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Posted on Thursday, 10 April 2008
Darcy rode out the next morning, hoping to put some order to his tumultuous thoughts. Now that Georgiana was well on the way to recovery, his own dilemma was again at the forefront of his mind.
He kicked Achilles into a brisk canter.
Where was he to find a suitable bride? And in six months no less! For all of his Seasons, he had yet to meet a lady he could abide for more than a few hours. They were either too mercenary, too vacuous, or simply did not engender any tender feelings.
He was well aware that most in his circle did not marry for love. He was not even attempting to seek it. He simply wanted someone whose company he would not quickly tire of; someone he could trust to look after Georgiana; and someone to whom he could entrust the care of Pemberley, its servants and its tenants. He did not consider these goals unreasonable.
He felt mounting frustration. With a crack of his riding crop, he spurred Achilles into a gallop.
Surely with all his connections, he could find one such lady. One by one he went through the list of courtiers he knew, and one by one crossed them off his list. He let out a grunt of frustration. The answer would come. It had to come. The alternative... well, he would not think about that now.
He gave his horse his head and let the cool morning cleanse him of his turmoil. Perhaps if he rode fast enough, he could outrun this particular familial obligation.
After covering several miles, he slowed Achilles to an easy trot.
Unbidden, thoughts of marriage once again flooded him. Marriage. What an ugly business it had turned into. He wondered how his parents had managed to emerge from the process unscathed, and then he remembered the uproar their engagement had caused.
The late Earl of Matlock had attempted to forge an alliance with Lord Wolferton through the marriage of their two children. When a young Lady Anne rejected the viscount's suit, in favour of his father, the Wolfertons had taken it as a personal insult that Lady Anne had chosen an untitled gentleman. To this day, feelings of animosity remained between the two families.
Seeing a nearby stream, he slowed Achilles even further. The horse was panting heavily, and in need of water. He too needed a bit of a rest, so he sat down in the grass on the banks of the stream. He inhaled deeply and let the serenity of the place take over.
He wished he could remain in Hertfordshire for some time to come. Nothing but good had occurred since his arrival here.
Georgiana had made a miraculous recovery, and he and Elizabeth had renewed their friendship. He also had no doubt that Georgiana would continue to grow and mature under the influence of Elizabeth and Miss Bennet; and here it was easy to forget his impending doom for days at a time.
But it was not to be. Fall had come and gone, and Christmas was just around the corner. With that particular holiday would come the family and the inevitable discussion of marriage. He cursed under his breath and stood. After mounting Achilles once again, he took a moment to get his bearings. He was surprised to find himself near the same spot he had found Elizabeth just the day before, when she had escaped Mr. Collins and her mother.
He snorted at the remembrance and involuntarily shuddered against the very idea of Elizabeth married to such a man. Even in the realm of the country squires, the business of marriage is ugly.
After giving it some thought though, he had to admit he was surprised Elizabeth was not already married. She was not attractive in the classical sense, but her lively disposition was certain to have attracted her share of beaus. With a chuckle, he wondered how many men she had refused; he felt pity for them, though he could not help wondering if they were all ‘the last man in the world...'
His thoughts followed their natural path, and he began imagining the type of man Elizabeth would marry. He no doubt had to be an educated man; Elizabeth would not suffer a fool. He also had to be modest; she would not suffer a dandy either. He would have to share her love for books, and he would have to know how to laugh and tease her. He would have to love the outdoors and have a strong sense of responsibility and justice. He would have to be caring and respectable, a true member of the human race. Elizabeth would not suffer someone who mistreated servants and tenants merely because of their station. Whatever man is fortunate to win your esteem, Li'l Beth, will be truly blessed.
His thoughts returned to his own marriage. Somehow this Season, he would have to sift through the mamas and their daughters and find one he could tolerate long enough to produce an heir. After an heir was produced, he would resign himself to a life of loneliness and celibacy, living solely for Georgiana's happiness and the good of Pemberley.
If this was his penance for the misstep in Georgiana's care, so be it. For his sister's happiness and well being, he would become the commodity his aunt and uncle viewed him as; a piece of livestock put on the auction block of the marriage mart to go to the highest bidder.
His lip curled in disgust. There had to be another option. He still had time. He would find a way to satisfy the terms of the agreement without being bound to his boring and sickly cousin Anne or a self-important schemer like Miss Bingley. He had to find a way. He was determined.
He looked up, and was surprised to see Netherfield already in view. He had not had any great epiphanies, but his head was a bit clearer. It had to be enough for now. A bath, some nourishment, and then he and Georgiana were to visit Longbourn.
Later that morning, the residents of Netherfield piled into the carriage and made their way to Longbourn. Darcy had expected the party to consist of the usual visitors, himself, Georgiana and Bingley, so it was with not a little surprise when he saw Miss Bingley standing next to the carriage waiting for him to hand her in.
When the party arrived at Longbourn, Darcy was disappointed to see Elizabeth was not in the drawing room with the others. When he noticed Mr. Collins was also not in sight, an ill feeling swept over him, and he felt his stomach churn. He looked to Jane for answers, but she was already occupied with Bingley.
He looked back through the entry, willing Elizabeth to show herself, preferably without Mr. Collins. His discomfort with the missing personages must have been apparent, because Mary suddenly offered, "Lizzy is in the still room, she should be here directly." At Darcy's nod of thanks, she added, "Our cousin will be sorry to have missed your call, but he had business in town to attend." Darcy nodded his thanks again.
Upon hearing Elizabeth's preoccupation, Georgiana asked, "The still room? May I see her there?" She bit her lower lip and shyly looked at her skirts, thinking she may have been too forward.
"My dear Georgiana, the still room is no place for a lady like yourself," Miss Bingley answered before Darcy could reply. "You have servants for that type of work."
Georgiana bit her lower lip in dismay and then looked at her brother.
"If Miss Mary would be so kind as to direct you, I have no objection," Darcy said.
Georgiana's countenance brightened instantly, and a moment later, she disappeared with Mary.
Twenty minutes later, the trio returned to the drawing room. "Forgive our absence," Elizabeth said to the room. "We became a little distracted." She gave a significant look to Georgiana and Mary. Both girls pursed their lips together in an attempt to stifle giggles.
Georgiana then piped in. With a proud grin she said, "Fitzwilliam, Elizabeth, Miss Mary, and I have made up care packages for some of Longbourn's tenants. Elizabeth said I may help her deliver them tomorrow if you approve."
The statement instantly conjured fond memories for Darcy. His mother used to make similar calls when Pemberley's tenants were ill or infirmed. He remembered watching as his mother would compassionately check each package, and then add her own special touch. Then, she would oversee the loading of the curricle, making sure none were missed.
Georgiana had never visited the tenants. If their mother had lived, perhaps she would have taken on such duties, but his father had allowed Mrs. Reynolds to take over, and he saw no reason to change it when he became Master. Now, with a pang of sadness, he realized this was just one of many lessons his sister had missed with the death of their mother. It seemed so simple, and yet, it had never crossed his mind.
"Georgiana dear, you need not visit houses of the poor," Miss Bingley said. "Their homes are dirty and carry all manner of disease. We could not have you risk your health."
"Yes," Elizabeth chimed, "Much like us other humans, our tenants also sometimes become injured and sick."
"But certainly there is no need for a lady of good breeding to be romping about the countryside. It may be fine for country folk, but Georgiana is a Darcy," Miss Bingley rejoined.
At Miss Bingley's statement, Darcy's ire was instantly ignited. How dare that woman presume to know what it is to be a Darcy! "You may attend Miss Elizabeth if you wish, Georgiana, but only if Mrs. Annesley or I accompany you. I am pleased to see you taking an interest in this. Our mother used to do the same for Pemberley's tenants. It is a tradition I fear I have neglected."
He glared at Miss Bingley. Had he not been so disgusted by her, he would have laughed aloud at her pinched expression. He could only imagine the thoughts going through her head. Not only had he condoned the action, but had stated his own mother had done similar things. He was certain Miss Bingley did not believe the previous Mistress of Pemberley deigned to call on tenants. He was even more certain that were he to marry anyone like Miss Bingley, she would never undertake the task.
He turned his attention back to Georgiana, Elizabeth and Mary, discussing the families they were to visit. Suddenly, he was struck with an epiphany.
He furrowed his brow, certain there was some mistake. He looked to Miss Bingley and then back to Elizabeth. As his revelation sunk in, he was no longer able to remain seated. Abruptly, he stood and walked to the window. For several moments he did nothing but stare outside. There had to be a mistake. Surely this was not the answer!
The words, "Marry her" resounded so clearly in his head, he turned, expecting to see someone beside him. He shook his head. There had to be another solution!
He snuck another glance at Miss Bingley, and then Elizabeth. He clenched his fist, unwilling to accept what his mind was telling him.
In one seat sat Miss Bingley; a prime example of the type of woman he was supposed to marry. A lady of the ton; a woman who had ventured the social rituals of London; a woman with connections and a large dowry; a simpering, vapid, insincere, money grubbing, social climber. Next to her was Elizabeth, a witty, sincere, kind and affectionate woman. A woman, who aside from being raised a gentleman's daughter, had none of the benefits of a wealthy upbringing. Yet it was Elizabeth who looked after his sister as though she were a family member, and was teaching her to perform tasks his mother had.
He walked over to Elizabeth and Georgiana and stood there for a moment, curiously looking at Elizabeth. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Without a word, he retreated back to the window.
After a moment, he looked again at Elizabeth, who returned a curious expression. He felt himself flush and turned back. "But it is Li'l Beth!" he muttered quietly to himself in protest. I can not make her my wife! She deserves a loving husband! He pressed his fist against the window frame. No! There has to be another solution!
He took a deep breath and returned to the others. Resuming his seat, he forced himself to attend the conversation, which had turned to music and the theatre.
Much to Darcy's relief, it was not long before the party took their leave. As he rode towards Netherfield, thoughts of marriage and Elizabeth returned. Again, he forced his mind from such thoughts; he would think no longer of marriage this day.
The following day, the weather had once again turned to resemble the coming winter. The sky was grey, the temperature cold, and a light mist hung in the air. With such weather, Elizabeth was not surprised when she received a message from Netherfield stating Georgiana would be unable to accompany her on her deliveries. In truth, the mist had caused Elizabeth to even consider postponing the visits. However, recalling the dire need of one of the families, she knew the errands could not be put off.
It was late morning when Elizabeth returned to the house. As she was divesting her damp pelisse, she was informed by Mrs. Hill that Charlotte Lucas was waiting for her in the sitting room.
"Lizzy!" Charlotte greeted.
"Charlotte! What a pleasant surprise!"
"I have been waiting to tell you my news. I did not want you to hear it from anyone but me." She waited long enough for Elizabeth to take up some tea and find a seat. "I am engaged, Lizzy!"
Elizabeth's eyes widened, and she nearly spilled her tea. "Engaged?"
"Yes. To Mr. Collins."
"Are you out of your mind, Charlotte?" Her tea cup clinked from her abrupt movements. "He is the most insensible man of my acquaintance!"
Charlotte scolded her friend. "I would remind you, Lizzy, he is to be my husband. I am aware of his shortcomings, but I am of an age where I must think of my future. Marriage is the only provision for us well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, it must be their pleasantest preservative from want."
Unsure of what to say, Elizabeth simply stared at Charlotte. There was truth to what her friend said, yet the price for this security was so high! Swallowing her indignation for her friend, she turned a polite smile. "If you are certain what you are about, Charlotte, then I shall be happy for you and wish you joy."
"Lizzy, I know you do not esteem Mr. Collins, but I am not like you; I have never entertained romantic fantasies. I have no other prospects and no hope for any. Mr. Collins will provide for me, and therefore, I will be content."
Elizabeth nodded slowly in acceptance. She stood and hugged her friend and murmured congratulations with as much sincerity as she could muster. Her friend had based her decision on necessity, not happiness. She had made a decision that would ensure a roof over her head and food in her stomach. Sometimes that must be enough, she thought grimly.
"You are not angry?" Charlotte asked tentatively. "I understand Mr. Collins first made an offer to you."
"And I refused him. I can not begrudge him for finding another."
The two chatted a while longer, discussing the timing of the marriage and details of the wedding. Elizabeth was grateful to learn Charlotte had asked Maria to stand up with her; she was not certain she could have held that office. It was one thing to wish a friend happiness in marriage, it was quite another to stand witness and condone it.
That same day at Netherfield, Darcy was alone in the library reviewing his correspondence. While the dreary weather had prevented him from riding that morning, it had also given him an excuse not to visit Longbourn. While normally he had no objections to seeing Elizabeth, he was not ready to explain his odd behaviour of the previous day; nor was he ready to spend any amount of time in her presence. Before he did that, he needed to come to a decision.
At seeing a letter from his friend Lord Blakeslee, he set the others aside.
So Bingley is to join the ranks of the gentry. Mark my words, he will send his steward running, if only from frustration in trying to read his instructions without a cipher. You have your work cut out for you.
‘Tis a pity you missed the shooting. Fowl was good this year, though as always I had to suffer the rumblings of Lord ______. The man would have us still back in the Stone Age if it were up to him.
Thank goodness Chandler and Brisbay did not desert this year. With both you and Woodall missing, I may have been tempted to hole up in a covey myself.
Mother was at her usual matchmaking schemes. This year it was to be Lady Greene. On that subject, Lady Brisbay, and Miss Ringwald, have all expressed their regret with your absence.
I must thank you for that stroll down memory lane. You had me quite in stitches over the reminder of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I believe Mother thought me fit for Bedlam. I must own to some intrigue though. How is it that Bingley's estate happened to be not only the same county, but also the same town as Miss Bennet? I know perfectly well that Bingley does not change the knot of his cravat without your approval. I begin to think there is more to this lady than you have let on.
I will be in London until the beginning of December, and then on to Trentholm until after the holidays. If you can pull yourself away from your Miss Bennet to spend a day in London before then, send your card around.
My best to you and yours.
Wesley
Darcy re-read the letter again -- particularly the fifth paragraph. It was written innocently, but was far from innocuous. Wesley had no way of knowing that he had spent some hours last night pondering ‘this lady.' Yet, somehow his friend had managed to connect him with Elizabeth, even before he had.
He threw the letter to the wayside. He was tired from thinking about marriage and Elizabeth. The two together seemed absurd. At the same time, the more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed to him. If he must submit to a marriage of convenience, who better than Elizabeth? Her intentions were not mercenary. She cared about Georgiana and him. They were friends, and had never tired of each other. In many ways, she was what he had always wanted in a wife.
Yet, he was not attracted to her. And, as much as he enjoyed her company, he could not ask her to give up her chances for a loving marriage. He could not ask her to suffer the same lot as he, simply because it would make his life easier. He respected and cared for her too much.
However, despite his self protestations of it being selfish and unfair, and the reasons why they should not marry, he could not make himself forget the idea.
Posted on Thursday, 17 April 2008
Darcy exited Netherfield to find Achilles saddled and waiting for his morning ride. Despite whatever faults Bingley may have as a landlord, no one could complain about his treatment of his guests.
As he had the past few mornings, he mounted Achilles and immediately spurred him into a gallop. He was agitated. Despite his efforts not to entertain thoughts of marriage to Elizabeth, the idea would not die. Even in his sleep, the idea lingered. In fact, that was the reason for his particularly perturbed mood today.
He had been startled awake by a dream. It began innocently enough; he and a young Elizabeth were running around the grounds of Pemberley as they often did. He had Elizabeth's bonnet in hand, and he was taunting her with it. It was after she reclaimed her bonnet that the dream took an unexpected turn. Suddenly, in front of his own grown person, stood the present Elizabeth; her hair blowing gently in the wind, her face flush, and her eyes bright from the exercise. He felt drawn to her. Before he could stop himself, he was reaching for her, and his lips were making aim for hers. That was when he awoke.
While the dream had been disconcerting, even more disturbing was the feeling of loss he felt finding his arms empty.
After a punishing ride, he found himself near Oakham Mount. The sky was ablaze with the morning sun, and the morning mist was lifting from the ground. The elevated position promised a fine prospect. Previous such mornings had taught him the vantage point always showed Hertfordshire at its best.
When he arrived, he was surprised and not a little distressed to see Elizabeth already sitting there. He had not come to any decision, and the turmoil caused by last night's dream was still fresh. Seeing the chimera of his consternation in front of him did not bode well for his agitation.
Ever since his epiphany at Longbourn, he had avoided Elizabeth. He had even rebuffed Georgiana's requests to call at Longbourn in an effort to avoid Elizabeth's company. Now, quite by accident, she was there in front of him.
"Fizzy!" she greeted warmly.
Darcy could not help but smile. "Li'l Beth. How are you?"
Elizabeth moved towards one end of the log she was sitting upon, making room for him. "Enjoying the scenery. Is it not magnificent?"
Darcy said nothing. Instead, he paced nervously for a few moments. Finally, he took a deep breath and sat. He knew if he did not she would know something was amiss. He searched for something to say, but the only topic that came to him was marriage.
In three days of arguments with himself, he had only come up two reasons why they should not marry; the first being because they were not attracted to each other, the second being the displeasure of his family.
Six months ago, that would have been reason enough. Now, when compared to his alternatives, both reasons seemed inconsequential. It was driving him mad!
"What is wrong, Fizzy?" Elizabeth said, startling him.
Darcy froze. How had she known something was wrong? Mastering his appearance, he calmly said, "Nothing. I was only enjoying the tranquillity."
"Well, if you grind your toe any further into the ground, there will be a hole big enough to break your ankle." She looked pointedly at this boots, that even now were working a patch of black earth.
Darcy looked down and grimaced inwardly. Unable to stop his nervous movements, he stood and began pacing again. Silence hung for several minutes. "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" he suddenly blurted out. He immediately dropped his eyes to the ground and kicked at a few fallen leaves.
It was Elizabeth's turn to be caught off guard. For a few minutes she only stared at him, uncertain she had heard him correctly. Then, with a scrunched up brow, she cocked her head sideways. "Are you serious?"
Finally, daring to look at his friend, Darcy nodded. Seeing her shocked expression, he quickly took a seat next to her and unconsciously took her hands in his. "Li'l Beth, please hear me out. I know this took you by surprise, but I am perfectly serious. I need to marry. I have known you nearly my whole life. I trust you, I am comfortable around you." He stood with his back to her, unable to look at her any longer. "Georgiana needs a sister and I ..." He let the words die. He did not want to admit he was lonely. He rarely admitted that to himself. Turning to face her, he started again. "I have resigned myself to a marriage of convenience. By marrying you, I would at least have the comfort of knowing I can be friends with my wife and that I can trust her with Georgiana and Pemberley."
Elizabeth sat mutely, trying to formulate the barrage of thoughts and emotions into words. After watching her mouth open and then close again several times, Darcy took a seat next to her. He knew he had blindsided her with this, and she would need time to think, so he said nothing. Finally, she looked at him. Slowly, still unsure of her words, she said, "Fizzy, I am flattered, but surely you can find a woman more... qualified. One who can at least offer you a substantial dowry. You know I have a very small one, and no connections. I have never had a London season, and..."
As if answering himself, as he had several times the last few days, he interrupted, "Perhaps. But I could never be sure of their intentions. Most of the women of the ton are like Miss Bingley - though some at least try to hide it."
Elizabeth smirked, remembering Miss Bingley's antics while she was at Netherfield. "Fizzy, you have plenty of time to find a wife. Unlike us women, you have the luxury of never being considered ‘on the shelf.'"
Darcy sighed heavily. He could count on two hands the number of people who knew of his situation. Lord and Lady Matlock, Richard, Stephen, Lady Catherine, his cousin Anne, and himself. He had never dreamed of telling anyone else, yet he knew he had to tell Elizabeth.
"I no longer have the luxury of time," he murmured. Then in a more conversational tone, he added, "One of the consequences of the Ramsgate incident was a promise to my family I would announce my engagement by the end of the next season. It is my family's opinion that if Georgiana had had a sister, the whole scandal could have been avoided." He stood and began pacing again. "Georgiana does need a sister, but one who cares about her. One she trusts and can confide in."
Elizabeth listened, her eyes wide. She was incensed at his family for putting such blame and pressure on him. "I can not comprehend they believe that you marrying under a time restriction would help matters any. It is more likely to get you married to some inane empty-headed fool; and then where will Georgiana be?"
As if not hearing her words, he explained quietly, "They are going to petition her guardianship be turned over to Stephen, Lord Langford, and his wife if I do not marry." He dropped down next to her again, anguish etched into his face. "Langford is a good man, but she is all I have left."
Elizabeth put a comforting hand on his arm. "I am so sorry, Fizzy." After a moment of silence she said, "Lord or Lady Langford would not have stopped it as you did."
Darcy smiled weakly at her confidence in him. "I agree with you. My own interference was sheer luck. But it is done, and I have given my word. If I am not engaged by the end of the season, my engagement to my cousin Anne will be announced." He let out a disgusted snort. "This whole idea stems from Lady Catherine's wish that Anne and I wed. The incident with Georgiana only served as a platform to press her cause. Somehow during all this, my uncle got it into his head that the reason I was not already wed was because I was not looking. I believe he supported Lady Catherine's idea, only hoping to push me to start seriously considering marriage." He let out an exasperated sigh. "I suppose I should feel grateful to the earl that I have a whole season to find a wife. None the less, I gave my word as a gentleman, and I will not go back on it.
"Li'l Beth, I do not want to marry Anne. She is dour and sickly. She spends her days contemplating her current ailments and what illness will cause her death. She could never be a friend to either me or Georgiana. I know I ask a lot of you, but I have thought about this, and little else, these last few days. I think it could work to both our benefits."
"Is this why you paid some attentions to Miss Bingley?"
Darcy rolled his eyes at the reminder. "I thought perhaps she might improve upon closer acquaintance." He tried to hide a smirk but was not entirely successful. "I was incorrect."
Elizabeth let out a light laugh. Slowly, understanding dawned. She noticed Darcy watching her intently and realized he was still waiting for an answer to his original question.
"But we do not love each other," Elizabeth protested, a bit stronger than she intended.
Darcy winced. He dropped his hands to his lap and shook his head. "No; not as a man and wife. But we care for each other, and respect each other. Maybe that is enough. Maybe it will develop into something more, given time."
"Have you discussed this with Georgiana?" Elizabeth retorted, grasping at straws. It was obvious he had given the idea a lot of thought, an advantage she did not particular care for.
Darcy chuckled. "I am certain that if Georgiana had her way, we would be married tomorrow." He became serious once again. "But no. I have not, nor do I intend to. If she knew I was being forced into marriage, she would never forgive herself."
"I will not speak of it to her."
"Does this mean you will agree?" He stared at her, hopeful.
Elizabeth stood and began picking apart a leaf she had torn from a nearby tree. "What about the rest of your family? Surely they will not be pleased by your choice. They must expect you to marry someone of your own social standing."
"Lady Catherine will not be at all pleased; she has been determined I will marry Anne since I was born. My uncle... he will certainly be surprised." He turned to her and said solemnly. "But it is my decision. My uncle has agreed to support my decision."
"Even if I were a servant girl?" Elizabeth quipped, unable to help herself.
Darcy laughed. "He would be less pleased, but yes, even if you were a servant girl. He also gave his word as a gentleman."
"But you need an heir. That would mean we would..." She blushed furiously and turned away.
Suddenly the image of her from his dream appeared before him. "Yes," he answered with a swallow. He forcefully pushed away such thoughts. "I need an heir." Then quickly added, "But we are young. There is time for that. We would not have to do anything until we were both comfortable with the idea. "
When Elizabeth was able to look at him again, she was pleased to see Darcy covered in a dark shade of scarlet. She nodded, once again deep in thought. She had always thought she would marry only for love, but she could not immediately dismiss the offer in front of her. Such a marriage would mean security for not only herself, but her family. She had refused Collins out of the sheer absurdity of residing under the same roof as the man. But she could not say the same about Darcy. He was a friend, a good friend at that.
Charlotte's words, when she announced her engagement to Mr. Collins, came back to her. Marriage is the only provision for us well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, it must be their pleasantest preservative from want. She remembered how cynical those words had sounded to her then. Now, she was beginning to see the wisdom in them.
"You would take care of my family, should something happen to my father?"
"Yes. They would fall under my protection. I would see they had a house, servants, and an allowance."
Elizabeth nodded slowly. How could she not say yes to such a generous offer? Then again, how could she marry her childhood friend? "I need to think on it," she said finally. There was no way she could think clearly with him next to her. "Give me two days. I will have my answer to you by then."
It was not the answer he had hoped for, but it was a fair request. "Thank you, Li'l Beth."
Elizabeth spent the remainder of the morning in quiet contemplation. Her mind was too full to remind her she had yet to break her fast; so after she left Darcy at Oakham Mount, she walked through an open field behind Longbourn.
Darcy had made her an offer of marriage! For the second time in as many weeks, she was facing a marriage proposal she did not expect, nor want. At least Fizzy has more to recommend him.
Her dilemma weighed heavily on her as she recalled the earnestness with which Darcy spoken. Had he requested anything but marriage, she would have readily and heartily consented, if only to ease his burden. She would have even agreed to become Georgiana's paid companion had he asked. But marriage? She wondered how long he had been considering this proposal. Was this the reason he had come to Hertfordshire? If so, why did he not say something sooner?
She picked up a switch and effortlessly lay to waste the tall brown grass in front of her. It was perhaps unfair to punish the foliage for her consternation, but they did not protest, and she needed some way to vent her frustration before returning to the house.
"Insufferable man!" she scoffed aloud. With a chuckle, she imagined her mother's wailings should she discover Darcy's offer. "I dare say even Papa would be hard pressed to decline such an offer," she muttered to herself. The next minute she grunted in vexation. "Now he has me talking to myself. Insufferable, insufferable man!"
She continued walking; cutting a path in front of her with the stick. If only she could discount this proposal as quickly as she had Mr. Collins'; but the marriage did offer many advantages. She chuckled recalling Mr. Collins words, ‘You are not likely to receive another offer...' She wondered what her mother would say if she learned that had Elizabeth accepted Mr. Collins' offer, it would have prevented Darcy from proposing. She could hear her mother's effusions, should she accept Darcy's proposal. "Ten thousand a year! What pin money! What carriages you shall have, Lizzy!"
She took a deep breath. Surely there is a logical, rational way to consider the offer. Acceptance would mean securing her family's well being. Her mother and sisters would no longer have to be worried about "being cast into the hedgerows" should anything befall her father. She would never receive a more advantageous offer; few in England would. Should she decline the offer, she would likely become a spinster; one simply did not turn down two proposals and expect to receive a third.
There were worse fates. She thought once more of her friend, Charlotte, who had agreed to marry Mr. Collins solely for the security he provided. She shook her head. No, she would rather go into service than marry the likes of Mr. Collins. Fizzy was no Mr. Collins though. Fizzy was intelligent, loyal, respectable, and compassionate. More importantly, they were good friends. They talked, teased one another, and were comfortable enough in each other's presence not to feel the necessity for idle talk. Not even her parents could claim that. There was one element missing though; one crucial element. Love.
She had always intended to marry for love. A tiny smile graced her lips as she recalled the many late nights she and Jane would discuss their wedding. It was always a double wedding, for she could never imagine leaving Jane, nor Jane leaving her. The church was prettily arranged with white flowers. That detail came from Jane, and despite Elizabeth's preference to be married in the church courtyard, she conceded that point knowing their mother would never permit it. Location aside, Jane and Elizabeth would walk down the aisle, each holding one of their father's arms; Elizabeth on the left, Jane on the right.
Elizabeth stopped her musings for a moment, wondering why it was always that way. Why was she always on the left? She shook her head. It was not important. The important fact was when they reached the front of the church, they would each take the arm of their betrothed and look lovingly into their eyes. The vows would be recited with reverence and understanding that nothing could separate the two couples, because they loved each other.
She sighed wistfully. She only had to look at her own parents to see what happened when a couple did not respect and love each other; yet she had also heard stories of marriages of convenience that had turned out well.
Mischievously, she thought perhaps the announcement of her engagement to Darcy would induce Bingley to make an offer of marriage himself. She and Jane could then still fulfil their childhood fantasy, at least part of it.
Her head began to throb, so she headed back to the house, grateful there would still be time to think on things before an answer was required.
Darcy returned to Netherfield with a mixture of guilt and elation. Unexpectedly, he had laid his burdens before Elizabeth. Their friendship had prevented her from rejecting his proposal outright; she was sympathetic to his plight. Elizabeth had always had a strong sense of justice and a compassionate heart.
Still, he could not help feeling a twinge of remorse. He had not wanted to say anything to her before he had made up his own mind; yet seeing her at Oakham Mount had only solidified how like minded they were. Before he knew it, he was talking her into accepting his offer of marriage.
He smiled to himself. It had felt good to speak to someone of this matter. Now, at least by presenting the idea to Elizabeth, he could come to some closure. If she said yes, they would be married. If she said no, he hoped they could remain friends and he would find a partner in another corner. It sounded cold and unfeeling, but then as they had both stated earlier that morning, this was not about love.
Now everything was out in the open; it was a matter of waiting. He was resolved to give Elizabeth the time she requested to ponder the situation, without interference or influence. For his part, that would be easy. He could keep himself busy with Bingley and matters of the estate. Georgiana was another matter though.
It had already been two days since she had seen Elizabeth, and with the weather being more amiable, she would be itching to visit Longbourn again. He would have to find ways to entertain her away from Longbourn. Perhaps a few days tending to her studies was in order. He had allowed them to become somewhat neglected to encourage her friendship with Elizabeth; perhaps now would be a good time to catch up.
Unfortunately, that morning, a message from Longbourn arrived inviting all of Netherfield to tea. Bingley and Georgiana, as expected, showed a great interest, and before Darcy could respond otherwise, the affirmative response was sent.
Just before the appointed time, Darcy begged off. He knew he could not arrive at Longbourn. Elizabeth needed time to consider his offer, and he was determined she have it. Georgiana was another matter.
Recalling, however, that Miss Bingley and the Hursts were also to attend the tea, he decided to allow Georgiana to attend as well. Miss Bingley would insist on a short visit, and therefore little harm could be done. He hoped Elizabeth would not be angry and think he had sent Georgiana to persuade her.
Elizabeth sat nervously in the drawing room, waiting for the Netherfield party to arrive. How was she to carry on a conversation with Mr. Darcy after this morning? She desperately wanted to excuse herself, but knew her mother would be angry if she did. She knew very well Mrs. Bennet looked to her to distract the others and give Mr. Bingley and Jane time alone.
When the party was announced, she was relieved Darcy was not amongst them. She was a little dismayed to see Georgiana, but based on the greeting she received from that girl, she knew Georgiana was none the wiser. She had no doubt Darcy had absented himself from the gathering because of their discussion that morning, and was grateful he was giving her the promised the time to mull over things.
Throughout the visit, Elizabeth struggled to attend the conversations around her. Much of it revolved around gossip from town, about people she had never heard of. Before she knew it, the party was taking their leave.
Finally, night came, and Elizabeth was able to escape to her room. She sat on the bed, lost in thought as she waited for Jane to finish brushing out her hair.
Suddenly, she heard her sister addressing her. "Lizzy, what troubles you?" Jane asked in her comforting older sister voice. "It is not Mama, is it?"
Elizabeth put on her best unaffected smile. "It is nothing. Nothing at all, Jane." She was a little dismayed when Jane joined her on the bed, clearly looking to talk. She was not very good at hiding things from her sister, and she could tell Jane was not about to give up so easily.
"You have been pensive all day. Will you not tell me what troubles you? You know I shall keep it to myself," Jane said.
There was a long silence as Elizabeth contemplated whether or not to discuss Darcy's offer with her sister. Finally, hoping it might help her come to some sort of conclusion, she said, "Very well. I must tell someone. If you must know, he asked me to marry him." She watched as Jane's eyes grew wide.
"Mr. Darcy, right? Lizzy, did Mr. Darcy ask you to marry him?"
Elizabeth was a bit taken back by her sister's enthusiasm. Uncertain how to respond, she simply nodded.
"Did you accept him?"
"I told him I needed to think on it." She watched as Jane's brow knit together in confusion. She realized then, Jane believed there to be more between her and Darcy than friendship. Apparently her sister's feelings towards Mr. Bingley were colouring her view of Elizabeth and Darcy's relationship.
"Do you love him, Lizzy?"
"No Jane, I do not; nor does he love me." Elizabeth hesitated before decided how much to tell her sister. Eventually, she explained Darcy's agreement with aunt and uncle -- leaving out the reason for the agreement -- and that the proposal had been made based on their friendship. She then went to explain all the reasons she felt she should accept the proposal.
When Elizabeth finished, Jane exhaled forcibly. Cautiously she said, "Lizzy, if you do not think you can be happy with Mr. Darcy, do not marry him. I beg this of you. I could not bear to see you married to a man simply out of duty to the family." With a smirk she added, "Though I must say, Mr. Darcy is a far better prospect than Mr. Collins!"
At the mention of Mr. Collins, Elizabeth could not help laughing, which lifted the serious air that had encompassed the two of them. After joking around for a few more minutes, the two settled under the counterpane together and blew out the candles.
Elizabeth went to sleep with a smile on her face. She was no closer to making a decision, but Jane had brought some levity to her thoughts. For that she was thankful.
Posted on Friday, 25 April 2008
Two days after his talk with Elizabeth, Darcy woke with anticipation. Today could determine the rest of his life. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and looked at the window. It was still dark, with no sun filtering through. He glanced at the clock and his heart sank; he should have seen daylight. He dashed to the window where a grim sight met him. The sky was dark, with heavy clouds and rain was steadily pelting the glass pane. He looked to the ground below, and saw large, muddy puddles. It had rained most of the night. The roads would be in no condition for travel, by foot or by horse.
He would not be getting his answer today. His shoulders slumped with the realization. With nothing to anticipate but a day indoors with Miss Bingley, he trudged back to the bed.
Back at Longbourn, however, Elizabeth was not quite so displeased. Despite the fact that she would have to spend the day indoors, the rain was a welcome reprieve. She could put off the inevitable one more day.
The following morning, Hertfordshire welcomed the rays of sun that broke through the grey clouds. The roads, while passable, were still heavy with murky pools of water.
Elizabeth donned a simple morning gown. It was not only her favourite, but also had the advantage of being darker in colour, and would more easily hide the dirt. She pulled her hair up in a simple fashion and pinched her cheeks to improve on her complexion. The collected appearance covered a flutter of spirits within. Whatever the outcome, it would be a memorable day.
After sneaking a warm breakfast roll from the kitchen, she headed outdoors and in the direction of Oakham Mount. She walked slowly, and kept to the main lanes in an effort to protect her petticoat. She did not want to arrive splattered in mud.
She bit into her roll and savoured the sweetness. She wondered if Pemberley's cook knew how to make such confections? Most likely she did; the Darcys always hired the best.
When she arrived at her destination, she was not entirely surprised to find Darcy already waiting.
"Good morning, Li'l Beth," Darcy greeted, trying not to sound too eager.
"Good morning, Fizzy."
An awkward silence enveloped them, neither one certain how to approach the topic that hung between them.
"Have you decided then?" He swore under his breath at how abrupt that sounded. Surely he could have been more eloquent.
"I am sorry. I do not have the pleasure of understanding you." The twitch of the corner of her mouth however belied the truth.
Darcy rolled his eyes. She was not going to make to things easy. "The answer to my question. The one I asked you three days ago."
"I can not seem to recall it. Perhaps you could be so kind as to remind me?"
Darcy took a slow breath. Teasing woman! He decided to counter coy with the dramatic. Despite the wet ground, he dropped to a knee and took her hands in his. "Li'l Beth. I have known you to be a truly amazing, though often infuriating, woman." He returned the smile that lit her eyes with his own. "Will you save me from marriage to a woman I barely know? Will you save me from a lifetime in the company of the likes of Miss Bingley? Will you save me from a lifetime of suffering? Will you do me a great honour, and consent to be my wife?"
Elizabeth smiled, delighted at the picture in front of her. It would likely never happen again. Fitzwilliam Darcy on his knees begging? Finally she said with a smile, "Yes, Fizzy. I will rescue you from a lifetime of suffering the likes of Miss Bingley and marry you."
Darcy laughed mirthfully; part out of relief, part in reaction to her teasing response. He stood and kissed her hands, a broad smile cracked his features. "Thank you."
The two moved to the fallen log that served as a bench. Silence reigned. Neither one was sure what to say next. "How many know of your need to marry?" Elizabeth finally asked.
"Not many. My Aunt and Uncle Fitzwilliam, Richard, Stephen, and of course, Lady Catherine." He turned towards her. "I would like to keep it that way."
Elizabeth nodded. Then after a few moments she asked, "What will you tell Georgiana?"
"That we are engaged. She does not need to know why." He waited until she was looking at him. "Li'l Beth, for Georgiana's sake, I would like us to try to give her an example other than that of a cold marriage of convenience. I think our friendship is somewhere in between a romantic love and a business proposition. The pretence would not have to be much. Maybe taking my arm when we walk, allowing me to hand you in and out of the carriage, and sitting near me in company. Would you be comfortable with that?" He looked down at the ground to hide his embarrassment at talking of these intimacies.
"That does not sound too daunting. But I thought you abhorred disguise of every sort!" She let out a little giggle. Seeing he did not find the same humour in the situation, she sobered. "And what will you tell Mr. Bingley and your other friends?"
"The same as Georgiana; that we are engaged." He could not help the hint of a smile that peeked out. "Our reasons are of no concern to them."
"My father will ask."
Darcy was silent for several minutes. "If you think it necessary, I will inform him of the truth. I trust his discretion."
After several minutes, Elizabeth said, "Fizzy. I would be more comfortable knowing we had your family's blessing. I would not want cause a familial rift."
"That is why you will be perfect as my wife."
Elizabeth blushed at the term wife. She had not yet gotten used to thinking of herself that way.
"I would like to obtain your father's permission and then I will travel to London to speak with my uncle. We can hold off any public announcement until I return."
Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "I would like to be with you when you speak to my father. He may not be so... amenable."
Darcy readily agreed, relieved she made such a request. It was one thing to ask for a daughter's hand in marriage if you were in love. It was quite a different thing to discuss one's daughter as a bartering tool.
The two stood and began to walk back towards Longbourn. "Fizzy, if you were to fall in love before we married, you would tell me, right?"
Darcy looked at Elizabeth in surprise. "But I would be engaged to you."
Elizabeth stopped and looked up at him. He could tell she was in earnest. "I would not want you to marry me if you had fallen in love with someone else. Promise me that if you find someone who touches your heart, you will tell me. I would not have two people suffer on my account."
Darcy nodded solemnly. "I promise. But you must promise the same."
It was still early when Darcy and Elizabeth arrived at Longbourn, and Elizabeth was grateful to find the others not yet awake. The last thing she needed was her mother to discover their engagement at this early date.
"Good morning, Papa." Elizabeth said with a smile.
"Ah! Lizzy!" Her father responded. "What brings you to my haven this morning?"
"Mr. Darcy and I would like to speak with you."
Her father sat up in his chair. "Mr. Darcy is with you?"
Taking his cue, Darcy stepped forward into the room. "Mr. Bennet," he greeted with a bow.
Mr. Bennet gestured to the two to enter, and while Darcy found himself a seat amongst the pile of books, Elizabeth closed the door.
The elder man looked curiously between his daughter and the gentleman sitting next to her. "What can I do for you? It is a bit early for your mother, so I know you are not trying to hide."
Elizabeth smirked and then looked to Darcy.
Darcy launched nervously out of his seat. "Sir, I have come to ask for your daughter Elizabeth's hand in marriage."
Mr. Bennet's brows went skyward, and he looked from Darcy to Elizabeth. His shock was raised to new levels when he saw Elizabeth smile shyly and nod. "I am not up to date on the latest trends, but I did not think it was customary for the bride to be part of these discussions."
Darcy shifted nervously from one foot to another. Goodness it was hot in this room! "Miss Elizabeth requested to be present, and I had no objections."
Mr. Bennet arched a brow towards his daughter, who only nodded again. He turned his attention back to Darcy. "Very well. You say you want to marry my Lizzy. Why is that?"
"In my short time in Hertfordshire, I have come to know Miss Elizabeth as one of the most admirable ladies of my acquaintance. I care for her and can provide well for her. She will want for nothing."
Mr. Bennet leaned back in his chair and folded his hands across his stomach. His eyes surveyed the man standing there asking to take his favourite daughter from him. He looked to Elizabeth, who sat silently, blushing under that same man's avowal of his sentiments. "I am well aware of your financial situation, Mr. Darcy, and your reputation. But this admiration you express seems rather sudden."
Darcy threw his hands behind his back to hide his nervousness, though Elizabeth could see him nervously rubbing the stone in his ring. "On the contrary, I have always considered Miss Elizabeth a dear friend. I care very much for your daughter, and she cares for me."
"But you do not love her," Mr. Bennet deadpanned.
"Not as a man loves his wife, but I do care and respect her a great deal, and she returns those sentiments."
Mr. Bennet looked at his daughter. "Lizzy, what are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting him? I thought you were to marry only for love?"
Elizabeth winced at her father's reminder of words she had spoken just two weeks ago. "Papa, I have thought about Mr. Darcy's offer of marriage for three days, and I believe I am doing the right thing. It is true we do not love each other as a husband and wife ought, but we do care for each other a great deal. I trust him, and in marrying someone I already consider a very good friend, I know I will always be able to respect my spouse." She gave him a knowing look. "There are worse fates than marrying your close friend." She smiled bashfully up at Darcy, who returned the smile. He was suddenly very thankful for her presence.
Mr. Bennet closed his eyes momentarily. His daughter was right - unlike him, she would always be able to respect her spouse. With a resigned sigh, he nodded. "Lizzy, this has nothing to do with Mr. Collins, does it?"
"No, Papa. I would not have agreed to the marriage if I did not believe I could be... if I could not respect Mr. Darcy. We have been friends for a very long time; I do not believe that will ever change."
"Yet a month ago, we were both certain we should never hear from him again."
Darcy blanched and opened his mouth to speak, but Elizabeth spoke first. "We have discussed that, Papa. I am content with the explanation and have forgiven him."
He looked sternly at Darcy. "And what assurances can you give me, Mr. Darcy, that you will protect my daughter against your family. They will surely not be pleased by your choice." Mr. Bennet was aware he had crossed a boundary of propriety, but his daughter's happiness was at stake. He had done it intentionally, knowing it would throw Darcy off balance.
"I will not pretend, sir, and assure you they will be pleased. In fact, I am quite certain Lady Catherine will object vehemently. However, my uncle, the Earl of Matlock has already promised to support my decision. But even if he did not, I am my own man, and I will not tolerate any disrespect to my wife. Though Miss Elizabeth is not from within the sphere of ladies which I am expected to marry, I have come to believe she would make a perfect Mistress of Pemberley."
Mr. Bennet stood. His face was taut and his voice hard. "You have already extracted a promise from your uncle. How is that? Did you come here with the intention of making an offer to my Lizzy?"
Elizabeth watched the two gentlemen nervously. Her father was rarely agitated, and she could see the tension in him.
"My reasons for coming to Hertfordshire were as I stated when I first arrived. I am here at the behest of Mr. Bingley. Renewing my acquaintance with you and Miss Elizabeth was a pleasant consequence. As for my uncle's promise, it was extracted during a particular heated family discussion about my continued unmarried state. My intentions towards your daughter have always been friendship. In marrying her, I shall be grateful to never relinquish it."
Elizabeth stood, taking up a position next to Darcy. "Papa, Mr. Darcy and I have discussed this all; his family, as well as our expectations for this marriage. I am satisfied with our agreement."
Mr. Bennet again looked from his daughter to the young man next to her. "Is there nothing I can say to dissuade you?" Though he could already see her allegiance was shifting.
"No, Papa. I am quite determined."
"Very well, Lizzy." Mr. Bennet sighed. "I can see you will not be swayed. I will not object. I will caution you both though to think long and hard on this. Have you discussed a wedding date?"
"No, sir," Darcy replied. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly.
"Good. Then, I will insist a long engagement. It will give you both the opportunity to back out if you so choose." He looked sternly at Darcy. "I will not hold my daughter to this engagement if she changes her mind. I would rather weather the scandal."
"I understand, sir. I would not wish it any other way," Darcy said solemnly. "Thank you, sir. I will leave for London the day after tomorrow to meet with my solicitor and will return with the settlement papers."
"Papa, we would like to wait until Mr. Darcy returns before telling anyone else of our engagement."
Mr. Bennet chuckled. "You will get no objection from me. I am afraid the house will not be the same afterwards. I would like the time to prepare for your mother's raptures."
"Papa!" Elizabeth admonished.
After the two left Mr. Bennet's study, Elizabeth walked Darcy to the door. They stood just outside it, in awkward silence, as they waited for his horse to be brought around.
"Thank you again, Li'l Beth. You have lifted a significant burden off my shoulders. I promise, I will do everything in my power to see to your happiness."
Elizabeth looked down at the ground uncertain of what to say. After a moment she looked up at him. "I believe between your sister's company, the grounds at Pemberley, and its vast library, I shall be quite content." Her eyes twinkled with amusement.
"And Pemberley's master? Will he not also be amongst your forms of amusement?"
Elizabeth laughed. "Of course! He is very important! Why there will be no one else around for Georgiana and me to tease! And then there are tedious matters of the estate that someone must see to."
Darcy attempted a fierce scowl, but the dimples that emerged betrayed the smile he was suppressing. He gave an affected hmmph. "Our engagement is not yet an hour old, and I am already dismissed."
At that time, Darcy's horse was brought around. Seeing Darcy mounted, the stable hand immediately departed, giving Darcy and Elizabeth another moment alone. "Shall I see you before you are to London... my fiancé?" she adding half mockingly.
From atop his steed, Darcy bowed gallantly. "Of course, my lady." When Elizabeth giggled, he said, "I shall call with Georgiana tomorrow, if the weather permits. We will not leave Hertfordshire without saying goodbye."
Elizabeth smiled. She watched as Darcy prodded his horse and made his way towards Netherfield.
After dinner that evening, Darcy and Bingley absconded to the billiard room. While Darcy did not like leaving his sister in the company of Miss Bingley too often, he did not want to include that woman in this discussion.
He had told Georgiana of his travel plans earlier that afternoon. He was secretly quite pleased at her disappointment to be leaving Hertfordshire. Her attachment to Elizabeth was obviously quite strong. It only solidified his belief that he was doing the right thing in marrying Elizabeth.
Their second game was coming to an end when Darcy said, "Bingley, I need to return to London for a few days, maybe as long as a se'nnight. Georgiana will accompany me."
"I hope it is nothing serious, Darcy. You know Georgiana is more than welcome to stay."
"There is no cause for concern. As to Georgiana, I have already spoken to her, and she wishes to travel with me. Fitzwilliam is on leave, and she would like to see him."
"How soon will you be departing?"
"The day after next." He watched Bingley with curiosity. Bingley had asked about their departure with more than a passing interest. The man was planning something.
"I have some business in London as well. Perhaps I will join you. We could travel together if you do not mind. It would allow me to leave the carriage for Caroline and the Hursts."
"Of course. My carriage has plenty of room."
Though he did not show it, Darcy's interest was piqued. He wondered at the true reason for his friend's eagerness. Bingley rarely had business; as he had no estate to run, most of his business was easily completed via correspondence. Whatever the reason, Bingley would tell him when he was ready.
The travel arrangements were discussed over breakfast the next morning and were met with surprising enthusiasm.
That same evening, Elizabeth sat in front of the vanity, plaiting her hair and trying to decide whether or not tell Jane of her engagement. She did not doubt Jane would keep her secret, but she was still coming to grips with the fact herself. She was to be the next mistress of Pemberley; the next Mrs. Darcy! It seemed so outlandish and surreal. She kept expecting to wake up from her dream at any moment.
Perhaps if she said it aloud to someone else, it would seem more real. "I told him yes, Jane."
"You told who yes?" Jane asked. After a second she exclaimed, "You are engaged then!" She jumped off the bed and gave Elizabeth a hug.
When her sister pulled back, Elizabeth smirked. "I am to be the next Mrs. Darcy." She felt relief when Jane let out a giggle. She wanted Jane to be happy for her and not question her decision. She did enough of that for both of them.
Jane hurried back to the bed, climbing under the counterpane. "Are you sure about this?" she asked?
"I am certain." Elizabeth replied, trying to sound as determined as she could. "Mr. Darcy and I have agreed to an almost five month engagement. In that time, should either of us fall in love or decide to back out, we have given each other leave to do so."
Jane furrowed her brow. "Only five months? Did you not want something longer?"
Elizabeth's eyes went wide for a moment. Five months was already a very long engagement! She had been pleasantly surprised when Darcy suggested an April wedding. "No. Due to the reasons for our marriage, we dare not extend the engagement any longer. We shall be married near the beginning of the Season. With Papa's permission, I shall spend much of the early spring in town in preparation."
"If you are satisfied with your decision, Lizzy, then I am happy for you. Mr. Darcy is a good man and will treat you well." Elizabeth smiled. If Jane was happy for her, she would be content with her decision.
Chapter Nine
Darcy,
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven