Posted on Saturday, 2 October 1999, at 7 : 57 p.m.
Author's note: I got the idea for this while at the S&S board over at ROP & decided to get it out of my system. Disclaimer: this isn't meant as an insult to the Dashwood sisters, or to Japanese culture. It's a parody of a certain school of lit.crit. about S&S, & a homage to all the monsters that have ever come marching through Tokyo.
"This is Akira Yoshido reporting live from Tokyo. Two monsters have crawled out from beneath the city and are headed straight for each other!"
"The first to appear was Senzilla. It strongly resembles Biollante, the giant mutant rose that battled Godzilla in the eighties. Not a speedy creature, Senzilla's primary weapons are its long green tentacles and and sleep-inducing clouds of pollen."
"Approaching from the opposite direction is Senseibilitoro. Certain gaijin scientists from the US suggest that this flying beast is a cousin of Mothra. However, its gaily colored wings and slender body classify it as a butterfly rather than a moth. Its wings are practically stirring up a hurricane here. Reports of its ability to breathe fire are unconfirmed."
"And now the two are face to face. Senzilla cries out: a strange wailing sound, wild yet beautiful. Senseibilitoro replies in the same voice! What can this mean? The two are turning away south, into the entertainment district..."
"Akira Yoshido again, live from Tokyo. We are now at the entertainment district. The monsters have taken up position in front of Willoughby's nightclub. The club is packed - tonight, the gaijin impresario Willoughby introduced his latest discoveries, Ferrarsu and Brandonu. He found these strangely gentle men on a desert island 2 months ago. Since then, all Tokyo has been abuzz with his plans to exhibit these two as Geishonen - 'The Men Who Please Women'. And now this happens!"
"The monsters are working together! Senzilla is emitting clouds of pollen while Senseibilitoro fans them into the clubs. Senzilla just reached in with a tentacle! She's pulled out Ferrarsu and Brandonu - they're conscious, so they must be immune to the pollen. Senseibilitoro's just landed. Brandonu climbs on her back while Ferrarsu stays with Senzilla. Senzilla, carrying Ferrarsu, backs away from the club. Senseibilitoro spits a single ball of fire and the building goes up in flames."
"The two monsters are taking their men towards the sea, and the police are evacuating people from their path. Since the creatures found what they apparently came for, they will probably leave Japan as quickly as possible. Our fair city can breathe a sigh of relief..."
THE END (P.S. I don't think geishonen is really a word, but it was the best I could invent - geisha + bishonen)