Beginning, Section II, Next Section

Chapter Nine

Posted on Saturday, 13 January 2007

In the morning, Sophia awoke from a restful and comfortable sleep. Without opening her eyes she blessed her good fortune. Her husband was wonderful. He allowed her to sleep without distress.

The moment she opened her eyes she changed her opinion. He was standing by the window, completely devoid of clothing. What was worse, the curtains were open and anyone might see him. She did not know what to think or where to look. This was the first time in her life that such a sight was before her.

"Ah, Sophia!" he said eagerly when he perceived she was awake. "I took off my nightgown because I hated it. I never wear one, you see, but I thought I should get one for your sake, but I hated it so much that I took it off after I had thought about it for a while. You see, it occurred to me that I am stuck with you forever and it would be a choice between my hating the nightgown every single day or your getting used to my not having one. After thinking on this for a while I thought you were sensible enough not to mind, although I do feel a little selfish for making this decision for you. But I really do hate the thing."

Sophia, who had been staring at him and thinking four different things at once, saw no other option than to close her eyes so that the sight might go away. She had seen statues with fig leaves, but this was none of that. She would sound very stupid if she said so, yet he had called her sensible and she did not want to disappoint her new husband.

"Sophia?" James asked, sounding confused at her reaction. "Oh dear god! There is a washerwoman gawking at me!" His utter disgust was audible.

Sophia's eyelids fluttered open for a moment and she saw him move away from the window. He came nearer and she had to close her eyes again. She felt he sat down on the bed beside her and she let out a soft whimper, but she was not certain it was alarm or amusement. How could he be surprised at being gawked at, given what he was doing!

"Sophia?" He sounded concerned. "What is it?"

She opened one eye and focused on his face alone. "You have no clothes on," she said in a breathless whisper. He did not seem to be aware of that.

He gave her a look of confusion. "I was just telling you why I do not. Why are you not opening your other eye?"

"It will wander."

He was too puzzled to say anything.

"James…" she said with a sort of whine. It was impossible that she should have to point this out to him, yet his confusion was endearingly sincere. "You have no clothes on."

Finally he realised the implications of that himself and he turned red. "Oh. No." He grabbed the blanket and pulled it across his lap. "Better?"

"And you were standing by the window!" A window! People could look in as well as out! She imagined a crowd, all gazing upon her husband, which he had not noticed because he was thinking up arguments to convince her of why he did not like his nightgown. She let out a strangled sound.

He was appalled. "I was not thinking. I mean I was thinking, but obviously thinking about something else and --" He sighed.

"Oh dear, oh dear," Sophia lamented when the image would not leave her mind, no matter how tightly she squeezed her eyelids together.

"What is it?"

She could not mention the image and she struggled to put one of her other thoughts into words. "What would you have felt if I had stood by the window with nothing on?" How could he not understand? Surely he must have felt the same?

"I do not know." He fell sideways onto the bed and hid his face.

"Neither do I. But James…you are not really making it better this way." He should go and put some clothes on, so both of them could be calm again.

"I hate being married."

His pitiful tone made her open her eyes again. Someone ought to be sensible here. After hovering above it for some moments she finally touched his back with a fingertip. She did not hate being married at all, but it was definitely different from her previous life. "I will become used to it. At the moment, however…" She rested her hand more firmly on his back now. Nothing odd had happened after touching him. "James, I am stuck with you forever too. I suppose I have no choice but to get used to you and the sight of you."

He lay still for another few moments. "I knew you were a sensible girl, Sophia," he then said, raising his face and smiling an embarrassed smile. "Should I wear the nightgown again?"

"No. I have seen it all now," she said with a sigh. She wished she had not, although it would have been unavoidable at some point. Then something slipped out of her mouth unchecked. "But I may continue to gawk for a few days, if you do not mind."

His eyes widened. "You are a sensible but an insane girl too."

"James…" They could not stay here forever. She must be sensible, insane and practical. He really had an infectious smile, but if she remained here she would be very silly indeed. Either she would keep looking at him or erupt into childish giggles, neither of which reflected very well on the sensible wife of a Navy captain. They ought to behave differently, she felt. But how? Sensible Navy captains ought to behave differently first themselves.

"Sophia…"

She needed a task to take her mind and her eyes off her husband, and she cleared her throat. She thought he had been teasing when he had suggested she had another boy to look after, but apparently he knew himself. "Shall I make us some breakfast?"

"That would be wonderful."

"Kindly release my legs for the purpose," she requested, since he was still draped across them.

He stood up.

Sophia had known he would do so and she had braced herself. She could speak with tolerable steadiness and even glance away a little. "Close the curtains and do not open them again until you are fully dressed."

"My dear Mrs Croft," said he when they were both supplied with something to eat. He had recovered from his embarrassment and was now rather cheerful as a result. "That sounds rather nice, does it not?"

Sophia thought it did and she smiled. "Did you only marry so you could address somebody in that manner?"

"You have found me out. As I was going to say, my dear Mrs Croft, it is a damned nuisance --"

"I beg your pardon?" she exclaimed because she was brought up to do so.

"It is a very great nuisance to bring a woman on board," he corrected himself. "She must eat, you see."

"I am glad I shall be allowed to eat. That is very kind of you." She felt some silly glee at hearing he indeed had food. Of course he did. He was a captain. "Or…er…you did mean you will have food for me, did you?"

"Yes, I do. I have been working very hard to arrange that for you and also for you to have a tidy place to sleep and store your clothes. I hope you will not be needing anybody in particular to take care of your clothes, because I forgot you might and I am not certain I could afford to hire anybody. The man who looks after my clothes will simply have to look after yours as well."

Sophia smiled. "Perfect. I thought I had to do that myself. I am very glad you have food. May I eat the same food as you do?" He did not look unhealthy or ill fed. His food would be good.

"Without cooking it, even."

"Raw?"

"No, it will be cooked by a servant," he said, biting back that she was a silly girl. He could not insult his wife already on her first day, especially since she was not a silly girl at all. "Shall we walk out after breakfast to see whether the changes I had made are satisfactory?"

"Please." With a giggle she added an afterthought. So much for sensible wifely behaviour. She was not yet entirely ready for that. "I hope we shall not encounter the washerwoman outside."

He turned red. "In that case I hope she was not looking at my face and she will not recognise me."

James noticed a strange feeling when Sophia squeezed herself past him back into the room to get her gloves. He looked after her curiously, but stayed in place so that it might happen again. It did. She never noticed, he thought, but she skipped into the hall cheerfully.

"I am ready," she said very brightly.

"Then let us head for the ship."

The rest of the day was spent touring the ship. She loved it. There was no awkwardness there. He was merely taking an interested person around, not a wife, and he could answer her questions so well. After descending they started out below, in rather gloomy surroundings and she even saw a rat slip away. Sophia wondered if this was to test her. As long as none of those small and dark spaces were announced to be her new home, she did not worry.

Eventually they reached better-looking quarters and at long last the captain's cabin. "Did you save this for last on purpose?" Sophia wondered, looking around. It might be a room in her own home. The contrast with some of the spaces they had just been in could not be greater.

"Yes, I did."

"Did I pass the exam?"

"Yes, you did." He had been very pleased with her interest and understanding.

"And I said nothing," she said in satisfaction. "Although I did see a rat."

"Two, in fact, but I did not point them out to you because you might scream." He had also been very pleased that she had not screamed.

"As if we do not have mice in our cellars ashore! I also did not say I shall feel quite at home, because I already know half of your crew." She had seen half a dozen familiar faces and they had recognised her too. They might wonder what she was doing here, because she had not yet been officially presented as the captain's wife -- although what else she could be doing here was a mystery to her.

"You did not have to tell me that. I already knew you had danced with all of them." James had studied their faces, unsure of what Parker had told the men about his bride. Parker might not have known what to say, because they had all looked surprised. Although it had never been part of his plan, the captain felt some pride in having succeeded where the rest of the crew had not. He was interesting; they were not.

"Not all!" Sophia protested. "Only with the ones who asked me."

"Then all of them asked you. Thank heavens their infatuations have all blown over and they will not want to ask you again."

She gave him a reflective look. "It just strikes me that you did not dance with me." In fact, she thought he had been at a ball without dancing, even without having the intention to dance.

"Do not tell me I have to attend another ball to set that right," he said warily. "Dancing was not among the accomplishments my father considered necessary for his sons. It involves women, you see."

"No, dancing is for unmarried people, is it not? We have progressed beyond that stage." Sophia gave him a frown. "But marriage involves women. Well, one. What does your father think of that?"

"I have no idea," James said with a shrug. He was not as indifferent as he pretended to be. His father would not be either, but his reaction was unpredictable. "He has not yet replied to my letter."

He led her through his day cabin, enjoying her exclamations of surprise at various things she considered ingenious solutions to make the best of a limited space, but which he considered very ordinary. It was interesting to view it all through different eyes.

"Are there any secret compartments?" Sophia wondered in excitement.

"They must be so secret that I have not discovered them yet," James said dryly. "Let me show you where you are to sleep."

Sophia followed him and her attention was immediately drawn to a hammock. She did not see how that could hold both of them. It was too narrow.

"No, that is mine," he said, following her gaze. "You will go in the bunk."

She inspected it. "It looks more comfortable than that thing, although I am curious about your thing. How does one get in and out?"

James demonstrated it. "Easy."

"May I try?" Sophia did not think it was easy at all. Her skirts got in the way of everything. "I see why you do not like nightgowns. How does one climb in wearing a dress?"

"Do not ask me. I never wear dresses," James said in amusement as he watched her struggle. "Would you like a hand?"

"I can see why you put me in the bunk," Sophia rambled to hide her slight embarrassment. It was very nice to be lifted up so carefully. "Suppose you were needed on deck at bedtime and you had to make your excuses to lift your wife into bed. That would not do, would it?"

It would be frowned upon, he agreed. "I should give another excuse. They could never check what I had to do, because they are not allowed in here."

She eyed the floor. "Will you also lift me out? I am not sure I could get out elegantly."

"I do not care for elegance," he said, but he helped her. She felt differently from men, lighter and softer, easier and more pleasant to lift. She smelled better too. "Sophia…"

"Yes?"

"You are indeed a girl." He wondered why it had taken a while for that truth to sink in. She was not merely a companion or a friend, but she was a girl. If he had ever thought he could be indifferent to her proximity he must have been a great fool, but he had been an even greater fool, to whom such a thing had never even occurred.

Sophia was a little nonplussed by this observation. "You showed me this morning that you are not," she said archly, not knowing what else to say.

"I knew that about myself." He coloured at how he had shown her.

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. "And now you know this about me."

Chapter Ten

Posted on Tuesday, 16 January 2007

James tried the door trick when they came home. It worked again. He did not know what it was that made him like it. Perhaps it was Sophia squeezing herself past him with a puzzled expression in her eyes because he never moved aside. It was more fun if she looked at him, he decided. Perhaps she did not mind it, because she did not ask him to move.

"You have not said how you liked it," he said when he was undressing and folding up his clothes.

Sophia could not see him from the other room. She wondered why he could not come in to speak to her, but then she realised he might be allowing her to change alone. She pulled her shift straight. They were married and should not be silly, least of all James who walked around with nothing on. "Of what are you speaking?" she said, appearing in the doorway.

"The…" He stared. "The…"

Sophia groaned and stepped back into the bedroom. It looked as if any conversation had to be postponed. He was a little like her, perhaps.

"Ship," he said finally.

"Oh, let me think." Sophia pulled her shift over her head and reached for her nightgown. Those sleeves might make a difference. She would not walk around with nothing on. Poor James might not survive, she thought with an indulgent smile. "I think it will be all right," she called when she had her nightgown on. There was no answer, so she went to the door to look out. She collided with him in the doorway.

"I shall like being married." He could get himself stuck in doorways every day with a girl with mesmerising, sparkling eyes -- because it would be his girl and she was not going anywhere. She was not going anywhere now either, he observed. She was not objecting.

Sophia raised her eyebrows at those words, but she did not move. There was something intriguing about standing here and apparently he thought so too. "This morning you hated it. What is your final verdict?"

"I did not really hate it." He could not pull her much closer, but his arms went around her and then he stood very still. It was lovely to hold her, but that was not even what he liked best. He would never be alone again. There would always be someone else and that was so much better than a parrot for company. "Sophy…"

Sophia, who with an ailing father and two young brothers could not remember the last time someone had held her close and spoken to her softly, was revelling in the sensation of being held by someone taller and stronger. "Mmm?"

"I hope you like this a little bit," he said hesitantly. He was surprised he did.

"More than a little bit, I assure you. I feel I may need this often," she added as she tilted back her head somewhat to be able to see his face. "It comforts me."

James agreed. "Often. Yes. I never realised there were other benefits to a wife than that she talked."

Sophia snorted and rested her face against his shoulder. It was unsurprisingly easy to do given her position and surprisingly agreeable. "You appear to be very sweet."

He smiled at her. "So do you."

She gave him a giggle and pushed herself off. The other benefits were pleasant, yet still a little unfamiliar and frightening. "I shall brush my teeth."

She nearly spit when he came into the room, but she managed to restrict herself to a civilised choke instead. It looked as if his nightgown had definitely been discarded, or was it merely temporary? She felt a decent wife must ask on a little before accepting the situation. "What," she asked after she had rinsed her mouth, "was bothering you in particular about your nightgown? Is it something that I could fix?"

"You do not trust me near open curtains, I see." He hoped that was what was bothering her and not the sight itself.

"Well," Sophia said reflectively. "Since you were not greeted with excessive enthusiasm by any working women when we went out today, I shall attribute your forgetfulness to my disturbing presence and that, I am sure, has become less disturbing already. You embraced me."

"Mmm," he responded with his mouth full. Although it unnerved him a little to hear it confirmed aloud that he had embraced her, it amused him that she had looked at working women. He did not think there had been observers on other occasions, but since it had taken him a while to discover that one washerwoman, perhaps he ought to be less confident.

Sophia had to wait until he could give her an intelligible answer and she climbed into bed. She could watch him from here and it was quite a pleasant sight. Perhaps not all husbands were, but this one was. She had been fortunate. "If you do not share the sight with the rest of the world, I might even allow you to continue as you are," she teased, feeling quite indecent.

James could not restrict himself to a civilised choke and he spit noisily. "You might allow me?"

"Wives have that authority," she said in a very serious tone, although she was not sure whether he would agree.

"True." He blew out the candles on the other side of the room and joined her in the bed. "But the problem with a nightgown is that, if you are in a hurry to go on deck, you first have to take it off and then get your clothes on. It is much quicker only to have to pull your clothes on."

"I did not know this lodging house had a deck. Where is it?" Sophia looked around herself curiously. If that was his reasoning, it did not apply here. He had tried to change his habit, true, but he must be teased for his inadequate reasoning.

"You are impossibly…impossible with your clever comments. There may not be a deck here, but I still found the nightgown itchy, cumbersome and impractical."

She could not see his face, but she chuckled at his exasperation. It was all good-natured and did not disconcert her. She moved closer to the warmth he radiated and closed her eyes in contentment. "You must wear what you like best."

"Mmm," James replied, feeling a little surprised by this move, but not repulsed. "Good night, Sophia."

"Good night."

His arm felt numb when he woke, but there was nothing James could do about it. Sophia's head was still resting on it. She had not moved after taking up this position the night before and he had been unable to. The rain was beating against the window, he could hear, and the wind howled. It might be later than it looked and it might never be light in this weather. He had no idea how long it would be until she woke.

James flexed his fingers and tried to feel some life in them. Sophia made a little sound in her sleep and turned, finally. He could wriggle his arm out from underneath her, although he had nowhere comfortable to lay it now. It was cold when the morning air touched it and he shivered, pulling it back under the blankets as quickly as he could. In such situations a nightgown with sleeves would have come in useful, he reflected. There was no option but to squeeze his arm under Sophia's waist, even if this might wake her, and to move closer. She was warm. He kept discovering more advantages to the married state.

She gave a little sigh and moved backwards into his arms and then her breathing indicated that she slept on. James wondered how long it would take until his arm went numb again. He thought he would be able to suffer such a small discomfort for as long as the comforts were still greater.

Sophia, opening an eye half an hour later, saw too much darkness to feel she might want to get up and felt too much comfort to move. Well, James seemed to be breathing in her neck, but he was asleep, so he was not doing it on purpose. He was lovely and warm. Yesterday morning she had thought it lovely of him that he had not disturbed her rest, but it was actually much more pleasant to wake up in this manner. This had not disturbed her rest either. On the contrary.

"I love being married," she informed him a while later when he stirred.

He rolled onto his back and contemplated that enthusiastic remark and what might have caused it. Had he done that? Thankfully Sophia took her weight off his numb arm as she turned. "Thank you."

"Hmm?"

"There was no feeling left in my arm," he explained, trying if he could still move his fingers. He could.

"Oh. I am sorry. But I do like lying on it." She tried to look at his face. It was still very dark and she could not see much. "Because you are so lovely and warm. I must say there are benefits to husbands and everything. What time is it, do you think?"

James glanced at the curtains, through which very little light was being let in. "I have no idea. It will be dark all day. Benefits?"

"Yes, benefits. I shall never be cold again. Why are you looking at me? I cannot see your expression."

"I thought you felt very warm too. I thought it was because you were wearing something."

"I am not sure that for a girl it would be a very good option not to wear anything," Sophia said reflectively. Certain types of business, she had found, could not be kept a secret from him in such a small apartment and that was definitely not something she had realised before marrying. Marriage turned out to be full of surprises. "I usually leave the bed at least once during the night and I should be very cold in that case."

"You did not leave this time." Their proximity ensured that he would have woken had she moved.

"No," she said with a slow chuckle, making up her mind about not being too discreet. "I was too comfortable. It means, however, that I am dying to go now."

"I shall go after you and then I am coming back here, because…" James glanced at the window again. He could still hear the rain and he had no desire to see it. "This is not a day on which one could do much else." And, he thought, not being on duty meant that he could stay here for as long as he liked. How agreeable it was to have company on such a morning!

Sophia shivered as she walked to the small room with the tub and the water closet. Such a trip would be worse without a nightgown! But then, there was James to come back to and he was warm. She could try it one of these days. She did not dare it yet and it was also much too cold.

He shivered too when he returned. "You are right that it is very cold. I do not usually go back after getting out. I usually get dressed."

Sophia felt giggly, but she could not tell him why. It was not kind to appear to be giggling at a husband who felt cold, even if that was not it.

Insistent pangs of hunger finally evicted them from the warm and comfortable bed. "Was it not Sunday today?" Sophia wondered.

"It still is." And it was also still uncommonly dark because of the foul weather, something James regretted a little when he helpfully hung a dressing gown over Sophia's shoulders. He was not sure why he did, since she was dressed and he was not.

"Then we may have missed church." In fact, they had lain talking for so long that it could not be otherwise. It must be very late.

"We undoubtedly did." He slowly tied the belt for her. The realisation that he was selfish rather than helpful came equally slowly.

"Edward will think you so depraved," Sophia said softly.

"Why me?" Was that because he was in danger of staring? Or had Edward somehow investigated his churchgoing habits and discovered his inclination to pull the blankets over his head while pretending he was ill on very rainy Sundays? That he stared at Sophia might please Edward better.

"Well, he knows I am not. You are very bad at dressing up a lady," she observed. "You have not put my arms through the sleeves. We girls have arms too, you know."

"My attention was elsewhere."

She had noticed his interest, but it had merely amused her. It was only fair that she should allow him some. "But now I cannot even untie myself."

James pulled the belt loose again and turned away, stretching his hand out to the curtain to look out, but remembering he was not wearing anything. He dropped his hand. Sophia would certainly say something about it.

Sophia did indeed. "You can. I doubt any washerwoman is lurking out there in this weather," she commented. "Besides, it is Sunday."

He pulled the curtains open as wide as he could, allowing some light into the room. "You are a very sensible girl."

She peered at him. "My sensible and wifely side recommends dressing up before you start your observations, but that interferes with my own observations, so I do not know what I should advise."

James' reaction to that was to stare at her. He had never considered himself worthy of such observation before and it was a little astonishing. "You were serious with your gawking!"

Sophia gave him a dignified look. "Yes, I was. Would you not gawk if I were to stand there?"

He was silent for a few moments, although he was obviously trying to think up a good lie. "Gawk? If you were freezing? I would act and dress you."

"Or would the sight of a woman be as familiar to you as your own reflection in the mirror?"

Sophia's sharp, inquisitive gaze amused him. "I once saw a cow, or perhaps a pig, running in the street and when it came nearer it could speak. That is all. Your brother was with me and we ran for our lives. I said to him --" He gave her a mocking smile. "-- that if that was what all women looked like I would never marry and you know what I did."

"I cannot imagine any woman looking like a cow or a pig."

"Then perhaps it was a talking cow that I mistook for a woman," he said with a gracious nod. "If so, I saw none -- and I suppose what young men consider witty does not impress you in the same way?" That thought had just occurred to him.

"Your calling some poor woman a cow struck Frederick as the height of wittiness?" She sighed, for she could see how it would indeed be the case. "Or was it all obsequious politeness due to your superior rank?"

"Frederick?" James said with a chuckle.

"I agree that obsequiousness does not seem to be his forte, but…" Sophia shook her head and explained something to him. "In addition to looking different, girls may laugh at different things. I know this all too well, having brothers, but you have no sisters and may not yet be aware of it."

"Thank you," he replied, not really knowing what to think of her helpfulness. She did not seem to disapprove of his laughing at different things, merely implying she might not be impressed by all of it. "Does your brother Edward ever laugh?"

"Talking about cows would meet with little success."

"I noticed."

Chapter Eleven

Posted on Sunday, 21 January 2007

James and Sophia had a few cups of hot chocolate in front of the sitting room window. They had discovered there was no greater enjoyment than sitting in the same chair observing the same people struggling against the wind and the rain. Fortunately their window afforded an excellent view of two or three streets and a square, and plenty of walkers had their umbrellas blown away or their coats splashed by passing carriages.

James, Sophia discovered, especially liked ladies in fancy clothes being splattered with mud and dirt, and Frederick had not been wrong about his liking hats being blown off. In this matter he was a bit young. In other matters, such as sharing his chair, he was older. He had simply moved aside and told her to sit down -- and she had, with no hesitation.

"Oh look!" she pointed. "Is that Edward and Frederick? Come to inquire why we were not at church? Oh! If they do not stop there they will be splashed by that carriage!" She scrambled off James' lap and opened the window. "Edward! Stop! Mind that puddle!"

"Ladies do not shout out of windows," James remarked. He did a gentlemanly thing himself and grabbed her by her skirts, though he did not pull too hard.

"I have all my clothes on and he is my brother!" she informed him.

"I know." He pulled a little harder at her clothes. Even with those clothes on she must notice that opening the window in this weather brought in the cold.

"Are you coming to see me?" she shouted at Edward and Frederick. "They are coming to see us. James, can you not see whether they have something to eat downstairs?"

"Please close the window, because the rain is blowing in." He stood up and laid his hand over hers, gently pushing the window shut. He stole a glance at the boys, but they had not been discouraged from visiting by their sister's shouting.

"They are my first visitors." Sophia beamed at him. "As Mrs Croft, I mean."

He was pleased with her pride and her ease at ordering him about. She was adjusting well to her new situation. "Does Mrs Croft need to rearrange the room before her visitors arrive? I shall obey her order and run down to the kitchens."

Sophia moved the chair away from the window when he was gone. Edward and Frederick would wonder where they had been sitting! Since the apartment was really only meant for a bachelor, there was but one lazy chair. Those who had furnished it had seemingly never counted on the bachelor receiving many visitors or a wife who might want a second chair. To her it did not matter. Now that she had discovered the pleasantness of sitting very close to her husband she did not really need a chair of her own, but a visitor would think it strange.

James met the boys downstairs. They were now his brothers, but they were still boys and they treated him very respectfully. Their attitude amused him a little.

"We have come to call on you and my sister, Captain," said Frederick, as if that was not yet clear.

"On me too? That is an honour indeed. Please follow me upstairs to our apartment." He chuckled to himself. The rooms barely deserved that description. It would be crowded with two visitors.

"You are not ill?" asked Edward, who had been concerned about their absence at church. He looked closely for signs of ill health.

"No, we are not ill. We merely did not like this weather and preferred to stay indoors." He would almost smile because Sophia had been right about Edward, but the boy would not appreciate that smile. He took care to look serious and slightly apologetic, but he could see it did nothing to lessen Edward's disbelief.

"I had thought your accommodations would be larger." It surprised Frederick that he would live in greater wealth than his captain, although he depended on his father for that himself.

"I can suffer modest lodgings for a few weeks and I am glad I made that choice, because it left me some money to get my cabin fixed up to accommodate a wife -- although I never knew I was going to have one and I suppose the money would have been --" He stopped, because he was clearly talking nonsense. He had no idea what he would have done with the money instead.

"Oh." The boys shared a look. "We came to see how she lived."

"If you do not deem my lodgings fit for your sister, will you take her home again?" James wondered. They still amused him. They were as protective of their elder sister as she was of them. Although there was nothing they could do, it made him a little nervous to be in charge of Sophia. It was fortunate that Sophia gave the impression of being happy.

Frederick blushed. "No, Captain."

"I am glad, because I should not like to part with her." He opened the door. Although he had spoken teasingly, he realised he meant it. He would not like to part with his new wife. It was a pleasant feeling. "Mr Edward Wentworth and Mr Frederick Wentworth to see you, Mrs Croft."

Sophia was still beaming. She came forward to kiss her brothers, something that made both of them blush, James noted in amusement. He might do the same if she did that to him and there was someone looking on, he realised. In fact, he did not even need to be kissed to blush. Imagining it was sufficient. If she had not seen him for a while, would she greet him like that too?

Perhaps Sophia had the same question, for when the boys moved into the room, she smiled at him a little teasingly. "But you are no visitor. You live here," she said and stepped aside.

James wondered what that meant.

"How lovely of you to call on me," Sophia said when her brothers were seated, one in the lazy chair and one on the sofa with her. "In this weather!"

James eyed the half spot that was left on the edge and contemplated nudging Sophia aside a little with his hip. This caused Frederick to jump up. "You must have my seat, Captain."

That was preposterous. "Sit!" he ordered. "I am afraid these lodgings were not furnished with a view to many visitors, but we shall manage. If you could move aside an inch, Sophia…" He sat down and listened to the siblings talk, the boys gradually losing their reserve because he did not join in.

"I cannot help but think that at least one of your brothers is bothered by your reduced circumstances," James said when they were gone. "Perhaps even both."

He had caught them glancing around the room. The sitting room was deemed small and they had not even seen the back room, which was even smaller. He had wisely kept them out of there, unsure of what they would think of it. They might be horrified at his having to share with a girl, or at Sophia's having to share with a man. It was best no to risk anything in that regard if Sophia did not speak of it either.

"I am not bothered," Sophia assured him.

"To go from mistress of a whole house with servants to mistress of two rooms and but one servant."

"Servant? Where?" She looked genuinely curious, because she had thought they did not have a servant of their own here. Those were all shared by the lodgers.

"Here. And no chair of your own." They had the sofa to themselves now, but they had chosen the chair again. It was the view from the window that appealed to them, he believed.

"Frederick forgets he was nothing more than a servant himself. Is his new rank giving him airs already?"

"But he has prospects, he believes, and as such he is willing to put up with a little less now -- and to be honest I have not treated him very badly -- and I am willing to put up with less myself." He would never expect to live on the same scale as in his father's home. Not yet. He would be wealthier by the time he reached his father's age, that he did not doubt.

"I am willing too. But James…" Sophia said slowly when she remembered the hammock in the captain's sleeping cabin. Perhaps a modest and well-bred girl would not say anything about it, because perhaps such a girl would not have come to have a different opinion about beds. Yesterday she had not minded that she was to have the bunk and he the hammock, but after waking up so pleasantly this morning she was in doubt. It was the cold, she told herself, not wantonness. She had nothing odd in mind. "Nothing."

"Tell me."

She regretted having spoken. "No, you would think me immodest."

"What do I care? It is too late to unwed you."

"Or so you think," Sophia said, peering at him from under her lashes. His confident willingness to remain legally attached to her was encouraging. "Perhaps you have never heard of annulments. You could unwed me if you so desired."

"As it happens, I do not." He seized her hand as if she might walk away. There was more he could seize, but he was not yet familiar enough with her to do so.

Sophia received the distinct impression that he knew very well what she was not saying, but that he preferred not to touch such a subject. Perhaps she should not either, since she only wanted some warmth. It might all sort itself out on board, she supposed. There was no use in fretting about it here. Yet she ought to be able to say she only wanted some warmth, because they had agreed that it was pleasant to know what the other was thinking.

He sighed. "Yes, Sophia?"

She shied away from revealing her thoughts. "I did not say anything."

"But you do have something to say."

Her cheeks began to burn. "No, truly I do not."

"There is something," he decided after a glance at her face. "But perhaps I am glad you are not saying it."

"I never asked whether you have relatives other than your father," she said after a while. "There were none at our wedding, but I assumed they did not live in town. You said you wrote to your father."

"I have a father, one elder and three younger brothers. I indeed wrote them the shocking news, but I had not expected them to travel. It is a bit too far and they would not arrive in time." He doubted that they would have come running to meet Sophia even if there had been enough time.

"Shocking? Would they think it shocking? Not simply surprising?"

"That too, but they are wary of all things female and feminine." James smiled, wondering if she was now going to say the same about him.

"Why?"

"I do not really know. Perhaps because we have not really known any since my mother died. I was sent to sea shortly afterwards."

"And they stayed home? Is that why you are different from them? You got married. You cannot detest women too much."

"If they do not behave too stupidly I do not. But you must not think there are many women at sea. There are not. In fact, you will be the only one on board. Other ships may have a few more, but I do not encourage the practice."

"Why not?"

"I am the only one with a cabin large enough. It could only lead to trouble if a couple had to share the same hammock."

"I did not mean…" she began with a deep blush. She did not know what he meant by trouble. "But there are no double-sized hammocks, are there? So they could not share even if they wished."

He evidently wanted her to abandon the subject, because he began to speak about something else and he gave her no opportunity to return to it.

The next mornings they could not sleep late. James had to visit all kinds of offices and he was not sure what to do with a wife. He could only think of taking her along. Although she did not interfere in his business, she was made a part of it by having to listen and sit through it. He did not think she minded. There were no signs of boredom.

There were signs of amusement rather, when Sophia noticed that her being taken along was not considered the norm. More than one eyebrow was raised.

Chapter Twelve

Posted on Wednesday, 24 January 2007

Sophia's presentation at court -- or so she called it, although she had never been there -- had gone well. She had enjoyed the various looks of surprise on the faces of the crew when she was announced to be the captain's wife. What else she could be she did not know.

She had taken possession of her new quarters with energy, returning home twice to exchange things. On one of those occasions her father had asked if she was happy, but she had only looked surprised. She was not going about her tasks with reluctance -- on the contrary -- so she could not possibly be unhappy.

Saying goodbye proved to be more difficult than she had envisaged. Until now she had been in a different house, but in the same town and she could have visited her old home at any moment if she had wanted to. Now she was not going to have that opportunity anymore. The ever widening gap between the ship and the shore filled her with sadness, but the captain's wife was not supposed to cry, she thought.

Although the gap could not widen quickly enough for James, he did notice that Sophia felt differently about it. After speculating about it for a while, he finally asked if she was lonely and in need of an embrace.

"Here?" she wondered. While it would be pleasant and she would indeed need it, she did not know whether she would like it in public.

James imagined himself a spectator. "Er, no. After all we are supposedly off to do things for the country and I am not at all certain that spectators would count you among all that. And the crew -- my first captain was rarely seen and that is not a good thing. Grab me later."

"I am not sure that would be effective," Sophia said doubtfully. "You will not be able to comfort me if you are annoyed at being grabbed."

"I shall not be annoyed."

Although James was happy to be back on board, the hammock was not as comfortable as he wished. He had slept well in it, his covers were warm and the gentle swinging was agreeable, but something was not to his liking. Of course, he thought, when he saw Sophia climb out of the bunk. During their few days ashore they had shared. He had not expected that it would make such a difference if they did not. After all, they had not done anything. "Sophia?"

She was not yet used to having to climb out and to a good way of doing so. It took her a moment and an exclamation of annoyance until she could look at him. "Good morning." It was a good morning, she supposed. She had felt a little queasy before going to bed and it might return, but it was nothing she minded. James had embraced her -- without having been grabbed -- and said it would all pass, queasiness and sadness.

"You do not have to get up yet."

She tried to slip her feet into her slippers without looking at them. "Er. But I want to get up. The noise outside woke me. And you have to get up, do you not?"

"I do." He would have been up already if she had not been here. Her presence had made him stall for a bit.

Sophia narrowed her eyes a little as she frowned. "Do you mean you would have left me here alone if I had not been awake?"

James wondered which answer would be appreciated most. He could only be honest. "Yes."

She approached his hammock and swung it softly. "Please, James. You must not do so. You must wake me, ask me and let me decide. I want to have breakfast with you like a good wife." She would provide the company he had wanted. It was her task.

"I wanted to be a good husband and let you sleep."

"That is not what a good husband does," Sophia said with a stubborn look, although under different circumstances she would agree.

That stubborn look made him smile. He was slightly out of practice, but he could still swing himself out of a hammock. Then he shivered. Sophia would very likely not consider it manly to brave the cold, but she would pity him. He found himself hesitating instead of making a dash for his sponge. There was something appealing about being cared for.

Sophia picked up his blanket and helpfully wrapped it around him. He should not be cold. "There."

James held the blanket with one hand and slid his other arm around her waist. He was being quite maudlin this morning, he noted. He pulled her close and wrapped her in the blanket too. "You are a good wife, Sophy, whether you have breakfast with me or not."

"Be good as well and get dressed then, Captain," she said, feeling he had shifted the blanket so that she was completely covered but he was not. Why was he doing that?

He looked into her eyes, but when he noticed he had tightened his hold on her in response, he released her. He exhaled in some relief. "I shall get dressed."

Sophia stared after him. There had been something there, a moment of agreeable tension. It had not felt entirely new, but it had certainly lasted much longer than before. She had liked it. With a sigh she returned to the bed and pulled at the sheets to straighten them.

"I have a new boy," he spoke from the washstand. "He will make the bed. The captain's wife does not."

"Why not?" Sometimes she simply wanted to. And the thought that Frederick had made beds would almost make her giggle if she did not have something more important on her mind.

"Because there must be something left for the boy to do. But," he said when he saw her expression. He understood he must not deny her the opportunity to do anything at all, because she would not like idleness. She would have to sort it out herself then. "I shall appoint you mistress of my domestic affairs, so that it is entirely up to you whether you wish your bed to be made and by whom."

"Does my bed fall under your domestic affairs?" She wondered, since it seemed to be entirely hers if he stayed in the hammock. She had not dared to say anything about the arrangement, but she had felt a good deal.

"Yes, this is my cabin."

"There must be something left for me to do."

He smiled at having understood her correctly, but he would tease her first. "Yes, you can talk to me."

"About how I did nothing all day." She looked displeased with such a prospect. "That is certainly going to entertain you."

"Now Sophy…" He stretched out his hand. When she joined him he handed her the sponge. "Make yourself useful then. I cannot reach my back."

"Everything is gone!" This observation caused a moment of panic. They were truly away. There was nothing in sight anywhere, no land and no other ships. Yesterday Sophia had kept seeing land and the suddenness of being completely surrounded by the sea startled her. She looked in all directions, but there was only water.

"What do you mean?" asked James, who did not instantly understand what was gone. He saw a busy ship with busy men. Everything looked to be in place.

"I do not see land." What if something happened and they needed land? There must be things that could only be done ashore, despite what she had learnt on her tour of the ship. It could not be entirely self-sufficient.

"No, we are too far away now."

"I had not realised it would be gone," she said in a small voice. It was stupid of her, but she had indeed not given it any thought.

"It is not gone. You will see it is not gone when we come back," James said to cheer her up.

"Oh James." Sophia was not sure what she meant by that pathetic exclamation.

"I am sorry. I should not tease you. I am sure you did not think the waters had swallowed the earth." He could not imagine anyone thinking that, least of all Sophia.

"But it looks like that."

"No, my -- there is land in every direction, but it is too far away to be seen." He caught himself just in time. Something had almost escaped his mouth.

Sophia heard only the important things. "What were you going to say?"

There was no point in denying anything if she was so perceptive, he supposed. "I was hoping you had missed it."

"Your something," she pressed, thinking it might have been some affectionate term. She had never thought she would be interested in those, but such things changed.

"It was very likely a description of you," James admitted reluctantly.

"Very likely?"

"I never came to saying it, so I cannot say with certainty what I would have said. Very likely you would not care for the possibilities."

"You never came to mentioning the possibilities, so I cannot say with certainty what I would care for," Sophia shot back.

"Perhaps you are a little parrot after all," he chuckled. "Repeating me in such a manner."

"I repeat you more judiciously than a parrot. But a description of me, not my name?"

"Feelings came to me, but the expression of them would have sounded silly." James looked at her seriously. "But the more important thing I was saying was that the land is not gone. It has merely gone out of sight."

"Do not pretend that my question has gone out of sight, please. I am interested in your feelings."

"But not in my feelings of embarrassment?" He was not yet ready to say such things and he wondered why he almost had.

"Oh James, you have none."

"How are you liking it so far, Frederick?" Sophia asked. She had come out for some fresh air and ran into her brother. So far she had only walked around together with James, not knowing where she might be in the way. She would not walk alone until she understood some of what the men on deck were doing, whether they were being busy or idle.

"It is very interesting," he answered seriously. "But I wish I could grow taller soon. How could I issue orders if I look like a boy? Suppose we capture a ship and I must do something?"

"Well, you are still learning, but I am sure that by the time you have learnt enough to give orders, you will have grown very tall. You will be sixteen next week." Sophia had no idea how ships were captured and what Frederick feared he might have to do. She would have to ask James.

"I hope so, for at the moment you are still taller," he said with more than a hint of envy.

She straightened her back to gain another inch. "I am the captain's wife. I must have some presence."

"He is very proud of you," said Frederick with a frown. He had not known what to think of the look he had seen when the captain had introduced his wife.

She was pleasantly surprised to hear that James appeared to be proud of her. "Really? Because when I asked if I should dress myself as prettily as he is important, he did not seem to care." He had merely laughed. And when she had tried to find out which affectionate term he might have wanted to use, he had not given her an answer.

"I do not know what he is proud of then, if he does not care about your dress. But he did look it. Perhaps he is proud that someone actually agreed to marry him."

"Oh, Freddie!" Sophia exclaimed. She had not regretted getting married for a second and she was growing fonder of her husband every day. "I am very fortunate to have him!"

Frederick knew exactly why that was and he gave a knowing nod. "Of course. Nobody ever wanted to marry you before either."

This gave her pause. "Is that what you think settled the matter? That we took each other because no one else would?"

"Yes."

"Frederick, I am twenty-three. He is twenty-six. We are hardly leftovers."

"For my part, if I see a woman of twenty-three who is not yet married, I shall think there is something seriously wrong with her," he said provocatively. "I shall not marry her on the spot."

"Is there something seriously wrong with me?"

Frederick glanced at his sister and realised that perhaps he had spoken in haste. He was fond of his sister and he grudgingly admitted that perhaps someone else might become fond of her as well. "No, apart from your complete inability to feign the least bit of interest in girlish pursuits."

But she could feign ignorance. "Which are?"

"You do not even know!" he cried. "You do not draw, paint, play or sing…"

"I was forbidden to play and sing, because of my relatives' delicate masculine ears!" she shot back, knowing what was to come.

"We have an appreciation for music that you do not have, Sophia, and as such your banging randomly on the keys grates on our nerves," he said with a grin. They had covered this ground many times before and neither side could be insulted anymore.

Sophia beckoned her husband when she saw him approach. "Captain, Frederick thinks that when I play a tune it sounds as if I am randomly banging on the keys. Does this bother you in a wife?"

"No, it pleases me greatly," he replied, clasping his hands behind his back. "I do not mind going out to the occasional concert, but that is as far as my interest in music stretches."

"But she does not produce music," Frederick said cautiously. He was now not only speaking of a sister, but of his captain's wife. Sometimes he remembered to be tactful.

"I cannot afford an instrument anyhow, so I shall never know what she produces instead." He nodded invitingly at Sophia. "Let us take a turn about the ship. I am sure you will find something else to do, Mr Wentworth."

"He thinks you and I were leftovers!" Sophia hissed when they were a little further away. "And that we had to marry because nobody else would marry us!"

He was pleased to hear that she had not married him for such a reason, but Frederick's reasoning made him smile. "He is fifteen."

"But music. You do not care for music?" She would be delighted not to receive the same comments from her husband as she did from her brothers.

"I am glad you cannot play, because I lack the talent to appreciate it."

"I can play. It merely does not satisfy Frederick's fastidious taste. He has very special ears, I think."

"I lack the talent to judge your performance one way or another. But you play cards and that suits me fine."

Chapter Thirteen

Posted on Saturday, 27 January 2007

One the whole Sophia was pleased with her situation. Although she felt she still had very little to do, she could keep herself busy by observing the seamen working or instructing the new boy in matters of housekeeping. His name was Jimmy and he knew nothing -- of housekeeping, at least. She had wondered why James Frederick must have servants named Frederick and Jimmy, but he said he had not even noticed.

Sometimes Sophia played cards with James and a few others. Frederick was never among them. He was not of the rank or age to associate too much with the captain on board, brother or not. He had come to dine with them once to partake of the better food that would make him grow more speedily, or so they all hoped. He was well-behaved when he dined with them, since he considered himself to be in training to become a captain in a few years and good manners were a part of that.

Sophia leant over the side of the ship to think. Frederick had been watchful, presumably to see if she was being treated well, but she did not think she could be treated any better. Although it was impossible not to spend any time with her given the size of their cabin, James talked to her when he was there and he took her on walks. He would not have done that if he cared nothing for her company.

She did not regret her decision to get married now that she was at leisure to contemplate it more thoroughly. It had been a gamble, although it had not appeared thus at the time. She thought James was equally satisfied with the arrangement. He was always cheerful and kind, almost affectionate. She changed her mind. He was not almost affectionate.

There were enough indications that he liked her a great deal and that he felt quite affectionately towards her. He was always very willing to help her untangle her hair. No matter what she wore over it, there were always tangled strands. Perhaps he was afraid she would have to let Jimmy do it instead.

"Forgive me my joke at your expense," he said suddenly from behind.

"I think I missed that joke." Sophia observed how he placed a hand on either side of her, trapping her. She liked it. He would not do that to everybody.

"Suggesting to Frederick that we ask you to sing for us after dinner."

He had indeed done that, but she had laughed at it and not considered it a serious request. "I thought that was a joke at Frederick's expense -- and a successful one at that."

"He looked quite frightened," James agreed. "Is your singing that awful?"

Sophia shrugged. "I hope it is. I hope you are content with conversation and reading and playing cards."

"I am very content."

She noted triumphantly that he gave her one of those looks and she gave him one in return. She liked him a great deal too.

"I could suggest a duet next time," he said.

"What is it, Stevens?" James saw his secretary repeatedly look away, as if something was more interesting than entering things into their books. It might be.

"It is Mrs Croft," Stevens said in a low voice.

James glanced at her when Stevens pulled odd faces. Sophia sat by one of the windows that gave onto the deck. Her chin rested in her hand and she seemed fascinated. He could be equally fascinated with that image, but he turned back. They were working. "I know it is."

"The men are washing," Stevens whispered.

James laid down his pen and studied it while he mused that Stevens evidently expected him to have a significant reaction to that comment. But which sort? "How is the view, Sophia?" He would let Sophia decide how she viewed washing men, but seemingly she had already decided. She did not need his assistance.

"Tolerable," she replied as if it was nothing. "Do you know what I am seeing?"

"Yes, Stevens just informed me of it."

Sophia gave the blushing Stevens a stare. "And he thinks it unsuitable for a lady to behold. You look vastly better, Captain."

James took care not to smile proudly, but he quite liked hearing that. He hoped it was true and not merely intended to shock poor Stevens. "Now that is unsuitable for a lady to say. I think."

"Not if it is the captain's own lady. I think." She got up and walked towards them. "But if you would rather not have me watch…"

"A bit impossible to avoid," he said. It would happen with such regularity that he could not always close the curtains if it did. "As long as you do not begin to like one better."

"That is unlikely," Sophia assured him most solemnly.

"You will kill Stevens," he observed after stifling a grin. His secretary's expression was priceless.

"His demise is not a problem. I can do what he does," Sophia said with a glance at their books. She could hold a pen and write things down.

"Yes, my darling," he said, waving her away with a seemingly indifferent and impatient air. Their conversation would indeed kill Stevens. If other people did it he would call it flirting and that realisation was interesting enough for him to need a break.

Sophia did not mind being waved away and she resumed her seat by the window with a satisfied grin.

"What are you doing?" Sophia inquired when she walked in on James measuring her bunk. Anything he would be doing in its vicinity was bound to excite her.

"The carpenter needs an arithmetic lesson," he concluded.

"Oh, why?"

"It is a bit wider than I had ordered," he said with a frown.

Sophia's lip trembled from a suppressed grin. "Is it," she said flatly. Perhaps the carpenter was a sensible man who had thought his captain was the one who needed an arithmetic lesson, but the order had been placed before his wedding when he could not have known the benefits of sharing.

"Did he think you were fat?" he grumbled.

She was utterly angelic. "I am sure he never thought that."

"I must speak to him."

"No, do not. It does not signify." The last thing she wanted was for the carpenter to cut half off her bed. It was wide for a reason, she believed, yet to explain that reason to him would be impossible. If he could not think of it, what would he think of her doing so?

"It might be in the way in a battle."

Sophia would not immediately think of battles when looking at a bed, but she supposed that was because she was not in the Navy. "I should be in the way in a battle, so I assume the bed and I should both be left ashore. Or not?"

"Perhaps. Do not speak of battles. Do not even speak of the bed." He was a little embarrassed at being caught near it. "Let us walk out."

"Why do you never move aside when I want to pass?" Sophia finally voiced what she had been wondering about for a long time, but asking that question did not have the expected result.

"Oh," said James, trying to take a step back, but colliding with the doorpost. Something had prompted him to move close to Sophia and then something very agreeable had happened.

Sophia opened her eyes and stared.

"What was that?" he asked. His lips had met with something soft and enticing, sending pleasant tingles through his body.

"I -- inside." She gave him a little push. They must not be seen by anyone. Thankfully they had not yet exited the cabin properly -- or improperly.

He closed the door behind them and leant against it. "Let me try that again, Sophy." He pulled her closer, but it was not such a shock as the first time. This was sweeter and longer.

"That was a kiss," she said when she opened her eyes again. It was not at all a brotherly kiss. It was more that of a husband's, which was very fitting.

"I thought so too. Did you mind?"

"Oh, you would ask me afterwards and not before. How kind of you."

"I did not know it was going to happen," James defended himself, although she had sounded teasing and his not having asked permission was not a problem. "Did you?"

"The second time I did, but by then I knew I should not mind. And the third time…"

He looked puzzled. "There were only two times."

Chapter Fourteen

Posted on Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Sophia thought James had enjoyed their kisses quite well, but then a very serious thought seemed to have come into his mind and he had taken a step back, frowning. She looked at him expectantly, hoping he would share this thought with her.

"Before you, I thought that I should remain good if I avoided all of these things," James began, but he was cut short by an interruption from his wife.

"You are Edward in disguise!" she cried, looking delighted. Her brother had once said almost the same.

He continued when she did not have more to say and when he could not think of a good reaction to being Edward in disguise. "But women, my father was right about them. If you involve yourself with women, you will fall."

"Tell Edward off what you fell, please. He has no idea," she requested.

"I did not fall off anything; I fell into something. Which kind of falling one does depends on the woman, I think. And I am fairly sure Edward is not going to fall off anything either." Edward had struck him as a very proper young man. Any involvement with women would be very proper. He might not even kiss.

"He -- I should stop interrupting you," Sophia said contritely when she realised he might not go on if she said too much. "What you say is very interesting. Please go on."

"They were right that you talk too much," James said with a shake of his head. "Do you remember when we were outside at the ball? And there were people there who were not talking? And you called that disgusting?" They had done the same thing now and she had not been disgusted, he thought. Neither had he.

"Oh!" she coloured instantly. "But I no longer think that!"

"I know that, but did you not think it shocking that you no longer thought it? I do not know what to think of myself."

"I do not know that either," answered Sophia, who tried to suppress any thoughts about sleeping arrangements. Whatever he thought of himself, she was twice as shocking.

"About me?" He looked alarmed.

"No, about me."

She did not have any reason to think anything, he thought. "But I have met your family. They are not…like mine. What were you told about men?"

The question surprised her. "About men? Why should I be told anything about men? I was living with three of them. I do not know what you are trying to talk about," she ended rather sadly. She wanted to speak with him, but it was difficult if she did not know of what they were speaking.

James laid an arm around her when she came nearer. She looked a little sad, but he had very few clever or helpful remarks to offer. "I do not precisely know what I am trying to talk about until I say it and know that is what I had wanted to say."

"Your own reaction shocked you," said Sophia, thinking of herself. "Because you liked it -- I hope -- and you never thought you would or you never thought you should."

"The only people I have seen doing it were not very respectable or proper." James sighed. He had now done the same, so what did that make him? "I might be understating their respectability."

"Perhaps the impropriety was in their doing it in a place where they might be seen?" Sophia was all for putting their minds at ease. "My mother is dead, so I cannot check and my parents are the only people I might have checked upon in private."

He could not suppress a smile when he imagined Sophia spying. She would have done it had her mother still been alive. He was sure of that. "My mother is dead as well, but I think my father would speak differently if he knew anything about this." His father would say moral decay was setting in, but James did not really feel that happening. If this was moral decay, it felt rather good.

"Then we are on our own."

"Those men, Sophia…" James said when rational conversation had returned.

Sophia was adjusting some more of Frederick's clothes. She had promised him to be quick and she had felt she could not tell him her work was not yet finished because she had been kissing, or even speaking about kissing. She supposed one could work while speaking about kissing, but only if one was very cold-hearted. "Which men?"

"The ones who were washing."

"I did not think them very pretty," she said with a giggle. "But I am sorry I appeared to be studying them in front of Stevens. I was really observing how little water they were using."

"Really," James said sceptically, although he would believe it if Sophia said so.

"Why should I look at them for too long if I have you?" She asked that question as she calmly sewed on.

"Did you not simply say that to shock Stevens?" If there were any compliments to be had, he would not mind hearing them in private. She would not have to watch her words then. If she ever did.

"No."

He watched her work on. She had not even raised her head. What did that mean? "So you truly think…"

"Ah…" Sophia said meaningfully. She put her needle away and got up. She had said fifteen minutes, but more than thirty had passed. "I have to take this back to Frederick, but we shall speak about it when I come back."

"I might be doing something then!" James said in frustration.

It was not Sophia who returned first, but Frederick. He was wearing his lengthened trousers and carried himself with more confidence now he was no longer looking like a fool. In truth, nobody had noticed the shortness of his trouser legs but Sophia, but he did not know that. He felt infinitely more comfortable.

"Captain," he spoke respectfully. "We should like to invite my sister to dinner."

"We?" asked James. "And only your sister?"

There was a nod. "Is that allowed?"

"Well…I suppose." James had not yet dined without Sophia and he needed to think about this plan. The young gentlemen below wanted to dine with her and not with him. Perhaps having a sister on board had not led to mockery but to envy. He could see why they wanted the sister and not the captain, but it was very bold of them to say so. "But why are you telling me about it if you do not want me to come?"

"I should not ask her if you disapprove, because…er…she will speak back to you."

"And how do they view Sophia? Do they know she is my wife?" He would almost ask if the young gentlemen lusted after her, but Frederick would not know anything about lusting. Frederick at least knew his sister. That she would speak back was probably very true, but the fear that he would mind was ungrounded.

"We would not dine with your wife, Captain, but with my sister."

There was a slight difference, he agreed, also because a sister could be obtained more easily than the captain's wife. "Very well. Ask her if she can do without me for one meal. If she says yes, you may have her." He knew he had no say in the matter, but Frederick needed not know that yet.

"Thank you, Captain."

"And where is the girl?" She should have come back with those compliments about his looks -- or simply back to be looked at.

"She is speaking to the carpenter, Captain."

"Have the young gentlemen requested your presence at their undoubtedly rowdy dinner table?" James asked Sophia when she returned.

"Undoubtedly rowdy?"

"If I remember my days…" Perhaps such a table was not the best place for a lady, but he thought Sophia might be able to suffer the boyish jokes. They might even make an effort at being grown up for her sake, which would be a good practice for them.

"You ought to; they are not long past," she said sternly. "But yes, I have been asked and I told Frederick I would ask you, but he said you approved. Is that so?"

"Yes."

His ready approval was somehow disappointing. "You would not miss me if I dined elsewhere?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Would you have wanted me to object?"

"No, I do not know. I think I want you to say yes -- of course -- all the while thinking you would miss me terribly because you would have to eat alone."

"I should miss you terribly," he declared. "But perhaps -- I do not know -- a brother should be allowed to dine with you once in a while. He may have missed you too. Or he wishes to show you to his friends. What were you doing with the carpenter?"

"Nothing. I could not find him. Did you know, all those boys are quite envious of Frederick's having a sister on board." The request had surprised her, but she had found them pleasant enough and she would not mind dining with them.

"Why?"

"I have no idea, but I am pleased for him. He was so afraid. Are you not happy?"

"Delighted. They might only be kind to your brother because they can now invite a pretty girl to their table," James said grumpily. Now that he was beginning to discover a wider range of reactions to this pretty girl in particular, he did not trust those boys much.

"You do not like not being invited," she stated.

He knew he could not have been invited without changing the atmosphere, as dining with somebody's sister was different from dining with the captain and his wife, but all the same he did not like being left out. "No, of course I do not like your being stolen away by a bunch of boys."

"It is safe. Frederick is there to protect me." She laughed at the image.

"As funny as it might sound, I think that would indeed make you safe. If he does not like your husband to do anything to you, he would certainly not condone anything coming from some boys."

Chapter Fifteen

Posted on Friday, 2 February 2007

Frederick came to collect Sophia shortly before James' dinner was served. "My escort is here," she said to her husband, although he could see that for himself. She was proud to have an escort, however, and her escort was proud as well.

"How gallant," said James morosely. He had tried to understand and like himself, but he had failed on both accounts. He left Sophia alone regularly and she had never complained. Why could the reverse not be possible? He was selfish.

"Quiet, my dear. I shall be back with you before you will have missed me." She stood before him and would have kissed him if it had not been for Frederick. Perhaps in a few years this would not matter anymore.

"If there are any complaints, Mr Wentworth…" James tried to make his voice very stern. It failed because he had Sophia in front of him.

"About us?" Frederick sounded as if he was not sure whether complaints about the young gentlemen or about Sophia were considered more likely.

"Do not answer that," she said hastily. She lowered her voice so her brother would not overhear. "Are you jealous or would you really miss me?"

"Both," James admitted with a childish frown. All these new things Sophia could make him feel were quite distressing. He did not yet know what to do with these feelings. Should he ignore them or not? Perhaps everybody had them.

"If you are still awake when I come back --"

"Really! As if I could go to sleep knowing you are with other men."

She chuckled at his face. "They are not men. I believe the eldest is all of nineteen."

"Twenty. I looked into my books." He was even more despicable for having looked that up.

"Oh, James." Her curiosity increased at the same rate as his childishness. Something terrible must be awaiting her, yet she could not imagine it at all. The young men she had met had all seemed very pleasant. "Embrace me."

He glanced over her shoulder. "In front of Frederick?"

She had forgotten him. "Embrace me when I return then."

James was left to ponder what she else might do when she returned. He had embarked on this marriage fully convinced that having company would make him happy, but the further he progressed the more he began to desire. First it had been her company, then an embrace, then a kiss -- where would it end? It was rather worrisome.

And what did Sophia think about it all? She went along with everything willingly, even asked for more when he was recovering his senses. Perhaps he should not worry what Sophia might want, but rather ask himself why he wanted all these things.

"I think he likes you," Frederick commented when Sophia and he were on their way. He thought their parting had taken rather long, accompanied by suspicious whispers and looks. Sophia had almost embraced the captain and Frederick had been afraid that they would have to take the captain along because Sophia would insist, but finally they had settled whatever they had to settle and they could leave.

This remarkably perceptive observation gave her pause. "Does he really? I am delighted." She was delighted at the lack of hostility in his voice. He might finally be giving his consent.

"And now he feels old and left out." Frederick had often felt young and left out and thought there was some poetic justice in this reversal. In fact, he had still felt left out two minutes ago.

"He cannot feel old because he is not old, but why was he not invited?"

He thought that was more than obvious. "Huh! Sophia! We could not speak freely if we invited the captain."

"Now that makes me worried. What do you speak about amongst yourselves?"

"Things," he said vaguely. "What they do ashore. Things."

"Oh," Sophia said in an ominous tone. She thought of where she had spied on James. "Women?"

"Women?" This puzzled Frederick. "I do not know what you mean."

"Never mind." She did not want to explain it to him if he did not know what she was talking about. Perhaps the rest of the boys were also too young.

"There is the carpenter," he pointed. He remembered that she had been looking for the man earlier. "Had you still wanted to speak to him?"

Sophia considered her options. Having searched for him earlier, she could not now say the need had passed, yet to speak to him in front of her brother was impossible. "Wait here."

"I understand you made the bunk in the captain's cabin," Sophia began.

"Indeed. I hope the bunk is not too narrow, madam," said the carpenter, who knew he had disobeyed orders to some extent. "But I was sure the captain had reckoned wrong, so I added some to it in both directions."

"In both!" she echoed in surprise.

"Yes, madam. It would have been just long enough for you, but not for him. I took the liberty of fitting it to his height, as I am sure that was the intention. As for the width…" He gave a shrug. He had made that something between what was sensible and what he had been ordered.

Sophia had no idea what James' intention had been when he had passed on his measurements. "Oh dear, I did not know he was such a bad reckoner." He had not reckoned at all with coming to like sharing, it seems, but neither had she. Although they had separated on board by his arrangement, she knew he had liked it ashore as much as she had.

"Yes, even if his intention was to be very snug with you --" Here the carpenter laughed rather strangely. "He would not want his feet to stick out."

Sophia was glad she had left Frederick at some distance, what with this talk of being snug. But at least wanting to be snug was not an extraordinary thing if the carpenter knew about it. "Er…no, I suppose not. Cold feet are not very pleasant. But what I wanted to ask you, do you make small boxes on demand?" She did not yet know what to put into such a box, but they were always useful, for putting things into them and as excuse to probe about bunks.

He switched to his business air and tone. "Certainly. Carved?"

"Not necessarily, but I should not object to a nice pattern if you can easily do one."

"Size?"

She indicated something with her hands. It was difficult to think of a size if she did not yet know what it should contain. She would decide that when she had it. "But it does not have to be precise. A small box."

"Any hurry?"

There could not be any hurry, since she had just conceived of the idea of ordering a box and she had no immediate need for one. "Before the trip is over."

"Will do, madam."

James dined alone and found he could not bear it anymore now he knew how it could also be. He was calculating how soon Sophia might finish eating and how soon she might return, but of course she might not instantly leave and his calculations were all for naught. He had to walk out to get away from himself.

Parker, who was still a little wary of Mrs Croft because he was engaged to a young lady who was the epitome of modesty and quietness, had seen her go with Frederick. "She is quite popular with the boys, is she not?"

To have his distress rubbed in was not exactly what James had come to seek. He thought of a good answer that did not reveal his displeasure.

"She will learn more about men and women during one dinner down there than she has learnt from you since her wedding day," Parker predicted.

James felt some alarm. He reviewed their marriage so far and was not sure whether Sophia had learnt anything from him. Should she have? And what? "What precisely?"

"You may have to correct some points. Mr Jennings and Mr Sykes have not got all their facts straight yet, having come here almost straight from the schoolroom."

"How do you know?"

"I overheard them yesterday." Parker gave him a sideways glance. "You are not pleased she is dining there, Captain, but they prefer girls of fifteen. Is Mrs Croft not older? To them she is an old married woman."

"Ugh," said the captain involuntarily, betraying that he held a different opinion. He changed his mind about wanting company. Sometimes solitude was better.

James needed not fear for her safety, Sophia thought, since the boys were all very pleasant. They were even well-mannered, whatever they did among themselves. They put on their best behaviour to entertain their guest as real gentlemen.

"Do you sing?" asked one when the meal was drawing to a close.

Sophia saw Frederick turn red from suppressing a choke of panic. The poor boy! No, he needed not fear she would embarrass him by singing. "It sounds horrible," she said amiably. "One of you will sing better."

One of the boys was appointed to sing, but after his first words he was cut short by the others. Apparently it was not a suitable song and Sophia was at first resolved to ask James about it, but if it was unsuitable he might never allow her to go again, no matter how quickly it had been aborted.

Frederick took her back to the captain's cabin when it was time for bed. She found James on one of the benches that lined the wall and she joined him there.

In the morning James woke to see Jimmy staring fixedly at him. He did not usually wake up to that sight, so he blinked.

"Captain, I made your breakfast, but I drank your tea because it got cold," the boy said anxiously. "I did not dare to wake you because of…"

Because of Sophia. James realised only now what he was holding. She was stretched out half alongside him, half on top of him. He remembered she had sat down beside him, they had embraced and apparently they had fallen asleep. He still did not know anything of what had transpired at dinner.

"You did not go to bed, Captain," Jimmy continued. "But I fetched your blanket."

It was indeed draped across them. Suddenly it occurred to him why he had not gone to bed. He had been trying to postpone parting from Sophia, after having had to do without her for an entire meal. They had been quite comfortable here on the bench and apparently they had preferred this. He shook her gently to wake her.

"I shall make new tea," said Jimmy and hurried off.

Sophia did not need long to realise where she was and why. "How does it feel to sleep in your clothes?" she inquired.

"That is hardly the first thought that would occur to me."

"Well…" It had not been the first thought to occur to her either, but she could not say what she had thought instead. She had several questions, however. Was it not infinitely more pleasant to wake up together? And would her bed not be infinitely more comfortable next time? But she left it to him to come up with these realisations himself and she leant against him in a more upright position.

"What will Jimmy be thinking?" James wondered.

"About us? Nothing," she predicted. "He will mostly be worried that you will be angry that he did not wake you, or something like that. What is there to think? He is furthermore not Frederick. Oh! Frederick told me that he thinks you like me."

"I used to," he said very gravely.

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