Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of September 2, 1999
Chapter 20: It Would Be Such a Happy Thought to Me
Will looked up as Mrs. Reynolds entered the room. She had knocked and he'd answered "Come in "
It was so odd, it may have been the light , it may have been his state of mind, wanting so much to tell his grandmother about his success at school... but he really thought Mrs. Reynolds was his grandmother.
She thought nothing of it when he ran to her and hugged her , exclaiming "Come and see my metal. I got it for the essay! Remember I told you?"
He had told Mrs. Reynolds as well and so there was a flow in the conversation. She could not have admired it more if it had been the crown jewels. After a few moments , will started to yawn and after removing his shoes and jacket he lay down. In his dream he was walking down near the apple orchard chattering away with his grandmother . She was even funnier than usual, claiming she would have to get blinders on like the horses wore to protect her eyes from the glare if he won any more metals.
"Mercy, child," she said. It's a wonder there's any metal left to make our buckles on our shoes.
"Aw Grammama," Fitzy said laughing, " I know you would donate your shoe buckles if I needed them for another metal."
She nodded laughing too. Then she stopped.
" I want to ask you a question, Fitzy. Please let me finish before you say anything. "
Fitzy looked at his beloved grammama and thought she looked like an angel, the ones you saw in the church in London that time. She had such a sweet smile and somehow she didn't look so old as she had.
" Do you think that you can remember everything we talked about the last time your mama was so ill? Do you think you could be so strong for her and be such a help without her asking you to do extra things. ? It would be such a happy thought to me if I knew you would try to put your own worries aside until she is fully rested. Do you think you could do that and all the while , know you are also helping me?
Fitzy Darcy was puzzled at this. His mother had lost a baby last time she was so tired. He had helped all he could then . Is that what grammama meant? Or was it more.
His puzzled look was gone in a moment. " Oh , you mean not to complain about anything, or get her worried about me? "
"That's it child," his grandmother said. " It wouldn't do if she were to feel so happy about another baby and you were all down and mopy. Would it?
"Another baby Gram? " Fitzy was all excited. "Wha, if there were baby coming, a real live baby ... I would thing no one in the whole house would have a thing to be sad or mopy about. "
"You wouldn't think so would you? " sighed Lady Elizabeth. "But lots of people like to hold on to what was. Hold on to the memories of folks who have gone on to another realm and don't seem to let them go long enough to have time to meet and greet all the new young lives just entering this world. "
Fitzy thought about it. " Oh , I would give all my attention to the new baby, even if it isn't a boy. I just wouldn't let myself think much about anyone who is off in heaven cause they're probably not thinking of me either. hah ! That's what I'd do. I'd just be happy with who's here for today . Even if sometimes I might think about the dead people , it would be quick and happy. Like waving at them if I was running past the burying plot. Like if it was you sometime , gran, I'd just wave my hat and say, "Hiya gran ! Might see you if I come back this way. Like your flowers?" And I'd be off.
His grandmother smiled , no chuckled at this.
" You wouldn't even stop? "
"No, why, did you want me to? " he answered.
" Of course not, she said. " You could even just wave and I'd understand."
Fitzy knew he should be uncomfortable talking about death , especially of his grandmother's death to her but somehow he wasn't. And , when a moment later he'd shook his head and wondered where she'd gone . He knew it couldn't be far. And he smiled. and walked back up to the house.
The next thing he'd heard was his father and mother at the door, looking very worried. He sat up and started to put his shoes on.
" Fitzy? " his mother began softly... " we need to talk with you about something. "
His father cleared his throat, eyes beginning to fill, but before I could speak, Fitzwilliam blurted out. "When's the new baby coming? I just can't wait. I'll take such good care to help all the time. ... "
His parents stared at one another . How did he know when they had told no one? They were just about to ask that when Fitzy began telling about his walk with Granmama.
They let him talk. It amazed them. It comforted them to see his mood and to hear Lady Elizabeth's type of humor retold to them. As he spoke there was a change in Fitzy. He talked more and more slowly until , when he got to the part about Grandmama saying it was fine if he just waved...he looked up at his parents and said. " I don't think I'm going to see her again. I think she was saying good bye to me. But I didn't seem to feel that she was gone... I just felt really happy. I think she's going to die, don't you ? " he asked . Then he looked up again.. suddenly realizing something. " Is grammama dead? I think she is. But she came back to see my metal. "
At this his father laughed aloud at the image of his mother insisting to whoever controlled heaven that she be allowed to come back to see Fitzy's metal . Lady Ann caught the mood too. And all seemed suddenly healed. And joyous and hopeful about the future with the new baby soon to be born.
It never ceased to amaze them both later that they had not had to tell him anything. Both of the major areas of concern, the new baby coming and the death of Sir Darcy's mother had been related to young Darcy in a dream. In a wonderful dream that was something of a miracle since it healed more that just Fitzy.