Posted on Sunday, 25 April 1999
Lizzy's Thoughts After The First Proposal
"You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."
And with these words he hastily left the room…
Elizabeth, left alone with her thoughts, did not know quite what to do, so she sat down and cried for half an hour. To think that he had loved her, all this time! Despite herself, Elizabeth was flattered. Of all the women in the entire world, it was she who had captured Mr. Darcy's attention…
What would have happened if she had accepted him?
*-Cue daydreamy music-*
As if in a shampoo commercial, Elizabeth Darcy sits at a forte-piano, perfectly playing a Mozart aria. She smiles and looks to camera. She runs through extensive grounds, in a white flowing dress, laughing up at the man next to her. She calls on Lady Catherine and tells her where to go. In a drawing room, a baby on her lap, her husband, in a partially unbuttoned white linen shirt, gazing adoringly at her in the firelight…
The bubble bursts. *POP* That could never be! For what he had done to poor Jane outweighed any slight regard, he might have felt for her.
The devil is sitting in his drawing room, filing his nails.
"Mr. Darcy, it is a delight to have you with us here in Hell. I am honoured to have you here. Hmm… I believe your aunt is Lady Catherine De Bourgh?"
Darcy assents, but we cannot see him.
"Delightful woman. We have been on friendly terms these thirty years at least. Oh, and I believe you have met Miss Mary Bennet?"
Darcy groans.
"Oh, yes, her records have gone down a treat in C division. Her music is some of my favourite. A great pity we could not get the lady herself. Oh, yes, a great shame. Yes, Mr. Darcy, I am sure you will find yourself right at home down here." He stands up. "Move that spit a little faster, would you?" We pan out to see Mr. Darcy browning nicely in front of the fire, two little demons working hard at the handle of a rotisserie.
Elizabeth laughed wryly through her tears. It was little more than he deserved! He actually admits to what he has done, and is proud of it! Poor Jane…
And poor Wickham too! If only Wickham could get some of his friends together and…
Mr. Darcy is sitting in the dining room at Netherfield, having port and cigars with Bingley and Mr. Hurst. All of a sudden, there is a ruckus at the door.
"Excuse me, sirs, but you can't just go in there…" says Fawcett indignantly.
The men stand up in shock as Wickham, Denny, Chamberlayne and Carter come running in the door. They barge over to Darcy, tie him up, and carry him out the door. Mr. Bingley and his brother remain after all. Then, since this is Elizabeth's daydream, Carter goes back in and stuffs an apple in Hurst's open mouth. He chokes.
Mr. Darcy is trussed up like a chicken on the back of Wickham's horse. Wickham is laughing devilishly. They take him to Oakham Mount and push him into the river. The current carries him downstream, his cries dying away to nothing. The soldiers ride away without a backwards glance.
Yes, that would be perfect, thought Lizzy. He deserves nothing less. The proud, selfish, cruel man! Her tears had now been quite dried away by her anger, and she no longer held any pity for the man.
"Indeed," she said to herself, "I would sooner pity Lady Catherine for being blessed with such a nephew!" At that moment she heard a carriage outside, and not feeling up to facing her friend, she ran upstairs and feigned sleep. She remained awake, however, meditating on the situation, until sleep came and she slumbered dreamlessly.