Jump to new as of January 16, 1999
Chapter One
"What did I do to deserve it?" moaned Elizabeth Bennet as the make-up girl put the first layer of powder on her face. It was six days ago when she received a letter from 'Blind Date' accepting her candidature for the show. Elizabeth was furious. Only one person could do it to her and it was her very own mother. How could she do such a thing if she knew that the show was done in Elizabeth's place of work? Her mother was a blind-date-crazed person who induced everyone who wanted or just the opposite to watching it with her. This combined with the fact that she could not understand why her daughter, Elizabeth, stayed unmarried, led her to subscribing Elizabeth for the show. Every time Lizzy Bennet came to her family home she would hear: "And your cousin Lydia has a new boyfriend. His name is Larry and he is a doctor-to-be." or "Why don't you have a boyfriend, Lizzy, you are getting an old maid." or "Lizzy, you can't go just now. There is 'Blind Date' starting. You should see it or even do. Do you know that Will Darcy is the producer? You do remember him, Lizzy?"
Oh yes, she remembered Will Darcy. And Will Darcy was... was a long and different story. Elizabeth closed her eyes. When was it that she met him for the first time? Yes, she remembered that well. It was twelve years ago. And the network has just started a new children show titled 5-10-15. They were the 15 - three fifteen year olds - she, Will Darcy and George Wickham and Will's little sister was 5. When she first saw Will Darcy, she thought: What a jerk? He stood for everything, she hated in boys: tall, handsome, manly and that face, its expression, this unforgettable self-consciousness and self-confidence, that sureness in his countenance. The world was his and he was the king. The cards were his to play. And yet, on closer acquaintance, he improved. But why was it so? Because he liked her and he even seemed interested in her. That's why, she learnt to like him and even more. Yes, she had to admit it, she was under his spell, and she was mad about him, just as any 15 year-old could be over another teenager. What she didn't know then was that she would continue to be attracted to him for the years to come. Yes, she was still attracted to him. He never made a move on her. He never asked her out. But he was always polite and friendly. It was a long time ago that she decided he had no interest in her but that did not prove helpful in curing herself from that attraction. Today, twelve years later, they were still working in the same company, both producers of their own shows. And today, she was to make a complete fool of herself on his show.
"Ready!" called the girl putting down the make-up kit.
"Thanks."
"Miss Bennet," called Charlie Bingley, the presenter, who ran 'Blind Date', "all is set; we begin in five minutes."
"Thanks." She got up and he led her to the studio.
"These are the questions, that you've sent us." He said giving her a folder. She read them quietly.
"Five, four, three, two, one, we are on the air." Said someone but Elizabeth did not notice who.
"Hello!" Called Charlie Bingley greeting the cheering audience. "I have heard that a poll proved that only 2% of the female population doesn't like getting presents for birthday. Let's hope that this lady does like it. Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome, Elizabeth." The audience cheered.
"Elizabeth, I've heard, you have birthday tomorrow. Is that true?"
"Yes." Replied Elizabeth, surprised how he knew. Maybe it was in the application, she thought
"Do you like gifts?"
"I definitely don't belong to the 2% of the female population."
"Good! Then you may treat the man whom you will choose tonight as a gift of fate."
Elizabeth smiled but she would rather have cried. Charlie seated her on a chair and the wall cut her from the part of the studio where the 'gifts of fate' were supposed to be sitting.
"Let me introduce: Frederic, William and Henry." He talked to each of them but Elizabeth was a little absentminded.
"So Elizabeth," Charlie returned to her, "let's begin!"
"Where would you take your beloved if you wanted to show her how much you cared?" read Elizabeth. The response of Henry was affected and romantic, Frederic played a tough guy, but William exceeded all her expectations:
"The place doesn't really matter. If we share love for each other, it could be a luxurious hotel, a beach in full moon or a cellar. There are other ways of showing that you care."
"You've heard the answers to that question. What do you ask next?"
"If you were to quote a poem describing the type of women you could fall in love with, what would it be?" What an idiotic question! Only my mother could come up with something like that.
She waited for William's reply:
He that loves a rosy cheek
Or a coral lip admires,
Or from star-like eyes doth seek
Fuel to maintain his fires;
As old Time makes these decay,
So his flames must waste away.But a smooth and steadfast mind,
Gentle thoughts and calm desires,
Hearts with equal love combined,
Kindle never-dying fires: -
Where these are not, I despise
Lovely cheeks or lips or eyes
Recited he.
Was it possible that she could have found a man of her dreams in that show!
The final question came:
"Is money important?" Oh mother! whined she in her thoughts. What will he think of me?
"Money can make life easier but money can't buy you love." Answered William.
He was the man of her dreams.
"Well, Elizabeth, who is your choice? Is it Frederic, William or Henry?"
"It's... William." The audience applauded, and Elizabeth could not have known that someone almost cried in horror.
"Elizabeth, meet Frederic. You have not chosen him." Frederic was a good-looking man with a warm smile.
"This is Henry." Henry was a dashing young man with the sexiest body she had seen, well, maybe if she hadn't seen Darcy.
"And now, Elizabeth! It is your 'gift of fate'. Meet William!" Charlie's voice was ecstatic.
Elizabeth turned to 'the man of her dreams' and met nothingness. His face was on the level of her left breast. Great minds are hidden in toad's body, she thought Who cares about the outer appearance when it's the brain that's important. Elizabeth managed to think before William Collins gave her a sleazy hug, hiding his face in her chest.
Chapter Two
"Elizabeth!" said William Collins, nuzzling to her, "I knew, you were meant for me." They were sitting, having dinner in a hotel in the Lake District. It was the first evening of their reward trip to the Lake District.
Oh, God! almost exclaimed Elizabeth, what have I done to deserve it! but instead she said:
"Well...William...I believe it's a bit too fast to say so."
"Oh, don't be shy, dear. We are..."
"I'm not your 'dear'."
"Elizabeth, I know the methods that girls employ to capture men's hearts..." he pause and looked at a perfect 10 with 36D, who just passed them by. Elizabeth almost choked with laughter.
"As I was saying," said he when the girl disappeared from his sight, "I am not a man to be caught on those tricks."
"I am sure of that." Elizabeth said thoughtfully, suppressing a smile. "What do you think of the U.S bombing Iraq?" asked she trying to change the subject.
"Oh, they bombed Iraq, did they?"
"Yes," replied Elizabeth in a horrified tone of voice. Was the man an idiot or what?
"I mean there are other more interesting things happening in the U.S.?" continued Collins and smiled sleazily, "Well, I think," that that Iraqi guy... oh what's-his-name...?
"It doesn't matter. Let's talk about something else. What have you read lately?"
"Starr's Report." Replied he as if he was talking about Proust. "I found it inspirational."
"The legal system?" asked she.
"Oh, Lizzy, you bad girl. You know what it was!" said he smiling sleazily, a drop of saliva rolled down his chin and splashed on his Mickey Mouse tie.
"Okay. Stop. What about that poem. The one you recited on the show. It was lovely."
"You think so?" replied he slightly disgusted.
"Yes. Who is the author?"
"Don't know."
"Oh you mean, you've heard him and remembered?"
"Sort of."
"I was really taken with it. I mean, it is so rare that men notice such things."
"What things?" asked he, finishing another glass of wine.
"Oh, you know, steadfast mind and calm desires. I mean usually they see a rosy cheek or a coral lip."
Collins looked at her as if he didn't understand a word she was saying.
"Oh, you mean that chicks... I mean girls mustn't be sexy to attract a man?"
"Sort of." Replied Elizabeth, repeating a line he had said a few moments ago.
"I mean you are right..." another 'chick' passed them by and Elizabeth enjoyed a moment of silence.
When Collins's attention was fixed on her again, she said:
"Maybe we should go." He readily agreed, thinking it an invitation.
He was disappointed to learn that Elizabeth disappeared in her room, locking the doors. Especially the one that connected their rooms. He wanted to go in with her but his attention was distracted by a passing by maid in a tiny black dress and an apron, and a thought of borrowing her cloths for Elizabeth crossed his mind. When he turned to kiss Elizabeth, the only thing he could kiss, was the knob on her door. Oh, she is so modest. She didn't want anyone to know that we slept together. He ran to his room to undress, thinking I love this game! And I'm good at it!
In his pink boxers and a rose in between his teeth, he tried to open the inner door but it was closed. He decided to try the front door again. He knocked and was rewarded with Elizabeth's steps approaching the door. The moment she opened it, a photographer from the 'Blind Date', who accompanied them called: "Cheese, guys!"
The next 36 hours were a complete nightmare. Collins believed himself to be Adonis and he kept exposing his slobby, fat body everywhere, so he forced Elizabeth to partake in line dancing. At least, there is no touching there. thought she but the moment she saw him in a half-unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, with his hairy chest shown for the enjoyment of the public, she almost vomited. Later that day, he offered to give her an oil-massage at the swimming pool but she said she wanted to go swimming.
"I'll wait then till after the swim." He said, winking at her.
She was forced to swim for the next 90 minutes before it was time to change for dinner.
Dinner was yet another trial for her. Collins realised that 'Blind Date' paid for extra food too, so he ordered double oysters and prawns. To Elizabeth's horror, he sucked them, swallowed and uttered all kinds of noises. Her consolation occurred at the end of the dinner, when the maitre d'hotel came to Collins and told him:
"We are very sorry, sir, but the prawns were not of the first quality."
"What do you mean?" asked Elizabeth.
"They were not washed."
Elizabeth burst out laughing, and Collins left the restaurant, nauseated.
Just as they were parting in London, after she had given him a false address and phone number, she asked:
"Tell me, what were you thinking about when you were answering my questions on the show?"
"Oh, about this answer sheet of paper from the producer..." he cut, realising what he had just said:
"What? You mean, Will Darcy wrote those answers?" she bellowed.
"Yes." Replied he meekly.
Chapter Three
It was a hellish weekend for William Darcy. He barely slept. He couldn't concentrate on the work he brought home and the party he was to attend on Saturday. His thoughts were focused on one small country hotel in the Lake District. The hotel where the toady Willy Collins was spending his reward weekend with Lizzy Bennet. For sure it was an awful little hotel with blue roof, walls painted in yellow and pink window frames. Yes, it can't be romantic consoled himself Darcy. What possessed me to look through those answers of his? kept whining William.
He stormed into his office half an hour earlier and thundered his good morning towards his secretary. He nicely finished it off with a slam of his door. He plopped behind his desk and rubbed his face with his hands. Never in his life had he been so relieved that the weekend was over, and that maybe, just maybe, the images of all the horrible things Collins would attempt to try with Elizabeth would soon be gone.
"Damn you, Darcy! You are such a moron!" he cried to himself, slamming his head against the desk. "But I had no choice. He was taking part in the show for the sixth time and his answers were so dumb and obsessed that none of the girls would ever choose him. I just had to get rid of him!"
When the questions and answers of participants came by mail, his assistant would read them and make necessary corrections. From time to time, he would do it himself. And that was the case, when Willy Collins's answers came for the 6th time. Darcy didn't know then, that Elizabeth Bennet was to be the choosing girl. He never paid attention to the names. He still couldn't stop laughing when he remembered those answers. In fact there was nothing funny about them. They were terrifying. Collins was definitely obsessed with sex. Where would you take your beloved if you wanted to show her how much you cared? was the first question. Collins wrote: "It would definitely be a water bed. And if you want, baby, I can tell you the particulars right into your ear." Darcy could imagine what Collins's expression and tone of voice would be, if he were to say that, a drop of saliva rolling down his chin. Having read it, Darcy took out a piece of paper and wrote what made Elizabeth Bennet's heart tremble: The place doesn't really matter. If we share love for each other, it could be a luxurious hotel, a beach in full moon or a cellar. There are other ways of showing that you care. The next questions were even worse. It seemed that Collins's knowledge of poetry was limited to limericks because his answer to the question: "If you were quote a poem describing the type of women you could fall in love with, what would it be?" was:
There was a young girl from the Ritz
who always showed off her big tits
when the women cried booooh
the men shouted who
ever allowed such dim wits.
So Darcy rewrote the man's answers but worst of all was that the answers he then wrote conveyed things that he always wanted to tell Lizzy. Yes... Lizzy Bennet, the girl whom he admired, whom he loved but who put him down from the very start. Her tomboyishness, her liveliness, everything about her appealed to him but what could he do? - Nothing. She was two years younger than he was. And she was the worst looking girl, he had seen in his life when they met for the first time. He was 16, young, handsome, sexy, with spotless skin and a broad smile. How many things had changed since? From a 14 year old small, spotty, little thing, she turned into a lovely, appealing young woman and she didn't like him. And he, his features may have stayed the same but the broad smile vanished the day when his little sis, Georgiana, was seduced by George Wickham. At least Lizzy hated Wickham as well, he always consoled himself. How he wished he had known all he knew now, ten years ago. How he wished he had never told the producer of 5-10-15, that Lizzy Bennet wasn't supposed to be on a show because 5-10-15 didn't need the spotty, stupid girlies. How he wished, she hadn't heard him then. But it was of no use. She did hear him and she formed a dislike for him that lasted till today. How he wished, he could spare Georgie the pain of seeing Wickham betraying her. How he wished everything worked out for the better. Where had he gone wrong? He didn't know.
Darcy begged for a tiny, tiny bit of miracle but it seemed God had sent Billy Collins to give him a taste of purgatory. Elizabeth was like a sea before a volcano eruption - seemingly calm but shivers running through her in intervals and sudden changes of colour could tell an intent observer that she was boiling up. The minutes of Will Darcy were counted. She was on her way to him. Will Darcy, the man she secretly loved and admired from the day they had met, caused her such humiliation. 'Well, at least not for the first time.' She thought. The day, when she was chosen to partake in 5-10-15 was the best day of her life. At least that's what she thought then. She came on set for the first time and she felt so proud, so grown up and it was the best of feelings. And it was shattered by a 16-year-old moron, named Will Darcy. She noticed him instantly. He was a dream of every schoolgirl. Tall, handsome, sexy - just the type all of them fell for. He looked at her in contempt as if she was a hurdle and without acknowledging her went to the producer to tell him that Lizzy Bennet was a 'spotty stupid girly'. That, she could not have forgiven him. Her heart was pounding every time she saw him but her pride was wounded and she made his day as hard as possible, catching him for his words and teasing. With time her wound healed a bit but never in full. Now, more than ten years later, she knew she was in love with him but was determined never to show him that. She always wondered what changed him. Because there was something. One day he just stopped smiling with his eyes. Of course, she heard that Wickham tried to make a move of Georgie. Darcy and she knew that Will didn't like George but she doubted it was the reason.
Casually she walked up to get some water into her jug from the waterstand.
"We've run out of water on our floor." She explained to Darcy's secretary with a tight smile. She was about to go when with a seemingly sudden hesitation, she asked the secretary:
"Oh, sorry, is he in?" pointing the door of the office. "It will take but a minute." She cut any protest from the secretary and walked inside.
The secretary thought of going after Elizabeth and at least pretend that she tried to stop her but she gave up. Elizabeth and Darcy knew each other for 13 years now and in her whole career as his secretary, her boss never refused a phone call from Miss Bennet and every time they met he was prolonging their meetings. A splash and a muffled cry from the inside jerked her head up. She smiled to herself- as much as Darcy was eager to meet Lizzy every time he could, they always argued. One thing she could not understand - had it been anyone else to confront him - they would pity the day they even thought of it. With Elizabeth it was different - they would argue and shout, she would leave as a winner, Darcy would contentedly sit in his office with a smile of a cat after a bowl of cream and half an hour later, Elizabeth would call asking meekly to repeat to him that she would agree for 3 out of 10 changes to the script. Darcy would never triumph or stamp over her, he would only nod and smile.
Darcy sat behind his desk, his hair plastered with water as was his shirt to his chest.
"What the hell...!!!" he started but stopped short seeing Elizabeth. He opened and closed his mouth looking like a fish thrown ashore gasping for air. Leaning across his desk, and closing her face to his, she hissed through clenched teeth:
"You are such an unbelievable bastard!"
"But I had no choice..." he started to defend himself. There was no point in pretending, he didn't know what it was about.
"I don't give a damn about it! You had no choice!!! What about me?"
"Bennet. Let me remind you - you had a choice! No one forced you to pick him."
"Stop ridiculing yourself, Darcy! It's about you allowing this pervert into the programme!"
"Let me remind you about the freedom of speech."
"Darcy, you pathetic idiot! Everybody knows that the answers are checked. Stop putting this idiotic talk here! Besides, what freedom of speech?!!! You changed his answers!!!! Is that what you consider freedom of speech?"
"And you chose him. Therefore you liked those answers."
"Darcy, you are a pig!"
"Oh, stop it! What does a weekend mean? I know it was a lousy yellow hotel with blue roof and pink window frames..." Elizabeth looked at him incredulously.
"Darcy, I don't know what you are talking about but the only pink thing there, were Collins's boxers!" She ran out of the office.
Darcy sat in the chair for a moment longer. He then got up and took out a new shirt. He took the wet one off and at that moment the door flung open. Elizabeth Bennet stood in them, with her mouth and eyes wild open. For three, long seconds they were frozen and then she slammed the door behind her, running away from his office. She almost knocked down the photographer.
"What's with her?!" he asked the secretary.
"Nothing. It's always like that with them." She answered
"The boss's in?" She nodded.
"Boss, you're never going to believe what I've got on those pictures. What a weekend!" he said walking in.