Chat War

    By Eva

    Posted on Wednesday, 2 June 1999

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com joined the chat

    George Wickham cad@militia.com joined the chat
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    Wickham, what are you doing here?
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Surely I have as much right to be in here as you?
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    After what you did to my sister? Get out, get out!
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    No I don't think I will.
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    But you'll seduce all the young ladies in here. I must warn them.
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com

    BEWARE OF WICKHAM

    Especially if you're fifteen or sixteen, he likes girls that age.

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Darcy, you misrepresent me to these young ladies.
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    No, I don't, you cad.
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Yes you do.
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    No I don't.
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Yes you do.
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    No. I. Don't.
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *mimicking Darcy* Yes. You. Do.

    And just for that…

    *sends flying some rotten fruit*

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    Why you little…

    *throws tar all over Wickham*

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *and some feathers*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    I always wanted to do that :)
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Hey!

    *shoots some hot glue with a hot glue gun*

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *ducks glue*

    *shakes can of coke*

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *prepares a tube of mini M&Ms*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *pulls pin*
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *gets hit by coke and M&M coating dissolves*

    ARGH.

    THo' I didn't think you had it in you Darcy, well done.

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *follows coke with a sprinkling of flour*
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *launches tub of fermented cabbage*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    You KNOW I hate cabbage, you...

    *sends over some pickles*

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *ducks pickles*
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *borrows a helicopter and showers jelly over Darcy*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *eats jelly* Raspberry, my favourite!
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *shoots helicopter down with nail gun*
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    Ah, so it's hand to hand combat you want then?

    *picks up nearby vacuum cleaner hose and brandishes it like sword*

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *picks up a stick and brandishes it*

    En garde!

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *jab jab lunge*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *runs Wickham through*

    SO there, you're dead now

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    No, I'm not dead, I had a bible in my breast pocket.

    Never thought that would come in handy!

    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *swipe*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *jab*
    Eva
    *fed up with both of them*

    *Brings in "secret Weapon"*

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *lunge*
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com joined the chat at
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    OH NO!! NOT MARY BENNET!
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    OH NO!! NOT MARY BENNET!
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    Oh yes!!!
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    *clears throat*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    Help!!! Lizzy, save me!
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *shudders in fright*
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    *starts to sing*

    My mother bids me bind my hair...

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *to self*
    Just repeat over and over, its only a Mary...
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *fingers in ears, bent double in pain*
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    SLUUUUUUUUUUUmber dear maid...
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *falls on knees*
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *to self*
    Think of Lizzy, man...
    George Wickham cad@militia.com
    *choke, choke*
    George Wickham cad@militia.com left the chat
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    He's dead! Thank you Mary, you can stop now.
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    But I don't want to stop.

    *sings* Ding dong, the "Wick" is dead...

    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com
    *runs away* I'm out of here...
    Fitzwilliam Darcy pemberley@derbyshire.com left the chat at
    Mary Bennet singer@longbourn.com
    HEH HEH HEH :)
    Eva
    We now return you to your regularly scheduled programme...

    © 1999 Copyright held by the author.