Posted on Wednesday, 15 September 1999

Once upon a time, when wonderful writers roamed the merry land of England and all the women had curly hair, beautiful dresses and romantic beaus, Liss McNelly straight hair and poor parents. She dressed in plain gowns, as she had no money for better ones. She knew she could never marry with out better dresses, (she had no hopes of reforming her hair) and so set out on her own. (Her parents never missed her, as they had sixteen other daughters to look after, all with straight hair and drab gowns.) So, hating the thought of becoming a governess, (Which she was a job she knew she could not get anyway as long as she dressed like Mary Bennet.) So, she desided to kid-nap herself. How and when this idea came into her head she was never sure, but it turned out to be more than for the best.

A letter, written in false handwriting, was sent to the wealthist man she could think of, a Sir Charles Abernathy. In it she described the plight of a maiden in distress who was being held captive by crule highwaymen. Sir Charles sent a reply and with it a footman and carriage to carry away the maiden. Liss, after stowing the money in her purse, fell fainting into the footman's arms. She stopped the carriage at a shop and bought five dresses of the kind of Jane Bingley and threw the Mary Bennet ones out into the street as they drove towards Sir Charles' home. (They fell upon the head of a young man who was so overcome by their uglyness that he passed out and was dragged from the street.)

Liss, wearing a curly wig and a stunning dress, sweeped into Sir Charles home and sat in the parlor. Sir Charles came in, sat down in a chair, and promptly fell in love with her. They were married three hours later and Sir Charles fainted when Liss took off her wig. They had five daughters with curly hair and lived together happily until they died.

The End