Beginning, Section II, Next Section

Part Eight – A Hitch in the Plans

Posted Tuesday, 14-Jul-98

lexa was the last to get up and she made her way down for breakfast with the full knowledge that everyone else (except Mary) had gone out for a walk at the crack of dawn.

Alexa looked at fish on the breakfast table curiously and laughed when Mary asked for toast. There was some commotion when a Mr. Elliot appeared outside. Mary went on and on about how he must be a relative and how they should have introduced themselves. Anne shared an uncomfortable glance with Charles before reminding Mary of some family feud.

"Quite lucky you didn't bump into him, then?" Was Wentworth's snotty reply. Alexa was startled at the frostiness in his tone and the confusing looked they exchanged. Alexa was disturbed at the crushed expression on Anne's face. She had missed something big while in dreamland.

Alexa leaned over to Henrietta and whispered, "What did I miss?"

"We passed that gentleman, Mr. Elliot, during our walk on the Cobb. I think he fancied our Anne."

"Did he? I'm not surprised." Alexa whispered her thanks. She turned toward Anne. "Anne, I think you like the coastal air. You're practically beaming this morning! Had a good walk?"

Wentworth glared at her for a moment before tucking back into his breakfast. Anne only smiled and only nodded. Alexa winked at her conspiratorially.

The Harvilles and Benwick joined them again for a final walk along the Cobb. Benwick beelined for Anne and Alexa moved away to give them some privacy. Louisa asked naval question after naval question until Wentworth moodily strode ahead of her, occasionally peering down at Anne and Benwick who strolled peacefully on the sand. Alexa hung back, tired from her sleepless night and watching the interplay of relationships before her. She could see that Louisa knew her grip on Wentworth was slipping and she was trying everything to secure him. Wentworth was taciturn about his options and more often than not, turning inward for answers. Alexa knew her presence was not needed in this mix and was beginning to see how much trouble she could be in by staying. Her eyes lingered over Wentworth. Thoughts of him had troubled her well into the early morning hours.

With unerring accuracy, Wentworth looked back, directly at her. Alexa smiled easily, though she was non-plussed. He did not match her smile. Instead it made him frown deeply, the creases between his brows drawing together.

They came to a stairway to beach level. Anne smiled gently at Alexa as she and Benwick strolled past the steps. Wentworth went down a midway and turned to assist Mary and Henrietta. Alexa was next and she felt her hand tightly gripped. She met Wentworth's eyes as she murmured her thanks. As she reached the landing, she heard Louisa call out.

"Catch me Captain Wentworth!"

Mary sighed with audible annoyance and for once Alexa agreed with her. Louisa's antics were growing tiresome.

"Louisa, be careful," Wentworth said with a smile, but there was an edge to his voice that Louisa was oblivious to. She threw herself down directly into his arms. Wentworth looked relieved and smiled down at the girl. She laughed and coquettishly touched his chest before springing out of his reach. Alexa frowned as she watched the girl run up the narrow steps, this time choosing a higher perch.

"Louisa! Don't be stubborn! Come down now!" Mary called. Wentworth looked at her with thanks.

"I am determined, Captain!"

"Louisa! Do not be so foolish!"

"Louisa!" Alexa commanded all the strength of her performance voice. Louisa stilled on her perch. "Exactly how old are you?"

Louisa looked confused by the question. "I am one and twenty." She replied.

"Then I suggest you act your age and not your shoe size!" Alexa berated. "Jumping off stairs is for stupid children. I had thought better of you!"

Louisa pouted at her and leaned back against the wall. There was a short, tense silence as the two women regarded each other, Louisa with a trace of animosity and Alexa with all the firmness she could muster. Alexa saw the wavering in the girl's eyes and knew it was simple pride that kept her from acquiescing.

Alexa left the group to come close to the wall. "We only want to keep you safe, Louisa," She whispered. "Don't let your pride rule your good sense."

Louisa's shoulder's relaxed and she nodded. Wentworth murmured his gratitude in Alexa's ear before turning toward Mary and Henrietta. But Alexa was not listening. Her eyes were trained toward the higher ground, where Charles was approached by two familiar men.

"Excuse me, sir. May I ask you a question?" Mr. Mustache asked Charles smoothly. Charles turned away to reply and did not see Mr. Frumpy come by Louisa. Alexa was so frightened she could not speak. She turned to her companions desperately, but only Charles Hayter knew of her troubles with these men. No one was paying attention to her or to Louisa now that the crisis was over.

Mr. Frumpy smiled nastily down at her and gave Louisa a pointed look. Louisa had turned sideways to make her way down the steps. In slow motion, Alexa saw his hand reach out and push Louisa off the steps.

"NOOOOO!"

Alexa's scream brought everyone's attention back to her. She ran forward, trying to catch Louisa, but was too late. Louisa lay crumpled on the stone floor. People were starting to gather as Alexa, Anne, and Wentworth reached the unconscious girl. A partnership immediately clicked between Wentworth and Anne as they strove to revive Louisa.

"She jumped! She jumped!" Mary cried, hysterically. Henrietta fainted into her brother's arms. Anne dispatched Benwick for a surgeon and Wentworth lifted Louisa and began hurrying toward the Harville house.

Alexa looked up and around, desperately trying to see past the gathering crowd. But Mr. Mustache and Mr. Frumpy were gone as if they had never been there.

Part Nine – Aftermath

Posted Tuesday, 14-Jul-98

This is it for me during for this week! Hope you are enjoying it!

Alexa thoughts were in a confused swirl after the accident. She was shocked at what the Center had done – even for the sake of the timeline. What would have been gained by hurting the poor girl? But most of all, it was the guilt. Of knowing that whether or not she had come to this time and place, Louisa would have fallen and hurt herself.

Wentworth was beside himself with his own sense of guilt. He sat on the kitchen table with head buried in his hands while Mrs. Harville and Anne attended to Louisa and the surgeon. The other Musgroves were pacing outside of the bedroom door, anxiously awaiting word. Captains Harville and Benwick sat with them, equally silent and pensive.

"Frederick," She whispered. He did not seem to notice her use of his Christian name. "Frederick, look at me." She reached out and curled her hands around his wrists. "You are not responsible."

"I should have been paying attention. I could have done something." He took her hands and pressed them against his face. "My doing…this is all my doing."

"Frederick," Alexa tried again, hoping she would cry. "It was not your fault. It was mine. I was watching her. I should have been more careful."

"All those times I allowed her to jump. I did not see it…the danger."

"Louisa is an obstinate girl," Alexa said softly. "I'm sorry to be harsh, but it must be said." Heaven forgive me for the lie. But no one would believe me if I told them she was pushed. And why.

Captain Harville was looking curiously at Wentworth and Alexa realized their hands were still linked. He seemed to have new ideas about his friend at that moment which made Alexa uncomfortable. As gently as she could, she eased her hands out of his. Wentworth let her go with a blush, as if he had not realized he had held her so tightly. Alexa did not blame him for seeking comfort where he could.

Charles walked in with Mary and Henrietta. He sat heavily on a chair ignoring his wife and sister who were still sobbing uncontrollably. Anne, Mrs. Harville and the surgeon followed, grimly silent. There was no good news to be shared. Her limbs had escaped injury but her head had not. Alexa bit down on her lip as everyone rejoiced that Louisa was no too severely hurt. She knew the head injuries were more, much more, severe than a broken bone or two.

"Someone must tell her mother and father," Anne said softly to the subdued group. "And Henrietta should be taken home."

"Either you or I must go, Charles." Wentworth said with a tremor to his voice.

"I cannot leave my sister," Charles replied miserably. "I cannot. I must ask you to go and tell them. Tell them to come quickly."

Mrs. Harville touched Anne's arm and asked for her assistance. They left the kitchen for the patient's room. Wentworth nodded his agreement to take on the task.

"Mrs. Harville must have assistance," Alexa ventured softly. "If Louisa is not to be moved, we must take charge of her full time care."

"Anne," Wentworth immediately replied. "No one is so capable as Anne." There was a rustle at the door and Alexa turned to see Anne entering. There was an embarrassed flush on her cheeks that signaled she had heard the last comment. "You will stay?" Wentworth asked her directly. "Stay and nurse her?"

"I was hoping to be of some use," Anne replied steadily. "If I may only have a bed on the floor, I will shift very well."

"No!" Mary exclaimed. "Why should I go away instead of Anne? She is nothing to Louisa! I am FAMILY!" And her hysterical sobbing renewed itself.

"Mary!" Reproved Charles weakly.

"It is too unkind! Let Anne take Henrietta home."

Wentworth was unhappy about the new arrangement and Charles could not meet his friend's eyes. Alexa, Wentworth, and Anne exchanged frustrated glances as it became apparent that Mary was to have her way. Disgusted with sitting still, Wentworth sprang up and went to see to the carriage. Anne and Alexa followed to pack their belongings and Henrietta's.

Alexa did not speak, for she feared saying something ill of Mary. Wentworth must have kept silent for the same reason. Finally, it was Anne who broke the tense silence. "Mary has her faults, but she is not so helpless as she seems. She will help Mrs. Harville and do well for Louisa."

Alexa smiled at her, hearing the faint hint of doubt but choosing to relieve the burden from Anne's mind. There was enough guilt amongst the three of them already. Wentworth did not reply until he suddenly asked Anne.

"You would have stayed, if things had been different?"

"Certainly."

He reached out and took her hand, giving it a brief squeeze. "You are too good, Anne." The impulsive gesture embarrassed them both and to screen that emotion, Wentworth strode ahead quickly, seeking to ready the horses for travel. Alexa kept her smile to herself and reminded herself that there were more appropriate times to comment on the situation.

Within an hour they were off with Wentworth sitting next to Alexa and Anne holding onto Henrietta across the way. Alexa was still searching for a way to remedy the situation, for she could not risk any more Center caused injuries. Her thoughts consumed her and as night fell over the group, she began to wonder if they were never to reach Uppercross.

"Anne?" Wentworth said as the glade around them began to look familiar. "Do you think it wise for me to venture inside first to inform Mr. and Mrs. Musgrove. Surely we cannot send Henrietta inside in her condition?"

"That is an excellent thought," Anne replied with a gratified smile that her opinion was being sought. "It will ease the pain if you tell it without distraction."

"I can stay here with Henrietta while you both go in." Alexa volunteered. "I think Mrs. Musgrove will need your strong shoulder when she hears the news, Anne."

"Alexa is correct." Wentworth agreed. "And I could use your support as well as I tell the terrible news."

The hysteria with which the news reached Uppercross was extreme. Mr. Musgrove ordered new horses for himself and Captain Wentworth, both men eager to get back to Lyme. Alexa and Anne elected to stay at Uppercross for the night, since both the Musgrove women were overcome with emotion. Anne peered solemnly out the window as Wentworth cantered away, as if she expected to never see him again.

It took several hours and several conversations to quiet the Musgrove ladies. Alexa and Anne handled each new burst of emotion with care and good sense…giving each woman something to hope for in praying for Louisa's recovery. Anne and Alexa was too tired to sleep after Henrietta and her mother went to bed. They stayed up, drinking tea and talking. But mostly they kept silent, too pensive to share their thoughts but grateful for the company.

How are they finding me? There has to be a way for me to stay out of jail and protect my friends. I can't let this continue.

Alexa could find no answers.

The next few days brought better news of Louisa. Wentworth seemed determined to stay in Lyme and it convinced Anne that his affections lay very firmly with that lady. Alexa made her way back to Kellynch where Sophy and the Admiral cosseted her as if she had suffered an injury and not Louisa. Sophy wondered at Alexa's new pensiveness and slyly attributed it to Wentworth's absences. Alexa waved the suggestions away but never managed to convince her they were true.

Two weeks went by and then Anne was gone as well. Alexa made one visit to her in Lady Russell's home. Alexa thought Lady Russell too controlling and hoity-toity, especially since she made such pointed remarks about Alexa's lack of personal history. Alexa managed to hold her tongue and remain pleasant. She did not need to make any more enemies in this century. Anne promised to write regularly and could not say she was happy to be going to Bath. But there was little she could do about it since Lady Russell was going and she was expected. Alexa did not promise to visit her, though the invitation was given, since she had her own plans.

And still Wentworth stayed in Lyme.

Part Ten--Solitary Confinement

Posted Monday, 20-Jul-98

Anne Elliot proved to be a faithful and entertaining correspondent over the next month. She was always describing her companions in detail, much to Alexa's delight. For all her self-effacing reserve, Anne's letters displayed a keen wit and penetrating understanding of the fools around her. And fools they were. Alexa could almost hear Anne's frustration with the embarrassing antics of Sir Walter and Elizabeth and the machinations of Mrs. Clay. Alexa's forthright response as to what Anne should really do to get Mrs. Clay out of the way brought a swift, laughing response that led to a confidential and personal discussion of Anne's worries.

The one person Anne failed to mention in her letters was Captain Frederick Wentworth. She asked after Louisa and the rest of the Musgroves. Alexa, having no information on the Captain to share, could only wish the patient a speedy recovery and hold her tongue. What was the use in paining Anne with the news that an engagement between Louisa and Wentworth was expected? Soon, Anne stopped alluding to him altogether and began filling the pages with a new name, Mr. William Walter Elliot, heir apparent to Kellynch. When Alexa had the presence of mind to ask if this was Anne's erstwhile admirer in Lyme, Anne only replied that they had encountered each other there and he had remembered it. If a letter was capable of blushing for the person who penned it, the paper in her hands would have been beet red.

Alexa, who had never practiced the art of letter writing before, grew to enjoy the long missives she regularly received and shared with Sophy. She also found that despite the delay in getting letters to and from a correspondent, she really enjoyed both the anticipation and the reading of a letter. And she strove to keep her end of the bargain, tearing off to respond to Anne within minutes of finishing her letter.

Too bad these aren't love letters, Alexa mused one cold morning. She rolled over and ran a hand down the uncreased and empty side of her enormous bed. The Crofts, Anne, even Wentworth had been nothing but wonderful to her, as close to a family as she had ever experienced in recent years. But there was something missing. She missed having male companions -- more than friends. Dates, boyfriends, dancing partners, whatever...she missed the intimacy of being so close to a man that you could hear his heart pounding. She sighed in frustration. What difference did it make that there was no one here to make her feel that way? There had been no one back home either.

But if she stayed, she was doomed to a life of spinsterhood. There was too much risk in becoming involved with someone from this time. What chaos would evolve if her actions caused several centuries of progeny never to be born? Despite the thoughts that swirled her mind, Alexa knew she was lonely for someone to confide in -- someone who would not think her a lunatic for revealing who she truly was.

The thought hung with her unrelentingly throughout the day as she tuned and practiced on the baby grand in the attic.

The cold weather of the country did not agree with the Admiral. His joints hurt him and he grew stiff. Alexa recognized the signs of arthritis and made every effort to send soothing warm cloths with menthol sprigs for his valet to place on his joints. The Admiral was grateful for the temporary relief the measure brought although he joked about the smell. Finally, the Crofts decided that a trip to Bath was necessary.

By this time Alexa was brewing ideas of her own. So far she had been lucky. There had been no new incidents with Mr. Mustache and Mr. Frumpy. It was only a matter of time however. They would not dare accost her in the house of her protectors. As the weather warmed, however, it would be impossible to remain restricted indoors. And they would find her. She needed a way out.

"I don't like this at all." Admiral Croft spouted. "Bath is a marvellous place. You will like it, I promise!"

"I agree and I wish you would reconsider, Alexa. I cannot see how being here or being in Bath would make such a grand difference."

I wish I could tell them those healing waters are a bunch of hooey. Alexa sighed, "But it does, Sophy. Bath is so much larger and there are more distractions."

"You will have time to write your compositions later!" Sophy persisted. "And Anne will be so disappointed not to see you!"

"I know. I have written a letter for her if you will deliver it with her sister's."

"I do not understand this urgency, young lady," the Admiral remarked.

Alexa sat across the couple with an earnest desire to make them understand. "I don't know how to explain it. I only know that when I have this urge...this compulsion...to write...I have to follow it. You can't imagine," she shook her head, knowing her explanation was not making a whit of sense. "The music I hear in my head...it doesn't leave me alone until I write it down."

The Admiral was as baffled as always being a more prosaic man who trusted only those things that could be proven with his five senses. Sophy was struggling to understand and sympathize. "Promise to write if you change your mind?" She took Alexa's hands tightly in her own. "I cannot claim to understand this...need. But if time and solitude are what you desire, they will be given to you. And perhaps, we will understand when we hear your pieces when we return."

"I would love to play them for you," Alexa said wistfully, knowing she would be long gone by the time the Crofts returned from Bath.

"I personally will be relieved to find you haven't gone peculiar after so much silence. Even Frederick will not be coming back to Kellynch!"

The news startled Alexa. "Why not? Is Miss Musgrove worse?"

"No, no!" The Admiral waved away the suggestion. "He wrote that he was to see Edward, his brother, in Shropshire. The whole thing is rather odd, if you ask me. Is he ever going to propose to that girl?"

Alexa tried to ignore the stab of longing that came with knowing she would not be able to tell Wentworth good-bye.

Within a week, Alexa was waving good-bye at the carriage that was taking the Crofts to Bath. She watched until they were out of sight, trying to contain her loneliness for two people who had become the closest thing to parents she had had in years. Katy was standing next to her, prodding her to come in out of the morning air.

Alexa requested that breakfast be brought to the attic where she had set up a desk near the baby grand. Katy had been shocked when Alexa had rolled up her sleeves and dusted and cleaned the room as thoroughly as the servants. But Alexa was meticulous about her work space -- it needed to be perfectly attuned to her peculiar habits.

Alexa drew her shawl around herself tightly. There was no fireplace in the attic and the room was always cold. I'm even ready to wear some of those ugly long johns. She sat on the piano bench and touched the keys lightly, listing to the sound they made. She had stretched the truth with Sophy. There was no driving need to compose. In fact, Alexa wondered if she would ever be able to match notes with words again. She was devoid of all musical flavor. But music was her only talent. She had to compose pieces fit for this era...and sell them to a theater or another musician. She needed to find a sponsor and become as close to independent as a woman could be during this age. She had to get her friends out of the Center's line of fire. She had to disappear into the crowd.

Alexa knew her plan would hurt and confuse her friends. And she knew she would miss them terribly. But she was creating chaos in their lives, whether they knew it or not. And it was only a matter of time before her lies and half-truths became evident.

Katy came in with a heaping tray, disrupting Alexa's somber thoughts. "Lordy, Miss. What can you be thinking of to make such a face?"

Alexa looked at the girl fondly. "It's not important."

"Miss Alexa, this room is so cold. Why can't you work downstairs where we can at least build you a fire?"

"This will do just fine for me, if you will be kind enough to keep me supplied with hot tea." It was obvious that Katy wanted to argue. As she turned to leave the room, Alexa stopped her, "Katy? One more thing. Instruct the servants to say that I have gone to Bath with the Crofts."

Katy was startled by the application. "Begging your pardon, Miss. But why?"

"Because I prefer it this way. I don't want to be disturbed." Alexa sighed. "No one outside this house must know I am here."

Katy curtsied and left. Alexa sighed, left most of the breakfast uneaten and began to work.

Three days later, she was ready to scream in frustration.

She sat wrapped in a blanket on the piano bench. There was candle wax over some of the piano top and several sheets of paper where she had scribbled and tossed away useless chords and compositions. She sighed and controlled the urge to bang her head on the keys.

"Staccato," she said to herself aloud. "Staccato." And she started to play a tune. The tune progressed...cheerful and lively...familiar. "Oh GOD!!!" She hollered. "I'm playing Sesame Street!"

She sighed and buried her cold face in the blanket folds. There was a knock on the door and Katy walked in. She surveyed the mess in the room and clucked with dismay. "Miss Alexa, you're killing yourself. Come downstairs with me. I've drawn you a warm bath."

"Later."

"Miss, it would be best if you did this now."

"Why?"

"Well, dinner will be served in two hours," Alexa frowned darkly at Katy. "And the master, Captain Wentworth. Well, he's home and he knows you're here. And...and he's asked that you join him."

Alexa felt a stab of irritation. "Oh he has, has he? Captain High and Mighty."

"Miss, I told him...that you'd been here, in the attic, for three days. And he said, I was to insist and if you wouldn't listen, he would haul you downstairs himself."

Alexa's lips twisted, half derision, half amusement. She could well picture Wentworth charging in all fury and concern, lifting her bodily off the bench and making his way downstairs to her room. Hmmmmm, that might not be a bad idea. Alexa caught Katy's scandalized expression as the meaning behind Alexa's smirk became apparent. She sighed again dramatically and stood up. "I think it would take more than my stubbornness to move the grand officer. But it had best not be attempted, perhaps."

Part Eleven--Reacquaintance

Posted Monday, 20-Jul-98

Wentworth was standing by the fire with his back to the door when Alexa entered the salon. Shoulders broad and hair as black as ever, he seemed leaner, wiry. Alexa frowned with concern. Had he suffered so much over Louisa Musgrove? She stepped in and quietly called his name. He whirled around.

And stared at her. Hard.

Alexa flinched under the gaze and surreptitiously touched her hair and dress. "Is something wrong, Captain?"

His eyelids lowered, shrouding himself. "No, of course not. You look tired. Katy told me what you have been doing with yourself these past few days."

"You won't tell Sophy will you?" Alexa asked, feeling like an anxious truant child. "It would only make her worry. And I'm fine, really."

"I won't tell." He smiled. Alexa blinked at him, unable to gauge his mood.

They were called to supper in a smaller room where a table for two was elegantly set. Alexa wondered at Wentworth's silences for he was never one without a story to share.

"Why are you here?"

His glance shot up at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you wrote the Admiral that you were going to be in...in..."

"Where?"

Alexa frowned, "I can't remember the name. It sounded like...chopped liver."

He laughed but there was an odd note to it. "Shropshire?"

"That's it!" Alexa said, pointing at him with her knife. "With your brother."

"I changed my mind."

"Apparently." He lapsed back into silence and Alexa was ready to hurl a roll at him. "This is a real first."

He raised his eyebrows questioningly but did not say anything.

"You must have thought up new ways to annoy me." Alexa said. "You haven't said two words to me."

"Untrue. I've said at least a dozen."

"Huh! But that's my point, you've barely spoken! Are you all right?"

"Yes."

"I don't think so."

"I should know best."

"Then what the matter with you?"

He continued to look away, concentrating on buttering a roll. "I just don't have much to say."

"Then you should have left me alone upstairs instead of insisting that I come down to NOT be spoken to."

"NO!" Alexa jumped at Wentworth's vehement reply. "I mean. I want your company. And staying upstairs without much sleep or food is hardly healthy. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"No."

"Then, it shouldn't be too hard to spend some time with me in the bottom floor, would it?"

Alexa frowned at the reasonable, cool reply -- wondering just what had happened to the quick tempered tyrant she had come to know.

Wentworth was true to his word, requesting Alexa's presence several times a day. She heard him calling out one day, moving from room to room in a hurried search for her. Alexa remained where she was, talking softly with the cook on menus for the week. Now that she wasn't alone, she took a larger part in running the house. Wentworth came rushing into the kitchen, causing several of the dogs to bark and growl from the back door.

"Is anything the matter, Captain?" Alexa asked sweetly.

He frowned darkly and was breathing heavily with his exertions. "Where have you been?"

"Here." Alexa began to cut some flowers she asked the gardener to gather.

"Why didn't you answer me when I called?"

"They may respond to your hollering," Alexa replied calmly, pointing to the dogs that were still sniffing and surveying Wentworth with alarm. "I do not. If you need my attention, you will have to find a better way to ask for it."

"You will come when I call you."

Alexa looked up in anger. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, I did. But I'm going to ignore it." She turned away and gave instructions to some of the wide-eyed kitchen staff. She then gave Wentworth a significant look and walked out to a more private room. She led him to the library, allowing every click of his boots to heighten her anger. "How dare you? How dare you humiliate me in front of everyone here?" She said. Her voice trembled dangerously.

"How dare you run this place as if you belong here!"

The words shocked Alexa into silence. "What are you saying?"

"Regardless of the liberties Sophy has allowed, you are not mistress of this house."

"You're right," she replied softly, feeling the prick of suppressed tears. "I am closer to a housekeeper. It is the only way Sophy would allow me to earn my place here." Alexa felt the first traitorous drop fall on her cheek. The tears did not move him one bit. "I know it doesn't seem like it. But I know my place and I know how much I owe Sophy and Richard for taking me in and trusting me."

"They do trust you. It amazes me."

"I've earned it. I don't steal and I don't cheat. I do what I can to make their lives better and my presence less of a burden. They trust me because I deserve it."

"You've been incredibly lucky for someone whose background we know nothing about."

"I don't need you to remind me." Alexa knew she had to leave his presence or humiliate herself by bursting into more tears. She turned and ran, upstairs to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. She leaned back against the door and slid down to sit miserably on the floor, wondering where she could go that would be safe and knowing she had to leave. She sobbed aloud, almost missing the sound of Wentworth's boots on the wooden floor, and clasping both hands around her mouth to stifle the sound as his footsteps stopped by her door.

"Miss Matthews." He knocked on the door calmly. "Miss Matthews, we need to finish this. Come out, please."

"Go away."

She heard the wood creak as he shifted toward her voice. "Alexa, please." His deep, rumbling voice was right by her head.

"What do you want me to say? I thought we had moved past all of this...suspicion." She heard him sigh deeply. "Frederick? I know I'm a pest and that I tease and criticize you unmercifully. I'm a little rough around the edges. But I mean well. And I do want the best for you...even if I try to bully you into things."

She heard a soft laugh at the other side of the door. "I can understand your wanting to be forthright."

"I do love your brother and sister, you know. I haven't had parents for so long. I didn't realize how much I missed it."

"I know."

Alexa sniffed miserably. "Can we at least part as friends?"

"What do you mean, part?" Alexa shrugged, unable to form the words to say good-bye. She knew he couldn't see the motion, but it didn't matter. Her silence spoke volumes. "Alexa? Are you still there?" There was an anxious note in his voice. She did not reply. "Alexa, I'm sorry. I'm a little rough around the edges myself. We're just going to have to work on it a little. How does that sound?"

"Okay."

"Come out, please. Let me see you."

Alexa wiped the tears from her face with a sad laugh. "I'd rather you didn't."

"Fine...fine. I'll see you at dinner tonight. Just don't...don't do anything rash."

Alexa didn't reply and waited till he had moved as far away from her room as she could discern. Then she began to pack.

Alexa ventured up to the attic an hour before dinner and was startled to see Wentworth there. He was looking at the papers strewn around the desk and the piano. He looked up at her, seeing her pale, pinched features as she watched him from the door.

"I didn't realize you were writing music here." He said softly, coming closer to her.

She stepped away and around him, gathering her composition fragments and holding them to her chest. "What did you think I was doing?"

"Inventing new machinery."

She frowned at him, "Why would I be doing that?" He shrugged and gave a cautious smile which she did not return. "Even if I knew anything about machinery, I wouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

Because I wouldn't disrupt things that way, Alexa thought. "It's not very ladylike, is it?"

He laughed, a new sound that echoed in the small room. He reached forward and tugged one hand into his own. He looked down at her fingers, rubbing the ink stains on them with a pensive expression. "After our argument, I had several people tell me how much they loved you. And how well you treat them here. I was wrong. I'm truly sorry I misjudged you. Katy also mentioned that she would be leaving with you." She tried to pull away but he held her tighter. "Don't go. Please don't go." He tried a winning smile but it did not erase the suspicion on her face. "Sophy will kill me if I drive you away."

Alexa looked at him, trying to gauge his sincerity. But the candle light only threw shadows on the angles and planes of his face. She could not read him. "Why did you come back here, Frederick?"

He raised her hand to his lips. She felt the heat of his breath on her fingers and the slight scratching of small whiskers he hadn't shaved off properly. His lips and skin were softer than she had supposed after so many years at sea. "I came here for you." He replied softly. He took the papers from her arms and laid them gently on the desk. Then He tucked her hand into his arm and led her downstairs for dinner.

Part Twelve – Creation and Compulsion

Posted Tuesday, 21-Jul-98

I won't listen. I am not listening. Alexa repeated to herself over and over. She looked at the composition in front of her, the one she was supposed to be working on. The one she knew audiences in 1814 would like…and couldn't see it. The notes swirled into other ones, matching the music in her head. The stuff she liked. Faster, raw, in-your-face kind of music that didn't pretend life was all roses. You can take a girl out of the rock and roll age. But you can't take the rock and roll out of the girl!

Alexa's eyes shifted greedily to the new composition paper Katy had brought back from the village. "Just for an hour," she said, grabbing a fresh sheet, as if saying the words aloud would make it true.

Alexa scribbled quickly, hunched over the desk, the notes and chords coming instinctively – almost without volition. There was nothing for her except the music and the music was writing itself.

A cup of tea was placed beside her on the desk. "Thank you, Katy." She murmured, not looking up.

"You're welcome," said someone who was definitely not Katy.

Alexa started and looked up, flushing with guilt. "Oh, hello Frederick…why are you bringing me tea?"

"Because you seemed intent on missing every meal or even leaving this room." His tone was scolding, but Alexa could see the glint of amusement in his eyes. "You've been engrossed in your work for hours."

"Hours?" Alexa said with alarm. She straightened up and felt all the cramped muscles in her back and arms scream in pain. She gasped at the sensation and rubbed her sore back and neck. "What time is it?"

Wentworth jerked and absentminded scratched his wrist. "Uh…Time?"

"Yes, you know – big hand, little hand…what time is it?"

Wentworth took out his pocket watch. "Quarter past."

Alexa wanted to punch him. "Past what? For goodness sake, can't you read a clock?"

He grinned at her. "Past four. You really do get involved in things don't you? Let me see."

Alexa grabbed the paper away, knowing her lyrics would shock the life out this gentleman. "No! I mean, not yet…it's not ready…"

His eyebrows raised at her secretiveness. Alexa stared at him. His eyes were gray, like mist at night. Why did she remember them as green? But he wasn't in uniform today…perhaps it was just the paler color of his coat softening the color of his eyes.

Alexa flushed and looked away at his grin, realizing she was staring at him. I shouldn't be doing this. He needs to get to Bath and Anne Elliot. She watched him move over to the piano, where her real work, the unfinished piece, lay waiting. But I'm not dead yet…and he is quite handsome. She pushed the thought away.

"What?" He asked.

"What…what?" Alexa replied in exasperation. "You keep asking me these weird questions!"

"Sorry…you just shook your head. Why?"

Alexa turned away in mortification. Geez, he's perceptive! "Nothing. Not that it's any of your business anyway," she replied defensively. She picked up the cup and took a sip. He was browsing through the fragments of music on the baby grand. "Do you read music?"

"No." He said wistfully. "I love it. But I know next to nothing about creating it." He smiled at her. "I guess that's why I am so fascinated. I can't imagine staying in one place for hours the way you do."

"I'm not always like this," Alexa replied. "Just when I'm…you know."

"Inspired?"

Alexa smiled. "I didn't want to use the word. It sounds so corny." Every time he smiled she felt a warmth suffuse her. "But yes. When I get a song in my head, I can't stop."

"Or you'll forget it?"

"Sometimes. But mostly the tune plays over and over until it drives me batty."

He looked surprised at her admission. "So you get that ringing in your head until you finish it?" Alexa nodded. He sat down on her chair. "How long does it take to finish one?"

Alexa shrugged and slid onto the desk top without spilling a drop of tea. "Some take a day, some are never finished. Performing them is the same way. Sometimes it comes easy. Other times, it's like getting a good tooth pulled out of your face."

He grimaced. "That's disgusting."

"Sorry. I couldn't think of anything else that was appropriately painful."

He laughed, a deep, rich sound that washed over her like molasses. Alexa heard the rattle of her cup and realized her hand was shaking slightly. She put the cup down and wove her fingers tightly together. Instead of being able to sit stiffly in peace, he reached out and began absently playing with the ruffle on one wrist. His fingers and knuckles lightly scraped her soft skin once or twice. Alexa fought to not flinch as they both stared at their hands. He looked up at her slowly, seeing her discomfited by their closeness, and deliberately stroked her hand sweetly.

This is playing with fire, Alexa thought as she pulled away and jumped onto her feet. Wentworth looked amused at her again. Alexa wondered what kind of game he was playing, but her courage failed her. She could not ask. "Thank you for the tea," Alexa said instead. "But break's over, I've got work to do."

"That is my cue to leave, I suppose," Wentworth replied mildly. He stood and moved aside so Alexa could retake her seat. "Oh I almost forgot." He reached into his coat pocket and took out two letters. "These came for you," he said into her ear as he bent forward to place the letters in front of her. Alexa shivered as he also placed a stolen kiss just below her ear. He walked out of the room before she could reprimand him.

She let out a long, pent-up breath and gingerly touched the kissed spot. Definitely playing with fire. She thought. She turned to the piece that would gain her independence in this world and began working feverishly.

She spent a couple more hours, the classical composition coming a little easier…but still wooden to Alexa's ears. But it was still quality work, technically proficient and correct, but without passion. It would do for today.

By the time the sun set, Alexa had found a good place to stop and stretch. She lit a candle and felt her stomach growl emptily. She took the candle, tucked her unopened letters under her arm, and wandered downstairs. She sniffed the air appreciatively, going into the kitchen to sneak a bite and casually look at the meal as it cooked. She made herself a small sandwich with a roll and some ham, earning a playful swat from the grinning cook. Alexa winked at the ancient woman and scurried out the door.

She found a quiet spot and munched on her too small sandwich, opening and reading her letters with pleasure. Anne was still somewhat lackluster about being in Bath, though it seemed that her cousin was doing his best to charm and court her. Alexa missed her and felt more than a small twinge of guilt that she was here with Wentworth instead of him going after her in Bath.

Sophy's letter was full of funny descriptions of the people in Bath. Alexa was glad she didn't go for she could imagine the kinds of trouble her too quick tongue would bring with such people. But the news at the end of the letter made her gasp in shock. She quickly folded it up, trying to contain her hurt bewilderment, and went looking for Wentworth.

She found him in the library, just beginning to browse through a book. He turned to smile vaguely at her before going back to his reading. Alexa looked about the room with angry determination and settled for a small pillow on a sofa. And she launched it directly toward his head.

"Hey! Are you out of your mind?" He exclaimed after her projectile made a direct hit.

"How could you? You sorry, slimy, secretive, evil…" Alexa grabbed another pillow and began pummeling him. Wentworth dropped the book and threw his arms up defensively.

"You're crazy!" He yelled between hits. "Stop it!" He lunged forward and slapped the pillow out of her hands, grabbed her by the wrists and pinned them behind her back.

"OW! You're hurting me!" Alexa said to his chest, which is the only part of him she could see, pinned as she was.

"I'M hurting YOU? You're the one trying to beat me to death!"

"You're such a drama queen. It was a pillow for pity's sake! Now let me go."

"Do you promise not to hit me anymore?" Alexa muttered something nasty to his gold buttons and gasped when he tightened his grip. "Promise me!"

"All right! All right! Let go! My hands are going numb."

He let her go slowly and took a cautious step back. She did the same, looking at him suspiciously as she rubbed her sore joints. He motioned for her to sit on a small couch. "Keep your hands where I can see them," he said half-jokingly as he pulled a chair close – but not too close. "Now tell me, what am I supposed to have done?"

"You didn't tell me about you and Louisa!" He stilled looked at her with confusion. "God, you are dense! Why didn't you tell me Louisa and Captain Benwick are engaged? I had to hear it from Sophy! And you sitting in this house for a week!"

He looked alarmed, "You didn't tell Sophy that I was here, did you?"

Alexa pouted at him. "I haven't written her yet! She thinks you're still in chopped liver."

"Shropshire."

"Whatever! And don't change the subject! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd be interested, I guess." He hedged.

"Not interested?" Alexa wished he hadn't taken away the pillow because she wanted to bean him again. "I've been worried sick about you! I've been worried that you'd get forced into marriage with that stupid girl."

"Forced?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Captain Kirk!" He started laughing at the name and she became even more incensed. "I know you weren't serious about her. Though you chased her around like a dog for long enough."

"You knew I wasn't serious? How perceptive of you!"

Alexa frowned at his mocking tone. "Anyone with half a brain knew it was all meaningless flirting. But I wish you had told me." She ended softly. She looked away, really feeling hurt that he hadn't confided in her. She had thought they were making progress these last few days.

"Don't tell Sophy I'm here."

"Why not?"

He sighed and seemed to search for a reason. "She'll think I'm pining away for Louisa or something equally stupid."

"And you aren't?"

"No."

Alexa pursed her lips and agreed, though it didn't seem like a good enough reason to her. She sighed and rubbed her wrists again. Wentworth stood up and joined her on the couch, taking her wrists and seeing the bruises beginning to appear.

"I didn't realize I held you this hard. I'm sorry."

Alexa shrugged. "I bruise easily – someone else might not have bruised at all." She let him keep holding her hand, liked the feel of his fingers moving back and forth. She hadn't been touched by a man in a long time.

"Were you telling the truth?"

"Hmmm?" Alexa replied, not paying attention.

"When you said you'd been worrying about me?"

"Of course that was the truth!" She looked up and found herself face to face with him. His eyes dropped down to her lips for a moment. "I thought…think you still have feelings for…" He cut her words off with a soft brushing of her lips with his. Alexa's breath caught as he did so, her eyes automatically closing as he pressed a little closer. But the name on her lips stilled her and made her feel incredibly guilty. She pushed him away and stood up. "I was going to say," she started hoarsely and cleared her throat. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I think you have feelings for Anne Elliot!"

And she hurried out of the room.

Part Thirteen--I Just Love Being a Girl

Posted on Monday, 03-Aug-98

Alexa spent the next few days avoiding Wentworth. The kiss had rattled her confidence, not because he had forced her, but because she had enjoyed it. She tortured herself by reading Anne's letter over and over and cursing herself as the worst friend of all time --literally.

As usual, she spent the best part of everyday in her attic office. No new progress had been made with the classical piece. Alexa didn't think it was all that good if truth be told, but it was her only piece of work and without computers to save it or photocopy machines to reproduce it, she couldn't just toss it in the trash.

On the other hand, Alexa had the makings of a wonderful album for her era. She had been prolific in her solitude, writing and composing until she slumped with exhaustion. The servants knew there had been a major upset in the house for they left Alexa alone, except for Katy who brought up meals and warm drinks. And they never, ever mentioned Captain Wentworth.

The problem was that Alexa started to wonder why he didn't come to see her. I might as well be a ghost in this house!

Four days after the fated event, Alexa could not bring herself to stay closeted in the attic. She was done for a day or so...her mind needing a break as much as her body needed sunlight and exercise. She conversed pleasantly with Katy and set the menu for the next few days. The cook suggested a few of Wentworth's favorite dishes and Alexa did not want to seem so petty as to deny the items. She could imagine the whisperings of a truce as she left the kitchens.

England was determined to remain cold for as long as it could, but this day brought a bright cloudless morning. Alexa stepped outside, drawing her shawl closely, and took a turn in the gardens. Whatever the Elliots had done to their fortune, they had managed to maintain the most beautiful English gardens Alexa had ever seen. Despite bare and forlorn rose bushes, the garden continued to feel lush, with heartier flowers and leaves still blooming and fragrant. She inhaled the healing scent of dew wet earth, closing her eyes to feel the crisp breeze that brought it.

She turned a corner, toward Anne's favorite spot, and stood rock still as Captain Wentworth came into the same area from the opposite direction. He saw her at the same moment, and they spent a few tense minutes staring at each other. Then he turned and walked back the way he came.

Wait a minute! HE'S avoiding ME? Alexa huffed as fear turned into pique. HE'S not the one who got jumped on!

She stalked back toward the house, mindless of her surroundings and bumped right into Wentworth. He raised his eyebrows mockingly and held the door open for her. She sauntered in with as much grace and dignity as she could muster, brushing past smirking servants casually.

She heard him following closely as she made her way to the grand staircase. She imagined his eyes burning two points on her back as she climbed the first few steps. She did her best Scarlett O'Hara imitation of a turn and asked, "Just so I'm clear. Are you avoiding me? Or am I avoiding you?"

He flushed and did not meet her sardonic gaze. "I didn't think you'd even want to look at me."

Idiotic, convoluted, ego-maniacal, male logic, she thought derisively. "You should have asked me to find out."

His eyes flew up to hers. "So...do you want to see me or not?"

Her lips twisted as he snorted the words out. "Actually no," she replied, enjoying the consternation that flitted across his features, "But thanks for asking."

She made her way directly to the attic, hating the idea of being trapped in there again but unable to think of a place that was all her own. Her thoughts were as confused as her emotions. She realized she had to find a better way out of her situation before it was too late. But in her heart, Alexa already knew it was too late. She stared at the door, willing him to get a clue and appear. She grimaced at her own circular thoughts. A few weeks in a backward world and you become a disgrace to the whole feminine movement! The image of Wentworth, striding confidently through the house intruded. She closed her eyes and saw gray eyes and soft lips that invited. Oh but what a reason to toss away a principle! They don't make them like this in my time.

She turned away from the door with a sigh and played with a latch on the walk-in closet. It was an old fashioned one and so antiquated that the spring holding the latch open no longer worked. Curiosity got the best of her and she began to open the latch when the pounding of heavy feet echoed on the stairs outside. She whirled around in happy anticipation and surprise just as the door burst open. A panting Wentworth stood there glaring at her.

"Damned stairs," he huffed, completely winded. She gaped at him idiotically. He pushed himself off the doorframe and wagged a finger at her. "You are the most frustrating, contrary woman I have ever met." he declared at her continued silence. "FINE! I may be slow on the uptake, but I'm here! You did want me to follow you, didn't you?"

The perfect wisecrack died unsaid on her lips as Alexa wondered what kind of response would be acceptable. She wasn't about to admit he was right. "Don't point your finger at me. It's rude."

He sighed heavily and ran a shaking hand through his dark hair. "You have a way to making me crazy!"

"That's more your problem than it is mine."

He looked at her sharply, his eyes like steel. "Probably. But you weren't exactly the ice princess last night."

"That was a mistake."

"I don't think so." He said. His reply surprised her. She remained silent watching him mentally take control of himself. "It didn't feel like a mistake, so don't say that." He walked away to glance out the small window. "Do you believe in fate?"

"Not really."

"You don't think it's more than coincidence that we're here together...now."

Alexa couldn't follow his train of thought. "We both live here. There is no coincidence about it." She looked at him curiously. "Are you telling me you believe in destiny?"

"I never used to. I believed that you ended up where you were because of your choices. Whether you make deliberate decisions or not, the end result will always be predictable."

"Where are you going with this?"

He gave an impatient wave of his hand. "It just seems...inevitable. I mean, both of us being here, right now...together."

Alexa rolled her eyes. "Did you choose to come here? Instead of chopped liver, I mean. Did you make a conscious decision to come to Kellynch?"

"Shropshire," He corrected automatically. He looked uncomfortable. "Yes, I did."

"Then by your own definition -- that not destiny."

"Did you choose to come here?"

"Originally? No, no I didn't."

"There you go," he said, as if her ill planned adventure was proof enough. Alexa thought of it more as a punishment from God than fate. But Wentworth was continuing excitedly. "Don't you find it frightening that we were thrown together this way. We were meant to meet each other. We are drawn together. Don't ask me to explain it any further...I can't. It's all so...cosmic."

"Cosmic?" Alexa repeated, completely bewildered and alarmed. He has lost his marbles. Alexa surmised nervously. "I hope you're not about to suggest some kind of weird death pact or something. You can go do what you like. But leave me out of it."

He seemed surprised for a moment, then he began to laugh. Great rolling, rollicking waves of laughter shook him as he leaned against the window frame and wiped tears from his eyes. Alexa almost smiled at his reaction, even though it scared her to death.

"This isn't a fair fight," he finally said softly. Humor moistened eyes looked penetratingly at her. "I have no defenses against you."

"Maybe that's your problem. I'm no threat."

"Aren't you?" He asked wistfully. She snorted her contempt at the very idea. "You really have no idea, do you? You really don't know how much power you have?"

"Are you joking? I have never been so powerless in my life!" Alexa replied. "So don't sit there and pretend that you are touched by anything I say or do!"

"But I am touched. And so are you." He stepped forward then, coming closer than she was comfortable. Pride raised her chin and kept her from flinching back. He stared into her face for long, long minutes, raising one hand to trace the contours of her face with gentle fingertips. She trembled as they moved over her skin with the barest of touches and hated herself for giving him even that much of an admission. He had no idea which of them held the power. Alexa was only sure it wasn't her.

"Go ahead," he challenged in a whisper. "Push me away. Deny me. Insult and ridicule me. I can take it. But also trust when I tell you, I am not going anywhere without you. I can wait until you acknowledge me. Until then, I will come so close it makes you uncomfortable and make you believe in fate."

"Even if you don't believe in it?"

"Oh but I'm learning," he leaned his face close to hers. "I'm definitely learning."

She stepped away from him hurriedly. "Stop that! Even if I wanted to...I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because," she searched for a good reason as he arched an amused eyebrow. "I'm a nun."

He actually laughed at her. "A nun? The singing nun? Well Sister Alexa Matthews, it is a pleasure to meet you." He stuck a hand out toward her. "My name is Napoleon."

Alexa smirked and knew he didn't believe her. She should have said Mad Scientist. "Does the Admiral know he's housing England's primary enemy?"

"I doubt it." Wentworth shook his head impatiently. "You're no nun. You're going to have to do better than that."

Alexa's humor crumbled suddenly, along with her confidence. "Anne," she whispered brokenly. "What about Anne?"

"She's not involved in any of this."

"Yes, she is. She's so deep in this that I can't separate her. And I won't betray her." Alexa turned away miserably. "She's still in love with you, you know. Don't shake your head at me, Frederick. She is. I know. How can you ask me to hurt her like this?"

"I'm not asking you to do any such thing."

"Don't be so blind! That's exactly what you're asking me! I cannot be her friend as well as your..."

"My what?" He asked softly. She shrugged and looked away, crossing her arms protectively over her heart. He came up behind her and placed both hands on the curve between her neck and shoulders. She resisted the pleasure of his hands as they gently stroked the tension away from cramped muscles. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"She's the most genuine person I've ever met. She deserves to be happy. Sometimes I wonder how we could be friends at all. Normally she'd be the kind of person I'd love to shock. But with her...I don't even try."

"I think you shock her anyway."

"Probably," Alexa acknowledged with a small, sad laugh. "I have that bad habit. But don't you see?" She turned to face him. He did not step back, choosing instead to peer closely at her. "I can't do it. I can't turn a blind eye and pretend I don't know. I can't steal her last chance to be happy."

"She will never be happy with me. There is someone else meant for her." Alexa shook her head at his words. "Alexa, believe me. She is in love with another man."

Alexa wondered if Sophy had mentioned the rumors about Anne and Mr. Elliot in one of her letters to her brother. Anne had been far from discouraging Mr. Elliot's courtship. At least that was the impression from her letters. Could it be possible that this mess would work itself out? Was it possible that Alexa had misread everything anyway and that Anne was meant to be the next mistress of Kellynch? With her history of bad decisions, Alexa could not trust her own judgment.

Alexa could only wonder what would have happened if she had never come here and meddled. What was meant to be before her interference was such a mystery. She shook her head, trying to clear it and shake some sense and logic into the merry-go-round of her thoughts. She came aware of her companion when he took her hands and pressed them against his chest.

"Alexa, look at me please." She did. "I am going to make you a promise and I never make promises I can't keep. Do you believe me?" She nodded, knowing he was a man of his word. "Look at me. Look at the man standing before you. I promise you that Anne Elliot is not in love with me. I promise that I am no where near in love with her. And I promise, with every bone in my body, that you are not hurting her by allowing this thing between us happen."

"What is this thing between us?" She asked. He could only shrug with equal confusion. "It doesn't matter anyway," she said sadly. "I can never be involved with anyone...ever again."

He was truly shocked by her statement. "Why on earth not?" She only looked away, refusing to explain the unexplainable. "Forever is a long time to be alone." She felt the tears fall at his quiet response. Alexa could not hope to make him understand how her very presence was an aberration in the fabric of things. And careless as she was in coming here, she was not completely irresponsible. She could not knowingly commit the human race into the unknown because she felt lonely.

"You are struggling so hard," he whispered, putting both arms tightly around her. Alexa accepted the comfort of his embrace as she saw the solitary years stretching endlessly before her. "You don't have to be alone. I will be here. I want to be here...if you will let me."

"I can't promise you that."

"Then let's just take one day at a time." He said, resting his chin on her hair. "Be friends first and then...we'll see."

Alexa could not say no.

Part Fourteen--Shut Up and Pour Me Another One

Posted on Monday, 03-Aug-98

Alexa felt herself floating and leaned back on the sofa with eyes closed. Cook had outdone herself with tonight's meal and Alexa could have laughed at the care the servants had taken to prepare a romantic evening. Wentworth had met her eyes with equal amusement as they had looked at the closely set places, the floral flourishes and fewer, strategically placed candles. And everyone managed to disappear as much as possible.

Instead of romance, however, Wentworth and Alexa had found it all hysterically funny. Their secret giggles were carefully stifled when a new course was served or another glass of wine poured. Alexa nearly slid of her chair with laughter when Wentworth mildly asked where the butler was hiding the violinist.

Two bottles of wine later, she was prostrate on the couch, dizzy and more than half drunk. He was no better, sitting on an overstuffed armchair next to her.

"My head is going to pound tomorrow," he murmured, toying with the hand she languidly draped over the sofa.

"Mmmmm," Alexa agreed. She felt him twin their fingers together. "I'll worry about that tomorrow."

"You have beautiful hands," he said, lifting one of hers and kissing it.

"You say that to all the drunkards in town."

He laughed. "I'm trying to give you a compliment."

"Okay. Sorry. Didn't mean to stop you." He remained silently stroking her hand however. She lifted her head and peered at him smilingly. "What are you waiting for? Compliment me!"

"I apologize," he said gallantly. "Such long tapered fingers. Such soft palms. Such delicate curves."

"You lie like a dog. There is nothing delicate about my huge hands. You could use them as serving trays."

"I thought it was 'lie like a rug'?"

"Whatever. Lie like a dog. Bumps on a log."

"Warts on a frog," he corrected absently.

"I like my versions better." She then sat up fully. "Wait a second! How did you know that?"

"Know what?"

"Warts on a frog?"

"Well...uuhhhh...it rhymes with log?"

Alexa frowned vaguely at him, her head spinning from the rapid movement. "Are you asking me or tell me?"

"Actually, I don't understand where that came from. Toads have warts, not frogs." He shrugged and tugged her forward. Leaning in he kissed her long and hard. Alexa's head spun even more.

She didn't take a breath until he let her go. "Too bad," she whispered, touching his face lightly. "You're still a frog."

"I beg your pardon?"

She giggled, "Just some fairy tale my mother used to tell me. About a princess who kissed a frog, broke a magic spell and turned him back into a handsome prince."

"And I'm still a frog?" He asked, coming to sit next to her and settling her back against his chest. "Thank you very much."

"Yup," she replied. "But then again, I ain't no princess."

She leaned against his warmth with a comfortable sigh, ignoring the twinge of guilt at the memory of Anne Elliot. She had settled her mind yesterday that she would take what comfort she could from him and then disappear from Kellynch when she could. It was a cold hearted plan, and as time passed, Alexa was growing certain she couldn't do it.

She turned her face into his vest, for he had taken off his jacket, feeling the sleeve of his lawn shirt against her neck as he played with her hair. It was hard enough to think of what pain she would cause the Crofts without trying to the gauge how much pain she would cause Wentworth and herself. And yet, she couldn't stay away from him. Alexa wondered at the change in herself. She had felt nothing like this in the beginning when everyone was around her. But now that it was just Wentworth and her alone...he was irresistible. Somewhere in Lyme he had learned to take himself...and her a little less seriously.

Alexa felt his arm tighten around her as she sighed. All of her early experiences with boyfriends and couches had never approached the ease of this moment. In the past, all her adventures had involved groping hands and awkward kisses and the constant terror that her mother was about to burst into the room and discover her antics. Not so with Wentworth. The adventure was in speaking with him and becoming comfortable in their silences. Her mother would have liked the man she was snuggled against, Alexa thought. And she was sad that they would never be able to meet.

"You are very quiet. It makes me nervous."

"Why?"

"It usually means you're up to something."

She laughed to mask her thoughts of leaving. "Not tonight. It's too much effort. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"My mother. How much I miss her."

"She must miss you."

"She died a few years ago," she replied. "So did my father."

"Brothers and sisters?"

She raised herself slightly to look at him. "No. No one. But I told you this long ago." He apologized for forgetting and settled her back against him. "My mother was an only child and my father died before I was born." That last part was a lie. Her parents had divorced when she was very young, but Alexa knew that fact would shock Wentworth. It didn't matter anyway for Alexa had never forged a relationship with him or his new family. "No cousins, aunts or uncles. No one to miss me at all." The wistful note in her voice hung in the air longer than she wished. Wentworth held her close, wrapping his other arm around her tightly in comfort. Alexa was grateful he didn't say any of the hundreds of placating, trite things people tended to say at this time. His silence was more sincere than any sympathetic word.

"What was it like growing up with Sophy?"

He hesitated for a moment. "My sister is very strong willed. She used to bully me almost as much as you do."

"I don't bully you. And I can't see Sophy doing that either."

"Little you know. My sister is a tyrant. She had this way of hitting me on the head with her knuckles, like this," and he stretched a fist forward, jerking it sharply downwards in a knocking motion.

Alexa laughed and took his hand, relaxing his fist into and open palmed caress. "You must have done something to deserve it!"

"Well, I hung her doll once by the neck. But the doll was asking for it!"

"She must have been horrified."

"She was hysterically angry and chased me from room to room. Beat me soundly when she caught me. I've never been so terrified in my life."

"What about your brother?"

"My brother always had his nose in a book. He didn't care if we killed each other, as long as we did it quietly." Alexa smiled at the warmth in his voice. "My brother is the smart one of the family. Always got good grades and everybody liked him. He's the closest thing I have to a best friend too."

"I thought Captain Harville was your best friend?"

"Brothers will always be closer than strangers." Wentworth replied. He tilted her chin up toward him. "There is only one thing closer than a brother." She raised her eyebrow in question and closed her eyes as his lips touched hers sweetly. It was a soft, searching kiss, full of longing from him and loneliness from her. Alexa felt herself tilting back in response to his mouth as he cajoled her lips open and explored. She felt the thick strands of his hair against her fingers as she pulled herself up to meet him.

Finally, sheer will and lack of oxygen made them pull apart. Alexa looked at his face with anxiety, knowing she was going to be burned by all of this. He frowned at her expression and tried to ease the lines between her eyebrows with a gentle thumb. Alexa felt herself growing maudlin and didn't want the night to end on an awkward note. But the night had to end before things progressed where there was no turning back. She pulled out of his arms and stood up, swaying a little as the effects of the alcohol made itself known.

"I think I'd better go to my room now."

He was watching her quietly, "That's probably a good idea."

Alexa made her way upstairs alone. She left Wentworth staring into the fireplace with what was almost a distraught expression. Everyday made it harder for her to leave. Everyday she did more damage. And yet there was something so inevitable in being in his arms. Perhaps he was right to believe in destiny after all. As she blew out her candle and settled against the pillows, she began to wonder if it were truly possible to make a life here with him.

Continued In Next Section