To an extent I agree with you about Henry and Mary. The way I look at it the line between love an infatuation isn’t always clear and people often fall somewhere in between. To me when you truly love someone their well-being and happiness is as important as you own. Mary (imo) is closer to love but she never stops to think that the career or the life she would want for Edmund would make him unhappy. Or she’s convinced he would be happy which would mean she’s not completely seeing him as he is. Henry is similar in that he keeps doing things that make Fanny unhappy.
I agree that their love not being enough to change their essential character.
I see Darcy a bit differently. The way I look at it the time of his first proposal he’s closer to infatuation. He’s thinking only of his own feelings. But, he does have enough value for her opinion that he gives serious consideration to what she said and realizes it’s not who he wants to be. IMO it’s when she turns him down and holds up a mirror for him that he recognizes her true value and comes to really love her. By the second proposal he's thinking of her feelings, he won't talk about it again if she doesn't like it.
