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Chapter 1
Mr. and Mrs. Collins and their guests had just finished breakfast when Mr. Collins announced his intention to spend the morning working in his garden, and reminded his wife and guests of their engagement for tea at Rosings later in the day. After he departed, Charlotte announced her intention to call on several parishioners, and invited Elizabeth and Maria to accompany her. Maria agreed, but Elizabeth excused herself, saying she would take a walk.
Shortly after Mrs. Collins and her sister had left, as Elizabeth was about to leave for her walk, Mrs. Collins's housekeeper came in with a letter. "Begging your pardon, Miss," she said, "but this express just come for you." Elizabeth took the letter in astonishment, and, recognizing her mother's handwriting, quickly broke open the seal.
The letter was brief, its tone hysterical. Mrs. Bennet reported that Mr. Bennet had taken ill, and the doctor did not expect him to live above a few more days. Mrs. Bennet begged her daughter's immediate return to Longbourn.
Elizabeth burst into tears. Her dear father dying? It was too much to bear. It was many minutes before she was able to think or do anything. When she had finally collected herself somewhat, she went upstairs to pack her things. While thus engaged, she tried to decide what to tell her hosts, and how to best to arrange her return home. She felt certain that if she explained the situation, Mr. and Mrs. Collins would offer to convey her home, but she was not sure that was advisable. Mr. Collins's presence would be greatly distressing to her mother, and he would surely want to take possession of Longbourn before her father was cold in his grave.
Elizabeth shuddered. She knew her family's financial position well enough to know that her father's death would leave them in very distressed circumstances indeed. She felt certain of her own ability to earn a living as a governess if need be, and she supposed Jane could do likewise, but what would become of her mother, and her younger sisters? She knew her mother's habits well enough to doubt she could quickly learn to economize. The interest on the 4,000 pounds that would remain when Longbourn was gone would be but 250 pounds a year, and if her mother spent though the principal, they would soon be destitute.
Elizabeth decided not to tell Mr. Collins the real reason for her departure. At least that would spare her family the added grief of his presence, and would perhaps delay his taking possession of Longbourn somewhat. She resolved to say nothing to Mr. Collins until his wife returned, and to tell her friend only that her father was ill, and that she wished to return home early.
Elizabeth and Maria had originally planned to stay another week, at the end of which her uncle would send a servant to accompany them by post to London. Now, she would have to go alone by post. Elizabeth was far too upset to give much thought to the impropriety of such a journey. All she could think of was whether she would arrive home in time to see her father while he still breathed.
When Charlotte returned, Elizabeth told her of her father's illness, and asked if it would be possible to get a coach yet that day. "Oh dear, Lizzy," said Charlotte, thinking for a minute. "You could get a coach for London, but you would have to change in London. I do not know if it would be possible to continue on to Hertfordshire this evening." "That is no matter," Elizabeth replied. If I can not, I will stay the night with my Aunt and Uncle Gardner." "But Lizzy," Charlotte replied, "you forget that Jane will no doubt have received a similar letter, and your aunt and uncle will probably have taken her home, so they will not be in town to receive you." Elizabeth hesitated a moment. She had not considered that possibility. "Well, surely," she said, "their servants would let me stay the night." "But what if your aunt and uncle, knowing they would be from home, gave them the night off," Charlotte asked. "They do not have a large staff, do they?" Elizabeth shrugged. "I suppose I would stay at an inn."
Charlotte looked horrified. "A young gentlewoman, quite alone, staying at an inn? No, that will not do. I would send our manservant with you, but I gave John a few days off, and he has gone to see his sister. If we were not engaged for tea at Rosings, I am sure Mr. Collins would go with you, but as it is...." "Charlotte," Elizabeth replied "I do not want to trouble you, and I certainly would not want Mr. Collins to accompany me, for I am sure he would feel compelled to go the whole way with me, and stay to comfort my mother, and I would not wish to keep him from his duties..." Charlotte grasped her friend's real meaning, and nodded her understanding. "Of course, Lizzy. I will tell him only that an urgent matter calls you home, but I can not agree to your going to London tonight. I think you must wait for morning." Elizabeth was not happy with the situation, but had no choice but to accede to her friend's wishes.
Charlotte hesitated a moment, then asked, "Do you feel up to taking tea at Rosings?" Elizabeth shook her head. "Very well," Charlotte replied, I shall tell Lady Catherine that you do not feel well." Mr. and Mrs. Collins and Maria left for Rosings soon thereafter. Elizabeth sat for some time thinking of her father, and praying he would hang on long enough for her to see him again. Her thoughts were again turning to how her family would cope with his loss when she was suddenly roused by the sound of the doorbell.
Chapter 2
Elizabeth was greatly surprised to see Mr. Darcy walk into the room. In a hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hear that she was better. Somewhat distractedly, she said that she was. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. After several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner, and thus began, "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I love and admire you."
Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, doubted, colored, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that felt, and had long felt for her followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings beyond those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority-- of its being a degradation-- of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence which he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit. He concluded by expressing his hope that he would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand.
Elizabeth was about to angrily refuse him, when she remembered the imminent change in her family's situation. Would being a governess in the family of someone like Lady Catherine be any better than being Mrs. Darcy? She didn't really know. What she did know, was that as a governess, she would have no chance to assist her mother and younger sisters, and as Mrs. Darcy she might. Elizabeth hesitated. Could she endure being the wife of one so cruel and arrogant? She had to reach a decision, but what was she to do?
After several minutes hesitation, Elizabeth replied "You must forgive me, Mr. Darcy, I... I am somewhat surprised by your offer. I... I thank you, and I... accept your offer of marriage." Elizabeth tried to smile, but could not quite manage it. Darcy, however, was grinning from ear to ear. From his pocket, he produced a ring, and explained that it had been his mother's engagement ring. Elizabeth was astonished. It was a beautiful ring, with a rather large diamond. She bit her lip as he took her hand and placed it on her finger.
"Elizabeth," Darcy said, "With your permission, I should like to go to Hertfordshire tomorrow to ask your father's consent." This last request brought Elizabeth's mind back to her father's condition. "I... that is... no, I do not think that would be wise. You see, I have just received a letter from my mother telling me that he is ill, and I intend to return to Hertfordshire myself in the morning. I do not think it wise... That is, I do not know if he will be well enough..." "I am very sorry to hear that," he replied. "I will of course delay my journey there until he is recovered enough to receive me. You say that you plan to return in the morning. Pray how do you intend to travel?"
Elizabeth clenched her teeth. She could imagine what he would say, but he was not her husband yet, and she was not going to have her father die while some arrangement was found that Mr. Darcy thought suitable. "I will go by post. Mrs. Collins has made the arrangements. I will be leaving tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock." "Alone?" Darcy asked. She nodded determinedly. "That will not do," he replied. "You must take my carriage." Elizabeth found it hard to contain her surprise at this offer. "Surely you will need it yourself?" she asked. "I understood that you and your cousin intended to return to London the day after tomorrow." "We can stay an extra day or two until the carriage can be brought back." Darcy replied. "I am sure my aunt will not mind. How early would you like to leave?" Elizabeth hesitated only a moment. She would be at Longbourn sooner this way. "Thank you, it is very kind of you. I should like to leave as early as possible." "I am glad to be of assistance," he replied. "The carriage will be here for you at first light."
Darcy had been disturbed by her hesitation and lack of enthusiasm in accepting him, but on hearing of her father's illness, he imputed her response to her being distracted and distressed by her father's condition. Darcy hesitated a moment, then asked, "Will you write to me and tell me how your father does, and inform me when I may come to ask him for your hand?" Elizabeth nodded, then suddenly said, "I am afraid I do not know your address in London." Elizabeth produced a piece of paper, and he wrote it for her. Assuming that she would need to pack, Darcy took his leave, expressing the hope that he would hear from her soon.
Chapter 3
As soon as Darcy was gone, Elizabeth sighed, and cried out to the empty room, "Oh my God, what have I done?" Feeling quite unequal to conversing with her hosts, she scrawled a hasty note informing Charlotte that Mr. Darcy had offered her the use of his carriage, and that she would be leaving at first light. Elizabeth softly closed her bedchamber door behind her and sat down. The tears which she had been holding back now flowed freely. At length, she removed the ring from her finger, looked at it for a minute, and then packed it away in her luggage, along with the slip of paper containing Mr. Darcy's address. She lay down, but sleep eluded her.
Mr. Darcy's carriage arrived at first light, as promised. Elizabeth was ready and waiting. Charlotte had risen early to see her off, and promised Elizabeth that Mr. Bennet would be in her prayers. Once seated in the carriage, Elizabeth discovered a large basket containing a lunch prepared by the cook at Rosings. Accompanying it was a note from Mr. Darcy, offering his prayers for her father's recovery and his hope that her journey would be comfortable.
To her surprise, Elizabeth did sleep for a time in the carriage. They made good time, and Elizabeth was back at Longbourn by mid-afternoon. As soon as her trunks were unloaded, the carriage departed, Mr. Darcy's coachman explaining that he wished to return to London before nightfall. Elizabeth feared that her arrival in Mr. Darcy's carriage would draw questions from her family, but as it was, everyone was too preoccupied with Mr. Bennet's health to take notice. As Charlotte had predicted, the Gardiners had come the previous day, bringing Jane. Elizabeth was immediately conveyed to her father's side. He was awake, but very pale. In a hoarse voice, he told her he was glad to see her. "Oh, Papa," she said, the tears welling up in her eyes. "Now Lizzy," he said, I will not have any more crying and hysterics. I've had quite enough of those these last few days." Elizabeth managed a weak smile. "How do you feel?" she asked. "I feel very weak, but I am not in much pain," he replied. After giving her father a brief description of her travels, (with some notable details left out), Elizabeth left so as not to over tire him.
Elizabeth next went to see her mother, who had been keeping to her room in a hysterical state. Mrs. Bennet spent a good ten minutes bewailing Elizabeth's imprudence in declining Mr. Collins' offer of marriage, and asking what was to become of them. Elizabeth had no intention of revealing her engagement at this time, so she said little, and merely assured her mother that they would learn to economize.
Once she returned downstairs, Elizabeth found things pretty much as might be expected. Jane was outwardly calm, and had thrown herself into the management of the house and estate, but her red eyes betrayed the real state of her feelings. Mary was taking solace in her copy of Fordyce, occasionally sharing some pearl of wisdom with the others. Lydia could only bemoan the fact that the regiment would be leaving for Brighton in several weeks time, and shudder at the thought of having to wear black and avoid assemblies. The only real surprise was Kitty, who was obviously very scared.
Once they had a few moments alone, Mrs. Gardiner updated her on the current state of affairs. A local doctor had been summoned when Mr. Bennet first took ill, and had been greatly discouraged. The doctor felt it unlikely that Mr. Bennet would last more than a few days. He was stopping by every morning, in case there was some change in Mr. Bennet's condition. Mrs. Gardiner allowed she would have preferred to see one of the best London physicians examine Mr. Bennet, but it had been decided that under the circumstances, it would be unwise to incur such an expense. She added that Mr. Phillips had been summoned that morning, and Mr. Bennet's will had been drawn up. Mrs. Gardiner hesitated a moment before continuing, "Your father has asked your Uncle Gardiner to serve as executor, and has asked us to do what we can to help all of you." Elizabeth nodded, trying but not quite succeeding in keeping the tears in check.
Chapter 4
The next day, Elizabeth spent as much time as she could with her father, reading to him, and trying to keep his spirits up. He seemed no worse than the day before, but no better either. When he began to tire, she left him to rest and went for a walk. While wandering towards Meryton, Elizabeth tried to decide if she had made the right decision in accepting Mr. Darcy. She laughed bitterly as she remembered how little respect she had for Charlotte when she accepted Mr. Collins. Elizabeth supposed she would now be seeking Charlotte's advice on the best ways to avoid one's husband. One thing that troubled Elizabeth was her uncertainty as to what role Mr. Darcy had played in separating her sister from Mr. Bingley. She thought it had been mostly Miss Bingley's doing, but she could not rid herself of the suspicion that Mr. Darcy had played a role. She wondered if she might, as Mrs. Darcy, somehow manage to bring them back together. If she could, seeing Jane happy would be some consolation for her own unhappiness.
When Elizabeth returned to the house, Jane informed her that Dr. Davidson had just arrived from London, and was even then examining Mr. Bennet. Elizabeth was somewhat surprised at this information, but before she could give it much thought, Lydia returned from Meryton, overflowing with all the latest gossip. The chief piece of news seemed to be that Mary King had gone to her uncle's in Liverpool, and that Mr. Wickham, therefore was safe. Elizabeth did not know what distressed her more, that Lydia could think of nothing but gossip while their father lay dying, or the thought of telling Mr. Wickham of her engagement to the man who had destroyed all his hopes.
When Dr. Davidson emerged from the sickroom, his prognosis was somewhat more optimistic than that of the local doctor. He felt there was some chance that Mr. Bennet might recover, and prescribed some medication. He recommended that Mr. Bennet rest as much as possible, and that nothing be done that might worry or tire him. Over the next several days, Mr. Bennet seemed to recover slightly. Dr. Davidson remained, and examined the patient every day. A week later, the doctor announced his intention of returning to London. He now felt certain that Mr. Bennet would make a full recovery, provided he continued to take his medication, and that nothing was done to tire or stress him.
As he was taking his leave, Elizabeth heard Jane ask Dr. Davidson what was owed for his services. He declined payment, saying that the gentleman who had requested he come had assumed responsibility for the fee. "Oh how good of Uncle Gardner," said Jane, as soon as the doctor had gone. "It was very kind of him, but father would not want us to allow him to be so generous." Jane and Elizabeth immediately sought their uncle, but as he denied either summoning the doctor or paying the fee, there was nothing further they could do.
Chapter 5
About a week later, Elizabeth sat on a bench in the woods behind Longbourn, cursing herself for being so foolish as to accept Mr. Darcy. What had seemed very prudent when she thought her father near death now seemed very imprudent. She now had to ask herself whether she should break off the engagement. The thought of being Mr. Darcy's wife was repugnant to her, but the idea of breaking the engagement because she no longer needed his money seemed dishonorable, to say the least. Whatever her motives, she had made a promise. Was she not bound to keep it?
Elizabeth was still wrestling with her conscience when Jane found her. "Lizzy?" she asked, "why are you crying? Papa is getting better every day." Elizabeth hesitated a moment, not knowing where to begin. "I believe I told you in one of my letters that Mr. Darcy, and his cousin, Col. Fitzwilliam where visiting their aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, while I was at Hunsford?" Jane nodded, a puzzled expression on her face. "The day I received Mama's letter," Elizabeth continued, "we were to take tea at Rosings. I was very upset, and did not feel equal to going, so the others went without me. While they were gone, Mr. Darcy called at the parsonage. He.... Jane, you will not believe this, but he asked me to marry him." Elizabeth could see that Jane was shocked, to say the least. After a moment, she continued, "he spoke of his admiration, of his love for me, but that was not all he had to say. He... He spoke with contempt of our family, He spoke of the match as a degradation. It was a very insulting proposal. I was about to refuse him, when I remembered Mama's letter, and considered the effect Papa's death would have on our circumstances..." "Oh Lizzy, you didn't!," Jane interrupted. Elizabeth nodded. "I had not the time to think about it, I had to give him an answer immediately. All I could think was that I might be able to help all of you..." Unable to continue, Elizabeth burst into tears.
When Elizabeth had regained some of her composure, she looked at her sister and asked, "Whatever am I to do?" "Why Lizzy, that he should have been in love with you all those months, so in love as to make him lay aside all his objections..... To be sure, it would have been better if he had not addressed you in such a manner. I don't really know how to advise you. I would like to tell you to do anything but marry without love, but how are you to tell him you are breaking off the engagement?" Jane thought for several minutes. Finally, she said, "I think what I would advise, is that you delay making a decision for a time, and give the matter some thought. Papa is not yet well enough to receive visitors, so you may delay Mr. Darcy speaking with him. I also suggest you ascertain whether he has told anyone of the engagement, and try, if possible to prevent him from doing so, for if you do decide to break the engagement, it would be best if very few people know of it."
Elizabeth knew it would only delay the inevitable painful decision, but she accepted her sister's advice. She had been delaying writing to Mr. Darcy, but now she knew she must do it. Returning to the house, she found pen and paper, and wrote as follows:
Dear Mr. Darcy,I am happy to be able to tell you that the doctor now thinks my father out of any real danger. For some days we feared for his life, but he is now recovering. He is, however, still very weak, and confined to his room. The doctor has asked that nothing be done to tire or upset him, and as I fear he will be somewhat saddened to be loosing me, I do not think it wise that you speak to him as yet.
I have told only Jane of our engagement, and ask that you likewise tell as few people as possible, as I would not want word to reach my family before you have spoken to my father.
Thank you again for you kindness in lending me the use of your carriage. My trip was as comfortable as it could possibly be under the circumstances. I hope it did not inconvenience you and your cousin too much.
If you wish to write to me, I ask only that you make certain that there is nothing on the envelope that might identify the sender. I hope you and your family are all in health.
Yours etc., Elizabeth Bennet
Several days later, Elizabeth received a reply. The seal was a rather ornate floral pattern. Elizabeth supposed it was the only seal he could find which would not identify him as the sender. Thankfully, Mrs. Bennet was not in the room when Hill handed the letter to Elizabeth, and when Lydia asked who the letter was from, Jane quickly changed the subject. As soon as she was alone, Elizabeth opened the letter and read:
My Dear Elizabeth,Thank you for your letter, which I received this morning. I am glad to hear that your father continues to recover. I spoke with Dr. Davidson when he returned to town, so I already knew that your father was out of danger, but would need a long period of quiet for his recovery. I hope there was no awkwardness associated with my sending the doctor. After seeing your distress that evening at Hunsford, I felt I had to do something, and Mr. Davidson was of great assistance during my father's last illness.
My coachman was able to bring the carriage to Rosings the day after leaving you at Longbourn, so my cousin and I were only delayed in our departure by a single day, and my aunt was glad to have our company for the extra day. Our return to London was uneventful. Col. Fitzwilliam has gone back to his regiment, they will be quartered in Oxfordshire for the Summer.
I have, like you, told only my sister of our engagement, though I think my cousin is somewhat suspicious. Georgiana was delighted when I told her. She is very eager to meet you, and has written you a short note, which I enclose.
Georgiana and I attended the theater Tuesday evening, and saw an excellent production of Macbeth. She has of course read the play, but this was the first time Georgiana saw it performed, so I was interested in her reaction. She seemed to enjoy it a great deal.
Please write to me as often as you can. I am of course eager to hear of your father's progress, but I should also like to hear what you are doing. Have you read anything interesting lately? I am currently reading "Travels in the Interior Districts of Africa" by the Scottish explorer Mungo Park. Are you taking advantage of the spring weather to walk about the countryside? The grounds of Pemberley are always magnificent this time of year. London is dull by comparison, but I console myself with the hope that next year at this time we will be together at Pemberley.
Yours etc. Fitzwilliam Darcy
Chapter 6
Astonished at the contents of Mr. Darcy's letter, Elizabeth next turned to that from his sister. Georgiana Darcy's letter was far warmer than Elizabeth felt she had any right to expect from a complete stranger, and displayed none of the pride and arrogance of which Mr. Wickham had accused her. Miss Darcy expressed her sincerest congratulations, her eagerness to meet her sister-to-be, and her hope that they would become very close. She also expressed her hope that Mr. Bennet was continuing to recover, and that he would soon be well.
Jane was as astonished as Elizabeth when she was informed of Mr. Darcy's role in sending Dr. Davidson. "It was so very good of him," Jane declared. "I am sure it must have been a great expense." "Yes," Elizabeth agreed, adding quietly, "If he had not, father might no longer be here." "Lizzy," Jane said, "Surely Mr. Darcy can not be so very bad as you have been accustomed to think. From your description, his letter sounds very sweet. And Miss Darcy! That she should address a complete stranger so warmly suggests her brother must have spoken very highly of you." Elizabeth suddenly felt the tears flowing down her face. "Oh Jane," she asked, "How can I break the engagement, when he has been so kind, and done so much?"
The next afternoon, Lydia returned from Meryton with the news that she had been invited by Mrs. Forster to accompany her to Brighton. Lydia, of course, was ecstatic, and Mrs. Bennet shared her enthusiasm. Elizabeth was disgusted. How could Lydia think of going away when their father was still so very ill? Moreover, Elizabeth knew all too well that removed from the constraints of home, Lydia would become even more wild, and who was to say what mischief she might get into in a watering place with a whole camp full of soldiers.
Had her father been well, Elizabeth would have suggested that he forbid Lydia going, but as it was, the doctor's orders prevented her from even mentioning the matter to him. Instead, she tried to reason with her mother, pointing out the impropriety of Lydia's going away while their father remained bed-ridden. Mrs. Bennet, however, would have none of it, and thought it a delightful opportunity which Lydia would be foolish to pass up. Elizabeth was frustrated by her inability to discuss the matter with her father, but consoled herself with the thought that at least Mr. Bennet would be spared the need to listen to Lydia while she was gone.
Much to Elizabeth's dismay, Mrs. Bennet invited several of the officers, including Wickham, to tea before the regiment departed. Elizabeth thought it improper to be entertaining while her father was still ill, and though he of course suspected nothing of her engagement, Elizabeth felt very awkward in Mr. Wickham's presence. She felt as though she were now tainted by Mr. Darcy's guilt in his dealings with that gentleman.
About a week after the regiment's departure, Elizabeth was walking along the road leading from Meryton to Netherfield, enjoying the warm late spring weather, and still trying to figure out what to do about her engagement, when she heard a carriage approaching her. It soon drew even with her, and came to a halt. Several moments later, Mr. Darcy emerged from the carriage, and greeted her warmly.
Chapter 7
Mr. Darcy's arrival took Elizabeth completely by surprise. She stammered an awkward greeting and tried to think what to say. She had spent the last few weeks telling herself that she would at least not have to face Mr. Darcy for some weeks yet. Did he mean to ask for her father's consent when Mr. Bennet was still so very ill? How could he be so indifferent to her feelings and her father's condition? As if reading her thoughts, Mr. Darcy inquired after her father's progress, and assured her that he would not speak to him until she thought him sufficiently recovered. "But," he added, "I found I could not bear to be away from you for so long a time, so I asked Mr. Bingley if I might borrow the use of Netherfield. I had hoped we might at least see each other in Meryton, and perhaps, if your mother is receiving visitors, I might call at Longbourn?" "My father continues to improve," Elizabeth replied. "He now spends much of the day sitting up, and has even walked a little bit in his chamber, but he still tires very easily, and has not yet ventured downstairs. As for your calling at Longbourn, I see no harm in it, provided you do not visit so frequently as to draw my mother's suspicions."
Remembering herself, Elizabeth thanked Mr. Darcy for sending Dr. Davidson. "I was glad to be able to be of assistance," he replied. "I hope there was no awkwardness associated with his arrival...." "Oh no," Elizabeth replied, "we were all so concerned about my father's condition, that none of us gave much thought to who had requested that he come. When he departed, Jane asked him about his fee, and he told us that the gentleman who requested he come had assumed responsibility for it. Until I received your letter I simply assumed it was my uncle's doing."
After a moment's hesitation, Elizabeth added, "Please thank your sister for her very kind letter." Darcy smiled, and replied, "I fear my happiness must be contagious, for Georgiana was very happy to hear my news. She is so very eager to meet you. Perhaps when your father is better, you may visit London, so that I may introduce you?" "I should very much like to meet her," Elizabeth replied, "but I do not know when I will be able to go to town. Perhaps you could bring her to Netherfield?" Darcy hesitated a moment, and then stammered something about Georgiana being busy with her studies. Elizabeth was indignant. "I suppose," she said sarcastically, "you would not want your sister to be exposed to our wretched society here in Hertfordshire, and you would not want her to meet my relations who you so heartily disapprove of." Darcy again seemed to hesitate before saying, "Actually, it is not your family I was thinking of, nor the society here in general, but rather one gentleman in particular with whom I would not want her to have to meet."
Elizabeth immediately knew to whom he referred. "Ah yes," she replied, "It would not do for her to hear how infamously you have treated him, would it?" Darcy was hurt and angry that she still seemed to believe whatever lies Wickham had told her about him. They had not spoken of Wickham since the Netherfield Ball, and when Elizabeth had accepted his offer, Darcy had assumed she had long since seen though Wickham's lies. "Elizabeth," he said, as calmly as he could, "I do not know what Mr. Wickham has told you, but if you have a few minutes, I will give you a full and honest account of my dealings with him."
Elizabeth nodded her head, and Darcy proceeded with his story, leaving nothing out. Elizabeth at first refused to believe what she heard, but when he came to the part about his sister, Elizabeth knew he must be telling the truth, for she could not imagine anyone making up such a story about their own sister. As she thought about it, it suddenly seemed strange that Wickham had confided so much in her so early in their acquaintance. She also recalled Wickham saying that respect for the late Mr. Darcy prevented him from revealing the cruelty of his son, but that as soon as the Netherfield party had departed, Wickham spoke freely on the subject. Elizabeth had always prided herself on being a good judge of character, but she realized she had badly misjudged both men.
Suddenly realizing that Mr. Darcy was awaiting some kind of response from her, she tried to speak, but was overcome by tears. "I am so sorry," she managed to whisper. "How could I.... How could I have believed him? I should have known you could not..." Darcy could not bear to see Elizabeth like this. "Do not distress yourself," he whispered, enfolding her in his arms. "It is enough that you believe me now. I should have explained the matter sooner." It was several minutes before Elizabeth's sobs abated.
As soon as Elizabeth had regained some of her composure, Darcy released her and guided her towards a fallen log by the side of the road, where they both sat down. Elizabeth shook her head. "I have always fancied myself a student of character, yet in this case, it would seem I was a very poor student indeed." "Elizabeth," Darcy replied, "Do not distress yourself, you are far from being the first person he has deceived. You could not know what he really was." They sat for several minutes, neither quite knowing what to say. At length, Elizabeth explained that the regiment would be encamped at Brighton for the summer, and that it, and Wickham, had departed. Darcy was greatly relieved to hear this news. "In that case," he said, "Perhaps I will go to town next week and bring my sister back with me. I am so anxious for you to get aquatinted." Elizabeth said that she too was eager to meet Miss Darcy.
Elizabeth noted that it was growing late, and rose to leave. Darcy asked if he might call at Longbourn the following morning, and Elizabeth agreed. As she was about to leave, Darcy took her hand and kissed it, saying softly, "Until tomorrow, then."
Chapter 8
That night, Elizabeth went to her sister's room and related what had passed on the path the Netherfield. What a stroke this was for poor Jane, who would willingly have gone through the world without believing that so much wickedness existed in the whole race of mankind, as was here collected in one individual. Nor did Darcy's vindication console her for such a discovery. Most earnestly did she labor to prove the probability of error, and seek to clear one without involving the other. "This will not do,'' said Elizabeth. "Only one of them can be telling the truth. Take your choice, but you must be satisfied with only one. There is just enough merit between them to make one good sort of man, and of late it has been shifting about. For my part, I am inclined to believe it all Mr. Darcy's, but you shall do as you choose."
Jane was about to agree with her sister's verdict, when she noticed the tears again streaming down Elizabeth's face. "Lizzy," she asked, "Was Mr. Darcy very angry that you had believed Mr. Wickham?" "No," Elizabeth replied. "He seemed more hurt than angry. Oh Jane, I have behaved so wretchedly towards him. I believed Mr. Wickham's allegations without a shred of evidence, I accepted his offer of marriage for the most purely mercenary of motives, and now, I... I can now see that he loves me, and believes me to return his affections. I... I feel like every moment I am with him, I am misleading him, letting him think I feel something that I do not, and yet neither can I be so cruel as to break the engagement. I can not bear to tell him the truth about my feelings, but I fear he will somehow discover it." Jane tried to think of some advice to offer her sister, but could think of none. Finally, she asked, "What exactly are your feelings for Mr. Darcy at present?" Elizabeth hesitated for several moments, trying to think. "I do not think so very ill of him as I once did. I still resent what he said about our family, but he has also been very kind. Much more kind, if fact, than I deserve. I think I am starting to like him, but I do not love him." "Do you think," Jane asked quietly, "that you might ever come to love him?" "I do not know," Elizabeth replied.
The next morning, Darcy called at Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet was greatly surprised by the visit. She at first was very excited, thinking that his appearance meant that Mr. Bingley had returned to Netherfield. Once Darcy had assured her that this was not the case, she was barely civil to him. Remembering that they owed Mr. Bennet's recovery to him, Elizabeth was mortified by her mother's behavior. To make matters worse, Mrs. Bennet found it necessary to speak of their disappointment in the regiment's departure, and her youngest daughter's good fortune in being invited to Brighton. Elizabeth could see that Mr. Darcy was barely able to contain his disgust at this. Much to her relief, Jane quickly turned the conversation in a different direction, mentioning a play she had seen while in London, and asking Mr. Darcy if he had also seen it. Thankfully, Mary and Kitty said little. Elizabeth was also unusually quiet, partly because of her embarrassment at her mother's behavior, partly because of her shame at her own past conduct vis-a-vis Mr. Darcy. When Mr. Darcy rose to leave, Mrs. Bennet inquired if Mr. Bingley were likely to return to Netherfield in the future. Darcy replied that he did not think it likely, and expected Bingley to give up the lease at the end of the year. Jane quickly looked away to hide her disappointment. Seeing her reaction, Darcy studied her averted face for several seconds, with a questioning look on his face.
Chapter 9
After leaving Longbourn, Darcy found himself thinking about the behavior of the eldest Miss Bennet. He had once told Bingley he thought she smiled too much. She had smiled a good deal today, but her smiles had seemed forced, and there was a sadness about her that he did not remember from the Fall. When he had mentioned that Bingley was unlikely to return, she had quickly averted her face, but he had thought she looked pained. Darcy began to wonder if he had misjudged her feelings for his friend. The objections to the match that had seemed so overwhelming in the Fall seemed unimportant now. To be sure, Darcy would not wish Mrs. Bennet as a mother-in-law on anyone. He at least would have a two day journey between himself and that woman, but were Bingley to marry Miss Bennet, he would not be so fortunate. Darcy reflected, however, that the Bingleys need not necessarily stay at Netherfield.
Darcy could not, of course, be sure of Jane's feelings, but he vowed to ask Elizabeth at the earliest opportunity. If she told him that her sister did in fact care for his friend, he resolved to write to him at once. Not wanting to call at Longbourn again so soon, Darcy spent much time in the days that followed riding about the countryside in the hopes of happening upon Elizabeth.
It was nearly a week before they finally met on a path south of Meryton. Darcy asked after Mr. Bennet's health, and Elizabeth happily told him that her father had felt well enough the day before to come downstairs. "He still tires easily," she added, "but it is wonderful to see him downstairs, and hear him making jokes again." "I am glad to hear it," Darcy replied. He hesitated a minute before saying, "Elizabeth, I... there is something I would like to ask you..." Elizabeth stiffened. Was he going to question her about her feelings for him, question her about her motives in accepting him? She dreaded such a possibility. She knew she could not lie to him, but neither could she bear to tell him the truth. Elizabeth's anxiety grew as he searched for the right words. "When I called at Longbourn, and I told your mother Bingley was unlikely to return, I noticed that your sister... that is, she averted her face, but I thought I detected... Elizabeth, what are your sister's feelings regarding my friend?" When she realized what he was asking, Elizabeth immediately replied, "When you all departed for town last November, she was very much in love with him, and we believed he would soon return. When he did not return, she became very depressed. She has not been herself since then."
Realizing the magnitude of his mistake, Darcy covered his face with his hands. "I fear I have greatly wronged them both," he said. "You see, when Bingley left for town, he did intend to return within a few days. I had observed you sister's behavior at the ball at Netherfield, and I could see no sign of particular regard on her part. I felt that her heart would not be easily touched. I told Bingley this on my return to town, and it was because of this that he remained in town." Elizabeth was shocked. "You?" she asked angrily. "It was your doing? I had thought perhaps Miss Bingley.... but you?" "I am sorry, Elizabeth," he said. "I shall write to him at once and correct my mistake. I only told him what on impartial observation I believed to be the truth." Oh yes, very impartial," she replied. "I know how much you disapprove of my family. You have told me so yourself! You thought her unworthy!" "Elizabeth," Darcy replied, "I did and do object to the total want of propriety displayed by your mother and your younger sisters, and even on occasion your father, but you and Miss Bennet have always been beyond reproach. If I had thought your sister truly cared for him, I would not have interfered, but I did not wish to see Bingley in a loveless marriage."
Elizabeth felt tears stinging her eyes. Remembering what Charlotte had said, she could easily see how Mr. Darcy had concluded her sister to be indifferent. She could not disagree with his observations about her mother and younger sisters. Worst of all, she knew she was sentencing him to the very fate from which he was trying to protect his friend. It was wrong to allow Mr. Darcy to continue to believe her in love with him when she was not, but how could she tell him the truth?
As he had a week before, Darcy pulled her into his arms, trying to comfort her. "All I can say is that I am sorry for my mistake, and that I will write to Bingley at once. I am sure that he will want to come to Netherfield as soon as may be." Elizabeth smiled at this. If nothing else, at least Jane and Bingley would be happy. That was some consolation for the mess she had made of her own life. Darcy released her, and taking a handkerchief from his pocket, gently dried her tears. When she had regained her composure, he said, "There is something else I should like to ask." Elizabeth again felt a wave of dread. "Do you think," he continued, "that your father is sufficiently recovered that I might speak to him?"
Chapter 10
Elizabeth knew she had reached the point of no return. Once her father had consented, and the engagement had been publicly announced, there could be no going back. Elizabeth also knew that her father's condition was no longer an impediment to Darcy speaking with him. She could no longer honestly use that excuse. If she meant to break the engagement, Elizabeth knew she would have to do it in the next few minutes. She looked up at him, his face so full of hopefulness and love.... and---- she could not do it.
She hated herself for continuing with the lie, but she could not bring herself to break his heart. She would just have to try to learn to love him. Mutely, she nodded her head. Darcy bid her farewell, promising that he would call at Longbourn the next afternoon to speak to her father.
Elizabeth returned to Longbourn, and immediately sought her elder sister. When she entered the drawing room, however, the only person present was Kitty, who was poring over a letter, evidently from Lydia. As neither her query as to how Lydia did, nor her query as to where Jane was received a satisfactory answer, Elizabeth turned and left. She eventually found Jane in the garden. Elizabeth was unsure how much she should tell Jane of the portion of the conversation which concerned Mr. Bingley. She finally decided to merely tell her sister that Mr. Darcy had indicated that Mr. Bingley might soon return. She hoped that this information would prepare Jane somewhat if he did come, without raising her hopes unreasonably. Jane tried to conceal her agitation, but Elizabeth could see she was greatly affected by this news.
Elizabeth then told her sister that Mr. Darcy would be coming the next afternoon to ask Mr. Bennet's consent. "Oh Lizzy," Jane replied. "You have decided then?" Elizabeth nodded. "When the moment came, I just could not do it. I could not hurt him like that. I only hope that in time I may come to...." "Lizzy," Jane interrupted, "He is a good man. You know that now, and he obviously cares for you a great deal. I have every confidence that you will be happy." Elizabeth wished she could share sister's confidence.
Mrs. Bennet's eyes narrowed in surprise when Hill again announced Mr. Darcy. He spoke to Mrs. Bennet and her daughters for a few awkward minutes, before asking to speak with Mr. Bennet. "He is in the library. Hill will show you the way," replied Mrs. Bennet indifferently. The gentleman then followed the housekeeper out of the room.
Elizabeth felt her agitation mounting with every minute that passed. She recollected that she had never said a single positive thing about Mr. Darcy to her father. Her father would know that she had accepted Mr. Darcy for the most mercenary of motives, and would surely be greatly disappointed in her. That she, his favorite child, should be distressing him by her choice, should be filling him with fears and regrets in disposing of her, was a wretched reflection. She sat in misery till Darcy appeared again. He smiled, and while pretending to admire her work said in a whisper, "Go to your father, he wants you in the library.'' Elizabeth rose and excused herself. She was gone directly. On entering the room, she found her father walking about the room, looking grave and anxious. "Lizzy,'' said he, "what are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting this man? Have not you always hated him?''
Chapter 11
"Papa," Elizabeth said awkwardly, not knowing where to begin. "He is rich, to be sure," her father continued, "and you will have fine clothes and fine carriages. But will they make you happy?" "He is a good man, Papa, and he has..." "Do you love him?" her father interrupted. Elizabeth knew she could not lie to her father, and she shook her head sadly, tears streaming down her face for the thousandth time that month. Her father tapped the seat next to him, indicating that she should sit, and handed her a handkerchief. She soon related the whole story, leaving nothing out. "So you see, Papa," she said when she had finished, "I just could not bring myself to break the engagement. I could not hurt him like that, after I had promised, and after everything he had done."
Mr. Bennet was silent for several minutes, considering what his daughter had told him. "I can understand, Lizzy, how your sense of honor, and your feelings of compassion would make it difficult, perhaps impossible to break the engagement. I, however, am not honor bound to give my consent. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband. I do not wish to have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. It is therefore my duty as a parent to refuse my consent."
Elizabeth did not know what to say. She had never considered the possibility of her father's refusal. When she had considered the possibility of breaking the engagement, she had always assumed that she would have to be the one to do it, that she would have to break her promise, that she would have to say the words she knew would hurt him, that if he asked for an explanation, she would have to tell him the awful truth. Her father's decision offered her a way out. Elizabeth sat for several minutes, trying to decide whether to ask her father to reconsider. She knew that prudence demanded that she not marry a man she did not love. She knew her father's decision was the prudent one. Reluctantly, she nodded her head. Why did that simple gesture feel so widely imprudent?
Elizabeth slipped past the room where the others were assembled and disappeared upstairs. Only Jane and Mr. Darcy noticed her go by. A few minutes later, a servant entered the drawing room and told Mr. Darcy that Mr. Bennet wished to speak to him. Mrs. Bennet looked up from her needlework in surprise. Hadn't Mr. Darcy only recently returned from speaking with her husband? Noticing Elizabeth's absence, she asked Jane where she had gone. "I believe Lizzy was feeling unwell, and went upstairs," Jane said a bit awkwardly. "Perhaps I should go check on her." When neither of the girls had returned some minutes later, Mrs. Bennet decided to go upstairs and check on them. Jane answered the knock, and told her mother that Lizzy had a headache and was about to retire.
When Mr. Darcy reentered Mr. Bennet's study, he found the older gentleman seated at his desk looking into the fire. "Mr. Darcy," he said, "I am afraid I can not consent to your marrying my daughter." Darcy's jaw dropped. Surely he had misunderstood? The man must be out of his mind! "Sir, I fear I did not hear you correctly...," Darcy began "You heard me correctly," Mr. Bennet replied, his voice even. "But why?!? How could you be so cruel to your own daughter?" Darcy sputtered in anger. "Surely you can not expect her to do better, not when your family has such low connections, when your wife and younger daughters display such total want of propriety, when....." "Mr. Darcy, I believe you have answered your own question," Mr. Bennet interrupted, his voice calm. "I will not allow my daughter to be united with a man who does not respect her and her family, and who can not behave like a gentleman. If you think so little of my daughter and her family, I wonder that you should desire the connection at all." There was an awkward pause, after which Mr. Darcy turned on his heals and left.
When Darcy returned to Netherfield, he found Bingley, Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley just alighting from the carriage. He gave them a curt greeting, and then disappeared inside. He cursed himself for asking Bingley to bring Georgiana. Were it not for his sister, he would have returned to London at once. On entering his chamber, he sat with his head in his hands, trying to decide what to do. He knew he could not ask Elizabeth to defy her father, but he could not bear the thought of giving her up.
Chapter 12
"Who is it?" Darcy asked, in response to the soft knock on his door. "It is Georgiana," came the timid reply. "Please come in," he replied. Darcy looked up to see a concerned expression on his sister's face. "What is wrong?" she asked. Darcy sighed. Having told his sister of his engagement, he could not avoid telling her what had happened. "I went to Longbourn today to ask Mr. Bennet's consent.... Georgiana, he refused me." "What?" Georgiana asked in surprise. "Surely there was some misunderstanding?" Darcy laughed bitterly. "That is what I thought at first, but he soon set me straight." "What sort of explanation did he offer?" Georgiana asked. "He said I did not have enough respect for his daughter and their family, that I did not behave like a gentleman." Georgiana did not know what to make of this. It was as though Mr. Bennet had been referring to some other person. "Does he know you well, have you spent much time in each other's company?" "No," Darcy admitted. "On most of the occasions when I saw Elizabeth last autumn in Hertfordshire, he was not present, and except for today, I have not seen him since then." "That must be it then," Georgiana replied. "No one who knew you well could have any reason to object to you. I am sure when he gets to know you and sees how much you and Miss Bennet care for one another, he will change his mind." Darcy wished he could share his sister's optimism, but he knew that he had not helped his cause by loosing his temper. Besides, after what had happened, he surely could not call at Longbourn, and how then was Mr. Bennet to see that he had misjudged him?
The next morning at breakfast, Bingley announced his intention of calling at Longbourn, and invited Darcy and his sister to join him. After an awkward pause, Darcy said he had some correspondence he must tend to. Georgiana also declined, saying she was still tired from the journey. As Bingley was preparing to leave, Darcy took him aside, and said, "Georgiana is still a little shy about meeting people. Perhaps if you invited Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth to dine here at Netherfield...." "Excellent idea Darcy!" Bingley replied. "I shall invite them for tomorrow night."
Georgiana spent the day trying, with little success, to alleviate her brother's black mood. It pained her to see him like this. He had been so happy when he returned to London and told her of his engagement. Georgiana wished there was some way she could make Mr. Bennet see what a good and caring man her brother was.
That evening Bingley returned to Netherfield overflowing with happiness. "I am engaged!" He announced. "My dear Jane has agreed to be my wife, and her father has given his consent. I am the happiest man alive!" Darcy winced slightly at this. "Darcy, I know you do not really approve of her..." "It is not that, Bingley," Darcy replied quietly. Remembering himself, Darcy offered his congratulations, as did his sister. He tried to appear happy for his friend, but it was a struggle to conceal his anger and jealousy. Every expression of joy from his friend felt like a knife in his stomach. Why should Mr. Bennet readily welcome Bingley into the family but reject himself? As he promised, Bingley had invited Jane and Elizabeth to dine at Netherfield the following evening, and the invitation had been accepted. Both expressed their eagerness to become aquatinted with Miss Darcy.
Elizabeth cast a worried look at her sister as the carriage door closed behind her. "If you prefer, Lizzy," Jane said, "I will make sure you are not alone with him." "No, Jane," Elizabeth replied. "I will have to face him sooner or later. Besides, I have to return his ring. I will be all right." She was trying to convince herself of this as much as she was Jane.
All too soon the carriage arrived at Netherfield, and the ladies were shown into the drawing room. Mr. Bingley wore the same dazed smile he had worn the previous day, and eagerly greeted his fiancé and her sister. When they had returned his greetings and somewhat awkwardly greeted his friend, Bingley introduced Miss Darcy, and her companion, Mrs. Annesley. In spite of the circumstances, Elizabeth was glad to finally meet Miss Darcy, and was pleased to find her perfectly amiable, though quite shy. She spoke to both Miss Darcy and Mrs. Annesley a great deal. She enjoyed speaking with Miss Darcy, but her primary motivation was to avoid the necessity of speaking to her brother.
After some time, Mr. Bingley invited his guests to tour the gardens, noting that the flowers were at their peak. Jane immediately accepted, as did Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley. Elizabeth declined, saying she was tired. As soon as the others had departed, Elizabeth took the ring from her pocket, and made to give it to Mr. Darcy, saying awkwardly "I believe.... I believe I should return this to you." Darcy looked at the ring lying in her extended palm, and wordlessly closed her fingers around it. "Elizabeth," he said, his voice choked with emotion, "I can not imagine ever giving that ring to anyone else. If you can not wear it, I would still like you to keep it." Elizabeth turned away, trying unsuccessfully to hide the tears in her eyes. "Elizabeth," he said softly, I can not ask you to defy your father's wishes, but tell me, is there no hope that he will change his mind?" "I do not think so...Oh, I do not know...." Elizabeth could not keep her voice steady. Why did this hurt so much?
Chapter 13
Over the course of the next week, Bingley spent most of the time at Longbourn with his fiancé. He tried to convince Darcy to accompany him, but his friend always seemed to have some excuse to remain at Netherfield. Georgiana tried, without much success, to shake her brother's depression. Darcy considered returning to London, but somehow it comforted him to know that Elizabeth was nearby, even if he couldn't see her.
About ten days after Jane and Lizzy had dined at Netherfield, there was to be an assembly ball in Meryton. Elizabeth looked forward to it with a mixture of anticipation and dread, wondering if Mr. Darcy would also be there. His sentiments were pretty much the same. When Mrs. Bennet and her daughters arrived at the ball, Bingley immediately approached them to claim Miss Bennet's hand for the first two dances. Darcy offered a brief greeting, which was returned, and after a few awkward moments, excused himself.
Darcy spent half the evening trying to decide if he dared ask Elizabeth to dance. Mr. Bennet was not present, but Darcy felt certain that Mrs. Bennet would inform her husband of everything that passed at the ball. Seeing Elizabeth sitting down, Darcy could stand it no longer, and he rather awkwardly made his request. Elizabeth hesitated a moment, and then accepted. At first, they danced in silence. Seeking to relieve the awkwardness both were feeling, Darcy smiled and said, "Miss Bennet, I believe we must have some conversation. A very little will suffice." Elizabeth laughed, and tried to think of something to say, but there seemed to be an embargo on every subject. At last she thought to mention a book she had been reading. Darcy laughed and replied, "That will not do, for you once told me you could never talk of books in a ballroom." Elizabeth mentioned how much she had liked Georgiana, and Darcy smiled. "I had hoped you and she would...." His voice trailed off. His hopes for the relationship between his sister and Elizabeth were to come to nothing.
Fortunately, the dance soon ended, and Elizabeth sought out her elder sister, who smiled sympathetically. "Lizzy, I know that must have been very difficult for you," she said. "If you would like to go home now, I will tell mother I am tired." Not wanting to ruin the evening for her sisters, Elizabeth shook her head. She did not know whether she was more relieved or saddened when she saw Mr. Darcy depart soon after.
Watching Elizabeth approach her sister, Darcy realized it was unfair to both Elizabeth and himself to continue this torture. After a brief interval, he told Bingley he was feeling tired and wished to return to Netherfield. Bingley offered to accompany him, but Darcy insisted that his friend remain. At breakfast the next morning, he announced that he had business to attend to, and that he and his sister would be returning to London.
Chapter 14
About a week after Mr. and Miss Darcy returned to town, Col. Fitzwilliam paid them a call. One look at the worried expression on Georgiana's face, and the morose one on his cousin's face told the Colonel something was wrong. As soon as they were alone, Col. Fitzwilliam asked, "Did you see Miss Bennet while you were in Hertfordshire?" Darcy winced, but made no reply. This served to confirm the Colonel's suspicions. Seeing that Darcy was not going to volunteer anything, Fitzwilliam asked, "am I to understand that you asked for her hand, and she refused?" Darcy laughed bitterly. "No cousin, it is not that. Miss Elizabeth Bennet consented to be my wife when I asked her the last night she was at Hunsford. Her father, however, refused to give his consent."
The Colonel was very surprised at this information. "Refused you, good heavens why? What explanation did the man give?" "I spoke with him for some time in his study. At first, he was non-committal, then he asked the speak to Elizabeth. They were in his study for a while, then I saw her go upstairs, obviously upset. I was called back into the study, and told he could not consent. It was rather foolish of me, but at that point I lost my temper, asked how he could expect his daughter to do any better when his family had such low connections, and his wife and younger daughters showed so little propriety. He replied that he did not wish to see his daughter married to someone who did not respect her and her family." Darcy hesitated. "So," he said, "I really don't know what his original objection was, for when I lost my temper, that became the excuse."
"Is Miss Bennet's family so very bad?" asked the colonel, "And even if they are, does it really matter?" Darcy related his objections, but admitted all of that would mean little to him if he could find a way for Elizabeth and himself to be together. The Colonel mulled this over for several minutes. Finally he asked, "Did you ever say anything to Miss Bennet of your objections to her family?" "Of course," Darcy replied, describing what he had said in his proposal. The Colonel gasped. "You were as insulting as that and she still accepted you!?!" Darcy looked puzzled. "Was I not right to tell her of my struggles?" he asked. In exasperation, the colonel asked "Suppose Miss Bennet told you she wanted to marry you despite the fact that your aunt was an overbearing meddlesome harpy, your cousin was the ugliest officer in His Majesty's army, and your sister nearly ran off with a villain?
Darcy was aghast. He had never meant to insult Elizabeth, but he now saw how his words must have pained her. That she should have accepted him in any case showed the depth of her affection. For the first time Darcy wondered if he deserved that regard. The colonel interrupted his thoughts. "Darcy, I think you also have your answer as to why Mr. Bennet refused you. He probably asked his daughter to describe the circumstances of your proposal, and if she repeated your words...." Darcy covered his face with his hands. "What am I to do?" he asked plaintively. "Do you love her?" "More than I ever thought possible," Darcy replied. "Then you must try to mend your ways. Be more considerate. Show Miss Bennet and her father that you do not object to her family. Try to court the good opinion of all of them. Do not despair, cousin, there is always hope. I have every confidence that you shall find a way."
Chapter 15
The next several weeks were difficult for Elizabeth. The preparations for Jane's wedding were well underway, and Mrs. Bennet could speak of nothing but her eldest daughter's good fortune. Seeing the unhappy look on her second daughter's face, Mrs. Bennet snapped, "It is well you should frown Lizzy, for you will probably die an old maid. Well, I can not feel any sympathy for you, for you could have been Mrs. Collins by now of you had chosen it." Elizabeth resisted the urge to laugh. If only her mother knew! It was difficult, however, for Elizabeth not to think of the fact that she might have been now preparing for her marriage to Mr. Darcy. During their dance at the assembly rooms, Elizabeth had seen a side of him that she had not suspected existed. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, he had joked with her and teased her. She realized she had never really gotten to know him, and now it was too late.
Elizabeth sat in her chamber one evening, turning Mr. Darcy's ring over in her fingers. She rather wished he had accepted it when she attempted to return it to him that day at Netherfield. It was not right for her to have it, and she could not seem to leave it out of sight in her jewelry box. Elizabeth's thoughts were startled by a knock at her door. Quickly hiding the ring, she opened the door to find Jane on the other side. Jane entered the room and closed the door, but seemed to hesitate before speaking. Finally, she asked, "Lizzy, would you be willing to come to town with me to help me choose my wedding clothes? I know it will be awkward for you to see Mr. Darcy again, but perhaps if you come with me, Mama will stay behind....." Elizabeth laughed, envisioning where her mother's taste might lead, and readily agreed.
Elizabeth accompanied her Aunt Gardiner and Jane to all the various London shops. Though Elizabeth was genuinely glad to share in her sister's happiness, Mrs. Gardiner was perceptive enough to notice something was wrong. When they were alone one evening, she asked Elizabeth what was troubling her. When Elizabeth made no reply, Mrs. Gardiner asked if she were regretting that nothing had come of her relationship with Mr. Wickham. "Mr. Wickham!" said Elizabeth in surprise, "whyever should you think...." recollecting what her attitude towards that gentleman had been at Christmastime, Elizabeth colored, and assured her aunt that she had no regard for him at all. "In fact," said Elizabeth with some hesitation, "I now have cause to think quite ill of him." Mrs. Gardiner was very surprised when Elizabeth told her the circumstances surrounding the late Mr. Darcy's estate, and the source of her information. "Then," asked Mrs. Gardiner, "are you now disposed to think better of Mr. Darcy than you did at Christmas?" Elizabeth colored, and admitted she was.
"I can see where you would be embarrassed by your faulty judgment, but surely Lizzy, it is not this which is troubling you?" "No, aunt," Lizzy replied. After some hesitation, Elizabeth confided to her aunt the circumstances of Mr. Darcy's proposal and the events that followed. "Are you now regretting your father's refusal?" asked Mrs. Gardiner, when Elizabeth had finished her narrative. "No... perhaps... oh I don't know! I suppose I regret that I never really had a chance to fully understand him." It hardly matters, said Elizabeth ruefully, "for I shall never see him again." "I thought he was staying in London?" asked Mrs. Gardiner. "Perhaps he will call here? If you saw more of him, you might be able to better judge your feelings." Elizabeth laughed. "Mr. Darcy? call in Gracechurch Street? I rather doubt it."
Chapter 16
The next morning, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy came to call in Gracechurch Street. After a half an hour, Bingley announced that his cousin, a Mrs. Richards, was in town for a few days, staying with his sister, Mrs. Hurst. He asked if he might bring Miss Bennet to meet his cousin. As Jane had no previous engagements, they set off. Darcy at first felt a little awkward to be alone with the Gardiners and Elizabeth, but Mrs. Gardiner soon put him at ease by mentioning that she had lived in Lambton for a few years in her youth. They talked with energy about Derbyshire, for Mrs. Gardiner had not been there in many years, and was eager to hear what changes had taken place.
In the course of their conversation, Mrs. Gardiner happened to mention that she and Mr. Gardiner had been planning a trip to Derbyshire for that Summer, but had been forced to put it off on account of Jane's wedding, adding that perhaps they would make the trip the following Summer. "If you are able to make the trip next Summer," replied Mr. Darcy, "you are more than welcome to stay at Pemberley." Mrs. Gardiner was greatly surprised by this invitation, and could not, at first think of a reply. Mr. Darcy turned to her husband, asking if he were fond of fishing. He allowed that he was. "Then," replied Mr. Darcy, you really must come and stay at Pemberley," naming the various species to be found in the lake and stream there. Elizabeth was astonished at the direction the conversation had taken-- that Mr. Darcy should not only talk easily with the very people he had so recently disdained, but invite them to his home! For the thousandth time she wondered at how little she understood the gentleman seated next to her.
After a while, Mr. Gardiner looked at his watch and announced with a great deal of regret that he must return to his office. Mrs. Gardiner remained with Elizabeth and Darcy a few minutes more before excusing herself to go and check on her children. When she had closed the door behind her, an awkward silence fell upon the room. At last, Elizabeth said "It was very kind of you to invite my aunt and uncle to Pemberley." "I hope they will be able to make the journey," he replied. "I am only sorry that you will not be with me to welcome them." Trying to change the subject, Elizabeth asked him to tell her about Pemberley. Darcy spoke with great animation, describing his ancestral home and the surrounding park; improvements he had made, and those planned for the future; servants and tenants whose well being was clearly never far from his mind.
Elizabeth could see he cared a great deal about the place, and the people who called it home. She asked when he had last been there. He hesitated a minute before replying, "not since last Summer." Noticing Elizabeth's surprise, he continued, "Ever since I saw you again at Rosings, when I imagined returning to Pemberley, it was with you by my side...I haven't wanted..." Elizabeth looked into his eyes, and saw all the pain--and all the love they held, and was overcome. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she said she was very sorry, and wished she could be by his side at Pemberley. With a start, Elizabeth realized she meant every word she said, but before she could give the matter any further thought, his lips were upon hers. It was only a brief kiss, and Darcy broke away, apologizing profusely. Before either of them could say anything further, Jane and Bingley entered the room, quite oblivious to what they had interrupted.
Mrs. Gardiner returned soon after, and invited the gentlemen to stay for dinner. They readily accepted her invitation. The party was in the middle of the meal, happily engaged in conversation, when Mr. Bennet was announced. Without even noticing that the family were not the only ones present, Mr. Bennet announced that Lydia had run off from Brighton with Mr. Wickham, that they had been traced to town, but no further, and were certainly not gone to Scotland, and begged Mr. Gardiner's aide in the search for the couple.