a gesture of disbelief. She just looked. It was very speaking - along the lines of 'one is not amused.' I drop the act.

'Good, so we are agreed and shall protect each other against the any matchmaking schemes.'

She nodded.

'But, Kitty, you will forgive Lord Thornfield, won't you?' How did Lord Thorny - Heels get into this conversation again? But she looked worried.

'I tell you what - we shall make a bargain,' I offered, 'if you promise not to mention the hateful man again' (I receive a look of reproof) 'then I shall agree to forgive him.' Loathing someone is very time consuming, and often a waste of effort as, if you ignore them, they may well not notice. Besides, I must admit that when my enthusiasm catches up with me (as it often does) then I tend to forget my dislike until a latter point when I then kick myself (or any handy furniture).

'Agreed.' Georgiana accepted very quickly - is she worried that I might change my mind? Well, I shall not. But please remember that forgiving is not forgetting.

Chapter Ten

Lizzy and Mr. Darcy were late in arriving for lunch. When they finally entered the dining small dining room (according to Georgiana there is another grander one for important occasions) they did so hurriedly. They appeared to be rather flushed. Being rather innocent minded I assumed that they had returned outside and that it was a result of the cold air. I feel that I must note that Cousin Richard is not so innocent - indeed, the look he gave Mr. Darcy was positively wicked!

This caused something awful to happen - Lizzy actually blushed!

It would appear that the only sister I ever credited as having any common sense has lost it. I mean, for Jane to have her brain addled by love is not so surprising, Jane is an angel yet no one has ever accused her of being a blue stocking. But Lizzy? Ah, I am disgusted by the whole lot of them. You would think that they would have the decency not to parade their obvious ... shall we say 'ongoing romance' in front of everyone, wouldn't you? I swear, the day I blush due to a man's glance is the day that Mama shall heralded as the darling of the Ton as the new leading feminist writer. And that is not very likely, I can tell you!

Oh, there may be a glimmer of hope on the horizon - at my innocent look of inquiry, Lizzy returned a poker face but could not hide the gleam of triumph in her eye. Very promising, much better. Almost restores my shattered faith in mankind.

Luncheon was a very pleasant, and to my mind it was over too quickly. It was surprising how enjoyable that meal was - to be able to freely voice one's opinions and to listen to others converse knowledgeably is, for a Bennet, rather unusual. That domestic bliss once again reigns in the Darcy household is immediately apparent. I concede that it is perhaps not so very bad after all.

At the meals end Lizzy declared her intention of visiting one of the tenants, and wouldn't Georgiana like to accompany her? Lizzy stated that I would be too tired to go due to my long journey (the first clue that she was up to something). She then asked Cousin Richard, with a significant look (hint number two) if he would not like to join them. Cousin Richard, obviously not a slow-top, replied that he was entirely at her disposal.

Lizzy gave Mr. Darcy another of her significant looks (hint three), and bade me to be good (why break the habits of a lifetime?), before sweeping her entourage out of the room.

Her plan was now obvious. Mr. Darcy and I surveyed each other over the table, eyeing each other up. Hmmm, what to talk about I wonder? Mr. Darcy is not so afflicted with doubt.

'I am afraid, Catherine, that it would appear that your sister is rather lacking in subtlety.'

'I wouldn't tell her that if I were you.' I smiled, imagining her possible retaliation. Then I realised that the retaliation one gives a younger sister is not likely to be the same as that one gives to a husband. Stop! Do not think about it, change the topic - quickly!! 'And please, call me Kitty.'

'I remember that you asked something similar over breakfast, names are important to you?'

'Oh Lord yes, I men they show so much, don't they? If you were a stranger, in a foul mood, or considered yourself superior to me, then it is 'Miss Bennet'. If condescending, or an acquaintance but not friends then you would call me 'Catherine'. Or if you are a friend then 'Kitty'.

'A very astute observation.' I was complemented. 'Then I presume that you wish us to be friends?'

'I think it would please Lizzy.' I prevaricated and teased him.

'You believe that to be my sole motive?' Mr. Darcy appears ready and willing to be teased. I do try not to disappoint. I pretend to think on it for a moment.

'I can perceive no other, can you?' I look expectantly at him. Mr. Darcy seemed to be highly amused (although being married to Lizzy you would rather expect him to be used to a good roasting). He also made a pretense of mulling over my question, before replying gravely:

'No, I believe I cannot.'

I laughed, well pleased at being bested.

'Your point I believe, Mr. Darcy.'

'Thank you. Georgiana calls me Fitzwilliam. As we are now friends (although we are in agreement that this is only to please your sister of course) I think it best if you were to do the same.'

'Fitzwilliam?' I repeated, wide-eyed, dropping the knife I had been toying with. I mean I knew that that was his name - I had been at the wedding. I never dreamt that he actually used it!

'Yes?' There was a dangerous edge to his voice. To laugh at the given name of one's brother is most impolite, yet it was only by the strictest self-control that prevented me from going into hysterics. I felt rather as I was bursting at the seams.

Mr. Darcy watched, and was silent until he judged that I was composed again.

'I trust you are not ill, Kitty?' His look of concern almost tipped me over the brink, I closed my eyes, bit my lip and thought of not laughing.

'Yes, yes... of course...' at his lifted brows I added 'Fitzwilliam.' Despite my best efforts my voice broke on his name.

'Good.' Rising, he asked if I would not like a tour of the house. To my great surprise this was not just pleasant, but fun. We saw the gallery, and Mr. Darcy (as I continue to think of him) obviously comes from a highly distinguished line. I would make a witty comment to the effect that they look rather stuck-up, but as they are now family I shall refrain. Mr. Darcy talked of having a portrait done of Lizzy, as soon as he could persuade her to sit still long enough for one to be taken.

It was full dark when we finished and went to join the others, but all in all an afternoon well spent.

Chapter Ten, Cont.

At dinner we made a very comfortable group. It was apparent that Mr. Darcy had informed Lizzy of her success. Over dinner Cousin Richard congratulated her on her fine strategy, and further suggested that she would have made a very good general. Personally, I had thought it a rather obvious scheme. I mean, it would have fooled Mama, but then what would not? I thus chose to wonder out loud at the simplicity of modern warfare if such was the expected calibre of a general. (See, I can sound sophisticated if I want to)

Mr. Darcy defended Lizzy (what a surprise!) and pointed out that the simplest plans were often the most effective.

Simple? Surely he means provincial?

I am then made to se that I am to get no mileage out of this morning's events as, meeting my eyes squarely and with not a little irony, he replied:

'Perhaps I should have said 'brash'?'

I can't help but smiling, and give a half bow to acknowledge his hit, just managing to miss dipping my hair into my soup. Hmmm, I'm going to need to be needle-witted to succeed in getting one up on my new brother. This does not dismay me, I've always rather liked a challenge and well, if at first you don't succeed...

At tea Georgiana questioned Lizzy about my desire not to marry. This made me the centre of attention and I hurriedly pointed out that this was only temporary as I am too young, but the damage had already been done. Anyway, I doubt Cousin Richard heard, he was spluttering rather loudly. I see that Georgiana is very trusting, and so what followed was not her fault; not entirely; not this time. But suffice it to say that I now have a full comprehension of how totally annoying brothers can be. For above half an hour I was plagued by Cousin Richard and Mr. Darcy, who believed that I 'protested too much'. Lizzy, was not to be left out, joined in - sharpening her wit with a couple of well aimed shots about red coats. What? This is rather the pot calling the kettle black. We are all young once, and please - as if she never made mistakes? I remember when she had a partiality to a certain Mr. Wickham. Of course, even I realise that it would be beyond the pale to mention it, especially as she is so happily married, and besides I at least accept that people are not perfect. But I can think it. Although this makes me feel slightly superior, it does not nothing to silence my oppressors.

I was forced to seek refuge, and so evicted Georgiana from the piano.

My paltry playing obviously reminds Lizzy of my need for improvement. She halts me effectively by closing the piano, and narrowly missing my fingers. I look daggers at her, which she ignores, but that could have hurt! Lizzy turns to address the room at large.

'I fear that in all too short a time, Ladies and Gentlemen, we shall be forced to leave the refuge of Pemberley and embark on the terrors of the London season.'

Lizzy's playful tone and manner captivates. I glance from her to see that all eyes are centred on her, and that they are all smiling, probably without realising it. When she is like this it is almost magical.

'Too this end, in order to be thought 'truly accomplished',' a significant look at Mr. Darcy ( private joke?), 'my sister requires instruction on how to be thought a lady and endure the simpering of the banal, stupid and self-absorbed.'

What?

'Like Mr. Collins?' Aghast, I stare at her, This is no longer amusing. Sadly, I seem to be the only one capable of understanding the full horror of this - everyone else is still smiling, and I would swear they are getting wider (the smiles not the people - silly!).

'Yes, Kitty, like Mr. Collins.'

'Lord no!!' Ahhhhh! 'Can't I just run away?' I plead, she can't be serious! Endure Mr. Collins? My, it sends a shiver down my spine, ew! I had rather be thought a hoyden thank you very much. That word again, oh that man, why won't he just get out of my thoughts?

'We shall begin now, Kitty - 'Lord' is not a ladylike expression. Use goodness instead.' She looks stern, but breaks into a smile to tell me, 'and no, you may not run away, however tempting.'

I look at her doubtfully.

'It is not very genteel, Kitty.' Georgiana, appealing and adding her voice to Lizzy's.

'Well little sister, do you wish to repent and reform?' Lizzy asks archly. I stare mulishly at her. I mean it is fine for her laugh, she doesn't have to do anything, she isn't thought to be ill-mannered. But it is very difficult to be offended by Lizzy, and she does only want what is best.

'Goodness, I should think so.' Lizzy ignores my sarcasm.

'Excellent, then each day we shall seek to polish you a little more.'

'You make me sound like a piece of family silver.' I grumble, actually, a wee bit deep inside is quite pleased that I am getting so much attention. It is nice to be noticed sometimes, and at home it is quite difficult.

'Ah, but the prize piece, Miss Catherine.'

'Why, Cousin Richard, so gallant?' I am still being sarcastic, perhaps I am tired - mood always deteriorates when I am fatigued, Papa calls it 'prickly' . Despite my bad mood, I can't help but be amused by Cousin Richard's answer:

'I am an officer in his Britannic Majesty's army ma'am, gallantry and chivalry is in the job description.'

'Really?' I wondered, 'you would never be able to tell!'

'Temper, Kitty. Don't get catty!' They all laughed at Cousin Richard's joke. Yes, ha ha, I have a name that is similar to what you might call a cat. Very funny, and so very original, however did he manage it?

Hmmm. Time to go to bed I think, before I really do offend someone.

An eventful day, but not one I would have back to do again. Except maybe a better retort to Lord Thorny - Heels. I begin to make up replies in my head, and imagine his expression on hearing them. Impressed by my own wit, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Chapter 11, Part One

I shall not tire all concerned by reciting in minute detail the occurrences of the following weeks. We shall say that I grew up and did indeed acquire polish. Or rather, I learned how to have a facade of polish when necessary (like for when I have the great misfortune to see Mr. Collins, ew). I, and those around me, were much happier when I was just being myself.

Hmm, thinking it over, I realise that more has happened than I had thought. Now, how to do this? I know - I'll take each person at a time. We have started with me and so we shall continue. I have already dealt with my inner changes - slight though that might be, in other matters I am supremely unqualified to comment. But my appearance is also much improved. Lizzy advocates long walks, and although I could escape them at Longbourn, at Pemberley I was rather trapped. No -where to run. Even going in to the library and saying that I was studying had no effect. On reflection it was perhaps a little too much - me? Library? Studying? Pretty see-through plan, not that it matters because it failed anyway. Point? Oh yes, form these forced marches I got a healthy 'bloom' as mother would say. In other words, I was no longer quite so interestingly pale. Mr. Darcy had also assigned a maid to look after me (how generous he is. Although, I must say that he does things in such a matter of fact way that one almost takes it for granted: I needed a maid so I got my own maid. Sorted. Matter closed. I did not need Lizzy to prompt me to thank him. Which I did. Effusively. I have now been told that I am to get no more such luxuries for Mr. Darcy cannot withstand my expressions of joy. I think that he was joking.)

Where was I - maid? Ah, so I now have my hair done properly (and in a new and most becoming style, even if I do say so myself. Which incidentally do.) Mr. Darcy also insisted that I have dresses made for town at the same time as Georgiana and Lizzy. I was to consider this as a belated Christmas present and not to bother thanking him. Needless to say that I ignored this request, much to the delight and amusement of Georgiana, Cousin Richard and Lizzy, and the discomfort of Mr. Darcy. Poor man. So I now present a complete image of the delicate ingenue. Very impressive, but for formal occasions only. Please don't think that I have changed overly much, unless of course it is for the better.

Now - Mr. Darcy. Before coming to Pemberley I would not have questioned Mr. Bingley as being my favourite brother in law. Now... Perhaps I am more like Lizzy after all, and I must admit that Mr. Darcy has more... substance. And no, I do not mean that his pockets are better lined. I have faults enough thank you, but I am not mercenary. No - Mr. Darcy has more depth. We are often together at the breakfast table before Lizzy comes in or the others are awake. I find that while I was once so in awe of him as for him to be almost a monster in my mind, that I can now tease, talk... and yes, I think I would even confide in Lizzy's husband. He is the dependable sort. In all other particulars he is the same. Still head over heels in love with Lizzy, but then again that didn't really need saying, did it? Anything else exciting? Oh yes, something about the pool (well, pond really), up overlooking the house. Something that made Lizzy smile and Mr. Darcy blush. Hmmm, very interesting but I'm not entirely sure that I want to know.

Georgiana and I are now firm friends, and I defy any to separate us! Well, not quite that, but it did sound very dramatic! Back to the facts, under her tutelage my playing has improved out of all proportion. We have even memorised a duet ( memorisation is obligatory as I cannot sight read) which displays each of us to an advantage. It is my secret weapon. This is not to say, however, that we spent our days at the piano, we walked, talked, laughed. I taught her how to trim a bonnet (she had previously just got new ones - what a waste, although all very well if you can afford to I suppose), to embroider - my only accomplishment at which I exceed, (although I also like to think that I am 'needle-witted'. Georgiana didn't get it. A blank stare. What a waste.) and also how to get into scrapes, an incident involving minced-pies, a copy of Homer's Oddessy, Mr. Darcy's new waistcoat and us pretending to be savage Indians. It is not to be mentioned again, although in all fairness I feel that I must note that it did go against Georgiana's finer feelings.

Georgie was delighted by the embroidered pin cushion that I presented her with ( I had begun it at Longbourn). She smiles at me each time that she uses it. Her innocent joy at such small things makes me feel very protective, so when Lizzy and William entertain, or we visit, I am careful to help display her to advantage and bully her into talking. I think that she talks more, and laughs more often (although frequently at me) than I remember her doing before. Sometimes, at night, we sneak into each other's bedrooms (I would like to point out here that Georgie has very cold feet). I tell ghost stories, or childhood escapades, or trivial nothings. In return. Georgie tells me stories from history (Georgie is very clever, she has realised that I like history if it is told as a story, she even has me studying to find out more, and I must say that the antics of Henry the eighth were really very scandalous! Imagine though, six wives to get a son and then the son doesn't reach manhood. It really is quite ironic that the Church of England is based on such a man. I wonder what our reverend would say if I were to point that out? Probably best not to though, he has rather a bad heart. But still. I can imagine...Oh dear, maybe I'm not such a nice person after all) We also shared girly confidences, Georgie even told me that when she was younger she held a fancy for Lord Thornfield of all people!

'He was so gentle and kind. I used to go red every time he would come into the room, but he pretended not to notice, and never treated me any differently because of it.' Her eyes then drifted off into a dreamy kind of a look. Sickening. Despite myself though, I was intrigued, and didn't stop her when she told me more, although I rather suspect hr motives - I think she is trying to soften my attitude towards him All I can say to that is: Ha!

'He had such a hard time at home, his father I believe was very strict, but Thorn always did his best to please him. I can't imagine how terrible it must have been when his father barely acknowledged him.' Georgie leaned forward and hugged her knees, I leaned back and waited the next part of this interesting little drama, 'He used to look exhausted when he first arrived at Pemberley, it took a few days before he was...human again.' Very dramatic Georgie, been reading too many romances? 'Then before he left he would retreat back into his stiff reserve.' She then leaned back, her confidences apparently at an end.

Georgie was then silent for a long time. I had thought that she was thinking. It took me some time, well until she started snoring actually (in a most ladylike manner of course), till I realised that she was asleep. It took me longer to go to sleep, despite my skepticism, she had given me quite a bit to think of. When one's friends think well of someone, it forces you to reappraise your dislike. Perhaps, just perhaps, there was an explanation for his actions that day?

I do not mean to give the impression that Lord Thornfield was the sole topic of conversation or that I thought of him constantly, although I am forced to admit that the dratted man was in my head more often I liked. Personally I blame this on Georgiana and Cousin Richard, they kept on bringing his name and finer qualities into conversation whenever possible. Subtlety really isn't their strong point.

Anyway, back to Georgie and I: I do not force her confidences, nor she mine. She entered into my 'education' enthusiastically, and demonstrated a talent at defusing my frustrations, and was a constant model of grace and manners. She and I are, if not quite sisters, at least well on the way to becoming so.

Cousin Richard next. He did not stay with us the entire time, being recalled to Horse Guards by an urgent messenger. In the first few weeks of my stay he helped me brush up on my riding skills whilst shattering some of my most treasured illusions by telling me of the army. Whilst saving me from the worst, and never mentioning names, I gathered that being an officer was not automatically a sign of desirability. Richard explained that many were drunks, disgraced or gamblers - Wellesley described them as 'the scum of the Earth' (Cousin Richard begged my pardon for the phrase, as if I had not heard worse!). He also touched on the brutality of war.

On one of our rides I asked him why he had joined,

'The uniform.'

'Richard.' I pulled my horse to a stop and glared at him.

'Because it is expected of a younger son? Because I sought adventure? It was not all bad, Kitty. There are decent officers amongst the dross. I made many good friends in the army, none more so than Thorn.'

See what I mean about them bringing him into the conversation all the time? Yet my dratted curiosity was aroused, and I couldn't help but investigate.

'Lord Thornfield, in the army?' I pretended innocence. I turn to see Richard with a grin that would in all probability split his face into two.

'Interested Kitty?'

'Oh!!!' Infuriated, I turn my hose and start for the stables.

'Kitty! Wait! I am sorry, but I have never seen Thorn react to anyone as he did to you.'

'That is to be hoped for.' I am not placated.

'No - normally he and Darcy each present this impassive face to the world, but with you he Thorn's just...disintegrated.'

'I am all gratification.' This was to be the last of the conversation as I reached the stables. Finally - I get the last word in, it really is very satisfying.

Cousin Richard was called away soon after, returning but a week ago. He was suitably amazed at my transformation, and has been flirting outrageously all week. Only a fool would believe him to be serious - I know that he regards me in a similar light as Georgie, but it is rather flattering, and I am not displeased. For the first time in my life I have a male friend who is not in love with one of my sisters. I rather like it.

So that is the Colonel.

Right, Lizzy next. Actually this also involves Lydia. To explain - letters are brought in each day and are left in the breakfast room to be claimed. I was first, and realised that both Lizzy and I had the joy of being a recipient of a letter from Lydia (only she could possibly write so scrappily). I read mine in my room after breakfast. Apparently she was having a wonderful time having just got a new balldress. Wickham, however, was seemingly in a 'spot of bother'. They were moving to London, to a friend's house. I wasn't to write - she wasn't sure of the address, but wouldn't it be a lark if we were to meet? No. A bit blunt perhaps, but my days of being Lydia's bosum beau and general patsy are over. I must admit that I could conceive noting but horror at the thought of seeing her in London. It was to be my new start, and the last year has changed each of us - I like to think that I have changed for the better, but Lydia?

I then remembered Lizzy's letter. I ran down and entered her study without knocking. I found her folding notes into a letter.

'You should knock, Kitty.' Lizzy reprimanded, not looking up again, but instead finishing the address on the letter.

'Is that for Lydia?' I wasn't in the mood to be subtle.

'Yes.' Now she watched me 'What would you have me do, Kitty? Ignore her?'

'She'll just waste it' I waved the letter I still held in her general direction as I paced wildly around the room. 'All she talks of is balls and dresses and officers.'

'She is my sister.' Seeing me remain unmoved, Lizzy continued, ' It doesn't hurt me to save some money out of my more than generous allowance.'

I ran out of steam and collapsed on a chair. I leaned back and contemplated the ceiling.

'She is a fool, a stupid fool.'

'Yes, she is.' Amusement? What can be so funny? I give her a look, she returns it with raised eyebrows.

'Please! I was never that bad.'

'Perhaps.' She mocked, and then was serious. 'Kitty - nothing is to be said to Mr. Darcy of this,' she gestured at the letter.

'Do you think that you should be keeping secrets?' I asked doubtfully. Lizzy smiled gently.

'Oh, I think he knows, it is an understanding we have.' That secretive look again, the one that really annoys me. I roll my eyes. Married people!

I don't say that I shall ever be as close to Lizzy as Jane, or as I had thought I was with Lydia, but I think that we now understand on another.

Other news - Papa visited a few weeks ago. He spent most of his time with Mr. Darcy in the study, or with Lizzy. But, as he left, he kissed me on the cheek and told me that I started to show signs of sense, but that I was still a very sully girl. I remember beaming with pleasure. He also brought news -Jane is pregnant already (although who could be surprised - the way that she and Mr. Bingley were carrying on!), but is suffering bad morning sickness and the doctor has advised that she not attend this season at all. Naturally we are all delighted. Consequently I have started knitting a shawl.

I think that is about it. If I remember anything else of importance I shall of course impart it.

Continued In Next Section