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Part 57
The ladies were in the carriage on their way back to town. "I wonder what my husband has been up to," Elizabeth mused. "I think he said he was going to call on yours."
"I am sure he will be put to good use," Caroline remarked. "Do not worry. He will not get into any mischief of a bad kind. I am sure he will have to suffer some mischief perhaps; that is unavoidable when he goes to call on my family, but I can tell you that it is nothing very bad."
"What do you mean?"
"He will be kept occupied," Caroline said gravely. Undoubtedly Darcy would fall prey to one of Richard's educational schemes.
"By whom?"
"I left Richard in charge of the twins today."
"I have always wondered," Elizabeth said slowly, "how a Colonel could let his wife...er...decide everything. He must have been used to ordering everyone around and having his own way, and now he has you ordering him to take charge of the troops."
"Do Colonels usually order their wives around?" Anne asked curiously. She had to know, just in case she would ever marry one.
"No!" Caroline cried. "They do not."
"That was exactly my point!" Elizabeth pointed out. "Your Colonel does not, but he is an exception. He is completely at your disposal."
"But do others?" Anne pressed. She did not really enjoy being ordered around, even though Lady Catherine was very good at it.
"Anne, believe me, they do not," Caroline said emphatically. "I am married to one, and I should know. Elizabeth does not know anything about Colonels, and least of all about mine." She did not like the implication that her husband was at her disposal. That would have bored her to death.
"Oh!" Elizabeth cried. "I knew him before he married you! At Rosings."
"And what did he have to say on the subject?"
"Well, he admitted to being at William's disposal with regard to their departure!" Elizabeth said triumphantly.
Caroline sighed. "Darcy was at Richard's disposal, since Darcy begged him to come!"
"Why?"
"I do not know! Perhaps he wanted him to give his approval! Most men seem to need a second opinion on their intended."
Elizabeth protested. "I never heard that William asked anybody's opinion."
"No, of course not. Darcy is too proud to admit that. Richard did not ask anyone, because there was nobody to ask. Well, there was Charles, but Charles does not give advice -- he gets it. Besides, Charles would have consulted me about the matter before he gave his opinion and can you imagine how strange that would have been?"
The ladies laughed.
"But you still do not know anything about Colonels, Elizabeth. I am still the authority on them, until Georgiana or Anne marry one," Caroline said shrewdly. "Because then they would have the advantage of having a real Colonel, and not a retired one."
Georgiana giggled and Anne blushed, and it did not go unnoticed by Caroline, who made a mental note to discuss this with Richard as soon as she could speak to him alone.
"Who has the upperhand in your house then, Caroline?" Elizabeth asked. "Unless I am very much mistaken I should say it was you who decides what happens and not Richard."
"Neither!" Anne piped up to everybody's great surprise.
"Exactly --" Caroline began. She wanted to say that they both decided things, but she did not get the chance to finish her sentence.
"It is Julia and James," Anne continued. "They decide everything, even the colour of their nursery's curtains."
The twins had indeed been present when Caroline had chosen the fabric for the new curtains. The old ones had been hanging there for ages, and they were quite faded, so Caroline had decided that her children had a right to new ones instead of having Catherine's old ones. She had chosen the sample her children had been grabbing at constantly. "Well, they must have inherited my taste," she apologised, slightly embarrassed.
"Not their father's, certainly," Anne mumbled as she recalled that Richard had blinked several times when he had first seen the curtains, which were a bit too bright to his taste.
Part 58
"Will you both come in for a little refreshment?" Caroline suggested politely. Elizabeth and Georgiana accepted, and they followed Caroline and Anne into the house. Caroline was informed by the footman that her mother-in-law was home, but that Richard had not yet returned. "Has he taken the children?" she asked.
"No, my Lady. He has gone fencing," the footman said by way of an explanation.
"As if that matters to him," Caroline shrugged. "But I am glad he did not take them. Does anyone want to join me upstairs?"
Elizabeth and Georgiana went up to the nursery with her, but Anne declined. She preferred to go and talk to her aunt, and read Lady Catherine's letter that had arrived in her absence. After greeting her aunt she sat down and read it. Apparently her mother was enjoying herself. Anne was glad for it. She did not know any of the new acquaintances Lady Catherine mentioned, but she supposed that with a Countess, a Baronet and a General, Lady Catherine was in good and genteel company.
"How is my sister Catherine?" Lady Matlock asked.
"I think she is enjoying her stay," Anne said cautiously. She handed the letter over.
"Hmm," said Lady Matlock after she had read it. "The waters of Bath must really be beneficial. I must say the tone of the letter surprises me. Are you acquainted with the General?"
"No, are you?"
"Vaguely." I know enough of him to make me suspicious. One thought led to another. "I generally like military men. What do you say, Anne?" she said encouragingly.
Anne blushed. "I only know Colonel Marsden."
"Yes, Andrew is very nice," Lady Matlock agreed.
"Andrew?" Anne repeated.
"That is his name, dear. I have known him for a long time. If I had a second daughter, I would not have minded at all if she had married him."
"I like him as well," Anne said softly.
"Do you, Anne?"
"Yes," Anne blushed. "But I am not sure..." her voice trailed off.
"What is it? Are you not sure if you like him enough?" her aunt asked kindly.
"No, it is not that." Anne looked at the floor. "Elizabeth said today that Colonels always give orders to their wives. I should like him much less if he did that."
"When did Darcy join the army? Pray tell me how Mrs. Darcy knows how Colonels treat their wives?"
"Well, she said that Richard was an exception because he lets Caroline decide everything."
Lady Matlock snorted. "Ha! Does Mrs. Darcy not know it is me who decides everything in this household?"
Anne looked surprised. "I did not know that."
"I was joking, Anne. Now let me reassure you that not all Colonels order people around."
"That was what Caroline said too," said Anne much relieved. "I was inclined to believe her, since she is married to a former Colonel. That eases my worries, but I am afraid my mother will not quite approve of my liking one."
Lady Matlock thought of Lady Catherine's letter, and the mention of the General. "Anne, your mother should accept whoever you choose, and considering the fact that she entertained hopes of you marrying Richard at some point, do you not think that she cannot have any rational objections to Colonel Marsden?"
"Aunt, I did not say I wanted to marry him," Anne protested.
"Of course not, dear," Lady Matlock said unconvincingly.
"I do not even know if he likes me."
Lady Matlock suspected that he did, but she was not completely certain. "Let us see how he behaves towards you next time, Anne. Or are you in such a ridiculous hurry as Caroline and Richard were in? Will you insist on being married on a special license in three days from now as well?"
"No. Why were they in a hurry? I do not understand. Why the need to change their unmarried situation of so many years so rapidly? I think I would prefer a little time to get used to the idea."
"That is wise. I do not know why they were in a hurry. They do not even know themselves. I think their powers of reason were temporarily incapacitated."
When he arrived home, Richard automatically headed for the stairs. Darcy, with whom he was engaged in an interesting conversation, had no choice but to follow him. He could guess where they were headed. If it were not for the fact that he did not want to break off their conversation, he would not have gone to anybody's nursery.
"...but five acres would yield much more than that, surely," Darcy was saying when his cousin opened the door to the nursery and stepped in. He followed. "Argh!" he exclaimed. "Those curtains are hideous!"
"Why?" several voices inquired, tones ranging from curious to indignant.
Darcy noticed that the nursery was full of people and he wished he had not said it. His cousin would forgive him, but judging by the colour of the curtains, the person who chose them was also in the room and perhaps he had offended her. He saw Elizabeth, Georgiana, Caroline, the nurse, and the twins, if they could be counted as people. He still had his doubts about that. "They are a bit bright," he managed to say.
"You do not have to sleep here, so why worry?" Caroline asked.
Richard pulled her off her chair and seated himself on it. Elizabeth's eyes almost popped out of her head, and before she could make any comment, he had pulled Caroline onto his knees. "With only one chair left for two people, it is only fair that your hosts inconvenience themselves rather than the guests," he explained to the baffled Elizabeth. "Besides, we are among family. It should be possible. Does it embarrass you very much? Darcy, sit down, or are you scared away by the curtains? I admit to uttering something I cannot repeat when I first saw them, but I am used to it now. After all, the colour reminds me of the joyous occasion when I first laid eyes on one of Caroline's gowns."
"How romantic," said Georgiana enthusiastically. She had finished another novel this morning and she was still in the mood. "Look William!" she said, and held up the baby she was holding. "I can make him smile. I want one too! They are so sweet and they never cry."
Richard snorted and Darcy looked alarmed. While Darcy lectured Georgiana on the impossibility of such a wish, Caroline informed Richard about Anne's blushes.
Part 59
Georgiana was only temporarily put out by Darcy's saying that she was still too young to get married and have children. Her eyes fell on the nurse and her face lit up. "I could always become a nurse," she stuck out her tongue at Darcy, but he did not hear her anymore, because there were matters of an equally alarming nature to attend to. Georgiana moved her chair close to the nurse and started asking her about her entrance into the profession and how long babies were under her care before they were handed over to a nanny.
"I was thinking of getting such curtains for our bedchamber," Elizabeth said to Darcy. "Is it not cheerful? It will make the room much sunnier."
"No," said Darcy decidedly.
"It will be fun. You have far too little fun," his wife accused him. "When was the last time you let me sit on your knees in company?" Darcy had no answer to that. "Exactly! Never."
"But it is not fun. It is improper."
"I would like it and so would you. Tell me I am wrong," Elizabeth challenged him.
"You are not," he admitted and frowned. "Would you also like being thrown into a pond?"
Elizabeth gasped. "What are you talking about?"
"I saw Fitzwilliam do that in the park."
Elizabeth gasped again. "How deep was the pond?"
"I have no idea. I do not usually test public ponds for depth," Darcy said.
"She obviously did not drown..."
"But she did incur lasting damage to the brain...those curtains!" Darcy did not know that Elizabeth thought that Richard had actually thrown Caroline in.
"Now!" Elizabeth slapped his hand.
"Anne blushed when I mentioned the Colonel," Caroline whispered to Richard.
"What does that mean?"
"She likes him."
"She might have blushed from annoyance." Richard moved his knees up and down so Caroline almost fell off and had to put her arm around his neck.
"Stop that. May I remind you that we are in company?" she asked, but she sounded as if she did not really care. "She also asked me whether Colonels order their wives around. That must be significant. She must want to marry one then."
"Do they order their wives around?" Richard asked in an interested voice.
"I said they did not, but perhaps I should have said yes?"
"It depends on who you have in mind. The one you have in mind probably would not, but then you cannot say anything about what he will do as a married man."
"Caroline, but you cannot swim," Elizabeth called out anxiously. "Or was it not deep?"
Caroline had no idea what prompted Elizabeth and she looked a little taken aback. "What do you mean?"
"How did you get out? You cannot swim, can you?"
Caroline looked back at Richard, but there was no help to be had in that quarter. She saw he was not going to say anything and she gave him a pleading look. "Help me."
"I do not know what to say," he apologised.
Caroline turned back. "I...er..."
Part 60
"I...er..." Caroline repeated. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"The park!"
"Ooooh! But I was never thrown in," Caroline said quickly, relieved that she would not have to explain anything. "Where did you get that strange idea? Let us all go down for refreshments."
The party, including the babies, made to go downstairs. Caroline saw no chance to speak to Richard in private, so she decided to do it in public. "Richard, about this one investment of mine..."
Everybody gave her a strange look and Richard most of all. "Yes?" he asked cautiously. He had no idea that she had been investing. It must have happened when he had gone to Matlock, and that would mean he had absolutely no leg to stand on, even if she had probably forged his signature to do so.
"You let her invest?" Darcy whispered in shock.
"Obviously," said Richard, as if he knew exactly what Caroline was talking about, but he was thinking rapidly and he was not as sure as he sounded. But it sounds like I should know about it. I do not know anything about it! What if it is not really an investment? But more a scheme? Anne? Anne!
Caroline did not hear them. "Do you think it will come to anything? I mean...it depends on two factors. Can you not find out whether the second factor is favourable?"
Now that he had figured it out, he immediately understood who the two factors were. "I would guess -- guess, mind you -- that it is. But you do not have this from me," he answered. "Had you forgotten the third factor? I am not so certain of it."
When everybody was having tea, Lady Matlock took her son aside and came straight to the point. "Does your friend Marsden like Anne?"
"I have no idea," Richard answered.
Since he was not a very succesful liar, his mother saw through him. "Do not worry, I shall ask Caroline about it."
"William," Georgiana whispered to her brother. "How do people go about getting a baby?"
Darcy choked on his tea and turned purple. After his coughing had subsided, he blurted out, "there is no need for you to know such things!"
Georgiana pouted and moved away. She understood that she was not going to hear anything from Darcy. She sat down next to Anne.
"What is wrong?" Anne asked, who saw the dissatisfied look on her face.
"I asked William what people would have to do to get a baby, but I think he was angry with me. Do you know, by any chance? I am just curious. I have always been curious, but I never dared to ask," Georgiana asked in a low voice.
"I do not know," said Anne with a blush. "Only married people know. I have never been told."
"Who tells the married people?" Georgiana asked shrewdly.
"Their parents?" Anne ventured. She wondered who would tell her when she got married. Caroline had told her a little about the birth of the twins, but that was all, and Lady Catherine had been furious when Anne had told her that. She knew they were not supposed to discuss this, really, but she admitted to being curious herself.
"That is so mean! I do not have any parents anymore! Will I never know?" Georgiana looked dejected. "And I wanted at least eight children. How very mean to keep this a secret."
"Perhaps your brother."
Georgiana made a dismissive gesture. "But William has no parents either, so does it not follow that he was not told either? So how could he tell me? He has no babies, so he obviously was not told."
Anne and Georgiana pondered this dilemma in silence. "Wait," said Anne suddenly. "Are Caroline's parents not dead also?"
"Yes," Georgiana said slowly. "And yet she has two babies. Who let her in on the secret then?" She looked around the room eagerly as if to see if she could spot the guilty party.
Chapter 41
Georgiana and Anne seated themselves next to Caroline, who looked a bit surprised. The two ladies made a pretense of laughing at the baby on Caroline's lap for a while, and then they got down to the business they had in mind. "Caroline, who told you how to get babies and so on?" Georgiana whispered.
Caroline drew in her breath and looked at them in turn. "I beg your pardon, Georgiana?"
"Anne says parents do, but I have none, so I was worried I would never have children, and then we remembered that you have no parents either."
"And I still have children," said Caroline gravely, trying to suppress her laughter.
"Yes. Who told you? Was it your brother? See, because I am afraid nobody told my brother either, and..."
The thought of Charles enlightening her was too amusing, and so was the thought of Darcy being ignorant, but Caroline pulled a serious face. She could not enlighten Georgiana, because Darcy would probably forbid his sister to ever associate with the Fitzwilliams again, and besides, she did not really see a need for Georgiana to know about all of this yet. "Georgiana, do not worry about matters like this. When the time of your marriage comes around, you will find out or somebody will tell you, but I shall not tell you anything at this moment. Your brother would not be pleased with me, I think."
"Aww?" Georgiana looked pleadingly.
"No," Caroline said firmly.
"But who was it who told you?" Anne asked.
There was no answering that question truthfully without the two young ladies protesting, for Caroline had drawn some, but not all, conclusions before she got married. Her acquaintances had not all been as discreet as they should have been, and listening and observing had turned out to be very valuable pastimes. She could not say she had had her suspicions before her marriage, because then Anne and Georgiana would want to know it in advance as well. She could not say it had been Louisa, because Georgiana would know Louisa had not been there when Caroline got married. Neither could she say Richard had told her, because then they would ask him, and he would tell them something ridiculous. Perhaps she could say that her mother-in-law had told her.
"Was it my aunt?" Anne asked.
"Yes," Caroline said gratefully.
Anne and Georgiana left their seats again and sat down next to their aunt. The direct approach had not had any effects, so Georgiana tried it in a sly way now. "Aunt Matlock, do you not think Jamie looks very much like Richard?"
Lady Matlock's sons had been very pretty babies by definition, and her grandsons too. She could not quite remember what Richard had looked like as a baby, but since she remembered that he was a pretty baby, and James was one as well, he must be showing some resemblance to his father. "Indeed he does."
"Will our children resemble us as well?" Anne asked.
"That usually happens."
"What happens in the cases that it does not happen?" Anne asked.
"Does that mean that the babies were delivered to the wrong person?" Georgiana asked, knowing this was probably not the right procedure, but hoping that her aunt would correct her.
"Umm..." said Lady Matlock, slightly bewildered. "I am not quite sure I understand you, Georgiana."
"Well," Georgiana blushed. "I thought they were sent down from heaven by an angel, and then given to the parents they resembled most." Nobody would ever be able to accuse Georgiana of a lack of fantasy. "But sometimes the angel would have a bad eyesight, and he would make a mistake."
Lady Matlock was now completely bewildered.
Caroline saw Elizabeth sit down next to her. "I wonder why everybody finds it necessary to change places every five minutes," she commented.
"Yes, Georgiana and Anne seem to be making the tour of the room," Elizabeth answered. "It does not look like their conversational partners are satisfying them, however."
Caroline snorted. "Of course not! If they are asking everybody what they asked me."
"What did they ask you?"
"It is a delicate subject."
"Ahh," said Elizabeth. "No wonder they are not receiving much encouragement. Will they come and ask me, do you think?"
"Perhaps, if my mother-in-law will not tell them."
"What will they ask me?"
"Who told you where to get babies."
Elizabeth giggled. "Oh, goodness! I wonder how they ever came to think of such a subject."
Caroline sighed. "I have no idea, but Georgiana is very worried because she has no parents to tell her, and she is also worried that Darcy does not know."
"Ha!"
"Oh no," said Caroline, her eyes on the two young ladies who were rising from their seats again, and who now heading for Richard. "He is going to give them an answer, I feel it." She hoped it would be something nonsensical.
Elizabeth looked alarmed. "Will he tell them everything? I do not think they need to know already."
Caroline did not answer, for she was shaking her head wildly accompanied by some very commanding gestures in Richard's direction.
"Will he listen to that?"
"He had better."
Part 62
Richard was wondering what Caroline was cautioning him against. She was obviously telling him not to say something to his cousins. He soon found out when they sat down and he had to break off his conversation with Darcy to acknowledge the ladies. Darcy politely took up a novel lying on a table, and Richard was infinitely amused to see that it was one of Caroline's, and yet Darcy seemed engrossed by it.
"May we ask you a question?" Georgiana asked so softly that she thought that her brother would not be able to overhear, although Richard suspected that Darcy was much more interested in what Georgiana had to ask than in his book.
"You may."
"We are immensely concerned that we shall never have any children, because our parents are either dead or not inclined to tell us how to get them," Anne explained.
"I am sure someone will be willing to enlighten you eventually," Richard laughed at their dilemma.
"Who? Nobody in this room will," said Georgiana.
"And what is it exactly that you wish to know?" Richard said carefully. The people in this room probably had their reasons for not telling them.
"Who is going to tell us, eventually."
"And what," Anne added boldly.
Richard looked a little surprised. So did Darcy, behind his book, but he did not want to interfere. If he would do so, he suspected that Fitzwilliam would tell Georgiana at a later time when he was not present.
Richard now understood what Caroline had been signaling him about. They must have asked her the same question, and she had not answered it. That had obviously not been the right strategy, for Anne and Georgiana had not given up, nor would they do so if he refused to tell them anything as well. They would just go to somebody else who might tell them things he would rather not have them know. But if I were to tell them something, to satisfy them with a little piece of near-truth, they would stop asking around. And of course with two children I am an authority, so they will believe everything I say. "Are you in a great hurry to know these things? I could tell you, if you wish."
"Yes," said both girls eagerly.
Richard wondered why Darcy did not interfere. Perhaps he was reading his book after all. He leant towards Darcy. "Mind the baby for me while I spin the ladies a tale," he whispered as he handed the baby over. He then turned back to face the girls. "I should have to know what you already know, so I shall not bore you with anything you already know," he suggested. This way he would get to know how gullible the girls were, and how far he could go in fabricating. Georgiana told him the angel story, and he grinned. "You do not have your facts as straight as they could be."
"We do not?" Georgiana looked alarmed.
"Er, no."
"Well, what have we got wrong?"
"Angels do not come into it, really, until after the birth, unless you count your wife, but since you will not have a wife, well, forget about the angels. It is all a matter of kissing with a special technique," said Richard, after having racked his brains for a while.
"Kissing?"
"Er, yes. You get married, then you kiss your husband, and then you have a child."
"Really?" Georgiana could hardly believe that somebody had actually told her the big secret. She had no idea kissing was so important. Well, she knew it was done by people who were married, but that it had any consequences was a totally new idea.
Anne was equally thrilled. They were kissing in the hall, so that means that the next baby is on its way!
"Yes," said Richard solemnly. He crossed his fingers out of the girls' sight. Only a partial lie.
"And how do people get twins?" Anne asked. "Do you have to kiss twice then?"
"Yes."
"Why do not more people have twins? Does everybody only kiss once?"
That was a tricky question for Richard. "One needs to time the interval between the kisses very carefully. Neither too long nor too short." He hoped that would satisfy them. "It is not easy to time the kisses."
"What if unmarried people kiss?" Georgiana asked.
"That is an impossibility," Richard declared.
The girls thanked him and moved away again to discuss it. Darcy put down his book. "Kissing?" he asked with a smile. "And what is the right time interval so I can avoid having twins?"
"You ought to know better than to ask me such a question," Richard grinned.
Anne and Georgiana sat down in a far corner of the room, closely observed by the suspicious Caroline and Elizabeth, who were dying to find out what Richard had said. Unfortunately they were too far to overhear.
"Anne, he kissed Caroline before he was married," said the shocked Georgiana who remembered this fact just now. "And he said it was not possible...?"
"It would be very shocking, I know. Perhaps that is why he said it is impossible?" Anne ventured.
"Perhaps being engaged makes a difference?"
"Perhaps. I know Caroline will have a third baby soon," Anne whispered excitedly. "I saw them kiss in the hall."
"Oooh! Once or twice?"
"Once."
"Oh, they will not like that, I think," said Georgiana. "They will have to fight over who can hold the baby if they only have one."
The next morning, however, it was not Caroline, but Elizabeth who saw the doctor. Darcy was rather pleased with the news. He was glad that he was finally catching up with his cousin now, and he immediately departed to tell him about it. Georgiana, who had seen her brother kiss his wife only the evening before, was immensely surprised. "I did not know the doctor would know so soon," she said to herself. "And Caroline is expecting one too! I wonder which one will be born first." It was a pity that Elizabeth did not hear Georgiana. She had talked about this with Caroline the day before, because she had some suspicions, and she was fairly certain that Caroline was not expecting anything, unless Caroline had lied.
Part 63
Darcy had come over to the Fitzwilliams' house as soon as he could, but he was not fortunate enough to find Richard at home. All he found was a drawing room full of small children, it seemed, for both of Caroline's sisters were visiting and they had brought Alice and Robert. Darcy would have been repulsed, but now he was fascinated, and he even chose to wait for Richard in their company. He scarcely opened his mouth, although he really wanted to inform them all, but he feared that the women might react too enthusiastically for his taste, so he just sat and watched.
When her other visitors were gone, Caroline turned to Darcy. "That was very brave of you, Mr. Darcy, to endure my mobile nephew and niece." They had climbed over and under him more than once.
"It was endurable."
"I am surprised, nevertheless. You had not shown any real interest in small children before, and now you even asked if they had made any progress."
Darcy coloured. "Er..." he stammered. "Things change, er..."
Caroline smiled. "You do not have to explain. I can guess what changed."
"You can?" He seemed surprised.
"I spoke with Elizabeth yesterday."
"Oh," said Darcy, playing with his watch.
"May we congratulate you?" Caroline asked.
"Er, yes."
"That is wonderful! Richard will be so pleased as well, but he will tease you a bit, I am sure." Caroline smiled, because she knew very well what Richard would tease Darcy about.
"I do not doubt that, and I am used to it by now."
"He does not mean it. I am certain that he would talk to you about it seriously if you so wished. If you wanted to know what to expect and such. You may not have any questions now, but you will have them later."
"And where did he get the knowledge?" Darcy asked.
"Oh, he asks people questions. He asked Mr. Hurst after how many months he could not carry Louisa up the stairs anymore, and Mr. Hurst looked at him as if he were mad. I suppose he did not do that sort of thing."
"What would be the relevance of such a question?" Darcy asked cautiously.
"You would have to ask Richard about that. I cannot always tell what he finds relevant or not. Are you hoping for twins as well? That would be nice, would it not? One of each, like we have."
Darcy recalled how huge Caroline had seemed and he did not want to imagine his Elizabeth like that. "I think there is not much chance of that, because it does not seem to happen very often," he said diplomatically.
"I think that is a pity indeed. Bearing Richard twelve children in twelve years is much harder if they are not all twins."
"T-t-twelve?"
"That was Lady Catherine's idea. I think she has not half the knowledge of the subject she thinks she has."
"She always seems very knowledgeable on everything."
"Pff. Do you hear something too?" Caroline asked the babies. "Papa?"
"Daa!" said one.
"They know that word," Caroline said proudly. "Perhaps you had better intercept him before he comes in," she said to Darcy. "You know you will have to compete with his children for his attention if he comes here, and despite your being his cousin, I think you will lose that battle. Everybody does, even I do at times."
Darcy took up her suggestion. He knew he would be last on Fitzwilliam's list of priorities, so he went out into the hall.
Part 64
"Darcy!" Richard greeted him. He wondered at Darcy's facial expression. It looked unusual, somehow, and rather like the one he had worn when he had first told his cousin he was to be married. He had been wearing the same silly grin then. "Was Caroline in that room with you?" he asked suspiciously.
"Yes, she was."
"I do not trust that grin. She can make me smile like that as well."
"No, no, no! It has nothing to do with Caroline," Darcy said hastily, but he kept grinning.
"Major life change approaching, old man?"
"How do you know?" Darcy answered in some confusion.
"It is the grin."
"I am going to be a father!" Darcy blurted out.
"Great!" Richard exclaimed enthusiastically, and slapped him on the back. "You finally figured out how to do it!"
"You know I knew!" Darcy protested. "We spoke about it several times."
"But Georgiana does not, haha! If you ever have any questions, I am always there to tease you," Richard told him.
"That is not what your wife said. She said you would actually give me answers," Darcy retorted, but he knew his cousin.
"Wait a minute," said Richard with a frown. "How did she know I was going to offer my advice?"
"She did not. She just assumed that I might have questions, and I do. Do you ever carry your wife up the stairs?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I have no idea," Darcy shrugged. "Caroline said that that was what you asked Hurst."
"No, no. Let me explain. I thought it would be impolite to ask outright whether Mrs. Hurst gained in weight as well as in circumference."
"You are very strange to be interested in Mrs. Hurst's weight," Darcy commented. "Did Hurst not find it odd?"
"He found me very odd, especially when I told him I was worried that I would not be able to carry my wife anymore."
"Do you do that regularly?" Darcy asked interestedly.
"No, only before and after she has given birth and so on, but in order to be able to carry her then, you must start practising beforehand or else you will hurt your back."
"Uhh, why? I plan on having my wife safely in a bed a month before and after she is due, in the care of an experienced nurse or midwife."
"Will she agree to that?"
"Yes, why not?" Darcy said.
"Because mine will not! I think," Richard said doubtfully. "Not that we have ever discussed it, but it would seem to me that she has permanently appointed me as her personal baby-deliverer."
"Ugh."
Part 65
"You have been appointed with your approval, I assume," Darcy continued when they had retreated to the library. He nodded when his cousin offered him a drink. "You are not taking one yourself?"
"I am not allowed to drink before dinner. And a birth is not as ugh as that," said Richard, whose memory appeared to be rather selective in some instances.
Darcy gave him an incredulous look.
"Alright, alright. There was some blood and --"
"Blood?" Darcy began to look slightly nauseous. He had no idea that it was a bloody business. He had always assumed that infants were born nice and clean.
"This is war, man. Of course there is agony and blood. But as a good soldier you do not notice. You just do your duty," Richard explained.
"Whose blood?"
"Your wife's."
"I do not think I am up to this," said Darcy, gulping down his drink.
"Oh, Darcy! Do you not remember that my grandfather took us to watch a cow give birth when we were small? You bore that very well. Much better than I did. You even offered to help with the calf."
"Yes, but that was a cow! That was completely different!"
"Well, both the cow and Caroline had twins. Not as different as that, I should say."
"I am not equating my wife with a cow, even if you are," Darcy said decidedly.
"I am not! On the contrary. I have no qualms about leaving somebody else to deal with my cows, but I certainly do not wish to have somebody else rough-handedly deliver my wife of our children. I do not trust anyone else to --"
"Could we please change the subject? I find it rather distasteful."
"As you wish."
"Good," said Darcy in a relieved voice. "Tell me why you are not allowed to drink before dinner."
"If I accept all the drinks that are offered me everywhere, and drink brandy at home whenever I am thirsty, I run the risk of being inebriated as early as four o'clock," Richard explained.
"Oh."
Suddenly Anne barged in. "Read this," she said in obvious distress, thrusting a letter at Richard. "I cannot believe it. It is too strange! Is this real? What do you think?" she asked anxiously.
Richard took the letter and started to read. He gasped and burst out laughing. "I cannot believe it either."
"She has only been there for such a short time!" Anne exclaimed. "It cannot be. Do you think it is true?"
"Aunt Catherine is not renowned for her sense of humour. It must be true."
"What?" the curious Darcy wanted to know. "What is the matter?"
"Aunt Catherine got married," Richard hiccuped. "To a General. This is too amusing for words."
"Married?" Darcy was shocked.
"Without telling me!" Anne cried. "As if I do not matter at all."
"Pay her back!" Richard suggested. "Get married without telling her."
Part 66
"But to whom?" Darcy protested. "Who would you have Anne marry?"
"Well," said Richard, with a sideways glance at Anne. At that moment, Colonel Marsden was shown into the room and Richard grinned. "It is not as difficult as that! Marsden!"
"You cannot decide that for her!" Darcy cried. "Does Anne not get a say in it?"
"In what?" Marsden asked. Anne's name piqued his interest, and he looked at where she sat blushing furiously.
"Fitzwilliam here wants her to marry to spite her mother."
"To whom?" Marsden asked in concern.
"I was going to say to whoever next enters this room, and then you came in, and you are still single. Is that not a happy coincidence?" Richard grinned.
Marsden's expression did not change. "Very happy indeed."
"Really, Fitzwilliam," said Darcy. "Anne, tell him he is an idiot."
Anne smiled. "I cannot do that. I am staying in his house." She was not going to object if Richard wanted her to marry Colonel Marsden.
Richard and Marsden both looked relieved, but Darcy shook his head. "Anne, he is probably going to marry you off to some friend of his --"
"Oh well," said Marsden in mock resignation. "If Fitzwilliam must, I insist that this friend be me."
Darcy, who did not see Anne smile, looked alarmed. "You do not have to sacrifice yourself so Fitzwilliam can have some fun again. He already has far too much fun as it is."
Marsden had seen Anne smile, and he had read enough encouragement in her face to continue. "But Darcy, I am always willing to help a good friend."
"Darcy," Anne spoke up. "You keep saying I should have a say in it, but you are the only one who does not look at me to see what my say actually is."
Darcy stared at Anne incredulously. Is this criticism coming from Anne? He did not know what to say. While he was staring open-mouthedly at Anne, Richard had walked over to the bookshelves. He returned with a small volume. "Do you mean they know what you are thinking of it all?" Darcy asked.
"I think they do," Anne said. "They looked at me before they said anything."
"Darcy," Richard waved the book. "I have an educational book you must read. We received this after our marriage, as a gift. It contains absolutely horrid rules, and neither Caroline nor myself could bring ourselves to follow them. However, they are very entertaining and they might teach you a thing or two of the conventional stuff that you of course will never get from me. There are excellent pieces of wisdom in this book. You must raise your son to be a man, is but one of them. Come to my study, this book is only for married people." He winked at Anne and Marsden, and took Darcy out of the room.
"What am I to do with that book?" Darcy asked suspiciously.
"Read it."
"I shall take it home and read it there."
"Good. Perhaps Elizabeth could read it as well."
Darcy leafed through the book. "Hmm...perhaps not. It seems to address men only. Dear father-to-be it says here."
"Yes, it does say that everywhere, but Caroline has read it too."
"Hmm..." Darcy said again. "I shall see. Elizabeth will probably insist on reading it anyway. I must go now. Let me know what happens with Aunt Catherine."
Richard let him out and went to his study to wait until Anne and Marsden had done what he had left them alone for.
Part 67
"Caroline?"
Caroline looked up from her work table to see Anne standing there, looking a little shy. "Yes?"
"May I talk to you for a minute?"
"Of course. Sit down." Caroline laid down her work. The twins were seated on a blanket on the floor and they were playing. They were not going anywhere, their mother thought. "What is it?"
"Well," Anne twisted her hands nervously and she blushed. "It is Colonel Marsden. He...kissed me."
"Oh!" Caroline smiled.
Julia dropped her ball just out of reach and instead of crying for Caroline to return it, she discovered that she could crawl towards it. Caroline did not notice.
"Do not smile," Anne begged.
"Did you not like it?" Caroline asked.
"Umm...yes, but we...are not married."
"Shall I tell you something? Richard kissed me at least three times before we got married," Caroline smiled. She had not yet had the chance to question Richard about what he had told Anne and Georgiana.
Anne looked puzzled. "Three?"
"Given more opportunities I daresay we would have done it even more often." Julia crawled out of the room in pursuit of the ball, and Caroline, as long as she heard James making sounds on his blanket, would not notice anything.
"More often?" Anne gasped.
"Anne dear, there is really no harm done in kissing," Caroline assured her. "We were engaged."
"Yes, but you were engaged so very briefly! Some people are engaged for three years!"
"I daresay they will get many opportunities then."
Anne shook her head desperately. "How can you not understand what I mean? You have two children!"
"What do they have to do with kissing?" asked the puzzled Caroline.
"Everything!"
"Nothing!"
"Nothing?"
"No, nothing!" Caroline said emphatically. "Who told you this nonsense?"
"Richard," Anne squeaked.
"Richard?" Caroline shouted. "And I told him not to tell you anything! Argh!"
"But if that is not true, what is?"
"Oh no," said Caroline. "You go and ask Richard. He has only himself to blame for this mess, so he is the only one who can do anything about it."
Anne got up and Caroline took a look at the children. There was only one of them left. "Where did Julia go? Julia!" she cried in distress. "She was here a minute ago before you came in. Did you see her? She cannot walk! How did she disappear?"
Richard had been sitting in his study for a while with the door open, when he heard a strange scuffling noise accompanied by little chuckles. He frowned and looked at the door, but he saw nothing. He thought it had been a figment of his imagination and he returned his attention to his business ledger, when out of the corner of his eye he thought he could see something go past just outside the door. When he looked, there was nothing, so he went back to business. After a few seconds he heard the scuffling noise again and this time something white passed the door opening. He turned his head just in time to see a slip of clothing slide out of view. Richard was thoroughly puzzled, especially when he heard more chuckling. He walked to the door and peered out. Just around the corner sat Julia. The ball rolled away and she crawled after it again.
"Julia?" he said in a surprised voice. "Well done, darling. Come to Papa."
"Daadaa."
"Well, Dada then." He lifted her up. "How did you escape Mama?" Somewhere in the house he heard Caroline shout "Richard?" and Julia giggled. "Do not laugh. It sounds like I did something."
"Julia?" Caroline cried again.
"You did something too! Uh oh! She will be coming for us now. What shall we do? Hide?"
Part 68
Richard and Julia hid under the desk. Julia did not know what was happening, but she loved it anyway. "Do not make any sound," he told her with lots of strange grimaces. "And do not give me such a look. You look just like your mother."
"Julia?" Caroline called into the room. Julia's babbling betrayed their location. "Ri--chard! Caroline cried angrily when she saw them under the desk. "What are you doing there? Do not ever take Julia again without telling me. I did not see you at all."
"I did not," he protested. "She came to me."
"Oh, sure," Caroline said sarcastically.
"It is true! I found her outside the door."
"And how did she get there? By herself, I suppose?"
"Yes, she crawled."
"Richard, she does not crawl yet."
"She does!" Richard insisted. "I will show you." He put Julia on the floor, still seated under the desk. "Go Julia." Julia sat still. "Julia? Crawl!" Still she did not move.
"See? Do not give me such a pitiful excuse. I was scared to death because she was gone!" Caroline said, still not in a good mood.
"It is not an excuse! She really crawled and she called me Dada."
"You are again making up nonsense, like you made up nonsense for Anne and Georgiana."
"I recall that it was you who forbade me to tell the truth," he answered, still hoping that Julia would start crawling.
"I wanted you to tell them nothing, not this nonsense." Anne was lingering in the background, so Caroline bent over to Richard to whisper. "If I tell you she got kissed, you can imagine what she is thinking now, can you not?"
Richard had a difficult time trying not to grin because they had kissed, but he feared the worst if he did so. "Oh dear."
"Yes," Caroline smiled in a deceptively sweet manner. "And what are you going to do about it?"
"Me?"
"Yes, you! As the instigator of all confusion? And I refuse to hold a conversation with a person sitting under his desk!"
"At least I am sitting low enough to see my children crawling out of the room!" Richard retorted.
Caroline did not answer anything to that, since she did not know whether Julia had really crawled or not. "I am taking Julia," she announced. "I do not want her to overhear whatever you are going to tell Anne."
Richard crawled out from under the desk. "What do you want me to say?" he whispered. "If I had not said anything, who knows who they would have gone to! And who knows what they would have been told! They were not going to give up."
"I know that, and I know it is difficult, but you have to undo this damage," Caroline said.
"Do you mean I should tell her the truth?" Richard looked aghast.
"I do not know what you should do, but I know something must be done to put Anne at ease, and since you were the one who caused it, it is only fair --"
"I give you permission to tell her the truth," he said quickly.
"That would be too easy on you. No. You do it."
"I cannot!"
"You have never had a problem with talking before," Caroline shrugged.
Part 69
Richard picked up Julia and handed her to Caroline. Caroline and the twins left the study and Anne was left alone with Richard. "Women are so cruel," he complained. "Anne, never be as cruel to your husband as my wife is to me."
"She said it was nonsense what you told us."
"It was. Most of it," Richard said, looking uncomfortable.
"Caroline said kissing is harmless."
"It is. Basically, that is," he added. "However, it might lead to -- why?" he groaned. "Why did you and Georgiana want to know all this?"
"We felt left out," Anne said simply. "And nobody wanted to enlighten us. It is very annoying if you want to know something and nobody will tell you."
"Do you want me to tell you?" Richard asked. He hoped she would say no.
"Yes."
"It is very shocking."
"I do not care. I am engaged," said Anne. "And Caroline said that somebody would tell me when I was engaged. Suppose I got married without this knowledge and then suddenly found out about it when it was too late to decide whether I really liked it -- if it is really so shocking as you say it is, I still have time to break off the engagement in case I do not like the prospect."
"Another cruel woman."
"You are trying to get me off the subject," Anne said accusingly. "But I will not give up now." She was confident, since she had Caroline's support in this. Anne did not doubt that either Richard or Caroline would tell her, eventually, and it was quite amusing to see Richard squirm and wriggle. Perhaps Caroline and she were cruel.
"Your tenacity surprises me."
"Oh, yes. I am very tenacious," Anne nodded. Her tenacity surprised her as well.
Richard sighed and grimaced. He glanced quickly at Anne, but she was looking at him with a very patient and expectant expression. He sighed again. "It is really not proper for a man to inform ladies of matters of this nature," he tried.
"Why not?"
"Because..." Richard began, but he could not really think of anything. "Because it happens to be so."
"That is not a good reason."
"Men do not know anything about women and having children."
"I do not believe you. It does not make sense. If you had not known anything, how did Caroline ever have children that look like you? You must have been involved in some way. Men and women cannot both be clueless. If the women tell the women, and they never tell the men..." Anne frowned. "It cannot be. I had always understood that men knew..."
"Women tell women, and men tell men," Richard admitted.
Anne made a parallel gesture with her hands. "And these lines never meet?"
"A husband and wife might talk about it."
"Who tells who?" Anne asked. "Because I am not sure I shall be able to tell my husband anything, since I do not know anything apart from what you have told me, and since Caroline said that was nonsense, I am not sure I want to tell him that. He might laugh at me. You said men do not know anything, but that was not true, was it?"
"Umm..."
"I think you know a lot, or you would not be so evasive about it." Anne was still struggling with her thoughts. "Why is it that we are not told until we are married?"
"So you will not take advantage of the knowledge beforehand."
"Then you do not really have to be married?" Anne asked shrewdly.
"No."
That was quite surprising, and Anne's eyes widened. If that was the only reason to keep people in the dark, she did not see why she could not be enlightened. "If I promise you not to take advantage of the knowledge before I get married, will you tell me?"
"Would you not rather have Caroline tell you?" Richard tried.
Anne felt she had him cornered, and she did not look forward to going through the whole process of coaxing and begging again. "No. I do not mind if it is not proper. I am not asking you to tell me in public. I am sure you would tell me in the most proper way imaginable. And if I never know what is considered improper, I can never act completely proper. "
Richard groaned. "Anne!" But it was a groan of defeat.
Anne felt excited. He was going to tell her. She knew it. But since he said that it was very shocking, she braced herself, although if so many people had children, a person could probably live with the shock.
Part 70
Caroline was immensely curious when Anne returned with a very satisfied expression. "What did Richard tell you?" Caroline asked anxiously. She had thought Anne would be running around the house screaming or giggling, but nothing like that happened.
"It was very interesting. He did not actually say anything voluntarily. I asked him many questions, so you must not be too upset with him if he revealed more than is proper," Anne said shyly. "I do not know what happened. I was quite persistent."
"Oh, the many hours I spent piecing together things I had overheard!" Caroline said enviously. "And of course never reaching any sort of satisfying conclusion until my sister got married. Perhaps I should just have interrogated someone relentlessly like you did. Where is Richard?"
"In the library."
"Poor thing! I must check up on him to see if he does not indulge himself in too many comforting drinks. Would you mind looking after James?"
"Where is Julia?" asked Anne, who wondered if Julia had crawled off again.
"She can crawl!" said Caroline enthusiastically. "I saw it too! Oh! It was so wonderful that I did not even mind that she got her clothes dirty by doing so. And she goes so fast! You really should see it. But she exhausted herself so much with all the crawling that she fell asleep, so I had her taken upstairs."
"Richard, my dear, you look rather flushed," Caroline teased him when she entered the library.
He took her hand and she sat down next to him. "I tried to convince Anne of the impropriety of her wish, but she insisted. She has made good use of the time she spent in this house, because she is getting very good at ignoring propriety when it suits her. I still think that you would have done it much better than I, Caroline. A woman's point of view and so on."
"I do not want to clean up after you. Sometimes I wonder if you think of the consequences when you say something."
"Not always, but I can usually talk my way out of it fairly easily."
"And this was not something you could talk yourself out of fairly easily," Caroline stated.
"No," he sighed. "It was quite a difficult subject."
"Really?" Caroline raised her eyebrows. "How much did you tell her?"
"I did not say anything you do not already know."
"Which would be an impossibility in any case," Caroline countered, "but if you were as vague to Anne as you are to me now, I am not sure she understood much of what you were saying."
"She would not let me be vague," he complained. "You do not have to worry about Anne anymore. I am more worried about other matters."
"Such as?"
"My son."
"Why?" Caroline did not know that there was anything wrong with James.
"His sister is ahead of him in everything! Sitting, teething, crawling, talking..."
Caroline groaned. "Well, she is the eldest. I do not think we need to worry about James. Be glad that they do not both crawl," she smiled encouragingly. "I saw Julia do it, by the way. Sorry," she kissed him. "I would go completely mad if I had to keep an eye on the both of them. They would insist on going off in different directions and towards the stairs and off the couch and who knows where. Life is going to be over."
"I think it will be fun, and do you really think James is alright?" Richard asked.
"I admit that it was rather annoying that their teething did not happen at the same time and that we had to suffer it twice as long, but other than that I do not mind if they do not do everything at the same time. I do not think there is anything seriously wrong with him. He is just a few days later with everything."
"If you say so," Richard said in an uncertain tone.
Part 70
Georgiana sighed. Everybody else was engaged or married, and busy with their fiancé, husband, wife or children. Even Anne had now joined the other side, and she was all alone. William would never let her marry in a hundred years, unless it was to someone he chose for her, but Georgiana did not think she would like anyone William chose. They were undoubtedly good, dependable men, but probably very boring.
She was glad to have two guardians. Richard's choices were probably more fun. Had colonels not been a little too old for her and had she had an inclination to marry at this moment, she would have asked Richard to get her one. But by the time she was old enough, the colonels Richard knew would be older as well, and he would not know any young colonels anymore.
Perhaps it was just as well that Miss Baxter had found the poem and laughed so hard at her brother that he had burnt it. If he had sent it to Georgiana, who knows what she might have done upon finding out that she had an admirer, and happily for both of them, Baxter had already seen another pretty young lady somewhere.
Colonel Marsden came to visit them very often now. He was not often given the chance to be completely alone with Anne in a house where all doors were always open and nobody seemed to be able to stay in one room for more than thirty minutes. However, when it occurred, they made the most of it. Richard did not want to go so far as to actually have them chaperoned, but he did feel a very slight moral obligation to keep his cousin out of mischief. "When are you getting married, Marsden?" he asked after he had caught them sitting suspiciously close together for the third time that day.
"Not yet."
"But you have been engaged for a few days now," said Richard, who did not quite see the need for long engagements. Once you were certain, why wait?
"I do not have a house yet."
"I could lend you one of mine," Richard offered.
"If I cannot find one myself, I might take you up on that offer. And how long did your engagement last?" Marsden asked curiously.
"About a week."
"A week?" Marsden was appalled. "Why so short? Did you have a house and everything ready?"
"I did not know I was going to get engaged when I left home, and when I returned I had a wife. Of course my house was not ready! It was rather amusing when I introduced Caroline to my housekeeper. I could see she she was thinking who this lady with me was, and I was not very used to saying wife yet, so I stammered a bit, you know, also because I had suddenly realised that they might not get along. She clearly thought I had married in a fit of madness, and she gave me this disapproving stare that only housekeepers can give when their masters have gotten themselves into mischief again."
"Why could you not wait?"
"Do not even dare to suggest the twins were already on their way, because they were not," Richard said emphatically. "Everybody seems to think that. Even my father asked me that when he heard that Caroline was expecting so soon after we married. Unfortunately he did not live to see his grandchildren."
"Why then?"
Richard grinned. "Perhaps it was a fit of madness after all. Perhaps I had to show her I was really serious about it. Perhaps I wanted to do something unusual. I do not know."
Anne did not know how she should inform Lady Catherine of her engagement, and she kept putting it off. Her mother would perhaps not look too kindly upon the match. Anne still had not written to her when she received a letter from Bath, requesting her to come over to meet her new stepfather, but Anne did not want to stay with them for longer than two days.
"Ask them where they will be living," Lady Matlock suggested to Anne. "If the General has a house of his own, perhaps Catherine will move in with him and you can have Rosings, and Colonel Marsden will not have to look out for a house."
Anne had not thought about that yet. "She did not write anything about where she was going to live."
"Catherine would not marry anyone without a grand estate," Lady Matlock said decidedly.
"Would she not?" Caroline asked mockingly. "A very dangerous principle to have when it comes to marriage. I would have travelled with you, Anne, but I cannot leave the children for four days."
"You can take the twins," Lady Matlock suggested. She did not have a very great wish to travel all the way to Bath to see her sister-in-law, and yet perhaps it was better if someone accompanied Anne. "A dip in the baths might be very good for their health."
"But Richard..."
"You can leave him here," her mother-in-law said with a twinkle. "I am sure he can bear the separation."
"Your mother suggested that I go to Bath with Anne to face Lady Catherine," Caroline said to Richard while they were in bed that evening. "With Julia and James."
"For how long?" he asked in an alarmed voice. "Will you be leaving me here all alone?"
"Yes, but I do not know if I want to go yet, although we shall only be gone for four days. Your mother says you can manage on your own for four days."
"No," Richard sulked.
Caroline did not know if she should be touched or annoyed. "She says it might be good for the twins' health."
"But not for mine, if all of you are happily floating around in Bath," he said rather crossly.
Chapter 72
"Stop being a baby, Richard," said Caroline. "I know you better than that. You can do without me for four days. In fact, you would not even miss me."
He grinned. "Not during the day, and as for the nights...I can have the bed all to myself, there will be no babies crying before sunrise...I think I shall be able to bear your absence tolerably well. But if you will not take me to Bath, I shall have to take you to bath."
"What?" Caroline asked in a puzzled tone.
"You will see when you come back," Richard said with a mysterious chuckle.
After Caroline and Anne had left, Richard went back to bed. They left so early that there was still plenty of time to sleep. When he woke up for the second time he had breakfast and he decided to pay Darcy a visit.
"What are you grinning so widely for?" Darcy asked.
"Oh! I slept!"
"Do you not sleep every night?"
"Heh! No," Richard snorted.
"Why not?"
"Crying children, you know, but they are gone now. They have all gone to Bath to view our new step-uncle."
"Why would they want to view the man? To see if he is child-friendly? If they do not like him, you will not either, will you?" Darcy smiled.
"They have to go wherever their main source of food goes," said Richard. "And that still happens to be Caroline."
"And you are not even sad about it?"
"About that? Not at all. I sometimes read to her."
"No, I meant sad now that your whole family have gone," said Darcy. "Why did you not join them?"
"I could have, I suppose," Richard said pensively. "But would that not make me very foolish? Although I should have loved to hire off the baths for a morning. Do you think that is possible? For the right price?"
"I beg your pardon? Why would you do that?"
"To bathe, naturally."
"Together?"
"Yes," Richard said with a grin. "Caroline keeps refusing because our own bath is not big enough, but the baths in Bath would be huge."
Darcy smiled broadly. "I have the perfect solution for you."
"And that is?"
"Purchase a new bath! A really big one."
"And what do you know about big baths?" Richard asked suspiciously.
"I know where to purchase them," Darcy grinned.
"Wait a minute! Is this my cousin Fitzwilliam Darcy speaking?" Richard said incredulously. "May I inspect your bath, sir?" Could it be that Darcy actually had a bath big enough to bathe in with his wife?
"My pleasure," said Darcy.
The two gentlemen went upstairs. "Oh, wonderful!" Richard exclaimed. "This is certainly big enough to fit the four of us."
"Four?"
"Yes, of course. You will not hear me say two."
Richard felt a bit awkward when they went to the bath warehouse, but Darcy seemed to find it normal enough. He had been there before, of course. "My cousin here is interested in a big bath," Darcy announced.
"Family size," Richard added.
"For his ten children," Darcy nodded, and he ignored Richard's surprised look.
The bath salesman looked a bit surprised as well when he considered Richard's age. "You have been busy, sir," he commented with appreciation. "Are you planning to leave it at ten or will there be more?"
"Oh, there will be more," Richard assured him. "I am only thirty-one." Perhaps it was better to have the man think that he was extremely productive than that he was planning to bathe innocently with his family. Men like this probably understood the first thing better.
"Your poor wife! Mine has eight so far, and already she is running out of names. What are yours called?" the man asked as he led them towards the back of the warehouse.
"James Edward, Julia Alexandra," he began. That is four, but now I am stuck. "Caroline..."
Darcy helped him. "Otto, Oscar, Octavian, Ophelia, Ovid...have we got ten?"
Ovid? "Ovid?" Richard whispered to his cousin. "Is that the direction your fancy takes? Remind me to have word with your wife, Darcy! I shall have to tell her to name your child something decent like Richard."
Part 73
James and Julia, for lack of any other twins remotely near their age, were soon, not thirty minutes after their arrival in Bath, pronounced general favourites among the female populace that mattered and that had been fortunate enough to witness the transport of two infants from a carriage into General Tilney's house from behind their drawing room windows. A great many neighbours found it necessary to call upon the new Lady Catherine Tilney again to find out the names and connections of the two small bundles, even though some of them had already done so right after she was married.
Though their person and understanding would not otherwise have recommended them to Caroline, she found she could converse with them very agreeably on the subjects of the twins' features and colouring, and whether they had those from their beautiful mother or their -- unknown to them but undoubtedly handsome -- father. Caroline could not disagree with one word they said, for all their words were calculated to please; certainly after they had discovered they were admiring the offspring of the Countess of Matlock.
They were well acquainted with Caroline's history, and though never having met her in person before, they afterwards declared her to be a much sweetened creature and such a difference from when Miss Someone-or-other had been acquainted with her several years ago. Perhaps she was not sweeter, but it was true that the present Caroline was a good deal wiser than the young and vain Caroline just after she had left school with an unshakeable belief in her superiority, not quite knowing in which areas other than looks she was superior, having at best been a mediocre pupil in such highly valued subjects as music and drawing, and only a very good one in subjects that did not matter at all. Although Caroline had also been excellent at pretending to be very accomplished.
The ladies prevented Caroline from paying much attention to Lady Catherine. Upon entering she had observed that Lady Catherine had acquired a certain softness in her features that must be related to her marriage. Caroline could not imagine that it sprung from her great joy to see her daughter accompanied by her irritating nephew's irritating wife with their irritatingly crying and vomiting children. James had soiled the couch the minute he came in.
Little did she know that Lady Catherine was actually quite fond of Richard in her own way, and which woman could resist the two angelic Fitzwilliams, despite their carriage sickness? Lady Catherine was sure that even the General would be charmed, although Generals would never admit to such a thing. For her part, she was pleasantly surprised that Caroline had taken the trouble to accompany Anne, and Anne looked so well! She observed her daughter proudly. Anne was quite pretty. No harm had come to her while she had been staying with the Matlocks. It looked like it had done her good.
"Mother, I am engaged," said Anne seriously when all of Lady Catherine's visitors had left. She was glad that the General -- his rank alone frightened her already -- was out. She would not have know how to break her news to her mother with a stepfather present.
This shocked Lady Catherine beyond anything. My daughter! Engaged! Without my knowledge!
"You got engaged without telling me too," Anne brought up quietly.
Lady Catherine was still speechless. Is this really my Anne? Did they change her so? For a brief moment she felt anger towards Caroline until she saw her completely engrossed in pulling silly faces at her children.
"It is not Caroline's fault," Anne continued.
"To whom are you engaged?" Lady Catherine asked with dread in her voice. Please let it be someone from a good family!
"Colonel Andrew Marsden."
Lady Catherine knew the family by name and with a sigh of relief she realised that there was nothing wrong with them. In fact, it would be a very respectable match for Anne.
Part 74
Lady Catherine could not protest against an Earl's younger son who was a Colonel if her own husband was a General and his father had been one likewise. It may not have been her own choice for her daughter -- she had always dreamt that Anne would be a lady of consequence -- but as far as unauthorised engagements went, Anne had done pretty well. Of course a Colonel still had time to become a General, too.
The General at last returned and Lady Catherine introduced him to them. He seemed to be just as commanding a figure as Lady Catherine, and Anne was immediately frightened by his air, even though his manners were undeniably better than those of Lady Catherine. Caroline noticed that he observed the twins with a wary eye, especially Julia, who was on the floor. Perhaps he did not like this invasion of his drawing room.
After Anne had not been very responsive to his inquiries, he turned to Caroline and suddenly addressed her with, "Colonel Fitzwilliam might have become a General if he had not become an Earl. I recall having heard of him as a promising young man."
As his tone was neither praising nor disapproving, Caroline wondered what to make of it. "Have you indeed?" she answered politely.
"Is that his son?" the General indicated James.
"Yes, it is."
"His eldest son?"
"Yes."
"I have always been in favour of employment for an eldest son. I suppose his son will go into the Army, despite being the heir to the estate."
Caroline shrugged. "If that is what he wishes."
"He has nothing to wish," was the General's opinion. "Employment is the thing. I have good connections and I could get him a commission in a good regiment."
Caroline stared at him in amazement. "He cannot even walk yet!" She reckoned that the General had a good chance of being dead when James was old enough to get a commission.
"Can he not?" the General looked equally amazed. "I confess I had been wondering why a boy would be sitting on his mother's lap."
"He likes it there."
The General did not possess any baby cots, so the twins had to share Caroline's bed. She was worried that Julia might crawl or fall out and she had the mattress placed on the floor. Caroline did not have such a good night, because she was afraid that she might crush them by accident.
In the morning, however, it was not Julia, but James who was feeling particularly adventurous. Perhaps it was because he was a boy, but he had not quite understood how he should crawl in a long baby gown, and that had been keeping him from doing so. Do it well, or not do it all, was his credo, and now that he was wearing a shirt over his nappy that did not reach his knees, he found he could move around perfectly well. He did not even cry when he rolled off the mattress, but it was not very high of course.