Lofty Dreams. Ch. 16-17

Chapter 16

My parents handled the news of my fight surprisingly well. Daddy seemed more sad than angry. "First Janelle, and now you. I thought I raised you better."

I felt awful. "You did raise us well, Daddy. I think me and Janelle have both learned our lessons."

Dee, of course, gave me a hard time. "I'm supposed to be the boy-crazy one, and I've never even been in a fight over a boy," she smirked.

Janelle pressed me for details, which I refused to give. I felt really bad about that—I had always told her everything—but I didn't want to talk about it.

The next day at school, my coach was upset that I'd be out of commission for a few days, but thrilled with the fact that I'd practiced for at least two hours a day while I was gone. He probably would have been even happier had I told him I'd practiced with Will Darcy, but I didn't want him to know.

On Monday evening, I finished my homework and was about to give up the computer to Janelle. I decided to check my email first. The newest message was from William Darcy, with "PLEASE DON'T DELETE!" written in the subject line. I opened it and read:

Liz,

I'm not writing to ask you what I asked you yesterday. You made it pretty clear what you think about that.

You said some things yesterday that, if they were true, it would make sense why you think I'm a horrible person. I want you to understand what the truth is from my perspective.

The first thing you said was that I made Chuck break up with Janelle. Chuck is more than just a cousin to me; he's like my brother. He really loved Janelle, and thought things were going well between them. Suddenly, she stopped calling him, stopped taking his calls, and started avoiding him on campus. When he did see her, she acted like nothing was wrong, and told him she was just busy. That made him keep hoping, even though she was breaking his heart.

In my experience, when a girl starts acting like that, it's because she's found someone else. I tried telling him that, and he didn't want to hear it. But I kept telling him until he believed it, because I wasn't going to stand by and watch someone treat Chuck like that. You said it was none of my business. When it involves Chuck, it is. You said Janelle was really hurt. Well, it was killing Chuck. I don't apologize for stepping in.

I grimaced as I read the last paragraph. Oh, Janelle! I thought. I had toldher she needed to be upfront with Chuck. It sounded like she never was. I read on.

The second thing you said was that I ruined George's life. There's so much more to that story that you don't know about. I've never talked about this with anyone but my family and people who are close to us, but I want you to understand what really happened.

My parents took George in as a foster child when I was 13 years old. He'd been through a lot of abuse and had already been in a lot of trouble by the time he moved in with us. For a long time, he seemed to do really well. I think that's because he'd always wanted a father, and was so close to my dad that he didn't want to let him down.

I was almost 16 when my father died in a car accident. It shattered my family. All three of us—George, my sister Jenny, and I—started acting out and not doing well in school. My mother was doing her best to hold us all together. We were going to grief counseling, and I think it was helping Jenny and me, but it just made George madder and madder. I think for him, he felt like he'd already lost so much in his life, and now when he finally had something good, that was snatched away, too.

George started skipping school and getting high on a regular basis. What he told you about my mother finding pot in the house was true. But it was his, not mine. And even then, my mom didn't kick him out because of it. She wanted to help him. She tried to get him into drug counseling, but he wouldn't go. She talked to his teachers and counselors at school, his social worker, everybody, to try to figure out how to help George.

One day, my mom came home from work early because she wasn't feeling well. She walked in on George and Jenny getting high and having sex. It was at that point that my mother said he had to go. She wanted to help him, but not at the expense of her own child. As my mom talked more to Jenny about it, it came out that she and George had been messing around for months. Jenny was only fourteen.

My godfather told my mother that she could press sexual assault charges against George, but it would be hard to prove, because they were both teenagers and Jenny said it was consensual. Plus, my mother didn't want to put Jenny through that. Since that time, I've seen Jenny go through huge ups and downs as she deals with what happened to her. She's sixteen now, she sometimes gets really depressed and she's still in counseling. That makes it very hard for me to ever forgive George for what he did.

As far as George's education, my father had set up a trust that legally belonged to him when he turned eighteen. My mother couldn't rescind it, even if she had wanted to. He came to see us after his birthday, and my mother told him what to do to gain access to it. I think there was about $20,000 in the trust, more than enough for him to go to culinary arts school. Since he didn't use the money for that, who knows what he did with it.

I'm glad you're still in the program.

Will

When I finished reading the email, I felt sick inside. I shut down the Internet and rushed to my room. I threw myself on my bed and banged on it with my hand. How could I have believed Geo? How could I have let a guy like that into my home, and gone out with him, and even let him touch me?

The next emotion I felt was even stronger. I felt so much compassion for Will, his mother and sister. I thought of Will's words to Abner—"You don't know what I've been through"—and I realized it was true. For all his family's money and my own family's lack of it, we had never been through what the Darcys had been through.

Janelle walked into the bedroom and shut the door. "Do you want to talk, sweetie?" she asked me.

I sat up and nodded. "I just got an email from Will," I said.

"Will? Chuck's cousin Will?"

I nodded. "He's the one I got into a fight about at the retreat. He kissed me yesterday."

"He kissed you! Liz, there's a lot you haven't been telling me!"

So I started from the beginning, leaving out only the part about Will convincing Chuck to break up with her. I was in enough pain; it didn't seem fair to bring that up and cause some hurt for Janelle, too. Bless her, she didn't say, 'I told you so,' about Geo. She told me she felt sorry for him as well as the Darcys. "It doesn't excuse what he did, but he's been through a lot, too."

"The thing I really feel bad about," I said, "is that I still believed the things Geo told me, even after I knew he was a liar."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders.

"Maybe you were looking for a reason not to like Will."

My head snapped toward my sister. "I don't like him, Janelle!"

She grinned at me. "You sure about that?"

My cheeks started burning. I covered my face with my hands and tried to force myself not to smile. "OK, OK, I liked kissing him! But I'm not some silly boy-crazy girl like Dee who falls for a guy just because he's cute!"

"You fell for Geo."

She had me there. "All the more reason not to make the same mistake twice."

"Will's not Geo," Janelle said softly. "And whenever you do fall in love, I hope you think the guy is cute and you like kissing him."

I was silent, full of conflicting emotions and not sure what to say. Janelle seemed to sense this and gave me a hug. "Liz, it's okay to not be sure what you're feeling about Will. Maybe you just need some time to figure it out."

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Chapter 17

"I think that's a great idea," Sheila said. "Where do you plan to do it?"

It was Saturday morning, and Anna and I were checking in with her on a three-way phone call.

"I talked to a woman from the East Meryton Youth Center," I answered. "She said it's a big issue for them and she'd love to have us come. We just have to work out when Anna and I can do it, since there's so much end-of-year stuff going on."

"Well, let me know, because I definitely want to be there."

"Sheila, you have to be there!" Anna said. "If we're going to act this out, we need you to play your part."

"I'm part of it also? I can do that," Sheila said, laughing. "I think this will go over really well, so my hat's off to you both. By the way, I really appreciated the email you sent everyone, too."

"That was Liz's idea," Anna said.

"Yeah, but Anna came up with the idea of the presentation," I added.

Sheila laughed again. "Are you trying to outdo each other saying good stuff now? Seriously, no matter who came up with what, it shows a lot of maturity on both your parts."

The email she was referring to had gone out on Wednesday. What neither of them knew was how Will's email to me had prompted the idea. I went to bed on Monday night wondering whether and how I should reply to Will. On Tuesday morning, I decided against it. With a clearer head, I realized that the mixed-up feelings I had described to Janelle were nothing more than physical attraction coupled with feeling sorry for him.

Even though I had been completely wrong about Geo, and I could understand although not agree with his interference with Chuck and Janelle, Will was still one of the most conceited guys I knew. And as much as I hated to admit it, the things he'd said about me personally had really hurt. No, at this point, I just wanted to get Will Darcy out of my life altogether.

I did, however, feel that I owed him some acknowledgment for standing up for us so that we could remain in the LOFTY Dreams program. I didn't know how to let him know without encouraging any more communication between us. Then I remembered that the decision for us to stay hadn't been his alone—everyone had arrived at it together. I called Anna and we decided to write a joint email to everyone in the program, in which we apologized for our behavior and thanked them for giving us a second chance.

The next few weeks were crazy. I sent in my acceptance reply to McCaffrey, and at our May LOFTY meeting, we discussed the possibilities and expectations for our summer internships, and signed up for interviews. Will said hello to me that evening, but thankfully, he didn't try to have a conversation.

In addition, I had finals and my AP English exam and had a blast at the prom, which I attended with Tony, a friend since kindergarten. The best part of the month of May was the Meryton City Finals in track and field. Longbourn High came in second place overall—the best we'd done in my four years there. I came in third in the 200 meter dash with my personal best time, and we won the 4 by 200 relay, with me as anchor. The coach gave us a pizza party to celebrate.

Early June had three big events. On Tuesday, Anna and I would do our presentation, and Friday night was my high school graduation. As valedictorian, I had to give a speech on Friday, and I was much less nervous about that than about the Tuesday presentation. On Sunday afternoon, there would be an end-of-year celebration picnic at a state park for all the students in the LOFTY program from the past three years and their families.

I met Anna at a quarter to four on Tuesday afternoon outside the East Meryton Youth Center.

"Are you ready?" I asked her.

"I think so, but I'm nervous," she answered.

"Me too, but I keep thinking that if what we do makes a difference, it's worth it. I just hope Sheila gets here soon."

"I invited Heather to come," Anna said. "She said she would try to make it."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Anna and I were now friends, but Heather remained the one girl from the program that I wasn't sure I really liked or trusted.

Sheila arrived a minute later with a confident smile that helped set us both at ease. We entered the building and asked for Lanisha Cooper, a youth worker who ran programs for girls ages ten to fourteen.

Lanisha was an energetic, athletic-looking woman in her early twenties. "I am so glad you're here. We've had two fights in the last week, and they really need to hear what you have to say. I have about twenty girls who I brought together for this."

She led us to a large room on the second floor, where girls were laughing and talking while sitting on a motley arrangement of chairs and one old sofa. "Listen up, everybody," Lanisha said in a commanding voice.

When the room was quieter, she introduced Anna, Sheila and me and told them we had a presentation to make. That was my cue. I stepped outside the door, then opened it and entered again.

Anna approached me as soon as I entered, as though she had been waiting for me. "What were you doing kissing my man?" she demanded. And from there, we re-enacted our fight from April.

When we started, some girls gasped, while others started cheering the fight on. When I was on the ground with Anna over me, I heard someone shout, "Damn, she's getting her butt whooped!" As planned, Sheila pulled Anna away. I stood up and we both yelled, "FREEZE!" and turned to face the girls.

Most of the girls seemed genuinely shocked that we hadn't really been fighting, but one girl said, "I knew it was fake."

So we wouldn't lose their attention, I stepped forward. "As Lanisha said, my name is Liz Bennet, and I'm about to graduate from Longbourn High. Yes, today this fight was fake, but almost two months ago, it wasn't."

"Y'all was fighting like that for real?" another girl asked.

"Two months ago, that's exactly what happened," said Anna. "I'm Anna Sanchez, and I just graduated two weeks ago from St. Mary's."

The girl who had declared the fight a fake, a heavy-set girl of about thirteen, said, "How you supposed to be from Longbourn and you let a girl from St. Mary's beat you like that? My sister goes to Longbourn and she woulda took her down."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Tiana," she answered.

"OK, Tiana, here's what happened. I had just started my period—"

"Oh, so you was on the rag, huh?" Tiana said, and everybody laughed.

"Yeah, I was, and you know how you feel when that's the case." I saw a lot of girls nod their heads.

"Then on top of that, I had been running that morning and I fell and twisted my ankle. So I was in no kind of condition to fight anybody."

Anna jumped in and pointed to me. "Look at her. Liz is taller than me and stronger than me. I was lucky I caught her on a bad day. I can guarantee you that it that weren't the case, I would have been the one getting my butt whooped."

"But that's neither here nor there," I said. "What we really want to talk to you about is why we were fighting, and what almost happened to us because of it."

Anna and I talked about almost losing our scholarships, and what that would have meant for our futures. We asked them about consequences they or people they knew have experienced from fighting, and heard things such as getting suspended or expelled from school, and having fights escalate to involve other friends or family members, or turn more violent with knives or guns.

"That's a big issue," Anna said. "A lot of times we don't think about the consequences in advance. We just think that we're mad and we want to take out our anger on the other person. But afterwards, I kept thinking about how I almost messed up my whole life because of this."

"I didn't think either," I added. "I just went off. So what can you do, when you're in that situation, to help yourself stop and think before it turns into a fight?"

A lot of the girls didn't think there was anything you could do, because, as some said, if either of us had backed down, we would have looked like punks who were open game for anybody else. Then one small girl spoke up quietly. "You didn't have to call her a %^&*."

I nodded. "That's exactly right. I didn't have to say that. By calling Anna a name like that, I took this to a whole new level. Who knows, if I hadn't said that, maybe we would have been able to talk it out."

I looked up and noticed Heather standing by the door. I didn't know when she had arrived.

Sheila then stepped in. "I have to take some blame, too. I think that as adults, part of our responsibility is to step in when we see something starting. Because you're young, you don't always think long-term, and we need to help you do that. I watched for a whole week while one boy sent mixed signals about his interest to two different girls, and I thought on a few occasions that it could turn ugly. Yet I never talked to any of them about it. That was my mistake."

"I agree," Lanisha said. "I think it's clear that most of you don't want to have to deal with the consequences of fighting, and most of you don't even want to fight. It's just that sometimes you don't feel like you have any way out. Am I right in thinking that a lot of you would appreciate the adults around stepping in before something starts?"

Several of the girls said yes, and then we started discussing the best way for adults to help us, and also how we could help one another, as friends, to avoid fighting.

Our discussion went on for about another twenty minutes, when Lanisha said we only had time for a few more questions.

Tiana raised her hand and asked, "Did either of y'all end up with that boy?"

Anna smiled and said, "No, actually, I met somebody else recently and we've been going out."

I just shook my head.

"Do you have another boyfriend?" Tiana asked me.

"No, I don't," I answered. "But that's okay. I have a lot of friends, including both girls and boys. When you feel good about who you are on the inside, you don't have to have a boyfriend to have fun or enjoy life."

"You mean you don't ever even think about him?" Tiana pressed.

"OK, Tiana, that's enough," Lanisha said. "We're definitely out of time. Why don't you all show them some love and give them some applause."

The girls clapped and cheered loudly, and Lanisha hugged Anna and me and thanked us profusely. "You have given my girls so much to think about," she said.

As we prepared to leave, Anna gave Heather a big hug and thanked her for coming. "You found it okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, and you were right, nobody bothered me," said Heather.

"I told you so!" Anna said.

"What did you think, Heather?" Sheila asked.

"It was really good," she said. "I mean, I thought about my own high school. We don't have a lot of physical fights, but people fight in other ways, on Facebook and stuff like that. In some ways, that might be worse, because it's harder for adults to realize what's going on and step in."

Sheila grinned. "Maybe you can come up with a presentation of your own on cyber-bullying."

"No! NO! I did NOT volunteer for anything!" Heather shouted. The rest of us laughed.

During the bus ride home, Tiana's final question stayed on my mind. What I had told her was true—I usually did have a good time and didn't really care that I didn't have a boyfriend. But I thought about Will a lot more often than I would have liked. As much as I wanted to forget him, there were times when memories of talking with him, running with him and laughing with him came back to me. In those moments, I saw his eyes and his smile, and I remembered his arms around me and his lips against mine, creating feelings unlike any I had ever had for anyone.

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