Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of February 8, 2000
Jump to new as of February 22, 2000
Revelations ~ By Nicky
"But I thought you said we were going to Kellynch Hall, not Uppercut."
"It's Uppercross, Colonel, not Uppercut," snapped Wentworth, who had been in a very odd mood lately.
"Yes, thank you, Captain." Lizzy could see his perturbation, but she just wasn't interested in dealing with him. "We can't stay at Kellynch Hall, Brandon, for two excellent reasons: first, that it would be unspeakably rude on our part to attack our host; and, second, that Captain Wentworth would not be welcome in Sir Walter's home."
"Of course we must not be rude," began Miss Bates, "courtesy is so important, I always say. Jane - my niece, Jane Fairfax, you know - she curtseys so prettily now, although when she was small she used sometimes to trip herself up, and once she fell into a great mud puddle - yes, indeed, it was a very large mud puddle, for I remember it quite enveloped Highbury, and the rest of Surrey as well, and everyone was forced to stay indoors for five months together, and live only on the upper storeys, for the mud was six feet high, and everyone's clothing got quite dirty, but of course mud washes away so easily if one uses a little cheese, like that nice Gouda we had last Tuesday at Bromley, when I was speaking to a young man whose father makes belt buckles, and we were saying how very important belt buckles are, why they're nearly as important as doilies! Mother used to crochet the nicest doilies - we have plenty of them about the house - but of course now she has rheumatism in her hands, and all she does is fingerpaint! Why, not three months ago she painted a lovely portrait of Jane, done all in yellow, with nothing but her thumb! And of course -"
Brandon, Wentworth, Darcy, Knightley, Miss Bates, the Tilneys, and Lizzy were all crushed into one rather small carriage, so that when the Boxer began to speak, the effect was immediate and intense. Henry instantly began weaving muslin earmuffs for everyone, the Captain tried to ferrify his ears and got his nose by mistake, Darcy stuffed handfuls of down in his ears, and Brandon passed out. Catherine, of course, was the first to receive her earmuffs, and Knightley's years of practice stood him in good stead; he set his teeth, looked out the window, and occasionally smiled and nodded. Only Lizzy, hardened by life with Mrs. Bennet, was able to endure the situation with perfect equanimity. She understood, however, that the others needed her help, so after a long and fruitless search (it was also sconeless, popoverless, gobstopperless, biscuitless, toffeeless, onionless, breadless, muffinless, and lollipopless), for something with which to stop Miss Bates' marathon mouth, Fine Eyes silenced her with a quick cataleptic attack. "If she can't move," thought Elizabeth, "she can't talk. I'll fix her later."
Now that the danger was past, Ironman still seemed a bit discomfited, and Catherine soon guessed why. "Why wouldn't Captain Wentworth be welcome, Lizzy?" she asked. And that was when our ferric hero almost had a brilliant plan.
"Because," he tried to bluff his way out, "that vain, egotistical, heartless, cruel, callous, cold-blooded, unyielding, unmerciful, uncharitable, MEAN, INSENSITIVE, PROUD, PREJUDICED BARONET" this last word dripped with years of scorn, "has a particular dislike of sailors."
"Of course," added Lizzy, "that's why he wasn't terribly keen on your engagement to his daughter Anne."
And all heck broke loose.
"His what?" Knightley was the only other hearer, but he was sufficiently shocked. "Wentworth, how is it that you never mentioned this? We have been given a very important mission, and I think the least you could do to help, especially considering your habitual uselessness, would be to provide us with any information at your disposal. Up until this point you hadn't even mentioned that you knew Sir Walter, much less that you were engaged to his daughter!"
By this point Darcy and the Tilneys had unblocked their ears, and Brandon was regaining consciousness, and they all began to exclaim their surprise.
"You're engaged to Anne Elliot?" Darcy was just catching up with the conversation and shaking the last of the feathers all over the carriage.
"He was," Lizzy clarified, "some years ago."
Catherine's compassion was excited, along with her natural curiosity. "What happened to break it off?"
Wentworth could stand it no longer. "What I want to know," he announced petulantly, "is how you came to be in possession of this information in the first place, Miss Bennet. It seems very strange that facts told only to her closest friends and relatives should now be available to totally unconnected people in Hertfordshire! I mean -"
Lizzy cut him off. "Colonel Fitzwilliam told me."
"Oh, Colonel Fitzwilliam told you, did he?" The Captain was getting decidedly snotty. "And just how did Colonel Fitzwilliam find out all about my love life?"
A surprised smile creased Miss Bennet's face. "This is Colonel Fitzwilliam we're talking about. You don't honestly believe he'd delegate work to someone he didn't know absolutely everything about, do you?"
"Absolutely everything?" Brandon looked like he was about to pass out again.
"So," Darcy was extremely tense, "just how much does he tell you?"
She smiled reassuringly. "Only what I need to know for each mission. He felt, as Captain Wentworth evidently did not, that I needed to know about the brief engagement with Miss Anne Elliot. . ."
"Yes, thank you, Miss Bennet, I believe we've established my relationship with that lady."
She continued, undaunted ". . .which was terminated as a result of interference by our associate, Lady Russell."
The silence was deep, cold, and absolute, albeit temporary.
"Your WHAT?" Wentworth's roar of outrage hurt more ears than had all the Boxers prattling.
Lizzy frowned slightly. "Well, when I say associate. . ."
"You're on SPEAKING terms with that hag?" He would not be placated, but she could still shock him further.
"I believe the accepted term is witch, actually, or sorceress. Hag is just so offensive." By now Ironman was gasping like a beached guppy, and Lizzy was free to continue. "She helps us when it suits her purposes, and she has never worked directly against us. I believe, in this case, that our stance against her greatest enemy will win her to our aid. We should visit her as soon as we arrive in the county."
"Who is this great enemy?" Catherine was taking notes now.
"Miss Elliot: Anne's sister Elizabeth."
"Bu- bu- bu-" the Captain was gradually regaining the power of speech "but Lady Russell is a great friend of the Elliot family! She sided with Sir Walter and Elizabeth against my marriage to Anne! You said yourself that the rift was due to her interference!"
Fine Eyes shook her head. "No. Lady Russell is a great friend of Anne Elliot. Any attentions to her family are merely to protect the lady herself." She paused, needing to consider her next words. "Although the opinions of the Baronet and his eldest daughter were against you, the match was in fact permitted. We believe that there was some deep plot to harm Anne, which Lady Russell prevented by dissuading her young friend from her choice."
"If that is so," commented Knightley, "I will be greatly interested to meet this associate. However, such discussions are best left until later; we have arrived at Uppercross."
By Allie
Anne was glad when her carriage left Kellynch Hall. It wasn't that she had a wonderful time with the Musgroves. She was invariably called on to referee all squabbles that occurred within that rather large family. Still, Anne had that bleak sort of optimism that is found in people who know that where ever they go, and what ever may happen to them, things could not possibly be as bad as their everyday lives.
As the carriage pulled out, she noticed another carriage stopped in front of Lady Russell's house. She didn't think much about this.
Captain Wentworth looked out the window and groaned.
"Where are we?" asked Henry.
"Lady Russell's territ- er- house" answered Lizzy.
"Do I have to go in?" whined Frederick.
"Actually, it would probably be best if I went in alone. I'm not sure if Colonel Fitzwilliam warned her. He probably did, but better safe than amphibious."
"What do you mean warned?" asked Darcy.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," said Lizzy, as she quickly exited the carriage.
"Um, so what do we do now?" asked Darcy.
Henry and Catherine looked at each other, giggled, and muttered something about not having enough room.
"We could sing songs." said Brandon.
"I don't think I know any songs," George said.
"I used to know a song. It's about this Scottish farmer who liked vowels, but not A and U. Only I don't remember the words," said Darcy.
"I know a song," said Brandon. "It goes da daa daaa da Da doom doom doom doom doom."
"Does it have any words?" asked Knightley
"Well, no, not really."
"'s not any use then, is it?"
Lizzy walked around the house and entered through the back door. Lady Russell had placed quite a few heavy curses on the front door, after one too many men in plaid suits had attempted to sell her life insurance. They said he was still hoping around her garden every spring.
"You're late," announced Lady Russell, who hadn't even bothered to look up from her work.
"Yes," said Lizzy, "I am. I suppose you know about the rolling asylum parked in your driveway."
"Nah, they're not an asylum, there's not enough of them. Why they wouldn't even take up a wing of an asylum."
Lizzy laughed and said "They seem like a lot, anyway."
"You planning to fix that Bates woman? You put her in quite the trance."
"Yeah, she'll be okay. It's remarkable what that woman can survive. Her own conversation, for one thing. Did Colonel Fitzwilliam warn you?"
"He mentioned that you would have company, but he didn't go into any description. I took a look for myself."
Lizzy nodded at this. She would have done the same, if she was the sorceress. "Well, Fitzwilliam gave me a pretty good outline of the situation, but maybe you could fill in the details about these Elliots," she said.
"Sure, what do you need to know?"
"Well, for starters, do we need to remove Anne from Kellynch?"
"It's already taken care of. I believe that she went to visit her sister Mary, who has mysteriously fallen 'ill'"
"I see," said Lizzy, eyeing a small globby looking doll with the large pin stuck through it's head.
Lady Russell just grinned.
By Megan G.
While Fine Eyes was talking to Lady Russell, some of the inmates of the rolling asylum were getting restless. "Who does she think she is?" the Fencer grumbled. "She's our newest member and yet she's hiding stuff from us, making us wait."
Knightley, who was a bit sore at being ordered around by Elizabeth agreed. "I don't think we can trust her."
"Now wait a minute," Darcy interjected. "She works with Colonel Fitzwilliam. I'm sure she knows what she is doing."
"Well who does this Col. Fitzwilliam think he is? What right does he have to lord over us? I think we should tell him to do our own investigations. The Elite are for the Elite!" Brandon yelled.
"Col. Fitzwilliam is my cousin," Darcy cried. "He's a smart guy! Really."
"Oh yeah. Just because he's your, Mr. Inept 1812, cousin gives him the right to order me, er, us around, does it?" Knightley returned.
The three men continued fighting. The rest of the carriage's inhabitants were happily oblivious to the shouting match. Captain Wentworth was staring moodily out the window occasionally muttering, "Not good enough, ha!" or "The witch!" Miss Bates was playing with her fingers and drooling, and Catherine and Henry were wrapped up in a muslin cocoon, giggling suspiciously.
When Elizabeth returned to the rest of the group Darcy was covered in splinters and Brandon was covered in porcupine quills. Knightley, as usual, remained unscathed. Elizabeth had become used to these kinds of things and simply asked, "Ready to go?"
"I don't think so," Knightley said. "You have some explaining to do?"
"I do?" Elizabeth asked, menacingly.
"You do. How are you involved with Lady Russell, and Colonel Fitzwilliam for that matter. And while you're at it how about telling us what's going on, since you are obviously the only one of us that knows."
"Oh, I see. I knew you'd ask this sooner or later. I don't know how to start."
Henry stuck his head out of his cocoon, "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start," he sang, then shook his head. "Where did that come from?"
"The beginning?" Elizabeth sighed. "All right, here we go...
"When I was fifteen I went to spend the summer with a distant cousin of my father's, Lady Russell. While I was there I met the Elliots; Sir Walter, Elizabeth, Anne, Mary, but especially Elizabeth. You see, at Lady Russell's I learned more than whist and the finer points of dancing in the cotillion. Lady Russell had talents that were not quite, shall we say, ordinary. Some would say she was a witch. Depends on your interpretation, I suppose. Well, it was not long into my stay that Lady Russell sensed some potential in me. She began to instruct me in mind reading, simple spells, predicting the future, that sort of thing. I was not her only pupil. Elizabeth Elliot also showed a remarkable aptitude for what I will call magic, for lack of a better word. In many ways Elizabeth, or Beth as we called her to avoid confusion, was more talented than I was, even more talented than Lady Russell was in some areas. While I was interested mainly by the arts of the mind, telepathy, clairvoyance, telekinesis, precognition, Beth was attracted by the darker arts. She was fascinated by complicated spells, which often required animal sacrifices, or human hair or blood. This was not what Lady Russell had intended. Beth was growing dangerous, always wanting more power. She stopped her little school and sent me back to Hertfordshire. She's spent the last years trying to keep Beth in check, lately this has taken more and more works, so she had to give one of her other duties to me, that is helping out Col. Fitzwilliam when other, more conventional, methods fail him. Lady Russell has sensed that something is not right with the Elliot family, and believes Beth is the cause. She doesn't know what Beth is doing. Beth has grown extremely powerful. Hopefully together Lady Russell and I can stop her. We need your help to discover what exactly she's doing. Magic won't work, Beth almost certainly is prepared for that sort of thing." Elizabeth looked at them hesitantly. "Are you shocked?"
"Um, a just a little," Darcy stammered.
"I always knew she was a witch," Wentworth muttered.
Brandon shifted in his seat. "What's wet?" he asked, looking at a damp spot on his pants.
"Well, it was a long time since we had a potty break, are you sure you didn't, you know, let go?" Henry smirked.
"No, I swear!"
"Oh no!" Elizabeth shrieked. "Miss Bates!"
Miss Bates was sitting in a puddle of drool.
"Did you do that?" Catherine asked.
"Well, maybe, sort of. Yes. I'll fix her now."
"Don't be in such a big hurry," Darcy said. "I think we're all out of peanut brittle."
Dissension In The Ranks ~ By Katy Ann
Until recently, Knightly had been the unofficial leader of the oddly assorted band of superhero-wannabes. But now, Miss E. Bennet, or Fine Eyes, as Darcy was inclined to call her, had charged right into his place, and Knightly was a little put out. Only one woman (besides the late Mrs. Knightly) had ever been able to order Knightly around: his dearly beloved neighbor Emma. Needless to say, Knightly was not quite ready to blindly follow this woman into battle. He stood aside with his hands folded across his chest and a skeptical frown on his face as he listened to Elizabeth's story.
"First you tell us that Colonel Fitzwilliam gave you the information about the Elliots, then you admit to a connection with the witch Lady Russell, and finally you tell us that you actually spent a whole summer with the Elliots. Is there anything else you have told us about this mission that you care to amend before we begin?"
Elizabeth's sharp eyes locked with Knightley's. "I did not change anything. As I said, I was fifteen the summer I spent with Lady Russell...several years before Wentworth met Anne. I knew the family, but not the situation from that fateful meeting up through the current situation...hence my need for Colonel Fitzwilliam's expertise. I apologize that I did not give you a tightly organized cliffs notes version of my story. I suppose it takes an accomplished reader to pick their way through the twists and turns of this situation without yellow and black striped road signs."
Knightly was confused. "Cliffs Notes?"
Elizabeth laughed. "Oh, right, they haven't been invented yet. Poor Mr. Knightly. You will have to lump along without them." She turned her back to Knightly and began to fix Miss Bates.
"Thbbbb...." Miss Bates looked at Elizabeth dumbly. "Mytthh Thuummngg...Ahhh...Ih chhhahnt tathhhk..." She slobbered.
Elizabeth smiled. "Of course you can't talk. Your mouth is waterlogged with all of that drool." She felt a small pang of sympathy for the woman and put her hand on her shoulder as she turned to the rest of the group. "Miss Bates needs a rest, as do the rest of us. I propose that we settle in. We can meet in a few hours to outline our plan of attack. I think that two days of planning should be sufficient." She smiled at Darcy as she turned to head into the house. As an afterthought, she glanced back over her shoulder. "Anne is gone for a week at the least. I think it best to make our move before she returns."
Darcy could not tear his eyes from Elizabeth, and he followed her into the house with his tongue hanging out and a dumb expression much like Miss Bates' on his face.
Once Elizabeth was occupied with the recuperation of her latest victims, Knightly rose himself to his full height. Using his most commanding tone of voice, he addressed the rest of the group. "I believe in knowing your enemy. I propose a scouting party. We are unknown to the residents of Kellynch (with the exception of Wentworth). We can pretend to be new neighbors dropping by for a chat. That way, we can meet Beth the witch and her father."
Wentworth frowned. "I'm inclined to agree with Elizabeth. We should wait. Elizabeth, Lady Russell, and I know enough of the Elliots that we can fill everyone else in."
Knightly shook his head stubbornly. "I'm going. Who is with me?"
Wentworth shrugged and turned to enter the house. He wanted to take a long hot bath and banish sweet memories of Anne from his mind.
Henry and Catherine snipped their way out of their muslin cocoon. After straightening their clothing and buttoning a few buttons, they stood by Knightly. Catherine smiled. "I'm always ready for a good scary adventure. I've always wanted to meet a wicked witch. I hope Kellynch is really a scary old haunted house."
Colonel Brandon pulled his cape closer around him. "I just hope that there are no spiders. Old houses usually have spiders, and I really, really hate spiders."
Feeling a thread of his former authority returning, Knightly became his former charming self. He smiled and patted Brandon on the shoulder. "I'm sure that it will be a scary old house without any spiders. Now, it's starting to rain and it's getting late. If we hurry, they might invite us for dinner or drinks. I'd very much like to prop my feet up in front of a fire and sip brandy while we interrogate the Elliots."