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Chapter 41
Darcy paused and turned around, expectantly.
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts. She had been precipitate, as usual, asking Darcy to stop without first determining what she would say to him. The words had escaped her mouth before she knew that she was going to utter them. It was a reflex, prompted by Darcy's own words. She could not, in good conscience, allow him to leave in that manner. The pain had been evident in his eyes and Elizabeth could not bear it. Even she was not that hard hearted, that unfeeling, that cold. At least she hoped she was not. Elizabeth looked fearfully at Darcy, her mind in a haze. His eyes were trained on her. He was waiting. Patiently. Silently. But still waiting. For her to speak. But what would she say? Elizabeth had no idea. She was sorely tempted to turn on her feet and run the other way. But she did not. She could not. Not like this. Not when his eyes were piercing her soul. She loved him too much.
"Mr. Darcy, I...," she began, then paused, looking briefly into his eyes. "I fear that I have been very selfish." She sighed. "I have been so concerned about my own feelings that I did not even consider yours." She paused again. This was more difficult than she had imagined. "The unfortunate incidents of the past few weeks have affected me a great deal and I must confess I have lost my ability for coherent thought." She paused again, searching for words. "What I am attempting to say is...that I do not despise or hate you." She looked into his eyes again and held his gaze for a moment. "I could never hate you."
Darcy was stunned. He could do nothing but stare in silence and wait for her next words.
Elizabeth saw his expectant look. "That is all I wanted to say, actually." She bit her lips.
Darcy could not believe his ears. "Really?"
No, thought Elizabeth. There was so much that could be said. So much that she could tell him. She could tell him that she loved him hopelessly. That not a day passed when she did not think about him. She could tell him that she was ashamed. Ashamed of having been so thoroughly duped by the man she had called her husband. She could tell him that she would never hurt him. She would make certain that she never had the opportunity to do so. There were so many things that she could say. So many words, so many emotions. But
she remained silent.
"Yes," Elizabeth said aloud.
Darcy looked at her for a moment. "Do not feel obliged to spare me from the truth, Miss Bennet." Miss Bennet. He would always address her as such. Not because he wanted to forget that she had been married, but because he wanted to forget whom she had been married to. Darcy could never bring himself to associate her name with his. "I am quite capable of coping with the truth."
"I do not doubt it," muttered Elizabeth. Does he really not believe me?
"So you need not lie to me," Darcy said.
Elizabeth looked at him. "I never lie, Mr. Darcy."
He looked at her. "I know what you think of me."
"Is that so?" Elizabeth said. "Then perhaps you care to enlighten me?"
Darcy held her gaze, then looked away. "I failed you." He paused. "You were in the worst situation of your life and I didn't help you. I watched from afar, completely useless. I did nothing of consequence. Nothing at all. You needed someone strong, someone dependable, someone who would help you. I was not that person."
Elizabeth could not believe her ears. She could not believe that he actually blamed himself for what had happened. Had he forgotten that she was the one who had refused his offer of help. He had just followed her wishes. Perhaps she had wished for a miracle that would allow Darcy to rescue her. But that had been out of the question entirely. Elizabeth looked at Darcy again. He had averted his gaze and was instead staring at the sunset. She sighed. He blamed himself. He had no reason to, but he did. She could not allow him to blame himself. She simply could not. Her conscience and her sanity dictated otherwise. There were enough reasons for her to despise herself without the added burden of Darcy's mistaken guilt. She could not live with the knowledge that Darcy blamed himself. It was simply not fair.
"You are not to blame," she said.
Her words brought him back to reality and he glanced at her. "I beg your pardon?"
"Mr. Darcy, you are not to blame," she said.
"I can handle the truth, Miss Bennet," he said.
"I know," she replied. "That is why I will not hesitate from telling you the truth." She paused. "You are not to blame, Mr. Darcy. You could not have done anything differently. I asked you to stay away and you did. For your own safety and mine. It was the only thing you could have done." She looked at him. "If you had even attempted to help me in any manner, George would have...he would have..." She looked away. "...he would have killed you in cold blood."
"Is that why you refused my help?" he asked, understanding dawning on him.
She nodded. "I could not risk anything happening to you."
"You should have told me," Darcy reproached.
"And what would have been the purpose of that?" she asked.
"I would have known my enemy better," said Darcy. "And perhaps would have been able to help you."
"Victor attempted that," Elizabeth said softly. "And look where it got him." I am poison. Stay away from me.
He looked at her and whispered, "It should have been me."
"No," she shook her head. "If anyone, it should have been me."
"You?" he repeated.
"I am the root of all the mess," she said. "The very core. If I had never married George, if I had done something, anything...if I had just warned Victor. He would be alive today." She felt tears well up in her eyes. "He would be alive today if it were not for my stupidity, Mr. Darcy. I am solely to blame. Solely. Completely."
Darcy began to say something, but stopped on seeing the look in her eyes.
Elizabeth knew that she was treading on dangerous ground. She was dangerously close to confessing everything to Darcy. Just uttering her fears aloud made her vulnerable. She almost confessed her love for Darcy. It was too dangerous. She could not tell him that she loved him. Those words had never been uttered before and they could never be uttered. Not aloud anyway. She was too afraid of what his reaction might be. If he knew of her love, he might never understand the reasons, the motivation behind her actions. And if he did not understand, he would never respect her wishes. Elizabeth was not prepared for a confrontation. She was not prepared to look into his eyes and tell him that she could never marry him. She was not prepared to look into his eyes at all. They weakened her resolve. They tortured, they tormented her. Elizabeth knew that she had to escape. Very soon.
"It is rather dark now," she said with sudden briskness. "I should leave."
"Yes, perhaps." Darcy did not object.
"I am glad we had this conversation," she said softly.
"As am I," Darcy murmured.
"Goodbye, Mr. Darcy." Please understand.
Darcy watched her curtsey and disappear rapidly from his sight. Goodbye.
~~
"Elizabeth, I almost thought you would not come," Anne smiled.
"And risk your wrath? Never." Elizabeth smiled in spite of herself as she hugged her friend.
Anne giggled. "It is wonderful to see that you have not lost your sense of humor."
"Not yet," Elizabeth muttered.
Anne looked at Elizabeth intently. "How are you, really?"
"Fine," Elizabeth lied.
"Really?" Anne raised her eyebrows.
"Anne, I really do not..." Elizabeth began warily.
"Want to talk about it?" Anne finished. Elizabeth nodded. Anne sighed. "How did I guess?"
Elizabeth looked around. "Is Mr. Darcy here?"
"No," Anne shook her head. "He went riding early this morning. Don't worry, you will see him at dinner tonight." She paused. "You can't escape him at your own house."
"I didn't mean...that is to say..." Elizabeth frowned. "Never mind."
Anne chuckled. "Georgie really wants to see you. She should be here any moment."
As if on cue, Georgie entered the parlor with a small smile.
"I am pleased to see you again, Miss Darcy," Elizabeth greeted the younger girl.
"Please. Call me Georgie," said Georgie shyly.
"Then you must call me Elizabeth," Elizabeth smiled.
Anne watched their exchange and smiled. "Wonderful." As they seated themselves, Anne said, "Oh, Elizabeth, I just got a letter from Richard today."
"Really? How is he?" Elizabeth asked.
"Fine," sighed Anne. "Misses me, though."
"Of course he does," Elizabeth smiled.
"He asked after you," Anne said.
"Did he really?" Elizabeth said.
"Yes, he wanted to know whether you and Darcy had finally stopped being fools."
Georgie's interest was piqued. Elizabeth looked at Anne. "Does he know?"
"About what happened?" Anne asked. Elizabeth nodded. "No, I do not suppose he does. Well, I wrote to him at the time, but he probably did not get my letter when he wrote this." Anne looked at Elizabeth. "He will be back next week, you know."
"That's wonderful," Elizabeth said. "What are your plans?"
"I don't know," Anne shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it."
"You will get married, won't you?" Georgie asked, slightly concerned.
"Yes, of course," laughed Anne. "It's just a question of when."
"Aunt Catherine does not know yet, does she?" Georgie asked.
"No," Anne shook her head.
"I wonder how she will react," Georgie mused.
"So do I," sighed Anne.
"It can't be that bad," Elizabeth said. "She likes Colonel Fitzwilliam."
"Yes, but he is not rich," Anne said. "Well, not as rich as Victor." Anne mentally kicked herself as soon as she said it. "I didn't mean to..." She paused.
"No, it's alright," Elizabeth said. "You can say his name."
Anne looked at Elizabeth and continued, "Mother is very difficult that way. Ever since I was 12, she has told me that she wants me to marry a nice, rich man. And Richard is simply not rich enough." She paused. "I suppose though that she will come in terms with it when I tell her. It is not like she has any choice. I am going to marry him with or without her blessings."
Elizabeth smiled at her friend. "That's the spirit."
Anne smiled and was silent for a moment. She looked at Georgie, silently telling her to begin the subject, but Georgie pretended not to notice. Anne realized that Georgie would not talk with her in the room. So, she said, "Well, I shall leave you two together."
"Where are you going?" Georgie asked hurriedly.
Anne stopped at the door and glanced back. "To read Richard's letter again."
Elizabeth watched Anne leave and rolled her eyes. "I will never understand her."
"Do you really want to?" Georgie smiled.
"Good point," Elizabeth smiled.
"It is such a pleasure to finally meet you, Elizabeth. I have heard so much about you."
"Nothing bad, I hope?"
"Oh no," said Georgie. "My brother praises you very highly." Elizabeth blushed as Georgie continued, "I really wish to hear you play the piano-forte. My brother says you play exceedingly well."
"I am certain he was just being kind," Elizabeth said.
"Oh, my brother never lies," said Georgie.
"I know," said Elizabeth in a small voice.
Georgie looked at Elizabeth and mustered her courage. "William told me about what happened."
"Did he?" Elizabeth said. I did not know my misfortunes were for public broadcast.
"Yes," Georgie nodded. "He knew I would find out eventually."
Elizabeth was puzzled. "Really?"
"Yes. I suppose you know that Mr. Wickham used to live at Pemberley."
"Mr. Darcy mentioned that once, yes," Elizabeth said, no less confused.
"What he probably did not mention is that Mr. Wickham nearly ruined me," Georgie said. She paused. "After my father died, Mr. Wickham left Pemberley to pursue his studies. He had always been kind to me as a child and I retained only fond memories of him. I didn't see him until last summer, when he reentered my life." She looked at Elizabeth. "It was at Ramsgate. My governess Mrs. Younge was a friend of his, it seems and she introduced him to me. I remembered him from former days and we began a new friendship. I was very pleased to see him again. He was so kind, so attentive. I really believed that I was in love."
"I can imagine," Elizabeth muttered, feeling sick.
"He told me that William disliked him and would never consent to our marriage. He convinced me that the only way for us to be together was if I consented to go away to Gretna Green with him." Georgie looked at Elizabeth. "I didn't want to run away like that, but I believed him. I believed that was the only way for us to be happy. I didn't want to hurt or lie to William, but it was the only way. Or so it seemed."
"Then what happened?" Elizabeth pressed.
"Thankfully, William joined us unexpectedly the day before we intended to go to Gretna Green. When I saw him, I couldn't keep my secret. The thought of hurting him was much too painful, so I confessed everything." Georgie glanced at Elizabeth. "You can imagine what happened next. He was furious. I have never seen him so angry in my life. He was kind to me, though, but I could see he was disappointed. I did not see Mr. Wickham again. I can only imagine what William said to him." Georgie shuddered. "William said...he said that Mr. Wickham only wanted my inheritance, a sum of thirty thousand pounds."
"I can very well believe it," mumbled Elizabeth.
Georgie looked at her. "I wanted to tell you this to...apologize. I found out that he must have been married to you when he came to Ramsgate. I had no idea, but I unwittingly added to your problems. I didn't mean to, believe me. It never occurred to me that he could be so..."
"Deceitful?" Elizabeth suggested. "Georgie, do not worry. You have no reason to apologize. I cannot blame you, indeed, I would not. George, he had a special charm, an appeal so irresistible that it blinded people to his faults. You are not the only one to be taken in by him. I was married to him, remember."
Georgie nodded. "Yes..."
Elizabeth sighed, her eyes distant. "When I met George, I fancied myself in love. He was so dashing, so charming. He made me feel special, like I was the only woman in the world for him." She smiled wryly. "I made a mistake, Georgie, a monumental mistake, but a mistake, nonetheless. It was very easy to make a mistake where he was concerned."
"I know," said Georgie. "I just feel so stupid. And betrayed."
"It is natural," Elizabeth assured her. "Don't you think I feel the same way? Perhaps, even worse. But you must remind yourself that you were not the one with the problem. You made a mistake, but that does not make you any less worthy. You are not stupid, Georgie. Never ever believe that."
Georgie smiled. "It makes me feel better just talking to you. I am glad that I am not the only one."
"Strength in numbers, right?" Elizabeth smiled.
"Something like that," Georgie nodded. "Sometimes after the incident, I felt so terribly alone. Like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I couldn't speak to anyone. William wanted to help me, but he couldn't. He couldn't understand what I had been through. My pain, my misery, my embarrassment. To think that I had nearly risked everything for a man who did not even care about me."
I did risk everything...and I lost. "Now, Georgie, you must see now that you are not alone." Elizabeth smiled kindly at the younger girl. "There is no shame in having been mistaken. Happens to the best of us. The important thing is that you, at least, were able to save yourself before it was too late."
Georgie noticed the hint of bitterness in Elizabeth's last statement. "I am sorry. I have been so pre-occupied with my own problems...yours are greater than mine."
"Indeed," sighed Elizabeth. She looked away. "I don't know what I feel about him. Honestly I don't. If I saw him today, I don't know what I would say to him. When he first disappeared, I was very angry, especially when I had to sell our house to pay off his debts. I still believed myself in love at that time. But when he forcefully came into my life again, I felt nothing but hatred. I was so hurt. I still am, I suppose."
"Naturally," Georgie murmured.
"I just...I don't know why he did it," Elizabeth said. "I will never understand."
"Sometimes there is no explanation for the bad things that happen to good people," Georgie observed.
Elizabeth smiled. "You sound terribly wise for your age."
Georgie smiled as well. "William would be proud."
"I dare say he will," Elizabeth said.
"William is a wonderful brother," sighed Georgie. "He never reproached me for what happened in Ramsgate, not once. He tried to be so understanding, so supportive. He allowed me to come in terms with it myself. He gave me time and space. He gave me room to breathe. I couldn't have asked for anything more."
"An ideal elder brother, then," commented Elizabeth.
"Oh yes," smiled Georgie. "Though I dearly want a sister, too."
Elizabeth colored, in spite of herself. She hurriedly changed the topic and chatted amicably with Georgie till Anne reappeared in the parlor. Even as they talked, Elizabeth's mind wandered, pondering on the information that Georgie had given her. She was extremely sorry for the young girl. She could not believe that George had sunk to such depths, though she should not have been surprised. And then there was Darcy. The epitome of the kind, attentive brother. Elizabeth knew not if she could bear accounts of his goodness much longer. The more good she saw in him, the more she was reminded of what she had lost. He had suffered so at George's hands and yet, he had been willing to negotiate with George when he had taken her. Elizabeth could only imagine how painful it must have been for Darcy to negotiate with that man. Especially knowing what he had designed to do to his sister. Elizabeth felt sick just thinking of it. The real victim in the situation was Darcy. George had tried his best to hurt Darcy through his sister and then through her. And he had almost succeeded on both accounts. Elizabeth shuddered. Poor Darcy. What he must have suffered. If only she could comfort him. If only.
It was soon time for Elizabeth to depart. Anne insisted on walking out with Elizabeth. Seeing no carriage, she said, "Did you walk here?"
"It is but three miles," Elizabeth nodded. "I like the exercise."
"Of course," smiled Anne. "Come, I shall walk with you a little while."
"You really don't need to."
"I know," said Anne. "I want to." She paused. "Georgie seemed almost cheerful. I take it that she spoke with you?"
"Yes, she did," Elizabeth nodded.
"Good," said Anne. "The poor girl needed it. Darce just couldn't seem to help her."
"She just needed someone with a...similar experience," Elizabeth muttered.
"Thank you for doing that," Anne said with feeling.
"It was my pleasure," Elizabeth said with a genuine smile.
"I am certain Darce would appreciate it," Anne said deliberately.
"Yes," Elizabeth said noncommittally.
"He will thank you when he knows of this, I am certain."
"Yes," muttered Elizabeth.
"Perhaps you should tell him about it yourself," said Anne.
"Anne, please..." Elizabeth warned.
"What, Elizabeth?"
"Mr. Darcy and I...we have an understanding."
"Do you now?" Anne said. "Tell me, does Darce know of this understanding or did you decide upon it all by yourself?"
"I suppose he knows..." said Elizabeth.
"You suppose?" Anne said. "That is just wonderful."
"Listen, Anne, this is my life," said Elizabeth. "And I shall do as I please."
"I have no doubt you will," said Anne, then sighed. "Elizabeth, I only want what's best for you."
"And that's Mr. Darcy, right?" Elizabeth said.
"See, we finally agree," grinned Anne. She became serious again. "I know you're in mourning now. I understand that. I don't want you to marry Darce this instant. Just don't erase him from your life completely."
It sounded reasonable enough, but Elizabeth shook her. "It's not that simple."
"Only because you wish to make it complicated," said Anne.
They had reached the end of the Netherfield grounds and it was time for Anne to turn around. "So, will I see you at dinner tonight?" Elizabeth said.
"Of course," nodded Anne. "I wouldn't let you get away that easily."
"Oh Anne," Elizabeth shook her head. "You are incorrigible. You will never give up."
Elizabeth began to walk away when Anne said, "Elizabeth!"
"Yes?" Elizabeth turned around.
"If the situation was reversed and I refused to tell Richard that I loved him, would you do the same for me?"
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, then said, "Of course."
"Good," grinned Anne. "Then I am not crazy."
"I never said that," muttered Elizabeth as she smiled and walked away.
Anne shook her head and sighed as she walked back to the house.
~~
"Darce?" Anne said as she entered the library.
"Yes," Darcy said listlessly.
"I thought I would find you here," said Anne. "Lately whenever you are missing, I need only look in the library to find you."
"Do you have something to say?" asked Darcy, warily.
"Did you have a pleasant ride this morning?" asked Anne.
"Pleasant enough," said Darcy suspiciously.
"You left rather early," Anne said.
"Yes, and?"
"It had nothing to do with the fact that Elizabeth was expected to join us, right?" said Anne.
"As a matter of fact, it did," said Darcy.
Anne was a trifle taken aback. She hadn't expected such frankness. "Oh?"
"Yes," Darcy said no more.
"Darce, did something happen that I am not aware of? Did you see Elizabeth?"
Darcy sighed and put his book down. "I saw her briefly last night."
"And?"
"And nothing," said Darcy.
"You will make me ask," said Anne with a touch of impatience. "What happened? What did she say?"
Darcy glanced at her. "Only that she does not hate or blame me." He paused. "And that she blames herself."
Anne's eyes shone. "I told you so!"
"On a number of occasions, yes," observed Darcy.
"So, now what?" asked Anne.
"What do you mean?" Darcy claimed ignorance.
Anne seemed annoyed. "You know what I mean." She paused. "Now that you know this, what shall you do?"
Darcy looked at her and smiled faintly. "That is the question, isn't it?"
Chapter 42
"Of course that is the question," Anne said, slightly exasperated. "Do not toy with me."
"I am not toying with you," he said, the smile not fading from his face.
Anne glared at him. "I am glad you are enjoying yourself so much. Now will you please be serious and answer my question?"
"And what question would that be?" Darcy asked.
Anne looked at him and reminded herself why she was enduring his nonsense. "Now that you know what trials Elizabeth is faced with, what shall you do about it?"
"Nothing," replied Darcy.
"Nothing?!" Anne exclaimed.
"Before you begin reprimanding me for my boorishness, can I explain myself?"
Anne looked at him. "All right, but I do not guarantee I will not reprimand you anyhow."
"Of course," Darcy smiled. "This morning when I went riding, I thought about the last few weeks for a long time and I came to the conclusion that so far, I have been useless." Anne began to object, but Darcy waved his hand. "No, please, let me finish. I realized that I managed to fail Elizabeth every time she needed me. I did not amply warn her about Wickham and allowed her to leave with him, practically turning her to him. I did nothing to help her when she was in his clutches, preferring instead to bargain with him, knowing that there was no use in bargaining. I was passive and indecisive, allowing Victor to do what I should have done." He paused. "I failed Elizabeth in every way possible and I do not intend to fail her again."
At this last statement, Anne's interest was piqued and she asked, "What do you mean?"
"I mean that I intend to amend my past errors by responding to Elizabeth's needs," Darcy said. "By honoring her wishes, by respecting her decisions."
"And that entails doing nothing?" Anne asked dubiously.
"Exactly," said Darcy. "At this point, that is what she needs most desperately. Nothing. Nothing new or contrived or forced. No new developments. No unnecessary complications. No added stress. Nothing to add to her already considerable problems. Too much has happened already and she needs time to deal with those events before she faces any new challenges. She needs stability; order and stability." He looked at Anne. "Do you know what she told me? She believes that she is responsible for all that happened. She blames herself for Wickham's actions, for Victor's death. She is consumed with guilt."
"I am not surprised," said Anne. "I told you as much."
"Yes, you did," said Darcy. "But it is easier to believe when she says it."
Anne made a face.
Darcy smiled. "Well, anyway, the point is that she is not ready for anything yet. She needs time and space to discover herself anew. She cannot be cajoled or pressurized or tricked into anything at this point. She cannot be forced to give anything more than she is willing to give. She is not ready to listen to proclamations of love, especially from me."
Anne was silent for a moment. "Do you believe she loves you?"
Darcy looked at her. "She does not hate me..."
"Did she say that?" Anne asked.
"Yes," Darcy nodded.
Thank you, Elizabeth. "So now is it any easier to believe that she loves you?"
Darcy looked away. "I really don't know."
"I don't believe that," Anne said. "You know, in your heart, you know. You just have to begin believing it."
Darcy looked up, the pain evident in his eyes. "I cannot risk being disappointed again."
Anne sighed. "No, of course not."
"I am perfectly content in being a friend for now." He paused and sighed. "I love her too desperately to lose her, Anne. If I cannot express my love, at least I can remain close to her. I want to be her friend, someone that she can rely on to help her through these trying times. I just want to be her friend, Anne. Nothing more. I do not demand anything from her, but a second chance to prove that I care about her. I just want to be able to see her without her running away in the other direction."
"That would be a step forward, yes," Anne smiled. "So you intend to wait, bide your time?"
"Yes," Darcy said. "Until she is willing to accept my love."
"But you are not giving up either?" Anne persisted.
Darcy thought for a moment. "No, I suppose not."
"Shall you speak with Elizabeth about this matter?" she said.
Darcy shrugged. "Perhaps."
Anne studied his face for a moment. "You know, Darce, many other men in your situation might not be as understanding or as patient as you." She paused. "It is very commendable, although, I must say, sometimes you are too noble for your own good."
Darcy chuckled. "Surely you cannot find fault with my reasoning now?"
"Sadly no," Anne said. "You are right, Darce. Elizabeth needs time to mourn and to acquaint herself with her feelings and emotions. She needs time to forgive herself and permit herself to be happy once again. But in the meantime, she cannot be allowed to forget about you."
Darcy smiled. "I trust you will attend to that problem."
"Indeed," said Anne. "By telling her ghoulish tales from your younger days."
Darcy scowled. "Anne, in case you forgot, the object is to make Elizabeth more favorably disposed towards me, not to scare her away permanently."
Anne laughed. "Rest assured, I shall refrain from telling her all the truly offensive stories till after the wedding."
"If there is a wedding," Darcy muttered under his breath.
Anne however, heard the comment and looked at him sharply. "Darce, can I ask you a question?"
"If I say 'no,' will that stop you?" countered Darcy.
"Probably not," Anne admitted with a smile.
"Well?" Darcy looked at her expectantly.
"What happens if Elizabeth never...overcomes her guilt?"
Darcy stiffened. "I don't know."
"Yes you do," said Anne. "You just won't tell me."
Darcy looked at her. "I will wait for her."
"For how long?"
Darcy was silent for a long moment, then said, "Forever, if need be."
"That is what I was afraid of," Anne muttered with a sigh.
"So now you do not want me to wait for her?" Darcy asked.
"No, I did not say that."
"Did you not?"
Anne looked at him. "Darce, if Elizabeth is unable to forgive herself, if she cannot be happy again, if she refuses to be happy again...surely you do not intend to wait for her still?"
"And why not?" Darcy said.
Anne inhaled deeply. "Darce, that would be insane, do you not see that?"
"Perhaps," he paused. "But what is the alternative? There cannot be anyone else, you must know that? It is not in my hands, really."
"So, Darce, what you are saying, essentially, is that you are willing to be alone for the rest of your life if Elizabeth doesn't come around?"
"I suppose so."
"What about your family?" asked Anne. "Mother would be devastated, especially if she knew the reason behind your refusal to marry. And what of Pemberley? What will happen to Pemberley in the absence of an heir?"
"I will leave it for your and Richard's children."
Anne frowned, unappreciative of Darcy's flip remark. "Darce, please, do be serious."
"What would you have me do?" Darcy said. "Marry someone like Miss Bingley just so I have an heir?"
"Lord no." Anne shuddered and sighed. "I just want you and Elizabeth to be happy. No one would be more thrilled if you found happiness in each other, but if that does not happen, I still want you to be happy. And being alone is not my idea of happy. I don't want that for you."
"Neither do I, believe me," sighed Darcy. "But I might have no other choice."
Anne looked at him for a long time before rising. She walked slowly to the door, then turned around. "Let's just hope it does not come to that."
Indeed, thought Darcy as he saw her leave, presumably to prepare for the dinner at Longbourn. Darcy was relieved that Anne did not attack him with more questions, the answers to which he did not know or did not want to know. Darcy's plan of action, or inaction in this case, seemed simple enough, in theory, but the execution of it would be far more trying. It was easy enough to say that he would satisfy himself with friendship, but it would be much more difficult to keep his resolve when he would actually see her. Darcy bit his lips. He would have to take his cue from her. His every step would be determined by hers. And he only hoped to God that he would be able to keep his resolve and honor Elizabeth's wishes, no matter how much pain it wrought.
"William?" Georgiana peeked into the library tentatively.
Darcy looked up at his sister and smiled. "Georgie, come in."
Georgiana smiled in return as she entered. "I don't mean to disturb you, but why are not getting dressed for dinner?"
"Ah yes, dinner," said Darcy. He looked at his sister anew. "Are you certain Anne did not send you?"
"No, of course not," Georgiana said, flustered at how close he was to the truth.
Darcy laughed. "I can never be too careful." He paused. "I was just lost in thought, is all. I shall get dressed presently."
"I really look forward to seeing Elizabeth again," Georgiana said, with a sly look at him.
Darcy looked at her sharply. "Indeed? Are you on such intimate terms as to address her by her given name?"
"Oh, yes, William," said Georgiana. "She was so good to me. She made me feel at ease instantly and I feel as though I have known her for an eternity and not just a few days. It is most remarkable."
"Indeed, but she is a remarkable woman," Darcy muttered more to himself.
Georgiana did not miss that comment. "I would have to agree."
Darcy colored slightly. He cleared his throat. "So...uh...what did you talk about?" His curiosity had been aroused.
"Everything," Georgiana sighed. "About...Mr. Wickham, mostly."
Darcy discerned a hint of pain in her voice as she said his name. "And?"
"Oh, William, she has suffered so much more than I have," Georgiana said. "And she bears it so well. If I hadn't known what I did, I would never have guessed what tragedies have befallen her." She paused. "Indeed, she hides her feelings remarkably well. But William, I do not feel half as ashamed about...what happened. I was taken in, just as she was. If someone like Elizabeth could be fooled, surely I could be fooled as well. For the first time in many months, I do not despise myself." She paused again. "I do not feel like a complete disgrace, although I am sure you have a different opinion."
"How can you say that, Georgie?" Darcy was shocked. "I would never even think of calling you a disgrace. You made a mistake, but at least you had the good sense to come to me just in time."
"I suppose," said Georgiana. "I knew that, in a way, but I could not help but blame myself. It was an awful feeling to know that I had let you down. Do not even bother to deny it, William, I know I disappointed you. But now...seeing Elizabeth so brave and wise...I see that I cannot let one momentary lapse of judgment dictate the rest of my life."
"I am glad to hear that," Darcy positively beamed.
"I owe this piece of wisdom to Elizabeth," Georgiana smiled. "She is a wonderful example, William. She handles herself so well. She is so brave and witty. I admire her very much."
"It is difficult not to," Darcy said in spite of himself.
"Indeed," said Georgiana as she got up. "I would love to have her as a sister, William." With that and a cryptic smile, Georgiana left the library.
Darcy was surprised, but only slightly, now absolutely certain that Anne had been the mastermind behind Georgiana's strategic comments. But he could not be angry at her or Anne, for that matter. What they said was true. Elizabeth would be happy with him. She would make a wonderful sister and an excellent mistress of Pemberley. If only she could see that as well. All Darcy wanted from her was a chance to make her happy. Just one chance.
~~
"Lizzy?" Jane entered her sister's bedchamber and gasped at seeing her sister sitting mutely on the bed. "Mama will have a fit! Why are you not dressed yet? The guests will arrive soon."
"Do you think it would be terribly rude if I did not join the guests for dinner, Jane?"
Jane seemed surprised. "And you would do what instead? Stay here?"
"Is that such a bad idea?" said Elizabeth.
"Yes, it is," said Jane.
Elizabeth looked at Jane for a moment and smiled. "It was worth a try, wouldn't you say?"
Jane sighed and sat down next to her. "Are you really that averse to seeing company?"
"I...no, not entirely, Jane," said Elizabeth. And that was the truth. There was only one gentleman she wished to avoid.
Perhaps Jane divined Elizabeth's thoughts for she said, "I have never asked you this directly - well, Anne has spoken to me about this on some occasions, but I never wanted to distress you - but I think it is time I asked you so as to ensure it wasn't a figment of Anne's imagination." Jane paused, then said, "Lizzy, what happened between you and Mr. Darcy?"
Elizabeth was silent for a long moment. "He proposed to me while I was still at Rosings." Jane gasped softly, but Elizabeth continued. "I refused him then - for a number of reasons which I need not delve into now - and that was that."
Jane looked at her. "That was that? Give me more credit, Lizzy."
"What do you wish to know, Jane?" asked Elizabeth.
"Do you love him, for one?" prodded Jane.
"That has nothing to do with anything," said Elizabeth.
"Even so," said Jane. "Do you?"
Elizabeth looked at her. "Have you been taking lessons from Anne?"
Jane smiled slightly, "Yes, indeed." She paused. "So?"
Elizabeth looked away. "Yes, I love him." She sighed inwardly. "I love him, I love him, I love him." She looked at Jane. "Are you satisfied?"
Jane held her hand and said, "Yes."
Elizabeth seemed a little surprised. "Really? You will not lecture me about the reasons why I should listen to my heart, about how I am denying myself the one true opportunity to find happiness, about how I am being unfair to both myself and Mr. Darcy?"
"No," Jane smiled. "It is not my place to lecture. I will support you with whatever decision you make. I wanted to know what happened, is all. I just do not want you to become a recluse. Now come, get ready for dinner."
Before Elizabeth could react, Mrs. Bennet's voice could be heard. "Jane?! Where are you? Hill, Hill? Have you seen Miss Jane? Sarah needs to help her with her hair! Jane! Jane! Mr. Bingley will be here any minute. Where are you, Jane? Have you no compassion on my poor nerves?!"
"I better go," said Jane with a sigh.
Elizabeth watched her sister leave, confused at her words. Anne's lectures and preaching, she could handle, but Jane's supportive attitude puzzled her. Was it another ploy to force her to do what both Jane and Anne undoubtedly wanted? Elizabeth did not know. She sighed and decided to join the dinner, after all. She could not hide from him forever, though she could damn well try. And what was she afraid of? He would not propose with a dozen people watching, would he? And even if he did, she would never say yes. So, there was no real problem, was there? But there was a problem, Elizabeth knew. She could fool everyone but herself and she knew in her heart that if Darcy asked her to marry him again, she would want to say yes. No matter that she had promised Lady Catherine she wouldn't. In spite of all the reasons that told her she couldn't marry him, she would want to say yes. But, Elizabeth knew, ultimately, she would refuse him. She had to, if it killed her. And that was what Elizabeth was so desperate to avoid for she knew that if he looked into her eyes and asked if she loved him, she wouldn't be able to lie; but the end result would be the same. And it would break her heart.
~~
A large party was assembled at Longbourn that evening. Mrs. Bennet was at her finest, entertaining her guests with loud stories and open expectations of a match between Jane and Mr. Bingley in the near future. Elizabeth bore her mother's antics in silence, finding solace in the fact that the Netherfield party had not yet arrived; otherwise she would have been mortified. Jane seemed to fare no better for she blushed with every successive remark. Elizabeth surveyed the room. Her father was nowhere to be seen. He was in his library, probably. He would make his entrance soon enough, she surmised. Mary was sitting in the corner, quietly reading a book. Kitty and Lydia were flirting with Mr. Bates and his friend from town. Elizabeth shook her head, taking strange comfort in what she saw. It was expected, it was familiar, it was ordinary. And in her present state, she found safety in the familiar and the expected and the ordinary, even if it included her mother and younger sisters making public spectacles of themselves.
"Lizzy?"
Elizabeth broke her reverie to behold her old friend whom she had not seen in many months since the latter had been visiting relatives in the north. "Charlotte!"
As the friends embraced, Charlotte said, "When I learnt that you had come back, I had to come. I heard about...what happened...I am so sorry, Lizzy."
Elizabeth was not surprised that Charlotte knew of her circumstances. It was a given, actually, that Mrs. Bennet would communicate her misfortunes to all the neighbors. Elizabeth had not expected otherwise. "Thank you, Charlotte."
"I know nothing that I can say will help," said Charlotte. "But you can confide in me whenever you want."
"I know," smiled Elizabeth.
"So what happens now?"
"I don't know," Elizabeth replied honestly. She sighed. "Enough about me, I heard the most disturbing news about you."
"Indeed? And what was that?" asked Charlotte.
"My cousin Mr. Collins," Elizabeth grimaces as she said his name. "And his attentions towards you."
"That were most unwanted, I assure you," laughed Charlotte.
Elizabeth joined the laughter. "I am relieved. Mama made it seem as though you couldn't wait to marry him and become the mistress of Longbourn."
"I am insulted, Lizzy! That you would base your accusations on the conclusions reached by Mrs. Bennet? On the subject of marriage, no less," smiled Charlotte glancing at Mrs. Bennet whose remarks about Jane and dear Mr. Bingley could still be heard.
"Point taken," smiled Elizabeth.
"Mama told me that you were staying in Mr. Darcy's townhouse when everything happened?" Charlotte said. "How did that come about?"
Elizabeth sighed. "You know the lady I became a companion to? She is Anne de Bourgh and her mother is Mr. Darcy's aunt. So, when Anne went to visit her cousin in town, I accompanied her. That was all."
"Surely you do not still hate the man, Lizzy?" asked Charlotte, surprised at her friend's brisk tone.
Elizabeth nearly laughed at that question. "No."
"Ah, I am glad to see you have gained some sense," said Charlotte. "I remember when you were here before...you were fairly ambivalent towards him, but on many occasions, I recall you saying that you hated him."
"It was a long time ago," said Elizabeth, suddenly feeling nostalgic.
"Yes, it was."
As Charlotte said those words, there was a slight commotion signaling the arrival of the much anticipated guests. On entering the room, Bingley hesitated slightly, but Jane happened to look around and happened to smile; it was decided. He placed himself by her side. Elizabeth exchanged gleeful glances with Charlotte, but the latter did not seem at all surprised. She had expected as much. The rest of the Netherfield party slowly walked towards Elizabeth. Elizabeth felt herself panic slightly, but maintained her composure.
"Anne, Georgie...Mr. Darcy...um...," she began. "I am happy to see you all." She was silent for a moment, then recovering her manners introduced Charlotte to the two ladies. She stole a glance at Darcy, but he seemed engrossed in studying the carpet, so she sighed in relief.
Dinner was served soon after and Elizabeth thanked her lucky stars that Darcy was almost as far from her as the table could divide them. She rejoiced in that happy occurrence. Throughout the meal, she stole covert glances at him and on one such occasion, he happened to be looking in her direction. Their eyes met and neither of them looked away, not immediately anyway. Elizabeth was mesmerized. There was a curious expression in his eyes, one that she could not quite understand. Elizabeth felt her pulse quicken, so she hurriedly looked away, very angry at herself for her lack of self-restraint. This silent exchange had been witnessed by Anne, who rejoiced inwardly and by Charlotte, who was very puzzled. Wasn't Lizzy supposed to hate the man?
After dinner, when the gentlemen had retired to the adjourning room, Elizabeth found herself in a most unbearable situation. She knew that she didn't want to see Darcy again, but she was restless at his absence. It was confusing, in the least and she only wished her heart and her mind did not give her such conflicting advice. It was very disconcerting to realize that she wanted to see him. Well, she had always wanted to see him, but it was not an option. Well, it was, but not an option that she was willing to risk. Elizabeth sighed. She told her brain and her heart to silence; her head was spinning. She forced herself to listen to the conversation around her, instead. Anne and Charlotte were becoming good friends, it seemed, for they were chatting amicably with Georgiana joining in now and then. Anne and Charlotte friends? That could not be a good thing. Elizabeth sensed trouble ahead.
"So, Mr. Darcy is your cousin?" Charlotte was saying.
"Unfortunately, yes," smiled Anne. "He isn't all bad, I suppose. Georgie here will attest to that, but he needs to liven up a little. With the right company and direction, I am certain that problem will be solved as well." That was said with a pointed look at Elizabeth.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
"Really? He seemed pleasant enough when I met him," said Charlotte. "A little reserved, I grant you, but harmless nonetheless." She glanced at Elizabeth. "You should have been here. Lizzy and Mr. Darcy had the most interesting relationship. They would get along fine one day and would be arch enemies the next. It made for interesting evenings."
"I can imagine," laughed Anne and Elizabeth knew she was in danger.
"I am standing not two feet away from you," Elizabeth said with a pout. "At least have the decency to whisper."
"We have nothing to hide, why should we whisper?" challenged Anne.
"Don't whisper, then," Elizabeth shook her head. "That is your prerogative, then."
"Indeed," smiled Anne.
Elizabeth smiled in spite of herself and thankfully the conversation took a turn and they spoke of Darcy no more. When the gentlemen came back, Elizabeth was serving coffee at the table. She saw with increasing alarm that Darcy was walking towards the table, but reminded herself that he probably only wanted coffee. So it seemed, at any rate, for he claimed a cup and left the table wordlessly. Elizabeth was slightly disappointed, in spite of herself. He had not availed himself of the opportunity to speak with her, but she supposed that her countenance had not been particularly inviting. She should have been relieved that her efforts at repelling him had been thus successful, but instead, she felt a dull pain, a pain that she attempted to quell instantly. It had all been her own doing, and she wouldn't pity herself. Not anymore.
Unaware of Elizabeth's internal conflicts, Darcy was resolving a conflict of his own. To speak or nor to speak. As he brought his coffee cup back to the table, he looked at Elizabeth momentarily and smiled. She seemed taken aback, though not repelled, so he mustered his courage and cleared his throat. "Miss Bennet..."
Chapter 43
"Yes, Mr. Darcy?"
For a man who was known in the halls of Eton and Cambridge for his prowess as a debater, Darcy was at a surprising loss of words. Especially since he was the one who had initiated the conversation; one would think that he would have some inkling of what to say. Darcy was aware of the ridiculousness of the situation. He knew that he had to speak very soon or the attention he had so painstakingly managed to claim would be instantly diverted. But he was almost powerless; his tongue was stricken and his brain refused to form any words. It seemed to him as though the moment she had looked into his eyes with that perfectly guileless, inquiring expression, all coherent thought had flown out of his mind. Indeed, he was hard pressed to recall what exactly he had intended to say to her. Had she any idea what a devastating effect she had on him? He believed not, and perhaps she would never know. That thought brought Darcy back to reality. His silence had to be broken immediately or he was in great danger of losing himself in the maze of his bewildering and oftentimes depressing thoughts.
"I...ah...wished to..." Darcy began. "thank you." Darcy paused and congratulated himself on his returned coherence. "Yes, thank you." Noticing Elizabeth's slightly confused expression, he realized that she had no idea what she was being thanked for. Darce, run away while you still can. This woman is slowly turning you into a raving lunatic or a blubbering schoolboy or god help you, both. Darcy silenced that impertinent voice in his head and hastily added. "For being so kind to Georgie this morning." Darcy paused again, overjoyed that he finally recalled what his original mission had been. "You have no conception of what an enormous impact you had on her. Her recovery will be so much swifter because of you. And I could not help but express my heartfelt gratitude for the great service you have rendered her."
Elizabeth colored. "It was the least I could do, Mr. Darcy. No one deserves to suffer the fate that she did, especially such a sweet girl like her. I certainly understand her plight and it would be uncommonly selfish of me if I did not help her in any way I could."
"You have done more than your fair share," he said gravely. "Much more. So much time has elapsed since it happened, and yet, she does not seem to have forgotten it. I fear that I have been unable to be of any service to her for she never really discussed the subject with me. Indeed, I did not even realize that the problem was so grave until very recently." He paused, visibly affected. "I am not very good in ascertaining her feelings, especially when she vows on concealing them from me."
"It is not unnatural, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth spoke seeing his distress. "For her to be embarrassed and forgive my impertinence, but did you honestly expect her to discuss it with you? She is much too embarrassed to do that and surely, you cannot blame her. You should not take it personally. I dare say the only reason she spoke to me about the subject was because my situation resembled hers, in a way, because I understood what she felt, how she was deceived and why her judgement failed in that situation."
"I suppose you are right," Darcy said. "But that still cannot prevent me from wondering whether I could have prevented it."
"Not unless you stayed with her all hours of the day," Elizabeth said. "Mr. Darcy, you cannot blame yourself for it. This incident does not reflect poorly on you as a brother. You did the best you could."
"Perhaps," Darcy mumbled. "I just wish she would forget about it entirely."
"I fear Mr. Darcy that she will not be able to forget about it so soon." She paused, and when she spoke again her voice was lower almost as if she was speaking to herself. "Trust once broken is almost impossible to mend. No amount of time is enough to forget such a betrayal. Or to forgive oneself for being thus betrayed."
Darcy was slightly surprised at her reflective tone. "One must want to forgive and forget, first."
"Wanting it is one thing, Mr. Darcy, but accomplishing it is quite another," mumbled Elizabeth.
"Indeed, but it is a first step, wouldn't you agree?" Darcy countered.
"Perhaps," Elizabeth was forced to agree. "But sometimes it is best for all parties concerned that the first step not be taken. There are great many lessons to be learnt from the past, Mr. Darcy, and forgetting it so hurriedly would be a great disservice."
"And clinging to it would be an ever greater disservice," Darcy said.
Elizabeth looked at him. "What is considered as a disservice by some might be deemed essential by others, Mr. Darcy."
"True," he said, fairly certain that they were speaking of Georgiana no more. "And yet, there are some subjects on which there can be no dispute of opinions."
"Indeed?" Elizabeth frowned. "Then, pray, who is to decide which opinion is in the right and which in the wrong?"
"No one person can be a judge of that," Darcy admitted, then paused. "Each situation is different, I dare say. There is no disputing the fact that the past holds the key to many mysteries, but steadfastly adhering to mistakes made in the past cannot be a healthy pursuit in any situation. The purpose of mistakes is not to force a continual deliberation on their occurrence, but to teach a lesson to prevent their recurrence."
"My point exactly, Mr. Darcy," said Elizabeth. "To prevent their recurrence, one must remember the first occurrence."
Darcy said, "Indeed, but there is such a thing as being overcautious."
Elizabeth frowned slightly. "The surest way to avoid making the same mistakes is to avoid the situation entirely."
"Of course," he said. "But some things are worth the risk of mistakes."
Elizabeth released the breath she did not know she had been holding. "That is a matter of opinion, Mr. Darcy."
Darcy looked at her for a long moment, then said, "Indeed."
Elizabeth bit her lip, hoping he would walk away before confusing her even further, but he seemed determined to stay. She finally looked at the cup still in his hands and said, "More coffee?"
Darcy seemed confused, then realized that he still held the cup. "No, I thank you."
Elizabeth relapsed into silence again, an altogether uncomfortable silence. Darcy confused her terribly and considering that she had been extremely confused prior to their wonderful little chat, her level of sheer confusion and mental anguish now reached disastrous proportions. If she was asked what exactly she was confused by, she would not be able to reply. Nothing. Something. Everything. Her mind was made up, so arguably, there was nothing to confuse her, but then, she would counter that the mere proximity of Darcy was confusing. And his words even more so. She could not mistake the meaning of his words, but surely, he could not be saying what she thought he was saying. Surely he did not still wish to marry her. How could he? After all that she had done, all that she was responsible for. All the pain, all the hurt, all the suffering. Had he forgotten Victor's fate so soon? And certainly all his family, save Anne and Colonel Fitzwilliam, would abhor him if he made such a fatal mistake as marrying her. Then a few months into their supposed wedded bliss, he would realize whom he had married and would lament his reckless decision. He would realize that she was not worthy of his love, certainly not his name, especially since hers would be forever connected to that of his hated enemy. Yes, he would regret his decision. Undoubtedly. Perhaps he could not see it yet, but he would. And it was incumbent upon Elizabeth to save him from that anguish."Can I relieve you of your cup then?" she asked."Yes, thank you," Darcy said, relinquishing his cup, but not moving."Is that all, Mr. Darcy?" she said, more calmly that she imagined she had the power of being.No. "Yes, indeed," he said as he bowed slightly and left her side. This exchange, that might very well have gone unnoticed, was observed by several persons who took a keen interest in the relationship between the two individuals. The most interested of those persons was Mr. Bennet, who had been persuaded to leave the sanctity of his library to entertain his guests. Mr. Bennet watched with interest as Elizabeth spoke to Darcy. From the halting manner of her speech and the darting of her eyes, he could tell that she was nervous. That surprised Mr. Bennet for his Lizzy was seldom nervous. The flicker of emotion on her face was undeniable and Mr. Bennet saw that she attempted to hide her feelings with great effort. But she could not escape his scrutiny. He could see that she was affected by the man. Very deeply affected. He even detected a slight tremble and that one small gesture spoke volumes to Mr. Bennet's keen mind.
Mr. Bennet had long suspected an attachment between his daughter and that young fellow, from the very beginning actually. But he had never spoken of it, especially to his wife, who if given the slightest hint of his suspicion, would undoubtedly have some sort of a nervous fit over the lad's ten thousand pounds. So Mr. Bennet had kept it to himself. He was, therefore, not surprised when his brother-in-law informed him of Darcy's intentions to pay Wickham any amount of money. He did not expect otherwise. And of course, the fact that Darcy had followed his daughter from town was the final, conclusive piece of evidence he needed. Satisfied by the keenness of his powers of observation, Mr. Bennet was now presented with problem of what he should do with his newfound intelligence. He pondered his options for a few moments before deciding upon a course of action. He walked deliberately towards the window where Darcy was standing and cleared his throat.
"Mr. Darcy."
Darcy turned around, startled. "Yes, Mr. Bennet?"
Mr. Bennet smiled slightly. "Might I request your company in my library?"
"Now?" asked Darcy.
"If it is not too inconvenient," said Mr. Bennet. "That window shall await your return, I promise you."
Darcy smiled sheepishly, then said, "Of course." He followed his host to the library.
Mr. Bennet led the way to his library. He offered Darcy a seat and some brandy, both of which Darcy declined. Darcy was too nervous to sit or drink; he was too intimidated by the older man, Elizabeth's father. Darcy did not trust the grave look on his face. He feared that Mr. Bennet knew of his feelings for Elizabeth and wished to express his disapproval. Or worse yet, perhaps he would forbid him from ever pursuing Elizabeth. The more Darcy thought of the possibilities, the more anxious he became to the point that his anxiety won over his nervousness and he hurriedly accepted both the brandy and the seat. The brandy to calm his nerves and the seat, well to sit, so that when Mr. Bennet delivered some disastrous verdict, at least he would be saved the embarrassment of loosing his footing and falling on his face.
"Mr. Darcy," began Mr. Bennet. "I suppose you must be wondering why I invited you here."
"The thought did cross my mind, yes," said Darcy with as much dignity as he could muster, which he thought wryly, was probably not much. Darcy increasingly felt as if he had been transported back to his younger days when he used to be summoned to the headmaster's office for causing mischief. This is wonderful. First Elizabeth, now her father. Are all Bennets completely adamant on reducing me to a schoolboy? Perhaps it was some sort of a family tradition, Darcy mused. A rite of passage, almost. One cannot be a true Bennet unless one makes a fool out of Darcy. It made perfect sense, Darcy decided, perfect sense indeed.
"I believe myself to be a very frank man, Mr. Darcy," the older man continued. "So I shall come right to the point without wasting your time or mine." He paused, looking at Darcy gravely. "Mr. Darcy, as Elizabeth's father, I must ask you, what are your intentions towards my daughter?"
Darcy was not wholly surprised by this question, but he still did not have a satisfactory answer to it. He cleared his throat as a delaying action and said, "Well, sir...I cannot say that I have any intentions towards her, per se. I mean, I value her friendship. Value it very much indeed. But apart from that, I do not have any immediate intentions."
Mr. Bennet repressed a smile at the younger man's discomfort and decided to discomfit him even further. "So, am I to assume that you intend to never marry Elizabeth?"
Darcy nearly choked. "No, I did not say that - that is to say, I did not mean that - entirely..."
"Then, what did you mean, Mr. Darcy? I fear that I do not understand you."
"I just wish to be her friend," Darcy said.
"A friend?" Mr. Bennet raised his eyebrows. "I may be old, Mr. Darcy, but I am not blind, and what I witnessed between you two tonight was definitely not mere friendship. Do not fool yourself, Mr. Darcy, for it will accomplish nothing. Perhaps you should ask yourself the same question that I am about to ask you: do you love Elizabeth?"
"Do I?" Darcy repeated. "She is the first person I think about when I wake up and my last thought before I sleep. She invades my dreams and my every waking thought. I am forever hounded by her words and by the fleeting memories of her - a look, a glance, a gesture. I live only to see her smile and every day, when she is near, is an adventure. I am continually astounded by her wit, her beauty, her intelligence, her kindness, her generosity. I am reduced to incoherence when I am near her, and am driven mad when I am not." Darcy paused and smiled faintly. "To answer your question, yes, Mr. Bennet, I love your daughter. So much that I frighten myself sometimes."
Mr. Bennet was slightly taken aback by the intensity of his reply. "You are quite the poet, Mr. Darcy. Now that we settled that, I shall return to my original concern, which was what you intend to do about it?"
"Mr. Bennet, I---I have no control over the future, but if I did, I would ensure myself only one thing and that is her hand," Darcy spoke with genuine warmth. "Nothing would make me happier or would honor me greater than to be her husband, but I fear, Mr. Bennet, that a union between us is not only improbable, but impossible, at this time. She is simply not willing to accept anything but friendship. Indeed, I am grateful for the mere fact that she is speaking to me still. In short, I intend to wait for her to realize what she wants, which hopefully, will be me."
"That sounds like a very noble pursuit, Mr. Darcy," commented Mr. Bennet. "But are you absolutely certain that you have the patience and the perseverance to wait for Elizabeth? I know her better than anyone else, I imagine, and I can tell you that she is a very stubborn girl. If she has made up her mind to not want you, then it shall take a fair amount of persuading to change her mind."
"I am aware of that, Mr. Bennet," he said. "And I am equal to the challenge."
"Are you really? Then you are determined to pursue this?"
"With your blessing," Darcy said.
Mr. Bennet was silent for a moment. "I only wish to see my daughter happy again, Mr. Darcy. She has suffered a great deal through that wretch's hands and it has been too long since I have seen her genuinely happy. And if you - if you can make her happy again, truly happy, if you can make her smile and laugh, then I would have no objections to a union between you."
"Thank you, sir," Darcy smiled. "I shall try my best."
"I know you will," Mr. Bennet smiled. "Well, I suppose I shall allow you to return to your window, then." Darcy grinned and thanked him as he rose. When Darcy reached the door, Mr. Bennet said, "Oh, Mr. Darcy, I do believe I have not yet thanked you for your kindness and support at the time of the emergency. Mr. Gardiner informed me of your actions and I thank you for your efforts in saving Elizabeth."
"I deserve none of the praise," Darcy said with feeling.
"I beg to differ, Mr. Darcy," said Mr. Bennet. "Thank you."
Darcy sighed. "You are very welcome." With those words, he left the library.
Elizabeth watched the door very closely for Darcy's return, and when he did finally return, she saw that a small frown graced his face and that he was not accompanied by her father. It took every last ounce of her self-control to not accost Darcy and ask him of the substance of his conversation with her father, but her brain prevailed for she knew that she was not prepared for another encounter with Darcy. The remainder of the evening, Elizabeth took great pains to avoid Darcy. Luckily enough, she was saved from excessive machinations on her part when they were seated on different card tables. She was too distracted to pay much attention to the game, and Darcy was not faring much better. She glanced at him on several occasions and on each occasion, she instantly averted her eyes when he looked up, embarrassed at being caught. The torturous evening ended when the Netherfield party took its leave. From the happy grin on the faces of both Bingley and Jane, Elizabeth imagined that some people, at least, had had a marvelous evening and she managed to smile slightly, taking a measure of vicarious pleasure.
After all the guests had departed and everything had been cleared, the Bennet household retired. Certain unavoidable nagging questions plagued Elizabeth and she could not resist the temptation. She stopped in front of her father's library and stood motionless for a few minutes, clearing her head. Finally, she knocked on the door and entered.
Mr. Bennet looked up and smiled at his daughter. "Lizzy, come in, my dear."
Elizabeth smiled. "You can come out, papa, the guests have departed."
Mr. Bennet chuckled. "Indeed, I gathered as much. It became rather quiet all of a sudden, so I supposed it was either that or your mother went to sleep." Elizabeth giggled and Mr. Bennet rolled his eyes. "How is poor Jane doing? I could hear your mama talking about her and Bingley through most of the evening."
"I dare say she didn't hear one word of it," replied Elizabeth. "She and Mr. Bingley were much too engaged with each other to pay any attention to anyone else."
"So much the better, I say," said Mr. Bennet. "So Jane will have her young man at last?"
"Yes, indeed," smiled Elizabeth. "I do believe Mr. Bingley was on the verge of proposing many times this evening, and the only thing that prevented him from doing so were the scores of other people around him."
"Ah, the man has too many scruples," smiled Mr. Bennet. "He should just have asked her and been done with it."
Elizabeth laughed. "He shall ask her soon, papa. I am certain of it."
"Very well, then," said Mr. Bennet. "That shall make your mama happy."
"Ecstatic." Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She was silent for a few moments, deciding how best to approach the real reason for her intrusion upon her father's solitude. "So...papa...I saw that you spoke with Mr. Darcy tonight..."
"Yes?" Mr. Bennet repressed a smile. He had been wondering how long it would take her to speak of Darcy.
"Out of curiosity," Elizabeth said. "What did you two speak about?"
"Nothing in particular," Mr. Bennet said. "I just wished to thank him for his kindness and assistance to your Uncle Gardiner."
"Oh," Elizabeth could not help being disappointed. "He did not - that is to say - you both did not talk about me at all?"
"Your name was mentioned," Mr. Bennet said. "Once or twice. Nothing of consequence." Mr. Bennet thought it best that he not say anything of what Darcy had told him. That would be best expressed by Darcy himself. Mr. Bennet, by no means, wished to be a conduit of information between these two complicated individuals.
"Oh, I see," Elizabeth mumbled, then recovered herself. "Goodnight, papa."
"Goodnight, Lizzy." Mr. Bennet watched her leave and then returned to his book.
~~
The next morning, Darcy entered the breakfast room to find Bingley already present.
"Bingley, what are you doing?"
"Pacing," replied Bingley.
"I can see that," said Darcy. "May I inquire why?"
"I am trying to make a decision," Bingley said.
"Indeed? Any luck," Darcy said as he helped himself to some bacon and eggs.
"No - I don't know," Bingley sighed as he sat down.
"What is the problem?" asked Darcy as he poured some coffee.
"I am debating whether or not I should ask Miss Bennet to marry me," Bingley replied.
"What is there to debate?" asked Darcy. "Is that not why you came back here?"
"Yes," said Bingley. "But...she is an angel, Darce, a veritable angel and I just, well...she is too good for me. And I am scared. What if she refuses me? I would not know what to do if she refused me, Darce."
"You will never find out unless you ask her," said Darcy. "And besides, she won't refuse you."
"You think so?" Bingley said, a note of hope creeping in his voice.
"I am fairly certain," Darcy assured him.
"How?" Bingley was not convinced.
"Bingley, were you or were you not present at dinner last night?" Darcy said. "She is smitten by you, Bingley. Absolutely smitten. You two were inseparable. Do you recall doing anything but staring into her eyes and talking to her?"
"I confess I do not," Bingley said. "Were there a lot of other people?"
Darcy nodded. "Yes, indeed. Do you need any more proof?"
"I suppose not," said Bingley. "So, do I have your blessing?"
"Do you need my blessing?" Darcy asked.
"No," Bingley said. "But I should like to know that I have it, all the same."
"Go for it," Darcy smiled.
Bingley grinned, got up with energy and head for the door.
"Where are you going?" Darcy asked.
"To Longbourn," replied Bingley.
"Now?" Darcy asked. "It is too early, surely. You haven't even had breakfast yet."
"I am too nervous to eat," Bingley said. "But I shall wait for a more appropriate hour to call upon her. I shall ride in circles until then."
"Excellent plan," muttered Darcy as Bingley practically ran out of the room.
Anne entered the parlor as Bingley left and looked at the departing host with puzzlement. "Where is he going this early?"
"One guess," Darcy said with a faint smile.
"Longbourn?" asked Anne.
"And the award for astounding clairvoyance goes to Anne," Darcy said as he poured more coffee.
Anne glared at him. "And they say that you have no sense of humor."
"They do?" Darcy pretended to be shocked.
Anne smiled. "Why, Darce, I do believe you are in an excellent mood this morning."
"I am, indeed," said Darcy. "I am following Bingley's example, a thoroughly uncomplicated existence."
"Indeed?" Anne raised her eyebrows. "And what, may I ask, brought on this newfound...nonchalance?"
"I prefer to call it wisdom," Darcy said. "And no, you may not ask."
Anne looked at him. "I saw you speaking with Elizabeth, Darce, and I know that your good humor has something to do with her. Now, will you please tell me about it for certainly, she will not breathe a word, I am sure?"
"If you already know it, then I wonder why you ask me?" Darcy said.
"Darce!" Anne exclaimed. "You are very infuriating."
"Because I do not tell you the contents of a private conversation?" Darcy raised his eyebrows.
"Private? There is nothing private between you and Elizabeth, nothing that I cannot know about," Anne said. "I am as much a part of this as anyone, Darce and I deserve to know if there are any...new developments. I have a right to know, Darce."
"That is exactly the reason I will not tell you," Darcy observed. "You take an eager interest in everyone's affairs though I believe you have admitted on several occasions (and I do have witnesses) that you are not a good matchmaker." Darcy paused. "In spite of that admission, you will not cease to interfere in Elizabeth's affairs, or mine. To prevent any damage, and to ensure that things are conducted the way I deem fit, I shall hereby withhold any information regarding Elizabeth and myself, from you."
Anne glared at Darcy. "If I had not interfered, Darce, you might still be in town, pining away for Elizabeth without as much as a hint of a chance of ever winning her." As soon as she said it, Anne knew that she had inadvertently revealed her plan, but no amount of hoping would retract those words, and Anne prepared to weather to storm.
"Is that so?" Darcy said. "Do tell me the details, please."
Anne looked at him and said. "I knew that the only way I could get you to Hertfordshire was if Georgie agreed to come here - under any pretence. I knew you would not let her come here alone, especially if I suggested that she needed you." Anne paused. "Therefore, I outlined my plan to Charles, who agreed to let me come here and then, I asked Georgie for her cooperation. It took some coaxing, but my powers of persuasion are rather formidable. Although, I suppose, Georgie actually wanted to see Elizabeth regardless of my plan, but she would never have dreamt of coming here had it not been for me." She looked at Darcy. "And that, as they say, is that."
"Indeed?" Darcy murmured, but said no more.
"You are not furious at me?" Anne asked.
"I suppose not," Darcy said. "Meddlesome and exasperating as you can be, you did help me realize some of my stupidity in this whole affair."
Anne's face lit up. "Exactly."
"But that does not mean I am any more willing to tell you anything," Darcy said. "That is exactly the sort of highhandedness that I am trying to prevent."
"But Darce..." Anne began.
"No, you cannot change my mind," Darcy said.
"I am willing to do as you say," Anne said. "Just, please, let me help."
Darcy looked at her dubiously. "I don't know."
"Please?" Anne pouted.
Darcy sighed. "You are impossible."
"Thank you." Anne smiled. "Alright, I am prepared for my first lesson. Tell me, oh great one, how shall I redeem myself?"
"Anne, have you ever considered subtlety?" Darcy said.
"I can't say that I have," Anne admitted.
"That is your first lesson, then," said Darcy.
"Subtlety?"
"Subtlety," Darcy repeated decisively. "If you continue to badger Elizabeth - if you force her into an argument every time you see her, she will not be able to heal. She needs to overcome the past, her guilt, entirely on her own. All you - or I - can do in this matter is help her on. Gently. That is the key, Anne. Gently and passively. We can support her in whatever decision she makes, whether we agree with it or not. We can give her time and space to do as she pleases. Which means," He looked at her. "No sarcastic remarks. No clever quips. No allusions to me. No hints. Nothing. Do you understand?"
"I do, indeed," Anne smiled faintly. "Should I recapitulate?"
Darcy smiled wanly. "No, that is not necessary. Does that mean you are willing to cooperate with me?"
"Indeed," Anne said. "Well, now that we settled that, why are you in such a good mood?"
"I am not certain," Darcy sighed. "I spoke with Elizabeth, as you pointed out, and I can't say that it was any different than any other time I have spoken to her since the incident. She was civil and distant, as always. And yet - something was different, Anne. I sensed that she was affected by me as much as I was by her. She could pretend to be indifferent as much as she wanted, but I know that she was not indifferent. If nothing else, it means that I have a hope, a small chance. A very delicate chance, one that I cannot endanger in any way."
"Which is why you were so anxious to hide it from me," Anne said. "So that I would not go and bother her about her feelings for you, again."
"Exactly," Darcy said. "It is probably rather confusing for her already without you adding to her distress."
"Rest assured, Darce, I will behave."
Darcy looked at her. "Now why is that so difficult for me to believe? Oh, I remember, years of experience and contrary evidence."
Anne shook her head. "You are just so amusing, Darce."
Darcy smiled. "I know." He paused. He got up. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must find my sister and speak with her on a pressing matter."
"Do not be too severe on her, Darce," said Anne as Darcy reached the door. "She is innocent. It was all my fault."
"I know that," said Darcy. "Which is why I must warn her to protect herself from any of your future machinations."
"Protect herself?" Anne repeated as Darcy left. "But I am harmless."
~~
Elizabeth was extremely pleased for her sister; truly she was. Bingley had finally asked for her hand in marriage and she had accepted, of course. A wave of joy had overwhelmed the household after the engagement was announced. Mrs. Bennet was beside herself in pure glee and even Mr. Bennet allowed himself to smile publicly, which was a rare occurrence in itself. Bingley was still at Longbourn, Elizabeth was certain and she had felt a need to escape. Her venue of choice, as always, was Oakham Mount, where she sat in perfect solitude to reflect on her conflicting emotions. She was happy for her sister; beyond happy; overjoyed. Jane deserved to be happy and Bingley made her very happy. Elizabeth could tell from the fixed smile on Jane's serene face that he made her very happy. After so many months of pain, suffering and torture, Jane would finally be able to rest, to sleep peacefully with the knowledge that her love was no longer unrequited. Elizabeth knew that she was glad for her sister, and yet she could not rid herself of another disturbing emotion, something akin jealousy. A nagging emotion of jealousy because Jane would have what Elizabeth could only dream of and desire, but never achieve: marital bliss. It was frustrating for Elizabeth to experience that emotion. She didn't want to be jealous, but she could not help herself. And that made Elizabeth feel even more wretched.
"Miss Bennet." A voice from behind her broke into her reverie.
Elizabeth's heart skipped a beat and she responded without turning around. "Mr. Darcy, fancy seeing you here...again." She glanced at him as he sat down on the rock next to her.
"I have come to fancy this mount as much as yourself, I think," Darcy said truthfully.
"Indeed?" Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, wondering if she should believe him.
"Yes," Darcy nodded, looking at her earnestly. "Though my reasons for the preference might differ from yours."
Elizabeth looked away and said, "Mr. Bingley proposed to Jane today."
Darcy looked at her quizzically. "You do not sound pleased."
Elizabeth looked at him in surprise. "I am pleased." He cannot know, can he?
"Must be my imagination, then," said Darcy, not at all convinced.
"Must be," murmured Elizabeth. "So, I suppose that Mr. Bingley must have your approval."
"My approval?" Darcy smiled faintly. "He does not need my approval."
Elizabeth looked at him. "Somehow I doubt that."
Darcy shrugged. "You might be correct."
Elizabeth smiled slightly. "I believe I am." Darcy looked at her earnestly and Elizabeth felt her pulse quicken. She felt his gaze upon her and she colored. She knew that she had to escape. Very soon. So, she got up and said, "Well, Mr. Darcy, I hope you enjoy the mount. The sunset is always lovely. Good day."
Darcy bit his lips as she began to leave, then called out, "Miss Bennet." On hearing her name, she stopped. "Before you leave, can I ask you something?"
Chapter 44
Elizabeth stopped, but Darcy was fairly certain that he detected a hint of hesitation in her aspect. For a moment, he questioned the soundness of what he proposed to say, but it was a fleeting moment of doubt. Darcy was convinced that something needed to be said. He could not, in good conscience, allow her to leave in that manner: cold and distant. Darcy knew that she desperately needed to overcome the past, but any efforts in that direction would be meaningless if she was engaged in a constant battle with him. Their paths were certain to cross since they had some common friends and if at every meeting, she continued to suffer, her penance would be pointless. It was absolutely essential that Elizabeth understand his feelings and intentions towards her and hopefully with that knowledge, a part of her uneasiness would be quelled. She had assured him that she could never hate him, but Darcy was not certain whether she was prepared to like him either. He would be just as content with a neutral friendship as long as there were no more occasions such as this when the tension in the air was palpable and the awkwardness paramount. If nothing else, Darcy wanted to end this restrained antagonism where every word had to be uttered with caution lest the other take offense.
Darcy cleared his throat. "It is more of a request, actually." He paused, looking at her keenly. "Before I proceed any further, I would like to assure you that I do not wish for an answer now, or anytime soon, for that matter. I just thought it was important that you hear this now."
Elizabeth's curiosity was aroused and she listened intently.
"I am not certain where exactly we stand, Miss Bennet," Darcy said. "And perhaps it is better that way, but in any case, I believe that there is no reason for us to be on hostile terms, no reason why we should not be friends." Before Elizabeth could object, or say anything else for that matter, Darcy continued, "One can never have too many friends, Miss Bennet, and I only wanted you to know that I am, and always will be, your friend."
"Friend?" Elizabeth's tone was dubious.
"Why not?" Darcy asked. "With a long standing acquaintance such as ours, it is the least I can do. I trust we shall become good friends and remain thus, in the future."
"I do not believe I quite understand you, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth murmured.
"There is nothing to understand," Darcy said. "As I said earlier, I do not expect a reply of any sort. I just wanted you to know that I will always be a loyal friend and if you shall ever require anything at all, you know you have one person, at least, you can depend upon."
"I...thank you," Elizabeth managed to mumble. I think.
Darcy was silent for a moment. "Well, I suppose you wish to leave, so you may, for I am quite finished."
"Oh," Elizabeth said, then after a brief pause. "Good day, Mr. Darcy."
"Good day, Miss Bennet."
Darcy watched her rapidly disappearing figure, a part of him wishing that she would turn around and run into his arms and stay there forever. Yet she did not so much as glance back at him and Darcy could not effectively ward off that wave of disappointment. Not that he had expected otherwise; indeed this was exactly the reaction he had anticipated. A calm reception of his words and no outward display of emotions and if it had not been for the rapidity of her receding steps, he would never have assumed that his words affected her at all. Of course, he reminded himself, her response could not, by any stretch of imagination, be construed as positive for she was in effect, running away from him. But in a strange way, that was heartening in its own right because at least, she was affected by him still. The only thing better than that would be if she ran into his arms and since that was not an option, he would content himself with the present response.
Darcy knew not what damage, if any, he had done to his present relationship, such as it was, with Elizabeth. Perhaps he had harmed it prodigiously by forcing her to ponder her relationship with him. Perhaps the situation was now worse than it had been before. Perhaps now she would avoid him more so than before. Any or all of these possibilities could result from his words, but he was still convinced of their eventual wisdom. Perhaps Elizabeth did not wish to hear admissions of any kind, but even so, he was certain that his words would reassure some fears that she might have. Consciously or subconsciously, she would be comforted by the knowledge that she would always have a friend in him. He had been careful not to mention the word 'love' at all, no matter how sorely he had been tempted. He understood that she was not at all prepared to hear that, so to eliminate the threat of pressure of any kind, he had refrained from baring his heart and soul. It was a difficult task, but for Elizabeth's sake and his own, he had kept his resolve. Perhaps it was selfish of him that the only reason for his restraint had been a fear of losing Elizabeth permanently, but frankly, he did not care. He was willing to do just about anything to win Elizabeth and if that meant waiting a lifetime, he would do so without so much as one reproaching word.
~~
"Georgie," said Anne as she entered the music room. "I see you have found the piano-forte."
Georgiana smiled. "Yes, I have. I asked for Charles' permission to play it, but I dare say he did not hear a word I said. He seemed rather engaged in grinning to himself. Miss Bennet has certainly made him happy."
"Jane is an angel," Anne declared. "In the short time that I have known her, I have not heard her speak ill of anything or anyone. All in all, a perfect match for Charles, won't you say?"
"Yes, indeed," Georgiana agreed heartily.
"Speaking of perfect matches," Anne said. "Where is Darce?"
"I don't know," Georgiana shrugged. "He left soon after Charles returned from Longbourn." She paused. "That reminds me, I am very upset with you."
"What did I do this time?" asked Anne warily.
"You admitted to the entire plan!" Georgiana said. "You told William everything. I thought it was our secret, and I agreed to it only because I thought it would help William, but certainly if I had known that you would tell him what we had done, I would never have had any part of it."
"Even though you know you have saved him several days, nay weeks of grief and self pity?" Anne asked.
"I suppose," Georgiana said. "But you should have consulted me before you said anything."
Anne nodded. "I agree. I am heartily sorry, Georgie, but it was not all my fault. Darce tricked me into admitting to it." She paused. "But never mind that. He was not too upset, was he?"
"No, surprisingly enough," Georgiana admitted. "He only told me that I should not allow myself to be swayed by your persuasions." She smiled. "In his words, you are not a bad sort of person, but if I continue thus under your tutelage, I shall be in great danger of becoming a part of your machinations."
Anne laughed. "So Darce is insistent on depriving me of my favorite accomplice."
"You promised William you would desist," Georgiana said, surprised at her tone.
"Indeed?" Anne said. "Did he say so?"
"Yes," Georgiana said. "He said that you made a solemn promise not to interfere anymore, which was why he took you in his confidence."
Anne smiled. "I did not lie, Georgie, if that is what you are afraid of." She paused. "Darce made an excellent point, which I am willing to take to heart. He suggested that I exercise a little more tact and subtlety."
"Subtlety?" Georgiana repeated with open dubiousness.
"You find that amusing, do you?" Anne asked.
"Why, yes," Georgiana could barely conceal her smile. "As cousin Chris always says, you are as subtle as a sledgehammer between the eyes."
"I am insulted," Anne said. "I can be subtle when I wish to."
"And you wish to be subtle now?" Georgiana asked.
"I was as hesitant as you are, to begin with," Anne admitted. "But I dare say subtlety has its merits; indeed, the more I ponder it, the more convinced I am of the wisdom of the plan."
"What plan?" Georgiana asked, puzzled. "What are you talking of, Anne?"
"It is becoming vastly evident to me that my present tactics will not do much good," Anne said. "Darce shall withhold all information if I do not desist and Elizabeth is even more stubborn than Darce - which if you ask me, is an accomplishment in itself - but at any rate, if I continue as I have always done, I do not foresee myself proceeding very far in my goals. So like any good General, I believe a change of tactics is in order."
"I am almost afraid to ask," muttered Georgiana.
Anne grinned. "Georgie, what is your understanding of guerilla warfare?" Georgiana confessed her knowledge in that quarter was not considerable. "Well, that is what I must resort to: guerilla warfare. That is to say, I shall continue my subversive acts but in a more subtle, indirect manner. Indeed, Darce and Elizabeth will have no idea what my designs are. To all appearances, I shall be rather sedate. An excellent cover, is it not?"
"Wouldn't seeing you sedate raise suspicions, though?" asked Georgiana.
Anne grimaced. "Good point, although is it that unbelievable that I had a change of heart?"
"I am afraid so," smiled Georgiana.
"Oh well, they can believe what they will," Anne shrugged. "But sooner or later, they will have to trust that I will not interfere in their concerns." She paused. "I have no illusions, Georgie; this process might take several months, but I am willing to do what I must to help them. It all depends on Elizabeth, I suppose and to what extent she is willing to follow her heart. But I shall have to be more underhanded than usual, I dare say."
"Now I am really scared," Georgiana said. "What do you propose to do anyway?"
"I think that as long as Darce and Elizabeth remain in each other's company, only good can result from it," Anne said. "That is easier said than done, I suppose, since Elizabeth will attempt to distance herself from us undoubtedly. And of course, the great distance between Longbourn and Pemberley is a deterrent as well. Darce cannot always remain in Hertfordshire, you see." She paused thoughtfully. "The only course of action would be to lure Elizabeth to Derbyshire...I am certain I shall think of something; that is a long time away yet."
Georgiana was silent for a moment. "Anne, if you ever need any help in this plan, I shall be delighted to be of service."
Anne looked at her cousin and grinned. "My dear Georgie, I did not doubt that for a moment."
"That certain of your persuasive powers, are you?"
Anne nodded. "And I also have infinite faith in the subversive tendencies I see in you."
Georgie shook her head. "You are entirely mistaken, Anne."
Anne laughed. "I think not."
~~
Elizabeth sat on the bench, the basket of flowers sitting idly beside her. She was staring into the empty space in front of her, completely unaware of the flurry of activity inside the house or anywhere else, for that matter. She was so completely absorbed in her own thoughts that nothing short of a calamity would tear her attention away from them. The subject of her thoughts was, as it had been for sometime now, the one man who had driven her to distraction from the first moment of their acquaintance, exciting at times violent hate and at most others undeniable love and attraction. Four days had elapsed since Elizabeth had spoken to or seen him. She had seen Anne and Georgiana once, when they called upon Jane, but not since her hasty departure from Oakham Mount had she had an opportunity to see him and she rejoiced in it. Although she knew she could not escape from him that easily, this temporary separation at least provided her the time she needed to ponder his words. And ponder them she had. Continually. His words and his expressions were imprinted in her head after having dwelled on them for so many uncountable hours. The small smile that had played on his lips, the earnestness of his tone, the seriousness of his expression, the calmness with which he had explained his proposition. It had taken all of Elizabeth's self restraint not to scream in frustration. Friends? You want to be friends? After all that has happened, all that we've been through, you want to be friends?
It was with much alarm and dismay that Elizabeth realized her own hypocrisy. She was not prepared to accept any other offering that he might make, and yet, the proposition of friendship irked her. It was such a vague, undefined term. What exactly did he mean by 'friend?' Whatever it meant, Elizabeth was not certain that friendship was a solution to any of her problems. It would strain her considerably to remain on amiable terms with him without being reminded of what she had lost. If friendship required her to converse with him civilly, she would have to subject herself to his company and every moment she spent with him was pure torture. What vexed Elizabeth the most was his entire attitude in the matter. He was so understanding that it frustrated Elizabeth. It made things infinitely worse. He should have been angry with her, he should have refused to see her, he should have been uncivil to her, he should have never subjected himself to her company willingly. And yet, here he was, painfully civil as always and willing to be her friend. Friend. Someone to support her, someone to help her. It seemed like a simple decision. Who would not wish for a friend? And yet, it was no simple decision. Elizabeth was terribly confused, not only about what she wanted, but about what he wanted. He had said he did not expect a reply; then why did she feel as though he were waiting for her response. Surely, he wished to know whether she wanted to be his friend or not. But he was being a considerate gentleman, not exerting any undue pressure on her. And this is how I treat him. Elizabeth sighed.
She weighed the situation in her head once again. His cousin was marrying Anne. His closest friend was marrying Jane. She could not escape his company if she wished to. She would undoubtedly be thrown in his company on numerous occasions, for surely she could not give up Anne or Jane. If she did not accept his proposal of friendship now, the awkwardness between them would undoubtedly compound. And friendship did not entail anything drastic either. Just mere civility. A few conversations and polite smiles. She could handle that, could she not? And the alternative was avoiding him entirely and even that was not wholly possible. She could be his friend, could she not? And yet, Elizabeth knew it was not that easy. She could be his friend, but that would not change the fact that every moment spent his company was a moment more than she wished. It did not change the fact that when she was in his presence, she felt like screaming and running away. It did not change the fact that she was not worthy of his love or his friendship. It did not change the fact that she had ruined Victor's life and she would ruin his unless he distanced himself from her. Friends. Yes, they could be friends. They would just be the sort of friends who never spoke to each other.
"Lizzy?"
Elizabeth looked up to see Jane. "Jane."
"Mr. Bingley has invited us all to Netherfield for dinner tomorrow," Jane informed her as she sat down on the bench next to her. "You will go, will you not?"
Elizabeth hesitated. "I - "
Jane was quick to add. "Lizzy, please, it would mean a lot to me if you did."
Elizabeth looked at her and sighed. "Alright."
"Thank you," Jane beamed. "I would feel infinitely better knowing you were there. Gives me support, you know. Mama can be..." Jane trailed off. "I know she means well, Lizzy, but I do not wish to deal with her comments alone."
"I understand, Jane," Elizabeth said. She was silent for a moment. "I have been a bad sister, have I not?"
"No, Lizzy, I did not mean that..."
"But I have," Elizabeth said. "I have been so involved in my own problems that I have not even congratulated you properly. Jane, I am so happy for you and Mr. Bingley. You both deserve each other and I dare say I have never seen a more well-suited couple. I am sorry that I have been preoccupied these few days. I just - I am just trying to sort my feelings on some subjects, and the more I ponder it, the more confused I become."
"Anything I can do to help?" asked Jane.
Elizabeth shook her head. "I must decide this for myself."
Jane nodded. "Just remember Lizzy, that you must follow your heart and do what you think is right."
Elizabeth sighed. "That is the problem, Jane, I do not know what's right anymore."
"I am sure you do," said Jane. "If it feels right inside, it probably is."
"I have been known to make some egregious errors following my instincts," said Elizabeth wryly.
Jane had no doubt she was referring to Wickham. "Occasional slips do happen, but I still trust your judgment, Lizzy. In the end, you must do what makes you comfortable. No matter what I or anyone else says, do not let our opinions sway you. Follow your heart and all will be well, Lizzy, I am convinced of it."
Elizabeth embraced her sister. "Thank you, Jane."
Jane smiled. "I am glad to help, Lizzy."
~~
"Which do you think, Georgie...the blue or the green?"
Georgiana repressed a smile. "You will look very well, no matter which you choose, William."
At that moment, Anne knocked and entered Georgiana's chamber. "Darce, fancy meeting you here." She paused as she saw him place the coats on the bed. "I see. I would go with the blue, Darce."
Darcy looked at her, then said, "Thank you."
As he left the chamber, Anne looked at Georgiana and smiled. "Poor Darce." She paused. "He has not seen Elizabeth for a few days now. He told me that he spoke with her the day that Charles proposed to Jane. She was a little upset and he assured her that he wished to be her friend. She did not respond and he assures me that he does not expect a response either, but I suspect that he still fears she will respond to that proposition tonight...in one way or the other."
"That would explain his anxiety, I suppose," Georgiana mused.
"Yes, it would," Anne agreed. "I have been speaking with my maid and she told me that there is an excellent hill nearby, a chosen spot for picnics and such engagements. Do you think Charles would like to have a picnic there, invite the Bennets perhaps?"
Georgiana thought for a moment. "I don't see why not. Except, do you suppose Elizabeth will agree to come?"
Anne nodded. "Leave that to me."
"Anne," Georgiana said as her cousin rose to leave.
"Yes?" Anne turned around at the door.
"Have I told you that I am exceedingly relieved that you are on my side?"
Anne giggled. "Really?"
Georgiana nodded vigorously. "You would make a formidable enemy."
Anne smiled. "Well...I am not really Elizabeth or Darce's enemy...per se."
"Exactly," Georgiana said. "If you...er, importune your friends in this manner, who knows what you would do to your enemies."
Anne laughed. "Who knows indeed."
"With any luck, I will never find out," Georgiana grinned.
~~
Darcy paced the drawing room incessantly. Bingley watched him in silence for some time before saying, "Darce, please do sit down. You are making my head spin."
Darcy stopped in his tracks. "Sorry, Bingley."
"You seem nervous," Bingley observed.
No, really? "Whatever gave you that idea," Darcy said. "I was just taking a turn about the room. Your sister always told me it was refreshing and I quite agree."
Bingley looked at his friend for a moment, then said, "Whatever you say, Darce."
Anne entered the drawing room, smiling. "Good evening, gentlemen." She looked at Bingley. "Charles, I do declare, you look positively dashing." Bingley colored. "I am certain that Jane will approve, although I must request that you not monopolize your fiancée the entire evening, for there are others who would like the opportunity to speak with her once in a while. Is that too much to ask?"
Bingley chuckled slightly. "No, of course not."
"Very well, then," smiled Anne. "Although I suppose there is not much use in obtaining your promise, for she will have eyes or ears for no other. I will have to satisfy myself with a few polite smiles and nods, I suppose." She paused. "No matter. I will not deprive you of her enchanting company for too long. I am certain that Elizabeth and I will be able to entertain ourselves amply."
Darcy's ears perked. "So...um...are you certain that Elizabeth will come...?" He failed miserably in his efforts to appear casual and unconcerned.
Anne looked at him. "Well, not completely...but I am fairly certain."
"Oh," Darcy uttered.
Anne looked at him for a moment, then purposefully turned her attention back to Bingley. "So, Charles, have you discussed the wedding date at all?"
"A little," said Bingley. "It will be in a few months, I think. Mrs. Bennet wishes for a grand ceremony, I think, and so...well, it depends on her as well. Although, I would wish for the wedding to take place in a week, if possible." He smiled. "But that is definitely not possible, so I shall content myself with whatever date Jane and Mrs. Bennet decide upon."
"The sooner the better, I suspect," smiled Anne.
"Indeed," Bingley agreed heartily.
"I am certain Jane shares your point of view," Anne assured him.
"Let us hope so," grinned Charles. His housekeeper enlisted for his opinion on some matter at that point, so he excused himself from the room.
Darcy looked at Anne. "You will behave, will you not?"
Anne nodded. "I promised you, did I not?"
Darcy agreed. "Well, yes, I suppose...I just haven't seen her for nearly a week and I do not know what to expect."
"You think she will speak to you about your little proposition?" asked Anne.
Darcy shrugged. "Perhaps. I really cannot say."
"Elizabeth can be unpredictable," Anne said.
You need not tell me. "Well...at any rate, whatever happens...remember our agreement."
"Subtlety?" Anne said. "Yes, of course."
Darcy looked at her suspiciously. "Are you certain you are not planning something?"
"If I were, would I tell you?" said Anne cheekily.
"Good point," Darcy said, then paused, thinking. "But you would tell Georgie, in all probability, and she will tell me if I ask her."
Oh no, she will not. "Ask away to your heart's content," Anne grinned.
Darcy looked at her. "I do not trust that smile."
"Darce, you have my word," Anne said. "I will be subtle." So much so that even you will have no idea what happened, until after it occurs.
"Fine," Darcy said.
"So, Darce, are you nervous?" Anne asked. Darcy glared at her. "What? It is a valid question."
Darcy sighed. "I am nervous and uneasy and going out of mind. There, does that satisfy you?"
Anne looked at him. "You better compose yourself, Darce, for if I am not mistaken, the carriage has just arrived."
She was not mistaken for moments later the Bennets were announced.
Darcy rose and walked to his trusted window, which never uttered any heart-wrenching words, which never drove him crazy with the sparkle of its eyes, which never challenged him or questioned him, which never made him uneasy or uncomfortable, which never expected anything and never accused him. He sighed in disgust at the absurdity of his thoughts, marveling at the effect Elizabeth had on him before she even entered the room. He turned around as the sound of approaching footsteps echoed in the halls and mentally steeled himself for an emotionally draining evening. Just as the drawing room door opened, he looked heavenward. Please, god.