Posted on Sunday, 15 October 2000
Someplace, sometime, for example at Hunsford after Easter.
- Good Evening, Miss Bennet.
- Mr. Darcy. This is a most unexpected visit.
- Is it therefore unwelcome?
-Yes, no... no. But forgive me my lack of hospitality. Please be seated.
- No thank you. I shall stand. May I inquire after your health?
- Yes, you may.
- ??
- I am fine, thank you.
- Miss Bennet, you must be wondering about the nature of this visit.
- Indeed, I am.
- I... I was passing by and decided to make a call.
- Indeed?
- Ahh, Miss Bennet, I cannot lie to you. I came here on purpose.
- Indeed?
- Yes, Yes, I have a pressing matter of business to discuss with you.
- Indeed?
- Can you say something else than indeed? Or I shall begin to despair!
- Indeed?
- Miss Bennet ?!
- No need to worry, Mr. Darcy. I have not lost my senses. Yet.
- That is a relief.
- Yes, indeed. Isn't it?
- Miss Bennet, I came here on purpose.
- Indeed?
-Yes, I... Please allow me to tell you, how much I admire and l... respect you. From the very first moment of our acquaintance I have come to respect your intelligence and quick wit, your grace and beauty...
- I beg your pardon, sir. You took me of my guard.
- I am sorry madam, if I disturbed your peace. I shall apologise.
- You just have.
- Have I? Oh, yes. Rest assured, it was not my intention of doing so.
- Indeed?
- Miss Bennet!?
- You are forgiven.
- Thank you.
- Pray continue.
- Thank you. As I was saying, ahm, now, what was I saying?
- Something about my intelligence?
- Ah, yes, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you. I have come to respect your intelligence and quick wit.
- I believe we had that already.
- Are you always that sarcastic when gentlemen profess their feelings to you?
- I wouldn't know. I haven't had much experience, you know. I did not count Mr. Collins for a gentleman.
- What? Did that toad propose to you?
- Mr. Darcy, that toad is still my cousin. I do not call your aunt names.
- Why not?
- ??
- Certainly I shall not be the one to forbid it to you.
- You are all politeness.
- Indeed.
- Now you are saying it!
- Saying what?
- Indeed.
- Miss Bennet!
- Mr. Darcy!
- Uhm, so did that ... that parson propose to you?
- Well, yes, he did. Why should that surprise you? Am I that unagreeable?
- No. I am the living proof for the contrary. But, Miss Bennet, what I wanted to say before your interruption, is that...
- Oh yes, I am sorry for the interruption. It was not intended to offend you, merely to convey my shock.
- Is it such a great shock that I should propose to you?
- Well, to be sincere. Yes.
- Well, thank you.
- Oh, please, Mr. Darcy, do not be so sarcastic.
- I am not the one who started it.
- Yes, I believe you must be right. I started it and must apologise. It was a very unwise thing to do. I am sorry.
- Accepted and no offense taken.
- Thank you.
- Hmm, could you tell me, why you were so shaken and shocked when I proposed to you?
- Well, because... But, you have not proposed yet.
- Oh? Well, I shall do that later. If you could please answer my question ?
- Because I have never thought it possible for you to propose to me. You always looked at me with accusing eyes.
- Accusing?? I was speechless from admiration and my feelings overpowered me!
- You certainly hid it well.
- You are getting sarcastic again.
- My apologies.
- Why do we quarrel constantly?
- Maybe because you have not proposed yet?
- Are you that impatient?
- No, are you?
- Why should I be?
- Indeed, and why should I be?
- I wouldn't know. Females are always impatient.
- And how would you know that we, females, are impatient?
- Observations.
- Whose?
- My own.
- And they were unbiased?
- Of course.
- Hah.
- Miss Bennet. Snorting is very unladylike.
- You sound like Lady Catherine.
- Thank you. Now I am really offended.
- You get easily offended.
- You do too.
- No, I do not.
- Miss Bennet, I beg you. But let us return to our previous subject.
- Who could resist such pleas? I am all ears.
- After admiring your beauty and intelligence from afar and meeting you here in Kent again, I have come to a conclusion that you...
- Don't bite?
- Miss Bennet, this is very impolite!
- I am very sorry. It shall not happen again.
- I hope so.
- Is it not hot in this room?
- Miss Bennet, please do not change the topic.
- I shall be silent as a grave.
- I have come to the conclusion that we shall quite adorably suit each other in married life.
- I beg your pardon??
- Miss Bennet, this is becoming quite frustrating!
- What?
- Your interruptions.
- I beg your pardon.
- Please, stop pardoning and interrupting.
- Yes, sir.
- .....
- Why are you silent now, that I stopped interrupting you?
- I am waiting for an answer.
- Oh.
- ...
- ...
- And?
- ...
- What is the answer?
- To what?
- ??
- ??
- This is... This is... Miss Bennet, I have professed my deep feelings for you, and wait for an answer.
- But you haven't asked a question.
- ??
- It was a statement.
- I am despairing.
- How deep?
- I beg your pardon?
- How deep were your feelings?
- You expect me to give numbers?
- Patience, please! Patience is the virtue of man.
- That's good. Could have come from me.
- Thank you, Mr. Darcy, but no. I want to hear a certain word.
- Hell, thy name is woman! You want to play games?
- Not exactly. I want you to say three little words.
- Haven't I said enough already?
- Not quite.
- I am at a loss.
- I should not think so. But let me help you. The first word is an 'I', the third is 'you', and the second starts with an 'l'.
- I believe I have had enough of your riddles.
- Is this a riddle for you, Mr. Darcy?
- Yes.
- Oh.
-So you insist on expecting this from me.
- Yes.
- Then I do not have said enough?
- No.
- And I have not proposed to you?
- No.
- I have not?
- No.
- Fine, you shall not here another word from me. Good day.
- But, Mr. Darcy, you really have not asked me!
- Enough.
- Very well, if you wish so.
- I do.
- Your wish is my command.
- Exactly.
- I shall not keep up your time.
- Good bye.
- Did he really have to slam that door?