Posted on Wednesday, 1 September 1999

Elizabeth Bennet crept under the covers in the spare room of the Hunsford parsonage. What a dreadful day it had been. That obnoxious Mr. Darcy had actually had the audacity to propose to her, in such insulting terms! In vain he has struggled indeed! And poor Jane and Bingley… and practically admitting to mistreating Mr. Wickham… She fell asleep with his words still ringing in her head.

In the middle of the night, she awoke with a start when a door somewhere in the house gave a loud bang. Startled, she rose from her bed and slipped a shawl over her shoulders. She turned from the chair where her shawl had been resting when she got another shock. There, standing in the corner of her room, was none other than Mr. Darcy himself.

"Forgive me, ma'am, for intruding on your precious time, but I had to come and tell you how ardently I admire and love you. You are the only thing I can ever think about, and I would like very much if you would…"

"Stop right there, Mr. Darcy!" cried Elizabeth, regaining the power of speech. "I have heard all of this, this afternoon and I have no need to hear your insults again! Now, can you please leave my chamber at once! No, not please, just do it!"

Mr. Darcy obligingly turned and disappeared through the doorway. Elizabeth sighed and went back to bed. What an odd occurrence! She was just about to blow out her candle when there was a knock at the door.

"Go away, Mr. Darcy!" she yelled through the closed door.

"I'm not Mr. Darcy," replied Mr. Collins, as he walked through the door with a lascivious grin on his face. Elizabeth screamed.

"Oh, do not be afraid, little one," he crooned. "I simply wish to take our relationship that natural step further. After all, what Charlotte doesn't know won't hurt her, and I have always loved you the most."

As he advanced with his arms outstretched, Elizabeth screamed and ran for the nearest exit, which as he was blocking the path to the door was the window. In panic she flung herself out, and saw the ground rushing towards her. Just before she hit the ground, Charlotte ran out the front door and threw herself in Lizzy's path. With a *thud* Lizzy landed without a scratch, though Charlotte lay there with a broken back. Concerned, Elizabeth attempted to help her friend, but Charlotte would not accept it.

"Run," she said breathlessly. "Just save yourself!"

Looking up, Elizabeth saw Mr. Collins floating down from the window. Unwillingly she kissed her friend good-bye and ran off into the night. Glancing back, she saw him bent over her friend, telling her how Lady Catherine would not appreciate the blood she'd left on the garden path. Disgusted, she continued to run until she was lost in the darkness.

Pausing for breath, she decided to stay where she was until morning when she could find her way to the village. She sat underneath a tree and drew her legs close for some little warmth. Shivering, she attempted to fall asleep but could not. As she lay awake she heard the noises of the forest around her. The owls hunting their pray, the squeals of the mice they captured, the hiss of the wind in the treetops, and the steady beat of the tribal drums. The what? She thought to herself, sitting up wide awake. Sure enough, the sound got louder as the mysterious drummers approached. She hid behind the tree as Lady Catherine, Anne de Bourgh and Mrs. Jenkinson marched past, carrying the corpse of a badger on a stick. She shook her head in disbelief and ran in the opposite direction.

It was not long before she found herself in familiar territory. The woods on Oakham Mount were a favourite walking spot for her and now that she knew where she was, she started walking again. The fact that the fifty mile journey from Rosings to Longbourn had taken little more than ten minutes did not occur to her at this time. Heading towards her home, she was amazed to see some more night-time roamers. It was an oversized Alsatian with the head of Mr. Wickham arm in arm with her sister Lydia. She was about to hail them and say hello, when he turned towards Lydia and began nuzzling her neck. Lizzy was shocked, but it was even more of a surprise when he grew fangs and prepared to take a bite out of Lydia's ear. Lydia seemed oblivious to what was happening to her, but Lizzy could see the danger her sister was in. She was about to rush over to save her, when Mr. Darcy appeared again. He ran towards the couple, pulled out a fencing foil, and killed Mr. Wickham. He then grew a pair of wings and flew upwards, out of sight.

Lydia, who had no recollection of the interlude, and Lizzy, who was still unable to speak from shock, walked slowly home to Longbourn as the early morning sunlight began to appear. They entered the door and went into the parlour for some tea. Sitting around the table was Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, Lady Catherine and Anne. The latter two were munching away on what appeared to be a badger sandwich. The men were quietly reading Mary's copy of Fordyce's Sermons. Lydia demanded to know why they were in the Bennet's parlour.

"We needed to see Mrs. Bennet for advice on how to become monks," replied Bingley. "Hence the sermons."

"No, no, Bingley," corrected Darcy. "You mean monkeys!"

"Oh, that's right," said Bingley.

Lady Cat and Anne stood up without a word at this point and hopped on an oversized goose that happened to be lying in the corner of the room. They flew out of the window and were soon nothing but a speck on the horizon.

"Darcy," said a bewildered Elizabeth. "I know that we have had our differences in the past, but I would like to thank you for saving the life of my sister from that hideous Mr. Wickham. If I could do anything to repay you…"

"All I require, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth," said he "is for you to take my hand in marriage. We shall be monkeys together, running naked in the jungles of South America!"

Elizabeth of course consented to this plan, and straight away they prepared to leave. Mr. Bennet gave his consent and they walked out the door, hand in hand.

"Lizzy! Lizzy!" came Charlotte's voice form behind. "it's time to go to Rosings!"

Groggily, Elizabeth woke up. And instantly forgot her dream.

*-The End-*