Posted on Wednesday, 19-Aug-98

Editor's Note: A challenge was issued to take two characters from Austen who were unmarried at the end of the novels, and pair them together. The more unlikely the match, the better!

Author's Note: Okay, I know this story is very bad, my first attempt at the silly stuff, but I wanted to get it over with, so I wouldn't regret it in the morning (like Colonel Fitz will do, later in the story) Oh God, it seems almost sacrilegious to be writing this stuff. I dare say one gets used to it in time, right Rachel? Please have mercy on me because this is the first story, I have no doubt that the others to follow will be much and much better. And also, bear in mind that I have written this story in one hour and a half. Thank you, and enjoy!

t was a dark night, for the moon could not penetrate the clouds to cast her silver beams on the land. It was certainly not the time to be out, but there was one man who was... The stranger, whose form was concealed by a dark cloak, gave his horse the spurs, because he did not want to be out long. He listened to the steady thumping of the hooves on the gravel, and wished himself at his destination already.

He had promised his cousin and his wife to pay them a visit of two weeks and had set off accordingly from London two days ago. His journey had been long and tiresome, and to all these burdens the bad weather was added. He cursed when a low branch hit him and threw off his top hat. He figured it would be too dark to go back to retrieve the blasted thing.

One hour later he found himself at the place where he had so ardently wished to be: the gates of Pemberley. A short drive down the sweep followed, but then he could see the dark form of the house rise over the lawns. There was not a single light lit, so the stranger feared his relatives where already gone to bed.

He knocked at the great front-door, and was cordially received by the housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds.

"Colonel Fitzwilliam, how good it is to see you. The Master and Mistress have been quite concerned about you. I trust your journey was well ?"

"Yes, yes, quite well," he said, while booting his way to the drawing-room. "Where is Darcy ? Do not tell me he has gone to bed already."

"I am afraid, sir, that the Master and Mistress have gone to bed early, and have told me to take good care of you when you came." The Colonel did not see the strange glint that had appeared in the eye of the housekeeper.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was rather out of humour at not being received properly by the Darcys, but all his anger drained away when Mrs. Reynolds produced the decanter of brandy, and one glass.

"What? Only one glass ?" snarled the Colonel. "Now, Mrs. Reynolds, do not be shy, you can join me for the moment. Take a glass yourself."

The Colonel had rather suspected that Mrs. Reynolds would make the usual stipulation of not being able to join him, "propriety would forbid it", but this time the old lady did not seem to mind, and seated herself quite near him on the sopha. Mrs. Reynolds held out her glass, as the Colonel poured for the two of them.

Two hours and sixteen glasses of Darcy's fine brandy later, the Colonel had already forgotten whom he was sitting next to, and could only say, with a swollen tongue, that "she looked quite lovely with her brown eyes and her widowers cap". Mrs. Reynolds only blushed and said quietly that she had always liked a man in regimentals.

The Colonel had strangely forgotten which way to the guest chambers, even though he had always known his way around Pemberley. Nevertheless he asked Mrs. Reynolds if she could accompany him upstairs.

The two scrambled across the great stairs, chanting quite merrily, and rousing all the servants from their sleep. The footmen were standing in the minstrels gallery, watching their housekeeper giggle like a school girl as she tried to crawl away from the Colonel, who had grasped the hem of her pettycoat. The uppermaid decided it would be best not the alarm the Master and the Mistress, as the two people lolling about on the stairs would be very ashamed of their conduct in the morning.

Mrs. Reynolds and Colonel Fitzwilliam, who were hastily retreating in the direction of Mrs. Reynolds' room, were rather surprised to see all the servants scurrying away as they passed, but as they had only eyes for each other, they soon ceased paying notice to it.

They paused in front of Mrs. Reynolds' room, and she cordially invited him in to join her for a "night-cap". She giggled as she pronounced the word.

Colonel Fitzwilliam muttered : "Damn propriety and good manners!" and started nuzzling on her hair. They leant against the door, when suddenly it gave way, and the two bodies collapsed on to the floor.

Elizabeth Darcy sat quietly at the head of the table, buttering her roll, when her husband's cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam entered the breakfast parlour.

"Well, Richard, I am glad to see that you arrived at last. But you look terrible ! Did you have a rough night?" and mischievously she added, "I shall tell my husband that he has to lock away his expensive brandy next time you come to visit. We found two glasses in the drawing room this morning. Did not one glass suffice for you?"

Suddenly the housekeeper entered with the coffee, and though she did try to avoid his glances at first, when she poured him a cup of tea, she could read in his eyes the wish of her never, ever telling anyone about the night they had shared.

The End