Posted on Thursday, 17 December 1998

Mr. Bimbo had a large fortune. Mr. Bimbo did not know how he got that large fortune, one day he was just moseying down the road when his pants got very heavy and fell off. When he looked at his pants he soon noticed that they were stuffed to the brim with gold coins.

Mr. Bimbo had slept through economics, so he didn't know what a gold standard was, but he did know that he wasn't supposed to be on it any more. So he felt very distressed when his pants were mysteriously shoved full of gold coins. He also felt very distressed when he remembered that he was standing in the middle of town with his very heavy trousers about his ankles.

He drug his very heavy pants to a nearby pawn shop and sold all the store could by, which was just about enough for him to pick up his pants and fasten them with some industrial strength suspenders that doubled as bungie cords.

He stumbled home and emptied his pants which had remarkably remained intact. However, Mr. Bimbo's back had not. And so a great deal of Mr. Bimbo's large fortune came into the hands of Mr. Payne, Mr. Bimbo's chiropractor. Mr. Payne was a sensible man with a weakness for Faberge eggs. And so Mr. Payne's large fortune came into the hands of Ms. Hoffmyer, a highly successful nick-nack dealer.

Ms. Hoffmyer loved expensive cars. It did not take long for Ms. Hoffmyer's large fortune to be transferred into the hands of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a couple who owned an extremely pricey car dealership.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had a passion for skiing. They would spend every winter at an exclusive ski resort. So Mr. and Mrs. Smith's large fortune came to Mr. Greene, the owner of the ski resort.

Mr. Greene was very gullible. He joined a cult where all earthly possessions were given up to the greater good of the society. The society was otherwise known as Mrs. Rutherford. And so the fortune came into the hands of the con artist, Mrs. Rutherford.

Mrs. Rutherford spontaneously combusted simply because Allie could not stand to write a story in which no one spontaneously combusted. Her money was left to her "companion" Ms. Drabble.

Ms. Drabble was a very boring woman and could never get any of her essays on Jane Austen published. Her money was given to one of the biggest publishers in the business to get her lovely insomnia cures included in the almighty six that we worship.

Mr. Meng was the owner of the publishing company. He was a staunch traditionalist, and though he did not enjoy women, booze, or gambling, he saw the way this story was running and managed to loose the amount he had gained through these three pursuits. Actually, he paid several people to do it for him, but it's much the same thing.

Ms. Hoffelmyer, the owner of a bar/poker hall/house of negotiable affection, received the money that Mr. Meng had lost. Ms. Hoffmyer fell in love and eloped with a slice of gouda, and so her money was passed on to her half wit son.

Mr. Hoffelmyer did not want any more money than he could put in his shoes, so he gave the rest away to a passing stranger. The stranger did not seem offended some how.

The passing stranger Mr. Gaval was immediately mugged. The mugger's name was Ms. Sweetikins. At seven feet tall and five hundred pounds, the author knew that Ms. Sweetikins was not going to get mugged or robbed.

Ms. Sweetikins started reading the story from the beginning and when she got to her part she began to shriek. "HOW LONG IS THIS STUPID STORY GOING TO TAKE!!!" she yelled and threw the cash at the nearest hero's father looking guy she saw, a very nice man by the name of Mr. Bingley.

Mr. Bingley had the courtesy to have a heart attack and die at that very moment, and so his money was passed on to his son, a naive and heroish kind of guy. We all know the two Bingley girls, so it is no wonder that it was all left to our Charlie.

And Mr. Bimbo spent most of his days having orthopedic surgery or recovering from it. All because an author wanted a hero with new money so that his sisters would have a reason to want better. Mr. Bimbo has some very nasty things to say to those two, unfortunately he's at the chiropractor's right now, so the only thing he's saying is AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!

If you want any more write it yourself.