Jump to new as of January 14, 2001
Her hands were shaking. Her fingers were spread out in midair and they were shaking like leaves. Liza sighed and clenched her hands, willing them to still. She knew they would sooner or later- they were just pre-ball jitters.
"Liza!" her older brother Jonathan screamed up the staircase at her, extremely uncivilized.
"What?" she screeched back, probably just as uncivilized.
"The first guests will be arriving soon. Mother wants you down stairs- now, Tiny."
"How eloquent of you, brother," she grumbled as she walked gracefully down the stairs, "but I would like to remind you that my name is not nor ever was Tiny."
"You will always be Tiny to me unless you grow another foot," was the reply.
"I am practically eighteen, Jonny. I am quite positive I am done growing," she explained coolly as they arrived at their parents side.
Liza kissed her mother and father on the cheek.
"You look lovely, Lizzie," her father, the only one to call her by that name, smiled at her. "Too lovely."
Liza lifted a quizzical eyebrow before her mother jabbed her husband in the side.
"Your scowl will not be keeping all the men away like last time, Fitzwilliam. I will make sure of it."
Liza rolled her eyes and then turned to her mother. "Mama, do you not think you are going a little overboard?"
"With what?" Elizabeth Darcy asked with alarm, looking around at the set up of the ball.
"We are having too many balls here."
Elizabeth laughed at her daughter. "I never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth. Are you feeling all right?"
"First you had a ball for Peter and Sydney's engagement. A perfectly natural occurrence, I assure you, and you were quite justified in that. But having another one for their engagement...!"
"You can blame that on your older brother, Liza. If he had simply told me he was not really engaged the first time, I would have only had to throw one."
"I suppose that is true, but then you had one on their wedding day!"
"Liza, are you questioning that?"
"No, not at all except that you are now having one again for the return from their honeymoon."
"Sydney does not yet know all of our neighbors and this is a perfect way for her to be introduced into our little society."
Liza rolled her eyes. "Lucky her," she mumbled as she made her way between Jonathan and Ben, her other brother.
"You are the one with tough luck," Jonathan whispered into her ear as the first guests started to file in.
"What are you talking about?" she asked in exasperation.
"You are not going to grow anymore you said, and so you will always be 'Tiny' to me."
"And me, also," Ben piped in.
Liza gave Jonathan a good pinch and then yelped in pain as he pinched her back with, what she believed was, all his strength. She had just muttered an expletive when she heard that hated laugh.
"Charmed as always, Miss Darcy." Two crystal clear blue eyes surrounded by laugh lines stared back at her.
"I am so delighted you could come, Dr. Cannerly," Liza said flatly, curtsying.
He bowed and when he raised his eyes they had a little sparkle in them and his white, straight teeth were blaring at her.
"Overwhelmed, I am sure." With this, he laughed and moved on to talk with her brothers.
Liza would have loved to spit fire at the man, but his parents and younger sister, who also happened to be Liza's good friend, were now greeting her.
Lady Cannerly kissed her on the cheek and Liza squeezed Grace's hands. The poor girl looked so nervous.
"Grace, if you would wait until all the guests have arrived, I would like to speak with you."
Grace shot her one her winning smiles and nodded, showing in her eyes her appreciation. "Could your eldest son not come?" Liza asked with what she hoped was indifference.
Lord and Lady Cannerly looked at each other.
"Business detained him longer than he thought, but he might return and come later."
"Very good," Liza said with a soaring heart, "We should be happy to have him."
The guests kept pouring in. Liza absolutely despised greeting guests. All the formalities, all the hypocrisy...it all seemed so cynical sometimes. She did not even like some of these people but was forced to be friendly to them. Her eyes caught two blue ones. Here is the first example, she thought wryly. She suppressed the urge to stick her tongue out at him. She had outgrown that- at least one full year ago.
"You seem quite interested in the oldest Cannerly, Tiny."
No, maybe she had not outgrown it.
"If Mother or Father catch you doing that you will be sent to your room."
Liza rolled her eyes. "With no dinner?"
"Exactly."
Liza got quite a bit of satisfaction in hitting him on the arm.
"You are an imbecile," she told him.
"An imbecile who you are dancing the first set with," he reminded her with a little tweak to her nose.
Liza hefted a sigh and made eye contact with Grace. Giving her friend a reassuring smile, she walked over to her. Grace had successfully hid herself from most everyone at the ball, in the entryway of another room. Liza shook her head at her and Grace smiled with embarrassment.
"You are never going to find a husband if you hide out here," Liza warned her in her best impression of her Grandmother Bennet.
"Oh, Liza, you know I hate these things! My heart starts beating fast and I get all hot and..." she stopped when Liza began to laugh.
"It is dreadfully unfair you never get a case of nerves for balls and I do!"
Liza laughed again. "Yes, I suppose it is."
She heard the beginning chords of the first dance. She held out her arm.
"Come, my friend, we must away to our partners."
Grace sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. Liza realized she was praying and rolled her eyes. She had nothing against God, in fact she shared what she thought was a strong relationship with Him, but did He really care if Grace fainted at a ball or not?
Jonathan was waiting patiently for her with Grace's brother, Dr. Spencer Cannerly. His blue eyes were fixated on Liza and she wanted to sneer at the amusement she found in them. As soon as Grace was in his possession, he turned his attention towards his little sister. With a few uttered words into her ear, she smiled and seemed to relax. The music began.
"Why do you not like Spence?" Jonathan started conversation.
"Excuse me?" Liza asked.
Jonathan sighed. "Dr. Cannerly."
"He is insolent."
"No more than I," Jonathan pointed out.
"Jonny, you are my brother. I am forced to like you."
Jonathan stopped speaking for a few minutes.
"What has he ever done to you?"
"Who? Dr. Cannerly?"
"Who else?"
"I do not know. Maybe I thought you had changed topics!" Liza defended.
"No, you are trying to do that. We are talking about Spencer."
"I do not try to change the topic!" Liza exclaimed. "By the way, do you like the color of my gown?"
Jonathan raised an eyebrow.
"What? That thought happened to come to mind right then."
"What has Spencer ever done to you?"
"Don't you remember the horrible way he would tease me about wanting to become a physician?"
"More than any of your brothers did?"
"It was worse with him." Liza pouted.
"Were you not thankful for all the books he let you borrow? You would not know anything about medicine if he had not been gracious enough to lend them to you."
Liza stared straight ahead.
"And I seem to recall several times when he sat down with you and explained certain topics you were fuddled on."
"I was not fuddled on anything," Liza bit back.
Jonathan gave her a disapproving look.
"Fine. Perhaps I was but Dr. Cannerly answered my questions with quite a derogatory tone of voice."
Jonathan gave her another disapproving look.
"Why do you care so much, Jonny?" Liza wondered.
"I do not appreciate seeing you treat one of my good friends with such contempt."
"Dr. Cannerly does not seem to mind."
"Liza, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say...and I have heard quite a few. Would you care if I was so beastly to you?"
"That is quite a different scenario."
The end of the dance cut Jonathan's reply in mid sentence. She curtsied and quickly turned on her heel, not even waiting for him to offer her his arm. He chased after her, grabbed her hand, and dragged her to an area relative to where Grace had been hiding.
"I do not want you associating with Lord Cannerly," he said firmly when she finally glanced up at him.
"Grace's father?" she asked incredulously.
"No, her oldest brother. Lord Julian."
"You cannot tell me what to do!" she yelled at him, outraged.
Jonathan put a finger over her lips. "I am asking you not to."
"May I ask why not?"
Jonathan hesitated.
"Exactly what I assumed!" Liza started to retreat but again Jonathan grabbed her arm.
"He is not the kind of man you want to be involved with, believe me!" Jonathan pleaded.
"I think this is simply a farce. You want me to fall in love with Spencer Cannerly for whatever reason of your own. I tell you, Jonathan, I will not!"
She turned around and flew right into a solid male chest. A pair of blue eyes regarded her.
"Miss Darcy, just the person I seek. I would have the honor of the next dance."
Liza sighed and tried to keep her anger in control and inside of her as Dr. Cannerly led her to the floor. It was a feat she had not had much success with. She dared to glance up at him. He was looking right at her and grinning. She quickly looked away. She figured he had heard just about all of their conversation...that cretin Jonathan! He could have at least warned her that Spencer was right behind her.
The music began and Liza curtsied to him, keeping her eyes glued to his cravat. She had become quite disconcerted by the look in his eyes- that hideous smirk. It made her blood boil. She hoped he would simply remain in silence for the course of the dance.
"Miss Darcy, I am sorry to hear that your regard of me is so ill," he spoke.
Liza gulped. "Excuse me?"
Spencer grinned and she made the mistake of looking up at him. "If I wanted you to fall in love with me, I certainly would not have used your brother."
Liza's temper threatened to boil over.
"Perhaps you should, for your charms certainly do not entice any young woman."
Her remark created the opposite reaction of what she wanted as Spencer laughed. His laughter made her angrier, but she had to try to control it. Her mother and father would have her hide for making a scene, as she often ended up doing at a gathering. It was not intentional ever, something just always seemed to set that spark off. And most of the time, that spark was Spencer Cannerly.
"That is interesting you say that, Miss Darcy. Many members of your sex have told me that my charms were nearly impossible to resist."
"Perhaps they were lying to you, sir."
This produced another jovial laugh. Liza took a deep breath and counted to ten.
"Perhaps you are lying to yourself."
She took another deep breath and counted backwards from ten.
"I want to thank you for giving my sister comfort tonight. Gracie does get frightfully nervous."
Liza fumbled momentarily at the serious change in topics.
"Yes, it is a silly thing to be nervous about," she stated with finality.
"Tell me, you have never been nervous for a ball? Not even once?"
"Never."
Liza glanced up at Spencer. He was regarding her with one eyebrow raised in question as if he did not believe her. She started praying for the song to end. She did happen to get nervous before balls- and various other things- but people always assumed her to be the rock, and so the rock she must be.
Thankfully, the song finished. Dr. Cannerly led her to get some punch. She thought he would leave her but, to her dismay, he wanted to continue a conversation.
"I trust your brother and his wife had an enjoyable honeymoon?" he started on a wise topic.
Liza looked at the happy couple dancing and smiled. They made quite a striking pair- Peter so tall and dark and Sydney so tiny and light. Sydney looked more beautiful than ever, although Liza found it difficult to believe. As usual, Sydney was laughing at something Peter had whispered to her.
"I believe they did," she said as she accepted the punch from Dr. Cannerly. "When Peter learned that Sydney had always wanted to go to Italy, he immediately arranged a stay in Venice for their honeymoon. I am glad they are back, however. I missed Sydney's company."
"And Peter's?" Spencer grinned.
"Of course, but I had two other brothers to fill in his position of torment."
Spencer laughed again. "You get along with the new Mrs. Darcy, then?"
Liza smiled at the name. "I am afraid I will never get used to that reference, but yes, we get along quite well."
"How are your studies going?" Spencer changed the topics again. He was forever doing it, but then again, so did she.
Liza shrugged daintily. "Well, I suppose."
"Do not tell me that Miss Elizabeth Jane Mary Catherine Darcy has become unfaithful in her studies." Spencer pretended to faint.
Liza stood still with her eyebrows raised until he regained his composure- still smiling like an idiot. She rolled her eyes.
"I have not had as much time with the wedding to plan and all. Please do not use my full name in public ever again, Dr. Cannerly. Miss Darcy will do well enough."
"If I may ask why I cannot use your full name?"
He would enquire. "Because it is ridiculous."
"And why is that?"
"I have three middle names, for goodness sakes! My mother did not want to leave one of her sister's out, well, except for Aunt Wickham. I am surprised they did not add Georgiana, also."
Spencer laughed. "You certainly do delight me, Miss Darcy."
"And you certainly vex me, Dr. Cannerly."
He raised his punch cup as if to toast hers. "Glad to see I make some kind of impression on you."
God forbid, Liza actually felt the corners of her mouth twitching, but an entrance out of the corner of her eye, made her forget that Dr. Cannerly was even at her side. Her butterflies returned and she had to put her punch cup down, lest she spill it all over her dress. Spencer seemed to be amused at the frozen Liza until he noticed what it was that froze her. He gave a scowl and left her, walking up to the man that had just arrived.
"I am surprised you made it, brother."
Julian Cannerly smiled, which constituted the corners of his mouth upturning about a centimeter. His eyes were on the dark haired, dark eyed girl who had just been vacated by his younger brother.
"I had some business here as well, Spence."
Spencer watched in disgust as his older brother made his way over to Liza. His size dwarfed her. Liza was not diminutive, but she was not by any standards tall. The way she was looking at him, the way she was flushing...it made him sick. He turned around and marched out onto the balcony. He hoped fresh air would do the trick.
Liza walked into the stables the next morning with a dreamy smile upon her face. The head stable hand, Marius, smirked at her and began to get her horse ready for her. Liza usually wanted to do the task herself, but Marius could see she was in no condition. She would probably end up putting on the saddle backwards.
Saddles were the last thing in Liza's mind. She was remembering what it felt like to dance in the arms of Lord Julian Cannerly. He was what women considered mysteriously handsome. He was tall- only Peter was taller- and he was dark. He had black hair and blue eyes like his brother. Actually, now that Liza thought about it, they were not like Spencer's at all. His were warm and deep blue, almost like the sky on a particularly beautiful day. Julian's were more concealed, like frozen ice.
But there was no doubt that Julian was much more handsome than his younger brother. She was the only woman he had danced with besides his sister and Sydney. Peter had not been too happy with that fact, but Lord Julian had insisted he must dance with the woman of honor. Liza really did not understand her brother's problem with Lord Julian's request. It seemed perfectly natural to her. Speaking of Sydney, Liza realized as she looked around, she was late. They had both agreed the day before to meet and go riding in the morning, although later than usual because of the festivities the night before.
Marius had both their horses saddled and was walking towards her as Sydney flew into the stable. Her coat was misbuttoned and her bun was a little crooked. She flashed Liza a smile as she grabbed the reins of her mount.
"Ready to go, sister?"
Liza nodded and let one of the stable hands help her into her saddle. Once on top of her horse, she adjusted her gloves.
"Running a little late this morning, Sydney?" Liza teased.
"Yes. I did not get much sleep last night and was dead to the world this morning."
"Oh. Did my brother have something to do with that?"
Sydney gave her a disapproving look. "Do you remember that little talk we had, Liza?"
"That was out of line?"
Sydney nodded, but then grinned at the younger woman.
"Did you have another one?" Liza asked seriously.
Sydney looked down at her hands, her customary blush on her cheeks. Liza barely saw her
perceptible nod.
"Was Peter angry?"
"No, he was worried. I hate making him worry but I just cannot stop these nightmares from coming."
"Are they of Tate or of your parents?"
"It depends on what night. I have some of both." she stated dryly.
Liza shivered. Sometimes she was awakened in the night by Sydney's nightmares. Sometimes she would scream and sometimes she could hear her sobbing. Every time it happened, Liza could never fall back asleep.
"I wish I would just stop having them because it makes Peter think that I am not over what happened to me. I am, but having these nightmares does not reassure him."
Liza looked at her.
"Are you over it?"
Sydney nodded. "It will always be with me, especially my parents. But having Peter's love and just having him there makes the pain dull."
"Do you tell him that?"
"Yes, but you know Peter. It does not always get through that thick skull of his."
Liza decided to change the subject. Once Sydney brought up Peter it was not long before she started going on and on about his attributes. Peter was, after all, her brother and she did not want to hear it.
"Did you enjoy yourself at the ball last night?"
"Oh, yes! I have yet to thank your mother for the splendid time."
"You know my mother, Sydney. She will act affronted that you thanked her for it when she thinks it is her duty."
"A duty I believe she is very fond of," Sydney said with the hint of a smile on her face.
"Yes, I had a talk with mama about that last night." Liza rolled her eyes. "She blames for Peter for two of her balls."
"Because we had two engagement balls?" Sydney guessed correctly.
Liza nodded. "Did you enjoy the company last night?"
Sydney sighed. "Oh, yes, I certainly did."
The look in her eyes made Liza feel ill.
"I meant besides Peter." Liza said pointedly.
"Oh." Liza rolled her eyes again when Sydney had to search through her brain to think of one person besides her husband she had even conversed with. "I thoroughly enjoyed Dr. Cannerly's company. He was quite entertaining."
Liza jerked back her reins in surprise. Her mare gave a whinny of protest and only when Liza soothingly patted her neck did she settle.
"You did not find him...oh, perhaps, impertinent?"
"Not in the least. He was very congenial and quite easy to talk to."
"What about his brother?"
"His brother?" Sydney repeated, racking her brain.
"The other man you danced with. Lord Julian Cannerly?" Liza reminded her.
"Oh, yes. I did not prefer his company at all."
Liza almost jerked her reins again. Luckily she stopped herself because she knew her feisty mare would probably throw her this time.
"Why not?"
"He stared at me." Sydney shuddered.
"He stared at you?" Liza repeated incredulously.
"Yes."
There was silence.
"And that was why you did not like him?"
"He was staring at me as a married woman should not be stared at, Liza. It made me uncomfortable and since he is a gentleman, he should never have placed me in that position."
Liza started to think. Sydney was like her Aunt Bingley. She never thought bad about a person until it was absolutely proven true. So for her to dislike Lord Julian was strange indeed. This was not a good thing since Liza was quite determined to make Julian fall in love with her.
"Actually, I believe he scared me."
This line broke into Liza's thoughts.
"He scared you?"
"Yes. You know how easily I scare of men, although I am getting better- Peter told me so."
Liza smiled and sighed with relief. Sydney's feelings were not anything to get worked up about. Lord Julian was still quite the gentleman. She sympathized with Sydney, knowing where she got her fear from, but in this case it was an overreaction.
"Is something wrong, Liza?"
"No."
"You seem quiet this morning."
Liza shrugged. "I am just full of thoughts."
They held a comfortable silence all the way back to the stables.
The men were approaching the stables. Sydney immediately recognized Peter. When they had reined their horses to a stop, Peter came to Sydney's side and helped her dismount. Liza sat expectantly, her mare shifting her weight impatiently, for Peter to assist her as well. Peter still had his hands on Sydney's waist and they seemed content to stay as they were. Peter was whispering something to her, she was blushing, and then he kissed her nose. She expected him to move then, but they stayed rooted to the spot, seemingly unaware suddenly of anyone around them.
Liza was about to try dismounting herself, when two strong hands encircled her waist and helped her down. Liza had been looking the opposite way and was a little surprised. She turned to thank who she assumed was Jonathan, and froze.
"You strike me as the kind of girl who would not ride sidesaddle."
Oh, how he infuriated her!
"I am not a girl, Dr. Cannerly, I am a lady."
"One could not mistake that, Miss Darcy. I was simply trying to get a smile out of you."
"You will not by insulting me!"
Liza would never admit it, but when she was riding by herself she often rode with a man's saddle. She made sure no one knew of this, save Marius.
"He was not insulting you," Jonathan said, coming to their side.
Liza clenched her fists and wanted to scream. Why was Jonathan always coming to Spencer's defense?
"Fine. You were not insulting me, Dr. Cannerly. May I go now?"
"No one was keeping you." Jonathan said in that older brother way.
She gave him one of her looks that could have frozen up the sun.
"Tell mother we will be back before supper. We are waiting for Julian and then heading out to hunt."
"What detains Lord Julian?" she could not help but asking.
Spencer shrugged. "The last I checked he was in his bed asleep. The idleness of being a Lord has weakened his bones, I think."
Jonathan and Ben laughed. Peter was still too absorbed in Sydney to even notice.
"I will tell her." Liza nodded to them, a worried expression on her face. "Sydney, are you coming?"
Liza had to call her name several more times before she looked up from her daze. Ben and Spencer were respectively checking their laughter, but Jonathan laughed openly. He put his arm around Sydney.
"You have really done it, my dear. I have not seen Peter stay still so long in years."
Laughing again, he dashed out of Peter's reaching distance. The two left them with Peter threatening to thrash Jonathan until he died a slow and painful death. Sydney had more things to think about than her oldest brother committing fratricide, however.
She had heard two accounts of Lord Julian that morning and neither one of them were what she wanted to hear. She shook her head. She would continue with her plan. Just because Sydney had an intuition about him and he was a tad bit lazy did not make him a bad choice for husband. She could still fall in love with a man of those faults. No, it would take something much bigger to change her mind.
This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Liz, who will not let up on the title of this story. According to her, all I need is a front cover with Fabio on it!! I'm sorry to all who feel the same way, but I'm no good with titles and it will make sense. Anyway, Liz, this is for you! Everyone enjoy! :)
Sydney sat up in bed, her nightclothes drenched in sweat, her hair plastered to her forehead. She was disoriented and she could not breathe. Clutching a fisted hand to her erratically beating heart, she glanced around her, waiting for her surroundings to click with her brain. A movement to her left brought her back.
Her husband looked such like a little boy when he slept. His dark hair was tousled this way and that and he had a soft smile on his lips. As she stared at him, his arm reached out to trap her and bring her into his arms.
"I thought you were asleep!" she whispered to him. Then she swatted at his arm. "Do not ever scare me like that again!"
"You do not have to whisper anymore, Syd. Do you not think after five months of marriage I would wake up?"
Sydney's smile was rueful. "I tried my hardest not to scream, too."
Peter smiled at his wife, wrapped her closer in his arms, and kissed her forehead.
"Tate?"
Sydney nodded. She instantly saw, or felt was more like it, Peter's temper rise. He practically squeezed the breath out of her. When he finally released her, she saw that muscle in his jaw was tense. She placed her hand on his cheek.
"Peter, please. I have already forgotten it."
"How can you forget it when several times in a fortnight he invades your nightmares?"
He was really getting angry this time and Sydney was feeling sick. Since they had been married, they had only argued a few selected times, but it was always about the same thing.
"I cannot explain it really, but-"
"You cannot explain it?" Peter asked incredulously, all but pushing her out of his arms and sitting up.
"I never think about him throughout the day. I have you, Peter. I know he will never hurt me again."
"Then why these constant nightmares?" he asked angrily, climbing out of the bed.
Sydney stared at his broad back, feeling her tears in her throat.
"I have no control of them, Peter. If I did, do you honestly think I would continue having them?"
She knew her voice was pleading and sounded all together pathetic. She hated fighting- with anyone- but she absolutely despised fighting with the one person she loved more than anything in the whole world.
"Who would know? I can understand the dreams about your parents, but the ones of Tate are uncalled for. You must obviously think about him or these dreams would not reoccur." he stated as he hastily put on his robe.
He finally turned to face her. His hair was sticking straight up, his eyes were the tell tale gray, and his jaw was clenched. Sydney had no doubt in her mind that her husband was furious.
"And for that matter, I do not appreciate being lied to."
Sydney tried to sway him one last time, but Peter cut her off by opening the door, stepping through, and slamming it shut. She stared at the door for several minutes silently telling herself he would be back any moment and not to cry.
After ten minutes, she realized he was not coming back in and flung herself back on the bed. She stuffed her head in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.
"Grace, not another one!"
The red faced blonde nodded. "I do not know how it happened, Liza. I do not even think I looked at this one."
"It does not ever seem to matter, does it? They all take one look at you and fall head over heels," Liza said ruefully as she looked over the letter in her hand. "I only wish it would happen to me once!"
"No, you do not!"
"Do not worry yourself, dear. With you as my competition, no man would ever look twice at me...except maybe my brothers."
"Oh, Liza! Why do you always say that when I get one of these letters? You have a much stronger personality than me and you are very pretty yourself!"
"I suppose, if men like boring old brown hair and eyes. Most, however," she said pointedly eyeing the letter in her hand, "seem to prefer the bashful, willowy, blonde type."
"Well I wish they would not!" Grace said with contempt.
"Why, Gracie! You just spoke with more anger than I have ever seen you in!"
Grace Cannerly smiled and blushed again. "I am sorry, Liza. These men constantly falling in love with me when I do nothing- absolutely nothing- to provoke them do wear on my nerves."
Liza gave her friend an impish smile. "Be careful, Grace, or you will start to sound like my grandmama."
Grace raised an eyebrow and in one of those moments when she broke away from her shell, replied, "I would rather be forced to run through Lambton without a stitch of clothing on then start sounding like your grandmother. Or worse, turn into her."
Liza laughed and shook her head. Part of the reason Grace was her best friend, besides the fact she was the only young lady her age anywhere near, was that she came up with the most bemusing sayings. At times, she was more blunt than Liza- but only at times.
"I have little doubt in my mind that day will ever happen, my friend. And if it ever does, I will be sure to warn you."
Liza set out to reading the letter again and was very soon snickering.
"What are you laughing at?" Grace asked, suddenly defensive of her admirer's letter.
Liza cleared her throat. " 'Your hair is the color of the sun, spreading all of it's light onto the dewy hills. Your eyes are as blue as the ocean deep. When I think of your beautiful face, love compels me to write this letter. I am imagining your blushing face as you read th-' "
Liza looked up to see that Grace truly was blushing.
"Must you read it aloud, Liza?" Grace asked.
Liza shrugged. "Does that man actually think that you will be swayed with talk like that? Truly!"
They were interrupted as Lord Julian made his way into the room. He was frowning but once he saw Liza, he shot her a smile. He bowed and then took his sister's hand and kissed it.
"Good morning, Julian," Grace said stiffly.
"It is a wonderful morning...now." he said, looking directly at Liza.
God forbid, she felt herself blushing. She only hoped Grace did not notice.
"Would you two like to go for a ride with me? I love an invigorating ride after a good night's rest."
"You just awoke?" Liza could not help voicing her thoughts.
She thought she actually saw Julian sneer but his affirmative answer was so smooth she must have imagined it.
"I would enjoy it, my lord." Liza quickly replied.
"I believe I would too. Thank you brother," Grace replied after her.
Lord Julian turned to his little sister.
"Grace it is a bit cold out. I think it would be best if you stayed indoors this morning. I am quite positive mother could find something to divert you."
"But-"
"I will hear no complaints, dear sister. I am older than you and I know your delicate state." Julian gave her a consolatory pat on the hand and if Liza had really been watching she might have noticed it was a little stiff or perhaps the resented look Grace gave her brother.
Julian escorted Liza to the stables. "We will only ride slowly today since you are not dressed properly for the saddle."
Liza nodded as they walked through the stalls and stopped.
"You may ride Bessie."
Liza eyed the old, broken-down nag and shook her head. Turning to her left, she saw the most beautiful bay.
"If it pleases you, my lord, would it be possible if I ride this one?"
She reached out her hand to the horse, who huffed it appreciatively.
"Killer?" Julian said incredulously.
"He does not look like a killer to me. He looks extremely tame."
She laughed as the horse started lipping some of her hair. She pushed him away and then laughed again as he started nibbling her fingers. She glanced a look at Julian and was surprised to see a look of distaste on his face. He must have noticed because he immediately smiled and granted her wish.
As Liza waited for her horse to be tacked, she studied Julian. He was taller than most men she knew, but her brothers had muscle on them. They were active- fencing, riding, hunting. Julian did not have excess flesh on him, but that did seem to be because he was healthy.
"Are you ready, Miss Darcy?" he interrupted her thoughts.
He helped her into the saddle and then she was amazed to see he needed to stand on a mounting box to mount his horse. No wonder Jonathan does not like him, she thought.
They started riding out slowly, much too slowly for Liza's thinking.
"My lord-"
"Elizabeth, we have known each other for years. I hope we can use our Christian names by now."
Liza nodded. "Julian, if you would like to go faster I would not object."
At his nod, she kicked her horse with her heels and was off like a light. She was surprised at the horse's power at first, but then gave him even more rein. The sun showering her with warmth and the wind blowing in her face were too dear to give up for propriety- or her well being. She finally slowed her horse and stood waiting for Julian to catch up. It took quite a while.
"It is not cold out here at all," she started saying. Then she noticed the look on his face. "Is something wrong?"
He must have realized his frown for he shook his head negative and inched his horse closer to hers. Before she knew what he had done, he was fingering her loose hair.
"I do not appreciate you throwing away your manners and galloping off into the wind, but if it brings this effect, I find I do not mind as much."
"What effect?" she asked breathlessly, trapped in his intense gaze.
"Your hair about your face. I wonder how it would look completely down...." he murmured and before she could stop him began removing her pins one by one. Once he took away the first she found she did not have the strength to stop him.
"How could you say your hair was boring?" he asked as he wrapped a curl around his finger.
"I...I..." Liza did not appreciate being tongue tied. The look in his eyes was turning her brain into nothing and making her stomach feel very warm. Two things crossed her mind but were forgotten. One was that he must have been listening to Grace and her conversation. The second was that it was quite improper to have this man see her with her hair down.
"Ever since you grew up I have wanted to touch your hair. I imagined it would be soft...but never like this."
Catching her eye, he lifted his finger and kissed her hair. She felt enough shock to make her think he had actually kissed her.
"And your eyes...one could get lost in your eyes."
He blue met her brown ones and he smiled as he saw the confusion in them.
"They remind me of cinnamon...only with a little sparkle in the corner. Very fine eyes, indeed, Elizabeth."
Liza felt like her heart was melting. No one had ever spoke to her like Julian was doing. No one had ever complimented her like he had. Outwardly, Liza may have acted like she would be turned away by such praise, but inwardly she craved it.
"You are the most beautiful woman I know. And you are a woman. I cannot believe you are only seventeen."
Liza blushed and suddenly wanted more than anything to flee.
"Excuse me, my lord, but I am sure Grace will become quite enraged if I stay out any longer."
With those words she expertly turned her horse and galloped off, not once looking behind her. If she had, she would have noticed a strange smile of satisfaction on Julian's lips. And she would have been confused all the more.
"How could you be so utterly careless, Liza? If you claim to be so smart, what did you think you were doing?"
Liza rolled her eyes. It was just her luck that her brothers had been readying to ride with Spencer when Liza had galloped into the stables. She had not had time to fix her hair and it was flowing down to her waist. Jonathan and Ben looked angry and when she expected to see Spencer laughing at her, she instead found him staring at her in a strange sort of way. When he had noticed she was looking at him and he was caught in his stare, he blushed. Liza would have taken more time to figure out what had just occurred, but at that moment Jonathan had practically ripped her off the bay and all but dragged her into the carriage.
She was now sitting in the music room listening to her older brother lecture her. She hated Jonathan's lectures. Mr. I-am-going-to-be-a-clergyman-someday-so-you-better-listen-to-me tended to put on a holier than thou attitude, especially when yelling at disobedient younger sisters.
"Are you going to answer me or should I just go tell father about this?"
Liza was on her feet in moments. "Oh, Jonny, please do not tell him! I did not mean to do anything wrong! I was riding, that is all!"
"Alone with a man and your hair completely unbounded?" Jonathan screamed at her.
Liza felt the tears well up behind her eyelids but she worked hard to hold them back. She had only cried in front of people a few seldom times and it would surprise even her brother.
"Could you please keep your voice down?"
"No!" he yelled again but did lower his voice. "You have done more than just make a fool of yourself, Liza. You have directly disobeyed my orders."
Liza felt the bolt of defiance course through and she prayed that she would be able to keep her mouth under control.
"And what orders would that be, brother?"
"I told you specifically that I did not want you around Julian. Not only did I found you around him, I found you alone with him."
"I am sorry, Jonathan, but I did not know I had to take orders from you. You are not father, you are merely my older brother." she reminded him sarcastically.
"Your brother who just saved your rear today, Liza. You should be grateful I am not taking this to Father, instead of insulting my control over you."
Liza rolled her eyes. "Just out of curiosity, why are you not telling Father?"
"Call it blackmail if you will, but I am holding this against you. I will be watching and if you think you can pull a stunt like this another time..."Jonathan stopped and raised his eyebrows. "I would not try it."
Liza was not impressed. No matter how hard Jonny tried, he simply was not, nor ever would be, threatening. She knew him and he, like all her brothers, had a heart of mush underneath their outward exterior. Especially Peter and Jonny. Ben often did not try to hide his heart, his was so big it would have been impossible. Peter and Jonny saw it made them vulnerable and tried to cover it up. However, since Peter had been married he was starting to let go and only Jonny had not figured it out yet.
Liza did not wait for him to dismiss her and left the room with a challenging smile on her lips. She wanted to find Sydney before dinner. She was completely confused about what had happened that afternoon and while she would not go into specifics, she thought maybe she could talk out her feelings with her friend. She was looking through the house until dinner and still had not found her.
As the family sat down around the table, Liza noticed Sydney was not among them.
"Where is Sydney? I have been looking for her all afternoon."
Jonathan snorted and Liza gave him the eye.
Peter shrugged. "I suppose she does not feel well."
"You suppose?" Liza asked. "You do not know if she is sick?"
"She did not tell me directly."
"Why? What is the matter with her? A fever, headache...should I go up and check on her?"
"You do whatever strikes your fancy. I do not care."
Liza gave him a strange look. He was frowning and moving the food around on his plate without eating it. He did not seem happy at all.
"So I should go up?" she double-checked.
"Lizzie," her father said, exchanging glances with Elizabeth, "you may check on her after we dine."
Liza nodded and dug into her food. Halfway through, one of the Reynolds boys came in.
"Sir, this is an important notice for Miss Liza. I took the liberty of bringing it directly."
"Thank you, Luke." Darcy took the letter from his hands and handed it to his daughter.
Liza eagerly opened it and read it's contents quickly. Looking up, she addressed her father.
"Dr. Mulligan needs my help, Father. Mr. Holland's youngest fell down a flight of stairs and he needs me now." She glanced at him expectantly. "I can take the carriage."
Darcy sighed and then nodded his head. "Would you like someone to accompany you?"
"No, father. It is not far and I am sure it will not take long." She got up and rounded the table. "Thank you, papa."
He gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek and watched as she left the room to gather her cloak. Elizabeth was looking at him.
"I want to please her, Elizabeth. She wants so to learn this medicine, but I hate to think of her seeing this much suffering."
He felt the comforting, familiar squeeze of his wife's hand. She smiled at him.
"You know our daughter, Fitzwilliam. When she sees something she wants, she will let nothing get in her way. Dr. Mulligan takes care of her and she has learned a great deal. Liza is strong. Hardly anything upsets her. She is our little rock."
"I am not always sure that is true, mother." Jonathan broke in.
All four turned to look at him.
"It seems to me that we often rely on Liza. Is she really a rock or do we make her into one?"
The table fell silent until Liza raced through, saying her good-byes.
Sydney sat on her window seat and watched the sunset. Bringing her knees up to her chin, she sighed. She had spent the whole day in her room, switching from reading books to crying her eyes out. Peter had not come near her. In the morning she had approached his adjoining room and stepped in. He was getting dressed and she knew he had seen her in his mirror. He obviously did not want to talk to her, as he had completely ignored her.
Rather than face him and his family's questioning looks, she had opted to stay in her room all day. A knock on the door reminded her how hungry she was. She hoped it was Megan with her dinner.
"Come in, please," Sydney answered, not bothering with getting up from her perch by the window.
To her surprise, instead of Megan entering, it was Elizabeth. Sydney quickly rose and rushed to take the tray from her hands.
"Mrs. Darcy! This is a surprise," Sydney said meekly, putting her tray down on a table.
"Sydney, I have asked you nearly a hundred times to call me Elizabeth," she reminded her daughter-in-law with a smile.
"Oh, yes. I am sorry, Elizabeth."
Sydney stood for a few uncomfortable moments while Elizabeth studied her face. She had been crying fairly often that day and the effects were surely noticeable.
"Please, eat, Sydney. You must be hungry."
Sydney nodded and began to nibble on her food.
"Are you ill?" Elizabeth asked, although Sydney was sure she knew the answer.
"No and you can tell Liza that."
Elizabeth smiled. "Yes, my daughter was planning on coming up and checking on you, but she has been detained. I thought I would take up her duty."
Sydney lowered her head and looked at her hands in her lap. She hated confrontations.
"What has he done, my dear?"
Sydney looked up. "Excuse me?"
"Sydney, Peter is my son and I believe I know him pretty well. What has he done?"
"Oh, it is not Peter! Please do not blame him. In truth, it is all my fault." Sydney quickly defended her husband.
Elizabeth raised a questioning eyebrow. Her daughter-in-law was a happy, unassuming young lady who constantly tried her best to please everyone. Her son was a hard headed, stubborn, and sometimes an exasperating person. She had no doubt in her mind that he was the one to cause the rift. And if he did, Elizabeth felt very sorry for her daughter-in-law.
"Dear, I am his mother. I am well aware of his faults. While your loyalty to him is touching, this is the time where you admit to me what an ass he has been."
Elizabeth perceived the corners of Sydney's mouth twitch upwards but then turn down again. Elizabeth sighed inwardly. Had she ever been so devoted to Fitzwilliam that she was that blinded to his faults?
"But, you see...this all is my fault."
"I will be the judge of that. Proceed."
Sydney glanced up at her and began.
"I have been having these dreams..." seeing the wry look on her mother-in-law's face, she hurried on, "They are really more like nightmares. My parents are in some of them. Those do not bother Peter as much. I do, however, have dreams with Daniel Tate in them, and those do seem to bother him- it bothers him a great deal."
Elizabeth paused, gathering her thoughts. "And this is your fault?"
"I am the one having the dreams."
"Yes, but I hardly think you can control them." She sighed and stood up. "This matter is more complicated than I anticipated."
"What do you mean, Mrs. Dar-...Elizabeth?"
"Peter blames himself for Tate."
The statement seemed to startle Sydney.
"That is ridiculous! I had not even met Peter when I first came into acquaintance with Tate."
"I know, but he feels guilty. He knew your relatives were not the..." she tried to put it delicately, "most upstanding pair and he let them take you anyway, put you in Tate's grasp."
"That is also ridiculous!" By now Sydney was up and pacing the room. "He did not even think he loved me then and I chose to go with them because I thought I had to. What has happened has happened. He could not prevent it but he certainly retaliated for me! I am free of their vise because of him!"
"That is true." Elizabeth took her hand. "Sit by me for a moment, Sydney."
When the younger was settled down on the bed, Elizabeth began her speech.
"Peter is a man." She paused and Sydney waited.
"I know that, Elizabeth."
"I am glad to hear that."
Another pause. Elizabeth smiled as Sydney began to fidget.
"Is that all you wanted to say?" she finally asked.
"Of course not. I just wanted that point to settle in your head before we continue. Is it there?"
Sydney nodded with a smile.
"Men are different from women, Sydney. They are especially different once they fall in love. Husbands believe their primary job is to protect their wives. This can be comforting- it usually is- but sometimes their pride gets hurt in the process.
"Take this case, for instance. You are having nightmares because of Tate and somehow in Peter's muddled brain he thinks it is his fault."
"I guess I understand...but why is he so angry at me then?"
"Knowing my son, I suppose he would rather feel anger than guilt."
Sydney jumped up with a smile. "Thank you, Elizabeth! I think I will go find him now. Tate was not his fault and-"
"Hold a moment, Sydney. You have not seen Peter angry too many times."
Sydney smiled as if to discount Elizabeth's observation.
"Trust me. When Peter is feuding with someone, he completely ignores them. It is his way of dealing with the problem."
"So I will make him talk to me."
Elizabeth stopped her from leaving the room again.
"And let him do it again the next time? After more than twenty years of marriage, I will let you
in on a little secret. Anger must be conquered quickly. This would make talking to each other necessary."
"Oh."
"If I were you, I would wait it out a while. See how long he goes."
Sydney seemed indecisive. "I do not think I would like that."
"The sacrifice would be well made, my dear. Is your estate still in good running order?"
"Yes, the housekeeper is seeing to all the details until Peter and I decide what to do with it."
Elizabeth smiled slyly. "Good. That will certainly come in handy."
Liza stepped out of the carriage and hurried up the steps of the Holland House. They were not nearly as wealthy as the Darcy or the Cannerly family, but they were well off and their house spoke it. The door was opened before she could knock. They must have been waiting for her. Mrs. Holland was standing behind the butler and Liza's heart instantly went out to the woman. Her eyes were red and tear filled and she looked so frightened.
"The doctor is upstairs?" Liza asked as the butler took her gloves, hat, and cloak.
The mother nodded on top of a sob. "I will show you the way."
"There is no need," Liza said gently, "Stay down here with your family."
She all but ran up the stairs, heard noises to her left, and found the open door. The first thing she noticed was the little girl, Mattie. She looked as though she was dead. To her own surprise, she felt a sob climbing up her throat. Mattie was the cutest of little girls- and only six years old! She had the curliest brown hair and bright blues eyes. The sweet girl always had a smile on her face, but not now.
Hearing the noise of the muffled sob, the doctor turned and Liza was surprised once more.
"Thank goodness you are here, Miss Darcy. Come in and quickly, please!"
Liza involuntarily walked to his side after his command. She placed her hand on Mattie's cheek and cringed at the warmness her fingers touched.
"I thought I was coming to assist Dr. Mulligan," she told Spencer.
He shrugged. "He had to help with a birth before this happened."
Spencer looked behind him, grabbed a chair and placed it next to him. Once Liza had sat down, she took an eye to the injury. She started at the top of the head and by the time she reached her waist, Spencer was covering her up.
"I would like to see the injury."
"Liza, have you mostly worked on illness?"
"Excuse me?"
"This injury is not easy on the eyes and I want to make sure you can handle it."
Liza scoffed. "I can manage."
Still looking indecisive, Spencer backed away and removed the sheet. The injury immediately caught her eye and she did feel bile clawing up her throat. She wanted to look away but knew Spencer was watching her. She took a deep breath and gave him a smile.
"Not so bad," she lied.
He raised an eyebrow at her and went back to disinfecting the wound.
"Will we be able to save the leg?" Liza asked softly.
"Yes," was his emphatic answer.
Liza looked at the injury again, this time closer. During the fall she must have broken her tibia, for it protruded several inches out of the skin. Her blue dress had been cut up to the knee, making the surgery easier. The wound looked ghastly and she felt pity for the young girl.
"Even if we manage to save it, will she be able to walk normally again?" Liza posed the next question with worry.
"It is not if, Liza. We will save her leg. She should walk normally after a certain time, but not right away."
Liza nodded and took another look at the girl as Spencer got a few of his tools they would need out. She seemed to be breathing easily, but she was flushed with fever. Seeing a bowl of water, Liza grabbed a towel to dip in it. After wringing it out, she placed the cool cloth over the little girl's forehead.
"Is she unconscious?"
"More or less. She passed out from the pain. We must work quickly. I do not want to put her under and I don't want her to wake up from the pain."
Liza nodded and then gulped as Spencer drew out his small incision knife. He glanced up at Liza and saw she had grown a slight shade paler. When she caught his gaze, she focused on looking into his calm blue eyes. When she felt normal again, she gave him a small, tight smile.
"What can I do?"
"Disinfect the wound and my instruments, please," Spencer said.
Liza nodded and saw to the task as he readied Mattie. Once they were both done she sat down next to the girl and felt her forehead. The fever had not diminished and had seemed to go up.
"Her fever is still high. Could her wound be infected so soon?"
Spencer gave her a wry smile. "Her parents were away for the day when this happened. Her brothers did not get any medical help because they were afraid."
"Oh my-how long has this wound been open?"
"Before lunch."
Liza shook her head. "The poor baby."
When she looked up, Spencer was staring at her. She felt her face start to burn and she really did not know why. The man infuriated her! She could not stand him, but he could still make her feel so uncomfortable. He kept looking at her and seemed to be wanting to tell her something.
"What is it?" she asked, when she could finally not stand his glance any longer.
"Have you ever fixed a fracture?"
"Excuse me?" she asked, surprised.
"Have you ever fixed a fracture is what I said because I have been thinking you might have to do it."
She paused above the grotesque wound. "You cannot?"
"I do not think you have the strength to pull the bone, so I will need you to place it." Liza must have looked worried because he continued on, "I will be with you every step of the way. You will not make a mistake."
Liza weighted his words and then gave him a small smile. She still was not sure about it all, but Spencer was an excellent doctor and he would not let her do anything wrong.
"Liza," he prodded gently, "are you ready?"
She nodded and shoved some stray hair behind her ear. She could already feel herself sweating and she was afraid her hands were shaking. She clenched them together, closed her eyes, and took some calming deep breaths as Spencer cut the wound a little longer.
"Why are you doing that?"
"It will be easier to place the bone that way." He walked down to the end of the bed and took Mattie's foot in his hand. Without giving Liza time to think, he gently pulled her leg towards his chest.
"Now, Liza, take the bone and carefully start pushing it down."
Her hands were shaking so hard she missed two times, but finally had the bone under the skin. Under Spencer's direction, she had put the bone in place within five minutes. She was drenched with sweat by that time and let Spencer brace Mattie's leg to keep the bone in place.
"Would you like to sew up the wound?" he asked her.
Feeling confident, she nodded and disinfected the needle and the string. Working quickly, she made tight stitches. It was a large gash and in the end she used over thirty, but she felt her work would not leave too large of a scar. She tied a knot on the end and bit off the string end.
"Nice work, Liza," Spencer said from behind her.
She was so weary, all she could do was nod. She tried to stand up but she had been leaning over for so long, she almost fell over. Instantly she felt Spencer's arms around her, supporting her and leading her to another chair. She should feel repulsion at his touch, but she actually liked his care. She must be weary.
She watched as Spencer carefully checked the girl again, to make sure there was not another injury he had missed. He washed her leg, put another compress on her head, and pulled up the sheet to her chin, tucking her in. Liza could not help but notice how tender he was with the little girl as he smoothed back her brown curls from her forehead.
"What time is it?" she asked when he had turned back toward her.
Checking his watch, he answered, "Near eleven. I should be getting you home. You look tired."
"No!" she blurted out, then explained, "I want to be here when she wakes up."
"I planned on staying."
"Yes, but I..." Liza shrugged. "I feel as if I need to stay. She might feel more comfortable with a woman when she wakes. She is going to be very frightened."
Spencer nodded. "I will send a note to your parents. For now, however, let us find you a room to sleep in."
When Liza started to protest, he was firm but he was smiling.
"Liza you look terrible and I am responsible for you at the moment. If I sent you home looking like that your brothers would come and personally see that I get retribution."
Liza smiled at the truth in his statement and reluctantly allowed Mrs. Holland to show her a room right across the hall, in case Spencer would need her for an emergency. She had only been asleep a few hours when she was needed. It was not for a medical emergency, but a different kind. The knocking was what woke her up, but she soon realized she heard screaming.
Opening the door, she found Spencer looking haggard.
"She will not stop screaming and crying! I am at my wit's end!"
Liza quickly rushed in and went to the little girl's side.
"Mattie?" she called, taking her hand. The little girl did not stop crying, but her screaming ceased. "Mattie, it is me- Liza Darcy. Do you remember me? You got your puppy from my brother's dog."
"Ruff?" a quiet voice asked, almost breaking Liza's heart for the third time that night.
"Yes, I believe that is what you named him. How big is he now?"
Mattie's tears were drying. "He's big! When he jumps up, he can knock me over!"
"My goodness, that is big!"
There was a pause and Liza reached out to stroke her arm.
"Liza?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"My leg hurts." She started to cry again. "My leg hurts really bad."
"I know, Mattie. I am so sorry." Liza looked up at Spencer who was smiling down at the two of them. "Can you give her something for the pain?"
"I already gave her some alcohol before she passed out to help with it. I do not want to risk giving her more. The sooner she gets to sleep, the better."
Liza nodded and kissed Mattie's hand. Singing her a lullaby, they were soon both fast asleep.