Beginning, Section II
Jump to new as of February 26, 1999
Jump to new as of February 28, 1999
Jump to new as of March 6, 1999
Chapter 18
Darcy opened his eyes, only to squint against the bright morning sunlight that was streaming into the room. He was immediately conscious of a warm weight against his body, and looked down to see a tousled head of brown curls resting on his chest. He smiled - a wide and genuine smile. He knew that he really ought to be berating himself for breaking all the rules and becoming so personally involved in what was supposed to be a business arrangement, but he could not bring himself to feel anything but contentment.
And that was exactly how he felt, with Elizabeth asleep in his arms - content. Sure, CJ was still his worst enemy, but that obsession no longer dominated his every waking moment. Elizabeth - beautiful, precious Elizabeth - was all that he truly needed in life. In two short days, she had become his everything. And he couldn't wait for her to wake up so that he could tell her so.
As if sensing his thoughts, she sighed a little and stirred drowsily in her sleep. Her right hand slipped across his chest, and she lay still once more. Darcy's eye was caught by a wide silver bracelet which he had noticed on several occasions. In fact, she never seemed to take it off. Curious, he reached down and fingered the intricate design etched into the metal. He wouldn't mind a closer look at it.
Slowly and carefully, so as not to disturb Elizabeth, he reached around her with his other arm and his fingers found the simple clasp. The bracelet broke easily into two halves and fell away into his hands. For a few moments he studied the skillful designs, and watched the sun reflect off the bright silver. He felt Elizabeth stir again, and knew that she was beginning to wake up. Smiling again, he reached for her hand to replace the bracelet. He brought her hand right up to his lips and gently kissed her fingers. Then he positioned the silver band once more and turned her wrist over to re-fasten the clasp.
That clasp never was refastened.
The bracelet slipped out of his hands and Elizabeth slipped out of his arms as he wrenched himself out of bed. Elizabeth gasped and woke up, blinking quickly in fright.
"What is it?" She mumbled, in sleepy alarm. She sat up in bed and looked into Darcy's face. What she saw there made her heart turn cold. Her hand flew guiltily to her wrist. As she had suspected, the bracelet was gone.
"How - why - who - " The words seemed to choke him.
"Darcy, please - " She tried, but he didn't want to listen. The anguished hurt in his eyes gave way to icy fury as he stared down at her.
"I don't think I want to hear it, Elizabeth - if that is you name! Who the hell are you, anyway?"
"Elizabeth! My name is Elizabeth Bennet! Please, just let me explain - "
"Explain? Explain what, exactly?" She bit her lip, and stayed silent. What could she say now? I was CJ's heroin-addicted mistress for a while, but now I only want to see him dead. It was a youthful indiscretion, and I really regret it now, honest! Forgive me for lying to you and betraying you and sleeping with the man who raped your sister? Oh God! How did this happen? Why did I sleep with him? How could I have done this?
"Come on Elizabeth, lie to me! Feed me more lies! I'm waiting!"
"I was young!" She managed to strangle out. The words were burning in her heart, and they spilled out with her tears. "I was only nineteen, and yes I should have known better but I didn't, I didn't! CJ - he turned up at a party. I was stupid, I let him flatter me. I let him bring me drinks. And one thing led to another and he - "
"Stop!" Darcy choked out the word. His face was so pale that he looked as if he might throw up. "No more! I can't hear any more!"
"NO, please listen to me! I know you hate me now - I know because I hate myself for what I've done! But you have to hear me out - "
He interrupted her tear-choked pleas, rasping harshly - "Why should I?"
Elizabeth was silent. She couldn't think of a single good reason why he should grant her an explanation. After all, why should he believe anything she might say?
"Because," she whispered softly, her eyes pleading desperately with him, "Because I love you."
For a moment he almost lost it. She nearly got to him with those eyes, those words... But then his terrible hurt flared again and he turned his back on her, saying coldly - "I'm leaving now. Make sure you're gone when I get back." With that, he snatched up some clothes and stormed out.
Elizabeth stared after him, her heart tearing down the middle. She glanced down at her wrist again, and as her tears began to flow they dropped pitifully onto the triple-star pattern embedded deep in her skin with blue ink. But no matter how many tears she cried, she knew that nothing would ever wash that mark away, no more than they could wash away the stain on her soul.
Chapter 19
The clerk at the reception desk watched him leave. The moment he was out of sight, he fished a tiny speaker out of his pocket and held down a button with his thumb, and spoke in low voice. "Now." Was all he said.
Oblivious to this, Darcy set off in a random direction, striding hard through the city, his thoughts and emotions all in turmoil. He had thought that he didn't care about her past. He had told himself that he could accept her for who she was now, and that he didn't need to know her history in order to love her. He must have been crazy. How can you love someone without a past? Their past is who they are, and who they are is who you love. Didn't that make sense?
Then how could he have fallen in love with Elizabeth?
He hadn't needed to know her name, or the name of her old high-school, or what her favourite flavour of ice-cream was. All that had been irrelevant to him. He had simply loved her, from the very first moment he saw her. So what had gone wrong?
CJ. That was what had gone wrong. He couldn't describe what had happened to his insides when his eyes had fallen on that tattoo. They sort of twisted tight and all of his thoughts burned up in his brain. He had wanted to love Elizabeth regardless of her past, but he had never really thought about what could be so bad that she would want to conceal it forever. CJ. No wonder she had concealed the truth.
And now that he knew... He wished he had never found out. The thought of Elizabeth and CJ ... No, he couldn't even bear to think of it. But to think that she had been lying to him all this time! That rubbed salt into the wound. He had trusted her so blindly, so stupidly, and she had -
Suddenly he stopped. What had she lied about? How could she have lied, when she didn't tell any facts? She hadn't actually deceived him, she had just... declined to reveal her story altogether.
No wait, there was Judith. Where did Judith fit in?
And then, in a blinding flash, it all fell into place. It was so obvious, and yet he had failed to piece it together. Judith and the thugs. Judith and the 'bad crowd'. Elizabeth and her reaction to Carter's information. Elizabeth's mysteriousness, her defensiveness, her reluctance to talk about her past. Elizabeth's detailed knowledge of CJ's gang and his habits. It all made sense. Elizabeth was Judith. How could he not have seen it??
And that meant... That it was not Judith whom CJ was obsessed with. It was Elizabeth. Horror gripped his heart - not only in abhorrence but in fear.
Stupid, stupid girl! What was she thinking? To come with him to LA when she was the object of such a man's fixation was like walking straight into the lion's den. Didn't she understand that?
Then again.... She thought that you would be with her. She thought that you'd be by her side - perhaps she believed you could offer her some measure of protection...What a joke that is!
And so far, he had been with her every moment. If CJ was aware of her presence in LA, as he very probably was, then he would certainly be watching her, waiting to make his move.
Darcy swore softly to himself. How long had he been gone? Ten minutes? Fifteen? More than enough time for...
Please God, he prayed fervently as he spun on his heal and broke into a run. Don't let it happen again. Don't let me lose them both to CJ. Please, let her be OK....
Chapter 20
Elizabeth wasn't quite sure how long she sat forlornly amongst the crumpled sheets, letting her tears wash down her cheeks and stifling wrenching sobs. The image of Darcy's hurt-filled eyes tormented her, and for the moment all her other troubles had faded into insignificance. Knowing that she had lost him forever, nothing else seemed to matter at all.
She wasn't sure how long it was she before became aware that someone else was in the room with her. There was no sound. There was just... a feeling. Suddenly she was conscious that the apartment had lost its empty, desolate feel, and instead she sensed something... something more sinister.
She swallowed hard on her tears and forced herself to listen.
The silence was so heavy that it hummed in her ears.
"Darcy?" She ventured, her voice trembling as her voice tentatively broke through the silence.
Her words were absorbed into stillness. There was no response.
Elizabeth stood up slowly and pulled her dressing gown about her, moving carefully so that she would hear any sound. Her heart was thumping hard against her ribs as she listened. She knew there was a gun on the desk six feet to her right. She would feel a lot better if she had that measure of protection at least. It was probably being paranoid, but what the hell, 'paranoid' had worked for her so far. Who was she to argue with her instincts?
She moved toward the desk, stepping carefully and feeling tension pull on every nerve. Quiet now, not a sound... Don't give yourself away now....
Five feet. Three feet. One foot - she reached out.
A tiny sound behind her and she knew immediately that she was too late.
There was a sharp 'pft', and a bullet lodged itself in the desk before her.
She shut her eyes tightly against the horrible reality, her blood throbbing in her veins and her whole body nauseous with fear.
"Elizabeth." The voice behind her echoed her nightmares.
"You won't shoot me," she asserted, with a numb terror that enabled her to speak with more control than she could otherwise have managed.
"We'll see about that. Turn around. Oh, and keep your hands where I can see them."
Raising her arms away from her body, Elizabeth tensed ever muscle, determined not to tremble and let him see how much she feared him. Turning slowly, she kept her eyes on the ground, and focused on a pair of steel-toed black boots.
"Look up."
Elizabeth ignored his command, until she saw the cruel-looking boots approach and felt the cold metal of his gun beneath her chin, forcing her gaze to meet his.
The reality of CJ was even more terrifying than the nightmares he spawned. He was more haggard than she remembered, though the thick black hair and sharp chin were just the same. His eyes were an unusual pale blue, and they were just as sharp and ruthless as they had always been, though now they were ... crazier.
Her terror re-doubled, though she struggled to keep her face expressionless.
When he spoke again, his voice was wheedling but dangerously soft. "You've been avoiding me." It was such an insane thing to say. In any other circumstance she might have laughed. Even now, she was feeling slightly hysterical.
He tried to touch her face but Elizabeth shuddered and jerked her head away.
"Why did you run away from me, Liz?" He whispered, "We used to get along so well...."
Elizabeth tried to back away, but he caught her by the wrist and held her in a vice-like grip.
"Don't you touch me!" She hissed. He raised the gun in his other hand a little higher.
"Watch your mouth, babe." He said, a little more sharply.
"What do you want from me, CJ?"
"Not a lot, Liz honey, not a lot. I want you back with me. That's where you belong, babe, and you know it."
In spite of her fear, Elizabeth could not disguise her disgust for him. "Never."
For a moment, CJ pulled back, apparently surprised by her reaction. Then something in his face seemed to twitch and his pretense of calm was lifted.
It seemed to Elizabeth that too much of the whites of his eyes were visible as he snarled. "I see I'm going to have to teach you some manners." He raised the butt of his gun swiftly and made as if to strike her with it. She cringed, waiting for the blow.
"Actually," came a conversational voice from somewhere behind CJ's left shoulder, "I rather like her manners as they are."
Elizabeth's heart soared with surprise and hope for a moment, then crashed back to earth as CJ's fist closed in her unbound hair and she was spun around to face Darcy, whose cold mask of fury frightened even her.
Darcy held a gun trained on CJ, who held his own weapon against Elizabeth's head. "Darcy Williams," CJ drawled, suddenly cool again, though he was breathing just a little too hard, "I must say I'm a little surprised to see you here. I never would have pinned you as the type who likes to pick his women from the gutters. Sleeping with the girlfriend of the criminal you're assigned to? How very Bond-ish. Or perhaps..." He paused, and then began to speak very slowly, wonderingly, "Perhaps she never told you about us. Perhaps she didn't tell you that she's nothing but a junkie and a whore - that she works for me."
"No!" Elizabeth cried, "That's not - " CJ slapped a rough hand across her mouth and pressed the gun point harder against her temple.
"She's a good little actress, isn't she, Williams? I bet she had you fooled. Were you in love with her too? Don't take it too hard, my friend. We've both been betrayed by the little whore in one way or another. In fact, the only difference of any significance in our respective situations is that I will live to take her and you will die today."
Darcy felt sick to the core. But he couldn't let his pain or his hatred cloud his senses. He couldn't give his fury any leash yet. "The only person who'll be dying around here, CJ," Darcy spat coldly, "Is you." He lifted his gun a little higher.
CJ shook his head with an infuriatingly confident smile, showing off sharp white teeth. "You're half right, Williams, but only half. One person will die here today, but..." As he spoke, two more black-clad men slipped into the room, both training weapons on Darcy. CJ flipped his own into his pocket, and released his grip on Elizabeth's hair, surveying the situation with smug satisfaction. "...But that is going to be you." He finished.
Darcy could do nothing as one of the accomplices removed his weapon and swiftly searched him, while the other oversaw the whole operation with a gun. Darcy recognised the clerk from the reception desk, and realised the full extent of the error he had made. If he didn't do something quickly, he was going to be dead and Elizabeth would be... No, better not to think about that now.
The larger of the two armed men gripped Darcy roughly by the arms and held them pinned behind him. The second man kept his gun drawn.
"Well, well, well," CJ gloated irritatingly, turning to Elizabeth, "I suppose this has tidied up our disagreement rather nicely, hasn't it?"
Elizabeth glared silently, not understanding straight away. He reached out and caressed her cheek, and she pulled her face away once again. He released a dramatic, long-suffering sigh, and let his hand drop.
"You've been so unco-operative, Liz. I really am running out of patience. After three years, I think I'm entitled to sacrifice a few social niceties to help you see the light." He paused, then said - "All right then, let me make it perfectly simple. You agree to come back to Chicago with me, or..." He paused again, letting the drama build before adding casually, "...or your boyfriend there dies."
"No!"
"Your call, babe." CJ inspected his fingernails.
"He's going to kill me anyway, Elizabeth!" Darcy warned quietly.
"Why Williams, do you take me for a common criminal? I assure you, my word is my bond."
"Elizabeth!" Darcy called her name softly, without any idea of what he could say to her. CJ's words had burned a hole somewhere near his heart. He didn't want to believe CJ, but Elizabeth had never given him her own version of her story, so he had no idea of what was truth and what was fallacy. His emotions boiled, but he could say nothing.
Elizabeth tried to step towards him but CJ blocked her path. "Uh uh," he warned her teasingly, although his eyes were cold and furious with jealousy at what he saw in her face when she looked at Darcy Williams. "You make your choice."
She stepped back again, and Darcy could see that her eyes were desperate with indecision. Subconsciously, her fingers went to her throat and she began to fiddle nervously with her necklace. Darcy's heart did a double beat when he suddenly recognised the chain.
The locket!! He willed her silently, trying to communicate with his eyes what he could not say aloud. The catch behind the locket! Aim the tip at CJ and flip the catch! She was wearing the necklace he had placed around her neck the night before. It was going to be their only chance now, but in the heat of the moment she seemed to have forgotten all about the extraordinary capabilities of the 'ornament' dangling at her throat.
"Well?" CJ was growing impatient.
In spite of her fear, the gaze that Elizabeth fixed him with was filled with hate. "Why do you even bother with this whole black-mail kick, CJ? We all know that it doesn't matter what I choose now. If I say yes, I can look forward to a life of living hell, and you'll have Darcy killed anyway. If I say no, we both die. Am I right?"
CJ grinned tightly. "Basically, yes, that's right. But I like think of myself as a benevolent dictator - after all, you do have a choice - life with me, or death with him. You're a clever girl - I don't see that it's such a tough decision to make, really."
Elizabeth did not hesitate. "I would rather die with him that spend a single hour in your company." She spoke with low passion, but her words were clear. He could not misunderstand.
For the first time, the meaning of her words seemed to reach him. His grin dissolved and for a moment his face seemed to crumple. He stepped backward and blinked rapidly. A dangerous tic distorted his features as his deranged thought processes struggled to absorb her words.
Oh God, she thought feverishly, He really is crazy. I didn't realise... It's terrifying.
Her hand flew back to her throat, and she clutched compulsively at the necklace again.
He partially recollected himself and advanced on her once more. "You don't mean that." He was almost begging her, though his eyes were flashing dangerously. "You still love me, don't you? That's all I want, Liz, I just want us to be happy. We can be happy together, can't we Liz?"
She swallowed her nausea and was silent, afraid to provoke him unnecessarily. But her silence seemed answer enough. His mood swung again, and now it was pure rage that took over his personality.
He hissed a curse and raised his arm as if to strike her down, but as he lifted his hand above his head, something small and silver seemed to fly from no where and embedded itself in his neck. He released a roar of pain and surprise, and clutched with both hands at his throat.
It took Elizabeth a moment to realise what had happened. Suddenly she was conscious of the locket she was holding between her fingertips, and remembered what Darcy had told her as he had placed it about her neck the night before. This catch will fire a tiny steel dart. It will paralyze a man within thirty seconds. Be careful how you use it.
And suddenly things were happening very fast. CJ was all ready beginning to stagger slightly, as he clawed at his throat. "Kill the agent!" He slurred viciously, addressing his black-clad accomplices, "But leave her alive!"
The two men looked at him in alarmed uncertainty, not understanding what had happened to their boss. Taking advantage of their moment's distraction, Darcy wrenched hard in the large man's grip and managed to flip the man off-guard. Suddenly things were happening very fast. The clerk with the gun jerked back to face Darcy, and was met with a sharp chop to his lower arm, forcing him to drop the weapon, and a split second later a powerful fist connected with his face. Staggering backwards, the clerk managed to duck the next punch, and swung a clumsy but forceful blow to Darcy's stomach. Darcy doubled over as the air was forced from his lungs, but as his opponent advanced for the kill he managed to jerk his head up once more, and felt a horrifying crunch as his skull connected with someone's face. He looked up to see the other man swaying unsteadily, with blood running from his nose. It didn't take much to see him laid out beside his friend.
Darcy's attention immediately snapped toward Elizabeth, but he didn't have a chance to locate her with his gaze. Even as his eyes were registering what he saw, CJ was fumbling clumsily with the safety catch of his own revolver. All in an instant, Elizabeth realised exactly what was about to happen with a ghastly premonition. She saw that Darcy had no time to arm himself, that CJ would fire, that she was about lose the man she loved more than her life to a bullet fired by the man she hated.
If things had seemed to happen quickly a moment before, time now adjusted itself by slowing down. Everything happened in slow-motion.
Elizabeth screamed and ran forward. Darcy stood helplessly as he saw the back-lash of the firing gun send a shudder through CJ's body, but Elizabeth was flying towards him, and her body jerked, puppet-like, as she fell into his arms.
CJ dropped to his knees, and the gun slipped out of his hand. His limbs no longer obeyed his commands - he could do nothing but watch as Williams held Elizabeth's unmoving body against him. It seemed that his rival could not accept what CJ had known from the moment he fired: Elizabeth would not be returning his embrace.
As his vision blurred, CJ's lips managed to form her name, before he hit the carpet with a thud.
Darcy did not notice. Elizabeth... could not.
Chapter 21
Three Months Later
Darcy sat hunched on the hard bench, elbows resting on knees and head hanging low. He took a long draw on the cigarette which he held loosely between thumb and forefinger, then let his hand drop again and tapped away the ash. It was caught by the light breeze and wafted gently toward the murky waters of the harbour.
The day had been heavily overcast, and yet there was no rain. Now, as evening approached, the activity on the harbour was beginning to thin along with the light. A few lonely trawlers were just setting out for the night, and a long, mournful horn note signaled their departure. Darcy had been sitting by the harbourside, watching it all without really seeing any of it.
His face, usually so cool and impassive, had grown drawn and haggard over the past few weeks - a result of too much alcohol and too little sleep. During the early weeks he had drunk heavily, ready to try anything that would help him escape from his guilt, his anger, his regret. For who cared what he did now? What did he really have to live for?
He wished he could say - Elizabeth. I live for Elizabeth.
But Elizabeth was gone.
Somehow, however, his natural instinct for self-preservation had saved him from succumbing entirely to alcoholism as a means of solving the problems in his life. He took another draw on his cigarette, exhaled slowly, then dropped the butt and ground it hard into the pavement with his foot. He had given up smoking many years ago, but somewhere in the painful fog of the past months, he had apparently started again.
Sitting alone beside the harbour on a cool grey evening, his clothing crumpled and his head hanging low, Darcy Williams was the very picture of despair.
Somewhere in the distance, a siren wailed, reminding him sharply of the ambulance, the shouting paramedics, the dash to the hospital. Only the adrenaline had kept him coherent then. Now that the adrenaline was all gone, it seemed that nothing could keep him moving forward. Life slowed down, turned grey, became void and pointless.
Although he felt he could sink no lower, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter, determined punish himself once again.
Darcy,
He read, his eyes following the same lines they had read a thousand times already. Elizabeth had had the letter delivered through an obliging nurse at the hospital, but Darcy had been denied from seeing Elizabeth himself, at the patient's request.
He kept reading.
Please do not throw this letter down. It contains no analysis of any past sentiments - which I know are best forgotten entirely, if you have not already left them behind you. Nor is it a plea for your forgiveness - what you choose to think of me now is irrelevant. In fact, once you have heard what I have to say, I hope you will think of me as little as possible. I do not know exactly what your feelings are on this subject, but whatever you are thinking now, I believe that what I am going to do is the right thing by both of us.I am sorry if my refusal to see you as I recovered in hospital gave you pain. I am aware that I owe you a great debt in many ways, and I know that my actions there were weak. But please understand. I could not bear to see you again, knowing how much I had hurt you, knowing that I had ruined everything....
I know what I have done. You do not deserve to be burdened with me. Believe me, you would live a better life without me. My past is a cross that should be mine alone. It would be unfair of me to ask another to bear it with me, and you, more than anyone, deserve better.
I do not mean this letter to be a justification of what I have done. Merely an explanation.
Having resolved that you should be released from me and the pain which I have caused you, my original intention was to disappear without any contact at all. I felt that that would be the cleanest, easiest way to remove myself from your life. I intended to let you think the very worst of me, and thus you would have no regrets at leaving me behind. But when the crucial moment came, my resolve deserted me, and I succumbed to my own selfishness. I could not leave you behind without truth or explanation. Hence this letter. Whether you chose to read this or not is up to you. At least my own conscience is slightly soothed by the knowledge that if you should wish it, then you have the explanation you desire at hand.
Elizabeth went on to describe everything that had passed, in a language detached and unvarnished. She wrote of her childhood, of growing up, of her whole involvement with CJ Wickham. She described her years on the run, her decision to turn the tables at long last, and finished her narrative with the simple phrase - "and then I met you." She did not mention anything of the short days they spent together, nor did she speak of the scene that ended their drama. In the final paragraph, she spoke briefly of her plans for the future -
...I am thinking of looking for my family again. I had parents and sisters who loved me once. Since estranging myself from them three years ago, they have not seen or heard from me. Perhaps I do not deserve their hospitality, perhaps they will not welcome me back with open arms, but I know that I owe them an apology at least, and a reassurance that I am alive.With CJ in jail for life, part of me feels liberated. Other parts of me are still crying. But I am hopeful. My life is my own, now. Perhaps, some day, I will even find a measure of happiness.
I will pray every night, from my heart, that you may find the same.
Elizabeth.
Slowly and carefully, Darcy folded the letter in half, then in half again. He pushed it back into his pocket, and stood up, stretching stiff muscles. He had been sitting for a long time.
It was almost dark. Darcy turned to the deepening shadows, and began the long, lonely walk home to an empty house.
Chapter 22
Author's Note: This one is for my ever-affectionate friend, Suzanne, who has threatened me with 'certain death' involving a small plastic spoon unless I post again this weekend. I suppose every writer likes encouragement... ;)
Darcy stood on Gina's doorstep and pressed her electronic doorbell.
"Yes?" Came the slightly static response through the intercom.
Darcy pushed a button and spoke into the receiver. "It's me."
"Darcy! Just hang on a moment!"
There was a tinkle of keys on the other side of the door, and a moment later it swung wide, and Gina greeted her brother with a bright smile.
Darcy was quite taken aback. He had spoken to his sister many times, but he had not actually seen her for many months. The young woman in the doorway was not at all what he had come to expect when he visited. Gina had put on weight, and gained colour. Her fine blonde hair was loose, and she wore a bright summer dress that complimented her china-blue eyes. And most incredible of all - she was smiling.
"Gina, you look...." He stared, groping for the right word.
"Happy?" She filled in for him, her smile widening still further, "And so I should be. It's about time, wouldn't you say? Come inside, Darcy. We've got a lot to catch up on."
"So it appears." He still could not get over the change in his pale, reclusive little sister, but she insisted that he wait until they were settled on the sofa and fortified with steaming coffee before they talked.
"Well?" Darcy asked at last, placing his half-empty mug on the coffee table.
Gina grinned again, and blushed a little as she spoke the words that caused her brother to visibly start. "I'm getting married."
"You're what?" He said incredulously.
"I'm getting married," she repeated patiently, still smiling shyly, "His name is Samuel, he's a social worker. He's the kindest, gentlest, funniest - oh, Darcy you should hear him. He makes me laugh like no one else can. Haven't you ever met anyone who just feels right by you side? I didn't know that feelings like this existed before I met Samuel!"
Darcy winced slightly. Gina's words described a happiness which was to him no more than a painful echo of what might have been.
It was very soon apparent that Gina could wax lyrical on the many fine points of Samuel's character, and once he recovered from his initial shock, Darcy was able to congratulate his sister from his heart. He was a little suspicious of any man in her life apart from himself, but he would have to be blind to miss the light in Gina's eyes as she spoke of this 'Samuel'. Besides, he was more than ready to approve of any man who could make his melancholy sister smile again.
Still, he could not let the whole affair pass without satisfying himself on one or two matters. As much as he hated to bring it up, he felt that he had to say something. "Gina," he spoke earnestly, "I am very happy for you. But I just need to reassure myself that you really are going to be all right. I mean, are you sure you are ready for such a committed relationship? Certain things... in your past... Does Samuel know? Those kinds of secrets can... hurt people, Gina.""
Gina looked directly at her brother. "You mean CJ, don't you?"
Darcy nodded. Gina sighed, and said, "CJ is in the past, Darcy. He hurt me. He was a dangerous man, he hurt a lot of people who never deserved to be hurt. But those people have a right to a future, don't you think? I know that there are more girls out there, girls like me, who made mistakes and paid a terrible price for them at the hands of CJ Wickham. But I pray for them. I pray that they will find someone, someone like Samuel, who is strong enough and who has enough love in their heart to listen to the story of their pasts, and accept them."
Darcy fought a wave of guilt. Gina could not know how much pain she was giving him by describing her relationship with Samuel. It was everything that he and Elizabeth could have shared if only she hadn't done what she had done, if only she hadn't lied, if only been able to forgive her... God, if only there weren't so many "if only's"!! They tormented him night and day.
"Then Samuel knows?" He frowned, trying to absorb all that Gina was telling him. "What did he... How did he react?"
Gina looked down at her hands, then back at her brother. "When I first met Sam," she replied softly, "I couldn't tell him the truth about me. You can't know what it's like to have such a horrible burden shadowing your whole existence, all the time, no escape. You can't understand just how much you want to pretend - pretend to be someone else, pretend to be a normal, happy girl, someone worth loving. You see, you want so much to be loved but you are so sure that no one could ever love you after what you've done... So you lie. I began to lie to Sam, but in the end I knew I had to tell him. And he listened, Darcy, he just sat opposite me and let me talk without saying a word. And then when I finished, he didn't turn away like I was so sure he would, but he put his arms around me and just held me close, and let me cry. And then he told me, he said the most beautiful words I've ever heard. He said - "It doesn't matter, Gina. I love you." And suddenly the shadow was gone. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. I knew it was all going to be OK now, because he still loved me."
Darcy struggled to hold back the unbidden tears that stung his eyes. What have I done?
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Gina was still talking, "No one can forgive themselves for their own mistakes, unless those around them, the people they love, can look them in the eye and say 'I know what you did, and I love you anyway.' If the people around them turn away...."
Darcy was looking pale, and he mumbled something indistinctly under his breath.
"Pardon?" Asked Gina, suddenly coming down from the clouds and noticing her brother's state.
"I said, 'Elizabeth never knew.' Because I never told her." He rubbed a restless hand over his drawn face and tried to calm his churning emotions.
Gina folded her hands calmly in her lap and waited silently for him to continue. She had not felt able to question him, but she had been hoping for some kind of insight into his deep and seemingly inexplicable depression. CJ was in jail, the case which had obsessed him for years was finally closed, and yet his despondency had only deepened. Why? Gina felt it was time to find out.
After a few moments of silence, the words which had been burning circles in Darcy's brain for months now started spilling out. He began to tell his sister about meeting Elizabeth Bennet, about falling in love with her, and he described the circumstances of their estrangement.
He spoke of the conflicting, self-destructive emotions which he had dwelled amongst since then. The betrayal, the anger, the pain. The love, the longing, the bitter tears. The guilt, the regrets, the recriminations. He would blame her, he would blame CJ, he would blame himself. He would determine to seek her out, perceiving that his life without her was a void. Then his pride would rush back, and he would push the idea away, as the old pain of her betrayal and then her disappearance made the thought of pursing her seem foolish and pathetic.
He talked until his voice grew hoarse and at last he felt empty of words. He finally fell silent. Gina allowed a few moments of silence, before she softly said -
"But you still love her." It was more of a statement than a question.
Darcy sighed heavily. "Yes." He replied dully. "Yes I do love her."
"But she doesn't know that?"
"No. No, I never had a chance to tell her."
Gina frowned slightly. "I don't need to ask whether she loved you. She stepped in front of that bullet to save your life - I don't think any greater love exists. And you say to me now that you love her.... But you won't seek her out." She paused again. "Explain to me one more time why that is?"
Darcy's mouth moved to form another excuse, another feeble justification of pride and hurt feelings, of betrayal and desertion. But the words no longer seemed to explain anything. Under Gina's gentle, forgiving gaze, all his reasons were obsolete.
He gave up on excuses, and just spoke the words that came to him. "Gina, I can't! I don't know why!" He stood up abruptly and began to pace, running a restless hand through his dark hair. "God, I sit alone, night after night, miserable and lonely because Elizabeth is not with me! I go to bed at night afraid to sleep because I know that I will dream of her, and wake up to find myself in an empty bed. And I get up every morning only to start the whole awful cycle over again! I don't know why I can't bring myself to face her, Gina! There's so much love and hate and longing and repulsion and tenderness and guilt all mixed up in what I feel that I just don't know what to do."
Gina watched him stalk about the room, his face drawn with emotion. She shook her head slowly, and smiled ever so slightly as she said, "Darcy Williams! Sit down, or at least stop that pacing. You know, when I was a little, I used to think you were infallible, and afraid of nothing. You were my hero, but I suppose even a hero is still just a man deep down. And now it is my turn to save you - I just didn't think I'd be saving you from yourself.
"Didn't you listen to anything I told you before? Elizabeth is no better or worse than me. She made a mistake, William. Yes, she should have told you, but considering the situation she found herself in, can you blame her for trying to conceal her past? I can't, because I know what she felt and I have done just the same. You say you felt doubly betrayed because she deserted you once she got the chance. Can you really be surprised? I wanted to run from Samuel once he knew the truth, and he was sitting right in front of me. It is such a natural reaction! She was in love, she was scared, she had no hope of acceptance. Did you expect her to stay to have you rip her heart to shreds with your anger, or your indifference? What reason did you give her to stay?"
Gina's forehead began to furrow and her voice grew louder as her frustration with her brother grew.
"You were foolish, William. What is your pride? It is stupid vanity, and childish hurt, and self-centredness. That's all. You've only thought about yourself, how you are hurting, what you've been through. Have you thought of her feelings at all? I strongly suggest you start. Because you don't have many choices now. You can just get over it - which seems like an unlikely outcome the way you've been behaving these last three months. Or you can get out on the streets and find this girl. And when you do, you better beg her on your hands on knees to forgive you for your all the stupid things you've done and all the precious time you've wasted in coming to your senses. Meanwhile, start praying that she hasn't found someone smarter and more forgiving than you while you've been wallowing in regrets and self-pity and letting her wander the county with a broken heart." Her spiel accelerated and grew louder as she spoke, until at last she had to stop and gasp for air.
"Excuse me, Gina?" Darcy was finally able to get a word in edgewise.
"Yes?"
"Good-bye."
"Where are you going?" She demanded, feeling that there were still a lot of home-truths he had yet to hear.
"Where do you think? Thank you for the coffee, Gina. I would really love to stay and talk, but I - "
"Darcy," Gina grinned, stood up and pointed to the door, "Shut up and get out."
She saw him to the door, but as she closed it behind him, her smile faded a little. "And good luck...." She whispered softly after him.
She had a feeling he was going to need it.
Chapter 23
Elizabeth did not cry as she closed the envelope which sealed her future. Nor did she shed tears as she packed her meagre belongings into a small bag, and yanked the zip closed. She left her letter with the nurse at the main Reception desk with careful instructions as to who it was to be passed on to, then slipped out of the hospital and into the night. She hailed a taxi, and gave the driver directions.
A few hours later she found herself rattling south-bound down the highway on a nearly-empty bus, while the eastern horizon was beginning to glow. She clutched her bag on her lap, and stared blindly at the scenery rushing past the window. Still she did not cry.
She had expected tears. She had anticipated tearing regrets, overwhelming guilt, unbearable heart-break. But there was none of that. There was nothing but a terrible hollow ache in her chest - a nightmarish void that frightened her.
She began to imagine Darcy when he received her letter, and longed to know what his reaction would be. Not that it makes any difference to me now! She tried to direct her mind onto other things, but images were crowding her brain. She began to imagine wild, impossible scenarios. What if he came looking for her? He never would, of course, but what if he did? What would she do? What if she had died from CJ's bullet? Would he have mourned her at all? What if she was making a terrible mistake by running from him? What if...
She was finally startled from her torturous reverie as the bus changed gears with a noisy wheeze and began to slow down. Peering out of the window, she saw that the endless miles of farmland and smattered civilisation had given way to a pretty township - and she realised with a shock that she knew where she was!
Down that street to the left is the old school... There's old Mr. Sanderson's fruit market.... And just behind that service station is a short-cut through the park.... I'm almost home!
Elizabeth stood at the gate and stared at the comfortable little house. The roses in the neatly-tended front garden were blooming, as they always did at this time of year, but the sag in the second porch step had still not been repaired. Nothing had changed - and yet it looked so different. Her stomach felt tight with nervous apprehension as her hopes and fears assailed her.
What if they don't live here any more? What if they slam the door in my face? What will I do then? What if someone has died? What if they hate me now?
Suddenly her resolve shattered, and she began to hurry away from the gate, away from what may or may not be awaiting her inside that house that was once her home. What could she have been thinking to come here in the first place??
She turned the street-corner hurriedly, accidentally colliding with someone coming in the opposite direction and sending a bag of groceries rolling over the pavement.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The other woman gasped apologetically, even though it could hardly be considered her fault. Elizabeth immediately returned the apology and went down on her hands and knees to pick up with goods that had been dropped. The other woman made as if to help, but found it awkward, being very heavily pregnant. Besides, Elizabeth did not need any assistance. Within a few moments everything was back in the shopping bag, and Elizabeth handed it back to the thankful lady. As she did so, she looked up into her face for the first time.
The blinding recognition was like a slap to the face.
"Jane!" The name burst involuntarily from her lips. Elizabeth scrambled to her feet and pushed the hair out of her face.
The blonde woman started visibly to hear this stranger cry out her name. For just a moment, she stared blankly at the young brunette who stood before her.
Elizabeth's heart sank. "You don't recognise me?" She asked sadly.
Jane's eyes widened. "Lizzy?" She whispered disbelievingly.
Elizabeth tried to answer her but found she could not speak.
"Lizzy!!" And the groceries went crashing down once more as Jane dropped the bag and threw her arms around her sister's neck. "I don't believe it! Where have you been? Oh, Lizzy we've been so worried!! Why didn't you call? Are you all right? Just wait until you see Dad!! He'll be so happy! And Ma, and Lydie and Kitty and Mary!!! We've missed you so much!"
Lizzy held her sister tightly and tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway, streaming down her cheeks. When she pulled back a little she saw that Jane was crying too, but they were both smiling through their tears, and both talking at once.
"....I can't believe you're back!..." "....A baby? You got married?..." "...Really missed you...." "....I'm so sorry about..." ".... I can't believe it...." "...You look so great!..." "...Didn't know what to do...." "...So happy to see you..."
A few moments later they were in back front of the house, and Jane's shouts brought the rest of the family spilling out the door to see what was wrong. Suddenly Lizzy was surrounded by screams of delight and concern, and tears and smiles and hugs.
She began to cry in earnest, laughing though her sobs as she hugged her father and looked up at the sky. It had never seemed so blue.
Thank you, God, She thought. I'm finally home!
Chapter 24
Another 6 Months Later.
September 14th, 1999
Gina's wedding day dawned - to use the old cliché - bright and beautiful. The church was decorated with white roses and the bride appeared positively angelic as she glided down the aisle, beaming with joy and holding her brother's arm.
Darcy was able to smile - but only for his sister's sake. Gina and Samuel seemed barely aware that there was anyone else in the church as they exchanged their vows. Darcy was almost glad of this. He did not want his sister's happiness marred by the observation that his smiles never quite reached his eyes.
He danced with three girls at the Reception, but later remembered nothing of them except that one was called Sarah and she had dark hair that was almost the same colour as Elizabeth's. He joined the crowd to wave Gina and Sam good-bye as they set off on their honeymoon, then left the party early.
It was ten months exactly since Darcy Williams had first laid eyes on Elizabeth Bennet.
The Darcy who climbed slowly into the driver's seat of the black Mercedes [What can I say? It's tradition!] was outwardly not so very different from the man who had dispassionately intervened in a common street-fight all those months ago. He still resembled the reserved and handsome fairy-tale knight that a frightened young woman had once associated him with.
No, nothing much had changed in his appearance. The changes had all been wrought inside.
Three months of agony, and then months of fruitless searching had worn him down. He didn't know what to do. Could he accept that Elizabeth was lost to him forever? She had surely found someone else by now. Or someone else had found her. (An attractive young woman in search of a new, stable existence must surely be in want of a husband.)
For six months, there had been no sign of Elizabeth. Darcy took life one day at a time, but he would never - could never - give up until he had seen her again.
Louie D. Bourg disapproved of Darcy's obsession with the woman, believing - quite rightly - that it distracted him from his work. In an effort to discourage him, he denied funding to his search for Elizabeth and inundated him with other cases to distract him and keep him occupied, expecting the man to forget his infatuation. He might have regretted the harshness of his impositions had he known just how close Darcy came to quitting in order to continue his search unhindered. But he knew that he could not. He was bound by contract - he was bound by honour.
And yet he would not abandon his fruitless search for Elizabeth. His resources had been limited, but he persevered and refused to consider submitting to the apparent hopelessness of his mission.
He knew, better than anyone, that it was extremely difficult to locate someone who didn't want to be found. If that person was experienced in covering their tracks, it was even harder. If you were allowed only a civilian's tools to help you in locating them, the task became just about impossible. And on top of everything, he had delayed so long in beginning his search that the 'scent' had long-since cooled. It seemed a truly hopeless business.
And yet, he pressed on. He still loved her. He loved her to the point of pain, and she had to know that. He didn't care how long it took him. She just had to know.
"No, I'm sorry, I can't. Not this Saturday. No, not next Saturday either. No. I hope we can still be friends. Thank very much. Good-bye."
Elizabeth placed the phone back on the hook and met Jane's pointed stare.
"I thought you liked Mark?"
Elizabeth sighed, "I do like him, but..."
"But what?"
She shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know." She gazed out of the window at the dark garden, then added quietly - "I think I'll go for a walk, Jane."
She made her way the toward door.
"When will you be back, Lizzy?" Was Jane's calm inquiry. Lizzy's comment had not surprised her. Ever since she was a teenager, Lizzy had disappeared into the night to 'walk'. No one actually knew where she went or what she did, but whenever she was troubled, she dealt with it in solitude.
"I don't know," Lizzy called over back her shoulder, "Don't wait up for me." The door banged shut behind her. Jane released a tiny sigh, then returned to her task.
Enveloped in darkness, Elizabeth let her feet follow the paths they had trod through many years of troubles. She thought of the phone call she had just received. Another relationship cut off before it could begin.
Why was she pushing these men away? Her traumatic past had left her with only one dream for her future - she wanted a house to create into a home, a child to love, a man to kiss good-bye every morning and hold at night. Had Darcy taken that dream from her? Would she never be able to let another man into her heart?
If Mark calls again, She resolved with herself, I'll go out with him. I like Mark. Mark seems to like me. I have to give myself a chance.
Elizabeth stopped walking and lifted her gaze to the stars, but all she could see was Darcy's face, Darcy's eyes gazing back at her. Her heart ached within her chest.
An incredible loneliness overwhelmed her as she traced his features in the night sky. She couldn't endure this forever.
How much longer will I be alone?
The stars had no answers for her. She whispered his name to the night, and rubbed at her chest as if that might soothe the pain that burned there.
Lizzy forced herself to picture her life as it might one day be. She pictured herself in a park, resting in the sunlight with a baby in her arms. She pictured a man beside her, who would be calm and gentle and supportive. She would learn to love him. She did not allow herself to think of Darcy Williams. He would to become another ghost of her past. He represented nothing now, but regrets.
It was time to forget.
Chapter 25
19th November
Darcy's eyes followed the letters as they appeared on the screen, spilling across the lines as he read:
Operation: Red CoatLocation: Vancouver
Mission description: .....
It was a fairly routine affair - well, as routine as such missions could be, anyway. He read the message twice, then deleted it, and snapped his lap-top closed. In his mind he was already making calculations. Vancouver - it wasn't too far. He would drive.
After a couple of hours on the road, a soft beep alerted him to a low fuel tank. He swore softly, and began to look out for a gas station. His reprieve came in the form of a large blue sign that announced in bold yellow lettering: "Welcome to Meryton".
The little township was very All-American-quaint, from the flag outside the Town Hall down to the children riding their bikes in the street. Darcy paid the idyllic scenes little attention. He caught sight of his object - a small gas station on a corner - and pulled in.
As he got out the car, he was approached by a young woman with a plain face but an open smile. She emerged from one of the garages, wiping her oily hands on a piece of grubby cloth. The badge pinned to her stained blue overalls read simply "Mary" in large block letters.
"Hi," she greeted him cheerfully. He nodded coolly in acknowledgment, but she didn't even seem to notice - her attention had already turned to his vehicle.
"That is some car!" She enthused, inspecting the gleaming black Merc from every angle. "How much did it set you back?"
"Too much," he replied shortly, unwilling to engage in any detailed conversation.
She looked up when she caught the tone of his voice, then stood up quickly with a small smile. "Sorry," she said, "I'll just fix you up and let you be on your way."
She stepped back from the car and waited for him to begin his business, but he did not move. "Sir?" He was looking at her very strangely. What had she done to offend him?
Suddenly he seemed to shake himself out of his trance. "I'm sorry," He apologised briefly, "For a moment there you... reminded me of someone else. That's all."
He filled the tank of the Merc without any further explanations. The girl busied herself with some task nearby, so that she could continue to admire the beautiful car. The handsome owner was of little real interest to her - cars were her real passion.
Darcy took out his wallet and approached her with the cost of his petrol. He handed over the notes with a slight frown, as if he would like to say something more. The girl accepted the money with polite thanks, and returned a moment later with his receipt. He turned and began to make his way back to his car. With one last wistful look at the Merc, the girl turned back to the garage.
Darcy reached his car and put his hand on the door handle. He stopped. He turned back.
"Miss!" He shouted after the girl's retreating back. She turned to face him, bemused as to what he could possibly want now. He approached her once more. "What did you say your name was?"
She glanced down at her chest. The name tag was still pinned there on broad display. "It's Mary," she replied, her face reflecting her doubts at this strange man's behaviour.
"Mary? Mary who?"
"Bennet..." She replied guardedly.
Darcy tried to calm his pulse rate. He couldn't believe how his heart was pounding.
He swallowed hard, and managed, "I don't suppose... that's any relation... to Elizabeth.... Bennet?"
Mary was a little suspicious. "How do you know Lizzy?"
"I.... We met.... It's hard to explain...." His head was spinning. He couldn't think straight. "Please, please, you have to help me now. You do know her? Medium height, dark brown curls, brown eyes...? You know where she is?"
Mary stared at him with more than a little reserve. "I don't know if I should tell you.... I don't even know who you are."
"My name is Darcy Williams!"
"I've never heard her mention you."
"She wouldn't have mentioned me to anyone."
"Then why should I tell you where she is?"
Darcy tried to check his excited impatience, but a strange mixture of euphoria and desperation was clouding his brain. "Look, I've never begged for anything in my life, but I'm begging you now - please tell me where she is! You don't understand. I've been searching for so long... Here!" He fished his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to her, "Take the Merc for a joy-ride! Have the damn thing! I don't care, just tell me how I can find Elizabeth!"
Mary caught the keys with surprise. She looked to the Merc, then back to the earnest desperation of Darcy Williams. "Lizzy... Well, I guess she's at home... No, wait! She went to see Jane and Charles at their place.... But it's eleven o'clock now..." Mary's face was creased with concentration, but her then features brightened as she recalled - "That's right, I remember now. She'll be with Jeff. Probably in the park. You go down this street and turn left, then take the second right - you can't miss it...."
He was gone before she had a chance to explain anything more. She watched him disappear, then looked to the keys in her hand and smiled. She tossed them up and caught them lightly.
Kitty and Lydia have got to find themselves some boyfriends like that!
Chapter 26
Darcy slowed to a walk and began to catch his breath. It didn't take too long - he had an intensive fitness program to thank for that.
It was a large park which loomed into view - there were trees and shrubbery, an open field for ball games and set of basket-ball courts on the far side. There were bench seats, there was a children's playground - and there was Elizabeth.
His eyes were drawn to her almost immediately. A slight figure sitting alone on a park bench, watching a group of young children at play. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and though he was too far away to judge her expression, he thought she seemed pensive and sad. For a moment he held back and allowed himself a chance to recover from the shock of joy at simply laying eyes on her once more, after so many anguished and lonely months....
He took a few eager steps forward before realising that someone else had the same idea. A tall young man with sandy brown hair appeared, apparently from nowhere. As he approached the seat where Lizzy rested, Darcy heard him call her name and her head jerked up. When she saw the man, her face lit up with a welcoming smile and she stood up to greet him. Darcy realised with a sudden jolt that she had not simply been crossing her arms as she sat, and nor had she been exactly alone. For cradled in her arms he could now see a tiny baby, wrapped in blankets.
The young man greeted Elizabeth with a tender kiss and a huge smile. A cruel knife of realisation began to slide into Darcy's abdomen as he watched them.
The other man said something to Lizzy in a low voice which made her laugh. He then turned his attention to the child she held in her arms, and they shared the intimate giggles and whispers of new parents with their creation.
He could feel his heart harden and contract within him as he watched the idyllic scene unfold. One desperate thought occurred to him - Could it be my child?
But they were such a perfect couple - such joyful smiles, such a sweet baby, such a beautiful life.... And as he watched, he realised that even if the baby was his, he could never demand anything on that score. He was too late. Elizabeth had her dream now. She had the happy, stable life she had longed for. It was a life that he might have been part of, but he had thrown his chance away.
He remembered Mary's words to him as he left the gas station - She'll be with Jeff... He looked to the man who stood with Elizabeth in the sunlight and inwardly, he gave a defeated salute. Make her happy, 'Jeff'... Happier than I ever did.
His gaze turned to Elizabeth. She was smiling blissfully down and the infant in her arms, glancing up now and then to grin at the man who was sharing her delight. Darcy concentrated, memorising her features to imprint them upon his memory forever. This was the last time he would ever see her face. This was his first and only love. This was the sacrifice he would make for her happiness.
He whispered his last words to her in his mind.
"I love you, Elizabeth. Be happy."
And slowly, brokenly, he turned and walked away. He did not look back.
Chapter 27
It had started out as a warm morning for a day so late in Autumn, but now, as Elizabeth stood in the gently sunlit park, she felt cold breeze rush over her skin. She shivered involuntarily, and wondered at the goose-bumps which suddenly rose on her forearms. She lifted her head and looked around, but the park was almost deserted, excepting the children shrieking and laughing in the playground and a solitary figure in the distance who was moving slowly away from them.
How odd.
The man beside her looked up as well, and followed her gaze to the man on the other side of the park.
"Do you know him?" He asked curiously.
Elizabeth shook herself from her reflections, and smiled at her companion. "I doubt it. He's too far away for me to be sure. Why?"
The man shrugged lightly, "It's just that I noticed he was staring at us earlier... Then he turned around and just started walking in the other direction."
Elizabeth looked back to man who was walking away. He was almost out of sight. She returned her gaze to the man beside her. "So?"
He shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I could swear I've seen him somewhere before."
He frowned as he watched the man disappear out of sight. Lizzy looked at him questioningly.
"You know, if I don't figure this out it's going to drive me crazy. Just wait here. I want to know who that guy was. There was something so damned familiar about him!"
"Well, I'm afraid I can't help you," Lizzy smiled, "You obviously got to see his face - I didn't. But if you really want to catch him, you'd better run. I'll stay here with the baby."
"Cool. Thanks, Liz."
And he set off at jog.
"Excuse me!"
Darcy, deeply immersed in his own dark, heavy thoughts, did not even hear the man. He kept walking.
The second call could not be ignored. "Excuse me!"
He stopped walking and glanced behind him. To his surprise and consternation, he was approached by the light-haired young man from the park, slightly out of breath with his exertion. Darcy could not prevent himself from casting a brief, hopeful glance behind the man, but Elizabeth was no where in sight.
"I'm sorry... To accost you... like this..." The man panted as he slowed to a walk and extended his hand in greeting, "But I noticed you back in the park. I'm absolutely certain we've met before, and I'm just trying to .... Ah ha! I've got it!" Suddenly his face lit up with a broad grin of realisation.
Darcy was still completely at a loss. He wanted nothing to do with this man, and no idea of how to deal with this situation when he did not feel capable any kind of social interaction at all. Ever again.
"You're Darcy Williams, right?" The fairer man grasped his hand shook it warmly, "Charlie Bingley!! We went to College together!"
Darcy looked dispassionately at the man's eager features, and felt a vague memory stir.
"This is great!" Charles was meanwhile enthusing, "You know, you've barely changed at all! What an incredible break us meeting like this, huh? After all these years! Are you married? You must come and meet my wife, she'd love to meet you! And guess what? I'm a new dad! You never would have guessed it, right? Me? A father? I can hardly credit it myself!"
"Congratulations," Darcy murmured quietly, "I wish you every happiness, Jef - I mean, Charles." Hold on, if this is Charles, who is Jeff?
"Thank you! Tell me, how long will you be in the neighbourhood? We could go for a drink, reminisce on old times. You must at least meet my family."
"I'm sorry, Charles, I'm afraid I won't be able to - " Darcy was spared the necessity of finishing his sentence by the sudden appearance of third party to their conversation.
"Charles!" Called a tall blonde woman, hurrying toward the men. Darcy's confusion re-doubled as Charlie caught this new addition around the waist and kissed her lovingly on the cheek.
The woman blushed and smiled, then turned to Darcy. "Please excuse me for interrupting you!" She apologised, "But this husband of mine really is impossible! He tells me he's going out for five minutes just to see Elizabeth and the baby, and ten minutes later I step onto the street to find him chatting amicably with someone else, though he knows that we were supposed to be at the Lucas's by twelve!"
Bingley pretended to look ashamed, but his wide grin spoiled the whole effect. "Darcy Williams, this is my wife - Jane Bennet-Bingley."
Darcy's head was spinning, as the pieces of his world rearranged like fragments colour in a kaleidoscope. "I'm... very pleased to meet you, Mrs. Bingley." He mumbled through a haze of shock.
Jane smiled and returned the nicety. "I sincerely hope we will have an opportunity to become better acquainted, Mr. Williams, but right now I'm afraid I must kidnap my husband and fly, or else we shall be late for our lunch appointment."
"It won't matter if we're a little late, will it Jane?" Charles pleaded, "Don't we have time to spend a few more minutes with little Jeff?"
Jane laughed. "You mean, 'Can't I have a few more minutes to show off my progeny to my friend?'! And the answer is 'No', dear. If Mr. Williams is so very eager to become acquainted with our child, then he may go and see Lizzy. Right now, we are running late!"
Bingley smiled apologetically at Darcy. "It seems I've been given my orders. I dare not disobey. Do feel free to go and talk to my sister-in-law, though. Just explain who you are, and she'll be happy for the company, I'm sure!"
"Your sister-in-law...?" Those syllables spelt his reprieve. He hardly dared to believe that they might be true. "That would be the young woman I saw you with in the park a few minutes earlier?" This time, he would be absolutely sure.
"Yes, that's her! She's baby-sitting for us while we - "
"Charles!"
"Yes, I'm coming dear... And I hope we shall meet again soon, Darcy!"
And with that, the happy couple was gone, and Darcy was left alone to wonder at his unexpected and glorious reprieve. Since when did the world look so bright? How was it that the pressure of the pavement had disappeared from beneath his feet? Why was it suddenly so much easier to breathe?
It the truth is to be told, however, he did not spend long upon reflective and thankful prayers. It was not that he was ungrateful. It's just that it's hard to engage in any kind of serious contemplation when your heart is on a kite and your body is just being taken along for the ride.
Darcy turned back for the park.
He had his second chance!
Chapter 27
Smiling, she began to whisper to the infant as though he could understand her. It was a pastime she often employed when baby-sitting for her sister. She loved little Jeff with all of her heart, but there was sometimes a tinge of jealousy in what she felt. She was ashamed to admit to that feeling, but she couldn't help envying her sister's happiness just a little when she so wanted a little baby of her own...
"What do you think, sweetie? Will I ever have a little bundle all of my own? Would he be as handsome as you, hmm?" She let him grasp her little finger in his tiny hand, and her smile broadened, then grew sad. "I might have had one like you, you know. For a little while I thought I would. But.... Well, never mind." She was silent for a few moments as she looked down at the infant. Her eyes blurred briefly, but she blinked her grief away and smiled again. "I'm such a fool, honey, your Auntie's such a fool. Only think, if I had been pregnant, what would I have called him? Or her... I know what I would call a boy, but what about a little girl? A little girl with dark eyes like mine, perhaps. And black curls like him. What sort of name would suit her?"
"I've always rather liked the name 'Elizabeth'." Came a soft, serious voice from behind her.
Elizabeth froze.
Her mouth went dry, and she dared not turn around. She clutched the baby so tightly that he gurgled slightly in protest and she had to relax.
Darcy walked around the seat to kneel in front of her.
"Elizabeth?" He questioned softly, looking up into her eyes. She gazed back at him, her dark eyes wide and uncertain, overflowing with doubts and disbelief and shock. She could not speak.
He reached up as though he might touch her face, but stopped himself just in time and let his hand drop once more. "Elizabeth, there is something I need to tell you." He did not look away. He held her gaze steadily, trying to communicate his soul to her when words could not.
"Perhaps... Perhaps I have... no right to say this now after some of the things I've done... What I said... But will you hear me out, Elizabeth?"
There was a pause as Lizzy tried to reply, but no words would come. She nodded slightly, and closed her eyes tight.
"Elizabeth. Please, you have to look at me."
She opened her eyes again, and tears spilled over her cheeks. Darcy reached up and gently brushed them away. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to her. The words he had spoken to her so many times in dreams now formed on his lips as he gazed deep into her eyes.
"Elizabeth, I love you. I don't care who you are or what you've done. I love you."
Please believe me. Please understand. I love you.
"Elizabeth?"
She seemed yet incapable of speech. "I - " she struggled, but the words caught in her throat, "Darcy, I - " And suddenly she began to cry in earnest, sobs racking her whole body as months of repressed emotion and heart-ache overwhelmed her. Without a word, Darcy rose to his feet and gathered her into his arms, holding her as close as he could without crushing the baby she still clutched against her.
He felt a wave of joy envelop him as he held her in his embrace at last. It was the way they were meant to be, he knew. With Elizabeth in his arms, he was completed. He was content. Everything that was wrong became all right again. His fingers stroked her hair as he whispered to her. She pressed her face against his shoulder and cried on.
At last her sobs seemed to subside a little, and she lifted her tear-stained face away from his shirt, wanting to finish what she had been trying to say. His hand cupped her cheek and his thumb wiped gently at her tears.
"Darcy. Darcy, I - " And yet again, the words would not come. She let herself be hypnotised by those loving brown eyes, and every coherent thought fled as he leaned forward, very slowly, and let his lips brush hers in the lightest, tenderest of kisses.
She gasped as the thrill swept over her skin and sent a shiver through her soul. His mouth left hers for a moment, and as she exhaled he heard her whisper the three words that made him hers forevermore.
"I love you..."
He kissed her again.
Chapter 28
"Darling, I have some bad news. Please sit down. This won't be easy for you to hear... I've been meaning to tell you for some weeks now. I just didn't know how... But the fact is, I've got cancer."
"NO ! "
He nodded slowly. Her eyes were filling with tears of pain and shock. "How - how long - "
"Six months. At best."
She choked back a sob. "And at worst?"
"Three months. Maybe four."
She jumped up with a start and walked away from him, hiding her face in her hands. She looked as if she might say something more - but then the screen blinked and her image was replaced by a detergent commercial.
"Hey, I was watching that," Elizabeth complained, slapping her husband gently on the leg. He smiled unrepentantly and flicked again.
"Men and remotes! I don't know!" She sighed, and lifted his arm from around her shoulder to stand up and stretch her stiffening muscles. She released a tiny squeal when he caught her from behind and pulled her down once more, this time into his lap.
When Elizabeth surfaced again about ten minutes later, she was breathing heavily and her hair was slightly disheveled. She giggled softly and rested her forehead against his, while he caressed the nape of her neck with one hand.
Her smile faded a little as his touch sent a delicious shudder all the way down her spine. "Don't leave tomorrow..." She mumbled, slightly incoherent.
He kissed her nose. "You know I don't have a choice. Besides, it's only six days - a short assignment."
"Only six days? And anyway, that's what you said last time, and then you were gone for a week and half. Can't I come with you?"
He laughed softly. "Lizzy... You know it's too dangerous."
Elizabeth did not laugh. "I know that it's dangerous! That's my whole point. You don't know what it's like being the one left behind! You don't know what it's like to lie awake in an empty bed wondering if your love is being shot at, or if they're bleeding death in some alley as you speak, or if - "
"Elizabeth!" He chided her gently, inter-lacing his fingers with hers, "I'm sure we've been over this before. You knew from the start that it wouldn't be easy being married to someone like me. And I can appreciate how difficult things are for you, being 'left behind' as you put it. But I'm afraid there is no solution - it is just what I do." He paused, and looked deeply into her eyes. He spoke very seriously. "Elizabeth, if my occupation is truly making you miserable, then I will resign. I will do that for you. You know that."
She held his gaze, and her heart swelled with love for him that he should be willing to make such a sacrifice for her... But it was not what she wanted. She knew that his job was important to him, that he would never be happy doing anything else. So she shook her head, and thanked him for his noble offer with another soft kiss.
"I would not ask you to resign..."
"But?" He always knew when there was something else she wanted to say.
"But I do think there is a solution."
"And what's that?"
Elizabeth climbed out of his lap, and he reluctantly let her go.
"Stand up," She demanded, flicking off the television and standing before him in the middle of the living room. He raised his eyebrows questioningly, but he complied.
"Now," she continued, "I want you to hit me."
"What?"
"You heard me. No - no wait, I've got a better idea. Come at me from behind. Don't look at me like that, just do it."
Darcy shrugged, and made to pin her arms to her sides. Moments later, after a brief scuffle and a heavy thud, he found himself laid flat on the rug with her knee resting on his chest and her hands securing each of his wrists against the floor. She grinned down into his face, and he saw a look of meaningful triumph in her eyes. Suddenly, it dawned upon him what that look meant.
"Oh no, Elizabeth! No way! Never!"
She let him up. "Why not?"
"Because..." He struggled, trying to remember all the reasons.
"Because?" She encouraged, pointedly.
"For a start, Louie would never agree!"
"He might when he knows that I can beat you in a fight! In fact, he might give me your job! I could put you out of work." She grinned, but he was serious.
"It's much too dangerous. What if you were hurt again?"
"Ahem. Are you forgetting that I have to live with that worry every time you step out that door? If it's not too dangerous for you, then how is it too dangerous for me? Don't use a double-standard."
"We're married! How can we be partners if we're married?"
"I suggest you think over that sentence again, if you want to turn it into a feasible argument."
"I thought you wanted to live a settled life now? I thought... I thought we wanted a baby?"
"Yes, we do. But at the same time, I don't want to raise him or her on my own as a young widow. I've thought about all of this, Darcy. There will be plenty of time for children later. I'm starting to get restless. I think I've lived on the edge for too long - I seem to be going through adrenaline-withdrawal." She tried to smile, but the effect was contradicted by her troubled frown. Her voice softened. "Look, I thought I knew what I wanted, but I think that I may have been wrong. Right now, I only want to be with you. I'm know that I'm capable - and I want to help you. I don't want to be sitting alone is this empty house when you go away on assignments, just waiting to get a knock on the door and find some stranger telling me that my husband has been killed in the line of duty. Those are the kind of nightmares that haunt me when you go... So let me come with you. Give me a chance to prove myself."
Darcy's brow was deeply furrowed as he regarded her with uncertainty. He said nothing, and for a few minutes silence descended. Elizabeth silently crossed her fingers and waited for his verdict.
Finally, he spoke - "OK, come with me tomorrow."
The breath she had been holding exploded from her lungs and she yelled out in delight.
"But only this once! This is just a trial!" He reminded her, raising his voice over her happy exclamations.
Elizabeth agreed readily. A trial would satisfy her. If she decided that this was the course she wanted to pursue, then her determination would ensure that nothing got in her way. If things didn't work out, well, it was not a wasted experiment - she would know her limits and she would have to turn her restless attentions elsewhere.
"You won't regret it!" She smiled up at him, and slipped into his embrace. He held her tightly, as if her were afraid for her already.
She pushed herself onto tip-toes and whispered in his ear - "Now, do I have to go back to my TV show, or can you think of some more interesting way of finishing the evening?" He gave a half-smile and pushed her back to look into her beloved face.
"I love you - you know that, don't you?"
She nodded, and he kissed her deeply.
She soon had the answer to her question - the television became an obsolete means of entertainment.
Epilogue
Elizabeth Bennet-Darcy slipped her gun away, resisting a crazy urge to blow on the tip. She was a little pale with nervous excitement, but her hands were steady as she turned to Darcy and grinned. They were crouched behind an old steel container by the entrance of the disused warehouse. He motioned for her to stay down, then stood up very slowly. A few moments later, he offered his hand and she got to her feet to join him.
"That was the last of them." She informed him shortly.
"I think you're right - but how are you so sure?"
"I counted them. There were five in the car, one jumped and made a run for the river but you caught him. I hit two outside, and the other two went down in here."
"Good. That's it then. We'll report back to Louie tonight."
He started to walk away. Elizabeth didn't move. He stopped and turned back to face her.
"Well?" She demanded, cryptically.
"Well what?"
"Well does this make us partners now?"
He grinned, then drawled dryly - "Whatever you say, sweetheart."
She narrowed her eyes and approached him with mock-menace. "Don't you ever call me sweetheart!" She made as if to hit him but he caught her hand and held it in his.
"So answer my question: are we partners?"
"Yes, Elizabeth," he smiled lovingly, and kissed her, "We always were."
The End