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Part I. Georgiana Writes To Her Cousin.

uly 15, 1812

Dear Cousin Fitzwilliam,

I am having such a wonderful time here with my brother. The increasing heat was beginning to make London unpleasant, and it is nice to be in the country again. William and I will be heading to Pemberley together early next month. It is so rare that he and I are together, and I am afraid I do miss him terribly when we are apart; though, he does write such nice letters to me that I almost miss those when I am with him. He and I went riding yesterday and enjoyed ourselves a great deal, at least I know I did. Mrs. Annesley stayed behind, so it was just William and me, which is always delightful. By the way, I do like Mrs. Annesley so very much. She is a great deal friendlier than my last companion, and we seem to be able to talk and laugh together for hours. She can be strict at times, especially regarding my pianoforte, but I suppose that is for the best.

I must confess to being very anxious about tomorrow. My brother has asked seven couples to dine with us, and I am to be the hostess. I do not know how I will manage it. It is not the organizing of the dinner that troubles me, for I know Mrs. Brown is an excellent housekeeper and everything is well in hand, but I am troubled about having to deal with so many people all at once--at least half of whom I have never met before in my life. I believe several of our guests tomorrow are to join us at Pemberley in August, so it is very important that I do nothing wrong. William tells me that I am far too shy about such things and that he has the greatest confidence in me. I know that I must try harder to conquer my shyness and that the dinner will help me to do so, but I can not help being worried about it all, though I know I am just being silly and I will try to do as my brother asks, of course.

William says he wants me to come out this winter. I am as anxious about such a thing as I am excited. I would love to go the balls, and hear the fine music, and see all of the beautiful gowns, and of course dance, but I fear I would make so many mistakes and would not know what to say to anyone or that no one would ask me to stand up with them--that would be the most horrible thing of all! Mrs. Annesley and I discuss it quite often, and thankfully, my uneasiness is beginning to fade. I know it will be great fun, if I can ever find the nerve for it.

My dear cousin, there is another matter which has been giving me even greater uneasiness. I hesitate to mention it, but I know you will understand and, hopefully, will be able to help. I wonder if you have noticed that William has been acting peculiarly for some time now. At first I ignored it and assumed it would go away, but lately his behavior is so marked that I feel I must mention it to you, for I know that you will know what to do about it. Could it be that he is still upset at me for being so stupid last year? He never mentions it of course, but I still must wonder about it.

But I have not yet told you anything of his behavior, pray let me do so. I first noticed that something was wrong last winter. He seemed to be angry so much of the time, and frequently very angry. I must say that he was never cross with me or with anyone that I noticed, but still he seemed out of spirits and spent more time alone than he has ever done before. Once, when I was playing the pianoforte in the evening--he and I were alone together, as Mrs. Annesley had a headache and had early gone up to bed--he suddenly almost shouted for me to stop playing a little piece of Hayden that I had been practicing and of which I was very proud. Of course I obliged him and played something else, but his raising his voice in such a manner was so startling to me--he has never done such a thing before and is the kindest and sweetest of brothers--that I have never forgotten it. I thought then that it must have been because of the unpleasantness at Ramsgate, but I have never been sure; certainly he would not have been so gentle with me, if he was still upset by those events.

After being separated from him for several months, I had hoped that when I saw him again his spirits would have eased and he would have returned to his usual self, but alas, that is not the case. His behavior is indeed different than it was when we were last together; he no longer seems to be angry, but he is now so completely lacking in any cheerfulness, that I have become quite alarmed. He usually goes out in the mornings, to visit a fencing master, I believe, and when he comes home, he often spends the remainder of the morning in solitude in his library. Only occasionally can I coax him out. At dinner he is often so quiet, that it seems Mrs. Annesley and I are dining alone. After dinner he again returns to his room without a word to me or to anyone. He also has been taking long walks completely alone and is sometimes gone for hours. The other day when I offered to go with him, he told me that he did not want me to join him. He does spend the evenings with me, but his mood is so somber, that I find myself out of spirits as well. I was very surprised when he told me we were to have guests tomorrow. He has been in company so little recently, that I was surprised he would ask people to join us.

There seems to be a general air of sadness about him, cousin, that I can not account for. In the time that he and I have been together, his behavior and his manner have not improved, as I had hoped. Cousin, do you know what is troubling my brother? And is there anything that I can do to help him? I have tried several things--I try to play lighthearted music and engage him in riding or a favorite game--but nothing seems to work. I am becoming quite anxious for him. I am afraid to ask him what is wrong. If you know, I must ask you to please help him, if you can. I would also like to ask you to come here and see for yourself how he is. I know you could cheer him, cousin. Mr. Bingley will be joining us next week and will be traveling with us to Pemberley--my brother always seems to be in good spirits with Mr. Bingley. If we could only get both you and Bingley here, I know we would soon have William laughing again.

I shall write tomorrow and tell you all about the dinner. I hope to see you soon. I am, as always, your loving and devoted cousin,

Georgiana Darcy

Continued In Part II